Dear Mods:
I'm not sure what happened to the whole thread, but could you please restore it with just the one post taken out?
We were careful to not put contact info or identifying info up...
Violin put it up in error and couldn't edit it because, well, it looks like we can't edit, anymore.
Surviving the Divorce is about healing and then eventually trying to get back out there, no?
Respectfully,
Donna
I screwed up! Maybe why I am divorced now?? hmmmmmm
Never fear Violin, Myself and I still both love you despite your screw up!
Ok whewww, not real good at the ol' cut and paste thing!
hey, vi, I am just glad you weren't banned...
Me too Donna! I am having fun on this site for a change.
Hey, lets all be FB's...Fun Buddies!
I don't do buddy calls wii. No games here. NEXT
Yeah I was wondering where it was. Silliness is back. Just ridiculous in my honest opinion.
SunFunOne, I notified the mod myself because I posted my email by accident. No harm done really. I don't blame the mods at all, my fault.
I just wish the thread stayed and the post went....I lost all my momentum.
Repost your profile for us!
Dang, I just checked Match and I don't have any winks or anything! Not even new views on my profile! huh, maybe I should be even more fake than I am currently?? lol
So just post a picture of yourself from 20 years ago, I hear that really works!
I was 15!
I was 15!
So if you're looking for a Cougar, that will work!
I went on one date with a woman that was supposed to be 38 but she looked 42. It was not my thing,maaybe she lied about her age?
I went on one date with a woman that was supposed to be 38 but she looked 42. It was not my thing,maaybe she lied about her age?
When you were 15! Way to go
Hey Violin, you ever had yourself? They say once you've had yourself you'll never go back.
You can tell the difference between a 38 and 42 year old woman?! I think you might be overconfident in that....it is only 4 years.
1. Be very honest in your profile, at the same time be who you want to be in a new R. This will take you out of your comfort zone, but will probably be a much more authentic you.
2. Don't explain away red flags.
3. Many people go to dating sites to hook-up. They are easy to spot. "Hey baby, you so sexy. Want to do something (right now, at 2 a.m. in the morning."
4. People living with their spouses are NOT available. Period. End of story. They are lying to you and probably themselves if they say they are.
5. People who celebrate holidays with ex-spouses or STBX spouses are not emotionally available. Likewise, people who are still constantly evaluating how "nice" the "X" is to them are not emotionally available.
6. People who are annoying, bad spellers, dim-witted, off-putting, too aggressive online will NOT be better in person.
7. Don't waste time. If it seems worth meeting someone, meet them within a week.
8. The guy who says he wants to meet you, is crazy about you, can only talk at odd times, and hasn't managed to meet you in a month is NOT GOING TO.
9. Living with one's "X" GF or BF... See 4.
10. Phone sex, sexting, and so on are status quo these days among dating couples. But, as an introduction, well, see 2.
Thanks, OT - let's keep 'em coming, guys! Other tidbits of wisdom to (re)share?
And by popular demand, here is my profile again - WITH NO CONTACT INFO!!
[quote]I have so many good things in my life; I'm wondering if someone wants to join in the fun...I've taken the time to know what I want and what makes me happy, and am always learning and growing. Are you? I'm hoping there is someone who likes to swim in the deep end every now and then...
I want to share my joy, my successes & time with a man who is confident, strong, has a balanced work ethic, and is happy with himself...someone who has his own set of beliefs like Crash Davis. Movies, music & theater, getting goofy sometimes, cheering at a game, hiking, driving with no set destination, exploring new places on and off the map, staying in with a crackling fire, kayaking in silence... I am well-read and look forward to intelligent conversation. I am active in my community, too.
I have two kids (15 & 11) who bring joy and laughter into my life--I not only love them, but like them, too.
What I do for fun:
Exploring NYC, getting lost in the car or in a book. I'm an artist: photography & pastels. Camping & hiking to get away, but can appreciate room service. I'm slowly renovating my house, and having a great time learning how to do it myself.
My favorite hot spots:
Little Italy or closer to home. Not haughty-prefer burgers & real food. Anything from comedy nite to dancing. Dream vacations: somewhere to dive for my Bday, drive to Boston or the mountains in the Summer, fly to Italy, Ireland
Some of my favorite things:
Spring when things start to green, golden-pink sunsets, loud thunderstorms. Shopping flea markets. Classic books to current fiction crime & thriller. Yankees. Muscle cars (owned '70 Dodge Challenger--want the new one!) My kids, family and puppy. Mainly rock music, classic and new.
If you think we might click, I’d love to hear from you and a recent pic would be great. Well-written and thoughtful notes really make me smile...
Think you can keep up with me?
(weird new question that POF is asking - what is my "intent?" I'd like to find myself in a relationship again someday, but I realize that not all dating leads to that - and I'm OK with that! Let's just have fun, make some new friends and go from there...)
First Date:
I'd love to go to a small quiet place for coffee or lunch, somewhere that you can pronounce all of the items on the menu.[quote]
I don't trust profiles without pictures. Either you have some major, major aesthetic flaws, or you are married and hoping that no one you know recognizes you.
(Did I mention the guy who surprised me with the crossed-eye and the 48" waist but only 28" pants? And that was WITH a photo - with sunglasses - and a big coat - and far away - and blurry).
I had to copy this one - guys, here's one that is probably NOT going to attract a solid, long term R:
The Clownfish: half u woman r mute, u look n dont reply
Profession u will get to know that when u get to know me lol.
Smarts Some college
Interests
well i like to work i like to live happy i got my own an some other cool stuff i like to play pool
About Me
CHEATING> I feel if a ur girl is doing all the right things in the bedroom then why should u stick ur breadstick in another suace, I keep it real ladys
WOMANS> a woman want a man to respect,not cheat, tell her she's sexy , every now n then, do small things 4 her, roses,candy, a simple kiss or A Hug sometimes will do, help around the house, things like that,
PACKAGE> I learned if u like a woman an she got kids its a package deal anlearn 2 love those kids like ur own
SUPPORT> I feel that if u are gonna try to make it work u both should go 50/50 in the whole relationship no just when u feel like it..
FEELING LOVED> I feel that a women puts up with a sh*t from a man, so I feel that if u have a good women let know that u love her, just to hear the words come out of ur mouth, " baby did I ever tell I love u " just cuddle with her, give her a kiss, tell her u don't know what u would do with out her let her know that she's ur soul mate....
WINNING> if u have a argument with ur women, she might be right, just listen to what she has to say, then think about what she said an if she's right say ur sorry things will go better then u think don't be so macho on winning, just keep it in mind she loves u..
HOUSE WORK> I feel if ur women works all day she's just as tired as u, but some how some way she cleans so show her u can clean to, help her, an she will thank in the long run..
SEX> I feel if ur haven sex remember what ur other half likes 4 u to do to keep her happy, then when the time comes u give it to her the way she likes it, an trust me she will return the faver, so ur both happy.. sex is not 1 sided I feel u should 4fill her needs, she happy now, she doesn't have to search for love u gave it to her an she's happy, so u keep ur lady happy an trust me keep u just as happy..
First Date
Ok my first date with the women that I meet would go like this I think lol.. ok I would meet u then be locked on ur beauty a minute or 2, lol. Then I would ask u what u wanna do? Bcuz ur choice matters, then we can come to an agreement on where to go, the movies, dinner, ride around an talk, or all the above lol... an it wouldn't matter as long as I was with u....
I tell ya, he got me at calling half of all women "mute."
NEXT!
You know what, on second thought, at least this guy tried - wrote more than 5 words.
But not for me...
Thanks for inviting me Donna!
You can tell the difference between a 38 and 42 year old woman?! I think you might be overconfident in that....it is only 4 years.
I agree! People age really differently!
My new boyfriend is awesome and I met him through a dating site. He's the only man who I've dated through meeting online. I spent enough time on the site to form some opinions though.
Photos are a must. A good headshot without sunglasses or hat is very important. Are you listening guys? Yes you look cool in sunglasses but women need to see your eyes to trust you. A recent full body shot is a must too. Modestly clothed but giving an idea of your body type. Many people feel burned by meeting up with someone who looks nothing like their description or photos.
I've had men act really miffed when they contacted me without a photo and I asked for one. Apparently I'm soooo superficial. First, they've seen my photo so it puts me at a disadvantage. Second, humans respond to facial features on a very fundamental level -- it's not just about standard attractiveness. Third, the photo itself gives so much information about the person. Has the person taken the effort to find or have taken a decent photo of themselves? Do they have a friend who is willing to take a decent photo of them? What are they doing in the photo? How are they trying to present themselves?
You don't have to be gorgeous. 90% of members don't manage to have a single photo of themselves in natural lighting with a relaxed expression and genuine smile. Don't settle for less.
I'm reposting what I look for in a guy
* a handsome face with a lot of character (not generic attractiveness)
* a casual fully clothed full body shot to confirm self-description of body type
* no bitterness about dating, women, exes, etc (you'd be surprised how common this is)
* shows some evidence of passion (often expressed through strong interests or career passion -- but not necessary to spell out career exactly).
* willing to get with the program -- you're on an online dating site...no one likes having to describe and sell themselves but that's part of the deal so don't waste your profile bandwidth on that
* most men are probably not as boring as they come off in their profiles. get feedback from people who know you IRL!
reposting my thoughts on how I wanted to present myself in my profile:
I tried to avoid describing myself, because it often sounds really flat and generic when people describe themselves. Instead I tried to give a snapshot of the highlights of my last couple of weeks. Instead of saying that I like to have fun (who doesn't?) I tried to show how I WAS having fun.
This was my profile...I think I got a pretty good response.
"The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity." -- Dorothy Parker
Highlights from my last couple of weeks: Camping with awesome friends at a roots & groove festival. Rare steak and mojitos in XXXX Harbour. Tromping through the bush for a couple of days...survived two bear encounters but got covered in mud in a swamp
My interests and activities include: hiking, unique friends, jazz, global music, rock/pop, nature in all its glory, 20th century novels, the minutiae of daily life, geography, visual art, design, alternative health, psychology of happiness & productivity, spirituality including Buddhism, yoga, community living, urban strolling, travel, dancing, alternative education, and using dinner guests as guinea pigs.
A part-time career and two wonderful children keep me pretty busy, but not too busy for dating. If you're confident, manly, smart, and funny...I'd like to hear from you (35-52 year old XXXX area guys only please).
These are fresh photos of me.
I intentionally kept it short and "breezy". I think the place to share detail and get into the nitty gritty is later on...a lot later on.
reposting thoughts on my strategy for attracting the kind of guy I want:
Since I was looking for a confident man who was willing to pursue me, I decided not to initiate contact on the dating site...and I mostly stuck to my rule. Guitarist made the first contact by sending a message, not a wink/smile. I liked that
. That showed confidence...and he's continued to show confidence since then. I love that! And he has definitely pursued me, including phoning me to see if I was still attached the day after M broke up with me. So think of how important those things are to you.
Guys, even if you are not feeling confident, you can fake it until you make it. Put yourself out there and don't rely on women to smile/wink/message you. Many women won't bother because there is general agreement that it's the guy's job. Don't shoot the messenger...I'm just saying. Don't smile/wink yourself. Just send a friendly, short message that shows that you've read their profile and see if they reply. Refuse to take their responses personally since they haven't even met you. It's amazing how childish and pouty so many men acted when I politely responded that I wasn't interested and wished them luck. The guys who responded in a classy way stood out in a good way. Be that classy guy.
My new boyfriend says that he didn't used to be confident around women, but is now (while still being respectful). A recently acquired skill at the ripe old age of 49! Figure out what you have to offer and feel good about that. Confidence is one of the most attractive qualities in men. There are plenty of unfit, unhandsome, poor, and strange men who attract great women because of their confidence.
I just got matched with a man 12 years older than me! He is physically active, but really?
I think I am having an issue in that my own father passed away suddenly of a heart attack at 50....and now 55 year olds are winking at me! Guys, I'm only 40!
I will try to repost what I wrote about Online Dating again later. But I want to talk for a minute about age. I wanted someone to be within 3 or 4 years of my own age. Had dated a guy 3 years younger who acted like I was much older - not a good thing. I am MUCH younger in my attitudes etc than many people my age.
Last week I was registering at the PreOp clinic. When it was finally my turn (half an hour in line) the girl sighed as I approached. So I asked if she was tired. (It was later in the day). She said "no, but I'm turning 40 next week and just dreading it". I told her I was over 50 and she gasped and said "No possible way". WOW - that was the sweetest thing and it appeared quite genuine. I am almost 55 as a matter of fact.
Age is just a number. I had seen Josh on the online dating site and thought "he is too good looking and too young for me". Silly...
First off - he was shorter and a bit heavier than he had looked in his photo. But his personality was sweet. And I'm not perfect either. Definitely heavier than I want to be.
Because I was 7 years older than Josh, when he first started chatting with me - I thought he was just interested in talking. Found me interesting. I wasn't even sure he would be attracted to me really. But I was wrong. When I asked him about our ages (after a few dates) he just said "age is just a number. you are far more interesting and have a great attitude about life than most people - that's what matters". Hmmmm...
And about age - having children was a concern for me. Josh was in his early 40s when we met - had never married or had kids. So I approached that one fairly early on. Did he ever want kids? Because in my late 40s I knew that I did not plan to have more. It was possible but not for me. He said he always had thought he would marry and have kids but his frequent moves for work kept him from forming attachments and it just never happened. He said he was ok without having his own and has been quite involved in the lives of his niece and nephews. Now we look forward to someday when my kids have kids and he will grandparent with me. Good thing since my ex is not around much and he is already grandparenting with OW's grandkid.
Just my thoughts on age.
Barb
I just got matched with a man 12 years older than me! He is physically active, but really?
I think I am having an issue in that my own father passed away suddenly of a heart attack at 50....and now 55 year olds are winking at me! Guys, I'm only 40!
I have the same thing.. guys in their late 50's & 60's are contacting me. Of course, men my age are looking for women 15 years younger as well. I suppose 'snagging & shagging' a women that much younger would definitely boosts the ego & status.
One of my best guy friends is 10 years younger, another one is 3 years older. Not sure 'age' means as much as experience, energy, and commonalities.
Say-Lavee
I was initially looking for guys plus or minus 5 years of my age. What I've found is that I'm not finding younger guys attractive, esp. if they have been through marriage and becoming parents. I have a growing recognition of wanting to be in a similar life stage in a relationship. Also, I've dated 2 49-year-old men (one is my boyfriend now). Initially I thought that was "too old", but they have both been very attractive, and active and they have the maturity that I'm looking for. Seven years older isn't that much, but I'm used to being with someone also the same age as me so it definitely feels different.
I meant I am not attracted to younger guys, especially if they have NOT been through marriage/parenting. I was surprised to get a LOT of attention from guys who are roughly 35 years old.
Something to keep in mind is that if you are in your early 40s, many men similar in age to you will not be attracted if they are wanting to have biological children because you will be perceived as being past your childbearing window. I've been surprised by how many men in their 40s and 50s are open to having children (presumably biological) so that definitely is a factor in dating towards LTR once a woman is perceived as being too old to bear children. The different biological realities regarding fertility create a mismatch in age-matching for dating IMO.
Hey Violin, you ever had yourself? They say once you've had yourself you'll never go back.
No going back to what??
Got one wink and someone else favorited me. Am I doing something wrong? I sent out a few emails to see what happens.
Violin, I don't think women contact men that much (myself excepted!).
I'm finding, older guys contact me, and much much younger guys. Anybody remotely age-appropriate, I've had to contact them. Which is bad, because I have an issue around pursuing unavailable guys, and really need someone to pursue me for a change. But the only guys pursuing me at the moment are the East Coast guy who is 3,000 miles away, and a charming and persistent 27 year old! Yikes.
Yeah, I figured that. I guess I have to keep in mind all the go get em' type guys that I am competing with! One interseting thing happened though...
I have an older female friend(44)who has told me about her cousin a few times."She is so cute and funny, you guys should meet." Well, you all know how that goes right? So I ignored her for the most part. Last night I clicked on my "matches" and the 'singled out" match that came up was my friends cousin! Out of 900 women the match computer matched me with her. She looks and sounds very nice so I sent her a message.
You never know! I had a friend, his mother wanted to set him up with the daughter of her church friend, same ethnic group. He was a handsome young physician, the nurses in the hospital were falling over themselves to date him. Finally he agreed to meet the girl just to shut his mother up.
She turns out to be brilliant and a beautiful tall model-type - he proposed in 2 months!
Wow, proposed it two months? That is nuts! I don't think I would ever propose in that short a time.
I guess I have to keep in mind all the go get em' type guys that I am competing with!
Yup
. Women with a very strong feminine energy will certainly respond to the go get 'em guys
. Thing is, all you have to do is ask yourself what a confident guy would do and do it. Take risks, be prepared for disappointment/rejection, think of it all as an experiment, and see for yourself if it works for you to act confident. My guess is that you'll be pleasantly surprised at the rewards. I have seen guys totally transform and become 10x more attractive (not visually) after becoming more confident. It's a fake it until you make it kind of deal.
I have seen guys totally transform and become 10x more attractive (not visually) after becoming more confident. It's a fake it until you make it kind of deal.
This is spot on. Women love confidence (men do, too).
And would sound confident to you in an email from a guy you don't know?
*what* would sound confident
Sounding upbeat, saying what you like/dislike, being upbeat. It's all about being clear and setting boundaries. Confidence w/o arrogance = golden in my book!
Have you met anyone offline yet, Violine?
I have met a few offline but they were not really my type. They fizzled out in a couple weeks. Meeting women in everyday life is hard for me. I don't work at a place with a large group of people and I guess my GAL sucks! Maybe since wii dumped himself he might give me a chance? just kidding!lol
Oh, and it feels un-natural to me to sound upbeat in an email. In person I am much better.
^ Everyone is better in person, Vi.
Maybe since wii dumped himself he might give me a chance? just kidding!lol
Hey, you never know ...
Don't feel pressured to put yourself out there or like you NEED to meet someone. That is not healthy. Just live your life day to day. They say when you "aren't" looking is when you find someone...
Well, I know it sounds needy but I paid for the site! I need results now!! haha
Send out a bunch of winks and kissy faces to people!
Kissy faces? What do those look like?
I just thought of something...I paid almost $800 for db coaching, maybe I need a Match coach?
Or just rewatch that movie with Billy Bob Thornton and the guy from Napoleon Dynamite.
*what* would sound confident
This is what now-boyfriend sent me as a message. I liked it because it was casual, and non-pressuring. It referred to my profile but it was short and it was fishing to see if there was any interest on my part. His second email to me was more self-disclosing.
Sounds like you're having a great summer, me too. We deserve it don't you think? You'll have to tell me about your close encounters of the furry kind.
I too have a busy life but am able to juggle priorities in order to enjoy being curious.
[first initial of real name]
And many people feel that winks/smiles are intended more for women to indicate openness to messages. Guys should probably initiate things with a message. Seriously, what's the worst that can happen? If you can't handle a rejecting email or no response, you might not be ready to date 'cause I think rejection is part of the process.
I just came across this funny article about online dating. I thought it would add some extra humor to the discussion.
Online Dating and Real Life
Seriously, what's the worst that can happen? If you can't handle a rejecting email or no response, you might not be ready to date 'cause I think rejection is part of the process.
I sent out 9 emails and 6 winks in the last two days. I try to find women that I like the looks of and then I actually read their profiles! lol I don't just blast off 100 duplicate emails to see what comes back. I got another wink and an email from a 41 yo woman who looks great but I don't think we have much in common.
AND I got matched with my XW! Turns out we are a match made in heaven with a 93% match! lol
violin, crazy!
good for you for making contact!
violin, crazy!
good for you for making contact!
I did not make contact with the X if that is what you thought! Is that a lot of winks and emails?
No, that's not too many.
I DO have a question for you all, though. Now that I suddenly have an embarrassment of riches (East Coast admirer, 30-something local guy, 40 something LA scientist, as well as persistent and charming way-too-young guy)I'm a bit flummoxed as to how to handle it all. I have never been the kind of girl who juggled multiple guys.
East Coast guy has been warned that I will probably date local guys and might fall for one someday - but he persists in acting as if he is my boyfriend, I do worry he's gonna get hurt. Do I TELL him when I start dating (I do expect to have a REAL date with 30-something guy in near future - we have already met for drinks once and he is interested) or not mention it further unless I get seriously involved with someone?
And how about 40 something scientist? If he wants to meet, do I go ahead, knowing I have a date pending with 30 something guy? It's really too early to say I'm "seeing someone".
I say, pick the one you like the most and go all out!
Well, hard to know which one I like the most when I haven't met most of them IRL yet.
(And online, sadly, the one I like the MOST is the one who is really totally impossibly young.)
I do like the 30 something that I met, and am looking forward to our date. I can't tell how much I would like the 40-something guy, who is more appropriate age-wise - I would have to meet him. East Coast admirer I haven't met but we talk on the phone - I can tell I would probably like him but prospects for meeting in the next few months are slim and I'm tired of being on the shelf, frankly. (Plus his track record - never married at 54 - makes him a lousy long-term risk anyway in my book.)
I guess what I'm asking about is the etiquette of dating multiple people at the same time? I mean, I haven't done that since my pre-sexually active teen days. I certainly wouldn't be sleeping with two guys at the same time. I guess I'm just asking about overlapping dates, when no relationship has progressed to that point yet?
I don't just blast off 100 duplicate emails to see what comes back.
AND I got matched with my XW! Turns out we are a match made in heaven with a 93% match! lol
TOO funny! That made me laugh
East Coast guy has been warned that I will probably date local guys and might fall for one someday - but he persists in acting as if he is my boyfriend, I do worry he's gonna get hurt.
Kml, he is far far away from you. He may "act" like a boyf but he's totally not. Keep the converseation open. If he asks if you are dating, be honest. You can say "I met up with one guy, very casual, etc."
And how about 40 something scientist? If he wants to meet, do I go ahead, knowing I have a date pending with 30 something guy? It's really too early to say I'm "seeing someone".
You are not tied to any of these guys. Go out, have fun, you're not in a relationship with any of them. Enjoy yourself. 40-yr old scientist sounds interesting, even if it's just the job title.
I guess what I'm asking about is the etiquette of dating multiple people at the same time? I mean, I haven't done that since my pre-sexually active teen days. I certainly wouldn't be sleeping with two guys at the same time. I guess I'm just asking about overlapping dates, when no relationship has progressed to that point yet?
You're not having sex, you are just going out casually to meet/see these guys. You owe no one anything so just have fun. And come back with a full report, Miss!
I have something of the same issue... at least a near term "glut". If my posts start showing up, I will throw in my two cents!
I agree with soleil, just date them all and then make a decision on which one gets to stay longest. I have never dated more then one person at a time either but I plan to get real good at it!
No sexy time, of course, until I agree to be "exclusive" with someone.
I have never dated more then one person at a time either but I plan to get real good at it!
That's the spirit! I agree with you on the sex thing, too.
My IC recommended to me something very funny: she said I should go on 20 dates w/ 20 different men. No seeing any of them a second time until I had gone through all 20. I think this is such a hilarious idea! Think of the stories!
I have never dated more then one person at a time either but I plan to get real good at it!
That's the spirit! I agree with you on the sex thing, too.
My IC recommended to me something very funny: she said I should go on 20 dates w/ 20 different men. No seeing any of them a second time until I had gone through all 20. I think this is such a hilarious idea! Think of the stories!
Hey, can I be one of them?
Where are you taking me out to, sugar?
LOL.
Violin, so are you going to send your XW a wink/kissy-face? You never know...it could be the wildest date of your life....
Hey now babe, you will get banned for calling me sugar!
No way in he!! that I would send her anything on a dating site! I was thinking of asking her for one of her friends numbers! Now THAT would be wild!
I decided that for the first, or even the second date, it isn't necessary for any of the dates to know there are other dates. On fact, we are all on Match, what would they expect? After the second or third date, it's probably time to take stock, and decide how you want to handle things.
I agree with soleil, just date them all and then make a decision on which one gets to stay longest. I have never dated more then one person at a time either but I plan to get real good at it!
No sexy time, of course, until I agree to be "exclusive" with someone.
I agree with this approach as well. In fact, some dating advice blogs that I read seem to consider this an unspoken understanding: people who are dating should be assumed to be dating multiple people unless there has been a conversation about exclusivity. Having said that, you don't rub someone's nose in it if you're dating someone else. It's tactful to concentrate on the person who you're with at the time.
Interestingly, I found that guys assumed that I *wasn't* dating others (when I was) even though they themselves had entanglements (which they were trying to get rid of to concentrate on me
). That did cause a bit of surprise and disappointment on their part, but really, they made unreasonable assumptions and didn't communicate about them. I did take responsibility for narrowing down to one guy when things got to the point when juggling wasn't working for me or them (which happened pretty quickly). That was super hard. I ended up dumping a guy who I really liked and it didn't feel resolved. But when the guy who I chose didn't work out, the guy who I dumped appeared the scene the next day and we're now enjoying "seeing" one another. So even an "embarassment of riches" can work out in the end (but stressful at the time).
My advice is don't waste time on long distance relationships. Yes they can work out, but they can also consume a huge amount of energy and focus, which will bring more rewards if used in real life.
Continuing a conversation from newmama's thread here:
Violin, it's not a numbers game unless you're looking for notches on the belt
. My numbers are similar to newmama's...lots of additional guys trying to talk on IM but mostly that is guys wanting s-x talk and I avoid talking on IM unless I want to go on a date with that person. I could have attracted more attention by being more flirty in my profile or showing photos in more feminine or revealing clothing. I intentionally tailored my profile towards a man who might want to have a conversation with me, not just be focused on my "attributes". I assumed that would generate fewer contacts, and I was OK with that. I think it's finding a balance: you have to put your goods "in the shop window" and show why someone would at least want to go on a date with you. OTOH, I wanted to bring on the flirtation and the cute outfits for the guy who I actually wanted to date, not for the slobberers in the online dating scene.
My IC recommended to me something very funny: she said I should go on 20 dates w/ 20 different men. No seeing any of them a second time until I had gone through all 20. I think this is such a hilarious idea! Think of the stories!
Wow, I think it would have been hard for me to find 20 guys who I wanted to date. Of course, you're in a different demographic than me
. Also, on my first date there was such amazing chemistry, great conversation, and even easy silences (walking and sitting on the beach for hours). I definitely wanted to see where that could do and I'm glad I did.
No, not looking for notches on my belt.
The 41 yo and I have emailed back and forth a few times now and someone picked me from their daily line up. I guess that IS better results than the free sites I was using.
kml..
Date them all.. especially the one you find most attractive. After all folks always want what they feel they can't have.
And the East Coast guy? I'd suggest it was time to meet in person or call it off. The longer you go without meeting an online individual, the more the mind fills the blanks with perfection. And the easier it is to be involved without ever meeting. Just smack him upside the head.. geez.
I peeked at one of the dating websites and just inwardly cringed. How do I get over that?!?
*hugs*
You just fake it till you make it, Ms. Gypsy!!
....what if they have cooties?
....what if they have cooties?
Yes, it sucks that this is what the world has come to- having to meet people online because humans are so closed off to each other in the real world.
I would much rather meet someone in person than online but for now I will practice online!
"Date them all.. especially the one you find most attractive. After all folks always want what they feel they can't have. "
Oh GYpsy - I don't think I can do that! Because the one I find MOST attractive, witty, intelligent and funny - is - um - 27 years old! To my 54! That's only 2 years older than my son. I just CAN'T go there.
However, he makes the 34 year old look positively adult by comparison, so I WILL go out with him again.
No way in he!! that I would send her anything on a dating site! I was thinking of asking her for one of her friends numbers! Now THAT would be wild!
Wild AND crazy and NOT advisable! LOL
I agree with this approach as well. In fact, some dating advice blogs that I read seem to consider this an unspoken understanding: people who are dating should be assumed to be dating multiple people unless there has been a conversation about exclusivity.
My advice is don't waste time on long distance relationships. Yes they can work out, but they can also consume a huge amount of energy and focus, which will bring more rewards if used in real life.
ITA w/ both points. Long-distance has never been my bag.
Date them all.. especially the one you find most attractive.
This!
Kml, the 27 yr old--- grab coffee w/ him. You never know. It could be fun.
Hello DB friends,
I have been following this thread with interest. For the record, I have been separated for about 9 years, divorced for four. I did do some online dating just after the D. E-harmony, Match, Chemistry and OK Cupid. Each site has it's pros and cons, and each site produced it's own personal disaster for me! Funny stories now, and truly educational. More on those later.
I did briefly date one guy on and off for about half a year. Turns out he was NOT ready for a LTR and he gave me the boot.
Are you looking for a LTR? Are you wounded from your D? I sure am/was. Feeling really great about myself now. And I think that is one key to attracting a positive mate.
The whole dating more than one person at a time thing is awkward for me as well, but it seems to be universally recommended. The purpose of this is to:
- Learn about yourself
- Learn about others
- Try new things
- Have fun!
By dating multiple people you have a chance to see how you react. Going outside of your comfort zone will allow you to stretch yourself in new ways. You don't know what you don't know. So, for example, if you previously dated only intellectual, bookish types, you might find that a contractor who really gets you and enjoys the same kind of activities might be more your style.
Dating should be casual in the beginning. I know we all miss the intimacy that comes with a committed partner. (I sure do!) but holding off on that will help keep your head clear to evaluate your dates on how they stack up. You want someone whose core values match yours. You want someone committed and responsible and loving. And if you get those endorphins flowing too early in the process you WON'T have a clear head.
Now this is the advice I have read in about a thousand relationship books.
I haven't dipped my toes back into the dating pool yet. It takes a LOT of time! I am busy GAL-ing and getting my ducks in a row. I am finding that as I get happier and clearer I am getting more and more compliments and second looks from all TYPES of guys.
When the time comes for me to start again, I will be in a much better place to enjoy the process, and I will attract a GREAT man for the next phase of my life.
Remember, a date is just a date. This is hard for a lot of us to wrap our heads around. I think it is perfectly fine to have dinner with someone, and take some time to get to know them. If the sparks aren't flying, then it is also perfectly all right to say, "Thanks for dinner, I had a great time, but I just wasn't feeling it..." (Or something along those lines...)
Keeping that part friendly could possibly result in that person referring you to a friend of theirs. You could reciprocate. Then you are also going outside of the online world and doing the F-to-F thing as well.
kml, I'll go against the grain here and say if you think it's weird to date younger guys then don't because it probably is.
My personal opinion is that people trying to date 10+ year older people are needy for mommy/daddy like figures, sugar mammas/dadys or more than likely in the case of younger guys they think it's easier to have flings this way without having a lot of emotional attachment. Of course there are exceptions too but more than likely it'll probably end up hurting you unless you can just do it for fun.
Just curious, why not date someone in the 5-10yr plus/minus range? I'm sure they're out there and many take care of themselves too. I know a couple of people I work with, they're more ripped than me in their late 40s- and they're in SD too
SG - Hi girlfriend! We need to get together sometime soon! All three of my kids are in school in the bay area now, so I'm sure I'll be heading your way again sometime.
Romeo - it would be my PREFERENCE to date guys within 10 years of my own age. And in fact the East Coast admirer is exactly my age. But I'm finding that so many of the other guys my age are either Santa Clauses OR the ones that aren't, are looking for 30 year old Asian chicks! The response rate when I have contacted nice-looking guys my own age has been dismal.
As for your ideas about what motivates younger guys to date an older woman, I've certainly considered all those aspects - and encountered a few of them, I think, in guys who have contacted me. I have to say, the 34 year old, I think he's just a brilliant guy who enjoys the company of smart women who can keep up - and is perhaps not quite ready to marry and settle down, so a woman who isn't expecting that from him might be attractive. I'm pretty clear in my own mind that if I get involved with him, it's clearly just a short-term relationship. That's not sounding too bad to me right now!
Gypsy, some of them probably do have cooties
.
I guess what helped me was that I have interacted with people online in the past, then met them IRL -- mostly mothers in my city. I've found that my gut feelings about people online tend to be confirmed when I meet them IRL if there is enough communication.
Most guys who I saw online either turned me off or bored me, so I understand the cringing. With the guy who I'm seeing now, there was something about his face and words that immediately clicked with me, and that was reinforced by our communication. There have been few profiles that I've responded to that way, but I wouldn't bother dating someone unless I felt genuinely enthusiastic about at least conversing with them.
I have had atleast 25 women in their late 40's to mid 50's contact me in the last 6 months. I am not into dating older though. My own age or a little younger would be nice!
violin, does your profile clearly state your age preference?
You want someone whose core values match yours. You want someone committed and responsible and loving. And if you get those endorphins flowing too early in the process you WON'T have a clear head.
ITA with that.
violin, does your profile clearly state your age preference?
I do on match but maybe I didn't on the free site?
Violin -
That's funny, all those cougars out there. And here I am an unwilling one!
I didn't contact the 27 year old - he contacted me. And I wouldn't have chatted with him except he was so funny and charming - and persistent.
The 34 year old looked at my profile first, and had an entertaining screen name, so I checked out his profile. It was so clever that I DID write to him, but only to say his profile was clever and to wish him luck - and too bad he wasn't 10 or 20 years older.
He wrote back saying if I changed my mind..... and I said if I ever took that rocket ship into outer space where I come back 1 year older to his twenty, I would look him up.
That was it for several weeks until he came back online looking for me and chatted me up. By that time I decided what the hell, couldn't hurt to just meet him for a drink?
That's me - the Accidental Cougar.
Hi Ellie!
(Cyber-waving)
DD is interning in East San Diego county. I am going down in late November. Shoot me an e-mail!
SG
Now this is funny becauae I clearly stated my age range and still got guys old enough to be my Dad interested in me. I don't think so!
kat
I've had the same experience...
Unexpectedly found out my online chess partner was 32 -- Me 53, when it took a turn for the romantic. He doesn't care ... But I kind of do. Love the sex!
"Date them all.. especially the one you find most attractive. After all folks always want what they feel they can't have. "
Oh GYpsy - I don't think I can do that! Because the one I find MOST attractive, witty, intelligent and funny - is - um - 27 years old! To my 54! That's only 2 years older than my son. I just CAN'T go there.
However, he makes the 34 year old look positively adult by comparison, so I WILL go out with him again.
I had a "fling" with a 27-year old, and I am 45. He was funny, smart, easy to talk to, and very easy on the eyes. I knew it wouldn't last because he lived in another state and had never been married. In the end I told him to go back to his home and find a woman to marry and have babies with, cuz that wasn't going to be me! It was fun while it lasted and it gave my self-confidence an amazing boost.....so go with your gut and enjoy the experience. You can call the shots!
Jeez Suzy - you are not helping me here!
But may I ask - in retrospect, what do you think was his attraction to you?
Yes... Pursue all leads until you're getting serious with someone!
Jeez Suzy - you are not helping me here!
But may I ask - in retrospect, what do you think was his attraction to you?
Honestly, I wondered the same thing. I never actually told him how old I was, so maybe he thought I was younger. But even if I was 10 years younger that would have been 8 years older than him! LOL It all started with conversation and he was so easy to talk to and I felt comfortable around him. He had spent time in the military, in the middle-east, and he seemed older than his years. Maybe he was attracted to me rather than someone his own age because there was no drama, no neediness. It was fun and easy-going with no long-term expectations. I knew that the job he was working on would be over and he would go back home, and I would say goodbye, don't call, cuz I wasn't going to do long-distance with a man too young for me anyway!
But there were times I worried that others would look at us and wonder if I was his mother.....weird!!! And I certainly could not have introduced him to my kids!!! Can't imagine the response from my 23-year old daughter. LOL
Well, I could see a 45 year old looking 35, and a guy with those experiences thinking a 35 year old is ok.
But at 54, I'm pretty sure I could be mistaken for a 27 year old's mom. I may still be cute but I do have crows feet and cellulite and have to see my hair stylist every 2 weeks to cover my prematurely gray hair.
And even the 34 year old would be too young to introduce to my kids. Or my mom. And I sure wouldn't want to meet his parents!
Yeah,can you imagine that meet-n-greet!!! That's why I knew from th beginning it was going to be short term, but it was fun! LOL
KML,
I'm with you on all points... But after a year of getting to know each other, talking about our kids, playing chess daily... I thought he was younger, maybe 47 ... But when it turned into a love connection, well... I wanted to pull back when I found out he was 32.
Honestly, the attention and love after DECADES without sex is WOW.
Haven't gone public with kids, family, colleagues... Maybe we never will, but as a HD SSW, I'm just loving being this happy. Crazy -?- yes, but happy too.
So, here's a question for you all, especially the guys:
(Bear in mind, since I haven't dated since the 70's, I'm flying blind here).
34 year old guy - we had drinks last Thursday, prolonged parking lot kissing session after. When I got home he'd sent me a short sweet email, and when I answered it, he sent me a reply first thing the next morning. Didn't hear from him all weekend, but it was Halloween. Monday hear from him by email - he'd had his family down for a party (lol - no wonder he didn't contact me - wouldn't want to have to explain me to mom and dad).
Tuesday night he comes on chat and we have a long convo. He's very flirtatious, some chit chat about his work (busy) and my week (busy) but also about how attractive he found me etc etc.
Finally it is quite late and I mention that if he wants to DO anything about that attraction he might have to actually ask me out on a date (the drinks last week were my idea, I was working late and we were chatting at that time, I said I really needed to get something to eat and he could join me). He says it will have to wait until he's not passing out (it was QUITE late by that time) but wishes me wonderful dreams and calls me "beautiful one".
Sounds good, right? But now it's Thursday night and I haven't heard a thing. Shouldn't a guy who is interested in seeing me again, be thinking about reserving some weekend time with me? I don't want to get a call Saturday afternoon asking what I'm doing that night.
To complicate things, I happen to have tickets to a cool concert Sat. nite, that I bought a couple of weeks ago. It would be really fun to go with him, BUT I am NOT asking him out again - he NEEDS to be the one to ask ME out. I was hoping he would ask, and then I could mention I had these tickets, would he like to go? But if he doesn't ask soon, I'm just going to ask a friend to go. (I'd ask one of the other two guys but they are both in L.A., about 90 mins away).
Am I just expecting too much in terms of a first date request? Is it the norm for younger people to make last minute plans? How late can I accept a date without looking like I'm sitting around waiting? (actually I have a very busy weekend, if he waits too long I won't be able to schedule him in).
I'd think he has other dates already, or that he's got cold feet about the age thing, except he sounded SO excited about being with me.
Opinions?
Shouldn't a guy who is interested in seeing me again, be thinking about reserving some weekend time with me?
Yes!!
To complicate things, I happen to have tickets to a cool concert Sat. nite, that I bought a couple of weeks ago. It would be really fun to go with him, BUT I am NOT asking him out again - he NEEDS to be the one to ask ME out. I was hoping he would ask, and then I could mention I had these tickets, would he like to go? But if he doesn't ask soon, I'm just going to ask a friend to go.
Ask a friend to go and stop torturing yourself. Yes, it would be fun to go with him, but the ball is in his court to ask you out. I hate to be harsh, but you may be his "plan B". There are lots of possibilities. But IME and from what I read on the dating advice sites, if a guy is really into you he'll be wanting to arrange the next date as soon as possible. Mr. Last Minute would be horrible to date...don't do that to yourself.
I hear you - and that's what I'm thinking too. But I'd like to hear the guys' opinions here too. If you're interested in a woman, are you anxious to lock up a weekend night with her? Or if you're locked into a busy workweek (which he is) are you not really thinking about it until Friday night?
Hello ms kml..
Where the heck is your GAL? After one casual meeting you initiated and you're fretting that he'll call so he can go with you to an event you planned for ages ago? Personally, I'd enjoy going with a good friend, having a great time where you let your hair down. And when/if he calls you already have great plans.
And from what I've heard.. men enjoy the hunt.
Pay attention to your little voice inside.
*hugs*
Hmmm, it is sort of confusing what he said and what his actions are. If he finds you so attractive and you give him an invitaion to "do something about it" I would think that he would be setting up a date ASAP! I know that if I was not calling after a few days it would be because I was not THAT into someone.
Keep on looking is what I would suggest.
For whatever reason, he's just not that into you. Period.
My guess is that he really likes you and finds you attractive, but he's got a lot of lines out and is waiting to base his plans on what looks like the surest thing.
If I'm wrong and he calls last minute, he can always get himself a ticket to the concert, if you feel inclined to invite him.
But, WHY DO YOU KEEP GOING FOR THESE MEN WHO ARE JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU????
Proving one of them wrong by winning their undying love isn't going to prove STBX wrong, ya know?
LOL, see a guy agrees with me too...
I was right about long distance guy, flakey guy, etc...
You see these things yourself and then plow ahead. Really, what is leading you in that direction? What will it mean the most if, for instance, long-distance guy comes around? What would be best about that, and the answer is not the sex....
Violin - yes, thanks for the guy's perspective. That's what I thought too, but since it has been so very long since I dated, I wasn't really sure if I was using some old-fashioned rule. Frankly, I thought he wasn't that into me after he didn't contact me over the Halloween weekend - then he came back so interested early this week.
OT - you're right, I do have to be on the lookout for my tendency to fall for unavailable guys. That has nothing to do with my ex, actually, and everything to do with losing my dad when I was young. But it IS there.
That being said - I don't think that's operating here with the 34 year old. I know he'd just be a fling - I'm just at the point where I would REALLY like a fun date and that little kissing session was so nice, I'm looking forward to repeating it! Plus he seemed like a NON-depressed guy, I was hoping to break my pattern of dating the depressed guys.
As for the other guys - the Northern California guy, I'm getting over him, really I am. The East Coast guy? He's all about pursuing me, not vice versa. I'm enjoying all the words of affirmation and the snappy dialogue when we talk on the phone, but I don't expect he will ever materialize in my orbit - practical issues are too great and his never-married history and depression history are big red flags. But it is reminding me what it looks like when a guy is really interested in pursuing you.
The 44 year old LA guy could be good but he's not much of a pursuer either, he'd have to show me more initiative.
So far, what I have is two guys who actually are pursuing me in the way I would like (and am trying to hold out for) - one is 3,000 miles away, and one if half my age. LOl.
GAL is not a problem - I'm actually WAY too busy right now. I guess that was part of why I wanted this 34 year old to hurry up and call - my weekend is so busy, I probably won't be able to fit him in now.
Ah, but you're all correct - if he was that into me, after the comment I made, he should be contacting me. If not - he's got other irons in the fire, or he's having second thoughts about the age difference, or he's just not that into me!
I suppose this means I need to go to the party tonight that I was thinking about skipping (it's a very very long drive and I'm usually wiped out at the end of my work week -but it was a very fun party last time.)
Thanks for all the good advice, peeps.
Was the making out any good?
Another guy's perspective here which agrees with everyone above. If I am interested in someone who has given me every indication that they are interested in me (which you have clearly done), then I don't wait to make arrangements for the weekend. I would have suggested something for this weekend as soon as you gave me the opening.
He's either not into you as much as you think or he has an "availability" problem that he's not letting you know about, i.e. either other irons in the fire or he is (God forbid) married.
BA
WHY is eHarmony matching me up with men who are 12-17 years older than me?! I don't feel like a grandma, and I don't want to date a grandpa! I think they ran out of men (!)
I have also found that the same guys have signed up on all the dating sites. You get thrown together again and again even if one of you has previously said not interested!
kat
Ladies...I don't think these dating sites are all they're cracked up to be. The best way to meet people is in real life. I know it's not as quick but it's so easy to accept/reject people based on what they write or how they look as opposed to who they are. It's like mail ordering by checking the options you desire.
If you have an activity that you enjoy (dancing, hiking, biking etc) join one of those through meetup.com and see. BTW, the cool guys ride fast bikes, most are divorced who love adventure, outdoors and want to live life to the fullest- I'm just sayin'
It's driving me crazy that my posts are not going through....
I'm not breaking the rules, and I don't plan to!
Kat, just so you know, it seems a lot of the same women show up on multiple sites, as well!
There are certainly advantages to meeting people in real life, but it isn't always as easy as falling off a log, either! I think there is probably a balance to be struck. It doesn't make sense to me to totally shut off any potential avenue for meeting people, the pool is a lot smaller than it was when we were 20-somethings!
I haven't seen a meetup of motorcycle-owning guys who are looking for a "riding partner" - yet!
I know you are right....and if I don't have time for that, then I probably don't have time for proper dating, either. I've thought of it.
I am signed up with a few meet-up groups (book club, hiking, art interests), and haven't gotten to one, yet!
Hey, I have a bike too! Ok, ok, it is 35 years old, is not fast, and has a banana seat. But it IS cool!
What do you know! I can post!
Now to try to remember all the stuff I've been dying to say!
Maybe I'll just start from now, and not tax my brain!
Violin - the makeout session was yummy. Hence my disappointment that he's not jumping to repeat it, despite his apparent great enthusiasm in discussing it!
BA - not married, pretty darn sure of that. But he could have lots of more age-appropriate dates lining up, I suppose, and I could be Plan B. Then again, he IS an engineer, he could just be clueless in that way they often are, lol.
Ah well - I've been summoned to an extra band practice tonight anyway. And I'll find someone else to go with me to the concert tomorrow. And Sunday I am hosting book club. And so far Mon Tues Wed and Thurs night next week are spoken for. He snoozes he loses!
Then again, he IS an engineer, he could just be clueless in that way they often are, lol.
Hey! I resemble that remark!
An extra band practice sounds fun! I am trying to convince the guys I am attempting to sing with that we should put in a little effort after the first of the year, and do a friends and family barbecue. We shall see if my prodding succeeds. At least one of the guys seems for it.
I wanted to comment on the dating lots of guys. That's kind of what one of the women I was dating was doing. I messed up her plan, to a degree. But then I guess another guy messed it up more, since she decided to go that direction. But, in a moment of rationality, I realized that's kind of the point of dating. We aren't looking for someone that we have to convince to like us, are we? And we don't want to have to be convinced to like them. They doesn't mean we don't enjoy a bit of pursuit and pursuing, but I think that's just part of the fun.
I have two dates this weekend! Imagine that!
The first is tomorrow at lunchtime, with the woman (P-46) with my favorite profile so far. She lives about an hour away, so it won't be exactly convenient if it goes further, but it isn't impossible, either.
The second will be a third date with L-55. We seem to have good conversations, but not even a hug after either of the first two. I didn't want to force it, but I made sure I allowed a reasonable opportunity on the second date. I think the third date will be telling, as far as figuring out the attraction on both sides.
And, might I say, it's good to be off of probation!
Ummmm....isn't the GUY supposed to initiate the hug (or kiss or whatever???)
Ummmm....isn't the GUY supposed to initiate the hug (or kiss or whatever???)
I don't know! It's a fine line, right? Between pushing too hard, and getting it just right.
There have been three first date kisses.
The first I thought was a hug.... well, she had other ideas.
The second was one of those that I think was surprising to both of us. Sitting on a sofa in a nice lounge/bar, just talking, arm around her shoulder, looked at her, and..... It actually might have been a good thing we were in a public place. Mucho chemistry, no question. (That was the woman that had the plan to date lots of guys.)
The third one was after an after dinner walk (hand in hand) around the mall. I think I initiated that, but it seemed reasonable after the hand holding.
So it's not like I avoid it. It's hard to reconstruct for sure, but I would say that as I got close enough for a hug, she got in her car. But it's also possible I read it all wrong. We are planning on dinner and a movie Sunday, so I think I should know a lot more after that.
Man, now I feel like a total slut for kissing in the parking lot for five minutes with that guy. I'm obviously way too easy!!!!
Well.....
One the second date with the woman with the Chemistry, she told me some rather interesting details about activities at the nearby miniature golf course, in here younger days. At the same time saying that such activities had to wait a while, since once they started, there would be no more talking!
So, after dinner, we got to the parking lot, and I thought there might be activities right there next to the car!
I think that when there is that chemistry there, it's pretty hard to ignore. Which makes me think it really isn't there with Sunday's date. Or, she is a bit reluctant to show it, which is certainly a possibility.
kml...if you wanted something serious with the guy, you know that you wouldn't have made out with him! It sounds like you were looking (are looking) for a fling so making out in the parking lot is allowed with that kind of relationship.
Well I must say this...in hindsight, the guys I have dated since June-
the ones who are "into" me contact me the very next day or the same night!
One of the guys waited a few days and I wasn't into him but he was also dating multiple people and just told me. I told him the same. So he still made the effort a few days later. Zoobrew was hot and cold and that seemed to match his comfort level. Meaning he admitted to being confused about what he wanted and his pattern of communication matched that.
SO I am thinking that when they are "into" us, they contact us pronto!
Guys, I feel for you because women are told to not pursue and not come on too strong. So you do have to be the ones to initiate the contact and see how we reply.
If you don't think that's fair, well heck--we don't think it's fair that we have to be the ones to give birth! (lol)
But, WHY DO YOU KEEP GOING FOR THESE MEN WHO ARE JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU????
I don't know your patterns, but if this is your pattern then please look at it carefully. After being rejected by my STBXH for years, I figure I deserve to be with a guy who is willing to pursue me. I dated a guy who became increasingly distant and it was awful. Fortunately he ended it pretty quickly, but I should have first. I deserve better. Now I'm with a guy who's totally into me, and who wants to be my boyfriend
. It's LOVELY to be mostly free of that anxiety that I associate with a lot of courtship situations that I've been in. All you have to do is REJECT all the flaky, unavailable, not-that-into-you guys and make room for a decent one who thinks you're the bees' knees.
Man, now I feel like a total slut for kissing in the parking lot for five minutes with that guy. I'm obviously way too easy!!!!
I guess I'll be the dissenting voice here. I'm a "choosy floozy" or a "fussy hussy". It's a rare guy who I'll feel the chemistry with, but when I do it's hard to hold back when it's mutual. Sometimes I feel like I should be a good girl and "take things slow" etc. But realistically I am a passionate woman, and I like to be with passionate men. So it's not surprising that things go in that direction sometimes. Things got pretty passionate with my current boyfriend by the second date (not intercourse, just teenager-like messing around on the beach)...but that didn't stop him wanting to be with me and waiting while I dated the other guy exclusively for a month.
Here's an interesting perspective (warning crude language):
http://www.jackfrombkln.com/dismantling-the-myth-of-first-night-nookie/I'm not advocating first night kissing or nookie or anything else. But I guess I'm not a "rules" girl. I believe a lot of stuff in the "why men love bitches" book, but I adapt it
SO I am thinking that when they are "into" us, they contact us pronto!
When a guy has been really into me, not only has he contacted me, but I haven't had to read his mind about his desire to continue seeing me.
Flowmom, I think you have it about right. And it lines up with what I've seen. When the chemisty is there, things move along.
We decided our first date had to count for at least two, since we would't have kissed the way we were kissing on a first date. Or course, we sat and talked for four hours, so it was long enough for two dates!
You want to knwo the funny part? Physically she wasn't what I think of as my "type". But that didn't seem very relevant. Whatever it is, it was definitely there.
Man, now I feel like a total slut for kissing in the parking lot for five minutes with that guy. I'm obviously way too easy!!!!
Only 5 minutes? I don't think that makes anyone a slut.
I think I might be too easy too! I have kissed more people post-divorce than I have in my whole life! lol
Match is definetly working much better than the other free sites I tried. I am emailing 2 women right now and another winked at me but she is from Wisconsin!?
Ten gets you twenty the long distance wink is a scam.
Nice picture? Profile doesn't have any words that really indicate where she's from? Doesn't seem to have any real "specifications" for who she wants to meet?
I emailed her but no response yet. Her profile looked legit to me.
Newmama said:
"kml...if you wanted something serious with the guy, you know that you wouldn't have made out with him! It sounds like you were looking (are looking) for a fling so making out in the parking lot is allowed with that kind of relationship. smile
Well I must say this...in hindsight, the guys I have dated since June-
the ones who are "into" me contact me the very next day or the same night!"
Well - this guy DID contact me that very same night - there was a sweet email waiting when I got home. AND a sweet reply the next morning.
As for whether I would kiss a guy for five minutes in the parking lot on a first date if I wanted a real relationship with him? ABSOLUTELY! Gosh, why would I want a real relationship with a guy unless I was at LEAST that attracted to him??? I thought I showed admirable restraint, considering how cute and smart and funny he was, and such a good kisser too.
I totally agree. If the attratcion is there why would you fight it? I think chemistry between two people is really important. If you are interested, there is no harm in seeing if the physical adds to the rest of the equation!
Kml-- just saying that typically, when we get physical early, the relationships don't last long.
Ok everyone, prove me wrong, please, with your "exceptions" to this rule!
oops- kml, I think the guy was into you but also into other women as well.
I got physical with my X early on and the relationship lasted about 25 years. I do think that OW "held out" and that is what made him so hot and bothered for her and now she is married to him. But they rushed into marriage and he was complaining about her within a few months of getting married. So I'm not sure what the answer is....
Kml-- just saying that typically, when we get physical early, the relationships don't last long.
Hasn't been my experience. Last boyfriend before STBXH -- got physical quickly, together for 2 years and lived together for last year. Then met STBXH...
I think a huge factor is WHY things get physical quickly.
Is it because you feel a huge click with the man as a human being and feel so attracted to him that wild horses couldn't keep you from meeting him halfway in a kiss? That's how it was for me with Guitarist. We didn't kiss on the first date but the possibility was hanging in the air as we sat on a secluded beach and I would have totally welcomed a kiss (he was trying to be a gentleman).
OTOH, if you are a person who needs more comfort and trust before becoming physical and go along with a man's moving things ahead physically before you're ready, I could see how that could be a problem in developing a relationship. You have to be true to yourself and respect your own boundaries.
oops- kml, I think the guy was into you but also into other women as well.
nod...this is pretty common from what I understand. not all men like juggling women though. both men who I dated recently made it really clear that they didn't want to be multidating once things got to a certain point.
Well, that's all very interesting....
But right now the question is, with a blue chamray shirt, jeans or khakis. Lunchtime. But take into account I am in Southern Arizona, which is about as casual as it gets.
EXCEPTION to newmama's rule in EVERY LTR I've had, 1 year, 2 years, 3 years, 18 years, 6 years.
I'm inclined to think that if you don't at least feel the strong urge to be physical right from the first, "it" probably osn't there. Depending on how important that is to you I guess would determine whether an LTR would work from there.
But right now the question is, with a blue chamray shirt, jeans or khakis.
Definitely the jeans if they show off your assets.
kml... You go girl! Sounds awesome :))
Kml... Kissing is good for the soul, kissing is one of the great joys in life....
If I had more kissing@ home I might not ne a nearly WAW! I think one of my problems with my H is that I did not feel that urge to kiss him right away. After 20 years and virtually no sex ... Definitely would pick a man I wanted to
make-out with from the get go!!
H 53
Me 53
D 16
M 20 yr
Oldtimer, I am very pleased to hear of your exceptions!
Those that have read my thread know that I am not anti- making out or sleeping with someone I barely know.
I can't wait to have chemistry with someone again--it was pretty fun but definitely messed with my head because I just really wanted to see that person as soon as possible and couldn't be all relaxed about the whole thing.
Well, This is my online dating info:
** I work hard at a job that I adore and like to relax with a good book, movie, or quiet dinner (Italian, Chinese, Mexican.) I love Rock and Roll (put another dime in the jukebox, baby) R&B (no rap) Jazz, Soul, Classical, very little C&W. Honesty and loyalty are very important to me and I would like to meet someone who feels the same. A great sense of humor is a must, as well as a positive attitude. Please do not bother contacting me if you are married, "separated", "my wife doesn't understand me...." or anything other than completely free to pursue an honest, drama-free relationship. **
I get quite a few responses and went out with one guy a couple of times. Nice guy, but the chemistry just wasn't there.
Oh, and I never sent out any flirts or winks either unless the guy did first. I think that's fairly normal for women.
Great thread, all.
Flowmom, you're dead-on in every post.
For all of us:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=FU8O7hxTsTwPeace,
Well, I went with the jeans. And the blue shirt, but I don't think it was fail.
I had a very pleasant lunch. We talked a lot, and laughed a lot. I gave her a hug in the parking lot, i think it was just about right. She did say that it was better than she thought it would be (not the hug, just the date in general). I hope that's a good thing. And I think agreed that we would like to meet again.
Kimmie, nothing wrong with your profile, but I don't have a sense of your personality from it. I think that's a challenge of writing a profile, getting beyond the transactional (this is what I want, this is what I have to offer, etc.) to expressing who we are -- so that we can attract someone who gets and appreciates us. Not easy!
Kimmie, nothing wrong with your profile, but I don't have a sense of your personality from it. I think that's a challenge of writing a profile, getting beyond the transactional (this is what I want, this is what I have to offer, etc.) to expressing who we are -- so that we can attract someone who gets and appreciates us. Not easy!
Yeah, that was just part of it. I didn't post the other sections that go more in depth. Those list my interests, temperament, etc.
I like you personality Kimmie. I like your hardcore attitude that comes accross in your posts here!
Well, i've been on match for two weeks. Deleted 1200 profiles already and been viewed 1113 times. out of that only 5 men have contacted me. I am not into the wink thing.
WEnt to lunch with one guy on Friday it lasted an hour. He was a very nice man but he didn't get up from the table when I got to the restaurant to say hello. Slide a business card across the table. Very rich man, who raises his four children, divorced for 6 years, and she walked away from him and the kids. But, he picked his teeth at lunch... the first time i thought well he's just got something stuck but then after the 6th time I just knew he was clueless. Plus, the man had gold crowns on his back molars.... bad teeth.... why if you have all that money ...own your own steel business would you not get your teeth fixed. Anyway, nice man, but when it came time to pay... I'm getting my share out of my purse because i don't expect a man to pay at a meet and greet.
He says "i got it I'll put it on the company anyways".... yuck! So, that a no.
I then met another one for happy hour turn dinner last night. We talked from 6-11 over 2 beers each and some dinner. Nice guy, looked just like his picture. Was waitingn in the lobby for me. Approached me when i walked in. Seemed happy to see me. i liked that by the end of the evening he didn't try to hug me, shake my hand, or kiss me. In fact, he never touched me all night. Nor made any gross comments. Now, talking to my GF on the way home to rehash the evening it dawned on me.... THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED...so then I was pretty convinced that he wasn't interested. While we were talking he sent a text saying goodnight. Then he text me a few times off and on today about funny things.
But he did not ask me out again (yet).... but my GF said if he didn't like you he would not have spent almost 5 hours with you and now that he has made contact... I feel like there may be some interest. So, that makes him a possible 1st date material, balls in his court.
I'm not sold on the online dating thing however, I have only one single friend but she does have a BF so it's not like there are any avenues to meet men... and like a few other ladies in the 40's here the only men that talk to me when i go out are 25-35 year olds. I'm not going there.
Lol - well, Sandycay, the 35 year olds are a heck of a lot better suited to YOU than they are to me!
A guy who doesn't hug, shake my hand, OR try to kiss me? I'm thinking either he's not interested in me, OR he suffers from an undesirable lack of testosterone!!!
A guy who doesn't hug, shake my hand, OR try to kiss me? I'm thinking either he's not interested in me, OR he suffers from an undesirable lack of testosterone!!!
The first time you meet him?
There could be another thing going on here: he could have some class and be trying to figure out if they are compatible. Maybe, having some class, he doesn't go around hugging and kissing every strange woman he meets.
I'm just sayin'. Geez.
A bit of advice from the ladies here, please?
Ok, when emailing a woman on match I intentionally find something else to write about other than their looks. Is that the right way to go or should I compliment their beauty somehow? What do you like?
A guy who doesn't hug, shake my hand, OR try to kiss me? I'm thinking either he's not interested in me, OR he suffers from an undesirable lack of testosterone!!!
The first time you meet him?
There could be another thing going on here: he could have some class and be trying to figure out if they are compatible. Maybe, having some class, he doesn't go around hugging and kissing every strange woman he meets.
I'm just sayin'. Geez.
I agree. I almost never go after a woman like that on the first meeting. Unless the woman has been very flirty!
TH, I agree - sounded like a nice guy. He's interested - he sent more than one text.
A bit of advice from the ladies here, please?
Ok, when emailing a woman on match I intentionally find something else to write about other than their looks. Is that the right way to go or should I compliment their beauty somehow? What do you like?
I've had both types of compliments... ones that were "you look hot in the green dress"..(which to me is a turn off) to "(you look very pretty in that red sweater) see the difference. I wouldn't ocmpliment on any bathing suit pictures or anything like that. It's nice when you see them (us) if you like the way we look to say something about it. Like..."you look very nice, or you look great in that....." Not, "wow, your way hotter than your pictures". Of course, some people like that and sometimes it's a good time to tell a woman she's way hot but not on the first date!
These are a few things I think women like to hear compliments on: I have had two men say something about my nails looking nice....Now men, we do spend some time and money on these things for you to notice little details like that and say something... is very nice. Also, if you like the way we smell (perfume) it's nice for that to be acknowledge.... ok...I'm a words of affirmation girl but still .... it's nice when we go through the effort to get ready that it is noticed.
Now boys, give us some hints on what the men like!
"I agree. I almost never go after a woman like that on the first meeting. Unless the woman has been very flirty!"
I guess some of this depends on what KIND of meeting we're talking about. If it was a meet and greet coffee date with someone I had very little contact with prior - then perhaps it would not be appropriate for a guy to hug me.
But if it is a two-hour date with loads of conversation and spark, with someone that I have had some long chats with prior to meeting - then I would think it odd if a guy didn't at least make a move to hug me. Granted, of course, that it has become perfectly obvious that we both like each other.
I hope that a hug after a nice time together isn't "going after a woman", even if it's the first time we've met. Not in every case, but I think that if you are paying attention you can figure out when it will be welcomed, and when it wouldn't be. And you can do it in a friendly, non threatening way, as well. The good old side-hug, for example. If she wants more than that, it's easy for her to show that, if she wants less, she can gracefully slide away, if it's just right, she can return it.
I think I mentioned the woman I've seen twice with no hugs at all. It's one of the few cases where I think there could be some chemistry, but she's protecting herself, perhaps. Which may mean that I will need to make sure that she can tell that it will be returned. Hmmmm, things to think about!
It was a meet and greet "happy hour" time. Not much communication before...I prefer to do that in person not in emails or phone before I meet.
So, since it wasn't officially a date maybe that's why. I wouldn't have wanted to kiss him .... he's still a little unknown at that point. Indications that he was feeling a spark....leaning a little across the table to talk, laughing a lot, no crossed arms, relaxed. He did call last night and we chatted for about 30 minutes and then he sent a few text so I figure that about appropriate.
Physical attraction is easy but there has to be other attractions there as well. So, I am focusing more on that and it seems like he is too. I am attracted enough to him that i know if he did kiss me, i would kiss back (after another date or two) but i am glad to wait to see if he is the right person to kiss. I don't want to confuse sexual attraction with emotional attraction and I think it is an area i need to work in. It's hard though because it's an area that I like very much....
sandycay...
What do the guys like?
Well, this one likes a smile. Some eye contact now and then. Answers longer than one word. Laughing. Talking about things she saw in my profile, and talking about things I saw in her's.
And most importantly, not being told I eat too slowly! Ok, not really, but that actually happened. I think I interrupted her lunch with conversation!
Well unless it is obvious that the first date or "meet and greet" is going absolutely no where, I tend to offer a hug at the end of the evening. No kissing unless she initiates that. The hug is not an erotic death clinch either, more along the lines of what I would give a family member. I also would never simply just sit at the table when the woman arrived either, find that to be a bit rude.
BA
A guy who doesn't hug, shake my hand, OR try to kiss me? I'm thinking either he's not interested in me, OR he suffers from an undesirable lack of testosterone!!!
kml, LOL! I have read a lot of dating advice to men to to not initiate any physical contact on the first date because so many men are clueless and don't read the cues of whether that would be welcome or not. My advice to men: don't be clueless! Be totally tuned into your date and figure out where she's at...AND be a confident man who is tuned into himself as well.
Guitarist surprised me with his physical contact on our first date (my first date since separation). It was our first meeting, just a walk on the beach. We had only spoken very briefly on the phone after a botched meetup where we were waiting for one another in different spot. Anyway, when we actually met up, he greeted me with a hug...possibly the most intimate, expressive hug that a man has ever given me. I was shocked by the intimacy of it, yet I loved it, hugged him back, and admired his confidence. There was no pushiness about it though. I asked him about how he knew the hug would be welcome, and he said that it was all about how I hugged him back and where I put my arms, etc. He said it could have just as easily been a distant hug with little contact. So he got full points for reading my cues and managing to be manly in a respectful way. The hug set the tone for the whole rest of the date. It wasn't a guarded checking-you-out "meeting" as I was expecting (as I guess most "coffee dates" are?). It was a date, a relaxed, warm conversation and sharing of a spectacular setting and day.
Ok, when emailing a woman on match I intentionally find something else to write about other than their looks. Is that the right way to go or should I compliment their beauty somehow? What do you like?
I guess on a dating site I am considered attractive so I would get a lot of guys initiating conversations with "you're cute" "you're gorgeous" etc. So it was refreshing when guys just sounded friendly at first, and talked about being interested in conversation with me based on our common interests. Actually the "dateable" guys didn't comment on my appearance at all at first, as if it was a given (which it is since most men are only going to approach women they find visually appealing). When looking for a "dateable" guy, I was looking for someone who I wanted to have a conversation with because I was thinking about what it would be like to be on a blind date with them. Them finding me attractive wouldn't be enough to make a date with them comfortable and pleasant.
I don't think I have ever been at the table when the woman arrived. I've always waited at the entrance. If it's busy I will tell the greeter that there will be two, but I don't think I would go in.
On a subsequent date I might go in, but not on the first.
I don't want to confuse sexual attraction with emotional attraction and I think it is an area i need to work in. It's hard though because it's an area that I like very much....
Call me confused
. I guess I am finding that it's all mixed up for me right now, and I think I want it that way. I just want to follow my bliss, not put labels on things and define them.
I don't think I have ever mentioned appearance in my email greeting. Like flowmom said, it's obvious, isn't it? I do make sure that I specifically mention something that's in their profile, so they don't get the impression that I just read the profile for the pictures!
I don't want to confuse sexual attraction with emotional attraction and I think it is an area i need to work in. It's hard though because it's an area that I like very much....
Call me confused
. I guess I am finding that it's all mixed up for me right now, and I think I want it that way. I just want to follow my bliss, not put labels on things and define them.
I have always been a very physical person so that part is easy peasy for me, I'm just doing a 180 for me. I think I was a man in a previous life! LOL
Sandycay, the guy likes you! They contact us when they like us! He is being a gentleman. Especially since you were doing happy hour and not some romantic-y kind of date.
Even my exH didn't make any physical move on the first date and I was the one to initiate kissing on the second date.
But when the men don't say anything to us like they think we are pretty/ cute, or like our eyes, or don't even pat us on the arm or scoot next to us, it can make us feel like you aren't attracted to us!
As for compliments about our profile pics-- I like hearing them, sure! But I prefer "you have a beautiful smile" or "you have gorgeous eyes" or "red is your color!" or "you look very pretty" OVER "you are smokin' hot" or "sexy" or some other crass comment.
Save that for the makin' out conversation!
I am a product of a different generation I guess. I've been trying to remember if I ever had a first date that DIDN'T end in a kiss???
I don't think our ages are that different but I don't kiss on the first date. I never did when I was younger and I imagine I will be the same now.
kat
Well I can't wait to make out again and now that my house is clean, maybe some feng shui will come my way!
I think it's time to update my profile. Maybe I will borrow Flowmom's idea and write it differently. Maybe I will post a picture showing cleavage! (just kidding)
I do have a question about push up bras for the guys-- do you feel cheated when you find out it is just the bra? I was thinking of how Marilyn Monroe never took hers off when in bed and how the bra must have been attractive enough!
I love bras but I think I am more of a leg man.
Thanks to everyone for the great advice on my question! It does help me.
My first boyfriend took 4 months to kiss me, my second one took 6 weeks (3 dates) to kiss me...but hey that was high school! There were a few guys I made out with in college that I never went out on a 'date' with...just hung out at a party together and went from there, or walked home from the bar together...
I kissed vomit guy on the first date but the refs were throwing flags there right and left and I chose to ignore them, so my fault entirely!
Haven't kissed anyone else on the first date yet but didn't really want to...Golf Guy and I kissed on our second date, but it was 5 months after our first date! (Wow I am a slow mover). Saturday will be our third date (two months after our second date) so we shall se what that brings...
I never really thought about how much I enjoyed hugging/kissing/spooning, etc until after my exH left...now it sucks because I am so wired for that, but I have to WANT to kiss you, and have not met that many guys who fit the bill...
I'm with you BobbiJo, I realllly like kissing.
I have been reading this thread and feeling a little slutty, cuz I don't see anything wrong with kissing on the first date. I would hate to date a guy several times then find out he was a bad kisser. I like getting physical, and I don't see any harm in doing so in the beginning, to make sure the chemistry is there.
BND, KLM, and I can be on the choosy floozy team
Kissing is so important. How a man kisses says so much about who he is emotionally, more than technique under the sheets.
Some of it is probably age, and some of it is probably geography. I'm guessing that the places where I've lived as an adult (esp in my early adulthood) are probably more sexually "relaxed" than the locations of most of the posters here.
There may be hope for me! Two of the women I have dated actually said I was a good kisser! Which I never knew! And the third that I have kissed certainly didn't seem to avoid it.
Well, I STILL don't know about the chemistry of lack thereof with L-55. We went to see "Red" (a fun movie, by the way). A little touching during the movie, she didn't really pull back, but she didn't really encourage it, either. Then we ate, and talked. I did hold her hand for a while, there was a bit more arm touching and eye contact. And when we parted there was a hug. But I really get the feeling she's holing back. And in the long run, that's not going to to the trick. Oh, and she must be a bit old fashioned. I have paid for everything to this point.
As far as P-46, yesterday's date. She's worried about the distance, which I understand. But she is unusual, in a good way. I sent back that I'm willing to give things a try and see what happens. She has a bit of practicality in her, so she might not want to, but we will see.
There may be hope for me! Two of the women I have dated actually said I was a good kisser! Which I never knew! And the third that I have kissed certainly didn't seem to avoid it.
Way to go desert rat!
Well, the last first date I was on, I just kissed him first. Yep, just planted one on him as we said our good-byes in the parking lot.
I think he liked it..
I love bras but I think I am more of a leg man.
Sigh.....
I think I love you.
I do have a question about push up bras for the guys-- do you feel cheated when you find out it is just the bra? I was thinking of how Marilyn Monroe never took hers off when in bed and how the bra must have been attractive enough!
It's never just the bra! Whatever is there is just right!
I do have a question about push up bras for the guys-- do you feel cheated when you find out it is just the bra? I was thinking of how Marilyn Monroe never took hers off when in bed and how the bra must have been attractive enough!
It's never just the bra! Whatever is there is just right!
Oh,ok....
I think I love you too!
Am I too slutty now?
Nah!
I think that the relevance of "size" is vastly overstated/represented in the folklore and the media. At least personally, I have been quite attracted to women of various sizes, and can't imagine that being a make or break type of issue. Or really, any issue at all.
A nice smile is a thousand time more important that the size of your chest. At least.
I'm with you BobbiJo, I realllly like kissing.
I have been reading this thread and feeling a little slutty, cuz I don't see anything wrong with kissing on the first date. I would hate to date a guy several times then find out he was a bad kisser. I like getting physical, and I don't see any harm in doing so in the beginning, to make sure the chemistry is there.
I don't think there is anything wrong with a kiss on the first date either.
Desert Rat is right, girls. Men don't usually care what size our breasts are, they just like that we have them.
I was a scanty B cup in college, and am a 34DD now (go figure - all I had to do was have three babies and gain thirty pounds, and half of it would end up in my bra!!!).
It has been my experience that men always liked them, no matter the size. If you're small, just go braless!!!
My hot small-chested sister has never lacked for male attention. But she totally dresses for her body type and is super picky about clothing fit.
Your thread is very large, please start a new one.
Thanks,
sg
I love bras but I think I am more of a leg man.
Sigh.....
I think I love you.
It's too soon Kimmie, it's just too soon.
Kissing on the first date sounds like a common and acceptable occurence! Bravo! Men aren't saying we are slutty and women are sounding very open and willing to be kissed, correct?
It is great to learn so much from one another!
Ok so thanks for the feedback about the bra/breasts!
Now,Desert Rat, I think you might need to create the mood for the woman who is "holding back"....if you go on a 3rd (or is it 4th?) date with her, get her to open up! Remember the 5 love languages:
Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive
I think conversation must be in there somewhere, like under quality time?
Thanks for reminding me about the Five Love Languages - I think I just figured out my date with the 34 year old! Of COURSE I was smitten - my love languages are Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch. So what did he do? Told me I was a "hottie"
and kissed me in the parking lot for five minutes. Jeez, doesn't take much for me, does it??? (Of course, he was also megasmart and funny and very cute. And tall. But I think I'd best be a little more aware in the future of how susceptible I am to someone who speaks even a little bit of my love languages, and be a little more cautious - especially since he's not contacting me now.)
Let's make another one...