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Posted By: sofaraway Humility 101...... - 01/28/09 12:18 AM
Still no luck on the job front. I am still working for a friend at a warehouse so at least I am staying busy. I did have a second interview today for a Managers job at the airport for Aramark so we shall see what comes of that. Interestingly they asked me if I would be interested in a GM's spot in Los Angeles. Unfortunately it is not an option for me right now, it is a really good job and could have been great.

Financially things are very rough right now. I am just trying to make ends meet until a job comes through. I have made all the cuts I can and the next steps will be getting rid of the internet so I am trying to avoid that if there is any way possible as it is pretty much my lifeline for jobs, support, etc......

So Sunday my mom calls me and asks me to go to Costco with her. I figure it is just to help her get her groceries but as we walked around I realized she was buying all things that my kids eat. So she spent $240 loading me up with groceries for the kids. It was awesome of her to do that for me, but it was definitely a test of my humility. I have not had to rely on my mom since I was a teenager and it was very difficult to have her do that for us. I am trying very hard to accept the fact that right now I do need the help. Not easy for me to do as I have always been so self sufficient.

Nothing new on the Carrie front, everything is still exactly the same. She wants the divorce done but really isn't doing anything to get it there. I just sit back and wait since it is really all I can do. Her and Tawny are still not talking. It seems that she has simply accepted not having her daughter in her life for now.

Tawny has been in a little trouble here lately. She got suspended from school for ditching. She also had a small run in with the law which was not fun. I have grounded her for a month, taken away her cell, computer, and tv. So she will have plenty of time to get her school grades back up..........

Ross is doing well for the most part. A few missing homework assignments now and again, but nothing out of hand or unexpected for a 12 year old boy. Overall he seems to be adjusted to the way things are.

Yakeline and I are doing well. She has been pretty great through the job loss situation and checks up on me all the time. She will be coming over and making dinner tomorrow night so I am looking forward to spending time with her. I think that something that has surprised me is that what I thought was just going to be a dating thing has turned into something more and I am very happy about that. She is a very special woman and has been wonderful about all of my crap with the divorce. She is great with my kids and has made sure that they clearly understand that she knows that they are my priority. I feel pretty damn lucky to have her in my life.


So I just keep on going. Dealing with things as they come about. The good thing is I am not panicking or freaking out. Just do what I can do each day and know that no matter what as long as I keep doing what is right everything will be ok. I do have to continue to work on being humble, as I said that is difficult for me. The work never ends.......


Ian
Posted By: whatisis Re: Humility 101...... - 01/28/09 01:05 AM
Ian, I think the trick in these situations is to realize that waiting for the IN basket to be empty so that we can enjoy life just ain't gonna happen! It seems we just go from one sitch to another and that becomes life. It's not good or bad, it just is! So your attitude is great, take it as it comes and make the best of each day. It's all any of us can really do. As far as humility, maybe that's the lesson the Lord is helping you to learn here and in the long run it will be an incredible blessing...who really knows. Hang in there!
Posted By: Briget Re: Humility 101...... - 01/28/09 01:32 AM
Maybe it's not a lesson in humility.Maybe it's a reminder of who loves you.

What a wonderful thing your mother did for you.I know as a mother it makes me happy to give to my children.It's a nice reminder that they need me.

Later Friend
Briget
Posted By: cat03 Re: Humility 101...... - 01/28/09 01:37 AM
what a wonderful mom \:\)

I have not a doubt that you will be blessed Ian, you will find a good job when the time for that comes.
Posted By: ernest88 Re: Humility 101...... - 01/28/09 03:44 AM
Like you Ian I have had to accept help from my family on a few occasions and it has been very difficult to accept that help..they do it because they love us and that should be enough. I'm glad your mom is in a position where she can offer you that help....
Posted By: Reincarnated Re: Humility 101...... - 01/28/09 04:13 AM
Ditto all of the sentiments. Back when my daughter needed a major surgery, we had to go to social services and turn to a non-profit for help. Our mortgage was paid for three months, they paid for my son's preschool for 6, and cooked meals for our family. Other bills were paid. It was really hard to go into that office, asking for help.

Now, I give back whenever I can. I cook for other families in town with sick kids. I load up the town pantry on occasion. And donate money when there is a bit left over.

It is hard, it is humbling, but the people who give are actually GETTING so much from it! More than the help you are receiving. I've been on both sides of it...
You give a gift to someone who wants to help you, by letting them help. Your mom knows that you are not out "gold-digging." And that this is out of the norm for you. Bridget and Mike are right, that you made your mom so happy to be able to be there for you, to do something tangible to help.
How many times have we offered our help to someone, but they don't leave us anything to do?

Humble is one way to look at it...grace is another. You can have the grace and understanding that you will give back to someone when you can.

CA, huh? Did you run it past Carrie - she may have been lured by the promise of great weather and beaches....

(Did you read the Secret? One school of thought is to KNOW, in your heart, what you WILL have in your life, and then it manifests itself! Might be worth a shot...)
Posted By: Kalni Re: Humility 101...... - 01/28/09 07:47 AM
Ian,
I wish you could have taken that job at the airport and then we could be "coleagues" (sp?) (I work at the airport here).

I pray you get a good job soon and I think you will. Secret workd for me inm any cases so maybe it is worth trying.

You are lucky to have your mom by you but she is also lucky to have you as a son too...
xxxx
K
Posted By: sofaraway Re: Humility 101...... - 01/28/09 10:01 PM
Hey gang, thanks for the comments and I will say this, I appreciate my mom more than anything. She is a very special woman who throughout my life has provided me with the security of knowing that no matter what she always loves me. What she did for me and the kids was not out of the ordinary for her, she is just special.

I think in reflecting on this the reason it is bugging me is because of something Carrie said in her dear John letter when she dropped the bomb. She told me that she always felt that I looked down on her/our friends. She told me that when we had friends that lived below our level I would look at them differently. I never believed that, always believed that I tried to help out our friends when I could. Maybe she looked at that as being a snob, who knows.

Anyway, it has always helped me to have drive and work hard to make a solid living. My career took a big huge backseat over the last 3 years and it needed to. However this change in "status" has not been the easiest thing to adjust to. I guess maybe humbled is the wrong way to look at it. Out of my comfort zone, is more accurate. I need to work on that big time.


Ian
Posted By: sofaraway Re: Humility 101...... - 01/28/09 10:03 PM
Quote:
CA, huh? Did you run it past Carrie - she may have been lured by the promise of great weather and beaches..


ummm, nope. I do not think thats a great idea......
Posted By: Rob1231 Re: Humility 101...... - 02/02/09 04:37 PM
Hi Ian, Just wanted to check in and wish you the best of luck with your job hunt and everything else.

I think it's great that you are taking a rough situation and looking for lessons to be learned from it - not everyone can do that.

Hang in there!
Rob
Posted By: SteveInTN Re: Humility 101...... - 02/02/09 07:39 PM
I feel ya Ian! My Dad had to help me out during all this crap and it wasn't an enjoyable experience. I've always been able to fend for myself quite well. With the way the economy has been over last couple of years and the crap we've had to go through, just know others have felt it too. Not unusual I think...

Stay strong dude...
Posted By: sofaraway From humility to sadness..... - 02/03/09 02:46 AM
So, today was not so great. Girlfriend and I had a long talk today at lunch. She came out and told me what she feels that she needs from me and it just doesn't match what I am prepared for.

She wants to move our relationship forward. She wants to be married and start a family. She needs some kind of commitment from me and I cannot give her that right now. When I told her I couldn't commit to anything right now she asked if i love her. I told her yes, because i do. She then said she doesnt understand how I can love her but not be ready to commit. Bean says that is a cultural thing. She then said that we should probably stop seeing each other because she is getting to attached. I told her that I understand what she wants and that it may be best to stop now because I cant commit to anything.

I hate it, I really do have strong feelings for her. I just cannot say that I am ready for something that I know I am not. I have a lot of healing left to do still and unfortunately I know that I do not have it in me to try and promise something that I cannot deliver. I had explained to her before that my heart is still broken. I told her that and she said she understood. Unfortunately people grow attached and this is what it has led to.

The crazy thing is that all along I thought that I was maintaining a level of detachment and that if it came to this I would be ok. Yet today I am terribly sad. I hate that I have such an incredible woman in my life and cannot be what she needs me to be. I hate that I have grown so attached to her niece. I hate that I am not ready for her. I hate that I hurt and am crying. I didn't think this would happen......

You know the worst part is that today has been extremely eye opening as to how much damage I sustained during this last 3 years. I know that people recover and their hearts heal and they are able to commit again. I just wonder how and when you actually know. Today, I do not feel like I will ever be able to do that. I know that I only feel this way because of what has occurred, but damn it thats just how it seems right now...

Anyway, I am going to step back for a bit. No contact and just let her be. I hate loosing her, but I also would hate myself for hurting her down the road.

Sorry for the bummer post.....It's just where I am at today...


Ian
Posted By: ernest88 Re: From humility to sadness..... - 02/03/09 03:11 AM
Well..ya know you coulda said something when you Im'd me...dick..

I think you did the right thing..I know it hurts...

this crap takes time Ian..you'll know when the time is right..

Quote:
I hate that I have grown so attached to her niece.


the collateral damage sucks for sure..

Quote:
Anyway, I am going to step back for a bit. No contact and just let her be. I hate loosing her, but I also would hate myself for hurting her down the road.


it's the right thing to do..for sure..call if you need me..
Posted By: frank_D Re: From humility to sadness..... - 02/03/09 03:17 AM
Originally Posted By: sofaraway

You know the worst part is that today has been extremely eye opening as to how much damage I sustained during this last 3 years. I know that people recover and their hearts heal and they are able to commit again. I just wonder how and when you actually know. Today, I do not feel like I will ever be able to do that. I know that I only feel this way because of what has occurred, but damn it thats just how it seems right now...


Yeah, we all sustain so much damage from the traumatic incidents in our marriages.

Stay strong my friend.
Posted By: lodo Re: From humility to sadness..... - 02/03/09 03:28 AM
Hey Ian,

Haven't posted to you much but after all this word twist ... \:\)

You did the right thing. It's hard to be true to yourself, and there will always be second-guessing about what could have been, but you did what felt right to you based on the facts at hand. I mean, d*mn, plenty of people would have appreciated the honesty and self-awareness!

Besides, I honestly think that the chase is the challenge for women. Commitment. Somewhere, can't remember where, I saw a comedy sketch about women ... uhmm, taking care of themselves, by thinking about commitment. But once they get it, the magic fades. Guys are different. They're cats, we're dogs. Once we've sized someone up, we can be friends for life. With women, you never can tell if they'll let you pet them or they're about to scratch your eyes out.

LOL - see how quickly my posts about women degrade? My baggage. Anyway, I think it's great that you were able to handle a difficult situation in a way that shows much strength of character. Take the time to remember who Ian is and what he wants out of life. There will always be women.

lodo
Posted By: smith18 Re: From humility to sadness..... - 02/03/09 04:49 AM
Ian, I may be at the same place as you. I have uncertainty and have expressed that this last weekend with my girlfriend. She seems to be patient enough to wait and take it slow.

It may just be bad timing right now and you are in a depressed funk from the job situation. I would guess that time away from each other may actually allow both of you to reevaluate without presure and hopefully realize what you have can lead to a long term marriage.

Get the divorce behind you and financial situation stable. Then you will have a whole different attitude.
Posted By: 25yearsmlc Re: From humility to sadness..... - 02/03/09 04:52 AM
Ian,

Sorry you are where you are. She sounds like a special woman and I know you are a special man. You were both honest with each other. And yet...and yet...

As terrifying and painful as rejection is, and has been for most of us here...we find ourselves wanting to connect with another human, at a deep and intimate level. And so we risk again. When we take the risk and it meets success, it's miraculous and beautiful, and I'm happy you are still capable of and open to love.

When two people who have connected as you have, but meet at a "lousy" time, who's to say that at another time things can't be different?

Don't lose track of her...I have a feeling your healing is going to speed up soon, in a good healthy way.

((( j )))
Posted By: spitfire23 Re: From humility to sadness..... - 02/03/09 05:14 AM
Sorry you are having a hard time. You ARE doing the right thing, though. You can't force the healing process. It will come in due time.


(((((((Ian)))))))

Hugs,

Spitty
Posted By: Astimegoeson Re: From humility to sadness..... - 02/03/09 05:53 AM
Hi Ian

Sorry to hear your having a hard time finding a job. You shouldn't feel humbled by your Mother's help. This economy is not good and there are many folks in your same situation. It's hard times like these when we need to lean on family, friends, and neighbors. I fear it's going to get worse for all of us eventually. Hell, we may all be bartering like they did in the old days because our dollar is going to be worthless with all this new money they (Government) are printing up and spending to no end.

As far as your relationship goes, you did the right thing in telling her the truth about how you felt. I know I can commit to a exclusive relationship, but marriage will not be in the cards for me anymore. The Woman I've been in a relationship for the last year knew this from the beginning and she is OK with it. I told her when things started heating up between us that if marriage was what she was looking for, she was wasting her time with me. I did this out of respect for her and you did the same. There are those woman out there that will accept you as is and won't pressure you.

Hang in there, hope you find a job soon!
Posted By: still.struggling Re: From humility to sadness..... - 02/03/09 03:31 PM
Ian,

I'm so sorry you are going thru this.

((((HUGS))))
Posted By: Kalni Re: From humility to sadness..... - 02/03/09 05:52 PM
Ian,
I echo 25years Mlc.
XXXXXX
Love
m
Posted By: Rob1231 Re: From humility to sadness..... - 02/03/09 06:14 PM
Hang in there, Ian.

You have a lot of healing to do, and it comes at the rate that comes - you can't rush it. This relationship was a huge, terrific step forward for you, and you should try to celebrate that even as you face some regrets.

There will be more steps that go even farther in the future, count on it!
Posted By: sofaraway Piling on..... - 02/03/09 06:56 PM
Thanks y'all. Very sad today and to make matters worse, Carrie called me and bitched me out about the divorce. She laid out all kinds of BS on me and accused me of stalling. I tried to explain to her what the hold ups have been in my opinion and she didn't want to hear any of it. I told her that I would call my lawyer, have her input the new financial numbers and sign it and send it over to her lawyer so we can get this done.

This is the point where she went off. She started cussing me up one end and down the other. Every other word was Fuckk and she was yelling and screaming. Truth be told, due to my demeanor today I couldn't even fight back. I sat there and listened to her go off for about 2 minutes and then hung up on her. I started to text her and tell her when she is rational we can talk and she called again. She was still bitchy, but not cussing at me.

She accused me of keeping it hidden from her that I wanted more child support. I tried to explain to her that when we mediated I hadn't been laid off yet. I told her that I hadn't said anything at this point because I was hoping to find another job and we wouldn't even have to deal with adjusting numbers but it is very hard out there and finding work is taking time.

I have no damn clue what happened to Carrie, never in 16 years of marriage did she ever speak like that. I kept thinking to myself as she was berating me, why couldn't she fight like this when our marriage was in trouble...why now? She is truly a lost soul and it saddens me to see what she has become now. She is truly a bad person today and full of hatred. I hope some day she can find her center again and become the amazing woman she used to be.

Rob, 25, and all the rest of you, I know exactly what this was with Yakeline. I know that it will help me grow and that the odds are that there will be other relationships that fail down the road. I have not lost sight that I will be ok and that life will be good again. My feelings are what are hard to deal with right now. I just didn't get how much she meant to me. I am saddened that I don't have it in me to give her what she is looking for right now and believe me if I felt like I could I would have.

I have two interviews today. One at 1:00 that is a first interview for a GM position here in Memphis. The second is at 4:00 and it is a 3rd interview with a company here at the Memphis International Airport. I am hoping that soon I can land something that will help get me back on my feet. The friend who I am temporarily working for told me I could work at night for him once I get another job to try and play catch up on some of the bills that are falling way behind. It will be a lot of hard work and time lost with my kids but I think I will need to do it for a month or so.

So wish me luck on the interviews and keep it in your prayers please......


Ian
Posted By: Kalni Re: Piling on..... - 02/03/09 07:14 PM
You've got it!!!
(in Greek)
K
Posted By: 25yearsmlc Re: Piling on..... - 02/03/09 11:45 PM
amen Ian,

sending them your way...

( j )
Posted By: LL44 Re: Piling on..... - 02/04/09 12:05 AM
Ian, I am sorry that your days haven't been good. I love what 25 yrs said (brilliant, that one!). Sounds like you are staying on top of your stress, and that's all you can do in times like this.

So sorry about the fight with Carrie. Never fun.
Posted By: Purple Re: Piling on..... - 02/04/09 12:54 AM
I'm thinking about you too.

Without being in the valleys you can't appreciate the views from the mountain top.

Such (hee hee...typo....I originally wrote 'suck') is life.

You can do eet! (in the words of Happy Gilmore)
Posted By: Reincarnated Re: Piling on..... - 02/04/09 01:12 AM
Ian...

I am sending you hugs with my heart, and sending up prayers. I am so sorry for all that you are going through. But you were honest, even if it would have been "easier" not to be. That is the true measure of a man.
Posted By: Astimegoeson Re: Piling on..... - 02/04/09 02:10 AM
How did your interviews go Ian?
Posted By: sofaraway Re: Piling on..... - 02/04/09 02:12 AM
Hey Tom... 1st interview went like crap. Within 5 minutes I knew that our business philosophies were way different. He still wanted to finish the interview so we did. It just isn't gonna happen is all.

2nd interview went great. It was my third interview with this company and this one was with a Sr HR rep and the Area Director for the southeast. I should know something on that one in 2 weeks but i felt really good about the interview and they both were pretty clear that they were definitely interested.


Ian
Posted By: Astimegoeson Re: Piling on..... - 02/04/09 02:25 AM
3RD interview is usually a good sign anyway. Hopefully, you'll get an offer soon.

You know, you missed a really good time in Nashville. I took my Friend Dee with me. She got sick from drinking Friday night and laid in bed all day Saturday and Saturday night. So I went out by myself.. lol. She can't hang with the big dogs. I wish you would have made it. I plan on getting out there again this summer if possible. I can't believe the talent and some songs I was hearing for the first time. It's definitely the Music Capital like they say.
Posted By: sofaraway Re: Piling on..... - 02/04/09 02:46 AM
Ummm, you better be planning on May here in Memphis mister.... 3rd annual pal..... Ty and Val will be here this time.....
Posted By: Valentine Re: Piling on..... - 02/04/09 08:03 PM
Ian, great news on the 3rd interview...I would definitely say they are interested!

Keep your chin up!

Hugs,
Vali
Posted By: 25yearsmlc Re: Piling on..... - 02/05/09 08:36 AM
excellent news on the 3rd interview...3rd time's the charm...

I got a good feeling about this Ian...but I really liked your take on the other interview too. I've been to some where I realize during it, that I'm going to have to fake my interest for an hour more, and meet some people even though I suddenly realize that working at that place would be like having them suck out my will to live...

I actually studied and teach drama as an avocation and those are the times I say to myself, "self, it's called "ACTING"..." and then I might decide to make sure I DON'T work there, so I ask stuff like "do you guys press charges?" Or, "how strictly do you define 'sex offender'?" Oh, and LOTS of questions up front about vacation days, benefits, sick days, breaks, worker's comp, lunch times, flex time, bonuses, parties, whether they're "picky" about punctuality...,

just wanna make sure we have "a good fit....." ya know?

( j )
Posted By: KarenMarieS Re: Piling on..... - 02/05/09 05:53 PM
omg 25, I am just skimmin thru the boards w/ a morning cup of java, since I don't come by much anymore-- and read your post and literally spit my coffee! How flippin funny!I am job hunting now and think I'll keep this in mind! hillarious!

and our sunny so cal, may not be by nightfall!:)
Take Care
Posted By: smith18 Re: Piling on..... - 02/05/09 06:12 PM
My company has had a few of those interviewees that said some things that were pretty good. We called one to come in for an interview at 9 am the next day and he said "I think I can wake up by then". We have used a test for programming competency -one guy did not answer any of the questions because he said they made his "head hurt". And there was the guy, that when asked why he did not finish school said "They could not teach me anything". These are the people you just want to say "Here's your sign - please make sure you stand on the driver side of the road".

More should be able to be hired soon...

Originally Posted By: Washington DC humor
President-Elect Barack Obama and the Democratically controlled Congress are considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act. AWNAA is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

'Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,' said California Senator Barbara Boxer. 'We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing.'

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S employer of Persons of Inability.

Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement 'warehouse' stores (65%). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).

Under The Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million 'middle man' positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, 'Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?'

'As a Non-abled Person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,' said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan, due to her inability to remember 'rightey tightey, lefty loosey.' 'This new law should be real good for people like me,' Gertz added. With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Senator Dick Durbin (D-IL): 'As a Senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so.
Posted By: RMG77739 Re: From humility to sadness..... - 02/06/09 01:30 AM
Originally Posted By: sofaraway
You know the worst part is that today has been extremely eye opening as to how much damage I sustained during this last 3 years. I know that people recover and their hearts heal and they are able to commit again. I just wonder how and when you actually know. Today, I do not feel like I will ever be able to do that. I know that I only feel this way because of what has occurred, but damn it thats just how it seems right now...


Ian,

I know exactly how you feel. When my exW blazed off, I was so distraught... The woman I thought I LOVED with all of me for 16 years... The woman I trusted with all of me... ACTUALLY did this.... I came to eventuality grasp the woman I loved and the woman my exW was were two VERY different people...

My heart was not broken, it was completely shattered. I prayed and worked hard on getting back to being myself... I was never myself with my exW..... I was someone else... Satan had me twisted up in knots with worry and fear... That is another story...

From my perspective, I was going to only be able to heal so far on my own. I personally believe I needed a solid, loving and REAL relationship to completely heal. I found that and so much more in my new W. She is such a blessing.

Praying for you and your family.....

RMG
Posted By: RMG77739 Re: From humility to sadness..... - 02/06/09 02:00 AM
Ian,

When I was really going through a very tough time with the death of my M, I found Echo by Trapt helpful....

[Chorus:]
Close my eyes
Let the whole thing pass me by
There is no time
To waste asking why

I'll run away with you by my side
I'll run away with you by my side
I need to let go, let go, let go, let go of this pride,
(Asking why)

I think about your face
And how I fall into your eyes
The outline that I trace
Around the one that I call mine
Time that called for space
Unclear where you drew the line
I don't need to solve this case
And I don't need to look behind

[Chorus]

Do I expect to change, the past I hold inside,
With all the words I say,
Repeating over in my mind,
Somethings you can't erase, no matter how hard you try.
An exit to escape is all there is left to find.


RMG
Posted By: sofaraway Re: From humility to sadness..... - 02/13/09 03:22 AM
o Carrie came to get Ross tonight, everything seemed as normal until ross went in to get his school work.

C- Where's tawny?
Me- At Molly's house.
C- How is she doing?
Me- Not great right now.
C- Is she ok? (her eyes starting to tear, looking down)
Me- She is struggling, I was going to talk with you after I meet with pupil services tomorrow.
C- I would like that. (staring directly at me, tears now coming)
Me- I will call you this weekend and we can talk about it.
C- Thank you....

It was strange y'all. No, I am not making a big deal about it, it was just odd and for a brief moment, I saw the woman I knew and loved. It was heart wrenching.

She then asked me why I was dressed so nice...wierd......
I told her I had interviewed this afternoon. I also mentioned that I may need her to watch Ross at some point if I need to go out of town to interview as two companies I am interviewing with are based in different cities.

She then asked me " Are you looking at jobs outside of Memphis?"

I told her no, that I didn't think that was an option and it had never crossed my mind.

Strange questions, strange conversation, and I don't really know what to think about it.......


Ian


Posted By: lodo Re: From humility to sadness..... - 02/13/09 04:49 AM
Hey Ian,

My $.02. Women are prideful creatures, just as men are. But they perceive things differently than we do. You know, the emotions and all that. What's more, I think that ultimately the memory thing is stronger for them than for us - I mean, I bet Carrie remembers what you were wearing when she knew she was going to marry you and I bet you don't.

So it's obviously hard for her to realize what's happened. Will she admit that? Who knows - pride and obstinacy lead down long roads. What's more, her realizing you're no longer accessible is hard - especially because of the connection you will always share.

Guilt and second-guessing will always be there and surface at times. How much do want to acknowledge it and what do you want from it?

lodo
Posted By: ernest88 Re: From humility to sadness..... - 02/13/09 02:16 PM
Originally Posted By: sofaraway
o Carrie came to get Ross tonight, everything seemed as normal until ross went in to get his school work.

C- Where's tawny?
Me- At Molly's house.
C- How is she doing?
Me- Not great right now.
C- Is she ok? (her eyes starting to tear, looking down)
Me- She is struggling, I was going to talk with you after I meet with pupil services tomorrow.
C- I would like that. (staring directly at me, tears now coming)
Me- I will call you this weekend and we can talk about it.
C- Thank you....

It was strange y'all. No, I am not making a big deal about it, it was just odd and for a brief moment, I saw the woman I knew and loved. It was heart wrenching.

She then asked me why I was dressed so nice...wierd......
I told her I had interviewed this afternoon. I also mentioned that I may need her to watch Ross at some point if I need to go out of town to interview as two companies I am interviewing with are based in different cities.

She then asked me " Are you looking at jobs outside of Memphis?"

I told her no, that I didn't think that was an option and it had never crossed my mind.

Strange questions, strange conversation, and I don't really know what to think about it.......


Ian




why think anything??

sounds to me it was status quo for a WAW..

I would not put very much into it...you know actions speak louder than words..
Posted By: Gypsy Re: From humility to sadness..... - 02/13/09 02:22 PM
Ian..

Sending good luck and best wishes your way with little telekinetic twinges encouraging the potential employer to call you.

It's hard when the spouse seems vulnerable. It's amazing how I respond. Then I remember.. I am an unpopped bag of popcorn and he's no longer my microwave.

*hugs*
Posted By: SteveInTN Re: From humility to sadness..... - 02/13/09 04:28 PM
Yeah, don't think anything. Don't try to read anything into what you are saw or heard. Perhaps it was just regret for how she has dropped the ball so badly with her D?
Posted By: ernest88 Re: From humility to sadness..... - 02/13/09 04:51 PM
Originally Posted By: SteveInTN
Yeah, don't think anything. Don't try to read anything into what you are saw or heard. Perhaps it was just regret for how she has dropped the ball so badly with her D?


also..I would like to know if Carrie knows that you broke up with your Girlfriend?? and what is carries status with OM??
Posted By: sofaraway Re: From humility to sadness..... - 02/13/09 08:27 PM
Originally Posted By: M from Tennessee
Originally Posted By: SteveInTN
Yeah, don't think anything. Don't try to read anything into what you are saw or heard. Perhaps it was just regret for how she has dropped the ball so badly with her D?


also..I would like to know if Carrie knows that you broke up with your Girlfriend?? and what is carries status with OM??


No Idea Mike....

My thoughts are not about us, just to be clear. My thoughts are about the amazing mother she used to be.

Remember y'all, Carrie hasn't communicated with Tawny since August 08 except for maybe 2 or 3 texts and 1 phone call that was a disaster.

I want my daughter to have a mom. I want her to have a female adult in her life. I want her to have the mom that I believed she would always have when I married this woman.

I could give a rats asss about whether Carrie has any thoughts about me, that boat has sailed. What I want is to see her get her act together. Get healthy and make better choices. I want to see her work for a relationship with Tawny.

My daughter deserves to be pursued by her mother. She deserves to know that no matter what is going on between them that ehr mother loves and adores her.

Do you have any idea how fricken hard it is every single night knowing that right now I am all Tawny has. Do you know how many times I sit and cry because I am fully aware that I cannot be everything my daughter needs.

The flash that I saw yesterday was not about me, what I saw was a mother who's eyes welled up with tears because inside she does love our daughter. I saw the first sign of emotion, real emotion, from this woman in regards to our child.

My heart hurt because I sat there wanting so bad to shake her and tell her to just reach out to her child. Tell Tawny that she loves her unconditionally and that Tawny is her priority in life. Tell our daughter she is sorry for what she did to her. For God's sakes Tawny deserves to know that she is loved by her own mother.

Every day that goes by where Carrie does not step up to the plate is another day that she loses with an amazing young lady. Every day is another day that my daughter does not have an amazing mother (because yes she is capable) in her life.

I'm rambling, but it has been on my mind all day and I am just sad and sick about it.


Ian
Posted By: Reincarnated Re: From humility to sadness..... - 02/13/09 08:45 PM
wow. let others give you input, but what you wrote just there was so telling....I wonder what would happen if you forwarded it to her.
Posted By: StrgMarvelousWmn Re: From humility to sadness..... - 02/13/09 10:32 PM
I agree with Donna--

Maybe it is time to be a little brass tacks with Carrie in regards to Tawny. As a mother, I could not imagine turning my back on my child--and D17 has definitely put me through the wringer in the past year. I would tell email her exactly what you just posted. Look, you do not want to reconcile, why candy coat things with her anymore?

SMW
Posted By: lodo Re: From humility to sadness..... - 02/14/09 05:21 AM
Hey Ian,

This is just my $.02. And it's based on my history, so take it for what it's worth.

My mother divorced my father when my sister was 16. Things were rough between them after that. Did my sister deserve a mother? yes. Did she have one? No. Was my mother a bad person? Well, that one is hard to answer. My mother certainly feels guilt now, though the guilt is buried beneath layers of hurt formed from poor communication between the two. I also have layers of hurt but that's a different story. Point is, they never figured it out.

Tawny doesn't have an adult woman in her immediate life right now and that's just the way it is. She may identify someone as a mentor in her social life, she may figure something out with Carrie, or you may meet someone new that she bonds with. But it is going to be her responding at the pace of her own needs. The only thing you can do is be the best father you can possibly be. Which you're doing.

I know it's frustrating, but you don't have control over the relationship between tawny and carrie. They have to work it out and you have to take a supporting role. And be damn good at it. IMO.

any news on the job front?
Posted By: sofaraway Re: From humility to sadness..... - 02/14/09 05:11 PM
So, Carrie showed up this morning with a Valentines present for Tawny. She had Ross bring it in the house.

The card she got T-bear was one of those speaking cards. On the front it said "What would Valentines day be without Family?"

When you open the card it is Napoleon Dynamite and he says "The worst day of my life what do you think". There was a short note for Tawny saying she thinks about her every day and hopes this doesn't last long.

It's a step, I am grateful that she did anything.


Ian
Posted By: StrgMarvelousWmn Re: From humility to sadness..... - 02/14/09 05:43 PM
Ian--

I am in tears. You and I both know what a huge step this is for Carrie to reach out to Tawny and I hope that Tawny receives it the way it was intended. I see Carrie trying, a huge way beyond what she was doing just a few short months ago. I will pray that the two of them can rebuild the fragile mother/daughter relationship that they BOTH need in their lives.

SMW
Posted By: Reincarnated Re: From humility to sadness..... - 02/14/09 06:15 PM
Ian,
I am so glad for T. Her mother should be kicking herself in the a$$ for what she has done, and it seems like it finally sunk in.
Keep doing all that you do...
Posted By: Kalni Re: From humility to sadness..... - 02/14/09 09:14 PM
Ian,
I am glad your x made a move. And I can understand your fears very well. I often worry what will be my kids' R with their dad if we divorce and they grow up and understand what happened. I hope I will be "in a good place" and strong enough to NOT blame him.

Good Luck with work!
xxx
K
Posted By: sgctxok Re: From humility to sadness..... - 02/17/09 02:01 AM
Hi Ian...

I'm excited that she reached out. It WILL turn around and begin anew. Trust. Keeping you in my prayers.

sg
Posted By: SteveInTN Re: From humility to sadness..... - 02/17/09 02:56 AM
That is very big Ian... Very good news! I'll keep y'all in my prayers.

Steve
Posted By: Astimegoeson Re: From humility to sadness..... - 02/17/09 08:34 AM
Ian,

It was inevitable. They do 'wake up' and look at the damage. Mine just recently admitted in passing that she has made many mistakes the past 3 years. This was not solicited by me and I didn't ask for her to elaborate. It's like the proverbial light bulb came on. It took 3 years, but it happened to my amazement just the same.

Give her time to open up to T. There's no need for you to understand her method or pace at which she does it. She has her pride to grapple with now. Do your best to facilitate it, but don't push it.
Posted By: cat03 Re: From humility to sadness..... - 02/18/09 09:33 PM
Quote:
Do you have any idea how fricken hard it is every single night knowing that right now I am all Tawny has. Do you know how many times I sit and cry because I am fully aware that I cannot be everything my daughter needs.

My kids see their dad every week, they are with him physically, but they get all their emotional nourishment from me. S10's C told me that since stbx' mind is mush right now I'm all they have, I'm the reliable parent who will nurture them and give them all the love I can. But to make sure I recharged and also have a support system, to take care of myself.

My parents D when I was 10, I lived with my father, i saw my mom 2x a year, on my bday and on summer vacations. My father was never one to give affection, his love language was to work his tail off, a single father of 3 at the time. I did miss my mom but I got used to how things had to be.
I think your d has an awesome dad who understand about emotional needs-- ok, so you can't talk about nails and clothes with her, but you give her what matters most: your love and time, which is what she really needs. Don't you sell yourself short.
Posted By: Kalni Re: From humility to sadness..... - 02/23/09 01:47 PM
Hey Ian, what's up?
K
Posted By: sofaraway Re: From humility to sadness..... - 02/24/09 03:02 AM
Not a whole lot sunshine.... I will post tomorrow and get everyone caught up on the latest bout of insanity that what's her name (STBX) pulled this last week. I just don't feel like talking about it today so y'all will have to wait till tomorrow.


Ian
Posted By: sofaraway Re: From humility to sadness..... - 02/24/09 03:39 AM
One quick note, for those of you in the alternative world, I will be posting the info for the Memphis In May Music festival in the next few days so keep your eyes open.


Ian
Posted By: lodo Re: From humility to sadness..... - 02/24/09 05:05 AM
hey ian, sorry you're dealing with the sh*t after what seemed like something promising.
Posted By: 25yearsmlc Re: From humility to sadness..... - 02/25/09 08:21 AM
Hey Ian,

just checking in to say a few things.

First, I totally relate to your comments about the WAS and our children. Regardless of the M status, the R"s between the kids and our spouses matter a lot to us. Though I think all you can do is encourage anything in the R direction, as you have, and not get in their way, you will still feel hurt by it when it isn't very good.

My feelings for H are DEEPLY affected by his Rs with our kids. D19 is still very hurt by him and he called to say he is "getting pissed" that she has not contacted him directly since she has been in a semester abroad program. I have forwarded some of her emails to him but for certain reasons, not all...(trust me on my reasons).

I validated that h felt hurt and shut out, (I was amazed at his amnesia b/c I said this would happen to their R about 40 times when h was full blown MLCing...and he could not hear me...but it IS as if he forgot those numerous talks..maybe he shut them all out??)

But then I "got real" and gently reminded him of how he got there and who did what, and who the parent is, i.e, the adult in the sitch, etc. It was tense as he was very defensive, VERY defensive and often lashes out when guilt pops up in him...But Eventually, I think he listened. He then called our s22 later in the evening to discuss the R with d19, and that is interesting b/c it means he's worried about the damage done and he wants allies. I think that's fine. Hope it means at least he's awakening.
Similarly, Carrie is doing something new...the V-day card is very significant. I'm relieved she did it. And I hope she realizes it is on HER as the mother AND as the one who left that it is HER job to fix this. I'd pursue my son if we had a falling out and I'd drop my pride to do so unless he had really disrespected me. But when a parent leaves a child's life...of course it's on them to repair things.

Like Tawny, my d19 needs both parents. I have read that at this age, fathers are actually more important to girls b/c of what they represent. So in that sense, you may be better off than you realize. I know your daughter knows you love her. God, that matters. With d11, I hope and think he still has time to create enough memories together but so far, he's missed a chunk of what she knows as her childhood. How is your son doing with all this? And has Yakeline been around at all or has she kept to herself? Tough one Ian...

Our d19 said that "since h didn't want to be a part of my life...why should I want him in mine/or make an effort, don't even like him much...etc." and all i can say is OUCH...But I did tell her that h loves her, though he may be flawed (like all of us) and that he would kill or die for her in a heart beat. Just Like h loves our kids, Carrie does love your daughter.

But Ian, as a mom, I cannot imagine the guilt that I'd feel if I were Carrie or my h. Would not wish that on anyone...OMG...seriously. I won't defend their choices; but I can still feel pity. And I do. For all of them.


Okay, the other thing I wanted to pass on is what my d11 said tonight. She was talking about dating... She asked about how many guys she'd have to date before she meets the right one, and then she realized that at least in the "game of love" you "only have to pick ONE right person". I nodded and she said "it's the only game you can do over and over again 100 times, and if you get it right ONE time, then you WIN....game over".

Hmmm, fwiw, Wanted to pass that on to you....I hope they all end up alright. My dad was an educated, brilliant, highly functioning raging alcoholic for most of my growing up years and yet, we were close when I was really little and again in my late 20's. I cried hard when he died. So we don't know what Tawny will recover from Carrie someday, when she's a mom and Carrie is a grandmother, and time heals SOME wounds...

Last, just want to say that even if my M were to end tomorrow, if the only way I could have my 3 children was to go through this, ALL of it, I'd re-do it in a heartbeat. They're worth it. Don't know if that helps, but I wanted to say it "out loud"...

Still crossing my fingers for your job hunt...and what's this about California??? Yes yes you have children, tsk tsk....but we have SUNNY WEATHER HERE....geez, get your priorities straight. \:D

(( j ))
Posted By: fisherman Re: From humility to sadness..... - 03/03/09 12:09 AM
Just wanted to pop in and say hey and see how your doing.

Thank you again for your advice. Keeping that balance has been a difficult one.
Posted By: sofaraway Re: From humility to sadness..... - 03/07/09 06:58 PM
Hey all, it appears that Carrie reaching out was a temporary moment of clarity as she is back to the same old same old. Oh well...

Job front, nada..... this really sucks..... I am about to have to take a 2nd job and am not sure how that works with a full time 15 year old that needs me around. Any suggestions??????

Otherwise all is quiet here. Not a lot to report otherwise.


Ian
Posted By: Reincarnated Re: From humility to sadness..... - 03/09/09 05:03 AM
Well, you skimmed over what happened that you didn't want to talk about....doesn't sound like a happy thing.

2nd job? What has the first job been?

Is there something that the two of you could possibly do together/in proximity? Park and Rec, after-school program, places that cater to kids (skating rink?)...
I even have a state senator who delivers the morning newspaper by car...maybe something with early-morning hours while she is asleep/getting ready for school, so you can spend evenings together?
Tax prep from home? Computer repair or website design? (Either at home or take her with you on house calls)...

US Census is starting to hire - they need people to drive around and correct addresses, maps, canvas, etc. Pay is decent, mileage reinbursed.

I'll keep thinking...
Posted By: Astimegoeson Re: From humility to sadness..... - 03/09/09 05:46 AM
Hey Ian,

Donna is right about US Census. There's a lot of other Government jobs out there now to. It's the only sector that's growing these days. Might as well try to take advantage.



http://federalgovernmentjobs.us/job-location/tennessee-tn.html
Posted By: *KS*Chick* Re: From humility to sadness..... - 03/10/09 01:05 PM
praying for you Ian!
Posted By: sofaraway Re: From humility to sadness..... - 03/13/09 02:00 AM
Quote:
2nd job? What has the first job been?


I have been driving a Turret truck for a friend of mine in his warehouse for the last 2.5 months. It is an hourly job, not what I am accustomed to for sure......

Quote:
Well, you skimmed over what happened that you didn't want to talk about....doesn't sound like a happy thing.


You know, I just didn't see the value in posting to much about it. She's nuts, she's a shitty mother, and it is fruitless for me to get upset about it. I have taken a stance of just focusing on me and what I can do as a father. She has cut her child support back and is doing so because the D is taking longer than she would like. I sent her a text that simply said...

" Understand that the financial support for Tawny is a separate issue from our D taking this long. One does not tie into the other. By not living up to your financial obligation for our daughter it does not hurt me, it hurts our child because I do not have the means right now to make up for your shortcomings. In the end, you are the one who has to answer for your choices."

I am tired of being nice, I am tired of putting up with her bullshitt and I will not candy coat anything for her anymore. When she acts like an assshole, I will treat her like an assshole. I am done with her games.


Ian
Posted By: ernest88 Re: From humility to sadness..... - 03/13/09 01:56 PM
I hear ya on that...they are F'in crazy...
Posted By: Lissie Re: From humility to sadness..... - 03/15/09 05:56 PM
Quote:
I will treat her like an [censored].


No $$ signs on the S's muffin? Dang.

The days of Purim I say. ;\)

If you treat her like an ass, then the viscous cycle continues.

You don't need the added stress.

Ignore her. I know how awful it is when they hurt our babies. Better to use the energy focusing on trying to make the babies feel better than to put any energy into her drama.

Memphis in May is right around the corner, you get to see Tommy, and when you do please give him a big hig from me. :-)
Posted By: cat03 Re: From humility to sadness..... - 03/15/09 06:57 PM
I hear your indignation Ian, I had to force myself not to send a "you'll pay for each tear they shed on your acct" text, my kids just got picked up by him, d6 sobbed and cried, asked to stay with me, it made me cry like I havent' in a long time (after they left of course).
But for real, they will, nothing that goes on on this earth will go unpunished Ian, we all will respond one day for our actions.

Lissie girl)))))))))))))))) where are you? I tried to emails you through ftio but I guess it didnt' work, smooches your way babe
Posted By: Lissie Re: From humility to sadness..... - 03/16/09 05:51 PM

Ftio, yikes forgot about that place.

Ok let me see if I remember to log on mama.

I will get in touch with you.

besos.
Posted By: oldtimer Re: From humility to sadness..... - 03/16/09 07:11 PM
Lissie,

Some nice heels are on sale (click on the sale tab) at Johnston and Murphy. And this coupon gives you 20% off: SPRING20.

http://www.johnstonmurphy.com/product.aspx?c=847&pid=59151
Posted By: Lissie Re: From humility to sadness..... - 03/17/09 10:11 PM
Hey OT thanks.

They have great sling backs.
I am so absolutely tempted to write an email tonight that it is hard to figure out why I shouldn't. Now I have been working my asss off at staying out of tawny and Carrie's relationship, but she is just so damn stupid.


Carrie calls Tawny tonight, while I am at soccer practice of course. Here is the convo per Tawny:

C- Hey how are you?
T- Fine.
C- Do you want to go do something with me.
T- Are you ready to apologize to me?
C- I have nothing to apologize for.
T- Then no, I do not want to see you.
C- I haven't done anything to apologize for.
T- I will not get into this again. I am with a friend and this is rude. I am going now.
C- No let's talk about this.
T- No, there is nothing to talk about until you are ready to apologize. I have to go.
C- Fine, I love you.
T- No you F'in don't, bye.


I talked to Tawny a bit about this. I suggested to her that the next time she tell Carrie that she should sit down and think about everything that has happened in the last 3 years and really see if there is anything she feels like she did wrong and needs to apologize to her for. I suggested she have her mom write her a note if she can't speak to it. I told her I am proud of her for not getting into an argument, but that the F word was unacceptable.

I also told her that Carrie does love her. I told Tawny that she loves her mom even though she is unhappy with her and her mom loves her even when they are not getting along. She responded by telling me that as long as Carrie has chosen this other man over her she will not truly believe that her mom loves her. I told her that deep down her mom loves her no matter what and that Carrie's bad choices do not mean that she does not love her.


I do not understand how Carrie is able to stand her ground here and defend her position on such shaky ground. It is so insane that she see's nothing that she has done as being wrong. She blames Tawny 100% for the failure of their relationship. She says that Tawny is manipulative and that she will not give in to her manipulation. Holy crap "pot" are you kidding me here.

I want very badly to email her and tell her to leave Tawny alone unless she is ready to admit what she has done to her daughter is wrong. That if she is not going to do that then she needs to leave our daughter alone until Tawny makes contact with her. She does nothing but retrigger the anger when she does make the scarce contact and knowing full well what Tawny is wanting to hear she does not do it. It's like watching a kid stick their finger in a plug and getting shocked over and over but they keep doing it, stupid.


Ughhhh no emails, no texts, no nothing from me for 48 hours.... If I do right now it will be brutal and that won't help at all right?


Ian
Hey Ian,


Mother/Daughter relationships are something I'm no expert on, so I don't have much advice except to say I'm sorry about the situation.

You say your ex is 'choosing' OM over daughter. What exactly do you mean by that if you don't mind giving more detail?
I don't say that Tom, my daughter does.

The OM in my case was a family friend who was married at the time. He was a leader at my kids youth group, he was my sons soccer coach. Tawny was very hurt by this and has told her mom that she will not accept this man ever. When Carrie kicked her out she told her that if she could not accept OM then she cannot live with her. That is why Tawny feels this way.

I do not disagree with her by the way, I just choose not to speak to it because it is hard for me to be objective.

By the way, call me......
Ian
sofaraway,

Some stories are worse than others. I can't express how much I feel your pain. That's unbelievable!
That's a tuffy I actually wouldn't know how to approach that myself. I can almost see both sides. It seems both are digging in their heels. It's hard to understand the interpersonal relationships between Woman. It's to complicated to try and figure out sometimes. They can hold a grudge for a very long time.

Let me ask you a hypothetical question... If in the future, you were to find a Woman that you really wanted to have a relationship with, but Tawny didn't accept, how do you think you would handle it?
I don't think we can compare apples to oranges. I would never date someone as involved in our lives as he was so her reasoning would be different.


Ian
I can understand how she can feel betrayed by both of them.

You and I both know how hard the word 'sorry' is for the WAS and you know Carrie is not going to acknowledge any attempt by you to protect Tawny's feelings.

Any email or protest from you is probably futile. You already know that though.
Originally Posted By: Kenn
sofaraway,

Some stories are worse than others. I can't express how much I feel your pain. That's unbelievable!


Kenn, all the stories here suck that is the bad part. The good part is that each of us is only given as much as we can handle. The problem is sometimes we forget that.....


Ian
Nope, not saying a word to her Tom. Just venting the frustration last night. Thanks for being around buddy.....

Ian
Ian,


This is my last week on night shift. Don't know that I'll be on as much in the next 9 weeks. I go on vacation to Florida Thursday. 11 days and I'm so ready. Tired of this frikin Winter. Where the hell is global warming already? Bring back the old muscle cars and promote/induce more cow belching/farting is what we need to do.

I'll call you when I'm down there. I want to hear how things have been going with you off the record.
Hi Ian, long time no see. I am glad you are still hanging tough but I must admit I was hoping you would be doing better these days. Economic times are tough all over but I am sure you will find the strenght you need and eventually get back on your feet.
You fender, long time no hear buddy.... Look do not get my posts wrong. I am happy, for the most part and life has moved on for me. So all is good there. Glad you stopped by........

I withdrew Tawny from school and enrolled her in the home school program here in Memphis last Tuesday. She has been doing great with the new program. Exceeding her daily goals and getting all of her work done. Her attitude is improved as well. So far so good. She takes her first tests this Thursday so we shall see how good she has done with it all. This is a big relief for me, seeing her happy. I didn't realize just how much the school was dragging her down.


Ian
So glad this is working out for Tawny!

I have not forgotten the book I promised to send to you...I will be forwarding it soon...

Hugs,
Valentine
Are you homeschooling her, Ian? Its a big job...

I wonder what would happen to my S if he actually told his father what he thought of the girlfriend and his choices. I think he knows that X would probably pull what Carrie is doing, and make him choose, and he doesn't want to be put in that sitch. In order to have a relationship with his dad, he knows he has to keep it on a more superficial level, and vent to me.

I'm glad that T seems happier - she needs it! How are you doing?
Tawny is homeschooling. EDITED - ADVERTISING is NOT ALLOWED. You must comply with the DivorceBusting.com Board Rules if you would like to continue the privilege of posting here.
They offer three levels of home schooling. The first is actually attending their school, no thanks. The second is 100% parental home schooling, no thanks. The third, our choice, is a plan where she tests at their facility, but studies in the home environment. They have minimum page per day requirements and the core courses must be done each day.

Tawny can also get tutoring at their facility for anything she is struggling with. She has several friends that are also enrolled so she has peers to study with during the day.

I kind of like it because if she applies herself she can actually graduate early if she chooses to. The other benefit is that they have worked out a deal with some businesses in the area to hire 15 year olds part time to work. It is only 2-3 hours a day, but it gives them valuable experience as they get older and enter the real job market. Tawny is so excited about being able to make her own money, she thrives off of that.

I like that her and I get to sit together every day and go over her studies as well. It is actually easier for me to be involved with her school work because it is all right here in my home and I have to verify all of the pages each day. I am sure it is just the initial excitement of it, but Tawny is exceeding the daily required pages by about 50% right now. She is really gung ho about it.

Ian
That sounds like a great fit!!
Hello my friend...

A long time, for sure. You seem to be handling your daughter's
anger quite well...it will burn out in time...just let her deal
with it. As far as you - hold your head up high...in a little
while things will begin to change...this is your time to be
humble...it will pass. Worry about nothing...it's out of your
control...you are going through a new focus and sometimes it's
hard to see, but you are the survivor...

J
Hi J, wow I have missed you a ton......

I am getting that it is time to be humble. I am working very hard to do just that. It is not easy for me, but I am trying.

This weekend I rearranged my living room. Tawny redid her room, I am working on getting Ross' room done today. I figure a change of scenery around the house may be just what the doctor ordered. Give me that sense of change and get my mind in the right place.

I was contacted by a recruiter this weekend. I guess that due to the unemployment rate in the states many folks are looking abroad at work. He recruits in the UK and says that many companies there are looking at bringing in management from the States. Could be an interesting opportunity to explore I guess. We sent my resume to 2 different employers today. One outside of Edinburgh, and one in the Bracknell, Berkshire area. So who knows.

Anyway, soccer today and softball starts tonight if this storm passes without to much rain. I am looking forward to playing ball again, it's been a long off season.


Ian
Cool! Sounds like an interesting possible opportunity. How do you think you would feel about working abroad?
Hey, who you calling abroad?
We are in the right place, can't speak for those north of the border though!
Warmer in Berkshire Ian, and you won't have to show your knees.
I hope something turns up soon.
My son just got a job and he took v redundancy last Nov. thinking he'd have a few weeks to work on his house and then get a job.
The best laid plans as they say.
I have my kilts Naej, and I happen to have great knees.......
Quote:
have my kilts Naej, and I happen to have great knees.......

Ah Ian, bragging again.
I may need to verify this info should you get to this side of the pond.
Ian

Something will come up for you...you need not to look too far
away. Checked Fed X here...layoffs have been done.
That's great that you rearranged the furniture, maybe a little
change in wall colors? Stay occupied, that's when the unexpected
happen.
yeah 1210, the layoffs for FedEx were huge here in memphis. 500 salaried employees laid off...ouch......

On the job front, new job starting on the 20th of this month. It is not equivalent to what I had, but it is enough to provide and not be completely stressed. There is also a great deal of opportunity with this job and it could lead to more money down the road.

Sorry Naej, doesn't look like you will get to see that kilt after all.......

Ian
Ian, many congratulations on the new job. You can always cut your cloth abit and if the oportunities are good thats a definate plus.
Quote:
Sorry Naej, doesn't look like you will get to see that kilt after all.......

I will bare the disappointment-sigh, knowing that you have got a new job. I musn't be churlish.
Happy Passover to you. Hope you spend it with people who love and care about you.
How you doing this fine Saturday Ian? I'm back from Florida and back to work today.
So - no kilts in Berkshire! Shame - that would have been a sight for the locals!!!

Congrats on the job!!!

Best - GFI
Congrats!!!! I am happy for you Ian. Enjoy the off time (if you can)until the 20th...
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
K
Originally Posted By: sofaraway
I have my kilts Naej, and I happen to have great knees.......


Yep.....Thatsssss how I know.
Originally Posted By: trapt
Originally Posted By: sofaraway
I have my kilts Naej, and I happen to have great knees.......


Yep.....Thatsssss how I know.


It takes a real man to wear a kilt trapt.... and I have special underwear with names on it that I wear underneath.......Man up dude.....


Ian
i don't believe it! I want to see pictures of you in the kilts! The proof is in the pudding.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW
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