OK, the Surviving forum is here for us to pose those hard questions that everyone really wants to ask but are just too scared to do so in case of looking like an ass ... not me, so here it goes:
What gives with shopping for shampoo these days? I stopped tonight to pick up a bottle and was left standing in the aisle gazing helplessly at choices I never knew existed and have decided probably shouldn't exist anyway! Do I need "strengthen and repair" or "curly and shiny"? WTH, I can count the number of hairs on my head, all I want to do is wash my freakin' hair! Where's the "Shampoo For Men". I was just getting used to the fact that shampoos can also contain conditioner but now they've changed the whole damn rulebook. The best part was, while I was standing there with my mouth hanging open, another guy came up to the section and I got to watch his eyes glaze over. We both stood there staring and I said "whatever happened to normal shampoo?" It's out of control people, it must be stopped before they start making shampoo that can be used as chip dip. But, of course, that's just my humble opinion. So remember everybody when there are tough issues to be tackled, Whatis is on the job.
Later Dbers.
Ummmmmmm did you sniff them? I'm thinking you were in the cleaning isle.LOL
Just get one that smells good.Thats what I do.Except avoid the 89 cent stuff.I used to get that for my ex and now he is bald.LOL
Ok now that you have clean hair open the bar.I want a beer please.
Later Friend
Briget
Hi whatisis:
A man that has not shaved his head! Didn't think they existed anymore. Lately everyone seems to be into the no-hair look.
I am clueless when it comes to this type of stuff. My hair always looks like the before hair in all those shampoo commercials no matter what I use...
I think perhaps the shampoo may not matter so much as what you do with it afterwards - if you want shiny add a little shiny stuff - if you want curly - curl it - or straight iron if you are going for the sleek and glamorous look.
Okay - this is before I have even opened my bottle of wine...
take care,
AG
Hey wii,
When you get a chance, could you look at the soaps too? I don't know if I should stick with dove or if I need to get a bath wash or a body gel. Do I need natural anise seed with crushed buckwheat hulls in my soap? Should I get something manly like Axe or Old Spice bath slather? Or can I just make do with anti-bacterial scrub?
And toothpaste - what about that? Do I need hydrogen peroxide? Or extra-strength whiteners? Or do I need flavor gel? Or an infusion of mouthwash to leave my mouth tingly and fresh?
Maybe I should just stick with Dr. Bronners, which claims to be shampoo, soap, toothpaste, shoe shine, and floor wax all in one package!
lodo
And here are the instructions for Dr. Bronner hair products...
Organic Hair Care in 3 Easy Steps:
(1) Shampoo with your favorite Dr. Bronner’s soap. True soaps clean hair well but can leave a tangly look & feel; however…
(2) Rinsing with our new Organic Shikakai Conditioning Rinse results in spectacular look and feel! Just stir 1- 2 capfuls of this rinse into a cup of water, close eyes and slowly pour while massaging into hair. Keep hand combing hair until hair feels entirely sleek (~30 seconds). Rinse out well. Repeat if necessary in extra hard water conditions or with longer hair.
(3) After drying lightly with a towel, massage in Dr. Bronner’s new USDA Organic Leave-In Conditioning Crème for added silkiness and softness.
Now remember to keep hand combing the hair - you do not want that tangly look and feel!
And you must close your eyes while massaging in the conditioning rinse. If you keep your eyes open - the hair fairy won't come and wave her wand to make it all silky and smooth.
Do I need "strengthen and repair" or "curly and shiny"? WTH, I can count the number of hairs on my head, all I want to do is wash my freakin' hair! Where's the "Shampoo For Men".
The best part was, while I was standing there with my mouth hanging open, another guy came up to the section and I got to watch his eyes glaze over. We both stood there staring and I said "whatever happened to normal shampoo?" It's out of control people, it must be stopped before they start making shampoo that can be used as chip dip. But, of course, that's just my humble opinion. So remember everybody when there are tough issues to be tackled, Whatis is on the job.
Later Dbers.
I feel your pain. I'm thinking if you only have a few hairs to wash that you may want to look at something that will give those hairs some body.........
Uh, er......maybe we could talk about blenders??? I'm having blender angst....
what the heck is shikakai?!
I like the eye-closing bit. I love it when I get this one lady at the place where I get my hair cut, because she always washes my hair if I'd been swimming. It feels good to have someone wash your hair. Hey, maybe I can pretend someone is washing my hair if I close my eyes and pour the capful of rinse over my head with my LEFT hand!
Do I want my hair to be sleek? I thought animals were sleek.
And why is a conditioner being certified by the USDA? Does it have beef by-products in it? Is it made with eggs? Do I really want to leave something made with beef by-products and eggs in my hair?! wont I get salmonella?!!!
what the heck is shikakai?!
I dunno - I just googled Dr. Bonner and cut and paste the shampoo stuff.
Do I want my hair to be sleek? I thought animals were sleek.
Hmmm... well if animals are sleek and wii looks sleek - he will have that animal magnetism and drive the ladies wild!
wont I get salmonella?!!!
Well that depends on what you do with your RIGHT hand after hand combing in the conditioner!
I think I need another glass of wine...
ummmmmmmmmmm
i go to bath and body and ask for help
or the haircutter
they always like to sell you the $30 bottles!!!!
ugh
what about socks
why is the seam on the inside
and
what about jilly's blender??
angst
what about socks
why is the seam on the inside
Excellent topic!!!!
ACTUALLY BUYING (?) shampoo, soap, shower gel , skin scrubbers, shoe polishing rags, shoe polish, slippers, bathrobes, coffee (hi test and decaf), tea, sugar, sugar substitute, creamer (coffee/tea whitener as I call it), troj@ns, sewing kits, body lotion, hand lotion, etc. is a foreign concept to me. Since I travel so much, I just open the suitcase when I'm ready to check out of the hotel, toss 'em all in and my house is very well equipped.
Ermm, guess I never figured out how blessed I was since I don't have to go down those store aisles thanks to my job and all the travel. (Wonder if the IRS ( U S Taxing service) will ever figure out how to tax that stuff I bring home?) All the time I'm saving Wii without having to make those decisions in store aisles like you. Never thought of it.
But I'm always kind to the travel airport security people as I put all that stuff in see through large gallon plastic zippies in my checked baggage.
Now if I could only figure out how to clean out a hotel room mini bar without it showing up on my hotel room charge ...
Now if I could only figure out how to clean out a hotel room mini bar without it showing up on my hotel room charge ...
Another thought provoking topic......
Here's my idea, use a razor to cut the tab/paper off perfectly, then drink the booze, fill the bottle back up with water, put the cap back on so it's perfectly aligned and voila!!!!
Uh...er..no, I've never done this before. Promise!!!!
Now if I could only figure out how to clean out a hotel room mini bar without it showing up on my hotel room charge ...
I use to business expense hotel room beverages as a meal - well and those chocolate covered almonds (a girl needs her protein)!
That's it Dbers, let it all out! Hold nothing back. My belief is that all these little irritations in life can really impede one's ability to DB properly. Carry on folks, free yourselves
That's it Dbers, let it all out! Hold nothing back. My belief is that all these little irritations in life can really impede one's ability to DB properly. Carry on folks, free yourselves
I completely forgot to post this to you on your other thread. I wanted to say I was so sorry to hear about your loss. Please accept my belated condolences.
take care,
AG
Thanks AG, the funeral service went well and my Dad seems to be getting on with life, this man was like a brother to him. It's times like this when you realize that life goes so quickly and we shouldn't waste it on BS like resentment, anger and revenge. Despite the strikes that life has thrown us all, we still have a great many blessings to be thankful for and so many people who love us and care for us. Today I dropped my D11 at STBX's place (she spent the day at work with me), myself and my two daughters just stood in the hallway having a great big group hug. I held them both lovingly in my arms. That's what life's all about...once you get by the shampoo issue
Hey Wii,
I missed this - I'm sorry. You're right, life is short. Make sure you hug the ones you love. That truly is what life is all about. Even if you don't get past the shampoo issue.
have a good weekend - lodo
Hi wii:
It is funny sometimes how we forget to appreciate what we have. I admire how you have been able to detach sufficiently from STBX to be able to have this R with your daughters.
My parents are divorced. My siblings and I did not feel that we were able to safely interact with a parent w/o betraying the other - and we were much older than your daughters when our parents divorced. You are giving your daughters a huge gift.
take care,
AG
AG, my girls are everything to me! Everything. Nothing could ever keep me from wrapping them up in my arms and telling them how much I love them. Nothing.
Well, today is the first time I have ever spent an entire day in my apartment! I needed to do some cleaning and organizing but am usually busy elsewhere. Today, I decided to get some things done. I cleaned out my closet which contained boxes of stuff that I threw in while moving. I found old family trip itineraries (sp?), cards and notes my kids made for me, family pictures and rough copies of poems I wrote for my W. I tossed all the junk and kept the good stuff. The best part is that I'm OK! In two weeks it will be a full year since I separated, a very sad anniversary indeed. Yet, I think about what it was like living with her and I don't want that kind of life again. I found something I'd written to myself itemizing the things I would like from my W, it was incredible how little respect she showed and the endless degradation I lived with. It's better without her. This next year will be one of healing, I've gone through the shock and awe and now it's time to heal. Wish me luck! Tonight, I'm OK.
Good for you, Wii! You sound like you have done a lot of healing already ... um, and a lot of cleaning too!?
Thanks Being Me, I think the healing comes in pieces, just a little at a time and with a few fallbacks along the way. I must be patient with myself and not expect a perfect recovery! I am always too damn hard on myself and expect more than I would expect from anyone else in my place. I gotta remember to chill!Let things happen at the pace they will happen, not easy to do.
Anyway, today I went to pick up the kids after church and found more of my belongings on the front porch. It feels so cold and hostile to approach me and my belongings in that manner. When I went in I had a welcome surprise though, STBX informed me that she just put those things there so I could go through them, she didn't know what I wanted to keep. If I couldn't take them today then that was OK. She told me that she was cleaning out the garage and would store any of my things there until I decided what to do with them. I still have books and other things that I just have no room for at my place, and yes, I need to take care of them. I told her to just toss the magazines and she said "Oh, but you used to love reading those magazines, why don't I keep them awhile longer and then you decide" That was really nice. People are so weird, me included. I had concluded that her putting my things on the porch was a hostile act and, actually, she just saw it as a convenient place to put them so I'd see them and go through them. She was really a pleasure to talk to today. She has her moments...too bad they became fewer and fewer over the years!
A good example of how we can misread people, and make assumptions about situations, where there isn't even an issue.
I am glad your STBX shows her good side sometimes. Shows that there is a human in there somewhere, 'eh?!
I always try to remember that time heals all wounds...even theirs.
love
I always try to remember that time heals all wounds...even theirs.
love
...and usually at our expense!
OK, that was uncalled for but WTH it's my thread I'll say what I wanna!
They were at least on your porch and returned, so give her some credit. Could have been like my xs exit. MOnths after her exit, I neatly packed up, wrapped, boxed and cushioned breakables, her family photos and some odds and ends my x 2 left behind and two pieces of furniture. All neatly stacked for her to pick up in my garage. I merely asked for the return of my garage door opener and my script sunglasses that were in one of the vehicles.
Never got my script sunglasses back in one of the two vehicles she took off with, found my garge door opener a month later in pieces in the lawn (neighbors say she tossed it out of the window of the moving truck).
I had been civil enough that I let her come and go as she pleased to get her forgotten left behind stuff after her major move, while I was on the road for business travel, but after coming home after a week and finding the house in disaray, spit on the walls, photos shredded and then placed back into the picture frames, amongst other stuff. That was it. Hence my packing up what was left and leaving it in the garage. To this day I cannot figure what anyone would do with three identical sledge hammers, three identical picks,five shovels etc. you get the picture. But must have been a fun raid on my garage. So the garage just about got cleaned out and I got a busted up garage door opener left in the lawn in exchange. That was one of those "defining moments" as they say, I chose not to have any contact after asking repeatedly for her to do her exit with dignity and respect - which she chose not to. The unwarranted harassment by her and her offspring continued years after and I continued the no contact.
So it's been four years and then some since the garage episode. Never did get the sunglasses back. But I suppose they were still in the expensive custom van when she traded it in - of course it was beat to h@ll and not a straight panel or bumper on it two years after she left (roomate told me where it was when x2 traded it).
And now four years and then some since the departure, two people I know said they ran across her in the last couple of weeks and they said the same thing - "She looks like sh!t. Dirty clothes, unkempt, strange look in her eyes etc." (That's not really new news)
Be greatful Wii , you don't have to pray for a lost soul everyday.
Hey wii,
It's been a while, and I have just been able to come up for air! My life has been a whirling dervish for the last month, so now that I have a little time, I thought I would post to those that kept me afloat from half a world away, and who continue to do so.
My postings have decreased. Sometimes when a crisis occurs, I go back to multiple postings, but most days, not.
I'm tired of the "Lifestyle". I stopped seeing a therapist for the same reason. I'm tired of going over the same terrain, with no "ah ha!" moment.
I can totally relate to your feelings about the stuff on the porch. Like me, I think that reaction comes from the years of contempt and disrespect from our STBXs. Because we would get beat up on a continuous basis, and because NOTHING was ever right or enough in their eyes, we continue to think that ALL motives are malicious, even though they are not.
This has really rented space in my head, and I'm not sure how I will ever approach any new relationship, but you never know.
I like you have begun to enjoy the freedom I have. Today, I go to the gym after work, go home, and enjoy solace. No one to disappoint at every turn, no one to critique me using the wrong chicken to make dinner or putting the dishes in the wrong place in "her kitchen". No one to tell me: "I know you tried your best, but your best was shi^^y!" True phrase.
Don’t get me wrong, I still miss the closeness and serenity of a monogamous relationship. Someone I work with got divorced about a year ago. He’s 50, and is sleeping with new woman every night. Sounds good, but it’s not for me. Never was.
You got the same treatment as me. Leave your W. alone with her new friend, and my wife with her 61 year old attorney boss. I feel sorry for both of them for having to resort to their choices: your wife another woman and mine some obese maybe still married boss who is 13 years older than her. Maybe wishful thinking, but I believe they will not be any happier in two years. We have become more introspective in our roles in the failure of our marriages. They have not. They are in for some hard times, I believe. Yech....
Remember the line from "Born in the USA" "End up like a dog that's been beat too much, till you spend half your life just coverin' up"
That was so true for me. Remember the story I told you about accidentally breaking the new vacuum and actually feeling like I was taking hostile fire trying to reassemble the plastic clip, because I was in fear of her reprisal or worst, just the disgusted look with the head shaking.
I guess like you, I miss the long ago dead woman I fell in love with, and all the good things being an intact family can be. I feel sorry for my (and your) kids. They are the losers.
Thanks for dropping by FLTC and GB! The one thing I am thankful for is that just before we separated my W said to me "I just want you to know that nobody could have tried harder to save this marriage than you did and I recognize that" I said "thank you, it means alot to hear you say that". As Love reminded us, we're all healin' in some way or another. I'm starting to read a Christian book entitled "Healing is a choice" It's written by an evangelical talk show host, Stephen Afterburn, whose marriage ended in divorce. He talks about the lies we tell ourselves and the need to connect with others to heal. It's worth a look for anyone interested in a Christian perspective.
Well, it would appear the Surviving forum is becoming like the TV show, everybody's getting voted off the island! My master plan is now coming to fruitation as I watch everyone else self destruct and I become the LONE SURVIVOR! My main nemisis Attorney Tom seems to be laying low these days and I can only guess what cunning plan he has in store but I'm ready for ya Taco Boy, bring it on, this forum will be mine!!!! (followed by excessive waves of mad laughter).
Now, to my dear departed fellow Survivors, remember THE BEST IS YET TO COME!
That's my boy. Always on the defensive. Rah!
poet
Hey, the best offense is a good defense...or is it the best defense is...ahh, who cares, when I'm King of the Forum it'll be whatever I say it is. So stay in my good books Poet, there could be a thread in it for ya!
Look at the quote in my signature. Maybe you need this one!
AO
Hey, I never said I'd be a good King!
Btw, I'm in the market for a Queen, any takers out there? If so, please post me your qualifications (and any mention of how much you detest Attorney Tom would be a real asset). All applications will be given the utmost in consideration...unless, of course, you're a guy. Oh, anyone with Carpal Tunnel Syndrome need not apply. Thanks.
Sincerely,
Your King
Hey, it just occured to me, maybe I could be Prime Minister of the Surviving forum rather than the King, add a little touch of Canada to my kingdom...but what would my Queen be called? Hmm. There's just so much to think about when you're in charge, my head's starting to hurt.
I think that quote means you'd be a great king! Good luck finding your queen!
AO
I'd be careful looking for a .... Queen. Be sure the ad is specific.
I think that quote means you'd be a great king! Good luck finding your queen!
AO
Are you, my loyal subject, inferring that your King is stupid and can't figure out a simple quote?
Watch it AO, I'm gathering an army as we speak...my soldiers are all LBS's looking for some ass to kick (and FLTC is training them)!
I'd be careful looking for a .... Queen. Be sure the ad is specific.
Should I also apply for a Human Rights Exemption? You lookin' for a job as a faithful advisor, sgctx?
Are you, my loyal subject, inferring that your King is stupid and can't figure out a simple quote?
Your majesty, absolutely not! I know you are much more intelligent than I. Forgive me.
Your loyal subject,
AO
Are you, my loyal subject, inferring that your King is stupid and can't figure out a simple quote?
Your majesty, absolutely not! I know you are much more intelligent than I. Forgive me.
Your loyal subject,
AO
For some reason, I'm really starting to like you AO! But as a loyal subject, you must kneel and kiss my keyboard. Take your time
But as a loyal subject, you must kneel and kiss my keyboard.
I don't think anyone has ever asked me to get on my knees and kiss their keyboard before. I have to stop typing now....
YLS,
AO
And I like it slow! OK, I better stop now too!
I'd be careful looking for a .... Queen. Be sure the ad is specific.
Should I also apply for a Human Rights Exemption? You lookin' for a job as a faithful advisor, sgctx?
perhaps. my computer is smokin'
Well sgctx, let me share with you what I've learned in my brief time in power, I've learned that...um... I've had a very brief time in power. I hope that helps in some small way.
Btw, if your computer is smokin' all I can say is SAVE THE KEYBOARD, you can kiss it later!
Btw, I haven't recieved one application for the Queen position yet, what gives? I'm just a sweet little meglomaniac who can cook Chinese. I'll treat you like a real Queen, take you to websites you've always longed to see, I'll email you sweet nothings (and I do mean nothings) each and every night, I'll even upgrade my cable connection so we can do it faster! What's not to love ladies? Post your applications NOW while there is still some life left in the old...typing finger.
Now here's something really funny! Tonight I drove my D over to her mom's because she forgot something. When we arrive all the lights in the house are out, the outside lights are all on and the porch door is locked. Now, when W locks the porch door as well as the front door that always means she's got her little friend in there with her. So, D concludes W is not home. Tonight when D talks to mom on the phone mom informs her that she certainly was at home. What a friggin laugh, she goes through all these precautions every time she has her OW in her home. What a way to live your life, better her than me! It's nice to know that I can live my life without feeling shame and fear at being "found out". She got the life she wanted...lucky her!
I almost forgot this one, youngest D says, after getting off the phone with mom, "maybe she was just taking a shower, Daddy" Yup, I'm sure she was, kid!
Wii, thanks for allowing me to vent last night (about x2) on your thread.
On the surviving side, I spent about an hour and half on several different phones calls today with x1 as we coordinated getting our darling daughter home for Thanksgiving and lining up her travel plans. Smooth as usual, I'll give x1 credit for trying in the travel planner department, but she does check in with the expert (that would be frequent flyer me) to be sure it makes sense. X1 even thanked me for figuring out x1's last flights and expressed her gratitude on how well it worked out. The point I failed to make (or was distracted from making) last night, when dealing with a WAW or MLCer, they may eventually come around after dealing with their demons. (Not that I figure there is any hope at all for x2).
Your quote from STBX is something you should hold on to. Those are very powerful words spoken by her. Very significant as to her mindset - not about you as far as the exit, it was about her if you haven't figured that out. So there are great signs that you will not be/ or are not dealing with a complete nut case. Be grateful. Your dealings with her will smooth out very soon as long as you keep up a positive attitude.
Along the lines of your plant lady, I asked a nice looking young lady out a few times over the last year, last minute phone calls from her- "sorry can't make it". I had an extra ticket to a show the other night, figured, oh , why not, so asked her again (remember now this is after four -last minute - can't make it calls). She actually showed up and has thanked me every day since for a great time. So you never know when things change in someone else's life. ( And yes I did have an enjoyable time with her , but my attitude was it was not a date - just a spare theater ticket). So go figure that one. Stuck myself out there ready to get shot down again , only I didn't get shot down. Maybe because of my zero expectations.
That little snippet of my life is not to say things are at all rocky with Ms 3M. On the contrary, Ms 3 just happened to be out of the country so I had the spare ticket. Ms 3 and me have got our plans through 2010./ Ms 3M is a great lady I've known for decades and as the roll of the dice would have it,we have a great time together.
So, that maybe where you will be a few years down the road - life much better. Just a matter of getting there Wii, and for that matter anybody else reading this. Time and patience.
Send me an invite when you become King of the country up north. (I'll bring my own food to the coronation ceremony.)
Maybe Atty Tom is just saving up (?), or he's been without power since the big windstorm through Ohio two weeks ago? With the politics and news US media focus on the hurricane through Texas, very few in the country even knew we had a CAT #1 hurricane through Kentucky and Ohio. (Let's see - when did that happen last - NEVER!) We're still cleaning up.
Take care Wii, you are getting there.
Time for me to travel again.
You are so right GB, a good life is largely a matter of looking at the world as one of possibility rather than one of limitation. We can sometimes get bogged down in our losses and disappointments and stop seeing possibility. Who knows what lies down the road but it usually turns out in whatever way we frame it.
Enjoy whatever travel adventure you're off to now GB.
Btw, just to add: Romans 12:12 reads "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer" Wise words to all!
Well, my one year anniversary is fast approaching. I'll have been separated for a year, it seems like yesterday that I left...but it isn't. I find myself having some deep and mixed feelings as this date approaches. I realize that I have so much to be thankful for and have had, what can be termed, a successful transition but still, the hurt lingers. After one year the fight to keep my head above water is pretty much done and I stop and think "this is it, this is now my life". In a way this separation feels like a lingering death, there is no tearful farewells, last goodbye's but a R that just lingers on endlessly as we have children to raise together. The other night after trying to take my D to pick something up at her mom's I had a flood of feelings and thoughts as I tried to get to sleep. It's hard to pull into what was MY driveway, find what was MY house locked up like a fortress and know that MY wife is inside being intimate with someone else. Then I drive home to noone who will wrap their arms around me, hold me and let me cry. I'm alone while the W that I loved for 17 years is using OUR home to be with someone else. Hey, it's her place, her right and I know it but emotionally it's difficult even a year later. When does this sh!t end? I know not in one year. I remembered all those years where I sucked up the hurt when my W would go out evenings to be with someone else while I kept desperately trying to save what was left, rebuild it and win her back. I failed. Now, for the past year I have been fighting the good fight, being the good son caring for my father while he battles cancer, being the good Dad, being the good employee, being the responsible, co-operative ex-spouse. I know it's all good but somehow at times still feels so bad. Let year two be one of healing.
Later Dbers.
wii--
You have been trying so hard to be "the good boy" for everyone else; the next stage is for you to find what you need for you. You have been working on that...and that focus will save you, keep you sane.
I do get the lingering death analogy, though. x didn't like it when I told him that this was worse than if he had died - he didn't get it, and thought that I was wishing that (well, I guess sometimes I did). Anyway, there isn't an ritual in our society to mark this passing. It surprised me, since so many seem to go through it, and it is so painful...
I've been thinking about that, myself. I have read where people have burned or buried a picture (like a funeral), others have written that last letter that never gets sent....
I think I am going to take my rings and make a new piece of jewelry with it. My D's birthstone is diamond (lucky girl), so I'll add a ruby for my S, and maybe some amethyst for me, and make a pendent. I'm hoping that I can get one in the shape of a butterfly, for my "transformation."
What plans and goals do you have for your transformation into the healing?
sell the diamond and get a new one, lol, even if it is smaller... You can get a great deal in the diamond district in Chinatown!
I understand your frustrations. And as I've said, I'm a few years down the road from where you are right now. That's why I've posted some of the snippets of my life on your board, to help you understand that it does get better, life does go on. And I also understand your expression of "I failed". It will take a while yet, but you will understand, no, you did not fail. Your spouse had a different agenda, and that's all there is to it. Not that trickie, not that complex, you didn't do it , you did not fail. Just going to take sometime for you to understand it.
Likely year two will be one of healing. Hope so. Hang in there but don't wait around for life to begin again - go do it.
No worries Donna, Whatis has always tried to take care of himself through this mess, it was the only way to stay sane! I'm thinking of getting some counselling to try and maybe clean out some of the poison that's still lodged in that wound. It's true, wounds need to be tended to and that's been difficult over the past year. I've been so busy trying to keep my head above water and be there for those who need me, I haven't had time to really look at my pain. It's there and little things often come from nowhere and smack me in the head. Maybe I'm strong enough now to actually take a hard look at my pain, to let myself feel it for a bit and heal from it. We'll see. Tomorrow I'm meeting with the Pastor from the new church I'm attending. It remains very difficult to meet with someone and share what happened to me, especially having to tell another male that I failed to save my M! It's all part of the process, I guess, letting others in and trusting they will be loving. It's a start!
Thanks for dropping by
Wii,
GB says it all my friend.
Our XS's fail themselves and their families especially in your sitch. YOU have not failed. Far from it.. you are a survivor and one h3ll of a good person...
Never settle again btw... Ever ! YOU are way too good for that crap !
Get to know you again.. and let him do his thingy . It will get easier as time goes along.. and then harder. then easier.. then.. well you get the picture.
Thinking about you..
Tom
Thanks AT and GB, when I take over the Surviving forum you guys are gonna be my lawyers. We'll do some kind of leveraged buy out thing...start the paperwork, would ya!
It sure is a rollercoaster ride, isn't it. I'm a guy who was married for 17 years and is still learning how to NOT be married. Some weeks are so good and others kinda suck...I think that's called life, could be wrong though. Btw, today marks one year as the tenant of this apartment. I guess I'll hold a party, the hamster is a pretty cool dude and he's bringin' the munchies! (I let him bring the munchies cuz he buys really cheapo beer, usually that American stuff)
Later Dbers, gotta go, I'm missing the French language debate on TV between all our would be Prime Ministers. I find I get more out of the French language debate because I only speak English..Parteeeey on, Whatis!
I have a confession to make.. I failed the Bar Exam the first time by 1/2 a point the first time. Instead of studying like I should have I learned how to play golf during the summer of 1989 ..ooops !
I think I will start playing golf again, eh ?
Tom
Tom,
You should have moved to SC where the state supreme court last year allowed those who failed to pass because some of them were legislators kids.
Wii, you're in good hands here with this legal team.
Haaa.. That is Funny !
I actually passed that .. the SC Bar the first time !
Thanks for the laugh HT !
Tom
Hey Whatisis:
The English debate is on tonight AND the VP debate in the U.S. Makes for LOUSY TELEVISION!!!
Counselling is good. I really benefitted from it. If you have someone you feel comfortable talking to. I got on well with mine. C with your kids is really helpful too if you think they will open up.
Tom and WII: I thought of you both when I passed Elwood Epps today. Can't think of anything else now since you mentioned it - LOL!
And Webers was SO quiet. Paul Weber was there chatting with the 3 of us in line - LOL!
Barb
Barb:
You have to stop in and say Hi to Elwood !!!!!
Maybe buy a .. I dunno.. something.. maybe a refrigerator magnet..
Tom
PS: I am off to my temporary hotel housing now as the remnants of Hurricane Ike zapped my home two weeks ago.. bleh...
Tom, I've passed a few bars down in SC myself, Lovely country especially around Greer and Spartansburg, and Columbia isn't so bad either. But then I decided to stick with the bars that were close to the hotel so I didn't have to drive!
U know there are not a lot of people around the country and our neighbors across Erie that understand we had a Cat #1 hurricane rip through here?
My sympathy to you being a hotel dweller for a few days or weeks (20% of my life is in hotels).
Oh, got to go, the mini bar is calling. Let's see, cut the tape with the razor, replace the white wine bottle contents with water, don't drink the red stuff ... erm...way to complicated...oh , wait, convenient store across the street with much cheaper stuff .... must take a walk. Bye.
Hope U get back in the house soon/
Tom, I'm so sorry about your house but thankful that you are safe. Rest assured, no matter what, you will always have a place in my new Kingdom!
Well, I met with my Pastor yesterday and we had a really good talk. Aside from talking about my personal marital situation we talked about my R with God. I told him that I had no problems checking in with God but if he (God) thinks I'm ready to hand it all to him and trust implicitly, well, it ain't happening! Not yet, anyway. Pastor said that Jesus always went to where people were at, he didn't force himself on anyone. He told me that God is with me no matter where I am in this process and will be with me when I take that next step too.He understood completely why I would have a huge difficulty in trusting God right now, "When the person you've trusted and loved for 17 years betrays you and rips your heart out, it's hard to put trust in anyone or anything again for a long time" When we talked about my separation he said that he thought that divorce was more devastating than the death of a spouse and outlined why. I agreed totally, imagine that! We also talked about my misadventures with women since my separation. I said jokingly "Christian women have not been kind to me". I told him about the Coffee Buddy fiasco and his response was "that must have ripped your heart out all over again" It was so nice to hear him empathize with how devastating that was at the time. He also understood about the Plant Lady sitch. He said "what a kick in the gut, here you are after 17 years just trying to figure out this whole dating thing again and you get this kind of response from someone, that must have hurt". Again, nice to feel understood. We also talked about my experience at my last church versus the one I am having at his church. My former church was a much more expressive environment, lots of amen's, hallelujah's, praise the Lord's, and well, you get the picture. I was raised in a very different type of church which was a tad more restrained in their worship style. Heck, we didn't even pray out loud cuz that was the Pastor's job! Pastor laughed very hard when I said that I'd noticed last Sunday when he was up on the stage he had said loudly "amen" and that nobody had responded. I told him my first thought was "Wow, a crowd of tight-assed white people, I think I could fit in here"
Anyway, Pastor and I have agreed to meet again and toss around some of these theological questions and doubts I have. Reaching out like this, even in a small way, will help me heal.
Btw, I went to my parents last night to watch the English debate between our would be Prime Ministers and while there we got a phone call telling us that another close family friend had just passed away. Before I left I told them "I'm not coming to see you two anymore, every time I'm here somebody else dies!" Even in sad times my family and I can still laugh together, it's in our blood I guess!
Later Dbers.
Whatisis:
Sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. Your family sounds great! And you're right - it's wonderful when your family can laugh together. Takes the mind off the garbage.
Cheers!
Barb
That's one thing I miss about my family ... laughing together, even in bad times. Especially, my younger brother. Everyone is thousands of miles away, in another country. Both my parents passed away fairly young, but I do remember my dad joking in the hospital where he died.
Anyway, I am sorry to hear of yet another friend passing on. How is your dad doing, Wii?
Awesome chat with your pastor!
Hey Being Me, my Dad is doing great. He's handling his grief in a wonderful way by letting himself feel it and moving on with his life. My mom is handling the death of her friend well too, last night she was out for the evening with a couple of friends. I'm looking at how I handle my grief right now in re to my separation. I've always been so afraid of that grief, so afraid it would take over and I wouldn't be able to function. Staying strong, active and building a life seemed paramount, now is the next stage. Sure, I've had my tears, talked with my friends etc but I'm still not sure I've really faced the pain yet. "Celebrating" the first year of separation will bring up alot of stuff and already is cuz I feel very alone somehow. There is no other R on the horizon and my W of 17 years don't want me, she ain't coming back! I am adjusting to a new reality.
Thanks for dropping by!
Btw, I'm still pushing ahead though. Today after church I wanted to just head to the car but I forced myself to grab a coffee and hang around a bit. I took a tour of the church and was pretty taken by the youth room, it has a pool table, air hockey game, big screen TV and a bar! OK, the bar was a literature table, but still it's a bar! Actually, the church used to be an adult entertainment establishment that was born again
Damn, It made me wish I was a youth again. The most fun we ever had at church was turning the sofa over in the library!
I forgot to mention last nights action! D14 was on the phone talking to her mother and they sounded as though they were in a hot dispute about something. Finally, D hung up and went to the bathroom where I could hear her crying. I knocked on the door and asked her what was wrong, she told me "mom was being difficult". Well, I've been there and done that but I decided not to get into the issue but to just hold my D in my arms, let her cry and empathize with her feeling, forget whose right and whose wrong. D said "I wish I could live with you all the time, you aren't so difficult" and all I said was "I understand". Afterwards, she kissed me on the cheek and said "thank you, Daddy" That made my night. I had fought the urge to dive into the details of the argument, side with one or the other (sadly, I probably would have sided with STBX because the dispute appeared to be money centered!) and it was ultimately the best choice I could have made. My D felt her Dad understood her and cared, what better feeling could there be for either of us!
Well, Dbers Whatis has had a really good couple of days! Go figure because lately I've been feeling both emotionally and physically like crap. Yesterday I was driving to work and feeling overwhelmed, going over all the things that are hanging over my head lately and I just felt really anxious. When I pulled into work I stayed in the car and prayed, I asked to be given guidance on how to turn this day into something special, to be able to put aside my worries and move ahead somehow. I went into work and had a wonderful day! Something changed inside and I felt like myself again. I also phoned my Yoga teacher and asked if she had a class that evening, she did and I went. I had a great time. Today I had another couple of nice events to report. I took my daughter to the dentist as both of us needed our teeth cleaned. I had the most amazing, fun time with the dental hygienist, it took us almost an hour for her to clean my teeth. We started talking and talking and talking before and after the cleaning. We talked about all sorts of things, personal and otherwise, and laughed loudly, it was more like a party than a teeth cleaning! She even made a humorous remark about my STBX, who I did not mention once. She said "your ex-spouse isn't really Chinese, you know, because she goes away on wine tasting tours instead of working weekends" (Hygienist is Chinese, so she can say that!) I laughed and said "Well, at least I don't have to pay for it anymore" When I left she walked me to the desk and we were bantering about some silly thing and she said to the receptionist "this man is my therapy, except he makes me crazier!" I said "Well, you do sound a little psychotic at the moment" she then let out this little scream and said "See what I mean, good bye!" When we left I said to D14 "I must be the only person who has fun at the Dentists" and my D said "Dad, you make everything fun, that's just who you are" Wow! What a wonderful thing to say about old Dad. My girls just blow me away sometimes!
I also felt for the first time in a long while what it's like to have a beautiful woman sitting with me and wanting to talk with me, the hygienist seemed so excited to see me and really wanted to communicate together. It was so nice. I've known her for years but until I was separated we had a very normal, courteous professional relationship but when I separated I became more outgoing towards single women and she has responded in a similar outgoing fashion. I'd never ask her out, but when I left I thought "I think I could really enjoy spending time with her". It felt good to feel a connection, a little different then my usual feeling of being undesirable lately. Anyway, those are my adventures for today! Nice to have something good to report
Whatisis:
I have a dental appt tommorrow - cleaning! Wonder if I'll have as much fun as you? Not likely. She is young and one of my former students. But as you say - you can have fun anywhere. Life is what you make it - I'm making mine great!
It is refreshing when you reach the point that you realize someone else can make you smile. Boost your ego. Show interest. Doesn't mean you'll date them - but it does the heart good.
And it was nice that your D noticed and actually said something. Teens (girls especially) can be SO moody. Had it out with mine again today. Part my fault, part hers. But we're good again.
Did you know that was post 3434 for you? I think that sounds lucky. 3 + 4 = 7 and 7 is lucky. Hmmm???
Does your wife winetaste in my neck of the woods? I live in Mafialand. Could always call in a favour if you like.
Anyway, its great to hear you smile (yes, I meant to say that). I remember when I never thought I would again.
Barb
Thanks Barb! Glad you and D made up, it's amazing how teenage girls can just turn on ya in a split second, isn't it. I just tucked mine in and I thanked her for what she said about me being "fun" today, I told her I wanted her to know how much it means to me when she says such things. She said "I said it because it's true, you are a fun person, you seem to make people happy wherever you go" Yes, a nice day
Well, if your teen daughter will say that to you then it REALLY has to be true!
Having an upbeat personality is a gift. And it is something that everyone around you enjoys.
I have some friends who for years have called me "Positive Barb". The husband lost his job today. A job he has had FOREVER (he is an investment banker). I messaged both him and his wife how sorry I was and made a few comments about thoughts for the future. Both of them messaged back calling me "Positive Barb" and told me they like some of my ideas. That made me feel good because I wondered what I could possibly say that would make a difference. I'm glad I said SOMETHING!
I guess we'll have to start calling you "Positive Whatisis".
Barb
Wii, nice to hear u spent a little extra time in the car.
Isn't it amazing when we have a copilot? And all u have to do is ask.
Simple.
Wii, nice to hear u spent a little extra time in the car.
Isn't it amazing when we have a copilot? And all u have to do is ask.
Simple.
Amen!
The mention of God as co-pilot brought back to me the memory of a button I once saw which read "God was my Co-pilot but we crashed in the mountains and I was forced to eat him" Umm, so anyway...
wii,
If i could find a dental assistant like that, I'd eat a bag of Oreos before I went, so they'd have to put yellow police tape around the chair and close the office for the afternoon.
You STBX and mine are so much alike. D18 has been doing great in college and wanted to come home this weekend. She called and asked me to pick her up half way. She's coming back with her roommate who lives about halfway home. I said sure. She called her mother and asked if she could stay at home. W. replies: "I'll have to thing about it. What's changed since I asked you to leave the hosue." W. said she was concerned D was coming home for "social reasons" and "She's never been honest with me" D18 has had all As and Bs so far. Ugh. What is it with these control freaks?
Hey, I'll book you an appointment, FLTC! She sure is a hoot, and she just loves to tease and banter with me. At one point, the dentist came in to examine me and she told him I had a cavity, so I said "and do you know why that is? Because she doesn't clean my teeth properly!" and she retorted "Oh really, maybe it's because you're so old you can't remember how to floss"(she loves to bug me about my being a few years older than her) and I said "listen to the Fountain of Youth over here" and it went on. The dentist just stood there looking back and forth at us probably wondering "WTH"! Finally, he said "Uh, are you two finished?" and I said "ya, I'm done, how about you" and she replied "me too". Earlier we were discussing our work hours and I told her about my pretty decent work hours, with one hour lunch and virtually no overtime and she looked at me and straight faced said "I guess that makes you pretty boring then doesn't it" Yes, she's always fun to joust with! I always leave feeling like I had a real good time, kind of nice. I'm wondering though whether it's really a good idea to make someone crazy who puts sharp instruments into my mouth...hmm.
Thanks for dropping by F
As the fates would have it, I'm going in for the deep cleaning on left side on Thursday. I'll reserve my opinions until after, but sure as h@ll hope I have as good a time as you!
WIIthhh. Imr didddnnnt harve asth muth lukth as youi. Dennnttht athhhithant marrrrryed. Cuth tho am nith chttttth wit hrrrrrr.
whlll flll inth laaaaattter onnnnnce noooovethhhhcannnnnnnne whhhhherrrrrrs ofth.
WIIthhh. Imr didddnnnt harve asth muth lukth as youi. Dennnttht athhhithant marrrrryed. Cuth tho am nith chttttth wit hrrrrrr.
whlll flll inth laaaaattter onnnnnce noooovethhhhcannnnnnnne whhhhherrrrrrs ofth.
OK, but did you have fun?
Must be Dental Health week. So funny that 3 of us went to the dentist for cleaning. I was NOT laughing at my appt. I have no problems at all. But they want to do an implant. Cost is $3,000! I don't have insurance since I got divorced. The alternate to the implant is to pull a healthy tooth. Cost = $100. They also want to take out my wisdom teeth. What? I'm over 50! So that would be more cost and pain. YUCK - even when its a good day at the dentist - it's bad.
Barb
Ytthhhhhhh. Bah, thilm,nummm!
Wii, that was a bit of fun with the numb mouth. Or at least I thought so.
And indeed I had fun and the banter that you suggested was a great distraction from the exploration, digging and such with sharp objects in the mouth. The (before-hand dreaded) hour went by quickley.
The difference was I went in there determined I was going to have some fun (thanks to your posting). And I did. Because I told myself to relax before hand, "let's have some fun".
Carried the attitude on to today, took the afternoon off and headed to the golf course. Best score in my entire life, by 8 strokes.
That makes a "back to back" for me, two weeks ago scored my best ever in another sporting event, two spots behind a international champion. I NEVER thought I could accomplish that or ever come close. Yet, I did.
So this evening poured a rather large glass(es) of wine and contemplated. What's going on here? How did I do this? A lot of practice (answer in the negative)?
The internal answer was : "you finally let go".
It is amazing how the former and current conflicts can impact our lives in many ways, yet, we don't recognize until we are away from them.
Wii, thanks for the tips on dealing with dental people (and everyone else that jumped in on the thread on that topic).
Just get back to who you are, and everything else falls into place, and you also may be amazed as to who that (you) person is, and what they are capable of doing.
I'm glad it worked out GB. One of the keys in this recovery must be in connecting with others, whether it be the Dental Hygienist or whoever else. It's so wonderful to feel you've connected with someone else and that they do value your presence! When you've spent so long, as I have, being devalued by another you notice big time when another person seems to say "I really like you!" And it's such a small thing too, when you think about it. But it happened because I have opened up and allowed myself to build a rapport with that person. Simple, eh! Now I have something to look forward to in those quarterly visits. Imagine if I did that in so many other areas of my life, I'd have a great time just doing every day things. Connecting is risky though and especially when you've had the crap kicked out of you it's a reach sometimes. I met with my new Pastor a week ago and that happened because I risked and approached him after the service, I don't normally rush up and introduce myself in such situations but something said "do it" so I did. Within minutes the Pastor was suggesting we get together and talk about what has happened in my life. Wow! Just like that someone said "let's connect". Again, because I took that little risk.
I met with my shrink this week and she agreed that me not having another R right now is probably for the best. R's are stressful, time consuming and take alot of energy, it's best for me to find who I am again before trying to engage someone in a meaningful R. I'm in agreement, as you said GB, find yourself first and everything else will fall into place!
Gotta run, I'm trying to do a budget for myself and it isn't looking that rosy. The first year I haven't really bothered with figuring out what I can or cannot spend but now my money is slowly going down, down , down so part of healing will now be living within my means...yuchh!
wii;
Building a budet, I realized just how uncomplicated I am. Rent, utilities, food, beer, gym, money for hockey stuff for my son, some money to go to the movies and take D18, 16 out to eat. I'm done.
I have been spending what I want. A few extra Army weekends really pumps up the account. The free reign will come to an end with the financila protion of the mediation next Monday. I'm spending so she can't have it. Today id my 22nd wedding anniversary. Awesome.
I stooped with therapists. I'm SO tired of the lifestyle. D18 has a therapist, D16 has a therapist, I had a therapist. Everyone but W. Hmmm?
FLTC, yup, that's often how it works. The one that really needs the therapist "ain't the one that's going"!
GB, Interesting, huh? She's very "put upon". The weight of the world on her shoulders, because no one else could possibly do it as well.
wii: Here's something I recently though about you and me. what was it in US that allowed these women to really beat us up? To me, I think I was oblivous to a lot of things that made her angry. I never gave a though to "the kids should go to the dentist", maybe we should re-finance the mortgage, gee, the car needs to be replaced.
Not that I didn't care, but these things never seemed to be on my radar scope. They STILL aren't to a large degree. Not cuz I don't care, but I'm plotting my next workday, the next hockey game, the next call to my daughter. A lot of pucks get by me in life. She felt so put upon. Maybe rightly so, I don't know.
She felt if she didn't do a lot of stuff, it wouldn't get done. Not that I wouldn't do it if asked. She freely admits that. I guess it's like "Gee, the cure for cancer shoud be so obvious", but stuff really gets by me. If I'm reminded of it, I do it, but not recognizing it in the first place ripped her. I don't know how to get color on a black and white TV, so I would NEVER probably see the things she wanted me to.
What about your wife. What got her so "Snarky" (Your word; love it!)? Why did she continue to kidney puch you? Do you think something in YOUR persona brought it on, like I do? Not That we're bad people, it's just that some stuff really sets them on fire!
I'm pretty easy to get along with, as I imagine you are rom your posts. As a good friend in Iraq said to me: "Everyone likes FLTC, except Mrs. FLTC"
Hmm, FLTC. W didn't want me, "loved" someone else yet was stuck with me day in and day out and to make it worse I was doing a million things to make her life easier! W was trying to do what in her mind was right, staying with me because she'd made a wedding vow (I guess the part about faithfulness slipped her mind)and for the kids. Yup, the resentment was just brewing away for years and thus the gut punches. I chose to take them and stay trying to repair what I could, didn't work. I could have left years ago, everyone told me to leave years ago but I wouldn't until I knew in my heart there was no chance of saving this thing. She made her choices and I made mine.
Btw, Happy Anniversary!
Thanks Being Me and you too! I'm about to head off to pick up my family, STBX and all. We are going to my parents place and my parents asked if it would be OK if they invited her. I said "sure, why not". I think it's still good for the kids to see us celebrate together as a family or whatever it is we are now. How long these get togethers will happen, who knows. As long as she keeps OW in the background I don't find it that difficult, but if that becomes an out in the open R I'm not sure I could celebrate in the same way. I'm only human!
My Pastor said today in his sermon "be thankful for imperfect things". I'll go with that today!
I forgot to mention a funny interaction with a friend. He asked what my plans were for Thanksgiving, so I told him and he replied "How can you go there with her? Don't you hate her? I do!"
I guess I'm just not a big hater
Later Dbers, I'm off to pickup the family.
wii,
Good luck. I would find it so difficult doing that, wishing for things to be different,as they once were, or as we THOUGHT they were. Where are you in the divorce process?
FLTC, it's really not that difficult to do these family type things because the lack of connection etc between us was in effect for years and we did these things. It actually was a nice family evening. As for D process, I'm nowhere. I haven't initiated anything and neither has she. When the time to move it forward comes, I will do so. There's certainly noone waiting in the wings for me right now, so no real rush.
I guess. Is closure important to you? It now is for me. I still am embarrassed to say I am about to be divorced. I feel i't humiliating, but that's just me.
I guess. Is closure important to you? It now is for me. I still am embarrassed to say I am about to be divorced. I feel i't humiliating, but that's just me.
Yes, I remember when I was at your stage FLTC, I was gonna divorce her ass the very second I could and move on with my life. Getting "closure" was so important to me back then. Well, what I've learned is that closure takes one heck of alot more than a piece of paper saying "divorced". When you have to raise your children together, despite being apart it's not as simple as it might sound. Closure takes years, these wounds don't just heal up over time, it takes healing acts and one of them, at some point, will be getting the official big D. For me right now, that's not a priority. My W isn't coming back and nor would I want her back if it means living the way we did before. I'm just recognizing that closure is a long term process that requires patience.
It just occured to me last night how lucky my STBX is to have ME as her estranged spouse. Think about it, how many other men (or women) would be OK with their unfaithful spouse spending special occassions with his family! I figure, she was a part of my parents life for over 17 years and my parents, while disapproving of what she has done, are good people, who in some way, will always consider her their DIL. I hope my STBX has some inkling of how blessed she really is here. Maybe she does and maybe she doesn't. It doesn't matter because my parents raised me to be forgiving and not seek vengeance on others. I'm trying!
I just got back from picking the kids up at STBX's. Apparently OW is coming over this afternoon to help her clean out the garage! Welcome to what was my world, OW. You wanted my job, now you've got it. Happy Thanksgiving to ya. I think I'll kick back and watch some football this afternoon
Oh right, I've got the girls today, so it looks like it's goodbye to football and hello to So You Think You Can Dance Canada. Hey, aren't the Giants playing the Browns tonight? All is not lost
Yes.. the Giants might as well be playing a HS football team btw... probably would have less penalties against them..
Tom
Yes.. the Giants might as well be playing a HS football team btw... probably would have less penalties against them..
Tom
Hey, despite all the penalties, they still kicked the crap out of the Giants! The Browns pulled a 180. Now they just need to keep doing what is working and stop what is not. Hmm, this is all sounding strangely familiar somehow
Well, Whatis just had "the" shopping experience with D14, and I thought I was gonna pull my hair (and hers!) out. I picked her up at STBXs and was supposed to take her out shopping for glasses but she informed me that she needed a one piece bathing suit for swimming class for TOMORROW, of course. OK, it's mid October and I'm to look for a one piece swim suit, not a bikini which she has and understandably does not feel comfortable wearing to swim class with boys around. She then announces that she also needs a bag to carry her swim things in, which I declined to purchase for her. I told her that there were bags in her mothers closet upstairs. OH, but those bags are a little bulky to carry with a napsack and therefore I should spend another 20 bucks for a new, more compact one! I explained this thing called a budget to her. It may not be the bag of your dreams but it works. I said "your mother drives a 15 years old car, not because that's the one the she wants but because it still works" That was a big fat zero on D14's radar screen. Next, after actually finding a pretty decent suit for 20 bucks (after 2.5 hours of searching) she wants shorts to cover her legs cuz she doesn't like her legs. Well, Whatis said "forget it" Wow, the kid just keeps badgering until you're about to lose it. I phoned STBX because I needed to make sure she was actually OK with me purchasing a swim suit and she was. STBX says "see, this is what I put up with constantly, she wants this and it has to be this brand and just keeps pushing and pushing" D14 even sucked me into going into a store "just to look at the bags" and you can guess how that went....badly and very quickly. I said "what did you not understand about the budgeting I just described to you?" Whew, I've come down with a wicked cold and I was on my feet at work non-stop for four hours and my evening is spent like this! Fun wow. Oh well, she actually did get a really nice bathing suit and is pleased with it despite the fact that the bag she has will be a little bulky and people will see her ugly legs. AHHHHHHH!
Whatisis:
I can totally relate. Newsflash: It does not get better until they get a job and have to pay for things for themselves. Then they shop at Value Village. When we foot the bill its Abercrombie and Fitch.
My teen daughter was a vegetarian then a vegan. You can imagine how much our groceries cost. Soy this and almond milk etc. Now she is not working, ex is not paying CS so I give her $100 a week to get groceries for both of us. I tell her if I won't eat or drink it too - don't buy it with my money. OK, so suddenly meat is ok again. And she can live without her fancy milk. Hmmm???
Getting a swimsuit for $20 that she will actually wear is a good day. But you also have a younger D so you have to set the example. Get used to it. You've got many years of this to go.
enjoy!
Barb
Yes Barb, it was actually a great buy, reduced from 88 bucks. The salestaff were trying to convince us that the regular price $72 Roots suit was best. Oh, come on, it's for high school swim class! D14 is actually thrilled with her purchase, so despite all the BS I waded through, it was nice to see that she got something she is pleased with versus just buying something because it's all that's left on the rack.
Super deal, great job Dad! (For those US folks, Wii got his daughter into a $17.61 ((US Dollars)) one piece)
Remarkable accomplishment Wii. My DD was highly opinionated at age 4 about her attire. I was never able to sway with such authority.
I'm impressed!
One year ago today I separated from my W, a sad anniversary indeed. Today I went to work as usual but the flood of memories from that day kept coming back. I remembered clearing out the small china cabinet I was taking with me, removing all the photos, momentos and kids craft projects and every few minutes having to sit down and cry. I remember standing on my front lawn watching the movers take my things from the home I'd lived in for 17 years, in full view of all the neighbours. I remember how kind my brother was to spend the day with me and how a woman friend, who lived in the building I was moving into, stood out front of the apartment building waiting to give me a big hug. Yes, one year ago today. I did my job today but took a few extra washroom breaks to wipe away the tears when they came. Tomorrow starts a new year, one of healing. I shall overcome.
Thanks to all my DBing friends who've hung in here with me over the past few years. Despite your own pain, you've been there for me, I thank you all.
(((((wii)))))
There will be these days, and then we will be back up on our feet, enjoying life again!
Just think...you could have been out shopping again
(Really only $17 usa?!? I want to know where you shop!!)
Hope I got you to crack a little smile...
Dear What,
You are an kind, warm and loving man and someday you will find your love again. I promise.
Poet
P.S. I just started reading "Passionate Marriage" and you may want to read it it too!
wii,
You and I have discussed that HORRIBLE experience of leaving the home we lived in for sooooo many years. It was 2 years ago for me on September 5th, one day before my birthday. I remember packing some holiday ties W. gave me. Stupid shamrock and pumpkin and Santa ties. I ended up throwing them away. Too painful. I STILL can't look a photo albums of the kids when they were smaller, and all was better, or at least I thought...... I remember it as though it was yesterday, even with a year in Iraq.
I would not wish that on my worst enemy.
Thanks guys!
I thought it was suiting last night to celebrate by going to see the movie "A Body of Lies". The title kind of describes the state of what was my M over the past five years or so.
Have a great day DBers
(((((wii)))))
There will be these days, and then we will be back up on our feet, enjoying life again!
Just think...you could have been out shopping again
(Really only $17 usa?!? I want to know where you shop!!)
Hope I got you to crack a little smile...
Hey Donna, Bikini Village on the Sale rack!
D14 told me she got all sorts of compliments at school about her new swimsuit, she was happy.
Hi guys, I'm in a contemplative mood today so I'm thinking about the debate I saw between your two Presidential hopefuls the other night. Let's see, on one hand, you've got a black guy who thinks he's an Arab and, on the other hand, a really old white guy who CHOSE to stay four extra years in a POW camp. Hmm, I'd say you Americans are in deep doo doo.
So ends my political blog...which hopefully will never be repeated!
You do know why McCain CHOSE the 4 extra years, right?
Sorry......couldn't help myself.
Sorry......couldn't help myself.
You do know why McCain CHOSE the 4 extra years, right?
Of course, I'm not a complete idiot! He loved Pho, that good old Vietnamese noodle soup...who doesn't! It was hard to get in the States back then. So it was really all about his obsession with his stomach. Some people will do anything for good food.
Is it time to lock my thread yet? Just askin'
Here's another incredible political thought from north of the border! Alabama should change its name to Obama if he wins. It would make the name easier to spell, give it a little more oomph and if you say it with a southern drawl you could really drag it out. It's a no brainer!