The previous thread of some guy that I've followed for a while:
Number 56 Well, it's been a year, hard to believe. The good thing is that I am doing fine. Dating a little, but not overdoing it. Being picky, not settling.
As our friend Kerry has been reminding me, next Tuesday is number 50. The drought isn't getting broken before that, but that's ok, too.
Stewing on how much I want to stay around here, all things considered. There are people I would miss, so I am going to try to stick around, though I may be done in Newcomers. Too much stress that I don't need.
And, there's food, drink, and hugs available for all!
OK, I will take you up on all 3. What are you serving?
kat
Well, since it's virtual....
OK, how about fajitas and cheesecake. And eggnog. I think it's time for eggnog!
But, you can have anything you want... at Alice's (oops! Flashback!)
Just make sure you have some pumpkin eggnog too! It's yummy.
I'll take some Single Malt Scotch, neat please. Hell make it a double - yes it's been one of those kind of days! :-(
BTW don't sweat the 50 it's just a number afterall and you'll find yourself in good company! :-)
BA
So, I went to Texas Roadhouse for my universary, and treated myself to a prime rib. When I left my server forced me to give her a hug. (And I didn't say a thing about the universary.)
And my server was:
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2010/extramustard/01/14/campus.cheer.arizona/index.htmlYou can't make this stuff up.
Yay! I'm hungry... I think for mexican food. Some of that please!
How funny about the cheerleader, way to go and all that
How are the kittens?
I am glad you had a nice dinner. Your right .... can't make that up!
(((((Julia)))))(((((sandy)))))
I seem to make friends with servers without really trying. This young lady was friendly and outgoing (ok, that's not a shock, she's a cheerleader for goodness sake), but still, I can't imagine that every customer gets a hug. I guess it goes back to what I noticed before. Smile, treat people with respect, be friendly. You'll probably get the same thing back. I made her work... she filled my tea a million times. But I always say thank you, always smile. Wouldn't mind attracting someone that's older than my second son, though!
Julia, thanks for asking about the kittens! CJ, the male, is huge! He's a black panther, with kitten curiosity and clumsiness! Coraline, the torti, is a little shier, and a lot smaller. She's also softer. They are always together, and always with the people.
I did tell "Baby V" (that's what was on her nametag... she is little, and there's another server with the same name) that it was my birthday next Tuesday. She told me I had to come back!
Cute!! The kittens and the cheerleader!
Thanks so much for all of your help yesterday. I think it is good for now, but if I see something else, I might just come running.
My kittens have been a lot of fun to watch too. In the morning they get kind of demanding wanting their canned food. They get dry the rest of the time. They grow sooo fast too. I feel like they are like my kids but in "fast" motion. lol
kat
Mine are getting so big. S21 was here last weekend, the first one he saw was Cori, he said, "She's so big!" I said, no... and showed him CJ! He's really going to be a big cat, hopefully he will gain some grace at some point!
I expect your computer will be happy for a while now! Fingers crossed!
For those of you who don't know me elsewhere... Interesting weekend. Woke up about three Saturday morning, couldn't breathe. Tried everything I had at home, then called 911 and got an ambulance ride to the hospital. Been here ever since. getting better, hopefully go home tomorrow.
Oh wow...I didn't realize you were admitted! I hope you get better soon...and I hope I don't follow in your footsteps.
Seriously, take care of you...hugs...
(((((Jeff))))) So sorry to hear that. Have they said what was wrong? Hope you get out soon and feel much better.
kat
They said there's something going around that's getting everyone with breathing issues. Sounds like it could have been a lot worse if I had waited to get in here. BobbiJo, you take care of you! I don't want you following my footsteps!
well, the doc isn't ready to let me go. Lungs still tight. I think he thinks I would be back. Yuck.
Yuck is right. Better to get it all over with, though I wouldn't be too thrilled hanging out in the hospital. You don't get much rest there as they are always poking and prodding. Oooohhh, Jeff might like that part if the nurse is pretty!
kat
Worse this morning than last night. Don't like that much.
Must not have a pretty nurse.
(((((((Jeff)))))))
kat
Oh no Jeff!! Make sure you rest up...
I'm so sorry to hear that you are sick, Jeff. Take care of you....
Happy Birthday Jeff, hope you feel better soon!
HaPpY bIrThDaY!! Now get well!!
big hugs, kat
thought that cake meant a birthday... HAPPY BIRTHDAY
HAPPY 50 BUDDY!!!!! Get better soon.
Found you! Hope you are feeling better.
((((((Jeff))))))
Hope you're feeling better! Are you being followed by Tumbleweeds? They might be like rockettes. Just tossing it out to the universe with no answer needed.
Oh geez! Happy Birthday!
Wishing you every good thing!
Well....
Time to catch up!
I finally escaped from the hospital the evening of the 10th, I wasn't doing great, but the fixed me up with oxygen, so I was ok. I didn't go to work at all the week after I got out, it was slow, but I was feeling better everyday.
I went golfing on the 18th with S21, I wanted to know if my energy was back as much as it seemed to be... and it was. I golfed poorly (no news there!), but I felt great, never short of breath, and my energy was back!
I noticed that day that I didn't have a single coughing fit. And that was big to me, because they have been an every day occurrence for the past four YEARS or so. Even better, I haven't had one since then. Not one. Something I had just accepted that I had to live with... and now I know I don't!
I went to work last week, which went pretty well, especially since there was almost no one there!
The day before Christmas was S13's birthday, we went bowling and to Fudrucker's, had a really good time.
Had a nice Christmas with the three younger kids, the oldest was working. I wasn't ready for it, I had missed two weeks of December! And I messed a week of pay since I was out of vacation when I went to the hospital, and short term disability doesn't kick in until you have been out five days (and then at 75%). But I did get a ham, and made scalloped potatoes (came out pretty tasty) and a couple pumpkin pies, so we ate well. Ne tree, and no presents, and yet the kids said they had a great day! After we ate, and rested a bit, we went to see Gulliver's Travels. Not a classic by any means, but it was amusing, and we had fun. At the end of the day S13 said it was ok that we didn't have any presents. He said that most of the things you get you hardly use, and that he had a great day anyway. Have I ever mentioned that I love my kids?
Spent the last couple days feeling a bit mopey, and have sent out a bunch of Match mails, and a few winks. Got back a couple "not interested", guess they don't know what they are missing. But there were a couple positive responses, so we will see.
I think that's enough for now. I hope all of the Rockettes, Tumbleweeds, and everyone else had a great Christmas, and I wish you all a Happy, and hopefully better, New Year!
Glad to hear you are feeling better. Happy New Year, DR!
Kudos on feeling better
Very cool about no coughing fits!
Sounds like good birthdays and Christmas. Your kids are so wise, you guys definitely did a lot of things right.
Things will pick up. The holidays are tough in a lot of ways. Everyone is so busy with family stuff and traveling. After New Year's I'm sure people will be more attentive to you.
That is great that you are doing better. I will eventually get to not coughing. I have only been looking at months not years so I have some time to get rid of this.
Yes, your kids are awesome too. They get what it is all about. I think this next year will be much better for eveyone.
hugs, kat
WOW, no coughing after 4 years?!!! It must be huge for you. Glad your stay at the hospital had this positive result. It seems it was worth it?
I wish you with all my heart, a healthy, happy, interesting, fun, 2011. And lots of love and hugs and kisses and horizontal tango my friend!
Love
M
Sounds good and an even better way to start 2011! Hugs!
Well it's great to see what lovely children you have, as if there was any doubt given you raised them!
My kids like their toys but they too agree that time together is the best present...
I hope you gets lots of winks and some 'wink-wink' in the New Year!
(((((BobbiJo))))) (((((Julia))))) (((((Kalni))))) (((((kat))))) (((((Michelle))))) (((((sol))))) (((((Lotus)))))
Thanks to all of you!
Still feeling good, fingers crossed!
Corresponding with two women, one on Match, one of POF. The one on POF and I are scheming a Friday date, i just realized it's New Year's Eve! Interesting. She is really excited, we IMed for a couple hours tonight, she said she was feeling nervous about meeting, but it was good!
Not sure yet about the one on Match, but she has been sick all week, so I think that will be going slowly for now. I really don't like the potential for dating two at a time, even though I intellectually know it's perfectly "normal". But it will be ok.
If I haven't mentioned it recently, you guys are the best!
Glad you're feeling better!
Yes, that's the weird thing about online dating - you're often juggling multiple potential dates. I'm not good at it - I tend to get interested in one person at a time. But I can see that is part of why I'm still dateless 6 months later! Too much time wasted on one potential date at a time who didn't pan out, when I should have still been putting the effort into meeting more people online.
I'm all for getting the quick coffee date out of the way first, you can usually tell right away if you're interested or not. My goal is to start going on more of those. It is a numbers game I think.
(((((Ellie)))))
It is a numbers game, for sure. It makes sense. Back in the day you knew dozens of guys that were potential dates just in everyday life. And yet you would only actually date a small number of them, but you could figure out which ones, since you saw them and even talked to then in non-date situations. But with on-line dating, you date before you really know much of anything. It seems to me you could meet five, ten, maybe more, before you even find one you want to date. And if we try to do that serially (and I am like you, I really don't like the juggling) it is going to take forever!
I do agree, I can almost always tell in the first few minutes if there is mutual interest.
Glad you are still feeling better.
(((Jeff)))
You only attract the best cuz you are so wonderful yourself.
Wow....
Just spent almost five hours IMing tomorrow's date, after about three hours last night.
There is as much smittenness going on as there can be when you haven't met. This could be interesting.
Good luck!
I've had it go both ways - good chemistry via chat, none when we met (on my end). Then there's the famous good chemistry on chat - fell into bed almost immediately when we met and dated for a year.
But look at it as, either way it goes, you've probably met a friend.
I told her last night, I already know I like you. When we meet, we will know right away if there are sparks.
Sounds great Jeff!
So glad you stopped coughing after so long. That must have been such a relief!
Hope your date tonight is fabulous!!!!
Happy New Year my friend. Make it a great one.
Happy New Year and Happy Date Night!!
Hugs, kat
Bike ride my friend.
hugs, kat
Let us say there was a New Year's kiss. And then some.
Yahoo!!!!!! THAT'S what I'm talkin' about!!
Yahoo!!!!!! THAT'S what I'm talkin' about!!
Yes.
SWEET!
Things I have learned in the past couple days...
For all those years, it wasn't me.
Being comfortable talking to your partner changes everything.
Don't settle.
And wow!
Lol! I love it!!!!
Yes, that was the nicest thing I learned from my boyfriend after the ex and I separated - it wasn't me! All the things my ex complained about in regards to me were non-issues - or better yet, assets! - to my boyfriend.
I never thought it was you to start with!!!! You are FAR too AWESOME!!!
Thank you
(((((mishka))))).
(((((Ellie)))))
Of course some of it was me. But it's now clear that xw's way of dealing with things wasn't constructive.
And I have learned that all women are not like her! In fact, they can be a lot different.
I am sooo happy for you buddy! Glad you had an awesome time...and just as conversation is easy with the right partner, the 'and then some' will come pretty naturally, too, I think!
I don't want to give TMI, but we have been spending a lot of time together, and it has been going great. Every day I it's being reinforced that things can be a lot different than I was used to. Being with someone that wants to be with you is quite a change!
I am really very happy for you!! How great is that? I am really glad you hung in there.
kat
Excellent new, DR. I'm happy for you.
I am sooo very happy for you!!!! You deserve the best!
Love
M
Oh just saw this!! Wow, fantastic news, good for you Jeff, you so deserve this. Good luck, keep us posted !
Al xx
Just saw in the paper the "church" is going to picket her funeral. Darn it. It sounds as if a lot of the community members are coming out to support the families. I hate that they can't leave people alone. There is enough tradegy without adding them to the mix.
kat
There are lots of people planning to counter-protest... they are hoping to block out the signs so her friends can't see them.
Maybe someone can give them some raw meet, and invite some coyotes!
I just read that the Arizona lawmakers are trying to pass a law to ban picketing at funerals. Let's hope they can do it. It is being modeled after an Ohio law that has been upheld.
Ooooh awesome! You are having too much fun!
keep it up!
Such ridiculous political crap. Can't anything just be left alone out of respect instead of viewed as an "opportunity"?
This church isn't political. They pretty much hate everyone.
While true, the only reason to organize pickets and try and draw attention is for the news and political attention. Maybe I should have said "news" isntead lol.
(((((Michelle)))))
(((((Kat)))))
I am having way more fun that I have ever had. I am pretty much shocked.
I hope that the people planning to counter those loonies succeed. One good thing, we know the Sheriff is on their side. They seem to have figured out exactly how to do this to stay within the courts' interpretation of the law. I would be great to see them slapped down for once.
The Arizona lawmakers passed a law keeping protestors 300 feet away from funerals 1 hour prior to 1 hour after. The loonies are still going to be along the procession path, 1000 feet from the burial site.
Believe me having Topeka known for them is a disgrace for us living here.
kat
GOOD! That irks me more than anything!
Are you still alive?
Maybe he is saving his energy for other things...
He has been a busy little bee.....:)
Still alive!
Perhaps a little busy... she is smitten!
A couple more somber links, with my son in them. Two different stations in two different places, I think he must be photogenic. Of they like a 13 year old who can sound like he cares.
Channel 15 - Phoenix Channel 9 - Tucson
Well jeez, who wouldn't be?
(((Jeff)))
Very cool about the interviews. And SO awesome that she's off to a rehab center and off the serious life support!
Well I tend to think you must be a bit smitten too!
Enjoy!
kat
I'm back! Well, I've been around, but not posting a lot.
It seems that her smitten-ness is wearing off. She has traveled a lot to watch her daughter play softball this spring. The first few times there was lots of communication, and nice homecomings. About a month ago she got back from one of the trips and just seemed more reserved. I had the kids a lot that week, so I didn't see her much, then the next weekend she passed up opportunities to get together. Finally she she texted about not being sure what she wanted, and needing time and space. Well, she has had that in three weeks since then, we didn't see each other for a week, until she left on her last trip a bit over two weeks ago (I took her to the airport, and her car is in my garage), and we have hardly communicated while she has been gone. Today a got an email with a more references to being "friends" than I would have liked. I am not going to say much back. I will see her Sunday night when I pick her up, but I think we are probably done.
I could analyze, but in the end the reasons don't matter. I'm pretty sure it wasn't me, and I am not going to have any regrets. I would have preferred a different outcome, but it's better that it happened now than farther down the road.
Even so, yuck!
And on top of that I broke TWO drivers at the range last night! I had just gotten a new one, figuring that I was due for an upgrade after three years or so. (Though the one I got was a closeout from a couple years ago, but still!) So, on the third swing the shaft snaps right below the grip. Obviously it was damaged before I got it, so hopefully the warranty will take care of that. Then I decided to give my old driver some work, and after about four swings there was a weird sound, and the joint between the face and top of the head had given way! So I went from two drivers to zero in about three minutes! Whatever will I do?
Wow - that's poltergeist territory you're in!
Now - I hate to bring this up but - things are all hunky dory until she goes away on a trip and comes back...reserved. You've been here long enough to know this probably translates into - she went away on a trip and met a guy.
But hey - that's why they call it "Dating", right? This is the time to find out those kinds of things about a person, and for you and them to see if there's someone better out there. The problems really arise when someone waits until AFTER marriage to pull this stuff.
She was a good transitional relationship - enjoy it for what it was and move on.
It was seriously poltergeisty! I never expected the driver I have been using for three years to let go!
She could have met a guy... I don't think so, but it's certainly not impossible. In the end, it really doesn't matter, I guess. If she wants to go in a different direction (she also used the words "not ready") the reason doesn't really matter.
I really did enjoy it, it was exciting, intense, really pretty amazing. Not happy about it ending, but now I know it can happen, which helps quite a bit.
"Not happy about it ending, but now I know it can happen, which helps quite a bit."
Ain't that the truth? That's how I felt about the first boyfriend I had after ex left.
(And kinda how I feel about young tourist guy, too, lol!)
I was wondering about you, I dont post much either but I was looking out for you...
I am sorry your R seems to be ending. I dont know why and I really think you shouldnt focus on whys.
The best thing that happened was that you now know what's out there and that, that cold R with your ex wasnt normal.
Hugs to you
M
Sorry that things didn't progress as you had hoped. The PEA stuff must have worn off! But that is when a lot of relationships fizzle. At least you got up to bat!,
Big hugs, kat
I was wondering about you, I dont post much either but I was looking out for you...
I am sorry your R seems to be ending. I dont know why and I really think you shouldnt focus on whys.
The best thing that happened was that you now know what's out there and that, that cold R with your ex wasnt normal.
Hugs to you
M
((((((Kalni))))))
I think you are right. The whys don't matter much. Maybe we went to fast, but on the other hand, we both knew what we were doing. I am not having any regrets.
And you are even more right, I know that the R had with my XW isn't the way it has to be. (I won't say "normal", because I guess it was "normal" for her.) I know that there is a lot more passion out there!
I keep an eye on you... It seems to be two steps forward and one back, but that is a lot better than one forward and two back!
And...
((((((kat))))))
Hey DR,
Sorry as well that things fizzled out. But maybe it was for the best...
Eventually I will get to the point to "dive into the deep end" again. My IC and a couple of my close friends say that I am so ready to handle it but there's always that voice inside of you saying not to rush things. With two kids still in school and other activities going on, how am I going to budget the time?
Hey J... sorry your relationship broke up, but you are being marvellously stoic and pragmatic about it. Hey, it was a great experience right. Hope you are ok,
Al xx
(((((Ali)))))
Not as stoic as I might sound!
I picked her up from the airport last night, we talked a little. She still feels like she's lost herself. What I didn't hear her say was that she would like to try to make it work. I heard more past tense words, with a few "I don't know"s tossed in. How great it was. So, I guess that's really it. I do think it would be a mistake to mope about it (ok, I'm moping a little), and to imagine some kind of hope that isn't there.
(((Jeff)))
You are allowed a little moping.
But only a little.
Had some texting last night, put me into a bit of a funk. This morning I decided that it was a perfect opportunity for a "mental health day", and I went golfing. Clears my head, anyway. So, I shot the best round I can remember, probably my best ever. Had an 89, I don't remember being below 100. I couldn't miss a putt. Don't know when I will do that again, but it was great fun, and my mood has improved!
Awesome! Glad you got to go golfing and enjoy yourself...
That is an awesome way to get out of a funk!! Good job!
Awesome!!!!
Mental health days are great.
I need some of those! Maybe I'll come harass you and you can teach me to golf (I miniature golf pretty well
)
Awesome!!!!
Mental health days are great.
I need some of those! Maybe I'll come harass you and you can teach me to golf (I miniature golf pretty well
)
(((((Michelle))))))
There's some question about whether I know how to play! But, at least yesterday, I looked like I could!
You are welcome to drop by anytime!
I'm sure you know more than me!
I do need to make it back to AZ sometime in the near future.
Well, I don't know that "she" knows for sure what she wants, but she isn't "done".
What are you wanting Jeff? Just asking.
hugs, kat
I was wondering the same thing.
(((((kat)))))(((((mishka)))))
Yeah.... that would be a valid question. I really enjoy being with her. But... well, I think it's done now.
We saw each other a lot this weekend, and things were going in a really positive direction... but then somehow the question came up about whether I would have wanted to ask her out if I just saw her on the street. She's a little overweight, and I have to say, I would not have thought she was my "type" until I met her. So, I said something about probably not, but I was wrong, what I thought I was looking for was wasn't what I really wanted. And I mean it. She has this smile, laugh, and she's just fun to be with. But, she decided that meant that I was settling, and that I want a Barbie. If I had thought a bit before opening my mouth, I would have known that was a bad answer, but, well, I didn't. So, now, I think she is done.
Right now I am pretty broken up, because five minutes before I told her I would never hurt her, and then, well, I did. I'm not sure I agree with her reaction, at the same time, they are her feelings, so I don't get a vote there.
Anyway, feeling pretty crappy right now. Losing the relationship hurts, but hurting her hurts even more.
One answer and you fail the whole test?!!! That's not fair. How many answers have you gotten right up to this point? Does she grade on a curve?
I had a similar experience! A friend of a friend on Facebook developed a crush on me. We started talking and he started calling me on the phone. He lives across country so we never met, but he was smart and kind of charming on the phone and I was starting to warm up to him. Then one day he asked me what I thought when I first saw HIS picture (he'd fallen for mine originally).
Silly me, I told him the truth - that at first I thought he looked kind of scrawny and intense, but when I heard his voice I REALLY liked him. Well, he never got to the second part of the sentence. Got tremendously insulted and took down his FB page altogether in a depressed snit (and he uses that page professionally!)
Now granted, I should not have used the word scrawny - but at 5'8" and a very slender runner physique, that couldn't have been a surprise to this guy. A person with a healthy sense of self would have been able to laugh at the truth in that part and been pleased that I thought his voice was sexy. But his reaction showed me that I was dealing with a very insecure and unstable person. It scared me, actually.
Your girl was fishing for a compliment to make her feel better about what she KNOWS is her weight issue. Your answer was honest and ultimately sweet -that you really really like her! Maybe you could have worded it better, and maybe you can send her a note explaining yourself better. But the bottom line is, if she's super-insecure, you may be wrong no matter WHAT you do.
(((((Lotus)))))(kml)))))
Ellie, you are so spot on right!
I think her insecurity has her doubting that anyone could want to be with her. So she is hyper sensitive to anything that she can interpret as meaning they don't want to be with her. I'm sure everyone is like that to an extent, we all know our flaws, and they are huge to us. But add on that she has been hurt before, pretty badly I think, and she has built a defense system. I think that's what this past six weeks is about. At first I thought she was just afraid of being hurt, but I think it may be deeper than that. I think I will back off... I explained myself, apologized, sent flowers (which she really liked), now she has to think it through for herself.
Jeff, IMO you didn't have anything to apologize for. Now, if you apologized to her if she misunderstood your meaning then I guess that would be alright.
It is true that us 'big girls' are hyper-sensitive and have a very hard time accepting compliments, accepting that anyone could like just us for who we are and looking beyond the exterior. I understand her pain, but knowing you I understand what you meant. She internalized it and it hurt her. I honestly think that whatever you said would have been the wrong thing because she was looking for an excuse to push you away. Her fear of rejection is controlling her actions.
Yes, I'm reading into this but her reaction sounds very familiar!
Her fear of rejection is controlling her actions.
(((((mishka)))))
This is it... perfect wording. She is sure (subconsciously, at least) that she is going to be rejected. So, she is heading it off at the pass. Never mind that everything that I have done or said (other than this, and even this was not meant as she chose to hear it) says the opposite.
I apologized for hurting her, not for what I said. I have come around to thinking more that she chose to hurt herself, but I am sorry it hurt.
I am backing off. She can decide to take a chance, or not. I am not waiting, but I am not not waiting, either.
Haha. When Roger and I first started dating, he asked me if I thought he was my type. He absolutely wasn't, and I said so. He's taller than anyone I've ever dated, by quite a few inches, and is skinnier than anyone I've ever dated as well. But he has such a great personality, a wonderful smile, and so many other endearing qualities. I guess the difference is, he let me finish my sentence and also has enough sense of self to laugh at himself. In fact, he told me that he's been told that a lot!
I also told him that since my type hadn't been working out so well for me, it was probably good for me to try something new lol.
While it's definitely important to think about the possible misinterpretations/miscommunications, you can't control how she's going to take everything you say. Don't beat yourself up too much. You are too much of a sweetheart, and if she's going to let her insecurities ruin any potential relationships, that's her issue, not a reflection on you!
(((((Michelle)))))
That's such a different reaction! She convinced herself that since she "wasn't my type" I was settling, and wasn't attracted. Let's just say that I would have thought it was obvious I was attracted by now! Told her she was hot just minutes before....
It's funny because I was reading some communication thing and this guy says that a lot of arguments are started by putting your but in the wrong place.
As humans, we remember the last thing we hear a lot more than the first.
So, I guess in this case, it was something along the lines of "you are really hot, but you are not my normal type." (even though there were minutes in between, just roll with it for an example lol)
He says you should always put the good after the "but". So reverse your sentence. "You are not my normal type, but you are very hot."
Of course, since she cut you off, you couldn't finish your sentence. But it made me think of that nonetheless.
All I can say is, you didn't do anything wrong. You didn't actually insult her, and even if she took it that way you tried to apologize and explain.
The rest is on her.
(((Jeff)))
She is so not done.
Texted good morning, at lunchtime, after lunch, late afternoon, and this evening. Says she isn't doing well. Wants me to come hold her. I'm not really surprised. I think she knows what she wants on one level, and there's another level that's afraid of that.
Jeff,
if you want/like her, be different than most men and just talk to her. Talk to her as an adult, be polite, sensitive and direct. When she says she isnt doing well etc etc, tell her. Something like : of course you arent feeling alright. I understand why. It is all a misunderstanding and I would love to clear this out. I am in love with you. I am with you because I like/fancy/whatever you. YOu can choose to ignore this and hold on to your false assumptions or accept the fact I am on board and have fun together.
And then let her sleep on that.
I am very self guilty about my looks/weight. My sexual life, my mood, my humor, all get affected when I dont like myself. I remember how great I felt when I was told "you gained weight? Good. More of you to love" and there was no discussion dwelling etc over it. It was stated as a fact to me. I was left alone to decide which reality I would focus on. I chose the "positive one". I felt I would be stupid not to.
Hugs
M
(((((Kalni)))))
Thank you!
Before she asked me to come over, she had said that she had "such strong feelings". She didn't say what, and I didn't push, just said that she knew how I felt, and it hadn't changed. Then she said she really needed me to hold her. I went over (and it is a pretty big deal, it's an hour's drive, and I didn't leave my house til a bit after 10), held her, talked to her, held her some more. Might have done some things that went a little past holding her. She's so afraid of being hurt. She said she never thought she could feel like this again, and part of her is really fighting it. She says I can't possibly love her, but I think she is starting to see that I do. I have told her that I choose to be with her, that I want to be with her.
She is still afraid, but I think there was progress. I did tell her that when she feels like that, we need to talk. I need to make it even more clear that I can't be a yo-yo, but last night wasn't the time for that. She did say that she didn't talk about it because she was so used to not being heard. Hopefully she sees that that is different now.
This morning she was nervous and scared. But also happy. We will see.
This morning, huh?
kat
Uh.... yeah....
I didn't get there til after 11! I wasn't driving and hour back at two in the morning... A purely practical decision.
Yeah....purely practical of course.....
(((Jeff)))
I have never heard it called that before! lol
kat
Of course......
Seriously though, good for you!!! I only hope for your sake that she gets more comfortable and confident with you. Women who are that scared sometimes tend to become needy and must have constant reassurance. I have a friend who did that to her fiance. He finally had enough of it and headed for the hills while telling her to grow a backbone, find herself inside all of her insecurity, and let him know when she did. It was the wakeup call she needed. She was forced to focus on herself, found out that she loved running, started doing 5K's, branched out to 10K's and now runs marathons. She has more confidence now that just about any woman I've ever know.
Sometimes being faced with harsh reality isn't always a bad thing.
I'm just sayin'........watch it.
(((((mishka)))))
I will have to watch carefully for that. Thank you!
Glad to see it worked out alright. You are a very good boyfriend.
Had a really good talk this evening... she really opened up about the conflict in her. And it's clear that she is trying to work through it. She was afraid of my reaction, and thanked me for being safe. And she felt a lot better afterwards. Nothing is for sure, we both know that, but I think we took a step in a good direction.
At least she realizes it's an issue! Sounds like that talk was a good step.
Well.... it was quite a weekend!
Didn't have work Friday. Had band practice in the afternoon into the evening, so I didn't see Kelly. But she must have had a slow morning at work... she texted something like... "Random thought, I want a poodle." She has had a poodle most of her life, but had given up her last one about five years ago while selling the house during/after her D. So, she sent some pics from rescue web sites, some ads, I told her it sounded like a good idea, and that I understood, since I had really wanted to have cats.
Anyway, Saturday she was going to go shopping in town (remembering we live an hour apart), and then we were going to meet to hang out and get my car from the shop. So, I was having lunch out with the kids, and she asked if she could stop by and say hi. Sure! So, she sat and talked with us, S13 was especially excited by the puppy talk. By then, she had changed her mind about clothes shopping, and was going to do some other shopping, and possibly stop at Petsmart to see if there were any adoptive poodles. So, we dropped the kids at home, and I went with her.
Before long, she had found a really interesting ad using her phone, and had arranged a visitation. We swung back around and picked up S13, and off we went. Long story short, came back with a new dog!
All of us went down to her house to play with the dog and have pizza, then way too late I drove home with S13 and S17.
Yesterday morning she texted and said I should come over and visit Emma (the dog)... though I don't think that was her actual plan! Spent some time there, went golfing while she rested. Stopped in again late in the afternoon, left before dinner so she could get ready to go to dinner with her D's boyfriend's family.
XW got off work early, so she picked up the boys for Mothers' day.
It was a good weekend!
Very glad things seem to be back on solid footing for you and her. Sometimes episodes like what you went through tend to make the R that much stronger once you get through them.
BA
Quite to BA.
Oh, and she's going to help her D move home for the summer this weekend... so I get to dogsit!
I just have to ask...a real poodle or the mini kind?
Mini kind. She's a cute little dog, though I am not a real dog person! She's a year old, so she's full sized. My larger cat is bigger than she is, and still deathly afraid of her!
Meh. Anything less than twice the size of a cat doesn't count as a dog.
(((((Michelle)))))
While she was waiting at the airport today she sent this series of texts:
"You know been doing a lot of thinking"
"It is crazy not to allow myself to feel again"
"I wonder why I put myself through it"
"In all my life I don't think I have ever been with a man who makes me feel like you do"
Kinda liked that!
Now that is quite a nice little series of texts. Make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside?
Well, the weekend didn't go quite as planned. We (S13, S16, and I) were watching the new doggie, and after I went to golf Saturday S16 opened the door to let a friend in, and doggie bolted. He tried to catch her, she ran, and, well, despite hours looking, no doggie. GF is obviously upset, but really seems to be not blaming me. She's having more luck at that than I am! I was thinking, if I was just home... but you know, it probably wouldn't have made any difference. And S16 has been living in a house with a small dog for 10 years, so it isn't like I left someone irresponsible in charge. I sure hope someone found her and wanted a pup, I hate to think of the more likely outcomes.
GF gets home this evening, she is stopping by on the way home. Probably will be a bit emotional for both of us.
UGH! Not a good way to spend the weekend.
So sorry.
Sorry about the dog. (((((Jeff))))) How did things go with GF? Are you feeling a bit better?
Hang in there, kat
(((((kat)))))(((((mishka)))))
I am doing a lot better. Things went well with GF, I think she too it better than I did. She did say that only having the dog a week helped. I still feel bad, but she made it really clear that she didn't blame me.
Things do happen. I am glad she realizes that.
Glad you have a good weekend.
(((Jeff))),
It's Friday night and there's no food going?! :-)
Just dropping by to say hi and find out the news.
Hope all's well!
Well! Since (((((Julia))))) stopped by, I guess I should post!
Things with GF are going really, really well. It might last a while. At least.
Had a nice summer trip with the little kids, Magic Mountain (way too crowded and hot!) and then rafting, just like we did last year. They had a blast!
I miss hanging out here, but then again, it is probably time to be moving farward. But that doesn't mean I don't think about you guys! The things we went through together have made us all better, I'm convinced of that. I know I learned a lot, and it is serving me very well now.
You know where to find me!
Arizona right? Lol. Yep, you aren't getting rid of us so easily. Glad things are going well.
I don't post for myself so much but check in on my few threads that I follow. I figure there are still people to help which in turn helps me. Yep, my visits are getting further and further apart. Maybe I will get like Karen and Yoyo.
Kat
Hey Jeff!!!!! Good to see you and good to know that you and gf are going strong and enjoying your time!
Magic Mountain used to be so fun but now it's just so full of gang-bangers and the like that I'd have to be paid to go there!
Glad to see the update Jeff!
So glad to hear things with the GF are going well.
Glad you had a fun summer trip. Rafting must have been wild with all the rain!
Nice one! I'm so happy to hear that.
(((Jeff)))
Just dropped by after a long absence, good to read things are going well, often think about "old friends". We shared such alot and them some.
I am a year into a new relationship after 10 years alone. Feeling like I am 17yrs again instead of an ahem shall we say mature lady.
So hope that gives hope to all you young ones.
GOOD FOR YOU NAEJ!!!!! I think about you all the time and wonder what you are up to. So glad to hear you are having fun.
HUGS!
(sorry for the hijak Jeff!)
(((((naej)))))(((((mishka)))))
What a great hijack!
The feeling 17 thing is familiar! I would not have believed it if it wasn't happening!
Oh my God!!! naej, I am soooooo happy for you!!!! Good to hear from you!
So, Jeff and naej, are seventeen huh?
Life is such a great journey...
Hugs and kisses everybody
M
((((((Kalni)))))
My friend, I am so glad that things are getting better for you! Who would have ever thought it?
My GF and I have joked about acting like kids... it was so unexpected!
What do your boys think of you having a GF?
They seem to like it! I think it may be her chocolate chip cookies!
Seriously, they seem totally ok with it. The like doing things with her. They treat her with respect, and she does the same with them.
That is so great! Of course, you have great kids so that doesn't really surprise me. I've seen it go the other way with my friend's kids. They are usually very polite and respectful but the moment their mom started dating someone, even though he is a wonderful man, treats their mom like a queen, and makes sure to treat them very well and include them whenever possible, they got very rebellious and mouthy with both of them. Sad.
Maybe it's because they feel they are being protective of their mom. It could be different with dads. I'm always interested to hear how other people's kids handle that.
Sounds like a great situation all around!!
(((Jeff)))
I'm so happy to read your thread as you sound really happy and content. Whenever I read your posts I always think what a great Dad you must be as your kids sound like such great kids.
Keep on enjoying!
It's been almost a year, so it must be time to post!
Things are still going really well with my GF.... I guess I should say fiance, since she has a sparkly thing on her finger! There's no date set, she wants to wait until her son gets back from Afghanistan in December. She talked to him last week, and he mentioned missing out on family things while he is gone (without her talking about us, from what I gather). His best man (last summer) was killed over there last week, so he isn't doing really well right now. And she is a bit anxious, with good reason.
The kids and I didn't do a big trip this summer, instead we are going to Hawaii with Kelly (her daughter lives there) this fall! They seem to think that is a good trade!
My house is changing, I've painted the master bathroom and bedroom, and ripped out the carpet in the bedroom and replaced it with hardwood looking laminate. Kelly likes it lots better, she kind of felt XW's touch in the decorating. A few weeks go we painted the laundry room, and it looks like a room now! Little by little we are making it "our" house. She is still living in her town, renting her daughter's (the one in Hawaii) house. But she talked to her last week when she visited for her granddaughter's first birthday, and that will change before too long.
So, I think that's all the news from Arizona, except it's not, and the Monsoon season is here!
Congratulations!!!! Glad things are going so well for you!!
BA
Awesome!!!!! Congrats buddy!!!
Congrats! Seems to be a lot of really nice stories appearing on this BB from Survivors lately. So nice that those who have been gone awhile, like yourself, will come back to share and encourage others. All the best DA
Congratulations!! How wonderful! It is good to hear that people from my time are making a new life with a new love. I just keep thinking all in good time. No wonder you have been MIA!
kat
A-MAZ-ING!!!!!
I am so unbelievably thrilled to read that Jeff! You are a total star and deserve every bit of happiness. I am smiling so much right now. Brilliant news!
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!
Just paying a rare visit and so happy to read these posts.
Ditto to all thats been said.
So happy for you Jeff.
(((Jeff)))
Congrats!
So glad to hear things are going well for you!
Congratulations Jeff!!! I just read your update...(I was away on vacation)
I am so happy for you!! I wish you all the love and happiness of the world to you and your fiance!!!
Love
K
naej, what's up with you? All well? Love xx
Sorry Jeff for replying to M on your thread
Yes I am good. Happy and contented. Met a man and we have been together for 2 years now. Never saw it coming and certainly wasn,t looking but hey ho it is sooooo good.
Hope all is well in your world, think oy you often esp. when Greece was in the news so frequently.
much love to all who may remember me and to you Jeff always had a special place in my heart.
Life does get better with time and a heart that remains open to love and a willingness to let go of the pain and bitterness. It took me soooo long but I made it.
@naej : Maybe the best news I ve heard in a while. Yours and Jeff's.
I am fine. I still havent given up totally the pain and bitterness but that's a process I have to go through internally. I am in a good place though.
Much Much Love
K
Yeah, we made the news big time.
Jeff doesnt mind, I am sure.
Apologies for writing on your thread here but want to add my congrats to Naej - a friend of mine. Just want to let you know how happy I am for you. Life works out in the end, doesn't it?
Barb
WOW !!! I just heard the news from M, so I came here to check and wow Jeff, I am sooo happy for you! This is brilliant news. I havent been here in a while (seems you havent either) but I missed the descriptions of your fiance, but seems she has grown up kids too which is great that you both have family.. and how wonderful that you asked her to marry you.. how did you do it ??
Hi to Kat and JCJ and M and Mishka and all the old gang and last but not least.. Naej WOW again !! Thats equally wonderful news, I am very happy to hear that. I hope he is treating you wonderfully well, you waited a long time for love again as you said and so much better once you are ready for it but not even looking hey.
Ali xx
You're right, you can't make this stuff up. Desert Rat I followed you when you were in Newcomer's and I've been visiting other's over here the last couple of weeks. Always wondered where in AZ you live, now I know.
About your post on going to Texas Roadhouse and your server-I clicked the link and she is the daughter of the woman who was my hairdresser. Haven't seen her for awhile because I moved but she is a wonderful person. Small world, huh?
Congrats on how your life is going.
So nice to see everyone is doing well! Jeff's thread is still the place to hang out LOL.
Just a tidbit of news!
Kelly doesn't like to be the center of attention, and didn't want it to be a big deal.... so the weekend before last we journied to Las Vegas, and now we are married!
We are continuing the total do-over of the house, ripped the carpet out of the guest room/office last weekend, we finished the kitchen in early January, everything is looking really great!
The kids are doing great, though the third one is locking horns a bit with his mother on college plans (her controlling nature didn't just apply to me, not surprisingly). That's going to be tricky to navigate, but I'm better able to handle it now that I ever was.
Oh, the trip to Hawaii was great, Kelly's son is home safe and sound, we are off to see her daughter pitch for Wisconsin this weekend, life is good!
YEA!!!!! Congrats Jeff!!!!!!!! So very happy for you and your love. Hugs from afar buddy!!!
many congratulations to you and Mrs hmmmm desert rat.
Been along road but the best is yet to be. all my good wishes and a cyber hug too. Guess that will be the last one now your a married men. x
Congratulations Jeff and Mrs Jeff!, so happy for you both. Thanks for giving us an update.
Hugs, kat