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Posted By: smartcookie Rediscovering Cookie - 01/06/10 01:50 AM
It's done. We had our final decree today at court. The judge gave me a few gifts. I believe it was his way of making things right.

We were married 19 years. The standard for spousal support in our state, based on need, is 1/2 the term of the marriage.

After hearing all testimony and having 10 days to review the exhibits, the judge gave me 12 years of spousal support.

My attorney said this was unheard of, especially since I have a job and the ex doesn't. In negotiations, the ex had offered me 5 years spousal support, I asked for 8. The judge gave me 12.

I also got the house and hopefully can modify the loan so we can keep it. I figure I stand a good chance with the mortgage company since I have a job.

The ex was also strongly urged to find some sort of employment (with pay equallying at least what I'm making) or the judge advised me to bring him back to court and he would find for willful underemployment and significantly boost the child and spousal support amounts.

If I stay here and continue to post on my own thread, I will be moving over into the Divorced forum. It's been a long 18 month journey since I joined here. There were days/nights when I didn't think I'd make it through the next 24 hours. I did. There were days when I barely managed to keep breathing. I wouldn't wish this divorce journey on my worst enemy.

However, since I joined here my advice has been standard.

When an airplane is going down, they advise you to:

Put on your own mask first. Save yourself first.

I asked my therapist on Saturday to give me one piece of wisdom to hold onto while I was waiting for the final court date. He reminded me that being in an abusive relationship with my ex was making me emotionally very sick.

I saved myself. No regrets.
Posted By: Virtually_Handsome Re: Rediscovering Cookie - 01/06/10 01:52 AM
(((((cookie)))))

Welcome to the club! It's one we didn't want to join, but there are some pretty good folks as members!

I think I would like a Bailey's, please!
Posted By: smartcookie Re: Rediscovering Cookie - 01/06/10 01:56 AM
Ah Jeff, so nice to see a familiar face. Bailey's all around ! Thanks for the welcome.

Hugs
Posted By: Virtually_Handsome Re: Rediscovering Cookie - 01/06/10 01:59 AM
Cookie, I'm happy you saved yourself. It was quite a trip, but you came a long way from where you started. You are a smart cookie!
Posted By: Silver Fox Re: Rediscovering Cookie - 01/06/10 02:09 AM
Congrats Cookie! Way to go judge! Nice to see some judges still have common sense as well as a sense of fairness.

I may be joining this forum soon too. Settlement conference tomorrow - I think I'll envision myself wearing that mask.
Posted By: Lotus Re: Rediscovering Cookie - 01/06/10 02:35 AM
Really happy for you Cookie. I'm sure there are many good things in store for you now.
Posted By: Reincarnated Re: Rediscovering Cookie - 01/06/10 02:50 AM
Cookie - what a ride. I'm glad that the judge was decent - hopefully your ex will hear the message (I know that no WAS hears much of anything until forced).
(((((hugs))))) to you and the kids...
Posted By: Puppy Dog Tails Re: Rediscovering Cookie - 01/06/10 03:48 AM
I hope you find some peace and happiness, Cookie.

Puppy
Posted By: Gypsy Re: Rediscovering Cookie - 01/06/10 03:56 AM
Hello Ms. Cookie..

Congratulations on a new beginning created on a healthy foundation you so richly deserve.

*hugs*
Posted By: Ready2Change Re: Rediscovering Cookie - 01/06/10 05:29 AM
Hi Scookie!

I am glad that you decided to put your mask on. I am glad that "It's done".

The best of your life is yet to come......

HUGS
Posted By: goldeylox Re: Rediscovering Cookie - 01/06/10 09:25 AM
Lemon Drop here, if you don't mind.
Nice to see you Cookie. Don't be a stranger. love, Goldey
p.s. There were many nights I didn't think I'd survive either. But I read your posts, and learned. You made a difference.
And...
You aren't the same Cookie you once were. You're better.
Posted By: Bridgestone Re: Rediscovering Cookie - 01/06/10 02:43 PM
Kahlua on the rocks please.

Blessed, as many are to have you in my life, virtually & real.

Be gentle with yourself in all ways as you find new normal on this path of rediscovery.

hugs & peace
luv ya
Bridge
Posted By: Purple Re: Rediscovering Cookie - 01/12/10 10:23 PM
Frangelico smoothie please.... then four tequila slammers.

Fancy getting wrecked...
Posted By: smartcookie Re: Rediscovering Cookie - 02/06/10 08:38 PM
wow, weird. maybe I'm not supposed to post right now, I just had a whole update typed up and then the page vanished and went to another window. ???? Gotta love Windows 7. LOL
Posted By: goldeylox Re: Rediscovering Cookie - 02/07/10 02:21 PM
Nice to see you, Cookie. You had me a little concerned last week.
Now quick, get me some lemonade. I'm dehydrated.
Peace, Girlfriend.
XoXoX
Posted By: Blessed2BeADad Re: Rediscovering Cookie - 12/23/10 02:36 PM
I started reading your story. I have not cried in a while, of course now I'm crying lol... I deserve it I guess (I'm overdue for a flush anyway). This has been really informative for me so far... I'm on your third string so far, but haven't stopped until now. It's nice to read what going on in the mind of a WAW (or almost in your case I guess). So thank you! I'm sure you get alot of requests from others to read their situation, but if you find time... I would love your opinion/input. smile

my string: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2081444#Post2081444
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