Now I know - 09/24/16 12:51 PM
This is my first time posting. I've been lurking for quite some time and this site has saved my sanity more times than I care to admit. Some background on my marriage. We've had some ups and downs through the years. My husband has cheated a couple of times, each time I confronted him he lied until he had no choice but to tell the truth. That has always been his MO, he lies until I call his bluff.
In June he told me that he just wanted to be alone. This was after I tried talking to him about why he was pulling away. He had stopped wearing his wedding ring, was hugging the side of the bed, spent most of his time at home in the bathroom. I asked him if he wanted a divorce, and he couldn't answer me. He said that he just wanted to be alone, that it wasn't me or the kids.
He moved out and said he was moving into a basement with a room in a town about 45 minutes away. He had lived there for about 5 months last year when he moved out. Last year he moved out at bomb drop 1 when I got the ILYBINILWY speech. I thought we worked things out when he moved back in last August.
I felt like something was going on this time. I kept telling him I would like our daughter to spend time with him at his new place or even maybe I could come over just to see where he was. I even joked that I just wanted to make sure he wasn't living with an OW (the one he supposedly had a ONS with last year). Every time I brought it up there was always an excuse on why we couldn't come over. Then he started saying he was working every weekend. He's never had to work weekends. Then it was working later in the evenings. I noticed he was always checking in to see what I was doing.
During this time since he moved out in June he's been telling me he loves me, he came home and got his wedding ring and snapped a pic of him wearing it. When we met for lunch he had it on.
Well, anyway this past Tuesday I finally just said I wanted to come over. I got excuse after excuse why I couldn't. He kept saying the people he was renting from wouldn't let him have people over until he "cleared" it with them. I ended the conversation with "well clear it and let me know when I can come over". On Thursday I was telling a friend of mine the story and she agreed it sounded very shady and wondered if he could be living with OW. She was able to find her address. I drove by her house, which is in the same town that I live in and sure enough there was his car. This is after he texted me at 7PM telling me he was taking his medicine and would be knocked out. I went to the door and her daughter answered. She said that he wasn't there and that they were at a local bar, less than a mile from where I live. I called his cell and left him a message that I was coming to the bar. I'm guessing he didn't get the vm.
I went to the bar and as I walked in she saw me first. I stood next to him, he saw her looking at me and turned to see what she was looking at. I just looked him in the eye then walked away. I could tell he was drunk. This is a man who in all the years I've been with him got drunk maybe 5 times in 20 years. His dad was an alcoholic so he's always been very careful of that.
I haven't spoken to him since then. He tried to call me twice yesterday morning. I just don't understand. This whole time he's been talking about our future. He even said something last weekend about coming home and what it would take. I can't believe he has lived in the same town with me this whole time. My friend found a pic of them on her FB account, clearly at the same bar and drunk, even then.
I know from reading this site that most of this is classic MLC behavior. I can hear job saying "there is no making sense of them" but I hate this pain. I keep telling myself it's better to know the truth and what I'm actually dealing with.
I went online and downloaded a separation agreement and emailed it to him today. I kept it very simple. Told him I didn't want to talk to him and to please stay away. The OW is a lawyer and I told him to have her look it over. I told him it was over.
I've been working on GAL but after this hit I truly just want to lock myself in a room and cry. I'm normally really good about keeping my emotions locked in but for some reason this time I'm struggling with it. Maybe because this time I know it's over. I don't think we can come back from this betrayal.
I'm sorry for rambling so much.
I truly admire all the brave people on this site. Many of you have been an inspiration to me and one of my escapes has been following your journey. I hope that I can one day look back at my journeys and be proud of how I made it.
In June he told me that he just wanted to be alone. This was after I tried talking to him about why he was pulling away. He had stopped wearing his wedding ring, was hugging the side of the bed, spent most of his time at home in the bathroom. I asked him if he wanted a divorce, and he couldn't answer me. He said that he just wanted to be alone, that it wasn't me or the kids.
He moved out and said he was moving into a basement with a room in a town about 45 minutes away. He had lived there for about 5 months last year when he moved out. Last year he moved out at bomb drop 1 when I got the ILYBINILWY speech. I thought we worked things out when he moved back in last August.
I felt like something was going on this time. I kept telling him I would like our daughter to spend time with him at his new place or even maybe I could come over just to see where he was. I even joked that I just wanted to make sure he wasn't living with an OW (the one he supposedly had a ONS with last year). Every time I brought it up there was always an excuse on why we couldn't come over. Then he started saying he was working every weekend. He's never had to work weekends. Then it was working later in the evenings. I noticed he was always checking in to see what I was doing.
During this time since he moved out in June he's been telling me he loves me, he came home and got his wedding ring and snapped a pic of him wearing it. When we met for lunch he had it on.
Well, anyway this past Tuesday I finally just said I wanted to come over. I got excuse after excuse why I couldn't. He kept saying the people he was renting from wouldn't let him have people over until he "cleared" it with them. I ended the conversation with "well clear it and let me know when I can come over". On Thursday I was telling a friend of mine the story and she agreed it sounded very shady and wondered if he could be living with OW. She was able to find her address. I drove by her house, which is in the same town that I live in and sure enough there was his car. This is after he texted me at 7PM telling me he was taking his medicine and would be knocked out. I went to the door and her daughter answered. She said that he wasn't there and that they were at a local bar, less than a mile from where I live. I called his cell and left him a message that I was coming to the bar. I'm guessing he didn't get the vm.
I went to the bar and as I walked in she saw me first. I stood next to him, he saw her looking at me and turned to see what she was looking at. I just looked him in the eye then walked away. I could tell he was drunk. This is a man who in all the years I've been with him got drunk maybe 5 times in 20 years. His dad was an alcoholic so he's always been very careful of that.
I haven't spoken to him since then. He tried to call me twice yesterday morning. I just don't understand. This whole time he's been talking about our future. He even said something last weekend about coming home and what it would take. I can't believe he has lived in the same town with me this whole time. My friend found a pic of them on her FB account, clearly at the same bar and drunk, even then.
I know from reading this site that most of this is classic MLC behavior. I can hear job saying "there is no making sense of them" but I hate this pain. I keep telling myself it's better to know the truth and what I'm actually dealing with.
I went online and downloaded a separation agreement and emailed it to him today. I kept it very simple. Told him I didn't want to talk to him and to please stay away. The OW is a lawyer and I told him to have her look it over. I told him it was over.
I've been working on GAL but after this hit I truly just want to lock myself in a room and cry. I'm normally really good about keeping my emotions locked in but for some reason this time I'm struggling with it. Maybe because this time I know it's over. I don't think we can come back from this betrayal.
I'm sorry for rambling so much.
I truly admire all the brave people on this site. Many of you have been an inspiration to me and one of my escapes has been following your journey. I hope that I can one day look back at my journeys and be proud of how I made it.