Now what# 3/cautious optimism - 09/24/19 03:05 PM
Previous Thread:
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2861784#Post2861784
In summary:
Me: 57, H now 60, m 25 yrs, together 30 some odd (off and on before M). No children.
Marriage got rocky about 15 years ago-communication issues primarily, H refused any suggestion of counselling. H has issues around death and dying (parents died in his 20's, best friend at 50, H always thinks he's going to die before 60). I 'm off work with breast cancer for a year-diagnosed 6 years ago. Consumer debt as a result. Working overtime ++, H refuses to discuss/look at finances. I'm responsible for pretty much everything-money/banking/house/cooking/shopping etc. We live on a hobby farm. H emotionally checks out 2 years ago. I'm dealing with mother with severe dementia, father with mild dementia.
BD#1: June 4: "there's nothing to talk about, our marriage was over 15 years ago".
June 5: I get phone call, my mother is now palliative and dying. I go to her care home, spend 3 days there until she passes.
June 9: Home, H has left facebook messenger open-apparent EA with "friend at work", callous messages to other friends about how it's so peaceful at home without me there.
June 14: Ends EA, comes home tells me he "loves me forever, it's always been me, he will do what it takes".
BD #2: June 19: 1 hr before MC-ILYBINILWY, we'll be friends.
Mixed messages ++
Mid August: Confesses to me he had a PA 15 years ago for 6 months, and has 'been consumed by guilt" ever since.
Sept 4: Wants to come home. Has been ++more communicative, has been telling me what he's doing, staying at sisters,
Currently: So he's home on days off (we live out of town), sister's when working. Has his ham radio tracker on all the time, I can see where he is. No unexplained locations for past month. EA is off facebook. Says he hasn't talked to her in over a month. cautiously dating again. I'm in IC, he has not gone yet, but has discussed it with his sister and myself.
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In summary:
Me: 57, H now 60, m 25 yrs, together 30 some odd (off and on before M). No children.
Marriage got rocky about 15 years ago-communication issues primarily, H refused any suggestion of counselling. H has issues around death and dying (parents died in his 20's, best friend at 50, H always thinks he's going to die before 60). I 'm off work with breast cancer for a year-diagnosed 6 years ago. Consumer debt as a result. Working overtime ++, H refuses to discuss/look at finances. I'm responsible for pretty much everything-money/banking/house/cooking/shopping etc. We live on a hobby farm. H emotionally checks out 2 years ago. I'm dealing with mother with severe dementia, father with mild dementia.
BD#1: June 4: "there's nothing to talk about, our marriage was over 15 years ago".
June 5: I get phone call, my mother is now palliative and dying. I go to her care home, spend 3 days there until she passes.
June 9: Home, H has left facebook messenger open-apparent EA with "friend at work", callous messages to other friends about how it's so peaceful at home without me there.
June 14: Ends EA, comes home tells me he "loves me forever, it's always been me, he will do what it takes".
BD #2: June 19: 1 hr before MC-ILYBINILWY, we'll be friends.
Mixed messages ++
Mid August: Confesses to me he had a PA 15 years ago for 6 months, and has 'been consumed by guilt" ever since.
Sept 4: Wants to come home. Has been ++more communicative, has been telling me what he's doing, staying at sisters,
Currently: So he's home on days off (we live out of town), sister's when working. Has his ham radio tracker on all the time, I can see where he is. No unexplained locations for past month. EA is off facebook. Says he hasn't talked to her in over a month. cautiously dating again. I'm in IC, he has not gone yet, but has discussed it with his sister and myself.