Happy Thanksgiving! It was this past weekend in Canada (I'm early for my American friends).
Started the w/e by doing a radio interview for the hospital fund raiser (that asked me). It went really well and a number of people heard it and thanked me. I felt good about doing something new for my new community.
The colours are glorious. We enjoyed them in our drives and a chilly outing in the boat. I see buses go by daily with tourists trying to take it all in and the steamship went by yesterday filled to the brim with photographers.
My 2 younger kids arrived for the weekend and Ashley's boyfriend. Brandon had decided a week ago not to come and I was really disappointed. I know this stems a lot from the divorce and some residual feelings of anger. In one of his texts he mentioned that he has not seen his dad in 6 months. I reminded him that his relationship with his dad had nothing to do with me. That I was ALWAYS here for him and would be hurt if he did not come. But that I understood. Part of it is that he does not have a girlfriend and he would be with Josh and I & Ashley and her boyfriend. So I made sure that he and I got in some one on one time.
Saturday was our community Thanksgiving dinner. Josh and I went over and set up on Friday night then we both served on Saturday. We finished in time to have dinner with the kids there - their first opportunity to attend a big event in our new town. It was so nice.
Sunday was our turkey dinner. Josh had ordered a 22 lb fresh turkey as we had 4 friends from Buffalo who were supposed to come. She recently had hip surgery, though and was not up to the drive - so we have turkey, turkey, turkey - turkey galore! It was so yummy, though.
Played a couple of games including one where we answer questions. That's always a bit enlightening. One question was "What would you do if you won the lottery". Both of my children answered (in slightly different ways) that they would buy houses in my new town (they currently live 2 & 3 hours away) and also that they would buy homes in Florida. Just like Mom! Interesting... I had been getting the feeling they were pulling away - not wanting so much togetherness.
Another interesting thing. They did not mention their father one time. He usually comes up in conversation in some form at every event but not this one. Ashley was here 3 nights, Brandon, 2. She drove him home. Neither made any attempt to phone him. It's kind of sad. 2 years ago he sat them down and talked to them about burying the hatchet, coming for Thanksgiving or another family type dinner and they pondered it. But for them - that would mean accepting maggot and they have made it clear - no way! Part of me gets that - I don't want anything to do with her either, but part of me feels so sad for them. He does see them for their birthdays and Christmas but not much besides that. If it were me - I would take them on a small holiday or away for a weekend for that one on one time without maggot - not force her on them. But it's his choice. He IS seeing Ryan this w/e. He asked me to have Ryan's nurse bring him to the mall (about 90 min away) and they will visit.
And I'm off to Disney World with Ryan and 2 workers in just 11 days! If you recall - we had to cancel his trip 2 years ago as he was in a coma. I am SO grateful at another chance. He has been good since his release from hospital in August. I thank God every day for that - my greatest gift.
Long post, I know. Life after divorce for me is pretty good. But I'm living one day at a time. And putting one foot in front of the other. And that's the best I can do.
It sounds like you have a great attitude and a great life!
I have noticed with my adult children that they pull away, then come closer. I always visualize a giant rubber band. They streach away, then pull back. I just try to let them all do their own thing when they need to!
I am not looking forward to the part of my future where my X wants to bring OW around our kids. They all met her before, when she was my pretend friend. I guess we will cross that bridge when we come to it.
I hope your trip to Disney World goes well. Disney has First Aid buildings where you can get a locker to store medical supplies and to have a place to go to do medical stuff privatly. We used it to carry in our sons nebulizer machine and have a place for him to do breathing treatments. Oh the memories!
Interesting - about that lottery question. My son said he would buy a place in either Florida or Hawaii. The kids LOVED our trips to Hawaii. I'm hoping to take them next year if they can get the time off.
I'm hoping NEVER to have maggot around my family. I do not trust her. I know he brings her around Ryan. Not much I can do but that really bothers the other kids since Ryan can't voice his displeasure.
Thanks for the info on Dis. I never knew that. I have been so many times and taken Ryan several as well but there's still so much to learn and he is not as mobile as he used to be.
they will also give you short passes or quick passes so you won't have to wait in lines
Yes, that is something new. You have to take a letter from the doctor explaining the nature of the disability and that it is difficult for him to stand in line. It used to be that way but the past 2 trips - they made him wait. Very frustrating.
they have an app too that tells you how long the lines are and where the characters are in the park...I just read about it in a magazine
**MAGIC (Disney Mobile Magic App)
Cool! Amazing that I have been to Disney over 100 times yet they come up with new things every day. Thanks to both of you for the info.
Thats right Barb, my sister and family used it last time they were all there, came in real handy, also my sister's sis in law is handicapped in a wheelchair and they do get the special passes to go to the front of the lines, I figured you may know this, in fact even when my son had a walking cast on they offered it to him, but he didnt use it.
How fun for Ryan! really need to get to D.land myself again soon!
Spent the past week in Disney World with Ryan and 2 workers. We had a total blast! Ry was alert and very happy. We have some wonderful pics - especially when he is with characters (he was really laughing a lot) and also when we all dressed up as the Wizard of Oz to go to Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party. Everyone loved our outfits and Ryan stayed awake till midnight!
Disney folks were extremely helpful and I really had the right girls with me. We were all tired but happy. Got home late Friday night.
Now I'm heading back to Florida with the little car I bought from my friends - filled to the rooftop with furniture & decor for the condo. I did have to cancel the Autotrain (which would have cut my driving nearly in half) due to Hurricane Sandy. I'm driving further west to avoid the storm. Had planned to leave Tues morning. Considering going sooner but maybe I'll go back to the Tues plan and just go as far as the going is good, stopping when it's not.
Had a great w/e with Josh. He really is the best! He has taken the kitties to Toronto to be with him during the week. He brought them back here to see me this w/e and took them back again today. I will miss them. When I'm back in Florida Jan to Mar I'm flying down with them and he is carryone one down while my sister will carry one home with me. Lucky cats!
I've reached my Happy Place again. Fought my way around the storm - rebooked the Autotrain a day later (first train since Sandy) and drove 16 hours as well. But I'm back in the sunshine and it is glorious! They predict one of the best weekends of the year.
Lots to do here - everything needs to be cleaned - a bit musty - was so stormy when I left. So lucky to have a reliable handyman - he came over as soon as I arrived to help get heavy furniture out of my car and tommorrow he is coming to clean and bleach all the ceilings - they're a little grey from the humidity.
So I have 3 weeks of relaxing in the sun, catching up with friends, Christmas shopping etc. Ecstatic!
I'm glad you arrived safe and sound. Enjoy your time in the sun. If you happen to see Nursemom and the other "oldie" posters, please tell them I said hello and think of them often.
I often get together with one or several of them - Hopeful, Nursemom, Mary C. I think I will wait till after the election, though, as they don't see eye to eye on politics. LOL
Anyway - I'll be sure to say hi to them. I yelled HI as I was sort of near your area on Thursday!
I think you are very wise to wait until after the election.
Definitely tell them I said hello. Enjoy your time in FLA!
Enjoy Barb! Just because I'm curious...who stays with Ryan when you're gone? I've always wondered how you manage that and just never asked.
Yeah, best not to put people together who don't see eye to eye on politics until after the election.
I went to a women's dinner at my church last night and the guest speaker commented that 50% of the country is going to be unhappy next week. It doesn't matter who wins, half will be unhappy no matter what! LOL It gave us all a good giggle. The whole thing is exhausting to watch.
That's funny! And so true! I watch all the commercials and hear everyone's opinion - I"m a homeowner in the U.S. yet I can't vote. Oh well - numerous American homeowners around me in Canada and they can't vote Canadian either.
Ryan has his regular nurses during the day but nightcare is ALWAYS an issue when I'm away. Before I moved - my daughter did it and my sister did it at times (when Ashley was away with me or if she wanted to go out) or my friend. SInce I have moved I sometimes have the agency do the overights - very expensive and I've recently had my friend's daughter who came to Disney with us. But this trip I'm trying Respite. There is a lovely place on the lake not far from us. They have nurses. I have him there this week and the last week that I'm away, home in between - that way he can adjust with 2 shorter visits. Complicated? Yep - welcome to my life. LOL
WOW! I imagined it had to be very hard to come up with solutions to his care in order to be able to care for yourself.
I'm glad you have options though!
I got a text from my ex yesterday asking to see Ryan this w/e. Not a good time with Ry in respite care (he goes back in today) and his regular workers are only booked for 4 hours - not enough time for them to drive him to see him (it's about 3 hours round trip plus time there - a long day.
So I replied that this was not a good week but I could arrange it for the following week. He replied that he would let me know. So - good communication. It took us 10 years to get to the texting stage - I'm ok with that.
But then Ashley messaged me last night that he is back to his old ways. Her words - "Dad was in a 'craptastic' mood". So I asked her what was wrong. She said his anger was flaring. He picked her up and started to drive to a bar and grill. She asked where they were going and when he told her she reminded him that she was vegetarian but said - I guess I will just get fries. To which he angrily whipped the car around and drove to another place, basically cursing the entire time. He told her he was having a bad day. She said to me "Great - I don't see him for months then he acts like this!".
It brought back all the memories. This was what he was like OFTEN. If something in his life was not perfect - he flipped out. On me. The kids. The cat. The car. He squealed his tires. He drove erratically. He yelled. He threw things. My stomach got a little sick as those times came back to me. And I wanted to protect my daughter from that. But I know I can't. I just told her that I was sorry he acted that way and that she did not have to put up with it. But I know that's not enough.
My 2 lifelong best friends are in hospital. I am in Florida so can't be with them. One seems to have appendicitis. She had gone to visit the other on Thurs night, then ended up in the same hospital. But the first friend - "C" is in a bad way.
I have written here about C before. How her H left her for OW 3 years ago. It was such a difficult time. She had not worked for the previous 10 years (he did not want her to while they were raising their daughters) but when he left her he did not pay support. It was unbelievable - he had a great job but would not support his wife, pay bills etc. Then after about 9 months - he and OW broke up and he wanted to come back. Just as C was getting her life together. She had sold the family home, was ready to move into a new condo. Then he commited suicide. Jumped off a Skyway (like a tall causeway) bridge. It was so tragic.
C had been drinking for years but it got more intense after his death a little over 2 years ago. She has lost her licence a few times. We try to talk to her, support her daughters but up till now she would not even admit she had a problem. We helped her get through her daughter's wedding in June (she did go home between the ceremony and the reception to drink) and somehow got through it ok. She sat with us following the speeches and did not drink at all.
But last week, during one of her long binges (it's been a few weeks now) she fell and cracked her head open. He daughter found a trail of blood and she had locked herself in the bathrooms. She called 911 and they had to break the door down to get her to hospital. Her belly was so distended the ambulance attendants thought she was pregnant and ready to deliver!
Looks like she is in the final stages of alcoholism. They believe she has cirrhosis of the liver. We are all trying to figure out how to stage an intervention (her daughters talk to me about it along with a couple of friends and her brother) but it's complicated. A rehab specialist is meeting with the family today to work out a plan. But she wants to go home and feels she can recover as an oupatient (she has been in residential rehab a couple of times before). Of course we don't believe this will work. And these 2 young girls - 24 & 22 will likely lose their mother on the heels of losing their father.
So - prayers would help. I've thought about flying home but honestly don't think you can help someone who doesn't help themselves.
My ex is also an alcoholic. He admitted to it at the time we split. But then OW convinced him he is NOT an alcoholic and lets him do his thing - he prefers that of course so he stays the way he is. Broken. Angry. Abusive.
Hearing Ashley talk last night reminded me how much better my life is without him. I'm not sure how I ever lived like that for 30 years. I hope my children make better choices in a life partner.
I'm sorry to read that C is not doing well. I will keep her in my thoughts and prayers. I do hope that an intervention can be staged for her, but like most...unless she is ready to listen and do the work, she won't. For the sake of her two daughters, I hope she will take care of herself.
I'm sorry that your xh dumped on your daughter. He's still stuck in the land of la la and it appears that he will never leave the rabbit hole.
I hope that Ryan is doing better. I'm glad to see that communiation between you and your xh is better when it comes to Ryan.
I hope you are getting some much needed rest...enjoy the weather down there!
I really think this is the end for C. As you say - unless she makes up her mind to get better - it won't happen. She is just focussed on her gardening. housework, dog. What? It is November - no gardening now. She is really lost. I wish she could see the importance of "getting it together" for her girls.
I wish my children had never had to endure their father's outbursts. I thought with all the time apart - he could get his act together for their short visits. But no - I think he is likely still just an angry person who blames his problems on everyone else. Causes me to think that maggot must get the brunt of it at times. Not like she didn't see that one coming.
Ryan is doing great. I have found a place where he can go for respite care on occasion. He is there this week. His workers go in to visit him and take him out every day. I had reached a point where overnight care in the home was becoming nearly impossible. I needed some help this year at Christmas and the agency wanted almost $600 a night for a worker to SLEEP at my house. It has gone beyond acceptable.
But the good news is this: The agency head who gave me nothing but grief for the past year and half is going on extended leave. She sold a partnership in her company (she was the sole owner) to a nurse practitioner who I like. Someone calm and knowledgable to deal with. She also made one of the workers who has worked in my home with Ryan her office manager. She is a sweet girl and tries to make everything work. She also knows and understands Ryan's needs.
Our homecare coordinator (who I really like) told me she feels the difficult agency head (who she did not care for either) was likely ill (mentally) during all those caustic meetings I endured. She is going on stress leave. That's the only thing I can think of for her behaviour that caused us such a considerable amount of grief over Ryan's care. Unfortunately - some of the things she arranged will stick. Like the $5 per hour increase in rate (that's $60 per day!). And her not wanting to work on him walking. But I think I may have an answer to that one.
Anyway - her last day is Fri. I intend to talk to her one more time. Sort a few things out and wish her the best. (Tongue in cheek).
Ryan is happy, healthy and going to his daily activities. And I am getting a much needed break for one more week. Sigh...
So - today is Nurse Agency owner's last day for 4 months. Can you wipe the smile off my face. I did take the high road yesterday and wished her well.
And yesterday I woke to a letter from a former student who stole many of my students and pretty much forced my retirement. Although she goes on about all she learned from me etc - she maintains her very narcissistic ego and bashes me at the same time. This is the first time I have heard from her in 3.5 years since I closed my dance school. She does "dance" in my face about how her business is "flourishing" and she wants me to be proud of her. Amazing - reminds me of all the exes here who never say they're sorry for the pain they have caused but rewrite history to make themselves look better.
But that gave me a better perspective on her. And makes it easier to get some closure on that. It bothered me for SO long!
Now - things usually happen if 3s. I guess I need to lose one more caustic person from my life. Hmmmm - who's it gonna be?
I will keep C in my prayers and hope that somehow God can reach her before it is too late. She has two wonderful daughters who want to see her live and maybe, just maybe something will trigger a "survival mode" response in her. I'm sorry that this has happened to her.
I am sure you've been smiling quite a bit about Nurse Agency owner's last day and the 4 months that she will be away. I'm glad you took the high road and wished her well. She's another one that needs prayers. Maybe being gone for 4 months will set the tone for her to opt to retire or sell her business after she realizes what a "stress free" environment she will be in while away. Let's pray on that one.
I'm sure the former student and what she did to you bothered you for a very long time. It was a very dirty and underhanded way to do things. I guess my first reaction would be why is she contacting you now? To rub salt in the old wound or she needed someone to brag to? It could be that she's reaching out to you because she feels guilty or she needs something from you. I'm sure you took the high road when posting back to her as well. You finally got some closure on it. Now, you are under no obligation to post to her again.
Yes, you are correct...when things happen, they usually come in threes. Time will tell as to who it is.
Enjoy your day and know that you are a very special person to all of us.
Thanks Snodderly - you make me feel good on this lovely Friday. I have always respected and appreciated you as well.
I think guilt has the best of my former student. And a bit of arrogance.
I chose not to reply. The way it was written was so childish - lots of "Shouting" - emphasis in caps about how I must HATE her and how I don't need to respond. In my heart I know that she is lying to me as she outlines how all her plans came together after she had told me she was leaving but I lived through it and know it is all lies. Any attempt to "correct" her version of history would lead to mud slinging and although it took me a long time to get past this - I don't want to open a healing wound. I know that Karma will get her in the end. She is a phoney!
Feeling badly for my daughter as her visit with her dad was stressful. As she said - I don't see him for 2 months - then he pulls this. But dealing with him has given her some broad shoulders and I think she handles it well. She was also seriously affected by former student when she left and she has dealt with more of the fallout than me, really as the people who left go see her in her store all the time. Former student emailed her last year at Christmas to ask her if she hated her. If she was just being nice to her because she was a customer in her store. Ashley is about 7 years younger than this girl but she responded to her in a much more mature way. I am glad I left my hometown with this continuing nonsense. I have much more peace in my new life.
You did the right thing in not responding to your former student. She is feeling very guilty, but the "shouting" is what gets me. Like the mlcers, if she were as happy as a pig in mud, she wouldn't be bragging or "shouting" about her business. Something is up w/her and the more distance that you put between the two of you, the better. I'm glad you moved too. This would have been ongoing and you don't need any additional stressors in your life.
Ashley has grown into a very mature and beautiful young lady. She's learned a lot from her mom and she's have a safe and loving home environment to grow up in. I'm sorry her father was acting like an @ss once again, but I believe that Ashley will set him straight in her own way. As a father, he's lost his way and will never return.
Karma has a way of taking care of things if we get out of the way and allow her to work her magic in her own time.
Take care of yourself.
Yay for you taking the high road. I am sorry to hear about your daughter and her dad. Seems mine is on that path as well. He can't hold it temper. UGH!
I'm sorry your daughter is also experiencing the wrath of your ex. Ashley said her dad apologized profusely throughout her meal but once it has happened - it's hard to have an appetite. I just remember time and time again that this happened with him. Such a dick!
Chuck is going to turn 60 next month. And he is still angry and immature. I remember when he pulled his temper fits when he was 19 and figured it was the age. I was wrong!
8.5 years with Josh and I have never seen him lose his temper. It is a calm way of life I never knew. It allows you to "trust" that what is happening will remain the same. With ex - I never knew from one minute to the next. When he came through the door after work - we never knew if he was going to be the fun, loving, happy husband/dad or the miserable, nasty, depressed one. It has been wonderful to learn that there is a different type of guy out there.
Yes Snodderly - you are right. Someone so very happy with themself and their accomplishments would not be dancing in my face - tearing me down while building up herself. It was late at night when she wrote it. That tells me her conscience is getting her down. She could have been drinking too.
But I took the high road. I did not/will not reply. I feel good about that decision.
Chuck messaged me more than a week ago that he wanted to see Ryan on the w/e. I told him I didn't have the workers booked for enough hours that day (as Ryan is in Respite Care). I told him I would see if they could do it this Saturday. Then Chuck fell off the face of the Earth (as he sometimes does). So I don't know whether he wants to see him or not. I have extra hours booked anyway because whether he sees him or not - Ryan will be attending the very first Santa Claus in our small town. It is at 6 PM so the visit would be over by then. I am excited as it is hosted by our Lions Club of which I became a member last year. This is the life I always hoped to have. One with smalltown community spirit. Something I want to contribute to. I have also had a couple of invites to lunch with girlfriends when I get back. It was the right thing for me to leave my city and make a new life.
And Josh is picking me up at the airport. He will have my sweet babies - Blu & Riley in the car. I can't wait to see all of them - it has been 3 weeks!
And life goes on. And life is good!
Yes, life is good. I am so happy to hear that Ryan will be attending the very first Santa Claus in your town. The Lions Club is a wonderful community of people who are very dedicated to helping others. I'm glad you became a member because you have so much to offer others.
Definitely do the invites for lunch. It will do you a world of good to meet up w/old friends and relax just a little bit. BTW, I'm sure your babies can't wait to see you too. I'm sure Josh has taken very good care of them, but mommy always does it better when it comes to those two kitties. Josh will be happy to see you return home as I am sure he's missed you too!
Enjoy the life that you have made for yourself....you have earned it! Travel safely.
Thanks Snodderly. I missed the word Parade. There are visits with Santa but the big deal is the parade - at night - with lights. So pretty. Then Santa, hot dogs and hot chocolate. I like in such a pretty little village. We are getting our lights up too - I got the lights last year that look like real icicles with the lights going down them - had them on the eaves but Josh went to get more for across the front of the garage (closest to the street) and it will be SO pretty. I also got a lit deer. Used to have them at the other house but gave them away. I wanted one back and bought it at a charity auction.
Yesterday I did my first volunteer work in Fort Myers. Helped decorate a tree at the Art Museum to be auctioned off for charity. It was fun and I saw many beautiful trees.
Loving Florida but missing the kitties. Just picked up their Christmas gifts and got one a Santa Hat with beard and the other a Snowman hat with snow body. I'm sure they'll thank me for that. NOT!
Hope life is treating you well. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.
Your kitties will be the best dressed holiday cats out there! LOL!
I'm sure you are missing Josh, family, home and kitties. Three weeks is a long time to be away from all of them. Sounds like you've got a lot of decorating to do when you return home, but I'm sure you enjoy every minute of it.
It's nice to volunteer isn't it? I'm sure the tree looked beautiful and you got a lot of nice ideas for your home while looking around.
I hope the weather holds so that Ryan can go to the parade. He's missed out on a lot over the years due to illness. As for his father, he'll contact you again about seeing Ryan when the notion strikes him. He doesn't realize what a very special young man your son is.
Enjoy the holiday season!
I can't wait to see my kitties today! And Josh of course. 3 weeks is a long time! So glad they will be with me when I return.
Chuck finally texted yesterday. After asking me to arrange a 12 hour shift so he could visit Ryan on Saturday - he says he is unable to do so. Told Ashley the same when she asked him to do Christmas with him and the boys the day after Christmas. It is maggot. He bows to her schedule. The kids used to ask to do Christmas Eve with them but he could never do that either - not from the time he left. So it looks like Christmas with Daddy Dearest will be at the mall on Dec 15. Ashley is forced to take the day off work. Oh well - the kids deal with that themselves. And he has yet to inform me he wants Ryan there but Ash gave me the heads up.
I am very happy that I did not arrange the extra hours last Saturday for him to see Ryan. It would have cost me an extra $262 since Ry is in respite and if he blew us off - I would not have been impressed.
But - whatever - Ryan will go to the parade. I got a musical Santa hat to wear - just have to get my Lions vest tommorrow to go with it. We are going to have FUN!