Hi folks - DivorceBusting.com

Yup. I've been AWOL! I just don't feel the need to be around here much. But I've heard from a few folks on the board now and again so I thought I'd pop in.

Not a whole lot to update about my life...it's soooooooooo boring but incredibly busy.

D's still in my life despite a 140-mile round trip back and forth when we're together. We've had some ups and downs but I'm finding this R so much easier than my M despite the logistics. We communicate well and I couldn't be happier for that. I cooked Thanksgiving dinner for a gang at his place and then we drove north to see my kids the day after. I had a blast cooking!! Did a 20 pound turkey and all the trimmings.

We both are still unsure if we ever want to live with someone else again LOL... but we are still pulling this off and live it day by day.

I have given up contracting and working for myself...I got a great offer from a software firm here that I accepted and start a week from today. I'm psyched. A lot of you may or may not know that I had been self-employed for a very long time and picking up contracts...I had two in Columbus that forced me to move here because I was commuting so much from the Dayton/Cinci area. All I can say is I'm thrilled not to have to be doing the constant handshaking, marketing, and contract signing over and over and over again just to keep income coming in!! The plan is right now for me to remain here in Columbus. But there is a chance, slight for now, that this company opens an office near WPAFB where I had been living previously. Their company does sell to the military so, there is a remote chance.

My kids are doing incredibly well. One will graduate in May with a bachelor in fine arts, another graduates the same month with her PhD in family communications. Another graduates in May 2009 with a BS in psychology and addictions studies. The hardest thing ever in my life is having them so far away. For me, I'm psyched when we do get together.

Me...I'm just so happy to have a week off from work. (I ended my contract immediately when I got the job offer just so I could have some "me" time LOL.)

Nearly six years out post-bomb and separation, almost five that the D was final. I never would've thought life could be this good again. No drama, no bs, just nice. Peaceful. Boring. I like it this way!!!

Oh Keyzblew, good to hear your update and so hapy that things are going well for you. Did any of us oldtimers ever really think life would get better back then we just kept going through the motions,one foot in front of the other and a few falls on the way.
Congratulations. Hope life continues to be "dull and drama free"

Keyz,
I'm so happy for you but don't even think your life can be more boring than mine!!!

Glad to hear the girls are all doing well and are on their way to successful careers!!! You did good, Mom!!!

Congrats on the new job and let us know how you like it.

Just wanted to say, "Hi," to one of my first early visitors when I was a Newcomer four long years ago. Glad to hear things are going well. Have a great Christmas!

OMG...Naej!!! How are you? I haven't seen you around here in so very very long. You'll need to update us with how things are going with your little house and kids.

Jill $\:\)$ I read your posts from time to time. You are still cracking me up. I suppose winter's hit up there already. It's trying to hit us here in Ohio, but not successful yet. Just wet and ugly out here, no snow.

Merrick...I didn't realize you were around these parts any more either. Update!! Please?

I'm getting bored LOL...half way through a week off and I don't know what to do with myself. Paid my bills, watched flicks, had the car services. Ah....the life of leisure. Dinner with mom and my sister tomorrow night.

I just wanted to pop in and see how everyone was doing. I can't read the mid life crisis forum any more...for some reason, seeing anyone "standing" for an M that is as troubled as mine was smacks me right between the eyes of why I decided to be happy now and realize this divorce was my best decision. I just couldn't hang my hat or happiness on a relationship that clearly went totally dysfunctional and with someone who was a total dufus in my book. I reckon a lot of Ms can be salvaged, mine couldn't. Last I heard my ex was somewhere in southern Ohio flapping in the wind sans bimbo but trying desparately to find any warm body he could lay his hands on. Bleh!!

Still...if anyone out there is thinking if their life can be normal, sane, happy, and relatively problem-free after a D, the answer is a resounding YES. Life is what you decide to make it. I think even if I didn't have this R in my life, my life would be quite good.

Hey keyz,

Your absolutely right.............no one in my life right now, and I'm fine...in fact, right now I perfer it that way. My new little Grandson is the man in my life right now and I couldn't be happier.

It's great hearing from you. I know what you mean about the mid life crisis thread, I'm so over that, right now my only help would be to tell someone to move on and in the long run your going to be better off. I some how don't think they would believe it and it might not be to welcomed. lol If you know what I mean.

Hey, stay happy Keyz, enjoy the Holidays and keep us posted. I missed hearing from you. Don't post as much either but I'm always lurking.

Originally Posted By: keyzblew

Still...if anyone out there is thinking if their life can be normal, sane, happy, and relatively problem-free after a D, the answer is a resounding YES. Life is what you decide to make it. I think even if I didn't have this R in my life, my life would be quite good.

Keyz, I get so depressed when I occasionally read the MLC forum. Like you, I never would've believed that my life could be so wonderful and it was wonderful even before my R with MG.

Hope you miss out on the snow. It's been really cold and windy here and the snow is sticking!!!

Nice to hear from you and glad you find my boredom so darned funny!!!!

Well well well Friend...I did not realize you had a grandchild until now. Bad me!!!!!!!!!!!! I haven't really been keeping up around here. Congratulations. I'm sure he's a sweetheart.

Jill, I read about your renter backing out. After putting the utilities in her name? I got a word for that: dufus!!!! Hopefully you'll have the house sold or rented. The housing market does look a bit bleak but what I don't "get" is they are still building this huge suburban homes down here. WTH???? I'll keep my fingers and toes crossed for you.

We're gonna miss the snow again na na na na na. Just rain...they did predict snow earlier, but it's still too warm. Still feels cold to me LOL...we were having 80 deg temps through October.

Right now...I'm living right dab smack in the middle of buckeye country. I think most anyone who lives in Columbus is a nut!!! Now, I like college football. But c'mon...is it THE only entertainment there is in this world? I nearly got killed for wearing a PennState shirt earlier this month. Too bad. That's where my D teaches. I couldn't help it. The uniform down here of scarlet, grey, and the nasty ugly buckeye necklaces is um...ugly!!! Even funnier...my second D goes to U of Toledo. They too wear gold and blue LOL...I got jumped for being a Michigan fan (which I am) simply because I wore a UT Rocket sweatshirt another day LOL....

Oh the simple things I do to amuse myself sometimes...yup. Life is good!

yes Keyz, and he's beautiful, he's the new man in my life and at this time the only one I want, lol. What happens in the future I have no idea..............and am fine with that.

Stay in touch, I hope life continues to be good to you.

Love, Friend

I think its cool that you guys who have been a part of this board come back from time to time. I get a snapshot of what life might look like in 2 or 3 years. I have been on here for a year and a half or so. I have grown a lot as a person, but I have a ways to go in other areas. I am starting to find peace in myself, something I thought was impossible a while back, but it still gets hard sometimes. Raising 2 little ones on your own is hard, especally if you are a man who works 60+ hours a week. One thing I have learned through this experience is what kind of inner strength I have. I am amazed at how I was able to overcome so much, personally and professionally. I have learned that life can and will throw you some mean licks, like Rocky Balboa said in his last flick "Its not how hard you hit, its how hard you get hit" LOL Sorry, couldn't miss that one! I do know that I am not ready to let anyone get close to me right now, I guess that will be the toughest thing to overcome, if I ever do. Good to read your posts!

YOOOOOO Keyz,

I have a whole box of Penn State shirt that I can mail your way! I your daughter on main campus? I haven't been back in 4 years and don't ever expect to go again. Weird sometimes but it is what it is.

Glad that the girls are doing so well and that work and your personal life have fallen into place. Who'd have ever thought life could be this good?

Love,
Bethie

braveheart,

It does get easier with time................give yourself that gift. Everyone is different, we all heal at different speeds, there's no right or wrong with healing. You are a wonderful father, to raise two little ones on your own. I give you so much credit, your children will always know who was there for them, and they will love you dearly for it.

Have faith in faith.

Friend

KB!!!!

Boring is good. I think sometimes that a commute is good for a relationship because it allows us to be outselves. As long as you're having a blast - that's all that matters. And being unsure is part of life, isn't it? We're never certain, are we?

Good work on the job front Keys. I'm glad you're happy with your choices.

I told someone last week that was having problems at work and was having a hard time coping (it really was women being hard on other women thing) that if she could only be happy with herself, her life would be so much better. I think that's the key to having a happy life Keys. Being happy with yourself. And you sound as if you are. So I am so happy for you.

But I am pulling for my favorite coach and team - Jim Tressell and the Bucs. I live in SEC country, where no matter who is in the championship game, the SEC rules - but not with me. I met Mr. Tressell once and I am pulling for my Ohio team and HIS Ohio team. Because he's one of the good ones.

SO, Go OH I O S T A T E No matter what you hear up there.

It was so nice to hear from you Keys.

Originally Posted By: FRIEND

braveheart,

It does get easier with time................give yourself that gift. Everyone is different, we all heal at different speeds, there's no right or wrong with healing. You are a wonderful father, to raise two little ones on your own. I give you so much credit, your children will always know who was there for them, and they will love you dearly for it.

Have faith in faith.

Friend

Thanks Friend! I am fine, just sometimes I get angry getting left to raise the kids on my own and her family upholding what she did, but as with all things, we get over it.

Braveheart...yup. Life does throw some nasty curves doesn't it? It's those hard balls and curves that somehow seem to either call the best out in us or the worst out in us. My personal opinion...it's usually those who have the best pulled out of us during times of crises that end up hanging out on this board $\:\)$

Raising little ones alone is one of the hardest jobs I can imagine. My four were grown or nearly grown when my ex and I split. The youngest was in HS. I always find it so hard to read when parents split with small kids cause it's always the kids who get hit the hardest with this stuff. Just love those kiddos to death and it'll usually work out.

As for letting anyone get close, for me it's still very hard at times. I'm a naturally trusting person too. Maybe too much LOL...otherwise I'd have never gone through what I did with my whacked out ex. But there's a lot of lessons somewhere in that about me too...ones that made me think, grow, do be, feel more realisitically and positively about relationships. I have to one-up Rocky...to me it's how hard you hit back $\:\)$

Yup, she's on main campus Beth. Was out there for the summer arts festival. Had a blast. Took Dan with me and of course...men. It's all about the food and beer. Ended up pigging out at the dairy for ice cream and hopping the microbreweries. I was hankering after all of the high-end art stuff LOL. I don't think she'll be out there too much longer though. She's ready to grad next spring and has been interviewing for teaching/research positions at other universities. She may end up back at UK in Lexington. I wish she'd get her fanny back in Ohio...I miss her!!! She wasn't even considered to teach at OSU--she did submit her CV there. OSU doesn't have the communications program there to support her research $\:\($

Honestly, I just wore the shirt to yank some chains out here. It's sometimes hard to tell who's who in Columbus. They ALL wear scarlet and gray. Almost as if you're persona non-grata around if one dares to show a bit of individualism LOL.

Hi Happy!!!

Well it is LSU and OSU for the BCS. Tressell is one of the good guys. I just never really was a big Buckeye fan. So I'm sort of an odd ball around here. And for me, the SEC does rule when it comes to basketball...just can't diss my UK Cats even when they nose dive in the rankings. I have to admit, I was pulling for Florida in the championship game last spring...but was upset at UK for even offering Donovan the head coach job.

You're right about the key to being happy. And I never understood why women could be so darned hard on other women. That whole cattiness thing...it drives me nuts. I usually work with men. Much simpler that way. Not that it's without problems...men do have a different timeline than women. But I am back in my old world--back working with the nerds, geeks, and analysts. I think that for me the constant marketing, handshaking, and bs'ing just wasn't my thing. I'd tell anyone in a heartbeat that you can make a decent living as an independent consultant. But it takes someone who doesn't need a "home" to do that because you're forever moving from site to site and from client to client. I think I prefer the longer term challenges. I did a lot of soul searching and just gave up the independence for the security and challenge here. I think I made the right choice.

I'll have to browse around here later and catch up with everyone. Right now, I need to hit the shower and the highway to work.

Whatever it is you celebrate.

I can't find a lot of folks tonight...but I guess that happens when you don't keep up $\:\($

Just been swamped with the usual holiday activities, work, kids, family, etc. So I thought I'd post the generic Happy Christmas/Happy Holidays message to anyone out there.

Life is what y'all make it. For the newbies facing the D now or just through it, it does get better. I have no patience to go through and write the words like Bethie posted any longer...too many years gone by I guess. So that's a good thing, no? I did go from needing to be shoveled off the pavement with the D to having a great life in 5 years. I realize that time line might sound discouraging, but a long journey does begin with one step. Just look at what you do have rather than what you don't, be grateful for every small thing that shows good in it, and relax and love your life. The rest all falls in place.

Well...the new job is a beaut!! I love it. Working with a bunch of really incredibly smart and talented young people who keep me jumping, challenged, and on my toes. It seems this younger generation has much different set of values than what I had when younger...they work hard, are very smart, but are inquisitive, don't take any bluff off anyone, and actually want a good life and work balance. I feel like I am "home"--back working in a high-tech field and with a bunch of great people.

Kids are great...but trying to get a bunch of 4 college kids togehter is like nailing jello to the wall. We're still trying to orchestrate the whole Christmas/birthday get together we like to do. 3 out of 5 of us have birthdays the week of Christmas.

Love life is still in full swing. I couldn't have dreamed of a nicer guy. Not easy doing the long-distance relationship thing, but if it works, I'm not going to complain. Life is what it presents to us and this situation is "my fault" in that I had to move for my job or lose my sanity with all of the commuting. D fully appreciated that and understood. In fact, he was my biggest cheerleader when I had to make the decision. And yet, we still are making it work somehow.

What ex? LOL I did hear he's flapping his wings still with the bimbo...on again/off again. Kids can't stand her. Ex MIL can't stand her. But at least he's got a decent job again and part of the problem with the bimbo is he had to move a good clip away from her for the job. I find that incredibly humorous since she's a little vindictive control freak from h#ll. Ah...the nuances of life from the perspective of time $;\)$ She can have all the fun she wants with that situation because I gauantee he's probably fooling around on her--we all know the stats on the relationships that begin as affairs. Ironic to me since I'm happier than heck in a long-distance relationship and feel no desire to control, manipulate, lie, deceive---D is just a good guy and incredibly communicative. I love it!!

Oh well...I've rambled long enough. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!! I don't think I'll have chance to get her again during the holidays.

Quote:

I'm happier than heck in a long-distance relationship and feel no desire to control, manipulate, lie, deceive

I can't imagine you ever having a desire to control, manipulate, lie or deceive. You were definitely the better half in your marriage and it sounds as if you are finally receiving some pay-off for it.

I'm so glad I checked in tonight and saw your thread. It is good to catch up with the oldies and read about what is going on. I was laying in bed the other night thinking about when I first started posting to this board and how out of control I was emotionally. When I think about it I have to laugh at myself!

I thought about you and the time you let your ex move back in. He was a mess and you were a mess. He is still a mess. I wish that we could have all seen 5 years down the road. Could have just had a glimpse of how well life would turn out. That would have saved us all a lot of angst. Of course, we wouldn't have learned as much as we did. Got to appreciate the learning!

It is great to hear about your girls and how well they are doing. I can understand wishing they were closer but isn't it fun watching them make their way in the world? Makes a mama proud.

My oldest graduates from college this Saturday. My youngest is 16 and driving the wheels off his car and me crazy. Life is just as it should be. I'm happy as a clam, love the work I do and can't imagine living any way other than I do at this moment.

I hope you have a Merry Christmas. That you are all able to get together and celebrate the holiday and all those birthdays.
Cathy

Merry Christmas, Keyz!!! It can't get any better than this.

And, we soooooooo deserve it!!!