I've been still hanging around here a bit and did not think about starting another thread as post divorce life is going pretty well. XW and I finally settled on the last 2 issues - me paying her tax reduced cash for the remaining retirement division and signing an agreement about the kids extracurricular activity financial responsibilities. I have terminated my service with my L and got what remains of my retainer back.
We are co-parenting very well together. The kids tell me that Ed proclaimed a couple weeks ago that he is going to marry their mother. XW, the kids and possibly Ed (if business things are tied up) are taking off in a couple days for 3 weeks in Thailand. The kids say that if Ed goes he wont stay at XW's mother's house because he is afraid the mosquitoes would bite up his bald head - yeah right! I wonder a bit how W will perceived in Thailand in the company of an old man - maybe that is common there.
I will miss the kids as this will be the longest they have been away from me, but I plan to keep busy on my own tidying up my garage and sheds. I need to talk to my golf instructor about setting me up with a golf partner (with similar abilities) to get out on the course for some games.
The reason for this post is that I have come to realize that I cant be in a long term relationship with the lady I have been seeing the last 9 months and I need to break it off. We just dont seem that compatible with each other and my kids dont want to be in a mixed family with her daughter.
I have never had to be the one to initiate a breakup, and I dont want to hurt her as she has looked for so long for the right man. She is a kind and nice lady. I had thought that maybe she was seeing the same incompatibilities as me in our relationship, however, I got a card in the mail today from her and it is very heart-felt. It could be that she detects my lack of romantic interest and she is trying some romantic damage control. I don’t want to classify myself as a “walk away boyfriend” as our relationship has not been that deep.
My plan was that the next time we were together without the kids that I was going to have the breakup talk. However, that may be a couple weeks from now and I don’t think it fair to either of us to not get this out in the open. I will probably call her tonight or tomorrow night after she gets off work. There is no easy way to say it. I will not bring up any of her or my pitfalls. I think it best to just be firm and say that I cant give her 100% of my heart and that I have given it a lot of thought. Anyone else have any advice on how to ease out of a relationship?
We have had reservations for 3 weeks of vacation with the kids on Kauai in August for quite some time. She had only told her very devout parents that she was going on vacation to Hawaii and now tells me today that her mother and father (a minister in 2 churches) have found out she is going with me. Her mother is also not happy that she will have to fill in for her at work. I suspect her parents would be extremely angry if they knew that I was not religious and that she and her daughter have been spending some Friday nights at my house. My thoughts are to suggest to her that it is still ok for all of us to go on the vacation together, but just as friends. I will say that if it is going to be too uncomfortable for her emotionally, that I will refund the money she paid even though the flights are non-refundable. Am I stupid or insensitive to suggest that she and her daughter can still go on vacation next month?
Oh, boy.
I understand what you mean, there's no good way to do it, is there? But better now than letting it drag out, I think.
I think telling her she is still welcome on the trip is absolutely the right thing to do. It could still be a great trip, even if not a romantic one. If you have hung out together for this long, it would be nice to think that you might be able to be friends in the end. Hard to actually pull off, but a nice goal.
Good luck, Kerry!
Thanks Jeff. I hope your vacation is going wonderful. What happens in Denver stays in Denver.
I would focus the emphasis of the talk on the situation involving the kids. That is a serious issue.
You sound comfortable with the kids interaction with 'Ed'. I hope that is something I can someday accomplish, in a way I'm getting there, but obviously have underlying issues with my XW's "fiance".
Irony tho, why is it, it is ok that the WAS can run off and marry their new 'sweeheart' and the kids are ok, and yet the LBS has to be very selective and cautious in what they do after the D cloud settles?
I am having the break up talk in person tonight after my golf lesson. I have prepared myself well for it, but I am still dreading breaking her heart.
She told me this morning that since her parents now know she was going to Hawaii with me, that a family chaperone must go also and she can only go for 2 weeks instead of 3. So her brother from California, who I have not met, is assigned the job. He is now questioning that the condo I have rented is a scam (it is not) and wants to talk to the owner and investigate further.
I feel sorry for her that she has such a meddeling and controlling family. They look at her as the jewel of the family and I think it has affected her prior relationships.
I am having the break up talk in person tonight after my golf lesson. I have prepared myself well for it, but I am still dreading breaking her heart.
She told me this morning that since her parents now know she was going to Hawaii with me, that a family chaperone must go also and she can only go for 2 weeks instead of 3. So her brother from California, who I have not met, is assigned the job. He is now questioning that the condo I have rented is a scam (it is not) and wants to talk to the owner and investigate further.
I feel sorry for her that she has such a meddeling and controlling family. They look at her as the jewel of the family and I think it has affected her prior relationships.
Say what?
Do they realize the current year is 2009, not 1209? A chaparone? Will she be wearing a chastity(s/p) belt as well? Ever see Spaceballs? A certain scene comes to my mind if you have and you've gotta be laughing.
Wow, that's all I can say, wowwwie!
Yes, her parents live in a different time period. When I went to her church - her mother would not come near me because we had not been formally introduced.
The brother from California is in his 30's and is still in search of a virgin to marry. Good luck with that.
Hey Kerry..
Congratulations on knowing yourself, your boundaries though I know this will be difficult.
From the very beginning you've been concerned about breaking her heart. The only one who can do that is her.
Follow your inner voice and know this understanding was hard won.
Sending hugs and warm fuzzies your way..
*hugs*
The brother from California is in his 30's and is still in search of a virgin to marry. Good luck with that.
Oh boy, angels of grace defend us.
lol
Thanks Kathleen. I may even suggest that it might be good for her to find a hobby or something on her own to develop a passion for.
dday -
I want to know how you go about finding out if a lady is a virgin when you go out on a date. Do you ask them up front - "are you a virgin?" Is there a dating service to meet virgin ladies through?
Kerry!
You know what? You ladyfriend has just a few Family of Origin issues! I have a feeling those were not going to get any better! Breaking up hurts, but.....
I have a little of the same fear.... the woman that I saw last week seems quite smitten. It's great for the ego.... but what if I am not as smitten as she is? It's too early to say either way, right now.... just scary!
I'm still shaking my head at the chaperone thing. That's jsut creepy! She is a grown woman, right? I almost think the stars are just making it clear that you are doing the right thing!
And I hope the improvements to my golf don't stay in Denver, I'd like to take them home with me!
Do you ask them up front - "are you a virgin?" Is there a dating service to meet virgin ladies through?
I can't see how you ask that! If they are, you get punched, if they aren't, you get punched! It's a lose-lose situation, as far as I can see! Maybe you ask their mother?
Jeff -
I wish you the best in your dating adventures - it is fun sharing life with a good lady. I will be back on the open market soon. This time there will be a "Divorced" status on my match.com entry. Maybe I wont be the one initiating emails and winks.
No one wants to get punched by a girl. I almost asked my cousin at my grandmothers funeral when her baby was due. Good thing I asked my mom first who told me that she was not pregnant - she was just getting fat. Whew!
I hope your golf game improvements stick and are not because of the thinner air of the Mile High City. It sure seems like a simple sport, but when you get into a slump like I am now, it sure can be frustrating.
Maybe I wont be the one initiating emails and winks.
You noticed that too!
Funny thing - I was updating my match.com profile the other day and thought it would still be not visible. Apparently, it became visible for about an hour or so. I received 2 emails and a wink during that time before I could hide it.
I gotta get closure to one relationship before putting myself back out on the dating scence.
I think it might be a bit weird to have her, her brother (!) and daughter go on vacation with you...awkward for at least her. But give her an easy, face-saving out. Do you have someone else who would like to go and could pay for her portion of the trip? I'm almost more concerned about what the backlash will be from her family...
be safe!
You got me worried now Donna! Her father was an important guy during the Vietnam War (assisting the US military), and everywhere we go locally, Vietnamese people know her father. Maybe it is a good time for me to grow a beard and mustache disguise so I can still go eat safely at Pho restaruants.
Too bad about the tickets - they are non-transferable and non refundable. Maybe next time I will use a travel agent instead of orbitz, expedia, travelocity, etc...
Hey Kerry,
have not been around much and just catching up. Sorry to hear about the relationship. I was reading along and wondered why you wanted to break it up but after reading the "family" issues, i think it would be extremely difficult to have a relationship with someone in her situation.
This dating thing is not easy especially at our age....
Good luck fratello.
Thanks John.
I had the talk tonight after my excellent golf lesson and she took it very well. And she still wants to go on the vacation in Hawaii. She asked about being friends and I said that is no problem, but to keep in mind that once one of us meets and falls in love with someone new that it is usually best to drift apart. She says that her parents have someone lined up for her in Vietnam, but she still has a poor attitude about asian men and is not excited to meet him. I pointed out that her brothers who I have met are all good guys.
I am so glad that went better than I expected!! She must have been feeling some similar things as you....
I hope you are ok - it is hard to be on the other side, too.
I am actually feeling just fine following the breakup. We hugged at the car and she does not seem sad. Maybe she was feeling similar things as I.
The golf lesson I had tonight was fun. They have bought more of the dopler radar Trackman Launch Analysis Systems for instructors to use. Since my swing was doing well, my instructor and I played some of the games - various distances with different clubs and various closest to hole contests. He beat me on all except for distance with a hybrid (one of my favorite clubs next to my 6 iron). He is impressed that my distance is about the same as his now. I just wish I could be as consistent as him.
When I feel comfortable financially, I plan to upgrade my clubs from the cheapy $120 set I bought at Big 5.
Kerry - just checking in! Hey, I wouldn't take her on vacation with me if I was you. Doesn't matter if you two can be friends or not, it just won't really work out that well. If there is any way to get out of it, please do so.
I'm going to be in Hawaii in August too, btw. Getting married. :0)
DQ
Hey Kerry..
It's great to hear about your golf game. Consider... if you can go to Hawaii for three weeks, you can probably find a great deal on clubs (maybe used) that will continue to improve your game. It's like loving running marathons while wearing Keds.
Emotions are a tricky thing. Meeting her and becoming involved helped ease the transition in your divorce. Knowing what didn't work with your girlfriend is a good thing, too. Being alone for a bit might be a good thing.. to give you a chance to breathe, to process all that's gone on.. the divorce, the girlfriend.. and get to know you again.
Kerry.. stuff is stuff, even if it costs alot. Your peace of mind is worth more than gold. The meaning of the Hawaiian trip has changed with the break up, mutated more with the addition of the chaperon, perhaps even twisted knowing how deeply her family controls her life. It's great if you're on the inside.. not so good from the outside.
Ask yourself what the trip means to you and your children. Go from there. The only baggage you want on a vacation is what holds your clothes.
*hugs*
PS... Congratulations DQ!
For what it is worth Kerry, I agree with the folks above. Baggage is for clothes...plus the airlines charge now for excess baggage. Anyhow I know you are a very nice guy but do you really need her and the chaperone with you nad the kids? Sometimes I think some folks on here are too nice (myself included) or we just want to avoid conflict. I see no advantage whatsoever in bringing her along.....but it is your decision.
Congratulations DQ! Which island is the wedding? My father and step-mom are coming over to Kauai towards the end of my vacation for a wedding too.
The airlines now charge for even the first bag when flying domestic!
The chaperone is not happening. She is standing up to her family and doing what she wants.
I understand what you are all saying and we will think it over well . We have a full month before we go and we will still be doing things together in the mean time. I had told her that there is still plenty of time to decide if the Kauai trip will work out. She really wants to see Hawaii and had been of the attitude that it was over hyped. I think she is in for a pleasant surprise.
It's weird, but last night was the first time we ever really spoke of what our relationship was like. We both concluded that we had been cruising along as very good friends (with benefits).
I'm a pretty optimistic guy and I have a feeling, that as usual, everything is going to work out just fine.
More good vibes - XW knows of the breakup and said that she will always be available if I need to talk. She has given me her contact phone numbers in Thailand and even gave me her long distance calling card account details so I can keep in touch with the kids.
Hey Kerry, you are such a positive guy!!! Curiously my XW also said she would always be available to talk. Unfortunatelly she is not on my priority list of people I will seek regarding advice on couples or anything else for thta matter. Man o man, news sure does travel fast in Oregon.
The thing I dont feel good about is that my kids are somewhere over the Pacific right now and crazy Kim Jong-il is thinking of firing off an ICBM on the 4th of July. They will probably be either in Thailand or going from Japan to Thailand at the time of the launch so maybe not that much worry.
The ironic thing is that next month I am taking them on vacation to the island where the
Pacific Missle Range Facility is located. It might be cool to see some intercept missle launches while on vacation.
You are a brave man. I would stick to Oregon. Or go in-land!
Kerry,
It will be interesting to see how the "friends" thing goes. I've never got deeply involved with anyone and then called it off. I have done it before any emotions (at least for me) got involved and every time the girl indicated that we could still be friends (and never actually meant it). I'm hoping she isn't going to be the kind of "friend" that wants more and instead slowly fades away into the sunset.
Sorry Kerry, wasn't ignoring ya, just away for the weekend, aside from lgging in to vent last night.
How do you ask a woman they are a virgin? Could I suggest maybe asking a woman how to ask a woman they are a virgin?
Other than that, yet another another situation where the X wants to talk and be suportive all sudden? Must be something in the D water this month?
Sorry Kerry, wasn't ignoring ya, just away for the weekend, aside from lgging in to vent last night.
How do you ask a woman they are a virgin? Could I suggest maybe asking a woman how to ask a woman they are a virgin?
Other than that, yet another another situation where the X wants to talk and be suportive all sudden? Must be something in the D water this month?
Ooops,
website flipped out apparently.
I think she may be taking it harder than she did when we had the breakup talk. She has texted me that I was a mean man to have caused her to be lonely again. And she says that she has lost 3 pounds in 5 days since I "dropped the bomb". I have let her know that I am available any time to talk and she can take it out on me.
We did go see the fireworks together on the 4th with some of her family and we had a good time. She wants me to take her and some others cherry picking next weekend.
Hey dday -
One very obvious sign that a woman is not a virgin is if they have kids.
I have talked with the X a couple times now in Thailand. S8 has been sleeping with grandma and D6 sleeps with her girl cousin who is about the same age. I sure would like to see the communication methods those 2 girls are attempting with each other - I think Barbie doll talk is maybe universal.
They are now visiting the prostitution capital of the world (Pattaya). One does not need to wonder how X is perceived when walking the streets in the arms of an old man. At least when I was there with her she was pregnant and worried what others might think when they saw me with her. Her brother and I just joked that surely they would think she was a pregnant prostitute.
I also remember when I was there that I saw a fat old man walking down the street holding hands with what looked like a 12-14 year old boy. It took a lot for me to not unload my fists of fury on that sick demented creep.
Eww...that is so wrong! (The young boy/old man thing...)
Sorry that ex-gf isn't as 'okay' with things as she first led on...
Must be wonderful to get to go to Hawaii! That is on my list of places to visit some time in my life. Everyone I know who has been there tells me how beautiful it is.
Ironically, my first thread here had the word "Hang Loose" as part of the title. I had not been back long from Hawaii before finding my marriage in turmoil.
You definitely should go to one or more of the islands some time soon BobbiJo. There are some beautiful tropical golf courses just waiting to be hacked up.
Hey dday -
One very obvious sign that a woman is not a virgin is if they have kids.
haha, good one.
Although care to explain imaculate conception?
Anyway, let the GF go, why let her beat you up? I finally came to see more complications with person I was starting to associate as a GF and realized the situation was side-lining my efforts to recover from XW's A and the D. Now, I feel great and for once in a couple of years I actually said to myself in the mirror this morning, hey, life is good.
Anyway, let the GF go, why let her beat you up?
I am now leaning strongly towards telling her that it is best to not come on the trip as John, Dance Queen, and Kathleen have suggested.
I have positioned myself into a corner by trying to be nice. She has started bringing up not so nice talk about my daughter's behavior. She said that now that we are just friend, she can say what is on her mind.
And the thing with the brother coming along looks like it is on again so as to appease the parents.
She said that now that we are just friend, she can say what is on her mind.
Excuse me? When you are in a relation you say what is on your mind any darn time you need (as neccessary) to to keep that relation healthy.
Hey Kerry, you are a hell of a nice guy. However, to bring her along with her brother? I would need to find another adjective to describe that decision....Having said that, I trust your judgement as it has always been sound in my opinion.
How long are your kids gone for? It must be very difficult to have them gone and so far away.
Are you playing any golf with all this free time on your hands?
Hey John -
I spoke to her that I felt it was probably best for both of us that she not go on vacation with me. She was very resistive and I left it as something she needs to think about hard.
I so need to try 9 holes of golf. Too much practice, but yet I enjoy the practice.
The kids are gone until July 22. I have never had them away that long. X has experienced it already last summer. I had tried to get a hold of them each day and X did not have them around. Yesterday, she said bad timing again because she was on one elephant with her friend and the kids were on the other on a jungle trip. I finally called back an hour later and got to talk to them. S8 has an older boy we know that is about 17 that is giving him all his Pokemon cards. D6 has been doing things with her cousin of a similar age even though they dont speak a common language.
I need one of those Easy Buttons. After some very difficult IM discussion, I was finally able to get her to not go on the vacation with us.
Thank you all for the recommendation about not taking excess emotional baggage on the trip. The kids and I will have a peacefull time next month. I will even try to book an inflatable boat trip for us that we would not have been able to do before because GF's daughter was too young.
I hope she has learned from her experience with me just as I have with her and both of us can someday find a soul mate to live the rest of our lives with.
Kerry - Yay, I'm glad she isn't going.
:0)
Have a great time!
DQ
Good for you kerry. I really saw no upside with the joint vacation especially if it was with a chaperone.
I never really enjoyed practising....I love to play however. I hear some of the world's best players just love to hit balls so you have that going for you. You do need to get out on a course though. Do you not have a friend who can take you out? I just took D8 out and she loved it (her first time). Maybe a little 9 holes in Hawaii? Or maybe you can try one of those par 3 courses. Some are very nice i hear.
Kerry..
Sooo.. Do your kids have frequent flier miles?
Take pictures of Hawaii and your rubberband guns!
*hugs*
I do need to get over to my neighborhood par 3. It just seems that something else is planned.
That is funny about the kids and frequent flier miles. They are going on another trip tomorrow from Bangkok to Phuket. I still cant get over some of these Thai names. And hearing my MIL say the Thai word for pumpkin was always a shock - "fak thaawng".
I went cherry u-pick with X-GF (now just friend) and her cousins and aunt today. When we got back, her mother seemed so much friendlier with me. They have someone back in Vietnam lined up for her. Arranged marriages by wise parents - there are some pluses and minuses to the concept. Her parents had their marriage arranged and seem to be doing ok. Friend and I went out to eat an early dinner together and there is no tense feelings.
I have a hiking "non-date" tomorrow with a new lady. If we dont call it a date, it takes the nervousness off. And there is another lady I've been chatting with in the wings. I feel relaxed about meeting new ladies and dont seem to have the butterflies I have had in the past. I am going the John210 route and trying the sampler plate.
Good for you Amigo!!! Sample away and why be nervous? Be yourself, if it is not good enough, move on.....end of story...no games.
One word of advice on the sampler plate, it can become very addictive. Especially the online stuff....the opportunity to keep sampling or at least looking for a better buffet is always there...I think that is the biggest drawback about this whole online thing.
Enjoy my friend....do me a favour stay away from the oriental buffet...try something new.....no msg.....
Hey John - The lady I am hiking with today initated contact with me. Ironically, she is from Malaysia (her X is from Montreal). I seem to be stuck in SE asia. I wonder if Valeria Golino is available?
Hey Kerry...
What is in your profile that is a SE Asian chick magnet? In my twenties I'd turn down the studly types and seek out the unique guys. And I loved guys who were 5'8"... 5'9" because it never hurt my neck during those intense kisses. Then again, I was always an 'artful dodger' if it got too intense. Hmmm.. I might need help when I get to the online dating circuit.
Don't mind me.. I've been outside scrubbing my shower doors I've damaged after trying to really really clean them!
*hugs*
I was thinking the same thing as John. Why dont you do a "180" and "try" something different. It seems the asian girls werent a good match for you until now... But then again, you know best.
K
Kathleen - we used diesel fuel to clean our showers on ship when in the coast guard, but they were made of steel.
Maybe I should hang out at some of the local Greek restaurants. No really, I think it is me - I seem to be attracted to asian gals. The looks, culture, accent seem so interesting to me.
The hike was very nice and we went to a French pastry place afterwards. She is quite the world traveler and her favorite place is Lake Como. She also told me that Montreal is a wonderful city to visit. And like me, she looks youthful for her age (50). I am sure we will meet again sometime.
Ohhh, I was planing a trip there sometime (Lake Como)
No sparks?
Kerry...
But why oh why not try something out of your comfort zone? Women are like diamonds.. each facet unique in what they offer.
*hugs*
Actually, I am surprised that Americans do not vist us more up here as a cheap alternative to France. Sure it is nowhere close to being Europe but I do not think you can find a more multicultural city in North America. The women look pretty hot as well....Kerry, you could sit on a terrace, sip some sangria and literally get a neck ache if you are sitting at the right spot on a summer day. Sure it does not have the "natural" beauty of Hawaii....but beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
I think there could be sparks - she is petite and attractive. But I am the sort of guy that needs to get to know someone much better before letting things heat up.
Kathleen, I will try to spend some time looking at some other diamond cuts and colors. I wish I had an easy way to detect Cubic Zirconia and I need to avoid the Hope diamond curse.
John, I have Montreal high on my list. When I go, I will definitely look you up. Maybe your daughter could give some golf tips to my kids. Right now my boy brings his hands extended all the way above his head on the back swing - he looks like the Carl Yastrzemski.
I would be offended if you do not look me up.....you just missed the jazzfest...I believe that comedy fest is next....June, July and August are the months you want to visit. After that....welll let's just say that if weather is not a concern for you then anytime. On the bright side we do not have hurricane season.
Thanks for the support, Kerry. It is not surprising that ladies are seeking YOU out. Enjoy yourself. I am sure you are excited for the big Hawaii trip...
I seem to be approaching golf the opposite of you. I hadn't golfed in 2 years and only once in 4 years, and I started up again by hitting a 9-hole course! Have done it again twice and still haven't been to the driving range or practiced chipping/putting. Maybe I should....
Current lady and I sure seem to chat it up a lot. Kind of addicting if you know what I mean. We have a lunch date in an hour. She even suggested hitting balls afterward - she has never tried. She has some shoulder (rotator cuff) problems and I might want to hold off on her swinging a club. I dont want to be the associated with cause of further injury right now.
BobbiJo - have you ever taken lessons? If not, I highly recommend them as an experienced instructor can help you to correct flaws in your swing.
So how was lunch? Any desert? Afternoon delight special!!!!! Maybe even injured her shoulder slightly without a golf club?
Lunch was good and I suspect there will be more to come. She is a very interesting self made successful lady with quite a personality. It will probably be some time before it gets to the dancing stage. I have a vacation coming up.
I asked the other lady I have been emailing if we can meet. She keeps replying to my emails and each one she opens up a bit more about herself so I am guessing her response will be yes.
ohh....starting to jugge i see! the other lady? Be careful!!!!
I am reminded of Gus McCrae on his death bed in Lonesome Dove where he starts writing to his two loves of his live -
"This is dangerous business writing to two women at the same time".
Well, it looks like I will be meeting lady #2 for a hike on Saturday morning. I dont know as much about her, but her pictures look nice and she is a simple girl that likes to get outdoors hiking and gardening. And she is from China.
Ok, to be fair to other diamonds, I have now sent an email to a non-asian gal. Her profile write up was very good and funny to read.
China???? What is it about oriental ladies that attracts you Kerry?
John - Give me some credit, China is not SE Asia.
Maybe it is the eyes or the accent. There is something exotic that really seems to get my attention. My coworker agrees with my preferences and has even said that if he had to do over, he would most definitely strive to meet a Japanese lady.
As I was warming up for my golf lesson yesterday, I noticed the student my instructor had before me was a 20 something, very hot and athletic looking asian gal - very distracting for my warm up swings. When he and I started our lesson, I joked with him that an old middle age guy must be quite a let down from his prior lesson. He laughed and joked back that it is what is inside that counts and that I was a nice guy to teach.
As we were doing some putting drills and game (par 3,4,5), I mentioned that my serious R's had all been with asian gals and he said "who wouldn't want that"?
So I know that when I am out and about and see asian ladys, they tend to get my subconcious attention more. I resign myself as destined to be part of the Joy Luck Club and I like it.
I guess that I am an asian lesbian trapped in the body of a white boy.
Hey Kerr-Bear
Kathleen, I will try to spend some time looking at some other diamond cuts and colors. I wish I had an easy way to detect Cubic Zirconia and I need to avoid the Hope diamond curse.
Uhh.. seems like you've already dabbled with the Hope Diamond curse so you know what to avoid. And there's nothing wrong with a lil Cubic Zirconia. That's what makes the world go round.
*hugs*
Kathleen,
You just gave me a good laugh - my grandparents used to call me Care-bear when I was a little boy.
And by the way, my X is definitely Cubic Zirconia. Fake to the core. She may smile on the outside, but inside she is not pure.
So I know that when I am out and about and see asian ladys, they tend to get my subconcious attention more. I resign myself as destined to be part of the Joy Luck Club and I like it.
I guess that I am an asian lesbian trapped in the body of a white boy.
Hey Kerry..
That's no different than men who are attracted to blondes with big boobs, brunettes with long legs, red heads with green eyes. Everyone has their 'type', the draw is inevitable. I'm drawn to the soul of a strong driven man. With the deconstruction of my marriage and reconstruction of my life I know to look for more than just love and laughter. How does he treat his mother, other women in his family? Does he kick dogs? Just how much does he enjoy talking (and talking) about himself?
My one date was far more like ex that was comfortable. I'm going to work on seeing more facets in life.
*hugs*
Hey Kerry..
I make jewelry and cubic zirconia has great beauty. It's just not a diamond. The description of your ex sounds like rhinestone.. but there was enough between the two of you to be together, make beautiful babies and be a family at one point. It's like any gemstone. Not all angles are flawless. And on the emotional side it takes two to get there, Kerr-Bear (tee hee)
*hugs*
Kerry,
I'm just now getting caught up on your thread and I have to apologize for missing your first post here. You didn't have one up for a while, so I missed when this one started. Oh, well.
Anyway, good job w/the GF. Not going on vacation w/her is the best thing. She has some definite family issues that have come to light as well as her personal demons that came out to attack you and your D once you had "called it off." Makes you wonder what else she may have lurking for you had you stayed.
Oh, yeah. The "chaperone" thing is just too creepy.
That alone is a "Run Forrest, Run!" signal to me.
On the subject of the vacation, is ANYONE going to use the tickets? I mean I completely understand your not going, but did you think of buying out her share and taking the kids yourself (or have her do the same) just so the money isn't completely lost? Just a thought and I'm sure you've done this. I'm just curious as to what you ended up doing.
Ok, now on to the golf and the Asian fascination. I too think it is personal taste so if you like Asian women, go get a good one. The Asian population in the PNW is surprisingly very high. As a historian, I'm guessing it was because of all the Asians who went to Vancouver, Canada when the US wouldn't let a single one through the gates in the late 1800s and early 1900s. Only makes sense they'd migrate down to Seattle and Portland. I think people are surprised to know how heavily populated these regions are w/Asians. So, in short, that means nothing but good things for you, my friend.
As for golfing, the hardest thing to do is to get out and play w/people you don't know. Have you thought about finding yourself on a course during the slow time and just playing alone? I love doing this b/c it allows me to practice from the course when it is really slow. In those times, I can "re-hit" a shot (not counting the 2nd one, of course, but just practicing), or even play two balls from the tee to see which one can beat the other. It is easy to do here in Arizona b/c the courses are ghost towns after 3 pm and it is light until 8, but I'm not sure what the landscape is like in Oregon.
The day you can walk up as a single and not be bothered by playing w/someone you've never met is the day you'll know you've taken your biggest step as a golfer.
Man, all this golf talk has me wanting to get out myself. I may try to sneak on to the course next door this afternoon w/D and pitch and putt a bit w/her on the 2nd and 3rd holes.
All in all, you sound good, as usual, my friend. Keep it up and I'll be following along again now that I know you are up and running.
RTL
Hey Rob -
The tickets were part of an online package and were non-transferable and non-refundable. I canceled her and her daughters air reservation through the airline, but was able to still retain the tickets for her if she chooses to use them at a later date up until Mar 2010 with a rebooking fee. I refunded all her money and it is up to her whether she wants to do that trip in the future with her daughter. My kids and I are still making the trip this August. I'll send you a link to my travel blog in the alternate universe - no pictures of my non-6 pack belly though.
I remember back in the early 80's that a lot of Vietnamese boat people settled here in Portland. They still seem to be a pretty tight knit community. It probably takes a generation or two to fully assimilate to the American culture.
Yes, I should look into my little 9 hole par 3 in my neighborhood. The problem is I always have something else planned or todos around the house and yard.
The putting game I learned yesterday is fun and challenging for playing even by yourself. You stick 3 tees at roughly 5, 10 and 15 feet from the hole. You putt 3 balls from each tee. Sinking all three balls from the closest tee is a par, sinking 2 of 3 from the middle tee is par and sinking 1 of 3 on the farthest tee is par. When I played yesterday against my instructor, I won by a stroke (but he was not aiming his balls)! I can see this game helping me to gain much confidence on the greens. Plus, the great thing about where I take lessons is they have 3 practice putting and chipping greens that are free to use.
I had a nice introduction walk through some connecting parks with lady #2 this morning. She seems very nice, cute and a simple girl. Her apartment is close to my house and her work is a couple blocks from my work. I saw her again later at the Korean super market behind my house. Next weekend, we may go to a Chinese hot pot restaurant I know of that is very good. Maybe she is not interested - it is hard for me to read women.
I've been keeping in touch with XW and the kids in Thailand. They are now back in Bangkok after being in Phuket for a bit. They tried to go snorkeling in beautiful Phuket, but the conditions were not right. Oh well, the kids will get more than enough opportunity for that when they are in Kauai with me. I asked how D6 got along with her girl cousin of about the same age. Apparently, when the 2 girls are together, they torment S8 just like when X-GF's daughter and D6 were together.
I am very excited to see the kids next Friday. X has said that she will drop off and pick up the kids and I at the airport when we go on our trip. She may even water my garden. And the day before we leave to Kauai is D's 7th birthday. We are all going to do a girl scout thing at a rose garden and then I may ask XW to go out with us somewhere to on behalf of our daughter.
So I was going through a huge amount of photos and cards tonight to divide up acccordingly. I thought I had already given the XW all the sentimental photos and cards, but there was still a bunch in there. I sure did write her a lot of cards to her (some self made with photos) when we were married. I cant help but still have some good memories of our marriage. But, I am very content to have divorced myself from her selfish and cheating ways.
Hey Kerry..
I've come across many a card, letter, photo full of love, laughter and joy between ex and me while cleaning out the house. Ex asked once for pictures for the 'memories'. You're a better person than me going through it all to give to yours.
What a balance it is growing through this!
*hugs*
Hey Kerry,
It is strange how we can hang on to the good memories and at the same time realize that our Xs are cheaters and liars. I for one have difficulty (still) believing that the mother of my child turned into the person she is. I sense that you are more sure than I am of your X's character flaws. in spite of that you remain accomodating (as do I). I wonder how all this would have played out if we were the WASs....anyhow, glad you had a good time with lady#2. You will know in time if their is mutual interest. For the time being enjoy the ride. That should be our motto in life in general......
The main ride I care about now is the stunningly beautiful green paradise of north Kauai. I have read many travel summaries where people actually cry when their Kaui vacation ends.
Kerry,
I'm glad to hear someone is going to be using the tickets to Hawaii after all.
As for the putting game, I really like it and will be trying it soon. I need to get out and as soon as my dog situation is settled, I'll look to do that for sure.
RTL
It is strange how we can hang on to the good memories and at the same time realize that our Xs are cheaters and liars. I for one have difficulty (still) believing that the mother of my child turned into the person she is.
Amen to that, John. I feel exactly the same way.
RTL
Kerry,
I have been dividing things up myself this past week. Sorted the BIG box of cards/letters into his/hers piles. Then found a box marked "dresser" and lo and behold, some more cards and letters and a couple pictures he had been keeping in his dresser drawers before the move. Always bittersweet. I am keeping my half because they were real at the time. And because someday even if we are divorced, I want the kids to see and know that their mom and dad truly loved each other and that they were born of love.
I guess that I am an asian lesbian trapped in the body of a white boy.
that is funny Kerry..
The day you can walk up as a single and not be bothered by playing w/someone you've never met is the day you'll know you've taken your biggest step as a golfer.
it's also the day your handicap will begin to drop..
another suggestion..always play golf with people who are better than you. You'll learn a lot faster watching better players..
as for the cards and love letter's...I left all that crap with Kim.....I don't think she ever, ever, ever really felt any of the things she said she did...I think she married and had a child because her clock was tickin....
another suggestion..always play golf with people who are better than you. You'll learn a lot faster watching better players..
I do get some satisfaction in seeing that most of the people out on the course seem to be much worse than me. I asked my instructor why that was and he said that a lot have never taken lessons.
I do get some satisfaction in seeing that most of the people out on the course seem to be much worse than me. I asked my instructor why that was and he said that a lot have never taken lessons.
for what it's worth....in 1993 to about 1999..I got down to a 3 handicap..lowest I ever got..now I play to around an eight...
I've never had a lesson..
I was self taught..learned from better players..watched a lot of golf..practiced a lot in the yard..hit tons of balls..once I got all my flaws ingrained then i knew that if i had a lesson it would be like starting all over again...so no lessons..lol...but..what could have been if I had taken lessons when I first picked up the game...if I had...you may have been watching me on TV right now..
It is never too late to see Mike on TV in a playoff at Augusta. Just look at other old guys like Tom Watson and Kenny Perry.
I picked my kids up today after work. They had been in Thailand for the last 3 weeks. D was sure tired and fell asleep for a while in the car and then again when we got back home. But somehow after getting some food and ice cream sprinkles in her, she was all excited and watched the new Bratz Fashion Pixiez movie I had picked up. And I actually watched this one too and thought is was pretty darn good compared to all the other Bratz movies.
My son keeps calling me Ed. Arrrgghh! But anyway, he will get back in the routine. One thing I thought funny was one of the first things he asked for was to listen to Pink Floyd Animals on my mp3 player when he went to bed. And that is where he is now - reading and listening to Sheep, Dogs and Pigs. Maybe tomorrow I will introduce him to the Wish You Were Here or the Obscurred by Clouds albums. I may have the boy watch my Dream Theater live at Budokon DVD sometime with me...cranked up...shaking the walls...in awe of incredible musicians.
I suspect that in the coming years his passion for playing ukulele and guitar will be like that as his passion for piano. He asks me occasionally to watch the incredible video of
Jake Shimabukuro playing ukulele and he knows that the instrument is not a toy as many percieve. Sadly, we arrive in Kauai 2 days after Jake has his concert there.
We are going blueberry picking tomorrow with X-GF and other kids.
I had lunch again with lady #1, but I just dont have the attraction even though we have good conversation. Lady #2 told me that I was too young and energetic and that she felt much older than me (she is 46 and I am 49) - I think she was being polite. Could be that a lot of the ladies who have grown kids are not wanting to go through that again with a man that has young kids. Oh well, no hurry. I am having fun with the buffet line.
hey kerry,
dang, being called the name of the OM by your kid is rough. you're a good dad, though I can't believe you've got your kids listening to pink floyd. did you show them the dark side of the moon/wizard of oz trick?
You should introduce your boy to Dent May and his Magnificent Ukulele -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eX5VRnbuaRIFollowed your break-up dilemma - you handled it well.
lodo
Hey Kerry..
Hmm... the kids called you "Ed"? I wonder how often they called him by your name. Far more than you've heard his, no doubt, much to the consternation of their mom and her escort.
*hugs*
Kerry,
Oh well, no hurry. I am having fun with the buffet line.
Great outlook and attitude! Don't be in a rush b/c you'll repeat mistakes.
I'm crazy about the one I'm with, but I'm also being cautious not to get in too deep too soon. If we were to break up, I'd be blue for a few days, but I'd be back at it again soon. I'd have to be. After all I've been through (and you and everyone else), life is way too short to be hung up on one that "got away" or whatever.
The "buffet line" isn't such a bad thing after all.
RTL
I do not think I will ever allow myself to be "crazy" about another woman. That is a sad statement but I guess that is what comes with "the territory".
I am also seeing someone but I am not 1005 sure I am through with the buffet.
Sorry folks just being brutally honest.
I know of the Wizard of Oz/Dark side of the moon trick, but I have never tried it. Whoever discovered that has way too much time on their hands.
I wonder if there are buffet opportunities on Kauai?
Two years ago (pre bomb), my son and I were at a restaurant on the Big Island and the Hawaiian waitress had a keen interest in me.
BTW... It is a bit ironic the phrase for "thank you very much" in Hawaiian is "mahalo nui loa" and my X's name is Nui.
Kerry,
Funny irony for sure.
John, don't worry if you are through w/the buffet or not. You'll know when you've found the one you'd like to be with. As for not being "crazy" about another woman, I think your heart will soften when you find the right one. She'll disarm you and let you know you are safe.
RTL
My daughter turns 7 tomorrow. She will start the day by going with XW, S8 and myself to a girl scout activity at a rose garden. Then we will come back to my house to open her presents and I will show XW how to water my vegetable garden and flowers for while I am gone on vacation. I will see if D7 and S8 will want to go to a county fair tomorrow and then some fun dinner place D7 desires for her birthday (please no more Chucky Cheese).
The kids and I are leaving early sunday for 3 weeks in beautiful Kauai. I have only one planned activity there (zodiac boat trip on Napali coast). I can easily find many fun things to do the rest of the time including some good hikes that the kids will enjoy. My father and step mom will stay with us in our rented condo for about 5 days towards the end of our trip. XW is driving us to and from the airport. Post divorce life is very amicable between her and I.
I have the kids on the labor day weekend and will be taking them backpacking for 3 days in a very nice alpine wilderness with good fishing and lots of delicious huckleberries. If D7 does not wish to go, then it will be just me and the boy like last year (it snowed).
Life is treating us well right now.
Kerry, Happy Birthday to your little Princess!!
Glad to see you so content,
xxx
K
Good for you mon frere! Happy birthday to your D!!!! She is lucky to have such a great dad. Nice to see you and the ex getting along also. That is what is best for the kids.
Enjoy Hawaii and travel safely.
Maybe you will meet a nice young lady out there....who knows? Keep your eyes open!
Maybe you will meet a nice young lady out there....who knows? Keep your eyes open!
If I do meet someone in Hawaii, somehow I dont think that neighboring state commute will work out as well as Mike in Tennesee's commute.
Kerry,
I hope the birthday went well and you are enjoying Hawaii! I love that place and need to get back soon.
RTL
Happy leftover birthday to your girlie girl..
Hawaii.. sounds like a great place to visit, even better place to linger. Life sounds great..
*hugs*
Hawaii is very nice and 3 weeks may not be enough time. I have a link to my blog about it on FB.
I'm looking forward to getting back to Hawaii some day...hopefully next June.
That's what I'm keeping my fingers crossed for, at least.
Enjoy your time, Kerry.
RTL
XW went back by herself to Thailand for a week yesterday. When she was there for 3 weeks last month with the kids and Ed, she did not visit with her mom much. I hear her mom's health is not good, but I also think having Ed around made for an uncomfortable environment with her mom and brother.
The kids and I have been having a great time in Kauai. Taking it slower today in the morning and will try to do some boogie boarding today and maybe a bit more explorations for some ocean lava pools. Next Tuesday and Wednesday will probably be very wet as the remains of Hurricane Felicia is forecast to pass by.
We have finished a week here and have two more weeks to go before returning to the mainland. My father and step mom will be staying with us for a few days during our last week. They have a wedding to attend here and they lengthened their trip so as to spend some time with the kids and I.
Glad you are having an amazing trip!
Someday I shall make it to Hawaii...
Today was especially relaxing with an amazing view in the home of Puff the Magic Dragon - Hanalei. Using our imagination, we can see the mountain outline of Puff circling the entire region.
We are only about 5 minutes drive from this spectacular town and bay which was rated the #1 beach in the USA for 2009.
Good morning Kerry..I am following you on your blog..one question..
would you adopt me??
I promise I'll be good, won't eat much...and not cause any trouble..
Sorry Mike, 2 kids are enough for me to handle right now.
I hope you are settling back into work with minimal pain after having such fun at Beachapaloosa 2009.
Did you ever find someone to take the extra tickets? Sounds like you are having the time of your life...
Wow, my kids would be jealous....Nathan loves dragons of any kind! Glad you are having such a great time...
Did you ever find someone to take the extra tickets? Sounds like you are having the time of your life...
I ended up refunding XGF's portion of the trip to her and I gave her the tickets which she has a choice to use by Mar 2010. There is a rebooking fee she would need to pay if she chooses to use them.
Sounds like you are having a great time! What an awesome experience for you and your two kids.
Keep enjoying it all, my friend.
RTL
Kerry,
I see you posted on Kalni's thread. Does this mean you are back from Hawaii?
If so, how did it go? If not, when are you scheduled to return?
RTL
Hey Rob - I am indeed back from Kauai. Three weeks of paradise was very nice.
One of the latest ladies I have been emailing noticed on my blog that I looked like I was having a good time and the only thing missing was a woman by my side.
I talked with her last night and she seems very nice. We will meet for a short walk this Saturday.
There is another lady I have been emailing who is a computer programmer like me. I keep thinking she is not interested and then all of a sudden she will send back an email.
And the lady I went out 3 times still IM's with me.
Kerry,
Sounds like you are doing quite well w/the field, my friend.
The "research" part of dating can be quite fun.
RTL
research can be fun and addictive....be careful!
Glad to have you back Kerry. Although I bet you miss Hawaii...
I need to try Maui someday. I've visited Oahu (twice), Big Island and Kauai. They have their own unique charms. Kauai has stunning green mountain scenery and great beaches, but the Big Island has much better snorkeling.
Next year I have been thinking about a road trip to Montana and going up into Alberta to see its national parks. If I do go, I will try to stop by and look Wooglint up.
Welcome back Kerry...
K
I am thinking of doing the same in 2011
Kerry, I have always wanted to go to Montana! I imagine it is very beautiful...we drove from Iowa to Boise when we moved there, through Wyoming and Utah. Some gorgeous country out there...
And Kalni--why wait till 2011??
I would have to deal with a bet if I loose by then...
Kerry,
Maui is great, but I wouldn't suggest it w/the kids as I think it is more set up for couples.
As for Montana, it is gorgeous! That would be a good trip to take w/the kids and not too bad of a drive, especially in Montana where the roads are straight and flat.
RTL
i just got back from northern alberta - you should drive up there and see the strip mining
Interesting about that strip mining. I had not heard about it but looked it up and see it is for dirt that is saturated with oil. Having seen the long lasting effects of what a gold dredge can do from 100 years ago, I would guess that ravaging of the forests and land of northern Alberta would be similar if not worse than a gold dredge.
Kerry,
I saw similar devastation in Nevada at Virginia City where there is still a TON of gold, but it is too deep to get at w/out spending like crazy!
The entire hillside where the mines are is completely gone!
However, it may be the best Old West town I've ever visited, save Bodie, California. Beat the Hell out of Tombstone, AZ, which I hated b/c it was too commercialized on the surrounding streets.
RTL
My new date today went very well. She had us hike through a nearby nature park that I had never been too. We even had a fawn near us when we were talking. She bought me lunch afterwards at the Korean store behind my house. There will be more dates forthcoming with this very nice lady.
Wow,,,,,she sprung for lunch? This one may be a keeper Kerry ;-)
Seriously, I am happy for you.
She sent me the follow up email. She really likes that I have the same tastes in food as her. Winner winner chicken dinner!
Taking it slow on the dating as next weekend (3 day) I am marching the kids backpacking to an alpine lake for some fly fishing and huckleberry picking. I just bought my son a new internal frame backpack that should last him through his teen years. D7 will use his prior external frame pack. This will be D7's first backpacking trip.
Great news on the date. The fact she springs as well as has similar tastes in food will work well for you.
The weekend sounds cool. I'm sure it will be a great experience for S7 too.
RTL
Arent you guys tired of the buffet? Thinking I may have to enter the qeue is ...killing me...
And Kerry, same food taste is essential, I agree.
K
She says her friend has a boyfriend named Kerry that also likes Korean food.
The banchan appetizers before a meal are sort of a buffet in themselves.
I will have to see if she likes Greek food.
I've now turned on my cloaking device in the buffet line.
On a side note, I bought D7 a small pink spinning reel with a short pole yesterday as she feels too old to be using a Dora Zebco style push button. This new one has leds that light up when you crank the reel (which should help catch more fish
)...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aClz75aZ-nY
I've now turned on my cloaking device in the buffet line.
invisible in the buffet line....Ummmmm..she must be all that...
good deal on the side note..a pink spinning reel is the ticket...are the leds that light up as bright as this thing??
or maybe this would be a good lure to throw??
http://www.fredmeyerjewelers.com/Assets/Images/Products/683771.main.jpgwhat do you think?
Nice Mike! Make sure to present it too her in the sun on the beach as it will sparkle all that much more. BTW... Fred Meyer started in Portland Oregon.
I sure did buy a good amount of diamond jewelry for my XW. I should have used some bigger poundage for leader as that fish ended up taking all those lures.
Sorry for the brief highjack... Mike,that is really beautiful. I am so glad you each found each other and that with work, everyone seems to get along well. I bet I will be able to hear her scream all the way over here in Kansas!!
Congrats. Back to the regular program...
kat
I sure did buy a good amount of diamond jewelry for my XW. I should have used some bigger poundage for leader as that fish ended up taking all those lures.
think I should add trebles to that thing..or just use a single barbless hook with a trailer in case the fish "strikes short"??
Mike - With the lure you have, there should be no problem hooking and landing. You will need to make sure to continually maintain the live fish well though. For that, I highly recommend
"Hold on to your N.U.T's" and
"For Men Only".
Yeah mike, hold on to your nuts!!! LOL
NICE!!!
SO, when is my invitation arriving or will you make me crush the party?
S
no date set....it will be a bit...there are issues that have to be worked out...as far as where we will live, Caleigh and how I'll work my visitation..her oldest daughter just started college and her aid is based on her dad's, step mom's and mom's income..so if you throw another income into the mix then the aid would be reduced....so after tax time next year may eb the ticket..but not for sure..there is some distance between where we live now so we must talk about that and come to some decision.....there is no rush for a date..by her or by me...
Sorry Mike. I had to tell Kalni, she needed cheered up! Oh no, have I become the dreaded tattler??!!
kat
I can wait... Maybe you'll have to come first to Greece for my wedding. Who knows?
BEAUTIFUL!!!!!
I don't think I'd be dropping that in to lure any stupid fish though!!!!
Ok..move it all bacvk over to my thread and we can talk SEC football and rings again....
I'm sure kerry wants to get back to talking about go all "klingon" in the buffet line..
It is truly cool when we see people on this board finding "real" love and "solid" relationships!
Good job, Mike!
As for Kerry, I seem to agree that he's liking this lady a bit as he's currently on "stealth mode" in the buffet line.
So, I would dare to say there is...more information to come later from our man in Oregon.
RTL
Depending on the outcome this Saturday, you may want to consider moving to Blacksburg, Virgina and becoming a Hokie. Is Michelle already a Hokie?
Is Michelle already a Hokie?
OMG...I will not tell her you said that..you would be sure to fall out of her good graces....get this..
she's a really BIG Tennessee football fan...lol and has cousins in Alabama who are Big Tide fans...she pulls for Duke in Basketball and the Redskins in Pro football..
I'm sure kerry wants to get back to talking about go all "klingon" in the buffet line..
It was the Romulans that first used a cloaking device.
My reason for using it now is I dont want to respond to any other possible buffet items. That way, if the current one does not work out, I can deactivate the device and return to the buffet.
You are right to use the cloak right now. Too much at once is a bit confusing...possibly a lot of short-term fun, but in the long run, it'll come back to bite you.
Nice Star Trek triva, my man.
RTL
OMG Mike! Michele is one confused lady in her loyalties!
Ok Kerry...I've got to go back and read the last few pages. I'm feeling a little lost with the talk about klingon cloaking in buffet lines! I've obviously missed something.
On second thought, I turned the cloaking device off so that I am still visible. It is still way too early and I figured that since her cloaking device was off, well maybe mine should be too. Plus, there were a couple ladies that had send me emails that I needed to respond to and ask further questions.
I sure hope that I am not sounding like Ross Perot (who I stupidly voted for once).
I would like some advice as to whether I have the right or wrong attitude concerning pushing kids to do something they dont want to do or letting them decide on their own to quit/fail.
XW and I had an argument on the phone this morning about our daughter's costly violin lessons which she does not have much passion for. When we were in Hawaii, D7 mentioned that she was happy to not be at home because her mom would be pushing her to practice. That made me groan because I am being forced to pay for something she does not enjoy.
XW blames her own lack of not knowing math, how to swim, play an instrument, etc on her parents and wants to push lessons/skills on the kids even if they dont enjoy it. I have the philosophy that it is ok to fail at things in life and be free to choose what you want to do - not have someone force you to succeed. When I grew up, my parents allowed me the freedom to drop out of band (clarinet) and the boy scouts. I sure would like to have become more musically talented, but I appreciate that it was my choice to decide that it was not for me. Is Tiger Woods so good at golf solely because his father pushed him? I dont think so - I think he had a passion for it and his father only helped him to get better at it.
Some of what bothers me is that we are paying a lot of money for the violin lessons, but also, I dont like the fact that my daughter does not enjoy it and is being forced. I just dont think music is her calling as she seems to be more gifted athletically and I would like her to have the option to do some sports if she wants.
Discussing with XW is so frustrating because she is so irrational. When I mention something like it might be nice if the kids can have a choice in what they want to do, she will say something like "they will choose to eat cotton candy and play video games". Or she will say she has spoken to many counselors/phycologists who say that she is right that kids need to be pushed to succeed. Or she will always fire back on the "it was agreed on in court" (something her lawyer briefly said about me paying for lessons). Or she will say that I pushed D7 into the Girl Scouts and XW does not like that organization. I will counter with the fact that I told D7 that if she does not like the girl scouts she can make the decision to quit, but she has fun at the meetings and wants to continue going. XW even acknowleges that D7 will quit violin in the future but that she wants to keep pushing her for as long as possible. She says that I should setup a meeting between a child counselor, the violin instructor, our daughter and ourselves to further discuss this.
I think that I am wasting my breath in trying to let her know my feelings and have her reconsider that pushing our daughter to succeed at something she hates might not be the best idea. Is it wrong to get to the point where I finally say "D7 and I dont want to continue violin lessons so the vote is 2 to 1 - you lose"?
Or she will say she has spoken to many counselors/phycologists who say that she is right that kids need to be pushed to succeed. Or she will always fire back on the "it was agreed on in court" (something her lawyer briefly said about me paying for lessons). Or she will say that I pushed D7 into the Girl Scouts and XW does not like that organization. I will counter with the fact that I told D7 that if she does not like the girl scouts she can make the decision to quit, but she has fun at the meetings and wants to continue going. XW even acknowleges that D7 will quit violin in the future but that she wants to keep pushing her for as long as possible. She says that I should setup a meeting between a child counselor, the violin instructor, our daughter and ourselves to further discuss this.
Personally if D7 told me she did not want to take the lessons then i would set up an appointment with the C..invite the ex and let D7 tell them all...
I don't think you should push her to take the lessons..I think it should be a choice..
Is it wrong to get to the point where I finally say "D7 and I dont want to continue violin lessons so the vote is 2 to 1 - you lose"?
if it comes to that..then I don't think it is wrong..
My older daughter was in Marching band for 3 years. In her senior year of high school she decided she didn't want to deal with the long practices and traveling and pressure that year.
Her mother was livid because she was a 'band mom' and her own kid was quitting! D18 wasn't having fun any more. Most of her friends had graduated and she would rather spend time developing her artwork and stage work.
I supported her decision. It's one thing the 'have to' do math homework, you NEED those skills. It's another thing to 'have to' do music, sports, girls scouts. You do those because you like them.
Give her choices.
Mike and Frank - Thanks for your opinion. I will have some talks with D7 and try to encourage her to not be so easy to quit, but if it is something she really hates, that it might be best to try something different. The great thing is there is no hurry on a decision with this right now.
On a sad note...the Oregon Ducks lost their first football game of the season to Boise State. All hopes for the state of Oregon to have a national title this year rests on the Beavers who should win easily this weekend against the Portland State Vikings. I wonder if I will ever see an Oregon team win a national title in my lifetime. Rob, at least you got to witness the Washington Huskies win one in your life.
I thought I would throw in my 02 on the music lessons. My daughter(10) is taking flute lessons. They were kind of hard for her at first so she learned somethings on the recorder. When I mentioned to her that I didn't think I would keep paying for lessons because she isn't learning the flute she hopped right back onto the flute and is doing better. I am not a drill sargent about practice. I remind her but she knows the time she did or didn't practice will show in her lessons and she won't get as many sticker rewards if it wasn't much time. When she tells me she is done, fine.
Music should be for joy not punishment. There will be times when they won't always love it because it can be hard work, but if it really is for them, they will come back when they are ready. Hope that helps some.
kat
Kerry,
For the record, I'm counting every game the Huskies cover the spread as a win for that rebuilding program! Go Dawgs!
On a side note, the Ducks looked horrible last night. Wake up call or in for a rough transition year? Not sure. As for the possibility of a National Championship, don't give up yet. Phil Knight has really boosted up the athletics there, so that is always a huge incentive for athletes to head up to U of O.
Ok, concerning "forcing" a child into activities, I am 100% against it. Like others have stated, if the love isn't in the activity, they will come to resent having to do the activity. I see high school parents who push their kids to be athletes and the kids not only don't work hard and add to your program, but they end up being cancers b/c they just don't want to be there.
I'd love for my own D6 to want to play sports, but I'm waiting for her to tell me that she's interested. My X and I battle on this as my X thinks that she's still too young to start sports and other activities, but we've both stayed away from pushing her into anything.
Now, she's telling me she wants me to teach her how to play basketball and wants to play volleyball, soccer, and baseball. So, I'll look to sign her up for those activities - especially if she's able to do it w/her friends.
My only rule is if my D6 says she wants to participate in a sport or activity, I won't let her quit until the season or session is finished. At that point, if she never wants to do it again, that is fine w/me. However, I won't let her think she can simply walk away from something when the going gets tough.
This is yet another area my X and I disagree on as my X believes she should be able to quit sometimes if she isn't happy. Not a shock as my X demonstrated this belief w/our M.
RTL
Kat, I am similar in not pushing my son to practice his piano or ukulele when he is at my house. I only make the suggestion. I have no say with my daughter in regards to violin practice as the violin stays over at X's and the XW supervises (like a dictator) when D7 practices. The violin lessons utilize the Suzuki method which seems pretty good, but with some criticism of producing robotic students.
My son seems to really like experimenting with music and I think he could develop some composition skills.
We are so fortunate to have an awesome and experienced piano instructor along with the grade school music teacher who gives S8 ukulele lessons on the side.
Rob - that is the positive mental attitude to have about the Huskies! Hopefully the coach does not tell them to just try and beat the spread in the locker room. In a few years, maybe Joe Montana's son can turn things around.
As for the Duck tailback who sucker punched the Boise State player after the game was over - if I was the coach of the Ducks, I would immediately say that this guy will never wear a Duck uniform again.
Kerry
We just had this same debate over my son and karate lessons. They are 3 times a week, all year round. No breaks like typical sports seasons have. I was torn b/c he joined "black belt club", making the commitment to become a black belt.
However, it became a job to make him practice on the days he did not have structured practice. I got so tired of battling with him. On one hand I wanted him to commit to it. On the other, he was showing no desire.
We compromised. He is taking a break from karate. The belt testing sessions are 8 weeks long. He is staying out for 2 sessions and will go back then. Of course we have yet to experience what happens when it is time to start up again...
I guess my thought was, why not let her take a break from the violin. With some time away from it she may decide she wants to do it again.
I took dance lessons (tap/jazz/ballet) from age 4 until graduating high school. In that 13 year span, I stopped 3 times, twice for a year and once for 2 years. I just got burnt out. But after a break I always went back to it. You just don't want them to wind up hating something they used to love.
Wow this is what I don't look forward to is the dating and break up stuff, seems so hard when we are already struggling, although I am only 1 month into my situation so I may feel different later, I do hope that I find love one day with someone who doesn't want to give up in the middle of it.
I hope your talk and break up with your lady went well and that you can some day come to a place where you are free to give your heart. I do admire that you know your boundaries and stand up for what you want. Kudos to you.
Yes, her parents live in a different time period. When I went to her church - her mother would not come near me because we had not been formally introduced.
The brother from California is in his 30's and is still in search of a virgin to marry. Good luck with that.
Hi Livingalone -
The kids and I were in your town just yesterday visting with my mom right across from the Portland airport.
The break up talk went ok, however, she was pretty upset about not getting to go on vacation. I have not heard from her since a phone call I made when in Hawaii to her.
It is very early in your situation. So many of the affairs do fail or the wayward spouse finds they are not what they expected. There is a good chance that given a long enough time away from each other that your H may come to some awakening that what you and he had in the marriage is worth preserving.
I know the emotional pain you are experiencing now seems so unbearable. With time and keeping yourself busy and happy, it will pass. I know that is like telling a person who is sea sick that it is all in their head, as there is no easy way to move forward for you right now.
Kind of strange, but there was no call from XW on the kids first day of school.
I am trying a new thing this year by getting the kids lunches made in the evening after the kids go to bed so as to lessen the rush in the morning. Plus, I can set the alarm clock to go off a little later for more beauty sleep.
The new lady and I continue to talk each day on the phone. We bumped into each other at Costco on Sunday and she met my kids who were shy and well behaved. I hope to get out for a longer time with her this next Sunday. I am thinking of taking her on a hike in the mountains with some huckleberry picking.
Sounds like lots of fun! Enjoy.
New lady and I had a very good time yesterday on a hike and picking huckleberries. There sure were a lot of varieties of mushrooms growing this time of year. We stopped and had a nice dinner on the way home - peppered salted squid - yum!
Hey Kerry!
Lots of varieties of "mushrooms" growing? Were we supposed to read something into that?
No hidden "in and out" message John. I was simply amazed at how many different types we saw and some of them were very large and beautiful. I also have no experience on how to identify which ones are edible (except for the ones my shipmates and and I used to pick while in the US Coast Guard that put a big smile on your face).
Hey Kerry, all kidding aside, be very careful with those mushrooms. There were a few deaths up here....eating wild mushrooms.
I had a little disappointment yesterday, but I am moving forward. My son's birtday is coming up in a little over 2 weeks and it falls on a Saturday when I have the kids. He wants to have a costume party and we shopped a bit for his costume (also for halloween) last week. He tells me that he wants to have the party at his mom's place instead of mine because it is so much bigger. I was kind of hoping for a neutral location, but I dont want him to feel guilty in knowing that I wont attend his party over at his Mom's/Ed's house. I just plan to take him and D7 out for dinner after their party is over.
The kids also told me that they are going to Maui during winter break. I called XW to confirm and organize times since we split winter break with the kids. XW said her mom was going too and they had not made reservations yet, but she would keep me informed and it may be necessary for the kids to miss some school. I need to let XW know that I am not ok with the kids missing school. Later, the kids told me that their mom and Ed were going to get married on Maui. It will be interesting as to when XW tells me this information. I really could care less now, but I wonder if she thinks that she needs to keep it a secret.
Oh, and the kids say that they traded in the BMW convertible for a Mercedes sports car that has a speedometer the goes up to 200mph. I looked the thing up and it looks to be around $70 G. I do hope the kids are not being taught the lesson that money buys happiness.
Hey Kerry,
I am sorry about the location of the party. Kids are kids. I hope your son takes well the fact you will not go.
She is getting married? Well, good luck to her. I am glad Ed seems to treat your kids well. It must be a relief of somekind.
And kids learn from both parents, thank God for that! Dont worry Kerry, your kids will remember your great trekking trips and camping excursions and not the Mercedes when they grow up...
K
Hmm...sounds like your XW and mine are related. When did you say her birthday was. I am also expecting her to get married soon....lucky guy...he better hold on to his wallet...but I digress.
I agree with K. With all the quality time you spend with your kids, there is no way that that can be replaced by a Mercedes.
John -
How much longer before you are officially divorced? I wonder if she will get married real quick after that.
ouch - sorry kerry. Between the boy's birthday and the XW's remarriage, that's a lot to stomach. I'm with Kalni - kids learn a lot of things that they don't necessarily express. You're a good man and a tremendous father. Despite the drama, you've kept things calm. Someday your children will recognize that.
lodo
Thanx lodo, kalni and John.
There is always some good news and it seems that XW is starting to consider other activities for D7 as the violin is so difficult and does not seem to be D7's calling. She seems to be more drawn to experimenting on her brothers piano. And she is really excited about the prospect of attending her 2nd grade teacher's private tap dance studio.
Hey Kerry....should be very soon for me. There was a little snafu with our lousy lawyer's paperwork (that has been taken care of). I am already divorced in my heart and in my head so the finality will not take me for a loop (at least i hope not).I figure she is probably planning a Christmas holiday wedding.
I, have no plans whatsoever to get married again or even move in with someone.
Hey Kerry...
*hugs*
You're a good dad, clever guy and huckleberry hound. Oh yes.. and you seem to have a way with women, even if you're an Asian lesbian stuck in an American male's body.
What your wife does in her personal life is her business, and vice versa. Being parents is your connection. But then again, you know all that.
You're the best.
*hugs*
An asian lesbian stuck in a males body???? Looks like someone is getting a little raunchier....with her prose!!!
That is hilarious!
An asian lesbian stuck in a males body????
A good buddy of mine who was a two times divorcee related a story to me about his single periods..he happpened to park himself next to a pretty woman on a bar stool one night and commenced to work his magic on her...she continually rejected his advances and finally came clean telling him, "I'm sorry, but I'm a lesbian" to which he replied, "that's Ok, I'm a lesbian too"
I, have no plans whatsoever to get married again or even move in with someone.
ummmm 'cough" "cough"....never say never...
lol - Mike, you reminded me of a joke someone sent:
An old cowboy sat down at a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life, breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."
She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women."
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."
And that is why I think that I am a lesbian.
LOL guys, thanks!!! I needed that tonight!
K
Mike, I keep telling John he will get married again and I will be his guest of honor!
Kerry you crack me up...
Glad things are going well with the new ladyfriend.
Bobbi Jo, it is plural - lady friends.
I am in contact with a 50 and a 46 year old lady. Both own multiple businesses and seem very busy and incredibly interesting to me. The 50 year old has a 16 year old daughter. The 46 year old has a 21 year old son and a 20 year old daughter.
Finding common time to see either of them is the difficult part.
Sorry Kerry, ladyfriend
s I would put a link to David Lee Roth "Just a Gigolo" but no You-tube access at school. (I am at night class)
Just teasing. I am glad you are out there enjoying yourself! Which one went on the hike with the berry picking?
The 46 year old went hiking and berry picking with me. We talk every night now.
I wish Mike. I really do wish.
This online dating scene you have is amazing. I wish we were more into it here. It sounds like ladies are all over the place for you Kerry. You and John really make use of the buffet. I hope you find the one that you really really like and eventually love. Life is better with a partner IMO.
xxx
K
for the record, john is on a diet...no more buffet for now.
nice video.....had no clue my buddies had so much talent.
I had a bit of a run in on the phone this morning with XW. She had not responded to my email about my not wanting her to take the kids out of school for her winter break vacation so I touched base to see what was up. She still seemed persistent that she was going to go against my wishes and take the kids out of school. Emotions got the better of us and she said that she would fight against me on it. I told her that I would file a police report if she took the kids out of school in violation of the parenting plan.
So I sent her some follow up emails trying to explain my feelings about the kids missing school, how I understand her side somewhat and that it is best to not battle which would cause bad feelings later on. I also offered a compromise that we sign written agreements. One was what I am thinking about for 2 and a half years from now when my son is in the Boy Scouts and it would allow him to miss some Chinese classes for Boy Scout campouts on the weekend. If she agrees to signing that then I will sign an agreement about taking the kids out of school for vacation when the teachers say it is ok and a reasonable trade of time is done with the other parent.
I think that it is better to leverage a conflict instead of creating hostilities that may last into the future. Pick your battles carefully.
Kerry,
The ability to compromise is very important indeed. If you can agree to each give a little, things work out so much better in the long run.
However, as I'm discovering w/my X, you do need to stand your ground and make sure that X is not trying to dictate terms or be controlling of the kids. You have every right to tell her that if an agreement isn't made w/you two, she can't just decide on her own that she's going to do something.
She is accountable to the agreement of the divorce and you are completely w/in your rights to let her know there are legal consequences to her actions if she doesn't want to try and involve you in the process.
I've done the same w/my X and it is amazing how quickly she comes to the negotiating table when I let her know that she's not legally allowed to do whatever she wants w/our D.
RTL
Hey RTL -
I am getting much much better at the negotiation and putting a stop to any time she tries to bring up the past. Maybe I have a future with the State Department.
On the dating front, I am starting to lose interest in one of the gals I went hiking with a week ago. She just seems to be so darn busy all the time (2 businesses) and she gets drawn in to helping other Korean acquaintances problems. She told me on the phone last night that feels bad that she cant find any time for herself to do things with me. I told her that I am in no rush and I can understand her frustration.
I do seem to be chatting quite a bit with one of the other ladies I went out with a few times a couple months ago. She seems to be more my type and she loves to travel to new places.
You are doing very well and it seems as if you have a very firm grasp on what you will and won't accept.
Good for you, my friend!
RTL
The other lady said it would be nice to take a hike again with me. She has a much more flexible schedule and she loves to also go out to new restaurants.
good for you kerry. I just broke up with brief romance. she freaked when she saw my bookcases - she doesn't read. And she only liked to take hikes on the same trail.
Reminded me a bit of an old girlfriend who I took to an amazing overlook in the southwest. She looked across the vast expanse of mountain and canyon with the southwestern sky fading from deep azure to the pandemonium of the setting sun and she said, "I don't see what the big deal about scenery is."
Sometimes you know exactly when to say goodbye.
Hey lodo -
I remember you mentioning about your old girlfriend and the overlook (where you tied the knot). The kids and I paid a visit there a year ago and it was stunning - even more so with a lightning storm approaching. We even threw a few rocks over the edge in your honor.
Kerry,
I think it is great that you are able to find ladies to hike with because I know it is true that the chemistry and attraction between people heats up when they do physical activities together.
That is why I'm hoping my GF's finger gets better soon so we can start playing softball again. We had a definite spark of attraction b/t us after the 1st week of playing and I know we'll continue to have more if we can get back on the field again soon.
RTL
RTL -
Have you been going to any batting cages to fine tune you softball swing?
No, but I need to hit the cages for sure. I had been so incredibly off w/my softball swing (slow-pitch) that I struck out swinging in my 1st at bat back after a 10+ year layoff.
Stupid me, I thought I could just step in and have my timing automatically back. Not true.
However, since then, I've been tearing the cover off the ball and am feeling pretty good in the box. However, I could get even better w/more practice.
RTL
Kerry,
FYI - We held practice in a park last night to get some hitting in and it did help me to get some of my timing kinks worked out. The downside is I'm a dead pull hitter right now, so I would like to go to the cages in order to work on using the entire field.
I currently pull everything from the middle in and if it is on the outer half, the best I can do is take it up the middle. Right field, right center and 2nd base usually have some weaker defenders, so I need to work on using that part of the field when I'm pitched there.
I did find a place for batting practice close to the fields where we play, so I'm going to head in there maybe as soon as this weekend.
RTL
I gotta try hitting some softballs one of these times. I am kind of addicted to hitting the 80+ mph baseballs. The batting cage clerk said that I need to borrow on of their softball bats as apparently the skinnier double barrel baseball bat I have would tear the softballs. I like hitting the super fast cage and then moving to one where they are at 50 mph - it is like taking candy from a baby and makes it much easier to make ball placement. Only thing I dont like is occasionally I get hit by a foul ball - boy that stings. I got hit by one last night that left a bruise on my inner thigh.
I'm playing co-ed slow pitch, but there are cages around for me. I do want to go hit some baseballs, but I'll wait for now so I don't completely screw myself up for the softball league.
RTL
Kerry,
Did you see in my post how my return to slow-pitch softball has not only given my knees and legs a real beating, but now I've got a black eye and 12+ stitches over my right eye.
It sucks getting old...but I'm still going to fight it and compete if it kills me.
...and at this stage, I'm getting close to killing myself.
RTL
Rob -
I did indeed read about your softball beatings. You might want to start looking into Bingo nights, Bridge/Pinnocle clubs, or Crochet/Knitting circles. At least by the time you are my age, your daughter will be 17 and can help get your adult diapers changed and dentures cleaned.
I can only hope to be around and coherent by the time I'm 80. :)Just kidding! I'm sure you are in way better shape than me at 48 than I am at 38. I'm a physical mess right now...but having fun playing again!
That is a key for me to continue to be a good daddy to my little girl or I'll be changing my own adult diapers, right?
RTL
Actually, my age is...
49 years, 3 months, 19 days
or
2572 weeks (rounded down)
or
18,008 days
or
432,192 hours
or
25,931,520 minutes
or
1,555,891,200 seconds
Only a math/science guy would be able to break it down like that, my man.
Funny stuff to look at as well as a bit awe inspiring, to be honest. There is so much time in our lives that we waste and it is especially clear when you break it down like that.
RTL
When I was at the batting cages last night, I did one round with a slow pitch softball. They are easy to hit, but I think I need a longer or heavier bat for some more oomph. Also, I think my double walled baseball bat might possibly cause tearing damage to the softer balls.
Hey Rob -
Looks like the Ducks are going to give you the spread over the Cougars. Sorry about the Husky loss to the Irish.
Today was my son's 9th birthday. He had a costume party with his classmates at his mom's. I bought him a Hercules costume as he seems to like Greek Mythology now. I took my kids to Bullwinkles after for mini golf, pizza and games.
Happy Birthday for your son Kerry!!! They are a year apart from my son. I wish him, health, luck and love (and money)!!!
K
Thanks Kalni - as long as I put the kids as my #1 priority, everything seems to be working out well.
Happy belated bday to your son Kerry. You are a model dad 9and person) to me and a few others I suspect.
I love that your kids are priority #1 but I would love to see KERRY get up there to be 1B.
Thanks John.
I am still dealing with batchitt crazy every once in a while.
This morning was such a case. D7 wants her mom to take her to a special girl scout event this Friday which is also XW's weekend with the kids. So I had D7 call her mom to ask and she told her that Ed and her have plans with S9. So I got on the phone and asked what the plans were and she got very secretive. I finally found out that they really had no plans other than to maybe take him out to a fancy restaurant with herself and Ed. And XW says she does not like the girl scouts because they wear uniforms which is something she was forced to do growing up in Thailand. Ugggh! I thought to myself that maybe she does not like them also because they teach ethics and morals to young girls. She seems to have the attitude that since I started D7 in the girl scouts that I am the only parent that should participate. She feels the same way with S9 and the cub scouts - wants no part of it.
She also said I dont want to take D7 because I have a date with some lady which is not true. I am more than happy to take my daughter to any girl scout activity, but I thought that since my daughter kept expressing to me that she wanted her mom to go with her on this special occasion that I would try to ask my X to spend some time with her daughter.
The X finally agreed saying she will leave S9 with Ed to take care of.
The strain of talking to her is just not worth it. I think from now on I will just give up on trying to help my daughter convince her mother to participate in things with her.
She also said I dont want to take D7 because I have a date with some lady which is not true.
when dealing with batchitt crazy on issues such as this...and batchitt crazy phrases come from their mouths...I have found it best to respond in this manner..
"my personal life and what I do when you have the kids, is none of your [censored] business"
Good old Mike....LMAO!!!!
Frinkin crazy ex-wives...
especially cheatin crazy ex-wives..
gripes my ass..
Preach it Mike!!!!
I'm anxiously waiting his first book to be release...
"Batchitt Crazy for Dummies"
Hey Kerry...
It comes down to your daughter working out that stuff with her mom. The whole new relationship. It's her mom's job to face the music, explain to your daughter how she feels, something for the two of them to work out in a way that works for the two of them.
Trying to fix it for your daughter puts you in the middle of an emotional triangle between her and her mom where in the end, you become the bad guy.
And remember.. the best offense is a good defense.. like her lobbing the blame over to you.
*hugs*
I got it now Katie. I am going to back away from drama.
I got it now Katie. I am going to back away from drama.
Or..being the primary custodial parent..which I think you are..if your not..then just disregard
you can toss all the nicey nice DB bullchitt out the window and dictate to your ex..exactly how things will be..
this "kill em with kindness" stuff on here drives me crazy..
there comes a time where you have to stand up and not let the ex's run over you..
see..if the shoe was on the other foot..I can guarentee your ex would be making a big deal over EVERYTHING...
DB is a good thing..but at times the lines get blurred...
being nice gets you walked on..
Hey Guys,
Everyone has their character flaws and i have to admit that i have been much nicer than i should have been. But today, although I may have been stepped on a little, there is a certain peace that I carry around and my daughter is the beneficiary of it. I am not saying to be a doormat but to pick your battles. Personally, I don't think it is worth it to get worked up over our kid's extracuricular activities. Kerry, if your daughter wants something, she will need to learn to ask for it and not rely on her daddy to take care of it. I know, that is what we do. I don't think we do our daughters any favours by helping them out. I have to hold back constantly....
I find that whenever I stand up to my X and let her know that her words, actions, etc. are inappropriate, she will drop things right away and change her tone.
She's even trying to give me "advice" from time to time and constantly repeats the phrase "I know it isn't any of my business any longer"...
Whenever she does this, I just say "thank you" and drop it. She doesn't like it when I don't respond, but she responds to me very well (not verbally, but w/her actions) when I let her know when she's crossed the line.
RTL
Hey Kerry, give us an update on the MSG free buffet!
Hi John -
I keep in touch with one lady (biomedical lab owner from Malaysia), but there does not seem to be a spark there. It may be because she is just not ready and is enjoying time on her own. But at times she does give the impression she gets lonely. Well, she is on a long trip to spain, so I can focus on others a bit more. I do enjoy being her friend though.
I stopped contact with the Korean lady who owns and runs 2 restaurants. She was just too busy with that along with taking on some others problems.
But lately, I have been emailing a lot and talking with a very nice and pretty 42 year old lady (lawyer for health insurance company) who has a 7 year old daughter half the time. We seem to have a lot in common and we both look forward to meeting. She has no baggage and seems to have her sh!t together. And she is not asian!
And this week another lady has emailed me. She is pretty (I am guessing Latin), but her english does not seem that well. Plus, she has a couple teenagers, she is a devout Mormon and lives a bit to far away in Washington (45 minute drive).
But the most important big development for me is that I bought a 50 degree gap wedge last night. The full swing range between my sand wedge and pitching wedge was too great and I needed something halfway between.
Apart from the P wedge (48) I carry a gap wedge (52), sw (56) and 60 degree wedge. In all honesty, I usually use my 56 degree alot more than the other two.
Apart from the P wedge (48) I carry a gap wedge (52), sw (56) and 60 degree wedge. In all honesty, I usually use my 56 degree alot more than the other two.
I use my sw (55) a lot also for chipping and pitching.
Why do you need the 60? Cant you just open the face on the sw and adjust your aim for when you need to pop the ball up high?
I take it you only carry one fairway wood.
OMG! You guys just totally lost me! I know nothing about golf other than there is a small white ball that is supposed to go in the hole in the middle of the pretty short green grass.
Ok, I know a little more than that.....but not much.
Glad you are having a good time Kerry and enjoying your life. It says a lot about the kind of man you are. Kudos!
Yes only one fairway wood....I am looooooong! I bought the 3 Cleveland wedges because I figured it would help me around the greens...but you are right, I just open the face usually on my 56.
Wow you guys have a lot of technical knowledge! I need to take lessons...
Kerry glad you are continuing to sample the buffet. I am just getting in the line so we will see what I can find...
Hope you had a nice weekend. Too wet and cold to golf here the past several days...
I've got a 60, but I find it hard to hit consistently. I guess I need more practice with it. I use the 52 some, but I end up using the 56 a lot.
It's a stupid game.
Jeff, that may be because most 60 degree wedges have little or no bounce. I think that if you do not hit it perfect, they tend to dig in the turf more easily.
BBJ knowledge is good but execution is better.
It's a stupid game.
You got that right! I wonder what aliens from outer space would think if they saw how much land and money we used on this stupid game.
I think calling Golf stupid could quite possible be a sin and get you thrown out of the local country club..
me..a 48*, 52*, 56* and a 64*...
Pretty funny...the pretty lady who contacted me, and who I thought was of Latin origin, has just informed me that she is from Taiwan.
I have also contacted a new lady who viewed my profile - she seems to have a good number of things in common with me.
Thank God you stopped talking about golf....
You thought she was hispanic and she is from Taiwan??? You need a new precsription from the optometrist or what?
I dont know up from down anymore.
Kerry..
You know what you like.. driving, pitching, putting, and pretty women. Just like golf, you are drawn to Asian women.
Maybe it's time to take a tennis lesson or two and see what pops up.
*hugs*
I dont know up from down anymore.
But as old buddy John would say, you do know up AND down, right?
You lucky boys...
I will say if you saw her on Match the quality of photos is sometimes not great so it may be hard to tell sometimes...
Hey, Kerry!
I need to be doing more of what you are...sampling the selection in the area and going from there.
I'm glad you are doing so well and the added wedge is a wonderful thing. You are attacking golf the right way.
I also agree w/Mike that the Golf Gods will be frowning on you very soon as you called the game "stupid." You have been warned.
Also, look at Mike carrying 4 wedges - that is b/c he is an accomplished golfer who understands the drive is great and all, but if you don't have a wedge and putter game, you'll shoot very, very high numbers.
RTL
You thought she was hispanic and she is from Taiwan??? You need a new precsription from the optometrist or what?
LOL, Kerry!!! You tried!! That's all I can say.
K
The nice lady even admits that she does not look Chinese and people have told her that often. My eyes are just fine. I think my birthday brother can attest to that.
Up and Down. In and Out. It's all relative I guess.
Yeah I agree Rob. My chipping and bunker shots suck. Pitching is pretty good though. And everyone can spend more time practicing putting. Hey maybe I should get a new putter instead of the $5 one that came with my el-cheapo golf bag set.
hey Kerry! Nothing wrong with your eyes brother......
Maybe you need more time at the mini-golf to work on your putting
Look at Mike hitting a 64 degree wedge! No room for error with that!
I guess I can get away with calling it a stupid game... I don't play at a country club, just a bunch of public courses!
I played mini golf a couple weeks ago... the putter weighed nothing, and it was almost impossible to see what the ball was going to do, between the shadows and no grass, everything was an illusion!
I am proud to say that I still beat my kids by about a stroke per hole on putt putt. They are getting better and once they take the time to aim the easy shots, I may need to step my game up. We have one place we go that has some pretty challenging holes that are scaled down versions of world famous holes.
That sounds like an awesome putt-putt course. Gotta say I'm jealous.
As for the new putter, it is a must as the old one isn't going to do you any favors.
However, for starters, I'd check your local Golfsmith (or similar shop) as they usually have gently used putters for really good prices. That way you can upgrade to something that handles better and still not be out too much if you end up not falling in love w/it.
I've also found great deals on e-Bay for some super nice putters.
After you upgrade, you can spend for a custom fit one of the top line putters, but I'd wait until you get a few strokes w/a "real" putter 1st.
By the way, if I had a box, I'd ship you up one of mine that I don't use.
RTL
I'm glad we steered this convo back tot he important things in life...beautiful women aand golf...not in that particuliar order..
the more wedges you have the better off you are..IMO..
and putters..I have 3..a Ping J blade, a long putter--a two ball White Hot...built for me..the top of the shaft hits me mid sternum...and a SeeMore..I'm currently using the SeeMore..when the short putter goes south then I go to the long putter and it seems to make a big difference and gets me back int he groove..
the short game is where it is..I've turned many double bogies into bogies with my short game...
Ebay is a good place to get good used clubs..
as for the women...I have no advice..if it feels good just do it...
Beautiful women, golf and fishing. That is all a man needs.
I need to talk with my instructor tonight about putters. Since it will be too dark and rainy to get out on the greens, I am guessing he will be helping me to work on some chipping at the range. I really suck at chipping.
Chipping is my best skill! Too bad I have issues with everything else...
What bugs me worst of all is when I make a really poor contact chip and hit the ball again while it is in the air. That counts as 2 strokes!
What bugs me about my chipping is when I'll hit a chip beautifully, but not hard enough, or hit it perfectly but too hard. Distance control is my issue w/chipping and mostly b/c I don't practice at all.
Guess what I need to do, eh?
RTL
try different clubs for different distances. People get hung up on one club for chipping..I've used a 5 iron to chip with..I've used a 3 wood...I use my 64*lob wedge alot for chipping..that and my 52* are my "go to" clubs for chipping..
I'd use different clubs for chipping based on distance and elevation. 8 iron from close to the fringe, pitching wedge for farther away and uphill.. etc. Also my stance and swing varies based on the lie.
Hey Gypsy, you trying to arouse us with that golf talk. All we need is a cigar in your mouth and you would be all set!
ok for the record, I am more of a one favourite club guy around the green (56 deg cleveland wedge with little bounce),,,,not into switching clubs for different circumstances around the green. But some pros advocate that...I guess I am more of a FEEL player.
For some reason "feel" and cigar in the same post remind me of a former President and an aide.
For some reason "feel" and cigar in the same post remind me of a former President and an aide.
Funny stuff, Gypsy!
RTL
I think the shorter sticks make it easier. Chipping or pitching with a fairway wood or a long iron just seems like your hands and eyes are too far away from the ball.
Does anyone putt when the ball is a little outside the fringe of the green?
I putt quite a bit from just off the green if there isn't much to get in the way of getting the ball rolling.
A lot of people do it b/c they can get it closer by putting instead of by chipping.
Practice it a bit and it begins to feel natural.
RTL
This has me thinking...if you were only allowed 1 club to play an entire game with, what would it be?
I would be middle of the road and go with a 6 iron.
My eyes just glazed over....I think I have to go paint my nails or something
I think I might go 8 iron. It might be useful to have a little more control on the approach, and there would be a lot of approaches from a lot of distances.
5 iron (hybrid optional) though my son played a round using only his putter and had pretty good results.
One club to play a round with...Hmmm..my 19* Ping Hybrid...of course I'd be screwed in the sand...though I could putt it out..
Seve Ballesterous (sp.) as a kid played rounds with just a 3 iron..
I saw John Daly hit his putter about 200 yards (live)....
Kalni is lost in translation...
My instructor last night showed me how to turn the putter 90 degrees and chip the ball with the toe out of deep grass. We looked at different types of putters and how they are balanced. Some of them were quite spendy! He even shortened my putter for me. Then he used a camera on my full swing and when we went to look at it I laughed. He had just captured my right back foot which was angled back on my back swing and never allowed for myself to push off with it on my down swing. I fixed the problem and the hits were much more consistent. He was very pleased that I was a student that listened to what he tells me.
Hey, Kerry!
I've played nine holes for fun once w/just my 7-iron and was +6 b/c I couldn't putt w/the thing. However, it was amazing how often I was in scoring range w/out all the other clubs getting in my way.
In fact, I don't think I've used my driver in a round since doing that and I score much better.
As for putters, yes they can be very expensive for sure. Have your instructor guide you toward which type of putter is best for you and what type of balance you need based on your stroke. From there, I would go find a used one on-line or at a golf store to start w/.
A putter that feels good in your hands is going to save you a ton of strokes on pure confidence alone.
RTL
They have a putting analysis machine which we will use when it is too cold outside for the range.
He makes some good points about some golfers buying up to 100 putters in their life when really it is just them that contributes the most to the putting. It is all in the head.
If you can get comfortable with your putting fundamentals, you won't need to burn through so many putters.
However, a lot of players are very superstitious w/their putting. If they aren't putting well, they'll go back to an old putter they used and only remember the good times using it.
RTL
Halloween costume party at my work today. Winner gets $50! I am trying this year to take the prize. I made a crocodile costume for under $5 like this one...
http://www.evilmadscientist.com/article.php/CardboardCrocMine is longer and covers my head fully. I also painted it green with glow in the dark painted teeth and eyes (with bloodshot thrown in).
It should be fun trick or treating with the kids this year if it does not rain. We also have a school halloween party tomorrow at the library.
Why did they schedule the Duck vs USC game to occur right during trick or treat time?
XW called yesterday because she was having trouble getting the kids to finish their homework. She wanted me to deny them going out trick or treating. BS! They have till Monday to get their homework done and threatening to deny them Halloween fun does not fly well with me. She is looking for any excuse to have them not get candy. She hates candy because she ate so much as a child that she now has terrible teeth. She asks me stupid rhetorical questions like "Do you want your daughter to be full of pimples when she is a teenager?"
Darn!
I came in 3rd behind a gal dressed in 1920's outfit and a guy dressed as a breast feeding mommy with a bunch of baby dolls.
OMG.....was he supposed to be Octo-dad or something?
They did call him Octo-mom. It was pretty funny. His sales co-worker was dressed as an inmate and kept giving him the eye as he did look pretty good as a woman.
Better luck next year. Maybe you'll have to cross-dress as well to win the 2010 prize.
RTL
Maybe something like this with a bikini on?
Bikini Model???
Kalni - noticed how they just ignored us?
They don't want to anger the golf gods...
Kerry- Have a great time tomorrow!
A man in a bikini is can
go either
way.
*hugs*
Nice bikini ideas. However, tonight was one of the warmer Halloween nights and it is still too cold for that much exposed skin.
Kids got a large haul of candy which they are sorting and classifying now. Everyone that saw my crocodile costume thought it was great. But best of all was coming home and finding out that the Ducks put a 47 to 20 butt kicking on the Trojans. Sorry USC fans, but this is not your year.
I loved that USC got beat. I really don't care who beats them, as long as they get beat. I'm a Bruin so whenever someone asks me who my favorite teams are I always tell them UCLA and whoever is playing USC.
The Ducks POUNDED USC! I was surprised it was a blow out.
USC's defense isn't that good this year. They just lost too many players off last year's defense.
The Barkley kid is good, but they couldn't run against the Oregon D and that really doomed them....that and not being able to contain Massoli.
What an amazing turn-around since the debacle at Boise State. I really thought this Duck team would tank it from there, but Kelly has righted the ship big-time!
RTL
After seeing Arizona and Stanford play, I think Oregon could put up 80 on Stanford, and 65 on Arizona! USC might not be as good as we thought, but I'm not sure I've seen an offense do what the Ducks did today against anyone.
I like the way you think Mishka.
Hey Rob, Massoli sure can run as a QB. I wonder if he might be a candidate for the NFL.
USC has now lost 4 straight when playing in the state of Oregon.
Jeff, I dont think the Ducks will get that much because they play at both Stanford and Arizona this year. The funny thing is both the Cardinals and the Wildcats are ahead of the Trojans in the Pac 10 standing.
The Ducks are for real. Again, I'm surprised after the debacle in Boise. Completely shocked they turned it around.
This may be the year that Oregon finally gets a Rose Bowl win.
RTL
If Arizona can get by Cal in two weeks, the Oregon game will be the biggest game in Tucson for a good long time. But even with a stadium full of red, I'm not sure they have anything that can stop the Ducks. I guess they'll have to play the game to find out!
The Ducks must be kicking themselves about Boise. If that's a win, they are staring at a realistic chance to be in the championship game.
Of course I just realized that I looked right past the 'Cats game against Washington State. I hope they don't!
What the heck happened in the Bay Area this weekend? I'm not surprised by the let down game, but I was expecting more from an Oregon squad that had overcome such adversity.
Can you believe that Arizona is in the driver's seat for the Rose Bowl and now controls their own future?
I never would have, but the 'Cats are pretty good.
RTL
The 'Cats are surprisingly good. And one really unlucky bounce from being undefeated in the PAC-10. Of course, they have cour tough games coming up, but every one of those teams has been showing signs of weakness, so who knows?
I was sure glad to hear Best had "only" a concussion. That was quite a fall on the head!
The Cats better not be smelling Roses too soon - thet still have tough games against Cal, Oregon and USC. The PAC-10 is still up for grabs between the Ducks, Wildcats, Cardinals, Trojans and Beavers. The Ducks and Cats do have the best position right now.
None of them had better be counting on anything! At this point I think any of them can beat any of them. Or none of them, for that matter!
I think it safe to say that the Cougars are no threat to anyone except for a few high school team.
If anyone is active duty or a veteran, Applebees has an eat free deal going on this Wednesday...
http://www.applebees.com/vetsday/I am getting me some free grub.
I think it safe to say that the Cougars are no threat to anyone except for a few high school team.
And perhaps themselves.
They remind me of the UofA from a few years ago. Hopefully they can get back on the right track. Teams that bad are not good for the sport!
I'm just hoping my Dawgs can make sure they beat the Cougs and finish w/a +4 in the win column this season.
Even though they've only won 3, they are light years ahead of last year's squad and any others under Willingham. They play hard and compete this year.
I'm excited for the program and I just hope Locker stays for one more year.
RTL
Ducks rebounded while the Cats faltered.
The Ducks are completely in control of their Rose Bowl destiny now.
RTL
Ducks rebounded while the Cats faltered.
The Ducks are completely in control of their Rose Bowl destiny now.
RTL
And so are the 'Cats!
Makes Saturday a big day!
I read the ESPN's College Gameday is coming to Tucson this week. National attention on the PAC-10 that doesn't involve USC! That hasn't happened in a long, long, time!
I hope both teams play a good game. It would be great to show that it isn't the PAC-1 any more!
If Ducks beat the Cats and Beavers they are smelling roses.
Stanford, Oregon, Oregon State and Arizona are all possible for the Rose Bowl. I think it will all come down to the Oregon civil war.
ok, for the rest of us who do not follow college ball, how is the Asian buffet treating you these days?
I have not had a date for a while which if fine because I am keeping rather busy. There was a new high school math teacher (44) who wanted me to call her this weekend. I tried once and got her answering machine (I really dont like answering machines). She is an active outdoor lady and does a lot of things that I am highly interested in. And she is not an asian dish.
If Ducks beat the Cats and Beavers they are smelling roses.
Stanford, Oregon, Oregon State and Arizona are all possible for the Rose Bowl. I think it will all come down to the Oregon civil war.
I think the Ducks have the easiest path remaining. Not that the Cats and Beavers are going to roll over. If the Cats win out (Ducks, Sun Devils and Trojans) they are in. Of course, that's not an easy task, though it looks a lot more possible than it did a few weeks ago.
The next few weeks should be fun!
I think it is safe to pencil in a win for the Beavers against the Cougars next week. The big game is Ducks at Tucson next week. If the bright yellow ball in the sky is visible, that may be a distraction to the Ducks.
Rah, Rah, Rah... I like to watch but don't know the details so that's all I can add about football!
The Hawkeyes shot their rose bowl hopes all to heck this weekend...
Oh well, the Cyclones are bowl eligible, so hooray! And, for what it's worth, teachers are pretty good people...
Kerry,
The PAC-10 race is pretty good and I do think the game in Tuscon will be a good one. I also like the non-USC national coverage. There are 9 other good teams in the PAC after all.
As for the dating thing, your teacher friend should be freeing up w/a lot of time very soon. One of our perks is time off for the holidays, you know.
RTL
The Hawkeyes shot their rose bowl hopes all to heck this weekend...
Oh well, the Cyclones are bowl eligible, so hooray! And, for what it's worth, teachers are pretty good people...
For a former teacher I can agree to this.
Ok, that is 3 people weighing in on teachers being good. I suspect that the Crimson Tide fan will agree.
I have sent her a quick follow up email with my phone number. The ball is in her court. She knows that calculus was my least favorite class in high school.
Calculus was my favorite by far! Maybe I need to find a teacher!
Put that on your profile. Better yet, have a fancy looking differential equation as your profile headline.
Seems like there is an overabundance of teachers, here....I'll chalk it up to us being computer literate!
Seems like there is an overabundance of teachers, here....I'll chalk it up to us being computer literate!
I have noticed quite a few of us are teachers, as well as others in "human service" type jobs. For lack of a better way of describing it I think we are "givers." So maybe the old saying that opposites attract is true and we married "takers" who walked away when they took all they could out of us. Somthing I've thought about.....
<<we married "takers" who walked away when they took all they could out of us>>
Wow, you hit the nail on the head bnd. That is exactly how i felt. Should Kerry be looking for a giver in his next relationship? I have found mine and quite honestly it is very starnge at first....
<<we married "takers" who walked away when they took all they could out of us>>
Wow, you hit the nail on the head bnd. That is exactly how i felt. Should Kerry be looking for a giver in his next relationship? I have found mine and quite honestly it is very strange at first....
I'll second that. They were 'takers' but in most instances it wasn't blatant. It only showed up when we needed to 'take' due to emotional changes in our lives.
Then, they ran. Often to someone else who would give.
In my case, STBX's OM is simply 'there' and asks for really nothing in return. Nothing. He's a puppet.
I did have a relationship years ago with a 'giver' and it was very comfortable for a while. Other things changed so we ended up breaking up but we stayed friendly for years.
When I met STBX I thought she was a giver, and she was, to a certain extent. Just not in a long term committed relationship.
Are givers and takers in a relationship analogous to pursuers and distancers?
Crimson Tide fan concurs on the teacher...
Wow, you hit the nail on the head bnd. That is exactly how i felt. Should Kerry be looking for a giver in his next relationship? I have found mine and quite honestly it is very starnge at first....
It must be strange. In talking to a guy friend I was saying tht i could not imagine being married again, wouldn't want anyone to have that much control over my life. He nicely told me that in a normal/functional relationship there wouldn't be control....how weird would that be?!
Then, they ran. Often to someone else who would give.
In my case, STBX's OM is simply 'there' and asks for really nothing in return. Nothing. He's a puppet.
In my case the new mrs. x was one who told him he was wonderful, poor baby, to suffer so with an undeserving, unloving wife, etc.... then she trotted him down to her attorney and the rest was history!
I thought we all have the giver and taker inside us. No?
I think after the D we all come back with a stronger taker and a much more "consciously giving" giver...
Suzy, do you have a bit of schadenfreude about your X getting divorced again?
Hey, I was a giver of diamonds, gold, guns, roses, purses, health care, financial security,
precious bodily fluids/essence, etc...
I just want someone to "give" me a gentle back scratch in bed before I fall asleep. That calms me like a baby and really allows my mind to clear.
Well, I was just about ready to give up on the math teacher and she just returned my email. She was real busy last weekend and wants to still talk.
Hey, dont you guys have those long wooden hands to scratch your back with, in the States? Hmmm
K
Another one bites the dust...
Suzy, do you have a bit of schadenfreude about your X getting divorced again?
I wonder if a relationship built on lies and rushed in to can last, but I also think that he won't leave cuz that may be evidence that he was wrong.....and he cannot admit that ever!!! So he will probably stay with her and complain about her behind her back, like he did with me....unless someone he thinks is better comes along, then it will be game on again.
Hey, dont you guys have those long wooden hands to scratch your back with, in the States? Hmmm
I have one of those. And a 3 legged plastic massager and a vibrating 3 legged massager. It is just not the same doing it to yourself as having a woman do it to you. And having the "ever growing" kids walk on my half century old back is no longer safe.
just catching up and adding on...
I was very much the giver--so much that I nearly lost myself--married to a narcissistic taker. But you see, he left me for an old gf who was very much a taker--I know a lot about her because early in our relationship, he went on and on about how horrible the relationship with her had been, how she used him, how she manipulated him....
so what's up with that?!
Kerry,
I too was a giver and still find myself being too accomodating and giving and not looking out for myself. I am learning for sure and I'm beginning to understand how to lead and do what I want w/out hurting others.
My experiences have taught me to stick up for me and be healthy in my relationships. It is a long, tough road, but as long as I'm learning, it is worth the effort.
So, we're all different now and that is for the better. Some of it is bitterness of a sort, but most of it is learning and changing to become better individuals for the future.
RTL
PS - Good news on the teacher returning your e-mail. Dating a teacher is a good way to play out some of those naughty fantasies we all had as boys over the hottest teacher in school.
What was that video?? Hot for Teacher? They used to play it at the skating rink when I was a kid.
The only teacher I remember having that looked good was my health teacher in high school - and she taught us sex!
Well, now you can live out the fantasy of the parent-teacher conference and having the hot teacher asking you "what are you willing to do to make sure your kid gets an A?"
RTL
PS - Good news on the teacher returning your e-mail. Dating a teacher is a good way to play out some of those naughty fantasies we all had as boys over the hottest teacher in school.
I hate to bust your bubble...Teachers are busy folks...Michele runs a before school and after school program..and teaches 2nd grade...
she's frinkin busy...but it's all part of it..life is busy..she makes time for us but you have to be pretty understanding to be with teacher..just MHO..
No Child Left Behind has put the squeeze on teachers..
This is true Mike... one of the reasons I am changing profession... The money just isn't there for the time it takes to prep everything...
I have nothing but the utmost respect for teachers. It's a thankless job with miserable pay and requires far too much extra time IMO>
boy..I love to visit her class..I look at teachers in a whole new light....Michele is in her element when she is teaching..
NCLB has set the standards high and they get higher as each year passes..
it's a stressful job..especailly if your school happens to not make the grade..
I could not do it. That many second graders would kill me.
I just realized that if the Beavers beat the Kittens and the Ducks beat the Cats that the Oregon Civil War will be the first time in its 113 year history that the winner will go to the Rose Bowl.
Too bad about the Hawkeyes losing to the Buckeyes in overtime.
I think it would be cool if the first time that Arizona gets to the Rose Bowl that they play Northwestern. Then it would be Wildcats vs Wildcats.
Kerry,
I must say your thread is quite entertaining. I also ditto that teachers are good people...another teacher here.
Ok, I am calling the teacher tonight after my golf lesson. I just hope she does not ask me any math questions because I have forgotten everything except for the basics.
Remember one thing about a teacher...they will make you practice and practice until you get it right.
they will make you practice and practice until you get it right.
Oh my.
My mind went straight into the gutter on that one yoyo!
they will make you practice and practice until you get it right.
Oh my.
My mind went straight into the gutter on that one yoyo!
Mishka,
Of course you know I was talking about the golf swing....
My mind was in the gutter too on the teacher practice thing.
My golf instructor harps on me about practice and getting out on the course.
My golf swing has gone south the last 2 weeks. I keep hitting the hosel on my irons, but I am starting to fix my problem. Most of it was just a matter of focusing my eyes better on the ball, putting more weight on my heels and setting up further away. Funny thing is that I am not having hardly any problems with driver tee shots.
I got fed up with my golf swing the last time I went out, and have purposely not swung a club for two weeks!
I am thinking of going out tonight, and seeing if the "badness" has left!
I keep hitting the hosel on my irons,
just a suggestion...shanking is caused by the wrists breaking at the wrong time in the backswing..
I'm not a golf professional/teacher...but i did stay at a Holiday Inn last night..
hey Kerry...do you get the golf channell?
maybe you can call that golf teacher they have on that is on speed or red bull or something....or you can stay at the holiday inn.....
Thanks guys. The shanking is gone, but now I have a tendency to bring the club head down too steep which is causing me to hit the ground behind the ball. I am kidless the next few days and am going to practice my butt off.
No Holiday Inn next week on our trip, but we do have one night at a Super 8.
I just talked briefly with my XW's good friend. She is going to divorce her H of 8 years. I remember her telling me when I was going through my crisis that she was not happy with him as he was not a leader for her as a husband should be. It is a shame as he is a nice older guy, but I had noticed that he was a metrosexual kind of man. At least they dont have a child together so it wont sting as bad, but it still sucks to hear of people getting divorced. This will be her 3rd D and his 2nd.
Kerry,
It always sucks hearing about people getting divorced. I've got another teacher at my school who just signed his papers after 11 months of trying to save his marriage. I'm devastated for the guy as he's a great man who was married to the love of his life for 22 years and is now lost w/out her.
Divorce is very sad. On the flip side, marriage is very difficult and both sides often get too comfortable and lose sight of what they need to do to keep the love alive. It is work and attention for both parties at all times. The real saddness is when one side throws in the towel because they just don't want to do the work.
Ok, on to your thread. As far as the golf swing goes, I'm going to quote Kevin Costner in Bull Durham and say "it's all in your head, Meat." Quit thinking and just start doing and it will come back to you. Same advice for you Jeff.
As for the teacher, don't let the fantasy die. I know I wouldn't. Imagine yourself needing to do "whatever" it takes to make sure your son passed her math class. It is even better if you can buy her a cheap pair of reading glasses to wear...
No seriously, teachers are very busy and I'm even behind on grading myself. I'll be putting in a ton of hours between now and Christmas getting caught up just so I can fall behind again next semester. Fun stuff, eh?
As for Yoyo's quote:
Of course you know I was talking about the golf swing....
Talking about practicing and practicing the golf swing, I was on the same line. Kerry will need to sharpen all the tools in his bag if he's going to get intimate w/this teacher.
See, by nature, all us men want to quickly grab the "big dog" and swing for the fences, when the ladies really want us to work hard on our finesse and short game so we are skillful around the freshly manicured greens.
RTL
I've got a new 43 year old lady that winked at me that has sparked my interest. We have been emailing quite a bit and it seems we both make each other laugh. I am not allowed to say the word "duck" as it is offensive to her since she is a "beaver". She is fluent in english and french and claims to also know russian, greek, japanese, vietnamese and learning turkish. And she is somewhat back in the asian buffet - half french and half vietnamese.
Hopefully her "aggressive side" is more French than Vietnamese. That way if you two fight, you'll know she'll quickly captiulate.
If she's got Vietnamese in her fighting genes, you'd be in for a long, protracted, unwinnable war.
RTL
Rob - you are too funny!
Looking back at France's wars, I do see they won one - The French Revolution. But that was because the opponent was also French.
Both her parents are mixed. She says her father has stronger French genes and her mother has stronger Vietnamese genes.
Portland has nothing on traffic compared the stretch of Olympia, Tacoma, Seattle and Everett. I thought most people in the Seattle area were always on coffee and knew how to drive faster.
Just stopping by to say Happy Thanksgiving! And to wish your luck with the prospective new lady...
You want bad traffic? What about coming down to Arizona and dealing with the winter weather and the snow birds?
They are all coming from cold weather states, but when we get some good, healthy winter rain, the snow birds act as if they've never driven in it before.
Now there is some really bad traffic, my friend.
RTL
Rob - I will have to take your word about Arizona traffic as I know you are from Seattle.
The kids and I woke up early in Ferndale, Washington and got through the border pretty quick. We had a fun day in Vancouver at the aquarium and a petting farm in North Vancouver. We even had lunch in Chinatown which we walked around a bit. Richmond is where we are staying and it feels like being in China. As we drove by the airport, my son pointed out the Olympic rings that most competitors will see after leaving the airport. And I saw the big speed skating areana here in Richmond. The highlight for the kids is the big 225 foot water slide at our hotel that winds outside the building before coming back into the indoor pool. We are hitting the science center tomorrow after some excellent morning dim sum.
Hey kerry enjoy Vancouver....why did I know you would stay in Richmond??
When I was travelling more for work, I used to stay there as well (next to the airport etc). I remember venturing out one day to grab some food and saw all the chinese signs on almost all the businesses...I yhought they were all restaurants....
Hey John, you know me well enough and my asian tastes for shopping, food and girls. I have noticed a good amount of pretty ladies here and they are not all of the asian persuasion. We will hit the downtown beach today and see what is happening there.
Kerry,
I love Vancouver. It is a great city!
They also have an excellent Chinatown. It is one of the biggest on the West Coast as it used to be the place where the Chinese (and later Japanese) would enter North America when they were being banned through the Chinese Exclusion Acts of the late 19th and early 20th centuries.
RTL
So how did the rest of the weekend and trip end up?
RTL
The trip was nice. Ate some good food. Took the kids to the science center. Did some walking around the asian malls.
Beavers or Ducks?
Biggest Oregon Civil War game in 113 years.
Winner goes to the Rose Bowl.
I dont know who I want to win tonight.
I stupidly scheduled my golf lesson during the first half. But at the time I scheduled, I did not realize the game would be one of such importance.
Sorry but I got no interest in beavers............
Well, the Beavers couldn't tackle LaMichael James any better than the Wildcats could!
BobbiJo, I think it's better that way!
The Rogers brothers for the Beavers are pretty good too.
Pretty strange that both the Beavers and the Ducks have such small running backs.
I think the Ducks are more than ready to take on the Buckeyes in the Rose Bowl.
If the Ducks play the way they can, I think they can beat anyone. Too bad they blew it in the first game! It all comes down to Masoli, of course. If he is off, hurt, distracted, or whatever, then all bets are off.
Woke up this morning to find a match.com email from a new lady that likes my profile. She has suggested meeting tomorrow for coffee and I am taking up her offer. That was quick. And what is funny is the last 3 (including her) to initiate contact with me are asian.
And what is funny is the last 3 (including her) to initiate contact with me are asian.
Love you long time!
Good one!
I remember watching Full Metal Jacket with my wife and MIL who knew very little english. The hooker scenes were pretty funny. I tried to get my wife to say some of those phrases - "Me so horny", "You too beaucoup", "Love you long time", "We go boom boom all night long".
I tried to get my wife to say some of those phrases
FYI - that might have been a bad choice in retrospect.
Maybe you put out some sort of signal that the Asian ladies can sense???
Enjoy the coffee!
It may be the pictures of myself with the kids that is the signal. I got another new email tonight from another asian lady. And she has a 9 year old son and 7 year old daughter. What a coincidence.
At my company party tonight, one guy and his new wife were wanting me to meet a single friend of hers. They even showed me a picture and she looked nice.
I really am not too excited about dating too many women. It starts to get confusing. I seem to enjoy my solitare time a lot.
Or perhaps your skill at solitaire (is that what we're calling it now?)
Kerry, I think ladies recognize a truly good guy when they see one, and I happen to know you are one of them. Thx for being there when I needed a knight in shining armor.
Enjoy the coffee, but not in Mult.Village, that's where I'll be tomorrow afternoon! Goldey
p.s. Me love you long time
You too beaucoup....i thoght it was trop beaucoup as in too much or too big...but you are the expert in Asian dialects.....;-)
Enjoy the buffet (asian) my friend...
Enjoy the coffee, but not in Mult.Village, that's where I'll be tomorrow afternoon!
Hi Goldey - the coffee meetup was canceled - she was too nervous as she is just starting on internet dating. I was wanting to also feel more comfortable with more emails.
Multnomah Village has a couple restaurants I like - O'Conners and Marco's. It has been a long time since I have been there so you dont have to worry about me stalking that area.
Hi Kerry, both spots very good picks.
Also Seasons & Regions, up the road about a mile.
It's no secret, I've long admired your ability to go with the flow and be just as happy dating or single. You don't need anyone to complete you. If it works, great. If it doesn't, fine. A real man can have self-confidence without being a jerk. Ms. Right (or Ms. Right Now) will show up one of these days. I know meanwhile you'll be lovin' on those kidlets. Peace, Goldey
Hey, Kerry!
Great Civil War game! What a tremendous football contest.
As for dating, I'm glad you are getting the hits on Match. I'm not getting as much traffic as I'd like and it may be that my profile needs to be revamped or something.
Even so, I'm not really concerned as I'm not that interested in dating a bunch right now. I got stuck on the one gal and am not in a hurry to get mixed up again any time soon.
However, if one did come my way, I'd take a look.
RTL
Thank you Goldey.
I just found out this morning that one of the other new ladies had her husband cheat on her.
I am not allowed to talk about the civil war game with one of the other ladies (french/viet) because she is a Beaver and is devastated.
Grrrr! I am getting pissed off this morning. My kids keep calling me from their condo in Maui as their mom and Ed are not around and they are all alone in the big condo. Neither the kids or myself can reach Ed on his cell phone. On the last call to me, both of them were crying and all I could do was reassure them that their mom would be back soon.
Kerry..
I feel for you and your children. I hope everything is okay with their mom and Ed.
Sorry to hear what's going on.. it sucks big time!
Ever watch a movie with someone on the phone? Amazing how reassuring it is to know someone else is on the line. I've done that in the past with my kids.
Arrrggghhhh.. it's just wrong for your kids to go through this.
*hugs*
Thanks Katie. Their mom finally made it back. She was out reserving chairs with her towels at the pool. I cant stand people that do that - along with the people that reserve their spots several days in advance at a parade with masking tape.
How old are the kids?! (Sorry I forget...) I don't blame you for getting mad at that!
They are 9 and 7.
I seem to remember when I was 9 that we had quite a bit more independence and freedom than kids now days.
Yep...but we also know better, now, too. I seem to always have a "story" to center my caution against.
Remember that story of the little English girl taken from her hotel room while she was sleeping and the parents were down in the restaurant? Ick.
I don't think I would leave a 9 & 7 year old alone, even if they were in a familiar place like home (the 9 year old might be ok, but not really fair to have them responsible for the younger sib). That's just not ok, IMO.
The only time I left them alone in Kauai was to step outside around the corner to dump a waste basket in the dumpster. And my X has no excuse because she has Ed there. No way it should take 2 of them to leave for over an hour to reserve swimming pool chairs.
Also, when my kids were frantically calling me, I had to turn down a meetup request this afternoon with a new lady. She understood my worries about my kids and hopefully we can meet some other time.
Kerry - SO frustrating....I hope you have a chance to share your concerns with her in a way that she can hear and understand.
DId you make alternate plans for your meetup for sometime soon?
I let her know my concerns. She tried to change the subject by saying she is strict with the kids in that they have to finish a makeup day of homework each morning otherwise they dont get to swim. I think she was trying to justify that the homework was their baby sitter. I suppose if it happens again, I will just have the kids or myself call the hotel front desk to express their concern.
I did not make alternate plans. I finished some house work and am heading out to golf practice, shopping and a workout. The emails are flowing between various nice and successful ladies and I should meetup with some of them soon.