Then how come he can go on and have a normal happy relationship with someone else who claims he has "changed her life"?...Yet with me he became so depressed he could hardly function in everyday life.
Kris, if anyone figures out why you FEEL THAT WAY and how to help you STOP FEELING THAT WAY then they'll be a gazillionaire!
What makes you think that his relationship is "normal" or "happy"? Mike is right, he just jumped to a new R and the euphoria of the newness is making him all giddy right now. You just sit back and heal the way you are supposed to, good things will come to you.
I suppose most of us see this. For me and my X, it has been a merry-go-round. The OM that broke the camels back "completed" her. That fell apart, then she met a guy from my hometown (65 miles away) and he was "perfect". Now she has BF that she has shared with the kids is thinking she wants to marry. Initially I was jealous of all three. Two out of three are "has beens" and have happened inside of a year.
For most of us with enough heart to be posting on a site like this, we weren't the major disfunction in our marriages. Sure, we could have done some things "better", but obviously we had a bit of normalcy.
I know for me I've gone through times like you were I was envious that:
a - she wanted someone else other than me, someone else was making her happy
b - the other person had what I wanted
But you know what? Neither one of those was really true when I FORCED myself to be honest. She wants someone that she hasn't let down, someone who doesn't know all her faults, someone she can have a clean slate with. Guess what, until she deals with her demons she is more than likely going to make the same mistakes with future relationships. And... (BIG ONE HERE) the other person had something that I really hope I NEVER have again! Someone who would trash a marriage, cheat on their spouse, etc, etc, etc.
When you look at the OP in your X's life now the easiest comparison is the exterior. I know that each and every time I've heard my X has someone new I'm anxious to see them, find out what they do, etc. I'm eager to see if she has upgraded. That is the easy part though, not what truly makes someone happy and helps them function day-to-day. What's on the inside is what counts, and chances are that if they seek out someone like our X's then they don't have it. If they do, then they probably have some sort of other "thing" going on. Fixer, like em bad, whatever.
So... quit stressing it! Take a look at who you have in your life now and compare. At this point, don't pine away at the "ideal" of your lost marriage, take an objective look at the person. Compare that to what you have experienced thus far. I know that for me the pining for what I HAD is the demon. Lord help me if I ever really got THAT back! I'm sure I would really be depressed then!
I deserve better than what I had, YOU deserve better than what you had, and we will BOTH get it!!