Time to start anew again.... with Fee and L A W trading obsucre lines from B films & the birthday messages taking over... for which I thank you all... it was th 20th btw - Blue dogg just can't count
![[Big Grin]](images/icons/grin.gif)
![[Roll Eyes]](images/icons/rolleyes.gif)
.
OK... so doing the ouside work for the FFC - turns out more to it. Isn't there always.... H feeling responsible for hs older brother because of guess what- shared childhood issues... This brother...while a creative genious and working on some interesting things for Parker Brothers we hope... needs money to live on... and to support our neice. Long story short... FFCs little job would help Brother and get him in a place to talk to potential investor for his products.
As well... going back to childhood issues... H told me he has protected and helped this brother all his life, and always will. Interestingly, I have been finding bank receipts for a bank where we don't do our banking... (yeah yeah... snooped again) In my usual creative way of making assumptions I believed he was stashing dough for his own nefarious purposes down the road. But given our above conversations... I had this gut thing to ask him how much money he has sent his brother over the past year... and voila.... there it was... he told me a couple thousand...and I would bet it's more.
While it is laudatory, I do resent it because then our kids don't get the things I, maybe even we, want them to have... summer camps, a new musical instrument, a vacation out of town not with either of our relatives, renos nd repairs on the house..... sigh
However, the GOOD thing in all of this... we talked about money without totally killing each other, I learned more about his father's nastiness and H's feelings for his sibs.... in a new way... and while I don't agree that it's a burden he should bear.. he does, and my own experience in counselling tells me it won't change.... so I deal with it... Perhaps I might call my C and get her reaction to all this stuff. More than ever I know H needs some therapy to deal with this family dynamics stuff and the responsibility he believes he must shoulder for an older brother who basically ran away further than the rest of them did.
This is truly a case of marrying the entire family... so... I guess we are still trying to piece it together.
tree
quote:
Originally posted by treesa2:
we talked about money without totally killing each other
There's a communications epidemic going on, and even tree isn't immune!!!
Not only that, but she's showing some understanding towards her H!!
Tree, have you been abducted by aliens????
But seriously, tree. You sound really good, and I believe that you're accepting more from your H and perhaps he's more accepting of you too.
Yeah. Still piecing, but it's starting to get a wee bit easier. Isn't it?
Andy
OK. the smartass got his digs in on the first post, so in fairness, here's a link to tres's last thread:
I THINK the divorce is busted?!!! NOW what?
[ May 23, 2002, 10:42 AM: Message edited by: ANS ]
oooooh yeah... nearly forgot the other breakthrough...
So there we were mid way through "fireworks" on weekend morning when H's "sparkle" rather fizzled as I was in high flame shall we say, yet not quite wanting to do the H's usual maratthon type performance. Was looking more for the quiet slow burn instead... H seemed up tight, turned his back to me. I was left with a slow burn of another kind. H tends to turn his back to me as his way of dealing with his issues... part of the running away thing.
So I left the room slamming the door hard on my way out. Came back about 90 minutes later to get dressed and head out and he asks me if I am upset. "well d-uh" she says... and we talk about umm performance issues and the need for high calibre excercise all the time..and we chat some more; he gives me a hug and apologizes... and in the process tells me that he would appreciate initiation every once in awhile... hmmmm this is such a turn around... This is a major major change. Get involved... ok... but please I don't need a gymnastics routine every single outing.
did any of this make sense?? gawd... if he ever find me here I m sure I'd be toast!!
but we ARE piecing it together eh?
Hey TrEEgirl - great title for the new thread. Really applicable for some of the big stuff that's been going on for you guys at the TrEEhouse.
I like the new scenery for you guys. But it is scratchy isn't it? Check for ticks. For now it's just good to see how the two of you are relating to each other. Refreshing.
As for the $...well, if you can, look at it as therapy $ for H for right now? You know, one of the big reasons IGgy & I separated (among many
) was his need to rescue the family (and friends and aquaintenaces - the gas station attendant...) who refused to rescue themselves. Nothing left for us. It was really extreme as was everything. Guess what? It's changed. Not saying if someone has a valid need we wouldn't help - and sometimes we just give for no reason. But no one besides us is counting our income as part of theirs. And no one will again if I have anything to do with it.
It just takes time and direction. Anyway, you guys are aces baby! Really, I'm happy for you.
U - that was basically what Aretha said to Matt Guitar Murphy before she told him he had to think in Blues Brothers.
And for all the birthday songs, I say Dutchess had the best. But I just like her style anyway
![[Smile]](images/icons/smile.gif)
.
Thanks tree. I had forgotten how many b'days. Now I remember --- 20. Good. I haven't lost as many brain cells as I thought. They grow back, right?
Happy birthday...... (hey, wait, doesn't tree have a 32 year old daughter???? )
z
Zed Man.... sigh.... You are cracking me up... glad to see your sense of humour comin on through.
Fee...
scratchy all right... but the fact he is trusting in the telling... biiiiiig thing.
Just gotta watch the cash flow...
Every now and again, I catch myself falling back into old patterns and I have to be soooooo careful. CanNOT go back there un-un... no way no how.... shall see how things go.
Bought H two tickets for a Dylan concert for Father's Day. I'll be out of town again this year on dad's day, but the concert is not til the end of the summer... and WHO ELSE would he take but me.... The latest Dylan album - I even like it... not like his blowin in the wind days where he sounds like a hyena in serious pain or somethihng... this new album actually quite hum-able...
Zed... watch the email.... Atlanta comin up... ya know?
![[Wink]](images/icons/wink.gif)
looking good tree.
I think about ya 9 months..same bed..no sex..that's right isn't it?
Here's me 7 months sep rooms no sex..sigh..
Duchess
quote:
Originally posted by treesa2:
oooooh yeah... nearly forgot the other breakthrough...
So there we were mid way through "fireworks" on weekend morning when H's "sparkle" rather fizzled as I was in high flame shall we say, yet not quite wanting to do the H's usual maratthon type performance. Was looking more for the quiet slow burn instead... H seemed up tight, turned his back to me. I was left with a slow burn of another kind. H tends to turn his back to me as his way of dealing with his issues... part of the running away thing.
So I left the room slamming the door hard on my way out. Came back about 90 minutes later to get dressed and head out and he asks me if I am upset. "well d-uh" she says... and we talk about umm performance issues and the need for high calibre excercise all the time..and we chat some more; he gives me a hug and apologizes... and in the process tells me that he would appreciate initiation every once in awhile... hmmmm this is such a turn around... This is a major major change. Get involved... ok... but please I don't need a gymnastics routine every single outing.
did any of this make sense?? gawd... if he ever find me here I m sure I'd be toast!!
but we ARE piecing it together eh?
"well d-uh," says Andy. Do you have any idea how hard this was for him to talk about?
This was a major major step closer to you, tree. Bravo!
The other day I watched Poetic Justice (Janet Jackson/Tupak Shakur) - never had seen it, always made fun of it. But...It was a lot better than the credit I gave.
ANYWAY - toward the end Janet recites a poem - "Phenominal Woman". Hmmm...where have I heard that before... Wonder who popped into my brain?
Don't worry about the scratchy hon. Or even the ouchie. You guys are on a great path and it's supposed to be like that. Just trust your gut and that brain. Think you'll navigate fine.
Getting a LUSH-jones...Already told that friend who got me hooked that I'm gearing up for an order. No hinting dahling - just really hooked on that stuff
!
quote:
Originally posted by Duchess:
I think about ya 9 months..same bed..no sex..that's right isn't it? Here's me 7 months sep rooms no sex..sigh..Duchess
Yep Duch... it was a looooooong 9 months... same bed... and nothing... then out of the blue.... he starts to touch... doesn't flinch if I touch him... started moving beyond what we called the NLMzone... no man's land zone in the middle of the bed... and the next you know it's Canada Day.... FIREWORKS!!!!!
It was also the same morning my 8 yr old decided to cut her own hair....
Quite the day...I won't forget that one.... and if I do say so... now almost a year later... I even notice how the fireworks have changed... it's all evolving....
patience Duchess... that's all I can say... as hard as it was and still is. As Lily always says about what does she call him... Oregano or something?? I Love Him... what ELSE am I to do?
tree
[ May 24, 2002, 01:54 PM: Message edited by: treesa2 ]
Poor me.
Eight months. Different houses. No sex. Blech. Wouldn't be so bad if he didn't look so damned good -- lost 30 pounds in the last year, bought new clothes after he moved out (nothing fit). Sigh. Well, maybe soon.
quote:
I Love Him... what ELSE am I to do?
![[Cool]](images/icons/cool.gif)
wilma
[ May 27, 2002, 04:30 PM: Message edited by: Wilma ]
17+ months.... under same roof since Dec. 01... sep. beds.... but whose counting.... ouch!!!
U
2 + years...right before my fabled "peak"
![[Mad]](images/icons/mad.gif)
.
But that's changed a couple of times and it's like Eddie Murphy used to say "Boy, that's a good Ritz Cracker".
Hey TrEE, whenever you get rolling on that mystery novel, just let me know
. BTW, I think you have the perfect style to pull it off!
Ok 13 months since moving out to give the space!
I feel like an infant.
Tree you have applauding H's magnanomous gestures, and at the same time question the lack of trust for him to not tell you about it. So what remains is why.
Figure that one out and you might be around here a lot less. gulp! I mean really it doesn't matter if it is founded or not it is there.
Your down this week are you not!
Trust... yeah the biggie Dar... well hard to trust one who really has a thick protective shell around him. He keeps the walls up yet makes the right moves.
AM heading to the province next door to you Dar... three city tour... of hospitals and universities... And for the FIRST time... HE came to me gave me a hug AND a "real" kiss and said "have a good trip" This has not happened before. It's nice. Small things... and slowlee slowlee... we are getting there.
My C says he may never break through his shell... too much pain on the other side, too many things to work through. If I can know it and live with it... and realize he's never gonna change... then we should be ok. He's a good man.. (with issues!)
and I love him.... Hurts like hell watching it, knowing there are ways to heal, but if he doesn't want to take that path....there's nothing I can do. THey are NOT my issues except where they affect our R... so I deal with that... and work to keep it together... if I can accept that... then... it will work I believe. He's not gonna change.
Tree
Hi tree,
Your H may or may not break through his shell, but one thing’s for certain. You won’t break through it.
Another thing you should realize is that he may not be hurtin’ as bad as it appears. I’ve had a tough childhood too. It still hurts me sometimes, but when I’m hurtin’ the most, something my father once told me always pops into my head, “When your mother died, you (kids) stood back to back against the word.” Why do I always think of this? Because, though I don’t brag about it, I’m proud of the way I handled diversity. Amidst my pain, there was (is) pride. Sounds kinda warped, but it was my path to healing.
Maybe it’s your H’s path too. Maybe he has issues, but I don’t think you should sweat them. He’s dealing with them. All you have to do is to support him when he allows you to, and to let him deal with them by himself when he doesn’t. (which is also a form of support)
I also wonder about the things that you say you’re coming to realize that you can’t change. Has he always been that way? I know he’s always had an elevated sense of responsibility. I can guarantee that this aspect will never change. It’s a source of private pride, as I stated above.
But, if he was more demonstrative (for example) earlier in your R, then I think he can “change” back. It’s not an ingrained value for him to be reserved. Of course, you can’t force him to be more demonstrative, but it could still happen.
TTFN,
Andy
tree,
It was good to read your last post. Congratulations on making a decision as to how you will live and the acceptance of your situation.
Should you change your mind, I'll give you a great deal on a 2x4!!!
IMP
Hi Tree,this is a nice happy little thread.
Not a sombre hanging judge to be seen any where....
<i><b>Royce(MICK)
Tree..you may think your H will never change and we all know we cannot change a person.
Here's my 2 cents.
WE cannot change them.
We can only change ourselves.
BUT by changing ourselves and the way we respond to them..they can and do change.
Make sense?
Duchess
And remember what we discussed last week? Y'know. The stuff about how, though he's changed, his core values - his true self hasn't?
I still stick by that.
14 months divorced....Ooooch!!!
4 months, no communication..
Last talk with XW was how much we loved and missed each other,, and then there was darkness....
Hey all
I am baaaack from a stint out of town... the new laptop combined with a new network and an ISP provider that wouldn't kick in left me unconnected for a few days... ARGH!!!!
Thanks for the good feedback. Andy... and Duchess... I think you are both saying much the same thing. Yep... it does make good sense.
I change and he sees it... maybe not overtly... but one feeds off the behavior one lives with... positive begats positive, cranky begats cranky... so... anything I choose to do or say will either be overtly noticed, or responded to in some fashion either knowingly, but more than likely... unknowingly... works for me.
IMP... still not chatting much... have to use the home computer that is monoploized by kidlets. I am frozen out of chat on the new work laptop. Watch for me... I'll be up and running one of these days!
Royce-Mick... my.. what a pleasure to see you dropping by!
Yeah, tree. Duchess and I are definately saying the same thing. And, your last post ties it all together nicely.
For sure. PMA is as catching as LMA (lousy). It can be overt or subliminal. Works in either case.
Andy
<b>Royce-Mick... my.. what a pleasure to see you dropping by!</b>
The pleasure was all mine...
Hey there, tree --
Thanks for popping by Bedrock. I kind of like the saran wrap idea, but it'll have to be here. I'm not going to his place. Haven't been there yet. Don't know if I can. I need an invitation -- I'm sure he doesn't expect me to drop by uninvited.
Now, the question is, how do you wrap yourself up in all that stuff? Maybe I should just opt for a strategically placed bow?
![[Eek!]](images/icons/shocked.gif)
wilma
Coffee sounds great, good ol' Canadian coffe, ground in the Ottawa Valley, brewed at Tim's ? Got your message off Ptience's thread!
BTW, 5 months seperate houses, some contact...up and down, up and down!
Steph
drop me an email Steph... at teritaur@hotmail.com
I'll leave this here for a short time until I know you've grabbed it.
I am a "Second Cup" fan myself TIm's is my second choice if that's okay by you?
Will try and catch up on more of your story.
Up and down up and down... there is a LOT of that around here.... it 's all in how you ride the wave!
I am heading out of town for an en tire week on Friday ... so it might have to wait.
ANd look.... you are
ON TOP! well done Steph!
AND NOW.... for the rest of yous..... It seems I am getting a small inheritence from my mother's estate. Enough to pay bills off and put away a chunk for the kids RESPs.... So... do I tell H? Several of my close friends and sisters in law say to NOT tell him because a hidden nest egg is a good idea.... "just in case."
My C would have me be above board on things financial to show I trust completely. I am waffling....
Tree
If it were me, I'd tell him.
If you want to keep the money to yourself and use it however you want, then tell him that too.
You didn't like it when he was sneaking around with the $, I don't think you should follow his example.
IMHO,
Andy
I agree w Andy..it's tempting I know to stash the $ away..but if he ever found out???
Duchess
Sweetie, he's not an idiot
So the question would be...should you confirm what he would naturally assume?
Do you think it matters to him? If it does and you feel it in your heart then go ahead. If it doesn't and you don't want to... is it actually a bad thing?
I guess to me it isn't a really big thing but then again, I'm not you. I would probably mention it to IGgy but wouldn't go thru the whole disclosure. If he wanted to pick it up from there then ok. But he wouldn't. I'd just spend it on the home or us chickens anyway - or save it. He knows that so he wouldn't be concerned.
Haven't posted to you in a while. Want to say that you're great TrEE. Who knows what will actually come of all this? While I agree that people's core values may not change...I've seen some miraculous changes in people who are much happier for it this past few years. People you wouldn't expect it from
. That includes me
. Have a lovely week doll!
tree,
With the cash, it is yours, so you can do what you want with it. Having said that, he is still your H and you should not keep it from him, i.e. the knowledge. The money is yours.
And Phoe, have you seen this woman...he's an idiot!
IMP
Thanks friends! My gut is telling me to tell him as well. A few around here who are telling me to stash the cash... but I don't think I can do that. Besides... I have TWO count'em! two! bathrooms that need renos.... H does the work, I provide the dough!
IMP... you make me blush!
![[Embarrassed]](images/icons/blush.gif)
tree
tree..glad to hear all is going well
hey....come to my party and we'll make IMP blush together
A
I'm jumping on the bandwagon a little late -- I agree with your gut. Tell him. But you decide how to use it.
I'll be by later to catch up with you -- getting ready for The Celebration of the Half-Century on Thursday, so I've got some beautifying to do!
wilma
Ok... folks... am having a tad of a meltdown and going slightly nutbar today. Posted this same to Zebra's thread but figured I'd better do same on my own too.
![[Frown]](images/icons/frown.gif)
Just found out this AM that today is the day that H is going out for dinner with his small working group for the big project he worked on in which the FC is included along with the female confidante friend, a third regular (girl - all pals I am told), the boss and one other guy. sigh... They are going to a nice restaurant early after work, and I have this urge to do all kinds of nutbar things- calling his work and leaving an anonymous message for FC that she has to be somewhere else at dinner time, like she'd believe it!
calling H and telling him I also have a meeting at same restaurant with some friends and I'll see him there... to just freaking showing up, and or asking him to not go. ( too late for the last option actually)
The good thing... he told me where he was going and that it was the working group. I have never asked who was on the working group but did see a list of members. I don't know if he knows that I know! Is this a secret or just an omission of fact? Do I ask after the fact and see if he tells me? I am now soooo wound up. The thought of him spending time across a dinner table with her or even beside her makes me want to throw up and sends me back to DB diet days.. of not wanting to eat, being irritable. And over what?!!! A fantasy that never happened. But it has never been resolved.. so I go nutbar!
Ok.. got to breathe... and not freak... right?!
HMMM Zebra's latet on secrets and trust are big here.. need to deal with this I think!
thanks guys...
tree
Tree
You know what the right thing to do is and that is nothing except ask him if he had a good time when he gets back.He told you so he is trusting you to do just that anything else and next time he may not tell you.Make plans with a friend and go eat at a different place have a good time and don't worry about it.He wouldn't have told you if he didn't want to.
quote:
Originally posted by treesa2:
Ok.. got to breathe... and not freak... right?!
Yep..and I know you can do it.
Duchess
thanks Duchess.... workin on it... realllllllleeeeeeeee workin on it.
Gotcha Randy...
waiting for IMP to chime in with his brand of... um... rant!
![[Razz]](images/icons/tongue.gif)
Hiya tree,
I just gotta say that I agree with everyone. And, you do to! You've said as much.
It don't mean nothin'
Treat it that way.
I have a strong suspicion that the "fantasy that never happened" was resolved a long time ago - at least as far as your H is concerned.
So, you have to resolve it in your own head.
It's a tall order. You know that I have my own issues, and that I'm still dealing with 'em. I can't honestly say that I'll deal with them any time soon, but the best thing for me is to keep W out of it.
It's kinda like you always say. Don't let him/her suck you into their drama. As hard as it is, you hafta act in a way that shows you're not trying to suck him into yours.
Because rightly or wrongly, this is your drama as far as your H is concerned.
Sucks bad, I know, but what else can you do?
Breath in... Breath out...
repeat as necessary.
I am sitting here banging my head against my laptop .... bang bang bang... D-UH... You guys... I tell you... I can TOTALLY FREAK myself out.
Andy... wish I had read your bit of coaching before my H came home very early this aft. SIGH... I can do SUCH a good BACKSLIDER!!! 18 months and I can be SUCH a rookie!!!! ok.. so here goes...
H comes home I say.. so ... what's happening? You are home instead of at work how come?
He says plans have changed and "the bunch" plus a "few others" are now having their dinner tomorrow night due to circumstances beyond their control, AND it's in a very trendy part of town. THIS instead of doing obligatory duty at another work function instead.
So I don't know why I lost it... but I did. Not only are they eating dinner somewhere trendy but it's turning into a regular party. I just kind of did my bad impression of a shrewish wife and said oh great how nice... a party and kind of caught my breath before I said anything majorly bitchy. All along I am thinking in my head creating my own stupid fantasies... about, my H in some fancy trendy restaurant that we never go to with people from work and spouses are not invited. sigh....
SO I told him I had to go back to work and he wanted me to explain my irrational behavior.(it was truly awe inspiring irrational!) HOWEVER I couldn't find a way to articulate what I felt and why without sounding even more shrewish.. and completely bitchy. Given that for the past week I have been out of town eating in trendy restaurants every night with my work colleagues... I really don't have a leg to stand on. Except here is the bitchy part.... I am not saying or thinking to any of my work buddies - pass the bread and do you want to hit the sack with me baby... ( although the are a few other more choice four letter words I would use instead) So H is working at prying out of me what is bothering me and I clam up and go back to work because I can't spit out the fact that my own imagination has gone into over-drive again.
STUPID STUPID STUPID. It's been a bitch of a day all the way around... with some bad news about clients, some aggravating health stuff for me... nothing serious just bothersome, and all the way around... I am feeling just really stressed and want to run away again. as Homer Simpson would say D-OH!!! and D-OH again!
Oh... and haven't even gotten to the part where it's daughter's "graduation" ( oh pul-eeeese) from Grade 8 and the party etc that is happening at school - guess when... same time as his do from school. sigh...
So... HOW do I fix this stupid little mess I have managed to get myself into. I have got to get my MSN Chat up and running on my old computer. This just sucks when I need to vent.
H of course now tip toeing around me as I try and regroup. This might just be OR time.... because the bottom line is... I am tired of king of being in purgatory... that limbo land... where yeah Andy she is probably out of his mind... but who knows ya know... and Ya ... he has me in the sack, but there are days when I feel more like a whore than a wife... and then there are days most of them, when I think... yep.. we are gonna make it. But who knows... because he nevers says nuttin! sigh...
oh kay... I haven't had a really good rant in awhile... must be everything just piling up here... thanks for listening evenryone. I need a good dose of Lily-talk I think!
more breathing...... and more sucking it up...
tree
All I can say is WOW!!!!!
You leave me positively BREATHLESS!!!!
Tree in a snit. Articulate, expressive, emotional.....I LOVE IT
ps......you're the greatest .......the dawg
Listen Dawg... was that a come on??!!
DO NOT tell me you are turned on man dog.. cuz I have heat like you wouldn't believe...
tree
STILL spittin....
Naw love, no comin' on, you can relax. I'm going to visit the new LF this weekend and I'm a monogamous type.
Just joking around, trying to get a smile on your face
Treesa, how long ago did he disclose this fantasy lady to you?
Sage did more than have a fantasy; he made the dead-end trip. One thing that I picked up on thru reading Hurting Badly's threads was that if the guy then becomes absorbed in his work he is probably done w the ow. Changed my view on Sage wanted to invest his energy in the job.
A kinda gross image that I need to overlay is the dramatic pose he struck as he shared w me how he felt in response to my query re how he felt when he first met her. Mind you, we were still in shell-shock and he did not care one iota whether what he said would hurt me. He looked like a gambler getting ready to make a big play as he said "THIS is what I want-t-t-t-t.
Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!
I was still numb and the private thought I entertained was "Yes, but you weren't what she wanted. . ."
Of course months later when I was not numb and could put things together I realized that somehow Sage clung to the bit of sanity that my light showed through his fog.
Sage told me not too long ago that there was not a thing I could have done to stop what happened between them. If I hadn't been ill I probably would have made a huge mess of everything. Thank goodness that my mental, emotional, and physical ills caused a detachment and distance so that what had to happen could run its course.
Don't you think that your H realizes that she 'ain't what he wants anymore. You are all that and emotionally present for him.
An important lesson that I have learned is that Sage is the only one responsible for his integrity. Same w your H. Sage never in a million years thought that what happened would happen.
Remember a thing I heard a hundred years ago: "Any woman can get any man; the thing is, can she keep him". I laughed when I heard that. I never understood just what it meant 'til my feet wound up in these shoes.
Treesa, I pray calmness of spirit for you. I wish warts on the fantasy chic's. . .ah, nose.
I'm glad that you care so much for your R. It would be so helpful to you if one day you could get into a convesation about relationship boundaries in the workforce. Notice I did not say and OR talk!
Good luck, dear Tree!
Aye yi yi...take a deep breath (just like I tell my 3 year old).
Tough situation...not sure what to tell you. If you think you can have an honest discussion, I guess you could tell him your fears. Not sure if that's the right thing to do right now or not.
Have to be careful with what you say...cause if he thinks you've gone off the deep end (by him telling you his plans) then maybe next time he won't want to cause you any stress and will not say anything.
FS
hey Dawg... the smile thing sure worked...
Lily's tender voice... just what I needed... warts on the nose eh??? Tenderness with just the right amount of..... bitchiness..
Lily... what I wouldn't give to sit across a kiktchen table with you and share a few drops of something! (beats fishin anytime I think!) and sayin a few prayers together! thanks... you make me think of my very sharp C whom I haven't spent time with in a dawg's age...
and FS....
nice to have you hear... and I believe you too got it.
Time to go sit in a tub with candles and red wine... ( the wine in a glass although..... )
I got my daily deida post that said... "what's important today becomes forgotten tomorrow!" how true is that... sigh.. deep breathe...
you people make my day... thanks
tree
tree,
Somehow OR take on a life of their own. We intend to say one thing, but then everything else comes out too. At one point, you seemed to have made peace with the fact that things could go on like they have been for a long, long time. Do you still feel that way? Or are you just frustrated? Can you really bear to live this way forever?
When I pray, my best prayer is to ask for peace. Somehow God always seems to grant it, even though it may only be for a short time. But then, I can always pray again.
Take good care of yourself. You're a terrific woman and person. And get that old computer kicking. You can vent to me any time. It seems that I am becoming a kinder, gentler IMP!
Lily,
That wasn't very nice about the wart! Maybe it would be better if the curse were to have tree's H see the wart and that she look normal to the rest of us!
IMP
Excellent idea Inmyplace!!!
Treesa, we love ya!!!
Tree,
I’m so happy for you!
That statement might sound facetious, but it’s not. Do you realize what you’ve just posted?
Firstly…
quote:
Originally posted by treesa2:
So H is working at prying out of me what is bothering me…
D’ya think that maybe… Just maybe, he cares about your feelings????
Secondly…
quote:
Originally posted by treesa2:
I am not saying or thinking to any of my work buddies - pass the bread and do you want to hit the sack with me baby...
Neither is he! If he had any thoughts along this line, he’d avoid “prying” like the plague. If he even had a clue that you were jealous… if there was any reason for you to be jealous, how do you think he would have reacted? It wouldn’t have been you who clammed up. He’d retreat so fast the only thing you’d see would be his smoke trail!
quote:
Originally posted by treesa2:
H of course now tip toeing around me as I try and regroup. This might just be OR time.... because the bottom line is... I am tired of king of being in purgatory... that limbo land... where yeah Andy she is probably out of his mind... but who knows ya know... and Ya ... he has me in the sack, but there are days when I feel more like a whore than a wife... and then there are days most of them, when I think... yep.. we are gonna make it. But who knows... because he nevers says nuttin! sigh...
Of course, he’s tiptoeing now. He’s totally clueless as to what’s bothering you. Something’s wrong (and he cares about it), but he doesn’t know what it is, so he just tries not to do anything to make things worse.
I don’t think it’s OR-talk time for you, tree. You just got a wealth of information about what he’s thinking (or not thinking about) without having to drag this all out.
He never says nuttin’ verbally, but I think he’s spoken volumes from his actions.
quote:
Originally posted by treesa2:
So... HOW do I fix this stupid little mess I have managed to get myself into.
Do nothing. You’re not in a mess at all. Just let it pass.
TTFN,
Andy
tree
I don't think you screwed up that bad,I think you should tell him sometime that it bothers you that you are not included,but this may not be the time unless other people are taking their spouses.What you could do is if H likes the restraunt then surprise him and take him back there at a later date.stay focused.I wonder to if getting walked on all the time is worth it instead of just being happy.
Andy throws a bullseye once again. Master DB guy!
Tree, I don't think you screwed up that bad at all either.Stop beating yourself up girl.
I'm with Andy..your H has spoken volumes by his actions..he cares..he really does.
OR talk? I dunno..give it a bit of time see what you think..it will all be over soon.
Duchess
Andy... whatta guy! whatta coach! thanks. So H has gone off to his event. He was at daughter's event - then ran off with the little one to get himself organized while I dropped off three giddy teenie boppers at a restaurant with the admonishment "don't forget to tip the servers!" along with a $20 bill. ( no way these kids will get alcohol right!)
The sight of little 13 and 14 yr old girls in their long dresses and stilleto shoes was too much for this old doll. My jock girl had the sense to stick with something far more sensible ( ok... I don't buy into 14 yr olds wearing stilletos)
H was ironing his own shirt as I arrived home.... painful to watch... I asked if he wanted me to take over... I did. Helped him pick a tie... a once a year kind of thing - off he went.
This too will soon be over. Pass the pinot grigio I'll be fine.
thanks all.
IMP... chat is on again... see ya soon Pal.
tree
Well done, tree!
Something else struck me about what you posted earlier.
quote:
Originally posted by treesa2:
Ya ... he has me in the sack, but there are days when I feel more like a whore than a wife...
Pleaaaaaaaaase, tree. If you do nothing else, chase that thought from your mind.
If you ever decide that you want to hurt him in a way that he can never recover from, just hint that you felt that way.
I think that, though he can't seem to verbalize his love for you... he can't bring himself to give you public displays of affection... This is his way of connecting with you.
Whore? I really don't think so.
Andy
Harumpf Andy! I think I've just been lectured. You are more than likely right too, so I'll have to NOT bite back and take your wise counsel under advisement yet again. The whole connection thing... more than accurate I bet.
Where do you get this stuff? It's usually so right on it's freaky!
thanks
tree
Sorry if I sounded like I was lecturing you, tree. I was just trying to caution you about letting slip some thoughts that he should never know about. Where do I get this stuff? Right out of my head. I know how I want sex to be for me, and I know he’d never recover from the “whore” thoughts because I can’t.
Don't apologize Andy... there are times when a good lecture is called for. Even more importantly the male perspective and the "
husband" perspective is critical, cuz of course being female I have no clue where men'
s thoughts are at on a good day never mind mediocre one!
With you I always know it's coming from the right place.
keep it coming!
tree
Maybe I come across a little strong when it hits so close to home.
Well, I don't know if it hit home for tree, but it sure did for Wilma! Ouch.
I can't tell you how much -- and you can certainly see the fix I'm in now.
Thanks for the husband perspective, Andy!
wilma
ooooh kay.... soooooo tonight is last function of the work year for H. At this function same time LAST year... H didn't arrive home until after 4 AM... Function ended around 10 PM! hmmmm
I nearly said something and asked if he was going to repeat last year's performance by staying out all night and at least this year I'd be ready for it, however, I cound't get the right tone... without coming across too bitchy... so I pretty much just asked what time he thought he'd be home. I never did get an answer..
He does seem to be changing. Wish I could find all my threads from last year so I can re read all that stuff. I have some stored on a file somewhere. Must track it down.
In any case as I just said somewhere else... last year this time... came home at 4 AM and 5 days later... fireworks after a 9 month dry spell... so perhaps that 4 AM thingy is what led to the 7 AM fireworks????
tree
moving along...
tree,
Every now and then, I read threads that are a year or so old....cary stuff!
IMP
IMP...
Have you been taking typing lessons from tree?
tree
ya did great w the whole dinner w co workers thingy. I just wanted you to know (I have said it before) but you have always been such an inspiration to me.
You have always admonished me to go slowlee slowlee..
thanks.
Duchess
ANDY ADNY even
Wow.. thanks for diggin out my threads.
You folks want history... read my very first thread... I had some great coaches... some very senior DBers in CLiff and Tom ... Tom really bonked me a couple of timew when I needed it!
My first thread is How to go dark.. and in between that is the hockey ticket one and the third is slow dancing... then think divorce is busted... THat first thread is quite long in the days before the 100 post rule was enforced... but grab a bottle of wine and read for a few hours and if I do say so.... we've come a long way my H and I!
Thanks again Andy!
tree
Tree, I just read a post from you on Wilma's thread:
quote:
H said "you don't remember the argument we had and you said you'd divorce me!??"
Frankly - I didn't remember it all. I couldn't even remember the argument. He was shocked. That D comment wounded him deeply. He said "that cut me like a knife. you have no idea"
SO I said... " no, I didn't have any idea. I can apologize now, but why did you never say anything to me?" His reply - "I assumed you meant it and it was just a matter of time!"
So I corrected that one, but he kept that one inside of him a looooooong time. I don't EVER use the D word in jest or otherwise any more either.
Assumptions, remarks in jest, WHO KNEW!!!! These guys are sensitive and they hold it all in creating waaaaaaaay bigger pain than they need to.
My H has said something similar. I made a comment that I do not remember, that at the time was probably in jest, that he just cannot let go (it was a comment that made him feel rejected sexually). He treats it like the pivitol comment of our entire marriage, the "straw that broke the camel's back" but I do not remember that comment at all. There is no way I can "prove" what I said or did not say, since I do not even remember the conversation. I spent a lot of time and energy being frustrated about his insistence about what I said, arguing with him, trying to convince him that it is stupid to hinge our whole future on one phrase or even one word. No good. My pride had to step aside. This is one where we have to agree to disagree (and not talk about it), and hopefully he will find some way to "forgive" me for something I do not think I did.
quote:
As for the neanderthals who can't deal with my name....I have yet to come up with a good come-back.
Actually, my H came up with a great comeback. He says "I (meaning he) decided not to change my name when we gor married." Generally good for a nervous laugh, then someone quickly changes the subject.
Hi Treesa...
Speaking of old posts, if you want a good laugh, take a look at this one...it's my favorite...lol
Nasty R8chels Rears her Ugly Head My, my, how things change with a little perseverance...
Anyway, thanks for your post on my thread...nice to see you and Phoenix are still interested..
I'm going to post a Cliff Notes version or the last couple of months any day now...just don't seem to have the energy lately! (It's all that dancing, I guess...lol)
I always enjoy your posts...your thoughts and your sense of humor. Keep on keeping on...it's a marathon, after all....*smile*....R8chel
Andy,
Typing lessons frome tree via stalks!
Treesa types good when she's paying attention.
My guess is that she's the virtuoso multi-tasker who while she's writing to us here is also fixing her boss's mistakes, doing a deep data-base search, ordering flowers for a secretaries' birthday, fluffing up teeny-bopper on the phone and trying to figure out what to fix for dinner when she gets home.
So what's a coupla' typos in the big pitcher?
Ahhoooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!
Hey Tree,
I was just thinking of you this week. I went to the Italian restaurant we went to for lunch last year. My girlfriends took me there on my anniversary (remember spending it with me at the Mow with IAC last year? Boy, you guys are great!).
I was just reading your latest and you are right. You and your H have come a very long way. You really are an amazing lady.
Happy Canada Day!
betty
Oh, and I have to add, my nails are a lovely colour of Peru-B-Ruby!
hey tree...glad to hear you're doing so well
wish I was on this board instead of the big d one.
catch up with you later
a
My goodness Tree Bark and look all coming out of the woodwork.... ( groan... bad metaphors.. but hey!)
Thanks folks... Nice to see YOU ALL!!! Betty... check yr email honey!
R8ch... I see ya checkin on hotmail and will have to IM you... I tend not to "pursue" if I see someone on... I wait til they ping me first...
did I just give something away....
I guess I might need to be a little more assertive. heehee
Stalks... you are there... but not always there ya know???
I/We seem to be moving forward thanks to Michele's methods, my C, and own sense of perserverance and patience.. (Blacksheep you listening!!!) Never mind that I am now thinking that perhaps my H really wanted to leave he just doesn't know how else to "fix" the problems. Without the DB strategies and all I've learned who knows where I'd be - in fact where we'd all be - today.
Not that I feel at all successful .... yet.... BUT most importantly you guys are ALL fantastic... the coaching and help we get here.is critical to our sanity and day to day getting through this... it's friendship - which those who haven't done this or gone through it... don't "get" You guys are all PALS!!!
keep the faith.. a la TBear... and I am no where near done yet... keep coming back!
To the Canadians... Happy Long weekend and Canada Day folks!
Your welcome, tree (for the links).
You and I met (cyberly) as you were about to start the slow dance. I never went back through your older threads until now, though I guess I had a pretty good idea what was happening from our (oh too few) face to face meetings.
Yes indeed, you
have come a long way!
As I read your older threads, a couple of things struck me.
Early on, you diagnosed your H with MLC. I can’t argue that he had (still has?) all the symptoms, but as you started to DB, even your daughters thought you were getting pretty squirrelly. It struck me that DBing has a large element of fighting fire with fire. How’s
your MLC going, tree? Mine’s thriving
So, we carry on DBing and our spouse starts to wonder if our bodies have been taken over by aliens. They start to put inordinate significance on off hand comments that we made such as, “I’ll divorce you.” We don’t even remember such insignificant remarks, but through their MLC fog, it seems important somehow.
Well, that’s their problem, isn’t it? We’re not going to get sucked into their melodrama!
There were times (as you’ll remember) when I found myself defending W on my threads. She had said some apparently heartless things to me and some DBers kept wondering how she could treat such a “great guy” like that.
Well, I guess our spouses can say the wrong thing sometimes, too.
Go figure!
Hey, Betty
I've been thinking about you, too!
And, tree...
You're more successful than you know. You really are!
Happy Canada Day!
Camp next week... I will be cooking for 32 kids. H will be around part of the time too. The rest of the week he will be doing renos on our bathrooms thanks to the inheritance I received. We went to stores picking out sinks, toilets, new tub pieces etc.... what fun. H has definite ideas about colour, style, what he wants ....
It's easier I find, since I am not as opinionated on these things... to go with his flow.... Made it much easier to manage.
These are projects I have wanted done for a looong time and H kept saying we couldn't afford it... well we can now and I have sugested the week we are away would be a good time to put in all this stuff. He asked if I would "pay" him, so I winked, and said of course I would. H will do the work himself. Off shopping to yet another bath hardware place to find a tub and shower unit he likes. Funny how what I like doesn't really enter into the equation but it doesn't bother me either. I just want it fixed!
Have paint will travel!
Tree
Your energy always floors me. Cooking for 32 kids
. I did tell TS that I wanted to help out after work with band camp and he said "Please Mom, just don't ok? I REALLY don't want you to become a band mom!". Later he said if I really really wanted to then ok but he really really hoped I didn't want to.
He's thinking of going for B-ball this year. We'll see. He's cleared 6' now but I hope he inherited his ability from my dad and not me cause I'm a real klutz...
So you've survived another crisis of omg....good for you! I'm glad you're getting your bathroom redone too and that he's doing it. Gives me hope
.
Just wanted to check in cause I hadn't in a while. Just in the neigborhood - please, don't get up, I know my way around enough to let myself out...
hi tree,
I just read a reply you posted on a newcomer thread and am hoping you could take a stop by mine to straighten me out a bit.
thanx
LL
Tree-I'd like to read your threads-Where are they so I can start at the beginning and see what your story is all about. Just reading this one has peaked my interest, and I'd love some PMA as mine is in the pitts at best shall we say. Insecurities out the wazoo from H's affair-anxiety and panic so bad I am contemplating a leave of absense from work. That in itself sets me off-How can I be so irresponsible! What kind of nutcase lets this take over their life when H has said A is over and is not having any contact with her at all(how do we ever know that-will someone tell me please????) Now I dwell in the land of anxiety and am trying to keep my mouth shut when I want to ask a million questions to get that security we all crave after the discovery of an A. Andy...I've been good-no mention of her for over a week-almost 2!! I have duck tape in my pocket justincase I start to feel out of control with wanting reasurrance.. Do we ever ask for reassuranse, or just go by thier actions? H calls every day-tells me he loves me every day, wants sex just about every day, spends almost all free time with me, so....why can't I get past the betrayal thing?(a 2 1/2 yr affair) When he left for six months -the panic attacks set in and he's back and here I am at home instead of work because I went in-had instant panic and left.
Every day its like this-I wanna be normal again!!
My thread is in peicing-togehter again. Andy put it all in there since I was all over the place.
Tell me how you got to where you are now Tree! Do I shut up and act "as if" or what? Oh yeah-we go to C too. I really screwed that one up last week-ranted and raved about the A for a whole 2 hrs! C was upset she let it get to that-regretted immediately all I had done and said when we left, and have not said a word about the A since. Where do they go though when you feel the distance? Sounds like you've come a long way and I'm an information gatherer-if you don't mind sharing. Rachel M.
Rachael...
There are links to trees other threads posted at about the middle of this thread.
Andy
Thanks Andy-How are you???
Rachel... My H never had a full blown PA thank God! The EA though and fantasy is still no fun. It's been over 18 months now.... so talk about slowlee slowlee.
You might want to connect with Laney, who is dealing with what sounds like a similar sitch to yours. She could use a comrade!
Andy's put all my threads in the one place. The first one is How do you go dark when living with kids... It's from the days when we had 45 million posts to a thread! Not quite as bad as Nigel... but working on it!
Camping IMP... well... I stay with three other moms in the cabin we lovingly call "Shangri-La" It has hot and cold running water with all the mod cons. Beats the bunks any time! 31 kids and 15 adults needed food everyday and that was my main job. Did one very easy craft activity with the darlings. The weather was mostly good. Two very cold nights. Kids still went into the lake every day.
H comes up and does his thing with the kids for a couple of days. For him to be home though is a treat, so he came and went.
Lack of edit button and hitting the wrong key sent this off before I finished!
Needless to say... a good time was had by all. I have a mountain of laundry to do.
H and I are now choosing new bathroom stuff for two bathrooms... And NOT even at Home Depot. We are shopping in the upscale bath and kitchen stores... okay... Home Depot didn't have what we wanted... but ... three week delivery time and then we are off to the races. Colour and stuff just isn't as important to me... he's thought this through... Am I married to the only man in the world who has very strong opinions on how the house and rooms should be decorated?!
I've learned... not worth getting my knickers in a twist... so I don't. He wants blue, we'll go blue. The kids though, have a wacky sense of what they want in the other bathroom... who knows if I'll live through that one! I will watch him the 14 yr old hormonally charged one argue over colours! Could be fun! Bets are on!
Andy is on page 3.... WHAT does that mean? Time for a new thread Man!
tree
middle of pager three on this thread are all the links Andy - that sweetie -
put together for me!
there you go Rachel....
http://www.divorcebusting.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=40;t=000459;p=3
quote:
Originally posted by treesa2:
middle of pager three on this thread are all the links Andy - that sweetie - put together for me!
there you go Rachel.... http://www.divorcebusting.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=40;t=000459;p=3
Ya'd think that I would have thought to post a link to the links, wouldn't ya?
Nobody's complaining Andy-you link us all together because none of us have a clue!!
Thanks Andy-we'd be lost without you!! Rachel M.
I'd love to hook with Laney if only I could find her! Anyone know? Rachael M.
tree,
I have strong opinions too. My ex complained after the bomb that I didn't let her have her way in our living room for the floor. I pointed out that she agreed that the eventual solution (my idea) was the best solution. She said yes, but you that I still didn't listen to her.
IMP
tree,
Although today, I am much more of a pussycat! I would have gone along.
IMP
Hi Trees -
How are things? Give us a yap!
Ed
So... as I was tellin Mick else where...
the In-laws... H's parents... pulled their annual trick... "hi we're here!" They drive for two or three
days from their city to ours... never give us advance warning and we rarely know when they are gonna show up.
I used to get very pissed with this complete respect for our time but H and I decided about 5 or 6 years ago that we aren't going to change them. They can show up but we are not changing our plans if they are not considerate enough to talk to us in advance. Several years they've missed us completely because we were heading out of town, or out to friends, and they STILL don't get it. sigh...
So they show up and H is knee deep in um... toilet fixtures and removing yucky flooring.
I watch this man turn to complete mush as his father walks in the door. EVERYTHING he does from the moment that man crosses the threshhold is about looking for dad's approval. I am at work in my office in the "penthouse" and refuse to budge... except to say "hello must get back to work!"
H leaves powder room in shambles, and starts figuring out what to do for dinner. OMG... it was unbelievable watching this capable, talented, articulate man start to do ANYTHING to get dad to say something decent. MIL is a martyr and really just follows along and does what she is told. sigh.... complaining about it to anyone who will listen. She is not well, but has been complaining about her variety of illness for the last twenty years too.
It alwyas gets stressful as I have a hard time buying into this set of family dynamics and saw myself reverting back to some bitchiness. NOW I realize why it's happening. THANKS oh wise COunsellor! H is working hard to get attention from the old man, tries too hard, gets me to buy into the drama and I look at him WTF? it's just a bad movie all the way around. IT's truly surprising I haven't told the old man to bugger off looooooong before now! Respect for H has usually kept me zipped up!
THIS year... I just went with the flow... ignored MILs martyr statements, played sous-chef to H and just stayed calm....
In laws can't stay with us - no spare room for the time being, so off they go to their OTHER home away from home, shortly after dinner. H goes back to powder room demolition, and I grab a glass of wine and go play poker with the 9 yr old... She beat me... plays for pennies.
that's a whole other story!
tree...
piecing... with a torn bit... but mending it nicely!
http://www.mondominishows.com/shows/happy_tree_friends/Ya gotta love it... Is TRee the disco bunnie, or the cuddly bunny?
This is just too hysterical...
it's the weekend... as of NOW!
Tree - you have got to be Disco Bear. (i have seen the piano pic!
) I will be Giggles.
love ya
swl
quote:
Originally posted by treesa2:
I watch this man turn to complete mush as his father walks in the door. EVERYTHING he does from the moment that man crosses the threshhold is about looking for dad's approval
Hello Tree..........you reelly got something going here. This is the first I've heard about this dynamic though I admit to not having memorized everything you've posted so you might have brought this up before..... One of the difficulties in my marriage was my inability to "stand up to" my fairly intrusive father, who lives only about 30 minutes from here. The family dynamic when he was around would get very squirrelly: My F is controlling, talks compulsively almost non-stop and will be oblivious to everything else, I would get withdrawn and irritable with my poor kids, W would be frantic trying to keep everything cheery, meals would be torturous. It wasn't until the past six months or year that I've finally confronted my own problems and demons with my father, who at 82 ain't gonna change, and have started to have a more realistic and tolerable relationship with him. It's amazing that at my age of 48 years he could still have such an effect on me!
SOOOOOOOOO..........you are doing the right thing. That last encounter you had, in my opinion, showed really good self-caring behavior on your part. I'm serious! It seems to me that you took the single most important step of NOT buying into that dynamic. Keep doing it It would be great to somehow get your H to look at his own behavior and have him learn to overcome this glitch in his development (at some point we are supposed to rebel against our parent's authority and leave that aspect of the parent/child R behind) but then that would be moving into the area of trying to control him or fix him and setting yourself up for resentment.
Maybe someday later when you two talk to each other ( me ducking and running for cover ).
the Dawg
Thanks Ble Ed.. and Lily (I take it the
was because you too believed I did a good thing here?)
Glad I could help Dawg. ( IT's SO nice to see you here more often again!)
H is turning 50 this year... 40 was hell I don't have a clue what 50 will bring,
and HIS dad is almost 85 or 86 I believe. Same thing... he ain't gonna change and whether or not H ever realizes HOW he behaves and WHAT he does, is most certainly not for me to get into it with him.
the NEW CALM and ( probably half soused)
tree
ON TOP I hope for 100!
tree,
Soused at this time of the afternoon! Are you in a sales meeting?
IMP
Tree,
I just wanted to say thanks for visiting my thread. Your words of caution couldn't have been more timely as things have taken a turn for the worse. (More about that is on my thread.)
I have noticed you haven't been around much lately and I hope that means it is going well for you...
'til later,
KAW
Hey treeeeeeeeeesa :
Where ya at young lady? Inquiring minds and all......
Ed
Hey Treeee-
It's me Deb! Long time now ??read?? I lost my computer but am using my sister's for a few days maybe months! Her H left her and she is staying with me now! 2 girls on their own now! Give me a buzz, it's been a long time. I never got back with Vince, the divorce is just about final. His choice, not mine of course. Keep in touch-K? Love to hear from you. IM me if you get the chance. email-debebbitt01@yahoo.com
Hope to hear from you soon! (before I lose my computer priviledges again! lol)
Deb aka Lonedove
Hey Teresa,
I was referred to you by your peers. Y.Vitalis and struggling with marital instability. I am just not too sure that my marriage could be saved. Are you married and did you go through this trying time? Hope I could hang on to the encouragement and support on this message board.
Thanks
quote:
Originally posted by bluedogg:
Hey treeeeeeeeeesa :
Where ya at young lady? Inquiring minds and all......
Ed
She's moved on to... piecing and renovating... similarities
Good morning Tree! Hope you had a most wonderful weekend. I could really use your sage advice. I am really wanting to give up trying to get my H back.
I don't know if it is the "alien" talking or if it truly is him and that he may be a very damaged person. I read through your thread about the childhood things your H dealt with. Sounds very similar to my H's childhood. Very dysfunctional. However, we all become adults and learn to be the people we're going to be in spite of our upbringings.
In any event, my H recently pulled something that just made be so upset with him. My d was at his house for dinner and he told her and her step-sisters that things were going to get ugly between us and that he didn't love me any more. I am all that my d has (her father is non-existent) and to tell her that just upset her terribly. Now is he telling mutual acquaintenances of ours that when I left the house, I took a sledge hammer to all of the furniture he made! Not even remotely true -- I didi break a few things the day after I found out about the A/OW - but I calmed down after that and even apologized for what I had done.
Accordingly, I'm thinking things have just gone way too far to ever be repaired. hoing his best to make sure that he hurts me, makes up things to make me look bad, telling my d these things and making her feel bad -- all to make himself look better. How do you deal with this?
Coudl really use some words from you Tree. I don't know if this M is salvagable and if he's telling the kids this, he must really mean it. Why would he want to hurt them in the process of all of this?
Melly
Very interesting parent stuff here. I'm struggling with my own parents and realizing I gotta get that right too to get my life right. Also just had to see how this new reply mode works!