The Marriage Breakthrough & chronic illness - 07/22/05 06:34 AM
Michele,
I just bought TMB and we have only watched 3 hours so far, but still I think it's one of the best expenditures I have ever made! When we started watching it, my husband had been arguing for a divorce all day. Afterward, he actually kissed me on the way out the door to golf! We will watch the rest tomorrow.
I have a few questions. The tape starts off saying a little about the devastation caused by divorce, but not too much. The devastation mentioned is mostly about how it spreads to kids, and family. We have no family and no friends who care. It truly would not affect anyone else, in our case. But it would devastate me in my ability to survive. We are older, both disabled but he has all the resources. Do you have a chapter of a book or tape that talks about the effects of divorcing in a chronic illness? In my case I would never be able to live independently again if he divorced me, as my health deteriorated in our marriage of 3 years.
It seems like chronic illness and aging would be an important concept to educate us about, because of all the baby boomers reaching the senior era!
Also, the tape begins on a premise that a spouse who does not love back just doesn't have an "open heart". That's fine and true, but if they are the healthy one who really wants to "be free again" and they really do not care much for you and do not respect you, then what can you do? Just get a life of your own (not easily with chronic illnesses making you dependent and holding you back).
Also, the part where you each make a list of what you would like given in small acts of love to each other. Well I have tried this before - trading lists with him. He has a total inability to access his needs and wants. The *only* thing he wrote down was that he wants me to allow him to be silent and honor that. The problem is that he wants to be off the hook ALL the time for communicating any needs. He never asks for sex. He never asks me to cook a meal. He never tells me his desires. And I DO ask. And yet he complains that I try to read his mind. Michele, you said on the DVD that we can't read others minds. Well, if you were married to my husband, you'd see that you are forced into it. I love him but it's so miserable trying to guess all the time what it is he wants or desires or thinks or feels. I can't imagine what kind of wound occurred way back when to make him this way (he's 60).
Thank you again for the great DVD. I hope someone can refer me to marital resources for the elderly and/or chronically ill.
I just bought TMB and we have only watched 3 hours so far, but still I think it's one of the best expenditures I have ever made! When we started watching it, my husband had been arguing for a divorce all day. Afterward, he actually kissed me on the way out the door to golf! We will watch the rest tomorrow.
I have a few questions. The tape starts off saying a little about the devastation caused by divorce, but not too much. The devastation mentioned is mostly about how it spreads to kids, and family. We have no family and no friends who care. It truly would not affect anyone else, in our case. But it would devastate me in my ability to survive. We are older, both disabled but he has all the resources. Do you have a chapter of a book or tape that talks about the effects of divorcing in a chronic illness? In my case I would never be able to live independently again if he divorced me, as my health deteriorated in our marriage of 3 years.
It seems like chronic illness and aging would be an important concept to educate us about, because of all the baby boomers reaching the senior era!
Also, the tape begins on a premise that a spouse who does not love back just doesn't have an "open heart". That's fine and true, but if they are the healthy one who really wants to "be free again" and they really do not care much for you and do not respect you, then what can you do? Just get a life of your own (not easily with chronic illnesses making you dependent and holding you back).
Also, the part where you each make a list of what you would like given in small acts of love to each other. Well I have tried this before - trading lists with him. He has a total inability to access his needs and wants. The *only* thing he wrote down was that he wants me to allow him to be silent and honor that. The problem is that he wants to be off the hook ALL the time for communicating any needs. He never asks for sex. He never asks me to cook a meal. He never tells me his desires. And I DO ask. And yet he complains that I try to read his mind. Michele, you said on the DVD that we can't read others minds. Well, if you were married to my husband, you'd see that you are forced into it. I love him but it's so miserable trying to guess all the time what it is he wants or desires or thinks or feels. I can't imagine what kind of wound occurred way back when to make him this way (he's 60).
Thank you again for the great DVD. I hope someone can refer me to marital resources for the elderly and/or chronically ill.