Surviving a MLC - 05/15/00 01:25 PM
*********************************************Last year at this time I was an emotional wreck! I remember so well waiting to see if I would get a card from my H that had any words of affection.Of course there wasn't! I shed many tears that day.
However,here I am a year later and my H is "in love" with me again and can't stop telling me or showing me!
Last Mother's Day,my H informed me,again,(it had started in Feb.)how miserable he was and how he needed to leave of us.(married 16 yrs&two children)
He told me he did not love me and never had loved me.That"I" was his problem and he wanted to find happiness and passion without me.(possible EA and MLC issues).
Well, I am here to tell you that DBing works and you CAN save your marriage BY YOURSELF, if you really want to put forth the time,effort and PATIENCE that it will take.
You must follow Michele's advice...please read her books.Her approach works!
Don't PUSH your Hs into therapy w you!
DON"T insist on talks about your relationship.
Don't pry and become obsessed with EAs or OW.
WORK ON YOURSELF!
Actions speak louder than words.Change YOUR behavior and attitudes NOW!The only peson you have ANY control over in this world is YOU!!!!
Men HATE relationship talks and if they resist therapy,go by yourself!
DON"T PURSUE YOUR H...lovingly DISTANCE!
I am so happy with my H's "recovery" and our wonderful NEW marriage.I feel like I am on my honeymoon again after 17 years.I have no anger or unresolved feelings,now that my H is surrounding me w such love.I have grown so much over the past year and have much success in many areas to show for it.You see,I was was unhappy,too,just in denial over the dismal shape of my marriage.I don't appreciate the way that my H rocked my world,but I am better for it in many ways.
I see no need to live in the past,as the present is wonderful. I have "moved on".
All the "talk" in the world cannot create the profound changes that the behavioral approach of DBing does so effectively.
CONCENTRATE YOUR EFFORTS ON DBING!
This is a message of love and hope for all of you and of of deep gratitude to Michele and my DB companions who have given my the stamina to keep at it when I wanted to quit.
Have a wonderful weekend...Jenny
BTW,I am a therapist in the mental health field.I had to set aside many of my own preconceived notions and professional training to use the DBing approach.
[This message has been edited by Michele (edited 05-15-2000).]