Yes, it has been 8 years since my husband of 25 years started an affair with maggot (42 year old coop student at work) who was hitting on him and all his co-workers. The summer our daughter won a prestigious award (he was with maggot in a hotel room, not at our daughter's ceremony) and our 25th anniversary party(which he faked while I had no idea he was in another R). That's kind of the history - just so you know.
So yes, it is me - your Mattel doll. Had some issues with a moderator here and have not been around since Sept. But just wanted to say "hi" and tell you what is up.
I don't hear from my ex anymore. He picks up my disabled son once or twice a month. This is handled through my son's nurses and I don't see or talk to him. He takes Ryan for a ride in his car for an hour. That's it. Ryan has ongoing medical issues and was rushed to hospital again this week. I don't even talk to him about it. His presence would cause more tension and grief. He does nothing to help but does much to cause more angst.
But life is good here for the most part. They say time heals all wounds and wounds all heels. I am approaching early retirement. Sped up a bit by a corrupt employee but some things happen for a reason. I'm rolling with it.
Have been in a new R for 5 years. It goes well. I love him. We are good for each other. I take it for what it is worth but am in no hurry to make it permanent.
Still travelling and enjoying my cottage and my other hobbies.
I'm posting to say hi to old friends. But also to remind the newer posters that it will all get better. Although my opinion is not always the one you want to hear - I honestly believe that you are much better off without a cheating, lying, underachieving spouse. I often wonder why I tried so hard to fix something that was better off left to die its own death. I guess I did it for my kids (Jon & Kate could take a few lessons from me). I live with no regrets. I am responsible for me and for my children. I have learned much about making my own life the best it can be after realizing that it is MY responsibility for my own happiness. I can't count on anyone for that but myself.
So - just saying Hi. And hope someone might benefit from my words of wisdom. Trouble is - often we don't "get it" until we look back. Hindsight is 20/20 they say.
have a terrific "hump Day" friends!
Barb
well hello hello, look what the cat dragged in)))))))))))
- I honestly believe that you are much better off without a cheating, lying, underachieving spouse. I often wonder why I tried so hard to fix something that was better off left to die its own death. I guess I did it for my kids b
AMEN!!!!
ok..I'm here for the drinks..Landshark please..
which Mattel doll are you??
Convertible??
Sun&Fun??
Drunk&Nude??
Glad all is well with you..you've been missed..
and yes..we are better off..
Party Time! Gosh - I've missed this!
SunFun Barbie for sure!
I used to have a personalized licence plate that ex bought me when we were married. He had one too - had all our inititals in it - maggot didn't like it (wonder why? LOL). Haven't had one for a while but decided to order one for my new ride. I took in a list of possibilities in the order of preference. The first few were taken. Guess which one I got????
"SunFun 1"!!! And this was AFTER I had registered this name.
So if you ever see a blue convertible with that plate - that's me. "SunFun Barbie" LOL!
Barb
Oh - drinks are on the house for as long as they last. We might have a shortage here in Ontario. Our booze is bought at the Liquour Control Board and they were set to strike last night. Silly me - never checked to see if they actually did but I heard they were nearly cleaned out. Good thing I live by all the wineries. I'll just go there.
Barb
Well if drinks are on the house then I'm all up in that...
got anything to eat?? appetizers>>cheese sticks, pretzels?? figgs maybe?? LOL
Lots of pretzels but also black olives and feta with crackers. You into that? Lots of booze, though - seems the LCBO did NOT go on strike after all. Drinks are flowin'
Barb
Hi Girl
I decided to check and see if my password still worked since I have not used it in forever, and what did I find? YOU.
What a great surprise.
I have not been on this board in months.
Sorry to hear Ryan has been in the hospital. Hope he is better.
Glad to hear that you and Josh are still having your magical romance.
Hope Brandon and Ashley are doing well also.
So you are thinking of going into retirement.WHAT
How will the kids learn to dance without you?
Take Care Girl
God Bless
Hey Pammie!
My longtime DB friend. How are you? Just thinking about you and mentioned you to Ashley this week. Was watching Dr Phil and showed a woman living in a camper with her MLC bf. Saw a motorcycle outside. Yep - thought of your ex.
Today Josh's mom turned 80. Josh visited but just over 24 hours so it was too much for me to fly out for such a short time - so I phoned. And his Mom (who suffers from early stages of Alzheimers) told me she is thrilled that I am in her son's life and she adores me. Wow - that made me feel so good.
Ash told her Dad today what her tuition for next year would be. He told her he'd think about it but was under no obligation to pay. Saw what? Does this sound familiar? I am paying the deposit so she does not have to worry. I am concentrating on Josh's Mom's comments and on this negativity.
How 'bout an update from you Pammie?
Barb
Well wow, look who checked in. Hi Barb. And Pammie! I still lurk around here a bit. Have to admit it has slowed way down over the past year. I guess there are so many outlets now that people go to all kinds of places for support.
Thanks for the update. All is well here. Have to admit I miss keeping up with the exploits of all my old board friends although I don't know when I would have the time to do that any more. Life seems to be full of other things and I don't know now looking back how I spent so much time on the boards. I guess I spend it exercising and working and traveling and generally keeping up with the everyday. If you are in touch with Beth in particular tell her I think of her often and hope she is well.
It's interesting that you posted the 8 year milestone. I was just thinking about that the other day. When I was abroad trying to save my marriage in 2002 I went to get a manicure in a salon I had never been in. The woman was just talking, this and that, and she said you know, they say things change every 7 years. I'll never forget that, I was 49 years old, 7x7. I burst into tears and the poor woman was quite taken aback! I had to apologize, it was a scene, me, tears all over the place, my nails, this stranger. I was a wreck. So now here it is, 7 years later and it will be eight soon. That was on my mind the day you posted. More than a coincidence.
So I wonder what has changed and what has been evolving that I do not even know about that will reveal itself. We shall see. I am not waiting, just wondering:)
I haven't dated since the relationship with the missing man sociopath. A possibility or two have shown up but nothing has come of them. I met one guy at a charity dinner and what he wanted to do was talk on the phone. Too busy it seemed to get together, he has a teenaged son and is the sole parent. I found that troublesome (the no time to meet in person but wanting all kinds of info part) and so it went nowhere. After all I have been through I had no interest in talking about the personal details of my life on the phone for months with someone I had met once. It's too bad really, he seemed nice but after he stood me up for a tentative date (let's do it, arrangements to follow)with no call to cancel I had to mention that it was not acceptable. That was the end of that.
So this is long, I think recovery from the MLC path after a long marriage takes a long time, even when you have a good relationship that helps, and I am glad you and your family are doing as well as possible. Cheers, Wonder Oh ps let's raise a toast to the latest greatest emblem of mid life crisis, the governor of South Carolina USA. What a charmer. Please help me through unchartered waters if you saw those emails LOL.
Wonder...
Things change every 7. wow.
I kept thinking that we had gotten past the "7 year itch." But things fell apart at around 14/15 married. And 21 together. Who knew?
Hi Wonder & Donna,
I'm heading out today - first to Toronto to spend time with my honey then to the cottage for app 6 weeks. So much car packing to do.
But when I arrive (tommorrow) I will have time to respond properly. Don't want to dash off a meaningless line or 2.
Paid the first installment of Ashley's tuition yesterday. I had her talk to Chuck about his contribution. His response "I will think about it. I'm not legally obligated you know"> Can you spell "ASS"??????? Some things never change.
More on this and so much more in our next episode. So nice to see my friends here....
Sun Fun Barbie
It has to be the name....
Hi Barb,
Your words hit a cord. I am thankful for them. I too, see that while I haven't had the satisfaction of seeing any of the wrongs righted, time does make everything better. I was in a similar situation as yours. We had been M 23yrs. His new W is not younger but very rich. And at times, it does get me down seeing how he travels so much, buying expensive toys, while the kids and I struggle so.
On top of it, he has blamed me for the terrible relationship he has with all 3 of the kids. Oh well. The main point is that your words were very soothing. Sometimes I feel very lonely and getting (and feeling)older by the minute. I just celebrated 1 full yr. since final D. and 4 yrs. since I started this journey. Maybe I will be lucky enough to find a friend to share just some of the things I miss about M, like going out to dinner, watching t.v. together and snuggling. Laughing at silly jokes, etc.
I've noticed that while it doesn't hurt much anymore, it has changed me profoundly. I am more serious now and am struggling to find fun in my life. As well as keeping up my faith in God. I know God is not to blame.
Anyhow it's good to hear another person finding love and moving on in a positive way. Divorce especially "unwanted divorce" forever changed my life and those of my children. I hope others learn not to take divorce lightly especially when kids are involved.
Take care,
hopeful2
Wow well you sound kind of down in the dumps. Are you? I am still seeing a therapist for depression to keep me straight after all this time but I am finally whole. Are you exercising and taking care of yourself? What are you eating? And what small step are you taking to a new life? Wonder
Hi there!
I have arrived at the cottage and finally got on my pc - had to watch Bachelor first - LOL! I used to watch it long before I got up the nerve to actually date. It gave me hope and some idea of what it was all about. Like many of you - I was married a LONG time. 25 years. wow!
Wonder - I think you're responding to Hopeful2 and your advice is good. We can't really change our lives overnight but just getting through it all is a giant leap. Then we have to take small steps forward and define our goals as we go.
I have to tell you all that I really wanted someone new in my life. I had not really dated much at all in high school since I started dating Chuck (yes, Donna - its the name) at age 15. I wanted to know I could be attractive to someone else. My self esteem had hit rock bottom. So I made a serious effort to go for it. I was VERY choosy, though and was quite clear on who I would or wouldn't go out with. It seems to have worked well for me. I'm a "business" woman.
But yes - it still hurts. It really changes us and our kids forever. And there is nothing we can do about that. But how we handle the rest of our lives is more important. We can't beat up ourselves for what went on - especially since most of it was not in our control.
Interesting thing happened tonight. Chuck's niece contacted me on Facebook and asked to be my friend. One of his other nieces had done this a couple of months back. I have not seen them since we split and they were fairly young. I did add them and tonight I checked their friends out. Interesting - they do not have him or maggot on their friend list. I guess some of those Christmas parties, birthday parties they attended at my house when they were little must have made an impression on them and they're coming back to me. Hmmm...
And I have to say that Josh and I once again had a wonderful time together. It just seems to get better and better. And we get closer and closer. It is comfortable. I will not see him for the next week and a half. He has to stay in Halifax for work this w/e but I just learned that my sis and her 3 kids have accepted my invitation to spend the w/e here. (does anyone remember "Leenie" from the bb?) The kids loved it here so much last time and I know it will be a busy but rewarding w/e all around. I'm so glad they're coming. Then Josh is going to try to take about 10 days off work to spend with me here. YIPPEE!
SFBarb
Hey Wonder,
I was rereading your first post and I honestly think there are a lot of guys who do the phone thing. They seem to have a fear of the "real thing". Some do come around in time but I don't think I could wait that long. But that's for each person to decide I guess. Lots of guys hate the phone so at least he can carry a conversation.
I got so tired of trying to meet someone at a charity fundraiser or in the produce dept - it just wasn't happening. That is why I registered with several online dating services. And I could write a book... but lucky for me I met Josh after about 3 months - so I had dated a but already (need someone to compare to) and yet not long enough that I became too jaded.
Just some food for thought.
SFBarb
Oh Sun do I have a ex story for you! or yet another instalment, it never ends, will post in the "alt world" one of them lol
later, gotta get some work done.
I still love that you have a COTTAGE it sounds sooo delightful!
Hope your having fun, and I am rootin for Ed and Reid.
Hey Karen,
Hmmmm.... I replied to your post but it has disappeared into cyberspace....
I have been waiting for your Karma story. Do post it here as well if you can.
I would love to have you visit my cottage. Oh what fun we would have. You could fly to Toronto and I'd pick you up. If you were sedated would you fly????? Do you have a passport? Updated? Need one now to visit Canada.
I'll be checking out that "other" place again in a min.
Barb
Hey, Barb! So glad to see you back. The Bachelorette stuff made me giggle. YOU are the reason I got hooked on that show...back when DeAnna was one of the girls on The Bachelor. I can remember all the analysis on your threads and I got intrigued. Plus she was a GA girl...watched that series off and on, and then when they brought her back as The Bachelorette, I was hooked!
I was pulling for Jesse on this one, now that he's gone, I am not sure who I like...
So glad you sound so good. Enjoy your time at the cottage; I am jealous.
I have missed seeing you and some of the other oldtimers here. Thanks for giving me a reason to visit.
besos,
BA
Well well - look who's here! And both of us using aliases. You've got nearly as many posts as me - HA!
I started watching these shows when I knew I might end up dating again. It had been so long I wanted to see what people did on dates. And I got hooked
I liked Kip from the first show and still do but thought his family was a bit much. Never noticed Reid until last week but I think he he charming and sweet. Wes is awful. He isn't even nice to her. I really think she's been TOLD to keep him on. Its kind of like she's drawn to him BECAUSE he is nice. Which is kind of what we saw here on DB often. And then there's Ed. I just really think he is hot. I hope she ends up with him I guess.
Well, it is so nice to see you. A lot of us still chat daily on Face Book. Are you there? You can find me there. Last name start's with Barbie's boyfriend's name. Ends with yeres. Hope that's ok to post.
So, how about an update...
Barb
Oh Ed is hot hot hot hot! lol
Ed, really, you think? I'm not so sure. Maybe we will get to see a little more about him this week.
I agree about Kypton, Barb, but yes, think that family might have taken me back a little bit if I had been in her shoes. I was pretty impressed with how she handled that part at least.
Not sure why she's so drawn to Wes...even without all the drama swirling around him, he's just kinda gross to me. I mean think about it, she thought she was in love with Jason and now she's crazy about this guy. They couldn't be further apart.
Barb, my update, ah well, not much to report really. Out of the blue, I was offered a job, in another state, and took it. Sounded like a good opportunity and brought me closer to my parents. Sold my farm and moved. Miss my friends in GA, and my little place, but have met lots of wonderful new friends in my new location. I love being closer to home, and the job has proven to be very challenging and rewarding, and a great learning experience. It can also be stressful at times, and requires a lot of travel to NYC, which was kind of cool at first, but is now kind of a drudge.
All in all, I love this new life and I would never go back. Pedro did me a tremendous favor. With the benefit of hindsight, I see how much I gave up to cater to his needs, most of which truly couldn't be met. I don't say that with regret because I loved him, and being with him gave me many gifts, not the least of which is a wonderful relationship with his son, which continues to this day. But, in the end, his choice allowed me to do some things with my life that I probably would never have done otherwise, and I am better for it.
As a dear, wise friend said to me yesterday, it's all about choices. We can't often choose or control what happens to us, but we can choose how we react. In the face of what Pedro did, I chose to live my life. I have learned about doing that from so many others here, like you, who chose to do the same.
besos,
BA
Hey Annie,
Just noticed my typo in last post - think maybe she is drawn to Wes because he is a badboy type - because she has to work for it. But still - he is scruffy and unscrutable (is that a word?) UGH!
I'm so glad you found your pot of gold. You are so right - it was the same when my son got sick. I did not CHOOSE to live the kind of life I got with Ryan - but I CHOSE to make the best of it. Same with the divorce - never my choice but what choice did I have? Curl up and die or forge ahead in strange, uncharted territory and try to be strong. I LOVE strong people who do their best. Like you!
Barb
Please pray for my dad. He was rushed to hospital and it appears he has had a stroke. I am so very upset as I am not with him. I am waiting word on his condition and will head home from the cottage as soon as I know. My sister was with him and now I got my brother to go. I'm always there for dad so I feel so helpless right now.
Barb
Hey, Barb, will definitely say prayers. I am so sorry. My dad had a stroke four years ago and survived. He lost some function but overall he is good; we were blessed. Will pray for a good outcome for your dad. So many things are possible. Have faith.
BA
Barb,
I am so truly sorry to hear this. I said a prayer. May God bless and heal your Dad completely!!
I hate that you're going through this. He is so loved and cherished and love is the most powerful energy on earth. He IS surrounded by love and healing energy.
Stay strong. Stay positive.
Please know you're in my thoughts and prayers.
Fingers crossed!!
Thanks Annie and Summer,
Well our prayers are being answered. They have confirmed a stroke but it appears to be small and on the left side. It is affecting his writing (can't sign his name) and some other motor skills. He is verbal and cognitive though and did come home. He cannot drive for at least a month and needs family with him 24/7. He did joke a bit with me even though he was extremely tired.
I am relieved and grateful. It could have been SO much worse.
Barb
So glad to hear this B, that he is going to be ok! You are right, good news, he will be ok. My ex MIL and grandmas both had minor stokes and seemed pretty well not long after
((( Sunfun and her dad )))
Hallelujah!!! That is wonderful news!!
Sunny Girl
Great news, that your Dad is going to be OK.
I am sure it scared you to death, being away from him.
Now try to relax and enjoy your time at the cottage.
Take Care
God Bless
Pam
That's wonderful news, thanks for taking the time to come back and update, know you have so much more on your mind...but we were worried, and wanted to know.
Will continue to pray that he makes a slow and steady recovery. And yes, from experience with my dad, his energy will be sapped for awhile, so make him take it easy.
Blessings,
BA
Barb, glad you're back!
Thanks for letting us know about your dad...so glad it was not as bad as it could've been.
HUgs!
Valentine
So glad your Dad's OK! Keep us posted
Thanks everyone! I really appreciate your caring thoughts.
I have been staying in touch with my siblings and my dad. I guess it is paying off to know so many people well in my hometown. I got in touch with dad's dr (personal friend) and we chatted about his needs and how to get dad to "get it". It went well.
Dad has his appt booked with our head neurologist (again, a personal friend). I will go home in order to take dad to that appt. next week.
And today his physiotherapist came for the first time. Someone I've known for years - a client of mine whose daughter also worked for me. Doesn't get much better than her. She will see him again next week - day before the neurologist so I'll be there for her visit as well. She feels he is doing so well that she might only have to attend to him once more.
His 24/7 care for a month is now only for a week. And dad is in much better humour than he was when I called last night.
I am so grateful.
And as a side - Josh and I finally had a hot, sunny day and spent the entire day on the beach. Came up to make a wonderful dinner and great wine. Yesterday we took a friend of mine out for her birthday at a sushi bar nearby (Windermere House). That was wonderful. Came back and did steaks on the bbq.
Life is great. Just realized that Josh has spent more time at the cottage than Chuck ever did. How interesting is that?
One more thing - my daughter called to say that Chuck agreed to pay 1/3 of her tuition to her private Nutrition school. He had refused to a week ago. I am so pleased because it is a lot of $ for me to pay on my own.
So things are looking up.
Barb
Barb - SO happy to hear all the good, no great, news!!!
Thanks Donna! It seems to all be falling into place.
Josh left this morning to go back to the city. He had to see a dr then back to work. He will be working in Toronto again for several months at least. This is better than flying weekly - that was a drag!
It is still much cooler here than normal. At least it is sunny - but hardly the July we were hoping for.
I'll be heading home in a couple of days for an unexpected visit. Will take my turn looking after my dad and taking him to some appts. It will be Ryan's 30th birthday on Saturday so I guess we'll have a small get together.
Life is quiet now for a bit. This is just what I need.
Barb
Yes Whatisis - just me and the call of the loon. Ahhhhh..... lovin' it!
Barb
B
I will glady send you some of our heat . ugggh
Cant wait for next Mon. After the Rose!! wonder if Wes is coming back? lol such a nerd i am
K
I'd love the heat - thanks!
Can't stand Wes but why would he miss an opportunity to be "Seen" and make an ass of himself on national tv again? Such a dork. No one should buy any of his music. LOSER!
They make it look like Reid is coming back on the last show. It kinda looks like him - same suit etc. But who knows - maybe it is ACTUALLY Wes!!!! Him in his scruffy jeans and jacket - he didn't hold a candle to the others.
And what is up with everyone "coming back". Heck - they've had more people return on the Bach shows than here on Divorce Busting! I guess No doesn't really mean no anymore. On this show there's been Jake & Ed already. How much more can she take?
But she does love the attention. And the I love yous. Poor Reid - what? Couldn't say I love you to her when she is dating 2 other guys or commit to an engagement after 6 weeks on a tv show? Boy - he's slow~!
So much for "Reality"...
Barb
oh oh oh I feel the same way, she seems a tad needy , asking if they like her and the kissing , oh my the kissing!
Love Reid , he was quirky and cute and funny and give me a later sincere I love you, then one to stay on the show!
Hope things go well w/ your dad next week, glad he has you guys
Reid reminds me so much of my Jr high crush. Loved him!!! So he has my vote. And I've loved Kip from the beginning. Really liked Ed but have to admit that the green shorts and the falling asleep (or was it Ed has ED?) was a huge turnoff.
She keeps going for the "promises" rather than the reality in my opinion.
Looking forward to dad's appt (because it will be fun with someone I know) and then dinner out with dad and his ladyfriend.
Barb
Kip never did it for me and well you know how i feel about Eds shorts, darn!!!
Happy Birthday to Ryan!
Thanks K!
Forgot to tell you. In this week's Bach - they stayed at the Westin Maui. We stayed there last time we went to Hawaii! I was so excited. We also went on the Trilogy for snorkelling - same boat she and Ed went out on. Made my day! Gosh I miss Hawaii. Maybe I can convince Josh to go with me...
Barb
Ha! Just noticed the date. It is my "Unanniversary" today. I would have been married 33 years! I remember H always saying "We'll be together for 50 or 60 years!". You know - it sounds like a threat now rather than a promise and I just can't imagine being with him for an hour - never mind 30 more years! UGH!
Life is grand the way it is. Taking dad to the neurologist today. I took him to physiotherapy yesterday and dinner. He is doing great! I am so happy for that and grateful.
Barb
Oh i saw that , my brother and his fam just got back at Easter from the Westin! I miss Hawaii too, this is the summer we were going to go back, me and ex 50th and our 25th anny, but oh well , like you said, wouldnt trade what I have now for the man he turned out to be and the life I would of had!
Happy unanny!!
30 years ago today I became a mom. 4 years later Ryan had encephalitis and was in a coma for weeks. Amazingly, he survived. With much love and support and years of therapy he recovered somewhat but has been left with numerous disabilities. My life was never the same.
Yesterday I took my dad into the neurologist's office. His wife was there and said to me "Barb - you are my hero for all you've done with Ryan". I was touched but have to say "Ryan is MY hero". Despite all his problems, tons of debilitating medications, falls etc - he gets out of bed every day with a smile on his face and walks! A true miracle! I was told he was blind and deaf, would never walk again and had a short life expectancy. Well - experts - we fooled you!
So today is for Ryan! I've invited some of his fav people over and we'll have cake and ice cream and balloons. Lots of balloons for he always loved his balloons.
Ryan puts the problems in our lives into perspective. I thank God for him!
Barb
HAPPY 30th BIRTHDAY RYAN!!!!
May God bless you always.
Experts....f@cK 'em...what do they know!! Only God decides our journey. The "experts" told me the same thing about J...that he'd only live until he was 2 years old and spend most of his life in the hospital.
Sorry Charlie...J lived until he was 10.5 years old. And spent not 1 DAY in the hospital until the day he died!! He was the happiest, sweetest, most precious soul and my greatest teacher. He will have been gone 16 years in August and I miss him every minute of every day.
You're so lucky to still have Ryan. And I know just how much this has to do with YOU!! But you're also right that they are the true HEROES.
Congratulations on this amazing milestone birthday!! And have a wonderful day with your amazing son!!
Wow - its been a week since I've been here. What a week.
Well, I did not go back to the cottage. Instead, Ryan ended up in hospital on Monday. We had a birthday party for him Sat and he was very sleepy. Vomitted on Sunday and aspirated so ended up with pneumonia and has been in hospital all week. Seems to be getting better. Strange, though. He used to be in hosp all the time and see his neurologist. Hadn't seen him in years. Saw him with dad last Fri. Then he ends up seeing Ryan twice in hosp.
OK, I'm now officially "SUN FUN 1". Got that as my licence plate. Finally got them on yesterday. Thought the rain might end but NO!....
Went to see "The Ugly Truth" last night. I laughed so hard. It was silly and raunchy but it was good to get some laughs out. It was also night to be out later in the evening. With Ryan at home I am always in by 8.
Josh is coming today. We'll go out for dinner and maybe a movie as well. But I have to clean first and get to the hospital for a while. Best get moving.
Barb
OOPS - forgot my update on my ex. Ashley had given him her tuition bill and asked that he pay 1/3. He went nuts on her, saying he didn't have to etc. So nice for her to hear and so not true. So on Wed he gave her a check for $523. The tuition is over $4,000 plus books. She mentioned that. He said this is his share and all he has. Ummmm...
I suggested she buy him a calculator for his birthday.
Barb
I suggested she buy him a calculator for his birthday.
Barb
Good one, Barb!
SG
Sunny Girl
Sorry to hear Ryan is in the hospital.
Did you really think Chuckie was going to step up to the plate and be a real Father. Remember those obligations went out the window about the time he crawled into the tunnel.
Take Care Sweetie
God Bless
Pam
Sunfun!!
You are soooooooo thoughtful! to think of a much needed gift like that for your ex! ahhhh LOL funny girl you are
Heard some more ridiculous things about the pest of the west this weekend, it never ends!!
Hope Ryan is feeling better, havent been on much today, was he able to come home from the hospital?
Hey Girlfriends!
So awesome to see you all!
Chuck is dead to me. So nice to be able to get over $500 from the grave!
My dad was talking about Chuck last night. Said he used to do such nice things. He loved him. UGH - I want to think of him as bad but I guess I wouldn't have married him if he was always as he is now. Maggot's problem - LOL!
Dad is doing better. We went out to a tea place for an English roast beef dinner. Went to the hospital but Ryan slept the entire time I was there. He had a fever yesterday. Still - he will likely come home today.
Ashley has been a bit easier to get along with the past couple of days. She still does give me a hard time. But she went to visit Ryan and also bought him a nice gift. I'm sure her heart is in the right place.
Dear friend's daughter just got dumped by her BF. She is Ashley's age. Coming over to talk to me.
Barb
OOPS - wrote that this AM but it didn't post till now. Weird.
Ryan did not get released. Very busy day. Getting thru it all.
Barb
I am LIVID! I finally got a cheque from my ex last week towards Ashley's tuition. The amount was $523 towards a tuition over $4,000 with no explanation. I was going to figure out his share and send him a bill for the balance. Today I checked my bank account and his check was returned. HE DID NOT SIGN IT!!! UGH! Now I'm really annoyed because I needed that $ and spent some of it since I had paid her tuition last month. UGH again!
I had, fortunately made a copy of the check so don't have to wait until it comes back from the bank. Ash will give it to him tonight with my note but I want to kill him.
I am leaving for the cottage so will not get this $ until I return. I AM P!SSED!
Barb
I tell ya Sunfun
they are in a world of their own
mine is not working, traveling on others pity money ( give me a flippin break) pi**in off every woman he happens to con into dating him- ignoring my request to see what going on , since I am tryign to save my house----- a t.m is all i ask for, something so i can make plans!!
i dont get it, what happend to these nitwits???
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
we must plot revenge lol
It is official! I announced my retirement today. I am closing the dance school I have run for the past 36 years. It feels weird yet strangely uplifting. Sad too. I guess I'll be on another emotional roller coaster for a bit. But I'm having a big party for all my students past and present in 2 weeks. That will be awesome!
Barb
Wow Barb, Congratulations! That is certainly the end of an era. I am sure it will be so strange for you after all those years.
What a legacy tho, all those children's lives you have made a difference too.
I still think fondly of my dancing teacher and that was more years ago than I care to admit.
I know you will fill the time with lots of exciting things and your life just gets better and better.
So glad I popped on the boards today.
Once again many Congatulations.
I will be glad when the next 2 weeks are over. So much going on and so much work to prepare. Having houseguests next week for a couple of days - 4 adults - lots to tidy up and prepare for with food plans etc. Then I host our family reunion for app 50 guests. Hope it is a nice day - the party is intended for outside but it has rained 2 out of the past 3 years and we were forced in - pretty tight. The next day is my retirement party. It will be emotional no doubt and lots of little things to tend to. Then I'm going back to the cottage. I want to finish out the summer in peace and hopefully sunshine and heat.
Barb K
Congrats my dear!
Surely this means the bar is open!
I'll take one of whatever you're serving to celebrate!
besos,
BA
Barb, I hope you can find the mindset to enjoy the process. There is some grieving involved in the end of your business. Do what you wish. Wonder
Thanks so much!
Well, I can't even retire in peace. There is some betrayal involved. One of my longest, most trusted teachers opened a dance school behind my back with all my other staff and many of the students. She had agreed to buy my studio and signed an agreement never to take my students. She told me she was returning this year to learn the business (this was before I announced retirement) then went AWOL> When I finally confronted her she said she was not returning but was NOT opening a studio. My other employees all denied involvement,. Well that is not the case.
This is the 6th time this has happened to me in 36 years. I am trying to focus on the party and not on the backstabbers. They did not do this because I was retiring - they did it before, hoping it would force retirement.
but I CHOOSE to retire. I just feel bad that out of guilt, many of my students will not attend my party. They're off on their Dance Studio Honeymoon.
So sad.
Like living through another Affair and subsequent divorce. My daughter is so hurt as these were her friends and mentors.
Sometimes people just suck!
Barb
Oh, Barb - what a terrible shame! I am astounded at how people can sometimes behave...
I hope that you have a good time at the party, anyway - you can still have the satisfaction that YOU lead a good and productive career, touching many young people's lives along the way!
btw, hope your son is feeling better...
Thanks Donna,
That makes me feel better and it was what I wanted.
Today my former receptionist (who I've always really liked and treated her daughter like gold) posted something on Facebook about the new studio and a followup comment was added by one of the girls who worked for me. I found it tasteless and hurtful. Oh God - why am I so sensitive? and why are people so mean?
My sister wrote a reply addressing both of them (she has known and liked them both for years) asking them to be respectful and realize that we haven't even had the party and perhaps they can keep such comments to themselves. I think it took courage to do that.
I am almost inclined to write them an email and ask them to tone it down a bit. That I wish none of them anything but the best. But somehow I worry that even that might start a huge fiasco.
No winning in this game of losing.
I feel hurt and sad all over.
Barb
Oh Barb (((()))) I am so sorry this is happening. I suspect it has something to do with jealousies!
Rise above it all, cream rises to the top remember.
Do not let it marr your retirement plans or your party.
True friends will support you and hanger-on,-ers(is that a word)will be revealed.
It is hurtful because this was your baby, your lifes work. Let it go you are too gracious a lady to sink to their levels.
It was you who taught me the life and lemons analogy- so come on girl get lemonade making,you have a party to organise.
Sometimes, the easiest way to make oneself feel good about themselves is to put down others who are better than them. I suspect that your former colleagues are like these.
Naej is right - rise above it - you have a party to get to!
Yes, Sophie, what you say is so true.
I am so disheartened and sad today. I did not sleep last night. Yesterday afternoon my former receptionist wrote something "taunting" about the new dance school she apparently helped set up. One of my teachers chimed in, also in a taunting manner. Very kindergarten like. My sister saw it and was appalled and replied how disrespectful she thought they were being. And I had enough.
I wrote an email to all my staff (who have all quit) letting them know that I wished to retire in peace. That all I had expected from the was honesty and some respect. I stated in it that I had kept things going for a while for all of them since they obviously loved it. If they didn't - they might have let me know. I was careful to keep it professional and not to take shots. I reminded them that we are all good people, we all live in the same city and that we are all Christians.
My former secretary wrote a long, scathing response. She sent it to all the staff. She admits that whenever I was not there - they would plan out this new dance school but that she felt they respected me by not saying anything until after my dance recital. Ummm - they did not say anything to me EVER> She said they planned to come to my party but now will not (and no doubt will convince others).
this former secretary is also the personal secretary to the pastor at MY church. How do you like that? She did not like my "Christian" mention. She asked what this had to do with being Christian and how I created drama by saying that.
I just feel sick. Hatred is so contagious. I did nothing wrong. If they did not like my dance studio - why did they not leave?
I am sick and just venting here. I did not sleep all night. I cry every time someone talks to me today. Josh is coming from Toronto after work. He did not sleep either. Said he will take me out for dinner. Ummm - in my city? UGH! But still - nice to do that.
My daughter just aches. I said in my letter that this hurts her so much (she had told me and also told me to send the letter). She was like a sister to so many of them and loved them all. The secretary's response was that she couldn't understand how it upset Ashley because she didn't dance last year. No - but she danced for 16 years!
I am heartsick ad the cruelty of people.
Barb
((( Barb )))
I am so sorry , you do not deserve the nastiness and spiteful words of these people, it shows what kind of people they are and you are well rid of them as "friends"
When it comes to money , some people will stop at nothing and I agree on the jealousy issue, you were so successful at your buss. they may be lashing back out of fear or lack of confidence in their success
I hope your night out w/ Josh brightens your day, just think of the good things in your life- Josh, the kids, your real friends
family, thats what its all about
Have a terrific weekend!
Wow Barb I guess just going to Church and sitting and listening is being a Christian in their eyes, instead on putting those sermons into action towards everyday living.
Sorry that it all turned sour for you but anymore communication with these people is will be like hitting your head against a brick wall, and will only cause your more pain.
I personally have to wonder how long their school will flourish with them having such jolly attitudes towards people in general.
Hi Barb
I cannot believe how slimy and immature some people can be. It is hard to imagine their dance studio being successful under those circumstances. I am sure all of those people working together will only be trouble.
In the meantime do enjoy your party. You deserve it.
Karen, MaMaMo & Mermaid:
Thank you. It really helps to have a place to vent and be heard and understood. The temptation to talk to my pastor is STRONG (this woman works for her - who knows what damage she could do to her too), though I will not do it. Nor will I communicate with any of them any longer. As you say - it is like hitting your head against a brick wall. We all know how this went with our spouses - imagine it multiplied by 10 or so where everyone eggs each other on and encourages bad behaviour. I am glad that no one else responded (yet) and I maintain that my letter to them was professional and gave me one chance to let them know how disappointed I am in being lied to. Well - so much for that.
3 sleepless nights so far. But I have guests coming from British Columbia tommorrow for a couple of days so I have a lot to do - cleaning and decluttering, cooking, shopping and doing all those things that make them feel special. I like doing that.
Josh and I went to see Julie & Julia and loved it. Then we went to friends' home for dinner & bbq. She is one of my best friends and he was Chuck's best friend. He told us something interesting last night (drinking sometimes does that). He told me he has talked to Chuck a couple of times since he left me although they are not friends anymore (he has always been very accepting of Josh and they get along well). He told me that maggot is not a nice person (we were talking about someone else we knew who had an affair and he thought OW in that case WAS nice). I told him he had probably heard that from me and how would I REALLY know anyway. But he told us that Chuck had told him that she was not a good person and that prior to hitting on him, she had hit on many other men including her pastor. I knew this of course but knowing he told Peter was BIZARRE at best.
Ex is NUTS! Keeps telling Ashley this week how he likes SIMMINI mushrooms on his steak. She keeps saying "Dad, it is CREMINI, not SIMMINI" and he just says "Oh Yeah" then calls it wrong again. She and Brandon keep laughing at his craziness and recall an episode just before we split where he kept calling dinner "Menniteranean" almost like he was plugging his nose while he was saying it. We all corrected him so many times he got furious and stormed out of the house and although he DOES NOT have a speech impediment - the kids keep telling me of similar brain malfunctions on his part that drives them nuts. And of course - that is only when they see him which is NOT OFTEN.
Back to cleaning. Try not to think about hate-filled people.
Barb
Hi Barb
What's this? You are retiring!
What are you going to do now, other than take vacations, smooze Josh, and take care of the kitties? Ha-Ha
Sorry to hear the ex-employees are living in Chuckie's world where all they do is hurt people for no apparent reason.
It is going to bite them all in the butt when they least expect it.
I am very proud of you for rising above all the petty gossip they undoubtly had to post.
I am sure it hurt.
You are the sunny girl.
Ignore them and enjoy life sweetie.
Love Ya
Pam
Pam: I love you! You always "get it". LOL! One of them went into the store Ashley works at yesterday and was just fine with her. Ash said "The crazy ones never even know they're crazy!". Have to agree.
I woke this morning to find myself on the front page of the newspaper. Hope you don't mind if I share.
EDITED - ADVERTISING is NOT ALLOWED. You must comply with the DivorceBusting.com Board Rules if you would like to continue the privilege of posting here.Barb
Great article! I agree with the poster who said the mutineers must be jealous.
What a nice write up! Your parents are incredible for getting you on your way. Hope things are going and feeling better.
kat
Hi Andabelle & Kat:
Thanks! I am so pleased that the article credited my parents for showing their support. They were NOT "stage" parents - they simply believed in giving me opportunities and supporting my dream. I know Dad will be proud and Mom is smiling down from Heaven.
As for the nay-sayers - I read that they have only 3 confirmed attendees at the upcoming 9 nights of Open House and 2 of those are staff. I guess I don't need to do anything to "affect" their business. Karma always bites you in the butt. LOL!
Barb
Barb, Wow. Thanks for sharing that article. That is so special. Don't ever let go of the picture painted by that article because it so beautifully captures you and your business and how people perceive it. You've made an indelible mark in your community and clearly touched the lives of so many people. That's a legacy that will endure, not all this petty crap these jealous people are trying to stir up now.
Thanks again for sharing,
besos,
BA
Wow what a great article!!!
You deserved such a wonderful write up.
Enjoy your retirement.
Barb
I want my copy signed.
You rock girl-friend.
The new dance group will never do what you have done with the dancers.
They will never accomplished a relationship with the dancers, as you did.
To them it is a job.
To you, it was and is a passion.
Thanks for sharing your love for dance.
Wow what a memory you will have forever.
Love Ya
Pam
What creeps Barbie -- so sorry that things ended on such a sour note and way to go moving forward with a smile
DD3 started ballet/jazz/tap all rolled into 30 minutes last night!
Thanks for all your good wishes. It was hard to go through the nasties from work but I'm getting past it. I think I'll be ok on Sunday though I do feel I may have some tears as the memories come rolling in.
Have spent the past 2 days posting photos on display boards. That is a good way to stay on track. So much to smile about.
I just ran out to get some KFC and ran into a former student/assistant who had gone out on her own a few years ago (and failed) but who I heard is involved with the new studio. But I put the olive branch forward and we had some sweet words and even hugs. She seemed surprised that I was not bitter and relieved for it. I think she might have some good things to say about me to the others. At any rate - my behaviour didn't hurt.
So tommorrow I'll host 50 at my house for our family reunion then the retirement is on Sunday. Josh invited me to Toronto after that for his sister and nieces birthdays and then I'm back to the cottage. Good stuff!
Barb
Well I survived my Retirement Party! And it was truly wonderful. Many came. Many did not. But it did not matter. The feeling was good and some of the absolute right people showed up. One girl I hadn't taught in 32 years!!! Another who was in my top 3 of all time, who used to babysit my kids as well but moved out of town. She came! And even the mom of one of those who left me recently to open the new studio. She is horrified by her daughter and asked her not to even tell her about it. She was recital helper mom for 25 years! I won't forget that. She brought me flowers and the most wonderful sentiments in a card.
The mayor came and presented me with a gift from the city. The Member of Parliament came as well with a custom designed certificate - I had taught his daughter. We laughed, we cried, we hugged. The guest book is filled with memories.
Today I got a call to go to the MPP's office. The Premier of Ontario honoured me with a certificate! I can't even believe it!
It won't last. I will be unemployed now. But I'm having the last laugh. And for today - I'll bask in the after glow.
Back to the beach. Let them have their dance studio. They have no clue....
Barb
I guess I am now 18 mo behind LOL - nice to see some old-timers posted (even tho 18 mo ago) - I see the email (that I used to post under my LSL signature is gone and no longer allowed - which really stinks since I have tried to email many of you and your emails are obsolete - so I am still at hotmail if you wanna catch me - I feel like I fell off the face of the earth the last few years!
Faith, Hope, Love
LSL
Congrats Barb! It's wonderful to see the contributions you made to your community recognized and honoured. May your retirement just be the beginning of new page of adventures and contributions. Hey, speaking of retirement, yesterday I went to the church I've been attending for the last month to drop off a load of books. I've been cleaning out my bookshelves and thought it a nice idea to contribute some useful things to the church library. The Pastor was there and asked me if I was retired...OMG I'm only 52! I guess the fact that I was there in the middle of the day made that a logical assumption...or at least, that's what I'm choosing to believe!
Once again, CONGRATS!!!
Hi Barb
I don't come here all that often but I enjoyed reading this thread. I hope that you are well and enjoying your well deserved retirement.
Much love x
Thanks Wii and Mojo,
I am enjoying retirement very much. I actually retired last year - LSL pulled up my old thread but I still appreciate your good wishes.
Wii - funny you mention 52. I was 53 last year when I retired and Josh (who is younger than me) plans to retire at 52 - few more years yet.
My retirement plan was to live up north in the summer and down south in the winter. Josh and I bought the lake house a couple of months ago. I just arrived back there now with my 2 kitties for their first visit. After next month's visit to Florida - I will be moving in. Now to see about that Florida condo... well - maybe after I sell my house and cottage.
Life is grand! You just have to have the courage to accept the things you can't change.
Barb
Wii - funny you mention 52. I was 53 last year when I retired and Josh (who is younger than me) plans to retire at 52 - few more years yet.
53! You don't look a day over 52 in your FB photo...not that I've ever been there to view it because that would violate DB rules and I'd never do such a thing, just call me a DB'ing Pharasee!
Glad you're enjoying retirement. What kind of dance did you teach? I took Ballroom and Latin with my wife a few years ago, it was part of my "save the marriage" plan and it was a trip to hell, but that was due to my partner ("suck in your gut", "stop waving your arms around like a chicken")not the dance which I actually thoroughly enjoyed. I figured if I couldn't save the marriage at least I'd have some dance moves to pick up other women with later!
Well 53 was last year, Wii. My birthday is this Sunday and I'm hitting the double 5s!!! Yes - I will get the Senior's Discount at Shoppers Drug Mart. WOW!
My daughter would call you a Facebook Stalker. Well - that's what she calls me. She defriended me a long time ago. Despite the fact we have 122 friends in common. Like I don't know what's really going on in her life - LOL! At least my son, Brandon is still my FB friend. (Ryan can't use FB). Brandon emails me his girlfriend problems and work problems etc. Last week he emailed me to ask me to send him flea stuff for his cats. (yes, really!).
I just noticed that they have Ballroom dancing in Bracebridge. I have always wanted to go but my ex refused. Josh would go if I wanted him to. You are obviously a great sport - too bad your wife did not recognize all the good in you, Wii. You are so right - the next woman will be a really lucky woman. Because you have done the work. You know a lot about relationships and you've also done a lot of single parenting with teen daughters. Makes you pretty aware of the "feminine mystique".
I taught Tap, Jazz, Modern, Hula, Hip Hop, Acrobatics & Baton Twirling. 36 years in my own studio and I taught for someone else from age 12 to 17. I guess my whole life has been involved in dance then BAM - nothing for the past year and a half. But I'm going to start putting on Just Dance on my Wii and see if that brings some of the joy of dance back for me.
How's your dad tonight?
Barb