Not "broken" just...lost - 11/06/14 12:46 PM
First of all I am happy that I found out about Dh and the Dr book, this online community and also Liam Naden's stuff only days after he dropped the Dbomb. It has only been a week and a half so I'm still very much in limbo about a lot.
Anyway the main reason for this thread -
So last night I cam to a realization. It is sparked by one of the things H said when we spoke a few days after he dropped the D. (His big reason for wanting a D is that we have "no real chemistry" and thinks we never did)
He said he he doesn't want me to change, and that he doesn't need to either because neither of us are "broken" He says there is nothing to fix.
In my own thoughts and keeping in mind that I should "believe none of what he says and 50% of what he does" I think he's right. we aren't broken....and we shouldn't change...at least not random things just for the sake of changing them
I agree...we aren't broken...we just got lost. That's why a change is needed. I got lost....the real me, the me he was attracted to sort of settled after the wedding. I didn't continue to be outgoing and full of energy which was one of the things that drew him to me. I got lazy...complacent. I got lazy about myself and it reflected in other areas...like not keeping up with the house and brushing off the fact that something was wrong with our intimacy (I actually went to the doctor and found I needed a cream that balances the good bacteria down there, because the imbalance caused me great discomfort) And I think to myself, regardless of sex...why didn't I ask about it sooner? That was another area I got lazy in! I wasn't taking care of myself.
Tonight H wants to meet again. He asked to come to the house. (He's been staying at a friend's) I don't know what his thoughts are, if he wants to just talk more about selling the house (we're both young, have only owned it for a year and neither could afford it on our own, so that was (is?) his plan. I don't know if he has seen changes in me or not. I hope he does tonight.
I am committed, I know I will save my marriage. But it is still hard when I don't know what I am facing tonight. Regardless I know I am truly finding myself again and that is making me strong.
Any thoughts are welcome
Any suggestions for how to handle H tonight are also greatly appreciated
Anyway the main reason for this thread -
So last night I cam to a realization. It is sparked by one of the things H said when we spoke a few days after he dropped the D. (His big reason for wanting a D is that we have "no real chemistry" and thinks we never did)
He said he he doesn't want me to change, and that he doesn't need to either because neither of us are "broken" He says there is nothing to fix.
In my own thoughts and keeping in mind that I should "believe none of what he says and 50% of what he does" I think he's right. we aren't broken....and we shouldn't change...at least not random things just for the sake of changing them
I agree...we aren't broken...we just got lost. That's why a change is needed. I got lost....the real me, the me he was attracted to sort of settled after the wedding. I didn't continue to be outgoing and full of energy which was one of the things that drew him to me. I got lazy...complacent. I got lazy about myself and it reflected in other areas...like not keeping up with the house and brushing off the fact that something was wrong with our intimacy (I actually went to the doctor and found I needed a cream that balances the good bacteria down there, because the imbalance caused me great discomfort) And I think to myself, regardless of sex...why didn't I ask about it sooner? That was another area I got lazy in! I wasn't taking care of myself.
Tonight H wants to meet again. He asked to come to the house. (He's been staying at a friend's) I don't know what his thoughts are, if he wants to just talk more about selling the house (we're both young, have only owned it for a year and neither could afford it on our own, so that was (is?) his plan. I don't know if he has seen changes in me or not. I hope he does tonight.
I am committed, I know I will save my marriage. But it is still hard when I don't know what I am facing tonight. Regardless I know I am truly finding myself again and that is making me strong.
Any thoughts are welcome
Any suggestions for how to handle H tonight are also greatly appreciated