Divorcebusting.com
Posted By: swashy Moving on and doing great - 08/14/07 01:32 PM
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...&gonew=1#UNREAD

Last one locked. Not much to add. W dropped this kids by this morning. Brought me back some saltwater taffy from ME...yum. Got the kids to camp and now I'm at work. yay! Hope everyone is doing great.
Posted By: inspiredjulie Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/14/07 01:54 PM
I'd like a beverage please, S2H! Maybe a hot choc w/ pepp schnapps this morn.

Hope you have a great day!
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/14/07 01:55 PM
Good choice - coming right up miss. \:\)
Posted By: Astimegoeson Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/14/07 02:51 PM
What did you guys do with your left over keg beer from Denver?
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/14/07 03:11 PM
Board games? You sound like the guys I work with. LOL.
Posted By: shoeprincess Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/14/07 03:13 PM
I will take champagne and a game of twister
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/14/07 04:42 PM
You're so high class shoe! LOL.

Just glad that you haven't started ordering Schlitz yet. \:\)
Posted By: Fender Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/14/07 07:26 PM
Tanqeuray Rangpur Gin and Tonic please.
Posted By: sofaraway Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/14/07 08:09 PM
Shot of Patron Silver chilled, and a ice cold Guinness Draft please......

Oh, and a piece of Banana Taffy......
Posted By: inspiredjulie Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/14/07 08:30 PM
Quote:
Oh, and a piece of Banana Taffy..



blech
Posted By: shoeprincess Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/14/07 09:34 PM
Originally Posted By: swashy
You're so high class shoe! LOL.

Just glad that you haven't started ordering Schlitz yet. \:\)



I am high class Scott and dont ever forget it!
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/15/07 02:04 AM
I know Kym...I know. LOL
Originally Posted By: MRHIGHSPEED
I hear Ian's got a 40 or so of Colt 45 still.
He better still have it! nas-T!

So had to run by the W's house tonight to go over the kids schedules for the next couple of weeks. Only 2 1/2 more weeks until the kiddos are back in school - where did the summer go?

Got to see the kids which was great. When I first got there I was outside with them for a bit and it was really, really nice. Came in and started going over the schedules...and then D6 started acting up. She tends to do this when I go over there. I think it is an attention thing. So I talked to her about it and she got a bit better after that.

W was in a bit of a pissy mood. She was frustrated and overwhelmed by the schedules. Then started complaining that she still didn't have internet and so she couldn't pay bills, etc. Told her she could come to my hosue and use mine. I dunno what the problem really was and frankly I didn't feel like digging it out of her. Again, not my job anymore. If she wants to speak up, I'll listen and do what I can to help but trying to dig sh*t out of her and getting nowhere is what made me so miserable for years and I am simply not going to put myself in that position anymore. That's what she has OM for.

So my buddy had called and wanted to swing by, so I told him to grab some beer and meet me at my house. I got there and he was there along with my BIL. We hung, talked, drank some beer and listened to the sox game. Nice and relaxing.

H texted me. She had dinner with her mom tonight. Her mom has lung cancer. Seems do be doing ok though. Sounds like she had a great night with her so that was good. She's off to CO tomorrow. Looks like we won't be camping this weekend. She has something going on. And after talking to BIL, I'm thinking of having the guys over this saturday. So I think H and are going next weekend instead.

WOO HOO! Sox just tied it up 1-1 in the 9th! yeah!
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/15/07 02:12 AM
And the sox win it in the 9th! woo hoo! And i think the evil empire lost to the Os...they were anyway. nice.
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/15/07 02:34 AM
Not really man. You would have sh*t yourself if you had seen my old neighborhood. The annual xmas party with the luminaries lining the streets and the hay rides...too much. LOL.
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/15/07 02:47 AM
Haven't seen it..but pretty damn picturesque (Sp?)
Posted By: shoeprincess Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/15/07 02:52 AM
yawn... where is my Champagne????
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/15/07 12:58 PM
So I sent the W an email this morning.
---------
I feel like something was bothering you last night. Not sure if it is something I did or something else but if you want to discuss it, please just let me know. If you do not that is fine too. I want to be here for you but I also don't feel like it is really my place to dig this stuff out of you anymore. So I'm happy to listen and help as much as I can but you'll need to be upfront and direct with me about it. Hope you can understand that.
---------
Felt like I wanted to just put it out there. What she does with it is up to her.
Posted By: sofaraway Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/15/07 01:35 PM
Swashy, not for nothing but you have already told her this on many occasions. You say you wont dig it out of her, yet you continue to offer to be there. In a way that is digging, just using chopsticks instead of a shovel.

You've opened yourself up to her enough dude. Quit offering... If she wants your help or opinion, she has to learn to be a big girl and ask for it. How old is she now? Don't you think its about time you let her grow up and fix this issue herself. Part of your anger issues were that she didn't communicate her needs and desires right? So let her figure it out.

By the way, have you heard anything on the next mediation session yet? Kind of strange that things aren't moving along. I also hope you have taken care of your financial stuff and separated all assets. Learn from me that no matter what a good person they are, you cannot trust them. Your W in particular has not been a shining start with your finances. I seem to remember her paying her tuition on your credit card without asking at one point? Get your money separated quickly dude. It has been over a month since the house sold, no reason to comingle funds anymore.

Ian
Posted By: Tiara Boy (CM) Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/15/07 01:37 PM
I want to be Ian today. And if I can't be Ian, then I want to be on top of him! wooooot
Posted By: sofaraway Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/15/07 01:58 PM
Originally Posted By: Tiara Boy (CM)
I want to be Ian today. And if I can't be Ian, then I want to be on top of him! wooooot


You can be in front of me, like last time if you would like Ty....
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/15/07 02:11 PM
Ok..no...you are right. I have told her this. It is just hard for me to see her like that and not try to "fix" it for her. I've been conditioned to do that. And i care about her and I want to make sure she is ok. I guess I just feel like, although I don't need to dig, that maybe I need to remind her that it is ok to come to me for stuff. I know it is hard for her to do that. She hasn't responded so she's probably like "F him" anyway. Take it back..she just got back to me. Says it is just the schedules and not having that figured out. Which is probably true because that does tend to stress her out. But she is also saying that she feels like her life is in a holding pattern because she doesn't have time to figure get all this stuff done and that she feels trapped and doesn't have her freedom. Not sure what I can do about that. This is NOT my gig. Not what I want. So I just can't help her there. But she seems to understand that.
Posted By: confuseddude Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/15/07 02:50 PM
you got that right sir, not your gig...it's what she wanted. hope you have a good day.
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/15/07 04:02 PM
She still seems to feel like a D will solve all the problems in her life. That she will finally have her freedom. Well, we pretty much already are. We have sold our house, we are both in our own places, she has her boyfriend. I mean I know it's not legal yet, but she's living the life she'll have once it is. Not much will change once it's legal.

Personally I think she feels trapped by her own choices. She feels trapped because she is living a lie. Certain people know certain things and most don't anything. Her sister didn't seem to want to know what was going on and that seemed to give her some solice. But in the end, that doesn't help her. That can't be an easy way to live and would, I think, make you feel pretty trapped. Sadly, she probably won't figure that out until after we are divorced.

She has sworn up and down that she wouldn't leave me for him and that this has nothing to do with him. But it does. I simply can't believe that she would not work on this M with all of my changes if he were not out there waiting for her. Sad. Just easier to run to him than to confront what she has done I guess. She says it's just the "too much damage done". I guess maybe I just can't understand that because I'm not in her shoes. I don't know.

What's really sad is that my kids will be the ones to pay the price for this. I hate that. I hate when my S7 sits in my bed and cries to me to not get a D. I hate when my D6 acts out and tries to get attention because she is so confused by this situation. And now S5 is even acting out, throwing fits, etc. He never did that. And I have to believe it is because he is confused as well.

My R with them is better and I believe her's is as well..and that's great...but this is still going to hurt them. Sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't be easier for them if we fought all the time. I think that is what confuses them. They see us getting along and so they don't understand why we can't live together. Heck, I'm not sure I do - so why would they?

BUT...I will be ok. I do have my new life. I am enjoying it. I know I have me. The new me. The happy me. I have a lot to offer someone who is willing to give me a shot. She may be unwilling to do that...but someone will.
Posted By: Lissie Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/15/07 04:50 PM
How I wish they can see the situation thru our eyes. How I wish they can see the situation thru the eyes of our children.

How I wish that something would light up in their head and say, WTF have I done? How I wish that light bulb moment would be now, and not when it is to late.

Puffy swears up and down he did not leave me for her. He swears that our D has NOTHING to do with HER. But c'mon, he has been with her since the day he walked out that door.

I had to tell my babies we are getting divorced. I have to hold them and rock them to sleep at night still , even tho it has been a year and half, and they go to therapy, and they so much love surrounding them.

How can someone be so selfish?
HOw can somone piss on everyone's elses life so that they can feel "free". It is not even a real freedom. For them to obtain that "freedom" the path to get there was built on lies. It still is filled with lies. Not only to us and our babies, but to themselves.

I don't wish him harm, but I don't wish him well, just Like I don't wish your W harm, but I don't wish her well.

Call me bitter, that is fine. But I am a mother first, and when our children have been hurt, the people that hurt them should remember it always.

You will shine, Swash.
Posted By: confuseddude Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/15/07 04:53 PM
I've gone over the same feelings many a time in my mind swashy...only real difference for me is that there is no OM in my case. Maybe one day she will realize what she has done, but like you said, you have your new life and relationship with your kids. I think you mentioned anger issues in your past...I have had those too.
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/15/07 05:37 PM
Thank you lissie! We can wish all we want but that will never make it happen hun. that is out of our control. I'm not angry with her or bitter. I can't be. I love her too much to ever hate her. And I know that my actions helped to get her to where she is today. All my fault? Of course not. But I played a role in it. I feel bad for her but I can't hate her. She simply can't do it. If she could, I have to believe she would. She is not a bad person at heart. She is just really confused and making poor decisions...it's just a shame that everyone else has to pay the price for those decisions. But just like I can't ask a man without hands to play the guitar, I can't ask her to save her M. She simply does not have it in her to do what it takes. I thought I married a woman who had those qualities. Who had strength. I was wrong and that is sad but I can't be angry with her for what she is not.

And thanks Cincy. Yes, I had some anger issues and I have worked hard to rid myself of those and I'm now going to a new C for that very reason - to help make sure they never come back. I do think that is part of the reason I can't be angry with her. The though of having that in me again makes me ill. I hated being angry - if that makes sense. I refuse to ever go back to that.

SO...what do I do? I go back to what got me where I am today...which is happier than I have been in years. I stop getting sucked into her. I continue to move on with me and my life. I have a lot to be thankful for and I need to continue on that path. I feel my mood getting better already. Nice that when I get down these days it doesn't last for long.
Posted By: fig Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/15/07 06:23 PM
Not all anger is bad...if you can channel your anger, it is one of your most powerful and useful emotions. Anger put into action is amazing.

Anger over injustice causes change.

So often, we are afraid of anger or we think anger makes us "bad."

Screw that!!!! I taught an anger class when I worked for the DV organization. Anger is a useful and normal emotion. If we don't allow ourselves to feel righteous anger we are weak people.

Anger at being in an abusive situation made me move out of it. Anger at crap at work made me work harder to get into a job where I can utilize my talents. Anger at my debt is causing me to strive hard to get it to a better point.

Don't deny your anger. Focus it on something productive instead.
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/15/07 07:01 PM
Interesting Fig. And thanks! I know I have every right to be angry. I do get that. And I know anger is a totally normal emotion and should obviously not be bottled up. I'm just not really feeling it. Sure I've had my moments of frustration but not sure I'd really call it anger. At least not lately. Maybe I'm overcompensating...but I don't know...I really don't feel it.

So I certainly don't think I need to try and make myself feel angry...but I need to let myself feel angry if it come to me....as long as it is reasonable for the situation. BUT - getting angry over something I have no control over...doesn't do me any good. You said anger made you change those things in your life. That's great...but there is nothing I can change with this - besides pushing for the D myself..and that is not what I want. So what do I do? All I can thing of is that I accept what is happening to me and move on with my life.

And I know that I do not want her back as she is right now. That is something I seem to lose sight of once in a while. The lies, the cheating, the deception, the passive agressive behavior, the inability to confront issues...all of that. DON'T want it! Not a bit. I guess I was just holding out hope that she could change...but maybe that in itself is silly. I felt like I had changed in so many ways that maybe she could to. And maybe she can...and is in some ways...I don't know. And maybe she'll change in all those ways but still want nothing to do with me. How's that for ironic! Could happen. But I have no control over it. She's going to do whatever it is she is going to do and she will be whatever it is she wants to be.

All I can do is accept that she is divorcing me and move on with my life. Who she becomes through this process and what she does with her life is her business.
Posted By: Lissie Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/15/07 07:18 PM
Ian is trying to romance the ladies in French LOL

go get him Swashy! hee hee
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/15/07 07:22 PM
I just posted but stayed away from the romancing...he's a silly little boy. ;\)
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/15/07 09:03 PM
Well...dude..I think you have plenty to be angry about. My W, although lost, is actually being a better mother.

Again, I see the point. I understand anger is ok. I'm just not. sorry. ;\)
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/15/07 09:14 PM
I'm IMing with this girl at work right now. She's in the middle of a D as well. Ugh...she seems to be flirting a bit. Scary.
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/16/07 01:31 AM
Ok...feeling better. My BIL came by earlier. SIL was out so we decided to take the kids out to dinner together. 5 kids ages 5-8 - oh yeah! LOL. They had fun, we got to have a couple beers and shoot the sh*t. A good night.

Doing a lot better. Picking myself up and dusting myself off again. I just need to keep reminding myself that I'm a good guy who deserves a lot more than what he is getting. And that this is not my choice. I'm not the one hurting our kids by not even trying, by carrying on with an affair, by refusing MC. I can hold my head high and know I did all I could. She refused to stand by me during my bad time and refuses to move forward with me in my good time. I'm not going to hate her for it - does me no good. I'll treat her with respect and kindness but I will also move on.

Phew...As H keeps teaching me....slow deep cleansing breaths. \:\)
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/16/07 01:32 AM
Originally Posted By: MRHIGHSPEED
Go Swashy . . . go Swashy . . . it's your birthday!
What the hell are you talking about dude? lol
Posted By: Fender Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/16/07 02:24 AM
Originally Posted By: MRHIGHSPEED
Originally Posted By: swashy
Ok...feeling better. My BIL came by earlier. SIL was out so we decided to take the kids out to dinner together. 5 kids ages 5-8 - oh yeah! LOL. They had fun, we got to have a couple beers and shoot the sh*t. A good night.

Doing a lot better. Picking myself up and dusting myself off again. I just need to keep reminding myself that I'm a good guy who deserves a lot more than what he is getting. And that this is not my choice. I'm not the one hurting our kids by not even trying, by carrying on with an affair, by refusing MC. I can hold my head high and know I did all I could. She refused to stand by me during my bad time and refuses to move forward with me in my good time. I'm not going to hate her for it - does me no good. I'll treat her with respect and kindness but I will also move on.

Phew...As H keeps teaching me....slow deep cleansing breaths. \:\)




Just want to point out. Second paragraph, fourth sentence on, all reference her in some way. What up with that?


Scott he has a point and I have to agree.
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/16/07 02:29 AM
HS - I'm sorry dude...I appreciate your advice and I know that you are looking out for my best interest...but to actually think that I'm not going to mention my W on a site that is supposed to help me deal with what is going on with my M is a bit unrealistic don't ya think? And let me point out that you certainly did mention your W quite a bit in your post to me earlier this afternoon. Not trying to jump down your throat...but c'mon man. LOL.

As for work chick...uhhh...no. First off, I work with her, 2nd not my type, 3rd I work with her. Just kinda scary how eager some of these women are. I was in the groccery store the other day and this single mom just started this conversation with me. I don't know, maybe it was harmless...but it didn't feel like it.
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/16/07 02:46 AM
THANK YOU! ;\)

Again, I appreciate you looking out of for me and trying to keep me on track. 100% MAN! And I know what you are saying. I get it. Just a sh*tty day but felt like I was doing an ok job of pulling my head out of my a$$.
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/16/07 01:58 PM
Woke up at 4am this morning and couldn't fall back to sleep. Ugh, been a while since I've done that. Mind has been racing. But I took that time to do a lot of thinking and I think I've got my head back on pretty straight. Feeling a lot better...although tired. Nothing a little extra coffee won't fix! \:\)

My BIL's brother is coming down this weekend and wants to get together with everyone. This is also my W's friend's H...the ones that are getting D'd. So I think I'm having everyone over my place for some beer and bbq. Should be fun. Psyched to have the guys hanging at my new place. Haven't really done that yet.
Posted By: Fender Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/16/07 02:04 PM
Beer and BBQ, now there is the recipe for a good time. \:\)
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/16/07 02:19 PM
Actually I have to say, I've had better BBQ here than I did when i was in Memphis. I was a little let down out there.

yeah, he called me at like 7:45 - I was still laying in bed.
Posted By: Fender Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/16/07 02:28 PM
Originally Posted By: swashy
Actually I have to say, I've had better BBQ here than I did when i was in Memphis. I was a little let down out there.



BBQ is a regional thing, you like it where you came from and not so much the way it's done somewhere else.
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/16/07 03:15 PM
That makes sense! Let's go with that. All I know is that I have a buddy...and his buddy owns this little hole in the wall bbq place and it is just CRAZY good. mmmmmmm....

So, I've been emailing back and forth a bit with Dana and Doug this mornign and they have both given me a lot to think about. Good stuff. I'm feeling like I'm really getting back on track. Doing much better. Thanks guys!

This girl at work keeps IMing me! AHHH! I gotta stop that. I like talking to her, she's tough and funny...but man. LOL.
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/16/07 03:26 PM
Yes HS...you have me thinking about pink shirts and soccer shoes. THANK YOU! LOL.
Posted By: SDFoundGirl Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/16/07 04:10 PM
Originally Posted By: fig
Not all anger is bad...if you can channel your anger, it is one of your most powerful and useful emotions. Anger put into action is amazing.


Anger is not a bad emotion unless you choose to stay there. Anger feels better than depression/helplessness/fear, so it's natural to want to climb higher on the emotional ladder. The key is to acknowledge it and let it propel you to an even better emotion...all the way up until you get to the more positive, good-feeling emotions.

Yeah, I used to have anger issues too. Now, I still get angry, but I express it appropriately and let it go. Sounds like that's what you do as well.

Haven't caught up on your sitch, but it sounds like you're working your way through this minor bump. You're human, so things will bother you from time to time. But now you've got these great tools to climb on out....

You really are my hero, Scotty.

SD
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/16/07 04:18 PM
SO...i've been putting something off for far too long and I finally just did it. I told my boss. He has known my W since we were dating and has always REALLY liked her. Always jokes that it is why he hired me...so he could look at her. So that was hard. Also, I didn't want it to effect him hiring me and then i didn't want it to effect him giving me the promotion. His response was, "dummy, it only would have made me more likely to hire you". Well at least we haven't finalized the raise yet! \:\)

So he was pretty upset. Told me that he and his wife went through something for about a year but managed to work it out. They seem pretty happy now.

He was very supportive a little upset that I didn't tell him sooner but having gone through it himself he totally understood. Gave me a hug afterwards - he's so funny. So that is a relief. Hated the feeling of him not knowing. Even told him about H, so now he's all excited to live vicariously through me. LOL.

He asked if he was allowed to be angry with my W. Told him that I wasn't, that it just made me sad. He agreed. Told him what I did to get us there. Actually he felt bad because he laid me off 5 years ago and hoped that it didn't play a role in it. Have to admit, that was a very stressful time and put me into an even more stressful situation with my next job and all...but how I dealt with all of that was my choice and I told him that.

I feel good. Good to get that off my chest. Phew! \:\)
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/16/07 04:19 PM
Thanks SD! \:\)
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/16/07 04:36 PM
Thanks man. I think the toughest part of it was that I just knew how much he admired my wife and how dissapointed in her he'd be. So that sucks.
Posted By: Fender Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/16/07 05:28 PM
I remember talking to my W's old boss, we were all good friends, about our sitch. He was floored, said he had no idea we were seperated and divorcing. He sees the W nearly everyday at work and she still hasn't said a word to him about what is going on.

Like Scott said before, it is probably them dealing with the guilt of their bad choices?
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/16/07 05:47 PM
Yes and Yes. I know that when my W has told people, which has been rare, it has been all about what I have done wrong. She certainly doesn't say anything about how she has lied and cheated on me for years. Meanwhile I take full responsiblity for my part in it. I was a miserable SOB for years. I let that be known. I tell them what I did, the things I said. I just told my boss that a lot of it was my fault and he nearly jumped down my throat. LOL
Posted By: Fender Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/16/07 05:57 PM
Admitting our own part in the failure of the M is quite cleasing and helps us aviod the making same mistakes again.
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/16/07 06:02 PM
Exactly Fender. How can you ever learn from your mistakes if you can't even admit them. I know that doing that has helped me grow so much. Cleansing is the perfect word.
Posted By: Fender Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/16/07 06:12 PM
As HS says, I'm from the goverment and I'm here to help. \:\)
Posted By: sofaraway Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/16/07 06:41 PM
Well guys, part of fixing ourselves is being honest about our shortcomings. I believe we all do so much better at that and none of us has claimed to have been a saint in our marriages. Except for tyson of course who is perfect in every way......
Posted By: Fender Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/16/07 07:56 PM
Originally Posted By: MRHIGHSPEED
Me likey cleansing.


Yeah, with fire!
Posted By: Fender Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/16/07 08:23 PM
You have such a way with words HS. LOL
Posted By: SDFoundGirl Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/17/07 01:07 AM
Originally Posted By: swashy
Exactly Fender. How can you ever learn from your mistakes if you can't even admit them. I know that doing that has helped me grow so much. Cleansing is the perfect word.


I completely agree, and I have to say that, even when things work out after a sitch like this, the WAS rarely admits their faults and flaws or that they went about things like an a$$. I kind of feel sorry for them...it's like we were *lucky* enough to go through this process and learn tons and tons about humility, self-reflection, compassion, patience, and consciousness, and they missed out. I have to remind myself all the time that H didn't have that opportunity...

SD
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/17/07 01:31 AM
Totally agree that we are the lucky ones. 100% So SD....Do you feel like your husband not learned from this? If things were to ever move forward with my W, I don't know if I could do it if I didn't feel like she had learned anything.
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/17/07 05:58 PM
We just Mexican food for lunch and I AM STUFFED! \:\)

My mood has continued to improve. Emailed back and forth with the W a bit but for the most part I'm just trying to keep my distance a bit. I need time to focus on me...so far so good with that.

Hope everyone is doing well. High School Musical 2 tonight! I can hardly contain myself. ;\) All I've heard about for the past two weeks. LOL.
Posted By: Lissie Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/17/07 06:11 PM
Quote:
High School Musical 2 tonight! I can hardly contain myself. All I've heard about for the past two weeks. LOL.




OMG tell me about it, looks like we have our Friday night plannesd.

Let's re cap about it tomorrow handsome LOL
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/17/07 06:25 PM
I knew I bought that 42" plasma for a reason! Troy is SO dreamy. LOL! Have fun!
Posted By: BethM Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/17/07 06:37 PM
Hey Swashy,

Just stopped by to say Hi and wish you a good weekend. Is High School Musical a phenom or what? I was at the mall and the merchandising for it is crazy.

Have fun..............

Bethie
Posted By: sofaraway Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/17/07 11:36 PM
Originally Posted By: swashy
I knew I bought that 42" plasma for a reason! Troy is SO dreamy. LOL! Have fun!


Dude, come on man....Gay-ish for sure.........and you know the names...
Posted By: SDFoundGirl Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/18/07 12:36 AM
Ahem....

A real man isn't afraid to admit the things he picks up from spending quality time with his kids. And...well...out of the two of you who are giving Scott a hard time, which of you has a hot, hairy-nippled husband crushing on you? Hmmm???

*muah*

SD
Posted By: Trip Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/18/07 01:17 AM
Originally Posted By: MRHIGHSPEED
I wasn't going to throw that out there, but between that, the pink shirt, and the spandex shorts, you may have pegged the homometer. So, roll it up like a sock and stuff it back in buddy.



You said, pegged! hehehe!
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/18/07 02:26 AM
THANK YOU SD! That is called sarcasm guys. So yeah, HS Musical I can do without...but the quality time with my little princess I'll take hands down. And she loved it btw. LOL. Had a lot of fun with them tonight. Good times.
Posted By: Trip Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/18/07 02:36 AM
Yeah, I have seen the stuff everywhere for that movie. Apart from and perhaps, the obvious, I don't have a clue as to what it is about.

Glad you had a good time with your daughter, Scott.
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/18/07 02:48 AM
Originally Posted By: Trip
I don't have a clue as to what it is about.

Glad you had a good time with your daughter, Scott.

Count yourself luck. And thanks! ;\)
Posted By: Lissie Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/18/07 03:14 AM
I LOVED HS musical 2.

My D is in love. \:\)
Posted By: sofaraway Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/18/07 10:31 AM
Hey man, Walpole beat Ohio today at the little league world series....

Just had to add something more manly to your thread.......

By the way, quit kissing the ladies asses around here..... ;\)

SD, you woman just dig a girly man don't you? You have encouraged me to discover my feminine side......nah....... never mind


Ian
Posted By: sofaraway Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/18/07 02:14 PM
Swashy is not gay, he is Gay-ishh... big difference. That's why the cicks dig the swashmeister
Posted By: SDFoundGirl Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/18/07 03:33 PM
Originally Posted By: MRHIGHSPEED
I see the fine line now. If only I could control those urges when I start touching my feminine side.


You can touch your feminine side if:

1. It agrees (no means no HS).

2. You don't do it in public (have some respect for the lady).

Hope that cleared things up for you HS.

And...um...well...for all you guys throw gay-bombs at Scott, methinks I detect a *wee* bit of jealousy for his way with the ladies.....

SD
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/19/07 01:50 PM
So the guy who brought Ty and I pink shirts to wear in Boston is calling ME gayish...Ok...right.

So I had a bunch of the guys over last night. Grilled up some steak and chicken - made a ton of food - drank more than a few beers. Had a really good time. Good to see and just hang with everyone. Everyone really seemed to like my new place. One friend came over that I haven't seen in probably three years.

Three of us are getting divorced. Crazy and sad. One of them was this guy who's W is the one that my W has been commiserating with. Everyone took off by around midnight...but he hung out so we ended up talking until about 2am. Sounds like he's about where I am with it all...just moving on with his life. Trying to focus on what is best for his kids. Seems to have accepted that he can't change any of it and that this will just be her choice to have to find a way to live with. So it was good to talk to him about it and know that he's doing ok with it all.
Posted By: inspiredjulie Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/19/07 02:54 PM
Hey S2H...

You sound really good and I'm glad you had such a great time last night. You deserve that! Have a great day today... I don't think you're 'gayish' at all.
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/19/07 03:31 PM
I mean we all know that all this banter from Ian is really just him questioning his own identity right? Pretty basic stuff here guys.

Oh man am I cooked today. Ugh. Kids will be here in 30 mins. Time to pick it up. \:\)
Posted By: SDFoundGirl Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/19/07 04:37 PM
Glad you had such a good time last night. It sounds like fun!

About your D'ing friends...man, it seems that way around my place as well. H's best friend's W dropped an A and D bomb on him in the last little while, and 2 of his other friends were divorced in the past year. Maybe it's something about the late 30's?

Ah well. Have fun with your kiddos!

SD
Posted By: inspiredjulie Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/19/07 04:57 PM
Hey S2H...

Reading about your D7 on my thread, just wanted to pop over and mention something that f21 and I were talking about this morning. She was just reminding me of the importance of spending some one on one time w/ each of the kids. I know how hard, even impossible, this seems in our sitchs, but right now sounds like D7 could really use that.

Good luck, have a great day today!

Julie
Posted By: sofaraway Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/19/07 05:47 PM
Hey hey hey, that was Ty that brought the pink shirt to Boston and started that, not me.

It is not self reflective buddy.... I admit openly that I am attracted to Ty, but he is the only one. If you still looked like that picture from 10 years ago, maybe, I might let you blow me.

Glad you had a good night with the guys Scott, thats important. Your coming around great Scott, starting to understand a lot of what we read from people around here who have walked in our shoes.

Keep it up buddy.

By the way, you know how I know your gay? You not only watch High School Musical, but you know the names!


Ian
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/19/07 11:17 PM
SD - I think you're right. I think it does have something to do with the whole 30s thing. Just a point in time probably where we all start examining our lives again. Sad.

Thanks Julie. It is SO hard to get any alone time with them. And I SO used to love getting that. Maybe the W and I can arrange something to make sure that does happen. I do try to get a little one on one time with each one of them at night...but a day or night out alone would be great. Thanks for the thought! ;\)

And Ian...whatever dude. ;\)
Posted By: RMG77739 Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/20/07 01:50 AM
Originally Posted By: swashy
SD - I think you're right. I think it does have something to do with the whole 30s thing. Just a point in time probably where we all start examining our lives again. Sad.


swashy,

That IS sad. The thing which really sucks is if I HAD done that, I would have blazed off with the HOT babe who had the hots for me at MICROMEDEX. Instead, I stayed true to my marriage vows...

RMG
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/20/07 01:58 AM
Which was a solid choice RMG. I've said it time and time again on here, we are defined by the choices we make. And ususally, the hard choice is the right choice.
Posted By: RMG77739 Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/20/07 03:06 AM
Originally Posted By: swashy
Which was a solid choice RMG. I've said it time and time again on here, we are defined by the choices we make. And ususally, the hard choice is the right choice.


swashy,

Amen to that! I am glad I took the "high road" there. I have nothing to be ashamed of unlike my ex-W who walked away from our M, dated, and had an EA/PA before we were divorced. I will not look back and regret my actions. That is her lot.

RMG
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/20/07 01:43 PM
Oh, don't get me wrong HS. I know that I helped us get here. Totally understand that. However it was her responsiblity to tell me how she felt and she chose not to do that. I can't fix a problem that I don't know exists. Should I have been able to tell - maybe - but I was in denial. And that is my fault. But I firmly believe that if she had opened her mouth, we would not be getting a D. Once I did know of the problem, I did everything in my power to fix it. And I can't do more that that - so I will not have regret. She has chosen not to. Why? Because she does not want it fixed. And I beleive that she had made that decision a long, long time ago.

On the brighter side - I don't have the kids tonight but I just shot the W an email to see if I could take D6 to a baseball game tonight. Thanks julie! \:\)
Posted By: Kman Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/20/07 01:58 PM
Hey Scott-

Haven't stopped by in a bit. glad to see things are going well and you're enjoying yourself - you're doing great! And way to step up and take the initiative on the ball game with D6 - even if it doesn't work out this time, there's always the next one.

Keep up the good work-

BTW, haven't mentioned it in a while, but I'll tell you what I'd really like to see...

MORE COWBELL.

Kev
Posted By: inspiredjulie Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/20/07 02:02 PM
Quote:
I don't have the kids tonight but I just shot the W an email to see if I could take D6 to a baseball game


SWEET!!! Have a great time.
Posted By: confuseddude Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/20/07 02:31 PM
Originally Posted By: swashy
Oh, don't get me wrong HS. I know that I helped us get here. Totally understand that. However it was her responsiblity to tell me how she felt and she chose not to do that. I can't fix a problem that I don't know exists. Should I have been able to tell - maybe - but I was in denial. And that is my fault. But I firmly believe that if she had opened her mouth, we would not be getting a D. Once I did know of the problem, I did everything in my power to fix it. And I can't do more that that - so I will not have regret. She has chosen not to. Why? Because she does not want it fixed. And I beleive that she had made that decision a long, long time ago.

On the brighter side - I don't have the kids tonight but I just shot the W an email to see if I could take D6 to a baseball game tonight. Thanks julie! \:\)


feels like our WAW's are related.. \:D ahh, communication.
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/20/07 02:58 PM
Got an email back from W - she's cool with it - so I'm psyched. Should be a blast. YAY! I love hanging with her one on one. She's an amazing little girl and has been just super sweet the last couple of days. Putting her to bed last night she just kept screaming "I love my daddy". LOL Thanks again Jules. Gonna try and do something similar with S5 at some point too.

Cincy - I think all of our spouses are related. Amazing how similar all of our sitch are sometimes.

More cowbell coming right up Kev!
Posted By: RMG77739 Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/20/07 04:24 PM
Originally Posted By: swashy
Oh, don't get me wrong HS. I know that I helped us get here. Totally understand that. However it was her responsiblity to tell me how she felt and she chose not to do that. I can't fix a problem that I don't know exists. Should I have been able to tell - maybe - but I was in denial. And that is my fault. But I firmly believe that if she had opened her mouth, we would not be getting a D. Once I did know of the problem, I did everything in my power to fix it. And I can't do more that that - so I will not have regret. She has chosen not to. Why? Because she does not want it fixed. And I beleive that she had made that decision a long, long time ago.


swashy,

That is EXACTLY the same as my sitch. I wanted to do ANYTHING to make it work. She said she thought about leaving three years earlier. Why did she not tell me that DIRECTLY THREE YEARS AGO? HELLO!

I will write it again. I believe MANY of our WASs will regret what they have done... I feel blessed that I can sleep peacefully and get up an look at myself in the mirror knowing I have no regrets. The WASs are left to ponder "What if I had....." for the rest of their lives.

In my case, I believe God will bless me with a thriving business and a happy life. I also believe my ex-W will look at me and wish she had given our M a chance. By then, I may have sorted through all the ladies I am dating and found one to date seriously. At this point, I am in no rush to jump into anything

RMG
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/20/07 04:43 PM
Exactly RMG. As a buddy of mine says, it is not whether or not you screw up, it is what you do to fix it if you do. My W was just not in a place where she felt like she could tell me I guess. That's a shame because the day she stood on that alter, she took on that responsiblity...so she fell down on that...but not much I can do about it now. And I fell down on my vows too. No doubt. We both did. So I can't sit here and put it all on her. But I never fell out of love with her and I never let hate enter my heart...although I was very unhappy. She did and that is sad.

So anyway, I was actually talking to someone the other day and they told me that they new someone who used to wish that their spouse would have regrets but now they hope they never do. I'm trying to get there myself. I think it is then that you know you have truly moved on. Funny...had a rough time last week. Feel 100% better now and feel like I am moving in this direction. I never thought that I'd be the one to take charge of this and get it done..and just told her the other day that I wouldn't...but I don't think that is out of the question anymore. I'm not there yet...but I could see it as a possiblity.

I just know that I deserve SO much more than she has or is providing to me so even if she came back...there is just no way. Not with who she is now. I can't. I can't put myself back into that situation. She would have to show SO much change and she is just so slow to change...I just don't really see how it would ever be possible at this point. So as I accept that I guess I'm starting to realize that there is no reason not to roll up my sleeves and just end it. What am I holding off for really? Nothing. Again, not there yet..this is a process for me...but I do see the posiblity of that happening at some point.
Posted By: RMG77739 Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/20/07 04:51 PM
Originally Posted By: swashy
Exactly RMG. As a buddy of mine says, it is not whether or not you screw up, it is what you do to fix it if you do. My W was just not in a place where she felt like she could tell me I guess. That's a shame because the day she stood on that alter, she took on that responsiblity...so she fell down on that...but not much I can do about it now. And I fell down on my vows too. No doubt. We both did. So I can't sit here and put it all on her. But I never fell out of love with her and I never let hate enter my heart...although I was very unhappy. She did and that is sad.

So anyway, I was actually talking to someone the other day and they told me that they new someone who used to wish that their spouse would have regrets but now they hope they never do. I'm trying to get there myself. I think it is then that you know you have truly moved on. Funny...had a rough time last week. Feel 100% better now and feel like I am moving in this direction. I never thought that I'd be the one to take charge of this and get it done..and just told her the other day that I wouldn't...but I don't think that is out of the question anymore. I'm not there yet...but I could see it as a possiblity.

I just know that I deserve SO much more than she has or is providing to me so even if she came back...there is just no way. Not with who she is now. I can't. I can't put myself back into that situation. She would have to show SO much change and she is just so slow to change...I just don't really see how it would ever be possible at this point. So as I accept that I guess I'm starting to realize that there is no reason not to roll up my sleeves and just end it. What am I holding off for really? Nothing. Again, not there yet..this is a process for me...but I do see the posiblity of that happening at some point.


swashy,

Your buddy is VERY wise. I could not have said it better.

This may sound crazy... But, here goes... I really feel deep down my ex-W will want to pursue our relationship in the future. I think she will have lucidity and remember the man I really am. NOT what she projected on me. I think if nothing else she will be curious to see what she is missing. I am not focusing on this. I am moving on with my life and other women. If this comes to pass, I will deal with it then.

RMG
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/20/07 05:37 PM
I hear ya man. Not crazy at all and I convinced myself of the same thing. Which really was the reason for my bad time last week. However, even though I am a completely different person than I was a year ago, she has shown no signs of turning around. Zero. So will she have regrets...probably some at some point if she hasn't already. I think it is nearly impossible to go through this process and not but will it be enough for her to actually stand up and say "I want to try"...I REALLY doubt it. Mostly because of who she is more than anything else. She wasn't strong enough to stand up during our M what should make me think she'd be strong enough now or in the future to stand up for it.

But my point is...for me...I want to get myself to the point where I hope she doesn't have regrets instead of hoping or thinking she will. I feel like once I'm to the point of moving on and hoping she can do the same without looking back is when I'll know that I simply do not want this M anymore and that is somewhere I need to get myself becuase that is the reality of this situation.
Posted By: RMG77739 Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/20/07 05:45 PM
Originally Posted By: swashy
I hear ya man. Not crazy at all and I convinced myself of the same thing. Which really was the reason for my bad time last week. However, even though I am a completely different person than I was a year ago, she has shown no signs of turning around. Zero. So will she have regrets...probably some at some point if she hasn't already. I think it is nearly impossible to go through this process and not but will it be enough for her to actually stand up and say "I want to try"...I REALLY doubt it. Mostly because of who she is more than anything else. She wasn't strong enough to stand up during our M what should make me think she'd be strong enough now or in the future to stand up for it.

But my point is...for me...I want to get myself to the point where I hope she doesn't have regrets instead of hoping or thinking she will. I feel like once I'm to the point of moving on and hoping she can do the same without looking back is when I'll know that I simply do not want this M anymore and that is somewhere I need to get myself becuase that is the reality of this situation.


swashy,

What you are writing is true. I have heard several people recommend that IF that day comes, you take it VERY slow and seek couples counseling as a part of the reuniting process.

Could you check out this e-mail I sent to my ex-W and post your thoughts in that thread?

RMG
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/20/07 06:14 PM
Will do RMG! Yeah, there was a time where I would have jumped right back in. NO WAY now.

HS - yeah, my W cried in front of me all the time. She was VERY unhappy and depressed. I asked and asked and asked...but she never said it had anything to do with me. A while before the bomb she had started going to her C and I at one point asked if she ever talked about me..."a little bit" was her response. I was stunned...but didn't press because I felt like that was her space with her C.
Posted By: Trip Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/20/07 06:39 PM
I think that is a big one. Perhaps, if we had all even thought it could happen, we could've prevented a lot of sh!t. Perhaps not. We will never know for sure. But, I do believe it myself.
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/20/07 06:42 PM
Agree 100%. I think that when you stand on that alter and say those vows...it becomes very easy to take that for granted. "We're married, it is for the rest of our lives"...and then not put the effort in that is needed.
Posted By: Trip Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/20/07 06:49 PM
Exactly!
Posted By: RMG77739 Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/20/07 06:50 PM
Originally Posted By: swashy
Agree 100%. I think that when you stand on that alter and say those vows...it becomes very easy to take that for granted. "We're married, it is for the rest of our lives"...and then not put the effort in that is needed.


swashy,

Hold on! In my case, could I have put more into it? YES! However, I saw no big issues. I even told friends several times with ex-W standing there how great our marriage was. Yet, she NEVER pulled me aside later to discuss it. How is that my fault?

RMG
Posted By: RMG77739 Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/20/07 06:57 PM
Originally Posted By: MRHIGHSPEED
My ex has her own free will in that area and doesn't need to be looked after.


MRHIGHSPEED,

Very true. Yet, they WILL answer to God for their actions. I also believe God allows consequences for our bad behavior.

RMG
Posted By: Trip Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/20/07 07:00 PM
Very true, high.
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/20/07 07:06 PM
I'm not saying I'm the only one that took our M for granted - she did too. I'm saying that when you say your vows..it is supposed to be forever and that tends to open the door to taking things for granted. Big mistake on the part of anyone who does that. A marriage takes constant work. I trusted my W 100%. Not sure I will ever trust anyone 100% again...and that may not be a bad thing.

RMG - you say that you didn't see any big issues...but apparently there were or you would not be here. Does that excuse her from not telling you how she felt? Of course not but you obviously missed something too. I think we all did. It's a two way street. And in your email to her, you point out things you missed and did wrong.
Posted By: RMG77739 Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/20/07 07:10 PM
Originally Posted By: swashy
I'm not saying I'm the only one that took our M for granted - she did too. I'm saying that when you say your vows..it is supposed to be forever and that tends to open the door to taking things for granted. Big mistake on the part of anyone who does that. A marriage takes constant work. I trusted my W 100%. Not sure I will ever trust anyone 100% again...and that may not be a bad thing.

RMG - you say that you didn't see any big issues...but apparently there were or you would not be here. Does that excuse her from not telling you how she felt? Of course not but you obviously missed something too. I think we all did. It's a two way street. And in your email to her, you point out things you missed and did wrong.


swashy,

You are right. I did "man up" and tell her what I missed. However, this is in hindsight. If she had pointed those out to me and REALLY shared how badly she was feeling, I would have done whatever it took to make it right. I love her way too much to ignore her. She actually thought I simply did not care. The truth is I really did not know.

RMG
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/20/07 07:22 PM
I was the same way man. I was in denial about it all. But yes, I would have done anything. Oh well. Bad communication. It will bring down any M. But I've learned that a R takes effort day in day out. I got lost in the daily grind of life and having three very young ones at home. I became a victim to my own life.

Nothing I can do now but learn from it.
Posted By: Fender Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/20/07 07:41 PM
Originally Posted By: MRHIGHSPEED
Quote:
She actually thought I simply did not care. The truth is I really did not know.


How many of us can echo those exact words?


+1
Posted By: RMG77739 Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/20/07 07:42 PM
Originally Posted By: MRHIGHSPEED
Quote:
She actually thought I simply did not care. The truth is I really did not know.


How many of us can echo those exact words?


MRHIGHSPEED,

The thing which REALLY gets me is when she was getting ready to move out, she said the following:

Quote:
You should take this as a lesson not to neglect your wife!


WTF! Why didn't she tell me three years ago!?!

RMG
Posted By: RMG77739 Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/20/07 07:42 PM
deleted
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/20/07 07:48 PM
+2

RMG...I'm sorry man but you need to stop blaming her. Listen to her. You should not have neglected your wife. She is right. And...so are you. She should have told you that you were neglecting her. She probably felt it was pretty obvious and that she didn't need to. Whatever - it is a two way street. You did things..she did things. That is why you are here. Don't think I've seen a single situation on here that was 100% one sided. It takes two to fix a M but it also takes two to destroy it.
Posted By: RMG77739 Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/20/07 07:54 PM
Originally Posted By: swashy
+2

RMG...I'm sorry man but you need to stop blaming her. Listen to her. You should not have neglected your wife. She is right. And...so are you. She should have told you that you were neglecting her. She probably felt it was pretty obvious and that she didn't need to. Whatever - it is a two way street. You did things..she did things. That is why you are here. Don't think I've seen a single situation on here that was 100% one sided. It takes two to fix a M but it also takes two to destroy it.


swashy,

I understand. I am really not blaming her for what happened. I am just writing she is to blame for walking out on M without giving it a chance. Not that it matters to her, I think it was wrong from a Christian and a secular perspective.

RMG
Posted By: Trip Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/20/07 07:58 PM
What good is blaming her doing you, RMG? True or not, why pin that on her. Accept your side of it and leave it at that. Could be why she didn't respond.
Posted By: RMG77739 Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/20/07 07:59 PM
Originally Posted By: Trip
What good is blaming her doing you, RMG? True or not, why pin that on her. Accept your side of it and leave it at that. Could be why she didn't respond.


Trip,

What in my e-mail made you think I blamed her alone? I just wrote I forgave her for everything she did. It was very general.

RMG
Posted By: Trip Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/20/07 08:02 PM
I was responding to what you said here about blaming her for walking out on the marriage. Verbally said or not, written to her or not. I am sure she has picked up on this and thus responds, for her, accordingly.
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/20/07 08:04 PM
Her choice man. Could be a poor one...but it is still her's to make. My W is Catholic...didn't stop her. Of course ever since she started her A she hasn't had much interest in church anymore. Her parents, who are also Catholic, even support her. Pretty convenient if you ask me...but those are their choice to make.
Posted By: RMG77739 Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/20/07 08:08 PM
Originally Posted By: swashy
Her choice man. Could be a poor one...but it is still her's to make. My W is Catholic...didn't stop her. Of course ever since she started her A she hasn't had much interest in church anymore. Her parents, who are also Catholic, even support her. Pretty convenient if you ask me...but those are their choice to make.


swashy,

Yes. Her choice. I know the "supportive Christian family" thing all too well. It is interesting. How would her family felt if I was f*c@ing around on her and decided to D her? My bet is they would have wanted to string me up by my balls! It is interesting how people will twist their religious beliefs based on the sitch...

I am going to leave all of that in God's hands..................

RMG
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/20/07 08:11 PM
Yup...her dad would have fing killed me! No doubt about it. Although I don't think her dad really knows much more than she "had a friend". He even got in my face and screamed at me on Christmas Eve in front of my son. Never said a damn thing about it.
Posted By: RMG77739 Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/20/07 08:29 PM
Originally Posted By: swashy
Yup...her dad would have fing killed me! No doubt about it. Although I don't think her dad really knows much more than she "had a friend". He even got in my face and screamed at me on Christmas Eve in front of my son. Never said a damn thing about it.


swashy,

What did he say?

RMG
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/20/07 08:40 PM
Oh God man...long time ago...not sure i want to drag that one back out. I had gotten mad at my W for not paying the tax bill on some land I owned - really was more a culmination of things I guess...but he got wind of it and as soon as I walked through the door, he gave me attitude, then he yelled at my S and when I called him out on it, he freaked. He did later kind of apologize..but whatever. "I wasted 12 years of my life on you!"...uhhhh whatever dude. Just a friggin' joke.

Meanwhile my family hugs her and does everything for us. Typical
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/21/07 04:09 AM
Just wanted to pop on and say..what an amazing night. Took my little girl to a Pawtucket PawSox game. Had blast with her. Just me and her. She was super sweet all night. We talked and talked all night - barely noticed the game. Sometimes I'm just amazed at how far our R has come over the past 6-9 months. God I love that little girl.

Pawsox did lose 8-6 but had chance in the 9th - so it was exciting. The real Sox however did ok - 6-0 Woot! Didn't think she'd last the whole game but she did great. She is just such an amazing little girl.
Posted By: forever21 Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/21/07 04:39 AM
\:\)
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/21/07 03:22 PM
Ugh....so my boss just pulled me into his office. Turns out that by the end of the quarter, he is no longer going to be my boss. Sucks! They have given him a new position in the company - which he is not happy about. My promotion is not "through" yet...and now that he is not going to be my boss...not sure what will happen with that. Keeping my fingers crossed. I suggested that he try and make one of my fellow product managers the new VP of product management. He thouught that would be a good idea. He's certainly capable of it and it would give a lot of stability to the group...and probably ensure my promotion too. Otherwise who knows what kind of a bozo they could hire.

So now it is time for me work my butt off again to try and make sure the CEO has no issues with giving me the promotion...because it sounds like it is really in his lap now.
Posted By: Kman Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/21/07 03:28 PM
Hey Scott-

That's a great attitude to have - just do the best you can, since it's all you really have control over in a situation like this.

Hmmm...seems like I've heard that somewhere around here before.

Sounds like despite a little more uncertainty, you're still in a potentially in a pretty good position right now though.

Kev
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/21/07 03:53 PM
mmmm...not fun. But you are right Kev - I can only do what I can so there is no point about stressing about the rest. I'll work my butt of and just let the chips fall where they may. We'll see. It's just all political crap anyway. Oh well.

On the bright side, one of the sales guys is moving to the UK so we are having a going away party for him and I just helped carry two cases of beer into the office. \:\)
Posted By: Kman Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/21/07 04:01 PM
Originally Posted By: swashy
one of the sales guys is moving to the UK so we are having a going away party for him and I just helped carry two cases of beer into the office.


My sympathy for you dwindles.

Explore the studio!

Kev
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/21/07 04:04 PM
I wonder if he's getting us all dinner too.

I may try and run out and see SuperBad tonight. Looks awesome.
Posted By: Kman Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/21/07 04:10 PM
Hey I know, maybe your fantasyland magical work can have a private screening of Superbad in your office while everyone sits around and drinks beer and eats steak and lobster while getting back massages from beautiful women...

But what am I complaining about - the snack machine lady came and refilled the machine here. Yippee.

Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/21/07 05:05 PM
Well actually Kev...we do have this huge projector unit in the lounge and my boss did bring in a lazy boy the other day to go with the two couches...so a guy I work with did suggest movie day. So that may be up next. Could be cool.

Now just need to do something about those massages....

Oh yeah, snack guy came the other day here two - we have this huge shelf unit filled with stuff. It's awesome - and free!
Posted By: Trip Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/21/07 05:08 PM
Oh Man. That is a dream job.

Good luck with the promotion. I am sure it will go through for you.

I have read lots of good stuff about Superbad. Not sure if that's a good thing or not. You know critics???
Posted By: SDFoundGirl Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/21/07 05:40 PM
Rotten Tomatoes gives it an 87%. I like that site b/c it gathers all the reviews up and figures out the percentage of good reviews. We haven't gone wrong when we've used that guide.

Here's the link to Supberbad's reviews:
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/superbad/
Posted By: SDFoundGirl Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/21/07 05:41 PM
Okay...and one of the reviewers said Superbad is, "A loving ode to the penis."

Sounds like a movie for HS...

SD
Posted By: Trip Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/21/07 05:44 PM
I saw that review there. Makes me want to go and see it.
Is that sad or what?
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/21/07 06:17 PM
I heard that the language is SuperBad! Really offensive. I think I'm going to love this movie. \:\)
Posted By: SDFoundGirl Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/21/07 07:30 PM
Originally Posted By: MRHIGHSPEED
I'm scared of offensive language.


...says the man working in the prison system.

Let us know if you like it after seeing it. There are too few good funny movies out there these days...

SD
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/22/07 02:08 AM
18 pages - sweet! I think that may be a record for me! \:\)

Ok...here ya go Ian:
http://www.queersighted.com/2007/08/20/high-school-musical-2-chock-full-of-gay/
LOL - and NO I was not looking for articles on High School Musical...the link was on yahoo...so don't even go there.

Ok...H was doing yoga tonight and I had to hang at work. Was hoping to go to a movie with her tonight but it didn't pan out. So I was going to go by myself but the place was packed...and I just hate going to a movie by myself when it is packed. So I called my buddy and he was stopping at a friend's house for a couple of beers...so I joined them. My other buddy called while there and asked if I wanted to go fishing in the am...so meeting him at 5:15. Have barely fished all summer. Considering I was on the water probably 3-4 days a week last year...big difference. Anywhoo...looking forward to it.

W took the kids to the fair tonight. Our town has a HUGE fair every year. Texted back and forth with her a bit. Sounds like they were having fun. So that's cool. They saw the motorcross tonight and I may take them to the demolition derby on Thursday night. And then we're taking them together on Sat night for S7s B-day. They are certainly getting their fare share of fair time this year. LOL. As a friend of mine said on Saturday...you just kinda feel like you need to take a two hour hot shower when you leave the place...nasty. ;\)
Posted By: frank_D Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/22/07 06:47 AM
Originally Posted By: swashy
Ok...here ya go Ian:
http://www.queersighted.com/2007/08/20/high-school-musical-2-chock-full-of-gay/
LOL - and NO I was not looking for articles on High School Musical...the link was on yahoo...so don't even go there.
This article is so stupid. They equate wanting to be emotionally expressive in a 'not macho' way with gay? Please. I'm very much able to express my emotional and sensitive side. Yet I still do all the disgusting things men do that women hate, get dirty, and lust after women.

It's really annoying to me that there are some 'gay' men who are so uncomfortable about themselves that they have to find 'gay themes' in everything.

That's my only beef with gays. I'm tired of them having to deal with their own insecurities by pushing them into my face. I do not care what you do in your bedroom. Unless you send me pictures. \:D
Posted By: sofaraway Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/22/07 11:24 AM
Quote:
ok...here ya go Ian:
http://www.queersighted.com/2007/08/20/high-school-musical-2-chock-full-of-gay/
LOL - and NO I was not looking for articles on High School Musical...the link was on yahoo...so don't even go there.


Ummmm yeah, that about sums it up and now you have posted it on your thread for all to see.

Hope you had fun fishing dude. You didnt break out into song and dance when you got a bite did you?????


Ian
Posted By: sofaraway Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/22/07 11:26 AM
Originally Posted By: frank_D
Originally Posted By: swashy
Ok...here ya go Ian:
http://www.queersighted.com/2007/08/20/high-school-musical-2-chock-full-of-gay/
LOL - and NO I was not looking for articles on High School Musical...the link was on yahoo...so don't even go there.
This article is so stupid. They equate wanting to be emotionally expressive in a 'not macho' way with gay? Please. I'm very much able to express my emotional and sensitive side. Yet I still do all the disgusting things men do that women hate, get dirty, and lust after women.

It's really annoying to me that there are some 'gay' men who are so uncomfortable about themselves that they have to find 'gay themes' in everything.

That's my only beef with gays. I'm tired of them having to deal with their own insecurities by pushing them into my face. I do not care what you do in your bedroom. Unless you send me pictures. \:D


Come on now Frank, you know damn well hat you don't express your emotional side in that manner. Just one question for you Frank, would an Alpha male be caught dead doing any of those dance numbers or songs?

Ian
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/22/07 01:38 PM
On the water at 5:15 this morning. What a sunrise! Had a blast fishing with my buddy and my other friend's wife - fish everywhere. My buddy caught a 38" Striper on his light tackle rod (10lb test). Just awesome! Took him a good 20 minutes to get it to the boat. I managed a good number of fish...but nothing nearly as big and I also manged one bluefish that my friend's wife took home for the grill. Good times! May need to try and do that a few more times before the summer ends.
Posted By: frank_D Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/22/07 05:40 PM
Originally Posted By: sofaraway

Come on now Frank, you know damn well hat you don't express your emotional side in that manner. Just one question for you Frank, would an Alpha male be caught dead doing any of those dance numbers or songs?

Ian


They're actors, and they're overplaying a role that was written for teenagers, or more specifically, teenage GIRLS. My daughter (12) and her friends all watched this movie, actually they were waiting for it to come on with great anticipation.

My point is that the movie is overflowing with 'girly stuff'.

The boys were 'sissys' in the movie but they sure weren't portrayed as GAY.

That's what I don't like - the 'Gay Community' needing validation that being gay is 'ok' and that anything in the movies or tv that 'looks like it is gay' is cause for excitement and discussion.

I'm not anti gay, I'm anti "I want you to respect my non-heterosexual sexuality so I'll keep pushing it in your face and if I see something that is gay-ish I'll rally around it!"

One of my guy friends I've known for about 16 years is gay / bisexual. I didn't know it until he told me after about 5 years of knowing him. I would consider him to be somewhat 'alpha male' also. I also knew another fellow who is gay, and he thought that the loudest people who keep getting in the press were really insecure and needed to validate their feelings, rather than just be comfortable with who they were.

This could be a long and interesting discussion but I don't want to hijack this thread. \:\)
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/22/07 06:00 PM
I'm with you Frank. If you're gay, great - good for you...now stop making such a big deal about it. I don't feel the need to run around and scream that i'm hetro. HS Musical...is just that...a musical. Not a gay musical...just a musical. and musicals...tend to be girly. That is their audience.
Posted By: sofaraway Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/22/07 07:05 PM
I don't know Frank, the one kid in the pink was pretty much portrayed as being flamboyantly gay wouldnt you say?

I agree, I have a few gay friends, even they are pretty well offended by that stuff.
Posted By: swashy Re: Moving on and doing great - 08/22/07 11:04 PM
Ok...Family Guy Episode:

Stewie:
Women, Brian. What a royal
pain in the a$$. It's like, it's like,
why can't you just hang out
with guys, you know?

Just live with someone of your own sex.
Just do what you would do with women,
but with your buddy, you know,
why don't guys just do that?

Brian:
They do, it's called being gay.

Stewie:
Oh, that's what gay is?
Yeah, I could totally get into that.
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