Since it's nearly time for a lock, thought it would be good to get the next thread ready for business.
We last left off by discussing who pays for what? And how soon?
BA should really be hosting this thread, as he seems to be the one with the most skin in the game. And we haven't heard from GG in awhile either. Maybe with school starting, she's horrifically busy. I'm home on a Friday night, waiting for the phone to ring while D16 snoozes. Nope, I'm waiting on D19. She is back at her dorm, unpacking, and a little bit depressed. I think after 10 days of lake and beach fun, after a decent summer that reality has set in. She said she's calling me tonight because she wants to chat. It's good because I'm in a reflective and somber mood. A good one to listen.
I lost a childhood friend to kidney disease today. He was my age, and my old school pals and I are sad and contemplative. At 51 I'm sure there are more to come. But it's just made me feel really bummed today. I wish I had the time and money to head home for his funeral. But my parents will represent the family well.
So I'm taking a page out of Gineen's book and having a glass of wine. There may be one more later.
Carry on, everyone. I know you have good stuff to mull. Can't wait.
Betsey
betsey-
im so sorry for your loss...
enjoy your wine and your down time. losing someone is always so....idk..hard? weird? sad? all of those and then some?
Clay
Betsey,
I'm also sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. It does not get easier ever.
I will buy this round. Have a nice Merlot open tonight, we had lamb for dinner overlooking the lake and later watched the lit up steamship sail buy as we lazed in the hot tub.
Life is grand!
Barb
Bets, sorry to hear of your loss. You do need a stiff drink on this one.
Betsey,
So sorry to hear of your loss today. I did, however, enjoy your post about your daughter. What a tribute to your family...
Hope all is well in your world; it's been a few rough weeks for you.
I've been busy getting ready for the school year. I'm excited in a way I haven't been for almost 3 years. I'm focused, healthy, and happy. Whew! It took awhile folks, but I think I've arrived.
The "Summer of Love" has all but waned for me. Dave continues to be there, but not in the way I need him to be. It seems like he's just going through the motions of dating because he's supposed to be a year after his divorce. I'm feeling like he's nowhere near ready. Sad...I think it will be awhile before he can move forward and that makes me a bit more guarded and not open; I don't like that.
BUT! I took a risk today and sort of asked someone out. I hope that's appropriate?? Are guys okay with that these days? Anyway, he took my number and we'll see...
Well GG, you hit a chord with me on the above post. I believe I am guilty of dating because I think I'm supposed to. That gives me some stuff to think on.
I was thinking about the who pays thing tonight, when I was driving home. I paid for my own two drinks I had while out this evening. Several drinks were offered, I declined, and I am thinking it is a sign of not being ready to date.
Either that or I am just way to independent!
GG: it is perfectly appropriate to ask out a guy that you are interested in. It works both ways.
As for Dave - is it really him who is not as into you or is it that your expectations are a bit off. It really did seem like you were really into him. Did he pull back a bit after your "talk" last week? If so - maybe he feels he is not living up to your expectations. At any rate - if he is a nice guy & you enjoy his company - why end it? I don't get that.
Barb
Barb,
He is a nice guy and I do enjoy his company, but it already feels complacent and kind of boring to me. It's almost as if Thursday night rolls around and I get the obligatory text asking if I still want to get together? It all seems so "business like." Where's the fun, playful, flirty message of "I can't wait to see you." I sent him a playful text and got back a 'logical' response. It's becoming obvious to me that he either doesn't have that side or doesn't want to show it to me. I want a guy who can be playful and make me laugh (BA and wii seem to have no problem in this department). I've dated guys like Dave before and I end up getting frustrated and even a bit mad that they can't just be fun and playful. My xh was not a playful guy and I want different this time; I know I can't settle.
Another thing is that I'm ending up planning everything because he doesn't know of places to go. Our talk last week revealed that he has few friends, works from home, and really doesn't go out that much. The exact opposite of me! Again, another similarity with my xh who never wanted to go anywhere or do anything. Did I resonate with Dave simply because he brought back that old safe and familiar feeling? I'm having to think about that because I don't want what I had.
I forgot to mention that last week he said that after his second marriage ended a year ago he dated because he was "bored." Hmm...is that still the case?
I think I mentioned before that IMHO if a guy is into you he will pursue! He will think of ways to contact you, amuse you, and keep himself in your thoughts. Dave has never struck me as one who does that and you want to be romanced!. If he acts like you've been married for ten years then who really wants that after a few dates. But maybe he's just a different kind of guy...yet the only guys I know who don't actively pursue are usually not that into it. I say, go with your gut. But, if you find every guy you date is the "problem" then you've got something to look at about yourself as well and maybe, as Barb has suggested, your expectations are too high. Who knows? This dating thing is an enigma inside of an enigma to me lol.
im with Wii.. if a guy wants you he will pursue. when its starting to take on the obligatory feel, more than likely thats what it is. a nice guy who doesnt know how to break it off.... my opinion.
Clay
GG - I agree with Wii as well - if I'm into someone I'm not waiting around for days to contact them and ask them for plan something for us. Plus, if I'm into someone and she sends me a flirty text she darn (self censored!) well is gonna get one back pronto!
Betsey - I am very sorry about the loss of your dear friend. I lost someone who had been a friend of mine for more than 20 years this past March. He was "only" 55 and it was very quick and unexpected. Still hard for me to realize that he is no longer alive.
So an update on my date last night with Barbara can be made in three simple words -
OH MY GOD!!! And that is in a good way! Our simple meet and greet turned into a six hour date of great conversation and strolling around DC. We had dinner at Old Ebbitt Grill which is just a block from the White House. After dinner we walked over to the White House took a picture together which was pretty nice. Then we headed over to the Washington Hotel which has a rooftop bar that looks out over the city. Seriously folks I have not felt like this after a first date in a long time. This woman is very much the total package. First she is engaging in her conversation - energetic and very easy to talk to. She is smart - She is an MD. She is stunningly beautiful. We ended the evening at the Williard Hotel's Round Robin bar here in Washington which was pretty crowded but she was easily the most attractive woman in the room. She geniunely LIKES me. She actually told me that my pictures on match did not do me justice. The icing on the cake is that she definitely wants to get together again.
So forgive me for being giddy - but I feel like I hit the dating jackpot last night!!
BA
BA, SDA lady and I went six hours on our first meet too. Yes, you've certainly got chemistry and that feels incredible but just be cautious along the way...but enjoy the giddiness too
Sounds like a great night...and this was your coffee date! Are you two going to meet the President on your next one lol?
Betsy, sorry for your loss.
Losing someone thought of as a peer is like losing part of oneself.
Sometimes I think I will never get back to dating. I am flirting a bit and need to get out more.
Betsey, I am sorry about your friend. It really gets me when someone younger than me dies. Really drives the point home how fragile it all is. Coach, who used to post on this website passed away just a few weeks ago. He was just a few months younger than me. That one really hit home.
Enjoy life, be as healthy as you can and be thankful for each blessing that comes your way.
kat
BA: Barbara sounds great! But then we Barbaras ARE a lot of fun! I'm happy it went so well for you.
GG: we only get part of what you experience from your posts so no idea of all the nuances etc. Only you know that. But you have posted a lot about wanting to find a nice guy & Dave seemed like a nice guy. If you feel you're "settling" then that's not good.
Barb
Yea BA! So glad you went on another first date. I think what you are feeling is a good sign but lets not jump the gun either. Take it slow and enjoy yourself.
kat
Thanks Kat. I will take it slow. What has me a bit jazzed is that I have been on so many first dates in the last 3 months and this is the first one that really felt different and exciting from the rest. I've been on enough to know when I really click on all levels with someone and when I don't. There have been a couple of first dates that hit the mark at about 80 or 90 percent. This one was a full 100%. I am pretty astute in picking up on red flags and with Barbara, after 6 hours of being with her, there was not a single one - not even close. She has the kindest eyes I've seen in someone in a long time. Of course this is only how I feel about her - dating is a two way street. While she has communicated to me that she is looking forward to seeing me again, I have no idea if she feels the same or is even close. Only time will tell that and I don't intend to rush anything. Just simply enjoy the experience of going out with a kind, beautiful and engaging woman.
My wine tasting date with Joan was pushed back until Monday. Her son unexpectantly decided to come up and visit her today. He lives about 100 miles away so she asked if we could delay the date until tomorrow after work. Admittedly I was much more excited about seeing her again before my Friday night date with Barbara, however I am not ready to simply start limiting myself based on one fantastic date. Close but not yet...
BA
Since we were earlier talking about who should pay or not pay on dates I thought I would share the following from a person's profile that I received an "I'm interested in you" notice this morning and I quote:
"I know most of you are not from Sacramento. Therefore, if you want to meet me you need to either come here or pop for my plane ticket there. I also am not interested in any guy who does not earn at least $75,000 to $100,000 a year or more. I expect to be treated well. That includes you paying for everything while we are together. If that is not doable, please do not contact me. I am special and expect to be treated that way. Put up or shut up."
Wow is she a real catch or what! She got an immediate "Block User"
By the way, on Friday Barbara immediately offered to cover half of the dinner check. I told her I'd pay for dinner but she could cover the tip which she gladly did.
BA
Wow is she serious? I bet she is a WAS. Lol
Ugh! There ARE guys who will respond to that but UGH!
There were a couple of girls on Bachelor in recent years with the same attitude. Not sure how they get away with it.
Barb
BA,
Terrific report and I certainly wish you the best with Barbara. So far, sounds very healthy which is ultimately what we are all searching far.
I also agree that you need to be 100% on all levels; I've yet in almost two years to have that experience. So, as wii pointed out, it is probably something in me as well. I'm working on that!
I do know when I am settling and I would be with Dave. I mean, I really want someone who is fun and playful and flirty and he just is not that way. The good news is, he gets to be exactly who he is. I guess another 'take away' from my marriage is that I tried to mold my xh into the person I wanted him to be and I can't do that this time. I take him exactly the way he is or I move on. Even a year ago I would have tried to do the same thing, so I'm growing in that aspect.
Thanks GG. Sorry your Dave isn't working out - I guess all of us Dave's aren't perfect afterall!
So yesterday I met Joan again. She's definitely an 80 percenter. I think where she is lacking in the 20% category is that she comes off as being a little bit selfish and caught up with herself. She has made a couple of comments about how inconvenienced she is in regard to her children interferring with her life which is totally opposite from how I am with my kids. So I'm not sure what I'm going to do about that, especially now that I've been out with someone who is a 100 percenter (Barbara) - however as of right now I have no second date scheduled with Barbara. She emailed me through Match on Saturday that she had a great time and is looking forward to seeing me again - but since then she has not accessed her account. I sent her an email this morning asking her if she would be interested in getting together on Friday (we are both off work) and head out to Middleburg which is a nice little country town about an hour from here to stroll through some antique shops and then stop by one of the wineries that has dinner (lasagna this week) and live music. So hopefully I hear back from her.
I had someone new contact me last night. Her screen name is petiteandperky which she definitely is from her pictures - all 4 foot 11 inches of her. I'm on the fence right now about responding back. Perhaps I just need a break for a couple of weeks and concentrate on my golf game!
That's all I got.
BA
Hey all,
Just haven't felt like posting for the past few days or even contemplating post-D issues, relationships, etc. Yes, I'm mulling mortality among other things. Specifically? That all the stuff I sweat about is pretty much small stuff. It's a paradigm shifter, for sure.
But I'm not here to rain on your parades either. That's why I stayed busy offline.
GG, if you want someone who is lighthearted and fun, so be it. It's not bad to seek that personality trait in someone. But just know that there are limitations with that trait as well. You have to take the bad with the good. The folks I know who are lighthearted, flirty and fun tend to have a bit of the Peter Pan complex. While it's endearing, it's a double edged sword. FWIW.
BA, Middleburg ain't just a nice country burb, buddy. It's one of the wealthiest places in Virginia, with deep, deep pockets of old money and in the heart of horse country. It's where Jack Kent Cooke (the late owner of the Skins before a*hole Dan Snyder) lived. He made his gazillions in radio. It's beautiful and snobby. :-) And I would venture a guess that a good chunk of the FFV's (first families of VA) are there...
Good luck with Barbara - hope you hear back from her.
One thing to mull:
She has made a couple of comments about how inconvenienced she is in regard to her children interferring with her life which is totally opposite from how I am with my kids.
While my first instinct is to bristle at this notion (I despise selfishness and parents who complain about being parents), it might be a little more innocent than this. Not sure - only you would know the context - but I sometimes feel this way.
Let me say this up front: I would and always have chosen my children over my own wellbeing. (I'm guessing most of us here are that way too.) But my XH travels quite a bit (next week is going to be in your neck of the woods all week), and with a developmentally disabled kiddo, the bulk of her care falls on my shoulders. When D19 lived at home, her schedule made me feel like a whirling dervish. It got better when she started to drive, but I had to wait a long time for that. Her dad left when she was 8. Do the math. She played softball, then moved on to gymnastics for a year, and at 11 started playing club volleyball.
So... being inconvenienced... their activities DO interfere with my ability to work out, seriously date someone or do much else that brings joy to my life. Don't get me wrong: I steal those moments when I can, and I have friends and I'm very grateful for everything and everyone in my life. But the truth is that on any given day, I know that others think I make excuses for not doing the "right thing", when it's that their lives come first. I have NO regrets putting them first.
Sometimes it's healthy for a woman to be selfish. I prefer to call this self care. I'm not saying that Joan isn't one of those who puts herself first - I don't know. But I'd be willing to wager that Barb, Gineen, Ellie, Figg, Kat have often let their own needs go for the sake of their kids.
I'm also not saying that dads don't do the same. I know they do. I know that Mr. Wonderful jumps when the girls need him. But I think women's DNA is hardwired to be more of a martyr. And if I had to compare what I've "given up" against what he's had to "give up", I'd say hands down my list is way longer. I don't keep score with him, so please know that too. It's a trap designed to keep one mired in the pool of resentment, and I made my mind up a long time ago to let that go. The girls deserve ALL of me.
I'd say Joan is guilty of sharing too personal information on your first date - I'm not sure why she would have told you that right off the bat.
And if your red flags are correct, than ditch the biatch!
I'm going to skip any dating adventures for the time being. Just not willing to give up taking care of myself to do it. I decided to get back on the working out wagon, and choosing me. I'm making a plan to work out when Mr. Wonderful is traveling (because he's going to be in DC most of the rest of the year) so I don't continue to let circumstances overtake my need to take care of myself. It's just smart. I don't want to wind up on dialysis down the road, or get osteoporosis or any other traps that people land in when they're over 50.
Sigh. Sorry for being the buzz kill here. Death of someone I've known since I was 5 years old kind of does that. It's okay. It's natural world order and how it should be.
I'm passing on a potent potable for now, and will take a glass of water instead. It's better for my plan LOL.
Betsey
Betsey,
You know the area around here very well - yes Middleburg is the land of money!! However, it is a nice place to go for us middle class folks and do an afternoon stroll through the shops.
In regard to Joan, I understand exactly what you are saying. Heck my girls occasionally get in the way of my life, but then again in just a few short years I will probably be moaning about them no longer being around. Joan seems to take it a bit beyond reasonable. On our first meeting she mentioned that her youngest son (who is 17) had just returned from spending a year in Iceland completing his junior year in high school under a student exchange program. She spent a good bit of time complaining that he was now going to inhibit her gym, socializing, and work schedule. She also said she was was fearful her older son was going to get married and have children and that she just didn't want to be tied down with grandchildren right now. It just seemed strange that she centered on those types of things. Anyway, I'm not sure I'm going to make the effort to set up another date since I don't feel a huge sense of chemistry with her and so far I have made the effort for the last two meetings. Time for the woman to take charge for a change.
BA
Complainers are always a turn on lol!
Wii--You sure are the guy who says it all!
BA--Yep, I know the area very well. Not only is my dad a native, so was his mom and his paternal grandparents. My dad grew up in Falls Church, not far from where they live now and it was considered the boonies. There was no bus service there, so he had to ride his bike into the district to go to high school (he went to Gonzaga).
Middleburg is definitely beautiful. Enjoy! Have you ever been to Sully Plantation in Chantilly? Also lovely. Winchester and Berryville are also perennial faves and I could go on and on with points farther south. You're in my stomping grounds, baby.
See? I knew you had more information on the subject to make that sort of call. I agree with you 100%. She sounds like a princess wannabe. I would LOVE to go to the gym with my daughter. And one day, she's going to get married and give me the grandkids I will love like my own. How happy will I be? She sounds like the kind of person who won't let her grandkids call her Grandma and tell them they need to call her Joan. Can I tell you I really don't respect those women? Like a title is really going to change what they are???
Anyway, I wouldn't have chemistry with her either. For the record, one of the things that bothered me about Sweet Stuff is that he chooses not to fight for his kids. He thinks it will damage them. I fail to see how not having a relationship with them AT ALL isn't enough damage? It really bothered me.
I can promise you that my XH would have my ass in court faster than you could say SUE ME if I were to even try to remove him from his parental rights. Justifiably.
And you're really smart about this:
but then again in just a few short years I will probably be moaning about them no longer being around.
BA, this is exactly the premise I had in mind when I chose not to date and prioritize D19. I knew my days with her at home were numbered. It became a pervasive thought for me when she turned 15. I can remember one of her club volleyball tournaments her final year. Seven years of hauling kids, equipment and food an hour or more away to sit on a court for 6 hours and I could only think about how it would be nice to sleep in one Sunday (I went to church on Saturday afternoon then). Anyway, I almost talked myself into not going one Sunday (her dad had them that weekend). It took about 5 minutes for me to yell at myself and tell me that I'll have my Sundays back within months for good. I think I cried most of her senior year.
There IS life after kids. I enjoy it. Couldn't wait for her to head back. But the flip side is that I miss her. Period. I remember having to be the mom, coordinating her stuff and I miss it. D16 misses it too.
So you're right about the moaning. It's inevitable.
Particularly when you're sending money to a BTN school!
Have you heard back from Barbara yet?
Betsey
She spent a good bit of time complaining that he was now going to inhibit her gym, socializing, and work schedule. She also said she was was fearful her older son was going to get married and have children and that she just didn't want to be tied down with grandchildren right now.
Oh my god - run FAST as you can away from this self-centered woman. No more dates for her!
Betsey,
You are so wise in so many ways. For me, if a man does not have a relationship with his children I don't date him. I missed out on the whole 'kid thing' and would very much love to be a bonus mom someday. Just a deal breaker in my book.
Yes, I know and see the Peter Pans flitting around everywhere. I don't want one of them, either. Perhaps I'm expecting too much as others have hinted at on here? All I know is what I had and what didn't work. I am still drawn to the 'business man' and that could be because of my dad. But, my dad was fun and always joking around. Why can't I have both?
Right now, I'm pretty busy with teaching, coaching football, and playing on a softball league. Not much time to squeeze someone in. We'll see...
Okay that's it - if things with Barbara don't work out, I'm moving to Colorado - I know of at least two good prospects who have their act together!!!
Betsey - no unfortunately I have not heard back from Barbara. I'm a bit bummed about that, however the fact that she hasn't been on the match site at all for 5 days and has not read my email is better than if she had been on it an hadn't responded. She simply may just be incredibly busy - she is a Physcian afterall. However if I don't hear from her by the end of the week, then that will be a clear signal.
So today I received communication from 3 more people. One I already wrote about "petiteandperky". The second one sets a record for me as she is 75 years old - yikes, really??? That is 6 months older than my mother! The third lady lives up in central Pennsylvania. She says she is a lawyer and has two kids with one still in high school - uh Ms. Lawyer how is this going to work with both of us having kids in high school and living 150 miles apart??? Sigh...the life of online dating.
I'm off to do a nice brisk stroll around the neighborhood!
BA
GM - No I don't have her phone number or I would call/text her. We left it on Friday night that we would continue to communicate through Match which she did on Saturday early afternoon and then nothing since. In the email I sent her I gave her my phone number and email address, however she hasn't read the email yet because she has not been on the site.
BA
I think Joan is a bit much. Yes, I will admit I give up for my kids. I have put my life on hold to some degree because I can't handle the idea of giving my kids up for the whole summer each year. I need to stay here because of that.
I want my kids to know that I will never leave them, through good and bad, I am here. This summer has probably been the second most stressful since the divorce. I try to take it one day at a time. Somedays are better than others. Yet, I am thankful for each day I have and that they share their lives with me.
kat
Kat - The thing that I think would also be an issue with her is that because of how she feels with her children she would not understand my need to be there for mine and it would be a source of tension and stress. Personally I've had enough tension and stress to last a lifetime and don't need to voluntarily put myself in a situation that causes more.
BA
You are right, probably not a great meeting of the minds on that subject! I don't get the parents that have this entitlement attitude. What did they think? They have the kids and they grow up on their own?!
Hope Barbara comes through.
kat
BA: I'm guessing that Joan might have just had a bad day & things came out of her mouth that really isn't a total picture of who she is or how she feels. Everyone seems to be really reading a lot into it.
I definitely could not take someone who did not put their kids first & you are right to be very wary of that. But she may have been trying to say to you (albeit in a backhand strange way) that she was available to make time for a R because she was afraid that it might seem otherwise.
Not defending her - just reminding you that you merely scratched the surface & might be wrong about her.
Betsey: when you said that Sweet Stuff had 7 kids (I think) but never got to see them - MY radar was all over that one. I could never be with a man like that, regardless of the situation. And the flip side of that is - what if he suddenly got full custody of all of them? How would you handle that? You need a lot of t Ike for your own 2.
I was not sure if I would find the right man to compliment my life as I had Ryan (full time high special needs) and was raising a precocious teen daughter. But I believe the right person is out there to fit every situation. In my case - I thought it would be better with a really good single dad but it turned out perfectly with a man who had never had kids. A compassionate heart can be found in men who are not dads too.
No one is perfect. But many are very compatible. Getting to know someone reveals their goodness and also their imperfections. It takes time to learn these things about another person. The point is - dating is the time to learn these things and also to just enjoy the ride. It is not necessarily the means to an end.
Barb
BA: I'm guessing that Joan might have just had a bad day & things came out of her mouth that really isn't a total picture of who she is or how she feels. Everyone seems to be really reading a lot into it.
Perhaps you are right, Barb. I think what has made me so leary of it is that I've been on two dates with her and this was something she brought up (complained about) both times. I really don't try to pick apart people looking for faults. I try to go into each encounter looking for success and not failure - it just seems like compatability on both sides has been escaping me lately!
BA
Hey BA. - I missed that. I didn't realize it had happened twice.
But I agree with you. Best to keep looking at the positives in your dates but be aware of the negatives.
I think you're on the right track. Hope Barbara gets back to you soon.
Barb
Okay that's it - if things with Barbara don't work out, I'm moving to Colorado - I know of at least two good prospects who have their act together!!! smile
I'm sure your daughters would love for you to disrupt their lives one more time!
If I ever move back to DC...
The second one sets a record for me as she is 75 years old - yikes, really???
God, that's gross. My mom is also 75. Yuck! Ellie has a saying to us girls here: Just say no to Santa Claus! Well, you should say no to Mrs. Claus. LOL. When I joined Ourtime, I specifically said nobody over 55 need apply. There's wiggle room there, but I don't want to make that my rule.
And I also put in my profile if they didn't live in Denver to also pass me by. What was that lady thinking?
Lynn, I don't deal in absolutes so please know I'm not saying your wish to the universe is unreasonable. But I think you really and truly want a balanced person. I'd pray for that outcome.
I've got a coffee date in awhile with a really good friend (another vball mom) that I haven't seen in a year. We've chatted on the phone, of course, but haven't seen each other. I really miss her. I'd gladly give up dating forever to have more friends in my life on a daily basis. Too bad we're all horribly busy.
Okay, a couple more posts before I work on a proposal I've been putting off since my client is out of town this week. I want to get the rough draft done...
TTFN,
Betsey
So it has been one full week now since I last heard from Barbara.
Not exactly sure what to make of this other than calling it a bust I guess. Normally with Match.com dates it's an easy call because the person will either:
a) Let you know at the end of the first date or in an email that things just didn't click for them.
b) Continue to go on the site but not respond to you anymore.
c) Block their profile from your view.
None of this has occured with Barbara. Our supposedly one hour first date (meeting) lasted six hours and she specifically said that she enjoyed it. She responded to my after date email last Saturday saying she was looking forward to seeing me again. She hasn't block my profile. Since Saturday she has not logged back on to the Match.com site, and has not read my second follow-up email. It's as if she disappeared. Not that I necessarily need to have closure after one single date, it's just a bit weird and disappointing.
Oh well, onward and upward. At least it is the weekend and for once, wait for it....BA doesn't have a single date lined up!
Heading out to play golf on Saturday morning and may take in a tour of the National Gallery of Art on Sunday.
BA
BA,
i think you should flood her inbox with hundreds of emails asking where she is and why she hasnt responded and is it something you said or something you did or is it about her and then devolve into how she's an awful person and wish horrible things upon her. just go all out psycho.
she'd probably like that.
i'd do that to just to entertain myself
although that may explain why i'm single... but i'd have a laugh, and thats well worth it.
and i agree with the others, stay away from chronic complainers. my x would frame all stories as a complaint, it was her method of communicating, she didn't even realize she was doing it. but it was always about who did what to her, and how it was always someone else's fault. it was the biggest red flag i regret ignoring. it actually got physically painful to listen to her go on for hours.
she got it from her mother, they both have a very "victim" skewed perspective about themselves.
don't get me wrong, everyone has bad days and needs to vent, but not if its continuous.
Enjoy your single weekend BA! You can never know what goes on in another's head. The thing to keep in mind is it probably has nothing to do with you.
LOL, Ken, you have a twisted mind and sense of humor! Funny as heck, though.
BA, gotta go with Wii. She's a doctor and it probably does have nothing to do with you. Not saying you can't be disappointed, but golf sounds like a good answer too. I mean, how can you continue to fall in love with yourself if you don't have more "me" time?
All quiet on this front. I have a D16 free weekend, which ultimately means I'm cleaning the house and mowing the lawn. It's supposed to be hot, so I'll do the latter early. Other than that, I have no plans - something that always makes me happy. I can take a deep breath before Mr. W. heads out for the week and I have D16 all to myself.
LOL, does anyone else sometimes feel they have woken up from a dream and entered a middle school fight on the playground? I really try to push drama away - and have become very adept at it.
Then there's Facebook.
I truly don't spend a lot of time there. I don't post a lot either, but when I do, I just post social stuff. Nothing that could be considered alienating because I don't like discord in my virtual or real house. But you'd think after the death of a classmate, a bunch of 51 year olds would act grown up, no? I'm really disgusted with the lot of them. I'm pretty certain that D19 and her friends are more mature...
On that note, I'm moving forward in Betseyville. It's the only thing I want to do too.
Hey Wii, if you know anyone that is going to go to the HHF in the next couple months, would you get a programme and I'll reimburse you for it some way? The current one has the dedication of Joe Sakic and I would love to have it. One of D19's classmates was going to go this summer and get me one, but wound up having surgery instead. Damn. I don't know how else to get one?
See how nice and drama free I can be? When the #1 item on my list of wants is a programme with Super Joe's dedication? Do you know how long it took for me to get here? I know, it's temporary, but I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts.
On a super happy note, Mr. W. and I are getting along really well lately. I know that D19 being happy and settled helps. I'm also going to enjoy the complete lack of tension that is here. It's probably not going to be the case when he gets back from working the swing shift in DC. Sigh. He usually comes home kind of crabby after 9-10 days of that.
Hope everyone has a good weekend-
Betsey
Well after mulling it over a couple glasses of wine (or more), I'm certain that the alien life force, which is intent on keeping me mired in the miserable virtual world of online dating, has abducted my fair lady the doctor and is keeping her from communicating her desire to be with me.
In the unlikely event that the above proves to not be true, then I will seriously consider Ken's approach to self satisfaction!
BA
Betsey
is this what you're looking for?
http://www.hhof.com:9880/cyberstore/product.php?id_product=2902
looks like you can buy it online.
watch out for aliens, they're all into that anal probing thing.
browsing the hockey hall of fame website wondering why their Apparel section doesnt sell a line of Don Cherry clothing.
Yes! That's what I was looking for....and I've ordered it. Thanks!
However, if Wii were inclined to... borrow a scaffold... and remove the banner that I know is hanging on the building itself, I'd consider it a great honor to visit him in the hospital and jail.
Hell, I'd even bring him sushi!
wondering why their Apparel section doesnt sell a line of Don Cherry clothing.
Because you can buy it at Phat Pimp Clothing Company website?
It would be a pleasure to do jail time for you, Betsey. But my turtle doesn't allow me to go downtown. He's very fearful.
Well Barbara won't be phoning home since she took down her profile tonight.
I guess there must be at least one stud muffin out there greater than I...sigh! Oh well, on a positive note I received 4 new emails tonight from women who want to get to know me better.
The search goes on, but I have to tell you I really, really dug Barbara...
BA
Oh rats! BA, so sorry to hear that....
But, you know that is life in the dating world. It simply means there's someone else you're supposed to be with. Doesn't make things easier or you feel better, but the way it works. Everything works out the way it's supposed to.
Enjoy your golf! As it so happens I was looking for someone to play with this weekend...darn it! Let me know when you're moving out here!
BA, if she had class she would have have replied nicely before taking down her profile. That's not cool in my books!
Yep, I have to say I agree with wii. She could have had the decency to send you an email; especially after expressing interest in seeing you again!
Agreed! That's just not cool.
Moving on...
Barb
Aww, BA, that bites. What a bummer. I happen to agree with Wii too. Courtesy sure goes a long way.
So come out and golf with GG (good golf weather this weekend) and then drink wine with me.... :-)
Wii, lest I forget, I laughed at your turtle comment. I've missed your funny self around here...
I agree it's not cool that she didn't take the time to at least send me an email given how we left things last Friday - but I've learned that's how it goes in online dating - this one stung a bit more because I felt a good connection with her and was hopeful. Oh well.
I am back on the horse, although still taking a dating break for the weekend. Had a really great round of golf today - nice to be back shooting in the 80's (I hope you did too GolfGirl!)
Hope everyone is having a splendid weekend!
BA
Frequently in online dating when people have the choice between doing the right thing and doing the convenient thing...they choose the later. Hey, almost like real life! Hang in there BA.
Catching up on schoolwork and housework. Soon laundry and groceries, but I like the routine of it all.
Well, the guy I asked out at the car dealer texted me last Wed. and we met last night. Such a fun time and we're playing golf next Sunday. He had done some online dating, but said he liked meeting the 'organic' way much better. I agree. There really was little pressure last night because we had talked before and liked each other. He said when we met he had wanted to ask me out but that wasn't something he was allowed to do. I liked that.
He seems like a 'normal' guy....Hallelujah!!
Everybody have a great Sunday.
Huh? "That wasn't something he was allowed to do"...
Please explain that one.
Otherwise - glad you had a nice evening
Barb
He's the service coordinator at a car dealership. I took my car there for a winter service inspection and oil change. I went back again three months later. Both times there was interest on his part and my part. He told me last night he had access to my number but was not allowed to get it off the dealership site and use it for personal use.
Ok - that explains it. But to really a huge conflict of interest. Mutual interest is a great way to start. I hope it works out for you!
Barb
Hi Barb,
I'm not sure what you mean? I guess if there's a conflict I can always go to another place to get my oil changed!
Hi Barb,
...I can always go to another place to get my oil changed!
I change my own oil...'cuz that way I know I'm in the hands of a mechanic who really cares!
Geez...another skill I should probably learn!
I guess the sexual innuendo was a little too subtle. I'll do better next time lol!
So Barbara wrote back today. She apologized for not writing back earlier but had the flu this past week. According to her I am "awesome and a true gentleman"
- but here comes the however. Someone who had been overseas has come back into her life and they have decided to give it another go.
So I am very glad she wrote and provided me at least an explanation.
I had a pretty good weekend. Got an excellent workout and 4 mile run in today. The weather here in DC this weekend was absolutely gorgeous!
BA
GG: my IPad auto corrected me again. I meant to say that it was NOT a big conflict of interest. I doubt they have a policy against dating customers but who knows. I think it started out naturally & hope you prove my theory of not finding the right person in the grocery store or is liar public place wrong. Lets see what generates... (Generator - isn't that something in a car). LOL
Wii - you change your own oil but does your turtle lend a hand?
Barb
I think he leaves that up to the frog!
Barb,
No, I don't think there's a policy against dating customers, just asking them out while at the dealership or using the business phone bank to access their numbers.
We'll see...he's on a 43 mile bike ride today and sent me a text with a picture of a beautiful mushroom (red and white spotted) he saw. Interesting, don't know quite what to think?
I sent Dave a text saying I enjoyed our time together, but didn't think this was working. He responded back wishing me well. As BA and wii pointed out, a guy who wasn't feeling it but didn't know how to end it. Sigh....
Well - you ended it properly & it sounds like he's ok with that.
I LOVE mushrooms! Especially red ones with spots. My daughter sends me pics of them & even modeled some from clay! I like that!
He sounds energetic & fun! I think he could be a good match for you!
Barb
Thanks, Barb! His energy definitely mirrors mind and he has a wicked little sense of humor that I certainly enjoy!
GG - I am pulling for you on this new guy. If you are like me you are looking forward to your last first date!
So it was good that I reserved this weekend to just me time because the activity of Match continues to be quite robust and the end of this week and weekend could get a little busy. Here's the update:
Exiting the picture this week are Barbara
(I know I need to get over it!) and Joan
.
Entering are Ingrid, Valerie and Vicky.
I gave a polite no thanks to Terry, Diedre and Cathi.
Seriously hoping that Ingrid, Valerie or Vicky turn out to be the frigging love of my life so that I can get off this merryground!
BA
BA: You can take a break any time you choose. You're the boss here!
Barb
GG,
him not going through your private records to get your number is a very good thing.
just imagine if instead of him, some creepy salesman got your number and started calling for dates?
there's a good reason this rule is in place.
and the fact that he stuck to the rules against his base instincts shows morals and restraint, both important aspects in a judging if he's a good guy.
BA, i feel sorry for Ingrid, Valerie and Vicky. they have a tough task ahead of them trying to live up to the standards set by Barbara.
but its great for you to know someone like her are out there.
That is true Barb, however there is a little bit of a sense of urgency in that as Wii pointed out a few weeks ago the cutoff in interest of eligible women out there drops dramatically once you hit 55 and you fall into a whole new ballpark. As I am getting closer to that age I'd like to find a compatible partner before my selection pool of interested women is somewhat limited.
BA
Whoa, whoa, whoa...
That is true Barb, however there is a little bit of a sense of urgency in that as Wii pointed out a few weeks ago the cutoff in interest of eligible women out there drops dramatically once you hit 55 and you fall into a whole new ballpark.
BA, this is the first time I really feel the need to question Wii's data accuracy. I mean I know the pool gets limited in some ways, but really? You sure as hell seem like an attractive, motivated guy with lots of interest and his heart in the right place. You've got it going on like Donkey Kong.
Are you really telling us you're looking at the clock and calendar?
Way back when I was in my 20s, some of my friends' mothers told me that interest dropped off after 25. That makes me laugh now. I am of the ilk that WHEN THE STUDENT IS READY, THE TEACHER APPEARS. You're going to be at the right place and the right time when the right person comes along.
Let's talk this out. It just may be that I should feel more of an urgency to get back on the horse. I'd certainly like to hear what the other folks have to say.
GG, see? Good for you! You go, girl!
Nothing to report here. I just assumed my solo parent hat this week so things should be busy. Can't believe next weekend is a holiday weekend. Where did this year go?
Betsey
Yeah...Jane Fonda comes to mind. She recently got remarried a few years back and she's over 70. Heh?!
There is NO urgency!!! I was only suggesting a week or 2 off. Sometimes when we step back - we see things in a better light.
The right person comes into our lives when the time is right. I originally suggested dating more than one person at the same time so you could compare - rather than sticking with one from the get go then getting your heart broken when it didn't work out. But I didn't mean that you keep going and going like the Energizer Bunny. It becomes too impersonal and overwhelming.
When I eat too much dessert - I get a tummy ache. If I met too many potential dates at once - my head would spin and nothing would make sense anymore.
I think you need to take a little break, reapproach things and take it easy.
You are one lucky man to have so much interest. I really don't see much chance of things slowing down any time soon.
And age is just a number...
Barb
Dave, Ellie, Barb....
Guys, I really DO need your help with this online dating thing!!
I'll gladly pay your tab in exchange for some advice and guidance.
I am like a new 10 week-old puppy who just went outside in the backyard for the first time to explore and looking at that swimming pool very tentatively with my teensy tiny butt high up in the air and sniffing at the chlorinated water.
Just made my own profile. What next? How long did you lurk around the online match sites? Seems there's different membership levels...1 month, 3 months, etc.
Jeepers! I am so friggin' nervous about this whole shebang. All of my dates have been done organically through friends, gatherings, etc. Well, at the very least, I can check this item off from my bucket list.
just for the record, I don't remember making any statement re: 55 being a cut off point (it's possible though!). I have noticed on dating profiles women often make 55 as their upper limit. Don't know how strict they are about that if you're a decent eligible guy who contacts them but...anyhoo.
Wii--I'm one of those who listed 55 as my cutoff, only because that seems to mean that guys feel 65 isn't that much older. And as Ellie says, I don't date Santa Claus! I have NO problem dating a 60 year old guy. He just can't look like my dad or a friend of my dad. I love my dad, but I don't want to date him. LOL.
Wonka--I joined one for 3 months and another one month. That way, if I didn't like the responses I was getting, the cost didn't seem so steep that I'd feel guilty if I shut it down. I actually set my profile up on Howaboutwe a couple months before someone contacted me. I was interested in one guy but didn't have the balls to connect. LOL.
My only advice is to post an upbeat profile and don't feel at all guilty about stating some hard and fast metrics out there. E.g. if you can't tolerate a smoker, say it. That's the one thing after being here with my dating pals that I'm getting better at doing.
If you get weird responses or even undesirable ones, then you can tweak?
Wonka,POF is free. I did ok there and my best friend gets way more dates using POF than one of the paid sites he uses. But the moniker, Plenty Of Freaks, is there for a reason lol. Again, when people pay they feel a bit more committed than a free site where those seeking validation can do so at no charge. The nice thing about guys is that if they want sex only they throw it out there real fast, they don't date you for months looking to score. I say, just relax and connect with those who show interest and see where it goes. It is a bit intimidating cuz you feel like your desirability is dependent on a bunch of strangers you don't even know. So, it's OK to be nervous...and remember to date safe, if you have any discomfort with anyone who contacts you then don't meet them. But, there really are guys out there looking for companionship but to meet them you have to be out there. I was quite happy with the ladies I met, only one ended in a relationship...which is all I needed and it lasted 15 months, but I enjoyed the time I spent meeting the other ladies too. Never did I feel I'd wasted my time. So no horrible experiences to report. Relax and see where it goes.
Wonka: I would probably sign up for 3 months for starters - then see where it goes. Get clear with yourself the type of person you are interested in and make your profile fun and interesting. Most people are looking for new matches so you will get more action in the beginning.
Most people are most comfortable meeting for coffee to get to know someone without a big investment of time. I used my cel phone joy & only my first name. I was very cautious & if anything felt "off" I cut off contact with that person.
Think positive & remember - dating is for fun
Barb
The thing with online dating is it seemed like the guys just totally ignored the fact that I said I wanted to stay within a few years either way if my age. That doesn't mean I want someone my Father's age to date. I have a Dad thank you.
I had a guy get mad at me for not accepting a date with him. I told him that I really wasn't wanting to date someone so much older. So my advice for the start is pay attention if anage range is out there.
kat
Kat, didn't you get the 20 somethings messaging you too? I once read a profile where the lady wrote "...and no I won't try you just because you're in your twenties and think you can last longer" Apparently, it's not just us old guys who are idiots lol.
BA, this is the first time I really feel the need to question Wii's data accuracy. I mean I know the pool gets limited in some ways, but really? You sure as hell seem like an attractive, motivated guy with lots of interest and his heart in the right place. You've got it going on like Donkey Kong.
Are you really telling us you're looking at the clock and calendar?
I think the clock and calendar are only one element in this whole thing for me right now. As for the age thing, I can only speak for what I observe here in this area and 55 seems to be a very popular upper age limit for women here, at least those who are in their late 40's to mid 50's. In a way it seems like yesterday I turned 50 and that was 4 years ago! So in that sense of the word yes I do look at the calendar.
Does that mean I'm just willing to settle for whatever comes along to seal the deal. No I think I've proven that somewhat already. I am selective in that I want someone who is compatible with me, attractive to me, and active with me. Maybe I'm being too selective who knows - but I am determined to make sure I get things right this time with the right woman. I feel fortunate that I have had so many women who have been interested in wanting to date me. I don't think I'm "all that" but it is nice that I'm not being shunned in the dating world.
Another issue is that I have been dating for a while now (at least that is how it feels like to me) and it gets a bit old listening to me tell my life story over and over again to someone new! Seriously I would really like to not have to do that too many more times. I'm afraid one of these times I'm going to fall asleep while I am doing it!
Finally, I have a great rest of my life planned and I am anxious to find "the one" to share it with and start building on that. Yes I know this puts more pressure on me than I need to and I should just relax and let things happen - I do make an effort to do that outwardly, I just happen to show a bit more frustration with here on this forum, if that makes sense.
So yes, I am taking a deep breath, relaxing and just trying to let things happen - I just would like them to happen soon! Date scheduled with Vicki on Thursday.
BA
BA, i feel sorry for Ingrid, Valerie and Vicky. they have a tough task ahead of them trying to live up to the standards set by Barbara.
but its great for you to know someone like her are out there.
Yes unfortunately they do but I keeping an open mind going forward.
Wonka - you've already gotten some excellent advice. I would add that (from experience) the more often you put yourself out there the easier it gets. Keep the first dates (meetings) to comfortable surroundings. Look at them as an opportunity to meet someone new and if it builds from there all the better.
I agree that is anything seems weird or uncomfortable about someone that it is wiser to just move on - there are lots of fish in the dating ocean.
BA
No I didn't get the young guys online it was actually at a restaurant. But hey what are you gonna do? Lol. I was flattered but hey if I could be your Mom or you could be my Dad it isn't going to get a second thought from me.
kat
BA, I always put my upper age limit for women as "still breathing".
Everyone,
Thanks for the input. Barb, how long did it take for you to find Josh? Just curious.
I've put down the age range from 35 to 50. Reasonable range for me. Will take the "plunge" in the pool sometime after the long weekend.
In the headline profile, I put down "Welcome to sane people only ;)" Didn't over share...put down key points. I'm protective of my privacy.
Hi Wonka,
I was extremely lucky. Started online the first week of December. Took it easy over Christmas. Travelled a bit in Jan and Feb. Dated here and there throughout. Met Josh online the first week in March just before I went to England for 2 weeks. Our first date was April Fool's Day (LOL). So 3 or 4 months of casual online dating with app 6 "coffee dates" and just one guy other than Josh who I went out on a few more dates with.
Oh - and Josh and I skipped the coffee date and went straight to dinner. We lived 90 minutes apart and had talked on the phone a couple of times which made the first date easier. In fact - it was so lovely we didn't want it to end. We were hooked!
Barb
Wonka,
Be prepared for the time commitment online dating takes. By the time you read profiles, respond/write emails, and do a search or two, it's a part-time job!
As far as age goes, that's an interesting thing. I'm 51 and men who are 45-50 RARELY respond even though I have recent shots; one of which is a full body shot. The last guy I dated online called me "youthful" and asked for my secret, so I don't think I look older than my age. Men 55 to 70 respond enthusiastically and frequently. 55 is my upper range, but I wouldn't necessarily be opposed to someone older who could keep up with my energy and whom I found attractive.
I'm taking a break now from online; we'll see how the car guy goes. I think online dating is emotionally exhausting. People come and go so quickly without a second thought. In my opinion, manners go right out the window and rudeness prevails, but that's just my opinion.
Okay, mechanic/car guy continues to surprise me...in a good way. Is taking me to the Rockies game on Sat. night followed by a late dinner. Fun!
Golfing on Sunday....
GG - Now there is someone who is in to you!
I went to see the Nats play tonight - yeah we won! but unfortunately it was a dateless evening - would have loved to had someone to share the evening with!
BA
Congrats GG!
also remember you did made this happen, you went outside your comfort zone and asked him.
good thing comes to those who ask.
"did made"?!? embarrassing bit of typing there. i shouldn't post before coffee.
Hey Lynn,
Thinking of you and hope you have fun tonight. I'm jealous, because I'm thinking Todd is going to have hit number 2500 tonight! I'm watching at home with D16. Will wait anxiously for your update.
I deposited my paycheck yesterday in the drive through, and the teller sure seemed interested and cheerful. It actually made me blush a little. Might have to find some money to deposit to go back and see if I was imagining it... Then if so, might be inclined to follow your lead. I got my hair done yesterday, tweaked the color and cut and must say it was a good hair day.
Otherwise, things are very busy here. D16 is back in the integrated cheer team, Mr. W. has been out of town, and my projects at work are busy and a little stressful. D19's college volleyball season started yesterday, and since the matches weren't streamed, D16 and I went to watch her club buddy at Air Force play last night. It's been a good start to the weekend.
Hope everyone has a safe and relaxing holiday weekend.
Betsey
Yeah, Bets, you can work the teller thing. Put a little money in, take a little out...
Hi Betsey,
No homerun from Todd last night, but a fun game nonetheless. We had great seats right behind first base and had a great time. After, we walked to a restaurant and stayed until well past midnight!
I like him, he's open about his life and what he wants. His career/life is definitely still in transition while mine is settled. All I know is he is not the 'suited business man' I had imagined this time around and it's ok. He treats me so well and obviously likes me...a lot.
Oh, I'm glad you had a fun experience! Nice, isn't it? You can always flirt for a bit. I know (M) and I had two visits before I made my move. Can't wait to see the new "do" you got.
I hope you have a great Labor Day weekend.