I am in a R. We spend most of the time together. But I like a day or two just for me. It's weird. When I feel overwhelmed by her, her D and life I take off. I go home and chill. Like tonight. Couldn't do this when M. I really like it. Used to feel lonely but I don't anymore. Hope I'm not becoming a caveman.
I am enjoying my alone time so much I'm not sure I need a relationship......
And I think it is good you see the value in your alone time. Maybe that is something you grew into.
Hi, Rick! Turtlegirl here- first night here but have been around DBing for quite a while.
Interesting that you say you are in need of your alone time. I just want to bandwagon on what gabby said...that every healthy R needs to have a balance of time together and time apart.
YOu can't be everything to each other...you need other R's with other people- friends/family... and you need to continue your own interests and hobbies too. So, don't feel guilty--I think you are perfectly validated in wanting alone time!
If you start to prefer alone time (in general) to time spent with your R partner/GF, then I would start to question this a bit!
I am also a person who likes to spend A LOT of time with my partner, but I realize in the new R I am in that it is SO important to maintain that balance.
If it is, I'm Nutz... I come back here every once in a great while and your the only name I recognize. Probably because I can relate on some levels. Anyway, I was starting to think i was weird/odd for that same reason as well... Who's to say...?
tjb54, I enjoy my time alone, a lot. And no we are not weirdos because of it. But I also like spending time with others.
Hi Rick, just attaching to your thread as we've talked a lot on FB
I think you need some alone time to ease yourself into a new R. After being alone for a while now and doing your own thing, I presume, you will need to get used to having company again in your home
We get into a comfortable routine on our own or with our family and if that routine gets disrupted for a few days we start to get stressed. Well I know I do anyway, lol.
Man what I wouldn't give for some alone time! I think I have had maybe three full nights alone since the divorce. The boys are almost always here with their friends or girlfriends. Alone time almost doesn't exist except for an hour here or there.
Enjoy! kat
Rick, no matter what anyone else says, you're weird.
But then so am I.
TT180 we haven't talked on FB. Think you got the wrong Rick. If its the one I'm thinking of he is a weirdo. lol
Bugsy I like being weird
Me too!
And thanks for starting my day off with a laugh!
No translation needed.
It doesn't matter really which Rick you are, I'll comment on your thread anyway
TT180 it does matter. See, I'm the normal Rick. The other one is a fake, hence a weirdo. Lol
Go ahead and comment
OK I will
I think we have an imposter in our midst unless he is using his real name on DB FB
I have asked him but he's not replied yet. Watch this space
There's more ricks than one...but 1963's one of a kind.
I think they both have their weirdnesses.
I love this thread.
The other one isn't an imposter but he's not 1963. No way, no how.
home alone again tonite. Had to use some days or loose them. The holidays are still hard to deal with financially and emotionally. Been down for a few days. Worrying about everything. Job my D my car the moon who likes me and who doesn't. Hopefully it will go away soon. Def better than last year
Hey Rick, thanks for commenting on my thread
I've found the other Rick now, lol. He's not posted for ages, which is why it was only your name came up when I did a search
Sorry to hear you've been feeling down
I think it's the time of year as well, I've been feeling more emotional and depressed as well. Hopefully your g/f will perk you up and I don't mean in the bedroom dept
Which I know you said you're too old to do now anyway, lol.
Don't worry about the moon, that's the least of your worries
don't worry about who likes you and who doesn't, if they don't like you then they're not worth bothering about
Glad you're feeling better than last year
I told you so TTD 180. He is one weird dude lol. my GF tries to perk me up every night, she is 10 years younger than me. So I got her the WIIU and dance 2014. Hopefully she will leave me alone.
Should I give it to her early?
I told you so TTD 180. He is one weird dude lol. my GF tries to perk me up every night, she is 10 years younger than me. So I got her the WIIU and dance 2014. Hopefully she will leave me alone.
Should I give it to her early?
lol Rick, well only if she's got more energy than you at night
So that's the disadvantage of having a GF younger than you is it? Maybe I should look for someone older than me, lol. Only kidding
At least she'll keep you feeling young, but can you keep up? lol. No I wasn't being rude here either
Not only 10 years younger she is Latina. I was thinking of taking up martial arts. Not sure which one ummmm tai chi or black tiger system?
Rick, I had bow-tie pasta for lunch recently and thought of you. Don't hold it against me....
I will never be able to see bow-tie pasta and not smile...and send up a little prayer for Rick.
The only way I used to be able to tell the difference between the two "Ricks", was that although the other one was fairly 'wordy', at least you didn't need a translator ...
This one ^^^ ???
There is no translation program anywhere that can translate him at times...
Although Bugsy did a pretty good job.
: )
How are ya buddy ???
I have heard rumblings of a road trip with you and the freakin Rican ???
Yup at least the Rican understands me.
Just because he slobbers and shakes his head a lot...
Doesn't mean that he understands...
: )
I like you Rick. Merry Christmas!
lol This thread is nuts
I'm just too sexy to be divorced TT180. Lol
are you really? lol. I'm looking for a sexy man at the mo
lol. Well actually I think I've found him, but it's a pity he's not interested!
Awww don't worry there is someone out there who will adore you TT180. Let things happen as they will.
Thanks Rick
My D turned 17 on 12/23 and exw turned 50 today. When I turned 50 last year I felt really crappy specially after this mess. Hope she is having a good birthday. Time flies
Hopefully you'll have a better birthday this year or should that be next year
Lmao tty180 it took me a couple of days to catch on. Yes next year hahahaha very funny. The old timers here know I'm a lil lost and things just go over my head
Bugsy my D seems to be adjusting. The school issue is still an issue.
GM Complaining, bitching and getting angry about my Ds academics got me here. Yes, I was not involved in her school. I thought exw had it covered. She works from home. I commuted 2 hrs each day each way. That was the deal. We moved to where we were so we could pay the house off and exw could follow her dreams and care for D. I didn't know my D was not attending school. I didn't know the school was concerned about her. I didn't know exw had meetings and discussions about the school concerns. I didn't know exw was given a plan, I didn't know she wasn't going to school or failing most classes. I was not told if my Ds difficulties until June of 2011. Two weeks after school was over. I didn't know exw was brought to truancy court. I knew none of this until after the divorce.
I screwed up. I trusted her mother to do the right thing. I was wrong some mothers don't care. My D is doing the 9th grade a 3rd time. She has missed 35 days this year. She has missed more days than allowed. I tried to get her classified but she's way to bright. Psychiatrist said she's good. I had her accepted to an alternative school with modified hours. The problem, they can't teach her of she doesn't go. Her mother thinks it's ok. Not sure why since she is very educated herself.
The day I found out that D was failing many classes and not going to school I threatened exw to burie her head into the wall.
Here I am wondering what else I could have done.
I agree with GM
I don't think you screwed up at all, your W had not told you of anything that has been going on.
Is she going to try and take her GED? I would be going crazy being 17 and having to take classes with14 year olds. I know she did this to herself and I suppose she will have to deal with the fallout.
Does she plan on you guys supporting her financially forever? You might want to put that thought out of her mind. Does she know what kind of job she might have to take without an education? How will she afford rent? These are the bits of reality you will need to show her. Talking about it probably won't do anything but showing her should.
kat
I spoke to her two months ago regarding her attendance. I said if u miss 5 more days you will not move on to the next grade. I also asked her if she had thought if she preferred to work at Burger King over McDonald's. She didn't like that and her attendance improved. But she has missed 35 days already. She really doesn't discuss her plans and when I ask she just says "ahh". Sometimes I think her mother wants to keep her home for ever.
I have tried to teach her to drive. She is not interested. Strange for a teenager. Kat she goes to the alternative school and there there are kids of all ages with similar problems.
I think exw wants her home. She gives her everything she wants. It was strange to me that exw fought me about my Ds education and future. Today things are not so strange. I have learned through this how selfish people can be. All I can do is be here for her and continue to guide her the best I know how.
it is now time to get involved whatever school she is going to...
You need to be included on emails and all correspondence with the schools...
she could be considered truant and then the courts will get involved and brings charges against her or your wife in order to get her attendance up in school
I usually email the principal to get updates. This is her responses today:
"D does well when she is present. She completes her work in a very capable manner and is pleasant. She continues to NOT initiate conversation, but responds when spoken to. She has 35 unexcused absences. As a result, she is presently in a NO CREDIT status for the year. That means that she will not have credits for 9th grade and will have to repeat 9th. However, we have a credit recovery program in the spring where students can make up 20 days. Unfortunately, if D's absences go over 40, she will not be eligible for credit recovery.
Thanks for your concern",
Figg I also asked about truancy and this was her response:
"Hi Mr - I'm not sure why charges have not yet been filed by our attendance officer with the court, but I will follow up on that this week".
Last year she missed like 90 days, the year before over 80.
Rick,
Sorry this is happening with your D. It is a tough thing to deal with as a parent.
Have you thought about family counseling with D to work through family issues? A neutral third party person may be able to lead XW to see the "light" that D is acting out because there's no firm set of boundaries nor parental guidance.
This way, XW cannot target you if you broached the subject with her. The neutral third-party person can facilitate it for you and the family.
I tried getting her to a counselor. She refused. I have tried everything i know. I'm in the field. The school tried too with no luck.