Other thread locked...
Okay folks, the showdown is next Tuesday, Oct 7th. 9 am.
I am sure I will be in need of drinks on that day.
So here is a song by Don Henley to start off my thread....
I got the call today
That I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old, true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you'd found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
and the struggles we went through
And how I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
and beg for something more?
I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again
I've been tryin' to get down
to the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
and my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about...forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore
Ah...these times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
and people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age?
Ah...the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They're the very things - we kill I guess...
Ohh pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work I put between us
you know it doesn't keep me warm
I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you, baby
And the more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I'd figured out
I have to learn again
I've been trying to get down
to the heart of the matter
But everything changes
and my friends seem to scatter
But I think it's about...forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if, you don't love me anymore
There are people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
You better put it all behind you baby; cause' life goes on
If you keep carryin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside, baby
I've been trying to get down
to the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
and my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me
I've been tryin' to get down
to the heart of the matter
Because the flesh will get weak
and the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if, you don't love me...
Forgiveness (yeah)
Forgiveness (baby)
Forgiveness (ohh)
Forgiveness (ahh yeaaahhh)
Forgiveness (ohh)
Forgiveness
Even if, you don't love me anymore...
So....what is going on, peeps?
Love to all,
Valentine
YAY first
A heminway please.
ANd AYE DIOS MIO telemundo rocks!
I am going to need at least 3 dirty vodka martinis.
....sigh.
V
With all going on, I havent kept up, is this for your D?
sorry if you have mentioned it and I am guessing it is.
Like everyone told me here ( although I ended up not having to go to court) think of all of us sitting behind you, silently cheering you on! You have our cyber support!!!!
You can do it and you will come out of that courtroom w/ your head held high cause yu can!!! and your life will be wonderful!!
Nope for temporary orders only...he is a pain in the ass though.
I hope that I won't have to go to court again...that we can settle everything in mediation but who knows with this clown.
clown thats what I call my ex!
I ended up not going to court, although I had an outfit all ready lol
I think a lot of times it ends that way, its less $$ and really , I wonder if there is a need. Everything is usually ironed out ahead of that.
Good Luck anyway and let us know Hopefully I can still read your thread lol
hugs and kisses to you, Vali.
Have all the dirty martinis you want, but after... smile.
good luck. tu eres una mujer mas bella.
ever
Hi Vali,
I hope that I won't have to go to court again
I hope it for you as well. Good luck next Tuesday.
Have a nice week-end. (((HUGS))) xxx
Hey V
Are you back? How did it go?
Karen, it is next Tuesday....the 7th. Blech.
It will be fine I am sure...I plan on wearing really high heels! LOL! And of course, a fabulous suit! and looking all business.
Yeah, what's with all the banning????
Jinkies Ever, you speak Spanish....how fab!
I am so smiling after!!!! And I might snap my fingers too!
True, I hope you have a wonderful weekend!
(((((((((((((((((((((Truelove)))))))))))))))))))))))))
Valentine
Hi Vali,
Thanks, I did have a nice week-end. Went to a dance performance which was super.
I hope you had a nice week-end as well. (((HUGS)))
Hi Vali,
How did it go today. Am thinking of you. (((HUGS)))
He signed the temporary orders...
He is in la-la land...
Seriously folks, it is beyond my comprehension...
Hi Vali,
It is not just beyond your comprehension!
Have a nice week. (((HUGS)))
Hi True!
Yes, well...my 13th anniversary is next week...blech,,,wonder how many years will go by when until I totally forget the day entirely....i give it 2 years. In two years, I won't remember it...
It will just be October 21st...nothing special. Can hardly wait!
Love to you , sweets...I am feeling funky...just heard something about him today when I didnt ask. Had to tell that person that I am trying to heal and I do not want to hear about him, talk about him, hear his name even...
Just where I am at.
Smooches!
Valentine
Hi Vali, I often think of you.
Yes, well...my 13th anniversary is next week...blech,,,wonder how many years will go by when until I totally forget the day entirely....i give it 2 years. In two years, I won't remember it...
I wish for you that it will get easier with time. I am not sure if I will ever be able to forget that day.
I hope you are doing fine and wish you a nice week-end. Love to you too. (((HUGS)))
Thinking of you. (((HUGS)))
Hi Vali,
I hope you are fine. Just wanted say that I often think of you and to wish you a lovel week-end. (((HUGS)))
Hey Val,
Glad you made it through the "temp orders" okay. I know it's rough, but just try to remember that those proceedings are simply business (easier said than done).
La La land must be some wonderful place. My ex is still there too. Don't know if she will ever come out, but it doesn't matter because one thing is for sure - they are a completely different person when they come out unfortunatey often for the worse.
In any case, I too went through a "lame duck" anniversary - 14th for me. It sucked and I can't wait for the day too when that day simply becomes another day. Maybe turn that day into something positive by starting something on it next year? Something fun and exciting? Just a thought.
Good news for you that I know how to make a very very nice dirty martini. I call them extra dirty or as I have so named them "extra naughty". Must have a bit more olive juice, a very nice vodka, and 7 queen spanish olives!!!! I will make you one if you like!
Take care of yourself. You will get through this - but I think you already know that!
((((((((((((((Val))))))))))))))
God Bless,
Santhony
Hi Vali,
I hope you are ok. Just wanted to say hi and that I am often thinking of you.
Next week I could practically "sleep" at the theatre as there is almost every day something on I would like to see.
Winter started here and I just hope that the streets will be clear and not icy when I want to go to the theatre.
Have a lovely week-end and take care. (((HUGS)))
Hi Vali,
How are things? I hope you are well. Have a nice week-end.
Thinking of you. (((HUGS)))
Hi Vali,
I hope everything is alright with you. Let us know how you are doing.
I am dealing with the D and my emotions are going up and down. But otherwise I am OK.
Take care of yourself and have a nice week. (((HUGS)))
Hi Vali,
Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you will celebrate with your family.
Have a lovely week-end. (((HUGS)))
Why does this seem to drag on forever????
SPongeBob (new name for STBXH)and his crazy shenanigans are becoming funny...
Man, he is really living in LA-LA land
True, thanks for that! It was lovely! I have a large extended family so I was surrounded by many family members...
It was wonderful!
Hi Vali,
Great to hear from you - thanks for posting on my thread.
I am so sorry about your D being final soon. I understand that you are sad, but I guess it will also be a relief and you will be able to start anew.
I am happy for you that you had a lovely Thanksgiving with your family.
Have a good week. (((HUGS)))
True, sorry that you are also divorcing...
For me it was closure...and I needed that.
I will move forward with my life and that is a good thing...
Maybe you will find that too...
Hugs!
Vali
UPDATE: Trying to get my divorce complete...crazy Sponge Bob is buyin a car...because his son has "changed his cirmcumstances"...what a clown.
I have not put up my christmas decors...everything is half done...doing this during the holidays is so hard...
I understand this year I dont have my girls but Im 'faking it until I make it'
X OW is into taking pictures and it sounds like she does thsi sort of thing soemtimes on purpose in hopes i get to see the "happy family".
It was her idea to take xmas pictures infront of our huge xmas tree downtown to send xmas post cards.
In the beginning she would even take pictures of herself everywhere also inside x's car..just to prove a point.
We never send xams family post cards.
On my 'evil days' I have thought about sneaking pictures of X kissing me and trying to undress me...he he...since she likes pics so much.
HiVali,
Thanks for your sympathy. I hope you had a good week-end.
I guess your X will wake up soon as a child will change his life SO MUCH!
I can imagine how hard it is for you during the holidays.
Have a good week. - Thinking of you. (((HUGS)))
Chicki, faking it is tough...but you can do it...
Jinkies! What a psychotic OW! Well, sweets, not to worry, karma will reign in the end...
Here's hoping that your holiday is peaceful...
Valentine
Hi True! This has been a hard holiday season...the first when I was no longer standing and know that divorce is inevitable...so sad really.
I have learned a lot though...I know that God has another plan for me...
Boy, have I learned a lot about myself...and parts of me that were dormant are waking up again...and I feel like I can breathe a little easier...like the air is MINE...go figure...
Keep looking towards the sun!
Hugs,
Valentine
Hi Vali,
I am glad for you that parts of you are waking up and that you can breath a little easier. I know how hard the holiday season must be for you. Take care. (((HUGS))) to you too.
True, I still have my moments...when I feel down. I see happy families shopping and a million jewelry commercials with the man buying the woman jewelry...and I remember when it was me...and it wasn't so much about the stuff it was that someone loved me enough to take the time to do that...that someone was thinking of me.
I miss that. I miss being loved and cherished. I miss being so completely in love with someone. And although this is the FIRST year that I am going through this knowing my marriage is truly dead and over...it feels like I have been alone for a LONG time...and, in fact, I have.
But the season also reminds me that it is not about me...that it is about the Savior who was given to us...to celebrate His coming. I take comfort in that and for all the good things God has bestowed upon me...like the Lissy girl..who did not want get up this morning..it was chilly here...32F/0C and I just wanted to stay cuddled up with her...I just love my gerl!
So, I am having a good day today...I hope you are too..
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((Truelove)))))))))))))))))))))))
Valentine
Hi Vali,
I know how you feel. I also miss being in love and being loved. I miss the fun things we used to do and the laughter. But I don't want to be with anybody in order to not be alone.
I also had a few good days, althought I got sad inbetween. But when the sun shines I feel so much happier, even if it is cold outside.
Yes, we have been alone for A LONG TIME. Sometimes I quite enjoy being able to do what I want and that's why I am worried that I will get used to it and develope some strange habits. I don't want to end up like a strange loner.
I wish you a lovely week and some more good days. (((((HUGS)))))
True, you are right...we have to love ourselves first....and yes it is good to have our alone time...I will admit that i have to have it and always have...being smothered was never my thing.
The sunshine is so important to me as well...
But you are right...we have to get back in the swing...otherwise we will become too eccentric!
Hugs, sweets!
Valentine
Hope your holidays are peaceful...
Okay, so I met this very nice man...doesn't seem to play games and seems very straight-forward...and I will have to get rid of my ambivalence towards him and the situation...
Although, being aloof has always been a way for me to be less vulnerable...And vulnerability is not a strong point for me...the possiblity of being hurt has always made move in the opposite direction.
This was something I did even before my marriage and I think was a contributor to problems in my marriage...so I must learn to stop it and be vulnerable or else I will not have learned anything...
So, we will see where this leads me...hopefully to a better understanding of myself and towards the future...
Hi Vali.... how you doin????
Although, being aloof has always been a way for me to be less vulnerable...And vulnerability is not a strong point for me...the possiblity of being hurt has always made move in the opposite direction.
You do know it is possible to be vulnerable and yet guarded right?
You can open yourself up and still be aware of certain oddities or red flags. There is a difference in being guarded and looking for issues right?
Ian
Hi Vali,
Good luck with your nice man!
I wish you a merry Christmas and a happier, fulfilled and healthy New Year. (((HUGS)))
Ian, is it possible? I have to confess...I am not sure...new territory for me and I think I am stilla bit still high strung...and high maintenance...
I am still very prone----if I perceive one false step or innuendo---to say F OFF...so where does that put me?
Yeah....whole lotta work and growing needs to happen...maybe I am not ready for this step...
Blech, the tentative nature of the LBS....
You have to trust yourself V, and at the same time take some small risks... you know, get your feet wet before you get in the pool....
I have faith in you Vali....
Ian
Chicki, how are you doing these days? Holidays any easier? Cannot say they are for me either...
Can hardly wait until this is all a distant memory...
((((((((((((((((((((((((Chicki))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Valentine
Ian, yes small risks...such a hard thing to do at first...so I guess what I am doing at this time is 'getting my feet wet'? LOL!
Trusting myself and anyone else for that matter is not an easy thing to do...however, I think that by getting my feet wet...I am beginning to trust myself more...to know what I want for ME...for my ENTIRE life. I also know what I am not going to tolerate either.
SO, just trying to let my guard down a little but seems like I choose the wrong people or maybe I am overly sensitive or something. Oh well...
Thanks for having faith in me, Ian...
Happy Hanukkah!
Valentine
Okay, so the 'nice man' I met does like to play games. Thus ends my very brief foray into internet dating. I am done with that. I don't think I am ready for that---and maybe I will never be...
I have decided that I am okay with being alone...I don't need romantic male company right now---even though I DO miss it. I have the Diva, my family, my friends, a good job, I am nearly divorced and above all, God loves me just as I am. Not that I couldn't use more work! LOL!
Look, all I am saying is that those of us in this boat need to learn to be comfortable with ourselves.
I learned something about myself with this 'dating' experience...I learned what I will and will not tolerate. I learned to say NO to men with bad behavior.
Looking back over the last 3.5 years, I see how Spongebob was just downright MEAN to me. I don't know if he went through an MLC or if he finally let the mask on his face fall off to become the person he always was inside. True, there were other factors in our marriage that contributed to his acts of betrayal, but I truly wanted to work on those factors. I wanted to work on MY shortcomings. He, on the other hand, had already made his 'decision'. So, you have to let it go and move on and see what else the Lord has in store for you. I believe that He took my ex and marriage away to bring something infinitely better in my life. I believe that with all my heart.
So, my fervent wish for all of you this coming year, is that you all move towards whatever it is that YOU believe in and that you find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Happy New Year!
Valentine
Such wonderful words of inspiration and I couldn't agree more with everything you said.
From past behavior of the x's, internet dating, and learning to say "No" if your not comfortable with something or someone.
Most of all......loving yourself, being comfortable with yourself and accepting that God does have wonderful things in store for the future.
May you have a Happy, healthy, healing New Year.
Jeanette
Thanks Jeanette...this is a time for loving ourselves...for looking at the yumminess of us.
I do believe that God has wonderful things planned for me...
What I think is important is for us to move forward...and leave the rose colored glasses behind.
Hope you have a happy and wonderful New Year!
Valentine
Hi Vali,
Happy New Year! I wish you all the happiness in your life and may your wishes come true in 2009.
Thanks for popping by my thread. Take care and have a lovely week-end.
Thanks True...I wish the same for you!
V
Was just on Cinders thread and she talked about how her H fits many of the characteristics of Narcissism.
I will admit that Spongebob does as well. That is why I wonder if he was ever in MLC or not. Maybe he had some break and gave into his narcissistic ego. I think it was a part of him all along.
So, now I see how a lot of it really had nothing to do with me. Nothing I could have done would have changed his decisions. I could have been a PERFECT wife and he STILL would have gone this way. I do not believe that he would have ever come back now. He had EVERY opportunity...and yet he never took it. I can see him for what he is. And you know what? He did me a favor by leaving and never coming back. Wish he would have wanted a divorce a hell of a lot sooner, but again, that feeds into the narcissism role. He needs to be needed and he needs to be in control.
And now, I am walking away...and I am never gonna look back. There IS a better life out there...my life is too precious, I am important to too many people to feel depressed. And over what? A man who was, in the end, not worthy? A man who could never be what I needed him to be? Nope. That is time wasted in my opinion.
I am declaring 2009 the year of ME. Where I get to explore what is important to me and how to get to a happy place for me and me alone.
Eventually, I may meet someone who makes my heart aflutter but I am not betting the farm on it. Right now, I just want to enjoy MY life...and all the wonderful, beautiful people in it.
Cheers!
Valentine
Hi Vali,
Just stopping by to say hi and that I am thinking of you. Have a lovely week.
Happy New Year Vali. Like you I am going to make sure the 2009 is all about ME!
Hi Vali,
Just wanted to say hi and have a good week. Thinking of you.(((HUGS)))
Hi Vali,
I hope you had a lovely week-end. I am thinking of you and wish you a lovely week. (((HUGS)))
Smooch to you, Almost Divorced Woman!!
Hi Vali,
I hope you are OK and would like to wish you a lovely week-end. Take care.
True, seriously ALMOST DIVORCED!!!!
Have a new playmate...he is very kind and a man of God...love it!
You can't just give us this snippet and then leave us hanging on for more info
Hi Vali,
I will also be divorced in a few months.
Great that you have a new playmate and that he is kind!
I got to know a guy and after a couple of hours I knew that he was not my type. Hope you will have more luck.
Have a lovely week-end. Take care.
Uhm....He is so fab!...and so many other things...like:
kind
religious
has a great sense of humor
good listener
honest
straight shooter
makes me laugh hysterically...
need I go on?
Suffice to say, my lovelies, I am having the time of my life!
Goodness True! I hate the adage: you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your Prince Charming...but it is true...not that we are looking for that...but even to find a suitable man for dating is a feat unto itself!
Jinkies! This man sorta fell into my lap...I was so thinking of never dating again...but Oh...how my heart skips a beat when I think of my new friend...he is just what the doctor ordered. LOL!
I am just enjoying the company...of another person who does not lie when he opens his mouth...and is straight forward and thinks about me and is not afraid to say it...WOW...I have been blessed to find a person who knows where I am at in my life and is okay and does not want to change me...
Just hang in there...we will soon be completely divorced...
I will tell you the latest about Spongebob and his crazy shenanigans tomorrow...or rather later when I wake up...right now...it is time for me to get some sleep!
Hugs True!!!
Valentine
JOURNALING:
Jinkies, Monday was such a drama filled day! 
Okay so, Spongebob asks for the title to his car and asks me to mail it...I suggest him picking it up on Saturday when he will come, ONCE AGAIN, to pick up more of his sh*t at my house. You would think the man would pick up all his crap already!
OMG, you thought I would have suggested that he cut off his left testicle! The Drama! So, my lawyer and I let him throw his tantrum and agree to mail it to him for pete's sake...I mean, Sheesh!
So, then he sends me an email yesterday asking if it was okay for him to call me to talk about some of the terms of our divorce...I was like: Yah, okay, whatever...
Kids, I would never have believed that I could be so indifferent towards him but it was so easy peasy. He calls and I am all business and he wants to stroll down memory lane...and I am like: I have a root canal scheduled in 5 minutes and I gotta go(just kidding about the root canal, but seriously, where was he going with all the reminiscing?????)
So, I am thinking my divorce is almost a done deal...
A round of dirty martinis for everyone!
Kisses to all!
Valentine
Hi Vali,
Great to hear that your new man is wonderful. You deserve somebody like this!!!
I am sorry for your drama filled day. - Oh, your H is still a crazy MLCer!!! He will probably wake up when he sees that you have somebody else. Too bad for him!
Regarding the adage I left you a message on my thread.
Have a great week and take care. (((HUGS)))
True, you sound so good, sweets! I am happy for you...
yes new man is wonderful...we'll see how it goes...
As for the drama...well, it comes with this territory...it will all be over soon...And I really do not want Spongebob to know about my my boyfriend...it really is just none of his business...
Hugs,
Vali
Yep and he is yummy and has a sexy voice and is fabuloso!
Hi Vali,
Thanks for popping by my thread. You sound really good. I am so happy for you. - And your new man is even sexy - wow!!!
I still cannot let go and detatch completely and have setbacks all the time. But I hope that one day I will also be able to move forward.
I wish you all the happiness in the world. (((HUGS)))
Hi Vali,
I hope you are having a lovely Valentine's Day. Take care.
Hi Vali,
I guess you had a great week-end with you sexy guy - you deserve it!
I am still waiting for Mr. Sexy to come along - LOL!
Have a nice week. - Thinking of you. Take care.
True, a man will come along when you least expect it. I certainly was NOT expecting Mr. Sexy Voice..
Speaking of which, we have decided to not date or anything...I don't know if it if permanent or not...I think he had issues with me still being legally married. Bummer. I was developing strong feelings. Maybe that scared him...I have no idea how any of this works. Maybe God is looking out for me...All I know is this mans is committed to his religion as much as I am to mine (Catholic---hence the whole "dating while you're still married is wrong" thing) and that is a strong attraction.
My divorce is really almost final...the final terms have been with SpongeBobSquarePants since JANUARY 22nd!!!! WTF???????
ANyhoo, I talk to Mr. Sexy Voice everyday and he tells me he loves me and misses me...and I understand that.
SpongeBob came over last night to get his 'documents' off of our iMAC computer...and I had moved all my pictures to my own drive under a different user...well he somehow got it (through a backdoor password I'm guessing) and he was copying ALL the pictures of ME in them....OMG. WTF is up with that? i DO NOT UNDERSTAND THAT.
ANyhow, luckily I caught him. And he tried to give me some lame excuse as to how he got on my drive and I told him he was lying.
He then asked about our WEDDING PICTURES and why there were so few and I told him: Hey, you have all the ones of you and your family, what else do you want? I am surprised you wanted them at all! He then said: what about the ones of you and me?I told them they were in a landfill. I had thrown them away....he nearly started crying...and I said: You know H, I don't understnad why they are so important to you NOW. He said they were a 'part of him' and that is not 'what he would have done'...and I said: No, you did far worse. I pretty much changed the subject then.
I think he has gotten the picture that I want this to be over...He wants to hang on because he wants to control. He just does not realize that he relinquished that a long time ago.
This has all left a bad taste in my mouth and I had unpleasant dreams last night. You know these people are SO SELFISH and have no clue how they hurt us...and it will take a LONG time for us to really recover from that.
Anyhow, sorry for the long post...just needed to get it all out...
Love,
V
HiVali,
I am sorry about your sexy voice guy not wanting to date you anymore until you are divorced. Well, I really don't know why he has to wait until the papers are signed. You don't really have had any marriage for ages. But if that is his beliefe then that's it.
I am also sorry about your H making you sad. Yes, these MLCers are nuts and they don't even realise that they hurt us all the time. It is the same with my H. And yet they don't want to let go completely. It is very strange that your H asked about the wedding pictures above all! But he is right, they are a part of his life.
Anyway, I wish you a lovely week-end. (((HUGS)))
Thanks True...yes it was very sad to look at Spongebob sitting in my home office and not recognizing him really or feeling anything for the person he has become. He is a virtual stranger...
he was supposed to come over today but got sick and could not...sigh.
And I understand where Mr. Sexy Voice is coming from...I have been teaching classes for people who are converting to Catholicism and learning a lot more about the beliefs and why we do the things we do as Catholics and can agree with him.
Although I did not have a marriage for a LONG time, the fact is, legally I am still married although I want it to be final. Soon, my dear, soon. I am hoping this week or next. I need this for my own personal healing and stuff...cannot do this anymore...I need peace.
As for the photos...well it is too late for that . They are gone.
It is beautiful here today....but windy and my allergies are acting up...no yard work today! A good friend is coming over and we will be having Mimosas and I am off to ta birthday party later this evening for another friend....
Hugs,
Valentine
Hi Vali,
Thanks for posting on my thread.
I am sorry that your allergies are acting up. Hopefully, you won't suffer for too long.
I hope you will be able to find peace once the D is over. I guess life will go on but I assume that I will always have H somewhere in the back of my mind. Over 30 years of M don't just disappear.
When did you get married that your wedding pics are only digital?
Have a lovely week. (((HUGS)))
I laughed so hard I snorted, ha ha, why exactly do you call him SpongeBob? because he has no spine?
And how cool you got someone
My cousin (SAME freaking timeline about separating and breakign up of M) joined match.com and talked me into putting up a profile, even to just meet guys. I'm still a bit scared of meeting men, I never really dated and I dont' want to be needy or get attached to the first person who likes me back. I am not a "full" member, so I really can't contact anyone. Hope one day...soon...I feel ready to have male friends (but, oh boy, the cuties I found there!)
My D will be final soon as well, I just have to go and sign the stupid papers, I'm just taking my time so I have one more month of free healthcare, ha ha, and wishing I can find a cheap way to have someone look at the divorce decree, though all was decided last year on the sep., agreement.
Hey Cat! I call him Spongebob because he has a square body and stick legs....never thought of the spineless part but it is true as well!
Well, the man I met....well, we've cooled it...no dating or anything. SO I guess I am free to date whomever I want at this point. Bummer. I really dug him.
anyhow...I wish you luck in dating...geez, I wish ME luck in dating!
Just take it slow...and go at your own pace. I did date a bit before I met Spongebob and have dated a few men since September...and that has been an eye opening experience. Just enjoy and remember you don't have to MARRY anyone...just dating they guy...
Once the D is final you will be free from so many things...just keep that in mind...
Hugs,
Vali
Hi Vali,
I thought you would date your sexy voice guy after the D again? Am I mistaken?
have dated a few men since September...and that has been an eye opening experience.
Oh boy how you are right! A GF tole me yesterday that a FF she knows was dating and writing on an Internet platform for about 4 years but now she did find a super guy.
I wish you luck with dating. You deserve to get a nice guy.
Have a lovely week. (((HUGS)))
True, I would like to date my Sexy Voice man after my D is final. I hope we do...I guess we'll see...just my insecurity coming out...
Honey, we ALL deserve to get nice men/women...I keep praying for us....
OMG----the OW showed up at my house last night...it was very weird.
More later....
Hugs,
Vali
Hi Vali,
Re Sexy Voice man I hope you will get what you are looking for.
OMG----the OW showed up at my house last night...it was very weird.
You are right, it is weird.
Have a good day. (((HUGS)))
Yeah...the OW showed up....have no real idea why...her insecurity???
Probably.
I am so done with that...and I did not appreciate it.
It was weird to have her in MY house...strange...I am ready for all of this drama to be over...I want it so OVER.
sigh...it was not a visit that was much different from what other folks have gotten from the OP...why was I not really THAT shocked by a visit???? I swear these people just want to keep us in THEIR drama...and I just don't have time for that anymore...
I've not had a visit from OW (yet). However, I did pay a visit to the first OW that I ever found out about. It was something I needed to do at the time but then suffered with living nightmares for weeks afterwards. Everywhere I looked she was there:
in the bed between us
in the passenger seat in my car
sitting on the end of my desk at work.
The thing that finally cleared the vision from my mind was when H and I went to play badminton. I pretended the shuttlecock was her head and really laid into it every time it was my shot. For the only time in my life I gave H a whooping at badminton
He couldn't understand where I got the strenght and energy from. He was pretty shocked when I told him what had happened!
Hi Vali,
Wishing you a lovely week-end. (((HUGS)))
ACJ! I loved this!!!! Badminton!
Well, I hope you never have to have that kind of visit...really...
ACJ! I loved this!!!! Badminton
Believe me the way my H is behaving right now I could do with a week long session only this time pretending it's his head I am caving in!
Hi Vali,
Thank you for posting on my thread. I wish you strength for the day you will receive the final D papers.
Have a nice week. (((HUGS)))
Alison, that is really good therapy...you need to get it out and over with and move on...no sense in holding it in...it does more harm...trust me, I know...
I wish you happiness and peace, whatever happens...remember, when God closes one door, somewhere he opens a window...and what MAY seem inconceivably sad, may, in retrospect, be the thing that sets you free...
Hugs,
Valentine
Well sweets, you are an inspiration for me...life goes on...I think we need to remember that...despite what it is that WE want, sometimes God has other plans and we cannot ask questions...
"Be still and know that I am God" Psalms 43:10
Honey, your life is gonna be so great...u will look back and laugh...as we all will...
Hugs,
Valentine
Okay, WTH is wrong with everyone??????
Seems like this weekend at my cousin's fab wedding I was getting ALL kinds of unsolicited advice...and it was annoying! I loved the one person that told me: Vali, I heard that you should not date for an entire year after your divorce because it is like you are mourning the death of someone.REALLY? YA THINK?I was thinking to myself, look chick, he's been gone for over 2.5 years...for over 2 years I did not go out...I just hung out at my house and waited for him patiently (and not so patiently) and now that I am moving on you're thinking it is a good thing for me to WAIT some more??????
ARE U KIDDING ME??????? All this from a person who has NEVER been divorced. Easy for her to say. So I just smiled and said thanks, but I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do...
Hell, it isn't like I am dating anyone anyway...for Pete's sake!
I swear, some people are just bossy...
Anyhoo, today is St. Paddy's day and I am going to a pub and drink something green!
Hugs to all,
Valentine
Hi Vali,
I so agree with you - unsolicited advice can get to you.
Yes, you will do what you will do. I wish you good luck with it.
Take care. (((HUGS)))
Oh man wish I was going with ya to that Pub. They have a great Pub around here, but the line is around the block to get in, but it is so fun.
The kids and I will just eat something green :-)
Chick.
About the advice.
Maybe just maybe, the people were trying to be protective of your heart baby girl.
You have been through the ringer.
It has not been easy.
Also I am sure that those people really have no idea how much YOU have grown.
How you live in awareness to your surroundings and think twice before making any moves and pray about decisions first.
All they can imagine of your shoes is
You were hopeful, for your H to come to his senses. You were being intimate with him during the seperation, to keep the connection going. All the while he was still dating the same ole OW and got her pregnant.
SMACK in the face.
People can't even fathom that much pain.
And here you are, living through it with grace and dignity. The OW showed up at your house and you asked if she wanted something to drink and all the while she could not even look at you in the face.
For you see, your strength, and all around appearance, and the way you conduct yourself, does not demonstrate a woman that has been through hell.
It demonstrates a woman that has her shizz together, and they can not wrap their brain around that.
Let it roll off your back mami.
Just like you said Thank you and keep on walking.
Take it all in good faith.
I am pretty sure they are just trying to protect your heart.
As they should
Cheers hermana.
Thank you True! SOmetimes I feel like I am losing my mind...but everything will be okay...
Hugs to you my friend,
Vali
Yeah, chick wish u could have met me there too...lots of hotties! Met one---he was 25! Jinkies!
Liss, you are right about those people...they have NOT seen how much I have grown and how much I pray about decisions. SIgh...I am so loved and here I am complaining about it. How selfish I am. They just don't want to see my heart hurt again.
Thanks you for thinking I handled that with dignity and grace...I did try to do that...sigh...and you are right...they mainly DID see the woman who had it together...they really did not have to listen to me cry like you and Always and Baseball Annie did...they do not know the details...
Even now, my divorce is imminent...next week I think. And I am feeling sad about it. I mean, I am glad in many ways but I am also sad...I am sure you know what I mean. Right now I feel like I am trapped in a vortex of emotion...and I cannot get out...I just have to ride it out...it is exhausting...and I am doing my best to keep busy...with friends, with church...with meditation (although I have not done enough of that lately).
There is so much pain associated with this...
Hi Vali,
lots of hotties! Met one---he was 25! Jinkies!
If Madonna being 50 can have a 22 year old, you can have a 25 year old! LOL. - Take care. (((HUGS)))
Oh my gosh True! That made me smile----really BIG!!!
Hugs, Valentine
Hi Vali,
I hope you had a lovely week-end. Thinking of you. (((HUGS)))
True, had a lovely weekend thank you!
Now the week is upon me and the real world comes crashing in...wonder what the week will bring?
Right now I am drinking wine and listening to slow music...and life is good....
Hugs,
Vali
Well...everytime it seems like my divorce is getting ready to be a done deal...another issue crops up...
This one has to do with tax implications and how we filed in 2007. Jinkies!
This is a very important question, kids...
And as much as I would love to move on from this rather sordid chapter in my life, I cannot leave any loose ends. So, hopefully my CPA will respond and we can get the show on the road.
Sigh.
Hugs to all...
Valentine
It's amazing isn't it how the WAS push and push for the D and then when things are finally happening they suddenly find all sorts of things to slow the process down.
Alison, yes it IS amazing isn't it?
However, I know that my STBXH is saying it is ME that is holding everything up...and at the beginning of the divorce I admit I was shell-shocked from finding all this stuff out and I was depressed about actually getting divorced but, amazingly, I bounced right back after a few weeks!
I have been ready to move through this process...understanding that i am STILL processing emotion that comes along with actually being divorced.
I have asked him to forward copies of the utility bills so I can switch them to my name and he has yet to do that. AND have asked him for the 5th time WHEN he will be by to pick up his remaining items from the garage. Including the lawn mower that the OW came by to 'talk' about a few weeks ago.
You would think he would have jumped on that already...sigh.
Oh well. I will be divorced when my final tax question is answered---hopefully that is soon!!!
Hugs!
Vali
Hi Vali,
I hope everything with the D will go smoothly after the tax problems will be solved. It takes time to get used to being divorced. I still have problems saying XH.
Have another lovely week-end. (((HUGS)))
Vali my H is stalling over similar things. Interesting really b/c once I have his signature on one document he gets £30k from me. You would think that would be a little bit of an incentive to get it done!
Hi Vali,
Just wanted to say hi and asking how things are getting along with your D.
Have a good week. (((HUGS)))
hmmmmm True...I have been calling him my EX for a while...even though he is not...and sometimes i have to remember to say Husband when dealing with people....
Yes the tax thing is resolved and my lawyer will be sending the FINAL draft to me no later than Wednesday. So hopefully will have a hearing next week to get divorced finally.
Weird.
Met with Mr. Sexy Voice and decided that I really need more than he can give...it was sad for both of us but I trust we will remain friends---I still think he is a good man...just not the right one for me...I need so much more. And he is focusing oon other things---like career and his daughter---and that takes precedence right now...and I am glad he was able to tell me that...
Sigh...oh well...I have no plans on dating...I think I just want to be alone and have joined a group of others who do activities together...but NO DATING. I am going to a museum in a couple of weeks with said group...I am sure it will be great fun!
Now to get used to being Vali + maiden name....I am using my maiden name on practically everything...and will change it legally once the divorce goes through. At work I am still legally Vali + Married name.But I introduce myself as Vali + Maiden name now to everyone I meet...and at church too...sigh.
Hope you're doing well and that you are having beautiful weather...
It's gorgeous here...except for tree pollen which I am allergic to...LOL! Ah well, thank goodness for allergy shots!
Hugs,
Vali
Gosh Alison, no kidding! Goes to show how little we know these men...
Mighty Midget (aka Sponge Bob) is being all nicey-nice...I think because we are at the end. I am thankful for that because at least he is not acting like Satan.
We can never win with these psycho men...I say let's be glad if they are in a 'good' mood at the end and we will do okay...we don't want it to be the other way around because they will become drama queens...and be whiny and stuff...ridiculous.
So, I will say a prayer for you that all get done...
Hugs!
Valentine
Hi Vali,
Met with Mr. Sexy Voice and decided that I really need more than he can give...it was sad for both of us but I trust we will remain friends---I still think he is a good man...just not the right one for me...I need so much more.
I am sorry about this but I think the same way about the guys I met so far.
It must be nice to be part of a group for activities. You might get to know somebody nice there.
I am keeping my married name. I have had it almost longer than my maiden name. I really could not get used to my maiden name again.
You are more lucky with the weather. We are supposed to have warmer weather as the week goes by and I hope it will come true. It has been gray and cold again the last few days.
I am not doing too badly, thanks for asking.
I wish you a lovely week. (((HUGS)))
Hi Vali,
I hope you are fine. Have a lovely week-end. (((HUGS)))
Well, I decided that I did want to be taken out on dates after all...Met this very nice Australian man...10years older...he seems very interested in me and I do like him...
My only concern is how to deal with them if they get more attached than I do. I suppose the only thing is to be truthful, I suppose....sigh...this is so different than when I was truly in the dating scene in 1992.
Oh well....
Hi Val, wish I had your dating dilemas-lol
...this is so different than when I was truly in the dating scene in 1992.
just to cheer you up try doing it again since 1965!!!yeh exactly no wonder I gave up after 2 attempts.
Men my age want women in there 30's. Men older than me are looking for a companionship nurse!!
So quit complaining- only joking.
I like reading your dates.
Naej...
I sound like such a whiner! I am having an okay time...
And for the record I think men wanting a 30-something girlfriend are just complete fools. Ugh...frustrates me just thinking about it...
I'll keep the updates coming as they happen...hopefully I will have fun and not meet too many creeps.
Hugs,
Vali
Journaling:
Went to visit my Sexy Voice man and his daughter today...the one that I am only 'friends' with now...it was a nice visit...i had a good time and there was no pressure---just friends getting together...
I was supposed to go on a date with my Aussie this evening but he got sick. So I guess I will get together with him soon...
I have been having dreams about STBXH and OW and their baby...have no idea why...perhaps it is because the divorce is imminent and my sub-conscious is regressing...wow but the dreams are vivid and I wake up feeling depressed. Not that I DON'T want to be divorced, however, I suppose the change in my life is complete...and it is coming out in my dreams...
I look forward to the new chapter in my life...I know everything is going to be great...however there is great sadness that it took so much pain to get to that place. I imagine that no wonderful thing in life happens without pain, suffering or anguish of some sort...
So, onward---on this fabulous journey.
Love to all,
Valentine
Hi Vali,
Glad you had a nice time with your Sexy Voise man. Hopefully, the Down Under guy will be well soon and you can meet him.
You seem to be more lucky with meeting guys you like than I.
I am sorry that you have these vivid dreams and hope they will stop. Good luck with your new chapter in your life.
Have a super week. (((HUGS)))
I think the dreams are quite understandable, just your mind trying to process.
How did you meet these men Valentine, do you belong to a dating agency or online? just curious you don't have to answer.
Naej, I met Sexy Voice man through a friend and Sexy Laugh/Voice/Accent/Aussie man through the web via a dating website...I know...it sounds cheesy but whatever...I DID consider an agency...but if I meet weirdos...then I will!
Aussie man has no issues...and is basically a happy person. I had to pinch myself to make sure he is real...and maybe he is too good to be true...but so far...conversation with him is fabulous...OMG...he is so cerebral...I LOVE that!
My only concern is: what if they fall in love with you and stuff.....GAAAAAAAH! AM I ready for that? I have no idea. I have no idea about ME falling in love. I just want to take it one day at a time...and have fun. I tend to analyze too much. This is a MAN I am talking about...not a male who PARADES as a man...I feel like a fish out of water...LOL!
I say do what feels okay to you...I used to think dating sites were silly but I have changed my opinion!
Valentine
oh I don't think dating sites silly. I guess I feel I would be a dissappointment in the flesh so to speak.
I guess it boils down to confidence.
Yes you run a risk but we know how to be safe and sensible when and if a meeting takes place. Yes I guess they can attract some weirdo's but lots of activities do that so again be sensible I guess.
I guess living carries great risk but we do it anyway.
Do you state up front you are looking for xyz or do you just go with the flow?
Sorry more questions.
Hi Vali,
Glad to see you happy.
My only concern is: what if they fall in love with you and stuff.....GAAAAAAAH! AM I ready for that? I have no idea. I have no idea about ME falling in love. I just want to take it one day at a time...and have fun. I tend to analyze too much. This is a MAN I am talking about...not a male who PARADES as a man...I feel like a fish out of water...LOL!
I feel just the same way!
You seem to have had luck with your dating site. I might try one after all as well.
Have fun and a lovely Easter. (((HUGS)))
Naej, yes confidence....in yourself to do it...so whatever...
ON those sites you describe yourself and what you are looking for...you post a photo or photos...it is fairly straight forward.
I was curious regarding the difference b/w paid vs. non-paid sites....MAJOR difference. Or so I think...
Anyway...you never know...there are sites of all types: age group, religion, etc...it's worth a look.
Valentine
True, I am liking my Aussie Man very much! It is going well so far...
Hope you have a fantastic Easter holiday...
Hugs,
Vali
Hi Vali,
Glad you like the Aussie man. I have not met one so far I liked. I find they have no style or manners and love to drink a lot of bear. But maybe you are lucky with your guy, at least I hope so.
Thank you for your wishes. I will see my family on Easter and if the weather continues to be as it has been so far, it will be a fantastic Easter. I also wish you the same.
Take care. (((HUGS)))
Yeah well, we'll see about Aussie Man...they start out fabulous and then who knows what happens....guess the old adage: you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince really does apply at any age.
Ugh.
Dating can sometimes really be a drag...
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Truelove))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Valentine
Hi Vali,
Welcome to the club!!! - At least your frogs start out fabulously, mine don't even do that - LOL! But I must say that so far I had no negative experience and I hope it will stay that way.
I still hope you have at least some fun dating.
Take care. (((HUGS)))
True....well Aussie man took a hike because I well...it boiled down to difference in faith and I think he was physically attracted and he felt that maybe that was the driving force...and so he said goodbye and wished me luck.
WTF? So now Sexy Voice man tells me goodbye BECAUSE he is VERY RELIGIOUS and Aussie man says goodbye because he is an ATHEIST. I must have some bad juju on me.
Back to the drawing board!
Hugs and a Blessed Easter to you, my friend...
Valentine
Hi Vali,
I hope you had a great Easter.
I am sorry that both "your" guys said goodbye. I am sure that there will be a guy one day who will take you as you are. I'll keep my fingers crossed.
Have a lovely rest of the week. (((HUGS)))
Yes, well...I did meet another very nice man...who had been a banker...and I went on a date with him on Monday...OMG----had the best time! He was so easy to talk to...and handsome...he is about 6-7 years older and I have to tell you that I like older men better. They are more mature. They play less games. I like that. Plus he was very charming and respectful...articulate and funny...
I appreciate straightforwardness...I am not good at the games...so, I have another date tonight...he has invited me over to cook steaks for me and to meet his dog...he has been doing all types of fabulous things to his house...
I really like him...
Hugs!
Vali
Hi Vali,
Glad to hear that you are dating a nice man again. You are courageous to already go to his place!!! I would never do that already on the second date. - AND he has a DOG - wow.
I prefer men of my age. I found the older ones strange and boring. But of course you are much younger than me so "your" men are not as old as "mine".
Have fun and a lovely week-end. (((HUGS)))
Yeah, I suppose it does seem rather soon...and he did preface the invitation by saying if I thought it was too soon then he would understand...
It was fabulous...and he cooks steaks extremely well...and I like mine medium rare----it was perfect...he made asparagus and oven roasted potatoes...OMG...I kept wondering if he would turn into a pumpkin...
he has been fabulous...so I have continued to see him...
I signed my divorce papers in triplicate on Monday...so...once they are signed by the judge...I will be legally divorced. ...sigh...finally....
HUgs,
Valentine
Okay, seriously, how long does this take???? For cryin' out loud!
Hi Vali,
Sorry that you still have to wait for the D to be final - it does take a long time.
But you seem to do great with your new guy. I would love a guy how cooks for me!! AND he is fabulous! No wonder you continue to see him.
I registered with a proper dating website and wonder what it will bring if anything.
I went to a modern ballet yesterday and it was real junk. The only good thing was that I didn't pay much for the ticket.
Have a lovely week-end. (((HUGS)))
Sorry about the modern ballet....New man would go to the Opera with me...but if he won't go...I am sure I can find a friend that will...LOL!
New man is fabulous! Really like him...
I think my divorce will be final today...
WOW.
Hope ur doing well, True!
No more Telemundo life for me!!! YAY!!! No drama!!! Love it already!
Kisses to all the peeps!
Valentine
Hmmm....may have to close my thread now...I am not sure if I am completely divorced yet....
Will just wait and see....
Wow, folks...this has taken a LONG time. I thought it would be over in a month and a half...goes to show how much I know.
Now onward to the interesting part of my life!
Still dating Mr. Fabulous---OMG...he really IS fabulous....I keep thinking I need to pinch myself to make sure HE is real---or that I am not dreaming or something...
Seems like every time I say that, something weird happens and then I am no longer dating them...because of some weird religion thing...or they get jealous or whatever...I really do not understand modern dating.
Maybe I spoke too soon and my Telemundo life will continue only instead of going through the trials and tribulations of getting divorced it will be about dating in your 40's....<sigh>
Muah!
Valentine
Don't close your thread Vali we would miss you.
Hi Vali,
That sounds great about Mr. Fabolous. Can't you get me one as well - LOL? I am still looking but not so hard anymore. I am going to some live music, and last Thursday I noticed a nice guy who sat opposite me but wouldn't talk to me altough I gave him a chance. So I hope he will be there again tomorrow.
I hope for you that your D will be final soon. It is nerve wrecking to wait so long.
I agree with ACJ, don't close your thread, we would miss you.
Take care. (((HUGS)))
Hi Vali,
Just wanted to say hi and that I am thinking of you. I guess you are also busy and having fun with your new guy. I don't have a new guy but am still having quite some fun.
Take care and have a lovely week. (((HUGS)))
Hi Vali,
I guess you are doing alright since you don't post anymore. I just wanted to say hi and wish you a lovely week-end. Take care.
I'm back!!!!
Sorry, was busy at work, traveling...a little dating...whatnot....trying to prepare my house for sale...
Not dating fabulous guy anymore...something was not right...and finally we had a chat and basically he said that although he thought he was over his ex-gf he was not. Told him adios and good luck with working that situation out...too bad...because I liked him...but it was hard getting close to him and now I understand why...
Ah well...guess you have to kiss a bunch of frogs...
So, Aussie man is back...we'll see what happens...
I admit I am in no rush to do anything...or really be in a long-term relationship...I feel kind of indifferent...and if I end up not dating for a while I will be okay with that...I am having fun though and I think that is important...but I have no expectations of anything...just living life day by day...
OMG...did I mention SpongeBob's gf called me on MY CELLPHONE????? Psycho.
The drama continues with those two...Thank God I am outta that saga.
V
Hi Vali,
Thanks for posting on my thread.
I am sorry it didn't work out with your fabulous guy.
Ah well...guess you have to kiss a bunch of frogs...
You are kidding - a bunch isn't enough - LOL. – These days I find the whole dating thing quite stressful, don't ask me why. I was doing alright so far and quite enjoyed it. (I wrote on my thread what happened to me.)
Good luck with the Aussie guy. Can't imagine he shares your intersts in classic music, etc.
You sound good despite it all and I am happy for you. Yes, having fun is very important.
Have a lovely week-end. (((HUGS)))
Hey True, gone to any outdoor concerts lately?
OMG, forgot to mention that I I got a call from the OW...asking the most absurd questions. I think it just goes to show that not all is beautiful in paradise...
I feel a little stressed out by dating now too...don't ask me why...I like that the Aussie is very involved in his career thus not so demanding of my time....i feel a little jaded by this whole dating thing...
No, he does not share my taste in Opera or Classical music....but I have no expectations anyhow...so whatever...
Hope you have a fabulous weekend...
Hugs,
Valentine
SO, Aussie man calls me last night to tell me has had this fabulous offer to move to the Philippines for the bank he is working with to do some wonderful thing...and that Australia is fairly close...like 3-4 hours away...
I was bummed by that fact. I mean a great opportunity for him and his career...but I feel like I am ....well, maybe I am just a a relationship leper or something.
I have been feeling down lately and I am not sure why. Post -divorce stuff or something...there are times when I want someone to hold me...physically hold me...like my XH used to do...and not want anything...just hold me and kiss my hair and tell me that they love me.
Is that silly or what? Have no idea why I am feeling like this...I mean, I feel ready for a relationship...a boyfriend if you will...which is why I started DATING.
It seems however that I date these men for a short time and then something happens...is this how things go???? I mean, in the process of dating, do things go south after a month or a month and a half????
I really have no clue...
I feel alone...and I try to be still and listen...but I am not always successful.
I have no idea sometimes what I am doing ...what my purpose is...I feel like I am floundering...
I hope this passes and is just some part of inner enlightenment and stuff...
This is normal sweets. You were in a marriage where you had that tenderness when you needed it and it is hard to not have that. It is hard to not know that if you need a hug you just have to ask for one.
You will find love again, some lucky guy will be blessed to have you in his life when the time is right. You know how this works right, the moment you quit looking for it, it will show up on your doorstep.
Aussie man obviously was not the one for you, if he was you the job opportunity wouldnt have come. So maybe God was protecting you from something....just a thought.
It seems however that I date these men for a short time and then something happens...is this how things go???? I mean, in the process of dating, do things go south after a month or a month and a half????
Again, this is exactly what I am talking about. Things happen for a reason, God moves these men on for a reason. You are not meant to be with them for one reason or another. Patience Vali, something special will come into your life when the time is right.....
Ian
Ian, I know you're right...dating is a nice diversion...however, the main thing is that I have a lot to do...prepare my house for selling...continue to work on myself....work on my finances that became somewhat a mess during the divorce, see what else is out there as far as a career...etc, etc, etc...
So much to do!
IN truth, I KNOW none of the men I have dated are the right one...nice guys,,,but not for me....at least not for the long haul...and as much as I am not really looking for that...it is hard for those thoughts not to just pop in there...I don't know about anything anymore...I don't even know if I really will find love again...maybe not. I think I need to prepare for all possibilities. It's the practical thing to do.
I love it when I am practical...everything makes sense then and I can rationalize anything. It's like the universe is in harmony! LOL!
And I hope the something special that comes into my life is by way of a new, exciting job, selling my old house, buying a new house, finding peace and enlightenment in my life, getting a new 4-legged baby for the Diva....
So much to look forward to...
Hugs!
Vali
SO, Aussie man calls me last night to tell me has had this fabulous offer to move to the Philippines for the bank he is working with to do some wonderful thing...and that Australia is fairly close...like 3-4 hours away...
I was bummed by that fact. I mean a great opportunity for him and his career...but I feel like I am ....well, maybe I am just a a relationship leper or something.
I have been feeling down lately and I am not sure why. Post -divorce stuff or something...there are times when I want someone to hold me...physically hold me...like my XH used to do...and not want anything...just hold me and kiss my hair and tell me that they love me.
Is that silly or what? Have no idea why I am feeling like this...I mean, I feel ready for a relationship...a boyfriend if you will...which is why I started DATING.
It seems however that I date these men for a short time and then something happens...is this how things go???? I mean, in the process of dating, do things go south after a month or a month and a half????
I really have no clue...
I feel alone...and I try to be still and listen...but I am not always successful.
I have no idea sometimes what I am doing ...what my purpose is...I feel like I am floundering...
I hope this passes and is just some part of inner enlightenment and stuff...
Hi Vali,
I can so relate to all of the above!
I hope you are feeling better this week. (((HUGS)))
True, feeling infinitely better!
So, I decided to have fun with Aussie man and when he left, he left...it was actually a lot of pressure off, no expectations of anything...and that kinda helped me put things in perspective...
SO, I go to this party this weekend...a family party...but other friends of family were there, etc...and there is this one guy, a bachelor...and my aunt said I should go up and chat him up...and I was like: sure, why not? He seems like a nice person...blah, blah, blah...so I do...and at the end of the conversation, I say, well, it was really nice talking with you and he asked me for my phone number!
ANd here I was...thinking...no more dating...I am just gonna be me and not worry about any of that stuff...I don't wanna 'date' anymore...I need a break...and I meet this fabulous cool guy...he is 10 years older, has a Ph.D. in Engineering...I love brainiac men! And he seems emotionally stable...and he is the same religion as I am and actually attends church! Excellent...so, we'll see...only trouble is, he lives in my hometown which is 80 miles from me...so I guess we'll see...he is good looking and very physically fit...I like that...
So maybe I am not the relationship pariah I thought I was...I'll keep you posted...
Hugs!
Valentine
Hi Vali,
Great that you feel better.
SO, I go to this party this weekend...a family party...but other friends of family were there, etc...and there is this one guy, a bachelor...and my aunt said I should go up and chat him up...and I was like: sure, why not? He seems like a nice person...blah, blah, blah...so I do...and at the end of the conversation, I say, well, it was really nice talking with you and he asked me for my phone number!
That sounds super! I'll keep my fingers crossed that it will work out this time.
Have a lovely rest of the week and week-end.(((HUGS)))
Hey True!
Yeah, well...not holding my breath on any of this...it is very diverting!
Date with him next weekend...we'll see if there is any chemistry!
Hope you have a lovely weekend!
Hugs,
Vali
Hi Vali,
This week-end is the week-end!!! - Hopefully, the chemistry will be there - I'll keep my fingers crossed!
I had a lovely week-end last week and hopefully, we both will have a lovely time this week-end.
(((HUGS)))
[color:#330099]True, he was a lovely, lovely man! had a wonderful time! He is quite a gentleman!
Very nice chemistry...so we will see what transpires...no rush on either end...
He did invite me to his cabin where he has a telescope...so I can see the Milky Way...look forward to seeing him again...
I'll keep you posted...we are both busy for the next couple of weeks and he does not live in the same town as I do so it is nice that it will move at a slower pace...[we shall see...
Hugs,
Vali/color]
Hey Val!
Your date sounds nice! I hope things work out exactly how you want them!
and B and I live quite a distance, and I have really liked taking it slow, think its what I needed to get where we are now
Keep us posted!
Hi Vali,
I am so happy for you!!! "Very nice chemistry" sounds really good, it is so important, isn't it! - He really seems to be a nice guy, and taking it slowly is also good.
It is funny that you like him to live a bit further away. I just wrote to one guy that I think he lives a bit too far away from me and that it would be too complicated to get to each other because you would have to take a ferry!- However, I think the total distance would only be about 30 miles! - It is amazing how differently we think in some ways.
Take care and good luck. I hope for you that things will work out the way you want them to. (((HUGS)))
Hey Karen and True!
I think the distance is best for me right now because it allows me to put it into perspective...it makes me take things slowly....and I can attend to the important things---and get to process and stuff...
If it turns into something serious then we can discuss, well, serious things...but for now...I think this is best for ME...I am not saying this is good for everyone and still, I would prefer that he live in the same city as I do...but I think I would be moving along at a quicker rate and I like this man...he is not like Spongebob at all...and at first, I found that kind of different and I was not sure that I liked him...thought he was too laid back and too gentle really...and then I thought: WHAT AM I THINKING?????
He is a GOOD MAN, at least as far as I can tell. And everyone that knows him keeps telling me how fabulous and giving and kind and smart, funny, witty he is...I would be a FOOL to let him slip through my fingers without trying to see what else was there...and he is good looking too! He has no children...he has never been married...so no drama there...he is financially stable, he has a good job that he LOVES.
So, we shall see what happens...if nothing, he would be a great friend to have...
I'll keep you posted!
Hugs,
Vali
Hi Vali,
Great to get you update. Yes, go for a nice and gentle man. You would really be a fool to let him slip through your finger. I wish you all the luck in the world.
I will meet a guy on Wednesday who is looking for somebody who can make him laugh! - I am looking forward to it.
Take care and have a lovely week. (((HUGS)))
LOL spongebob, that always cracks me up!!
glad to hear V! slow and easy,just the way we like it
Yes, I suppose the nice gentle man is a good call...but I am not so sure he is 'into' me...he seems like a busy sort and he has told me he is tied up for the next few weeks...so I don't know if that is manspeak for: I don't really like you that much.
Dating sucks.
OH well, only time will tell.
Hope your meeting with new guy on Wednesday is fun and you laugh a lot...
Hugs,
Alix
Karen,
THe problem with slow...is, well, that it is SLOW...and meantime, what if they lose interest...or if YOU do? Whatever...I guess I am being spoiled about it. Perhaps patience is something I need to learn...
I should not knock slow and easy! Oftentimes that is best!
Hugs!
Vali
I totally undestand what your saying V
I guess there is slow and then there is slowwww
it does take work to keep a longer distance R working and you both have to work at it , I guess maybe thats the way of knowing you both want it, enough.
Still go by the old saying.... if it was meant to be.....
and everything happens for a reason
I remember being heartbroken over men , well not heartbroken like I was over my M! but bummed when they decided or it just didnt work and wondered why, I do believe it was because there was a bigger plan, something waitng, at just the right time.... and there was
AND there will be for you too, I know it, your a good people V
and good things will be comin' you just wait and see
(( Val ))
Karen, yes distance relationships are harder to maintain...because you really do have to mean it...
I am usually kind of ambivalent about relationships at the beginning then it seems as if it is working out and then I let my guard down and then they decide that it is not for them by wya of: disappearing or running off screaming into the night or saying we're going to hell or they are not over their exes...I mean, WTF? How hard is it??? Jinkies! You would think they had been through what WE have been through...I mean, if anyone would be in a position to NOT trust or run at the first sign of trouble, that would be us---the LBS...but apparently we understand about toughing it out.
I feel kind of bummed like you were...asking myself are there any EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE men out there? I am glad to know that it is not just ME...that others have had this experience as well.
Perhaps there is a bigger plan with regards to another companion...In truth, I really have no idea.
Thanks for the compliment! I am glad you feel that way about me...seems like the immediate people around me think I am a bitchalina or something...
I believe good things are coming by way of a more exciting job...a new place...a new car, etc...but all those things are material...I want something special and unique...I suppose we all want that...
In the meantime, I will keep dreaming....
Hugs,
Valentine
HAPPY HOUR
ON VALI'S THREAD FROM 3-7 CT...M-F
Monday's special will be Mojitos...we need something refreshing...as it is 104 degrees here today...Jinkies!
Hope to see all the peeps here!
Valentine
Hi Vali,
Glad to say that I am your first guest! And I love your temperature! I wish it was as warm here.
I replied to your question on my thread. Hopefully, it won't take your guy too long to fully warm up to you! I had a long distance R for many years with XH before we moved in together.
Last week-end my sister invited me to the opera "Samson et Dalila" which was performed outdoors. Although it was slow moving it was quite spectacular to watch since over 120 people were on stage at one time.
Have a lovely Happy Hour and week-end. (((HUGS)))
You're much welcome, True!
I have the pure cane sugar, fresh mint...from a friend's garden,
Excellent!
Samson and Dalila! WOnderful!
Have another date with Mr. Slow mover this weekend...He has been gusy with relativesw coming in and a new position at work...too bad, because I have missed our banter!
Cheers!
Vali
Hi Vali,
I just thought that a slow mover is better than no mover - LOL! Have fun with your banter. (((HUGS)))
You know, when you asked me last week how the Wednesday guy was I should really have replied: Well he was so significant that I completely forgot about him! - LOL.
V
Whats his story? Is he maybe a cold feet LB?
I know sometimes that could make us cautious
but heck he is interested! Seems he likes your banter too since you are seeing him again! yeah!
Jinkies True, he was a dud, was he? OH well...plenty of fish in the sea and all that...no rush on anything...
As for the banter....well that has pretty much ended...he has been quite busy...and I am busy myself...I am preparing my house for sale and that takes up my free time. Last night I painted a wicker writing table...white to go in my guest room which is decorated cottage chic.
Here's to finding a good man!
I am serving up Old Fashions today....YUMMO!
Hugs,
Vali
Karen, I think his story is that he was engaged or something and the woman dumped him....so years later he tried again...and the lady dumped him as well...and married the guy she dumped him for...
So, perhaps he is gun-shy....I dunno. Also, he is my aunt's BIL....and he really loves and respects my aunt...and I think he is sorta old-fashioned or maybe he just believes in acting like a gentleman....WOW! I LIKE THIS GUY!!!
I also think that if turns out that there is no chemistry he does not want that to impact his relationship with my aunt---she is really well-liked by her husband's family.
At any rate...he is a really good guy...a bit quirky and I am sure I will find out why he has never been married...
We shall see.....
Hugs,
Alix
Hi Vali,
I hope you had a lovely week-end and were able to see you nice guy again.
You seem to have so much going on in your life that it cannot be boring at the moment. Good luck with all your projects.
I wish you a lovely summer and a good week. (((HUGS)))
Hey True! yes...it has been a very busy 10 days! these days I am on facebook a lot...see a bunch of DBers there!
My house is looking lovely...ready to be put on the market...sad...I am sad about it...seems like all the memories of X are all but forgotten...I hardly have any memories of him being here. What does that mean?
I changed the decor of the rooms and nothing reminds me of him...nothing at all...or at least I don't have feelings of anger or things like that...I miss the dog more, truthfully.
Went on another 'date' with my friend...I cooked for him...he enjoyed it...and i am torn...I don't want to like him too much...it seems like I have no problem finding dates however, i do seem to run into the problem of them being flaky and stuff...dating sucks. I feel almost ambivalent towards the whole thing...or it could be that I am processing a lot and selling my house is taking a lot of my time, energy and emotion...yes, I think that is it.
Hope you are enjoying your summer! It did not get to 100 degrees today surprisingly...it rained and it was cool today...but the reprieve will be short...it will be hotter than hell by Saturday...
I had a physical and my cholesterol is elevated...little wonder with all the Mexican food I have been eating! I must stop at once! LOL!
Tomorrow going to a wine bar with some girlfriends and it should be fun...
Hugs!
Vali
Hi Vali,
I hope you are well. I noticed that you and I have not been on the board for over a month!
In a way it is good that you have no feelings or memories of your XH, although somehow it is sad. I haven't changed a thing in my place and all the memories are still there. In a way it isn't terribly good for me since somehow I cannot really move on. But I don't really want to change anything since I like it the way we decorated it.
I hope your summer was as good as mine and that your dating has come to a lovely R.
I have decided only to update from time to time but keep more or less off the board. I guess you are doing the same thing since you also want to move on. - I don't go on FB at all.
Take care, and all the best to you. (((HUGS)))
Hello True!
Yes it has been over a month hasn;t it? Partially because I was getting my house ready for sale...it went on the dismal market on Aug-24th. Have not had anyone come by to see it...sigh....
It is sad that I don't really have any memories of XH there...so much has changed...he was, of course, very complimentary on how the house looks...it is all mainly my style....not entirely...as I went with popular bedding, etc...that would be attractive to buyers and stuff...
I am still dating the 'slow mover'...he really is a lovely man and I am actually grateful for he slowness of it all...no pressure...it is fabulous!
Too bad you don't go to facebook...you would find many of us there! I mainly post there...although I really do not post about XH or my current dating----that is too personal for that...and if you really know me, I figure you already know what is going on...
Silluy XH told someone that his gf (the OW) told him that I was writign mean things about him on my facebook...LOL! As if I would waste my time!!!!
Some people just need drama in their lives...
That is what I like about Mr. Slow Mover...he is not about drama at all...LOVE IT!!! He is straight-forward...AND he would go to the Opera with me!!!! YAY! Turns out he LOVES Arias!
Let's hope we continue to date and get to go to the Opera together!
Hope your summer was mpre restful than mine!
HUGS!
Valentine
Hi Vali,
I hope that you had some interested people for your house by now.
It is good to hear that you like the way your Slow Mover moves and that he has at least one interest in common with you – opera!
My summer was fantastic and restful, and I went swimming a lot with my GF. On the "dating front" a few things happened but nothing worth mentioning. You can read about it on my thread.
I do hope for you that you are still dating the Slow Mover and that he took you to the opera at least once. Here the theatre season started again and I already saw my first opera.
Have fun, and I wish you all the best.
(((HUGS)))
Hi Vali,
I hope you are doing fine and are still dating the nice guy.
I wish you a Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year. Take care.