Breathe!...breathe again
With every breath you are alive
what the survivors of the Andes told each other when they were about to give up
And life goes on, I signed the D paperwork, he took it to his L on Friday and I guess it will be official sometime in April, I could care less, his cheating/lying/deceiving was the worst, signing those pieces of paper was nothing. What hurts is seeing my d6 sob hard each time she has to go, we went to the C last week and I thought it'd go better but nope, she sobbed harder as I drove off...If I don't see improvement in the next month I will do all I can to have have with me longer, at least until she is 7, if I have to get a guardian at litem, so be it.
I took down my profile at the dating site, I dont' want to waste people times as I dont' want a serious R. Otherwise kids and I are doing great, we go out, do things, have a ball, my house looks better, love my zumba workouts. God has given me peace and lightens my heart when it gets burdened.
Weird thing, as I cleaned up a shed stbx used to use, I found camping stuff, sometime after our breakup in Jan. 08, he was *living* there for a while! he is more of a looser and liar than I thought. Found some other then-ow paintings he made of her... I thought peptobismol all over them would give them a rosy tone, ha ha. The nerve, still storing crap there about her (he will take the rest of his stuff these coming months).
I was very moved to post part of this book about the survivors of the 70's plane crash in the Andes I just read. While all who were rescued picked up their lives where they left off, this survivor had lost his mom and sister--his life would never be the same again...but after all he went through he figured this out:
"...my father told me 'you will have a future, you will live a life'...
I was thinking of the disaster as a horrible mistake, as an unscripted deviation from the happy story of the life I had been promised.
But now I began to understand that my ordeal ..was not an interruption of my real destiny, or a pervertion of what my life was supposed to be.
It simply was my life.
And the future that lay ahead was the only future available to me. To hide from this fact or to live in bitterness and anger would only keep me from living any genuine life at all.
...It was not the life I wanted or expected but I understood that it was my duty now to live that life as richly and as hopefully as I could. I would live with passion and curiosity, I would open myself to the posibilities of life, I would savor every moment."
Breathe!...breathe again
With every breath you are alive
That's really cool, all life is breath, moment-to-moment, and anyone can get through moment-to-moment, anything can be gotten through moment-to-moment. God, I remember the worst of the times I had during this ordeal--I remember going through all the good things in my life, the people who love me, like a mantra, just so I could fall asleep/make it through the night.
Cat, I wouldn't have just Pepto Bismoled those paintings, I would have incinerated them. Really, I think you showed some restraint.
((((Cat))))
Love the quotes. Very inspiring.
You'll make it.
Hey Ms. Cat...
"...my father told me 'you will have a future, you will live a life'...
I was thinking of the disaster as a horrible mistake, as an unscripted deviation from the happy story of the life I had been promised.
But now I began to understand that my ordeal ..was not an interruption of my real destiny, or a pervertion of what my life was supposed to be.
It simply was my life.
And the future that lay ahead was the only future available to me. To hide from this fact or to live in bitterness and anger would only keep me from living any genuine life at all.
...It was not the life I wanted or expected but I understood that it was my duty now to live that life as richly and as hopefully as I could. I would live with passion and curiosity, I would open myself to the posibilities of life, I would savor every moment."
I loooooooooooooooooove that quote!!!!
It's wonderful to hear how you're staying active and involved with the children and in your own life. Having God by your side is always a good one!
Isn't odd when the divorce becomes paper rather than emotion and angst? That it all becomes surreal?
Ex had years to contemplate his departure and moved on well before he moved out. It's not about what the wayward spouse or ex does, it's about how you, I, anyone chooses to spend your, mine, their lives.
Welcome to the life you're meant to have... in all the good and radiant ways!
*hugs*
hey friends))))))) glad to see you
By God's grace I have achieved a new level of peace, the bad thoughts are easier to overcome, the mullings shorter, the silly "what-ifs" die pretty quick. God is sooo good, I pray for everyone here nightly, that the scars go away...
Little d6 doing a bit better, the C helps me to handle the situation better.
Out of sheer curiosity I went to a Divorce Care meeting, and was amazing to see other's going through the same ordeal I went through last year, their pain was so raw. A new DC meeting in spanish will begin next week, I will go to see if if some way I can help as the leader is translating it all from the DC workbooks.
Have a great weekend my friends...even better, choose to have a great weekend!)))))
Good for you going to divorce care meetings!!! Many of my friends go to those meetings. I've heard they are very good.
But tell me, what's a Zumba workout? I have my gym clothes on, and I'm ready to go to the gym (but I keep procrastinating!)... I'm all ready to go on the darn treadmill, but this Zumba sounds much more interesting!!! What is it?
Hey Darlin'--you sound FABULOUS! I am so proud of you. I hope your weekend is beyond great!
root!_))))))))))) hey babes! you have GOT to try it! do it as a personal favor to me, ha ha, it's a dance workout to exotic music like samba, cumbia, reggeaton, it's awesome! youtube'it. You can't feel the time go by because it's so much fun.
Audy girl!))))))))))) so good to see you, I'm doing great by God's grace, had a good time with my single parents meetup group campout yesterday, I pray that you are doing great as well, there is so much ahead of us and we have been and will be blessed
we'll all stumble but just remember that God's hand is still holding yours, it's ok to have a cry here and there, let it out, knowing that you are in His loving hands no matter what.
Well Catkins, I just checked out the Zumba and it looks great!!! One of my friends is Brazillian and she teaches Brazillian dancing, and I had been thinking of signing up for one of her classes, but Zumba looks really good. I'll have to see if my L.A. Fitness has Zumba (or badger them into getting one going). I LOVE to dance so that would be fun. Soooo much better then spinning (Ugh!) or those dull yogalates.
Keep up the PMA!!! I'm sure Zumba and faith help a lot.
they sure help. Brazillian is awesome! next best thing to zumba, so if you dont' find a class go ahead and sign up with your friend, tell me how you like it .
having an icky day... fighting the useless thoughts, thinking of the last days before he left the first time in 06...(well, he had already gotten an apartment weeks before that and took most of his stuff without me knowing), what he said, what I could've said...if only I had said...
But then I remembered, even if things went down hill in less than weeks before I found out he was leaving, he was a liar longer than that, like that huge check he got and he hid it from me, spending the whole thing on him even as I was pregnant and checking yard sales to outfit the nursery when my d6 was about to be born, he never took us out somewhere nice, never bought anything for her... the 100's he spent on hidden prepaid phones, even as I stuck to his budget and didnt' even take my son to Mcdonalds.... he lost his way loooong before he left and at the time things were "ok" in my eyes, he turned into a slime ball long before he left and I can't blame myself for that.
Well, I'll feel better later I guess...I do get my sweeties today
You were just doing the best you could and trying to stay positive overall. That's called determination. You really tried to make it all work in spite of the negatives. I think that's a good trait. When the going gets tough, you will still try to make things work out.... You did your very best and you should have no regrets.
But the good thing now is that if/when you get into a new relationship you will be wiser to and make sure that things are much better to start off with. Chances are it will be a much smoother road. You are much wiser now. (And gosh! with Zumba a lot hotter too!!!
).
I have to look into the gym down the street from me again...
If you can't find it at the gym, there are "classes" of it on youtube. I was thinking I might just do it at home. I wouldn't even have to get my lazy butt out of the house!
Can you bottle your determination and mail it to me?
G
root, I learned zumba through a beginner's DVD, so youtube will work for you too
Feeling much better (well, it was a zumba day too,
I get my weirdo moments now and then, but now it's all good again.
Donna, once you get started you won't stop, it's just a matter of starting and then you will make a habit of it.
Gwyn, it took quite a bit to push through when things were awful, and also quite a lot of time on my knees praying, which was how I made it through and healed.
having an icky day... fighting the useless thoughts
I think its normal (and healthy!) that this happens from time to time. No need to jump head first into wallowing or 'what if's', but to reflect and remember is good. Its hard for me to think back to that time (when xH cheated, etc) because the hurt was almost unbearable, but from time to time I can reflect for a bit.
Then we need to let it go.
You can do it.
Your icky day will pass, and the icky feelings will come and go faster every day.
lwb)))))))))) doing much better! got my own copy of eat love and pray to remember the good stuff I've learned
hope you are doing well friend
Hey ms. kat.. most zumbalicious one!
It's great to hear how much you're doing for yourself. The more I do, the better I feel, especially when it comes to clearing him from prime real estate in my mind.
In many ways, having the bad days consist of blaming yourself regardless if you're angry or sad. You take a second seat while his present or past actions are in the forefront. Here's a can of whoop-ass and pair of kick butt boots.
You're worth it!
*hugs*
ohhh! love the thigh high leather boots!! lol, ty hon)))))
!!!!!
ha ha, just messing around nocode, Gyps send me some cyber boots to kick away the x from reining in my head, I just thought i'd be cool if they were thigh high..'cause i'm just that crazy :P
So, a sad face is in order for my thread :(, today I sure wish I could kick *him*... poor little d6 didnt' want to get in the bus to his dads', teacher called me telling me that, like never, d6 cried and refused to get on the bus, that even the bus driver felt bad... stupid stupid man for having my little d6 cry, selfish lost man that brings sorrow to a little one.... that's the only time when I feel a strong dislike towards him, when my little ones cry... I know she'll get older and get used to this, but this is hard. The teacher is a really nice woman, who told me over the phone that her parents also divorced when she was in first grade/kindergarden, that she was "the kid that cried in the bus" since she didnt' like going back and forth, and that d6 talks to her now and then, I'm glad that d6 has a caring teacher,
Hola Gato!
Been away so long, popped in to see wasssup and there your are!
You are doing great and seeing those DivCare newbies helped you to see just how far you've come. So are you still helping the Spanish group? The verse to consider is 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 which speaks about God comforting us during affliction that we may be able to comfort others.
The further removed I am from the D, the more clearly how God's protective hand was always present, just as He is going to take care of healing your d6. She will see the confidence and assurance you have that you will be more than fine and she will learn to rest in the arms of her heavenly father, even when her earthly one "acts the fool."
So Zumba girl lives! Way cool!!! You inspire me in that area, especially since you know I love to dance! Keep it up! (but I do wonder if it isn't a bit challenging to do the workout in Thigh high boots? If I take up Zumba, do I also have to wear my thigh high boots?)
Either way, keep it up girl!
Bless you.
p.s. Ill have to get around to updating my thread with details but I can sum it up by saying God has been very, very good to me. My life is very rich and fulfilling. My kids are doing well and I have a peaceful R with X and her husband. Forgiveness was hard fought for but I believe I have arrived and God gets the credit and Glory!!
amigo mio))))))))))))))) I had no doubt that your cup of blessing is running over, the Lord takes care of the rest when we rest in Him, I'm glad to hear you are doing well
The D and x's crappy history/lies are but a spec, the hurt my children experience is my weak spot, I know eventually d6 will not feel so bad, but ... but.. you know, I wish she didnt' have to feel that way. I do have to pray more for her healing, my sweet little thing, pray hard that the same healing God has bestowed on me is on her, I need to remind myself of that.
I still take kids to C --- the school C called 5mins ago about yesterday, I'm glad I have a lot of people on our side, the school C will try to talk to her on her "dad" days. I have to pry my mind from murderous rage thoughts against x for what he's brought on their little lives. I don't want to take space on my thread talking about him, but his gf went back to her state to "study"...also there is no money to support her or her kids since she's been unemployed since last year so I'm sure that's a big reason she went back, she'll be back on December, x told s11 that some rules will be flexible now that she is gone, jeez! he is sooo whipped. Anyways...
I thank heavens for my church family who is very loving to my children and they know where they are coming from. I want to share with joy that my s11 has told me he wants to baptize! I didnt' even bring it up but he wants to do it and I'm so so proud, he has such a noble soul, he takes such good care of his sister.
LOL about the boots! nope, I'd break both my ankles doing zumba on those! zumba is my therapy, I just release any tension I might have and enjoy myself fully, and on the plus side I burn hundreds of calories
Try a zumba for beginners DVD, you'll love it.
The Lord love your kids far more than you do. Pray, Keep them grounded and they will see how God is, and will continue to look out for them in the future. ALL over the Book, we see how much the kids are loved. Also, on their own, over time, they will see that selfish behavior ultimately leads to pain. When we see someone as lost, wayward and destined for utter torment, it is easier to have compassion for them and to genuinely pray for them. Also, the Word speaks of loving ones enemy as like putting coals of hot fire upon their heads (so by loving them, you are only being obedient and it is their fault if their head develops a burning sensation
LOL!)
Very cool about your son! He is stepping up to be the man of the home and sees his growing in faith as a part of this. One of the single moms at my church hangs out with the male and female singles and has even taken her 10 year old down to Mexico for the weekend mini missions outreaches. He has been down there at least 6 times. The men take him under their wings and so he gets to see examples of men with right priorities. I pray such men will come into your sons life.
thanks again for your comforting words, I really appreciate them))) he does have good role models in church, and also my brother, who loves him like his son, he has a son his age so the 3 of them hang out together, go to basketball games, bowling, etc, I'm so glad for that.
I have to channel my anger towards his idiocy and use that energy to pray for my daughter.
when you can truly have compassion for him, you will experience true freedom.
easy to say, hard to do
I have pity for him, which might not be same as compassion, I do feel at some degree, he was a good man, if he ever finds God he might go back to what he was.
Well, I went to the divorceCare group, it was like meeting people from here but putting faces on them, I made a friend (just friend) on a meetup group and brought him, he was glad he went, he will keep on going, he's brand new at this mess.
We exchanged #, I exchanged #s with this lady who has a 2 yr old, eats at all hrs inordinate amounts of food and stays up 'til 4am, her son stays up with her.
I pray that through me God can give her the peace she needs, I will be calling her and will talk to her, she seems to have a lot of anxiety.
D6 still cries when she has to go, I can see how she is faking it a bit, so it's hard for me to deal with it, thank heavens for the C, we see her today, hope this gets better, it goes up and down up and down...
Hugs to all)))))))))))
Bless you, Cat.
DC gives one the opportunity to share what insight we have hopefully learned from our own ordeals with those poor souls just starting or in the midst of their own turmoil. And it really helps us to get outside ourselves by helping others in this way.
cat, I felt the same way about my DC group, like DB comraderie but with faces.
I pray that through me God can give her the peace she needs, I will be calling her and will talk to her, she seems to have a lot of anxiety.
Like us at one point, so many need sooo much help.
The vision I believe the Lord gave me for the group I am seeking to start at my church was to have a DC men's group which i would facilitate. Then to see a woman leader raised up for a female only group and then a kids group.
The doors are opening, I see it happening although I am not sure when.
good to see you helping out so much.
talking about helping, I was moved to tears this morn. There is this radio station where J Dobson has interviews, he put on an interview with this friend of his, Rev. Hutcherson, an ex football prayer who now preaches and has a church.
His greatest fear was cancer, he'd pray not to get it... and sure enough this year he was diagnosed with it. Long story short, he is in pain, his negative cell counts are horribly high and he actually should be dead right now, but isn't, that it had molded him and has been a turning point.
He said how he felt honored to suffer for the Lord, how his pain and the Lord working in him have turned him into the greatest testimony for anyone who meets him, specially at the hospital, they cannot believe how well he is. He said how there is no such thing as a bad circumstance, that each thing that happen to us shapes us to be like Jesus. There are things that happen to us that we dont' want nor choose, but that all things will work for the good. And if it leads to to Jesus, how can it be bad? That he wasn't afraid of dying, that it'd be an honor to die for Jesus.
please check it out:
http://listen.family.org/daily/A000001976.cfm
Wow, just listened to the message, POWERFUL.
My pastors wife survived cancer so they get calls from others who find out they have cancer.
Two years ago another pastor needed a kidney donor and his wife was being tested for a match and they found an aggressive form of cancer in her. The second pastor called my pastor and at the end of the conversation he was told, "I would not wish this on anyone but I would not trade it for anything in the world."
This passion week, the pastor and his wife came to visit and share from the pulpit basically the same message my pastor shared with him two years ago. Additionally, the visiting pastor said the cancer changed EVERYTHING. He learned God wants our TOTAL dependence on Him. He added he could not believe all the years he wasted trying to do things on his own.
In the above message, I was especially moved to hear the pastor describe the GREAT privilege it is to be used by the Lord.
His explanation of his situation and saying that his life is a demonstration that All things work together for good… for God's glor... Hmmmm where have I heard that before? LOL!
Cat, for me it has been an AMAZING journey over the last 34 months since X left. I have witnessed God's 100% faithfulness during that time frame. 100%
From the outside, my life looks shattered (financially, relationally) compared to my X's life but things are not what they appear to be. I have joy unspeakable, a peace that surpasses all understanding AND a guarantee that all my needs will be met. I have oodles of really good brothers and sisters in Christ and a core group of others who are even closer friends.
I have stored up a lot of treasures in heaven BUT nothing compared to what the Lord has planned for me because of my willingness to say, yes Lord, here I am.
I am beyond blessed.
but things are not what they appear to be.
if anyone who wouldn' know you would read your posts they'd think you are all set $$ and that all is perfect in your life, you have no space for selfpity nor whining, you are just overjoyed and it shows
that's how He wants us to live, in his grace, in his joy , we'll still have our cross to carry, but, for Him, with Him, all is gain, there is no loosing
Muah!! more blessings your way friend
that's how He wants us to live, in his grace, in his joy , we'll still have our cross to carry, but, for Him, with Him, all is gain, there is no losing
you said it!
Muah!! more blessings your way friend
Gracias y Dios te bendiga muchisima!
Our missions pastor, who quit a secure teaching job in the public schools system to join the pastoral staff, has a very deep response when people ask him, "how are you doing?"
His response, "better than I deserve" applies to me as well and it is something i think about when i ponder my cirumstances.
Hi Cat! I have no doubt that your D6 will be ok with a mama like you, and the support of your community. I read a lot here more than I post and cry a lot of tears for everyone that's hurting, especially the kids. But loss is part of living, and I have faith that the "DB kids" will be alright given that their parents are dealing with the loss in the best ways they can and working on being happy themselves.
My personal version of God is everything--the universe around us, in all of us. And love that we all show each other is part of that big love, it feeds off love and grows. And pain and loss is part of that love: it's the ending that begins a new beginning. D6's tears water the ground for her new life. Just thought of this, off the top of my head so sorry if it's stupid--maybe buying her a little plant she could water to symbolize that?
yo cat, you got mail, I think.
I do? in the alternate universe? let me check C2H
thanks iam)))))) I know this is temporary and she is ok when she is there, it could be worse.
It breaks my heart when I read about your sweet D6. She's so lucky to have a mom like you and her dad is such a fool.
(((HUGS)))
cat the email function may not be working. you have a post awaiting you zumba, lol!
thanks K))) she is getting a bit better, my smart little girl, the sad part is that he is so out of touch with his kids he doesn't notice her much, I'd always had to tell him "xxx, the kids are talking to you" then he'd pay attention.
I won't go over the gory details, but I would like to nominate x for the biggest liar award. He lied about taking my son way too early out of school so he could go to the movies with him, and I mean he didnt' even get to have lunch at school. Long story short he told my son to keep it from me but I found out, as I talked to x he fired up lies one after the other not realizing he was contradicting himself. ARGHHH!! if he wants to be a lying scumbag good, but LEAVE my son out of it!! my son is a very noble sweet little guy who always tells me the truth. I hate it that x is making it so he keeps stuff from me.
I had a talk with son, told him that half truths and keeping the whole story is like lying, that he is a testimony to his dad and to think very well next time dad tells him to keep things from me.
That man is such a fool, thinking is no biggie to teach s11 to be deceiving.
To top things off I had to practically had an argument so he could take my d6 to the dr, he kept saying how broke he was, how he was paying me cs, etc etc. He did take her complaining, turns out she had strep, which he gave it to her since he had that last week... that was yesterday, the same day he went to the movies with son... he argued badly about how he didnt' have any money but sure had enough for the movies.
cat, praying for you for wisdom in dealing with X. Especially praying for d and s.
Bottom line, he is lost at this point, badly deceived. More than anything, he needs prayer to be poured out upon him day and night. God will deal with him and yes, do so lovingly and then more sternly as needed.
Keep pouring the truth in to your babies by being a living testimony, let your light shine AND He will minister to them. By the world's standards, my X is not a bad mom at all, not one bit.
BUT she bought into the lie, "if you are not happy, find happiness somewhere else, your kids will be alright."
Through MUCH prayer by many faithful people, my kids' faith has not been shattered. They see His faithfulness being manifested in my life. They see the Lord working over and over and over again in and around and through me. I am NOTHING special but I am willing.
It took time to forgive but my kids see the peace I have around X and her husband.
A study we are going through the TruthProgect.org (connected through focus on the family), described those who have bought into the lie as "Prisoners of War." Your X is a P.O.W.!
Stand your ground but pray 10 times more for him than what you nat be needing to say to him and God will act, often before you start to tell your blinded X what you so desperately want to tell him.
In the early days of separation and then divorce, I told my X what I knew she needed to hear and I think nearly every time, it blew up. Gradually, I started to take these issues to God first and He delt with it far better than I ever could. I have a long list if issues, incidents etc of where God moved X's heart to bring about a desired result without my having to say a word to her.
again, I am coming along side you in prayer.
A study we are going through the TruthProgect.org (connected through focus on the family), described those who have bought into the lie as "Prisoners of War." Your X is a P.O.W.!
that's the best way to put it! it is so true, I do feel pity for him. He sent me a txt by mistake, telling his gf how she was letting him down with her criticism, the very same kind then-ow used to drill into him, the same I vowed to banish in our M when he came back. Hope he sees the issues are still there, the ugliness didnt' go away with yet another person, he keeps trying to heal himself with someone new, will he ever learn?
Thanks for your prayers C2H, for his sake , for my kids sake, I hope he finds his way again.
hey cat (& iamlost)
look at what my pastor spoke about the other day. He started talking about psalm 126 which reminded me of what iamlost posted:
Psalm 126
A Song of Ascents.
1 When the LORD brought back the captivity of Zion,
We were like those who dream.
2 Then our mouth was filled with laughter,
And our tongue with singing.
Then they said among the nations,
“The LORD has done great things for them.”
3 The LORD has done great things for us,
And we are glad.
4 Bring back our captivity, O LORD,
As the streams in the South.
5 Those who sow in tears
Shall reap in joy.
6 He who continually goes forth weeping,
Bearing seed for sowing,
Shall doubtless come again with rejoicing,
Bringing his sheaves with him.
a commentary on this Psalm added this:
The beginnings of mercies encourage us to pray for the completion of them. And while we are in this world there will be matter for prayer, even when we are most furnished with matter for praise. Suffering saints are often in tears; they share the calamities of human life, and commonly have a greater share than others. But they sow in tears; they do the duty of an afflicted state. Weeping must not hinder sowing; we must get good from times of affliction. And they that sow, in the tears of godly sorrow, to the Spirit, shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting; and that will be a joyful harvest indeed.
Blessed are those that mourn, for they shall be for ever comforted. When we mourn for our sins, or suffer for Christ's sake, we are sowing in tears, to reap in joy. And remember that God is not mocked; for whatever a man soweth that shall he reap, Ga 6:7 to 9.
Here, O disciple of Jesus, behold an emblem of thy present labour and future reward; the day is coming when thou shalt reap in joy, plentiful shall be thy harvest, and great shall be thy joy in the Lord.
It is comforting to know that our sufferings are not random and without purpose.
Of EVEN greater comfort is the knowledge that God knows our hurts and knows even the number of tears we shed...
Psalm 56:8
8 You number my wanderings;
Put my tears into Your bottle;
Are they not in Your book?
thanks for posting this C2H, to remind me that all our sorrows he knows before hand. That's why I didn't call x and ripped him a new one for (ARGHHH!yet again!) telling kids to keep things from me. Long story short, he took kids to a movie that is pretty violent, that d6 shouldn't have seen, and told them not to tell me. For crying out loud, the girl already has trouble with lying at 6 and this is what he does! I was so mad, it was s11 who confided in me and told me not to get him in trouble, but since last time I was dissapointed he hid stuff from me he told me the truth, so I kept my mouth shut.
I might question d6 in an innocent way, but even if she spills the beans, if I talk to him, nothing will come off it, nothing ever came from so many MC sessions, he is and always was an accomplished liar, and nothing I'll say will change that..
All that is left, the only and best thing is to put this in God's hands, to live in d6 heart's and help her discern the good and bad, for me to teach her to be honest and plant a seed, this man is such a bad example...*sigh*
Well, they are with me tonight and I'm glad for that))))
pray for godly wisdom and get some advice from others who have had to deal with this kind of behavior.
He is not endangering their live so i can't see a court interfering when all he is doing is lying (of course it is despicable!)
Truly something to keep in prayer and ask God to give you wisdom and guidance over and about.
I really do feel so sorry for him, he is only going to hurt himself in the long run.
Dahling...I've not been on board much lately--how are you? Just wanted you to know someone's thinkin' about ya. Hope you're having the best summer in years!
oh my sweets))))))))))) my old battle buddy
thanks for checking in on me, I was actually going to post after a long hiatus, but overall all is well in catland..
After so many months, D being filed on Jan, the D will come through any day now, his L had me approved a tiny change, I had to print the paperwork and had to hand it to x 2 days ago without fanfare, he will need it for his August wedding. MIL told me about it, I guessed his August trip was because of that but still felt a small but hard kick in the gut.
My healing has come a long way, but here and there are thin patches where it is still tender...it's been barely 1.5 since the S, barely 7mths since I lost of hope of reconciling... I've come to many conclusions since...
... I will (for the most part) stop trying to patch together the whys and whens, as his soul/mind was ravaged by depression, OW dependency, loss of God -- nothing will ever make sense in a neat timeline.
... he and I have nothing in common anymore, I dont' love him he long ago decided his love for me was non-existent... He has became a man I wouldn't have in a golden platter
...the best years of his life he had with me, I had a H who loved me dearly and was able to raise my children for 11yrs together... I will smile when thinking of them
...he's a sad wretch, yet again curing himself with a bad woman, his debt is horrible, he doestn eat well nor can afford to eat out, his car is broken and can't fix it, if she doesn't get a job they are screwed big time, he knows he is in a nosedive.
I dont' wish him ill, hope for the kids sake things shape up for him, at what degree I dont' know as his old demons are still with him. AFter so many months of only necesary txts we had a txt dual the other day, after I said I'd give him his "precious" D papers he wondered "why the anger", I'm not angry anymore but if I were I'd had good reasons, it doen'st register to him that the hurt took a long time to heal and it's not yet 100%.
Long story short he tells me how he "dislikes" dealing with me and my "judging and nagging". It sort of hurt to hear that, but then again I do dislike when I have to deal with him, specially when he tells kids to hide stuff from me. So, what did I want? that he liked communicating with me? with gf telling him I'm manipulating kids? I dont' care, whatever. He ended up saying how if I thought his life was a party it wastn', he hated being broke and not taking kids anywhere the whole summer as he has no car and rides to work on her motorcycle...well, the thing is, he is getting married in Vegas, how the hell can he afford to fly there, stay there for prob a few days and NOT fix his car? liar, the same low liar he's always been...
He says he is trying to do the best with what's left of him, I sort of believe that, but also says he doesnt' have the power to change anything in his life right now and that he either makes it or sinks... I dont' care anymore, I do feel bad for my kids as whatever happens to him will affect them, I do pray hard for them and will do a better job at instill in them good morals and show them the right way, so they may choose what's right.
I do feel much much more detached from him thanks to those txts, I now remember what he's become and I wouldnt' want him for the world... I'm better off now.
Wonderful tidbit I learned in DivorceCare -- I go now and then, I'll go today -- something about finding a partner. That to find your partner, you have to find God because he knows where your partner is... they told a story of a missionary lady that after decades retired, she was single. She was asked why she didn't marry, didnt' God listened to her? did she ask for an H? she said "yes, I did ask God for a good H, and He listened, the one who fail was the man who would've been my H, God called him but he didnt' listened." and with that, I took down my profile on a dating site, I want nothing for now anyways, but if God sees it fit he'll send me the right person, if not, I have ..slowly.. reached to the conclusion that I can be happy if I remain single forever.
I also learned that for every 4yrs of M you need 1 year of healing (and waiting before heading to a new R), I'm half way there, lol!
All in all I'm good, money sort of tight and unexpected expenses came about, but I'll be ok, thanks to dear Lord my d6 doesnt' cry anymore and goes fine to her dad's , thank you dear God for that again!
To end this harangue I'd like to say that if you find yourself brooding at night or when you wake up, turn it into a prayer and tell it to God, pour yourself out, and then thank Him for he is already working on the solution. HUGs)))))))))))))))))
That to find your partner, you have to find God because he knows where your partner is.
Tony Evans say, "Find the Lord, and He'll find the mate!" I've taken that to heart.
I'm glad you've found DC as it really helped me.
if you find yourself brooding at night or when you wake up, turn it into a prayer and tell it to God, pour yourself out, and then thank Him for he is already working on the solution.
Sweet Cat--this is so true.
You *have* come a long, long way. And I'm so glad you're no longer bound in his web of lies. He sounds miserable. And you do not!!! Mwah!
Cat,
You sound good, He sounds sad.
I have found that the more healed I am, the more compassion I have for my X (and her husband).
I too am grateful for the DC group; found sooo much there to help me. (Still working on getting a group started at my church)
Three years ago this month, my X moved out. Three years ago a journey began that has been unbelievably rich in spite of the fact that the divorce has cost me everything.
By the way, God has been 100% faithful and He can handle our desires to be in a God centered relationship. (let’s look at this comment in about 4 years and see how it turned out).
Keeping you prayer.
tnx friend, we've gained so much in our journey, I love my life, I love being closer to God and know that all will be ok no matter what.
It ain't easy but the journey can be filled with blessings. When it is darkest and facing an impossible situation, to see God come through in ways only He can, reassures us that we will be fine.
Going through my own trials at the moment but He is still on the throne. Send you a note in a minute or two
Cat,
I looked over the horizon and saw a luminescent bright orange glow. I had to investigate this "eastern lights phenomenon". I wasn't surprised that the warmth and glow was emanating from you. I am so proud of your progress! I don't kick down these cyber cobblestones much anymore but had to visit out of curiousity one of the "sanity sisters".
he and I have nothing in common anymore, I dont' love him he long ago decided his love for me was non-existent... He has became a man I wouldn't have in a golden platter
I am sure you mean't on a golden platter but just the same I had to snicker a little with "IN". I suspect you might take him "In" a golden platter...he would be much safer to himself and others around him.
...well, the thing is, he is getting married in Vegas, how the hell can he afford to fly there, stay there for prob a few days and NOT fix his car? liar, the same low liar he's always been...
I think Vegas is the perfect place for him to recondition some vows. I think just the stale smell of cheap cigars and whiskey should cement any sort of promises he might share.
Anyway Cat, You should also put those prayers into praise, not only to God but someone equally deserving.....YOU....peace
whapu))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I've been looking high and low for you!!!! you tease! how can you show up without a little update on you?? how are you for goodness sake! what's going on? you are in my prayers and whatever is going on I pray is part of a plan in your life for good ...even if it doesn't look like it now.
I can't believe I missed your posts back in October.
Lol about the in/on platter, even in a golden platter I wouldnt' want him, ha ha.
I think Vegas is the perfect place for him to recondition some vows. I think just the stale smell of cheap cigars and whiskey should cement any sort of promises he might share.
Only you could give that piece of news a perfect spin
A big hug for you, praying to God that you have peace))))))))))))))
Hey Cat,
I was looking all over for you and finally found you. Sorry to hear that your H has messed up his life so much. But I am very happy to hear how healthy you sound. I know D is not easy and you're dealing with your kids and your H marring his whore, but you are handling it beautifully!
I hope you check in soon and let us know how you're making out.
wow! my thread is alive, lol, I am a mega lurker here now. Hugs to you ps)))))))) it's been so long! Well, I am now another casualty of the bad economy, was laid off late July, asides from the fact that I was loosing my bread/butter it hurt so much to say bye to my friends of 8 years. I cried so hard that day, lol, I told myself I wouldnt but the moment I went into each office to say bye I lost it. Was like a tiny D, loosing that familiarity and assurance I had everyday.
But God has been taking care of me. I got some severance and I found someone who is renting a room downstairs, so that helps a lot! There are not many jobs I can apply to, I am taking some classes online next week because 99% of the employers want web design experience and the core of my experience is printed media, I need to update my skills.
Kids doing great, I got to have them during the day for half the summer, so that was awesome. X is still X, I txt most times & try not to talk to him over the phone and in person, it has paid off, I dont' feel a thing when I see him, his, jeez, w still out of state so no drama as of now, but I do know there will be lots of incidents when she comes back on December with her 2 kids... I just pray hard for my children, they are my focus and I know it will be something else to get used to living with her kids, so I put them in God's hands daily.
Overall I'm doing great, I'm keeping busy, I don't get as melancholic as I used to, don't notice couples/families with sadness as I used to (ok, maybe 1%, he he) My family cleaned up my laundry room which x took over with his junk and never cleaned it when he left, if feels so good to see that area totally changed, freshly painted and none of his junk reminding me of him. I have a new life and I will make a conscious efford of enjoying what I do have everyday.
I will shut up now with this quote from a mom who's 2nd and 3rd sons where born with an extensive cranial/facial deformity "I do not have the pefect family I imagened I would have, but it is the perfect family I needed."
I've outgrowed him.
Cat,
I wondered how things were going with you. I am glad that you sound good, sorry about the job. Things will pick up for you. Good that the laundry room is back in order as are many things in your life ... coming along.
I just wanted you to know that I am proud of you and most thankful for all of the help that you offered to me during my darkest days. I read the books that you recommended and they did help me get past the pain.
As for me, I am moving along I guess as best I can. Had a court date in March 2009. That was supposed to be it but ex went Pro Se and then NEVER finalized the divorce! My attorney recommended that I wait for a while to see if he would do it. He still hasnt so, the attorney called and said ,"True to form, he didnt follow through so are you ready to ?" After a run in with ex this weekend, I am totally ready.
Will spare you the details and further "hijack" but suffice it to say, there have been many touch and goes, much more face time and he ended up sleeping at my house on Friday night and then promptly going to other woman's all day Saturday with my kids in tow... yup you read it right... it is way past the time for me to get off of this rollercoaster, gingerale and pepto cant even help. lol
Attorney and I have a date in two weeks and then it will finally be done.
God is awesome and I am so glad that He is near to you. Hugs.
I rarely come here but miss you much.
ever))))))))) it's been so long! I'm glad the books helped you dear friend, there is still some road left to cover as the D is yet to be final, but I'm glad you've decided that you've had enough and there will be no more limbo.
I barely come in here as well, would love to keep in touch with you, I'm on facebook and on f t i o , well, haven't been there in ages but my info is there and I can post my email or something there to keep in touch. Blessings your way))))
An hr ago I went to see my d6 off to school from x's house, and what do I see right in front of the door? (he left it open, I did not go in) a wedding gown in a cover, obviously from his August wedding... I did feel a little weird... I was pretty sure they got married wearing cheap tank tops by Elvis, ha ha. According to his mom lots of money was wasted on that trip, I told her I didnt' want to know the details, I dont' want to care at all about his foolishness. When we went to Vegas in 06 we saw an outdoor wedding at a posh hotel, I guess that's were the $$ money went-- neither his nor her family attended.
It just struck me that my s11 hasn't mentioned it, he must know by now.
Ok, this has turn into a vent and I didnt' mean it that way, I"m mostly bothered because yesterday he wouldn't pay me -- the unemployed one -- back 10$ for medicine I got my son on HIS day with him, (since x has no car I had to drive my son from x's house to the dr). He still has no car but he was able to afford an expensive wedding...wait, he's an arse! ok, that explains it all, he he.
Ok, enough time wasted on him, you all have a great great day/week/life
Wow Cat,
It is amazing how they change, huh? Amazing that we are usually the last ones to realize that they have changed because we just keep hoping that what we see with our eyes is not what we feel in our hearts. I dont remember by f t i o password but i want to stay in touch with you. will you be on at all tomorrow?
crud, I'm here now but it's pretty late adn I dont' see your emoticon being active
I'll try to sign in tomorrow at 11pm eastern time, hope you are around.
Amazing, not a problem lately with him --mostly because she is out of state-- and now exMIL tells me that he told her when his W comes back she will be the one "dealing with me", meaning he will leave her to do all talking the parenting desicions...why? because , according to exMIL he can't deal with anything else...(insert scream here) I knew he was a coward but not this extreme. If I wanted to make his live a living hell I would've, but you all know how much I've forgiven and how accomodating I've been ...heavens, this totally tops it all...I could say a million things, I swear...
exMIL thinks he's going to crack soon and loose it... she does not think the kids are in danger but I made her promise to think of the kids first and tell me if the time comes when I need to remove the kids from his care.
I've been racking my brain preparing myself for when the coward tells me that woman will be talking to me. I will NOT talk nor deal with her at ALL. Unless something else comes up I'm thinking of telling him that I'll file for full custody and will send child services to his disgusting townhome (his several animals poop indoors & it never gets cleans up, they eat upstairs because the downstairs is full of flies) if he doesn't want to bother to co-parent, that should shut him up.
Yikes, so much for being a lurker :P !
Cat--just saw your post on BeingMe's thread...do we possibly have any mutual DB 'friends'? I'm lookin' for ya!
oh man! girly))))) I don't think so
I'm there with my first and middle name, wonder if we can get on some chat room to exchange info! would love to see you in FB!
wanna hear the latest from exH? you won't believe it~! after he married this trashy woman in a hurry, in Vegas spending thousands of dollars back in August, he realized in December he made a mistake and is trying to divorce her, HA! they were both stupid with their credit cards and now owe 78,000... she never seemed to have a job, after their bankrupcy meeting STILL charged stuff on ccs... anyways, she won't leave her gravy boat and he is sick of her but wants to claim her kids before he divorces her...and she wont' go down without a fight... now he'll truly learn what a woman scorned behaves like on a D... I was totally reasonable but she is one heck of a viper...
Anywho! I'm doing awesome, still unemployed but my cup runneth over and I m doing great, enjoying my college classes while job hunting.
Hugs))) hope we find each other toots
Wow Cat, that is hilarious!!! Sit back and enjoy the show! LOL
Very very sad. But how do you know that stuff? Aren't you glad you don't still own your house with him??!! Criminy.
What a train wreck! I'm so glad you're not still in the front seat of that mess--yikes.
Look at you finding joy in the journey. You're an amazing woman.
So. I have an idea. I replied to a post by someone who likes zumba on another board, but I don't think she's been there for awhile. Maybe check it out?
(((Cat)))
You can thank Heaven you're no longer tied to his insanity. Yes, just sit back and smile.
bright_new_day))))) yep, it's a freak show alright!
Oldtimer, you have no idea how relieved I felt knowing his name isn't in the house!! thanks sooooo much... when you first suggested I buy him out I thought it was not a good idea, but after learning they are going to court and everything he owns was scrutinized...boy!!
I get all the scoop from his mom (she complains 'cause how rotten x's W is), I visit her and bring the kids to see her... then my son tells me stuff (stuff I already know and wish ex would keep to himself)... then... lo and behold! ex told me too, he is that sick of the sitch... of course I dont' press for details even if I'm curious, I just tell him good luck and if there isnt' any kids' business to talk about I bid him adiou... I am not his emotional blanket and confidant anymore...he just likes to run his mouth. I do wish her out of the kids' lives though, they are very unhappy with her, and her kids haven't seen her since before Christmas, so it's probably best for all involved if she leaves.
Aud, let me check it out, hope I find ya!
NoCode, it's sure a relief I don't have to live with this man who lives his life depending on which emotion hijacks his brain... I do feel sorry for him, wish he shaped up and be a better example for the kids, my poor son worries so much as his dad keeps telling him how low on money he is, they barely ever go out and have just enough food in the house.
Aud, No luck finding that person, anyhow... do you know what Madonna's child name is? it is pretty peculiar, it's also a city in France named after a virgen... yes sir. The middle name of this person I know is the same as JFK's wife, except instead of a "qu" it was spelled with a "ck", I don't know why people do that, give kid's names weird spelling, makes their lives hard!
Cat---I got it!!!
Sorry, should have left an update there. Will drop a line today just in case. Does your friend by chance own hot pair of sunglasses?
hon, read my earlier post...hint hint
I did find our mutual friend just now, and nope, I don't have contact with her in fb
Wow, hey there cat. I've been catching up as best I can on you and root :-)
A lot has happened! You sound great and I hope you feel as great as you sound. You def deserve some peace so I'm glad you have it!
Hey Cat,
It's been a long looooong time...
I just read through your sitch and can't believe all the garbage your XH got himself into. It sounds like he has a difficult time separating his brain from his impulses. I'm sure glad you are in a mentally healthy place. And not making horrible mistakes. Ugh!
How weird that TL writes "root"... is that about me? Or maybe there's another root? I haven't been on here in... gosh.. a year??? I mean it seems like forever! Anyhow, it's really nice to be back here and just seeing the names I recognize. It's like running into old friends...
more of my favorite people in my old old post!!
toughlover ))))))))) toots! how are you my dear? how nice to see you here!, yes, with God's blessing i'm doing well, hope you are doing awesome as well, what ever happened to you if I may ask, still with your W? i pray that any decision made was for the best hon.
root luv))))))) I was just thinking of you, wondering where you are and how are things going for you ! hope you are doing great and being happy!
To anyone in FB, hints about my screen name there are in the above posts. Anyways, yes root! it's like seeing the faces of old friends when I see your names, MUA!! hope to hear form you again!
To make a long story short, it got ugly, very, ex got a restraining order, crazy W called his work trying to get him fired by saying he hit her, etc etc, she is now out of the house and he is getting a L, 'cause it will be ugly on court, the woman is a viper and I pray she never is near my kids again. He came over, for a min or so to drop kids off, had to talk to the cops here who when to his hosue to serve the order. If he looses his job we are all screwed big time... heck, i'll even testify in his behalf if that helps get her out of my kids' lives...plus I honestly dont' want to see him ruined cause he isnt a bad person, just very lost and in need of finding himself.
Well, maybe look on the bright side -- in one way it is nice that you can now have some genuine influence on how things go.
Ughhhhh!!!!
And great job with the compassion! It's good for you and the kids. You have a big strong heart.
thanks... he asked me why I dont hate him...
Anywho, the funny part is how he attempts (I dont' let him ramble on) to complain about how she did this and that... and I have to remind him (without rubbing in) how he did the same things to me and that prob I'm not the right person to vent with... to what he replies abashed "oh, that's right... karma"
well, I don't write on my thread anymore...i'm a mega lurker checking on my ol' peeps, school and kids and freelancing have me tied up, but I just had to post this... to those who know my saga you might remember ex remarried another gf whom he meet for a few weeks, a horrible person who was mean and a total piece of trash... well... she is still stalking him... they've been separated 5mths now and she still won't give him an address to file for D which he desperately wants, still ranking up high dr. and dental bills to which he is still accountable for... comes to leave love notes or play with the dogs through the fence when he isn't there... she called child services on him to try to make him lose the kids, etc etc, all she can do to screw him up she is doing.
Anywho... long story short, yesterday he texts me that her ex had been calling my son's cell (it was hers and he gave it to my son)... turns out...the WHOLE time she was cheating on ex with her ex... she was having an A on him...
wow...
if that don't beat all... someone cheated on him... I wonder how it felt to him, was it the same blinding pain I felt?... though last time he talked to me about her he said that if she showed up and no one was there to stop him he'd kill her.
Justice is served my friends... not today, not tomorrow, but what goes around comes around... and if your ex's don't get their share in this life one day they will answer for everything they've done.
I don't rejoice to hear his misfortunes...i'm beyond that... plus he still has my kids part of the week, he decided to go back to IC... I want my kids to be happy with a healthy dad... don't know if that's going to happen... he is still broke as heck... his mom is dying and is the only one helping him right now with his finances and other affairs... she has one year to live... I dont' want to think what's going to happen when she is gone, he literally has no one else, his sister and him don't have a great R, they don't hate each other but don't see each other much.
And that was my update..phew! will go back to my horrible homework now, lol, i'm doing all I can to avoid it... thank heavens for it though... I know I'm getting closer to my BA degree which should help me to get a job, my unemployment has run out and I need something pronto... but God is good and he is providing, have a few freelance clients and my tenant... hope the economy improves soon for us all. Huge hugs to all)))))
Good to hear from you Cat!
"what goes around comes around... and if your ex's don't get their share in this life one day they will answer for everything they've done." - cat03
I hope this is true.
What are you getting your BA in?
((((Cat)))))
Love hearing from ya'. Hugs and blessings.
hugs back at you NoC))))))
I'm getting my BA in information Systems with a minor in web development... the server stuff is so technical makes me want to cry, lol
Hi hope!! hope you are doing well hon_))
Hi hope!! hope you are doing well hon_))
Doing great Cat. Life is good!
I pop in here quick in the mornings to follow a few remaining threads.
Good luck with the degree.
Hi lovely Cat--just popped in and read your update. Wow. Just wow. I hope the IC helps him out, it's a sad thing to see someone else go through all that...but I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE NOT HAVING TO DEAL WITH ALL THIS!!! xoxo
Hey Cat, just popping my head in here and noticed you're studying IS and web stuff. That's what I've done all my life so if you need help with stuff let me know