Saturday was totally evil.
Got myself very stressed out the last couple days with the stuff I'm still struggling with.
Went for a massage today. That helped a lot. Had lunch with R and took a nice study break which also helped a lot.
I can't believe my exam starts tomorrow! Eeek. Lol.
STBXH hasn't sent me the last documents for the taxes. Joy. Ah well, I'll harass him about them on Friday. I really want them done before I leave for Ireland!
(((everyone)))
Michelle,
Good luck on your exams! Hang in there LT!
Hey, you'll do great, dont worry. You are so smart and worked hard (ok, maybe you could have cut back a little with the in-bed exercises with R but WTF, you are only 22-23?
).
When are you leaving for Ireland?
xxx
GOOD LUCK!!!
K
(((((Michelle)))))
Good luck!
(((((Good Luck, Michelle!!!))))) 
Good luck!!! I know you'll do great.
Well, one day down. 2 to go. Ugh.
I feel like my brains oozed out my ears.
I'm making chicken something or other with something for dinner. I need food.
((((((Michelle))))))
Yummmmm! Chicken something or other with something! That sounds great!
((((LT))))
I'm late but GOOD LUCK!!!!
L. xx
LOL Jeff. Turned out to be chicken marsala with rice and corn. R helped. It was awesome.
2 days down. One to go.
Having leftovers for dinner tonight.
No word from STBXH of course.
(((everyone)))
By the time you read this, you will be done! Yipee!
HUGS!
(((((Michelle)))))
Yes, I am done!
Yay.
Hopefully forever lol.
((((((Hugs everyone)))))))
Well done Michelle !!!!! You have worked so hard.. what you going to do now, party like its 1999 as Prince would say, ha
Al xxx
Good Job!!!!
Party time, YES!!!!
xxx
K
Well done Michelle! I hope you're rocking the house this weekend with the celebrations.
L. xx
Been doing a bit of cooking, drinking, and hanging out with friends. So, all good.
Now I gotta start packing for my vacation! I will be gone from the 3d through the 23rd. Yay!
I ditto - the well done, Michelle! Bravo!! Off to Ireland already ... hhmmm, guess it is March isn't it. Ah, I envy you, a real vacation, with good company
HAVE A WONDERFUL TIME!!!! Think of us!
Have fun! Take pictures!
((((((Michelle))))))
Have a wonderful time, you have certainly earned it.
((((hugs))))
Well, papers went to the courthouse, but couldn't be filed cuz f*tard forgot to file his fee waiver and I wasn't about to pay $280 on his behalf.
So, called and texted him trying to set up a meet to give him all the paperwork and copies so he can file while I'm gone.
No response yet.
I am of course packing my camera.
I will take pics and post them as soon as I can. I will miss you all!
(((everyone)))
Wow!! So close, you're sssooo close. DAM!
Hey .. have a brilliant time in Ireland !!!!!
Cant believe that came around so quick.. gee time flies lately. Yes... post pics!!! Drink Guinness, etc !
Al xxx
I won't say that I hope because I am positive you are having a FABULOUS time in Ireland!!!
Can't wait to hear all about your trip!
(((((Michelle)))))
((((LT))))
I hope Ireland is/was fantastic- I've been keeping an eye on the weather over there and it hasn't been as rainy as usual from what I can tell. I hope you've had/are having a ball!
L.xx
I think she brought the sunshine with her from Cali!
Where is the long post you promised?
S
I don't think she's back yet.
Yesterday was my travel day.
7 hours on a plane to Philly.
4 1/2 hour layover.
6 hours on a plane to San Francisco.
BART to Berkeley, then R picked me up from the train station and drove me the rest of the way back (about an hour and 15 min).
It was a LONG day.
I'm currently halfway functional and doing laundry.
There's something funky with the router though, so I'm using the internet in my roommate's room.
I'll put together a post ASAP.
Missed you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
((((((((((everyone)))))))))))
((((((Michelle))))))
Glad you made it back safe!
What a trip you must have had!
Ok, so........we need details of the trip girlfriend!!
We probably won't be able to handle those details!!!!
Okay, so still fighting with my internet at home. It's causing severe interference with my online life. LOL.
Basic rundown.
R went with me for the first 10 days. Stayed in Dublin 2 days, then rented a car and did a loop down the east coast, across to Cork, up to the west to Galway, then back to Dublin. We saw castles, caves, the Cliffs of Moher, and plenty of pubs. It was gorgeous and we not only didn't kill each other, we got along pretty darn well lol. We both hit points where we wanted a little personal space, which is hard to get when you have one small hotel room and one sub-compact car and only 1 key to each. R flew home and I started my bus tour. I missed him a ton. I definitely got used to having him around.
Did a 3 day loop of Ireland, back to Dublin for St Patty's Day, then a 3 day loop of Northern Ireland. St Patty's Day was awesome. They had a great parade and I spent the rest of the day hanging out mostly at a pub that had live music and dancing going. On the bus I saw a lot more castles, made a couple good friends, and met some people I'd be happy to never see again. Slept in huge dorm room hostels with 11 to 15 other people, attempted to sleep might be a better description of some nights.
It was definitely an amazing trip. Well worth all the time and money. I think am finally back on a normal schedule.
Worked Thursday at my retail job. I should be back at my full-time internship starting Wednesday.
I haven't heard from STBXH. He was supposed to be filing the papers while I was gone. We also need to finish the taxes. I probably should shoot him an e-mail and see what's up.
I started posting pics on my normal FB account. I'll add them to my secret identity one shortly
Hey Michelle, Sounds like a wonderful vacation!!!
Good to hear that you & R are still alive!! I bet it was trying at times, one does get used to personal space - that's for sure. Back to reality now - huh. Yet, it always feels good to get home. We all missed you!
Sounds AWESOME! I've always dreamed of going to Ireland and Scotland and tracing some of my family roots. I will look up the pics in the alt.
Welcome back!
Well I logged onto FB today to update more pics and ended up signing right off.
STBXH and the SBW / TAP got back together. Ugh.
I guess him saying "that" was a period of his life he'd rather forget didn't last. Shock surprise.
Somehow it still disgusts me. I thought he was actually taking care of himself for a while there.
At any rate, yes, it was a great trip. I am glad to be home though. I am thoroughly enjoying having a kitchen again. Made tacos the other night, french toast for breakfast a couple days ago, and brownies.
Internet is still being a pain.
I WILL catch up with you all at some point when I have reliable internet and time to read. Promise!
(((everyone)))
Hi Michelle!!!
Welcome back! I like the part about you and R getting along well. I saw some pictures of him and I really like him. He seems smart and charming...(I describe ONLY the parts I can see).
Your trip sounded great!!
xxx
K
I am glad you are back. All our "old group" went on a 12 step programm and kicked the DB addiction.
I haven't heard from STBXH. He was supposed to be filing the papers while I was gone. We also need to finish the taxes. I probably should shoot him.
Fixed that paragraph for you....
Sounds like you had quite a trip! I am jealous of both of you!
UGH, the TAP is back huh? Well, SO not your problem, right?
I like Jeff's rework of your paragragh.
"I probably should shoot him"....
ROFLMAO!!!!
Virtually...you ARE the wit, aren't you???
Loved it...my first bust out laugh of the day....
Valentine
LOL
That is good.
And true!
Chick I love ur use of U2 lyrics...they are my all-time favorite band...
Vali
Hey Michelle,
I haven't been here in a while, but might it not be time to just pull the trigger yourself? He needs to go.......
For all-time favorite bands I have a bit of a tie.
U2 obviously with Metallica, Bon Jovi, and Dire Straits.
Papers are all filled out and even signed. And now they are hopefully filed. I was not going to pay $280 when I qualify for a fee waiver just because he hadn't gotten his papers filled out correctly. He SAID he'd file them while I was gone. I need to find out if/when he did.
I suspect it's more of an if. He seems to be slipping back into his depression again and he never has the energy to take care of things when he is depressed. He is not talking to family and friends, back with OW yet again, drinking heavily, etc etc etc. It's especially sad to see this time as he was doing well for a while there.
At any rate, went to a concert on Saturday night with my mom. Group called Thriving Ivory. Alternative rock. R described them as Coldplay and Lifehouse meets the Cure.
OMG, what a combo! Coldplay and Lifehouse meets the Cure! All faves! U2 is coming here in October and I'm chomping at the bit to get tickets! They go on sale on Monday morning.
Glad you had a good time. Your mom liked the concert?
Seems like your H is in a downward spiral, that he cannot stop. That is sad.
Sounds like you recovered from your jet lag .... out all night with your mom!!
OMG So jealous. I would LOVE to see U2 in concert! I'm tempted to fly out lol.
My mom liked the concert. Sitting through the two opening acts, not quite as much. But we had a good time chatting over dinner and then at the concert (when it wasn't too loud to attempt to talk lol).
I am recovered from my jet lag and back at my legal stuff. Today was my first day back. I am getting settled in and trying to get up to speed on some current projects.
I e-mailed STBXH on Sunday asking if he filed the D papers and when we could work on the taxes. No response yet.
Talked to SIL today. We're going to a concert together at the end of the month. She complained a bit that STBXH is not talking to her and that he is so wishy washy. She saw he got back together with TAP and was digusted. She thinks under all his annoyance at her neediness and clinginess that he secretly needs someone to depend on him. I guess by doing my GAL stuff I actually did the anti-DB thing in my situation, as it obviously hasn't worked.
As much as that hurts though, I need to be in a balanced and loving R, and I'm not sure he'll be capable of that for a long time.
I hear ya sister! You need loving and balanced, he needs neurotic and sick!
It all balances out in the end.
If you want to see U2 on your end of the country at least they will be at the Rose Bowl on 25OCT. Ok, so it's an 8 hour drive or a 5 hour flight. You decide! I'd be more than happy to host you here though if you want to come this direction. Have you ever been to Atlanta?
I have never really been to Atlanta. I have flown in and out of Atlanta. When my STBXH was at Ft Benning.
The Rose Bowl eh? I need to check out their concert dates and see if my friends want to go. I'd SO go to SoCal for U2! It's only 1 1/2 hours by plane...I got the round-trip ticket to go to visit my SIL at the end of the month for $160...
I was gone for training last time they made it to Cal and I swore I'd see them next time around if they came anywhere west of the Missisippi LOL.
Hey Michelle,
Wow your trip sounds ace !!! I've never been to Ireland although it isnt far for me and I would really like to. My ex has family in Dublin and we meant to go stay with them before we split, damn!
As for STBX, I am sorry he got back with her, thats not nice, seeing as she was instrumental in failing to reconcile with him. Its not surprising you were hurt to hear that. Interesting that you continue to hear reports of him not being ok, depressed, unhappy, avoidant, drinking alot.. I sometimes think these guys just are like that.. that they perked up for a while there with us, then slipped back to their old ways once the R ended! You know? Anyway, your H as in my ex did also experience some tough times which precipitated a crisis I guess and they are just not doing enough to sort themselves out (like remaining single, going to IC and working on their issues!!! Nope, just fall into the arms of needy OW instead).
Glad that R is proving to be such a nice bloke, I agree with K, he looks it on FB.
Al xxx
Well, we will all need to get together someplace. Maybe for Kalni's 40th birthday in Greece!
Yeah, it did hit me that he's back with her. Proof that I'm still working through some of this stuff I suppose.
I am feeling the need to write a letter to him. To get some things out. To explain what I have gone through the last years, to express some of my emotions, to get more closure. I still have so many questions for him, which I'm not sure he'll ever answer. But lately I feel compelled to ask them.
And he still hasn't replied to my e-mail about the D papers or the taxes, which have to be done by April 15th of course. I can find out about the papers from the courthouse, but I suspect he hasn't bothered. *sighs* Why do I have to do everything? He left me for God's sake!
Well, I drafted a lot of the crap that has bouncing around inside my head. Thoughts?
"I've been doing a lot of thinking over this last month. Going on the trip to Ireland with the backpack you bought me stirred up a lot of thoughts and emotions.
I thought I needed you. For years, I depended on you emotionally. I believed you were the best man I had ever met, and that I was so lucky to have you. I believed I would never find anyone else who could compare to you. I waited for you when the military took you away from me.
I even waited for you when you rejected me for someone else, convinced that if I was only patient enough you would see how much I loved you, how devoted I was, and how much I needed you, that you would remember our marriage and the promises we made to each other and our love and you would come back. And I told myself I would forgive you and take you back, because I had promised to be there for you forever, and I loved you, and I needed you.
But I recently realized something. I don't need you. I thought I did, but I am getting along on my own just fine. I have a good life, even without you in it. At first, I was surprised, but then I realized that people have to be complete on their own before they can have a healthy and balanced relationship with another. And so I am working on being a happy and healthy and complete me.
I think there will always be a part of me that loves you, after so many years I am not sure it is possible to stop. But for me, that love is overshadowed by the lies, omissions, and cheating, and the arguments that followed my discoveries. I was devastated by your abandonment. And I was devastated all over again when you did it again last June. I was so angry, but that gave me the strength to begin to move on.
I never wanted a divorce. I went into this marriage believing it would be forever. But what we have had for the last two years is not much of a marriage. And I am sorry for my part in it's breakdown.
I hope you find happiness within."
(((((((Michelle)))))))
How do you feel now that you have written it out?
I feel a bit better for getting it on paper. Less random thoughts flying around my head distracting me at work.
I am wondering if it will be at all productive to send it. Something is urging me to.
(((GF)))
Glad to see you are still floating around even if you aren't starting a new thread.
Even though I have nothing to really share about my sitch at this time, I continue to float around because I still care about many of you.
I'm glad you feel better about getting it out, though I'm not sure what good it would do should you decide to send it. I understand how it would be good for YOU, but the reaction/response you *might* receive may not.
You've got everything going for you, sweets. Your intelligence, your career, your life....everything....
Perhaps holding on to the backpack drudged up some old feelings of what you once held on to before - belief and hope for your M? Then after hearing the latest, those old feelings were crushed yet again, sort of?
It's ok to remember all the good things you were devoted to - you can hold your head up high because of that and many other reasons, undoubtedly, and IMHO, that's all the affirmation you or anyone else really needs - the belief you have in yourself.
(((((Michelle)))))
I'm glad you feel better about getting it out, though I'm not sure what good it would do should you decide to send it. I understand how it would be good for YOU, but the reaction/response you *might* receive may not.
Frankly, I don't feel like I have anything to lose if he reacts badly. And it doesn't have the perhaps thought-provoking impact if I don't send it lol.
Michelle,
where is R in all of this? Are you holding on to the dream? What's going on sweets? Nothing can hold you down or back. Your life will be wonderful, trust me on this...
xxx
K
(((Michelle)))
The reaction you might get from him might further delay the process you are in. He's already being irresponsible regarding the D papers and the taxes, do you want to push him to keep holding off any end up still M'd to him and paying the IRS penalties? Just a thought.
I understand the catharsis of the letter. I do. Now, do yourself a favor and burn it. Giving it to him won't accomplish anything really.
You are such a strong, powerful, soulful woman. Keep showing that beautiful spirit and put this chapter of your life behind you.
Oh yeah.........GET RID OF THE BACKPACK!
It's such a nice backpack though. A $400 external frame backpacking pack! And it's even my favorite color - green!
Yes, but it holds too much connection for you doesn't it? It seems to be the catalyst for your current frame of mind.
Hmmm not so much the backpack itself, but going on the trip.
That was always supposed to be our trip.
When we started dating, he had a packing list for Ireland in his notebook. And then it changed to "we'll" go.
And we never did. Because when I started planning the trip, he started drifting away.
And now he claims he never wanted to go, that it was always my dream.
Ahhh....I see. So, you made the trip because you wanted to or because it was the fulfillment of a joint dream?
I finished planning the trip because I wanted to go.
But I found myself sitting on the plane with R going "this isn't how it was supposed to work out"
Regardless, it was a great trip, and R is a lot of fun, and I have no regrets about going or inviting R to go.
It just is making me think.
Hey Michelle, Much of your letter & feelings I can relate to. I guess with each step forward there are times when those raging feelings come back.
What is your 1st goal?? To get taxes done, done D or send the letter?
Personally, it seems that your H is standing at the edge of a ledge right now.
Taxes obviously since those have to be done by the 15th.
But I can wait
Well, seeing as you still have so many unanswered questions.. maybe thats what yuo need for closure? If he cant meet yuo, or wont, or cant or wont answer.. then maybe then would be a time for a 'goodbye I'm doing fine without you' letter?
So what have you got to lose? How about asking him to meet to just talk about things so that you can draw a line under it and proceed with the D and wish him well?? Then make sure you ask the questions yuo need to ask, in a safe, non confrontational way and see what he says?
I am in the same frame of mind.. I am ok by myself, doing fine,lots of freinds, hobbies, plans, dreams still, but.. so many unanswered questions.
Al xxx
Sent another e-mail this AM. About the taxes.
Didn't mention the D papers....or anything else.
Sent it to all 3 e-mail addys I have for him. Last e-mail I only sent to his work one.
Men with depression are terrible with paperwork - aren't they?!?
Hope he replies to you soon
Got a text from STBXH. May be meeting him on Wednesday to do taxes.
Don't have a time or place settled yet.
Drill was very long this weekend.
I tired.
(((everyone)))
Sent STBXH a text last night asking when and where we were meeting tomorrow. No response yet.
In random news, I found out yesterday that my law review article which was published in 2007 is cited in a wikipedia article. LMAO. I guess I'm famous (note the sarcasm lol).
And my work almost wanted me to go to the Ukraine next month for a week. Unfortunately it conflicts with other work stuff and I can't.
But hopefully I'll get to do some more travel soon.
Law in the Ukraine? Cool! Not something I would have imagined. What kind of law does the practice, um...practice?
That's actually kind of neat about your article being cited in wikipedia. It's such fun to find yourself online when it doesn't involve something weird.
I'm working for a state agency, so we do a lot of stuff. Which is what I like, the variety keeps me from getting too bored lol.
STBXH got back to me. We're set to meet after work tomorrow. I can't wait to get the taxes done.
Hey Michelle.. so you're going to see him, how you feeling about that? Are you going to take the opportunity to say anything/ask anything, other than talk about taxes??
What you doing, meeting for lunch/dinner or just paperwork??
Al x
Well, now it's been bumped to Friday.
We were meeting at a coffee shop.
I have dinner plans with R friday night, so no dinner for STBXH and I. It'll be after we both get off work.
Taxes need to get sorted ASAP. Second priority is D papers. Then the rest of it. I still have questions, but they'll have to wait a little while longer.
Finally ...... huh!!! Don't put too much on his plate, he seems to scare off easily. Or one could call that not facing reality. Hope he doesn't change it on you ... again ... good luck!
Well, you know he can't really change it again by too much right? The 15th is looming large!
Heh.
That's what you think.
You obviously haven't been paying attention
One can live in hope! If he changes it too much and you miss the deadline then he can pay all the darned fines!
Heh. He would have to have money for that.
I'll just be happy if we get the darn thing filed Friday and I get to keep all the money to make up for the $$ I never saw last year.
My horoscope (very long for some reason lol):
A sense of humor ***
Valid during many months: This is such a pleasant influence that you may be inclined to sit back, enjoy it and do nothing. However, this is really a very important time in your life because you can reach out into new areas of life and have new and rewarding experiences. Your creative potential is enormous at this time, and you can very easily accomplish a great deal that would be difficult at other times. Your inner energies are strong, and you are full of self-confidence and the feeling that you can do anything.
This influence usually indicates good health and a feeling of well-being, although you may be inclined to put on weight if you are not careful. You may not feel inclined toward physical activity, but it would be a good idea to get some exercise. Make a particular effort to be outdoors. Hiking is a very beneficial activity at this time.
If you are inclined to physical activity, especially athletics, don't take foolish risks through overconfidence. This influence tends to make you overestimate your energies.
This is an excellent time for all financial matters. You will feel like making your surroundings appear more elegant, and you may spend quite a lot of money doing so. This is perfectly fine, and you should think positively in all ways, but don't let this concern with material acquisition blind you to some very real possibilities for inner growth.
Travel, either physically or mentally, often accompanies this influence. Take this time to broaden your understanding of the world around you. You have a strong interest in ideas that are different from what you normally know and encounter, and you are much more tolerant of different ways of living. Even people's usually irritating traits do not bother you at this time. Also your sense of humor is much greater than usual, and you can appreciate the dance of life in all its glory.
Michelle,
You might have said it, but did you pass the BAR exam. I'm sure you did. Did you get an attorney position yet. Time to pull the trigger on ex!
Your horror scope sounds quite uplifting & positive!!
Yeah, May 15th at 6 pm my results are posted.
Waiting on that to get a real attorney position.
Went to the gym tonight. Time for dinner!
I like Boston Legal. Will you get a cigar and a scotch at the end of each day too?
Hope your stbxH doesnt cancel again...
xxx
K
I like scotch...but not cigars. Of course, I like beer and wine even more. Hmmm choices choices. LOL.
I hope he doesn't cancel too. Time is running out til Tax Day.
tick tock tick tock....
I just recently discovered that cigars aren't half bad. LOVE scotch! Beer and wine are great! Vodka, rum, tequila....oh lordy! I sound like a lush!
Have a great night!
(((Michelle))))
The Ukraine would have been amazing- such a shame it didn't work out!
I hope it goes well with H tonight. It must have been a while since you saw him. Do you know how he's doing? If not, I guess you'll find out tonight anyway! I'm quite curious to see how on top of the taxes he is at least.
L. xx
PS> Don't knock Wikipedia based fame- isn't it the font of all knowledge these days?!!
Talked to STBXH on IM this morning. We finalized meeting plans for this evening, which will be out by where he lives since he took today off work and I was going out there for dinner.
The entertaining part is that R is taking me to dinner out there. So, R is kinda going along (as he's driving me out there). He's obviously going to have to fend for himself for a bit while we do taxes though. I'm not exactly planning to introduce them lol.
STBXH mentioned he is moving again on the 15th. He is renting a 2 bedroom 1.5 bath apt. He made a point of mentioning he hates housemates and needs space though. So I guess he's not having the TAP move in.
So, plan of attack for tonight. Take laptop, get taxes done and hopefully submitted through e-file. Then dig for info re D papers. Then bail and go to dinner with R. I'll have to leave the rest of my questions for a time when probing won't have consequences such as him getting pissy and deciding to hold onto the D papers for another month or two as a punishment.
Ssssooooo, what happened??? How did it go???
Taxes aren't done. I'm filing an extension today. He still doesn't have his one W-2 form. Plus he never found the information about the stimulus check for me. Talked to my friend who does tax law last night, she said file an extension.
So....yeah.
Didn't get a chance to ask about D papers. R and STBXH saw each other on street and nodded civilly. R and I went to dinner. I complained about taxes and how glad I'll be to be able to file single next year, provided the D papers get filed in the next couple months (since it takes 6 months to finalize).
Weekend was fun. I went down to the in-laws on Saturday and saw everyone. STBXH still isn't speaking to FIL or SIL, so he didn't seem to know anything was going on. Picked up my girl scout cookies from his cousin. Didn't have to deal with any STBXH or TAP drama. Got asked if I was going to change my name back and whether I was dating. In laws seem totally cool with everything.
Went to my parents yesterday.
Then had people over to the house for our own Easter dinner last night. My roommate cooked and we had R and a bunch of friends over. It was good times, was up too late lol.
I'm trying to work, but I'm anxious about the taxes. So I took a little break and pulled the IRS forms so I have everything prepped. I'll e-file the extension from home tonight.
((((((((Michelle))))))))
Do you mind if I "Grrrrrrrrr" fro you? You know, I wouldn't be surprised if he never comes up with the W-2 or stimulus check info. He doesn't care. He doesn't care if the taxes are ever done, or not done. It doesn't matter to him. I don't know where that leaves you. I think you can get the stimulus check info from the IRS. Maybe you can get the W-2 from the company since you are his wife, still, unfortunately? Or maybe you can file as married filing seperately, and leave him to swing in the breeze?
It's great having understanding in-laws, isn't it?!
Yeah, I'll end up calling the IRS to take care of everything. Our stimulus payment doesn't show up in the online search. Nor does his company info (such as Employer ID Number - kinda important, and sketchy that it's not listed). Part of the problem with this W2 is that it was never sent. Nor was his last paycheck. Since that story has actually stayed consistent, I think I believe him.
Unfortunately, I can't file MFS. If I do, I can't deduct my tuition or student loan interest payments. I lose about $10k in write-offs. So....yeah.
I looked at California tax laws. I think I'm going to file a legal separation. If I do, I can file single in CA at least for 2009 taxes.
Man, is your H pokey!!! It must be very annoying, but you seem to handle it well. Sounds like legal seperation is the way to go, even if it is a round about way.
Good to hear you had a nice weekend!!
It is quite frustrating.
And frankly one reason I am willing to move forward with the D. I feel like I'm still dealing with all the crap from the M, but get NO benefits of it whatsoever. He doesn't talk to me, he doesn't want to see me, he gets to have his on-again off-again mistress and I don't even scream about it anymore, but I do our taxes and send him messages when I get phone calls from his credit card companies about past due payments. I'm tired of being the responsible one when the best he can manage in return is a grudging "thank you" and a quick hug.
Now add to that not paying child support or for any of the joint marital debt and you have just described my xh!
LOL
Guess it's a good thing we don't have kids!
Cuz I've already paid off enough of his debt!
(((((Michelle)))))
I guess if it came to it you could file with what you've got, and then file amended when you get the rest.
Because I don't think you are getting it until you figure out how to find it without him.
Extension was approved. I got the stimulus check info. Just need to get that W-2 now.
And for anyone that is interested, the IRS actually has a Form 911. Ironically, it is the taxpayer assistance form. (Someone at the IRS had a sense of humor!!!
) It's one way to request a copy of a W-2 directly from the IRS rather than the employer, among a multitude of other assistance.
Cool, ya got your taxes sorted out - kind of!! Now you just have to work on divorcing yourself!!!!
Good one MsM! D herself. I think that is what is going to have to happen in order to fully disentangle herself from STBXH.
That is funny that the form is a 911! It is an emergency though isn't it? Deadline is tomorrow afterall.
LOL
Sheesh, I gotta do everything around here don't I?
Yeah, it is an emergency!
But now I have til October 15th to get this W-2 and get it all filed. Of course, I'm not waiting that long. They owe me money! The day I get that W-2 my taxes are getting e-filed!
Oh, I missed that 911, just not quick enough today! Good one Mishka!!
I have my moments.
Why don't you file and put his head on the block. Enough! He can't decide on ANYTHING! How's the USAR? When is your CPT Board? Forgot if you're an O1 or O2? Are you going to branch transfer to JAG or stay MI? MI: Mostly Indoors! LOL!
Michelle sweetie,
get rid off the skeletons... You dont need them to hold you back. Do you realise how great your life is? You dont need him in ANY way...
Love
K
If nothing has happened by the 27th, I have the day off work and will be taking care of a lot of stuff.
Most likely including that.
Although I'd like to do the joint filing so I don't have to spend a ton of days off in court.
And the joint filing is already signed...but STBXH has it.
Well, e-mailed with MIL yesterday. Gonna have lunch today. That'll be nice.
I'm also mulling over an e-mail or text to send STBXH. Something along the lines of, give me the papers so I can file them on the 27th or I'll be filing a regular D instead of the summary dissolution that you've been holding onto for almost 2 months now.
I would ask him for the papers - but be nice. It seems your stbxh, is a delicate flower.
Lunch with MIL - that sounds interesting?.
I've always gotten along well with my in laws.
MIL and I both work downtown. About 2 blocks apart. We used to have lunch quite regularly. It's been more sporadic this last year, but still not unusual.
Yes, he is a very delicate flower. LMAO. I've sent him 2 e-mails and 2 texts asking about if he filed the D papers and what he wants to do. He just doesn't answer. And he won't pick up if I call.
I've sent him 2 e-mails and 2 texts asking about if he filed the D papers and what he wants to do. He just doesn't answer. And he won't pick up if I call.
Denial isn't just a river in Egypt.
Can you say 'avoidance'? Gees....he needs to grow up and man up already!
So as I sit here contemplating what WOULD get a reaction out of him....I get a text.
"W2 should be forthcoming. Date for 6 mo.? Umm maybe about the 10th."
HUH????
So confusing! !!!
Maybe sending him a really confusing message back would get a clearer response. Something about the duck being on the bridge or the hat being in the fridge maybe?!
I'm confusing myself now!
L. xx
ROTFLMAO
I love it.
I just settled for a return text: "Glad you got the W2 resolved. Yes, should be six months for the papers. The 10th of this month or last?"
Before the duck in the fridge expires...
I thought the hat was in the fridge....
Now I'm confused!
He never responded to my text.
And this weekend and today the whore is tagging him in all sorts of photos across facebook. I HATE having that $h!t pop up in my notifications. It's not enough to know he's back together with her yet again, but I have to have my nose rubbed in it. I liked it a lot better when he was only using myspace. Which is why I DON'T use myspace anymore. *sigh*
It's such a downer to come back to work and the drama. I had such a nice relaxing weekend. I guess it makes the down feel even lower.
Just find that preference that says "show me less about this friend" and you will get less notifications about him in general. You dont need that. And Michelle, it's not a "competition" between her and you. I know this kind of stuff stings but I have this feeling she did you a favor. We ALL get what we deserve...
K
I guess it's my competitive nature coming through.
It frustrates me because I feel like I lost.....because I am better. I was too confident, too independent, too well balanced.
And yes, we all get what we deserve. And they deserve each other.
I don't know. Just in a weird mood today.
Michelle,
I was reluctant to type it because I didnt want to upset you. But this is what I have been thinking about you for a while. That you cant accept that "you lost" because you are such a capable, successful person and you feel as if she won. Which of course is exactly what I would feel like and did for a while too (and she was blond and more successful in her job, younger, etc etc). But you know what? It doesnt matter. It REALLY doesnt. Because sometimes we want things just for the thrill of the victory but these things may be really bad for us. And I honestly believe from the things you ve shared with us that your stbxH is a looser, a broken person and he would hold you back in your life or even worse, you would hold yourself back in order for him to be able to catch up. And that would have been such a waste.
K
We all get those down days, when something just strikes a cord. Just because your getting D, doesn't mean your emotions immediatley get turned off.
"Won", "Lost".....
Michelle, you are a winner! Your H has lost, not you. He lost himself. And then drove you away. TAP lets him feel superior, that's important to him, I think. He would never be able to feel that way with you, not the way he wants to.
Very sorry you had to come across some crap like that, Michelle (the photos). I know that hurt. (((Hugs)))
But yeah, those two deserve each other...two really messed up people.
As others have said, the only one here who has lost and IS lost is STBXH.
(((((Michelle)))))
Well, I couldn't figure out how to limit the notifications.
So I deleted him
There you go!
Good job!!!! I was going to suggest that you delete his sorry a$$!!!! So glad you did.
I sincerely hope your day gets better. Find something you want to do and go do it - no thinking about it....just do it! Make yourself happy.
I went and got chicken and rice soup for lunch. Wanted comfort food.
I'm going to the gym and run after work. Which always makes me feel better too.
(((everyone)))
Hey Michelle,
I'm sorry it still hurts you that you lost your R with him, I can understand that. I am amazed and impressed you deleted him from your FB account, may as well hey, seeing as he hasnt even tried to stay friends with you. He may regret that when he's older and wiser and realises what an *rse he has been.
Also... didnt you say a long while ago about TAP and him and some wierd S&M sh*t (ok, no judgements there).. and how you then tried to match that and live up to some new edgy lifestyle he was into.. it just stuck in my mind, because I thought, we are what we are, and maybe if thats not you, well, you cant be a round peg in a square hole hey.. no pun intended.
Sad as it is, maybe he just isnt your destiny.
Al xxx
Yeah, they got into some very weird stuff involving drawing blood and some crazy $h!t.
He was never into that before his deployment. He says he got interested while he was deployed, but never talked to me about any of it because he knew how I felt about it (since we never talked about it, I'm entirely unclear on how he "knew" this).
I got a totally different person back. Irritable, impatient, secretive, aggressive. And we didn't fit well anymore.
Had lunch with a friend today.
She was telling me that STBXH was texting her recently and it has her weirded out. That he was asking if she was dating anyone and such, and said it made her uncomfortable, especially since they haven't talked in months.
Oh weird!!! WTH is that about?
What did she respond to him?
No clue. Maybe things with SBW/TAP are falling apart again already LOL.
She texted him back with a short reply which he never responded to.
Hey Michelle,
Just stopping by. Interesting discussion on not wanting to lose. A few of my friends said that to me last year- that I shouldn't keep fighting for H just because I couldn't bear the idea of losing (or failing). I think the point about him being the one to lose in reality is right though. Anyway, that just resonated with me. And well done for deleting him off FB. You're so strong.
L. xx
I still argue with myself sometimes about "abandoning" my M. I know STBXH abandoned me first, but I have to argue with a part of myself that says "a promise is still a promise". It's hard for me to walk away from things when I've committed to them.
I thought the D papers were filed on the 10th based on his weird text message, but the courthouse couldn't pull them up under his name when I called. So...sent him a text: "I called the courthouse to try and get the case number and they can't find it. Did you file them? If so, what's the case number?" We'll see if he gets back to me. *sigh*
Okay. So, girl's weekend!
Going to a concert this weekend with SIL and one of her girlfriends. Flying down tonight, back Monday. So I won't be online this weekend.
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(((everyone)))
(((((Michelle)))))
I understand how you feel about a promise, but I don't think you have any reason to feel guilty. You are not walking away from anything that sill exists, as far as I can tell. Still hard, I know.
Have a great time this weekend!
