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keyzblew,

Well the STBXH got served today

. H prob. sh*t his pants when he saw what I was going after LMAO. Well H Att. is our old landlord and lawyer to get SD. So I think thats a conflict of interest.

I have to go Thurs. to court (if H does not postpone it) and I'm going to feel extremely uncomfortable if H Att. has to question me.

Quote:

The nightmares are your mind's way of telling you to slow down the thinking

See that's what I don't understand? I have slowed down alot on the thinking. I'm at the best spot I have been at for over 8 months. Maybe it's just the stress, but like before, my stress level is way down compared to what it use to be.

I have been exercising alot, dropped 40 pound!!! So thats seems to help the stress too. My SD is 8 and I have had her since she was around 3. Personally I think H is punishing SD for our stupid mistakes. She has had a horriable life and everything started to come together for us whenever the mothership picked up my H.

Actually his credit stick's, due to H filing bankruptcy around 4 years ago. H is out of control with his money. But thats OK if he bought a house, my Att. told me I'm entitled to some of it?

I'm very lucky to have good friend's and family to support me in any decision I make. My family was very suppotive with me DBing. Even my Dad who would love to get his hands around my H neck was supportive. But when I decided I had enough, they backed me up.

My Mom and H hate each other, she was crying when I went to the Att. office. She did not want to have toi turn out this way. She has been very supportive also.

Quote:

BAsically, they're acting like hormonal teenagers on steroids. You never know what to expect out of them, and all you can do is remain calm, centered, peaceful whenever you can.

My god, you hit that on the nose. I'm trying really hard to be calm. I have a big mouth and like to let my thought's fly. So keeping it shut is going to be tough, but I know I have to and can do this.

Quote:

Hey, if your H is this big of a nutcase, how about we throw him into a room with my ex? Maybe they can drive each other back into sanity?

LOL, sound's good

. But I think my H is never coming back from the mothership. Oh I do have the humor, some of the sh*t that come's out of his mouth makes me cry from laughing so hard. H has truely lost it and I can't help but not laugh.

Control, well I'm taking it back

. I told H I don't play into mister nice guy to get what he want's anymore. I have done it for 6 years and I'm tired of his BS. It's my turn and time for me and only me. I have babied H from day one and Im not playing his game's anymore.

Tomorrow I have to see my Att. and figure out how to present myself in court. It's either miss B*tch or I cry my eye's out, so I have to go between these too. I know's it's going to be hard, but I have to put my wall up and I can do it!!!!

Thank's for all the support!!!

Jade

Sadjade,

Geez, sounds like you've been through the wringer.

Your H sounds like a nutcase! Wanting you out, even though you were in the hospital after a near fatal crash? Hmmm...

You're going through all of the right steps. And like everyone else has said, you've bonded with the step-D, so you should want to maintain that R. I have no clue how to do it legally, but you've got your heart in the right place. Step-D sounds like she start to bond with you, too. I hope for her sake your H "gets it" because a kid can use all of the bonding and moral support they can get. It sounds as if she's been through a lot.

This isn't fun, but you are going on the right path. Your H could be attempting to control the situation and it sounds like the car accident you were in messed with his thought-out plans.

Just here for some moral support. Don't think you're far from me. (I'm in SW Ohio.) If you want, drop me a note at worshipgoddess@hotmail.com. I only pick up mail there once in a blue moon, so it may take a bit of time, but I'll get it. I have someone who'll give me a headsup and kick my rear into gear if necessary

keyzblew,

I feel like I've been through hell and I'm still not back yet. The funny thing was after my car accident, 2 weeks later H & SD come to visit me at my brothers. My GF said she saw H driving around the hospital and H called people he know's at the hospital to see what was wrong.

I think nutcase is a extremely nice word for H

. I don't even know who he is (alien). Just thinking about H give's me a headache.

As of right now, never had them before, I have been having extremely aweful nightmares? I don't know why, but they wake me up at night and I can't go back to sleep. I take sleeping pills, and they seem not to be working. I asked my Dr. to increase my dose but he won't.

I completely agree H is trying to control the sitch. and hopeful I'm on the right path to getting some control back. Right now it is taking it's toll on emotion's. I have my good days and very dark days, hopefully this will pass.

H still has not been served with the D paper's? We have a temp. hearing this Thurs. So like someone suggested H will prob. try to get the date pushed back. But I'm hoping for the best

.

I also forgot to mention, I think H has bought a house and new car? This is funny when H tells me how broke he is. I have no clue to where SD is and that's the hardest of this whole mess.

Jade

SJ4H,

The nightmares are your mind's way of telling you to slow down the thinking. A lot is happening now, and you can't control it. Your H will have an influence on how you think and feel. That's the most basic reason for detachment. Have you tried to do something other than sleeping pills...your doc is a wise man not to increase them. What helped me was to take up meditating. Exercise... even just a good healthy walk helps. I didn't sleep more than a few hours at a stretch when I went through my separation and divorce. It does get better, I promise you it does.

He will try to push back the date. I've gone through that. My ex loudly demanded the D. Then he hid from the process server. And then the numskull held it up because he was "too busy" to do the financial paperwork. Well, a judge got mighty po'd at him and on the 3rd hearing, finally granted me the divorce basically on my terms. All I can say is my ex played a power game there, and they don't WORK.

Work to detach yourself. Yes, I know you're worried about SD. And your H's stupid antics aren't helping, either. Actually circled the hospital on the phone?! Tells you about his state of mind, and what it possibly is doing to you also.

How old is the SD? Don't think I caught that.

Your H may well be broke. Because he bought the house, the car, is living some extreme fantasy. And if he's credit is good... heck he can ride this wave for a long time until it comes crashing down.

Continue to set boundaries for yourself. Don't let this man's cruel and stupid behavior do any more damage to you. Emotionally, yes it's hard. They will play every card in the deck to keep you roped into their lives in the most antagonistic way possible. Don't buy into it. Heck, mine was so "nice" that he wanted his bimbo to be my best friend at one time. I don't play it that way

The reason they do this is because they want to avoid any consequences of what they're doing. BAsically, they're acting like hormonal teenagers on steroids. You never know what to expect out of them, and all you can do is remain calm, centered, peaceful whenever you can. Do what ever it takes to get there. Get a counselor, a shrink, a good friend, a bottle of wine, keep posting here, find a spiritual outlet or minister to talk to, read up on MLC and whatever you can do. Build yourself a support group so you can having a cheerleading squad if you have to in order to pump up the PMA. You will find yourself dealing with this much better if you do. I don't know what I'd have done if it weren't for a few folks on this board, my younger sister, and a couple of really good friends here in town. It helped a lot just to get a phone call or be able to drop a message whenever things were particularly dark.

I think they oughta outlaw midlife crises! Hey, if your H is this big of a nutcase, how about we throw him into a room with my ex? Maybe they can drive each other back into sanity? Ha ha ha....mine was so looney that he didn't think he owned a home that clearly had his name and signature on the deed....

Sometimes it helps to actually find the humor in it as well.

Hey Jade...
Wow ...good he got served..must've opened his eyes to how serious you are with this!

What do you dream when you have the nightmares? You can kinda break them down...some things represent certain things...like for example...falling down means failing or fear of failing at something...there are books on this type of stuff...if you believe in them..

And that atty of his...can't u get him thrown out due to conflict of interest? I think that's possible...

And hey...if your H's are getting together...can mine come too??? Maybe together they can ask for directions on the way back from insanity!!! (or at least get a map!)
LOL!!

Keep your chin up...you're doing great!
And don't let him get the best of you!
Good luck Thursday! Let us know what happens!
Cap

Hello everyone,

Well today was court for Temp. Hearing. It went very good and I did very well. H would not even look at me, oh well I guess. H was shall we say, not the happeist person.

H lawyer offered something completely ridiculous and I did not agree. So off to the court room to get pounded by his Lawyer. H lawyer asked some crazy question's EX. he asked if I was on drug's? I said no of course and never have been. Some of the other question I must say were completely asinine.

I did very really and did not cry until we were done

.

H lied and said under oath he has not had any other R with any OW. H also tried and did lie about several other thing's.

I got what I wanted and I'm very happy with the result's. So all and all it was a good day. The Big D is set for May 3. So until then I shall work on myself and try not to worry about it.

Jade

GOOD for you, Jade !

Way to go !

BM

Yeah, well... that's standard behavior. Lie and don't look anyone in the eye (and if THAT'S not an admission of GUILT

).

And the lawyer's questions were typical. After all, your H's lawyer's job is to cast suspicion on YOU. Been there, done that

. The purpose of those stupid questions: to rattle your cage. You did good!!!

A lot of this stuff too is proforma in a divorce case that isn't no fault.

Way to go. Your H is looney tunes.

BigMouth49,

Thank you, Thank you, and Thank you!!!!

I feel really good about today

.

Jade

keyzblew,

Ya my H would not know how to tell the truth if it bite him in the ass

. No rattling the cage here, I told the truth and have nothing to be guilty of, so to bad for him.

Thank you also

.

Jade

Good for you Jade!!
Keep your chin up...he'll get the message...can't mess with you anymore!
Good luck in May!
Cap

You know, the one thing in this world I absolutely cannot stand: a liar!! And lying can be telling an untruth or avoiding the truth.....................the judge and his attorney will finally catch on to him. These guys really are weanies.

Capbaby,

H does not want to rock the boat. H has told so many lies, to so many different people. He just want's me to go away, so everything does not catch up with him.

I hope he already has got the message. But who know's about him? H knows Im extremely sneaky and I write everything down.But I did believe all the lie's he told me, so I guess I was the one who was not so sneaky.

So maybe now it's my turn. Every dog has his day and hopefully his will come soon. You know I actually feel sorry for the OW. He has done this to his 1st and now me, so I kinda of see a cycle here.

Jade

keyzblew,

Yep I feel the same way about liar's. It made me so angry when he lied on the stand about not having a GF. I knew he would lie, but to actually see it and hear it.

H did not even blink his eye's when he lied, he was as calm as can be. So now I can really see through H, and boy H is the best liar I ever seen.

But like my Att. told me, when they bring everyone in the court room they will not be able to keep their story straight. I actually can't wait until the day when he finally get's caught.

Calling them weanie's is being way to nice

Jade

Cranial Rectal Inversion???? Ha!!! Good one....like weenie too though....also a big favorite...."mindless twit"

Have many more that would most likely get me kicked off the board.

Hang in there, Jade, I think you've got it!!!!

Jade,

There is nothing wrong with being angry. It's a way to know that something is wrong and you know that you need to fix something when you see that. The anger I experienced at times was explosive I think, but I never was one who held things in. But with my ex, I had to at times to "keep the family peace." He'd treat me one way in public, and a totally different way in private.

It helped me to learn how to meditate... to just accept those thoughts and to let them go without acting on them.

Sounds like he is a mommy's boy and like he's looking for some praise and admiration. Which of course, is being fed now. You become the "bad" guy. I certainly can empathize.

Keep working on yourself. LIke you, my ex's major domo OW (there were bimbos du jour along the way as well), is nothing like me. She's short, I'm tall. She's dark haired, I'm blonde (when I remember to cover the gray these days). She looks pretty beat from the drug use, I still get carded when I buy booze. My oldest daughter and I have been mistaken for sisters at times. I have boobs, OW is flatter than a 2X4. So in someways, maybe they are looking for something "new" and "exciting," like a kid in a toy store.
You can't take it personally although it sure is hard not to. Keep taking inventory of yourself. Look at what you like about yourself, work on those things you feel may need some improvement.

Yeah... motherships. It does seem like a bad black and white Japanese sci-fi flick from the 50s doesn't it?

keyzblew,

You hit the nail on the head with this one

. I'm the same exact way, I don't hold anything in and Im extremely honest. I think that was one of the R problems. I was kinda of bossy to lol. I'm the type of person who does not like to p*ss around. If something needs done it's getting done now and the right way.

My H on the other hand would stuff everything done and not say a word. So I guess I know where the bomb come from. I am so layed back now, I don't even know how I got there. Not to much bothers me and my friends and family ask how can you be so calm. I guess it's learning for me to pick your battles wisely and let more slide off my back.

I'm looking the best I have since I got married. I kinda of let myself go after I was married. The last time H was here and I bent over, hum you should of seen that look lol.

I know H thought I would just crumble and die with out him. In fact he told me so. Well I guess I'm proving him wrong

. But right now it's only for me and my self esteem.

Well today may be a bad and I may be forced to do something I really don't want to do. At midnight tonight, H will be in contempt of court if I do not receive my support check. So what should I do just wait awhile or call my Att.? She told me to call her if I did not receive it.

Jade

I'd say call her!! But then again, I wouldn't expect immediate action, either! Sounds like he's challenging the system to see how far he can push things. Heh... been there, done that too! My ex did all of these moves. You sure you didn't marry mine?

I don't know why this is, but it seems like some MLCers just love to push the limits. Compliance with agreements or rules just is something they can't understand.

Lord help you...........I really hope that this guy doesn't consistently push the limits for you. It really does little but to destroy faith in them.

Jade,
I'd have the Atty's # on speed dial and handy at 12:01AM!
Don't let him think he can do what he pleases in this case... He has no right to deny what is owed to you...

You're doing great! Keep up the changes and make him regret every minute of not being your H!
Cap

keyzblew,

I think Im going to call her first thing in the morning. I just don't want to be the B*tch in the sitch. But H is in the wrong, so I guess that's his problem.

Actually I think H has an complete idiot for a Att. I know after court I would of fired him. But I know if I was in H sitch I would of paid there and then.

Oh I do think the Stupid H is going to push me to the limit's. Because you know since all of his friend's are Att., I'm sure they are giving H advice LOL. Mind you they are under 23 years old.

Oh well be bad to sad

.

jade

Hello,

Well today was my first day of C. Boy it felt good to rant and I really like her. Me and the STBXH went to her once before. H made me sound like a monster. She was suprised to see H did not file for D, considering he was dead set and determined.

Before I told my C. H was having an affair and H denied it of course. She was shocked to find out the truth today. C told H when we saw her, if we never got along in the first place and I was such a terriable person, then why would you get married. Of course H never had an answer.

Well still nothing in the mail. I hunted my postman down this morning LOL. My postman prob. thinks I'm crazy. So I called my Att. and of course she would be in court.

I also sent my co-pay H has to pay in certified mail. So H has to sign for it and can not say he never received it.

Well KB, I think H is going to push the limit's and play game's. Why would you not follow a court order? I'm sorry, but if I was H I would be scared to death not to follow it. This is just plain out craziness. I'm already tired, can't H just go away and do thing's right.

Jade

Jade, knowing the postal service...you probably are safe.

As far as not following a court order....I never did, either....but I had a top notch attorney...and he didnt sweat the small stuff. Your H's atty sounded like a dork to me, though.

Another tactic is to make campaign contributions to judges from time to time. This also keeps them from nailing you with contempt sometimes. (But you have to do this LONG BEFORE you EVER come before the judge.)

Maybe the mail will catch up soon.

Remember,every phone call to your lawyer or her paralegal is being billed to you....so dont worry her everyday. She'll resent you and charge you out the yang yang.

Good luck !

BM

BigMouth49,

Yes my H Att. is a complete idiot and from what I got from the judge he thought so also. We live in a very small area and true IMO most Att."Are In Bed Together". But my Att. and His Att. Hate each other (they use to be in business together).

From what I understand, before I even hired my Att., I did a little work to find out who was who. From my understanding I feel sorry for having the judge and Att. my H has to deal with.

About the calling, well the parallegal s*ck's because she does not understand the concept of giving message's. I'm trying to be calm, but I think my BP is going through the roof.

Today was a good day on the other hand

. Finally got a extremely well paying JOB!!!! Yippie to me

. So on that part I'm relieved.

Jade

Good going on the job thing!! Good luck with that!

Feel sorry for H if the judge and H are that bad! Too bad for him!

Cap

Congrats on the JOB !

Remember one thing when dealing with ATTYs...

The wheels of justice grind slowly.

Ok, two things....: All attys are pond scum,..unless they happen to be YOUR atty... and you win....

Jade,

I had the "feeling" your H was gonna push it to the limit... one more time... hear the EAgles singing that one?

Used to be one of my all time favorite tunes too. Just hold your ground, and you will be more than OK.

Like BM says, your A will bill you. What helps--esp. if this is a female A--buddy up to her. I knew my A from college. She taught me business law. She actually remembered me from the after-class schmoozing I'd do (yeah... there's a good reason to be a suck up to the teacher.... oh damn that's right... law was right up there with trig and calc on the "things that suck my GPA down list..."

)

The thing is, treat 'em with kid gloves. And they will treat your bill accordingly. AKA: KARMA. It's a little bit o'life that most of these WASs do not understand...

Doing the gopher dance about the job... CONGRATS!!! Hope that you really like it and it works out great for you.

If you think you can do it, you can. Persistent, positive thoughts

Thank You Everyone,

Yes H is trying to push my negative bottons still. But why can't H just behave and do what they tell him to do. H is prob. thinking I bet she is steaming and yes I must admit I was.

But on the other hand, he prob. also thought I would call and read him the riot act. Boy I felt like it, but what would be the point? There is bigger fish to fry right now.

I still feel like calling and actually yelling at him, but like I said before that would be expected behavior on my part. So for now I will keep my big mouth shut and let my Att. handle everything. This is extremely difficult, I know I can do it

.

Right now I'm trying to focus on the positives and sometime's it's down right hard. Also, My theme is black, extemely black and I'm doing good with no back slides.

Actually I don't even want to hear H voice, considering it give's me a headache. I know that's bad to say, but after hearing it, I feel like I have little needle's going through my head (maybe big needle's).

I think I finally got to the point where I can live with or without H. I would now prefer to live without him. I find H repulsive and a compulsive liar.

I don't know if this is detachment or just some sort of phase I'm going through. The alien encounter has drained me and I need a long rest from it all. I never imagined my self of thinking of H in this way. I guess time will only tell.

Well another piece of great news on my part

. I'm going on Vaca. in either april or may. I can not wait, it will be so relaxeful. I have always wanted to go back to this place and finally talked a GF into it. Plus it was something I always wanted to do with H and SD8. It's a little kid's fantasy amd I'm going to be a little kid. I might even buy a certain hat with ears

.

I need some new 180's, I don't know why now. I have been exercising lost about 40 pound's, got contacts and colored my hair the some color as when I got married. I know I need to exercise a little more, but my ankle will only allow me to do so much. Can't do to much with my hair, since I'm trying to let it grow (taking forever).

My GAL is way up there and yes Cap I know drinking beer does not count LOL. I would like a companion (MF), but my heart just aint in it yet. I'm not lonely yet, it's actually kinda nice to come home and I'm the only one here, crazy ay. But I can never say I'm bored, so I guess i'm pretty good on that side.

I'm signing up for a major University to take classes online toward's my degree. Can't wait to see the Student Loans after this one. Which will fit perfect with my JOB (did I say yippie).

But I'm still looking for some GAL thing's to do. New 180's is kinda of hard, I think I'm running out of options. Any Idea's or suggestion's please send them my way.

Jade

Jade, you sound wonderful!!!!

The GAL stuff is kind of hard, I know. I'm always taking college classes that interest me. Also, look for various home improvement classes or projects. I've also done ball room dancing, dog obedience class, various fashion and decorating type seminars, x-country skiing, antiques, pretty much anything that interests me. Look into your local community college, library, newspaper, etc. You'll find something.

Keep up the happy thoughts!!!!

Jill

qoe100,

Ty for the compliment!!!! You sound like me I have taking everything under the sun. Next I think I will take a French. I will have a million degree afer I'm done LOL.

TY for the advice maybe I can do some voluntary work.

Jade

Jade,

Their behavior is completely unpredictable. Have few expectations and prepare yourself to do what you need to do.

Proud to know you didn't call and read him the riot act. That was something I would have done myself. Didn't do a darned thing no matter how "right" I was. It's a waste of your energy. Let the attorneys handle him. The wheels of justice do move slowly, but in the long run... these boneheads suffer more from their own acts than from anything a court or a lawyer can dish out to them.

Eventually, they see that no one can trust them or believe them.

Your vacation sounds great!!

As for other 180s... man you sound so busy already!! Just keep doing the stuff that makes you happier or that you are interested in like Q suggests. You'll get there... there's a lot on your plate now!

I don't know what it is about today, but it really stink's. I have been good, but today I feel as though I could put my hand's around H neck and strangle him.

H and OW has not really bothered me, but today I just don't know what it is. Maybe it's the fact they flaunt their R all over the place. I know I should not waste my energy on them, but my god. When is enough for him and OW.

By the way I heard a rumor

(urgh), I hate them and I am tired of them. But I guess OW is pregnant, for goodness sakes can't they wait until at least we are D. What the H*ll else are they going to do? So I guess thats where the p*ssy mood is coming from.

I feel like moving to another country, just to get the h*ll away from them. Wonder if I'm invited to the baby shower LMAO. I would ask, but we are not allowed to contact each other in any way. But of course he would not admit to that either. Poor OW, I truely feel for her.

Jade

Oh Jade...I'm so sorry! (for her!!)

If he's not a good dad to his daughter now, how will he take care of 2?

I know it's hard to ignore this but just remember that you have a better life without him in it! Just keep focusing on your brand new life and you will be happy!

Good luck...keep your chin up!
Cap

Hey Cap thenks for posting

,

Ya I feel sorry for OW also. It's not that Im jealous or anything in that nature, it just really p*sses me off to think what we had means nothing.

Oh I do have a great life without him, prob. better than him. I am having so much fun I never thought it could be this way. I prob. feel the best I have ever felt in my long (LOL) 27 years of life.

I have the world in my hands and can do what ever I want. It feels great and wonderful. Sometime's I even wonder why the hell I got married at such a young age. But a leason learned is a leason learned.

Jade

hey jade I'm asking for your email address so we can talk off the board. you left that one my other thread.

Update:

OK, Im out of mode of wanting to strangle someone

. Hope evryone had a great Easter. I decided to do something different for Easter this year. It was great and I had a very nice time.

I had a date this weekend

I was extrememly nervous then got more comfortable. The person was a gentleman and I am not use to that. I had a very nice time and actually enjoyed myself.

Ya Cap if your wondering it was a mini trip to PA.

Jade

Hey everyone,

Well not to much too say, the waters have been calm. But the flood is about to hit. So hopefully I will not go down with it

.

I know I should not think this way, but I really do believe my STBXH has STUPID written on his forehead. H has completely ignored the judges orders. I wonder if he has any brain left, did the mothership suck them all out and replace it with mush?

Well the gates should be opening tomorrow. Back to court I shall be going. Im really tired of his bs and Im trying to ignore it.

Jade

Well today is just not a good day. I guess everything catches up after awhile and now its bitting me on the behind.

I know, I know I should not waste my energy on my STBXH, but sometimes I just dont get it. How can you spend your life with someone and they can just forget you so easily? Was there really any love there or was it just an hormonal thing?

Was I just that bad of a person that he can just snap his fingures and never think of me? How can you go from a marriage to another R in 4 months? It boggles my mind and I know I will never have all the answers, Im just extremely annoyed.

He is basically willing to give me anything I want just to get this over with. Its crazy and I swear to goodness sake's I never want to go through this again. This really sucks bad

.

I just don't know sorry for rambling.

Jade,

Feeling any better?

It's all about you. At this point, it's about HIM. Sounds like he wasn't willing to work out differences...

If he can go from an M to another R in that speed of time, without even working through the problems that were in your marriage first, he's going to be a repeat offender. In time he'll probably confront some problem with this new woman and pick up and leave her too.

Take care of yourself!

Hey Jade...
Don't give him a second thought...you have your own new life and a hottie to go with it...(you go girl!)

Keyzblew is right ...he will be a repeat offender...so be happy you got out while you could.

And the mini trip sounded good...maybe another one in the works?

Keep your chin up!
Cap

Hi Jade,
While your STBX is in such a giving mood, take advantage of it. I'm sure his moods change daily. Seriously, if he's willing to give you everything, take it!!! After all, he's the one that created this mess, isn't he?

Jade... did I see mini-trip somehwere in here?

Do tell... I have to live vicariously through someone lol... my life's been in a small slump lately ha ha!

Everything ok?

hey Jade..
Where are you? Haven't heard from u in a while...everything OK? Post me, call me... and yeah me too..gotta live vicariously thru u too!!
Cap

Capbaby,

Sorry I have not posted in a while (little mini vaca, shall we say).

Yes H is a repeat offender, not with me but his first one. I have came to the conclusion H is a irrepressible mama's boy who can't face reality or any problems that may surface.

I unfortunately got caught up in H childesh behavior and prob. could Db until the cows came home and would never get through. He is a child in a mans body who needs to grow up.

His reckless behavior not only affected me, but his daughter, his family and mine. Now maybe he will have to live with the consequences of his actions.

Sorry but I needed to vent and had way to much time on my hands to think

. As for me Im sick of him and every thought makes me sick. I just can't wait to get this D over and done with.

I married a loser and hopefully next time I will choose better. Right now is my time and Im going to live it up. I played mother to a grown man and now it's time to take care of myself.

As for my next mini vaca I will be going out of town to see a special friend

.

Jade

Wow...the revelations after taking this "mini vaca"..

Well you've done all u can and now know when to say when.. just be proud that u tried ur all in making this M work and there's only so much u are willing to put up with...

I'm happy that you are happy!! Keep GALing cuz girl it's a big world out there!!

Good luck and my alien says hi to yours!!

Cap

Hey Cap,

Yep thats what I say about of this. Those are my final thought's wrong or right. Yes I have dona all I can and more, but had something not to easy to0 work with.

Yes when my D does come final I know I will be able to hold my head up and have nothing to be ashamed of. I have learned so much about myself and have truely changed. So there are many positives on my side to be proud of.

Yes it is a big world and Im enjoying it way to much

Jade

I'm so happy for u! Glad ur attitude's changed for the better!!

Good luck with everything! And Hi to the new cutie in ur life!

Cap

URGH,

Ok, So why does The STBXH have to push and push? H was court order to pay a certain amount and is flat refusing to pay. So now we have to go back to court for contempt. I tired of this nonsence and ready for it to be over with.

I just found H is taking OW on Vaca., but he does not have enough money to pay me? Im so p*ssed my BP is through the ceiling. Well I hope he does not ruin her vaca. like he ruined mine (did I mention I paid for our vaca.).

Im just beyoud myself. Is putting your hands around someones neck considered a crime? Sorry but I have to vent

.

Jade

Sorry about ur sitch...well hopefully he'll be in contempt and he'll be vacationing in jail!! lol!
Cap

Hey Cap,

Sorry I disappeared again

. Well my Lawyer talked to STBXH Lawyer and I think the outcome was she scared the sh*t out of my H. That very same day he sent the money.

Right now Im kinda stuck with this GAL thing. I'm starting to get bored with it all. I guess I shall consider myself lucky because Im young with no children and have no one to answer to except myself.

I get a little depressed when all my friends have children and/or are married. Alot of them say they wish they where in my postion. I'm trying to look at positives and sometimes it's down right hard.

I don't know it's seem's my mood changes day to day. Is this normal when going through this type of sitch. Im starting to extremely lonely?

Jade

Jade,

They do this because they minimze the system and they just don't give a crap.

The minute you let go of the situation, forget about it, don't need the money... I will almost guarantee he pays up. I ended up relying on some 401K/retirement funds to see myself through in the mean time.

I've lived it. My ex quit an extremely well-paying managerial job to avoid his child support. Courts caught up to him, I got tired of the endless bs with the courts. Voila...wouldn't you know it, he got tired of the cat and mouse game himself. He even was threatened with jail time. I started getting regular payments...and he got a job.

He has/had a dim witted bimbo who told him he didn't need to pay child support. I got tired of riding his arse, and threw it over to the court system. Let the courts deal with him. Eventually they get tired of being hounded, their OWs will get tired of the games and diversions of what's going on. Let time work for you.

Hey keyzblew,

Yep your advice seems to be right on the spot. Ty for your support

.

Update:

Well I have debated for the last week if I should post the new developments in my life. I have come to the conclusion it would be best to let everyone know what was going on. I think I'm going to need alot of support for the next 7 months.

Well as most of you know me and my STBXH have no children. We tried to get pregnant for about 3 years and under went infertiltity treatment.

Im sorry for I get to personal

. But sometimes I dont have my monthly due to the infertiltiy problems. Well it has been almost 3 months since the last one. I feel fine and thought oh this is just normal. But in the back of my head I thought what the h*ll is going on?

So I thought you never know and decided to get tested for pregnancy and low and behold Im 11 weeks pregnant. Lets say I got a little hysterical and about had a nervous breakdown. Yes it is my H, everyone has been asking?

Well I called my Lawyer Monday and told her the lovely news. More great news from her, under state law I will not be granted a divorce until after the baby is born and we go to juvy court.

So my Est. due date is Oct. 29, no divorce for awhile. I'm very upset with sitch., I was looking forward to getting on with my life and getting rid of him. I don't want to sound mean, but I had one good thing going for me and that was no children with him. He is a aweful father to his D.

I need positives right now. I know children are the most precious gift in the world. But I ask myself why by him, anyone except him.

I will love this baby with unconditional love and never regret it. But why does STXH have to be the father. I guess God does work in mysterious ways, but I often wonder If he is playing a joke on me

Bet OW is going to love this!!! My lawyer is going to tell his lawyer next week. STXH is on vaca. with OW this week.

Any edvice or cheer me ups would be extremely welcomed

Jade

Jade,
First of all CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I know you'd prefer this baby have a different father, but that wasn't meant to be. Just don't let your H upset you for the next 6 mos if you can help it.

Honestly, my thinking is that H is going to get really, really ugly about this. He'll insist that it can't be his, yada yada yada!!! Just feel you need to prepare yourself. Stay calm, a blood test will verify that he is so don't let his idiocy get to you.

This child will be so precious to you regardless of who his/her father is.

Oh, BTW, my name is spelled "J-I-L-L" if you'd like to use it.

hey Jade...
Wasn't sure if you were gonna post ur developments...but it's all good!

Congrats! From one mother to another...you will love and cherish this baby no matter who fathered it!! You will love pregnancy!! It's a feeling men can only dream of!

Well...start saving your checks from H cuz you'll need them for the little one! And don't let him get to u...although ur hormones will get the best of you too!!

And I agree with Jill...H will prob deny it's paternity.. so get ready with your syringe!!

Good luck with the next few months! Call if u need me!
Cap

Jill,

Ty for the congratulations!!! What was meant to be will be and I know I can't change a thing. So I will have to live with it the best I can. As for STBXH sorry for his luck if he does not consider this a precious gift.

As my dad keeps telling a baby is the most wonderful thing in the world and whom ever would not is a complete idiot. I believe in what he has said to me.

Well as for STBXH he has to stay away from me and have no contact what so ever with me. Same with his friends and family. So hopefully that will not be a problem.

I completely agree with you, he will say oh its not mine and I really don't care. He can only say that for 6 months, then the truth will come out. Then who will look like the a**, not me but thats not important. But in a way H knows me and how I am, so hopefully (thats a big one) he will act his age about this.

I just worried I will not make the right decisions In the next 6 months on how to handle H. I know, I know I should not think about it, I think of different things that could happen and how to deal with them. Ex. how am I going to handle my MIL and FIL? My MIL loves her grandbabies and Im afraid I will have to deal with her. This in itself makes me extremely uncomfortable.

But like you said I will stay calm because a blood test will tell all.

Again TY for your support at a time much needed

Jade