So much has changed. My divo was final one year ago yesterday. My house was quiet. Peanut was with me for a while, but it was his weekend, and is his week to have her ALLLLLLLL week
Positives ~
Things are going pretty good at work - raise, upcoming promotion?
Peanut and I are wonderful - get along better than ever.
I feel like I might be worth a bit more than originally thought.
Negatives ~
I still deal with the anger. Anger that I was blamed for so much when I wasn't completely at fault. Angry that he seems to be "living it up", the "fun" parent, but can't be bothered to actually pay for the things that matter. Angry that I wasted so much time, and angry for feeling like a fool. (obviously still need to work on that a smidge!)
I miss Peanut and don't share well.
Tired, burnt out on 2 jobs, broke.
That being said - I would not trade. I know the path wasn't the correct one but I wouldn't change it. I would still be treated like crap, belittled, not loved like I should have been, and it would have all been passed off like a joke.
a glass of wine for both of us))))))))))))))))))))
About the "fun" dad thing, hon, Peanut knows better, there are things our children can see that we can't, they are very perceptive, and in the long run as she grows up she'll look back and she will see what kind of parent each of us is.
Hope you get the promotio/raise
Chin up hon, have a great week))))))
I know the path wasn't the correct one but I wouldn't change it. I would still be treated like crap, belittled, not loved like I should have been, and it would have all been passed off like a joke.
I wouldn't be so sure your path wasn't the "correct" one. The thing is, we see the big picture so imperfectly. You already recognize sooooo many ways God has used this time of trial for your good.
And I'm certain there are a lot of ways He will use it for your ex and for Peanut as well.
I don't know if anything in our lives is purely "good" or purely "bad" ... it seems more of a mixture of wheat & tares and we don't always properly recognize which is which at the time.
(those wheat & tares have been on my mind for several weeks now!)
Pretty much, I think you rawk girl
I was surfing the newcomers section and came across this children of alcoholics thing.....and wow... (PON - notice the part about strictly black and white?!)If you grew up in an Alcoholic house you'll have ACOA issues (adult children of alcoholics). Growing up in an alcoholic household you were subjected to push pull love. "Come here, go away". Because of this you have a deep rooted fear of abandonment, where you think the whole world will collapse if you are 'abandoned' by the central source of your love. You learned how to make an unhealthy attachment due to this fear of abandonment.
It's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. It's just the environment you grew up in.
See if you can identify with any of these:
1. Fear of losing control. ACoAs maintain control of their feelings and behavior. In addition, they try to control the feelings and behavior of others. They do not do this to hurt themselves or others, but because they are afraid. They fear their lives will get worse if they lose control and they become uncomfortable and anxious when they cannot control situations, feelings and behaviors. (me?)
2. Fear of feelings. Since childhood and continuing as adults, ACoAs have buried their feelings (especially anger and sadness). In addition, they've lost the ability to feel or express emotions freely. Eventually they fear all intense feelings, even good ones such as joy and happiness. (me...)
3. Overdeveloped sense of responsibility. ACoAs are hypersensitive to the needs of others. Their self-esteem comes from how others view them. They have a compulsive need to be perfect. (me?)
4. Guilt feelings. When ACoAs stand up for themselves instead of giving in to others, they feel guilty. They usually sacrifice their own needs in an effort to be "responsible." (me?)
5. Inability to relax/let go/have fun. Having fun is stressful for ACoAs, especially when others are watching. The child inside is terrified; exercising all the control it can muster to be good enough just to survive. Under such rigid control, spontaneity suffers. (don't think this is me?)
6. Harsh, even fierce, self-criticism. ACoAs have very low self-esteem, regardless how competent they may be in many areas. (me...)
7. Denial. Whenever ACoAs feel threatened, their tendency toward denial intensifies. (me...)
8. Difficulty with intimate relationships. To ACoAs, intimacy equates to being out of control. It requires love for self and expressing one's own needs. As a result, ACoAs frequently have difficulty with sexuality. They repeat unsuccessful relationship patterns. (me?)
9. Living life as a victim. ACoAs may be either aggressive or passive victims. They are often attracted to other "victims" in love, friendship and work relationships. (I don't think this one is me?)
10 Compulsive behavior. ACoAs may work compulsively, eat compulsively, become addicted to a relationship or behave in other compulsive ways. ACoAs may drink compulsively and become alcoholics themselves. (me?)
11. Tendency to confuse love and pity. Because they don't differentiate between these two emotions, ACoAs often "love" people they can pity and rescue. (I don't think this is me?)
12. Fear of abandonment. In order not to experience the pain of abandonment, ACoAs will do anything to hold on to a relationship. (ummmmmm probably was/is me?)
13. Tendency to view issues in terms of black or white. When they are under stress, the gray areas of life disappear and ACoAs see themselves facing an endless series of either/or alternatives. (me?)
14. Tendency toward physical complaints. ACoAs suffer higher rates of stress related illnesses (migraine headaches, ulcers, eczema, irritable bowel syndrome, etc.) than the general population. (yea that's me)
15. Suffering from delayed grief. Because the alcoholic family does not tolerate intensely uncomfortable feelings (such as sadness and anger), children in such homes rarely, if ever, grieve over their losses. Losses in their adult lives usually cannot be felt without calling up these past feelings. As a result, ACoAs are frequently depressed. (me...)
16. Tendency to react rather than to act. As children, ACoAs became anxious and hypervigilant. They remain so in their adult lives, constantly scanning the environment for potential
catastrophes. Problem solving and stress management techniques are something they consider after the fact if at all. (me?)
http://captus.samhsa.gov/central/documents/4AdultChildrenofAlcoholics.pdf
I miss Peanut and don't share well.
I hear ya.
Your postives are so wonderful. You have come so far chickie!
Remember us last year?
You are worth plenty, and don't you ever forget that.
The anger I think sometimes keeps us on our toes. You are not letting it overcome you.
That is what matters, I think.
you need a vaca from both jobs even a day or 2 so you can pamper yourself, I know easy to say...................
Kiss the peanut!
proud of you babes
KS--
Didn't realize we were both ACOA. Yep, we can check off most (but not usually all) of these feelings. Have you ever gone to AlAnon? I have been going since Oct, and it has made a huge difference to me and my awareness.
I miss my kids when they are away, too. S is at summer camp with x for the week, and both will be gone with him for a week at the end of the summer. Ick. Making lots of plans to fill the time.
KS- I was just browsing through everyone's thread on this site and saw yours.
Thanks for posting the list about ACOA. I'm one too. I can't believe how many of those describe me. I know there are a few other posters on the site that are also ACOA.
Have a great day!
SueS
a whole year ago
and
look at us now
(where is that mary tyler moore theme music)
KS, thanks for posting that about ACOA. All of those points describe my mother. I never put some things together in regards to her and her childhood. This helps me to see her and her life through different eyes. Also, helps me to understand why she is the way she is. Thank you.
Hey KS! Well I didn't think I'd be over here but here I am.
Funny you brought up anger, I was just involved in a conversation with my local divorce/separation group about this. One thing to remember is anger is a human emotion just like happiness. So don't suppress it or you'll be denying yourself part of the healing process. The big thing, learn and recognize the anger triggers. That will help greatly in dealing with it.
BTW, it's good to hear you are doing well!!
a whole year ago
and
look at us now
(where is that mary tyler moore theme music)
I think I just tossed my hat in the air! LOL! :-)
a glass of wine for both of us))))))))))))))))))))
About the "fun" dad thing, hon, Peanut knows better, there are things our children can see that we can't, they are very perceptive, and in the long run as she grows up she'll look back and she will see what kind of parent each of us is.
Hope you get the promotio/raise
Chin up hon, have a great week))))))
I hope she does. I know eventually she will but...
It's a good week! I'm going to see Brad Paisley Friday with a good friend of mine.
Anyone remember the last BP concert I went to!?
This one is already WAY better, because he's not there.
I miss Peanut and don't share well.
I hear ya.
Your postives are so wonderful. You have come so far chickie!
Remember us last year?
You are worth plenty, and don't you ever forget that.
The anger I think sometimes keeps us on our toes. You are not letting it overcome you.
That is what matters, I think.
you need a vaca from both jobs even a day or 2 so you can pamper yourself, I know easy to say...................
Kiss the peanut!
proud of you babes
yes we have come quite a distance. Makes you wonder what's up ahead!
I did realize the other night too. I enjoy my time with friends. I never got that before.
How're the M&M's? How're you doing Chica? And I remember reading about a very good sounding man - what's the deal with him?
to all the thanks about the ACOA - I didn't realize I was either. I was reading through that (as you can tell) and kinda floored.
Happy to share! It's good for insight.
For you and Fig.....
yay Enjoy,
Ian
LOL how cool! Thanks Ian!
that was hilarious
and
i threw my very chic straw hat in the air in homage to it
(lets not talk about the fact that I am stressed and half my hair came with it...ugh)
and you're still beautiful! Less hair to move
awwwwwwwwwwww
i do look good bald
i shaved my head twice before
maybe again????
at least the worry would be gone!
good point
and
i could stop buying ponytail holders
and
people would definitely remember me!!!!
How're the M&M's? How're you doing Chica? And I remember reading about a very good sounding man - what's the deal with him?
They are good. They are at the beach today with my sister and my mom and dad I had an interview and will be here at work late.
The deal is , there is no deal.
I am so witty right?
smooches you sound great
I try REALLY hard to let things go...and to not be a total B!.
But some days......I just can't.
The past 2 days ex has been sending pics of the kids @ the water resort he took the "fam" :puke: :vomit:
to.
How nice that he can pay to stay there.
And not for the day care he cost me for having her this week.
How nice.
And so the text I have in my drafts reads:
"Thanks. Glad they are having fun. It's good that you sprung for that and glad Peanut benefits from it...And she won't know you stiffed me on the day care. I understand now why you couldn't afford to help with day care this week."
nice text
you know he will come back with
but you said you would just take care of it
@ssholic freak
but...next time don't back down and offer to do it because he throws a fit
would you give peanut a new toy if she flung herself down in target and kicked and screamed that she wanted it and you were the worsetest mom ever
don't do it for him
let him screech that youare the worstest ex ever
look at him with disdain and say you need the check by Friday
then
walk away
YOU have every single right to be this pissed.
Every single right.
Now I don't know how your X works.
But if he like my X he will use that text message, and bring the kids home really late.
Not give them a shower so I can be pissed............
etc etc
So Um
vent here, and keep adding this to the list of his crappy stuff
and one day, let him have it really good
Or one day he just may surprise and you do what is right?
Ok I will shut it.
ANd
He is soo not worthy of bringing out your inner bitch,
I mean inner bitch has to be brought out by someone that is really worth it.
He ain't so much sugar.
I had said I'd figure it out and he said he'd do something - bring me a check or something.
He's a liar.
"but he's changed"
BS!
and he hasn't seen the IB in quite a while
don't bring out the ib
send him a bill for half of daycare
or
give it to him and say...i figured you were busy so i just divided it for you
then smile
and walk away with new shoes on
so I was ornery.
I was cleaning out the basement, came across a few gifts, etc. I had bought for X. I texted asking if he wanted those gifts or not.
His response.
Can my step dad use them?
A "Prisoner of Love" valentine's bear figurine.......ummmmmmm no.
So I said ??????
response was he'd get them next time he picks up Peanut.
Then ornery came out. And I said thanks, and was the day care thing impossible?
he said he'd pay on the 8th.
Wonder if he knows how bills work. But again - believe it when I see it.
man
i want to schedule all my payments whenever i want
and
then pay them if I want
and
i usually don't want to pay them so....
I'm bringin' the truck, girl!
ha ha - no need.
After all, he's changed...
Have ya'll d'd rents thought about all the things that we are going to encounter and how we should handle it?
Good example: Peanut's father is on vaca w/ Bessie. I am purely speculatin' Sturgis based on my immense detest for the festival or for his need to go solo...
So he's missing most of his regularly scheduled visit with Peanut. (His loss)...Peanut doesn't want to go with him on Sunday though. So I talked to her this morning about being honest with us and not to worry about hurt feelings, etc. She didn't want to tell him she didn't want to go with him on Sunday. So should I? Or should she? If I do it, am I her advocate or seen as a B****? If she does it, is that fair to her?
AUGH!!!!!!!!!
Then a friend of mine asked or wanted to have the talk on what I will say when she comes to me with "I want to live with my dad."
So what other issues am I NOT thinking of?
BTW we took a walk/bike ride Tuesday to check out the new school & play ground. The school was open so we got a tour. Brand new. She's a first year! My third grader. I watched her walking around, so excited and nearly broke down.
I love her so much and am happy/sad she's growing into such a cool little person. But it makes me sad to see my baby wandering the halls as a big third grader. Then there's the guilt that maybe I didn't do all I could/should have to keep an in tact family. Then... well ya'll know how this goes right?
She didn't want to tell him she didn't want to go with him on Sunday.
Well what happened?
Did she go?
I wish I knew the answer to this stuff too.
If the kids come up to me and I can tell they are really upset about it, I just tell the X myself, what the kids want to say.
Who knows.
I hope you had a great weekend, and have a great week coming up.
Kisses to the peanut.
She stayed with me. I sent a text that said she wanted to hang with me on Sunday. He then wanted her last night. She didn't want to go because there is nothing to do there. I had a meeting at the store (where I tried to quit and they wouldn't let me) and I told her she might go see her grandma.
She didn't want to go - nothing to do.
She went with half her room
He took her to DQ at 8:45. Idiot!
BTW Peanut is now officially a third grader - *sniff*
Hi KS!
Not a parent but with some of the things, I would not worry until they happen. If they even do happen and then you have worried for naught. For instance, the question of is she comes to you saying she wants to live her dad.
Congrats on your girl going into third grade!
I guess I just want to have an idea on what I should/would say.
I think that's a normal thing that most kids say. I did to my mom. She said she'd help me pack....
Oh okay. I am sure you will do fine if and when the time comes.
I know you will all be as shocked as I am.
Payday for X was 8/8. He was going to give me a check.
Today is........ 8/15.
So glad he's changed
From Losts thread:
well he chose but wanted her on Sunday and she didn't want to go./..
I do not believe your parenting plan says just Sunday. Anytime he deters from the plan, it is his problem not yours.
Don't compare Apples to Oranges darlin, you are doing right.
Ian
ok
just checking...
HEY!!!!!!!!
A year ago this weekend I had confirmation. Ex and MaggieMooooooo in the bar exchanging full body hugs and lies to me.
What a difference a year makes.
Guess I still have some anger tho - dang it. Stupid.
Guess I still have some anger tho - dang it. Stupid.
Not stupid....NORMAL.......
Hey KS,
I agree with Ian..tuff noogies. The schedule is set so that the child has some sort of consistancy. If he's going to change the rules he should give you advance notice.
We all still have our little bouts with anger at times. As long as it doesn't consume us I would think that you're pretty normal in that department!
Have a nice weekend with your peanut!
Holy schnikey I am writing this in my journal with a big ole smiley face next to it.....
Oh come on now, let's not get too cokckey about this. Once in a lifetime is nothin' to brag about Mister. Besides, if anyone asks I'll just deny the whole thing!
Not Braggin sweetie, more like shocked.....
By the way, I am thinking it's time to change my screen names, any suggestions?????
Ian
he's already quoted so denying it is out
Holy schnikey I am writing this in my journal with a big ole smiley face next to it.....
Maybe that's what you should call yourself "
HOLY Schinkey"
OK OK I'm thinking about it.
that's so weird Ian - I was thinking about all the newbies and how we came to the board with these hopeless, sad names....and how some of ya'll kept the same names....
I'm sitting here kinda bummed. Took Peanut to a movie. My parents came too. While we waited for them, we people watched.
People - it's like Noah's ark out there.
Almost everyone is paired up. Gay, straight.
Or familied up. Kids, husband, blah blah.
I am in a funk. And to top it off (perhaps she's just sleepy?) Peanut is pushing every last button. Cranky, whining, etc. and I have no patience. So I've yelled. And I feel bad. Bad mom.
I guess last night I realized....I do eventually want to be married again. I really wonder though - if all guys that are left on the market (at least locally LOL!) are all the same. Is that guy out there? The one who will love me, cherish me, respect me, LOVE my Peanut? Is marriage a myth?
So many of my friends are chasing it with anyone and everyone. I'm chasing it with no one LOL!.
Ack - good night Irene.
almost able to go out and not notice families, that bit is hard, but we'll get over that bump too hon.
Boy, do kids push your buttons sometimes. find that if I "warn" my son I'm not in a great mood he sometimes brings the craziness down a notch or tells my d5 to settle down, lol.
Hugs KS)))
I'm sitting here kinda bummed. Took Peanut to a movie. My parents came too. While we waited for them, we people watched.
People - it's like Noah's ark out there.
Almost everyone is paired up. Gay, straight.
Or familied up. Kids, husband, blah blah.
I am in a funk. And to top it off (perhaps she's just sleepy?) Peanut is pushing every last button. Cranky, whining, etc. and I have no patience. So I've yelled. And I feel bad. Bad mom.
I guess last night I realized....I do eventually want to be married again. I really wonder though - if all guys that are left on the market (at least locally LOL!) are all the same. Is that guy out there? The one who will love me, cherish me, respect me, LOVE my Peanut? Is marriage a myth?
OK have your little pity party, you're entitled. Of course you won't be alone. Right now you feel that way because you were sitting and tuning in on other people and imagining that everyone else is happy but you. Well I would bet we've all done that. You're just more sensitive to it now because you're fearful of how your future's going to play out, but believe me there is someone wonderful out there waiting for you.
Give yourself a pat on the back. You know what you want, and although you probably could be dating someone, you've put your child and your standards above that.
Peanut's push buttons KS. All kids do, it is part of their character. Don't let it get to you, it's just a small tiny little piece of parenting.
Also, try and remember that all those people together at the theatre and when you are out at night, aren't necessarily as happy and in love as you might think. Would people who saw you and your H together right before the bomb have thought the same about you???? YES......
Ian
so my uncle has been admitted to the hospital. His cancer has spread to his bones. They are not doing treatment, just keeping him comfortable. So my aunt passed in March, grandma continues her treatments although she wanted to stop, and now my uncle is back in.
Happy Monday.
Hey chick............
So sorry to read this. No matter how many times you go through it it never gets any easier.
I'll keep your Uncle in my prayers!
Love,
bethie
Hey K.S,
So sorry to hear this. It is NEVER easy. Lost my mom to cancer 3 years ago, now 2 aunts and an uncle since Jan.
Be strong, keep smiling for them.
Barb
(((KS)))
Sorry to read about cancer affecting so many of your family members. Lost my SDad about 6 wks ago to cancer.
Jill, has it been 6 weeks already? Oh my gosh - I'd have said 2 or 3.
Barb
tried crossfit?
We went tonight for a free class and HOLY COW!!!!!!!!!! Awesome but WOW! I want to join, but think I should run and knock the lbs off before I join.
Also went to see my uncle last night. They are sending him home on Wed. and have hospice coming to hang out.
How're ya'll doing
What is crossfit? My daughter (19) currently belongs to 2 gyms. I call that crossfit! LOL!
I wouldn't worry about losing lbs first. You have to start somewhere. Just as long as it is ok with your dr and you know your limits. Sometimes you just do a half or a third of a workout and workup to the total pkg.
Let us know how it goes.
Barb
cross fit IS awesome! It's a workout program that's kinda switched up each time.
I guess about the lbs - I want to lose the weight before I tone or I don't know if you'll see the tone under the flab LOL!
http://www.crossfit.com/There's a link about crossfit. The guy who taught @ the community center was ripped. He was kinda scary ripped - so I'm not looking for that, but I do want to be healthy. :-)
I am just debating if the $40 a month for twice a week reallllllly fits into my schedule...
i hate button pushing
just sayin
Wow, very cool! I think $40 a month is pretty typical at most gyms but you can go daily if you wish. My silly D joined a new gym before she gave notice at the old one. Now she has to pay an extra month so she's just going to both - Good Life and the Y. Oh well, at least she is healthy and fit.
Barb
yes barbie - very good that she wants to be fit!
Figgy Sue I was just thinkin' 'boutchuuuuuu
how are you!
She's on a big nutrition kick but now it has turned into her choosing that as her career and she is doing very well in it. Usually I have only the finest foods in the house (she grocery shops on my dime). But it was funny when I came home yesterday. Opened the frig. A case of Coronas! Yep and 2 empty cases in the garage. This girl has been partying!
No milk, cream,juice or bread.
Just Coronas!
Barb
hey chick
i am exhausted and sort of mental and slap happy from lack of sleep but I will be better soon
i want to get some stuff done so I can go lay on the beach
and
i love my kids but wouldn't mind if they left for a bit!!!!
I am beat.
and I am stressed.
And I am supposed to fly tomorrow for a week.
And Peanut doesn't want me to go now.
And her father is the same (see @($)@%)(@!%).
The DS her grandparents got her for Christmas last year is ruined. She set a shake on it and the condensation ruined it.
I asked him to drop it @ the house so I can see if it's fixable.
He offered to pay for half if she needed a new one.
HALF!
Is that the same as the week of day care?
Stupid!
And I want to text and tell him not to bother. IF I need to replace it, I will but it won't come to his house. STUPID!
And right before that, I felt like I was over the anger.
And I see I'm not yet.
But I feel like I'm ready to date.
And still scared.
And I'm flying tomorrow.
And my uncle is dying.
And.....I'm so tired.
One of my good friends is moving in next weekend. I had given notice @ the store because I'm just doing too much and when I don't have something to do, I do nothing - I am just beat. So.....I give notice, and find out Friday they are closing.
My last day is Sat. Their last day is Sunday.
Customers don't know yet.
And then friend is moving in on Sunday.
No time! I need to clean, etc. and be ready for a tenant and I'm not.
How are you?
ack
come have a drink with me
and
it will be a good drink
and
i am typing in the dark
so if I mess up sorry
and
anger is fine as long as it doesn't own you
and
breath
and
i am so sorry about your uncle
hugs sweetie
.......do you call your ex on behaviors that make your child unhappy?
Peanut came home last night and was talking about her weekend, and how she was sad that her dad doesn't spend time with her. Sad that she plays alone over there.
What would you do?
Hey KS.....
So good to see you back here. I was just wondering about you. So sorry to hear about your Uncle!
It's sad to see our kids hurt but it's great that she knows she can come to you and talk about anything. Now this is just me but I would definitely say something to her Dad if you think that it would help. Actually if it were me, I would say wayyyyyyyyyyy more than just something. I would let him have it with both barrels. No child should have to feel sad or like they are an after thought. He owes her and he needs to know exactly how these kinds of visits make her feel. Obviously something stops her from telling her dad herself. I don't see what other choice you have but to speak up for her!
Love,
Bethie
yeah that's what I'm thinking too. UGH.
I flew out Aug 25, and my uncle passed that day - so I cut my work trip short but it was ok.
He's in a better place. Thanks for the kind thoughts
<3
Hey chickeroni
i would tell him for sure
and
i probably wouldn't say it nicely
(I'm not suggesting that...just being honest here)
I know - I struggled all night.
I finally sent a text today that peanut said she wishes he'd spend more alone time with her
I didn't add the expletives!
you are good
i would have added the explatives and then questioned why he even tried being a father and some other choice things
Yeah I was thinking - for ONLY four days a month, ummmmmmmm
Then I remember the source......
i know
i am all for reeming them
but then again
i am fortunate (?) LSS has no contact and the hardys dad skipped out when they were babies
so i don't have to coparent with anyone
however...when Baboo's ex was 2 hours late to pick up and half an hour late to drop off and hadn't fed BB or even put her in clean clothes fromt he day before and the poor thing smelled like an ashtray, i bit my tongue
almost off i might add
and
did laundry in a different room while my brain bled from the effort of keeping quiet
crap! The board is freaking out!
yeah I remember part of it - let's see - about being amazed that he's this way -
and then I remembered I was always the bad guy
and then I read some of the stuff I posted to Phil
and then I realized I won't ever let my daughter live in that kind of house again.
Oy vey!
again!
so the computer ate my post x3.
So I was saying I was surprised he ended up being the way he is.
Then I realized I was in denial.
And he always made ME the bad guy.
And I read the stuff I posted to Phil.
And i realized I won't let my Peanut grow up in a house like that.
Please post now....
ha ha - oh well - I'm not fixing the double :P
or questions......
One of my friends made me feel like I have impossibly high standards because I don't even really want to kiss someone unless I feel like there might be more to him than sex.
Is that so wrong? Am I a prude? Am I supposed to go out and screw everything that walks?
i know
that Phil guy raises my ire
it's ok that he doesn't liek me or can't listent o what I say but when he tries to make physical violence ok and emotional battering normal
and
when he puts the kids int he middle of his psychotic battle with his wife
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
not OK
I hate this line - put yourself in a man's place......
I HATE IT!
oh yeah and - is it weird to ask someone who is hitting on you how many partners he's slept with?
oh yeah and - is it weird to ask someone who is hitting on you how many partners he's slept with?
OMG!! I know exactly how you feel!!!
I was hit on in the grocery store yesterday!!
The guy totally followed me around asking me inane questions!
Finally I said look......are you married?? Have a girlfriend??
Whats your motivation here? What kind of car do you drive? Do you have a job??
I think I scared him
i ask for the doissere
well I used to
well I asked this guy that I've been kinda talking to - and my friend was shocked I asked.
I was shocked at his answer.
But I don't think it's wrong to ask.
Hell if you are even considering sleeping with them, you should have a rough estimate! Right?
Is that rule true tho?
That men lie and mulitply theirs x3 and women lie and divide by 3?
Hey KS! your post caught my eye cuz of your name lol! Just wondering what the KS stands for!
I am trying to R, but dont know if it will end in D. From reading your post, I must say you are strong!
I loved when you said I dont share well, you and me both! I have a keychain that says so, and a shirt lol!!
I have to deal with kids dad, and back then when they would tell me things as your peanut did, dang right I told him, nicely at first, but when he didnt change, I sure used the bad words lol!!
LOL BG - I'm in Kansas also.
Oh - got a response from the text this morning...
"yeah I need to work that out. I was doing wash and she wanted to play dolls. I will do better"
I was gonna ask and see lol, wow theres 2 of us here eh? waiting on MORE rain sheesh, like i need anymore lol?
hmmmmm doing wash? that doesnt take THAT long to start laundry or move it lol! see I would have been a smart butt and said something like that! LOL!!
I've tried to lose the smart aleck answers since the divorce......figuring it doesn't help.
He knows I'm a B****
I do have to wonder why "wash" can only be done on the weekends but I digress....
LOL if i did wash only on weekends, i would never have a weekend! ugh the board was insane, couldnt post!
so where bouts in KS are you? i am in SC Ks
I hate this line - put yourself in a man's place......
I HATE IT!
I grew up with the thought that if a woman is stupid enough to put herself in a man's position (such as in his face bitching, screaming and hitting him) she damn well better be prepared to take a man's ass whippin.
Over all, I stand by that today.
A LOT of women
are fricken nuts and precious little will make them stand down. Those kinds of women are PUT down. The theory that all men can just walk away is not accurate and my mother is living proof of that. Anyway, Mrs. LostPhil is only one half of a nutty BUNCH.
I get the feeling he ruled with an iron fist and she rebelled with smartass comments and basic passive-resistent behavior.
Then she got the balls to walk out.
And he can't handle it because he's a control freak.
And severely dysfunctional on all fronts.
It won't be long until that sitch blows sky high.
Who knows him on facebook?
KS - you've told him.
If it doesn't change, are you going to make her go back the day she comes to you and says she doesn't want to visit Daddy?
go back - as in to visit him?
There have been a couple of times - where he has voluntarily skipped his visits with her to go on vacation or just forgotten it's Wednesday .... and she chose to not go with him when she was "supposed" to....and I did not make her.
I texted then to say that she wanted to hang out at home.
I am trying to be political but there is a point...where you can't.
Honestly what concerns me - is him getting stupid and trying to take me to court for missed visits if she does choose to not go with him.
Can he do that?
I don't know.
Would he?
I kinda doubt it considering his blase parenting style up to now.
But who knows?!
I think Jeannette knows him on facebook, and Ian?
I saw his profile or his name, but I'm sorry - I don't think I want to add him as a friend. I don't need more unstable friends...
yeah
like you would want him to know your email address
I think Jeannette knows him on facebook, and Ian?
I saw his profile or his name, but I'm sorry - I don't think I want to add him as a friend. I don't need more unstable friends...
Lord ain't that the truth!!
LOL!!!!
yeah
like you would want him to know your email address
Shut up fig.
Go away.
HAAA!
Damn that feels horrible to type even though I'm just mocking him.
LOVE YOU FIGSTER!!!
I think Jeannette knows him on facebook, and Ian?
I saw his profile or his name, but I'm sorry - I don't think I want to add him as a friend. I don't need more unstable friends...
Jeanette....
Bless her bleeding little heart.
Her and strays, I swear...
OMG AMY!!! woot woot! man you really spoke and did so good lol! I had to quit reading and responding to him I would NEVER have been as nice as you lol!!
KS - he could get crappy and take you back to court if you don't send her, yes.
Document everything she is telling you in case down the road, it comes to that.
OMG AMY!!! woot woot! man you really spoke and did so good lol! I had to quit reading and responding to him I would NEVER have been as nice as you lol!!
Holy crap I think you must be mixing me up with someone else.
Maybe KS???
LOL no not me - I was ummm a butt in or something.
My last post - I almost added "Get a dictionary" but realized that wouldn't be nice. And it's unrelated. Just a pet peeve of mine.
To spout your great intelligence and misspell a majority of the words, begs to be reconsider the genius IQ status you've bestowed upon yourself.....
I'm just sayin'
you don't even want to know the tirades I went on about that
and
i couldn't help but comment on his probally...like that is even a word!!!!!
((((((((peanut)))))))))
It stings so bad right?
I send emails.
AND
Not all the time, just when they are really hurting over something.
It falls on deaf ears most times, but maybe once in a while they might surprise you. Chick!
Hugs for that pretty girl!
yeah I don't know if I mentioned that the DS my mom got her for her b-day was ruined @ his house. He put it on her of course - saying she left her shake on it all night....so the condesation ruined it. Now I'd THINK (wrongly) that he should buy her a new one or see if he could get it fixed.
No. I finally got "let me know if you buy a new one - I can go half."
Half!
HALF!
Always HALF isn't it!!!!!!1
Sorry - cranky. So today my mom bought a new one, but wanted me to say it was from me - and I told her it can't go over there.... which she understood. I actually said it won't leave the house.
I asked her if he had any of her games. He wanted to know if it was fixed, and yet again offered to go halfsies.
I finally did it. I finally said it. "It seems if it was bought by you I would have replaced it if it was ruined at my house. I don't really know how to answer since I'm still kinda pissed and don't expect anything from you anymore.
Yay Michelle - no expectations
His response -- "OK didn't think of it that way sorry i was just tring to help"
OY VEY
you could always offwer to shove the old one up his assets and tell him you'll go halvsies on getting it out!!!
the boys had a friend who broke their gameboy and the universal remote for my dvd/surround sound system
his mom makes 3 times my salary
i got a
"sorry"
whatever
my mom would have paid for it then taken it out of my hide later
and if the hardys broke it
there would have been a new one at her house asap
guess lots of people don't think like us chickeroni
see we're one in the same. Some people just don't have morals
Fig I have to tell you that your post made me bust out laughing last night. My roomie had to ask what that was all about
Go halvsies!!!!!! ROFLOL
Thank you
and so......I told him I was sorry if I came across @$*@$^@ - but that things don't change with him and I expect nothing now. And he said he's changed, but does the same stuff.
He said - he's trying, he's human but overlooks things.
like picking your daughter up on Wednesdays (thankfully I have never told her the "plan" so if he DOES show, she's happy, and not disappointed if he doesn't.
like dropping the check off for day care.
or like dropping the check off for his fund raiser stuff
or.........
He said - he's trying, he's human but overlooks things.
Phbttt...
If we had a damn penney for everytime we've heard that!!
The only thing he's trying to do is forget what a moron he's become.
I told him I was sorry if I came across @$*@$^@
Sigh, you are a sweetums Chickie UA
WE have to get all these babies to meet up one day. To see their pictures, and to see their beautiful innocent faces, I just don't know how they do it.
Blech.
Thank God she has you.
THe post it notes are on those NEON PINK post its in the lunch boxes. MMHMMMM.
Became?
Is was always will be?
Should join "Morons Anonymous"?
Should be President of said group?
There, is that better?
I grew up with the thought that if a woman is stupid enough to put herself in a man's position (such as in his face bitching, screaming and hitting him) she damn well better be prepared to take a man's ass whippin.
This is precisely what my wife would do to me. She would stand in my face scraming and hitting me. 99.99999% I would not react to it and just take it. Other times I reacted, and I told you what those reactions were.
Over all, I stand by that today.
Yes, me too, talk like a man, act like a man, hit like a man. Get treated like a man.
A LOT of women are fricken nuts and precious little will make them stand down. Those kinds of women are PUT down. The theory that all men can just walk away is not accurate and my mother is living proof of that.
Your right, I have tried a thousand times to walk away from it. Only to her to get in my face even more. I have countless times when I would sit in my truck trying to leave and she would stand in front of it. She did this at a family picnic, too.
Anyway, Mrs. LostPhil is only one half of a nutty BUNCH.
No she is completely nuts.
I get the feeling he ruled with an iron fist and she rebelled with smartass comments and basic passive-resistent behavior.[/qutoe]
Wrong, I gave her full control. I gave her the checkbook. She did the bills. I bought her a house and made it beautiful at every single one of her requests. Remolded every single room. Put on a large addition. Worked my a$$ off. She is the one that ruled with an iron fist. If I went out I had to be home at 10. I was not aloud to watch certain things on TV.
Then she got the balls to walk out.
Because she is doing what she wants and justifying her actions.
[qutoe]And he can't handle it because he's a control freak.
No I am not a control freak. She is. I can't handle it because she left, she is doing what she wants and she is still treating me horrible. She is a sick woman.
And severely dysfunctional on all fronts.
Show me a family that isn't dysfuntional.
It won't be long until that sitch blows sky high.
This is what I'm trying to avoid. I'm trying to keep her calm.
I am really having a hard time understanding how this is being pushed on me. My wife is nuts. All my friends beyond this board know it.
I just find it really sad that I came here for support and it gets turned around that I'm the bad guy.
She was the abuser and still is.
Even this morning she called me up at quarter to nine. She was all frantic. She said I need you to come down here right now and help me get the kids ready for school. My alarm did not go off and now your daughter is going to be late. I told her I would be right there.
I left the house. She passed me on the main road. I threw up my hands. So did she, she was screaming about something, but I couldn't read her lips.
I turned around and followed her to the school. She almost wrecked into someone pulling off the main road. Then she entered the school and parked in the handicap spot.
I got out and said what is wrong with you. She said I wasn't quick enough and she doesn't need me anymore. She said say good bye to your kids. She walked them to the school. She said the alarm didn't go off, I should have never of called you. I told daughter I should have not have called you. The alarm didn't go off, and it has happened before. So I said why didn't you call me back and tell me not to worry about it. You ask me to rescue you and then you renig. I said why didn't you call me when you were driving here. She said I didn't bring the phone.
I said you are in a handicap spot. She said, yeah so what I do it all the time.
I waited for her. I tried to talk to her. She said don't touch me in front of the school. I tried to put my arm around her to console her, because I feel sorry for her.
She is absolutely nuts. I'm trying to project that, and get help. You people just bash me down and turn the story completely around.
Sorry for hijacking this thread. But I don't even feel comfortable posting here anymore. I think I'm doing more harm then good and I'm endangering my family.
She is having fun doing what she wants. She still treats me like crap. She threw away her love for me. Then I have to deal with her anger. She is a mean person.
Phil,
First of all if you react to what people in this forum tell you the same as your react in the MLC forum, you'll get the same treatment.
Now, I know that others have probably said this to you in the past.
1. Set up a schedule when you see your kids and stick to it. No deviations unless they are sick or hurt. Period. None.
2. Stop reacting to your W's behavior. You keep saying that she's crazy, yet, you continue to engage her when she acts crazy and it makes you look crazy too. When she starts her BS, hang up, don't return texts, walk away if she's physically there. Just remove yourself from the situation. It may take a few dozen times of you doing this but eventually, she'll get it. Stop allowing her craziness to make you act/look just as crazy.
3. Don't contact her or touch her. She hates you right now and I personally know that if I hated someone I'd go ballistic if they tried to touch me. Let her initiate any contact and if she can't keep it pleasant, do number 2 above.
Try these 3 things for a month. See what happens.
Phil - no one is saying she was right for her actions.
But until you can admit that your reactions to hers are or were abusive....you won't get past it.
Grapefruit, pizza, language, putting the children in the middle of the fights, not putting their interests first - until you are ready to change those things Phil, nothing will change.
I am a bit surprised to see you here but you are welcome to post as long as you are respectful.
No more "you people, etc." And if you hear the same advice repeatedly, it might be helpful to take a pause and consider that maybe, maybe you don't have all the answers, and maybe you SHOULD try something different.
Work on Phil.
KS,
Sorry for the hijack.
Phil,
You need to start your own thread.....and, be NICE.
I told him I was sorry if I came across @$*@$^@
Sigh, you are a sweetums Chickie UA
WE have to get all these babies to meet up one day. To see their pictures, and to see their beautiful innocent faces, I just don't know how they do it.
Blech.
Thank God she has you.
THe post it notes are on those NEON PINK post its in the lunch boxes. MMHMMMM.
actually right now they're on small yellow ones but I'm working on the hot pink!
Todays' was "I love you more than chocolate chip cookies!" LOL
We DO need to get our babies to all meet up!
Honestly Phil..
I don't think anything has changed with you and wife.
The relationship usually never changes even with a separation. Yes the two people are displaced from one another but.. they still bring themselves to the "meeting point".
I am fairly sure I told you once that "You Become what You Judge". I would bet money that you and wife are right dead smack in the middle of a Role Reversal.. She is acting like you.. You are acting like her.. when things were "good". From what I have read.. you have been "here" for a while.
Both of you are acting out of "Emotion".. most likely "Hurt and Pain". Neither of you are really using your head. The thing about it is.. you are the only one we can talk to.. so again.. of course we are going to point out where you can do better.
Go back and read your posts.. read them with the thought that a friend is sending that to you via email.. or a text message.
What advice are you going to give that guy?
You have to step out of your train of thought.. to even have a chance.. even if you are 100% right with everything you are doing.
Chickipoo
I like to lick my kids in front of their friends
right up their cheeks
better than post its
but
mn is where they were invented so if you need some
Kschick,
You see you constantly misinterpret.
[quote]Grapefruit, pizza, language, putting the children in the middle[\quote]
There was never a grapefruit incident, that was a hypothetical discussion and has nothing to do with my sitch. I do not use language around my children, she does. There was a pizza incident. I do not put my children in the middle. She does. I stay calm around the children. She is the screamer, the yeller, and the abuser.
I would start my own thread but it is contant misinterpretation like this one. My last thread got hijacked big time and I had to ask a moderator to lock it.
I do not wish to post here anymore. I do not need abused from everyone. I am the one that was abused through the whole relationship. I didn't know how to react to her. I'm getting better.
Phil,
You might want to give some thought as to why it is that no matter which forum you go to, people tell you that what you're doing is wrong. If you want things to stay the same, keep doing what you're doing. End of story.
if you don't want to post then don't
stop talking about not doing it
just don't do it
what yourkids see is that their mom asked you not to touch her and you do
you are a needy clingon and can't even handle the small thing she asks you to do (don't touch me)
you followed her to school instead of just saying
well yipes I guess she handled that herself
you have to have your say at the detriment of others
you are an abuser
get help
what yourkids see is that their mom asked you not to touch her
You see fig, you can't read either. The kids were already in school. This was walking out after school after she already got them taken care of. I was trying to console her by putting my arm around her, because she is an absolute train wreck. I feel sorry for her.
I followed her because I was concerned for the safety of my children. She was driving wreckless, she almost ran into a car coming off the main road. Because the car was a little too much out. She should have given them the right away.
Once again, I'm not the abuser. If I would not have at least tried to make it down there to help her, she would have thrown it in my face that I couldn't do one simple thing. All she had to do is call me back and say, sorry I got it taken care off. Obviously she was in one of her manic phases or something.
She is the abuser. She constantly treats me like crap.
Here is the other funny thing. I have asked people not to post to me exspecially when they say they are down with me. They abuse me, tell me they are going away, then they come back for more.
I have a hard enough time dealing with my wife's issues and I think I recieve misdirected anger on this board.
I also think people do not know how to read, or do not comprehend what they read. They only hear what they want to hear. They constantly misinterupt what I say, or what I have said.
Now how much of this misinterpretation is agaisnt your own spouse in your own sitch?
fig, with over 10,000 post it looks like you are the one that needs help. Stop saying I do, you do not even know me.
I do not put my children in the middle. She does. I stay calm around the children. She is the screamer, the yeller, and the abuser.
Oh yes you do Phil and until you take off that halo you elected to give yourself nothing will ever change.
I am the one that was abused through the whole relationship. I didn't know how to react to her. I'm getting better.
What can I say for such a highly intelligent man(you told us this) how many years has it taken you to realise you were being abused?
A few hours of not texting does not mean your getting better. Days weeks and months of not texting means you are getting better.
Ask yourself who in your life you can name that has not caused you to behave badly? because not once have I heard you admit to any failings that haven't been blamed on other people.
Even here you blaming us.
Get help, professional intervention for your behavioural problems. You need far more than we can give you here.
Don't let pride prevent you from letting your children grow up in a healthy and loving home.
Sorry to hijack.
I never proclaimed myself to be a highly intelligent man. I knew from the beginning I was being verbally abused, but it was no different than any other relationship I had. It is what I just thought was normal behavior from the female side.
Naej, really just stop talking to me. Stop reading anything I have to say. You are not helping me. You are not supporting me. I do not need help with my behavioral problems. She does.
I just need help from this board to support me. Which I'm not getting.
My children are stable, and they are more stable with me. I have them almost everyday. When we are together things are great. As soon as she gets around them its choas. That is why my son wants to be with me all the time.
You want to help me, then stop driving me crazy. You said you were never going to post to me, then you keep coming back.
I even think I have asked you not to post to me, because you just drive me crazy.
Really I don't know why I'm here. Oh, I know why I'm in this thead. It is because people talk about me behind my back in different threads.
Please everyone stop doing that.
Here is the other funny thing. I have asked people not to post to me exspecially when they say they are down with me. They abuse me, tell me they are going away, then they come back for more.
This isn't your thread.
Fig can't read? I am sorry to say Phil but you have the poorest grasp of the English Language I have ever come across or did I
that as well.
Phil
get some help
for the sake of your children
you can't control your wife so saying she is the crazy one does nothing
you can control you
and
you are crazy
i have a lot of posts
because I have a lot to say!!!
and
because I have been working on myself for a long time and never changed my login name to hide who I was and am
if you don't people to respond to you
don't post on someone else's thread