Hi guys, well that was a surprise, so I shall repost my last post on my new thread:
Hi everyone!!Havent got much time to post.. I am on honeymoon and thanks to K for the update, yes I am in Naples right now (oh dear, bit of a dump!!) and we went to Rome which was amazing! Tommorow we are going to Pompeii (very excited about that!) but H (!) has been ill and now given it to me so so far, we havent really been in brilliant spirits.
Michelle, Mish, Kat, Jeff, Neaj, K, Generosity, Julia, Bobbi, K.. thank you SO much for your best wishes and for being happy for me. Its a mad old journey hey? All those nights up on the internet (and I thikn I was the whole 18 months! And all those nights on the phone too hey K).. and here we are married. I guess miracles do happen.
Lea.. of course I remember you sweetheart and I often wonder how things have panned out for you, although I remember you let your H go. Like me I think their depression made you depressed too for a while, so I hope you are doing ok now?
So.. the wedding was AMAZING! We worked hard on the arrangements to make it magical.. which it was. It was by the sea, it was boiling hot all day and night, the band were incredible and the dancefloor was never empty.. I wasnt a bit nervous and me and bf hugged and kissed even DURING the ceremony! There were lots of tears then loads of laughs, GREAT speeches (I gave one too! At the end I said thanks to all those who had helped 'get us through' and raised a toast to friendship. Everyone said it was 'the best wedding EVER'.
I feel so blessed
Al xx
PS: Yes, feels sweet to say.. my H! Even more special after what happened, of course.
Congrats Ali!!! I wish you and your H the very best that life has to offer. It is nice to see success stories such as yours.
Enjoy Italy - I lived in Naples for 3 years. Yes it is a bit of a dump but there is lots of beauty in it as well! Pompeii is amazing and the Amalfi Coast is beautiful.
BA
Enjoy it Ali, you deserve it
The hard times make you appreciate the good times even more x
Congratulations, Ali! Your story gives hope to a lot of people!
Boy am I naive...I thought Virginia would have at least congratulated you before she closed your thread!
So thrilled for you both!
kat
I'm guessing Virginia didn't even read a word of it. Just saw the post count.
Yeah, they definitely have been lax about closing down threads lately.
Glad you started a new thread so I can post my ((((((HUGS)))))) and congrats!!!!!!!!!!
Glad you are having a great time. Hope you are both feeling better now! Remember to enjoy all of it.
Thanks kids! Yes we were both ill on honeymoon, but it didnt ruin it.
So I have a major MIL issue now, she has gone to far. My Dad told me, on the day of the wedding, they were stood together looking at us and my Dad said how lovely and happy we looked and she said.."well it was a good thing he left and had that break, else it would've been disastrous for him".. and some other stuff - on the wedding day! My Dad was so shocked and spluttered, but she really loved him and never stopped loving him when they were apart.. but she kept repeating it would've been disastrous for him if he hadnt left. She wasnt aware of his depression, so she cant have meant that. We dont know what she meant. I had to tell H becuase she also has said some negative things leading up to the wedding to his brother and SIL.
The day before the wedding when I went to greet her with my Mum, she took my hand and said her and her sister knew which one wasnt going to turn up tommorow. My Mum was shocked and said, he better had! And MIL replied, oh no, it wont be my son, it'll be her that wont turn up. My Mum was speechless.
I just laughed out loud at the innappropriatness and rudeness of it!
We stayed with her after the honeymoon, she talked mainly to H, directing no conversation at me, talked about she enojoyed meeting all the lovely friends at the wedding and proceeded to list just his friends.
All in all, H is very upset and angry at her and plans to talk to her. He said last night, you're my wife now, I cant allow her to continue to be rude like this. And she wants to come stay with us!
To thikn we used to be very close before the bomb. Now she behaves like I am either not there, or she'd rather I wasnt. And its not like I did anything wrong.. HE left me! Ideas anyone !??
Ali,
I've been reading along for a while now.
First congrats on your M! I'm so happy for you.
As far as ideas go, do you know if your H was conversing with his mother while you were separated? If he was, is it possible he was telling her rewritten history between you two to justify what he was doing?
It sounds like your H is stepping up and supporting you. I'd say give him a chance to "fix" this with his mother and then observe the results. If she continues this attitude after he has discussed it with her, then you and your H will need to talk about what to do next. Bottomline - let H take this on and make sure he knows you appreciate him for supporting you (his wife).
Sounds like H has it under control.
He is stepping up. He is supporting you. He is gonna talk to her.
Just let him handle it. The last thing you want to do is make him feel more in the middle and more pressured.
Glad being ill didn't ruin the honeymoon!!!
I think so too. I think she probably realised she "lost" her son for good. Helen or any other woman wasnt a threat.
Leave to your H and then see if you need to take any further actions...
Love
K
Thanks girls... thats good advice, I hadnt thought of that - to tell him I appreciate him sticking up for me over this. Of course I tread carefully as noone should try and come between a mother and her son and as annoying as she is, he has alot of love and guilt all rolled in together and its very hard for him. He is still very angry and upset, he said again last night how angry he is at her but also, how responsible he feels for her since her partner walked out (6 years ago now).
We think his brother has said something, becuase she called last night and was very chatty, but she was gabbling nervously being bright in a brittle way. My BFF advised me to play it cool and stop trying with her.
It made me realise that ever since we got back together I have been super nice to her and ignored all the coldness and rudeness and pointed remarks, because I so desperately wanted her to love me again. How sad. Also, I was terrified last year that if anyone close to him didnt accept me, he would have doubts about our reconciliation. But I dont need to feel that fear now and this week, that fear lifted!
This morning I had to drop H at Helen's office.. he is tanned from holiday and looked gorgeous in his 'site work scruffs' and I had a little wave of anxiety over it. He told me I had NOTHING to worry about, thats all history now and he certainly couldnt care a less if he bumped into her or not. As it should be.
Back from honeymoon to the grind of work and life! lol It is really good that your H can see the problem that his Mum is causing. I think you guys are off to a great start regardless of MIL.
Maybe she is feeling the cardinal cross in a major way...
kat
Thanks Kat, yes maybe!!
So still no pg.. we start IUI tommorow, I have to take the pill (eek, never taken it before!) and then we start injections a month from now. I'm dreading the whole thing and H wishes he could do it for me, but I just have to be brave and get on with it. After 9 months of actively trying, any conception would do at my age!
I mentioned a few things about the past recently (like how awful it was our beloved cat died the week before he left) and H just frowns and sighs. He has NO desire to discuss it right now, but I find I still have things I want to say when they crop up, but mostly I keep it to myself.
We saw my BFF this weekend and her kids (who ADORE H)..they didnt see him the whole time we were apart and there was this big seismic split in the history of our R and in their young lives of knowing him.. but now it was like the whole thing never even happened, no trace of it at all. It never ceases to be so freaky and surreal! But wonderful all the same.
Did you start with the IUI? What is the procedure? You take pills and have sex also just in case?
Funny with the kids of your friend. Same thing happened to me and friends' of ours kids....
K
Ali..
Congratulations on your magical wedding and beginning of new life together.
Your mother-in-law's actions reflect her own transition from when y'all were a boyfriend, girlfriend to the separation to renewing your relationship and taking making your vows.
Actions speak louder than words. And it may have been a very good thing that your boyfriend left to work out his demons and conflict with your relationship. Perhaps this happy union would be incomplete without that period.
Cheers and virtual champagne toasts for your marriage!
*hugs*
Thanks Gypsy...you are right, except I found out since she had the same convo with my BFF (at the wedding!!) and that her reason was she thought it was ME that needed to work through things and that I needed to grow up in order to marry him and if he hadnt left that wouldnt have happened.. so.. she got it back to front!!! Of course, her son is her blue-eyed-boy (green actually) so he obviously didnt have demons and she sees it that he was justified in leaving me. That really hurt as I had been upset that we had been together 9 years nearly and he still hadnt asked me to marry him, when I was more than ready and telling all my gf's I wanted to M and have kids before the bomb.. but she doesnt see any of that.
H has been a bit withdrawn and when I ask why he says "I'm just tired". This rings alarm bells as thats what he said before the bomb. I addressed it with him, but he says its different this time, he IS just tired and he would tell me if it was anything more, but that he cant stress enough just how solid we are and I never need to worry. He hasnt been taking his ADs every day though, so I asked him to make sure it is just tiredness and not a low mood descending.
K.. I am on the pill now for 28 days, so no ovulation this month
Then I do injections and then we go in for IUI in September and test on 28th. Our diagnosis so far is "unexplained", so thats helpful !
Ali, congratulations on your wedding - I am soooo happy for you!!!
I wish you all the best with the upcoming procedure.
Ahh, thanks Addie! We had such an amazing, emotional, special, fun, sunny, wonderful day.. people are still talking about it and saying it was the best wedding they've ever been to! Funny thing is, pre-bomb we were going to elope to Greece or Sweden...post bomb and R there is no way we'd have done that! It was very important to have all those friends and family there that had been rooting for us to get back together and show THEM a good time and our thanks and gratitude.
So the only fly in the ointment is that at 39 1/2, I am still not pregnant and trying not to panic that time is running out. H says we will explore all the options, but he is happy to just be with me for life, kids or no kids.
I am reading the Love Languages book properly for the first time. He agreed to do the quiz later.
x
Hey Ali, congrats on the wedding!!!
You should be the poster girl / couple for DB.
Hope things go well for you with the baby thing as well. In my previous life (long time ago / prior to XW and DB), we (XXW and I) went through the whole in vitro thing at a well known clinic here. It was also unexplained infertility with us. One word of caution, do not underestimate the emotionla ups and downs associated with this treatment. I thought our couple was immune to it and sadly, we were not.
Stay positive because there are a bunch of folks that i know that were successful with either getting pregnant or adopting and staying together.
All the best Ali.
Ali~
I've never posted to you before, but for some reason I clicked on your thread today to see how things were going for you, and maybe that's not an accident.
Stress has a HUGE impact on fertility and your hormones as does your subconscious thoughts. You can think through things logically, but if your subconscious thinks differently, it doesn't matter. It takes things very literally.
I know you're doing IUI, but I think this would apply as well. For in vitro, the success rate is about 20%. If you add in acupuncture and hypnosis, it's about 80%.
I, too, have been diagnosed with unexplained infertility, but I'm working with an acupuncturist who specializes in female reproduction (and taking herbs he prescribes) and have done several sessions with a hypnotherapist. I've been able to dump some really big events and beliefs that have had an impact on my fertility, not the least among them that my mother told me once she thought I shouldn't have kids. When I asked her why in disbelief, she stuttered and said something about how my H and I like to travel. That's just one thing the crazy woman has said to me in my life (some mothers eat their young!), and now that I've worked with it in hypnotherapy, there's no emotional charge to that memory any more.
We've also worked with the fear that my H's EA and the bomb put into me. Your body will always put your well-being first, so if it's stuck in the belief that you can't trust your partner, etc., even subconsciously, it might be working against you.
A few foods my acupuncturist told me to stay away from are coffee (even decaffeinated; it tends to cause adhesions), cow dairy (clogs up your system), alcohol, and peanuts. My BBT looks great since I've done this, and (TMI) I no longer have cramps. I've also gotten rid of other physical issues like headaches, acne, stomach stuff, and even joint pain.
Finally, both acupuncture and hypnosis will work on your stress and anxiety levels. Going through infertility brings a lot of stress with it, so finding a way to let it go is essential.
Congratulations on your wedding, and good luck getting preggo. There are plenty of women our age who get pregnant, so have hope!
SD
Hey Ali,
I hope everything is going ok with the hospital stuff. My sister is going through that at the moment and I can see how stressful and emotional it can be.
How are you finding married life? Has it changed anything?
Hey John210 and SD - Thanks for your support and tales of caution... SD, yes I gave up tea and alchohol in January! (apart from the odd one
) and I have goats milk (I guess thats ok?). I think I will restart acupuncture too.
We are aware this stuff can split couples up, but we are solid, loving and supportive of one another and DH said again this morning this isnt going to come between us, baby or no baby. Its hard though - like injecting myself last night!!
But we are in it together and we got through it together.
Julia - I went through a funny phase after getting married.. not a come down from the wedding, more a kind of upswell of anger and resentment that he dated Helen. The leaving me bit was understandable, as he knows now that he had a breakdown. But I still feel
jealous that he had an R with someone else in the middle of our 11 year R! I still get insecure occassionally (although there really is no need and its ridiculous!) and I still dread the thought of bumping into her. He now has little to do with her at work, thank god, as he is on different projects. We are both glad about that!
Anyway, I didnt post for a while as I talked myself through and out of it.. I am out of that now and back to feeling loved up and frankly grateful that I got to resume my R with him, for life. I'd say to anyone feeling down, insecure, angry, resentful, mistrustful etc after reconciling.. if your partner is back, willing and being his old loving self..do your best to just accept that graciously, on face value and thank the Universe for returning them to you and just.. be happy. We only get one life, dont waste it looking over your shoulder. This is the advice I gave myself anyway!
I think thats because of how devastated and shocked I felt when he left and.. because I once knew a guy...he woke his GF up with a cup of tea one Monday morning, but she was cross at him about something and grumpily ignored it. He went to work, but was killed instantly by a lorry. She was devastated, of course. Stuff like that makes you realise, be glad for what you have, appreciate the good stuff, be happy and half glass full and dont take it for granted - you never know what is around the corner.
Talking to me sweets?
This morning, H left for a short trip and I was mad at him, not mad, bitter I guess, and when we said goodbye, I didnt want to kiss him or anything, then I had this thought that this could be the last time we saw each other amd kissed him...
Be patient,things will happen and you may even get twins!! (LOLOL)...
Give your H a kiss from me,
love
M
Glad things are going well. Having that love and support is definitely worth cultivating!
(((Ali)))
Well for all of us here, you and me included! And those that post on your thread, which has become a bit of a gathering ground at times for those that are struggling with Piecing, as you have. I'm glad you changed your mind and kissed him afterall!! Think of that poor gf that never did..
True Michelle! I asked him last night, do you think we should have got M years ago? He said yes, because we really loved each other. I reminded him he asked me in 2001 and I said no because I had depression at the time. When I was better a few months later, I said, ok, Yes! but he said..the offer has lapsed! We used to joke about it at parties... but I told him last night, really it hurt me deeply. I asked why he withdrew his offer and he said my 'no' hurt him and he felt rejected, he didnt think it was because I was ill at the time!
Its wonderful being married and we really do have a new R now, thats very different to our old R. For example, we try harder now to talk and actually
listen which maybe we didnt before.
I'm kinda hopeful about the IUI.. we are due to be treated next Wed/Thu.. when Jupiter is exact conjunct Uranus in Pisces! This is for us, lady luck, pointing the finger of fate at us (buy a lottery ticket M!)
Funny you said this about luck. This last week I have been dreaming of winning the lottery. I bought one even the weekend we were away with H, together with my GF, we both had planned our plastic surgeries- LOL.
When is it that lady luck points at us? Wed-Thu?
K
Well its at the end of next week, its exact on Saturday 18th but the days preceeding it could bring what you were hoping for..(and we are having IUI Thu or Fri of that week!):
One day will sparkle more brightly than diamonds in the Sun, and that will be Saturday, September 18, when Jupiter (good fortune) will conjoin Uranus (surprise) in Pisces! If you've been praying for a miracle, one may be on the way to you on this day. You may hear news on the weekdays that precede this day, Thursday, September 16 or Friday, September 17.
DANG! Wish I was a pisces!
Me too! LOL I could use a lil money (who couldn't though!)
We all could use a bit of good luck!
Glad you are doing well Ali. I will cross my fingers for you for next week.
hugs, kat
Thanks girls. The injections have got easier and are not too bad (total nightmare the first night, blood everywhere!
) and I'm feeling pretty positive. I just had acupuncture and I have booked to have it the hour before and also after the IUI treatment next week.. then we have to wait 2 weeks and see if its worked! I've not got my hopes up though, so I wont be devastated if it doesnt.
Feeling pretty philosophical generally.. after what I went through, with DH walking out, going NC, stringing me along for 8 months, going NC again, dating someone else for 8 months and then...coming back and asking me to marry him.. well, things happen for a reason and when they are meant to, right?
Well, we had our IUI.. it was.. painful !! I think the clinic mistimed it slightly from knowing my own cycle and the research I have done, which whilst is not a disaster, would effectively cut our chances down :sad:
H still has some issues around libido. He insists its not me, he does have passion for me and thinks I am gorgeous.. but he cant explain why he isnt often s*xual with me, or want it as often as I know men should (from ex bf's). I wonder if its guilt. He finds it very hard to talk about, takes it as a critiscism perhaps.. and said he feels like he is 'letting me down'. He is very reassuring and insists its NOT me and it upsets him that I keep wondering if it is and we do ML regularly, but it feels an effort sometimes. It makes me wonder if he was like that with Helen..or not, how often they did it and it makes me feel jealous and frankly a little insecure, despite his reassurances. Actions speak louder than words, right. I cant pile that on him too as I dont want him to cave altogether.. we have baby making to do afterall !
I remember when I was trying to get pregnant how focused I was on that. I got into such a funk because each month I felt like I was failing somehow. Around this time I found out about ex's first affair. No attempts at baby making then!
About a month after finding out about the affair I had a bad accident and wasn't allowed to fly for about a month while my neck was healing. I really examined why I should stay. I loved him still, I had fertility issues and sadly I thought of the time it would take to dissolve this marriage and start all over with someone new. Some immaturity of a 27 year old talking there.
Then I got pregnant. We never worked on issues or why it happened and I was trusting and naive enough to believe it when he said he would never do that again. My point is when my thoughts were on other issues, my body was able to do what it should.
I know you want a baby. I get that, really. Maybe take a month or two and still do what you have to in regard to meds or shots or whatever but focus on just the two of you and how incredible it is that you are both together now. You might be pleasantly surprised.
lots of hugs, kat
Its funny because I'm not in fact desperate for a baby, in fact the thought of all those years of childcare in front of me when I am already nearly 40 kind of scares me! But I love H and I want US to have a baby, for us, for our R and for him, as he would make a great Dad and wants to be a Dad. And I'd be a great Mum
Interesting tale Kat, everyone says the same.. it happens as soon as you let go and stop trying. Like how people often fall pg naturally once they start getting IVF treatment after years of infertility. We're on a bit of a medical treadmill at the moment as we're grabbing all the free help until my 40th in March..then we have to start paying. From that point, I think I will let go a bit.
xxx
Hey,
I've been trying to call to a number that nobody answers. I changed my mobile and I am not sure I kept the right one of yours. If you can sent me a message so that I can keep the right mobile number...
Hope you are feeling ok
Love
K
BTW, the new book of Schnarch is about sex and intimacy in long term relationships. He says that having low desire in a LTR is NORMAL, as it should be. And he says the way to change that is to "stretch" beyond the comfort zone, adding new tricks (lol, my translation of his words, ha ha) and focusing on intimacy...
I think reading it would make you feel better. It's great how he explains how it is apsolutely normal and right to hit low desire periods.
K
Thanks Maria, I will get that then! I dont think there is a 'problem' but it gets a little stressful as we do have to ML regularly for fertility treatment, whether he's in the mood or not !! He's very good though and committed to having kids, so he always rises to the occasion
I've sent you my numbers !
xxx
Its pretty quiet, but I still think of all my friends here... so I wanted to post the news that following our IUI.. I'm pregnant!!
It worked first time, so there were clearly no issues with either of us and maybe if we'd kept trying it may have happened.. but there was no way to tell when and I wasnt getting any younger.
So we are very relieved and I am just a little bit scared now its really happening! I'm only 5 weeks, so its still early days. H is SO happy, he is excited and calm and positive and reassures me every day that we will cope, it will be fine, brilliant and just what we always wanted. He is really looking after me too and doing all the shopping, cleaning and much of the cooking, he is so afraid of me straining myself, he wants me to be safe in this first trimester.
Oh and theres a 1 in 3 chance this is twins!!! We find out in 2 weeks time...
You didnt tell me it could be twins???????? Oh dear!! Good luck with that! Maybe a boy and a girl?
Congratulations!! I am so excited for you both.
big hugs! kat
Yes.. they over drugged me a little, so I ovulated 3 eggs so there is a 1 in 100 chance its.. TRIPLETS!!! Nightmare. Twins would be ok.. hard, but at least we'd get our family out of the way all in one go! They are doing an early scan at 7 weeks so they can probably tell us then whether its 1, 2, or.... 3 !
I'm very relieved we didnt have to have IVF. I know people do and my BF has an IVF baby, but I wasnt at all comfortable with it and was dreading it. I like the fact it happened naturally inside me as normal. They just gave us a bit of a 'leg up' ! H is very proud and says I must now call him Sir Spermalot
Yay!!!! Congratulations Ali! Hope you have a healthy and happy 9 months!
What a way to go!!!!!!!!!! Fantastic news. I am so happy for you
Hey Ali
I am so excited and pleased for you! Havent been reading these boards for a little while but had a sudden urge to log on tonight and - WOW!
Things really have come a long way and I'm so very happy for you both. I remember those darker days but look how far you have come! I have never met you but almost feel like I know you and I couldn't be happier for you and what you've achieved. Keep posting with your progress as it'd be great to hear how you're getting on.
Lea
xx
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(((ALI and H)))
If there were some way to do cartwheels on here I would!!!!! CONGRATS!!!!!!!! I'm overjoyed for you and your precious H. What a blessing!!!!
Congratulations, Ali! We are all happy for you!
Thanks soooo much guys for being happy for me and for H! I'm still getting my head around it, and it’s a miracle it worked first time, the nurses were shocked! I am 40 soon, so I'm taking good care of myself and not lifting or carrying anything to minimise risks, lazing around and unfortunately putting on weight already!
Lea..Lovely to see you here again and that’s very sweet of you, I often wonder how you are doing too! I hope things are good for you? I remember that you decided not to pursue reconciliation with H anymore.
Thanks to everyones support here... its certainly has been a mad, mad, unexpected twisting path. But they say dont they, 'life happens whilst you are busy making other plans'. I may not even be married and expecting now if H hadnt left me.. I had a tendency to 'drift' or float about enjoying the present and putting off plans for tommorow. His leaving really galvanised my mind about whats precious in life and what I really wanted. Lets hope the next 7 weeks goes smoothly...!
((((Ali)))))
OMG! Congratulations, I'm so happy for you!!!!
xx
There's always bumps in the road.
Glad you guys are tackling them together.
(((Ali)))
Yes true, but if I had been as wise as you are Michelle when I was your age, the last 10 years would have been hell of alot easier !
Its a week till our scan when we find out if all is ok, if its implanted in the right place, if theres a heartbeat and... how many there are!!
I dunno, it didn't help my M much LOL.
I will keep my fingers crossed for the scan. I'm hoping for two! Being outnumbered from the start would be pretty crazy, lol.
Hey Ali,
Just spotted the good news...I'm soooo happy for you!
Sunny
Thanks Sunny!
Well, I'm ok physcially, not sick, bit tired but otherwise ok.
But I have one major problem that I dont like to complain about... I'm very lonely, apart from the fact I have H's company (whose missing friendships too), but I dont want to lean on him too much, or put 'all my eggs in one basket' like I used to pre bomb.. so I try and try to maintain regular contact with many different friends, old and new and yet, we're a bit isolated in Cornwall and the longer we have left home (4 years now) the less old friends phone us. Apart from our very best friends - a couple of gf's and a couple of H's mf, noone phones! We have made some new friends here, but some weeks, we struggle to have arrangements to socialise.. and then other weeks, we end up seeing 3 couples for a bit. Nothing regular.
I dont know what to do as this is only going to get worse if I am home with a baby (or babies!). My gf's say that I can join Mother and baby groups.. but as friends have drifted away since we got back together, I am feeling paranoid about my ability to even make and keep friendships with other new mums I might meet!
Its not just me.. old friends of H are also no longer calling him and he feels lonely and hurt by this too (but still, very happy to spend all of his time with me). We are best friends at least.
We got alot of support when we were apart (for which we have thanked everyone and gave them a smashing wedding party and I thanked them in my speech!!).. and when we got back together often people said they didnt phone becuase they 'didnt want to intrude'. But thats all in the past now.
Perhaps this is just what happens when you get older. All our friends have young children and have busy lives. But still.. friendships need working at. One of H's bestest, oldest friends who H was best man for, had another baby (last year) but hasnt phoned him for months! Thats just not acceptable. Theres only so many times you can be the one to keep making the call before you feel you should stop chasing.
Like I said, I dont like to complain, because I know I am blessed to get H back and be pg.
PS: Maria, you are not included in this! I'm talking about people closer to home.
I went through that when we lived in another town only 30 minutes away from our home town. No one wanted to drive over, we always needed to go to them. We were the first with a baby so we got a bit cut off with that. That was hard as you your life is crazy trying to get all this stuff done and still trying to find time to be a grown-up. Even sometimes now I will forget the proper word for something as I may not use the word often or the kids and I have made up some nick name word for it.
It takes time to adjust to all of this. I am sure you will do fine. Keep reaching out and inviting friends to meet or come to you.
hugs, kat
Rog's best friend lives an hour away and he complained for a few years that he always had to go to him, he would never come visit. That has changed a little in the last year as he has come to visit a few times since I bought the house. I think having the extra space and a spare room if he wants to crash there is a good incentive versus when we were both in apartments.
I am sure you will do fine with making friends. It's just hard when you are in different places in life. But it sounds like you will actually be more in the same place as many of your friends when having a baby/babies.
It's good that you are aware of it, but have some faith in yourself. You are a wonderful person and anyone would be crazy not to want to be friends with you!
(((((Ali)))))
It's kinda funny. Having lived in England for a few year, I quickly noticed that the perception of distance there is much different that it is here. I think it is changing, slowly, but it will probably always be different.
Here, especially in the "wild, wild, west", we don't think anything of traveling 100 miles or more for something. Part of it is probably the cost of fuel, but that's not all of it.
The other thing that will happen over time is that you will make Cornwall friends! You were starting down that road while you were DBing. You will meet people in connection with activities with your child(ren!!!!). They might be younger, but you will certainly have common interests.
Hey Jeff, Kat, Michelle.. thanks for your kind replies!
Thats exactly it.. its distance! British people think 3 and a bit hours in the car is a once a year thing because its "so far" away. But Americans would think nothing of doing a 2 hour commute every day (although it woudnt be fun!). For me and H, we dont mind driving that far many times a year to see people and family, but for them, its more of a trek and the longer we've lived here, the less inclined they are to make the journey I suppose.
We do have some very good friends locally though, just not really any bar one couple, that you feel you could call at 4 in the morning when you are tired and frazzled and need someone to come help.
So anyway, had the 7 week scan today and... all is a-ok! Its all healthy, textbook, strong heartbeat, right size and in exact right place top centre and... only one ! H was very emotional and cried a bit, but I was more relieved than excited
YEAH!!!!!! So exciting. Those ultrasounds are precious. Did they give you video of it or a weblink? When will you have the next one? Are they going to do an amnio?
I know....way too many questions at once huh? I'm just so uber-excited for you!
Yippee!! It's one!! Two adults should be able to handle one little baby...right? lol So excited for you both.
Huge hugs, kat
Hey girls... yes they did a scan Mish and gave us 3, very fuzzy pictures. Its not even here yet, but I am already a bad mother, as the next day I already lost one of the pictures. We searched everywhere, then the following morning H found it... outside..literally lying in the gutter !!! I must have dropped it, lol.
We have opted for the full screening scan at 12ish weeks, which they are doing in 3 1/2 weeks time a bit early at 11 weeks. But.. if the test comes back as high odds, I dont think I will have the amnio, I'd be too scared of the risks of having it. H is happy to go with whatever I decide. Of course, the risks are higher as I am nearly 40.
Hi to everyone, I've been trying to catch up reading your threads..
LOL. Too funny about dropping the pic.
I can definitely understand your hesitation about too many tests and scans. There's a big push here to ban the 3d ultrasounds because ultrasound was never intended to be used for that long at one time and it's been linked to a bunch of developmental issues.
Don't let the age thing stress you out. Plenty of people have babies when they are "older" and are just fine. You obviously are in pretty good shape for having the baby as you guys didn't even have to go through the full IVF.
Thats interesting Michelle, the 3D scan is only just catching on here! I wouldnt have one though, it seems a little too invasive to me.
I'm feeling ok, incredibly tired but I havent had any bad morning sickness at least, so gotta be grateful!
Things carry on as normal. A few days ago, H buried his head in me and said in a wierd way "I love you..." I laughed at the heartfelt/odd way he said it and said I should hope so, I'm pregnant with your child! He said "No, but I do, I really do, I really love you"... He couldnt explain what this was about, but felt to me like he is getting past his guilt now into some kind of acceptance and that the past is healed and maybe, just how lucky he really is to be back in this place.
My BFF is trying to separate from her H, who she still loves. She is a WAW and he is in full bargaining/denial mode. I have been able to advise her really well on why he behaves as X, or what she should do because of my DB experience and it feels good to be able to help. I tell her to ignore his day to day knee jerk reactions and threats about money and the kids, that these things are always in flux and it takes a looooong time to really shake out.
Patience.....
Glad you are feeling okay and not much morning sickness! That's such a blessing.
Too funny about your H. Those spontaneous affections are so nice. You are both so lucky that you found yourselves and found yourselves back together.
Glad you are able to give some insight to your BFF. One thing I always hope from my trauma is to have the patience and wisdom to be able to help someone else.
Wanted to edit to add, watch out for the P word. Kalni might be reading.
Sounds like things are lovely between you. Cherish every day.
hugs, kat
Thaks Kat.. lovely, if a little boring!! We've been so paranoid about the m word (banned in our house) that he wont let me do a think, so I've been sitting about all day for the past 9 weeks since the IUI.. H promises I can do stuff and we will go home for a weekend visit once we get past the 12 week scan.
Although its quite nice that he is doing all the shopping and housework and laundry.. he even enjoys it! Crazy man.
He loves you. What a wonderful thing.
hugs, kat
We go for our "12 week" scan when they tell yuo if the baby is ok or not today (although we are having it early at 11 weeks) and I am very nervous !!
I've had some conversations with H.. more things come out that I didnt know. I didnt want to push it in the early days of our reconciliation and was just so happy to have him back, I wanted to look forwards and mend things, not pick over the past. Now that we are married, settled and expecting, I find I have more probing questions.
His best friend inadvertantly posted a pic of him on Facebook with .. Helen in the background!!!! H was very upset about it and immediately emailed the guy to take it down (it was a genuine oversight). We are visiting this BMF Sunday, H finally told me last night that BMF said that I was better suited to him than Helen ever was. I was glad to hear this as I was concerned BMF had preferred Helen! Silly me, just pride hey.
I asked him how he felt in that gap between ending it with Helen and asking me back.. he said he felt very depressed and sad and unhappy. I said Why!? He said because he was thinking about how stupid he had been. "Looking back what I did was ridiculous, it was a combination of a series of bad decisions, wrong turns going down tunnels in my mind, burying my head in the sand and just basically, very bad decision making." He says he feels stupid, even now for how he treated me.
He also said he was very worried that I wouldnt take him back, which frankly I said was ridiculous, I was practically laid flat on a platter for him the whole 18 months obviously waiting for him to take me back. He said he wasnt sure and was afraid I wouldnt! So just goes to show, that either a) men are stupid and unobservant or b) I did very good GALing/DBing and had him on his toes
So how did it go? Everything going well? Thanks so much for coming by and updating. I really enjoy hearing how you guys are doing.
hugs, kat
Hi Kat, thanks for following. Unfortunately, my Jupiter luck seems to have run out.
The scan showed the baby was growing well and healthy, except for a build up of fluid behind the neck indicating a chromosomal problem perhaps. Together with my blood result, they have given us a 1 in 3 chance of Down's Syndrome
We have been in terrible shock and upset and trying to work out what to do for the best. They want me to have a CVS test to snip a bit of the placenta and test it, this Wednesday, which carries a slight risk of miscarriage. And of course we have a 2 in 3 chance the baby is ok, but its hard to focus on that and get our hopes up. If not Down's, it could be some other chromosomal problem, not compatible with life, or a serious heart defect.
If I am brave enough to have the test, we get the result Monday.
H has been in bits, crying on and off for a day or so after the test, but he's doing better now. He was so excited to be a dad, I feel just awful for him. After what I have been through the past few years, maybe I am a little stronger although obviously upset too.
Al xxx
Oh Ali, I am sorry! Do have the test, be brave, people over 35 here do it. The possibility of Down's Syndrome is not something you should risk IMO.
Give H my love, much strength to you my dear, love you both,
M
(((((Ali))))))
Have the test Ali. Wouldn't it be better to make a completely informed decision? Yes, there is a risk with the test, but the benefits to peace of mind may be worth it.
Will the test give a complete genetic picture for all chromosomal problems?
Thinking of you both. Have the test as I am sure it will bring you peace of mind to know. If it makes you feel any better, with my last pregnancy, they were doing an internal ultrasound and thought they saw twins! After they got the other tech and they couldn't reproduce it and I had just one(thank goodness). Don't let fear control you.
Big Hugs to you both. love, kat
Hi girls and thanks... I got through the test, it was painful at the time, but they were lovely and very reasuring. It was nice, but hard to see the baby again on screen.. a perfect little foot and 5 toes came into view first :sad:
Sadly Kat, the nuchal measurement was done correctly and was still evident on the scan today, so defo not a mistake (I wish it was!) so now we have to wait for the results.. Moday or Tuesday at the latest they said.
Al x
Praying for peace and good news Ali.
Thoughts are with both of you, Ali.
A lot was presented with my last pregnancy that never materialized. The waiting is tough...stay strong my friend.
Love,
Sunny
Ali,
I am praying for you and your little one.
Ali, what a shock for you. I can't even begin to imagine what you are feeling. Keep hold of your strength and wishing you all the very best for tomorrow.
(((Ali)))
Thanks for all your prayers and good wishes girls! Well.. THE BABY IS FINE!!!
It was horrendous, so stressful and upsetting. Me and H were home all day yesterday, we were awake from 7am and spent all day in our dressing gowns with the curtains shut hugging each other and watching cheesey films.. and then they finally rang us at nearly 4pm !! They said that the baby is all clear for the first 3 syndromes, Downs, Edwards and Patteu. We have to wait 2-3 weeks for the full results, but its unlikely to be anything else as most other chromosome things are incredibly rare.
We then have a detailed fetal heart examination at 20 weeks in January, becauase excess fluid can be a heart defect, but I'm not really worried about that.
Wierdly, there is an eclipse in Gemini (the baby will be a Gemini!) in my 5th house - of children, on 21st December.. around the time we will get the full test results! Should mark an end of this drama and a new beginning. And then another one, again in Gemini, in my 5th house.. June 1st 2011 and at our scan they adjusted the due date to around the 4th June. So looks like baby will be born on or in the shadow of an eclipse in Gemini!!
Seems fitting for our baby to be born on an eclipse.. if anyone remembers my ramblings about astrology, H seems to be a very eclipse led person and so is my life through my R with him.
THANK GOD!!!!!
I have been praying my soul out for you and your little one. I'm so happy to hear that the major chromosomal abnormalities are negative!!! YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!
So wild about the eclipse. You are right, it is totally fitting for you guys.
Hugs! Hugs! Hugs! Hugs!
((((((((((((((((((Ali)))))))))))))))
I am so happy that the major tests came back negative. You guys deserve all the happiness after all you have been through.
love and hugs to you both, kat
((((((Ali))))))
I have been quite, but I am here. And smiling!
Wonderful news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(((Ali)))
Dont normally stop by but was hoping for such wonderful news! So pleased for you..
Ali
So pleased at your news!! Haven't been on for a while, then read that you were having tests and my heart dropped - thank goodness everything is ok.
Keep posting with your progress, I will pop back for updates!
Lea
xx
Ps, Totally changing the subject but do you know what happened to Lisa / One Day?! I was reading back my first ever thread and she was so great too and I wonder what happened between her/husband/CEO.
Al,
I got your message. I was so happy to hear the good news. I needed them. Love you verrrry much!
M
Soooo happy to hear the excellent news about your eclipse led baby girl!!!
*Huggs*
Fantastic!!
Hi everyhone and thanks soo much for all your lovely messages, it put a smile on my face to come read them all! I really appreciate that you are out there thinking and wishing good thoughts for me. And love you too Maria!
Well.. had another big scare! I went to the loo yesterday, turned around and the toilet was full of blood!! I nearly fainted with shock. It seemed to me to be coming from both ends (TMI!
) but I rang the midwife who took it very seriously and booked us in for an emergency scan today. I wasnt too nervous as I had no bleeding since, but there was alot at the time.. well they seemed very concerned and asked me a tonne of questions as the CVS procedure was only a week ago.
Well turns out I did have a bleed as I have a blood clot in the placenta from where the needle went in, or it hit an artery. They said it was tiny and nothing to worry about, but it was scary all the same to see that little black hole in my placenta on the screen! (I spotted it straight away).
So just resting and fingers crossed nothing else scary happens!!
I dont like being pregnant.. its a worse rollecoaster than DBing!
YOu will love it once you feel the baby kick. My youngest used to put her heel at the top of my tummy and drop it down. Back and forth for 30 minutes at a time. It began to hurt and sometimes I would give her a nudge so she would cut it out. It will get better, I promise.
love, kat
This has definitely been a bit of a rollercoaster hasn't it Ali? What a terrifying experience. I'm so glad to hear that it isn't anything serious. Did they say that the blood clot would likely dissolve on it's own?
Once you get past the scariest part you will probably love being pregnant. Especially if you haven't been sick, it's such a marvelous time. Marc liked to turn himself sideways and spent much of my 6th and 7th months with his foot firmly shoved up against my rib cage which he kicked vehemently. Man that hurt! I'd shove my hand against his foot to make him stop. In my 8th-9th months I could actually see the outline of his foot against the skin on my stomach and we would rub it through my skin. It was AMAZING! It was our evening entertinment every night.
Enjoy this time. Take advantage of offers of help from anyone and everyone you know. Once the baby is born, that will be long done!!! LOL.
Ali,
You're right - what a rollercoaster you are on! I hope that from this point on everything goes smoothly.
I am keeping you and H in my thoughts.
(((((Hugs))))
Whew! What a scare! Glad everything is okay!
So me and H had a chat about the past last night. I have wanted to talk to him for months but what with getting married, fertility treatments and being pregnant there just never seemed the right time. He didnt think we needed to, but I said that there were still things I didnt understand about the past and I needed to before we had kids.
He was then happy to talk to me, although he still finds it hard. I said what bothers me is that he has never admitted that contact with her came before he left and that that may have been a catalyst.. as there must have been chemistry as it is too much of a coincidence that he ended up dating her (she was in a LTR but he once said that she ended it with her BF to be with him, he forgot he had told me this!) When I said this, he conceeded there was attraction there but any thoughts of being with her were unconcious and it wasnt a factor in him leaving.
He said that he felt as though "his mind was imploding" at the time he left. He was very dismissive of the R.. as though it was just a huge mistake and she was nothing to him. I said she cant of been.. I had said I still dont know how much contact he has with her at work, he said zero. But he did have alot before? He said, oh but I used to invent reasons to go to her office to see her boss when he could have phoned instead.. this upset me of course. He admitted there was "a newness, an excitement" in the beginning, but that he was still in a very bad place at that time, even then and besides, just because it was new and different didnt mean that that was based on anything, there was no substance, it isnt something that lasts.
As to why he didnt come back to me, then or even sooner, despite still loving me... he said, it was like I was stubborn, I dug my heels in stupidly not that it was right or the best thing for me, it was just pig headedness and also.. because I am slow, it takes me a long time to work through things emotionally, I'm slow to make decisions and even slower to act on them. As to why he left - I felt not listened to...when we did up the flat, I didnt want to and I felt used and like my feelings were ignored, but looking back it was my bad state of mind at the time that made me leave. Doing up the flat against my wishes (which took 6 weeks) was not enough justication to leave you.
I noticed he cannot refer to her, by name or even "she" or "her" at all. I said I know from my EA how dreadful the guilt is and you KNOW you are behaving badly, so I handled that by keeping it secret and contained from 'real life'.. he said he still doesnt know the extent of my EA (so it still bothers him, years later!). I said I find it hard that he went public with her, he even took her to meet his Mum! He said "..there was pressure there..to do that" Same with the skiing trip, his brother asked him and "when that was offered.. there was pressure.. because that was what was wanted". He said he was weak and a "yes" man and thats why these things happened.
This worries me. How can he have been so weak and so much of a yes man to be co-erced into things seemingly against his will... JUST LIKE WHEN HE DID UP THE FLAT WITH ME! At the time, I thought he was happy to do it. Perhaps Helen mistakenly also thought he was happy to take her to meet family and friends. He just didnt express his true feelings about it. Is her really over this behaviour?
I wouldnt say we ever Pieced, we just took up where we left off, but with no longer taking each other for granted and with more love and openness.. but even though we have pieced, are married and expecting, I can honestly say I am not "past it". It still bothers me. In fact, it bothers me now more than ever! I think this is because I was just so excited and frankly
grateful to be back with him that first year, that its only now things have truly settled down that I can feel anger and resentful for what he did to me. Although, I do have it in perspective now and its not painful anymore.
After my EA, we separated for 5 months and then pieced but there was a point, a year later when I said, enough questions now. My BFF said we had papered over the cracks to some extent and I can see that we have done that now. When I was the protaganist, I was happy to leave it behind, but for him that was papered over. This time I am the one that feels its been papered over. So somehow we really need to talk it out until theres nothing left.
Sorry for long post.. just journalling really
I know how you feel. Lots of the things you write I feel also. Only in my case, he was convinced she was the real love of his life, so at least your H was aware the whole time how shallow their R was. At least that's what I understand.
I hope you do get to talk things through. I see that as farther away from the A, the less willing they are to talk about it. At least my H is.
Have fun
M
Please take into cosnideration that things may look more serious because of your hormones.
Hey M..well although he never claimed to love her, he was smitten in the early days (he doesnt know what G told me) and besides, I saw all the photos of their days out, weekends away, her in bed, on the bed etc etc. Very painful, as you know! So to begin with he said last night he thought he was on the right path, becuase also, it justified why he had left me - like he felt he had to have left for a reason, so getting together with her felt like he was on the rightful pathble I think. Over time, luckily for me, they were not compatible and she compared badly to the memory of me (this is what I understood he meant).
It hurts to hear him admit it was new and exciting and a new path in life at first, but I knew this, even if he hadnt admitted as much to me before.
Yes he is totally unwilling to talk until I persuaded him I told him I was unhappy. He normally says there is no point anymore/its all in the past now/its so long ago I've forgotton about it.
I feel theres more to say, but I can also see, like your H said to you, what good can more talking do in a way its my issue now, to just be able to forgive, forget and be ok about it.
Thanks Julia
Everything ok here, me and H did have another conversation and he is soooo far from that person that did those things then. He said he never wants to mention it to anyone else ever again! We had to go to a pub where Helen may have been Saturday and H said, I'm not going then! Luckily the do got rearranged to a pub in our village.
He keeps telling me that I am the love of his life and printing coupley photos of us and framing them around the house!! Gosh, its true, you really only appreciate what you have/had once its gone hey. Tough lesson.
Well I'm 16 weeks preggars now and we are still in the house he was sharing (now all ours) when he was dating Helen. We havent done anything about the nursery yet and besides the room the baby is intended for was his room when he was dating her and where she stayed. It doesnt really bother me, on the other hand it kinda feels wrong to put our baby in there ! I know its only bricks and mortar and it is a great cottage by the sea...but maybe we should move
It would be cheaper to repaint the walls and change the room!! I am still erasing the ghost of ex. Sadly sometimes funds get in the way but I am getting there. You will too.
Glad you are doing well, both of you. Big hugs and Merry Christmas!
kat
Nah, don't let a bad memory drive you from a beautiful cottage. Repaint, redecorate, make it extra special for your extra special bundle of joy.
I keep thinking of you and your H and how marvelous all of this journey has been for both of you. Your baby is the culmination of all the hard work and love put into your R and will be the luckiest baby in the world to have you both as parents!
I wouldnt say we ever Pieced, we just took up where we left off, but with no longer taking each other for granted and with more love and openness.. but even though we have pieced, are married and expecting, I can honestly say I am not "past it". It still bothers me. In fact, it bothers me now more than ever! I think this is because I was just so excited and frankly grateful to be back with him that first year, that its only now things have truly settled down that I can feel anger and resentful for what he did to me. Although, I do have it in perspective now and its not painful anymore.
For what it's worth, my 6-ish month sitch took another 3+ years for me/us to really get into a good groove. It took me a long time to let go of my anger and hurt about H's EA, and a lot of it was because he wouldn't admit he crossed the line. He thought because she didn't return his feelings romantically that the letters, gifts, and time he spent with her didn't cross the line. Until he apologized and cut off all contact, I didn't feel safe. It took us a while to really trust each other with our feelings, knowing that no matter how hard it was to say or hear something, honestly was our only path.
In any case, I think piecing takes years. It's a trauma that the R has to recover from.
SD
Definitely change it up. Make it your own, and the baby's. Do a cleansing if you haven't already, burn some sage in that room or something.
Glad things are still going well!
Oooohh....good idea Michelle. A cleansing. That would be perfect!
Merry Christmas to you and yours. So happy that things are falling to place for you.
Love you, kat
Happy Holiday wishes to you Ali...it's going to be a great 2011!
Happy 2011 to both of you!!
Hugs, kat
Happy New Year to both of you!
Hi girls and Happy New Year to you all too!
We're a sickly bunch in the UK, I had a chest infection and bad cold and H has been ill for 3 weeks now with some viral thing. And swine flu is rife here! Dont know about the US?
I told work today that I am preggars and they were all lovely about it. I'm only on a temporary contract though, so I wont be getting any maternity pay
H bought me tickets for the Russian State ballet for Christmas! Years of subtle hinting and finally this year he did. I was so touched. He's being so sweet and is so excited and chuffed about the baby, more than me to be honest!
I love your updates, they make me smile! Except the sick part, of course! Hope you and H feel better...my son had the swin flu last year at this time but not much of it here yet this year.
So glad to hear you had a nice Christmas. Sorry to hear you and H are sick, hope you feel better soon!
Ok thanks Julia.. I am feeling fine, getting bigger, I've got a proper preggie bump now
We have our 20 week fetal anomoly scan this week and this includes a full fetal cardiac check/echiogram because of the excess neck fluid seen at 11 weeks. Because the baby could have a heart defect (life threatening or minor), or nothing at all, the head fetal Consultant is doing our scan ! You normally only get a sonographer. We're chuffed to get the chief kiddo doing our scan, but I am really worried about it, we wont know if theres anything wrong until during the scan. Its Thursday. Fingers crossed people..
Fingers, toes, eyes, legs....all crossed!!!
Hugs to you and your H Ali. Stay as calm as you can.
Everything crossed. Check.
(((Ali)))
Try not to worry too much. My co-worker had her first kid at 42 and he's perfectly healthy. And Roger's sister had her triplets at 41 (they did IVF), all perfectly healthy.
All crossed for you! Don't get yourself worked up. Try and relax.
big hugs, kat
Thanks girls, just one day to go and then we'll know what we're dealing with (if anything). Very nervous.
x
Deep breaths.
(((Ali)))
Good Luck sweets!!
((Ali))
M
All was ok!!
Baby is totally normal, healthy, textbook really all measurements spot on. They said that we can relax now and enjoy the pregnancy, we dont need to be seen again. Phew! Just got to give birth now...
H was in a right mess beforehand, he was practically shaking he was so nervous, I had to comfort him!! They kept us waiting an hour and a half because unfortunately the lady before us had her 20 week scan too and she had what we feared most... water on the babies brain and possible brain damage. We overheard all of this so H was in even more of a mess by the time they got to us after dealing with that poor lady. So.. we are very relieved!!
Its our anniversary soon.. the original one, the anniversary of our first date/first kiss (thats English people for you..and on my track record it could've been worse than that, LOL!) it will be 12 years. Gosh, what a journey. I really think we should have had kids 6 years ago, when I was still young(er) and before H's dad died, but.. I guess I wasnt ready then, him neither. We are now.
Al x
Yippee!! So glad that you have that worry behind you. I think you were meant to have children now. Things just don't happen before they are supposed to, no matter how much we wish and pray! All in good time my dear(changed that last word so I wouldn't sound like the bad witch from the Wizard of Oz. lol).
Childbirth isn't terribly scary. You remember it but forget the pain. Strange huh? I recall after getting pregnant with S15 I was so excited and then I said oh, I have to deliver him though!
Ask if you have questions.
Big hugs and love, kat
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ali,
What wonderful news!!!!! I am so happy for the two of you.
Take a deep sigh of relief. Time to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.
Happy to hear the good news, Ali! Those doctors sure can scare you, can't they? I'm glad I wasn't put through all that 25 years ago when I had children.
So glad to hear the wonderful news!!!!!! Enjoy your pregnancy, being the center of attention from your H. Once that little bundle is in your arms you'll have precious little time together!
Oh Ali I am so glad that it came back with such good results!!! Now you can just enjoy being pregnant!!
I went shopping for a my D's teacher today, she is due next week...very nostalgic picking up baby wash and onesies and diapers...I miss that part of babies!
Great news!! I am happy for all ...3 of you guys!
Love
M
Great news Ali.....now get thee to some National Childbirth trust antenatal classes!!!!!!
Haha, booked in for NTC already Saffie, more classes the better we think!!
Thanks girls, it was so lovely to come here and read all of your replies and good wishes.
So we went to look at little newborn sleepsuits and all in ones yesterday and got all mushy and silly (especially H!) and chose some.. but H wouldnt let me buy any yet..he still wants to wait, I am only 21 weeks afterall.
We went to a pram shop so H could see the pram we ordered and he was very impressed with its light spinny action
and says he wants to take charge of pushing the pram whenever we are out together. He just wants to look after us both and in fact, I swear he would breastfeed too if he could!! He's so excited, I'm so glad that I am making this happen for him, that he's going to get to be a Dad, strange thing to say, but I am. He'll be amazing too.
Halfway there!
Too funny about the pram! Such an exciting time for both of you! You are both going to be great parents!
Something happened a few days ago...
I got in from work and was taking my coat off, big belly sticking out and H was looking at me... and he came around the table and just put his arms around me and said, very sincerely and sadly "I'm so sorry I left you Al". I was pretty stunned. I thanked him for saying it and said, I was so worried about you that summer, I was desperately trying to get you to get some help or counselling and he said "I know you did. I really wasnt well back then, I'm so sorry".
I think its the first time he's ever said that, or in that way ..but its certainly the first time he has said something unprompted, without me starting the convo. Amazing. He first left in Sept 2007 and its taken until January 2011 for a proper, heartfelt, unprompted apology.
I always felt that many of us would get that eventually, whether we reconciled or not and AS LONG AS we stayed in somewhat amicable contact with our ex's. The Piscean did the same in 2009, a heartfelt volunteered apology and explanation.. and that took 15 years! It still meant a lot to me to get one though.
Heh. I wonder if I will ever get an apology. I don't think mine will ever get past his pride. Not that we have any contact, but he does know how to get in touch with me if he needed/wanted to since my cell and e-mail is all the same. But I'm definitely not holding my breath.
Ack. Stupid submit button and lack of edit button!
I had second paragraph. About how cool it is that H finally came out and just said that. I'm sure it did mean a lot to you. Yay!
That is amazing Ali. It had to feel so good to hear that from him. A validation of his mistake and regret. He has made it all right now though. You two are an amazing story of reconciliation and true love.
It's so beautiful to hear. Thank you so much for sharing that.
Thanks Mish.. yes Michelle, was thinking of you, we need to be in somewhat friendly or any contact I guess to expect an apology. H's MF was unfaithful to his ex fiance 17 times.. 17 !! The guilt and regret still eats him up and he still loves her, 2 longterm girlfriends later.. he said he wishes he could apologise to her and marry her.. I told him to write her a letter, but he said he couldnt possibly, it wouldnt be fair on her to "rake it all up", best to just leave her be to get on with her life. I disagreed with him! Heartfelt apologies and explanations are healing, no matter how many years they take.
Yesterday was our anniverary.. 12 years since our first date/kiss (thats English people for you!
). I realised H normally always arranged surprises and anniversary weekends, so I said I would arrange a day of surprises and treat him like a Princess to say thanks for being so brilliant and looking after me whilst pregnant
.
So I made him brekkie in bed, then took him for an amazing 2 course Sunday lunch, followed by the afternoon in a swanky Spa with infinity pool and paid for him to use the Gym too.. then he had a surprise Aromatherapy Swiss Relaxation massage (which he loved !) and then I whisked him for dinner at a fancy fish restaurant we went to years ago on a romantic break and then to the see 127 hours!! He said it was the best day ever and he did indeed, feel like a Princess
I think thats filled his love bank up for the remainder of my pregnancy !
Sounds like an amazing weekend! Absolutely wonderful!
As I posted on Kalni's thread.. I've been struggling a bit with sad feelings about the past and felt a bit tearful at times, but I havent told H as such.
My BFF is a classic WAW. I've urged her for a year to be more open and honest about how she
really feels, but unfortunately her H had depression/alchoholism and wouldnt listen on the odd occassions she did try.. so then she decided to leave and I urged her to warn and prepare him. She did kind of, but walked out with the children when he was at work and so he is utterly shocked and devastated. Like many LBS he assumed their M was solid and she'd never leave. He was suicidal and she was desperate and asked me to speak to him twice to stop him taking tablets (he didnt).
Its bought up alot of feelings and memories for me, because although the circumstances are different, the results are the same. She is behaving just as H did (not wanting to speak to him, is adamant its over).. he is saying and doing what I did.. calling and crying down the phone, begging her to try again/go to M/C, saying..but you are my rock.
Sigh.
On top of that, I had to go to a meeting in Helen's department and I was given a tour.. up to her office door and thankfully not inside it! Even after all this time and all thats gone on and how great everything is... it still bothers me. I still feel angry/sad/jealous when there are reminders like that. I know he regularly went to that office and lab as they were on a big project together from May 2007 and as far as I am concerned.. thats where it started. He still needs to go there now, but he always says he didnt see her, she must have been out on a site visit...
Lastly (journalling).. something amazingly sweet happened.
We went home for the weekend and happened to go to the pub where we had that first date 12 years ago, 13 Feb 1999 that we celebrated last week. Its a pub we never went to since. H was being very nostalgic and sweet walking up to it and going over the events and said, this is where it all started.. and then, we should recreate the moment.. so he pulled me down the alley alongside the pub where we'd parked our bikes that day 12 years ago, he found the exact spot and said, it was here we said goodbye and then I got the courage up and bent down and kissed you....
..and then he did and said "...and life was never the same again".
It was lovely and romantic and sweet of him... but kind of surreal hey, when you think what happened later on with him leaving me so adamantly and dating someone else for 8 months etc!!
I didnt remind him of this
Thats just love and relationships, the twists and turns over the course of many years are inevitable and innexplicable.
We all struggle with that. I'm sure the pregnancy hormones only make it more so.
Glad you didn't have to see her on that tour. And glad that your H is not working with her either. I'm sure that's such a big relief for both of you.
Too sweet and amazing about the pub. That's so romantic.
There are some amazing twists and turns. I've never known a relationship that hasn't had it's bumps. Even XH's grandmother, who was married for 52 years, says there were times if she could have left she might have. But it wasn't an option, so she put her mind to making it work. And she doesn't regret it one bit because they were so happy together.
WOW Ali! That was so sweet and special! He is so in love with you and you him. It's awesome to see that still exists for some lucky people!
Thanks girls, but its funny, we were never like that in teh early years! There wasnt so much romance..well, H tried. NOW.. its totally turned around and I feel so in love and loved up, even more so than last year when we were planning the M and more than the year before when I was so excited to be back with him.
Maybe its the pregnancy hormones, but I feel like a teenager who just met their first love right now, its very strange! I had a meltdown last night because he got mildly cross about something...and it turned my blood cold and I burst into tears, because, as he said as he comforted me...it reminded me of bad memories from the past.
But I made him cry on Sunday. We were driving along a road back to our old house where he left after the bomb.. I was telling him laughingly how I used to drive back down that road sobbing my eyes out every time I came back from seeing him when we were apart..doing an impression of myself leaning on the steering wheel bawling and.. I looked across at him and he was full of tears and a lump in his throat and speechless. Poor guy!
I stroked his hair and told him its ok, I was still so glad to see him then and I can laugh about it now.
Ali,
I read your posts and feel the love. You deserve to be called "THE success story!"
Love
K
Happy Birthday Al!!!! What this year will be great!
Enjoy your trip and take care of your H and baby...
Love you
M
Happy Birthday!! I hope today is extra special for you and your hubby.
Big Hugs, kat
Happy Birthday sweetie!!!!
Thanks girls!! Had an amazing birthday week.. H whisked me off to Tortworth Court for a few days, a spa hotel in a castle with arboretum in the grounds.. the land and original buildings date from 13 something, but I think the main castle/court where we stayed was built in 1538 and it was incredible! All huge high wood pannelled ceilings and turrets. Our room was lovely, but noisy, so we complained and got moved to a huge suite, that was bigger than the ground floor of our house!! I hope he didnt spend too much (we are broke!) but he said he got a good break offer.
H booked me a suprise pregnancy massage and we used the swimming pool loads and had a lovely posh dinner and he got me some nice books, some tropical fish for my fishtank (not wrapped, lol, cant wait to go choose them!) and.. more tickets to the ballet. I reckon he is hooked now and secretly wants to ogle more men in see through tights
So .. I am officially old now
I was a bit emotional on my birthday..I briefly felt depressed and this isnt how I wanted to spend my 40th (I had wanted a big party!) and I felt tired and pregnant.. and H was stressed and worried and suddenly I saw with clarity just how wonderful it was, after the way he left, that I was even here in this hotel with him and I slapped myself mentally and totally snapped out of it.. pinned a big grin on my face and from that point on, just remembered to smile, be grateful and enjoyed it. Even 2 years on I am mindful of how lucky I was to get that elusive 2nd chance and how not to take anything in life for granted. Especially after the dreadful news in Japan. I cant watch it - not after seeing an old woman crying to the camera asking "have you seen my husband?". I cant bare the thought of losing H ever again or anything bad happening to him!
What a beautiful birthday! Perfect for a mommy to be and a great getaway for you and H. So glad you enjoyed yourself. The hotel sounds amazing!
What an amazing getaway!
The things happening in Japan are definitely a good reminder to cherish what we have. I can't believe some of the places I visited and the people I met in November are just gone.
Thanks for checking in on me. Sounds as if you both had a lovely time. When is the due date? We talked about getting pregnant for so long, I lost track!
big hugs, kat
Ha, yeah H said last night I seem to have been pregnant for forever and he just wants the baby to come NOW, cos he's so excited and can't wait!
My and midwife's due date is 8th June, but dating scan changed it to 4th June, so.. who knows!?
Your midwife is pregnant??????? What do you do if she has to deliver before you? I assume you have a backup?
That is so neat to hear that your H is so excited for the baby to come. June will be here before you know it!
Too funny!
You could always hang on til June 17th and share my bf's birthday.
Hey Ali,
This is my first time on DB in something like a year and a half, can you believe it? I sent you a message on FB but you seem to be on here a lot more, so I'm glad to know more of the story than one gets in the alt. Glad things are going so well for you! Best wishes with everything, and take care of yourself!
Hi Dawn! Thanks I will go check out the alt. How are you, you doing ok??
Mish.. sorry I meant, the midwife agrees with me that my due date is 8th June, because I knew when I ovulated to the hour (TMI!) and therefore day of conception, but the dating scan put the due date as 4th June... which we dont understand, as dating scans are used for general populous who dont know which day they ovulated/conceived.
I'm trying to book a holiday for September with a load of free vouchers we have, but I cant decide what I'll be brave enough to do with a 4 month old...fly to a Greek island.. or get the ferry/drive to France !? Hmm...
Fly to Greece with 4month old? WOW!!! Lesson one for young parents: do not plan far ahead. PERIOD. They always get sick the day before the vacation...
I am being quiet but I am alive.
xxx
K
I flew with Marc when he was 2 months old. Lugging him around airports was NO FUN. Thankfully we were just going to visit family. I can't imagine trying to go somewhere that I would have had to pack him around too! UGH!
In some ways the younger the easier. Nursing means you don't have to worry about their ears not popping, and they'll sleep a lot on the plane and the trip (that was me and my sister). But then again, you could end up with a colicky one (my baby brother - man was he a pain as a baby lol). Definitely good not to try to plan too far ahead and just see how things work out.
As for your due date *shrugs* the baby will come when the baby comes. Just enjoy the journey.
Glad you are alive K! Hmm... maybe flying is a bit ambitious!
H favours driving/ferry to Brittany in France as its only 1 1/2 hrs to ferry port for us here and 6 hour ferry, then 1 ish hour other end to the holiday accomodation... doable ??? I got it wrong, the baby would in fact be THREE months old! So maybe a bit young.
Things are quiet for me too... still feel hurtful memories from the past wierdly creep in at the oddest times, strange, will they ever totally go away !?? I guess it was a massive trauma at the time, so perhaps not. Still impossible to square the man who gets out of bed to make me hot milk at 4am and rubs my back to the man who moved out and wouldnt even give me his address...
Had a little look in Newcomers.. wow theres a lot of guys on there nowadays.
My BFF was a classic WAW.. her H is NOT coping at all, he is hounding her, begging her to reconsider, telling her he l*ves her is desperate and low (NOT getting a life, or sorting out the things about him she had grown to detest etc).. interestingly, she said, had he been doing the opposite, leaving her be, respecting her need for space, sorted himself out, GAL, being a better father (he's getting better there at least) smartened up etc etc.. she WOULD give him a 2nd chance!
As it is, she is begining to dislike him and has told him contact has to be reduced and he is not to call her, else she will change her number.
DBing really does work folks
I wonder if it was something to do with the full moon or some such. I was dealing with a lot of unwanted hurtful memories as well. It's strange how they still pop up after all this time.
So are you going to pass that info on to her H? I would as in this might help, not this is what she said. So fun to picture tiny you with a big round belly.
Big hugs, kat
(((((Ali)))))
Getting the due date from a scan is just a statistical exercise. Since you know, I would say that the date of the scan being just four days different supports what you knew anyway. Beside, no one tells the little ones the due date, anyway!
We went transatlantic with our youngest at about 3 months. A bit of a challenge, but not that bad. I maintain that the sooner you start traveling, going out, things like that, the more they adapt, and it just gets easier. Which isn't to say there isn't a nightmare now and then! But little ones are creatures of habit, and habit can include dealing with different situations regularly, rather than just now and then.
That date is sneaking up, isn't it!
the baby would in fact be THREE months old! So maybe a bit young.
A perfect age to travel with a baby - especially if you are breast feeding them. my youngest had been to three European countries between the ages of 8-12 weeks - driving.
Oh hi guys... Michelle, yeah I thought that too, alot of my friends seemed to have been very emotional and I was thinking about the past quite a bit.
Kat - I did try, twice.. but he's just got too many issues, its like, where do you start? He's an alchoholic (managed to cut down to one night a week now) and depressed. It wouldnt be in her interests to help him get back with her right now, if you see what I mean. But, she says never say never and I do encourage her to keep an open mind, IF he sorts himself out. They have two adorable children too, 4 and 3 years old.
Hi DesertRat! I was wondering where your thread was and how you were doing.. well thanks for the vote of confidence on travelling! And yes, it is coming up soon.. but still 10 weeks to go?
Saffie too, thanks for all your comments, maybe we should be brave and book it !?
Had a difficult week as I was taken to hospital in an ambulance Tuesday night as I had an irregular heartbeat/missed beats. I've had these ectopics for past 9 years, but it was much worse. Made me laugh though.. as they took me to the Delivery Suite to do an ECG.. on the baby! I was like..what about me and my heart!? I instincively knew the baby was ok and it was. I'm still getting dropped beats, but the Doc says not to worry about it, they are horrible but benign.
My goodness Ali! How scary that must have been!
Heck! You only live once so.....take the trip.
Thinking back on it, I think I would have done it if I had the means back then. I took Marc to Disneyland for his first time when he was 10 days old and everyone though I was totally crazy for that but it was perfect. Babies adjust really well as long as they are exposed to several different atmospheres early on. GO FOR IT!
Hope the heartbeat problem doesn't cause you any further added stress.
Thanks for checking on me, take care of yourself,
xxxxx
M
Al, H suggested to go to London on 28th May for the final of Champions League. I know you are too far away but we will be so close...
M
Ha.. well you can fly direct from London to Newquay in Cornwall which takes less than a hour (Newquay is 20 mins from my house)??
... or me fly to London, which would've been great but I cant, as baby is due 4th June!! I would've done otherwise.
Still getting heart palpitations all day long, thats 8 days straight now. They're now bad whenever I eat.. get a dodgy beat every 3rd beat
That sounds very scary Ali. Take it easy - feet up!
Well I thikn I might be getting used to them now! Doc says its ok to resume normal exercise/work.. but easy for him to say, I've noticed they get worse if I so much as walk to the shop! I
I'm on this liquid iron again as my ferritin is down to 7 (eek! Should be around 70 ideally)..theres a link with low ferritin and or aneamia and heart palpitations, so fingers crossed it helps. Oh and not being pregnant anymore would help too as thats also to blame!
Ali, Caught up on your sitch in this thread. A Gemini! I have a Gemini and he is one wonderful kid! I enjoy him (and his twin) so much! Have some wonderful stories to tell. Take care of yourself!
MZ
Feel better sweetie! Definitely take care of yourself!!!!
How are you doing sweetie?
Checking in on you again.....hope everything is going well for you. Keep us posted on the progress!!
(((Ali))) Hope everything is going well!
Just stopping by to check in on you. Hope all is well with your little family.
Hugs, kat
ali,
I dont know if you remember me, but I was on the boards about 2-3 years ago. I watched your situation back then. I was just hoping to maybe get some advice from you as my H has just left me again after 3 years of piecing.I have a thread in the MLC forum and in the piecing forum.
Thanks,
TIPPER
Gosh.. Tipper, I am sorry to hear that
I am not sure what to say, or what I would do if I were in your shoes.. in fact no, I have thought about it.. that if H ever did that again/left again in such a brutal fashion, that I WOULDNT Db next time, I would in fact, accept it and move on. I couldnt go through this twice and I know in my heart of hearts I gave it my best shot.
Hi girls !! Thanks for checking on me
I am doing really well.. I was very tired and basically, preggy brained and in a bit of a mental fog there for a while, but I feel like my old self again now. Just got the heeby jeebies about the birth now !!
H has been amazing, totally amazing.. he is in full on nesting mode (his words!) and has been cleaning, tidying, mending things, doing all the laundry, cooking nice meals.. I have been helping and I do still do alot of cooking, but he has been so great. We have spent the last few days getting the house and baby room ready, but still stuff to do !
I am 35 weeks tomorrow and everything still normal and textbook as midwife put it.. my blood pressure is 110 over 60 which I thikn is pretty darn good for being pregnant !
And... the HOMEBIRTH IS BOOKED !!!! Eek again!
Thanks Ali for your response. I am really so happy for the two of you and your new arrival on the way - you deserve it.
TIPPER
Ali, I was just talking about this with my kids the other day. I remember the delivery and that yes, it did hurt but that fades fairly quickly(otherwise I would have been crazy to have 3 more!! lol). With my first, I was ready to do it again, same day even.
You will be fine. I am so glad that your H is fully on board. He really is a lucky guy to have you and yes, you to have him. I am getting so excited for you both.
hugs, kat
(((((Ali)))))
Excited for you! Getting close!
So excited for you!!!!!!!
So glad you are doing well! That BP is definitely good!
So glad H is excited too! (((Ali)))
And... the HOMEBIRTH IS BOOKED !!!! Eek again!
Brilliant. My best two deliveries were home births. What an exciting time of your life - a huge thumbs up!!!!
Ali!
I will be thinking of you! Took my own "little" Gemini on a college tour. It goes fast!
Thanks guys for all your encouragement!
Well, the homebirth was off as it turned out last week (36 weeks) that the baby was breech
.. I cried for a few days and then we saw the Consultant who offerd me an ECV (external emanual turning!)... which is scary, risky and hurts like hell apparently. So I went for it !
Whats 3 minutes of pain compared to a cesearean !???
And it worked !! They managed to turn the baby on Monday. I am now paranoid and watchful in case it turns back, but at least the homebirth is back on, phew.
And I am less scared now... I refused the muscle relaxant injection that supposed to make it hurt less and I had a little go on the gas and air, but I didnt like it.. so I coped with the agony with just my golden breath yoga breathing and it worked ! So that has made me more confident. The Con said I was very determined and had a very stong mind and very motivated... I said to H after, I know that now, because I never gave up on you and us for a second when we were apart.. I had an absolute conviction that we would reunite even when others thought I was crazy.
WOW! You are quite a trooper Ali! I wanted drugs from the start....of course they didn't work properly but that's neither here nor there.
So you are in week 37? GOSH! That has gone by so fast. I hope you are staying comfortable and getting as much rest as you can right now. These last few weeks will FLY by!
Hugs and best wishes to you, H, and your sweet baby!
Glad the baby turned!
You are such a trooper!
Any day now! I am so excited for you both!!
Hugs, kat
Ali!
Anxiously awaiting baby news!
My little (not so little) Gemini turns 17 tomorrow.
My thoughts are with you as you approach this new journey in life.
MZ
Are you going to give us a hint...boy or girl? I bet you are exhausted but in a good way. Drop by when you can.
Hugs, kat
I was just thinking the same thing this morning. I'm dying of curiosity!
Ok, what is the baby ? They wouldn't let you go this long over, would they?
Big hugs, kat
The baby was born after 80 hours labour!! Mom and baby girl are both fine, the baby princess is perfect and her parents are ecstatic from what I could tell.
Congrats Al,
Love
M
PS Hope you dont mind I posted this, with diapers and feeding you will be busy for a while and may not be able to post
Congrats Ali...
I just have to ask.....80 hours??? at home delivery..I hope thats a typo.....but glad Mom and baby are fine.
Sunny
It wasnt a typo... She had to go to the hospital in the end, from what I understood from the SMS she sent me...
Thanks Maria! I can't even imagine Ali. You are such a trooper! A baby girl is just perfect. Congratulations!! What was her actual birth date?
Lots of love,kat
80 hours?????? HOLY COW!!!! Poor sweet girls.
That was incredible to let it go that long but if she was holding her own then I guess there isn't any reason to rush it along.
Congrats Al and H!!! Looking forward to hearing more about your sweet princess!
She actually had to have a ceasarian thing in the end... But she is fine, the baby is super super cute, looks calm and sweet like her mom...
K
Oh bummer.
To have a 'zipper' baby after 80 hours of labor stinks! I thought it was crazy they made me go 28 hours before they did it. Way to go Ali for giving it a good effort!!!
Ugh. To have to recover from a caesarian. I don't envy you that.
But so glad to hear you have a baby girl! (((Ali))) Congrats to you and hubby!!!!!!!!!!
Really happy for you Ali! (((((Ali)))))(((((Ali's daughter)))))
Ali, I'm sure you are very busy right now, but for whenever you have a chance to rejoin us, I wanted to add my congratulations and best wishes! Hope you are finding parenthood all that you wanted it to be.
For anyone else reading: Does anyone know what Ali's baby's actual birth date was? I'll bet Ali will be on here talking about the astrological ramifications eventually <grin>, but if someone can tell us the birth date before that, I for one would like to know.
Hello girls! (and DR
)
Thanks for all your kind thoughts...wow its been a while hey since I've been here!
Little Daisy Anja was born via the sunroof, 20th June at 7.19 am.
Yep Mish and who else was asking.. an 80 hour labour!! 3 days and nights in labour at home from Thursday with contractions continously and then, when I couldnt take it anymore.. we transferred to hospital early hours of Saturay morning. I just wanted some gas and air or something, but they said I had to be induced by drip and so they artificially broke my waters at 6am. The drip arrived midday and I was doing ok with just my yoga breathing and moves still, until they turned the dial up on the drip and then I felt like I was being murdered !! Well, I was on the drip for 22 hours and had to have an epidural for 18 of that and after all of that.. the baby still wasnt coming.
So, after 80 hours, I had to have a cesearean Monday morning. I didnt mind though, it was the easiest bit! I recovered well from it too, I stopped taking pain killers on the 4th day and on the 6th I went on a 2 mile walk down to the sea and back up a 1 in 3 hill ! (I may have over done that though!!). My scar healed fine and really, I was very lucky to get over it so fast.
Dawn..shes a Gemini with an Aquarius moon...and she does have some negative stuff in her chart (Saturn in 4th house, moon in 8th house of death and Sun in the 12th)..which point to her losing me or H early in life through separation of some kind, divorce, illness or death! It really is such bad omens that after I saw it (sneaked a peek at her chart online when she was 3 ays old)..that it made me depressed and cry for the first 3 weeks of her life
, well that and hormones.
So breastfeeding was REALLY REALLY hard.. but I am still managing to do it after 7 weeks
. She is very good, except she wont go down asleep unless we hold her first until shes fast asleep.. (any tips appreciated!) and she doesnt sleep in the evenings (like now!) and is awake and fretful until about 10.30 pm each night. She does sleep quite well at night though and regularly sleeps 3 1/2 hours at a stretch and then another 2 and 1 oe 2 after that.. which doesnt sound much, but I feel ok on it !
Its amazing to have a baby with H, after all these years and all that happened.. and he has been incredible, a rock and so loving and kind to us both. He is a natural with her too and had 3 weeks off work when he was up with me at every feed helping me and helping to settle her to sleep. Since being back at work he still helps every night if I need it, or takes her off me and lets me go back to sleep, even if its 3, 4 , 5 am and he has to get up for work at 7. He says why wouldnt he, its his baby too and he doesnt want me to be too tired to look after her in the day. He is also doing pretty much all the laundry and housework and most of the cooking becuase I just dont get time as breastfeeding is so time consuming. He is amazing and I feel very blessed and lucky to be with him doing this.
But then I always knew he would be, which is why I was 100% committed to him when we were apart and determined to reconcile hey.
I will catch up with you all and looking forward to reading how you are all doing.. if you are all still posting. Its been awhile hey
Al xxx
Ali!!!!! Everything just sounds wonderful!
Babies can be such a bonding experience. It's wonderful to hear that he is taking such an active role in caring for her. A lot of dad's don't do that especially when there is breast feeding involved.
As far as having a hard time getting her on a schedule, I only have one suggestion. My MIL gave me this suggestion because Marc was horribly coliky when he was about 1 month old but it had a wonderful side effect.....brew some chammomile tea, put a tiny bit of honey or sugar in it (sugar is best as honey is not suggested for infants), water it down to about half stregth and put in a bottle for her. About 2oz in the evening and it may help her sleep.
It is so great to see you aren't on here much, but great to hear from you at the same time.
Glad you and H and Daisy Anja are doing well!
As for what you said about her being completely asleep, I assume you mean you can't put her down when she's just dozing or she wakes back up? If so, a lot of times it's the temperature change that wakes them cuz they are snuggled up to you and then you pull them away from your body heat and it startles them as they have a difficult time regulating their own temperature. My parents alternated sleeping with us, especially when we were super little, and putting a blanket on the front as well as the back when rocking us so they could lay us down without getting a cold draft. The co-sleeping definitely worked better of the two lol.
Oh so happy for your little family! Yes it can be very wearing in the beginning. I was blessed that all of mine slept through the night at 9 weeks but many babies take longer. My first couldn't be put down until he was totally kncked out. It took several months to get him on a regular routine. He turned out fine and is about to turn 19!
Ask about anything and I will help if I can. kat
ALI! I'm heading out the door to get to work, but I just wanted to quickly say to not fret too much about the sleeping etc. Just enjoy her little body. I'd give anything to go back in time and be able to hold my babies. Now they are all over 6 feet tall and heading off here and there, very busy with their own lives.
One funny story: I'd go in and get my little Gemini (my last baby) and bring him into our bed to feed him. He hadn't even woken up to be fed, I just knew it would fly by because of the others. My aunt asked me, "Are you nuts?!" Nope. Glad I did it and remember it!
Thanks girls, great advice.. she's still waking every 3 hours through the night.. always 2.20 and 5.20 am then 7.20 am. She is going down by 9 now, and has the tiniest top up at 10.30, so cant really complain but its definetly not enough sleep !! She's pretty good though. I just need to crack this putting her down without having to hold her first for 25 minutes !!
Mish - we are giving a bottle of formula now at night, 2 ozs ish and that seems to zonk her out !!
Michelle - We have tried the blanket on the back thing before putting her down and it definetly helps.. but we still have to hold her for 20 mins! Its a bummer, but I hope we can wean her off it soon.
So wierd to be posting here about this stuff !! I guess me and H's R is just ticking along now we have a baby. I was worried abou the effect on our R, but I've somewhat got over that now. We are being very sociable since we had her (yes we call her Daisy, Anja is her middle name Mish).. and making sure it doesnt stop us seeing friends. We had friends for dinner last night, another couple coming tonoght and then a barbecue for 16 friends on Saturday as its H's birhtday Sunday.. to be honest its almost a bit much really, its been a social whirl since she was 3 weeks old, lol !
Thanks to all my friends here
The best advice is rest when she does. I am not a happy girl without enough sleep. All told I have been sleep deprived for just about 19 years!
It is funny how as a Mom you can tell which child is coughing, who just got up in the middle of the night type of thing. Now I worry about them getting home safe from work or from girlfriends house. My second will be learning to drive soon and then my hair should turn totally white!!
Enjoy! Big hugs, kat
Don't push weaning her off anything sweetie. She'll get there all on her own.
Before you know it she'll be sleeping through the night on her own and won't need you around.
Cherish the time you have to hold her. Pretty soon she'll be too big!
Wish I could edit, but I'll just add, sounds like her love language is PT.
If you need your hands free to do other things, just buy a wrap or a front carrier. There is something about the warmth of being held and being able to hear your heartbeat that is irreplaceable to babies.
I think we can all agree that Daisy was quite happy where she was, she didn't want to come out!! I say this quite often because it is so true: You spend 9 months with this little person inside you. They spend the rest of their lives trying to grow apart.
It all passes too quickly. While it may be inconvenient now, it will be a cherished memory before you know it. Enjoy all of it!
kat
My youngest had to be held. You'd think he was asleep, just think of putting him down, and.....
Thankfully, it passes! Don't plan on getting enough sleep for, oh, the next 20 years! (Well, ok, it's not quite that bad!)
Actually, lots of people are called by their middle names....including me! My first name is actually Lara but I have always been called by my middle name, Michelle. I tell people I've boycotted the movie "Dr. Zhivago" and the song "Michelle my Belle" by the Beatles because my mother cursed me with those names.
No one can pronounce my first name properly so I never let them try.
Enjoy your little one. She will only be in your arms for a short time and then she'll be running the other way!
Get a Baby Bjorn! They are wonderful for keeping your hands free but keeping your baby close. You can nurse with them also.
Thanks guys, so seems I just need to keep holding her for now then!Trouble is, she's getting heavy!
I feel compelled to post a link to all my old posts, for anyone reading Piecing that needs some hope, so here it is:
Link to all my threads on DB
Ali, my sister had this pillow thing, v shaped. A milk bar or something - sounds hideous but that is what it was called. She said that saved her arms.
So, so thrilled for you x
Ali!!!! Hoping all is going wonderfully for you and your beautiful family.
Check in if you can. We miss you lots!
It has been forever but I just wanted to drop in and let you know that I am thinking of you.
big hugs to your little family.
kat
Well... I finally remembered my login details !!!
I just wanted to check back in with some of my old friends here. Its funny, I still feel some sense of responsibility to update and tell anyone who is reading, that we did make it, we did 'piece' and so far, so good. Little Daisy is 13 1/2 months old now and has been walking for a month! She is very very sweet, such a good baby, smiles all the time, is very calm and happy and hardly ever cries and never whinges and sleeps... 13 hours straight some nights until 8.30 am.. no kidding ! She did wake at 7 this morning though, so she can be normal sometimes
Everyone says that she is a reflection of me and H, she is calm and happy and laughs alot. We are very calm and happy around her as there is never really any tension between us and we H is brilliant with her, very hands on Dad.
H had to go and work again for the local organisation here where Helen worked (ow) and that was before Christmas for a few weeks.. well, whether he knew or didnt, but he ended up covering someones maternity leave and working there until NOW ! That person is back now, but he is still working full-time in that office, basically sharing an office with ow.
He came home a few weeks ago and told me that she was getting married. He said that he thought I would like to know. He never refers to her by name, EVER, he's never uttered it to me. He doesnt even say "she", like he cant bear to. I was careful not to ask about her since he was working there as we have all moved on and its not relevant and he would prefer NOT to have to work there, with her, but he had no choise. So to be kind to him, I didnt make a fuss. But after so many months I cracked and I did ask him about her, whether they were friends, chatted much etc and he said not really but they were pleasant/polite and it really wasnt a big deal, theres NO issue and for him its a long long time ago now and has no effect on him etc and anyway.. he said she was getting married. I think that was last weekend.
I find it interesting, because it could have been him. I said that to him and he shot me a withering look and said, uh, no it wouldnt have been ! Its 3 years since we saw her that time in a bar after we had reconciled, she was still single and very angry at H that he was back with me. So in that time she has met and got engaged and married to someone new. I always had this intuition about her that she was desperate to marry, settle down and have babies and was fearful at one point he may go along with that.. I later found out she had hinted, told him she loved him and asked him to move in with her. So.. I guess I was so lucky in many ways. In an alternate universe maybe he would have been married to her with a 1 year old!
I'm glad for her that she is happy now and I said as much to him.
I had 2 friends split with their partners recently with kids involved.. they both just feel so down and stressed and like 'well thats it then, now he has moved out' and so I tell them my story and Kalni too and I always say.. well, never say never right...
Thanks so much for the update! I think about you all often and was hoping that things were going well. So hard to believe your daughter is 13 months old already. Of course my baby turned 12 years old today and it seems like only yesterday that she was a toddler!
Don't be a stranger. Hugs, kat
Hi Kat, wow, a 12 year old !! I say to my friends.. I cant wait to be old, because then Daisy will be a teenager and we can do Mum daughter things together and it will be so lovely and relaxing. Of course the baby stage is hard, but as H and I had kids later than all our friends, we get that you just have to make the most and enjoy this stage as it goes so fast right
ALI!!!!! So wonderful to hear from you! You are greatly missed. I would love hearing more updates about your sweet little Daisy and your beautiful marriage. Personally, I couldn't be happier for you all. You fought the good fight and WON!
Hugs to you all!
I am really close to my 13 year old, soon to be 14. She is already planning that trip to Ireland I have been promising for her graduation in 4 years.
Actually I am close to all the kids in different ways but D13 and I are very much alike.
I remember how cute they were as toddlers and you think, ok, why not another one? By the 4th one, I was done, finished. I saw a baby and I didn't even think I want another one. lol Every stage has it wonders, enjoy them all.
hugs, kat
(((Ali))) Glad you all are doing so well! So glad to see your update.
Hi Ali, so thrilled that all is well with you and Daisy sounds a poppet. It is hard work but it was one of the happiest times for me. I adored that stage but once they learnt the word no hmmm.
Thank you for your kind words they meant alot to me.
Yes he treats me well,I am like 18yrs again (blush. So strange in fact we both wonder how it all happened and so fast.I am sure neither of us would have been suited 20 years ago.
I learnt alot here,very slowly I might add but it has all added to this unexpected bonus late in my life.
I pop back from time to time so I hope to see all the old timers contented and fullfilled.
Who'd have thunk it,back in those dark days.
Ali, just had to say how often I still think and wonder about you and how you are doing, same with Kalni. In those very dark days, I read and hung off every single word of yours and Kalnis threads - trying to make sense of what happened to me, why. Your threads helped me a lot, just made me feel better when things started looking up for you both
I'm SO glad to see that you and Kalni are still doing well. I imagine I will think and wonder and check on this thread to see how you guys are doing for the rest of my life, just cause I feel like I sort of know you - from having kept up with your threads for so long
Please stay in touch on this site with how things are going - it means the world to so many people on this site...
God and all the wonderful stuff the universe is made of be with you both forever xxx
Ali,
I'm relatively new here (only 13 months post bomb!), but i just wanted to let you know how much your posts have helped me.
At one stage i think they were the only thing that got me through my darkest times. And I keep going back to them to gain strength to carry on.
To have the opportunity of actually communicating with you makes my heart jump (now I sound like some crazy fan).
Please know how much you've helped - I don't even have the words.
Best, NLW
I'm new to all this - what do these mean?
IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08
Reconciled 05/09 now married!
I'm guessing IDLY is "I Don't Love You"?
ADs?
OW?
ADs = Anti-depressants
OW = Other Woman
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