Today I went to see the psychologist that I see periodically. I told her about the last month or so. I told her that sometimes I beat myself up over SDA Lady, my brain says things like "what kind of man dumps his woman because he's to tired to work on the issues" , " a real man would stay work through things" "What a wimp, you'll never have a real relationship!" Nice stuff, eh. She replied "Whatis, I've never worked with anyone who has put more effort into his relationships than you have" She felt that SDA Lady agreed to my boundaries but really didn't understand them, she was just doing them because I wanted her to. She had little understanding of her own anxiety and how it effected the relationship, instead she laid it all on my need to deal with my anxiety. Shrink said she'd been trying to think of the best way to say that to me today. Made perfect sense to me! She felt SDA Lady had co-dependent tendencies and would little by little keep pushing them forward and it would be my job to stop her...over and over again, "do you really want that?" she asked. So, I'm glad I let it out and no, I'm not thinking about going back to SDA Lady but I do sometimes lash myself. Shrink says it's my Mom talking. Yeah, sadly it is.
Glad you started a new thread.
Interesting stuff with your IC. I was thinking about going back to mine a few months ago but then realized that I have you guys. It's cheaper this way.
At least for now.
Ya know, my former boss has a very critical inner voice. Shortly after I met him (21+ years ago), he was seeing an IC who told him that he thought his inner voice was downright mean. (He heard his deceased dad, though.) He was given an assignment to figure out a way to quiet that voice. Apparently, the voice made itself heard most often when he was in the shower and shaving. So he put a yellow sticky on his mirror that said, "F*cking leave yourself alone!"
I don't have to resort to the yellow sticky (sorry if you work for 3M), but occasionally I have to say that out loud to myself too. I think we all grew up in an era that took discipline and good manners to the extreme. I don't know about you guys, but my parents always believed someone else if they said I did something bad - especially if the squealer was someone of authority. It was just how it was done. (My folks have since then said that they're glad it isn't that way anymore but now it seems to be at the other extreme?)
Anyway, rules and discipline typically exist for good reasons. But when the outcome no longer serves us, we can only stop and try to reason with ourselves.
Sigh. I was always taught/modeled to give people the benefit of the doubt. While I'm not sorry it's my personality now, there are times when other people don't deserve that boon. It's up to me to figure out where that boundary lies and what to do with it. I think I'm a work in progress too. Maybe we'll figure this all out someday?
Maybe we'll figure this all out someday?
Probably not lol!
Betsey, the funniest thing my IC said to me was when I first brought the SDA Lady issue to her many moons ago was, "Congratulations Whatis, you've finally found a woman who's more anxious than you are!" I've known this IC for 28 years or so now so she really does know what I've done and not done in my relationships. It was nice to hear what she said. I'm always incredibly good at excusing other people's behaviours but not so good at giving myself a break or recognizing my own positive work. Thx for dropping by.
Today we lost my favourite uncle to pancreatic cancer. He had just turned 66. In his memory I'll leave you with one of his favourite poems. Maybe it will come to mean as much to one of you as it did to him. Rest in peace, Uncle Steve.
One ship sails East,
And another West,
By the self-same winds that blow,
Tis the set of the sails And not the gales,
That tells the way we go.
Like the winds of the sea
Are the waves of time,
As we journey along through life,
Tis the set of the soul,
That determines the goal,
And not the calm or the strife.
~Ella Wheeler Wilcox
I'm sorry for your loss, Wii. 66 is WAY too young. A lovely poem.
Oh wii. I am sorry to hear of your Uncle's passing. You have such a lovely family. Please keep an eye on yourself. It seems as if it runs on both sides of your family. Thoughts and prayers to you and yours.
Wii - sorry for the loss of your Uncle. Thank you for sharing the poem.
Thx folks. He was a retired English teacher and also loved history. In his retirement he would conduct historical tours of the little town he lived in. He loved baseball and we could actually discuss the Intercounty Baseball League...which he and I were about the only people I know who cared! Right now, it's comforting to know the he and my Dad are up there analyzing what happened to the Jays this year and probably comparing who can eat the grossest food item...just like they used to do at family gatherings. He'll be missed.
Aww, Wii, I'm sorry to hear this.
The poem is timely and left a lump in my throat. Thanks for sharing it.
So sorry for your loss Wii. Your uncle sounds like he was a very interesting man. I'm sure he will be sorely missed.
The poem was lovely, thank you for sharing.
Here are my latest dating profile gems for your viewing pleasure.
I have a cat, fish, blue tongue skink, hamster, 2 sugar gliders, and a hermit crab.
I love being a mom, teaching, returning tupperware, and trying new foods.
Smokers I turn off.
my goal is travel the world,travel the world travel the worldddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
...couples always look so sensual when they are good at salsaing.
Hopefully this will be the starting point to getting us both off of this site forever.
I hug trees whenever I can.
I am 56 years old in physical body and 15 years younger in my biological body.
I really believe that compatibility is bigger than hormones.
looking for wise men who are not like salesmen.
Iím not for you if you want arm candy in flashy threads.
Interesting! So are you drawn to any of these women?
I've always been drawn to Salsaing!
I vote for the mom-she likes to try new things and she returns stuff she borrows!
And she's a teacher-extra bonus points for that...
Good choice, Karen
Let her know I'm donating a bunch of Tupperware, so she doesn't have to return it.
Leave it to Karen to vote for the teacher!
. Not showing favoritism are you Karen? Lol. I thought the one that had all the pets reminded me of myself but partly because they are the kids pets.
Actually, the one with the pets is the teacher too! I scored 2 comments from her profile lol.
I've read some interesting comments as well, but it's the pictures that sometimes make me go hmmm. Latest one was a woman who had someone take a picture of just her legs from the thigh down while she was standing. Not only did I find it a bit odd, but it clearly proved that beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder because her legs weren't that attractive - at least I didn't think so. Then there are ones where they are laying on a bed posing for the camera. One lady had a picture of her in bed under the covers with the covers slightly pulled back on one side with the caption - "come join me"!
Wii-I'm thinking if BA did, he wouldn't be going out with Ingrid, Vicky and Valerie this week!
C'est question? I've noticed on POF some women choose "looking to date but nothing serious" or "not looking for a R or commitment of any type" What does that mean? So these women want to meet strange men, go out for dinner etc., but not have any type of relationship form? How is that possible? Once you go out and continue to do so doesn't some type of R form? Don't they have any friends or what? I'm just not sure what it means or why I'd want to go out with women who choose that category. If I go out with someone it's to enjoy myself but also with the possiblity of a relationship growing...otherwise I'd rather just sit at home read a book or watch football. Any thoughts. I'm not saying that my way is the only way but I just don't get the "dating but nothing serious" crowd. Explain please.
Just to add, the strange thing is that in their profiles they write as though they are looking for a R. Their profiles are no different than those who choose "looking for a R" etc. They write things like "chivalry can go a long way with me" or "kindness can win my heart" huh?
Okay, Wii, I'll take a shot. Pay attention. But you might need a lobotomy when I'm done.
Here's the girlspeak for that sh!t:
I want a relationship. I'm just not sure if any of you losers are going to qualify. I was hurt too bad before. I don't want to wind up having sex with you and then find out that you need a damn maid and laundress. So show me first. Then I might tell you the truth.
Oh, and BTW, I might not do any of that crap for you in the long run anyway, so make sure you know how to take care of your damn self.
I've had a lobotomy, so I'm good! So basically, what they are saying is "I'm not desperate and don't f@ck with me". I always avoided the "looking to date but nothing serious" crowd 'cuz it seemed stupid to approach someone with the hopes of maybe getting something they're telling you from the get go ain't gonna happen! Maybe I'm too cautious? But I've also been told on this site before, when a woman tells you something about herself, believe her! Thx for the girlspeak Betsey. Any other thoughts out there?
I went to see Joel Osteen last night on his Night of Hope tour. I took my sister as I thought she might benefit from his message. All of us can, really. He ended with "you are a victor, not a victim". He talked about how God won't give you your dreams if you don't do anything first! He said you need to give God your ashes so that he can give you your dreams...or something like that. He mentioned how we all have pictures going through our heads all day and don't realize we have the remote and can change the channel. He said, most of us just pull up a chair, pop some popcorn and have a field day rehashing our hurts and disappointments. He talked about a lady who went through a difficult divorce and after a few years she met a wonderful man but after a while he ended the relationship. He told Joel that she was still so enmeshed in talking about her hurts and betrayals etc that he just couldn't take it any more. She had her "dream" but the ashes of the past hadn't been handed over to God. Yes, very true.
Anyway, it was a wonderful 2.5 hours and well worth the $15
I'm now looking for a Joel Osteen Chia Pet that will grow hair for me just like his lol.
Hey, we are victors, not victims!
Sounds like an invention you could work on. But do you really want grass on your head? Lol
OK, I could go for the Joel Osteen Teeth Whitening System instead.
Just don't get them as white as when Ross Gellar did his.
I had to Google that one but now I get it!
LOL! Ross' teeth. That was one of the best. I have the entire series. It's time to start watching them from the beginning again me thinks!
Took D19 out to upgrade her cell phone today...and buy a hamster. Anyway, she called to tell me she was ready and I heard Voldy yelling at her in the background about chores and, of course, going on and on. So I told D19 to stay and finish her chores and then I'd pick her up. I told her that her responsibilites come first.In the car D19 told me that Voldy wouldn't talk to her or D16 on Friday night and locked herself in her room. Apparently, D19 was home with her bf and, not knowing if anyone else would be home, they made some dinner for themselves. When Voldy and D16 came home D16 thought it looked good and asked if she could have some. D19 said sure. But, no one asked Voldy so she started slamming things around and then stormed to her bedroom. She refused to talk to any of them for the rest of the evening. OMG...some things never change. Voldy told daughters next day that she was upset because nobody asked her if she'd like to eat. D19 said "I know I should have asked but I just didn't think about it at the time. She expects that everybody reads her mind all the time and knows what she wants!" Well, I said "been there, done that". What do you say? When we were married she was upset with me because I didn't approach her to go over the financial stuff, I just managed it. In the course of our conversation I said "You're not a baby who gets breast fed her every need. Adults sometimes actually have to ask for what they want!" Not only was I to manage the finances but I was to keep her fully informed at all times. Huh? I did after that make up a binder with all our bills and statements so that she could look whenever she chose to and ask me if there was any concerns. She never looked at it once. Anyway, D19 continued complaining that Voldy wanted to know where she was at all times. She said "when you live with your friends, nobody bugs you about where you are or when you get home." I said "but you're not living with your friends anymore. You're living with your parents. If it makes your mother more comfortable to know these things then you should be doing them. That's part of living with other people. Sometimes you have to regard their needs whether you get it or not." Anyway, I hate to see Voldy acting like a spoiled brat whenever she feels hurt by her children. She loves to tell them how she feels they neglect her (I"m not kidding). D19 says that she'll yell at them for two hours and then come up and want to hug and snuggle with them. "Doesn't it occur to her that maybe we don't want to after being screamed at for hours?" I told her that I wasn't excusing her mother's behaviour but she comes from a family where yelling and screaming was how they handled issues. She feels bad but can't say sorry, so she hugs.
Well, her phone was out of stock and needed to be ordered but we did get a hamster, she's naming it Spartacus lol. I delivered her back to the loving arms of Voldy
What would happen if they wanted to live with you? Not trying start anything, just wondering.
Btw, Voldy's exact words to me were "it's your job to keep me fully informed on financials. I shouldn't need to ask?" That's when I lost it! And yes, D19 should have asked her Mom but couldn't Mom say "Hey, is there enough there for me too?" Isn't that what D16 did? Anyway, enough already lol.
Kat, I'd go insane lol. But seriously, if they brought that up we'd have to look at it. Presently, when the Voldy issue comes up I just try to help the kids manage their Mom without getting into it. A friend of mine once told me, "this is their relationship with their Mom, not yours. The three of them will have to work it out. If Voldy wants a crappy R with her kids, that's up to her" Voldy doesn't respond well when I try and guide her in any way, "Oh sure. You always take their side." It's like walking a tightrope sometimes. But, that said, I back Voldy when I think she's got a valid issue with the kids. I don't take sides but try to co-parent by addressing issues that effect both houses.
...and actually, D19 is quite good at addressing things with her Mom. I've heard her do it. Voldy has even said to me at times "I have to learn to just walk away sometimes instead of going on and on" yet unfortunately, once the angry emotion surfaces she just wants to strike out and avenge the wrong she feels was done to her. Well, back to football now!
Ok, back to tennis for me!
Today is D19's first day back at University. I sent her a text this morning, "Enjoy your classes today. I love you and believe in you always!" She's so smart and I know she can do this...let's just hope she realizes this too! Any prayers would be greatly appreciated.
Definitely praying for her success in school this year!
Definitely! You're such a good daddy!
Wii...put away your turtle long enough to text your D. Hey..that's a cool man in my book!
Don't forget frogger! That frog gets into more mischief than the turtle!
True Mish, Frogger is still recovering from the fake cheese he ate out of my garbage can. He just never learns!
I've been thinking lately about what I want and need. Do I want or need a relationship? I'm leaning towards the no side at the moment. Relationships require a lot of time, energy and commitment and I'm not sure I want that in my life at this time. I'm quite enjoying doing what I want (as much as a guy with two teenage daughters can do that) and developing my interests. I like getting up on a Saturday morning and asking myself "what do you want to do today?" I don't have to think about what activity I'm going to do with someone else unless I choose to. I've been enjoying photography this summer. I go different places and play with my camera and see what comes up. It's helping me to really see all the beauty that surrounds us everyday in all things. I've been a having a blast learning and cooking vegetarian recipes (and driving my tofu adverse friends nuts on FB with photos or my creations lol). My energy is returning. I'm using something called Zyflamend, which my supervisor told me about. It's a natural anti-inflammatory with stuff like green tea, ginger, tumeric, Oregano and a bunch of other herbs. It's been amazing. Socially, I see who I want to see. Last night I was at a friends house and we were cooking some dishes for a family we're trying to help through a hard time, tonight I'm going to our church service and afterwards, a friend and I are going to drop off the meals. Tomorrow night my small group is attending a small group season launch at our church. I'm busy. I want Do I miss having someone special in my life? Sometimes. But, for now I'm happy being me and we'll go from there. And hey, it's football season...how much better can life get than that!
...and I've learned how to grill Sardines lol!
It sounds like you are in a wonderful place Wii. As you know, being in a relationship is a lot of hard work and you give so much of yourself that you sometimes lose yourself completely in the endeavor.
Keep enjoying yourself and keep posting those pics you take! I've been enjoying them. I could do without the grilled sardine pics though!!! EEEWWWWW!
True Mish, it's time for Superboyfriend to become Superfriendtohimself and when I learn to do that maybe I won't feel that I have to be the former for someone else! I can just be me.
As for the Sardines, I could make them smile for you... except they're dead so it might look fake.
Personally, I don't want a no strings attached relationship. To me a relationship is strings, as it should be. I don't want a "relationship" with someone who doesn't care whether they see me or not. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't think of me at night and want to call me. I'd rather just be with me! Sex is not that important to me. I enjoy it when it is with someone I trust and who I know loves me, but otherwise, I'm not interested. Being alone can be challenging sometimes but being with someone can be just as demanding, if not more! Every sitch has it's good and bad points. Today, I'm just being me and that's good enough for now. Tomorrow is another day
Tonight's dating profile gem is "I'd like to meet a man who isn't full of crap." Personally, I'd like to meet a woman who appreciates crap!
Tonight's dating profile gem is "I'd like to meet a man who isn't full of crap." Personally, I'd like to meet a woman who appreciates crap!
So basically she's saying if you're constipated don't contact her???
BA, that is the funniest thing I've heard this week!
Actually, I think she'd prefer the verbally constipated. It's the guys spewing all their crap about past relationships she seems to have little TP for lol!
Yesterday evening SDA Lady sent me a FB message with an "article" attached claiming that Diet Soda can cause MS, Lupis etc. She knows I love my Pepsi Max! I googled the "article" and, as usual, it was just another one of these testimonials (with at least three different authors) that has no basis in any scientific fact (I'm not saying here that Diet Soda is necessarily good for you though). So I messaged her back with the link that addresses this "article", thanked her and said "hope ur doing well :)". She messaged me back "I read the article and was concerned so I forwarded it to you. Hope I didn't bother you. I'm OK, goodnight" I just responded with a smiley face.
Wii, I got that one this week too. And another friend posted it on FB as well.
The son of a former friend of mine works is a chemist for the FDA, and he forwarded me information on this long ago. I occasionally have a diet soda, but mostly choose water. I do have some flavored seltzer water at home for those times when I want a fizz.
She's worried about you.
Besides, most of what they discussed is true. Mike had numerous studies where there were similarities with MS. My question to him was, "Then why the heck doesn't the FDA pull this crap from the shelves?" He didn't know. But I do. Coke and Pepsi have pretty huge lobbies in Washington...
But since you climbed on the wagon, I'd say you're better off with Pepsi Max than vodka. It's a less destructive vice to yourself and society.
Have a good weekend!
p.s. The studies' conclusions recommended going for clear sodas without sugar. Don't know if you could stomach that.
p.p.s. You might also be interested in liquid antibacterial soap... not for drinking, though. That's just plain yucky.
I saw the article too. It was concerning. My dr told me not to drink pop. I told her I only drank the diet pop. She said that was even worse. NO POP! So, for the most part - it is gone from my diet.
I like water
SDA Lady must have seen my FB photo of the trunk load of cheap Pepsi Max I just scored lol! That must have made her nuts. She`s never liked me drinking it until finally I just told her politely to jam it!
LOL, Wii... why do I continually get visuals of the stuff you do? You really are a funny, funny guy.
LOL, Wii... why do I continually get visuals of the stuff you do? You really are a funny, funny guy.
You should see the stuff I do that I don't tell you about lol!
Hey, I even have Pepsi Max in my online dating profile, " I do have a dark side though. I've been known to drive from store to store until I find Pepsi Max. Sad but true."
So what I am hearing is that I should ask the bartender to stop mixing my Jack Daniels with coke because the coke is bad for me - that's it I'm going straight up from now on!
BA, sit back at the bar!
No, no, no... you can still order the Jack straight up, but it's DIET soda that got the warnings - from the aspartame.
Sheesh. I'll go pour you a double right now...
Voldy just called and she wanted to talk to D19. I told her that D19 wouldn't be home till about 11 pm, as she had a class until 8 pm. So, we talked a bit about how university is going for D19. Voldy says "you seem to be very involved with her and her schooling. Is there something that you're doing that I should be repeating?" Um, stop being a ballistic bitch! OK, that was bad lol. I didn't say that. I just told her that I ask a lot of questions like "what are you doing to keep up your readings like you are? How are you making that happen?" I use a lot of Solution Focused counselling stuff with her when we talk. It was nice to hear Voldy actually compliment me on the way I'm dealing with D19 ...but how much she can carry on in that vein remains to be seen. So far I've handled all the tough stuff and feel I've done pretty well. I try to make sure I tell her that I love her and am proud of her. I never got that growing up and it's always been something I've tried to make sure my kids do hear.
Anyway, tonight I was busy making Pumpkin tofu cheesecake and Avocado muffins with gluten free flour. My new food processor rocks lol!
Good for you trying to teach an old dog new tricks! Not that I'm calling Voldy a dog, mind you.
Even us non ballistic biatches need tips from others now and then. Even ex husbands!
I'd watch football tonight if it were on. But I'm toggling between baseball (it's my boy's last home game before retiring) and the UCLA/USC volleyball match. Seems weird to see a girl who spent 7 years across the club net from D19 as a starter for UCLA....
Glad to hear you and your D19 are getting along, and she's having success in school this year. You deserve the break! My D19 is having a tough go with her schedule this year. She's majoring in chemical engineering. I'd rather have 20 root canals...
Back to vball and wine!
Female dating profile gem of the day, "I'm broke and terrible in bed...do you still want to date me?"
D19 got 96% in her first Astronomy quiz...so far, so good!
Yeah for D19 Wii!!! Sounds like she's on her way to being a super"star" in Astronomy!
HA! BA!!!! Too funny! Insert drum riff here!
Wii: Congrats to your D! I am so glad that this year is going better for her.
Growing up, I believe kids have to make a mistake or 2. It is the only way to learn and grow.
Walt Disney said that in order to become a success, one had to have a few hard failures first. I believe he was right.
Kudos to a new Super Nova!
She said it was an easy test and only worth 1% of her mark anyway "so what's the big deal?". Her mother and I say it's momentum going in the right direction for a change!
LOL, is that 19 year old speak for "don't get your expectations up?" I'm with you and Voldy, though. Before you can run, you have to take the first few steps.
Cheers for you, Wii!
Well, when I got home last night after my church small group, D19 tells me that she's behind in her Roman Culture readings and they are each 150 pgs in length. She thought there was only one per class and has found out there are three. She's telling me she wants to drop the course and take another one next term (yeah, dream on!) I told her that if she keeps dropping courses she will never graduate and maybe she just needs to buck up and just do it rather than looking for ways out. This was the course she switched to earlier despite my concerns about switching classes and falling behind...and guess what happened! Anyway, she told me after venting that she was going to keep the class and babbled on about a bunch of university gobblygook that I have no comprehension of. Anyway, today I am taking her to a library where she can sit and read for three or four hours and is away from distractions. OMG, does it ever end!!! Well, I had a week of peace anyway.
Btw, here's today's dating profile gem brought to you by OK Cupid."On a typical Friday night I am at home dead to the world" Hm, sounds appealing.
Wii)))))))) battle buddy! you are a hoot, ha ha... dating profile gem I saw yesterday, guy's username is "damagedgoods"... under "what have you learned from your past relationships" he mentioned that nothing good came out of it only pain. Mentioned he his wife took his 2 boys and left and accused him of abuse. Honey, TMI for a profile, you are not ready for another R if you learned nothing. Boy did I want to write to this guy but he prob would've thought I was interested, ha ha.
I'm currently on a freeby month of christian cafe dot com. Saw a guy with the exact same things I like, some lines where even the same from mine! He tried to reply to my email but did not know how, so far he has not tried again. I'm trying hard not to check it often, I don't want to be turn needy or desperate, lol.
Sorry for the long "me" post, I really am glad to see you, I never come here anymore. Mainly I got no time, trying to make ends meet and dealing with the kids. BTW, i am SDA too, lol, she should lay up on the pepsi, you either have to believe it's bad for you or not. Just drink water too ok? he he.
Nice to hear from you Cat! Hey, I have a lot of respect for the SDA and many of their beliefs. The health message is so cool and I'm into the hell minus hell part too lol! I went to the SDA church more than SDA Lady did...to be fair, she had to work. Anyway, take care and thanks for dropping by
OK, after discussing the sitch with D19 I have given her my permission to drop the course. The course work is incredibly time consuming and it's only a half credit course. She feels the week to week demands of the course will bring down her other marks. Both she and I want her to feel positive and to build her confidence a little at a time. In the past two days the available spots in the course have gone from 70 to 80 which indicates a few others are bailing too. So, if she drops it, she will still have finished more than the required credits for first year. I've told her my only concern is that she doesn't think that she can bail whenever anything gets a bit tough. I told her that she talks the talk real good but she needs to walk the walk too. I've left it to her to decide, she knows better than I as to what is too demanding and what is not. I told her she will need to go over this with her mother as well. We shall see. She spent a few hours at the library reading while I went out and did some photography. After a few hours I went and got her and brought her down to the park I was shooting at to sit and enjoy a bit of the afternoon. Life goes on.
Dating profile gem of the day, "If your first email with me is bragging about how great you are sexually , then I know you're a crappy lover." You tell 'em, girl!
...and one more, "if you are holding a fish, a beer bottle, pitching a tent, or your opening line is, "Just a normal guy" Please keep looking."
Dating profile gem of the day #3...it's been a good day!
"I like this and that and this and that and this and that... you have to like this and that and this and that and this and that. If you don't like this and that and this and that then it just won't work." She's too deep for me!
Hey, here's my new online dating profile. It's fresh and it chews!
Hi ladies, Iím just a normal guy who likes gum. I like gum a lot. It comes in all flavours and textures and colours and price ranges...just like women. Gum is also a lot like love. When you first pop it in your mouth itís tender and sweet but after chewing for a while it can lose itís flavour and sadly, need to be spit out or stuck under a table somewhere. For gum to last it needs to be nurtured, moved around gently with your tongue and chewed ever so mindfully and thatís also my recipe for a loving relationship...and just to set your mind at ease, Iím a one stick man. If I take you out of your wrapper, the rest will stay in their package to grow old, hard and stale. So, if any of this sticks to the roof of your mouth then message me and Iíd be glad to meet you at the variety store of your choice. ..and who knows, if we choose the right brand we could blow sweet bubbles together...unless it's Chiclets, 'cuz they just don't blow. I know my gum and so can you!
Dear God! You are kidding right?
You seem gumfounded, Mish! Of course, I'm kidding. Any woman I approached with that profile would tell me to chew right off! But, that said, you really can't blow bubbles with Chiclets...it's a fact!
Tonight I am attending the Divorce Care group at my church. It's a group that's just started and so far 9 people have signed up. I don't know whether it's appropriate for someone who's marriage was done six years ago but I thought I'd go and check it out. Even years later there's still stuff that's there that may never go away...who knows. So I thought I'd go and check it out. Thursday night I'm having coffee with my Pastor, at his request. It will be nice to chat and get to know each other a bit better. He's a decent guy and I'm looking forward to it. So aside from spending my off hours replacing my kids i-phone (you don't want to know!), that's my update.
...almost forgot, I've also been spending a lot of time out photographing the fall colours, day and night. It's been a blessing to become so aware of all the beauty that surrounds us. In life we spend so much time just whizzing through our day and miss some of the amazing gifts that are out there. I have a church friend who's is really into photography and we kind of support each other in our artistic ventures. I'm also cooking vegetarian and doing some experimental baking lately. I'm doing OK...being by myself lol.
I absolutely love all the pics you are posting wii. You have a real gift there!
Also, regarding Divorce Care, I went there immediately after we split and went for quite a while (about a year and a half). It was such a comfort in the beginning and then I started to learn more and more from the others in the group who were in much further along stages. It was very beneficial for me to see and hear other people's experiences. Even though you are far removed from the initial pain, you will be a wealth of support for those who are new to the grief.
At one point I actually facilitated a new group at our church in collaboration with another member and we had a great response. It really is a blessing.
Mish, The thing I don't want to get caught up in is doing this just to support others. I feel selfish saying that but much of my life already is helping others. My job, my family, then there was SDA Lady. As my Mom says "it's time for you to take care of you for a change". So, we'll see tonight. I have a small group I attend on Friday's too with some great people. I don't want to start filling my nights with a ton of activity like I used to do. When I first separated I was gonna be the Million Dollar Divorced Man who could do anything, I was gonna have a life without AD's! I'd watched some of my friends emotionally crumble and that wasn't gonna be me! So I ran myself into the ground with activity and ended up with adrenal fatigue. So, after SDA Lady and all that stress, I'm trying to balance my life. So, we shall see whether Divorce Care is something I want and feel is useful for ME too. If I help someone along the way, all the better
Thx for your comments on my pics. I greatly enjoy the excitement of taking them and sharing them.
I totally understand. I'm often asked to be a contact to new families with kids diagnosed with Angelman's. The folks who refer to me know that they have to meet certain criteria in order to agree: I am not in a position to help the ones who are knee deep in grief and immobilized. I have compassion for them, but I'm not the right person for that job.
So the very few who land up on the other side of my phone are the ones who have dealt with the initial shock and grief and are ready to mobilize and get involved in creating a new dynamic within their family. I've made one exception, and that is D16's primary respite person after school. Her nephew is 3 months old and newly diagnosed (what a great thing - we had to wait until my D16 was 3), the whole family is local, and her parents are trying to figure out how *they* feel. I'm happy to jump in there - because I know her and the background.
Otherwise, I feel like a person who's a "go to" for all sorts of maladies and I find that I am not energized. I actually feel the drain now that I'm old. LOL. Don't get me started on the divorcing parents with special needs kids. I try to steer them to the right path, but I can't be everything to everyone. Then there's nothing left in MY tank. And both my girls deserve all of me at this point in my life.
As I tell everyone in my real life, I'm not in the position to rescue people. So don't ask me to continue to stand at the side of the ship with a buoy.
Good for you in knowing yourself well enough to stick up for you!
First night of Divorce Care group. Yes indeed, it's me and six women...vulnerable and hurting...oh yeah! This is divorced guy's heaven lol...and the desserts were incredible! Seriously though, it's a nice number of people and the Pastor is a marriage and family therapist. One lady's husband had walked out on her only three days ago. I told her I admire her courage in coming, I don't know whether I would have. I'll go back...there were three different kinds of pie!!
Wii, those are good odds.
I really liked the Marriage Matters ministry at my church. It was 12 weeks at a time. I went through it three times then was a table leader another time.
The past 18 months I've been too busy with school, basketball, baseball umpiring to take part.
And I've missed it. I was a real mess the first two times and it opened my eyes to all the things I'd done wrong.
Now, I'm just a normal mess, but still it would be good to have people around like me.
Maybe in the spring ... although I'm not sure the professor would understand why I'm going through it again.
Three kids of pie??? Oh my! Now how does that fit in with your new vegetarian lifestyle?
Just tell them no butter in the crust (wink wink) and you should be good!
I do not eat kid pie...I'm a vegetarian lol.
I was talking to my supervisor and she and her husband actually lead the Divorce Care group at her church. She belongs to the same denomination as I do. Small world.
LOL. Danged auto-correct!
I love auto correct. I'd like to get a data plan just so I can write funny stuff too!
Here's my update. Tuesday D19 texted me that she'd lost her $106 bus pass. I texted back "life suucks". She got a little upset at that remark. I told her that I understood she was upset but I was not thrilled to be out $106 either but life goes on. She then bought herself $50 worth of transit tokens out of her money (very responsible decision)...and then two days later found her bus pass. Today a cell phone company calls and she owes $200 on a phone she stupidly took responsibility for on behalf of a friend who didn't have a credit card. To cancel the plan will be $400 plus the $200 amount owed. She has talked to her friend in Hong Kong who says she will take care of the issue immediately...the same friend who in six months did not ever call the company to transfer ownership of the phone.
Why did I have kids again?
Well because you actually did the deed with Voldy, at least twice. Viola! Two kids.
Lol! Aren't teenagers fun? I like your text, Wii. It's something I'd say too.
Now I'm in trouble with Voldy. She texted me the other night asking whether I thought it appropriate for her to talk to D16's Head Coach. D15 had a horrible year in gymnastics last year and has been somewhat unenthusiastic this current year. I said I thought it would be appropriate to let the coach know that D16 needs a little more encouragement from her coaches. So Voldy did this after the parent meeting the other night. Head coach emailed me and asked whether I thought it would be OK to move D16 up to a higher level of competition and outlined the reasons for this. I spoke to Voldy and Ok'd it with her. I informed Head Coach and said it was up to D16. So Head Coach talked to D16 tonight about this proposal which she accepted happily. When I picked her up she asked if we had spoken to Head Coach. I said we had let HC know that she, D16, may need a little encouragement this year and HC had proposed a move up in level. So Voldy texts me at midnight roasting my ass for telling D16 that she had spoken to HC. Apparently D16 had discussed her feelings re gymnastics this year with her Mom and felt betrayed that HC knew how she felt. I reponded to Voldy by saying "I did not know you had spoken to D16 at all and D16 asked me whether we had talked to HC. I told her we felt she maybe needed a little more encouragement from the coaches this year and HC suggested a move up in level. I stressed "we" and did not single you out at any time. Sorry if this caused an issue." Um, if she doesn't want D16 to know then maybe she should tell me considering she knows I do not lie to my children. I certainly presented the talk as "we" not Mom. It was a joint decision. Now D16 says she will never tell Mom anything ever again and this, of course, is my fault according to Voldy. Isn't life grand!
At least you are both involved in raising your kids. That is something you should both be proud of. Remembering back when I was married, I don't recall my h stepping up and really getting involved with the kids much. Of course s18 was sick then and there were endless labs and dr visits and hospital stays. I don't think I am rewriting history, he just wasn't really involved except for playing with them.
So be glad that even with the divorce you are still both very active parents and when able to, you present a united front.
UGH! I know she won't ever see it, but you are the epitome of the best type of co-parent. You are involved! You make joint decisions. That is amazing. Voldy is obviously a hot tempered woman and blames you for a lot of things. If she ever learns to look inward she would see where the blame lies.
Voldy texted me today, in response to my text last night. She doesn't seem to get that texts are not supposed to be the size of the Bible! Anyway, she seemed to have cooled down and said not to worry about it, it's three steps forward and two back. She said that D16 had just started opening up to her and this may have put a dent in it but it can be repaired.So anyway, I just responded that D16 seemed very happy about being boosted a level in gymnastics and sounded enthusiastic. I told D16 that HC would not have put her at that level if she didn't have confidence in her abilities. I then told Voldy I was out with my Mom picking up groceries for Thanksgiving. Another day, another...whatever.
...and yes, we are both very involved parents and made an effort right from the beginning to make co-parenting our children a priority. They had their lives ripped apart with no part in the decision. We were adults who got to make a choice. So it was up to us to act like adults and make the transition and whatever followed as healthy and secure as it could be. I think we've done a good job. On Monday Voldy, me and my girls will be going to my Mom's for Thanksgiving. Last year SDA Lady went with us. I miss her but what is is.
Went out with D19 and Voldy today to shoot some fall colours at an overpass near where we live. Nice afternoon. D19 told me that she had contacted her friend who said she has paid the $200 and is in the process of cancelling the phone contract, which is another $400. D19 says her family is "f'ing rich". We'll see when we check next week to make sure the account is closed. Anyway, that's my day.
Last night was second meeting of Divorce Care. The meeting went from 7:30 pm to 9 pm but the Pastor said that we could all stay and chat, no rush. We left at 10 pm. There's a woman in the group who is in a similar sitch to me. She says she's not there to process the end of her marriage but to work through the loss of her first real R since the divorce. She was the dumpee whereas I was the dumper. There's the wondering about whether the pain you go through is worth doing it again. You wonder how something so nice became so difficult. In her case, she's the mother of a 5 year old boy and she dated bf for a year when he turned around and said a child was too much responsiblity for him and he ditched her. I said that sometimes we put aside issues or concerns because the good stuff we're getting is so good! For me it was validation and the feeling that someone really, really loved me. I'd do anything for her and ran myself into the ground. I kept telling myself that it was the situation and not the person but eventually you recognize it is the person and that stuff isn't gonna change. So after you pour your everything into someone...poof, it's gone. Hard stuff. Anyway, the group is great and people are very open and sharing their stuff. Wow. The Pastor and group leader are wonderful and there's no rushing anyone for the door, they stay and are very involved. Glad I went.
I met my Pastor for coffee this evening. He wanted to buy me one of those weirdo coffee drinks but I went for a regular coffee but I did toss in some vanilla and nutmeg...I like to live on the edge lol. We had a lovely chat and went for a short walk to look at the leaves changing colour. He said that he wanted to meet and chat because he follows me on Facebook and I seemed like a guy who loved life and had a lot of interests. He thought it would be nice to meet and spend some time talking. He's divorced and we talked about divorce and shared our stories. He's recently re-married. Someday I'd like to ask him how he got to the point that he was willing to take that chance again. It's all still so beyond me! Anyway, it was a nice evening and he seems like someone I'd be proud to call my Pastor.