So it appears that our "Who's buying this round Part 5" thread has locked so I've started Part 6 with something that has been on my mind lately. Since my last relationship ended about 4 months ago, it seems I have been doing the dating merry-go-round with lots of first and second dates and even a couple of 3rd/4th dates before parting ways. Many of the women that I have dated have been very nice ladies but for one reason or another they were not a good fit, well except for one but someone else was a better fit for her. So lately I've started wondering if maybe I was being unrealistically picky.
I do have some very specific things I am looking for in a potential date but I don't know if they rise to the level of picky. Personality wise, I am attracted to women who are confident of themselves, have a positive perspective on life and are comfortable with themselves. I don't want them to be an alpha, but if they lack confidence or are pessimistic than it is an issue for me. Appearance wise, while a woman doesn't have to be drop dead gorgeous (it doesn't hurt but it's not a requirement) they do need to be somewhat attractive. I mean that often provides the initial interest and spark doesn't it? Plus I am a pretty fit guy and I am attracted to fit women. Does that make me shallow? I hope not.
So I don't think I am being picky, but because I am 0 for 2 in the long range life relationships, I think I am more adamant about not settling this time - and perhaps not settling is taking on the appearance of being picky. I would appreciate input from the board on this, especially since I have been out with about 10 different women over the last 4 months and only 1 has really hit the mark for me.
As for the latest in my dating world, I have a somewhat busy week ahead. Tomorrow I meeting Ingrid for the first time. From her pictures she hits the mark on the appearance checklist. Hopefully personality wise she hits the mark as well - she is a doctor so I am making somewhat of an assumption that she is confident of herself. She has kids that are about the same age as mine, a little younger but not much, which puts us in the same stage of life - although she is a few years younger than me. Thursday night I have a second date with Vicky. While date one did not strike a home run with me, it wasn't a bomb and I don't think you can always get a total feel for these things in one outing. Plus she seems to really like me. Friday night is another first date with Valerie - we have been trying to set this up for more than a week and finally have our schedules lined up. From her profile she seems very outgoing, which is a plus, she is cute and petite. I will spend the weekend recovering!
BA
I would appreciate input from the board on this, especially since I have been out with about 10 different women over the last 4 months and only 1 has really hit the mark for me.
I think one out of ten is not a bad hit rate. And the fact that she had a previous boyfriend who showed back up once you appeared is not really a reflection on you.
I WOULD suggest not being overly restrictive with your criteria (but you seem to be getting plenty of dates, so I don't imagine you are). The guy I am dating right now is, on paper, the worst match for me of the guys I have dated post-divorce - but in reality, he's the best fit. I'm glad I didn't rule him out.
BA,
You might as well have written my dating story. I don't think we're being picky, just "specific" and what's wrong with that? At this stage of our lives we know ourselves well and what we want in a partner/relationship. Why would we settle?
I've gone through the same challenges as you; just a gender reversal. What I always say is that I don't expect anyone to be something I'm not. You are attracted to what you are attracted to and why is that shallow? Like you, I'm really fit (do ALL the conditioning for my football players), love all sports and play golf every chance I get. The last thing that would work is a Santa Claus who sits on the couch. And, I think it's only reasonable we need to be physically attracted to our partner; whatever that means to each of us.
Dating gets exhausting and sometimes it's easy to think there's something wrong with us, or we're being too picky. I don't think so and I don't think we own that. We just sit back and enjoy life and see who shows up. Besides, there seems to be no shortage of women interested in you!
As for me, I've decided to be 'on the bench' as my good friend (now married) once said. It was a fun summer, but I need some down time. My latest was fun, but can't be what I need. I'm looking for my equal, not someone I potentially would need to take care of.
Final thoughts: Everything happens as it should in due time. Patience is of the essence in this journey and there's no set time frame.
Hey BA,
So glad you started the next community thread. It's fitting, since you're the dating maven here.
Sigh. I don't think you're being picky and neither you nor GG should feel the need to settle. But wait. Are we talking simple dating or long term relationships?
Right after my divorce was final, I had a session with my psychic/medium friend for a little nudge. He told me that trying to save my marriage for so long kind of pulled me a little off kilter and I got used to accepting the crumbs from my XH's table and kind of taking a hit in the self esteem department. Basically, I moved my bar by tolerating behavior that I wouldn't have done before I got married. It took me a really long time to accept that statement for the truth that it was. He suggested when I date, to practice noticing red flags and to stop giving others that I don't even know the benefit of the doubt. In fact, he told me to practice dumping guys. (I went back and retread this stuff a few weeks ago and it kind of shocked me.)
So I'm going to pass this your way.
Go ahead and be picky past that second date. You're not crazy and you've definitely shown that you are open to possibilities. Why feel bad about it?
I'm kind of laughing at the names of your dates this week. Let's just say I'm really partial to 2 of those names. REALLy partial.
What I miss is sleeping with a guy who is my best friend. I'll know that guy when he walks in my path. And so will you and GG. Maybe we're just looking too hard? Trying too hard? Maybe we subconsciously want the peg to be round so it can go in the round hole?
All I know here is I kinda don't want to date right now. D16 starts cheer and the first football game is next Thursday. D19 started volleyball season and I'm getting back into the swing of things there. I'm starting my side job this week, and I just don't want to put any more effort outside of what I have and love. If a special person comes along, I'll gladly make the room for him. But I'll leave that up to the guy upstairs to arrange.
BA, you're a really good guy. You shouldn't have to settle. Period. GG, you either.
Betsey
GG, I thought you were seeing the guy from the car dealership? It sounded good last I read. What did I miss?
BA, there's nothing picky about taking your time. In doing what you're doing you found someone you really liked but fate didn't side with you this time. Next time it just might
I had a session with my psychic/medium friend for a little nudge. He told me that trying to save my marriage for so long kind of pulled me a little off kilter and I got used to accepting the crumbs from my XH's table and kind of taking a hit in the self esteem department. Basically, I moved my bar by tolerating behavior that I wouldn't have done before I got married.
Ah, Bets, I can relate to this! And now that I'm dating a guy who treats me like a princess, I have to work to get out of my old "I can tough it out on my own" mindset and let him take care of me.
I think when we got married the first time, we didn't have a clue what we really wanted or deserved. Now having gone through double hockey sticks and back, we have learned a bit more about ourselves.
Have you ever looked at celebs and figured out their issues? Look at Jennifer Lopez. This girl has no clue how to go through life without a man on her arm. She keeps going from one bad relationship to another because she doesn't stop and take a look at herself, by herself. Money doesn't really get you everything does it? Looks don't cut it either. I kind of feel sorry for her.
kat
Thanks for the validation everyone. I don't like to think of myself as being shallow and really do try to keep an open mind, there just are certain things both looks and personality wise that I am really attracted to and for whatever reason it seems, at least to me, that it has been hard to find someone who has both. However I guess it's not supposed to be easy. Having one but not the other is not an option either. If I was just into looks I would have stayed with dating Jan who was a very beautiful woman, however she was obviously someone who did not play nice with others and was very judgemental. On the other hand, Brenda who was just as sweet and kind as could but as far as physical chemistry it just wasn't there.
So with that the search goes on - the positive part is I am getting to meet lots of new people! I'm cautiously optimistic about tonight's date with Ingrid. We have talked on the phone and shared a couple of emails back and forth. The interaction has been nice and positive, she is attractive and accomplished career wise.
Happy Hump Day to all!
BA
I think KML is right. Don't discount anyone who may not fit your criteria on paper. I'm dating someone who on paper I wouldn't have even thought of dating. But here I am having fun and a pretty good R. So let your guard down and have fun that's what it's all about. Good luck
BA, I think you are going to end up with someone you never met on a dating site. It might be someone you strike up a conversation with on a plane, or in a line to a movie. She isn't going to be your " model" girl. She is going to totally take you by surprise. She will be a work in progress that is comfortable improving herself for herself. Until you meet her, have fun for funs sake.
kat
Kat,
That would be perfectly fine by me and I would love it to happen! Aren't we all works in progress??? I know I am!
BA
I always say what is the point if we stop learning? There should be something new everyday!
As for your future gal, don't go looking for her or you won't find her. It will happen when you have forgotten all about what I told you.
kat
BA, just buy a turtle. They're easy to get along with, don't care if you take them out anywhere, don't care when you come home, if you feed them or change their water.They never want to discuss the relationship. And even if you forget to turn on their basking lamp (which they do really care about)they just forgive and pretend it's on anyway! Hey, and just think of all the coin you'll be saving on dinner dates. Instead toss a dead cricket into the tank every so often and you're good. What's not to love here?
Ellie - Glad you're getting the princess treatment this time around! It's good to be cherished. Keep that bar high!
Wii - I'll let GG come back and tell her story with the car guy. We had a good chat last night, and let's just say she's contemplating writing a book about these dating experiences. I get to add a chapter.
You had me with the turtle until we got to the dead cricket part. Yuck! I think I'll stick with my adorable Siamese who likes snuggling with me. She only likes Miller moths when they are in season...
Kat - Such a complicated topic. My XH treated me well for almost all of my marriage and better than average post-D. But there was that part while I waited for him to figure out if he was in or out that's murky. It kind of allowed me to keep myself in a place where I didn't feel I could ask for more with new guys. You know?
I don't know how it got that way, but I think I conditioned myself to accept crappy actions (or at a minimum, not what I would like to accept) as the norm. Now that I'm over 50, I find myself bored and tired by that kind of crap. I mean, if any guy EVER sent me a text when I was 25 that said, "Wanna come over and svck my *#@#?" I'd have punched him in the face. (Yes, that was a text I received after one of my dates back in April before I started regularly posting here again.) Seriously??? I did answer him back though, "Sorry. I'm busy. Not interested."
And from what BA just wrote about the legs, and the bed shot, it sounds like BOTH genders have thrown good sense out the window and are just behaving badly. What's up with that? Why do they lower themselves that way? My guess is they got badly burned and just don't care anymore. Well, I do. And it's readily apparent that you folks do too.
Kat - Regarding your prediction for BA: My D19 and I have met some of the nicest people on planes. In fact, I'm now disappointed when the person who sits next to me isn't someone totally cool. When D19 flew back to Rochester last month, she talked to a dad of someone her age who was going home for his high school reunion and to do some fishing with his buddies. She said she gave up her nap (she had a 6 am flight out of Denver) because he was such a fabulous conversationalist. And she sat next to him on both legs through the layover.
Besides, way back when, I met the now XBF of my BFF on a plane back to DC. He grew up down the street from her and had a major crush on her as kids. I put them back in touch, and they dated for 2 years. I'm still really proud of that feat. I LOVE divine timing!
OK, time to deal with some big work issues that are dogging me today. Is there a full moon or something? Everyone seems so edgy lately...
Betsey
BA,
OK, I'm totally laughing. I woke up this morning thinking this, and it brought that Geico commercial with the camel into focus. I think that one is brilliant, and it totally cracks me up...
Oh oh, I hope car dealer service guy didn't send GG pictures of his oil change package...dipstick and all!
Oh oh, I hope car dealer service guy didn't send GG pictures of his oil change package...dipstick and all!
Yea...yeah...Wii, you're the
real dipstick with a turtle fetish and unnatural attachment to his dancing fingers!
GG, pay no attention to him.
Hey Wonka, you forgot to mention my stuffed frog!
Btw GG, levity aside, I'm sorry it didn't work out. You seemed very excited about this guy. Onwards and upwards though!
about the types of pictures people post: my theory is there is a large group of people who are just looking for a quick hook-up so their pictures let everyone know what they're selling. its like a secret handshake.
and i think nows the time to be very picky, but with an open mind, if thats possible.
where would settling get you?
Okay...guys...did the deed and signed up on the online dating service. Reading some screen names and the first lines makes me want to run for the hills. Here's some samples from this site:
Dangerous [seriously?! is that your screen name?]
"looking for friends"
Good luck, bud!
There's other first lines that makes me think the world has gone mad.
"Very LONELY, need TLC"
"don't just yet know what I want"
"Looking for someone to please..." this person is 61 years old
Ugh!
And Kat said that online dating is a "full-time" job. If this is what I'm seeing, then I'll never earn a living this way.
I think G had a guy one time who contacted her and his handle was "Big Salami"...he probably meets his dates at a deli lol.
Or it could be a reference to something below the waist, Wii.
sighing...shaking my head'Big Salami'...what a dumbass!!
Wonka,
Here's my deciphering:
Dangerous [seriously?! is that your screen name?]
"looking for friends"
Look for the path of destruction in my wake. Looking for more victims. "Very LONELY, need TLC"
I'm a loser and don't know how to live independently and happy. Can I get a hug now. "don't just yet know what I want"
I do. It's just that I don't think I'm going to find it here. But I know it's all about me. "Looking for someone to please..." this person is 61 years old
I've been waiting on people for years and some of my friends say I'm a doormat. Wonka, keep plugging on. You probably won't want to spend *too* much time weeding through the whack jobs.
BTW, I swear one of my favorites was on howaboutwe. He looked like a biker dude, and I'd have probably gone after him in my early 20s. LOL. He had the black leather, Fu Manchu and the whole biker look. He didn't waste any time... said something like, "How about we: take a ride on my Harley and then come back to my place and get hot and sweaty?"
I seriously laughed out loud. Hell, at least he was honest. I just didn't know that the other dudes just lure you with dinner or a hike or a wine tasting, and dessert was photos of Mr. Winkie? I had to admire him for coming right out and asking for it directly...
But I didn't take him up on it either. Getting on the back of his Harley was a real temptation, though. And I'm kinda intrigued by the Fu Manchu thing
Bets
p.s. Since you're looking for a woman, are they just as pathetic on your team too? Or were all these losers women?
You read my mind EXACTLY [red text] almost word for word when reading the screen names and their sad one-liners. Get out of my head, Bets!!
And yep..these were the women losers who posted on that site. No difference at all on which team you play on...some crazies are truly out there.
My dating site screenname is Birduvparadise
Why? Read on:
"Males often sport vibrant feathered ruffs or amazingly elongated feathers, which are known as wires or streamers. Some species have enormous head plumes or other distinctive ornaments, such as breast shields or head fans.
Males put their bright colors and unusual ornaments to good use when they display for females. Their elaborate dances, poses, and other rituals accentuate their appearance and put on a phenomenal show for both female birds and any humans lucky enough to be in the vicinity. Such displays can last for hours, and in many species they consume a significant part of the male's time."
Wonka-I think I liked women in a previous life. I'll try to stay out of your head from now on! It's nice to know that pathetic has no gender or sexual bias?
Wii-Lord above. Do you include some sort of description of your mating rituals in your profile?
...I always wear my best runners, dance my way around any meaningful conversation, and I never forget to bring my unusual ornament. It also takes me hours to find the place we're to meet and a parking spot. Birduvparadise, it all fits!
The joy of being a flight attendant several years ago was that I got to meet many interesting people. Some were celebrities, some were politicians and some were athletes. Of course there were the everyday people too. Must be something about wearing the uniform that attracted people.
Anyway, I saw hook ups that made me blush and makes me think about what you guys are talking about now. How embarrassing to join the mile high club and have the whole plane know it. Talk about the walk of shame!
I have a guy in mind for my standard. A handsome, tall, brunette Irishman that won a huge part of my heart many years ago. I lost him somewhere along the way and have spent many hours if not months trying to find him again. No guarantees I know but I would love to know what happened to him.
kat
Ugghh!!! - is all I can say about tonight's date. To start things off, she looked absolutely nothing like her online pictures. In fact had she not come up to me and introduced herself I would have never even thought she was the person I was supposed to meet. To make things worse, she is a definite half glass full type of person which is the opposite of what I am looking for. She spent most the evening complaining about how her ex-husband never sees her kids but still wants alimony from her. Absolutely zero chemistry.
At least the food was good!
BA
Well...dipstick turned out to need more than a simple oil change in my book!
Thanks again, Betsey for the wonderful chat last night. You put things in perspective for me and I appreciate your time.
Okay, the 'abridged' version. He's a Peter Pan who chose his dirt bike over me! The longer version...
He told me he lived in a loft in downtown Denver. It turned out to be a three room dump in which he stores his dirt bike, mountain bike and boxes of crap in his living room. I'm sure I dated this guy when he was 20 or somewhere around there. He hates his job, his commute, has no health insurance, no retirement and no money. He showed me pics of his 5,000 square foot home he HAD in Atlanta before the economy tanked in 2008 and he lost everything. Okay, please don't judge me as a materialistic person, but I really need to play with someone in my own league in this respect. I've worked and sacrificed so hard for the past 30 years and I just don't want to start over with someone. He's not in a good place emotionally and said he's not stable now and has no idea what he's doing. Umm...no thanks! The icing on the cake was when he asked me to play golf on our first date. He asked for the next Sunday and I agreed. Well, when this Sunday came around and I texted him at 11 asking when we were going to play I got no response for three hours. He then texted back that he was working on his jeep in a city near the mountains. Sorry, but everything in me didn't believe him. Later that night we talked on the phone and he said we didn't have a "set plan/time" Okay, then why didn't he send a quick text to check in on Sunday morning? That's what a guy INTO me would have done. VERY disappointed to say the least....
At this point I'm done. Taking a break to enjoy fall golf and football. Sigh....:(
GG, he sounds like a real winner! Thankfully you found out early on. Dating really suucks sometimes, doesn't it. And yes, breaks can be good too. Thanks for sharing.
BA, glad the food was good. Forward ho!
GG - how disappointing!! You are not materialistic at all. You've done the work to put yourself in a responsible financial position and you don't need someone who might jeopardize what you've worked for. Enjoy the fall golf and consider moving to Virginia - I'm playing Saturday morning and would love a partner to play with!
BA
Hey GG,
Sorry to hear about your latest. I am sitting here just shaking my head, thinking can you top this. Amazing, but I guess like I keep hearing and reading on here, the right person will come along when you least expect it. How is the fall season looking out there?
And yes, be picky. Not the " I can't date her because she doesn't like sushi and I do" kind of picky, but the " we don't share the same values kind so I can't date her kind of picky"
, wouldn't it be nice to have someone who loves sushi?! Something to share and enjoy on dinner dates, heh. Yeah, Bets has taught me to be watchful for red flags. I've learned a lot from my past GF...the red flags went up in about 6 months, but she begged and pleaded to continue the R. In looking back, I was vulnerable and not as strong as I am now. If I were to date her today and six months in to the R, I'd cut off things with her. The R lasted for about 2 bumpy years and a loss of $28,000 in my account. Never again. Lesson learned.
GG,
Sorry that your date didn't work out. I am with you on wanting someone who is healthy, stable, and in a sound financial position. We are all like that...so you are not alone in feeling this way. Peter Pans and Santa Clauses need not apply!
Dave,
I get you on the picture thing. Which is why I am somewhat reluctant on the online dating thing. Just never know what's 'real' and what's not real. But I am putting myself out there and see what happens. Waiting to hear back from one gal whose pictures look like a genuine, outgoing, and "normal" person.
To make things worse, she is a definite half glass full type of person which is the opposite of what I am looking for.
Okay one too many after date glasses of wine! What I meant to say was she was a "glass half empty" type of person - very negative. Just wanted to clarify.
BA
Hm, so wouldn't that make her a "glass half empty" person? Oh well, at least she wasn't a "glass shattered on the floor" kind of person...and the food was still good lol.
Yes the food was good!
Tonight I'm seeing Vicky for the second time - at least I know what she actually looks like already
BA
BA, I'm seeing Me tonight and don't care what I look like. We're doing dinner and a walk in the park. I'm thinking about popping the big question tonight..."why the hell is the washroom always locked in this park" but I'll see where we're at first.
Wii-You made me choke on my water!!! LOL. You're kind of reminding me of the Grinch when he debates whether or not he can go to the Christmas Cheermaster award ceremony... his monologue is epic in our house, and my D19 keeps us in stitches with her impeccable imitation of Jim Carrey. (She's REALLY good!)
Oy vey, BA. I swear I told GG the other night that you 2 should live a lot closer.
Wonka--If I'm getting anyone to pay attention to red flags, it's because I have the propensity to overlook them too. My family of origin makes so many excuses for each other that I learned how to overlook them. Now I tend to be the one who yells the emperor is naked and nobody likes my kill joy realism. Hey, if you have an elephant in the living room why ignore it?
Kat--Sounds like your ideal guy is someone I'd like too. I am wayyyyy fond of Irishmen! Especially the dark hair and blue eyes kind... I hope you find him. And when you do, introduce me to his friends!
Poor Gunny. We're probably making him a little gun shy (sorry for the pun, buddy) about sticking his neck online! I think you should do it anyway, Gunny, and give us some new material to chat about. I think it's BA's turn to buy the next round?
Okay, gotta run. I've been monster busy today (doggone AT&T has to stop giving me business) and I'm feeling a bit scattered. Plus I'm leaving early to get D16 from cheer practice before we head home and get set up for the BIG GAME.
Good luck tonight, BA!
Bets
GG, I'm just gonna call you more often. I like you!
Wii-You made me choke on my water!!! LOL.
Well, the washrooms in that park ARE always closed. It pisses me off. When I'm out having a romantic walk with myself it kind of ruins the mood when I suddenly have to go and whip it out in the bushes! The dogs are cool with it though.
I'm pretty sure you can thank George Michael for this!
Hey, they didn't close the theaters because of Pee Wee Herman!
Kat--Sounds like your ideal guy is someone I'd like too. I am wayyyyy fond of Irishmen! Especially the dark hair and blue eyes kind... I hope you find him. And when you do, introduce me to his friends!
I've found the one handsome Irish guy for you two. His name is 'Blackie' from
Woman of Substance. Remember him?! Now you go on and fight over Blackie.
I loved that book by Barbara Bradford. Wicked good reading!
I keep thinking his eyes were brown but it has been so long ago...1986. The eve of the Royal wedding and all of London was a party. We kept in touch for over a year and then poof he was gone. He had been in Hong Kong and went home for a siblings wedding. The IRA was still pretty busy around then. I can only hope the worst didn't happen.
This guy was straight and very kind, even though he would be the first to deny it. Lucky me even got to meet his two of his sisters.
Any ideas for searching? I have tried Google, the company he worked for, LinkedIn. I don't know where he may have ended up. I know he had been in Australia prior to Hong Kong. Well I could drive myself crazy. Thanks for listening.
kat
Gineen, maybe the Irish guy has a straight cute brother? Though he may not compare to the blast from the past. Memories in this case, may have made him even more wonderful. Regardless I would like to find him.
kat
Wonks, when you can't have sex, you can have sushi. I just had some and it's running a close second. Now sushi AND sex... Woah.
Excuse me for my frankness. This is all I got right now.
o.O dang did it just a little warm in here. lol
Kat-
Private investigator? Might be worth it...
Betsey-
Call me anytime; love our chats. Oh, but it might have to be long distance if I move to Virginia!
Just got an enticing offer...BUT, I will never ever ever ever become a Redskin fan, so I'm hoping that's not a deal breaker.
Is it BA??
No dealbreaker for me GG. Heck I was cheering on Peyton and your Broncos last night!
BA
Not to interupt you two, I got a whistle this morning! Today I will take it and smile.
kat
I like you, Kat!
Sushi...yummo!
Did you get the whistler's phone number?? Be assertive, girl!
Oh, and I know another sexy Irish guy...Pierce Bronsan. Know him??
Yeah Kat! One more reason to smile on a Friday!
So last night's date with Vicky was nice. We went for drinks at an Irish pub which had outdoor seating - the weather was fantastic for it. I'm not sure if there is a romantic connection there since we basically just talked and there wasn't much (ok there wasn't really any) flirting going on. We basically just chatted about what is going on in our lives and some of our goals in life. However, I felt like it did build somewhat on our first meeting so I'm not ready to stick a fork in it and call it done. We will most likely meet up again early next week.
Today after work, I am meeting petite and perky Valerie. Wish me luck!
BA
I like you too Gineen...got the names mixed up when you mentioned sushi. Can't remember who said what with humor flying all over the place...especially if sex is in the mix.
Sugbuy..you're not admitted/welcome to Gineen's brothel. You need to know the secret password.
Ewww! There is nothing wrong with you! That guy is a sicko... Ick. Ick. Ick.
Wonka, you realize that Pierce Brosnan is happily married, right? I think Kat and I would prefer to be with STRAIGHT and single men.
Kat, if you can't find him on FB, Linked In or Google, I'm afraid I don't have any suggestions. All I can say is that when I went to Ireland a few years ago, it was heaven. But then again, they have REALLY pretty women there too. I'm a sucker for blue eyes. Blue eyes with dark hair especially. Add some dimples and a sense of humor and I'm a goner. I'd serve him Guinness sans clothes and a smile for the rest of my life. Cheerfully.
GG, BA isn't the Washington native that I am. And yep, I'm a Skins fan. I'll make it up for you. Of course, it applies only when they aren't playing the Broncs.
I'm in the middle of Gineen and Kat. No whistles. No cat calls. No phone calls. And no insults. Kinda boring. Work is kicking my butt, though. So it's probably good.
Good luck with Valerie, BA. Don't underestimate her petiteness. Valerie means strong in Latin. I should know.
Betsey
OK, that's not true now. My UPS guy just came bearing gifts and gave me a big hug and a smooch. And he smells awesome.
All my UPS guys are grumpy lately and yet you got a kiss?! Lucky girl!
Sorry Wonka, it is Gineen that likes sushi. If you can't like me anymore, I will understand. Sob, sob
See those hot Irish guys are just gobbled up nearly as fast as you can make 'im. Not saying I am not keeping my options open, cause I am. Just would be perfectly lovely.
kat
My UPS guy just came bearing gifts and gave me a big hug and a smooch. And he smells awesome. smile
Lol - I work in a tiny office with just four middle-aged women coworkers. The company that does our payroll insists on making our two office staff gals sit through annual training on sexual harassment. We always say it must be to protect the UPS guy.
Ellie,
That is hilarious!
Kat, yep, both my FedEx and UPS guys are awesome. They're friends IRL too. But Brown is beyond special. He's happily married (I've met Linda-his wife and both kids), but a massive flirt and so am I. We're also good friends. He's ripped (and I mean RIPPED), a NY Italian transplant, drives a Harley and if he weren't married, I'd totally hunt him down.
He came to tell me he's on vacation next week, but since its a staycation, he might bring the Harley over to let me drool. I will.
Right now I'm numbing myself with wine after ibuprofen and Benadryl and an ice pack. I got stung by a yellow jacket (on my middle toe) while watering mums. I feel like a stabbing victim. I had no idea it hurt this bad...
Kat, I hate sushi too. Love cooked seafood and ceviche though....
TTFN,
Betsey
Almost my birthday!! Started the day off with chocolate cake and diet pepsi (not Paleo, but really good). After that sent me through the roof I delighted in a glass of wine with my best friend at the golf course. More adventures tomorrow and then my birthday on Sunday! Just living life and seeing who shows up.
Oh good, glad you're not partial to any team out there, BA. I got to thinking..."He's surely not a Ravens fan either?!" The Broncos do look pretty special this year; I'm excited! On my team I found a soccer player who is a consistent kicker from 35 yards! An 8th grader doing that!! Again...excited!
Hope your date went well. Details please!
Betsey,
Darn it! What's up with that? A bee sting?! Take care of yourself; thinking about you!
Happy weekend everyone!!
Happy early birthday GG!!
So details on last night's date with Valerie are not pretty!
Suffice it to say it did not go well. It started out okay, but Valerie likes to drink, a lot! Once she had a few drinks in her she started to show her true colors. Like Romy she too is looking for some one to financially take care of her. I asked her what she was looking for and she said and I quote "Do you really want to know?" I said yes and she replied "I know this sounds shallow but I want a man who will take care of my financial needs." She also wants someone to be there for her troubled 19 year old son because his father refuses to be part of his life. There are more not so great details about last night, but let's just say I don't think that Valerie is the woman for me.
BA
Did you tell her that you're looking for the same thing in a woman lol!
Maybe he should have made the following comment, " you mean you aren't paying for dinner?"
kat
Did you tell her that you're looking for the same thing in a woman lol!
ROFL!
Boy, that alcohol really loosened up Valerie's tongue - imagine admitting that on a first date!
Meanwhile, I spent the weekend with my new boyfriend - things are still going well. We go to the gym together, he makes me coffee and protein shakes in the morning, he's kind and affectionate and a completely open book when it comes to his thoughts and feelings.
Oh - and did I mention he's totally hot???
Hey Kml - very happy for you, your guy sounds great!!
I'm the only one making me coffee in the morning and the only "hot" thing in my house is the stove when I turn it on to make breakfast!
Oh and I'm pretty sure Valerie had one huge hangover the next day. She was only 4' 11" tall, probably 110 lbs at most and when I finally called it a night she had consumed 5 rum and cokes!
BA
On her profile did she list "Rum tasting" as one of her interest?
I give Valerie one point - for HONESTY!!! She didn't even sugarcoat it. Amazing!
NEXT!
Barb
That's true Barb - however I suspect the honesty was the liquor talking.
I'm thinking sober Valerie would have kept her mouth shut about that on the first date - but heck who knows and I didn't stick around long enough to find out!
So tonight is my 4th date with Ms. Vicky. Our first three outings have been very low key and basically learning about each others lives. She is a very nice person and we seem to have similar values. She is a lawyer and has four kids 3 of whom are in college and one graduating from high school this year. What has been missing so far, at least for me, is the chemistry thing. While I would love for it to be there instantly on the first date it doesn't have to be and that's why I'm continuing to see her. However, I am hoping it presents itself soon or I think we will simply be stuck in the friend zone.
New to the picture (yes it's still "raining women" here in the DC area - so if nothing else I am getting my money's worth on Match) is Lauren and Barbara (unfortunately it isn't the previous Barbara). Lauren is pretty damn attractive and a very active woman who loves to travel (all of which I like). She is currently out hiking in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. She wants to get together sometime next week once she returns. I don't know alot about the new Barbara as she has just contacted me, however her profile speaks to several things that interest me so we shall see about setting up a first get together.
This weekend I am heading to "The Big House" and no I don't mean prison! Taking my two lovely teenage daughters to Ann Arbor, Michigan to see the University of Michigan Wolverines play football. I haven't been to a football game there since I was a freshman in college so I'm pretty excited about it! Heck perhaps I'll get lucky and run into Beth my old college girlfriend and we'll fall madly in love and I can bid my final adieu to Match.com!
BA
Whoo wee, looks like I've missed out on all the fun again. Damn. Too bad work just keeps getting in the way of my posting. I'm so glad I get to leave on Friday for a few days. I'll need it.
BA, LOL, you sure do meet some interesting chicks! I swear to God that you are the most open guy I've ever "met" and you sure get an A for effort. For the record, I hope you run into Beth too. I think we'd all be less tired for you.
GG, happy belated birthday! 52 sure isn't going to slow you down!
Hope you have a good trip back to Ann Arbor. Akron? Really? What a blow out. Who put that on the schedule? It's like playing the Little Sisters of the Poor! I feel sorry for the Zips... At least you won't have to worry about biting your nails?
I'll toast to you, though, on a volleyball court. It should be a good weekend for it - good teams and good matchups. Unlike last weekend. D19's team blew out 3 teams and then had a massive surprise from a Canadian team. This team had just seated their team the Tuesday prior and nobody had ever played them, let alone scouted them. They apparently walked on the floor and the coach groaned - the average height of the front row was 6-2. NOT an ideal matchup for a bunch of DIII teams. (That's more along the D1 height.) As D19 says, when you're 5-9, it's hard to hit through a wall. They wound up having to play really smart defensively to beat the team in 4. She said it was a real challenge.
BA, if I ever thought I'd move home, you just killed it for me. It's hard enough here. I just don't want to compete in a land where the ratio of women to men is still around 7:1. But at least it's good for you. Just remember, those odds make the women do goofy things to attract the hot peacock on campus...
Check ya'll later. I've got to go deal with a mess and let everyone know that there is one Chief in this tribe. Me.
Betsey
Well, all, I'm dealing with some massive flooding here and the 7 leaks sprung in my office since yesterday are a little disconcerting. I've never seen so many roads washed out. It's amazing. I just hope D16 and I can get out of Dodge tomorrow.
On top of that, last night I got a text from Sweet Stuff after 6 weeks of no contact. He wound up calling when texting got too much. I'm still trying to figure out what the deal was about, but I've made the decision to continue my own path without him in the dating picture. I've told him that we can be sports buddies, but that our ship has sailed. We're supposed to have dinner next week, but I may nix that depending. I don't know depending on what, but we'll see. WTF?
What is up with these people?
Hey Betsey - sorry to hear about the flooding, never ever a fun thing. I hope things dry out soon!
Sounds like SS is hanging on to some loose ends there. However it also seems like you've made it clear that any further interaction will be of the strictly platonic/friend variety. Just recognize that some people will nod their heads while receiving that message but never actually absorb it into that space between their ears and think any interaction provides the opportunity to go back to what once was before. Hopefully he's not one of those.
So my date with Vicky on Tuesday was nice. She was about 30 minutes late due to DC traffic and felt bad - but I put her at ease about it and told her not to worry as in this area that can be more the norm than the exception. We had dinner and talked for about 2 hours. Still not much of a romantic vibe there an I really think that this will end up in the permanent friend zone. We shall see.
Barbara and Lauren are on hold until next week when I am back in town.
I'm muddling through today with my eyes on tomorrow as I will be heading to my happy place - Ann Arbor, Michigan! My daughters are soooo excited about the weekend (as am I!!)
BA
Have a safe trip, BA!
I'll put a shout out to GG. She lives and works in the Boulder area, which has been heavily affected. Stay safe and dry, my friend.
Just recognize that some people will nod their heads while receiving that message but never actually absorb it into that space between their ears and think any interaction provides the opportunity to go back to what once was before. Hopefully he's not one of those.
BA, I think he is. I had to reiterate my position several times, which is why I am hedging. I'll take the weekend to figure out what I will ultimately choose.
Thanks for the heads up.
Betsey
Shout back to you, Betsey...
All is well here, but NO SCHOOL today or tomorrow. :)The flooding is ridiculous!
My bff and I went to see "The Butler." I highly recommend it and it better win some awards. What a wonderful journey through some pretty tough times in this country.
I'm headed to therapy in about an hour. It's time for a tune up for me after a crazy summer of dating and the finale of the car guy. I read these blogs, listen to webinars, read books and I still just don't get it! I have a terrific life with a ton to offer someone; so why is it so hard to find someone decent to date who shares my same values and interests? I can usually get one of the two, but not both. Sigh....
I hope she has all the answers.
Such crazy stuff going on. Thinking of all of our Denver/Boulder friends. I saw the blip about the fire on the news but not a whole lot more. Not feeling all that whoopie. I think it is my allergies. My head is heavy...yuck.
Be safe everyone.
kat
My bff and I went to see "The Butler." I highly recommend it and it better win some awards. What a wonderful journey through some pretty tough times in this country.
GG - Thanks for the recommendation on this movie. I was hoping it was as good as it looked in the advertisements on TV.
I'm headed to therapy in about an hour. It's time for a tune up for me after a crazy summer of dating and the finale of the car guy. I read these blogs, listen to webinars, read books and I still just don't get it! I have a terrific life with a ton to offer someone; so why is it so hard to find someone decent to date who shares my same values and interests? I can usually get one of the two, but not both. Sigh....
I hope she has all the answers.
Please pass along any words of wisdom she might have to offer because I am clueless on this as well. The dating pool has not been kind to decent, mentally stable, financially sound and physically fit guys either!!!! I'm about to call it a year and just ask Santa to bring me someone special at Christmas!
BTW - what did you do for your birthday? Hope it was fun!
BA
I saw The Butler 3 weeks ago & it is one of the best movies I've seen in a long time. Well worth checking out.
GG: I had missed your posts about car guy. That's a disappointment. Shoots down the theory about ow meeting them in person is somehow better than meeting online. I liked that Dave you were seeing. Never understood you giving him up. But then - I'm not in your shoes.
BA: sometimes feelings develop over time - not everything is instant chemistry. I'd give her a bit longer before deciding she's not the one.
There seem to be mixed feelings here on how soon to. Say NEXT. When I got back into dating - I decided to stick with each one until I knew for sure that I'd reached a deal breaker. Even if I really didn't feel anything much at first. It usually became clear in a couple of dates but even Josh & I hit a couple of roadblocks on the early months. I had to step back & really analyze our R. I realized that sharing mutual values & goals was more important than if he didn't phone when he said he would (although I did set him straight on that one too). I guess I'm just saying that even if someone doesn't move at the pace you would like them to - that you still consider them for a bit longer - not everyone "falls" at the same time. So it's good to try longer rather than consider it a waste of time & energy.
Thinking of my Colorado friends. We suffered severe flooding last Spring. Still sorting out the damage at my dad's cottage. Hope it gets better soon.
Barb
Barb,
Dave couldn't step up and pursue me. I gently let him know I needed more than a text once a week asking what we were doing on Sat. night. He didn't know how to plan anything and I became the 'alpha' in the relationship. When I planned a hike he couldn't find the trail and called me up whining. I had to go meet him and drag him to the trail. I'm looking for a MAN this time around. I was the "mommy" to my xh and this time I want a guy to step up! Car guy can totally do that and planned the most amazing/fun dates ever! But, his values and mine just don't align. I mean, c'mon no dentist in FOUR years?!
BA,
Well, of course I played golf for my birthday!! I'm swinging quite well these days, but don't they always say you play your best golf the day you rest your clubs for the season?! If the monsoon lets up I'm supposed to play tomorrow. The courses are so green; never seen it like this!
As far as therapy....
She could sense my frustration and said I probably need to take a break and do some introspection. I would agree. We looked over the "menu" (lack of a better term) that I wrote when I took a love coaching class back in April. Now, I admit it's a 'tall order,' but not impossible. She asked that I choose my top 10 priorities and imagine him sitting next to me. Sigh.....no real magical ideas from her, but it helped to talk out my frustration at being single at 52. I think it's just hard because we know ourselves well and we're not willing to settle on things that really matter to us.
Oh, and BA....
Have a great time this weekend in Michigan with your daughters. Sounds like a great trip!
BA: sometimes feelings develop over time - not everything is instant chemistry. I'd give her a bit longer before deciding she's not the one.
There seem to be mixed feelings here on how soon to. Say NEXT. When I got back into dating - I decided to stick with each one until I knew for sure that I'd reached a deal breaker. Even if I really didn't feel anything much at first. It usually became clear in a couple of dates but even Josh & I hit a couple of roadblocks on the early months. I had to step back & really analyze our R. I realized that sharing mutual values & goals was more important than if he didn't phone when he said he would (although I did set him straight on that one too). I guess I'm just saying that even if someone doesn't move at the pace you would like them to - that you still consider them for a bit longer - not everyone "falls" at the same time. So it's good to try longer rather than consider it a waste of time & energy.
Thanks Barb. I am trying to be patient and just let things take it's course to see what may evolve. That is true with anyone I go out with unless there are absolute definite red flags or dealbreakers that surface. I have been fortunate enough to have that instant chemistry with 2 people in the last year so I know it does exist it just doesn't happen very often. If the feelings develop over time then that would be great as well.
I think it is good that I am going away this weekend to Ann Arbor and just spending time with my girls. Gives me a chance to just step back and have some quality time with them for a couple of days.
BA
Oh, and BA....
Have a great time this weekend in Michigan with your daughters. Sounds like a great trip!
Thanks GG, I will! Hitting the road in about 4 hours and can't wait to spend the weekend with my daughters - they are so excited to be going to the game on Saturday. This will be their first time inside Michigan stadium!
Hope things dry out over there in Colorado for you and Betsey and that you get a good round of golf in!
BA
Patience isn't one of my virtues, unless it's in the classroom with my kiddos. I'm learning as well. I mean, it took Katie Couric 16 years! Let's hope it's sooner for us...
golfgirl...
were the car guy's teeth bad?
I haven't been to the dentist in awhile either (because my dental insurance [censored] and the only dentist that takes it is about an hour or so away) so my dr actually checks the health of my teeth when I go to see her...(she knows about my crappy insurance)
and I haven't had a cavity since I was in high school and my breath isn't bad
And my teeth are pretty white (thanks to some awesome toothpaste) and I brush at least 2 times a day...
so I am just wondering if he came out and said he hasn't seen a dentist and that was the deal breaker
or if he has really bad teeth and that was the deal breaker
His teeth are okay. He said the same thing...hasn't had a cavity since high school. I asked my dentist about this since I've run into other guys with bad teeth. He seemed concerned about all kinds of things (gum disease, plaque buildup, oral cancer). Car guy has no health insurance so he doesn't go the doctor either. Just different values. For instance, I don't think I'd be tearing it up on a dirt bike without health insurance, but that's his choice.
He actually came out and told me he hadn't seen a dentist in four years. That wasn't the deal breaker. The deal breaker is that he has no goals, no retirement, no savings, etc. Yet, he has an iPhone, iPad, new computer, just bought a new mountain bike (already had one) and I'm about as frugal as you can get. We couldn't be more different in that aspect. I can learn to spend some of my saved money (and I have), but how does he ever retire and play the great golf courses around the country/world with me?
Betsey,
I don't know what to say about Sweet Stuff. Wish I had the magic to understand these people myself. Why would you go to dinner with him? What would be the purpose? After six weeks do you want to potentially open things up (even a little bit)?
Oh, and fig...
He has a daughter from a very brief encounter 25 years ago. He did pay child support, but she contacted him three years ago wanting to meet him and he still has responded back. GRRR...
I work with little kiddos all day who have absentee parents. Another deal breaker for me.
Taking a break is good for the soul at times. When u step back you get more perspectivehave a great weekend!
Barb
POF dating profile gem of the day,
"I’d like to know where you live, the names of your children, and what you do in your spare time before seeing your thing. I’m funny that way."
I just spit out my pop!! Oh my! Did you call her right up?
I am back on eharmony. Got to put myself out there.
kat
Have a question though...why do they keep matching me up with conservatives?
Good for you Kat! Maybe it's your inner Republican coming out.
...and here's the second profile gem of the day,
"the best way into my bed is through my head"
I got an email that "How About We" is free for the next 72 hours!!
I joined "How About We Don't" 'cuz it's always free lol.
You're hilarious. Why are you single again?!
LOL You guys are killing me!
Hey, I've met absolutely no one on "How About We Don't" and it's working out perfectly! I never get any suggested matches or junk emails from them either. They know how to run a dating service for those who don't want to date. It's worth every penny that I haven't paid. I'm one happy customer and I will recommend this service to all my non-existent friends.
Hi guys,
Checking in from the Burbank airport bar, with beer in hand. It's been a whirlwind and I'm ready to come home. But with all the flood alerts in my area of the county, I'm not so sure. D16 cut her foot on the beach and she's out of sorts. Meanwhile, it's my 23rd anniversary and Mr. W. and I are texting from different airports. Weird. I feel like I'm in a reality show.
How about we is no different from any other site... That's where I went first.
GG, IF I go to dinner with Sweet Stuff, it's for my own closure. But if my spidey sense proves correct and he thinks things will work out, I'll cancel. Right now I just miss... ME.
And D19. Her coach told me last night he was very glad I came. He thinks she's really homesick. She probably won't say, but I think he might be right. She seemed kind of different. She was really great with D16, and let her hang out with her team.
Ok, time to get back to my football game. TTFN,
Betsey
Betsey - Hope you arrived home to a drier Colorado than the one you left! You should be happy with the performance your Broncos put forth yesterday. I've always been a Peyton Manning fan and of any team that beats the Giants (other than the Cowboys which when they play the Giants I root for a 0 to 0 tie!)
I had a pretty good weekend, although the Michigan football game was MUCH more dramatic than I could have ever imagine. I went in expecting a Michigan blowout of Akron and came out of the game needing a defibrillator!! However a win is a win.
It was good to spend the weekend with D16 and D15, although D15 ended up with a nasty head cold and felt pretty miserable on the drive home.
She is home from school today as a result.
So the oddities of online dating sites continue. I came home to see the following message from someone:
"I finally got up my nerve to join because I had a message. Sorry it was not from you :>))"
This person had viewed my profile a couple of times last week and placed me in her favorites. I had pretty much ignored her because one, she has no pictures in her profile and two, her profile consists of a one line sentence basically saying she is an active person who likes to do a variety of activities.
I'm starting to consider coming off the sites until after the New Year. With the holidays coming up I'm going to be busy with family coming in and a couple of trips planned myself. So I'm going to give the love of my life only a couple of more weeks to present herself - then it's a dating sabatical for me.
BA
Hey BA,
She could be "the one". I started online in a similar manner. Just looking through the sites. Dipped my toe in. Had no photos up. And I had a very good reason. At the time - I was heading up a very large charity campaign. My face was on the front page of the newspaper almost daily for 6 weeks. I did not feel it was right to put my face up on a dating site as well - until the campaign was over (which I did). So it is possible that she is just gun shy (understandable) but I wouldn't write her off just yet.
Barb
Barb,
I actually sent her a short email reply this morning saying it would be nice to see a couple of photos in her profile and some of her interests listed to get a better understanding of who she is and what she is looking for. I understand there are some good reasons why people are not forthcoming in their profiles, however there are so many people who are upfront with current pictures and specific information about who they are and what they are looking for in a partner. For me I am much more comfortable reaching out to profiles that provide a better picture and story for who they are. So this is a bit of a 180 for me to send her a reply, but I figured what the heck - nothing ventured, nothing gained.
BA
BA - I think you are doing her a favor which is great. It will be up to her to take the next step. One thing that always concerned me about guys who didn't put up pics - I figured they were married.
Barb
BA,
It was drizzling when we landed, but I made it home okay and it's just overcast right now. The sun is trying to come out for good. Maybe tomorrow?
Yep, I was in the bar just to watch Manning bowl. I left when we had started to pull away and then my BIL texted me until I had to shut my phone off. It was good. I was able to watch highlights on my iPad on the flight. Southwest has free Dish on wifi flights. It made my flight home buzz by quickly, since D16 slept.
Sorry your D16 came home sick. Sometimes I think when we go, go, go on trips that happens. I'd say it's pretty common in my house, at least. Hope she's feeling better pronto.
BTW, I'm definitely surprised your game wasn't a blow out.
"I finally got up my nerve to join because I had a message. Sorry it was not from you :>))"
Ya know, I've definitely felt this way when getting a message. But I sure wouldn't say that to anyone. It sounds whiny. She probably should have said something more confident????
You're being more generous with her than I would be. I don't have time to draw out people's strengths. I just want for them to present themselves the way they want to be perceived.
Barb, I completely understand your motivations on why you chose not to post a photo right out of the gate - it worked for you. But in DC, you don't get many chances to make an impression.
If you need a cheerleader on resting, BA, I'll lead it. It's liberating. Basically, I've found out that what Wii said is how I feel. I'm beginning to see that my friends are rock stars and all I need right now. Anything else is work, and I just don't want to spend my time up to the holidays "working" at stuff already not on my plate.
I've always been a Peyton Manning fan and of any team that beats the Giants
My aforementioned BIL lives in Indy, and still a huge Peyton fan as well as the Colts. He's always liked the Donkeys. His quip to me years ago: "I root for the following teams in this order: Colts, Broncos and whoever is playing the Patriots." LOL. Mine is pretty much the same (in reverse and whoever plays the Raiders).
Off to get some stuff done that didn't get done while I was gone. I'm already behind and not getting closer to accomplishing anything by being here.
Betsey
Quote:
"I finally got up my nerve to join because I had a message. Sorry it was not from you :>))"
Ya know, I've definitely felt this way when getting a message. But I sure wouldn't say that to anyone. It sounds whiny. She probably should have said something more confident????
Actually, Bets, I don't hear that as whiny. I think it's pretty flirtacious and many women don't have the guts to contact guys and basically say "you're hot!".
That being said - the "active person who likes to do lots of activities" is pretty lame - remains top be seen if she has any real substance.
Well she wrote back with a pretty good email that reads:
"You are probably aware I am enamored of your profile and pictures. Not quite ready to be totally out there but email me at XXXXXX@GMAIL.COM and I will send you more info and pictures." She also told me her height and weight and restated that she likes to exercise and do everything.
So we shall see where this goes. I also received an email today from a Nurse Anesthetist who would like to meet me. She has a really great profile and I'm leaning towards meeting her - just hope she doesn't try to put me to sleep! (ok I know that was bad!!)
BA
watch out for Nurse Anesthetists, if she offers to let you smell her new "perfume" on a white napkin, don't!
you're apt to wake up with a mild headache and some other odd discomforts in unlikely places.
just sayin'
I dunno, Ellie. If she has enough balls to tell him that she's enamored with BA, why wouldn't she just be direct and say it?
I just don't know how I'd feel if some guy said that about one photo that I posted online? It just strikes me as off.
I sure hope the NA's name isn't Dori? If so, she's married to my cousin.
BA, the more I read the message she wrote you, the more uncomfortable I am. The first rule in those dating sites is not to give out e-mail addresses until you actually meet someone. Sorry. Red flags here. Hope I'm wrong.
Good luck!
I agree Betsey that when people start sending out email addresses right away it sends up a red flag, however with this person I think she is very new to these sites and it is simply a reflection of her being more comfortable communicating offline. We will see but trust me I will be very quick to shut it down if I suspect otherwise.
As for the NA, she is a Jeanette and not a Dori - I'm taking it that is a good thing and I should stay away from NAs named Dori?
BA,
Do you have a sanitized e-mail account? I do... good luck! Keep yourself and your girls safe!
I'm taking it that is a good thing and I should stay away from NAs named Dori?
LOL, if she goes by Dorothy (her legal name) or you find out she's married to a guy named Andrew, YES!
Betsey
Hey, any woman that tells you she's "enamoured" with you after seeing one photo is whacked! I had a woman once message me that she put a photo on her profile because my account won't allow contact without a photo. So she found one and put it up so she could message me. The photo was of her and an Elvis impersonator...and he had the upper hand in looks! I thanked her for contacting me but I didn't see a match. I thanked her for sharing her photo with me and wrote "Elvis rocks"! She messaged back "lol, he sure does!". She took it well. The only women I've had who wanted email contact or texting is after we messaged back and forth a few times and they feel a bit at ease. I think I'd pass, it's not like you are lacking in other possibilities!
I have recently dipped my toes into the Match waters. There are some seriously strange people out there. Good thing my BS meter is well tuned from the adventures of MLC!!
I don't think giving an email address is a bad thing. I have two email accounts. My regular one for regular stuff and the one I use for others. Others is stuff like anything I do online.
I am ready to quit online dating for awhile. At least until I get my "crazy magnet" under control.....
I had an email acct only for online dating. It helped to keep it all separate & easier to check on what was happening. Don't want any of the crazies messing in my business.
Barb
Yes I also have an account that I use for online dating and also for stores who pester me about getting on their email list. Keeps most of the junk out of my main email account.
I've given it out to Fran who has sent me a photo and emailed me twice now. Physically she is the type of woman that I would be interested in meeting, however she is a bit overly eager which worries me a bit. However, I'm trying to keep an open mind. She says I'm the first profile she's seen that seemed kind, compassionate and I didn't look "scary". Not sure what not looking scary means. No date planned with her yet.
The Nurse Anethesist's name is Jeanette and her emails seem to resonate with a lot of positive energy. She has a great sense of humor as well. We've set up a get together for Sunday. I'm looking forward to that.
Vicky wants to go with me out on Saturday (so yes it's looking to be a busy weekend). I always enjoy the conversation we have, there just has been absolutely zerio romantic tendencies in all 4 of our "dates." I've been the only one who has even tried to flirt a little bit, without any response - but she is the one who is voicing a desire to get together again. Perhaps we will just become good friends, which is fine.
BA
My 2 cents...
I absolutely, 100% understand what Fran is saying. I've been on several online dating sites and in my 'regular' life I would never cross paths with some of the people I've seen on them. AND, I'm glad of that!
It has surprised me the men who will contact me and think I would be interested. In the next breath, I'm willing to give a guy a chance, but sometimes there's just no way. People can be whoever they want to be online (like that Brad Paisley song) and I, unfortunately, have seen more than my share. What does "scary" mean? Sometimes there's just an 'energy' around someone (even in a [photo) where you just know they have a hidden agenda. It's sad that this is the way we are almost forced to meet another single person these days.
I say give her a chance...it's just a date.
I'm off today again due to the rain and looking for someone who might want to play nine (if I can find an open golf course!).
I'm still hoping I run into someone that way....
I've had the same experience out here. It's obvious that some people never actually read my profile because if they did they would realize that they have none of the characteristics that I am looking for. In the beginning I would reply back to everyone who sent me an email and take the time to politely and respectfully try to explain why I wasn't interested in meeting them. However after getting a couple of not so pleasant responses back, I simply just hit block user most of the time now.
I'm off today again due to the rain and looking for someone who might want to play nine (if I can find an open golf course!).
I'm still hoping I run into someone that way....
I would love to be playing golf today - let me look at the available flights...
Hope you get out on the course today GG!
BA
I used to reply too, BA. I thought it was polite to acknowledge people who had at least made the effort to message me but then had the same experience as you did so I stopped. Personally, I've had a couple of very nice rejection messages from ladies in the past and I felt good that they'd recognized my effort but some people just aren't in that space.
Well I bid Fran adieu tonight. Too many red flags and then to top it off she misrepresented her status on her profile. She had listed herself as "Divorced" and come to find out she is still married and has never even filed for divorce. So onward and upward.
Enjoying a nice cup of tea while watching my NATs in the process of hopefully sweeping the Braves in a doubleheader today. Won the first game and they are ahead 1 to 0 in the seventh inning of the second game.
BA
Uh oh...looks like Fran became the "scary" one in this scenario! Good idea to throw her back into the pond...
I did get on the course today, but rough conditions. The grass was so long that if you hit off the fairway you were in big trouble, and I was a few times.
But, all should be great by this weekend...about those flights? :-)
You are always welcome out in Colorado and we play golf well into the winter out here.
Enjoy your game and cup of tea.
Here's my favourite profile of the day, "I'm simple"... that was it!
BA,
Yikes! So that's why she didn't post a photo. And also why she wanted to get off the site and chat with you offline. No wonder my spidey sense was engaged. It pisses me off when people flat out lie under any circumstances. Ughhh.
Glad you got 2 wins yesterday. At least the night wasn't a total bust...
GG, you might want to drive further south for better golf? I know the courses down here fared better? I'd offer to meet you this weekend, but I have so much catching up to do. It first starts with mowing my overgrown lawn. D16 is having an MRI and getting her wisdom teeth out on Monday, so I want to make sure I'm completely caught up with stuff beforehand. She has a habit of spiraling into a mess of cluster seizures after any surgery and that will undoubtedly set me back. Hope you have fun!
TTFN,
Betsey
Betsey - Yes Fran is a reminder that there are some "interesting" and "scary" people out there. Even though I've told her I'm not interested in meeting her, I've gotten three more emails from her because she is convinced we are perfect for each other. In the last one she wrote:
"I do hope I get to meet you one day. If so I'll bring the champagne and you should probably bring a bodyguard."
Hopefully with me not responding she will tire of this and move on to the next "perfect" guy!
BA
"I do hope I get to meet you one day. If so I'll bring the champagne and you should probably bring a bodyguard."
at least she has a good sense of humor.
I would not respond to any further emails. She sounds like one of these obsessive stalker types. That's why it's good to guard your email addess...but there's always the "delete" option
BA,
Wow, I'm with Wii - she sounds psycho. The one good thing that came out of this for me is that I'm glad my spidey sense still works. There was just something funky about her from the start.
Besides, I've never liked any woman named Fran.
And the good thing for you is that you have found out you're nearing perfection. Just don't let it go to your head!
Betsey
I had a receptionist named Fran who, after 20 years started stealing money from the till. Cool, eh?
She's a "stalker" type. I'd block her.
Barb
OMG, Barb, that is too funny! I've never met a criminal Fran! And BA, if she's starting to look like a Fatal Attraction Fran, you've got a felon in the making.
Hide the bunnies and get some good deadbolts!
All the Frans I've met have just been b!tches. I probably didn't get to know them enough to find out of they were larcenists or psychopaths.
BA, what's on your agenda this weekend? Inquiring minds want to know, since you're now the bar that's been set around here for good times.
Since I was gone last weekend, I have a lot of laundry and cleaning to do. I'll take a break tomorrow afternoon - I met a lady in a nail salon 2 weeks ago (a different one than I normally go to, and it's divine intervention). This lady is not only from northern VA, but she's a speech therapist who now does all her therapy in a hippotherapy setting. Mr. W. and I are meeting at a stable within walking distance of my house so D16 can get started. She loves all animals, but in particular loves horses.
I figure we give her something totally fun to think about on Monday - when I officially take the title of Worst Mom in Denver. She's getting an MRI and her impacted wisdom teeth (all 4 of 'em) out. This is not going to be fun.
GG, sure looks like a GREAT weekend for golf!
Betsey
OMG, Barb, that is too funny! I've never met a criminal Fran! And BA, if she's starting to look like a Fatal Attraction Fran, you've got a felon in the making.
Hide the bunnies and get some good deadbolts!
All the Frans I've met have just been b!tches. I probably didn't get to know them enough to find out of they were larcenists or psychopaths.
BA, what's on your agenda this weekend? Inquiring minds want to know, since you're now the bar that's been set around here for good times.
Well I've only met one Fran and I'm afraid that has proven to be one too many! If she continues to stalk me my plan is to create a fictional profile very similar to mine, since she apparently is head over heels attracted to. Then my fictional self will contact her to say I think we're "perfect" for each other and that I want to meet her on safari in Kenya. That will at least get her out of the country for awhile and perhaps in the company of a pride of lions.
As for my weekend plans, tonight I'm going to my local watering hole to visit my good friend Jack Daniels and get myself date ready for the weekend. Saturday, Vicky (the lawyer) and I are going to hit a couple of antique shops and have lunch together. I'm golfing on Sunday morning and then mid-afternoon I have my first planned meeting with Jeanette (the Nurse Anethesist) at a local winery. If I don't post the results of my dates by Wednesday you will know that Fran (the crazy) has found me, locked me in her basement and turned me into her little love slave - so please notify the authorities before she tires of me, dismembers me into little pieces and buries me in her garden!
I figure we give her something totally fun to think about on Monday - when I officially take the title of Worst Mom in Denver. She's getting an MRI and her impacted wisdom teeth (all 4 of 'em) out. This is not going to be fun.
Betsey
Hope the wisdom teeth extraction for your D16 goes well. When I was 21 I had all four removed as well (only the bottoms were surgically extracted though - the tops were just pulled.) Anyway, the Dentist sent me home with 4 days worth of Percocet and told me to take them religiously without waiting for any pain. Best advice ever - I was basically high for 4 days and never felt even the slightest bit of pain. When I returned he asked me how I was feeling and if I needed a refill. I told him I was fine and to not give me any more Percocet because I liked that stuff too much!
BA
Holy crap, BA, you had me spitting out my water! (Notice, no diet coke here.) Kenya? LOL, I think that might be far enough away!
you will know that Fran (the crazy) has found me, locked me in her basement and turned me into her little love slave - so please notify the authorities before she tires of me, dismembers me into little pieces and buries me in her garden! crazy
But you don't live in Cleveland, so this ain't gonna happen!
I told him I was fine and to not give me any more Percocet because I liked that stuff too much!
I was 18 and got Demerol and found out I liked it a whole lot then too. But somehow, over time, I must have turned into my mom because I now can't take pain meds - they make me sick as a dog. D16 does not handle them well at all.
In fact, every surgery she's had since birth has wound up being a readmit to the hospital. I think the anesthesia, blood and pain cause her to get cluster seizures. Her dad and I have already made contingency plans at work for this scenario. And the worst part is that I can't reason with her. She just doesn't get it. Memo to me: lay in a supply of ice cream and mac and cheese. I might turn enemy into friend...
Your weekend sounds fun.
Let us know if we need to counsel you into plastic surgery and witness protection...
Betsey
But you don't live in Cleveland, so this ain't gonna happen!
It's not Fran (the crazy) in Cleveland I'm worried about, it's the one who thinks I'm the friggin love of her life that lives just a few miles away!
Okay - work is done and I'm to go have fun! Happy weekend everyone!!
BA
Seems I was in such a hurry to go have fun that I forgot a word (off) in that second to last sentence!
BA,
We don't have grammar or spelling tests here in the bar. LOL. Hope you had a great day antiquing...
We got D16 into hippo therapy today, and she loved it. While she was riding, Mr. W. and I stood at the fence and had a deep conversation about D19. It was difficult content, and hard for him to hear but he did really well with my updates. I told him I was proud of him for being level headed and not reacting, and I think he was a bit stunned. I guess I need to do a better job thanking him for being a good dad. He's been texting me ever since, and I've at least managed to make him laugh. Ultimately, I think it's hard for dads to watch their little girls grow up.
So 3 cheers for all the good dads down here in surviving!
Betsey
Betsey,
It's a good thing we don't have grammar and spelling tests - as sentence structure was never one of my strong suits in school! I invariably placed a comma (or didn't place one) where it shouldn't have been and I never did understand the whole dangling particicle thing.
Glad your D16 enjoyed the riding and that Mr W. is being supportive and a good dad. Makes it so much easier when coparenting!
My weekend was ok. I have decided that Vicky and I are not going to make it as a couple. There just isn't any romantic connection there. We would make great friends. Sunday's get together with Jeanette (the NA) was pretty nice. I think there may be potential there. She seems to like me and wants to get together again.
Back to school night this week for my D16 and D15. I have a dinner planned with a friend on Wednesday. Date on Friday and a college campus visit to VCU on Saturday.
Happy Monday to all!
BA
Hey Betsey and GG - Go Broncos tonight!!!
"the whole dangling particicle thing." -- comment coming from Wii in 5,4,3...
Hey, with Fran out there on the loose he better not leave his particle thing dangling! (did I do good lol?)
Broncos did great and didn't leave anything hanging...I think?!
So here's a twist. My last R ended back in late April with Marianne. At that time she wanted to continue contact with me in a friendship capacity and I declined simply because I had very strong romantic feelings for her and could not see me transitioning to a platonic friendship with her at that time.
Well within the last week or so we have gotten back in touch with each other. I initiated it when I saw an advertisement that Pink (her favorite artist) was going to be on the Ellen Degeneres show. I sent her a short email letting her know that and hoping all was well with her. We communicated back and forth and she brought up tht fact that she thought of me often and her offer of friendship was still on the table. So I am taking her up on it and we are getting together for dinner tonight. It will be very nice to see her and she says she is excited to see me as well.
Here's the deal. Even though I fully intend to keep my interaction with her on a friendship level, I know I would be ecstatic if she changed her mind and decided to give us a try again. Our break-up wasn't due to any huge issue, she just thought I was too nice and accomodating. After a few months of self-evaluation, I finally get what she was talking about and I have made some adjustments, for me and am better for it. As a result I think she will see a somewhat different me. However, unless she brings any of this up, I am keeping my mouth shut about all of it and just see where this road leads us. If it truly just remains a friendship that will be fine because she really is someone who I have missed just talking to and keeping in touch with. If it ends up being something more, well that would be better than ok.
BA
Sorry, BA. I've been alternating craziness between D16 and work. I'm not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Yep, happy about MNF outcome. I'm an admitted homer now, and the Donkeys are my team. It's sure better than where we were a few years ago. Being a sports fan in Denver has been pretty miserable until now.
Anyhoo, maybe you were supposed to do all this dating and work for a good reason. I have faith that you're coming out the winner, no matter what. Your attitude rocks, and I'd definitely stalk you if you we're here!
I had one of the most surreal conversations with my XH yesterday after work. I had come to his house to pick up D16 (we're taking turns with her). Since she was sleeping, he offered me a margarita on his patio. No arm twisting necessary. I had 3. I have an old friend (before I even met him) who works for his company and is coming out to do some training on his project next week. Weird. He asked me if I wanted him to give Elena my phone number to call while she's here (we have been out of touch for awhile). He assumed she was still married to her first hubs, and was stunned when I told him they divorced 2 years before we did and that she remarried. She kept her first married name, which totally puzzled Mr. W.
I continued the puzzling when I told him I'd keep his last name too. He wasn't angry or anything, but the convo got lively. I told him I doubt I'll ever marry again anyway. He surprised me by saying it isn't in his cards either. My eyebrow went up, and he just said, "been there, done that, and your tshirt is enough for me." Said with a big grin. Don't know how his GF feels about that... He thought it was funny when I told him I dumped Sweet Stuff. I told him I'd leave out the details, but that it was looking like I enjoy my alone time more. He said he understood.
Anyway, we seem to have come a long way in 10 years. For whatever reason, when D16 has issues, we seem to get along really, really well. I'll just be grateful and leave it at that.
I'm home with her again today since her face still looks like a chipmunk. We're watching for dry sockets, so I'm happy keeping her quiet and resting. I just wish work wasn't so damn busy. It's hard to snooze when people need me!
Keep on keepin' on...
Betsey
You do lead an interesting life BA!I think rather than find a relationship I'll just live vicariously through you lol.
Hey, if you still want to check out your former gf and feel you can handle this then go for it. The strangest things can happen in love and life. I'm excited for us...I mean you!
Hands down...I saw the best picture in a today! Wasn't his profile but was in his added pictures:
Titled: Now, for those of you who want a picture of my junk here it is:
You scroll down and it is a picture of a random porch with tons of junk all over it.
I thought this was clever!
No luck meeting anyone yet...went out with JS 3 times ....didn't feel connection but he was nice enough.
Hey Betsey, what happened with Sweet Stuff? You two were going to have a friendly dinner, if I recall. Did I miss your update?
Wii,
You didn't miss anything. Until my spidey sense tells me it's safe to do it, I'm not getting back in touch. I have more satisfying things to do than beat an idiot. Like watch college volleyball.
My kiddo played pretty well tonight, despite not feeling well. Now I'm watching the big kids play on ESPNU. Who needs a dude?
Gineen, I have wine. Come on over. D16 just left with her dad for the night...
Betsey
Good for you, Betsey. If you're not into it, then don't do it. Watch football!!!!
Betsey, I'm living vicariously through BA now, you can too! Oh, but he's into women...but I'm sure some of them wear pants so that might work. Let's face it, we'll just be having an unhealthy co-dependent R with BA and his life anyway so who really cares!
We just won't tell anyone who calls us on being codependent or pathetic?
Besides, BA is doing more interesting stuff than I am. But then again, pretty much anything beats watching an anesthesiologist put my kid down with propofol... And eating Mac and cheese 3 days in a row. Only the wine makes me feel like I'm not a complete loser...
Back to volleyball now...
Hey Betsey - I hope your D16 is recovering without any complications. Probably a good call on your sweet stuff strategy which I will now refer to the triple "S" formation.
Wii - feel free to live vicariously through me if you like but I gotta tell you be ready for the real life frustrations, bewilderment and at times exhaustion!
So regarding last night. I had dinner with my former GF and I have to tell you as soon as she showed up (and as the night wore on) I remembered every reason why I fell hard for this woman. She didn't help things by showing up at my door looking and dressing absolutely gorgeous. The woman was decked out from her head to her toes. sigh...
However I put all that to the side and concentrated (as best I could) to just having some engaging conversation catching up on her life and having a pleasant evening - which I am happy to say we did. She is very happy to be back in touch with me and wants to continue getting together. We plan to catch a hockey game together in a couple of weeks. So that's that for now. To be perfectly honest I'm still processing all of it and hoping to figure out how I can completely transition to friend mode with her not so much when I'm with her, but in my mind when we are not together - if that makes sense.
BA
BA: wow! Wouldn't that be funny if after all that dating you ended up with your former GF? Maybe you needed to go through all of it to come to the right conclusion. Of course, right now you really need to step back & remember why you broke up with her in the first place. Unless those issues were resolved - you could quickly end up in the same place which obviously was not working for you.
Lots to think about. But nice you and she could enjoy some time together.
Barb
Hm, "friendly" dinner with former gf and no sex...I think I'll go back to living my own life BA lol. Btw, I already have real life frustrations, bewiderment and at times exhaustion but I'll keep you in mind for my next living vicariously thorugh someone else vacation. I'll be sure to book early!
BA: wow! Wouldn't that be funny if after all that dating you ended up with your former GF? Maybe you needed to go through all of it to come to the right conclusion. Of course, right now you really need to step back & remember why you broke up with her in the first place. Unless those issues were resolved - you could quickly end up in the same place which obviously was not working for you.
Lots to think about. But nice you and she could enjoy some time together.
Barb
Hey Barb - I actually was the dumpee, not the dumper in the relationship. She has offered the friendship olive branch again and I've decided to take her up on it. Whether it leads to more than friendship remains to be seen, however at this point I'm happy to be back in touch with her.
BA
What goes through my mind is why do you want to do this? If you're looking for an opportunity to re-ignite things, this I can understand. To deal with all the feelings you have for her just to be friends I can't. It seems like a lot of emotional stuff to deal with just to be friends. I don't think I'd do it. But hey, you're also not me
Wii,
You articulated what I was thinking too. I'm all for miracles and divine intervention - I really am a believer. So BA, please know that.
But if this olive branch is ultimately going to facilitate you being stuck on her emotionally, I am concerned for you. It's hard enough being D with kids... I don't think you setting a boundary with Marianne is unreasonable. Maybe you tell her that you found out immediately that you still have feelings for her, and if there is no chance you can work towards being a couple again, you will have to pass. I think that sounds masculine, vulnerable and fair. Being a woman, if a guy said this to me, I'd HAVE to be honest back with him. We don't know Marianne's truth, so why not put it out there? It sure as heck beats false hope.
As always, I'm on the sidelines cheering for you.
Betsey
That's a great idea, Betsey! The reason she broke up with BA was that he was "too nice". By putting forward what you have suggested BA would be saying what HE wants and isn't willing to play "nice" and just be buddies. That would be a huge 180, would it not?