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Posted By: Rouky cheers to my new adventure - 04/27/17 02:40 PM
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...139#Post2736139

This is my previous post.

I always think about all of you here and how much you have offered me support, listened to me or guided me. There are still some good days and bad days, but I have finally made the decision to close the door for good.

I have been refusing to see the truth that was in front of my eyes all this time (not too bad as it only took me two years and two months. Hahaha!) but now that there is no hope for reconciliation I feel like a weight has been lifted. At times when I think about my past life I still have a sting in my heart but the uneasy feeling fades away within 5 minutes.

OW updated her FB profile picture with the two of them within a week of ex receiving the divorce petition. Ex is contesting the ground for divorce, so I'm getting prepared for an ugly battle. Since he received the papers he is displaying the same behaviour I have seen towards his first partner. There is a lot of anger from him as he blames me for I don't know why and I don't want to be in the receiving hand of it.

I still GAL and I'm proud of myself as I went on holidays on my own with my kids and later on with a girlfriend. My life isn't exciting but I'm doing a lot of personal development so if/when I meet someone else I'm in n healthy place.
Posted By: Pax_luv Re: cheers to my new adventure - 04/27/17 03:04 PM
I'm proud of you Rouky. In closing the door for good, you are taking control of your life and proving to yourself that you value YOU! And you are placing yourself above the bs/nonsense of those who have no backbone when it comes to loyalty and commitment. That is the strength that you have been needing.... And look how far you've come. You even did a holiday on your own!

We all know our ex's are no prize and their behavior continues to demonstrate this. Stay true to yourself! It will get easier (so I've heard.... I'm still practicing myself)

I was talking with a new girlfriend the other day and she mentioned that she was briefly married as well.... She called him her practice husband. I loved that!

Stay well Rouky and keep stretching yourself!
Posted By: shotgun Re: cheers to my new adventure - 04/27/17 06:44 PM
Very proud of you Rouky. Sorry that the divorce is so ugly. He is feeling a loss of control and that will drive him crazy for a while. Stay strong and stay beautiful and do what you have to do for yourself. He sure is. Love always, Mark
Posted By: kml Re: cheers to my new adventure - 04/28/17 10:58 AM
Yeah, funny how the WAS usually drags their feet on the divorce, many of them either can't be bothered or are upset you're not patiently waiting around as Plan B. Just remember this part is just business. Don't let him bully you emotionally, and don't attach emotion to the business proceedings.
Posted By: Rouky Re: cheers to my new adventure - 05/09/17 12:59 PM
Had a tiny step back today. Usually life is good and I enjoy it as I'm in a better place than two years even a year ago. I Ike my own company, GAL (mainly at weekend as got kids' activities during the week), I'm way better off financially now, but today I cried when I got a call from solicitor telling me that ex no longer contest the ground for filing for divorce.

On this one his solicitor has been a good adviser as it would have cost ex a lot more if he were to challenge me (and I know that he has problems with money). Even if I knew it was coming in two week I will get my decree nisis and 6 weeks later I can be officially divorced. I cried not because I miss ex and want him back, but because I felt like a failure as I took my vows not light hearted but it wasn't the case for ex.

I'm not lying that there was still 1% of hope that he would realised what he was throwing away. I'm worried that my heart is on a self protective mode and it will become hard. At the moment I don't believe in love and I'm nowhere near ready to date, but I feel that ex has never been prepared to support me with my depression ( that started before his mum died) and that he took all the best part of me to feed himself with whatever he is missing and once he noticed he had taken everything he went onto his next victim ( maybe OW won't be his next victim).

I just hope that somewhere somehow God will balance it all for me.
Posted By: shotgun Re: cheers to my new adventure - 05/09/17 01:42 PM
God will balance it all for you Rouky. He will help you heal and move on from this. Believe me when I tell you there will be a day when you are thankful that your husband did this. It wasn't long ago that I would have never believed what i just said but it is now true. Good people like us are very high in demand and something much better is coming! Love always, Mark
Posted By: Pax_luv Re: cheers to my new adventure - 05/10/17 10:26 PM
Ditto what Shotgun said.

I know it's hard, but I hope in time you start to feel a sense of relief vs a sense of sadness.

I understand exactly what you are saying.... And it S@cks that our spouses didn't (and still don't) have the conviction we have, but there is absolutely nothing we can do about the past. Nothing except learn from it and move forward. Continue as you have been,,,, it will get better.

Hugs, Rouky.
Posted By: Rouky Re: cheers to my new adventure - 05/13/17 03:45 PM
Everyday that goes by I'm stronger. One of my friend asked me the following question:'what is your stronger point?'. At first I thought strength but I know I'm strong, then courage came to my mind and it is the strongest part of me.

As a teenager I had to stand up to my mum to achieve my dream (teaching in the UK) and for me it wasn't real strength but courage to stand up for what I believed. Recently I also realised that I have courage as I could have easily packed my bags and moved back to my home country when my marriage broke down and I didn't. I have courage because I'm now a single mother in a country which isn't my home country and with no family support. I have courage because I decided to deal with depression without the help of medication.

All of us here have courage as we carry on despite having being it by a bus. All of us have courage to believe that life has a lot much more to offer us (may it be with our spouse or not).

I had to have a laugh despite my tears when I signed my petition for my decree nisi. I am mourning my marriage not my ex-husband but it took him 4 days between the moment he received the petition and when he actually signed it. I couldn't stop laughing as he is he one who doesn't want to be part of my life and he knew that the petition was coming his way. It took me one day from the day to receive the paper to sign it and dropped it to solicitor. I'm ready to move on with my life.

What ex does now doesn't effect me. I know I will always love him but I know that my life is WAY much better, healthier and happier now. I know now that I'm courageous and worthy of so much more than ex was giving me. I am on another level and too far ahead of ex if he was ever to come back. He is still the same, I'm a better person (not comparing with him) but in a sense that I have dealt with all/ almost all of my issues and I feel at peace with myself. NOW I'M TRULY ME and I will never go back to who I was.
Posted By: Rouky Re: cheers to my new adventure - 05/13/17 03:47 PM
Pressed the button too early. I have found me and I never want to let go of her.
God bless you all xx
Posted By: shotgun Re: cheers to my new adventure - 05/14/17 12:35 PM
God Bless you Rouky and never let go of the beautiful person you are! Love always, Mark
Posted By: Rouky Re: cheers to my new adventure - 05/14/17 02:42 PM
Thank you Shotgun as every time I hear from you there is a big smile on my face.
Got some news from my parents and both have been put on chemotherapy until the end. My dad is more serious as his bone marrow is no longer responding and being on chemotherapy for the rest of his life is what is going to keep him alive.

I'm so different with my reaction than before DB, I'm not saying it doesn't hurt but I have managed to detach from it all as there is nothing I can do about it. Now I know what detachment means.
Posted By: shotgun Re: cheers to my new adventure - 05/16/17 06:30 PM
Rouky I am so sorry about your parents. Chemo is a rough go. I promise you there will be some blessings through everything though. God gave me peace through my treatment and he will give peace to your family as well. I will keep all of you in my prayers.

I hope your children are well and you are enjoying your work. Keep being beautiful and embrace your new found freedom. Something special is waiting for you and for me as well. This is such a tough awakening to the cruelty that exists in the hearts of men but we are the good people and we will reap a reward for our having lived in the truth.

Love always, Mark
Posted By: Rouky Re: cheers to my new adventure - 05/27/17 06:29 AM
Thank you so much Shotgun for your kind words.

I'm not on here often as it breaks my heart to read about the new commers here and also it brings me to a past that I want to leave behind.

I should be divorced in 5 weeks now and I'm ok with it. I'm sad at times because I gave everything I had to my marriage but I lost myself big time.

Each day that goes by ex is showing that he hasn't learned from his two failed relationships. Kids told me that he said he had to sale a part of his garden as he has no money ( why aren't I surprised). Also I found out that ex is dumping our kids with OW while he works the weekend he has them (ex used to do that with my SD). Kids even told me that when he comes to see them during weekdays he takes them to some of his jobs.

I know people have different view on things but from what I can see, he isn't spending quality time with his kids. He did it to start with, but as Job said a leopard doesn't change his spots and it took ex less than a year of each of us living in separate houses to go back to his old self.

As for OW I'm annoyed that she looks after my kids but there is nothing I can do as it's their weekend with their dad.
Posted By: Pax_luv Re: cheers to my new adventure - 06/21/17 03:39 PM
Hi there, Rouky.

Just stopping by and wishing you well. Hope things are going well in your world.
Posted By: twinmom Re: cheers to my new adventure - 06/22/17 04:11 PM
How are you doing Rouky? I think about you often and hope that you have found someone to share a movie/laugh/vent with. (Not necessarily romantic). I hope you are feeling happy and have a calm summer.
Posted By: Rouky Re: cheers to my new adventure - 06/29/17 05:21 AM
Hi everyone,

Life has been good to me so far and I was doing so well, unfortunately things unexpected happened and I'm back to square one like two years ago.

Kids' grandfather (my ex's dad) has been taken seriously ill to hospital and the outcome is bleak. My ex sisters in law couldn't get hold of ex so they asked me to help (had to call OW). Went to see him to say my farewell in hospital but this is triggering a lot of emotions:

A) I still love ex and want him back ( but this will never happen)

B) it brings me back to when his mother died and it brings back all the things ex said about me to everyone for not supporting him (reminder: my dad had been diagnosed with Laekemia two months earlier and was in sterile room in hospital, my eldest was 19 months and had a newborn of 6 weeks). So I feel really low as I believed that if I had done things differently I might have been able to save my marriage.

C) I'm jealous as OW is the one supporting him and I'm not given a chance to do that and rectify what I did wrong when his mum died.

D) My divorce went to court and in 6 weeeks I can apply to make it final. I'm regretting filing. When I did it it was the right thing to do as I couldn't live in limbo and I didn't want my kids to be brought up believing that it's ok to STILL be married but living with someone else.

E) I'm lonely (even if I go out a lot) as I come home to no one to talk to about my day, to cuddle to. I have given up on online dating as it's not for me (I don't like it).

So as you can see I'm pretty low. Rang my family for support and was told why was I crying for over my ex FIL. This man has been part of my life for 12 years ,and even if his son (ex) is who he is, because of what and how he treated my MIL had an impact on ex interaction with women, I still love him as he is part of my family.
Posted By: kml Re: cheers to my new adventure - 06/29/17 11:32 AM
First of all, let me say I'm so sorry about your ex-FIL. My ex-FIL had treatment for lung cancer last year and although he and I were not particularly close, I do feel badly that I cannot do more than send a card at this point.

Second - duck, because I'm swinging a 2 x 4:
Quote:
A) I still love ex and want him back ( but this will never happen)


Did you forget that this is a man who dumped his first woman, then dumped you with his kids as well, and has been unstable in his work history and attitude and basically was a lousy husband even before he left? You HAVE to take off the rose-colored glasses and see him for who he really is. He's NOT a good man and you deserve MUCH MUCH better.
Posted By: WillDo Re: cheers to my new adventure - 06/29/17 03:01 PM
You have the strength to cope. How do I know? Revealing it here on the dorum shows that. Try to have comfort with your kids. Maybe they don't understand you at the moment but they will show immense gratitude in the future.
Posted By: Rouky Re: cheers to my new adventure - 07/05/17 11:47 AM
A bit of a gossip.

Kids told me that ex and OW have split up. It seems to have been confirmed by him not having her as a friends and her changing her FB profile of the two of them for something else. How I feel about it? A huge weight has been lifted. i can't explain why but I really wish ex to be happy and I wouldn't mind if he has a new partner as long as it's not OW. I won't be upset if he has another woman but I really don't want him to settle down with the OW as I hold both responsible for the end of my marriage.

FIL is no longer in coma. He can hear things but can't move his body and he is blind. Ex told me that he might have to go to an hospice and that ex will need to change his car to accommodate a disabled person. Then he carried on to say out loud to the girls while I could still hear him that as he is going to hospital to see his dad my SIL will give the kids their breakfast and will take them to school tomorrow.

To be honest I don't see his need to give me information about his whereabouts tomorrow. As far you m concerned he is a responsible adult and what he does with the girls during his time is none of my concern.

Also ex texted to see if I wanted kids next week on his night because it will be my birthday. I was shocked by his text as ex last year completely forgot my birthday, but was has really knocked me out was that he thought about it a week in advance. Ex always does thing last minute! I just replied that was very kind of him but I can't as I have made other arrangements (I thought that as ex forgot my birthday last year and Mother's Day this year, I will not get my kids on my birthday!). I still will see them in the morning.

Then to finish off ex rang to ask me where I was because he was sat outside my house 1h30 earlier than his normal pick up time! He knows that on Wednesday the kids have a sport activity. Also he could have stayed by the side of his car when he saw kids (he was only parked a door down), but no he had to come to my front door! He didn't even help the kids to carry their school stuff, so there was no need for him to be on my door step.

I'm not reading anything interesting into it but it was an odd interaction.,

I'm not havin
Posted By: shotgun Re: cheers to my new adventure - 07/06/17 01:26 PM
HI Rouky!
Posted By: JujuB Re: cheers to my new adventure - 07/09/17 10:18 AM
Sorry about your FIL and I hope you're children are handling this ok.

I am very glad to hear about the break up between your ex and OW. I have heard similar sentiment from other LBS...that they don't care if WS moves on, as long as it's not with affair partner, and i get it. The affair partners are just sleazy and pathrtic.

Hope you have a great birthday and I wish much happiness for you!
Posted By: Rouky Re: cheers to my new adventure - 07/12/17 11:16 AM
I love it when everything falls into place. I'm happy to say that the rope is finally and definitely dropped. Gosh it took me a while but the last remaining of feelings I had for my ex are gone. I'm WAY better off without him.

What happened: today was my birthday. Kids got me presents but at the same time said that they had to pay with their own money (that they earned from doing chores for me). Their dad told them to get their pocket money! Both of them are under 10! It got me fuming and I was sad for my kids.

The best part has to come yet. SD wished me a happy birthday and confirmed that ex is no longer with OW because he has been cheating on her with someone else. I had a good laugh when SD told me about it. For the last two years and a half I blamed myself and felt it was my fault all along, but today has proven me that IT ISN'T the case.

I did wonder if OW was the first one he cheated on me with, however it only lasted a minute as I will never know the truth and secondly even if his mum hadn't died now I believe that at one point he would have cheated on me.

I'm so relieved that this huge weight has been lifted of my shoulders as I was considering of taking him back (if he was to come back), but now not a chance. I'm so glad that his latest two actions (mainly the one towards our children) have killed and buried the last feelings I had for him.

I'm free. I had a great night with my friends and looked stunning.
Posted By: Sotto Re: cheers to my new adventure - 07/13/17 07:46 AM
Oh gosh Rouky!! Many happy returns to you and I'm glad your kids spoiled you using money they earned - bless them...

As for your ex - oh golly! I must admit, part of me would love to hear that about my XH - as far as I know he and OW are still going strong thus far....but I guess how he behaves is his business.

I would agree though that serial cheating is a big concern - If he didn't learn the first time - wow this is a really bad situation.

But the main thing as always is what you are doing and how you are feeling - and I'm glad you had a lovely day and looked stunning.

Xx
Posted By: Rouky Re: cheers to my new adventure - 07/14/17 07:01 AM
Just a little update and it's just really to vent.

Today my kids are having dinner with my ex to be introduced to his new girlfriend! Now the funny part is that he asked them not to tell me. I found out because my eldest confided in to my best friend. I'm wondering why ex ask my kids not to tell me. What it tells me on the other hand is that ex can't be honest with anyone and i hope the girls will realise how dishonest he is. I haven't lie to them on anything and I believe in honesty.

I won't lie to you it did hurt a bit as I felt it was too soon as the last time they saw OW was a month ago. Also it made me realised that as a mother I wouldn't introduce them to someone I only met a month ago! Also this new woman leaves an hour and a half away from my ex so I don't think that for the last month he drove back and forth between his house and new woman house as his father had a massive stroke 2 weeks ago. So he has been with new woman for a while now. I also don't see it last unless she moves in with him and her two kids. Apparently my kids are going to meet her two kids soon.

I can see a pattern clearly appearing here: I met SD a month after I moved in with ex, my kids met OW a month after e moved into his own house! As Job said old habits die hard, and now I can see that I had a lucky escape from ex. I don't really think his sisters will approve (my SD certainly doesn't), but as this new woman didn't break my mariage she will be welcome. I can see ex doing to new woman what he did to me and OW so at the moment it's honeymoon period. I have nothing against that woman. I just hope that she treats my kids well and I wish her good luck as ex has clearly not learnt from the failure of our relationship nor his with OW. I'm also sure that he hasn't told new woman about OW (not a good start for a relationship as it's based on lie and cheating from ex). For my kids it will be based on truth as ex told them that he was never longer with OW when he got with new woman (my kind are too young to understand the time frame).

On a very positive note I'm grateful that my marriage broke up in its eighth years as I can say I had a lucky escape! As I can now see that no matter what ex would have cheated on me and I would have had a miserable life.
Posted By: shotgun Re: cheers to my new adventure - 07/17/17 01:25 PM
Wow Rouky your ex is a real piece of work! I am proud of you for being a strong example to your children. You are amazing and will find love again so keep focused on those beautiful kids of yours.
Posted By: Rouky Re: cheers to my new adventure - 08/23/17 10:08 AM
Dear all,

I would like to thank you all for your help, advice and kind words over the last two years and a half. It is time for me to move on. My divorce got pronounced 3 days ago and two days before my wedding anniversary, so I see it as a sign from
God as closure. I have also learnt that when ex was away playing his sport he had a tendency of bringing back a girl to his hotel and after bragged about it to his mates.

I was sad and cried when I got the divorce paper and there was still a tiny weeny part of me that was hoping that ex would realise what he had let go. I also asked God for a way or sign to let me drop the last bit of rope that I had as I was fed up of being in pain. My wish got granted with the new information given today.

I now realise that I indeed had a lucky escape and that I could have lead a life of misery. I'm better now than I have ever been. Still got triggers but they will fade away with time. I came here to save my marriage and in the light of the new information I'm glad I didn't.

The only thing (if i can use this word) I have saved is me. I'm happier now, less stress and seeing life in such a more positive way than I could have ever imagined. So much better that I don't want to go back to who I was.

This is not a farewell as such but I'm looking in the front mirror not the back one. Shotgun I will really miss you (you have always had a special place in my heart and always will), I wish you well and I'm sure the next Mrs Shotgun will realise what a catch you are.

God bless you all xx
Posted By: job Re: cheers to my new adventure - 08/23/17 10:31 AM
Rouky,

I am so sorry about the divorce, as you have nicely put it...you have saved yourself and now, it's time to turn the page of your Life's Book and start a new chapter.

Please take care of yourself and stay in touch. The door is always open and your "DB" family is always here to welcome you.
Posted By: bttrfly Re: cheers to my new adventure - 08/23/17 12:17 PM
Rouky I'm so sorry about this and sorrier to read that you're moving on from us. I understand and support you. Please come back to visit. Much love, Bttrfly xoxoxoxoxo
Posted By: kml Re: cheers to my new adventure - 08/23/17 01:32 PM
I'm so glad you got that extra information to help you let go! Your ex was never worthy of you. Please make sure the next guy is everything you deserve in terms of character.
Posted By: Pax_luv Re: cheers to my new adventure - 08/27/17 07:24 AM
Rouky, I'm sorry to hear of the D and am saddened to hear you moving on, but I completely understand. Wishing you all the best and know that we're here for you, should you ever need it.

Xoxo
Posted By: JujuB Re: cheers to my new adventure - 08/28/17 01:46 AM
(((Rouky)))

He was leading a double life! Im glad this new info has allowed you to move on. There are so many wonderful things in store for you, once you allow yourself to embrace them. Best of luck to you.

J.
Posted By: shotgun Re: cheers to my new adventure - 09/10/17 08:17 AM
God Bless you Rouky. You have been a source of strength for me and I don't think I could have made it without you. You are amazing and some guy will be incredibly lucky to have you. Never forget the strength that lies within you and make sure to pass that strength on to your beautiful children. Who knows where this all leads but I believe God has a blessing in store for all of us here. Stay beautiful and know how much you are loved. Mark
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