Need prayers and support for a health concern - 03/29/14 01:22 AM
I'm not linking this to my prior thread because this is a new topic. I have wondered about posting here because technically this is not a MLC issue involving my marriage and XH--but this is the board where I know the most people and I guess in a way it relates because I'm going through a lot of the emotional upset I went through back when XH dropped the bomb and everything went south so fast like it does for all of us.
Basically I can't put off a hysterectomy anymore and I have surgery on April 11th. I've been symptomatic since last summer and my quality of life physically has really gone down considerably. I attributed a lot of the physical pain to what I thought were continued emotional anxieties tied to my divorce and loss of my mate. But the reality is that the physical pain is very real. In a way, I knew this day was coming--I have had problems with my "girly parts" for about 10 years--and I was trying to wait it out till menopause in hopes the problems would go away, or, better yet, wait till I had a significant other again who could help me when I needed to deal with the pre-surgery anxiety and the post-surgery pain and getting back on my feet.
Well I made the decision the other day that I have to face this without a partner. There's no one on the horizon and waiting any longer is only going to further jeopardize my health. I mean I know I'm not "alone"--I have family and friends who will help. But I do FEEL alone emotionally, much like I did back when XH dropped the bomb and I couldn't find another human being in the immediate vicinity who had any understanding of what I was going through, which is why I came here.
I joined an online group for people going through hysterectomy and it has helped to see that many have it worse than me--I'm astounded that there are women who have no one to help at all, and I know I am lucky to have my family and my coworkers are being great about taking my classes so I can miss the last month of the semester, and I'll have no loss of income. So again I know I am lucky.
But that doesnt' change my anxiety level now, and what I'd like to ask is if you guys could send me some prayers and support to help me calm myself down in the next two weeks. I think once I'm knocked out on the table I'll be fine :-) It's just the time right now feels way too much like those first couple of weeks when BD happened and it's more than a bit unsettling to relive those feelings of despair and anxiety. I think the other online group will help, but I have no shared history with the posters there.
I'm bothered that I feel so wrapped up in the "not having a mate" to go through with this. I don't know why I feel like that puts me at a disadvantage--I think that even though I'm a pretty hardcore feminist that I do desire to have a man "take care" of me in bad times. And so maybe what I'm really feeling here is some sense of sadness that the XH isn't here to help.
There is a part of me that thinks I am being forced to face this without a partner because it's a life lesson for me personally. There is no reason I can't do it--but I have to go through it to prove it to myself.
However like I said I am worried about my mental state leading up to it, and I think prayers of support would make me feel less anxious, so I thank you in advance for any you can send.
Basically I can't put off a hysterectomy anymore and I have surgery on April 11th. I've been symptomatic since last summer and my quality of life physically has really gone down considerably. I attributed a lot of the physical pain to what I thought were continued emotional anxieties tied to my divorce and loss of my mate. But the reality is that the physical pain is very real. In a way, I knew this day was coming--I have had problems with my "girly parts" for about 10 years--and I was trying to wait it out till menopause in hopes the problems would go away, or, better yet, wait till I had a significant other again who could help me when I needed to deal with the pre-surgery anxiety and the post-surgery pain and getting back on my feet.
Well I made the decision the other day that I have to face this without a partner. There's no one on the horizon and waiting any longer is only going to further jeopardize my health. I mean I know I'm not "alone"--I have family and friends who will help. But I do FEEL alone emotionally, much like I did back when XH dropped the bomb and I couldn't find another human being in the immediate vicinity who had any understanding of what I was going through, which is why I came here.
I joined an online group for people going through hysterectomy and it has helped to see that many have it worse than me--I'm astounded that there are women who have no one to help at all, and I know I am lucky to have my family and my coworkers are being great about taking my classes so I can miss the last month of the semester, and I'll have no loss of income. So again I know I am lucky.
But that doesnt' change my anxiety level now, and what I'd like to ask is if you guys could send me some prayers and support to help me calm myself down in the next two weeks. I think once I'm knocked out on the table I'll be fine :-) It's just the time right now feels way too much like those first couple of weeks when BD happened and it's more than a bit unsettling to relive those feelings of despair and anxiety. I think the other online group will help, but I have no shared history with the posters there.
I'm bothered that I feel so wrapped up in the "not having a mate" to go through with this. I don't know why I feel like that puts me at a disadvantage--I think that even though I'm a pretty hardcore feminist that I do desire to have a man "take care" of me in bad times. And so maybe what I'm really feeling here is some sense of sadness that the XH isn't here to help.
There is a part of me that thinks I am being forced to face this without a partner because it's a life lesson for me personally. There is no reason I can't do it--but I have to go through it to prove it to myself.
However like I said I am worried about my mental state leading up to it, and I think prayers of support would make me feel less anxious, so I thank you in advance for any you can send.