Ok Ladys I got the point. I will get agressive..
Kind of tired tonight It has been a long week. Tonight son wants to camp out in the camper on the driveway. Don't think I will be able to stay up late with him.
Journaling,
What seems to be working...
Well it has taken me two years and several set backs to finely get to where I am. As the DB theory states about GALing well I thought I had done that. I was doing my own thing but it seems it was for the wrong reasons. I was GALing to see if she would notice. NOT to better myself. I would do things on my own but then when I got back home I would wimp out and go back to "kissing her butt" ( not literally I wish though) One of the things I remember she said when the bomb was dropped two years ago was I told her I worshiped her, I trusted her. Her response was that "I shouldn't have put her on a pedestal". I think I finally have gotten tired of trying to please her. In fact I have gone a little to the opposite side of the spectrum. I no longer do things for her unless she asks. Now I am not saying that I am rude or mean to her. It's just I let her struggle with things and not let her assume that I am always going to help. David C. asked a great question. Why is it that spouses that has affairs always have them with "bad boys" . They have husbands that are nice to them always doing things for them and yet they go after men (or women) that are of a lower standard than their spouses. His theory is that wives (spouses) sometimes get bored. They get used to there husbands (spouses) always being there and they have no worries about losing them.
So I have kind of become a little self centered. I mean it may seem small to most of you but I have done things now like eating the last piece of pie when in the past I would have saved it for her. I don't run out and help her unload the car when she gets back from grocery shopping. I don't ask if it's alright with her when I do things now I just tell her I am doing them. I no longer take things personal and get depressed when she does not include me.. (This one has really been a 180, I really don't care anymore when she does not include me and now she goes out of her way to include me. I no longer empty the dish washer. I kind of feel that the tables have turned and now she does things for me instead of me doing them for her.
My Job loss..
Well WDID said it best..."sometimes when we get pushed out of our comfort zone. Fantastic things happen” ..I think that
1. Wife no longer resents me that she lost her job and I still had mine. (We both worked for the same company)
2. After that first day and I got over the shock my attitude has been great. Wife even said that I am taking it allot better than she did.
3. Even though I have to be there for two more months I have been looking around and have found 3 openings on the outside that would fit perfect for my qualifications so I know there is work out there..
4. This will be the first summer in 28 years that I can spend with my family.
Side note.. Self esteem boost..
Last night I went to the bowling alley with son to play pool. I was having a great time when this Red headed woman caught my eye.. I went back to playing pool and when I looked at her again she was checking me out.. She was there with her GF. She said something to her GF who inturn looked my way. When we were through and I went to pay for the game and she got inline behind me.
(Probably checking out my butt). She was telling her friend that she wanted to go to the bar and check out the music. She said this rather loud. I think it was for my benefit ..After I played I turned to leave and we had close direct eye contact. I swear her eyes were smiling at me... She smiled at me and I smiled back and left with my son.
I guess the Doc still has it.... Now I know what you mean Sara about your shoe guy...
Well it's raining so I am going to go make some cookies..
Talk to ya all later
Doc
Doc,
YOU are so Right!! Only, I married a bad boy... Maybe that's why im still here???
I do believe woman do need a challenge, to have their days shaken up a bit, mine was shaken up on that faithful day in July of 2006 but it was for the wrong reasons.
Maybe that's my problem, Im too nice, but I don't think so. I challenge his rudness, his selfishness, always have, just now its more often I call him on it.
But Im still here supporting him when he needs me, because that's me, I know im loyal to a fault in which it brings me to where I am.
Love the red head deal
WooHoo!! But I wasn't worried about you!! And there are TONS of woman out there that don't need a "bad boy" Trust me, so don't lose hope.
bye you bad thing...lol.. OH what kind of cookies are you making???
I think you're dead right, Doc. My H is *too* nice, only he then puts himself up on a cross and gets all pouty if you don't fall all over yourself thanking him. It's really annoying, and I can't tell you how many times I wanted to yell at him, "Stop thinking about everybody else but yourself and then getting pissed when people take you up on your offer!"
He's better now, but he's definitely a pleaser type. I refuse to buy into it anymore...but we have talked about this openly and how it impacts our R. I do make a point of thanking him when he does nice things (like this morning, going to get coffee and pastries for breakfast for us while I was still sleeping as we had no provisions in the house).
I think a balance is good...if you really want that piece of pie, eat it. Or share it if she really cares, or leave it if you don't. Women want strong men...not selfish, but not falling all over the place kissing our butts. I need someone who can hold his own instead of giving in to everything I want/think I want. No victims, you know?
So, do what works. It sounds like detachment to me...
SD
Thanks FightG &SD
I did not mean to sound "mean" or uncaring. It's just that I think I went overboard. A thank-you once in a while means so much more that if you hear it all the time. An example is that I used to have this friend. She was always doing things to hurt me or piss me off. After she would say she was sorry. But after a while it was like she thought just by saying she was sorry made it ok to do the things she did. The "I'm sorrys" begain to mean nothing..I guess it's the same with thank you's some times..
later
Doc
Doc,
I would love a thank you even once!!
There definately has to be a middle ground, but my h is on the other end.
SD said it well (she's pretty smart, ya know!)
It is detachment - but it is Loving Detachment.
Wrap your head around that idea - it is incredibly powerful!
SD said it well (she's pretty smart, ya know!)
It is detachment - but it is Loving Detachment.
Wrap your head around that idea - it is incredibly powerful!
Ya Rob I know, I have been around on this board for a long time. You do need detachment but for the right reasons. I think I have finely learned to take care of myself. David is right about the pursuing. I think I was even pursuing by doing things for her.
For those of you that I wrote about the Hair spray.... YES it is an affair that is only in my head. Another lesson learned. NOBODY can make you sad, Happy, jealous or angry without YOUR permission. When I found that It WAS SOMETHING probably LONG FORGOT by my Wife. But I LET IT GET TO ME.. Thanks for letting me vent to you and getting it out of my system before I did something stupid.
Enough heavy thinking today.. Oh ya luna... I made chocolate chip cookies btw
well got to go lite the fireplace it's raining outside..
37 more days of being employed taking the weekends and my week long father son trip out....
Bye
Doc
Ok I HAD to log back in..
Wife just got back with our son and they stopped at "Cold Stone" Ice cream shop. Now I don't know if they have Cold stone Ice cream where you guys come from but here in calif. It's the best home made Ice cream ever made..
Well Wife brought me home one also.....
Funny when you stop pursuing and act as if...(instead if pouting when she stopped in the past and did not get me anything)
Things happen...
It's good to be king...
Doc
And the journey continues....
Well SD you are so right. My wife is going out of her way now to connect. (Not intimately). The more I "detach" the more she pursues. They are small things but still big improvements from a year ago.
An example is yesterday I went out and bought a new pair of shoes. Now in the past when I got home I would have shown them to her ( I guess seeking her aproval or being a wuss looking for attention) and she would have looked at them and said "they look nice" and go back to what ever she was doing. Yesterday When I got home I put the shoes in my room and went about my business as usual. At bed time I went to my room and wife came down the hall wanting to look at the shoes I bought.
Now this is the woman who two years ago did not want to be bothered taking me in for an operation and now she is interested in my shoes?
I am waiting to my son to go to camp in one more week. Then I will again test the waters again.
Sometimes I feel like my marriage has been like making cookies.
Even though I have the timer set I keep opening the door to see if the cookies are ready. Even though the timer has not gone off I am eager for them to be ready. Yet when I do open the door I see they need to bake just a little longer. I have opened the door so many times for my marriage in the past and found my wife was not ready yet.. Maybe this time?
The cookies, Pretty good analogy Doc.
Hopefuly they will be done soon.
JO
Hopefuly they will be done soon.
JO
One way or another
Doc
Doc,
How are things with you?
J
Thanks for asking JoJo..
I am doing ok... Don't want to say much right now becasue I don't want to jinx anything but shall I say.. The cookies are almost done....
Doc
Have you read puppydogtails thread lately?
OT
I just went there WOW.....................
Doc
Awesome Doc!
I read Puppy's thread yesterday and it is so wonderful to see.
Hopefully others will follow suite.
J
OT , JoJo and Everyone....
EVERYTHING I have been reading and has been sent to me has pointed me in this direction. I think "the cookies are ready"
I think what you have been saying all along was correct but the timing was not right.
Even though I was not going to post it for fear of jinx-ing it...
Sunday My son leave for a week for his summer camp. This will be the first time in a FOREVER.. That Wife and I have been alone that long...
Sunday morning.....
Me :"Hey, tonight we're going out for dinner, and..."
Hopefully Wife: "And what??"
Me : "And if you play your cards right, I'll let you know when the time comes."
Like I said I was not going to post this until after but I know sometimes if you do not commit to something it will not happen.....
Doc
My fingers toes and everything else that can be crossed will be for you Doc. You are in my thoughts and will be Sunday.
J
Hey jojo..
OT may be right
Or she may be crazy
But it just may be a lunatic my wife is looking for
I'll turn out the light
I won't try to save me
OT may be wrong for all I know
But she may be right
I'll Remember how it use to be
When our sex was like electricity
I'll tell her dirty jokes until she smiles
If she is lonely for a man
I will just take her by the hand
Cause she just might enjoy some madness for awhile
Sorry Billy Joel I could not resist
lol
doc, you are friggin funny!!
I needed that!!
Just a little journaling...
Well things at work are falling apart. Allot of good people were let go and "management" is expecting the people left to clean up the mess management created.
Me.. I now feel like a "visitor" here. I have 28 more working days. I come in listen to the other employees Bi$ch and go home.
I am learning to not let the outside environment control my attitude or feelings. I see now how the saying "for every action there is a reaction" can be true. But but what I am trying to do is "for every action there could be a CONTROLED reaction"
My wife was on the phone last night taking to our D about BF problems (D's not Wife's). As I was in the other room listening I felt like that Cartoon that has the guy sitting there and the little devil in standing on one shoulder and whispering in my ear.."Ya right, BS our D how you know how to handle relationships by having affairs"
And on my other shoulder is the little angel whispering "let it go you can not relive the past and you are only responsible for what you do and how you feel"....
I do recognize that allot of this was not really caused by me directly but how I sometimes reacted to things wife did and It just added fuel to the fire. I have seen this especially reading things here how other H's are reacting (like IRISH's H) and seeing how I did some of the things he does and looking from the outside how wimpy I too reacted. Like a little kid saying "look at me Mom" "look at what I did" or pouting like a kid when things did not go my way."saying you don't love me anymore"
Don't get me wrong I am not there yet. It's hard to have to Think first and then react.
Again last night Wife and son started making home made Ice Cream about 1/2 hour before my normal bed time. When my bed time approached and the Ice Cream was not done yet I caught myself falling in to the little kid role and thinking "I wanted some, why did SHE start it so late." In the past I would have probably told Wife that while stomping off to bed.
But instead this time I just said good night to wife on my way to bed. Wife asked "Aren't you going to wait for the Ice Cream? It should be done real soon."
I thought for a moment and said "ya sure I'll wait".
Wow 51 years old and I am finely growing up...
Doc
"I thought for a moment and said "ya sure I'll wait". "
MUCH more attractive
My wife was on the phone last night taking to our D about BF problems (D's not Wife's). As I was in the other room listening I felt like that Cartoon that has the guy sitting there and the little devil in standing on one shoulder and whispering in my ear.."Ya right, BS our D how you know how to handle relationships by having affairs"
And on my other shoulder is the little angel whispering "let it go you can not relive the past and you are only responsible for what you do and how you feel"....
Hey Doc, This reads like you believe W feels her A was a good thing, a healthy thing, a successful thing. Really? I'll bet (regardless of how she acted back then) that she now recognizes - at least to some degree - that it was a bad idea, unhealthy, and a mistake. She may not say that to you (people are stupid when they try to save face, ya know).
But are you really sure she would be going around promoting the idea of an A to other people, much less your D? I gotta wonder.
ROb,
Sorry the Sarcasm did not come through... No I don't think she would "promote" an affair.
Don't know if she really realizes how much of an impact it did have (on me at least)
One thing that she did say way back when... "I was not planning and I should not have had sex with him it just muddied up the water"
D'OH, sarcasm. Shoulda known - thanks for clarifying.
Doc,
Hope your weekend went smoothly...
Thanks for checking in (you too WDID).
Well things did not go as planned. Sunday it was 95 here and Wife does not do well in the heat. We did see our son off to camp after standing in the sun for about an hour. A little progress I guess was that at one point wife did snap at me. I said I was excited for out son. She then kind of apologized.. Sort of.. (Which is a whole lot more than she would have done in the past.) Anyway she informed me also that MIL had a "woman" test and they saw something and she had to take MIL in to make sure it was not cancer. So that was playing heavy. So we did not go out to dinner however wife did make a fancy dinner which also surprised me because with son not here she would usually just say :we are on our own for dinner". After dinner when she was washing dishes I told her the dinner was great and went to give her a kiss. This time she turned her head so I would have had to kiss her cheek. So Instead I went in to kiss her and then backed away and said Chic...(sp?)..
This morning wife called me at work and said she did not sleep well worrying about our son.(this is the first time he has been away by himself for this long). Anyway I suggested that since they can have day visitors that maybe we could go there on Wednesday. It's only a 2 hour drive from here.
Day what I am trying to do is "make nice" everything this week. There is no distraction, just wife and I. Things are pretty good right now but the are not what I want. YES OT I am going to let wife know before the end of the week. Depending how Wednesday goes if we feel up to it I will see if she wants to go to dinner then.
BTW MIL test came out ok nothing to worry about..
Later
Doc
Hey Doc,
Just stopping by to say hello. Glad MIL's test came back good.
I've been so busy with end of year paperwork. I'm finally seeing the top of desk a little bit... Just a week and half and it's summer vacation!
Doc,
Glad MIL's test came back goo.
The cookies may be still baking and need a little more time before they are perfect.
JAK
" Things are pretty good right now but the are not what I want. YES OT I am going to let wife know before the end of the week."
What do you mean? I hope you mean that you'll let her know through some hot sex rather than through some R talk about how her efforts aren't good enough...
OT~ don't get doc worked up too much..
BUT I also agree with ot, hope that is the case too!
I tell ya, I Don't know if it is age or what but my W mood is a hit and miss.
and I know what Hope4 means when he says "she is holding back" I mean if she would just let herself go and see where it takes us I think it would be ok..
ANYWAY.. Dinner is on for tomorrow night. We decided NOT to go see son at camp. After dinner tonight she was at one of her good moods so I told her it was great but tomorrow night dinner is on me. I am taking you out.. Nothing fancy just a nice dinner. She does not know it but I am taking her to her favorite Chinese restaurant.
And OT... After a couple glasses of sake......
Doc
BTW.. Work is getting really strange. I mean some of my co workers are now treating me like an "outsider".
But I only have 20 odd more days. I have enough vacation that I am only working half days on Fridays.. Need to use it up because I would have been paid for it but it is taxed like a bonus and 1/3... NO WAY will use it up before I leave....
18 more days till our Father and son trip....
Bye
Doc,
Glad MIL's test came back goo.
The cookies may be still baking and need a little more time before they are perfect.
JAK
IT's time for a taste Jak you know stick the toothpick in....
Doc
OK NOBODY LAUGH......ok you can giggle a little....
Wow don't know how tonight is going to turn out... I really DID start out on the wrong foot this morning..
Ok those of you that do not know I lost my leg in a car accident years ago. I have a prosthetic leg (fake)..
Actually I have two. I use one for work and have the other I keep my old jeans on that I use to work around the house. I don't take my shoe off of my fake leg.. (The foot does not stink).. Anyway (and I have not done this in a LOOOOOOG time) This morning when I got up I put on my "work" leg with my Nice black "shoe" BUT... on my real foot I put on my old Brown tennis shoe.......
Luckily nobody is at work yet.. I will stay until about 7 that is when people start showing up and then go home.....
I have done this before but when I did it last time the shoes were at least the same color....
Later
Doc
DOC
And yes I know the test.
Or maybe you could do the taste test.
ooooooh that was bad.
JAK
Doc,
Maybe putting on the wrong shoe was a subliminal message from your subconscious. All of us get into nice, familiar patterns and we are tempted to go through the days on autopilot.
Perhaps the message being sent is:
"Make sure to disengage the autopilot this evening."You are heading into unfamiliar territory, relatively speaking. But you have the skill sets to come through it with flying colors. Hope the evening is a special one (in a good way) for the two of you.
Thanks Day,
Ya one good thing is that I am home now. I get to "fiddle" around the house all day giving wife all the space she needs until tonight....
Doc
Well...............
It was almost time to leave for dinner and she asked where we were going. I told her "to a restaurant" she said she is not changing, and I told her no need to it's not fancy.
There is an India restaurant and the Chinese restaurant right next to each other. When we got there
She said "well we are either having Indian food or Chinese. I said Chinese. She then said. “I was kind of hoping to go to the blue(something) restaurant but this is OK.”
Now David C. has said that when women do this they want US to make a decision. They want us to be the alpha male. SO I told her we will go here and next Saturday we can go there.
She said “Saturday son gets back from camp and he will not want to go anywhere.”
So I left it at that...
So when we got inside she said "the food smells great" And we sat down. Usually in the past we decide together what we are going to get. But this time when I sat down I said "I never have had hot sake, I am going to order some. I then asked "will you have some? she said "I have had it before but it has been a long time, I will have a sip of yours." So she then picked something from the menu and said. "OK Now you pick something" OK here again she is testing my decisiveness. NORMALLY I would have said. " I really don't care go ahead and pick something" but not this time I picked a dish.
So when they brought the sake out the waitress asked if we wanted two cups or one. Wife spoke up and said TWO..
So her sip turned into splitting half the bottle...
During dinner she asked a little about how my work was going and then started telling me how she was upset last night and could not sleep because of who won the dancing with the stars show. Now I do not watch this stuff but I listened. she went on and on. Very talkative..Another thing that I am working on is that David C. has said that allot of time when women come to you with their problems they really don't want you to "fix" them. They just want you to hear them. (Unless they come right out and say can you fix this) so I have been "listening" allot. I have watched her struggle with somethings and have kept my mouth shut.but she knows I am there and if she needed my help all she had to do was ask..( I did ask a few times saying "Do you need any help" instead of just saying "give it here I'll do it" and she said No thank you I can do it.
Anyway back to dinner. so we really had a good time. After dinner wife has been excited about a new store that had opened up and I have not been to. So I said lets go by there and you can show me around.
So we went and it was like she was showing me a new house or something. Throughout the tour I did put my arm around her a few times and rubbed her back...
So when we got home and pulled into the garage. I pulled her to me and gave her a kiss. I then said that was not a good kiss and gave her anther. she then said " the high beams are on" so I rubbed her breast and she laughed and said what are you doing? I said "you said the high beams are on" she laughed and said "the cars high beams you are wacko" and got out of the car laughing. By the time I got into the house she was on the phone talking to her sister about dancing with the stars.
SOOOO No there was no Mad passionate sex but....... A year ago when I mentioned something about getting a look at her breast she had a fit. So got so pissed if she had a club she would have hit me with it. THIS TIME I TOUCHED IT….
I did not pout that she did not jump at my advancement and instead went in to talk to her sister. I just went about my business the rest of the night. BUT... something new did accrue. Since she had moved out if our room she has been getting ready for bed (washing her face, brushing her teeth) in the hall bathroom. LAST night she did this in our bathroom.
My plan now is to take her to the restaurant she suggested this Friday and see how much farther I can go without getting rejected.
I know that OT thinks I should just jump her bones.
But part of wife's problems are that she is afraid if we did so "something" I would get all clinging again. She has been “avoiding” sending any wrong signals.From what I have been reading it is kind of like a dance at this point. She willingly went to dinner with me (maybe to see if I would talk R or not and I did not so she was ok with that) when we got home I "copped a feel" to see is she got pissed again or was receptive and she was. she then when into the house to see If I would pursue her and I did not. She then came into OUR bathroom and got ready for bed (with the door shut) . and I still acted like I was ok with it and I was not expecting anything.
So I think if I can keep up the little sexual jokes and here and there contact I will be building up some "tension" in wife and hopefully Friday she and I will cut loose.
Doc
And if I claim to be a wise man, well
It surely means that I don't know
Thanks No Code,
To be honest I was a little disapointed last night but the more I thought about it this morning the positives came out..
I have more to tell but I can't right now. I am at work and NOBODY did my work while I was gone yesterday so I have alot of catch up. I wonder what they are going to do when I am gone in 21 more days
To be honest I was a little disapointed last night but the more I thought about it this morning the positives came out..
Doc, FWIW - back in the olden days, one of the most UNattractive things I was guilt of, was getting disappointed and down and pouty whenever W would turn down my attempts at intimacy. This didn't improve my chances for "next time". Don't be That Guy - you are doing great, keep up the good work and the optimistic attitude!
To be honest I was a little disapointed last night but the more I thought about it this morning the positives came out..
Doc, FWIW - back in the olden days, one of the most UNattractive things I was guilt of, was getting disappointed and down and pouty whenever W would turn down my attempts at intimacy. This didn't improve my chances for "next time". Don't be That Guy - you are doing great, keep up the good work and the optimistic attitude!
Rob buddy..
I know that is why I was in my room by myself when it did come over me. NOT around wife...
more later
Doc
Ok So here is a little more about the other night. I few days ago Wife noticed the mesh bag with the Rubber ducky’s hanging in the garage and asked where they came from.
(Remember our date with the candles and bubble bath?). It was not really the right time to tell her so I just said I will tell you someday. There is a story behind them.
So on the way to dinner I told her about how when we were going to stay at the time share and how I was going early and then after she arrived and after dinner I was going to come home to stay with son and meet up with her again in the morning? Well I told her my plan was after dinner to draw up a bubble bath and light some candles and leave the rubber ducky’s in the tub.. Give her a kiss and say see ya in the morning.
She smiled. Now I don't know if it is just me or if any other guys out there feel the same way... but my wife has a way of comunicating non verbaly when she is annouyed or pissed off at me. She showed no signs of either. Like I said in the past she would have been at the least annoyed that I have not given up on us..
So today she tells me that she is having her Mom over for diner this Friday. I said "Oh Man" she asked "what?" I said I was thinking that since this was the last night that we were parents without kids that we could go to that restaurant that you were talking about. She said "we have spent enough money for now going out"
So I just let it go...
So now I am thinking that tonight (Friday) when she gets back from taking her mom home I need to have a plan to seduce her...Something easy going and not pressured. Maybe suggest to her a card game of strip poker?..
Just wondering, what kind of mood is your W usually in after spending time with her mother?
morning Rob,
Well wife’s moods have been a hit and miss. But.. They have been a hit and miss of Happy and playful to indifferent. So not too many "bad moods" lately.
But back to your question.. Whenever MIL comes over her and Wife have a drink before diner and usually wine with diner. Now don't get me wrong. Wife will not be Drunk but I do think this will put her into a better mood..
D
Doc,
So you copped a feel huh? Good job!! Love the joke.. I laughed out loud to that one!! Im glad she took it well.
So im thinking she will definately be relaxed enough to maybe get her in the mood..
~~~~~im sending my love vibes your way~~~~~~>
OkI have not done this in awhile but....
Daily Horoscope Pisces Forecasts
You can't be afraid of the feelings that are growing inside of you about someone. This is a new type of experience for you, so it is natural to feel some anxiety. But this is all good! Just give yourself the time you think you will need to process what is going on in your life, and things will turn out as well. It's important to have honest communication -- so state what you want clearly, and do not blur your message with too much hemming or hawing.
Good deal! I was just thinking that in my case, hanging out with MIL is definitely not a "relaxing, mood-inspiring" experience for my own W.
Rob--
My sitch with my MIL used to be the same way. Now, though, as a result of the bomb and DH's craziness at times, my MIL and I get along really well. Of course, she is barely speaking to her son.
Doc--
Loved the bubble bath idea! With four kids, I would consider that a gift from God! Thinking sexy thoughts and wishing you much fun this evening! That horoscope is interesting, especially since we share it.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW
Oh com'on Doc! WDID gets the news and we don't????
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW
Well I think It went ok, No we did not have passionate sex but after W mom left she wanted to watch some old slides she took (before I came into her life) We had a good time and after we hugged and Kissed for a little bit instigated by me.
Not much more has happened since.
I have been busy with my side business this weekend and did not spend allot of time at home.
HOWEVER I ordered some things for my Jeep and saw this nice pink "Jeep" t-shirt and I ordered on for her (son and I already have one NOT PINK)
SO I think some more "action" is around the corner..
BTW.. I emailed an apology this morning for acusing her for going through my stuff awhile back and taking the picture I had of her.(this was almost 2 years ago) I told her I found it and I am sorry..Then I added... I would like to get an updated one because this one is 12 yrs old...LOL
Lol...that's funny.....I like that.....I bet she did, too.
hugs and kisses are good, although I know you would have liked a lot more.
How receptive was she for the kissing??
hugs and kisses are good, although I know you would have liked a lot more.
How receptive was she for the kissing??
IRSH,
The hugs and kisses are allot more than I have had in a looooooog time.
As for the Receptiveness? That is a hit and miss. But yes this time it was a HIT...I have also started the kiss after dinner again. And she has NOT turned her face away for a while now.
BUT...As Hope4 has stated in his sitch "She is holding something back"
She did not respond to my apology about the picture. I think sometimes that she is not "proud" at what has transpired and think sometimes she thinks that if it is not addresses it will go away.
Journaling.....
I am sorry for going MIA and I probably will be doing this more for the next few days. I have soooo much happening right now that traveling the path of least resistance in my marriage is the best option.
I had to sit in a "workshop" all day yesterday with people that will be laid off this Friday. I will be doing this again today.
(Actually the part of getting paid for just sitting is not too bad at least I get out of work that I really have no inspiration to do any more)
I did talk to my boss to let him know I would be in this Workshop so he could get someone to fill in and do my work.(might as well get used to it I will be gone at the end of next month). He informed me that I can work overtime if I wanted to get it done today.
Well when I came in this morning NONE of my work was done from yesterday. (Great) AND I received an e-mail this morning that in a meeting (that I was not part of) that I will be responsible for building a special order that came in.
WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMMING TO? Doesn’t anybody live in the present anymore?
My w has an affair and then thinks that was in the past and now we are back to "normal" My boss lays me off and then thinks that is in the past so build this before you go?
Ok enough whining....
The last thing is that my side business is taking off. I have hauled so much wood this past "holiday" that I am so sore. It's too bad that I can't make enough money with this business to just do it full time.
So as you can see my plate is full right now. Next week is my son's graduation to junior high and then the week after we go on our week long father and son trip.
I am hoping to find the time to get some things resolved in my marriage before the trip to give my wife something to think about while we are gone. When we get back I will have two more weeks of work and then will be starting a new chapter in my life. I want to start it fresh with NO excess baggage left over from this chapter..
Later
Doc
I have soooo much happening right now that traveling the path of least resistance in my marriage is the best option.
...
My w has an affair and then thinks that was in the past and now we are back to "normal"
...
I am hoping to find the time to get some things resolved in my marriage before the trip to give my wife something to think about while we are gone. When we get back I will have two more weeks of work and then will be starting a new chapter in my life. I want to start it fresh with NO excess baggage left over from this chapter.
Hi Doc, Certainly do give yourself some "time off" from the R stuff, nobody can keep at it full steam 110% for months on end without imploding.
But you are right, you don't want to go back to "normal" - if that means the way things were before. Regardless of who walked and who didn't, neither of you was really happy back then. Aim much higher than that for the future of your R, and expect much more from yourself and from W (realizing of course, that it may take a while to get there). You are on the right path, keep on keepin' on.
Doc,
It sounds like positives to me. Keep up the great job and have fun with your Son. Hugs and kisses good for you!
JAK
Doc,
I definitely see improvement in your M, just remember Rome wasn't built in day. Keep on being you.
Hugs
Thanks YoYo,
I think the improvements in my marriage are a by product of the improvements in me.
Like I said earlier I am kind of on cruse control right now. I will be unemployed soon. This is something I have never been.
My life is about to start a new chapter. I DO NOT WANT TO CARRY ANY excess baggage with me to my "New Chapter"
One change (though small) is I found my voice.
As you know in the past my wife and I have a Communication problem of "avoidance". We don't talk about uncomfortable things we have in our relationship. And you know me Mr. E-mail / letter writer......
Well if you read earlier I finely apologized to wife for accusing her of going through my stuff and taking "The Picture". So this was a double whammy for wife. One was the accusation and the other was the "content" of that picture.. Both uncomfortable things. NORMALY once I wrote the letter she would not respond and I would have left it at that. Yesterday when the package arrived with the Jeep parts I ordered and the pink shirt I ordered for her I went to her office to open it. Before I opened it I asked her if she accepted my apology. She answered "Oh... Yes" kind of matter of factly.(is that a word teach?)..Not in a quiet voice indicating I annoyed her with the question.. So I said "in that case I got you something" and I opened the box and gave her the shirt.
She liked it. I mean she did not jump up and down and hug me and kiss me and rip my shirt off like it... but she liked it.
I know Rome was no built in a day, but like I said there is a Small talk in the near future coming up. I NEED COMITMENT. I am not going to start my next chapter feeling unsecure in my marriage AND looking for a job.
The time is coming to get on board for this new adventure or bail.. No hanging on to the side..
Well Got ta go..Only working a half day today using up my vacation time..(They pay it out if I didn't but it is taxed 1/3 as a bonus)
Thanks YoYo We need to meet someday I would be more than happy to have “detention” with ya
XOXOXO
Doc
Detention huh? watch out for him yoyo...
Yoyo,Sara,Saffie and IRish,
you have mail
Hi Doc,
I got your email. Let me think on it and I'll reread it and tell you my thoughts tomorrow evening. Right now, I'm really tired. I had a workshop today. I've got a workshop tomorrow and Wed. Friday was the last day of school, but we have to do 2 summer workshops. I found 3 I liked and plus I could get them over at the beginning of the summer.
Hugs
No problem teach. I'm not going anywhere..least not till Sunday
Doc
Doc,
How are things going in your Life right now?
JAK
Hey Jak,
Well.....................................
Work really sucks. I feel like the redheaded step child. I only have till the end of this month.
They keep trying to get as much out of me as they can. But I am using up my vacation time and only working 1/2 days on Fridays. Except today I stayed home because I was supposed to get a tooth capped. BUT..... The dentist started on that this was $500.00 and this was $1000.00 and so on till it got to $5000.00. It was a back tooth so I asked how much just to pull it? $300.00 I said "pull it".. Don't worries I don't look like someone from Arkansas.. It is the back molar and ya can't see it. Soo I had that to deal with.
And my side business of firewood is taking off. Lots of work though for a 1 legged guy. It great "extra" money but there is no way I could make a living off of it.
My son graduates 6th grade tomorrow wow junior high already. Before you know it he will want to drive the mustang..
AND Next week my son and I are going on our yearly Father and son trip to the sand dunes up in eureka. (Don’t worry there is WIFI so I will keep ya up to date..
As for my marriage. IT't good. Things are really pleasant.
Not great, Not what I want.. But ok. I mean wife went to the store and got my pills today. She called the doctor and asked what I could eat so she made a special "soft" dinner tonight for us. But I am afraid. I am afraid if we continue any longer living in the same house in different rooms the only thing that will happen is we will grow apart. I have a plan. I will update ya all latter
Thanks for asking about me Jak there is so much going on right now.. Oh ya wife has started "curves" it's a women’s GYM. Now with my job loss I think we need to watch our money but if this brings her self esteem up then I say go for it.
Ok got ta run Son and I are building a Model rocket to launch during our vacation next week
Bye
Doc
One way to get the most out of life is
to look upon it as an adventure.
William Feather
Doc,
I understand what you mean about growing apart.
It sounds like there are a lot of positive steps though to build on.
Have a great time on the father son trip.
Ooooooh not the mustang!!!! It comes faster than ya think doesn't it.
JAK
It sounds like there are a lot of positive steps though to build on.
Have a great time on the father son trip.
Well everyone... Next time I log in I will be at the sand dunes with my son for our week long trip. I can't wait to see what he wrote on the letter he wrote me. You see every year we make a "treasure chest" we put things in it to remind us of what we did the last time we were there. And we write each other a note. We then bury it in the sand and draw a map and dig it up the next year.
JoJo.. I hope so "positive steps" I know you don’t know what I am planning but I am on nerves knowing that when I return things will not be the same. I am giving my wife the choice to move on together or apart..
Ooooooh not the mustang!!!! It comes faster than ya think doesn't it.
JAK
Ya the mustang is a babe magnet.. The only thing is gas will be$10.00 a gallon by the time he drives it
Later
Doc
That's so cool. Have a great time with your S, bro'.
Doc,
Hope everything goes great for you, on your trip and after your return e-mail me and let mme in on it. Tal has my address at work if you do not any longer.
Have loads of fun and create wonderful memories.
JAK
ya all got mail..
(Jak I asked Irish for youre e-mail)
Doc
I hope you and Son are having a great time!!!!!
JAK
Morning Everyone..
Well we have lucked out with the weather..It has been great but it looks like there is a chance of rain today..
My Son and I have spent allot of time out at the coast and in the sand dunes. I let son drive up and down the beach and we dug up our "tresure chest" yesterday. We launched 10 + rockets, built a sand castle and went to "fern Canyon" where parts of Jurassic park were filmed and hiked up the canyon. They had small bridges to make it easier to cross some of the streams.(Good thing because with my leg I could not cross the streams if I had to get my leg wet) when we came around one corner (Out in the middle of nowhere) we came upon some "prisoners" in orange jump suits. There were two guards watching them. They were the ones building the bridges...
Ok so I sent wife an e-mail
Let me just say first that awhile ago we had problems with my oldest D.(she "stole" our car but that is a whole other story).. Any way here is the e-mail:
The Weather is GREAT.. Went to the beach and lit some rockets.. The went to the movies (Night in the museum) I liked the first one better. Tomorrow we are going to see land of the lost (it's only 6 dollars). Son wanted shoes like mine (high tops) so the sand would not get in them so we went to K mart and bought him some .. Man that kid wears the same size as me..
We are eating microwave Pizza right now and watching lord of the rings. Later we are going back out to the coast.
WIFE.. Do you remember how we used to feel about leaving the house when (our oldest D was going through that phase? How we did not trust her? Well I feel that way now.. Only it's with you not her..
I am so sorry I feel this way but I have made a decision and I will call you tonight.
Take care
Doc
Her response:
Looks like you've been lucky with the weather so far, although today it looks cloudy. It's foggy and a little breezy here today. Yesterday the power went out for a short time in part of (town). It affected Mom's house and apparently both Round Tables according to (oldest D). Mom was able to figure out how to get her cable box back on, but I had to go over and get her TV going in the green room and reset some clocks. I watered her front plants too.
I'm sorry you're having "Oldest D" feelings about me. I know I broke your trust and that will be one of the hardest things for you to overcome. I am trying and even though things are far from perfect, they're better than they were before.
Well, hope with the cloudy conditions it's not too cold. I read that the Land of the Lost was the biggest box office bomb, but it will probably be entertaining just the same.
Talk to you soon,
Wife
So I called her last night. Besides the normal chit chat I said:
Wife,
We have come along way but it's been two years. With the loose of my job next month my life is going to change. I want to start our fresh leaving the past behind me. I want to leave our past behind. Well not the good stuff just the bad. (She said "I know what you mean")
I want us to be close again, intimate again, feeling like husband and wife again, and that's not going to happen while you are in another room. So if you are interested in saving our marriage, move back into our bedroom, and if you are not, then we need to get things in order, because I am not going to settle for a roommate. I want a partner, not a dependent. You have this week Anthony and I are away to decide. You have until bed time next Saturday when we return to be in our bed. If you are in bed with me Sunday When I wake up, we will begin our new life together, and if you are not, we will begin our new lives apart. My choice is made, and now you must make yours. Make it a good one.
Ok now I know I cut allot out of the letter I sent you all but I think I got my point across.
Her response was:
"Doc, I know what you are saying and I will be thinking about what you said."
Ok now this response is good. In the past she would have said " that's tuff live with it. It is NOT going to happen"
Today I am going to do a follow up E-mail and then leave it alone to let her think about it and see what happens Saturday..
Did you ever show W that you can be the lover she wants before issuing the ultimatum?
You are requiring her to step up, did you step up?
OT,
Planning on doing that Saturday Night..........
Does something about the order of things seem a bit off to you?? Hmmmmmmm....
Nope,
She knows what I want. She did not put up her "force field".
As far as I am concerned unless she rejects my advances Saturday then she has already made her decision to stay..
Doc
So how did the weekend go?
doc.. hope you are ok. Fill us in when you get a moment.
Doc,
How are you? Hope all is well.
JAK
Hey everyone,
I am here, I am ok... I just need some time
Doc
Ok....
EVERYONE was a little bit Right.
Things did not go as "planned" but the air was cleared on something’s and "I" do feel better on some stuff. Kind of like how when you are sick and don't want to throw up but after you do throw up you feel better?
Baby steps...I may have "jump the gun" a little. Yes she did feel like it was an "ultimatum" she HATED being referred to as a "Dependent" but I think she was more upset than angry.. I think she see's things are getting better and that I am getting tired if this drama.
Sunday morning when I woke up and she was not there I needed to get some stuff done early so I left a note on our message board saying that I felt "disappointed" that morning. When I returned later not allot was said between us and she had to leave to take care of some stuff for her mom. When she returned I stopped her and let her know I was not "mad" that she was not in our bed last night just disappointed. I was hoping that we could finely be starting new and fresh. She then told me that she was thinking that it may be time to at least start sleeping together again but when she got my message it felt like it was an ultimatum to her and was angry that I said she was dependent on me. I told her it was NOT an ultimatum it was not about her it was about me and how I am feeling right now. And I told her when I said I did not need a Dependent I meant it as a roommate, sister, and close friend... not someone I am supporting. I told her I am sorry her mis understood what I meant. She said she understands what I meant now that I explained it to her. BUT she still says she is not ready. She is afraid to totally "recommit" because she does not want to return to where we were.
Anyway things were better on Monday and by Tuesday we were back to "normal" in a good way.
I still feel that we are sooooo close. I feel that she is suffering from that "burned relationship" problem.. You know when you have a bad relationship with someone and it ends.. You are afraid to open your heart again to someone because you are afraid you will get hurt again?
As for the Job front? Well I have 6 more days.. NOTHING was done while I was away. My desk was piled with stuff. This was actually good because I was afraid that all my work would have been done and I would just be sitting around for the next two weeks when I returned. I also have a "paneled interview" on Friday in a different department here at my company..Sounds like I do have a chance at getting the job BUT... allot of my co-workers are saying that management already have someone in mind to fill that position. Oh well I would not have a chance at all if I did not apply right?
So to wrap this up I do not see this Saturdays event.(or should I say uneventful situation) as a set back. I am looking at it as reaching a rest stop.. A resting place to take notice of where we were, where we are and what still needs to be done. Where we were? I NEVER want to go back... where we are? We are in a much better place. We are communicating, we are smiling and I do think we both appreciate each other more. And were we are going? I have recalibrated my mind and I think I can see a little shimmer of light coming though this fog I/We have been in for Sooooooo Loooong. I have a plan .. A direction I am heading..Little by little she is telling me things and I am finely hearing what she is really saying.
Got ta go
Be back soon
Doc
Doc,
I see nothing but positive steps forward with your W. She is opening up to you about how she feels and in diong so she is not negative in what she says. She IS talking future with you.
Try to do some dates. Pick her up and take her out. "Start fresh"
Good luck on the interview, I'll keep all fingers and toes crossed for you.
Glad you had a great vacation with S.
JAK
PS: Nothing ever really goes as planned does it, because we can't read our spouse's mind and we can't force an outcome.
Morning Jak,
Things are going good. All positives (I think) small positives but positives none the less.
My wife and I are "communicating" better. Like I have said so many times before I think we are almost there.
I did let her know yesterday that an observation and "My Feelings" are that she spends allot of time helping out her friends and our daughters with their problems and I understand her need to want to help other people I have this same problem. But I wish she would spend more time on our issues.
I thought she would shut down on me again but she didn't. Now we have not discussed this yet I just let her know my feelings about it.
She is having issues with her mom right now and she does not handle the heat.(temp that is) very well and it has been in the low 90’s here so I let it slide yesterday.
As for my job? My Co workers had a going away luncheon for me yesterday here at work and I have an interview today at 10:30 in another department.
This is probably the best interview I have ever had because I would not mind staying (28 years of service) and not having to look for another job. (not going to be easy for a 51yo guy with one leg) but then again I am looking forward to spending some time fishing, going to Alcatraz, The Zoo, The Great America theme park with my son AND WIFE this summer.
I mean I will be eligible for year and a half unemployment and I am getting a pretty good severance package so I will not have to be looking for a job right away. I am also thinking about going back to school for two reasons. One is to improve my portfolio and two to wait out this job slump here in California. The City governments are now starting to lay people off so it is only getting worst. And Last but not least my side business of selling Firewood is taking off like a Firestorm.. Pun intended...of course it’s like having a Christmas tree farm. You work all year just to sell trees for a month. No money is coming in right now but I am getting allot of inventory. AND my son is taking interest in it. Yea it's because he wants money to buy a play station 3 but still I am passing on my work ethics to him. (Heck if it was not for the money would any of us really be working?)
Anyway I have one more week of my current job. I am just kind of coasting right now.
Well I need to get some stuff done and get ready for my interview. I promise to give you all a full update on what is happening soon.
P.S I stopped taking the A.D's
Later
Doc
DOC,
Good luck today on your interview. I will keep everything I can crossed for you.
JAK
Happy Father's Day doc!
Thanks for the "happy fathers day wishes"
(I wish there was a happy Husbands day......)
Anyway Son made me a great Video card if I can figure out how to send it I will show you all that I have E-mails for..
Well this is my last Monday..(No word about the job yet interview) When I got in this morning I had an E-mail from one of my engineers about a new NPI project coming up that he wanted me to work on. I had to E-mail him back to say that this may be my last week here so I will have to let him know.
As for my Marriage? Well I did have a nice Fathers day. Wife kept coming in and out of her alternative world. I went up to visit my Dad's grave and as usual I tiered up. I miss my Dad sooo much. He would know what I need to do. He could set me straight.
EVERYONE out their who's parents are still around. LOVE them no mater what. Life is to short and when they are gone... The words that should have been said (the I love you’s) and were not can never be said. And it hurts inside. (My dad was a Man’s Man and “guys don’t hug”. Not me I hug my son every chance I get)
Well take care everyone I have a feeling this is going to be a looooooooooooooog last Monday.
Doc
Doc,
Im glad you had a nice Father's day, you deserve it.
I do love my parents even though they drive me nuts. My dad isn't one to show Emotion at ALL. But I make sure that I show him.
Good luck on your last Monday, hopefully there will be some good news with the job!
Well heading home... no word on the job yet......another night of no sleep..
Doc
Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I'm not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I'm still waiting
No word yet but.........
Ok So this one female co-worker who was laid off (and wanted to be) called to take me out to lunch tomorrow. I said ok.. THEN this other woman wanted to take me out also but I told her I was already going out and she said it had to be Wednesday because where she wanted to take me is a restaurant that is owned by a another woman we both know that also used to work here and Wednesdays is her "buffet" day. I told her how about next Wednesday.. She said that I will already be gone by then but I told her I will not be here but that does not mean I can't meet her there.....
Boy it sucks being popular
Doc
Maybe you will still be there!
Still have fingers and toes crossed.
JAK
Journaling.......
So no word about the job interview yet... which is good it think. You see my company in its great wisdom deleted this job and gave the person doing it a "package" meaning that they laid him off. THEN they found out that they needed someone to do the job. So instead of telling the guy if he wants to stay and give up his "package" he could the opened up the job for interviews. Now the guy that was already doing the job applied also and you would think it would be a given that he got the job but.........taking two days now to decide means I do have a chance.. Anyway it was the easiest interview I ever did because I was really relaxed. I mean I would like the job but on the other hand I would not mind a little time off. If I do get the job I will still have to worry about getting laid off later..
Anyway I was feeling all stressed yesterday after work so I went out and split about a cord and a half of firewood. When I got home I really did not feel like talking to anyone and just went in and took a shower. I was going to go straight to bed but decided to go sit with wife and watch a movie (lord of the rings) with her. She was happy to see me and tried to say some things to make me feel better. She then told me that she was kind of lost in the movie because son distracted her on most of the first part so I explained some things to her.( I have seen the movie several times) and she was happy to listen to me.
I think that sometimes WE cause our own misery, I mean if I would have went to bed like I was thinking then the wife and I would not have had that pleasant interaction.
Well tomorrow I am going to my second going away luncheon and hopefully I will find out if I got the job or not..
Later
Dock
Good luck on the job, Doc.
Yep, Good Luck Doc
Thanks ladies
No word yet.... Well Son came home with Braces (teeth) yesterday and wife was all over him like a mother hen..
Another $6,000.00 out the door..
Strange comment from wife yesterday though.. She said "I guess if you do get that job I will need to go out and get a job also".. I guess she meant that if I get this job I will not be getting that lay off "package" (6 months payout)..
I said "even if I do get the job you still need to find a job also"..She said "I guess so"....
I DID NOT SAY THIS BUT.... I was thinking.. I guess I don't have a roommate... she is a nanny...
Not bringing in money
No Sex..........
Doc
Just had my "exit interview". Had to sign papers that I would not disclose any "company secrets".
I told him that I have not heard back about my interview and he said signing these changes nothing I am still "employed" until June 30th and he is not going to turn in my papers until then.
(After June 30th I can not apply for a job with the company until 6 months have passed)
Doc,
They are not going to try to hire you back after the 6 months for less money are they?
That seems to be a common practice where I live right now.
JAK
I did not get the job......
BEFORE ANYBODY says "I'm Sorry" don't worry... I am OK with it.
My Ex supervisor said if anything changes he would hire me back and the "hiring supervisor" also said she would hire me back .."As a temp" if I was interested....
Well the weather is great... Going to be spending allot of time with my son... Fishing, The Zoo, museums....
I dont know where Im going
But, I sure know where Ive been
Hanging on the promises
In songs of yesterday
An Ive made up my mind,
I aint wasting no more time
But, here I go again
Here I go again
Tho I keep searching for an answer,
I never seem to find what Im looking for
Oh lord, I pray
You give me strength to carry on,
cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams
An here I go again on my own
Goin down the only road Ive ever known,
Like a hobo* I was born to walk alone
An Ive made up my mind
I aint wasting no more time
Im just another heart in need of rescue,
Waiting on loves sweet charity
An Im gonna hold on
For the rest of my days,
cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams
An here I go again on my own
Goin down the only road Ive ever known,
Like a hobo* I was born to walk alone
An Ive made up my mind
I aint wasting no more time
But, here I go again,
Here I go again,
Here I go again,
Here I go...
An Ive made up my mind,
I aint wasting no more time
Later
Doc
Doc,
Great luck on your sabatical so to speak.
Remember, when one door closes a better one opens!
I feel that it will for you.
JAK
Enjoy yourself Doc and make some memories with your son!
Enjoy the break -- they don't come along often enough...
Don't expect sex from someone who you don't treat as your lover...
OT,
Maybe this was God's way of saying:
Damn you Doc,
You spend too much time worrying about other stuff... take some time and get to know your wife again...
Me
You spend too much time worrying about other stuff... take some time and get to know your wife again...
You never know, Doc. God knocks on our door
frequently, all the time in fact -- we just fail to hear Him sometimes, until, that is, we encounter these crossroads in our lives.
In any event, you are certainly to be admired for making the most of the employment situation, to see this hiatus as the opportunity it represents. You also seem to have incredible patience, and it serves you very well.
I'm pulling for ya', bro.
Good nite doc
Hey Everyone...
I am still alive. A little scared though with Michael Jackson (50) and Billy Maze..(50) Passing on..(Me 51)..
I'm Sorry for going dark. I have some reasons that I don't want to say too much here but I was getting carried away with some things to escape reality. Don't worry I have them under control now though.
Well today is the first day of my "Sabbatical" strange but since I have been off I have been up everyday at 5:00 am and then I am off to work on my woodpile by 7:00 am and am there until about 10:00 or 11:00 then come home (IT GETS HOT OUT THERE) then after dinner I usually will go out again until dark.
Have been cleaning out allot of stuff around the house. So I have been busy.
Don't know if any of you have seen the movie "ground hog day"
Where Bill Murphy plays this guy that every morning he wakes up and relives the past day over again. EVERY DAY FEELS LIKE SUNDAY to me. I am still stuck in that frame of mind about think I need to take care of at work "tomorrow" and then realize there are no more tomorrows..(At work).
Not too much has changed in my "marriage" but some strange stuff has happened. The other night our outside cat got into a fight with a baby raccoon. Wife was upset and I had to go out and rescue the cat. It was a baby raccoon and I think the cat was coming out ahead but she was worried so I said put the cat in the garage for the night. Well I cam in a little later and the &%^$% cat was in MY bed. SO I told wife it could sleep there tonight.
Well with all of the excitement we were up late. I still got up in the morning and went do work on my wood business. When I got home wife was awake but she fell asleep shortly after on the couch. I told son who was playing video games that mom was asleep and I was going over MIL house so if Mom wakes up let her know.
Well I was there for a little while and the phone rings. I JOKENLY told MIL that that's wife checking up on me. Well guess what. IT WAS HER. She just asked MIL if I was there and really did not need to talk to me...
WHAT? She wanted to see if I was really there?
Anyway I got my Money from the company.(TAXED 40%)
And the temp around here has been in the 100’s so they were having a sale on above ground pools so I bought one. Wife informed me that it was nice but she probably would not be going swimming.
I asked her why not? She said "because I am FAT. I don't like my body and it’s hard for me to get up that latter."
Ok back tracing a little when I told my "counselor" last year that My wife would not go swimming with our son and I always had to stop what I was doing so he could go swimming.( We don't let him go by himself) because she would say she was "too fat" he told me to tell her that "this is her son too and she needs to get over it. She was NOT to fat to have some guy take naked pictures of her"
Well the weather changed shortly after so I never got the chance
So fast forward to today.. When she said that I told her that the ladder was the ONLY legitimate excuse. She said “they are all legitimate to me"
I really did not want to get into it at that moment.(son was in listening distance) So I told her I don't want to discuss it right now and left to go set up the pool.
A short time later she came outside and said she was going to the store. I asked her what she was going to buy. She said she was going to try to find a "Fat woman" bathing suit. I told her that offends me I would prefer she say "healthy woman’s suit. She told me they call them "Plus size" I told her plus is OK. Plus is good. Its way better that a negative.
So anyway am I getting through to her? I don't know. What I do know is that she has made no attempt to return to our room.
She is helping me out allot with the paper work from being "laid off". She knows what to do since she was laid off three years ago.
Well Independence Day is this Saturday. Our anniversary is the 14th. I think I may push for some conversation on the 4th.
Getting back to me.. I have had the P.D contact me wanting me to go back to dispatching but I don't want to do that. The pay is good better that what I was making but the pressure is just too much. I have an appointment with the admissions at Empire Collage on the 10th to talk about going back to school.
Well I got to go it is getting late.
Will update more soon.
Bye
Doc
You sound good, Doc. Good idea with the pool. One thing I learned with a backyard pool, nobody cares what you look like. It's a private pool. Good that you have the firewood business. Of course, the market must be slow in 100 degree weather, but winter will come again. It is my responsibility, in the job I no longer have, to remind you to be sure to store the wood far from your house. But I have a friend who may be able to hire me soon. Good things will come your way. Just give them a little time.
Ya know Doc, Ya have to think in terms of your own health and how you feel. H used to do and to some point still does think"oh my god im'e that age" but, look at their health issues Jackson had a huge drug problem and im'e sure it will come back as COD and Billy Mays had a plethera of health issues heart disease ect...
Then ther is Ed McMahon and most recent Carl Malden Who lived very long healthy lives. I guess im'e saying YA never know so live each day like it's your last and make YOURSELF as happy as possible.
I understand what your saying about W but, I do feel for her as I have battled my weight for years since the birth of my children and still am. It eats at you. I still have issues with it and I am a pretty confident person I feel. It's not that she doesn't want to go in the pool with son. She probably is in tears thinking she wants to but doesn't want anyone to see how she's herself.
[/quote]
She was NOT to fat to have some guy take naked pictures of her"[quote]
You have to leave this one and OM in the past. It's because it was part of the fantasy that they made her feel differant and now there is the reality.
Hope you understand what Im'e trying to say here. Give her time she'll come around.
Pretty cool for the backyard pool.
JAK
Doc,
I'm going to ask you to have some compassion for your W around the weight issue. If you are a woman in America, you have battled the issue of how you look. We are bombarded by images in the media of skinny, "perfect" women, and we don't measure up (in our own minds). I can sit here as an intelligent woman who knows that's all cr@p, and yet, I still HATE to put on a bathing suit.
My H doesn't really understand either...he tells me men don't like those skinny sticks, that they like curves, etc., but those images have been blasted at me since I was small. I have an easier time with someone pointing out a character flaw then in going out in something I think makes me look "fat"...and I'm really not fat.
Men have more freedom there...it's okay for y'all to walk around with chubby bellies. The closest thing I think men have is the loss of their hair, but even that doesn't really happen until later in life most of the time.
She's not just being difficult; your W hates herself and hates her body, and to parade that around is just horrifying. The OM somehow made her feel attractive and sexy--probably what was pulling her toward him, like a drug because she could pretend for a little while that she WAS the hot model.
Women live with lots of "shoulds" about how they should act and be. Not that men don't, but ours are different from yours.
I live 10-miles from the beach, have lived here for 5-years, and I haven't been swimming in the ocean in all that time...something I LOVE to do...because I don't want to expose myself in my bathing suit. I know it's crazy...and I'm working on it.
Just perspective.
All in all, you sound pretty good.
SD
Doc,
I have to agree with the swimsuit conversations. We, women certainly have issues of wearing swimsuits in front of others. She may want to check out a skirtini. It's a two piece swimsuit, it has a tank like top with a matching skirt with built in bottoms. I wear one and most of my friends do, just because they are stylish and cover our "assets". Even my small friends wear them. Not many ladies who are happy with their bodies...
Here is a cute one.
http://www3.jcpenney.com/jcp/X6E.aspx?DeptID=50434&CatID=51410&GrpTyp=ENS&ItemID=157c1e8&attrtype=&attrvalue=&CMID=50434%7c50446%7c51410&Fltr=&Srt=&QL=F&IND=13&cmVirtualCat=&CmCatId=50434|50446|51410
You may have to copy and paste this link.
Doc,
I think you probably got the picture from what the girls have been telling you on here about the swimsuit thing by now.
When she did what she did with OM whilst 'posing' for the photo's she probably felt like she did when she knew him when she was much younger. When she actually saw the photo's I am sure she felt really bad. You need to forget them.....and if my memory serves me right hasn't she put on more weight since then?
I am a size 4/6 US size and I have trouble wearing a swim suit. I feel as though my stomach is ugly from having kids and I have stretch marks etc. My H say's he worries because I am too thin but I don't see it. What I see are my beautiful D's next to me with their flat stomachs and lovely skin....and I feel so old and ugly. So what if my H likes what he see's.....I don't, and I worry what other people are going to think when they see me.....it just makes me uncomfortable.
This is going to be a hard nut to crack with your W.
If it's 100 degrees out there, I'll go swimming in a nightgown! who cares what you where, no one sees you in your own backyard. And, if she spends some time in the pool (maybe when you are not home, if she is so embarassed), her body will start to firm up. Just getting pale skin tan makes it look better anyway. My motto for the summers is "It all looks better when it's tan." So, get out there in something small and get the sunshine!
THanks everyone,
Well things are going good. Not moved back on "our" room yet but things are nice.
I am learning too. I am learning to...........Well not detatch......but not be Clingy or dependent for lack of better word. like today.. I was working out in the yard all day and wife went shopping for some "pool stuff" with our son. WHen they got back the both had an Ice Coffee. IN my mind I thought "I want one" and in the past I may have said something. But today I didn't. I started thinking I would not want wife to Pick me up something just becasue."I know he will be upset if I didn't" I would rathere her get me something "just because" Ok enough with the bathing suits I understand. Anyway the weather for the next week is only going to get into the 70s. Only of the solar heating thing I rigged up works will the wife or I get in that pool. As for our son? as long as there is no Ice ontop he'd go in.
take care everyone and have a safe and sane 4th.. (Sorry Saffe)
Doc.
Saffie... Im with you. I also think the same as you. Although I don't have daughters to compare to, but Totally understand.
My h is so visual, I worry that once I do get old he won't be interested anymore. That's why im so worried about my relationship with him just being physical. I actually dwell a lot on it.
most times I don't think he actually loves me for me and who I am, just what I look like and the sex that comes with it.
Sorry doc to hijack your thread...
im glad things are going well.
Well I survived the 4th
woke up this morning and still has 10 fingers and 5 toes..
will update more later... Our annv. is the 15th
Doc
Ok so where do I start?.. Things are ok. Well I am kind of on a holding pattern. Things between wife and me are great 75% of the time.
She offered to take care of the paperwork for the medical and my unemployment because she knew what to do since she already went though it herself. I had no problem doing it but this seemed to make her happy to do it for me.
I am excited about going back to school.(but do think I should look for a job instead) but since everyday more people are losing their jobs around here maybe by the time I am out of school the market will be up. I have a 7 month course for a certificate or 15 month for a digree.If I can get the loan. (I will find out Friday I want to go for the degree
I have been keeping busy. I seem to do this when things are on my mind.. But I am not sure what I am worried about. I know things will work out. One big change I have made (and it may have been the wrong time to do it) is I no longer ask my wife when I want to buy something. This always bothered me. She would go out and buy something and never would speak with me before she would buy something. I am not saying I am going out and buying a car... But did buy me a new chain saw, I bought some things for my jeep, and I bought that pool....
So anyway before I was "laid off" I was talking to wife about how I would have time to go places with her and our son this summer. Well two days ago she asked about going to Alcatraz Island. She asked me if I wanted her to buy the tickets.(last time we tried to go there the tickets for that day were sold out) I told her no I could do it. So I did. I made the reservations for July 15th. She said that day is fine. Now she has not said anything but that is our anniversary. I am planning on making it a "tourist" day in San Fran. We are also going to the wax museum. I have been sleeping in till 5:00am (still by myself) but something weird happened last night. I have been fabricating a new light bar for my Jeep and it was 11:00pm. Wife came out in the garage and told me good night...
What I am trying to say is she did not jut go to bed...
I have also been spending allot of time out at my wood pile. I have about 8 cords of wood split but the temperature around here has changed. It has not gotten about 75 here and if it does not the wood will not cure in time to sell this winter. The temp things figures since I got the pool.....
Ok well I need to get to bed. Will report more later..
Doc
Slowly but surely....interesting she told you she was going to bed....maybe could have followed her there?
Slowly but surely....interesting she told you she was going to bed....maybe could have followed her there?
It’s a cat and mouse game Wdid. She acts like she is interested and then if I take the bait she closes down again.
But things are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than two years ago.
I think we are almost at the point that I can start doing some of the things OT has been nagging me about for a while..
Journaling,
well I got up and went to do some volunteer work at the soup kit ion. I figure I should work there before I am going to have to start eating there. (Just Kidding) I have volunteered there before all this happened.
Then came home and cut the lawn and worked on my jeep the rest of the day. My D. came over to use my computer and told me her BF had a ball game tonight if I wanted to come by.
This is something I have not done since my son lost interest in the game. So after dinner I told wife I was going to the game. She asked “Ball Game?” I said “Ya D’s BF has a game tonight.” she said “ok”
I know this puzzled her because it is not something I would normally do.
I have found that every time I do something “out of the ordinary” Like stay up late working on the jeep, going places mid day,(even though it was to MIL house) she gets interested. I am hoping to peak her interest soon because I am back and forth from losing interest in keeping this marriage going. Now don’t worry the “lack of interest” does not last long but I can not honestly say that “others” in the out side world are not starting to Peak my interests.
The New Doc keeps evolving. Can’t wait for our trip to THE ROCK. Somehow I get this feeling that this may just be the turning point.
Well got ta go.. Will write more soon.
Later
Doc
P.S the jeep is looking HOT. Built a customized Light bar today and cleaned it up… It’s becoming a babe magnet….
Bye
Ok grab some milk and cookies.. This may take awhile....
Sooooooo Much is going on... It all started with the GF that shot the Football player she was having an AFFAIR with because she thought he was cheating on her.
Well I started reading this out loud to wife. When I was reading it I THOUGHT his GF had shot him. I did not realize he was MARRIED.. Wife told me she heard about it and he has 4 kids or something. I asked "He's Married?" she said "ya" Now I don't remember exactly what I said but it just came out kind of automatic.. Something like. "Why do these people have affairs knowing it will destroy their families?" Wife did not say anything in response but I noticed ever since that moment she started acting a little different. Like we were friends again. More lively, more cheerful. Weird but also some shows we were watching affairs came up. I think this may have got her thinking.
So anyway I went to see how much schooling is going to cost me well its $12.000 for a degree but only $5.000 for a cert. The cert can apply to the degree if I want to go on so I am going for the Cert. right now. Monday I am going to see if I can get a job retraining loan. I LOVED the college. I mean there were college girls, nice patios, people walking around smiling with a purpose, College girls, study halls, Cafe, College girls....
No really I did get kind of jazzed about going back to school. When I got home I waited for W to ask me how things went. We sat down at the table and started talking about it and the classes I would be taking and the phone rang. It was MIL BUT W told her she was talking-to me about my school visit and she would call her back. NOW my wife has NEVER cut someone short on the phone when talking to me was involved. She talked about some books we can share and some studding we could do together.
Now I FEEL that in the past since I did not have a degree like wife and I worked most of my life that wife kind of looked down on me as being "un educated" Now I am doing this for me not her but I do think she is a little impressed.
We started talking about our visit to “the Rock” on Wednesday and I told her I also wanted to go to the Wax Museum and Rip lies Believe it or not. She got all excited saying she has not been to those places in years……
The bad news… The pool liner has a leak. But get this. I bought an “insurance policy from the store incase it leaked. So when I called them they said the policy does not take affect for 30 days. WTF? After talking to the manager for what seemed like forever about how STUPID that was. IO said “well I guess my next step is to call the local paper and tell them my story. They put me on hold and when they got back online the told me to bring the pool in and they would exchange it.
Manipulation (Kind OF)
Well several years ago we had an addition added on to our house that included adding 5 feet to our bed\room. Well the contractor never moved the sealing light and it has driven both the wife and I crazy with this light about 5 feet off center. SOOOOO Yesterday I went out and not only bought a Light but a ceiling fan also and moved the light and installed the fan. RIGHT ABOVE THE BED.
Can’t wait until those hot muggy nights return and I am all cozy with my fan and W is trying to sleep in her office… But I am willing to share….
Ok there are tons more things but I think you got the drift. One last thing.. We went out for Chinese dinner tonight and my fortune cookie said:
A new relationship is about to blossom. You will be blessed.
Later
Doc
That's a lot of good news, Doc. I love the story about the pool liner. I will have to remember to say that next time I am angry about a product or a service. I once had a fortune cookie come true. Mine said, "You will witness a miracle." I put it on my refrigerator. That was when my life was at it's lowest point, and everything was going wrong. A couple of years later, everything was good, and I realized the fortune cookie was right. It was a long, slow miracle, but a miracle none the less.
I once had a fortune cookie come true. Mine said, "You will witness a miracle." I put it on my refrigerator.
I taped mine above my desk
later got to fininsh draining the pool
Doc
Funny about the fortune cookie thing.
I have one above my desk that says
"The small steps you take will ultimately bring you great fortune". How True I feel.
Sounds like great things Doc.
Funny on the pool liner.
JAK
Update...
I am not going into details but the pool problem with the store was NOT SOLVED.
Maybe later I will post about it. Anyway I did get another pool from another store. This time D's were not here to help me set it up so wife did. We had fun BUT... When it came time to get in and smooth out the liner before adding water Wife said she would. She tried to climb up the later but due to the low screen roof (and maybe her weight) she could not get her foot over the side of the pool.
I felt so bad for her. I mean she did try several times. I went in and took off my leg and climbed into the pool to do it. I told her don't worry I will build a deck to make it easier to get in.
As for my jobless ness.. Boy they are making me jump though hoops. spent all day today a the job search place just to have them tell me I need to try to find a job for 4 weeks before I can apply for any type of assistance..
Well our anniv. Is Wednesday (20yrs). Wife has not said anything about it. I do have our trip to San Fran. And Alcatraz planed out (with son).
Well got ta go.. Take care everyone
Doc
Wife went swimming today with son
I am still going to build the deck
bye