I figured since day 1 has come and gone, I should probably start a new thread.
I have found that sense of peace that I was so desparately searching for before the D was final. It is strange how the mind works. I am amazed by how much I don't think about the SG anymore. I still do on the drive home, that is my down time and he tends to creep into my mind. Hurts a little, but every day is better.
I love my life right now. I love not having to answer to anyone, and not being in limbo anymore. I can handle being on my own and not having that proverbial significant other. I can do what I want, when I want, and I don't have to answer to anyone. Well...within reason
I like the thought of not really thinking about relationship dating for a year. Let's face it, I am no where ready for a relationship, and frankly, I am kinda enjoying just playing around...the Tween is at her dad's on the weekend and so I can pretty much do what I want.
It is amazing the difference of a week...and finality.
I reckon that's cause for a drink Lola, vodka and coke please
I'm in the mood for an ice cold beer please. Make it an MGD64. Love it.
Actually.....I think I'm going home and having one.
LOL,
WOW, what a difference a finalization makes
I loved logging on and seeing this. You and I have gone through a lot of the same emotions and like I said I feel like I'm just a step or two behind you. So I look to you (no pressure) for encouragement to see what the future holds for me. As I know there will come a point, at least I pray, that I'll get to that point too!
Great to hear, happy happy for you!
I'll take a vodka lemonade dear
Glad to hear you're doing so well! Stout please.
Drinks comin' up...
I think I will be drinking a nice Riesling tonight myself...
That's awesome! it gives me hope for having a normal life again someday.
You will SR..trust me. I really did not think I would, but here I am.
LOL, of course I have also earned a bit of a geeky side...last night on the way home they started playing Thriller on the radio and there I am, bopping along as I am driving...and frankly all I could do was laugh! I kept thinking it has been a long time since I have been that happy and dammit, I am going to enjoy it!
AWESOME LOLA! I drive with my windows down whenever possible and subject all the people in the neighboring cars to my music. Usually some mix of metal, rock, and alternative. They just love it here in white bread, USA.
Usually me too. I love anything rock, alternative, old, new...for some reason I switched the station and low and behold this song was on. I loved every minute of it!
Can I have a strong coffee please after my noon nap? Thanks!
About time Lola dear!
K
Coffee pot is on with a nice Dunkin' Donuts Dark...mmmm tasty...anyone else???
Ok.....so you said 'this song' in your last post. Which song was it? Curious minds you know....
I'll take a super strong coffee. Dunkin' dark sounds delicious. I'll need about 2tbsp of fat-free non-dairy creamer in that too please.
Thriller...lol. Usually they only play it at Halloween...
Oh, that's right! Duh!
I know, waiting until halloween to hear a great song is a bummer isn't it?
It is...
So the SG called yesterday. It was a great call, and reminded me of who he was when we got married.
Made me a little sad because I realize that person is gone. I didn't get depressed, and pretty much put the call out of my mind. I was worried that the first call I got from him post-divorce would send me spinning, but was very pleased to find out that it really didn't.
A year ago, I would have tried to overanalyze the call, but I realize how far I have come and that I don't do that anymore. I have to say I am so glad that part of my life is over.
I do still love him, but I also realize that there is still life to be had after the heartbreak.
I have been having some trouble registering my car in NY because it is in his name. Texas does not issue a title until the car is paid off, and because it still has a car payment on it, there is paperwork needed from the company that holds the lien. This could potentially take months, and the registration is already expired. So I sent him the registration and a check by express mail so he can get the registration from Texas, and until I get all the paperwork I need from the bank at least I won't be driving an illegal car.
He called because he said he waited two hours at the post office to get the letter. Now, this does not make sense to me because it was not certified, did not need a signature, but on the other hand I am not sure if a signature is needed for something sent express mail.
SG was laughing, joking, and telling me he know I did it on purpose just to give him a hard time. I, of course, shot back that he knew me so well, I did send it like that on purpose just so that he would have to wait in line at the post office to pick it up.
Then he asked me how I was. Told him I was great, doing really well. Then he asked me how the Tween was doing, my dad, yada yada. Told me he has an appointment this week to take the polygraph for the El Paso police department. Asked me how I like my job.
For just a moment, I saw the man I married, someone who was not concerned about himself, but who wanted to know how I was doing.
Regardless, I am not falling back into the trap. I have come too far to put my life on hold again.
At least, I am going to try to keep telling myself that.
Those conversations have to be hard. W and I don't have those kind of talks. She never shows any interest in what I'm doing whatsoever. I don't know if it's an act or if I'm that dead to her. She'll try to slip in stuff about her life and her job and her family and, ever since Jan. 1, I just go completely silent when she does that.
I know it's petty and I need to grow up a bit, but I'm still not ready for some unemotional friendship.
I had a friend tell me she's been divorced six years and is completely over any of the old feelings. She even knitted a sweater for the baby her ex is having with the GF he left her for.
She wanted to show her kids how to be the bigger person.
I just thought wow. I don't know if I'll ever be there, but it will be hard on my kids if I don't figure something out.
You are obviously doing better than I am, but you are farther down the path.
SG and I have always had decent communication, other than the last few months we were married, and during some of the aftermath. But most of the time we really talk well. Of course, most of the time the talk surrounds what he is doing, what woes he has, etc. to which I do the typical womanly "uh huh" and leave it at that.
The thing is in all honesty, there really is no reason for us to talk. We don't have any kids, all property has been separated, and any conversation about the bankruptcy could be done through email.
At some point, SG was my best friend, as well as my spouse. I miss that a lot, but I am not so sure I would be able to handle being friend with him down the road. Things are still new, but I know at some point we will both meet other people. Keeping in contact w/ him just won't be the best option.
I have 3 exes. I don't have any contact w/ the first one at all, the kids are grown and there is no reason for me to stay in touch.
I do talk to XH because of the Tween, he is her dad, but even that is limited now that she is old enough to tell him what is going on. We talk maybe once a week, usually when I go to pick her up at his house on Sundays. It is always brief, never asking how the other one is, but mostly just about the Tween. We have a decent working relationship, but there is no point.
I know for me, it is because I still love the SG that I still answer the phone. Eventually that will subside (I hope) and it won't seem so important. I did it last weekend when he called, didn't answer, didn't call back.
In the meantime, I am going to enjoy my life and the Tween, and worry about what else could possibly happen when it happens, rather than looking at the future.
I do want to say, Cling, that it is a different story when you have children. And I have been doing this for, well geez, I guess going on three years now, so alot of the healing is done for me, and I am just moving into acceptance. I have discovered that sometimes, no matter what happens, you just have to have faith that there is a reason for it.
I still let the friendly banter phone calls get to me. Maybe not knowingly, but I will let my guard done and then be surprised/hurt again when things go south...
I know I still love my ex too for some crazy reason and that is why I allow myself to keep seeing his good side even when I know it isn't enough to make things right...
Hope your week gets off to a great start!
ah ha. I've found you! I missed a round of drinks, and some coffee. And some really great comments from a smart and strong woman.
I'll have some rum. Any mix you have is fine.
I think you are really skilled at understanding and expressing feelings. You are sounding great! I am so glad that your state of limbo has ended. And that you're finally reaching some personal happiness despite what happened. In particular I liked your comment about believing that there is a "divine" reason for this. (I forget how you put it exactly, but I think it's an important point.)
I have no need for a thread of my own. I have no situation. Disappointing, but it's what it is. Saying I'm separated has gone on a bit too long, in my case. I believe it's crossed the line into something way more serious than separated! There is no forum for severly severed. Wish I were in piecing, but that looks less likely as time goes by. Focusing on my business & my teen. If there's some reason MJG & I were just not meant to be, it has yet to make itself obvious. All I know is that I'm 50 yrs old. I don't have time to sit around heartbroken and miserable for a year or more every time a relationship doesn't work out. I've got to keep going on and be as happy as possible cuz time is moving forward quickly. I want to be happy. I know that's a mind state that I have control of, but the sadness is the final link to the man I love. Its all that's left of us. As awful as it is to live in that space, I've not reached a point that I can let it go.
So I really appreciate you sharing your experience here and take some comfort and hope in watching your journey. You've traveled far and done it well.
c u on fb!
xo
And I have been doing this for, well geez, I guess going on three years now, so alot of the healing is done for me, and I am just moving into acceptance. I have discovered that sometimes, no matter what happens, you just have to have faith that there is a reason for it.
This is exactly how I feel.
In particular I liked your comment about believing that there is a "divine" reason for this. (I forget how you put it exactly, but I think it's an important point.)
Honestly, that is the only way I have gotten through this. I am not an overtly religious person, but I do believe each individual is entitled to their own relationship with their version of God. It depends on what you have been taught. But I also think it is a very personal relationship.
I read someplace that people take two steps when they are encumbered with a situation that is painful...either they turn away from their faith or it becomes stronger. I find great solice in my faith. When I am at my weakest, I do pray for the strength to get through it. And somehow, even if it is a second at a time, I do gather that strength.
I still love the SG. I have accepted I probably always will. But that doesn't mean that at some point, I cannot open my heart to love someone else either.
But first, I am really learning to love myself.
Hi LolaL, Learning to love yourself is probably the most important revelation we can give ourselves. I am glad you mentioned this!
Sol you're very right. Love and respect for self is very important in that it allows us to place the boundaries of what is acceptable and not acceptable. If you cannot have that for yourself, no one else will either.
Well said as usual Lola.
What did you do this weekend?
Not a damned thing. Well I did take the Tween to get her a haircut on Saturday, she wants to look like Alice from Twilight (rolling eyes). But she looks adorable. I wanted to watch 2012, but it is not out on PPV yet. So I just relaxed mostly. Did take a little drive along Lake Ontario on Saturday after dropping the Tween off by her uncle's house. It was windy and rainy, and I forgot what water looks like! LOLOL but it was great.
How about you?
Oh, I spent a lovely, rainy weekend getting a tire changed on my golf cart, two new tires, balancing, and oil change on my car (which no longer shimmies!!! YEA!), running Marc around to his social engagements, dealing with my mother who is worse than ever right now (I had to pick her up off the floor yesterday and clean her up which was NOT pleasant at all and I hurt my back), and running my uncle who has onset dementia up to the airport with my cousin to ship him off to his son's house in CA for a couple of months. Oh yeah, started cleaning my carpet with the new carpet cleaner I bought. I really put my tax refund to work....making more work for myself!
Sorry you asked?
I am exhausted just reading it....
Found you!
Sounds like you had a nice weekend!
Mishka - you had about as busy a weekend as me! Sheesh! You definitely are no couch potato!
Hi Lola,
thanks for stopping by my thread. I need to read up on your sitch.
Single & loving it... I could use some tips!
peace
bridge
I was watching the news this morning, and saw a story about a couple being killed across the border from El Paso, in Juarez, Mexico, and I realize how lucky I am to have gotten out of there with the Tween safely.
There is so much unrest in Mexico with the cartels attempting to take hold right now. No one is safe in that area. Although it has not spilled over into the US yet, these latest murders took place mere feet from the border. I find this very sad since many people living in El Paso have family across the border that they love. The Hispanic culture is firmly rooted in family, and the thought of not being able to make a simple trip to enjoy a birthday party of a loved one without the worry of being shot is terrible.
So today I am thankful that my family lives safely. And I am thankful that I am in NY rather than El Paso.
Just wanted to say hello and that I'm thinking about you.
I agree - it is a true tragedy what is going on in Mexico right now. The senseless killing of people is pathetic. Right now, Mexico is no where to be found on my places to visit.
I was watching the news this morning, and saw a story about a couple being killed across the border from El Paso, in Juarez, Mexico, and I realize how lucky I am to have gotten out of there with the Tween safely.
There is so much unrest in Mexico with the cartels attempting to take hold right now. No one is safe in that area. Although it has not spilled over into the US yet, these latest murders took place mere feet from the border. I find this very sad since many people living in El Paso have family across the border that they love. The Hispanic culture is firmly rooted in family, and the thought of not being able to make a simple trip to enjoy a birthday party of a loved one without the worry of being shot is terrible.
So today I am thankful that my family lives safely. And I am thankful that I am in NY rather than El Paso.
My ex just went to El Paso to meet customers for his job. They were supposed to go to Juarez to meet the customers, but convinced them to cross the border and meet in El Paso. I don't want the father of my kids anywhere near Juarez! I googled it and it is officially the deadliest city in the world, on a % basis....yikes! Conditions are terrible there...
That story of tragedy and fear hit me too. One of my clients just moved from El Paso to Houston. For the longest time he would fly out of Juarez instead of El Paso because it was cheaper and he could get a direct flight to Monterrey. He suddenly stopped doing that about 6 months ago and when I asked him he said that the violence had escalated to an extreme level and he wouldn't cross the border any longer even though he had been doing it his entire life. It's so sad to see the cartels taking over in a country that already has so many problems.
The violence in Juarez has been in existence for a long time. The last full year I was there the city had almost 2500 unsolved murders. The Mexican Army had declared martial law because the police department is so corrupt, and for a while things were better. But it was literally just the cartels regrouping to come on stronger. Many people will not cross over anymore, and the US Military is absolutely forbidden to go over. A few years back, one of the politicians from Juarez was shot, and rushed to an ER in El Paso, the one where the SG worked as a security guard. The guards at this hospital were pulling 12 hour shifts and SWAT was also guarding the hospital. So although the violence has yet to spill over, the repercussions of it have definitely affected the people living in El Paso.
SG has a polygraph to join the PD in El Paso, and I have to admit, I do worry a little about him. I don't want to see him hurt either, but wonder if the cartels do decide to bring the violence over the EP, what will happen? I still have other friends there that I worry about also. Thank God none of them cross the border.
Has anyone noticed an increase in phone calls from the x after the D is final?
Mine attempted an increase in communication (e-mail and texts) the week before the D finalized. *head shake* Freakin aliens.
I know...SG calls me today to give me an update on his police department interview.
WTF? Why should I care? I mean, its not that I don't like talking to him, but part of me wants to say
Who are you? Where is the alien that inhabited your body? NOW you want to talk?
Gardener kind of had that situation. His ex invited him for a talk and she just wanted to be friendly. He essentially told her to take a flying leap -- in a polite way.
That's a tough one. Do you want a friendship with someone who tore your heart out?
I'm just guessing, but I'm pretty sure I'll handle based on the situation. I'm just not advanced enough to keep the outside world out.
If W is not involved with someone I'll most likely listen -- because I'm a sucker for that .00000001 percent of hope. If she is, I'll probably hang up on her.
Yeah, me too. But as far as if he was dating someone, or I was, the no. I refuse to put myself through that.
What are you up to Lola? How was your weekend?
Well the weekend was pretty good until the heel of my shoe got caught in the back of my jeans and I fell on my wrist (sprained), knee (scraped), and boob (bruised).
And I was sober...LOL!!
How about you Miska? How was yours?
OH! See,that'll teach you to wear heels with jeans!
Mine was ok. I spent it running back and forth to the hospital....nothing fun or enjoyable.
Yeah. It hurts to wear a bra
Oh my, there's a visual....that song "do your ears hang low, do they wobble to and fro........" came to mind! LOL!
Found 'ya, sweets.
Bruised boob? I'd say go commando.
Can I get a Lemon Drop, and a fly-by?
Glad to see you over here in Surviving.
Goldey
Yes you may...and yes bruised boob. I need someone to kiss it better, someone of the buff male variety....
Ouch! No fun.
Alcohol helps dull the pain....LOL
Yes yes, and there will be much drinking of alcohol this weekend. Going to head on up to PA for the weekend, tour the wineries of Gettysburg, and eat lots of red meat. Also shopping. Shopping, wine, food, sleep...yeah. Girls weekend!
Red meat and wine...two of my favorite things!
There is a really nice wine store right downtown on the main strip. Just near the town centre. Adams County Winery. There are some fantastic art galleries located next door as well
How fun! I'm jealous! LOL
Sounds like a FUN weekend LOL!
Sorry about the bruises...ouch!
SCORE ONE FOR THE LBS'S!!! WOOHOO TAKE THAT YOU WOMAN/MAN STEALING PEOPLE!!!
http://www.examiner.com/x-17416-Infidelity-Examiner~y2010m3d23-Betrayed-wife-sues-her-husbands-mistress-for-9-million-and-wins--you-can-too--part-1
OMG!!! ROTFLMAO!!! That is awesome. Just to have the vindication of putting that woman's name in the public record for all to see that she was party to adultery and is a homewrecking whore has to be enough. Forget the money!
Hey, BTW, how's the boob? I couldn't resist asking. LOL!
Hey, BTW, how's the boob? I couldn't resist asking. LOL!
I am sure her X is just fine!
Actually I haven't talked to the SG. Oh you mean my boob
...it is fine, still a little sore but I just cannot get any hot studs to kiss it better. c'est la vie...
The Tween's bf broke up with her this afternoon. You know people talk about the connection between mother and child. On the way home, I felt dreadful, I wanted to just cry. I was wonderiing why...thinking was I backsliding and grieving the SG? But it really wasn't that. When I got home, she told me he broke up with her.
She doesn't want to tell me why, but she seems to be fine. I am still waiting for her to cry, but so far that hasn't happened. She says she is really fine, but my heart just breaks and I want to kill the little monster. Okay, that might be taking it far, after all they are only 13 and 14, and I knew it wasn't going to last. But this is worse than going through it myself, when you see your child go through it. And she really is fine!!!
Poor baby.
Those tween breakups are just so horrible for them. As if the raging hormones and teen angst isn't bad enough, let's add a boy into the mix....mess! Did you go get pints of ice cream and teach her how to properly talk out a breakup?
That's always been the cure. Of course, you need to add in a bar of chocolate with the ice cream and it's an instant cure!!!
No.
She promptly went out and got a new boyfriend.
Maybe she was switched at birth with another kid?
OMG! She's a mover and a shaker isn't she?
Yeah she is lol!!! But I was glad that she realized it wasn't such a big deal, after all she is only 14. She said she knows she will have lots of b/f's.
But she assured me she is not having sex until she is at least 17. God willing...
I told my kids that if they aren't ready to have a baby then they shouldn't even be thinking about sex. It is a big job and one that most teenagers are ill equipped for.
So far that seems to have got them thinking.
kat
Mine too, although the new b/f is now just a friend. I guess it just didn't work out. But the Tween is doing well...glad that I am home from my weekend jaunt to PA!!!!!
Would new b/f be the beefcake from the summer or is this someone else? And excuse me....why am I so lost about this????
No no its the Tween's b/f...lol. Her b/f of 3 months broke up w/ her last week and I was worried about how she would take it. She was fine, and got a new b/f the next day, but they decided they were better off friends.
As for me, I think I am swearing off men for a while. I am quite content just being me for now
LOL!!!!!! Ok, duh! I was all excited for nothing.
You'll have to take a look at my thread and see who's come to roost.
Last night I dreamed the SG was dead.
In the dream, I cried, and searched for him, knowing I would never see him again.
I wonder if that dream signifies the death of the relationship. I mean, although most of the time I feel pretty good, every once in a while I do backslide into missing him.
In those moments, I wonder if I will ever get over him. But they are now becoming few and far between. Most of the time, I know that life goes on.
But sometimes I wonder...
Hmm....haven't had that dream yet. Could be you processing the death of a dream/a life that you had planned. Cause even though he is alive, you probably don't think you will ever experience the same SG you used to know, again...
Sometimes I wonder if I will ever get over my ex, too. Just the other night I was driving with the kids and I saw a falling star and without thinking the wish I wished was that he would come to his senses and come home...
It surprised me that that was the first thing that sprang into my mind when I saw the falling star...
Yeah I do that too. I was driving back from PA, and once again begging and pleading to God to pull the stick out of the SG's butt. And then, I asked for permission to just let it go, let him go, at least for a while. I don't want to feel like I have to worry about him. I don't want to think about him. I just wanted to have a break.
Maybe that was it. I don't know, but once I decided it was okay to take a break, and per se not give a flying hoot about him for a bit, it felt really good. I can honestly say at this moment I don't really care what he is going through. I don't want to talk to him, text him, nothing. It still vacillates though. I finally get to a point where I feel rested, and the dum azz calls again.
Methinks I need to stop answering the damned phone.
Holy cow girl! Where you been???? What have you been doing?
Hope you are enjoying your break, but we miss you!
Sorry, but Easter is kind of a sucky time of year now. Remember, it was when we found Kev last year. I just needed to take a breath and get through it. Of course, the actual date is still to come, along with the date he REALLY died vs. the date we found him, AND the last time I actually talked to him.
I mis my brother so damned much, and so yesterday I spent it blubbering like an idiot. I went to a friend's house for dinner, but she told me to stop crying because it wasn't going to get me anywhere. WTF?
The SG and I seem to be becoming friends. This is kind of odd for me, but I kind of like it. So I sent him a text yesterday saying that I missed Kev and that I guess Easter was always going to suck from now on. Remember, last year he completely blew me off, but he did send me a very nice text back, stating he really did not know what to say about the loss because it was such a hard thing to deal with, but that we should just keep Kevin close to our hearts.
No I am honestly not reading anythign into this, but I do have to admit it made me feel better. I realize that I do carry Kevin close to my heart. I miss him more than anyone. But having had Kevin as my brother has affected my life in so many good ways, I was privileged to have him as my brother.]
Anyway, if I am quiet the next few days that is why. I am just trying to muddle through until the 12th. The first hurdle is done, but I still have a few more days.]
PS I will damned well f*cking cry if I want to. I am really plssed about that comment. B*tch.
PS I will damned well f*cking cry if I want to. I am really plssed about that comment. B*tch.
Absolutely. Mourn in the way you want, remember/honor him in the way you want. Your game, your rules. My brother on here told me that...
Hugs,
BBJ
Thanks. I need to grieve his loss. I don't mean that I cry every day, but a few tears now and then are very cleansing.
That was so heartless of her to say that to you. I'm so sorry she was cold and callous toward your grief Chris. You don't need friends like that. It would be different if you were just blubbering over every little thing or had been going on for months and years like that but to say that to you on/around a painful anniversary was totally uncalled for.
Grieve in the way you need to and to hell with what anyone else thinks about it!!!
Love you Chris. Whatever you want to say, you know you can say it here without judgement and with lots of support.
Thanks Michelle and Michelle. This is the friend that I didn't speak to for quite some time, and we started talking about a year ago again. She and I have known each other a very long time, but I have to be honest. I don't like her very much anymore. I avoid going to her house. And when she says it is because I think I am better than everyone else, I take it offensively. I don't think I am better. Just different. I grew up. She didn't.
Anyway, these are things that I have known for a long time. This friend was a source of contention between me and the SG. Not that it matters really now, but she is kind of a source of contention for me.
I mean, her mother is sick, and she is bawling her eyes out because she is afraid she is going to die. Her mother isn't going anywhere, she is just getting older. My brother dies, and I do have a reason to cry, and I can't becasue she says I should suck it up cupcake.
There are a lot of things I don't like about her, yet I almost feel obligated to be her friend because we have known each other for like 20 years.
I don't know. I think I need to maybe do some pros and cons on this one. I don't want to cut her off. But I don't believe I can ever be as close as we were at one point again.
Maybe you should 'go dark' on her?
Or dim, not no contact, but dim?
Maybe we could call Michelle and Mish M&M...:) Ok it is lunch time and I am starving...
I have a few friends like that. We go way back to elementary school and used to be close, but life has happened, things change, and we are not who we were when we were eight anymore! (At least I hope not!) So I think it is definitely possible to 'outgrow' a friendship...
Some friendships are toxic. I did my own housecleaning on that one last year. So my "friend" I don't seek her out too often. She always wanted to know about the dirt in my life, the pain I was going through. Sorry, hon, but I am not giving you bits and pieces of my life just so you can feel better.
So keep the people that continue to support you and let the others go. So sorry about your brother. He is still with you, even now.
kat
I guess that is true. I have outgrown this friendship, and it is toxic. I was thinking of it like this the other day. When I left NY I was 28, and I was 41 when I came back. During the times I was gone, I did grow and mature, and I am a different person. Hell, just in the last few years I have done the most growing.
My "friend" does not get me. She did not understand why I stood for so long, or even now why I continue communicating with the SG. Ummm Hello...why is that any of her business? I could understand it if I was torturing myself by talking to him, but I'm not.
And she knew my brother, well. She knew we were close.
I have gone dim. As a matter of fact, if I don't call, I don't hear from her, and then she bitches at me for not calling.
One sided friendship...sheesh...
You should read the book "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend. Look it up on Amazon. It touches on these toxic relationships. They have another more specific book on the subject but the name escapes me...
Those two have written a few (I think we're talking about the same books). One on boundaries in dating, one on boundaries in marriage, one on boundaries in work (and preventing sexual harassment). Good stuff.
Those two have written a few (I think we're talking about the same books). One on boundaries in dating, one on boundaries in marriage, one on boundaries in work (and preventing sexual harassment). Good stuff.
Here is a link. They have written around a dozen books, plus they have a lot of other resources on their site. The one book I was thinking of earlier is "Safe People", about identifying people who will help you grow and those who hold you back,etc. Tons of resources on relationships, self discovery, parenting, dating, leadership, you name it!
Thanks. I am going to take a look because I am beginning to realize that it doesn't matter what the relationship is, there needs to be boundaries. I am kind of a chicken when it comes to voicing my opinion, not having one but saying hey I don't like that. I need to find my balls.
Maybe mine are hiding with yours???? When you find them tell mine to come on home.
LOL...maybe that is why we are not seeing the real thing...they are all hiding...
I still call "Boundaries in Marriage" the most life-changing book I ever read. Even though I hate saying that and sounding like Oprah...I read it last June on a work trip, sitting outside by the lake. It helped me see where my lack of enforcing boundaries contributed to the problems in my M, and where his resistance of boundaries also contributed. No matter what I can take those lessons in to my next relationship. Both from the point of view of not making the same mistakes I made before, and from the point of recognizing in future men that boundary-resistant personality that I do not want to have back in my life...so even if you aren't married it is a great book!
Ok getting off my soapbox...
Methinks I will be needin' a library card...I do need to set boundaries, and I am very bad at that. I suppose that is one of the problems w/ working on my individual self esteem. I just want everyone to be happy, and although I have realized I cannot MAKE everyone happy, I still WANT everyone to be happy.
On the other hand, I think I deserve to be happy too. And having friends who really don't understand me doesn;t help.
Tomorrow is one year when my brother Kevin was found.
I feel so sad. I miss him so much. But this past year has taught me to hold the people I love close.
I really don't have anything else to say.
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
I still call "Boundaries in Marriage" the most life-changing book I ever read. Even though I hate saying that and sounding like Oprah...I read it last June on a work trip, sitting outside by the lake. It helped me see where my lack of enforcing boundaries contributed to the problems in my M, and where his resistance of boundaries also contributed. No matter what I can take those lessons in to my next relationship. Both from the point of view of not making the same mistakes I made before, and from the point of recognizing in future men that boundary-resistant personality that I do not want to have back in my life...so even if you aren't married it is a great book!
Ok getting off my soapbox...
If your getting respect, and your communicating - there won't be much boundary enforcement to do at all.
Its when you lost respect and the other party does not care, or does not think about whats important to you that you are enforcing boundaries.
Tomorrow is one year when my brother Kevin was found.
I feel so sad. I miss him so much. But this past year has taught me to hold the people I love close.
I really don't have anything else to say.
I am so sorry sweets, lots and lots of hugs (((())))
K
Hey lola, thinking of you today and holding you close at heart.
Thanks...actually the day is going better than I thought it would...
Wow, it's been a year. I'm so sorry. I know it has been really hard for you. Stay strong and try to do something positive today girl.
Positive? I'm working
I don't think that is going to happen!! LOL!
Haha. Well, at least you ARE working! LOL
LOL SoCo, you know it! And actually have a job I love, FINALLY!!! I do have to watch my internet time at work...but my bosses are great, and I have found peace.
I also have booked a cruise for the Tween and myself in August, and it is coming up fast!!!!! Next step, passports, and airline tickets!! Can you say oooh Bahamas...
Better yet.....can you say "Bahama Mama's"? AWESOME!
Glad you like your job, I enjoy mine too, for the most part. The trip sounds fabulous!!
I bet you have a blast!!! I am taking my oldest daughter on a 4 day concert campout that starts on her birthday!! her 18th birthday actually. I am so excited to go, My stbx didnt like me doing things like that!
Bahamas sounds great...I definitely need to go! Maybe next year...
Why didn't he like you doing that BBG?
That sounds great. We will be moving this summer to a house, so no $$ for a big vacation this summer. BUT, my goal is to take the kids to Disney the next summer. My son remembers going, but my D4 was a baby when we went and doesn't remember it. She keeps asking to go. She is very much into princesses.
You know, if you take a four or five day cruise out of Miami its not realy expensive. Even with the air fare, its pretty reasonable. For the two of us, it is likely to cost under a grand. Now, I do have to get passports, but generally for someone who already has them, its pretty cheap! I am so looking forward to fun in the sun for a week...being on a boat where no one can call me. Ahhhhhh....
I actually have a client who figured out that if he stood right next to one of the 'smokestacks' (actually are full of satellite equipment) he could get a signal on his blackberry and boy did he use it! I told his wife she should have taken it and chucked it overboard.
Amen to that! I plan on leaving my phone in the cabin!!! Unless I am going to take pictures...
LOL!!! I havent had my phone very long and there are many times I have already hated it!!!
oh take lots of pictures!
ROFLMFAO!! Okay so the DB posted on FB something about doing more of whatever works. I posted what if it is working and you are just sick and tired of waiting?
Apparently I now have a bad attitude!!! I should be grateful that the SG has decided to finally grace me with his f'in speech!!! ROFLMAO!!!!!
I saw that!
Shouldn't you be like sitting in a corner having a time-out or something for that?
I am deeply embarrassed, and have been admonished.
Sheesh, I bust my hump for almost three years, and now it seems that the only thing that has worked is the fact that, oh, the SG DIVORCED ME, and I am supposed to be grateful that he now sees fit to speak to me civilly? I mean, I have no problem being his friend, or talking to him now, but I sure am not going to bend over backwards to continue to do what I am doing so he comes back! Puleeeeeze…
LOL! OMG! I didn't see that. Idiots!
I know.
Okay I have to tell you guys, I sort of met someone. I signed up for a few of those dating sites as you know, and have been getting a lot of hits by a lot of men who are a bit older. I mostly ignored them, the ones I picked ignored me. But one I looked at, and was semi interested, did "wink" back and we have been conversing for about ten days.
He asked me to lunch, which is perfect. I am terrified. I do want to go though. I have a good feeling, and I am glad for the lunch meeting, and that he suggested short meetings to get to know someone. Yet my history sucks.
Yes I know, I am reading too much into it. Its just lunch, right? I did say a prayer to God a few months ago that the first half of my life I made poor decisions, please help me to make better ones the second half. So far, so good. I have learned to spot the idiots, and weed them out.
Whew...I guess I just have to go on faith that if this one is an idiot that I will know it...
Just make sure you take along your idiot radar....
And have fun! It's just lunch................you can do it!
Lola, that sounds exciting. Do you know what he looks like? if so there's not much to worry about just be yourself and act like you're meeting a friend you haven't seen for a long time.
OK so any tips for the guys to stay off the idiot radar?
I do know what he looks like. He is good looking, but in a rugged manly kind of way...neat beard, nice haircut. So he is physically appealing, at least in his pictures.
He has never been married, but raised his son alone after his ex took off. That is a little concerning but their son was ten when she left, so it was a long term relationship. His son is now in college.
Too look out for...period someone who does not respect my boundaries. So the next question is what are my boundaries. First and foremost, the Tween is my most important person, and she has to come first. I don't want someone who just wants to jump into bed with me. I don't want someone who tries too hard, but is relaxed and can be himself. Someone that can talk, but doesn't want to give me too much information to begin with.
Go girl! I would say just be true to yourself and your personality and be clear about your expectations. Good luck! I got so lucky and found an awesome guy the first few months I was dating...don't know how..maybe karma came back to me! LOL Keep us posted!
Have fun Chris! You'll be just fine. Lunch is a good start and easy to step away from if things just aren't going well at all.
That is how I feel. Lunch is a specific time frame. If I don't like him, I can go back to work and not give it another thought, and vice versa.
LolaL,
Good for you that most of your posts on this deal with whether or not you will like/be impressed by him.
Far too many people go into meetings like this with an overwhelmingly negative mantra of, "I hooe he likes me, I hope he likes me."
Thanks Gardener, I really didn't think of it that way. But that is true...I am looking at it from that perspective. I don't want to be in a situation where I am dating or seeing someone just for the case of being with someone. I am fine on my own, and happy. I have decided I don't want to rush into anything. I have done that, and it sure ended up bad. I don't want to be in that positi0n again.
LolaL,
I don't want to be in a situation where I am dating or seeing someone just for the case of being with someone. I am fine on my own, and happy.
Now
that's what I call healthy! Good for you!
God knows it took me long enough to get here! I do have to say, though, I am glad I took the time to really heal. There is something to be said for closure. Haven't spoken to the SG in a week, and honestly, have no desire to speak to him.
Yay....definitely good. I have to remind myself of that sometimes, that I don't just want someone around for the sake of having them around...
Yay....definitely good. I have to remind myself of that sometimes, that I don't just want someone around for the sake of having them around...
Unless it's for limited "use"? Are we allowed?
Yay....definitely good. I have to remind myself of that sometimes, that I don't just want someone around for the sake of having them around...
Unless it's for limited "use"? Are we allowed?
Well, yeah, there's always
that...
Lola, how long has it been since your D finalized? Was it last month? How long were you separated before that (if at all)? Sorry I couldn't find your original sitch but I'd love to be in your position some day. If the D made you stronger (as opposed to being in the limbo) I want to look forward to that day then. Some people say even after two years since the D they still often want their spouse back...just the thought of that is disconcerting.
Kalni, I read elsewhere your LL is physical touch - where have you been all my life? LOL Seriously though, after my STBXW I was starting to believe that women agree to it just to keep us guys happy and it's not something they actually enjoy themselves.
First things first...limited use is always allowed! That was one thing I enjoyed about the Boy Toy was that there was never any chance of a relationship. It was just doing the horizontal mambo...
Romeo the actual divorce was final about six weeks ago, however we had been separated before that for 2.5 years. I have also been out of Texas, where the SG is for almostr a year now. I have not seen him for that long.
I allowed myself the luxury of feeling every feeling in the past year, the anger, the sadness, falling back into the depression to pull myself out of it again. I have to say that the end for me was realizing that I was sick to death of hearing about how bad the SG's life was going, the "whoa is me" complaining. Although I had hoped that he would pull out of that, he hasn't, and unless something drastic happens, I see him repeating the same mistakes again and again. He has not done the work.
I will say that I have finally accomplished walking away from the SG with love. I do love him, and poart of me always will. But I realize that I am such a different person now after the past three years. I am such a different person than when I first started posting a year and a half ago.
Although this was probably the most painful thing I have ever experienced, I have learned so much. I cannot say I am glad I went through it, because when I married the SG, I meant every word.
He didn't.
I know I had my faults, and I have worked hard. But the biggest fault I had was losing myself. It took me a long time, but I have really found who I am. There was a time when I posted that I was not sure who I was w/o the SG, and I really struggled with that. But now, I have really overcome the separation and divorce, the financial ruin and having to file bankruptcy, losing several jobs, losing my precious Kevin, and relocating across the country. I managed to find myself a job I love, an apartment I adore (although I cannot stand my neighbors downstairs), and realizing that the most important person to me right now is the Tween. I have learned to look at myself and love myself, to love God in a way I never knew was possible, and to forgive myself. I am not perfect, and am not supposed to be. I am worthy of having someone love me for who I am, not who they want me to be. I am capable of returning that love, w/o condition, just because.
I have learned to appreciate little things, like the changing seasons, the laughter of the Tween and watching her grow, my older daughters who have become very protective of the Tween, my beautiful grandchildren. I appreciate my father and brothers, and my dad's wife. I take each day a gift, and thank God for what I do have, rather than what I don't.
I wanted the SG back for such a long time.
Now, I don't.
I don't mind being on my own. I do get lonely, but I also realize that is okay. I have learned to appreciate the quiet.
Lola sounds like you've come a long way! you should be really proud of yourself. Thank you for sharing the background and the wisdom.
Ditto. So much of that I can relate to.
Oh this was a really good lunch date...
oh you better start talking, I been waiting allllllll day for you to tell us lol!
Well, we got lunch from the sandwich shop on the first floor and went outside to the picnic area to eat. Yes, he paid for it. He seems to be a long term kind of guy, although he has not been married, he has had two significant long term relationships. The first was with the mother of his S19, the second with a woman he was w/ for 8 years. She decided to call it quits. That was about 2 years ago, so sufficient time has gone by. I gave a brief history of my relationship status, joking that if he wanted to bolt and run now was the time to do it. We talked about kids, jobs, vacations, family. He was very nice, good looking, kinda short for a guy, but that’s not a bad thing he is still taller than me. Means I won’t have to wire spike heels. We talked about things we like to do. All it all, it was a great 45 min first meeting, enough to keep me interested. There was mention of a drink after work and shooting pool but no specifics. I did send a quick email when I got back thanking him for a great lunch and wishing him a happy afternoon.
If he asks, I will go out with him again. If not, I have a memory of a great lunch date!
YAY! Sounds perfect. And love your attitude!
Sounds...NORMAL!!! Dont you love the feeling of being surrounded by NORMAL people/men? AT least till he prooves to be a fruitcake-(hopefully not-LOL)
xxx
K
Lmao! I know huh! It did feel very normal. We had the awkward first handshake, hug goodbye, and it was normal. Not a bunch of emotional bullsnit. No whoa is me, I ended up having to raise my son, my ex left me, nothing. It was peacefully normal!
Yeah! Sounds good! Oh let me tell you, when you have been in a messed up relationship for so long, and then you have a normal, good one... wow. It's a major wake up call!
Lmao! I know huh! It did feel very normal. We had the awkward first handshake, hug goodbye, and it was normal. Not a bunch of emotional bullsnit. No whoa is me, I ended up having to raise my son, my ex left me, nothing. It was peacefully normal!
LolaL,
Describe how does it feel?
and then you have a normal, good one... wow. It's a major wake up call!
Hmmmm...what is normal?
I am hoping I will recognize normal when I see it...
LOL! I had to learn! I was like, woah! This is what I was supposed to be doing all these years! This is how other people live! Hahaha.
I heard this song, and thought of the SG.
Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.
Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.
You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.
Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.
Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
Well I'm putting my heart back together,
'Cause I got over you.
Well I got over you.
I got over you.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.
Normal. What is normal?
I agree I am not sure there is such a thing, especially after what we have all been through. I am definitely healed, but do I still carry scars? You betcha.
Normal for me was sitting out in the sun with a man my age having a nice lunch. There was no need to force conversation, it was two people getting to know each other. I don’t know whether or not we will go out again. That’s okay because it was a date. Nice, normal.
I think we have all gotten dragged into our WAS’s b/s whoa is me, the world is out to get me. For me I know I did. Do I still love the SG? Yeah, but I have accepted that I always will, but that I have this huge heart that can love more.
I don’t think that the SG is ever going to change. He is always going to play the victim, and really believe that everyone is out to get him. I don’t foresee him ever really taking a close look in the mirror and realizing that he has no one to blame but himself. I find it incredibly sad that he will not allow someone to get close enough to point that out. As far as I am concerned, I have spent much to long worrying about him, what he is doing, if he is getting enough sleep, enough food, whether he needs help w/ school.
Personally that came out of the blue. About 10 days ago. All of a sudden, I was just done. That was it…it was all I could take, and I have not spoken to him since.
And I am better for it.
YEAH!!!!!! Good job Chris!
Well back to the drawing board. My date and I have both agreed that we do not have much in common. Actually, it turns out we have ALOT in common, both still trying to deal with life after. He said that when his xg left him, it was tough, and then he found an old crush on FB and was hoping they could hook up. When it looked like that wasn't going to happen, he decided to join a dating site. But it looks like he is still holding out hope that the crush will notice him. Cie la vie.
The strange thing is part of me feels rejected, and yet the other part of me feels relieved. I hate being alone. And yet I am terrified to even try again. It was a relief because I don't have to put forth the effort to try to get to know someone. Somewhere deep inside, this has to be the wrong way.
Maybe I am not ready yet. I don't know. I feel disappointed in myself. I feel like I am supposed to be ready to get out there, and yet I also feel like I am forcing it.
It's crazy.
LolaL,
I feel disappointed in myself.
One date usually does not = soulmate. You showed real courage in this, imo.
I feel like I am supposed to be ready to get out there, and yet I also feel like I am forcing it.
Then you're probably not ready. And that's okay.
After all we've all been through, everything's "crazy" right about now.
At least for me it is.
(((((Lola)))))
I think I'm about 2 for 8 or so in having any kind of mutual interest. It's no big deal!
Lola you are reading my mind...
I was kind of relieved things went south with R so I didn't have to worry about it (weird huh?)
And already the date I have tonight I want to go well but at the same time, not sure how well I want it to go bc I have been on dates w/four other men so far and never gone on a second date with any of them!
Ugh!
And already the date I have tonight I want to go well but at the same time, not sure how well I want it to go bc I have been on dates w/four other men so far and never gone on a second date with any of them!Ugh!
Ah, "getting back out there" is both interesting and quite sucky, isn't it?
Well, I can put a positive spin on this. Many people would have just hit the ignore button, but this guy didn't. He explained it to me, after a minute or two (I have a real problem w/ rejection, but that is a whole other thread LOL, has to do with my dad) I realized he was right. We agreed to remain friends.
There is a reason for everything, and methinks I have some loving folks above looking out for me.
I am going to continue to date, because, well, it's normal. I don't need to find someone to have a R with right now. But dating, well who knows.
Hey, look at it this way. Sounds horrible but when I started dating, I looked at it as free entertainment! LOL If it doesn't work out, at least you got out and got a dinner and movie or something out of it... haha.
This is true. Sometimes you got to kiss a few frogs to find a prince. I am in no hurry. Actually, although I am lonely, its also not so bad. Not something I want to do forever, but...I would rather wait for the right person.
I'm not too excited about the whole dating thing either right now. Like you, I don't know if that means I'm not ready, or just intimidated by it all.
I went out on several dates with someone I found on match but finally ended it. She was completely in to me, but it just wasn't happening on my end. I really don't understand it because on paper she was everything I am looking for: similar interests, values and goals; successful careerwise; very attractive; etc. However there was just no chemistry for me with her no matter how hard I tried.
For me, I've decided to stop looking and not worry about finding someone right now. Of course that probably means someone will drop into my life next week and "rock my world"!!
BA
Well that would be the perfect scenario wouldn't it BA? The universe does tend to send people into our lives right when we stop looking!!! Kismet!
M I think that is usually exactly what happens! I was totally out just to have fun and get out of the house when I met my (awesome) bf. I was dating several people casually and was pretty determined not to become attached to anyone.
When I went on my first date with bf we hit it off and it was like we had known each other for a long time and already were friends. I still continued to date other people and told him he was free to do the same. After several dates and talking on the phone every day we both knew that we didn't want to date anyone else. We are so compatible that it is scary! Lots of similarities in personality and just other stuff like we are both left handed, etc. Now that it has been almost a year, we will have funny stuff happen like we will be in he grocery store and be in two separate aisles and pick up the identical items for dinner or whatever. It is too funny!
As a matter of fact, he had given up on dating and just kinda sent me the email as a last ditch effort and didn't really expect anything back.
It's like when you stop looking, the right person will be sent to you!
That seems to be where I am. I just chalked it up to "I guess I better face the fact that I am going to be alone for a while, and accept it." I have been out on a few dates, and have not found that connection with any of them. I don't really think that its that I am not ready, I think I am just afraid. I have a sordid past (woohoo!!!) that can sometimes be difficult to explain (3 marriages, yada yada). I think part of that is finding myself not wanting to share all of that with yet another person. With the SG, we were friends first so he already new my history. I don't know. I am not really looking. Just keeping options open I guess!!!
Don't we all have a sordid past... lol. I think by the time you're in your 30's or up EVERYONE has baggage. Heck, everyone has an ex or exes and kids and child support etc etc. The right person won't mind. My sis kept waiting for my bf to run away through all of the crazy stalker ex garbage, police, tazing, etc. etc. but he didn't. She finally said he must love me a whole lot to go through this circus! lmao. : ) I think I would've run away!!!
I think you have the right attitude.
Actually you are on the right track I think Lola. My friends Cloud and Townsend (
www.cloudtownsend.com) suggest that when you resume dating after D, you should date SEVERAL people, at the same time, to make sure you are getting out there and not just jumping into another 'relationship' in order to regain that sense of security lost in a divorce...
So keep sampling the buffet as my friends John and Kerry would say...
I read something like that too, it is also geared to assist with the fear of rejection. I think it was a Venus/Mars book. It said that not only do you need to date, but to accept dates from people you would normally not date so you can get comfortable saying no, and having someone else say no. I have done both so far. I don't want to rush things. I want to do this the right way. I guess as pathetic as it is, I am on the right track!
BA,
However there was just no chemistry for me with her no matter how hard I tried.
You can't "try" or "make" chemistry. It's there or it isn't, as you know.
For me, I've decided to stop looking and not worry about finding someone right now. Of course that probably means someone will drop into my life next week and "rock my world"!!
BA
IOW, just live your life and see who shows up!
Today it is raining. I am not sure if that is why my mood is glum. I find myself missing the SG. I don't know why. I suppose it is just the part of me that is healing. I wish I could put this all behind me already. I think it is good that I haven't spoken to him in two weeks, and yet I miss the sound of his voice. I know better than to call or contact, I know that would only create more pain. It ebbs and flows. Most days I feel great. But I miss him. I know I am not supposed to wonder what he is thinking. But sometimes I do, I wonder if he feels like a fool, if he knows he made a mistake. I don't allow myself to think that very often, but every once in a while it creeps in. It might be because I am tired today, had a bit of a girls night out, which was a lot of fun.
Damned rollercoaster.
((Lola)),
at this point, let time work its magic...
K
Having the same kind of weekend, Lola.
Hopefully the rollercoaster will go back up soon!
Me too...I hate this. But I guess I should take comfort in the fact that it is not happening as often. More and more I don't think of the SG, and these periods of missing him are infrequent. But for some reason it is really strong today. I feel like an idiot. I know I'm not, but I still feel like an idiot.
(((((((((((((Lola))))))))))))))))))
THE FUNK HAS LIFTED!!! THANK GOD... that was rough! I had myself a good cry last night, and feel much better. I am glad these hills and valleys are getting shorter, and further apart. Whew....
Nice! Glad to hear it didn't take hold any longer.
Me too. I think it was just because I was tired, and a little hungover... 'm I bad? Went out on Saturday to listen to a local band with some of the girls, had a great time! But I didn't sleep well, so I think it was just that I was exhausted. I am definitely back to my chipper self today!
LolaL,
I think it was just because I was tired, and a little hungover... 'm I bad? Went out on Saturday to listen to a local band with some of the girls, had a great time! But I didn't sleep well, so I think it was just that I was exhausted.
That'll do it if anything will.
I am definitely back to my chipper self today!
Glad to hear it. I think the roller coaster becomes a bit more like a kiddie coaster before it goes away.
It
does go away eventually doesn't it? God, I hope so. I've been banking on it!
Gardener, you and me both! But think of how much progress we have made. It used to be we were at the bottom all the time...and slowly now its only once in a while. Maybe its just like recharging a battery a bit. That good cry cleared my head a bit. I also caught up with a friend I had lost touch with about 10 years ago so that helped too. So I think as tough as this has been, we are on the mend and eventually that roller coaster will be history...
LolaL
I think as tough as this has been, we are on the mend and eventually that roller coaster will be history...
Yep. And after that, even the
memory of it will fade into history.
That is a day that I am anxiously looking forward to.
And the beauty of it is, when that day does arrive, we won't even know it.
That is more than okay with me!
XH's mother died this morning. This is not the SG, it is the one who is the father of the girls.
My heart breaks for him. His mom had a stroke on Tuesday that she just could not recover from.
We have to tell the Tween after she gets home from school. Please, everyone, say a prayer for his family, because I know things are going to be really hard on them for a while...
Was excited to see you had posted, but now I am sorry for your loss...and ex-H's. Good luck telling the tween....
I'm so sorry Chris. Was your tween close to her?
Awww ((((Chris))) and (((Tween)))
Thinking of you and your family.
Sorry to hear of your loss. I hope your daughter handles it ok, though I know it will be hard.
hugs, kat
All things happen for a reason. I am really thankful that we came back to NY now, so the Tween had a chance to get to know her grandma. XH's family is very unemotional, but I also know that they did have a chance to bond a little bit. I am glad XH got a chance to spend time with his mother because had this happened when we were still living in Texas, I am not even sure how he would have been able to get back here for the funeral.
We are on our way over to XH's now so he and I can break the news to her. We didn't want to tell her before she went to school this morning. And since it is his mother, he needs to tell her, and she needs to be there with him right now.
This whole thing was very quick, she suffered a stroke on Tuesday and her body could not handle the damage from it. She was not very old, only 66, and other than diabetes was in relatively good health. Her sister had been staying with her, and had her sister not found her, no one would have had the chance to say goodbye.
My heart breaks...the last year has just held too much death.