"May your days be filled with small miracles".
That was in a card I got a long time ago. In truth - every day is filled with small miracles - we just have to be able to see and appreciate them.
I used to wear a t-shirt that said "I don't believe in Miracles. I rely on them". It was so true. I spent years not knowing what was going to happen with my son who had suffered brain damage. But life went on and I learned to recognize each one with him as a gift. And now, nearly 25 years after that horrific time - he is doing well.
Yesterday morning I heard lound shrieks coming from downstairs. Ash was down there on her computer in the room next to Ryan's. After last week and her ordeals with Stalker BF, I was worried and ran down. But it wasn't Ashley, and it wasn't crying. It was Ryan. He was sitting on his couch and laughing so hard it brought tears. I asked his worker what was up and she told me he had been in the absolute best mood for a couple of days. Better than she remembered in the past couple of years.
A few days ago I had been in his room, talking to her. We were discussing my plans to take Ryan to Disney World next month. He had listened intently and had really brightened when I came in the room. He is always like that when I am near him.
Ryan is a young man who had encephalitis at age 4. He lost most of his cognitive awareness. He cannot speak, does not appear to understand, has limited mobility and a severe seizure disorder. But he gets out of bed every day and attends a program with other friends, goes swimming and on fun outings. I make the best life I can for him.
But sometimes I throw all medical knowledge out the window. Because Ryan DOES seem to "get it" at times. Like yesterday. His worker (she has been with him about 6 years) told me he seems to know he is going to Disney again. This would not be the first time this happened. We had planned our first trip there at the time he became ill. Gathering things from his room to take to hospital when he was in a coma, I came across his travel bag, he had already placed inside his swimsuit and his stuffed Mickey. Heart wrenching! We did not go on that trip.
A couple of years later, on very frosty morning I was outside with him, waiting for his school bus and chatting to him as always. I would never get a reply but who knows? I said "Hey Ry, why don't we just skip school today, get on a plane and go to Disney World". And he looked me in the eye and nodded. I was shocked and asked him "Is that what you want? To go to see Mickey?" And he nodded again. It was definite, it was appropriate. Of course the drs say he has no idea what I'm talking about. I beg to differ. Needless to say, when I told my Mom what happened - she booked us right away on a trip (I could not afford it at the time) and she came with us. God bless my Mom!
I try to take him back every couple of years but it is difficult and expensive. Haven't gone for 4 years this time due to the constraints of moving, his elevator etc. But it is time.
So, I KNOW I am on the right track with him. He is excited despite the fact he should not even know what is going on. That is my miracle this week!
SO I went out yesterday and bought him some new summer pants, golf shirts and socks. It will be nice to pack some new things for his trip.
And I am more excited than ever about this trip to see the Mouse!!
We are surrounded by miracles. We have to learn to recognize them. What are yours today?
Barb
BD - That is so moving. I'm welled up at work.
What a great outlook to have on life. I'm am in awe of your poistive nature and what a wonderful human being you are.
I will take what you've said and use that in my everyday life.
God bless you and yours. I hope you have a wonderful time at Disney (yes I'm jealous, we'd planned to go on a family trip there for 2010) and a wonderful life.
Todays miracle for me ? Looking out the window and just seeing the sunshine. I love sunny October days when you can feel the warmth on your face.
Barb,
I don't think there is anything worse than a child who is hurt or sick. When you combine it with everything else you have endured, it is "the perfect storm". Peace, out.
FLTC: You are absolutely right. And I have had far more than my fair share of stuff. But I've also learned that we all have stuff. Some is big, some is not. But the important thing is how we deal with our stuff. I've made some mistakes but I think my heart was usually in the right place.
You have a lot of stuff right now. Just try to deal with one thing at a time. I know you're on the right track. If you ever want to talk - you know where I am.
Barb
((( Barb )))
That just made my day! Bless his heart!!
and you are a terrific mom, I often wonder how you do it, but I know you do because you have to , so you do.
After all the crapola we've been thur w/ Ex and D , FL is right, nothing worse then our children being sick or hurt, so if they are ok. ALL is ok in the world in my eyes!
Have a good weekend!
Arthur:
THat's the spirit! The sun is shining brightly here today too and the colours are glorious! I can see yellows, rusts, burgundy, oranges and greens on the trees outside my window. I put out a new birdseed today and immediately got 2 Blue Jays! My kitties are in their glory. They each have a climber with a "nest" at the top. Right in fromt of the window facing the bird feeders!
Another miracle this week. Ex paid his share (1/3 - don't ask) of Ashley's tutition! YEAH! No fuss no muss no mess. Gave him the bill last week, got the money this week. That's how I like to do business.
And Chucky spent a whole 44 minutes with Ryan this month! Yep - his visitation as per his request is an hour every other week. He cancelled last time and showed up 16 min late this time. But it is HIS loss. As it all is. Because the kids and I are doing great. And I don't lose sleep over him anymore.
MIRACLE!
Barb
Hi Miracle Barb, I just had this vision of you dressed like Tinkerbell with your magic wand flying through the rooms, making everything clean and shiny. Windows gleaming, cushions plumped fire in the hearth and wonderful smells wafting from the kitchen.
Then you land and announce buy my miracle barb and your home will be full of love.
So I am happy to hear Chucky paid the bill with no fuss I think you finally got your message across.
Your right we all have stuff big and small and we learn to endure and adapt and thrive and when we do it makes the smallest blessings so wonderful because we know the price we paid to achieve it.
I think the older we get the more we appreciate all lifes joys. I find nothing worth having comes easy but the smallest pleasures are magnified and bring deeper and lasting contentment.
I'm whispering this next bit
We have had no rain for 4 days-shhhhhhhh don't tell anyone.
Glorious autumnal weather, and my tailess kitty is back climbing trees and hunting-yeh her presents I could really do without.
Now if my x could suddenly find the money he owes me I'd think I'd died and gone to heaven.
Barb,
You are so right. Miracles and blessings abound if we really take time to see them.
Me, I feel blessed to be celebrating 11 years of marriage with my soul mate. Oops.... I meant 11 months. It seems like we have been together forever; that is a VERY good thing!
I love your attitude toward your children and life. I pray all of you find many more blessings in the future.
Take Care,
RMG
Every day is a miracle and a source of wonder.
- My cat cracks me up every day. All it takes is a laser pointer or her hearing the doorbell. She runs down to the door to greet visitors just like a dog. When I come home at night, she's in the window looking down and waiting. I've been leaving the windows open and she'll call for me to come on it.
- Slow down and just be, just sit and be still. Let your mind rest and let your troubles go away. Let go and let God. It is truly amazing what happens when you can let your mind be at peace.
- We are having the MOST gorgeous autumn here. It's October and we'll be riding the motorcycle tomorrow. Can't wait!
- Let's not forget that the more joy we carry in our hearts, the more joy others will experience in their lives.
Good Morning Friends!
Ahhhhh.... Saturday. And for once - I have no big plans. Sure, I have a million things I'd like to get done, but nothing I HAVE to do. That's a miracle!
I am so enjoying reading your uplifting posts. I wish everyone on DB would come here and read. They need to know that their lives won't always be in a holding pattern. They need to know that the gut wrenching horror they are going through, that actually physical pain in the heart will subside. No, life will never be the same again but it is not all doom and gloom. Change can be wonderful. I was terrified of the changes I faced. But not anymore. I am happy once again, just as so many of you over here on the "Surviving" side are as well.
My son, Brandon arrived last night to spend the weekend. It looked at first as though it might just be him and I spending Thanksgiving dinner together on Mon (Canadian holiday). So I opted for a restaurant since I'll just be getting back from Toronto where I'm having turkey dinner on Sun with Josh's family. Here in Canada, we celebrate the whole w/e and many have the dinner the day before the real Thanksgiving. But my sis, who is in California this w/e mentioned that she would be getting back in time for dinner on Mon and planned to go for dinner with her kids and our brother. So, we are all going together. Likely dad is free to join us. And Ash will be back in time. So it seems 12 of us will be dining out together. That's a miracle!
Another perfect day here in Niagara. Sun shining across the park. Not a cloud in the sky. Rare I am not on the cottage for this w/e but whenever I would go it would be very cold and rainy. Lucky for the others I stayed home - LOL!
So, I hope to recarpet my latest dollhouse and do some painting of it. Hope to reorganize my closet. It has been in the works but to date - unfinished. I am donating clothes I have not worn in a while. I think there will be nothing left from my "Married" days when I'm done. And that's not a bad thing.
So, taking an easy day and glad of it. What are you doing this w/e?
Barb
Good morning Barb,
It's rainy here in SC today, but I have lots to keep me occupied inside, so it's not too bad.
Jack is in from college this weekend and has Monday off. When he's home, there are twice as many teens in the house at one time. I love having them here though even if I do have to buy more food and run the dishwasher all the time.
I hope your Thanksgiving dinners turn out great. The key is to spend them with family and enjoy one another. But if I had to go through them for an entire weekend, I'd gain back what I've lost over the last two months. I'm glad that's not an American tradition.
Enjoy the family this weekend Barb.
Ohhh yummm can I come back w/ Leenie for your T.day? LOL
so she opens her suitcase and there i am.
Sounds great Barb!! your right too, it would be nice if others knew life does go on, but like C2 said sometimes that falls on death ears, you dont want to hear that , i know i didnt , just wanted someone to tell me how to get my ex back!!! boy am i glad no one had a answer for that , cause I am happier now!!
we are doing some major cleaning in the garage- even rented a big dumpster and have guests coming Sun.so a lil work, a lil fun
Have a great one!
hi Happy!
Happy Thanksgiving Barb! I'm thankful for your sunshiney threads, for one thing!
Hey friends!
Great to see your posts!
Today I am off to Toronto for Thanksgiving with Josh's family. So what am I thankful for?
3 beautiful children!
Ryan is doing the best he has in years. This year we got his elevator put in and just hired a new worker, a guy, who is working out great!
Brandon is happy in Toronto with his own place and his job. Has lots of friends there but still gets in visits here and at the cottage. A son to be proud of.
Ashley is safe after some trials this year. She is working on that college degree (SLOWLY) but has a good spirit and is making plans for herself.
Josh is a dream come true for me in many ways. My Knight in shining armour. Finally meeting his family, their ready acceptance of me and our plans as we travel the globe are what I've always wanted.
The home and cottage are fantastic. I am so very lucky. Not a day goes by in either place that I don't remind myself how fortunate I am to have such wonderful homes. The work I did on them this year has been most rewarding.
My "semi-retirement" is wonderful too. Still own the place so make some $ but have more free time to enjoy my hobbies and friends.
My pets - Belushi and Tango are just so sweet and cuddly. Fill my heart with love.
And life goes on. Think of ex less and less over time. And I'm thankful for that.
I am grateful for so much.
Happy Thanksgiving Canadian friends! Happy Columbus Day to my U.S. buds.
Barb
Hi Barb,
YES, Happy Thanksgiving to you.
I have read this thread and it has uplifted my spirit. I see that there are many things to be happy for. I will try harder to seek them out and concentrate on them more. I will try to stop dwelling on what was. What was is gone and what is...is now.
Now brings with it a wonderful son who is my pride and joy and I love him so very much. I have a beautiful home that is cozy and warm. I have great friends who care so very much about us.
I have a gorgeous Golden Retriever named Tucker who follows me everywhere either in action or with his eyes. He is my friend.
I am sure if I look around there is plenty more to be thankful for. As far as miracles go....I know they are out there everywhere....I have to be willing to see them.
Thank you so much for the eye-opening topic.
I appreciate the words you write.
Sanderika
Sanderika,
Your post here today is a gift to me. I try to reach out to people who are struggling, just as I was 7 years ago. I try to make a difference. And you are a special woman. One I hope my posts do help.
I think you've turned a corner. When you can focus less on what you had and more on what you have - that is a big step forward.
We can't control the actions of others, spouses included. We can only do our best as people and as parents. The rest may or may not work out. But regardless, God only gave us one life. And it was for us to appreciate and enjoy.
I give thanks today for you. You are a day brightener. And I am so pleased you are doing well.
Barb
Thank you Barb,
Today was a good day.
I made an apple pie this morning.
I wrote some posts here on the board.
I went outside for 5 hours and pruned my shrubs in the front so the carpenter's can tear off the old siding on that wall and start to replace it.
It was a beautiful, warm, sunny fall day here in Maine, my son and Tucker spent it outside with me and that was good enough for this day.
I am going to keep posting on the board. I find you and others very helpful and am very grateful for the friendships I am making here.
Your appreciative friend,
Sanderika
Good Morning Barb,
You are amazing. Thanks for sticking around even though you obviously dont need to.
It will be a good day today. Both my kids (ages 6 & 7) woke up without complaining so that was my first miracle of the day (LOL!!).
It's getting cooler here in Athens and it feels refreshing.
K
PS This divorce stopped my/our plans for a cottage close to Athens, on a mountain, overlooking the sea. I have been dwelling whether I should build it alone or just give up that plan. After reading about your cottage, I am thinking of actually doing it...
Happy Thanksgiving Barb! There's lots to be thankful for, isn't there. We all woke up this morning, many in this world didn't. I'd say the rest is just gravy (with the turkey and stuffing and cranberry sauce and...)
Happy Thanksgiving to you as well, Whatisis. I am so grateful to live here in Canada. Where we have the freedom to vote for our new leaders tommorrow. Where we have plenty to eat (and I along with millions of others did just that today). We live in wonderful, comfortable homes. And the weather is just fabulous this weekend.
I could go on with my gratitude list for hours. But you get the picture.
One of my sisters lost a dear friend this w/e. She was in her forties, the mother of 3 teens. She had lived in an abusive situation which she had finally broken free of. It was hard on the kids when she left (taking them with her of course). Now her life was cut short suddenly. So far we do not know why. But it does make you once again realize how precious life is. How it can be taken away in an instance and how it should not be taken for granted.
We had a wonderful dinner out with Josh's family in Toronto. 8 years ago I had Thanksgiving at the cottage with my husband and kids. Never would I have dreamed that now I'd be with a new man, a new family. So weird.
I remember 7 years ago today. My dear friend invited me to her home in Vancouver for the holiday. My kids were with my family at the cottage so they were taken care of. And at my friend's home, I cried through the entire meal. Yes, that was me! I could not sleep, barely ate and the pain in my heart was unbelievable! But it was on that trip that I found Divorce Remedy and I found hope.
Yes, that was me! And if that woman could turn her frown upside down and end up as I am today - anyone can. Trust me!
Today I saw my ex. I had not seen him in a couple of years. He was in my driveway when I got home from Toronto. My son had called him to go out (3rd time this year! WOW!). So I waited until he pulled out of the driveway. He had his window down but I did not lower mine. I do NOT like the man he has become. he nodded at me and I did the same back. And it struck me how UNATTRACTIVE he was to me. He just looks BAD! And I got out of the car, went in the house and believe it or not I had that shakey feeling. Hmmm... so I haven't lost that yet.
But it subsided and I know it will be many months before I see him again (well I HOPE). and for that - I AM SO GRATEFUL! LOL!
OK, acting like a turkey tonight but who cares.
I love reading your posts! Every one of you has so much to add to this thread. Thanks for being here!
Barb
One day a dad gets off work and as he is driving home, he remembers it is his daughter's birthday. He pulls off at the nearest Toy Store and asks the sales person "How much for one of those Barbies in the window?
Salesperson: "Which one do you mean, sir? "We have Work Out Barbie" for $19.95, "Shopping Barbie" or $19.95, "Malibu Beach Barbie" for $19.95, "Disco Barbie" for $19.95, "Ballerina Barbie" for $19.95, "Astronaut Barbie" for $19.95, "Skater Barbie" for $19.95 and "Divorced Barbie for "265.95".
The amazed dad asks: "It's What? Why is Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others are only $19.95"?
The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyess, sighs and answers:
"Sir, Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's furniture, Ken's computer and one of Ken's friends"!!!!!!
Hee!!! I have heard that one before, but its a classic.
Happy Thanksgiving, probably a bit late, but thinking of you Canadians nonetheless.
I can't believe you dont see you X, ever!! How do you do that with kids? I know the shakey feeling all too well.
Funny you mentioned that your Ex didn't seem attractive at all...today my D4 and I were waiting for her gymnastics class to start and I saw H pull up (he mentioned he wanted to come see her in class today, usually doesn't have Mondays off). I watched him walk across the parking lot and I was thinking how much he has changed, and how I don't find him very attractive anymore. His whole look has...shifted...don't know how else to explain it. And that's just the outside, you know?
'nuff about me, girl, just popped in to say HI HI HI
THanks lwb:
So stuffed, I slept in and missed my 8:30 meeting. OOPS. Me bad! Oh well. Rare, if ever that happens and it was not that vital.
Hard to explain to someone else what they look like but my H does not look like ANYONE I even know.
I don't have to see ex because my youngest is 20. The kids, if they see him, make their own arrangements. My oldest is 29 but severely disabled. I do not handle H's picking him up once or twice a month for an hour - I have son's nurse handle it. Only the arrangments are made through me but I let my Ex know at the beginning that if he missed visitation I made no changes at all. He screwed up so often that Ryan was waiting around for nothing and that is not right. See him on Wed at 5:30 or not at all.
I will likely see my ex at D's grad in June. We have had 3 grads since our split. They were usually unpleasant experiences. At the first one we sat together and even had to kiss during the peace (D's 8th grade catholic school grad). He arrived late but first had maggot drive him around the parking lot while we were outside for photos and make her presence known. He is in our photos with D. The next one, 2 years later was son's college grad. I did not want him around me so we sat at opposite ends of the row. 2 years ago was D's high school grad and he had stopped paying child support and owed me thousands. I told D I did not want to sit anywhere near him. So I begged son to sit on the opposite side of the room with ex while I sat with my Dad. I cannot stand to be in his presence. Other than that, have had 2 runins at funeral homes and suffice to say he let his female dog loose and she ran right up my back and breathed down my neck trying to get me to acknowledge her. That's the kind of woman maggot is. Not one I will give the time of day.
But that's all history. This notion that they somehow have a realization and regret after several years in MLC has not been apparent in my ex's case. I have now gone 5 months without CS for Ash as he considers her not needing it since she is only in college part time. He does not recognize the fact I give her a nice home to live in an food. Ashley's BF lives at home too. He was working fulltime and not in school. His dad still pays CS to his mom and also just bought him a new laptop. That's a laugh here. I got 1/3 tuition and not a penny more. And for that I'm grateful!
OK, no need to vent because I'm not angry or upset. I got tired of fighting about this a long time ago and would rather pay for D on my own than have to converse with a moron.
Barb
Another gorgeous sunny day. Today we vote in our Federal election. We may have new leadership in this country. I am grateful to have the freedom to choose who might do that best.
Skipped the early meeting but will make it to the fun one in the afternoon. Then I need to put in some real work at the studio. It is a busy time.
Josh and I changed our cruise room to save some $ when our dollar bit the dust last week. We just paid the min deposit, though, as we are optimists who hope to see an increase in the next week or so after the election.
You know, a trip to Australia was something H and I had always planned to do. He always said "Hawaii for our 15th anniversary, Australia for our 25th". More like Hawaii for our 20th, a divorce for our 25th. I am grateful that we did make it to Hawaii and even took the kids on 2 subsequent trips there. Those are great memories. I wonder how Ex will feel when he hears that I am going on the trip. He and maggot could never afford to do it, of that I'm certain. Oh well, his loss.
Must get busy. Have a mile long "to do list" today. But I think skipping the AM meeting will give me a shot at crossing some things off the list.
Happy Tuesday everyone!
Barb
Hi Barb,
Happy belated Thanksgiving! Just thought I'd pop-in to see if there were still any familar names, and there you were!
I have some great news! I'm going to be a gramma in April! yep my son and his wife are expecting. We are all very thrilled. This is the first grand on both sides.
The other news is that my daughter is in grad school in Boston going for her MSW just like mom did. I was up there in Sept. helping to get her settled in. I do miss her, but having an "empty nest" is nice too.
Other than that, everything is the same. I love that there is no longer any drama in my life. Have you heard from any of the oldies lately?
MC
Hi LW~
I stay in touch with a few DB friends and plan to visit Nursemom and Hopeful next month. Maybe you can join us. I'm going to Largo/Tampa on Nov 15. Do let me know if you and CK can come. I had such a nice visit with you last Feb. It was fun and a great chance to get to know you better.
Congrats on the big news. WOW! That is very special! Friend became a grandma recently as well as Naej. Cathy 47 posted yesterday after a long hiatus. And I'm sure you know that Nursemom is a grandmother to 2 little girls now as well.
I, too, am thrilled to live without the drama. Who needs that? just increases the blood pressure.
Take care and give my best to CK.
Barb
Another sunny day! YIPPEE!!! Just make my heart sing!
The colours deepen outside my dining room window. I have a row of green cedars but my Ash tree is bright yellow I can see several deep burgundy maples, a bright red and some orange. Such a glorious display!
It was 3 years ago this week that I moved into this house. When I saw the Ash tree in all its glory I took it as a good sign. My daughter's name, Ashley, means "from the Ash tree meadow". I had planted Ash trees at our previous home (the dream house that we built), but there were already several growing here when we bought it.
I love this house. Some days I wish I had a bit more room, though it is large by most people's standards. Just, I am a "collector" and no matter where you put me - I collect stuff.
So, a new cleaning person is coming today. I need to scramble to tidy up so I don't scare her off. I am "artistic" and do love to spread out and have my finger in one too many projects at a time.
Today is a charity lunch at the top of the Skylon tower overlooking the Falls. It is a gorgeous day for it. I always buy 2 tickets to all the charity functions then ask a friend. Today I am taking my daughter. We will meet 2 of my friends. It is a sumptuous buffet which throws my post Thanksgiving diet right out the window. What diet?
When I get home I will finally get some "me time". Time to do what I want to do. I am grateful for that.
So what are your plans today?
Barb
Hey Barb
You out there? lol
I remember when you bought that house! Didnt you just see it and decide you wanted it? I thought that was crazy! cool but crazy lol and see it has worked out.
Today for me is a clean the house day, I have been on the go and ignoring things that need to get done. Tomorrow my GF C is having her annual Halloween brunch w/ out lil group of friends, and B will be here fri. sooo today is the day.
Sooooo hope things are OK if you know what i mean
Hi Barb...I do wonder what's up? We DID have a full moon last night. So maybe some werewolfs or hobgoblins or scary creatures are haunting around here? It is almost Halloween...
Hmmm. I've had gratitude forced right into my face the last few days. My office window overlooks our small parking lot, and we're located in a rather transitional part of town. We've had a homeless guy sort of camp out in our parking lot the last couple of days. Just sort of sits up against the fence and takes a nap. Makes me really happy that hey...I've got a roof over my head, money in the bank, food in my belly.
Let's see what else. I'm also very very very happy we shook off the ACORN folks around here...they can't "register" fake voters any more...past the deadline. Causing too much dissension around these parts anyway. You Canadians seem to be very lucky: your elections are so much easier than ours. But yes...I am very happy to live in a free society with elected leaders.
Biggest thing I think I'm grateful for today: I get to go home and have a quiet evening and have NOTHING on the schedule for one evening!! Yippee. I might pop in a couple of DVDs, uncork a bottle of that TJ wine, put my feet up, and say ahhhhhhhhhhhhh