Posted By: SunFunOne Life After Divorce - 04/01/12 01:14 PM
Life After Divorce can be wonderful. But like everything - it's all in the mindset. You get out of life what you put into it. It's how you handle your lemons that counts.

I met Josh 8 years ago today. Actually we had met online but our first date and in person meeting was on April Fool's Day. And it was wonderful. And we never looked back.

When my ex sailed off into the sunset with maggot - I cringed at the thought of ever dating again. Who would want ME???? I was 45, overweight and had 3 kids at home including one severely handicapped. Even my best friend said no guy would want me with the burden of my son. BOY WAS SHE WRONG!

I never even thought of dating for the first couple of years but then I decided to give it a shot and after meeting a few lemons - I found my lemonade!

So - just a reminder that after the dust settles - it's up to YOU to make your life go the way you want it to. There are no guarantees in life. You can go around feeling sorry for yourself forever. No one is going to make your life fabulous - that's YOUR job.

Figure out what you want in your life. A new significant other is not always the number one thing. Fix the things you can. Accept the things you can't fix.

I only have one life and I've had more setbacks than many people. But there was no way I was going to let what ex did to me, define me! I am SO much more than that.

So - here's to a better life for everyone here. Spring = New Beginnings. I want to hear what you are doing to make yours better.

I'll start.

More time this Spring to work on my hobbies (which is more like play).

More time to enjoy my new home without the work of MOVING!

Continuing to make new friends in my new community.

Posted By: SUMMER Re: Life After Divorce - 04/01/12 11:00 PM

I remember every step of your relationship with Josh ... I can't believe it was 8 YEARS ago! Congratulations! You deserve the best!

♥░H░A░P░P░Y░♥ ♥░A░N░N░I░V░E░R░S░A░R░Y░♥


Posted By: SunFunOne Re: Life After Divorce - 04/01/12 11:41 PM
Thank you, Summer! I hope you are doing well. What are the numbers for?

Posted By: figgeroni Re: Life After Divorce - 04/02/12 02:01 AM
Congrats Barb!!!

since my divorce, I have found a wonderful and amazing best friend who also happens to be an amazing and wonderful partner.

we combined our families


bought our own house (a 1st for both of us)


have a beautiful baby (well toddler now!!!)

I have my dream job and Cori is working toward his...


best of all

we have ourselves and each other!!!

Life is better than I knew to even hope for
Posted By: SunFunOne Re: Life After Divorce - 04/02/12 02:11 AM
Thanks Gineen!

Hope this Spring is wonderful for you and Miss Gabby!

Posted By: SunFunOne Re: Life After Divorce - 04/02/12 02:13 AM
Thanks Fig!

You and Cori have both found happiness in each other and have done an amazing job of combining and raising 4 kids - never an easy task.

I like what you said about finding an amazing best friend. That's what Josh calls me - his best friend ever. I think I feel much more like a friend and equal partner with him than I ever did with my husband. I think that makes an incredible difference.


Posted By: antlers Re: Life After Divorce - 04/02/12 01:04 PM
Hey Barb. I saw that you asked about me on the topless flasher's thread! I'm doin' OK. Just takin' a break from the board. I hope all is well with you.
Posted By: SunFunOne Re: Life After Divorce - 04/02/12 01:42 PM
Antlers: I'm glad you're doing ok. I'm doing great, thanks! I did have some excitement on the weekend, though.

On Friday a guy ran across our lawn (by the lake). We were playing Scrabble by the window and wondered "what the heck"? Because all the properties in the direction he was running from are vacant as they are summer cottages. That night we learned on the news (yes - they named our street and all) that he had broken into and was apparently living in one of them. Sheesh - and I am alone most nights! UGH!

Then on Saturday we went out for an elegant dinner and while Josh was in the restroom, the curtain rod, crown holding etc came crashing down, landing right on my shoulder. It was 16 feet long and full of finishing nails. (although it did not appear to have been screwed in anywhere if you can believe it). It was quite a shock and hurt a little bit. After ensuring I was ok - we got our anniversary meal free. They did phone yesterday to check on me which was nice. It was so WEIRD!

Besides that - I'm doing great and happy to be going shopping today.

Posted By: Golfgirl1 Re: Life After Divorce - 04/02/12 03:39 PM
Thanks for the great post!

Hmm...next month will be three years since he left and two since the divorce.

Life is FABULOUS!!

I found amazing, beautiful, intelligent, sassy girlfriends who are adventurous and daring and we do so many fun and crazy things together. I cherish these friendships and work hard to maintain them.

I took up CrossFit and am stronger than I ever imagined.

I've learned to rely on ME for all the answers are inside of me.

I joined a new church and 57 meetup groups...always something to do!

I've learned to "let go" and just let life happen....

I've ventured into the world of online dating and I joined a matchmaking service. I've learned I'm rather 'picky' at this stage of my life and will NOT settle for less than what I deserve. Still looking...

I took golf lessons and consistently drive almost 200 yards!

I've snowshoed, rappelled in Moab, and hiked a 13'er.

I mentored women going through a divorce.

I make my healing and my life a priority. I believe in myself and all the goodness life and God has in store for me.

smile Lynn
Posted By: whatisis Re: Life After Divorce - 04/02/12 06:21 PM
...and I've learned to put Psyllium buds on my cereal!
Posted By: KarenMarieS Re: Life After Divorce - 04/02/12 08:15 PM
Congrats to you and Josh!!

Barb, you've always been such a dear friend and a ray of sunshine , since the first time I gathered the courage to come on to this board, almost 9 yrs ago! (yikes!) you were the first to post to me and you are the first person i met from here (IRL)
We've watched each other and our friends here go thru sooo much, tears and fears and laughter and love! They told us it would get better and they were right!

Sorry about the incident at dinner, but glad you had a nice weekend!
Life after D is pretty damn peachy for sure!
Posted By: Golfgirl1 Re: Life After Divorce - 04/02/12 08:36 PM
What's THAT supposed to mean...
Posted By: kat727 Re: Life After Divorce - 04/02/12 08:48 PM
Barb, thanks for being such an inspiration. While I was first going through the divorce, I would think who could possibly want me if the scum of the earth doesn't want me? Ok so that is just another example of his poor judgement. smile

Then I thought who is going to be willing to take on me and my 4 kids? No, noone special yet but my kids are older now and if raising them doesn't seem so scary to me now perhaps there is a wonderful guy who will think the same way.

I am not in any rush. It is going to fall into place when it is supposed to. He divorecd me just after I turned 44. I've got time.

Posted By: kat727 Re: Life After Divorce - 04/02/12 08:50 PM
***divorced** give us back the edit buttion. I can spell, just not so great at the typing. lol
Posted By: SunFunOne Re: Life After Divorce - 04/02/12 10:39 PM

SO great to hear how wonderful things are going in your life. 57 meet up groups? Seriously? WOW!

I think that a lot of the more "daring" things we do - we might not have done if we had stayed married. We got out of our "comfort" zone and pushed ourselves to places we'd never dreamed of.

There are many ways to become a Success Story. Attitude is everything!

Posted By: SunFunOne Re: Life After Divorce - 04/02/12 10:42 PM

I remember when you came to the board. I was about 18 months ahead of you and could really relate to your shock. (I think that was about 18 months later).

You have been a friend that it has been fun to grow with. To communicate with on a pretty much daily basis since. Hey - that means we've been friends about 9 years - right?

We've come a long way baby. Bet you're glad in a way that it happened, right? Just like me!

Enjoy your new vacuum cleaner.

Posted By: SunFunOne Re: Life After Divorce - 04/02/12 11:11 PM
Kat: It sure knocks your socks off and reduces your self esteem to ZERO but fortunately - only in the beginning.

I think there is a right person out there if we REALLY want to find them but they don't just fall out of the sky - if you know what I mean.

Like you - I put my kids first. No way I was going to move some guy into my house while I still had my daughter growing up. And whoever I connected with would have to accept Ryan - or it would never work because my 3 kids are a part of ME just as your 4 are a part of YOU. I do think it is harder to date when you're a parent and you have so many responsibilities to your children but it can be done.

Regardless - I think you are doing fabulous! It's not easy raising 4 on your own but I will bet that you will reap a lot of rewards. I know that I do. And they KNOW who did the hard work!

Posted By: KarenMarieS Re: Life After Divorce - 04/03/12 02:17 AM
Hahhaaha Jills making fun of my new vacuum cleaner if you read haha thanks Barb
Yes you are right, it was painful and i still feel bad for the rather strained R between Ry and his dad but for me? a man who really loves me, sometimes i have to pinch myself! i'm not damaged after all! smile

See ya on the alt!
Posted By: SunFunOne Re: Life After Divorce - 04/03/12 02:41 AM
Karen - your ex was a total idiot to let you go. Bob found a gem and he was smart enough to realize it and I'm so happy to see how good he treats you.

Life can be better after divorce!

Posted By: whatisis Re: Life After Divorce - 04/03/12 11:29 PM
Originally Posted By: Golfgirl1
What's THAT supposed to mean...

Uh, just trying to add some fiber to the thread...it's all I had, slow day lol!
Posted By: KarenMarieS Re: Life After Divorce - 04/04/12 12:16 AM
Thank you Barb smile
same w/ your ex, and Josh is a lucky man! You guys have a wonderful life! I love to read of your travels too!
Posted By: oldtimer Re: Life After Divorce - 04/05/12 03:30 PM
Barbie --

We're going to Disney in a couple of weeks. What Disney hotel (value or moderate) would you recommend for a family with a 5 year old? Or, do you know of any way to get a great deal on a higher end Disney hotel?

Oh, hey Mish, any thoughts on where to find Disney bargains? We want to stay on the property.
Posted By: SunFunOne Re: Life After Divorce - 04/05/12 04:07 PM
In the moderate range on property - my fav is Port Orleans Riverside. App $150 night. It has great amenities and is close to everything by bus or boat. It is right beside my home resort of Old Key West. I would ask for a ground floor room by the pool. It is one of the few places you can stay for that price where you can also get a room for a family of 5 if that is needed.

All Star Resorts or Pop Century are less expensive. They have less amenities but the decor is really funky and fun at each of them. All Stars is close to Animal Kingdom - but that's all. Pop Century is right in the middle of all the action and is newer. I have not stayed there but it looks cool.

I always book my own things rather than a pkg but if you need tickets to the parks - price out a pkg - sometimes you can get a good deal that way. There are not that many ways to get good deals but sometimes you can get the meal plan free (certain times of the year) and that is a GREAT deal. Call 407-WDISNEY and ask.

I'm happy to answer any of your questions. I practically live there at times.

Posted By: mishka422 Re: Life After Divorce - 04/05/12 04:10 PM
The least expensive hotels on property are the all-star resorts. I stayed at the all-star movie resort the last time we went and it was just fine for us. Great pools and a cafeteria style dining option. The busses were plentiful and it was nearest Animal Kingdom.

Honestly, Disney doesn't really offer any 'deals' in the true sense of the word because they don't have to. Just the name brings people in...enough said. smile

Barbie may have more ideas since she goes down there so often.
Posted By: mishka422 Re: Life After Divorce - 04/05/12 04:12 PM
See! Told you she'd have all the best info!!!

Yeah, the free dining option is awesome when it's offered.

I misspoke...we stayed at Pop Century not movie the last time. It was super funky. Loved it!
Posted By: kat727 Re: Life After Divorce - 04/05/12 05:18 PM
We stayed at one of the timeshares on site and it was awesome. Buses were rarely full, unlike the All Star resorts that were always packed. We had 8 people in our 2 bedroom condo and the sofa beds were really nice with lots of extra amenities.

I think they stopped doing the upgrade with my parent's time share though so we may have to stay off site next time. It was normally $455 a nite and we got the whole week for $100!

My boss just got back from Disney and he said Apple had an app for his phone which helped them get around the parks without much hassle. Their longest wait was maybe 10 minutes and this was over Spring Break!

Posted By: SunFunOne Re: Life After Divorce - 04/05/12 07:19 PM
Kat: I have points (Disney Vacation Club) at Old Key West, Saratoga Springs and Contemporary Bay Lake Tower. They are just wonderful and comfortable and so easy to get around. Great if you have RCI trading rights and can trade in. Otherwise the 2 bedrooms go easily for $455 or more.

But a room or 2 at any of the Value or Moderate resorts usually works fine because you don't spend much time there. When our kids were young - we were there to sleep and swim. That's it. Because there is so much to do - you don't know where to begin.

Speaking of which - buy the book "Steve Birnbaum's Official Guide to Walt Disney World". It is like the bible to Disney World. Despite the fact I could write the guide - I buy the updated version every single year. It is worth its wait in gold.


Posted By: oldtimer Re: Life After Divorce - 04/06/12 12:23 AM
How many days is too many days at Disney with a 5-year old?

Which parks would you do besides Magic Kingdom?
Posted By: SunFunOne Re: Life After Divorce - 04/06/12 01:31 AM
I don't think you can do too many. I took Ashley at age 3 for 3 weeks but we broke it up. I wouldn't do more than 2 full, long days in a row without a break. You can do a waterpark which is a totally different, relaxing experience then go back another day. I would plan app 5 days in the parks (or 6). It is nice to go to each park once then on one of your last days go back to your fav park and redo some of your fav things and see what you missed. It's a push to do Magic Kingdom or Epcot in a day but Hollywood Studios and Animal Kingdom are doable. Epcot is app 4 times the size of Magic Kingdom.

Do you plan to go to the other Orlando parks? Sea World or Universal? For a first timer 5 year old - I would probably skip Universal but Sea World is nice. But just the parks at Disney will give you PLENTY to do. If you go for a week - you'll find its just not enough.

Each of the parks has areas and things suitable to kids. Epcot has the least but the kids still love it. Especially the Finding Nemo - Living Seas Pavillion.

Posted By: ClingingToHope Re: Life After Divorce - 04/06/12 01:49 AM
We're heading to Disney World next year. Going to hit Universal Studios as well.
Posted By: SunFunOne Re: Life After Divorce - 04/06/12 02:11 AM
C2H: Your daughters are older. They will love Universal Islands of Adventure. Do they like Harry Potter? My daughter went to the Harry Potter land there last month and LOVED it!

Posted By: SunFunOne Re: Life After Divorce - 04/06/12 02:13 AM
Yep Gineen,

That one's for you! And that's where I will meet you - 'cause I'm usually there. LOL!

Posted By: mishka422 Re: Life After Divorce - 04/06/12 03:24 PM
Great idea! You could have your own personal 'insider' to get you through the parks faster!

Definitely wait until she's not scared of costumed characters. My son grew up at Disneyland...literally. Gabe and I both worked there so his first trip was to the Disney Family Christmas party when he was 10 days old. smile We went at least once a week until we moved to GA when he was 6. Even though he had seen characters for his entire life, when we went to WDW when he was 3 he cried his little heart out because he was scared of the characters. Breakfast was a zoo every morning since we did character breakfast every day. ARGH! It made no sense other than he was seeing them in a different environment than usual.

OT - Definitely Magic Kingdom with a 5 year old. I believe they are in the midst of a redesign of Fantasyland so be prepared for some construction walls. Animal Kingdom is fun for kids too with the safari ride to see the animals and the Bug's Life Tree of Life show. There is a great parade too!

There some great shows at Disney Hollywood Studios but most of the attractions there are more in line with older kids and adults. Definitely go for the shows though.

If you plan on going to one of the water parks, my personal favorite is Blizzard Beach. I didn't really enjoy Typhoon Lagoon.
Posted By: SunFunOne Re: Life After Divorce - 04/06/12 04:30 PM
There is also a great parade at Hollywood Studios. Little Mermaid. The Muppets. I think it's awesome for kids.

Mish - I'm not a huge fan of Blizzard Beach although there are great places for kids there. I LOVE Typhoon Lagoon. Shows we're not all the same.

Posted By: SunFunOne Re: Life After Divorce - 04/07/12 08:55 PM
JOY!!! My son (middle child) has decided to join us for Easter after all. He called in and took Monday off (maybe not the best thing to do last minute). His sister is working till 6 then will pick him up enroute to our new northern home. It is a long drive - after picking up her boyfriend and her brother - it will take her app 4 hours. I thank GOD that she does this. But then - he was always a wonderful big brother to her, especially after their dad left them.

I just hid plastic eggs throughout the yard - what a terrific spot to hide eggs! After Scrabble, Josh will help me hide the foil eggs. We have wonderful food planned - son even told me he was heading to Kensington Market to pick up deli foods - speciality cheeses, olives and a french stick. Perfect for tomorrow evening as we will have a mid afternoon lunch before Josh has to leave.

I'm a happy Mom. We bought this house with plenty of room for family - each of them gets their own room. I am so happy when all 3 of my kids are under my roof. I sure miss those days... (wait - didn't I always write here how I couldn't wait until Ashley was on her own??? - Ummm - well - when it happens - you DO Miss it!).

Wishing each of you a wonderful holiday in whatever way you celebrate it.

Love and hugs,

Posted By: mishka422 Re: Life After Divorce - 04/08/12 03:23 AM
Posted By: ClingingToHope Re: Life After Divorce - 04/09/12 01:49 AM
The 9-year-old really wants to go back to Disney and isn't looking forward to Harry Potter. The 13-year-old will tolerate the Magic Kingdom as long as she gets a day in the Harry Potter world.

That's a year from now. Tick, tock.
Posted By: SunFunOne Re: Life After Divorce - 04/09/12 02:15 PM
Thanks Gineen and Mish,

The weekend was wonderful and the kids are still here. They will stay through till after dinner tonight before the long drive back. I am happy we are still so close!

Posted By: mishka422 Re: Life After Divorce - 04/09/12 02:42 PM
That sounds wonderful. It must be so nice to see the wonderful adults they have grown into. It's very rewarding to see your children succeed.
Posted By: kat727 Re: Life After Divorce - 04/09/12 05:03 PM
So glad to hear that he changed his mind. Family coming together, if even for a little while, can be so nice. enjoy it all when you can. smile

big hugs, kat
Posted By: kml Re: Life After Divorce - 04/10/12 08:33 PM
Thought about you and your miniatures when I saw this, Barb: http://www.npr.org/blogs/pictureshow/201...sc=fb&cc=fp
Posted By: SunFunOne Re: Life After Divorce - 04/10/12 08:47 PM
Hi Ellie,

That was cool! It is how some of our minds work - LOL!

I saw a new miniature museum in Germany (online) and it had working trains, cruise ships and even an airport with planes etc. I showed my kids (who usually glaze over with these things) and they also were fascinated. I now want to go to Hamburg to see it!

Posted By: SunFunOne Re: Life After Divorce - 05/02/12 12:24 PM
Ryan is back in hospital. With nursing help in our house - it is rare that he goes in hospital. The MRSA is back and his skin is breaking down. He has NEVER had skin issues in the past - he receives excellent care at home but as fast as we can get one sore to heal - he has developed another.

My ex, apparently, is off to Russia. He is spending $ like water these days - money he claimed not to have when he was paying CS. Seems he hid it then bought himself expensive cars and vacations as soon as Ashley graduated (although he did not attend her grad - she did not even invite him).

As he has for all of the past 11 years - he left no contact info. So I cannot let him know about Ryan. What a dad!

On a good note - I picked up my son on Saturday and my daughter met us. It was his birthday and we all went to Cirque du Soleil then for a really nice steak and crab dinner. He seemed very pleased. He said his dad came in a few days earlier (on a work day) and took him out for lunch. He told me it was rushed and he wished he could spend more time with his dad and actually talk to him. But his dad would never do that (without maggot) so it doesn't happen.

My ex has chosen this lifestyle for himself. He does little for the kids. I'm not sure how he lives with himself. I will be at the hospital every day until Ryan is released. It is hard - Ryan is non-verbal and I really don't know anyone else in my new town who would visit. But last night as I was leaving the hospital, a nurse said this to me...

"You are an Angel. A Godsend to your son!"

This meant the world to me. To be reminded that I made a difference. Ryan smiled when I talked to him too - amazing, considering he is uncomfortable and itchy.

I had just spent a couple of gruelling days fighting with his agency's supervisor (she's a thorn in my side). From the time I got up yesterday we were fighting while I was still in my pjs (she was at the house). About her overcharging me, about her further demands of my time, that I don't always show enough gratitude) Grrrr - how she doesn't see that this IS my whole life. Not just the one year she's been running the nurses here but I've already got 28 years of Ryan being sick under my belt. (I had also heard her talking negatively about me on the phone the previous day when she butt dialled me - THIS while I'm trying to deal with a very sick son.

Venting. Venting. Venting.

The sun is shining. I'm going to the hospital. I hope to get out before dark. I will make Ryan's day better though.

Posted By: figgeroni Re: Life After Divorce - 05/02/12 01:15 PM
Poor Ryan...

sending love and prayers
Posted By: mishka422 Re: Life After Divorce - 05/02/12 03:47 PM
Oh no. frown Prayers for Ryan. I hope they are able to quickly get his skin condition under control. That has to hurt so bad.

As far as the agency supervisor, doesn't she have a supervisor? Would it be worth going to them and talking about her unprofessional behavior?
Posted By: kml Re: Life After Divorce - 05/02/12 04:43 PM
Sorry about the agency twit.

As for the MRSA - go to pubmed and put in MRSA AND cranberry and you will find an article about cranberry extract inhibiting staph growth. (It doesn't just work for bladder infections!) You can give cranberry tablets or cranberry juice daily - at the very least, it might help prevent recurrences.

Also, while they've got him in the hospital, you might ask them to check his vitamin D level, if it hasn't been done in a while?
Posted By: Underdog Re: Life After Divorce - 05/02/12 05:00 PM

Your XH sure is a dumba$$. I don't know how he lives with himself either. Thank goodness Ryan can depend on you.

I had just spent a couple of gruelling days fighting with his agency's supervisor (she's a thorn in my side). From the time I got up yesterday we were fighting while I was still in my pjs (she was at the house). About her overcharging me, about her further demands of my time, that I don't always show enough gratitude) Grrrr - how she doesn't see that this IS my whole life. Not just the one year she's been running the nurses here but I've already got 28 years of Ryan being sick under my belt. (I had also heard her talking negatively about me on the phone the previous day when she butt dialled me - THIS while I'm trying to deal with a very sick son.

Wow...wow... wow!

I don't know if you remember that I have a 15 year old developmentally disabled, nonverbal daughter as well. I really try to forget the hospital stuff. It's hard.

But... really? REALLY? This woman is supposed to be an advocate for your family. And she expects gratitude from you and badmouths you? WTF? Look, I know sometimes we forget to thank those who tirelessly intervene on behalf of our kids and families, but how on earth did she turn this situation around so that it appears as though she's doing you a favor? The agencies/CCBs sole existence is to provide services for the famililies, courtesy of the taxpayers. She's paid for helping you... yet you bear the brunt of dealing with her crap and being a mom? You have EVERY right to vent.

I think someone else asked about her supervisor? Man, I'd go right to the top. Her behavior is reprehensible (yeah, even a big word for me). But true. I think I'd have to make sure that other people aren't in the same predicament as you.

What a total biatch. It's people like that who are clearly not in the right field of work.

Yep, I agree with the angel comment. My grandmother told me that there is a special place in heaven for parents with special needs kids. I think they should revoke your XH's entrance ticket, though. On the basis that he's been an a*hole... grin

Good luck!

smile Betsey
Posted By: SunFunOne Re: Life After Divorce - 05/02/12 06:16 PM
Thanks Betsey!

Funny thing is - I have a really good rapport with the actual workers here myself. I go in all the time and even a week ago I got them some chocolate - one because she just told me she had worked about 70 hours that week and she looked tired. The other had hit herself in the nose while closing my van to take Ryan out. I always say Thank You. I get them little gifts at Christmas and Easter (even though I'm not supposed to). But to hear her talk about me behind my back spoke volumes. Trouble is - it is private care and she's the owner. I have researched other agencies but not one can provide the specialized care that she does. She has a monopoly and she is soaking me - but I have to deal with it because her care is exemplary (truly) so as I'm sure you know - we have to put our kids' needs first even if it kills us.

But there are some hours paid for by the government (3 hours per day) and their supervisor is keeping on top of this and giving me support and advice. If nothing more - I just need to vent sometimes.

I'm not upset that Ry's in hospital. It is tiring as I am there a lot (just got back - he slept the entire time I was there) - but it gives me a break from the "gestapo" as I affectionately call her.

As for me ex - blissfully unaware as he sails off into the sunset. Josh deserves a medal, though. He walked into this situation, supports us, attends meetings with me, even stays with Ryan some nights when I'm away. It takes a special guy to do that!

Posted By: kat727 Re: Life After Divorce - 05/02/12 09:01 PM
Sorry to hear about Ryan. Can't believe the owner of your private care is being a witch with a "b"! Hopefully the gov't keeping an eye on things will help in the end. Just can't believe the owner is being so unprofessional.

hang in there. hugs, kat
Posted By: SunFunOne Re: Life After Divorce - 05/02/12 09:20 PM
Thanks Kat,

She just gouges me financially but when she doesn't even show me respect when she KNOWS how difficult my life is at times - it just boggles the mind. Today marks the one year mark since she took over his care. I arrived here with Ryan, the cats, both vehicles full and she was here along with 7 employees. It was a bit overwhelming! The girls were/are nice and they even helped us move some things in (Josh and I had moved in 6 months earlier and done a reno etc but still - there were his day to day things).

Ry slept all day today. I think he needs the peace just as I do. Just as the agency does.

I just got a message from her (of course it included THE BILL) - asking if the girls could visit him in hospital. I told her he would love that (so do I) so that will be nice.

I guess I just need another round of "SUCK IT UP". Because I don't have an alternative. You do what you have to do. And life goes on.

Thanks for the hugs.

Posted By: SunFunOne Re: Life After Divorce - 05/03/12 01:10 AM
Thanks Gineen,

She is one of the most difficult people I have ever encountered. As Josh says of her - "she is very draining". Trouble is - she does not see herself as we see her (and a host of others). She thinks she is uber efficient, caring and provides the very best. I have to admit that she really does do a good job but she is extremely demanding. She seems to forget that what I really need from the agency is a stress break.

I like the girls - they really do care about Ryan. The hospital is new to me but so far everyone seems to be nice. This MSRA is quite challenging but at least he is not as extremely ill as the last time he was admitted 18 months ago.

We will get through this week and hope things are much better a week from now.

Posted By: SunFunOne Re: Life After Divorce - 05/03/12 03:02 PM
Today will be a better day.

Found out that my ex does not leave for Russia for another 2 weeks. Ashley told him Ryan is in hospital but I have not heard from him.

Local supervisor from government agency who provides us with some hours for Ryan's care (most is paid by me) had a nice talk and supports me 100%. She has heard the other supervisor give me a hard time repeatedly and she is offering me some other ideas. It helps...

I am off to the hospital soon. (have a couple of workers here this morning for a bit longer and can't leave). I spoke to the hospital nurse supervisor today (she asked to speak to me when I called in). Ryan is awake, alert and seems happy. (relief!). He had several skin lesions when he went into hospital but almost all have cleared! (ok -that's a miracle - thank you for your prayers). She also made a point of telling me that Ryan's overall condition is absolutely amazing considering his age and his disabilities. Obviously a result of his care. This is a different nurse than the one who spoke to me the other night. Once again - it reminds me that I am doing well for him and should continue on the same course.

Josh is coming up tonight. I feel better when he is here. We are going to go to dinner and a movie tomorrow. We never get to go. It just means such a struggle to get a babysitter that it's often not worth it.

I'm going to look into getting a nanny more seriously. I have a plan forming. I would still need some nursing help but not as much as I have now. It would be more cost efficient and allow us to go out in the evenings more often. It might be a long time coming - I heard that the wait is app 5 to 6 months. But that could make life easier.

Can't wait to see him and hope that he is awake today.

Posted By: mishka422 Re: Life After Divorce - 05/03/12 06:13 PM
I am so glad to hear Ryan is doing so much better!!!!!! You're a fabulous mom and like the nurse says, Ryan's condition proves it!

Have fun tomorrow night!
Posted By: SunFunOne Re: Life After Divorce - 05/03/12 09:45 PM
Thanks Mishka!!!

Well - it appears tomorrow night won't happen. Ryan is going to be released tomorrow. Typical. He is not all better but they want the bed. So they always say "we don't want him to catch something else". Ahem - he is in isolation. Well - whatever - it CAN happen - I know.

So they are going to send in an IV nurse every day so he can continue on IV. OK - he will be happier at home.

So I called Josh to tell him before he left work and drove up. Just in case he wanted to meet tonight and go out. As ever - he just took it all in stride. No worries -we can buy a new movie, he said. And he will cook for me. Always calm. Always caring. I do have to say - all the workers in the house like him. He is nice to them. I even found a note they left him, thanking him for some help he gave them when they had a problem. And RYAN is NOT his son!!!

Wii - send up SDA lady. Then I can have a babysitter and go out. PLEASE!

Posted By: SunFunOne Re: Life After Divorce - 05/06/12 12:25 PM
Thanks Gineen,

He got out of hospital Friday with an IV pump for home. Way too soon. That night we postponed dinner until the IV nurse came and started pump. Finally sat down to some wonderful tenderloin (thank you Josh) and a terrific bottle of wine. I had a glass and a half and still had a couple of bites to go when I learned that the IV was leaking all over Ryan and the meds were lost. The IV nurse who was on call said she would not come. I begged her. We were to go back to hospital. I felt I should not drive. So Josh had to drive and Ry's PSW came with us (he is another story). Anyway - it just had come unconnected not dislodged - a simple fix that the nurse could have done at home. Instead we all had a rough evening.

But today the sun is shining. Our sweet PSW is here. The IV nurse comes once a day and Ryan will get outside for a short walk. He is in good spirits. And so am I.

And as I wrote on Wii's thread - my other son (who was hating his job) just got a better job. He will be starting soon. It is in his line of work - much better pay. He is one happy camper.

Posted By: mishka422 Re: Life After Divorce - 05/06/12 03:41 PM
It sounds like things are on the upswing! So glad!
Posted By: SunFunOne Re: Life After Divorce - 05/06/12 04:02 PM
Thanks! The IV is once again apart and we've been waiting for the nurse to call back for 2 hours. I hope this won't mean another trip to the hospital. It is getting very draining (emotionally and physically in more ways than one).


Posted By: SunFunOne Re: Life After Divorce - 05/06/12 08:22 PM
Thanks G,

I put it back in but it would not lock. The IV nurse said it was a faulty one (just my luck) Anyway - she put an extra piece in that should lock it tighter and hopefully we will be ok. Next meds start around 8 and my PSW leaves at that time - leaving me on my own with him if anything happens. I don't know how to transport him myself or get him in and out of bed on my own. I am worried. But confident that it will be ok.

I sure hope so. I got such a tummy ache when Josh left 15 min ago - knowing I'm going to be on my own.

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