Howdy folks - I'm moving on over here from Infidelity while I sit out the CA waiting period for D. 3 months to go.
The story so far -
1: Hopeful but unsure (now belongs to WCW)
2: Separated and Sad3: PMA = Me4: Moving Forward5: Moving Forward 26: Moving Forward 37: Moving Forward 48: Get out the Map9: This One's Gonna BruiseAny questions? lodo
Forgot to mention - thread title is an old John Prine song. Alison Krauss & Robert Plant do a cover, as does Shawn Colvin, but John's the man. Lyrics:
Leaves were falling ..Just like embers
In colors red and gold they set us on fire
Burning just like a moonbeam ..in our eyes
Somebody said they saw me
Swinging the world by the tail
Bouncing over a white cloud.
Killing the Blues
I am guilty of something
I hope you never do because there is nothing
Sadder than losing .. yourself in love
Somebody said they saw me
Swinging the world by the tail
Bouncing over a white cloud.
Killing the Blues
Now, you ask me Just to leave you
To go out on my own and get what I need to
You want me to find ..what I've already had
Somebody said they saw me
Swinging the world by the tail
Bouncing over a white cloud.
Killing the Blues
Hi lodo,
WELCOME!!! Sorry that you had the need to move but I hope that you will find some peace and healing. There's tons of good advice and great people. I haven't had time to read your story yet but hopefully I will get caught up......
Plus, what you might not be aware of is that we have a tradition over here. Since I am the first poster you owe me a drink of choice.
So let's get this party started..........Long Island Iced Tea please!
Bethie
Hey Bethie,
Coming right up - mixed strong enough to make the hair fall off your legs!
Fresh out of triple sec, though. Curacao okay? Fits better with my thread title anyway.
No need to take time to read my story. I'll encapsulate -
Monday: "I'll love you forever"
Tuesday: "We need to talk"
along with the break-up euphemism, ILYBINILWY = "I'm screwing some guy named Steve."
lodo
WOW...you're right....I've already read that story. Oh and I know the ending but I'll keep it to myself so I won't ruin it for you! Yes, I think my exes line was "I'm screwing some guy named Steve as well!' Coincidence huh? (Oh man, I hope today is the day that he decides to see what I've written on the board. He'll be so pissed!!!!! hahahaha)
Oh don't worry about the ingredients. It's all the same to me....
yeah, don't ruin it - I'm just getting to the good part. No Spoilers!
That Steve must get around ... It sounds to me like your X is just in love with being in love. Why should he deny anyone else the pleasure?
Actually Steve,
No relationship has seemed to work out for him. In fact after everything he's done and dragged me into, he's still not happy, imagine that.
Oh shoot! I'm sorry, I promised that I wouldn't ruin the ending for you!
That Steve must get around
OMG!!! that's H's ows name too!!!
lodo, I feel real bad. You tell me you're not starting a new thread and then within a couple hours you've got a new thread over here. I think I've been dumped.
And I missed a free drink too. DAM!
For those of you who don't know lodo, be real careful...he dangles his participles.
Hey WCW, you know me - I like to talk too much to not start a thread. I'll never dump you - especially when you show up wearing a tool-belt and a safety cone bra!
Here, I was just fixin' myself a whiskey sour. Why don't you take it and I'll go make another.
And why'd you have to go and tell all these people who don't know me about my participles?
Bethie, don't listen to her. And be careful - if you leave a thread lying around, she moves right in like she owns the place!
lodo
For those of you who don't know lodo, be real careful...he dangles his participles.
OMG....I knew there was something funny about you! I should have known you were a perv.........dangling those things and all...sheesh!
WCW,
Chill! The onething that there is no shortage of over here is booze. Hey were either divorced or in the process, so what do you think?
if you leave a thread lying around,
Men! we shouldn't have to be picking up after you like that. Besides, it gets harder and harder to be able to see those little old threads lying around. I'll end up homeless!
I thought you were proud of your participles!?
Bethie, I'm not much of a booze drinker. Can I be the designated driver?
Oh, I'm very proud of my participles! That's why I can't keep them covered up by some old coat
Well, WCW, you of all people should know that it wasn't until my 4th thread that I finally got one to lock. What do you think that says?
I had to laugh looking back at that first thread of mine. Forgot that you had gone ski joring - who would have thunk it? And you've never even plowed into a cow! It just doesn't seem right that a person who has gone joring has never hit a cow. But maybe I spent too much time in open range country.
lodo
Bethie, I'm not much of a booze drinker. Can I be the designated driver?
Yeah whatever. Seems I've heard that before. Ok be a designated driver. Whatever floats your boat, but the only requirement is that you had better be a fun one!
I know, I know. I have a lot of your loose threads to clean up if you don't! Glad I can help you laugh though!
About plowing into cows, I am a better plower than to hit cows. I can keep my rows straight! When I was a kid we had an old narrow front end Massey without power steering. It took 2 of us kids to turn the wheels but we still plowed straight!
Oh wait, you were refering to a different kind of plowing?
Gotta go unload that hay now, and stack it in straight rows.
Bethie, I'm not much of a booze drinker. Can I be the designated driver?
Yeah whatever. Seems I've heard that before. Ok be a designated driver. Whatever floats your boat, but the only requirement is that you had better be a fun one!
Yikes! don't talk about floating and boats after all the flooding around here last month! I'm a little tired of water for a while.
LOL - I love it when you talk farm, WCW
Well, we didn't plow, but I learned to drive on my granddad's 1950 Willy's jeep. He had a bunch of land in N MO and left it all natural - farmed the bottom lands. Anyway, he used the jeep to get around the property. Course since we were driving in the woods in a jeep, it didn't much matter about how straight you were going.
Have fun with the hay - I'm buckin' bales alongside you (in spirit). Oh wait, you probably use a forklift, huh?
WCW,
I hear ya'. I was sandbagging from time to time. I'm not right on the Mississipi, and there was no imminent danger here, but neighboring towns were in trouble.
I promise that I will be kinder in the future and there may even be a pair of floaties in this for you!
Yo, Lodo -- MY MAN!!!
y'all be good to Lodo. We miss him already over in "Infidelity." If you're good to him, maybe he'll cook for you, and if you're not, I'm gonna come over and kick your azzes.
Mean Puppy. Mean, mean Puppy.
Puppy
Just dropping by to say HI!!
kat
Don't worry about puppy - his bark is worse than his bite!
Hi kat - thanks for dropping by! lodo
No need to take time to read my story. I'll encapsulate -
Monday: "I'll love you forever"
Tuesday: "We need to talk"
along with the break-up euphemism, ILYBINILWY = "I'm screwing some guy named Steve."
Oh my goodness, that is so funny!
I'm so pleased to see you've kept your magnificent sense of humor through all the muck.
If you're still serving drinks, I'll take tequila on the rocks (preferably Patron Silver), a drop or two of triple sec (make a booze run if you need to) and some lime. And don't be skimpy on the tequila!
I always miss the damn drinks!!!
but
if you are still serving (batting eyelashes)
I will take a margarita on the rocks with salt (top shelf please...anjeho)
fig is my kinda girl. I believe the bar is always open on lodo's thread... am I right, lodo?
saweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet
in that case
i don't have to work in the morning
or for that matter...the rest of summer
I would like some anjeho body shots please
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot
and
some ice
its dayum hot up in here!!!
Hey Girl! It's always so nice when you stop by. No triple sec, no time for a booze run, so you'll have to take it with the Curacao and enjoy the blue color - goes with my thread.
And I'm never skimpy on the liquor unless someone asks me they want theirs "junior missy"!
Welcome, fig - nice to make your acquaintance. On this thread, though, we say añejo - as in "Would you like a Patrón Añejo body shot?"
And where would you like to lick me for your body shot? Girl, as long as you're drinking tequila would you like a shot as well?
lodo
inner arm
and
i can't find the little accenty thing and I can't spell
so
just give me a shot!!!
lol - okay here you go ...
inner arm
and
i can't find the little accenty thing and I can't spell
so
just give me a shot!!!
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. I thought you were a toe girl!
a body shot from the toe? Umm, bethie ...
Hey Girl! It's always so nice when you stop by. No triple sec, no time for a booze run, so you'll have to take it with the Curacao and enjoy the blue color - goes with my thread.
Girl, as long as you're drinking tequila would you like a shot as well?
Change my order to what fig's having! I can't handle the sweetness of the Curacao, but it sure is pretty.
lodo, looks like you're in with a wild bunch now. Enjoy the ride!
yuck........
nothing between my toes
except that thing to sep my toes when they are being polished
(not painted.....cookie hates that)
inner arm
cuz neck would make me hotter
and
i need to cool down
Oh if anyone can do it it's fig. I have faith in her, and it even made gfi change her drink order!
lodo, looks like you're in with a wild bunch now. Enjoy the ride!
Yeah, wait until they find out what I'm really like, huh?
that blue stuff stained my skin blue in college when we were playing quarters with it
and
why
does a blue drink taste orange????
you played quarters with Curacao? blech.
we were young and played with whatever we could get someone to buy us
and you bought curacao?! We used beer - you've heard of beer before, right? cheap, easy, buy it at 7/11? LOL
did you grow up in MN?
yah
and
went to school on a dry campus
mickeys wide mouths ruled!!!!
Mickeys! Jesus, haven't thought about Mickeys for a long time. I grew up in KC MO. Used to make runs to KS.
welcome lodo. cosmo please with a beer chaser
Sorry shoeprincess, you missed the free drinks. Will this be cash or do you want to run a tab?
LOL - cosmo with a beer chaser? Do you guys actually drink this stuff in real life? I'm sitting here with a gin & tonic - simple, refreshing, like a little breath of spring.
Okay, here's your cosmo - what kind of beer for a chaser? Guiness? Sam Adams? Sierra Nevada? Pabst Blue Ribbon?
new castle
yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
and
guiness
Sam Adams Please. AND I will start a tab. drinks all around
Okay - you want to hear something stupid? I went through my fridge to start pulling some dinner together, and half this stuff is going bad.
8 months I've been doing this and I still don't know how many vegetables feeds a single person. Maybe I should just eat frozen food ...
i just go out to eat
just kidding
i have no money so
1 pack of ramen noodles feeds one person
you don't need no stinkin veggies
just make bloody marys with V8!!!!
stick to salads...Vegis always go bad when i buy them...
so how the hell do add a little picture - I assume that's an avatar? I see where you can turn them on or off but not how to add them.
I forgot
its somewhere in you profile I think
I know
I am no help
you don't need no stinkin veggies
Talkin' to the wrong person! Ever since I rented Ratatouille, I decided that i'd do a 180 by cooking. And it's been great!
Too bad you missed my metaphysical potato soup - it was transcendent. I think it was the butter. Maybe the cheese - certainly the jalapenos.
I am learning to use the BBQ
That's good, shoeprincess - burning meat is good. It's even better when you go out to kill and skin the animal first!
I don't think they allow you to have little images anymore.
That's good, shoeprincess - burning meat is good. It's even better when you go out to kill and skin the animal first!
nooooooooooooooooooooooo
I am learning to use the BBQ
You are learning to barbecue? I didn't know that it was something you had to LEARN.
Stick to the jello babe!
I am learning to use the BBQ
You are learning to barbecue? I didn't know that it was something you had to LEARN.
Stick to the jello babe!
shoosh it Bethie!
I made salmon the other night and it was great
little chared but good on the inside
What di you do? Scrap off the outside to get to the "perfect" part?
no I like salmon a little crispy... I know I am weird
no I like salmon a little crispy... I know I am weird
You siad that not me. So remember that.
You like salmon crispy?! And you're in CA?
Hey lodo,
Maybe if you're nice to her she'll invite you over for dinner and burn some fish for you. She's LEARNING to barbecue you know!
LOL - maybe I shouldn't be nice
Oh I would be. How can you turn down that little delicacy? M M I can taste it now. Once you scrape of the char it's really tasty
pppptttttthhhhhhht!!! to you Bethie
Yes lodo I am in ca.
oh and sorry for hijacking your thread about my crispy salmon...
shoeprincess, let me tell you that it is indeed an honor to make your acquaintance and I'm a little bit better today because you chose to post on my thread. Never EVER feel that you aren't allowed to hijack. You just do whatever you want whenever you want and know that it's okay by me.
I mean, damn - look at WCW!
well thank ya kind sir
shoeprincess, let me tell you that it is indeed an honor to make your acquaintance and I'm a little bit better today because you chose to post on my thread. Never EVER feel that you aren't allowed to hijack. You just do whatever you want whenever you want and know that it's okay by me.
I mean, damn - look at WCW!
Hey! or Hay! yupperee, look at me! Queen of Thread Pickerupper Takeover. Looks like you're well on your way with your new home here so I probably won't have to be picking up after you anymore. Good thing too, now I'll have time for a new GAL.
lol - I was just tryin' to get a rise out of you WCW!
I know silly lodo!
What I'd like is a rise from my H!
Shoe....
I make the best ribs EVER!!!!!
and
a killer pie for dessert!!!
I keep offering it to Bethie but you know she has no follow through!!!
shoeprincess, let me tell you that it is indeed an honor to make your acquaintance and I'm a little bit better today because you chose to post on my thread. Never EVER feel that you aren't allowed to hijack. You just do whatever you want whenever you want and know that it's okay by me.
BIG HUGE MISTAKE! Next she'll be moving her jello pool over here with her!
but she is a genius with that jello
This is so true and it's only fair to recognize that and her her credit for it!
Morning everyone. Just journaling today.
Am a little overwhelmed with work right now and feel like all I can do is spin my wheels. It was one thing to have this happen during the upheaval of separation->discovering affair->filing for divorce->moving. Now it's happening when I should be pulling life back together and moving on.
I feel like I need to take things hour by hour and try to work off a detailed check list in order to get stuff done. Otherwise I slide back into self-analysis and I hate that.
As for the papers I'm supposed to write for school ... that blinking cursor is still sitting there in Word. Whenever I try to write my mind just drifts. When I do get something down, it's absolute crap. Maybe I should take another incomplete.
This is the hard work, I guess. Refinding focus.
lodo
what classes are you taking in school
I am sure you wrote that somewhere but I am a very impatient person and lazy so can you recap that???
This quarter I have my last seminar on US policy. I'm trying to write a paper from last quarter on modelling social behavior, and I still have to finish another paper on german nationalism that I took as an incomplete due to my sitch.
It seems a little insurmountable right now. Oh well, I'll figure out a way - I always do.
use your resources
there are tons of teachers here (me included)
maybe you could get some tips
what is your major all about
(I was so liberal arts college!!!!
)
Oh, I can do it. Just can't concentrate very well.
I'm working on a Master's in history/philosophy of science, specifically how science informs public policy. This is all on top of my day job, so just feel overwhelmed sometimes. I'm ready for it all to be over - feel stupid for ever trying to do this in the first place but now I'm too far along to drop out.
i hear ya
school is a bit stressful sometimes!!!
what will you be using your masters for???
what will you be using your masters for???
covering up a bare spot on the wall ...
hey
that is what mine will do too
I am two classes shy
"how to write your masters thesis" and "writing your masters thesis"
then I want to go back and get a couple more
its one way to not repay those loans!!!
hi lodo,
glad to see you settling in with new friends in your new place.
Hope today has less spinning & hiding than yesterday.
peace
Bridge
So all, just out of curiousity.
Would a married woman often NOT wear a wedding ring from one day to the next?
Would an unmarried woman often WEAR a ring on the wedding ring finger?
wondering ...
lodo
UH...no on both counts. Why would you ask that?
the only unmarried women i know that sported a wedding ring were my fellow cocktail servers.
we wanted drunk guys to think we were married sometimes
is the ring big and clunky
is she going through bad neighborhoods
is she working for tips
i wouldn't say big and clunky - not a band, though, and no diamond.
not working for tips, don't know about the neighborhood, but probably not a bad one.
ok
are you trying to figure out if it is a wedding ring or is this on your w's hand?
I wear a ring on my wedding ring finger
it is a garnet with diamonds
when I got divorced my finger felt naked and it had that spot from where the band sat
it was a good replacement
trying to figure out if it's a wedding ring. just curious.
Mna, I must lead a very sheltered life, because I can't think of anyone who is happily married that wouldn't wear her ring. I get what fig is saying and also now that I have thought more about it there are a lot of decorative band rings out now. Just strange that they would wear it on their left hand if they weren't married.
my wedding ring always came off in the summer for gardening, working with D's pony, etc. It went back on before school started in the fall. And my ring finger felt 'naked' without it for a few weeks. I can understand why some woman who had gone through a divorce would wear 'something' there.
OK, lodo, what gives about the rings? You are being very mysterious.
Do you still wear yours?
I'm married, but not "happily". While I'm not wearing my wedding ring, I am wearing a ring (sterling silver band), which I suppose some people may assume is a wedding ring.
I would say the majority of married women wear their rings every single day without fail. The only time I ever didn't wear my ring was when I went to the gym to lift weights because it bends the metal and loosens the diamonds if they're prong set.
You've got me curious. Is your wife sporting a ring on that finger? Or has a lady piqued your interest and you're trying to determine if she's married? ;-)
lol - no, my W isn't wearing a ring. She's back in the midwest right now anyway.
No, there's a woman in my class that sort of ... doesn't quite flirt but makes a point of saying/doing things that she doesn't say/do to anyone else in the class. Making a point of chatting before/after, offering me a piece of chocolate, sitting by me, etc.
But about half the time she's got this ring on and I didn't know what to make of that.
Like I said, just curious.
Maybe she's DBing and can't decide if she should wear her ring or not. =)
I haven't been wearing my ring at all, and I heard (from OW's stbxbf) some rumors were starting to churn, so I started wearing my silver band Monday.
You should creatively ask her if she's married. Just do it. =)
Oh, hey, forgot to ask. Have you ever gone snowshoeing? Seems like fun. I want to try it sometime next winter.
Yep - been snowshoeing, but in some ways it's more trouble than it''s worth. Well, actually in CO it's more trouble than it's worth. In the Sierra it'd probably be fun since they get so much snow. In CO I usually felt like I could have just worn my sorels.
I used to run in snowshoes though. That was fun once I figured out how to do it.
Re: rumors - that's what happened here with W and me. She briefly put her ring back on but then took it off for good. Looking back that whole period seems so cruel. Me trying so hard and her giving absolutely nothing. Anyway, if H isn't wearing his ring it doesn't really matter, does it? Unless you just feel more comfortable wearing it.
lodo
lol - no, my W isn't wearing a ring. She's back in the midwest right now anyway.
No, there's a woman in my class that sort of ... doesn't quite flirt but makes a point of saying/doing things that she doesn't say/do to anyone else in the class. Making a point of chatting before/after, offering me a piece of chocolate, sitting by me, etc.
But about half the time she's got this ring on and I didn't know what to make of that.
Like I said, just curious.
lodo,
That is interesting.... I would just make some excuse to meet before or after class to talk..........
When I was in graduate school, there was a cute gal who would always be "extra" friendly........ She would love to talk about working out and karate.... She asked me if I wanted to meet her at her karate school.... She eventually followed me to car my car and asked, "Am I EVER going to see you outside of class?" We had a nice chat... BUT, I had just started dating another gal I met at the Air Force base...... So, we never really had a chance to date...
The funny thing is I would run into her every few months even after Kim and I were married.... There was another opportunity I passed up to remain a faithful H........ I don't regret being faithful...... It is just who I am...
NMD
Re: rumors - that's what happened here with W and me. She briefly put her ring back on but then took it off for good. Looking back that whole period seems so cruel. Me trying so hard and her giving absolutely nothing. Anyway, if H isn't wearing his ring it doesn't really matter, does it? Unless you just feel more comfortable wearing it.
lodo,
I wore my wedding ring until the end. Kim kept asking me why I still wore it. I just needed to wear it to remind both of us that we made a commitment to each other.
When Wifey was in Europe, I thought since she was wearing an engagement ring, I should as well. I purchased a braided white gold band.
The toughest part was putting it on; my "wedding ring" finger had been bare for a while. It brought a flood of emotions like I had never felt before. To me, it was a symbol of my love for Wifey...
I went home, took a picture of it and e-mailed it to Wifey..... She loved it... She was pleasantly surprised I would want to wear an "engagement" ring...
When I told one of the gals at my new job I was getting married, she said, "Married? You are already married! You have been wearing that ring the entire time." I said, "Yes, I have. It is an engagement ring." She said, "Wow! Most married guys don't want to wear their ring. Yet, you wear it before you are married!" I said, "It is just a symbol of how I feel about Wifey."
On a side note, the old wedding ring came in handy.... I used it to pay for a portion of my "engagement" ring.....
NMD
Just an FYI, The only time I took my rings off was when I was pregnant. Otherwise, they never came off. I did take them off for a short while after he filed but took them off for good after the pre-trial. So if they are on there is probably a good reason.
You are having way too much fun over here you big flirt!
kat
I have kept wearing mine. I'll stop on D-Day.
W can't wear hers at work - no jewelry allowed on the hands. She actually stopped wearing hers even before the bomb, but I honestly didn't notice since she often had them off anyway. She has never put them back on.
I stopped wearing mine when W stopped wearing hers. As I said, she was pretty cruel during that whole period. Looking back now I was in a pretty bad state.
But, I was just curious about this classmate. Nothing wrong with a little flirting, unless, of course, she's married - no way I'd do that.
lodo
But, I was just curious about this classmate. Nothing wrong with a little flirting, unless, of course, she's married - no way I'd do that.
lodo,
No harm in gathering some info on her before D is final........ If she asks about your status, I would give give her the honest "Readers Digest" version of your sitch...
As I have written before, sane (I STRESS SANE) women REALLY dig loving and faithful guys.......
NMD
Thanks NMD for stopping by!
The Reader's Digest version? LOL -
Monday: "I'll love you forever"
Tuesday: "We need to talk"
Wednesday: "ILYBINILWY" = I'm screwing some guy named Steve.
Thursday: "I filed for D but not because there was someone else"
Friday: ????
lodo
...and tough. Don't forget tough.
oh yeah, and as Tom SAWyer, I cut down redwoods with a hand saw, cause I'm TOUGH, which chicks dig
Friday: You're dating HER!??! Will you take me back?
Thanks NMD for stopping by!
The Reader's Digest version? LOL -
Monday: "I'll love you forever"
Tuesday: "We need to talk"
Wednesday: "ILYBINILWY" = I'm screwing some guy named Steve.
Thursday: "I filed for D but not because there was someone else"
lodo,
Just use the above.... AND add... I really wanted to work on being a better H, our communication and our M.............
NMD
Friday: You're dating HER!??! Will you take me back?
G,
I would DEFINITELY say lodo should take her back... To the end of the line of gals waiting for lodo....
NMD
Friday: You're dating HER!??! Will you take me back?
you kill me. ;-)
lodo, your thread title makes me think of one of my favorite Gary Moore songs:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZ11KYu8YwU&feature=relatedEdited to add: no clue on the "video" on youtube. just like that version of the song.
Except I think it'd be more along the lines of -
Friday: You're dating HER?! Oh, can I borrow your truck again? And will you pick up my veggie box? And would you drop by the house and water the yard? And will you stay on the mortgage another 4 years? And can I come over and have a heart-to-heart discussion since we connect on so many levels and I don't have a relationship like that with anyone else but I don't see how that is anything that could sustain a relationship and don't tell me I can't see it because I'm sleeping with someone else?
"The Slayer" - yup, that's me. Sexier than "MotU"
Friday: You're dating HER?! Oh, can I borrow your truck again? And will you pick up my veggie box? And would you drop by the house and water the yard? And will you stay on the mortga........
OMG, you made beer come up my nose!
hey girl - you edited your post before I could ask what was up with the video
Well, youtube doesn't have the john prine version, which is my fave, but here's the alison krauss/robert plant cover:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=H48TJA_vSk0And g, if you can't drink beer responsibly, maybe you shouldn't drink it at all! Does this mean you're going to sit out by your fire ring tonight?
I'm grilling right now and eyeing the fire pit. But I think it's too dry and breezy :-(
Maybe you both should have moved here maybe a thread ago? Yoo both seem to be having so much fun. We are kind of serious over on Infidelity and I think g stayed too long at newcomers..6 mths!!
Glad to see you are in better spirits.
kat
Hi kat,
I think it has less to do with fun and more to do with reaching a place of acceptance.
I know that I will get there. The rope has been dropped, the divorce will be next week, don't want contact with him unless it has to do with the kids, maybe I am closer than I think.
kat
Except I think it'd be more along the lines of -
Friday: You're dating HER?! Oh, can I borrow your truck again? And will you pick up my veggie box? And would you drop by the house and water the yard? And will you stay on the mortgage another 4 years? And can I come over and have a heart-to-heart discussion since we connect on so many levels and I don't have a relationship like that with anyone else but I don't see how that is anything that could sustain a relationship and don't tell me I can't see it because I'm sleeping with someone else?
But, but, but...lodo, you've allowed her to keep imposing on you to help her and you've chosen this route of friendship with her. I'm not disagreeing or saying that is a bad way of doing what you feel is right, just reminding you.
In all of your posts, I don't recall that you ever talked about being angry or upset or even raising your voice to W. You always have these deep heart to heart talks. How about a 180 of screaming for a bit?
Or Tough Love. There is a book about that.
My ring story - I never ever took my ring off for any reason (until my 1st surgery and they wouldn't allow it). It wasn't a big fancy rock that stuck out, it is a band with some little stones set in it so it is smooth. I was proud to wear it and be 'claimed'. When H first started his wayward ways and I still didn't have a clue of what was really going on I took it off. I had a 'I'll show him!' attitude. He never noticed. I finally put it back on because I missed wearing it and I realized I always fiddled with it on my finger.
After finding DB and unsuccessfully detaching, I finally took it off again as a way of helping me detach. It did help me. It's been over 2 years and the mark is still visible.
H doesn't believe in wedding rings and we only got them to pacify me. He only wore his on special ocassions, but once when he left on a trip and forgot it he did call back to me and ask me to be sure and bring it when I was coming to meet him.
There, see how easily I take over your threads?
Hey WCW - I know I'm allowing her to ask favors. As I wrote on another thread, everything was such a roller coaster that I really needed the space to leave the relationship on my own terms. Continuing to be friendly has been allowing me to do that.
Would it have been better to get pissed, storm off, and sever things? Probably - I seem to downplay what's in my best interest. But emotionally I think I needed to take it slower than the way it was going.
And for the record, I still talk to W, but I've stopped with the heart-to-hearts. Now I just listen to her talk about herself. She hasn't noticed.
More and more I see how I occupied a space similar to her father's at certain times, like now. She wants to react against my involvement in the things she does - to be totally independent. She becomes deeply resentful of any feelings of dependency, so will overreact to situations like me asking if she wants to use my bike light in order to get home (she got pissed and angry). But then she runs into a problem and rather than deal with it herself, she asks for favors. So it's a weird dynamic.
But the favors are getting fewer and she's going to start realizing that pretty quickly. By the time she gets back from field (with OM) in Sept, I will be ready to have no involvement with her, because I don't think she's a very nice person and I don't have a whole lot of respect for her anymore.
IMO. lodo
everything was such a roller coaster that I really needed the space to leave the relationship on my own terms.
I get that! I've had similar thoughts that it was one thing I could thank my H for was the amount of time I have had to adjust to his odd ways of disassembling our M.
It probably doesn't help in the long run to get pissed and storm off. Short term though it can feel pretty fine! Do you ever?
More and more I see how I occupied a space similar to her father's at certain times, like now. She wants to react against my involvement in the things she does - to be totally independent. She becomes deeply resentful of any feelings of dependency, so will overreact to situations like me asking if she wants to use my bike light in order to get home (she got pissed and angry). But then she runs into a problem and rather than deal with it herself, she asks for favors. So it's a weird dynamic.
uhoh, I see some of me in that paragraph. Running away now so I don't have to deal with myself...!!
Just posting to keep my thread from sliding into oblivion.
Not much to say tonight. No great insights. I think my heart is drained now. Just a general numbness left as I plod along.
So instead I'll share bits of wisdom from an essay by Ed Abbey called "Freedom and Wilderness, Wilderness and Freedom":
"We need wilderness because we are wild animals. Every man needs a place where he can go to go crazy in peace. Every Boy Scout troop deserves a forest to get lost, miserable, and starving in. Even the maddest murderer of the sweetest wife should get a chance for a run to the sanctuary of the hills. If only for the sport of it. For the terror, freedom, and delirium. Because we need brutality and raw adventure, because men and women first learned to love in, under, and all around trees, because we need for every pair of feet and legs about ten leagues of naked nature, crags to leap from, mountains to measure by, deserts to finally die in when the heart fails.
"What makes life in our cities at once still tolerable, exciting, and stimulating is the existence of an alternative option, whether exercised or not, whether even appreciated or not, of a radically different mode of being out there, in the forests, on the lakes and rivers, in the deserts, up in the mountains.
"I believe it is possible to find and live a balanced way of life somewhere halfway between all-out industrialism on the one hand and a make-believe pastoral idyll on the other. I believe it is possible to live an intelligent life in our cities - if we make them fit to live in - if we stop this trend toward joining city unto city until half the nation and half the planet becomes one smog-shrouded, desperate and sweating, insane and explosive urbanized concentration camp.
"We can have wilderness without freedom; we can have wilderness without human life at all; but we cannot have freedom without wilderness, we cannot have freedom without leagues of open space beyond the cities, where boys and girls, men and women, can live at least part of their lives under no control but their own desires and abilities, free from any and all direct administration by their fellow men."
What does this have to do with DBing? Nothing. About relationships? Nothing. About forgiveness, acting as if, last resort technique, going dark, turning the other cheek, mars/venus, love languages, not just friends, 12 steps, 7 steps, 5 stages, personal profiles, quizzes, or the 10 myths about marriage? Nothing.
Nothing other than that the world is bigger than it appears on TV, so why not go out this weekend and remember what it feels like to be a fellow member of an ecological community.
lodo