Back with an update - 08/17/15 05:32 PM
Hello all, I'm back with an update--been a long time since I've been here, so long I barely remember how to navigate :-)
Anyway I guess the reason I came back today was that I came across a wedding website for my XH and his fiancé (she is the same woman he left me for 5 years ago) and I was just beyond stunned and wanted to know if anyone else has had a similar experience.
This is the first window into his life I've ever really had other than snippets of things here and there that get back to me.
Anyway this man is pushing 50 and he's got one of those websites set up that 20 somethings make. It's very showy and narcissistic, filled with pictures of them every place they have gone, etc., and then a ridiculous list of requests for wedding gifts. They say that they have a beautiful house and all the things you could ever want, but they want cash for their honeymoon and then provide a list of things that cash can go towards--like "bail" and "the country of Greece so we can own it", etc. I mean I have never seen anything like this before. Their wedding is at a super large 600 a night dollar resort. It's in the same area he and I used to vacation, but hugely pricier. The thing comes off like they ooze money. And yet I know for a fact what they make a year, and they are very middle class. I have no concept how they are affording all this--but that's not even the issue. The issue is that this bears ZERO resemblance to the guy I wasted 23 years with. He had values and was not materialistic or showy. The guy in this wedding site is the complete opposite of the guy I lived with.
The good thing is that I REALLY am glad I am estranged from him. He appears to be a terrible person from this. And I did have an email exchange with him 2 months ago re: a financial settlement thing and he ended his email with some remark about how he thought about leaving teaching to work for a non profit but realized he couldn't afford it because he "had to support 2 wives in retirement"!!! And yet I'm not a wife. And yes he owes part of his retirement to me, but that's because I had to PAY HIM about 100k in the divorce settlement!!! He isn't supporting me at all! And he said "If Don Draper can support 2 wives then so can I." ??? My psychiatrist said he was trying to bait me to keep talking but I ignored that and never replied.
Anyway I guess what makes me upset now is not that I'm shocked to find he's so different--that's typical of MLC. But I'm bothered that I wasted 1/4 of my existence on this planet with someone as repugnant as this man. By the looks of the website, he's living up some American dream of flash and cash. But the narcissism, oh my goodness. I feel like in the rare times that I feel I miss "him", which happens maybe 3 times a year, I'm missing someone who never existed. Because this person must have been inside him all that time.
I could have been single and happy like I am now, or married to someone else. I might have had kids, even. I don't know, I just feel such terrible regret that I wasted so much time on someone so horrible.
Has anyone else seen something like this? An ex who went from quiet and introverted and frugal to showy and narcissistic and spending money like there is no tomorrow, and to do this 5 years after the affair?
Anyway I guess the reason I came back today was that I came across a wedding website for my XH and his fiancé (she is the same woman he left me for 5 years ago) and I was just beyond stunned and wanted to know if anyone else has had a similar experience.
This is the first window into his life I've ever really had other than snippets of things here and there that get back to me.
Anyway this man is pushing 50 and he's got one of those websites set up that 20 somethings make. It's very showy and narcissistic, filled with pictures of them every place they have gone, etc., and then a ridiculous list of requests for wedding gifts. They say that they have a beautiful house and all the things you could ever want, but they want cash for their honeymoon and then provide a list of things that cash can go towards--like "bail" and "the country of Greece so we can own it", etc. I mean I have never seen anything like this before. Their wedding is at a super large 600 a night dollar resort. It's in the same area he and I used to vacation, but hugely pricier. The thing comes off like they ooze money. And yet I know for a fact what they make a year, and they are very middle class. I have no concept how they are affording all this--but that's not even the issue. The issue is that this bears ZERO resemblance to the guy I wasted 23 years with. He had values and was not materialistic or showy. The guy in this wedding site is the complete opposite of the guy I lived with.
The good thing is that I REALLY am glad I am estranged from him. He appears to be a terrible person from this. And I did have an email exchange with him 2 months ago re: a financial settlement thing and he ended his email with some remark about how he thought about leaving teaching to work for a non profit but realized he couldn't afford it because he "had to support 2 wives in retirement"!!! And yet I'm not a wife. And yes he owes part of his retirement to me, but that's because I had to PAY HIM about 100k in the divorce settlement!!! He isn't supporting me at all! And he said "If Don Draper can support 2 wives then so can I." ??? My psychiatrist said he was trying to bait me to keep talking but I ignored that and never replied.
Anyway I guess what makes me upset now is not that I'm shocked to find he's so different--that's typical of MLC. But I'm bothered that I wasted 1/4 of my existence on this planet with someone as repugnant as this man. By the looks of the website, he's living up some American dream of flash and cash. But the narcissism, oh my goodness. I feel like in the rare times that I feel I miss "him", which happens maybe 3 times a year, I'm missing someone who never existed. Because this person must have been inside him all that time.
I could have been single and happy like I am now, or married to someone else. I might have had kids, even. I don't know, I just feel such terrible regret that I wasted so much time on someone so horrible.
Has anyone else seen something like this? An ex who went from quiet and introverted and frugal to showy and narcissistic and spending money like there is no tomorrow, and to do this 5 years after the affair?