All things work together for good...1All things work together for good...2All things work together for good...3All things work together for good...4All things work together for good...5C2H...What are you thinkin'? All things...6- One year anniv. of X leaving All things work together for good...7 All things work together for good...8 All things work together for good...9 All things ...10 - One year anniv. D Final Summary:M 16.5
S 13, D 16 (live with mom); SS 25 (lives with me)
11/05 - X files D
7/06 - X moved out with kids (I offered X the house but she declined so I bought her out. Immediately OM in the picture continuously)
10/17/06 - D final 
5/07 - X Marries OM
The marriage was rocky for over 10 years. X had an affair with a different OM around 98/99. We separated for 6 months from 6/99 to 12/99 (I moved because of her hysterics and volatility) but got back together. After X moved this time, I attempted to "stand" for the marriage but since coming back to the board 8/06, I have slowly moved from vigorously standing, to remaining open to reconciliation to deciding that I would not reconcile (X getting married closed the door for good).
X and I have been Christians since before we started dating, X has asserted that God has given her permission to D and has paved her way to be with OM who is not a Christian.
My title comes from the Bible verse:
Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
I own my part in the demise of marriage but I believe my X had no grounds for marriage according to our professed faith and the teachings we held from the Bible. Yet, I still maintain that God will use this situation to work for His greater good.
Getting A Life The transition from being devastated at the realization that OM was not Just a friend to Standing to Getting A Life and finally deciding I will not take X back has been an extremely challenging journey but God has provided the people, resources total support that I have needed including the people in this forum. My life has become increasingly full, an amazing adventure with blessing after blessing after blessing.
THANK YOU!A huge "thank you" goes out to Michele for making this forum available for us DBers who tried and yet still wound up in this forum. An equally huge "thank you" goes out to the people in this forum who lend an ear, offer sage advice or a shoulder (or thread) to cry on. There have been plenty of very challenging times I have had to go through to this point and this forum and the people in it have helped immeasurably in bringing healing
PEACE WITH MR. X!!!What???This morning I brought up the conflict with X at my men's accountability group. They brought up some good points and asked if I had met man to man with Mr. X to address our issues, we had not and they suggested I do so. I prepared a text requesting a short meeting, prepared a text to my prayer and accountability brothers, prepared the points I wanted to cover and a scripture. I prayed and then sent the text to Mr. X, sort of like jumping into a cold pool, just going for it. He quickly agreed to meet with me and out the door I went to meet him at the local Starbucks, 5 minutes from our houses (X and Mr. X live half a mile from me). As I headed out the door, I sent my text to my church brothers and several of them texted me and 3 more called me for quick prayer ( a couple calls actually went into voice mail).
When I arrived, I saw his car but did not see him in the store until he stepped out of the rest room (in retrospect I hope he washed his hands
). As we sp0ottd each other, I walked towards him and extended my hand to shake (his hand not his neck). We stood in line and I made some small talk bout the kids, we got our drinks and I found a spot to talk outside. (My talking points were on an index card as was the scripture, both inside my wallet which I place on the table next my drink incase I started to get emotional and needed to refocus.
My goals was to confess my resentment and bitterness towards him, as I had done with X recently and to clear up our communication issues, seeking cordiality, as we had previously had agreed to strive for. I also wanted to, and did convey, that my bitterness was rooted in my knowledge of the phone calls and text messages that were going on back and forth at least 9 months before X and I separated. Additionally, I wanted to let him know that I was aware of his spending the nights at her house as soon as she moved out (nights when the kids were with me).
I was NOT going to let him think that my apology for bitterness and resentment that I suddenly realized was unjustified- I was not letting him off the hook. He sat quietly until I pretty much covered the list of things I wanted to express.
The point my friends raised that really got my attention and caused me to reach out to Mr. X ASAP was that he probably felt I was invading his territory, his house, and that he might be subtly defending it, without wanting to look like the bad guy - understandable I thought. I opened up t the topic of being in the house as a possible offense to him, opening the door for him to say yes and even my being willing to not go into the house. My kids would be the ones inconvenienced if it was decided to ban me from their house but that did no transpire.
Mr. X previously dictated that X was not to be put in the middle of working out issues. This raised a concern for me that issues regarding my kids would be decided by Mr. X. Just last week, he sent me an email that came off like a reprimand and I tried to get clarification from X but she ignored my calls. Days later, the email exchange with her unnecessarily got VERY emotional (on her part) and she stated that she did not appreciate being put in the middle.
In dialoguing with him, I concluded hat I would be better off working out many issues with him rather than X because she has a hard time sticking to the issue at hand without digging up hurt from the past. Bethie (or one of you other wise counselors) astutely pointed out that X often reacted and behaved lik SHE was the betrayed spouse. The email exchange I posted at the end of my last thread was typical of our marital interaction for so many of the later years -
it was TORTUREHe mentioned other things he had suggested to her form things he had read in books about blended families (showing me he is trying to create a harmonious home environment). He let me know he has advised her to stay out of MY business. He also apologized sensing that his last email came off as harsh. We also worked on future communication goals and agreed on working on road blocks when they occur.
X is HappyStrangely enough, I came away from the meeting seeing how X could now be happy. Yes, this is the honeymoon period but during our marriage, X was been torn by a conflicting desire to have things done her way yet wanting to be fully taken care of including decision making and the worrying (wanting to control things but not wanting to carry the burden of the responsibility). Her paramount concern has always been materialistic security which was accompanied by a desire to anestheticize her insecurities through consumption. She desired the approval of others for her appearance, clothing, possessions, house, car etc. Because of my brushes with death, deliverance from alcoholism and intense encounters with the realities of the spiritual realm, I had strongly desired to be deeply involved in the things of God.
Mr. X is more in sync with her desires than I ever was and X is seeing her materialistic goals realized. As these things come to pass, I sense she feel more secure and is a bit more placid, maybe. Mr. X is not a push over, is subtly persuasive and my bet is he is going to need those entire attributes as the honeymoon period passes. Truly, I wish them well.
Final Thought - FREEDOMI believe I have now forgiven them both. Again, the desire to be bitter may resurface over the past nothing is going to change it. Years of trying to please X got me nowhere. She is no longer my problem and I am at a point where I can work with Mr. X, face to face if necessary. By forgiving him, I leave it in God's hands to judge accordingly AND if he seeks God's forgiveness and it is granted, I have zero right to say anything about that.
By forgiving Mr. X, I am FREE!Who knows if this will all be invalidated by some unforeseen, unthinkable act on their part but for now, the situation is better than I could have hoped for at this point, divorced for one year accompanied by X remarrying 5 months after the divorce was finalized.
For this healing, I give God all the credit and praise!
Morning brewski here, please!
Ok, now that that formality is out of the way (Hello, ro all the lovely ladies who slept in
), let me post for real.
I think what you have done will reap benefits for your children down the road. If Mr. X is truly interested now in helping to form a stepfamily with your X and your kids, you will have an ally looking out for their emotional (and perhaps even their spiritual) well being in the years ahead.
There is no excuse for what he contributed to the demise of your marriage, so I'm glad you did not make an offer that would sound like condoning the past. But you sure did make an offer to improve the present and create greater hope for the future.
Thanks,
Joe
Way to go C2H!!!!!!! You really are a super role model for us all and your children as well.
Joe,
Ice cold one slidin' down the bar to ya!
There is no excuse for what he contributed to the demise of your marriage, so I'm glad you did not make an offer that would sound like condoning the past.
I know I was justifying my behavior by listing his offenses as the causes for my resentment but the guy WAS GUILTY! (I say was because he is pardoned by me and I truyly hope he seeks a pardon from God). Sat morning, before going to see him, I was praying with one of my friends and I got an image of his face in my mind being tormented as if he were in hell. I told the person I was praying with that I can not wish that on anyone - it was frightening. My X is also responsible for her actions too but she was emotionally vulnerable when he allowed himself to fill her needs. BUT it is the past, I do forgive them. Hopefully, as you said, if he is genuine, as his past actions, interpreted through our meeting, seem to indicate so, I have taken an enemy and become ally's with him. Time will tell.
Pam,
What's your pleasure, drinks for all, this is a celebration!! As for the "super role model" I say thank you but only because it means I am doing the things Jesus would want me to do (of course it has taken a lot of foot dragging and time to finally do it). And yes, I know my kids are watching, they are my secondary motivation after trying to be obedient to what God tells me to do. The following is the scripture I was carrying with me:
Ephesians 4:26-32
"Be angry, and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil. Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need. Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.
I heard a profound message about the above verse during my journey to forgiveness. The pastor was explaining why we need to forgive and do so quickly, especially in marriage. He taught that remaining in a state of anger really does separate us from fellowship with God (He cited other verses but think along the line of "how can a man say he loves God yet hates his neighbor" plus others). He taught that letting the sun go don on one's wrath allows Satan to plant a root of bitterness which the enemy will water, cultivate and grow as big as we will allow it to grow. True forgiveness extracts the root. As long as there remains a root, it will continue to grow every time we yank out the bitterness but leave any of the root in the ground.
I understood this concept but everyone here can understand how difficult it is to dig out such roots of bitterness.
I really feel FREE!p.s. I sent my prayer buddies an update shortly after the meeting and each one of them, by text, phone and/or in person at church on Sunday, rejoiced and gave praise to God for answered prayer surrounding this breakthrough. \o/ \o/ \o/ \o/ \o/ \o/ \o/ \o/ \o/ \o/ \o/ \o/ <--- My prayer warrior brothers and I giving praise to God!
wow C2! This is great!! You are really a role model for us!
I tell ya though, if I were to meet w/ my Ex's OW I may take this line to heart
I walked towards him and extended my hand to shake (his hand not his neck). LOL
Maybe I need more time. I think what you did was wonderful and I bet Mr. X thinks your a good egg too!!
Thats our C2!!
XX
MAN,
I am seriously at a loss for words. You are a very special person. I know I've said this before but I believe that you give us all so much to think about.
The faith that it must have taken to trust that this meeting was for the best, shows me that I must still have a ways to go. Putting myself in your shoes I would have been so afraid that a meeting would have opened up a whole can of worms. You however, trusted that that's what you were supposed to do. AMAZING!!
I loved where you said, "I have taken an enemy and become ally's with him."
Keep it comin' C2. We could all use a dose of that kind of trust and unconditional faith to keep us on track!
Love,
Bethie
C2,
You're an amazing guy, ya know it???
Anyway, I think you accomplished a LOT by speaking directly to Mr X. It does seem that he's very interested in your kids well being and that's all good for everyone involved.
You ARE free!!!! Yay, you!!!!
Karen,
In recent months or weeks I avoided him and, in a weak moment may very well have gone for the neck or n#ts, (might as well ruin X's fun while I'm at it, no?
) but the healing as really progressed. It really isn't me, it is God.
Bethie,
My Saturday morning group is very special to me and we know and love each other in the way that men rarely bond. In times of war, guys bond in this way, they see each other at their weakest and must rely on each other for their very lives which is why friendships last for lifetimes but rarely, I think, do those friendships stay at a deep level where guys will still talk about their inadequacies, fears, hopes etc. This is why when they told me I needed to approach Mr. X I did so and why I knew my request for prayer would be honored and those prayers would allow the Holy Spirit to be in the midst of that conversation and He was. I really don't want to seem to be falsely modest. I do feel proud of myself for doing what God told me to do but He engineered it all because when I plan an execute something without Him, it goes down the toilet like a smelly turd!
(p.s. you've got mail which has nothing to do with smelly turds
)
Jill,
Yep he is showing that he is interested in my kids welfare and shared, as he did in an email exchange months ago, that he told the kids he is not there to replace their father but to be a friend.
It is all good for everyone involved.
Wow, this is pretty impressive. It brought a lump to my throat and tears to my eyes. I hope someday I can be as big of a person as you are. Good for you... Julie
Julie,
I can't believe you just wrote that. I don't think most people even relaize that you're not that far away from where C2 is. You are thrown into a situation on a daily basis where you have to swallow hard and make the best of things. Oh, maybe that's why what he posted touched you as it did. I'm sure you can see yourself being in the same position at some point.
Love you Julie. We've got your back!
This kinda made me nervous.......
But....we do love you and you're doing great!!!!
Julie,
I'm currious to get up to date on your situation but if Bethie says it, very well must be true (or might be true or no freaking way it's true depending on her meds
).
Seriously, looking at where I am today and the progression, there is like no way I could be in a state of peace and forgiveness given how much loathing I had for Mr. X. Like anything else, a step here a step there and you look back and, to quote a highly esteemed deep thinkers, "You may ask yourself, well how DID I get here?" (David Byrne and Brian Eno).
It is so awesome to see more and more DBers in this forum heal and come to some kind of normalcy, WAS's permitting. I'm pullin' for ya!
Jillybean, yeah I'm with ya on that nervousness. I love Bethie but to have someone ask you, "hey who has your back?" and then to have to point over your shoulder and say, "the chick on the pole with the tassles!" Well, I'm not sure that really garners a whole lot of confidence from one's compatriots or installs fear in the enemy (lust maybe, fear no). But still we'll take what support we can get!
I don't know how you do it C2. At least I can walk away. I'm not sure what I would do if I were in your situation but I am pretty sure I would have made a mess of things by now.
ALL,
I am blessed that the events have unfolded in a way that have us all seeking a harmonious relationship (ok, X gets emotional pretty easily which is not productive but other than that, she wants harmony when she doesn't want to gouge my eyes out). As we all know, this emotionally charged road can lead to the ditch anywhere along the way and I am just fortunate it hasn't happened.
Dealing with the kind of cr@p you and others have dealt with is challenging to no end, I've had it relatively easy compared to others. Key word is "relatively."
I'm glad I think we have gotten over the hump. (I think)
So how do you decide to draw the line between seeking a harmonious relationship and allowing yourself to be treated like a doormat.
I'm currious to get up to date on your situation but if Bethie says it, very well must be true (or might be true or no freaking way it's true depending on her meds ).
Well, I think she is exaggerating a little. The OW in my sitch is a teacher at D6's school and so I have to see her daily. I have no doubt that she will treat my girls well and I really expect them to make a M announcement sooner than later after our D is final... but I have a hard time feeling peaceful toward her when she is 33% of the problem that broke up my family. My head wants to be there, but my heart says no frickin way. At least not yet.
So keep on keeping on, keep setting that path that we can all hope to follow. And I'll keep praying for peace and forgiveness in my heart b/c I know it can be in there. I need to stop being so STUBBORN sometimes. Thanks C2 for being the man you are!
Julie
Wouldn't it be easier to just kick 33% of the problem in the a$$?
Wouldn't it be easier to just kick 33% of the problem in the a$$?
Head shaking.... All, All, Haven't you got the theme yet from C2H's thread???????
FORGIVENESS!!!!!!!!! For all!
Well, unfortunately, 33% of the problem already got the boot.
Interesting, verrrrrrry interesting!!!!!!!!!!
Wouldn't it be easier to just kick 33% of the problem in the a$$?
Head shaking.... All, All, Haven't you got the theme yet from C2H's thread???????
FORGIVENESS!!!!!!!!! For all!
Forgiveness sounds difficult and stressful, I'm a slacker, I like instant gratification!
Seriously, I have nothing but respect for you C2 and I understand that having a relationship with your children can be a powerful motivator. I just dont want to see Mr X treat you like a doormat and I am wondering where you draw the line? The whole concept of dealing with Mr X so EX doesnt have to get caught in the middle is very confusing. I am puzzled as to why Mr X gets to make the rules or be involved at all for that matter.
Julie, I'm hung up on the percentages. How do you divide it in three equal parts?
Seems to me, if you have two people in a marriage that fails, you assess blame 50-50. But if you bring another person into it, with one of the people in the marriage, that OP gets a percentage but it doesn't serve to reduce the percentage of the spouse that hooked up with them, does it?
In other words, how is your percentage still the same as your H's when he's hooked up with someone....seems like his went up, she has some, yours goes down?
But then I always sucked at math.
Or this could be a physics question? Sucked at that too.
Statistics?
Forget about it.
So how do you decide to draw the line between seeking a harmonious relationship and allowing yourself to be treated like a doormat
ALL,
That is the $64k question. I sought harmony, during the marriage, through the D and afterwards BUT even last week's email on my other thread shows that X and I are like oil and water, apparently. Mr. X, apparently from some of the stuff he has read (or from other motives) sensed the need for X and I to have more distance. I really have forgiven her (ok, I know you all heard that before) but she is still harboring resentment otherwise she wouldn't go off on rants like she does. So distance and having a buffer- BELIEVE IT OR NOT- MR. X, seems to be the ticket. He reiterated that he told her to back off on discussing certain subjects with me that would launch me into a defense mode of my actions, choices or behavior, things that do not affect her or the kids. In other words, things that are none of her beeswax. Go figure, the home wrecker is an ally.
The boundaries need to be set and as strange as it may seem Mr. X IS serving a purpose in helping to establish and maintain these boundaries. Wish I could offer you more.
Julie,
I feel for your situation, I had similar feelings every time I would see Mr. X at an event or when I take my kids to the newlyweds house. They have a lot of glass facing the street so I can see him walk accross the living room everytime he goes to open the door while I sit in my car on the street. Like your OW, Mr. X was instrumental in the Divorce and breaking up of my home and he's one step ahead of your slow poke in that he already married my X. Hang in there! (I gotta ask you something, would you email me? Here's my emai: committed2him2@yahoo.com
I nominate C2 for sainthood!
All,
I posted before reading your response (I got on some phone calls with the reply window open), hopefully my response adds some clarity.
Imagine a battle between two neighboring nations sitting down for a truce. X is conquered territory, already in Mr. X's possession. We have to negotiate safe passage, trade, undefined boundaries, our diplomatic communications channels etc.
If this were onesided then I could very well feel like a doormat but I hold some aces too. IF the terms are unreasonable, I have no problem telling him so and telling him to run them by my X. Now I have regular communication with X on minor logistics, daily communication via eamil and text. IF I feel like what is being suggested or dictated is not acceptable AND is not in the best interest of the kids I will tell him I need to hear it from X.
Fortunately, as I shared with my brothers from church, during our meeting Saturday, I feel like it could not have gone better if I had scripted the dialogue. In reality, God did and Mr. X did not say anything that was unreasonable and even added reason to the situation, making suggestions thats will douse the smoldering embers of the flames my X generates.
WHAT? Yep, he made the situation better.
I struggled in this marriage with this woman for 10 plus years and my journal points back to her being unhappy and threatening divorce in 1993. I was a doormat to her, kissing her @ss the wole time- appeasement did not work. He can have her!!! I love he as my sister in Christ but she ain't my problem no more.
Mr. X is a man and I'll go toe toe with him if I have to where my kids are concerned BUT he realizes X is momma bear to her cubs. He better not mess with them, their happiness or their relationship between their dad and them. X first child, my stepson who lives with me (25) was jacked around by his dad, one of those "no-show, promise making, promise breaking" dads. X knows that I was a good "dad" to him (he calls me "dad" and calls his bio father by his first name). X understands and encourages the preservation of the father/child relationship EVEN though she D'd me. So obviously, she does allow her personal desires to override doing the right thing like opening up in counseling and taking heed of what the professionals would tell her in our sessions. Still, the kids remain her priority with the exception of infidelity and divorce (ok, so she ain't the perfect mom,
)
Anyhow, back to Mr. X. we sat face to face, and reasoned like I never could with my X. Go figure!
I nominate C2 for sainthood!
dude, I am just so blessed that I would get out of the way and listen to Godly counsel and work on forgiveness as understood the bible dictating to me. I DID NOT WANT TO DO IT!!!!!
I can't express how free I truly feel. I wanted to post something else yesterday and hope to post it before I go see my D after school, (she forgot her uniform so I had to go to her houes to get it, the same thing I got blasted for a couple of weeks ago with my son but now it's "cool" to do so).
Wow! I never quite thought about it that way. My EX once told me that she thought I would get along great with one of the guys she was seeing. I laughed at the ridiculous notion, but in a strange way I can actually see how it would be possible for Mr X to be a mediator of sorts since the emotions arent working double time.
All I can say is Wow! I just dont quite know how I would quite ever get over the urge to rip his head off. Im not sure how you did it but Im happy you have reached this point C2.
ALL,
I did not go into the meeting thinking it could work like that, it wasn't even in the remotest of my thoughts. What I really saw was Mr. X trying to create a wedge that could negatively affect decisions about my kids so I was resistent.
HOW DID I DO IT?
My morning accountability group saw that I needed to do it and told me so. I committed to do it that morning if possible. As soon as Mr. X accepted my invitation, my prayer request to my brothers went out via group texting. Instantly I got a couple of texts back, three guys called, I took one call, the other two went to voice mail. I prayed with the one guy, picked up the voicemail messages in which the guys prayed for their message, all while I was on the way to meet Mr. X. I knew while I was meeting with them, these guys would be praying for me. The bible says were two or more are in agreement in prayer, the Lord is in the midst of them so all of us were in agreement that we wanted God's will to be done in this conversation and in the aftermath of the decisions that were to be made.
ALL, it was God. The desire to get angry or rage against him did not surface, even as I was telling him I had bitterness because he was "going behind my back for 9 months before the separation" and because he "was spending ovenight stays" at X's house while we were still married (I also told him I had bitterness because my kids do not live with me). This was not me but God supernaturally calming me and guiding me. Remember, just days before, I got really pissed off at his email telling me he wanted me to call before we popped into the house unexpectedly which I thought was actually a reasonable request, once I chewed on it a bit. So, again, I didn't do it but God did it through me as I submitted to Him, and let Him do the work.
Not Saint "C2H" but simply one of God's children trying to be obedient.
I love the way you describe, in detail, how you got to the place that you could do this, or that you allowed God to do it through you.
I learn something every time I read your posts. Thanks for being so forthcoming about your journey.
BA
BA
I have learned a lot from forthcoming sorts that hang around here. Now that Ive finally made some real progress, I just wanted to document it in case it could help others. Plus, earlier on, I needed to know where I was so I could see how God was working in my life, to be able to see progress, however slow it might have come at times. Im glad some of this is helpful.
I wanted to post this Monday. I had just finished calmly resolving an issue with Mr. X and I was happy that my concern that Saturday's meeting was not a farce and that we really could work things out, together in the future. What follows is what I was experiencing at that very moment:
11/5/07 10:30 a.m.
WOW!! Moments ago, I just calmly resolved a logistics question with X, man to man, without my X's involvement.
Just now, a song randomly played on my itunes and it took me back 8 years ago. I was sooo depressed during that time, my first separation with my X. I recall listening to the song, crying
on the floor of my office at work on more than one occasion (after hours with my door closed). We reconciled, sort of, only to endure more years of pain.
As I listened to the words minutes ago and again now, I affirm and rejoice that the (bible) promises of the song have been proven to be 100% true in my life. I listen to the words and nod "Amen" and my heart rejoices with joy at how good God has been to me. I have tears in my eyes once again but they are tears of gladness for how faithful my Lord has been to me during this time. He is worthy of all my praise and I am not ashamed, He Is love, He loves me and I love my life.
This Battle is Not Yours It's the Lord's (track 14 Disc 2 Link to Amazon.com)
Yolanda Adams
Speaking: What are you trying to say Yolanda?
Look forget about all that other junk
this battle ain't yours, its the lord's
think about it, and then start shouting help me sing
v1
There is no pain, Jesus can't feel
There is no hurt, that He can not heal
All things work [yes they do]
According to the Master's purpose and his holy will
no matter what [you in the balcony]
are going thru, remember that God only wants a chance to use you
for the battle is not yours its the Lord's
[we gonna tell the devil that all right?]
There's no sadness, Jesus cannot feel
and there is no sorrow,
that the Master is not able and willing to heal
remember that all things work
they're not gonna be all good
but they shall work according to God's purpose and his holy will
no matter what, no matter what you're going thru
remember God sees all and he knows all
and all he wants to do is use you
for this battle is not yours it's, it's it's it's it's the Lord's
This battle is the Lord's. it's the Lord's
[yes it's the Lord's] it is the Lord's
[but in faith you've got to hold your head up high] hold your head up high
[you belong to the most high God you don't need to cry]
don't you cry its the Lord's
[it's the Lord's] it's the Lord's
[yeah yeah yes it's the Lord's] it is the Lord's
[No matter what] No matter what
[You're going thru] Thru
[Remember its gonna be alright He's just using you]
God us only, using you for he's worthy
[No matter what] no matter what
[you happen to go thru right now] Thru
[Remember this will be a memory God is only using you]
God is only using you, for he's worthy
[You've got to have faith] No matter what
[You've got to know in your heart] thru
[That no matter what comes no matter what goes
God loves ya] God is only using you
[He loves ya (7x's)] it's not yours
[And this battle is not yours] no
[He needs a chance to prove to your enemies that he is God]
its the Lord's, its the Lord's not yours
[So what you've got to do is, hold on, hold on] it's not yours
[hold on, hold on] yours
[don't give up (4x's] its the Lord's not yours
[Step out on faith] it's not yours
[no, no] no
[I'm so glad that God sees it] its not yours
[and he knows all] its the Lord's not yours
This battle is not yours, no, it belongs to the Lord
Hallelujah, yeah, Hallelujah, yeah, Hallelujah, yeah
Just now, I played the song as I edited the lyric and AGAIN, the song brought tears to my eyes,
tears of joy because of God's faithfulness in my life.
I feel like Jimmy Stewart in the final scene in "It's a Wonderful Life!" THAT is the kind of freedom I am now feeling and I hope I am doing a good job of conveying it. It just feels really good!
Hey C2!!!
I heard a rumor....is it really, really true? You're free?
Reason I'm asking is that Bethie usually has to pay her dates and well, she's been kinda lonely lately....so, uh, we're all kinda wondering.......and, you know how mean she's been to some of us.....so, do ya think ya might......I mean, we can take up a collection and stuff so it doesn't actually cost you anything......I've got a bunch of quarters already rolled up......
OH Sheesh! I can't decide if I should barf or laugh here Jilly!
OH Sheesh! I can't decide if I should barf or laugh here Jilly!
Donate quarters!!!!
I'll hold a bake sale to help out!!!!
Love her but she's got too many irons in the fire. How many weddings has she been planning lately? I know she broke ALL's heart to jump ship for... cr@P can't even remember.
She's gonna have to stay my gal pal so I can find "two Luv" and enjoy "marewidge" (princess bride wedding ceremony bishop) this second time around.
Appreciate the collection and bake sale offers, though very sporting of ya all.
I'm outta here, gonna see what trouble I can get into at church
Hahhahaha too funny Jilly, poor Beth, poor poor Bethie
Have a nice time C2!
Appreciate the collection and bake sale offers, though very sporting of ya all.
Hey, what can I say, I'm just a do-gooder and Jooooolie's a people pleaser. We do what we can to help the downtrodden, right, Joolie?
C2 as always I'll keep you in my prayers. Heck I'll keep you all in my prayers. For your FYI, I don't NEED a man let alone pay a man.
..and C2, just this afternoon you were sniffing around trying to get me to have coffee with you until these Bumbos (yeah I meant to type BIMBOS so what of it) came here running their mouths. I'm human and I bleed like everyone else but don't waste your tears on me it's roo late for that now!! Besides, who needs you, I am a winner. That's right I have overheard people many times saying just that, "Boy, she's a winner!" So I will take my pride and my 5 (count em Jill) lipsticks and get my own damn Starbucks, because I my friends have a gift card.
So you see collecting quarters or holding a bake sale is not necessary, but Julie if you do want to bake, I accept all varieties of baked goods. Just sayin'.
I will go from here to find my true friends........I have lots......and they are winners as well!
Elizabeth
Oh brother....thinking she mistook "sinner" for "winner." Poor thing, I think she's drinking again.
That's right I have overheard people many times saying just that, "Boy, she's a winner!"
Love it, I get to go to sleep with a smile on my face for the first time in... man, I don't know how long! (sad, very sad but I'll take whatever kinda smile I can get)
Oh brother....thinking she mistook "sinner" for "winner." Poor thing, I think she's drinking again.
Jill, she's your client, take care of her hearing needs!
(Pssst, Bethie, It's all a ploy. I'm trying to throw off the competition, make em think I'm not interested, get them over confident and then I can blindside them, sweep ya off your pole before they know what's happening! I almost let the cat outta the bag by spilling my guts about the Starbucks Stroll, must make a mental note to be more careful about telling my fantasies around here.
)
So... I just posted the funniest post and then before I finished, my power went out and it was lost. So I doubt I'll be as funny twice in a row. I told Bethie and she said that was God punishing me... but really, hasn't He punished me enough? Afterall, He did introduce us.
And for that I am thankful!!! Now back to my roast...
Elizabeth, is this the best you've got???
Babe, need and want are 2 different things... we've been thru this.
I'm human and I bleed like everyone else but don't waste your tears on me it's roo late for that now!!
Did I just hear a little Scooby Doo in your voice?? Or are you eating bonbons while you type again??? Just askin'.
I am a winner. That's right I have overheard people many times saying just that, "Boy, she's a winner!"
Ok... a couple of thoughts here. 1. You are a winner... you really take the cake. 2. were they saying 'winner' while they had their fingers and thumbs in the shape of L's on their foreheads? Important details, my dear.
I will go from here to find my true friends........I have lots......and they are winners as well!
Well, If Jilly is right and you are referring to 'sinners'... YOU'RE IN LUCK! b/c I'll fit right in!!!
As far as the baking goes... I'll be happy to send you baked goods...
So, now my friend, a Starbucks toast to you: 'Cheers to you, friend, so full of dignity and class that you really clean up the gutter you come from'
Love ya!
Hi C2H...
Thanks for letting me hijack... Hope it's ok by you!?!
A good catfight is always welcome in the midst of my "deep" philosophical ponderings
More like a cat skinning. LOL
Hey Fender,
You don't have to be concerned this has become a sport with us and survival of the fittest!
I am not so much concerned as I am entertained. All I need is some popcorn.
Well I'd make you some Fender but I'm so damn busy being sweet and adorable. Jill or Julie could make you some I suppose since they have no lives...........and there is good reason for that.
Oh, I would never skin a cat, Fender. I love animals. Buuuuuuut, roasting Bethie never gets old.
ALL,
there ya go again with your "mashed potatoes & pet jokes" again. I know you like animals. So you may need to print a disclaimer so you won't be in any trouble!
there ya go again with your "mashed potatoes & pet jokes" again.
He's joking? I thought that was a MN staple?
ALL, I am uninviting myself from dinner.
Cat! The other white meat! (cough, cough) Hairball!
To borrow a phrase
Happy SaturdayIn the way of an update, but here's a quickie (about to take son shoe shopping, waiting for him to finish wash the young teen stink off him):
As I posted before, early in the week. Mr. X and I calmly worked out an issue without X and it was very cool. Later in the week, there was a potential volatile issue between X and I and we resolved it with NO problems. My week was peppered with fellowship with people form church on Wed and on Thursday at my house. Just now, I finished my Accountability Guys group and it was edifying as always.
Thursday and Friday I hung out with Son quite a bit and he spent the night here and will be here all weekend. D went for a college tour to No. Calif. for two days and I'll see her today or tomorrow for church. X and I worked out Son's bday schedule so next week will be some celebrating with my side of the family and then I will participate in the things the newlyweds are doing for him. Days later son and I will go enjoy the big USC UCLA game, with all it's pomp and splendor. Son also has some time off next week so we are going to do some fun, father son stuff.
This morning, my group discussed doing something special for our daughters, just the dads and the daughters. As my girl grows, 16 h.s. junior, I know my days are limited before she goes away. I'm looking for ways to strengthen our relationship before she moves away to college. She is so much like her mom which is good but sad in some ways. She is impatient, opinionated, very smart (from me
, actually from both of us) and so ready to grow up before her time. All the womanly wisdom you all have is welcomed in this area of staying connected while giving her enough space to grow. HELP
Church FriendAs for my budding interest in dating, Jill supposed that I have someone in mind and I do. However, very, very slow and steady is my mantra. A brother at church just today spoke about how he dated someone three years ago and she still goes to the same church which makes for some challenging situations for him now. This was my word of caution to me to day. I don't want to ruin any friendships, especially since I may know this lady for years if not decades if we continue to attend the same church.
Let the adventure continue!
Did I already say that I love my life?
Did I already say that I love my life?
Nope, but I was feelin' it!!!! Yay you!!! This is exactly why I feel like writing X a thank you note at times!!!!
This is exactly why I feel like writing X a thank you note at times!!!!
Yep! I'm not attacking her when I state that now that I have stepped back, healed and forgiven, I see how we were NOT going to have a good marriage. Too much bad history she would never forgive, stuff 95 out of 100 women could get over.
So, now I move forward, I am very involved in my kids lives and I have peace. Yes, all of us are inconvenienced and it is NOT the ideal situation but at least X is not claiming she is suicidal and I have cleaned my house completely of all the egg shells I use to have in the house. Heck I can walk barefooted on my hardwood floors not feel one "crunch."
C2,
I got a call from one of my GFs yesterday and she'd just broken up with her BF of about 4 yrs. Now, this has happened numerous times in the past. Their history is....they had an A, he left his job (he was an A and had a large practice), wife and grown kids in Alaska and moved in with her here in MI. He opened a coffee/sandwich shop (sound familiar?) and in a year it closed. Since then, he's had no income and made no effort to find a job. He's also had a couple EAs and lies to her constantly about ridiculous things.
She's always known about my situation with X and known that I hated what they had done but we remained friends (tho not as close as previously). When she told me that they'd broken up, I said "is this the FINAL time?" To make a long story short, she's lost all respect and trust for him and says she'll never recover it. From the things she told me, I do believe that this is the final time. Interesting that there really does come a point when enough is enough. The straw that broke the camels back in this case is that he charged something on her CC which he doesn't have access to.
When I said there were times I wanted to call X and thank him for the D, I know that there's no way (like you) that I could ever have gotten over some of the things he did. I told my friend that I hoped the day would come when she felt that way also. She said that because of what I've been through that she knows she can be happy again but that she needs to follow my "list" and select more carefully. Jokingly, she asked to borrow my list. I told her that she needs to take the time to find her own happiness and then she'll be ready to be sensible about finding a mate. Sure hope she "gets it."
C2, you've taken that time and when the time is right, you'll meet a wonderful lady to spend your future with.
I told her that she needs to take the time to find her own happiness and then she'll be ready to be sensible about finding a mate.
Sounds like very good advice Jill. I think I'll take it!
Woo Hoo! I love me!
Jill,
Thanks again for sharing such personal experiences and opening my eyes to making sure I "shop around" before taking any plunge. I am ready understand I am vulnerable to "falling" for the first decent woman who shows a hint of interest in me.
I have found my happiness and I'm gont going to compromise it for the first pair of beautiful eyes that catch my attention
ALL, sounding like you are ready too since you already "love you?"
[Sounds like very good advice Jill. I think I'll take it!
Woo Hoo! I love me!
Well, of course, you do!!! What's not to love? You're a snappy dresser, great Dad, can drive BIG trucks, can find and cook your own food and even make wine!!! Hell, I love ya!!!!
Plus, he has the wild bad boy criminal element to him.
Plus, he has the wild bad boy criminal element to him.
Yes this is true. I prefer my ment in stripes!
Well does anybody even care what I have to say? Well ok then, I'll tell ya'.
I think the whole thing about women pushing for a committment in our 20's is very true. I was barely 21 and not done with school, so what did I know about marriage? I probably thought it was somekind of extended dating with perks. We thought we could have it all, but the clock was forever tickin' so there was an urgency. At this point, for most of us here, weve had it all. Our kids have grown, or are well on their way, and we pretty much can support ourselves. Now we want something different. By that I mean we again want it all but our needs have changed.
In my case I was married to a man who was very self-centered and immature, much like Barb described. I didn't see it at the time, maybe I didn't want to. Now I want more of a partner. I don't need someone for their money, or to be take care of, or to be a father figure, and I above all don't want to be someone's Mother.
I look for strength, and honesty, and someone who doesn't take themselves too seriously. The thing is, how can you tell this about someone from only a couple of dates? After all of the crap we've been through, it sure would take a whole lot of dates for me to really believe that this time it would be different. Jaded?? Ah Yeah. Do most guys want to take that kind of time, sadly I seriously doubt it.
Somewhere in midlife, the switch flips in men who have been displaced. Maybe it's because they've lost all that is familiar to them, house, kids, extended family, now they have the urge to recreat it (all except for the Renaissance man ALL). Truth is if you look around I think it would be safe to say that MOST of the guys here have had their first post marriage relationship months before the women here. I'm not saying that that's either bad or good it just is.
.....and there my friends is wherein the difference lies!!!
and scene!!
(Naej, you up???)
OOOOPS....I put this on the wrong thread. I can't always do everything right ya know.......
What? You're not perfect? Great.
I feel much on the same page as you, Beth, though I didn't have kids yet. (I know it's a blessing, everything happens for a reason.) I am married to a very self-centered and immature man, and fortunately I do see it. I'm not divorced but I feel like I am, and I'm pretty sure I'll be going down that road very soon. I also want something different, don't feel in a hurry to be in a R, my needs have changed, etc., but I haven't ever had it all the first time around because I wanted a family.
I feel pretty jaded at times too, but I think it's okay... we can reframe that to say we are wiser and have our eyes wide open now, people and life can disappoint, but there is hope.
Of course we find it difficult to trust again, but it's possible. I'm with you that most guys probably don't wanna "take that kind of time"... BUT... we don't know until we give them the opportunity. I've no doubt there is someone out there for each of us. We may find them if we are open. Must have faith. Believe.
F21!!!!!!!
You're back! I had been looking for you but thought that maybe you were still out of cyber connection! This morning before church I saw that you had posted and you KNOW that I have a lot to say to that as well. I will be by later.
I'm so glad that you stopped by with your 2 cents and equally happy that you had a great vacation. I know the letdown of coming back from vacation, and it's got to be worse to come home to limboland.
Don't be a stranger and do come join us when you have the time. You have so much to add........
Love you Kiddo
Of course we find it difficult to trust again, but it's possible. I'm with you that most guys probably don't wanna "take that kind of time"... BUT... we don't know until we give them the opportunity.
Of course, you only need "one" who's willing to take the time, right?
This is going to sound very odd in this day and age but
most of the guys I fellowship with at church interpret slow and steady to mean not getting intimate until AFTER getting married. 
This is also the goal of the women we consider potential mates at church or at other churches.
All of these guys have been in relationship, married or otherwise and have children but they now view the male female dynamics differently. We battle the visually stimulating nature of our society and still maintain that we would rather seek out a potential spouse, maintain an abstinent relationship, get married and then celebrate. (How's that for going back a few decades in terms of social mores?)
In light of that bombshell, dating for the purpose of really getting to know each other takes on a new meaning. Abstaining from intimacy will allow for the breaking off of the relationship more easily if either party senses that they should not get married. (Of course to fall for someone and then have it broken off could still hurt deeply, even without intimacy but both parties should be able to walk away not feeling used).
Also, I mentioned we have an intense premarital program that will cause couples to go into the marriage with their eyes wide open and will facilitate really getting to know one's future spouse as long as both are forthcoming and honest. At least I hope so.
Hey C2,
Considering your church social circle, the constant reminder and support that you would get in that choice would probably make waiting until after marriage easier. However in the outside world, as you know, the pressure is just the opposite.
The only question or worry that I would have is what if you waited until after you're married, and then this person that you otherwise love in every imaginable way, doesn't even strike a spark? What then?
Seeing I never want to find myself in this position (no pun) ever again.....I know, I know, it's all a test of faith!
However in the outside world, as you know, the pressure is just the opposite.
My mind is bombarded with the messaged of the "outside world" so the decision to go this route is pretty challenging. Still, one the benefits, I think is that I want to get to know the other person well to continue to the next level or gracefully back off. If I were to advance to a physical level which I had no hesitancey to do in my mid to late 20's, I know I could get comfortable in what is now called a "friends with benefits" relationship. Even the sound of it is appealing to me now but it is not the path I'm going to choose. Definitely a 180 shift from how I previously lived.
The only question or worry that I would have is what if you waited until after you're married, and then this person that you otherwise love in every imaginable way, doesn't even strike a spark? What then?
On one level, even that would be better than living with a woman who shut me off for the later part of our marriage- at least we would be in love. From a purely physical standpoint, knowing that the parts work, understanding the wisdom that comes with experience, knowing the differences in our phsysiologies and how we "rev" up leave me not too concerned about creating a spark. Heck, the thought of a passionate kiss it exciting to me.
I think both my future wife and I will find "becoming one" as husband and wife will create plenty of sparks. Now to sustain that, I think the discovery process will be something we'll enjoy going through.
Prior to marriage, I know the topic of sex will come up and honest communication will be necessary to have realistic expectations. You know me, I'm going to "fact find" and seek to have good communication and if we are both honest, I'll be more than ok.
This all just makes me wonder one thing... how... er... short your... er... engagement might be.
Julie, Good question about an engagement time frame. I think once I and my future beloved were to get through a premarital course and decide to keep moving forward, we would probably not want a year long engagement but we'll see. Patience will be required.
I didn't get a chance to read the whole thing but I'm glad to read what I did.
I told ya didn't I? You sound healthy and I'm really proud of you for all that you've done and all you continue to do. Any woman would be a fool to not see your value. I'm sure you'll choose well.
HUGS HUGS HUGS dear friend. Thank you for everything.
You told me a lot of things the were right on the money!
Yep feeling healthy, and now even moving slowly forward and contemplating dating. I started a thread about getting ready to date and second thread had to be started within five days, lots of great insight and things for me to ponder.
Hugs back to you many times over, someone as special as you are deserves all the happiness this world (and the next one) has to offer. Stay in touch, ok?
Hi C2H,
How ya' doing?
Just stopping by to wish you a happy, and PEACEful Thanksgiving. Take care.
-db
DB,
I am doing well but heading out to meet my daughter to take her shopping. I'll have to post an update before thanksgiving. One thing for sure, I am infinitely better
than I was last year at this time and I thank God for that! (I checked back on my first thread for this time last year and just reading it took me back to the pain I felt at that time, ouch!!
).
I know you have been busy; I'm looking forward to an update. Check back later.
Blessings to you all who might pop in.
Oh C2,
You have been so quiet lately but didn't want to forget to tell you that I wish you a very Happy Thanksgiving. I'm grateful that I have someone like you watching my back. Life is good isn't it. Heck it's more than good, it's great!
Love you,
Bethie
Happy Thanksgiving, C2!!!
Happy Thanksgiving C2H. We all really have much to be thankful for when we stop and count our blessings.
I hope you have a wonderful day.
Funky StuffThis is part of a title of an old song I really liked by Kool and the Gang and it brings a smile to my face but the topic is actually more serious. I went through a bit of a "funk" recently but I am
CHOOSING to come out of it.
CausesRelationship issues Disappointment with getting interested in a woman and then expecting too much too soon (the real possibility of a relationship exists but I need to go slow and keep God as my first priority, then what happens, happens). I got some great advice in this area, especially with on the "bicycle" thread.
Resentment of separate parenting; Son's Birthday and Thanksgiving Son had his 14th birthday last weekend and we did one weekday small celebration at my parent's house because his birthday was on the weekend he was to be with his mom. Our celebration was shortened because D really had to get home to work on school work. I saw the hurt in my parents eyes and it hurt me. I attended the birthday gatherings his mom had for him, one at her house and one at a laser tag place. I was ok with being at the parties and interacted with Mr. X but this will take time AND I need to realize
I will experience the inclination to Pitty Party or Resurrect Resentment and there will be sort of a "Hang Over" effect after such experiences in the future. Because of I will have these ongoing encounters and experiences I remind myself:
Forgiveness or Resentment a daily choice!Thanksgiving was to be spent with me since the kids were with X last year. However X hosted it this year for her family and she started hinting that the kids should be given the opportunity to have a say so. I chose to not be a spiteful and agreed to leave early and take the kids to her.
Step mom movie It was on cable earlier tonight and I watched it again; I was drawn to it even though I felt pained to do so. I felt the resentment Susan Sarandon had towards Julia Roberts who was coming in as the step mom. As the non custodial parent, I felt the wound of being apart from my kids. The twist, for those being familiar with the movie is that the mother character was dying and would not be there for the future of the kids.
Attitude of Gratitude The thought of separation because of death brought me back to the importance of being grateful for what I do have. As bad as divorce is, at least the newlyweds and I have worked things out and have a good relationship to build upon for the future. The list of things I have to be thankful for is extremely long and I need to remember this ALWAYS.
The Holidays Pledge I anticipate that I will be tempted to fall into resentment or come to the edge of be coming melancholy in the upcoming month but I am pledging to myself to resist such urges and to be proactive in dwelling on the positive and making the best of the situation.
21 Months and countingI think one cause of anxiety has been my daughter's eventual departure for college. I know all parents experience this but it just seems more ominous to this non custodial parent because I have sensed a distancing between us over time. I will do what I can to bring us closer together but some of this drifting and independence is common to teen and parents. It is just one of those things that is harder to accept when your child doesn't live in your house.
Be wholly Committed2HimThis is my formula for peace and joy even in trials and tribulations and I resolve to stay the course for past experiences have shown me that I have no better option that guarantees said peace and joy.
Happy Sunday!(Now that I have posted the "heavy" thoughts Hanging with sonSon had some time off from school and I spent time with him playing basketball, video games and just hanging out. There wasn't anything specifically memorable except that we just were together, father and son.
Thanksgiving 07I mentioned splitting thanksgiving with X and the time with my family was very enjoyable. We hung out with my sister and her kids at my parents and then played a couple of games of bocce ball like we use to do at family functions. The adults and the kids had an enjoyable time even though the kids first resisted the idea.
Soccer season!My D's first game is this week and I will have the opportunity to share the experience with her. She loves the sport and I will be getting some more time with her, something that has been lost due the demands on her time.
USC vs. UCLAI have been planning this father son time for a couple of months and it is finally here. The game is quite the experience and we are both very excited about soaking in the whole experience this upcoming weekend. Son will get a kick out telling his friends he is going and the game will be the talk of the city. We will tailgate with friends and fans from both schools before the game as there will be plenty of friendly trash talking and then we will tailgate again after the game.
This should be a good week, all the way around.
Forgiveness or Resentment a daily choice!
Attitude of Gratitude
The Holidays Pledge
All helpful, but these stand out for me. Thanks. C2H. Enjoy the game...sounds like the perfect weekend!
The Reason for the SeasonThe upcoming "holiday" season is one that has strayed SO far from it's original purpose and has now become "dreaded" by so many, even by committed believers like me. My goal is to stay centered on my "Reason for the Season," the celebration of the birth of Christ. If I focus on that, and my relationship with Him, my Lord and my Savior, this upcoming month will be one filled with FAR more joy and blessed experiences than negative incidents or emotions.
I pray that each of you who read this post will also be able to focus on your own reason for the season, whatever it may be, and that we all go rolling into 2008 with positive anticipation that it will be the best year of our lives.
C2,
As always thank you for another inspirational reminder. After all that's what Christmas is all about, and you're right, remembering the true meaning can only make it more joyouus!
Love,
Bethie
Pam,
Amen to that amen!
Bethie,
Even Linus knew what the season was about, it is a shame so many adults have forgotten this:
A Charlie Brown Christmas (one fan's web page)
Charlie Brown finds himself depressed at Christmas time, searching for the true meaning of the holiday amidst the glitz and commercialism of the modern age. He finds his answer in the passage below:
"And there were in the same country shepherds, abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them! And they were sore afraid ... And the angel said unto them, "Fear not! For, behold, I bring you tidings o great joy, which shall be to all my people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ, the Lord."
"And this shall be a sign unto you: Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger." And suddenly, there was with the angel a multitude of the Heavenly Host praising God, and saying, "Glory to God in the Highest, and on Earth peace, and good will toward men."
"That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown." - Linus Van Pelt
Merry CHRISTmas
Hey C2
You are so very right!
and i absolutley LOVE that part of Peanuts Christmas.
I have had for years this nativity , the little people are small porcelin precious moments figures but the stable my dad made from wood for me, its soooo great! He did a wonderful job w/ hay and little fences. I havent displayed it the last 5 yrs because Mr. Ex put it back in the garage in a different place then other Christmas stuff, up in the rafters?? Well B found it this weekend! I was putting it together today, and stopped to really remember ( after a busy day of shopping!) what its all about and hope now that i am out of retail, I can focus more on that!
Thanks C2!
Hey C2
You are so very right!
and i absolutley LOVE that part of Peanuts Christmas.
I have had for years this nativity , the little people are small porcelin precious moments figures but the stable my dad made from wood for me, its soooo great! He did a wonderful job w/ hay and little fences. I havent displayed it the last 5 yrs because Mr. Ex put it back in the garage in a different place then other Christmas stuff, up in the rafters?? Well B found it this weekend! I was putting it together today, and stopped to really remember ( after a busy day of shopping!) what its all about and hope now that i am out of retail, I can focus more on that!
Thanks C2!
Speaking of Nativity sets, did you see the Nativity movie last year? I went to Israel in March which gave me a feel for the land and the culture. I found that they went to great efforts to make that movie be authentic as they could (behind the scenes footage and director's commentaries provided the insight). It was very well done, a new Christmas classic worth watching every Christmas season.
No, in fact it dosnt sound familar, but I will def go look for it.
Have you ever been to Crystal cathedral for their Christmas story? never been myself, but my SIL is a member of the church ( my B and her were married there, quite nice!) and my parents have been w/ them, took Ry once, said it was amazing.
Would love to go at least once!
Think it will be clear for the game?? take your trojan hooded sweatshirts in case
Hey!!!
C2
WET enough for ya?? ( mind out of the gutter Bethie)
geeze, if its not fire its rain! Hope all is ok.
My sister has to drive thru Santiago Canyon to p/u the kids where the fires where and they had mud slide warnings! Living on the edge in good ol OC!
Karen,
It may be raining now but the only water in the near the Coliseum tomorrow Is going to be ... the tears of the
Bruin fans
FIGHT ON!
Yeah C2! LOL
I love sharing your posts w/ Ry, he thinks its great!
Last post until my I return to gloat (I hope). I'll say hi to Ry for you from way up above his seats great in the student section, just happy to be there, period.
Prediction:
US C 44
them 13
Have fun, C2, and stay dry, OK?
Oh C2,
We all know that USC will not let what happened last year happen again. So why are we dwelling on the win? The only real question is will USC play Ohio state or Illinois in the Rose bowl.
The big game today is the Missouri-Oklahoma game could mean #1 Baby!
Yehawww!!
Rose Bowl here we come..... again!!
C2, are you still in the gridlock parking lot? lol
are ya freezing??
just got a tm from Ry, " fight on! let the champagne flow!
Hope you and your S had a great time!
U S C 24
Br ui ns 7
Bethie,
You prognosticator, you! Yep, no repeat of last year.
Karen,
I had a WONDERFUL time with my son (the weather was great). I went with a brother from church (and his young son) who had tickets in a different section. It was his son's first game.
We parked on campus, walked around and absorbed the experience!! We waited for the Marching band to perform in the heart of the campus then followed them to the Coliseum.
Following the victory, we went into the student section to watch the band, song girls and flag team perform for the students which was just as much fun as everything else surrounding the game. The total experience, "priceless!"
I think my son will want to be a Troj an
yeah! and you would make a terrific USC Dad.
My son brings me home some USC mom knick knack when he comes home to visit , tshirts, coffee mugs,charms.
Sounds like such a fab time w/ your S.
I started thinking how I've never been to a game!! Heck I have only been to campus once, i feel kinda bad. B and I are planning to go after the holidays, I dont think Ry is super excited about having me visit his apt lol
but for sure a walk around campus and lunch,
before grad this May anyway!
Hope the rest of your weekend was good!
Have a good week!
Whew!
For a second there I thought C2 only had one thread going. I knew there had to be at least one more somewhere, I had to go back to page 3 but I found it! Ha!
How's it going big guy?
HAHAHAHAHA.. you probably thought for a moment that he got hit in the head or somethin' huh? Would C2 ever disappoint?
Love you guys!
Hey dont be messin w/ C2, hes multi task-ish and you know it!
Did somebody call my name? Merry Christmas everyone!
So C2Hville is pleasant. (As I post, I am listening to a compilation of some of my favorite praise and worship music, birds are singing and it is beautiful in So Cal)
Well, I think I have fallen into that category of "no drama," or "normal" life (or as normal as one can be having survived a D).
I have been very consumed with supporting my kids in their chosen sports for the season. D (16), Varsity soccer and son (14) the sport between football and basketball, volleyball. He plays it because he just enjoys playing sports. It is pure joy to watch my daughter play this sport she only picked up in high school. My son just plays to kill time between seasons but, like all parents, I just enjoy watching him, even when he picks his nose.
For the most part, I am doing very well with occasional moments of upset which quickly pass. Nothing significant has occurred between the Newlyweds and me that would send me downward into depression and the reminders that my family's life was turned upside down do not send me into a period of resentment like they did in the past.
"C2H's Gang"
I keep myself occupied with activities and people form church. My kids call it my "gang" which makes me laugh. Some of them actually are former gang members, former drug users (even heroine, methamphetamines), others are regular people who never got in trouble with the law and still others have post graduate degrees. God has cleaned us up and uses the foolish things (and people) of this world to confound the wise.
When I am not with my kids, there will plenty of opportunity to participate in activities of giving around the church with people ministering to orphans, children of the incarcerated (Angel Tree ministries). My kids will also get to particiapte in some of the outreaches. This weekedn D goes to Mexico with the H.S. church group which is taking toys to the orphanage and the kids of our church down their. My son will be helping me with the Angle Tree party we are hosting next week (I get to be a clown again and will be making balloon animals).
Kids trip for Christmas
A number of weeks back I worked out a compromise with my X about the newlyweds taking the kids to see his home country and family (Costa Rica) for part of the Christmas break. It was an episode that caused me to really examine my unresolved anger towards them. The positive result is I eventually met with Mr. X and forgave him. Now, a mont or so later, I can confidently say that the forgiveness is genuine even though resentment tries to raise its ugly head from time to time.
They will all take off Christmas night and will be gone for a week. My family will be disappointed that I will have to leave our celebration Christmas day a little earlier than normal but originally X wanted the kids to miss both family gatherings (ok, even remembering that raises my blood pressure just a tad). My son is disappointed he will be missing the bowl games including the Rose Bowl but he will get to experience something fairly unique.
I look forward to catching up with everyone and I pray, each of you will have a special, serene Christmas season (or Hanukkah or celebration of your faith).
Hey C2
Knew you couldnt stay away, you wuv us!
Spending time w/ your children and your family will be special C2, no matter the date on the calender,my family really celebrates the 26th since its the only time we can get together, my mom was dissapointed at first, but we've come to like it! more Christmas! lol and we love being together, so dosnt matter the date.
It is beatutiful isnt it?? cold as all get up at night lol but pretty, Driving up north this weekend the snow on the mts was breathtaking!! and Santa Barb was just muy bein! ( did i spell that right?? lol)
Hope your holiday season continues to go well, sounds good so far!!
Karen, I'm on the go-go-go (getting D ready for her trip) but I loved your post. Yep, in reality, I celebrate everyday so it is a reminder for th future to be flexible if need be. The family part is tough though but others are even less fortunate so I need to remain thankful.
Blessings.
Sniff, sniff....you guys are the best!!!
C2, hope this is your best Christmas ever!!!
Hey C2H... Glad to see things are going relatively 'normally' for you. Been thinking about you. This time of year does bring some very good memories for me as well as negative from last year as the church was such a huge source of inner peace and support last holiday season. I will always love going to church this time of year if for nothing other than the memories of that calm...
Have a great weekend!
(Right now I'm playing CD praise music from the ladies at church, beautiful voices!!!! They went on the spring trip to Israel and led worship. I can visualize them singing at the tomb believed to be the place where Jesus was placed after He was crucified. I sang with them at the Jordan River as everyone got baptized. So, at this moment, I am in an Israel state of mind and it seem appropriate to me this Christmas season)
Jillybean,
You are the best too! Again, I need to catch up on what's been happening. (btw, get my last email or did it get flagged as spam?)
Jules,
I am glad to hear that the good, comforting memories stand out from last year. For those who believe, Christmas became a time of celebrating the birth of the Savior of mankind. That central point has been highly obscured over the years but for those who choose to refocus on that theme, Christmas is a wonderful time for reflection on the Reason for the Season, Jesus and His birth.
For me, one who is forgiven of much, one who could not repay God for His Son's death on the cross, I become humbled and teary eyed in grattitude to God for His grace and mercy as I meditate on the words of Christmas songs as I sing them. Watching the movie the Nativity has a powerful effect on me as well as I see what Mary and Joseph went through to bring Jesus into this world.
It is more than a story to me and Christmas is a great time to reflect on that and so many churches do a good job of bringing this season into focus.
2007 has been an incredible year and I give the Lord all the praise and the glory for what He has done so far to heal me which of course, includes leading me to the wonderful people here. I pray for many of you often. Merry Christmas.
I am sharing this video of a skit performed to a song that dramatizes God's love for us. It is especially powerful and relevant to the youth of today as their senses and priorities are bombarded with things that really are not important from an eternal perspective.
I warn you, view this when you can have a private moment for it is very moving and you don't want someone in a cubicle looking over your shoulder as the skit touches your heart.
Lifehouse: "Everything" skit
Hey C2,
I went to view the video but it's not coming through. Could you try posting the link again?
C2,
That was too awesome for words.
Loved it!
Thanks for sharing.
besos,
BA
Bethie, It is working now, post again if you cannot open it.
Jill and Annie, the first few times I saw it, I welled up in tears. I love God, especially since He continues to love me even when I am distracted by the pleasures of this world and I stray from Him.
C2
this was fantastic! I am sending it on to some friends! Thanks for sharing sweetpea
C2H....
Thanks for speaking life to the folks on the board....Merry Christmas to you!
sg
sg, Merry Christmas to you and bless you for moderating! We've coma a long way haven't we?
I too may change my "loc" to "The Best Place Ever." It was a rough journey going back well before I first posted. There were good times along the way and period where I thought we would make it but, like you and so many in this forum, I like where I currently am.
Again, we are all so indebted to Michele for her work AND for providing the DB site so that we can continue to heal, grow and and even flourish.
Michele, (where ever you are ) You are loved and appreciated by many.
My kids are as healthy as they are and I have peace between my X, her husband and I, in great part to Michele's work and this forum.
MERRY CHRISTMAS C2!!
Miss you! Check in
I hope you and the kiddies have a wonderful Christmas!
oh and youve got mail!!!
Merry Christmas C2,
Hope you have a Blessed and Joyous day!
Merry Christmas big guy. Yee Haw!
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all!!!I am alive! (Not just alive but "thriving").
Quick update, Cliff Notes version:
It was hectic before Christmas (surprise, anyone have any different pre Christmas experience? I did not think so) but it turned out to be a great Christmas with my kids and then with my family. I had to take my kids to the Newlyweds house a little earlier than normal for a Christmas day in order for them to catch their midnight flight to Costa Rica to visit Mr. X's family.
I am missing the kids but am keeping busy and they'll be home late Jan 1st afterwhich, we'll spend some us time together.
This is the time for reflection and posting resolutions we can later break so I'll be doing that at some point prior to New Year's eve, I think.
One thing is true, much of the good and the healing that has happened in my life this past year has been shaped and influenced by what I have learned and from the support I have gained from the Looney Tunes here in this forum. This is indeed a special place and you all are special Tunes.
(of course, I harmonize well with ya'all)
SG, Karen, doc, Joe, Bethie and ALL;
Please forgive my rude absence and delay in response to your Christmas wishes! A personal warm belated loving Christmas wish to each of you (of course, I lumped you all together so how "personal" is that,
) O.K., I deserve it, report me to Ms. Manners.
At least I am ahead of the curve in wishing you a Happy New Year, right?
Catch up with ya'all soon.
Hey Mr. 2!!!
Sounds like you had a wonderful Christmas -I am so glad!!
If we are looney tunes can I be the skunk that Pepe La Pue goes after?? or if not then Bugs Bunnys girl??
I got your mail and as soon as I can will get back to you Dont wanna rush, cause, well your just too important to rush, not like J and Bethies emails that I just shoot off without a second thought
Glad you are back!
