So here is the deal:
I’ve been gone for about a year, it’s been a very rough year. I needed to focus on myself, family and my job.
Last October 28th, my lower body decided to stop working. I had (basically) and aneurism in my spine. A vein blew up like a balloon and pinched off blood supply to my nerves in my lower body, it is called a Dural Arterial Venous Fistual…gesundheit if you said that out loud.
During this time in the hospital my oldest boy decided to rebel. He decided not to come home stay out and live with friends, steal stuff, break into cars, and break curfew…, awesome.
I was in the hospital for a month and a half. Had a chair lift installed in my house, learned how to move, how to do everything in a wheel chair, learned how to dress myself without moving my leg, how to take a shower sitting down , I started going back to work.
It was also during this time that my oldest boy was now going to be a dad as well, my 16 year old boy who couldn’t remember to turn in his homework when he went to school was going to be responsible for a child…
A month later with an MRI, We find out that the glue used to ‘fix’ the Dural Arterial Venous Fistual, didn’t catch all the intakes to the vein. Now I need real surgery, cut open my back saw away some of my spine and cauterize any spot that shows up on multiple angiograms…
I was out of it for 2 days.
I was so tore up and hurt that I lost all my progress I had to relearn everything, everything, that was depressing. I was a bag of tears.
I was also back in the hospital for another month.
Poor Jack…
Well, thanks…but here is the reason I am writing this.
As bad as this may be for me…how bad is this for my wife?
My wife Heather, who has struggled with all of this and her job and learning to be the provider and making dinner taking over all the roles I used to do? How hard…and she complained, I won’t lie, but she never stopped. She has not stopped.
She had to rearrange the house, she had to install ramps and redesign our bathroom, while working, dealing with my oldest sons issues, bills and my problems.
And this is the woman, to whom I was separated from for over a year. Who had an affair, not unjustly for the record. Who said she didn’t want to be married to me.
The marriage problems were almost 8 years ago now.
At times I wondered, but not now. It would have been so easy, in fact I offered her many outs, but she only got mad at me when I suggested them.
So here I am, 8 years after one of the lowest points in my life with a wonderful wife, who almost wasn’t my wife, but I never gave up and I gave her chances, the door I left cracked open.
Your despair today, doesn’t have to be there tomorrow…oh do not get me wrong, it was not easy, but worth it?
Oh yeah.
Don’t give up. If they are worth it, don't give up on them, and one day they won't give up on you.
You can do this.
Welcome back my friend.
As always, strength and honor.
Mach, let's get the band back together...
Jack,
Welcome back! I'm so glad you posted.
You have been through hades and back and yes, your recovery is not over, but you are further along now than this time last year. I am so glad your wife has stepped up to the plate and is sharing in the responsibilities of day to day life once again. It's not easy having all of the work to do alone when a spouse is recovering, but from what you've posted...she is being supportive and that's what is important. Sometimes a crisis will tear a family apart and then again, a crisis can bring a family back together again. You've had both happen in your family and I am just so happy that your family is there w/you each and every day.
I'm sorry to hear that your 16 yr old is going to be a dad, but I know you and your w will be there to support him, the young lady and the new grandchild through the days and years ahead.
You have been and continue to be an inspiration to all that come here. So many have inquired about you during the last year. You have been missed by all of your family here and what better time than to say "Welcome Home".
Wow jack what a year......I'm glad you're feeling better. It must have been so hard on you all. This is the first time I've "met" you but I'm so glad that things worked out with your wife.
Keep getting stronger!! All the best
WR
I have read many of your older posts while reading old threads, Jack... I am so sorry to hear you have been through so many challenges with your family, but it sounds like at the core your M is where you worked to get it back to. That gives so many of the rest of us hope.
Best wishes as you continue your recovery. You seem like a guy who just keeps stepping up to the challenges and persevering, that shows a tremendous amount of heart.
Jack...I have really missed you. I have thought of you often. I am so sorry for what you have been through. You are one of the strongest, wisest and most determined people I have ever 'met'. I know with your strength, courage and wisdom and love you will continue to be the best man you can be. I understand you are still recovering and I am happy to read that your wife has given you the support you have needed.
Life doesn't stop giving us punches...thats for sure.
Thank you for posting this:
Don’t give up. If they are worth it, don't give up on them, and one day they won't give up on you.
You can do this.
Simple words that mean so much.
(((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))
Welcome back.
Damn Jack. What's on the agenda for next year??
Nice to see you back online.
AJ
Wow. Best. Christmas. Story. Ever.
Relative newbie, but you are legend.
I am glad to see you here.
Hey J, so glad to see your thread.
You and your family are always in my prayers. I hope by now you know how I feel about you, my friend.
You have been missed here.
You just keep going, Jack. He holds you in His capable hands.
Wow! What an amazing and wonderful love story from both sides!
Thank you for posting and letting us see a little into your world.
I sometimes have wondered if reconciled M's can truly last, and this shows that as a definite yes they can!
Thank you for sharing your story Jack. I think it means more to people on here than you could know...
As I was reading, I thought - now THAT's what " for better or worse" is all about.
Welcome back
Know what I thought when I was reading this?
"What a wonderful man."
We love you Jack.
Welcome back ol' friend.
Tad
By the way Jack, I was about your son's age when I (unmarried) found out that I was going to be a father and look how amazing I turned out??????
Tad
I've been wondering where you've been, Jack. Thank you so much for giving us an update. I wish you and your family all the best, and look forward to reading more of your words of wisdom.
Don’t give up. If they are worth it, don't give up on them, and one day they won't give up on you.
You can do this.
^^^I too really love this, especially coming from someone who walked the walk. It will definitely help me to stand for our marriage for at least another week.
Ditto to everything above Jack. Thank you for sharing with us. It's definitely a story that gives us all hope. I remember reading some if your old posts when I was lurking around here months ago and thinking you were the man. I now know this without a doubt.
Keep moving forward my man.
Been watching from afar, glad you are able to post.
I know that you will keep making lemonade out of those lemons.
Wishing you and Heather the best.
Dear Jack, all I can say is we all here have been given an early Christmas present in the form of your return! And I think I can say we all are eager to support you in whatever way we can. After all, you have given so much to so many over the years. As a newbie, I have often read some of your older posts and wondered where this wise, magical man went! I am so sorry to hear about your past year and wish you nothing but a healthy recovery! Your story is incredible and now I want to go back into your *archives* to learn more about your journey through all this.
Thanks for coming back and letting us know where you been! Look forward to more updates. Take it slow and easy . . .
Hey Jack,
It's great to see you posting.
So many words, so little time...sigh...
I'm so glad you got out of your own way and took the leap my friend...
I knew it would work out
Thank you all.
I look forward to getting to know many of you and catching up with those I already do.
Wow Jack- You continue to amaze and truly be an inspiration.
Best of luck to you and your family.
J3B
Glad to see you back!
Never doubt (hopefully you are not)...the power of "dad". I have no doubt you will lead little Jack to be a man that He is proud of.
As for the regular teenage stuff.....it is what it is man. I can say from experience that they do "come around"....
SllllllloooooooooWWWWWWLLLLLLLLYYYYYYY
I mean....
S
L
O
W
L
Y
It is a phase man.
(hugs) to you and the fam.
Oh and about the clam fritters..........
Need to be doing that again Eric, and with my folks back on the East Coast... Maybe next year.
Or....it can be relocated to say....somewhere closer to you
Ya know I did go to Japan again...so FTR...I do have airline miles. Just sayin....
Eric,
You know you can't get decent clam fritters where he is now...
Cat
Yes you can.....just pick up the frozen clams at the market
Wait....can we get good beer in that neck of woods? Good food? Wait...actually we do not need food - only beer.
Oh and one other thing "mom"
........ it is getting "close"...like really close. Like very soon.
You bonehead...
You can't use frozen clams...
Just cuz you live in new england definately doesn't make you a new englander...
I'm mortified...
bonehead?
Hey your starting to sound like this guy I know.
Frozen clams are excellent. They use them at McDonalds.
Isn't New England known for the frozen clams?
Or....it can be relocated to say....somewhere closer to you
Ya know I did go to Japan again...so FTR...I do have airline miles. Just sayin....
In.
I make damn good clam fritters with the razor clams I used to dig...now...I'd REALLY have to worry about the incoming tide.
Drink enough beer and I think you can float - so that addresses that issue
Well, lookee who's here. Hiya Eric. How are you, my friend?
This time, I want in, guys. Just sayin......
I know there is going to be a smart remark from Mach about me wanting in. Bring it.
This time, I want in, guys. Just sayin......
Me too, just sayin!
I am doing good urworthy. Thank you for asking.
In terms of "smart remark" from Mach......
Really....you think he would do that? Nah....not him
Glad to hear it, Eric.
Oh, it's coming. Just wait...
Something in the form of...we are still holding Thanksgiving dinner for you, darlin. LOL!
I didn't want to "hijack" the "Hi Jack" thread....
What the heck....<fearing another stern warning from Cadet>
Hi Jack !!!
: )
Sorry to interrupt all the fun going on here… Jack, I read some of your posts when I joined this site last year. Thank you for sharing your story. Sorry for what you went through with your health and your kids. And what an incredible journey for you! I’m glad you are felling better.
What the heck....<fearing another stern warning from Cadet>
Yea right, you fear me....... LMAO
FTR....I'm still scared of you too Cadet
FTR....I'm still scared of you too Cadet
Sorry you feel that way!
Jack!!
Wonderful to hear from you!
You were one of the very first people to post to me and I will never forget your kindness.
Now what is this about clams and dinner? Clams? Doesn't anyone barbecue? Real meat?
Hey Jack,
I'm sorry to hear what you've been through. It does sound like you're getting better.
Thinking about you,
Frank
2013 has been a tough year for you. Sorry to hear that.
Its a good reminder that we need to be grateful for what we have each day because tomorrow will bring its own challenges.
I hope you are able to use some of your DB techniques with regard to your son. Hang in there with him
So happy to hear that things are smoothing out for you.
Talk about a roller coaster...
((((((((((((((((((((J3B)))))))))))))))))))))))
That you for the validation Cadet
Jack,
How are you doing these days?
job,
Not bad, thank you for asking. I got all our Christmas shopping done, Heather was very appreciative of that thought I was pretty darn awesome. : )
Physical Therapy moves along, I need some shots to alleviate the spasticity of the muscles in my legs, they tend to want to tense up when I need them to relax.
I have been using this time to get closer to my youngest boy, our oldest is out of the house, we play games together and read, and he won't let me pick on Mom. : )
I'm glad you continue to improve. Wow! A man after my own heart w/having the Christmas shopping done! Well done!
Jack, you've been given a gift of time, as well as reflection...use it wisely and the future will be a good one for you and your family. Take this time to create new traditions and reach out to those you've lost contact w/over the years because you were either too busy or you were focused on your work.
BTW, I'm glad to see that you are utilizing your time to get closer to your youngest son. They grow up do fast and he needs his father now more than ever.
heh, I think you just DBed me job. : )
I am grateful, for all. Even this stupid piece of metal stuck to my ass. : )
God gives you all you can handle, and knowing that and after all I have been through, including several other very close calls with the grim reaper. I must say, God thinks I'm Batman. : )
Ok, Jack, that might just have to be my new nickname for you - Batman!!!
You know, life just succks sometimes, doesnt it? You feel like it could just kick your as$. (Well, maybe not yours cuz you have metal stuck to it - LOL!)
But it's at those times when you just gotta say- really, that's all you've got? I am freakin Batman.
Can I be Robin, J, please? I'd say Cat woman, but I couldnt fit into that suit, I am 5 feet tall and sometimes I use a cane.
uR, if you are going to be Robin, then I want to be the Joker.
You know, laying all jokes aside, that piece of metal stuck to Jack's back end might come in handy when we are trying to locate him in the dark. How, by using a flashlight and the beam will bounce right back to us. LOL!
Jack, laying all jokes aside, we have been worried about you and are so glad you are doing better. You had a hard road to travel w/the surgeries and recoveries. No one will ever know what you went thru.
We love you so much and are so happy to have you back w/us. The family circle is now complete since Mach and Eric have returned for a bit. Maybe it's time for me to think about escaping this place like the Joker and head out to the wild blue yonder to see what kind of mischief I can find.
Job, you as the Joker - cool! But you cant go very far from here. You would be sorely missed, my friend.
J, I hope you know that you were and continue to be in my prayers.
Job - don't even think about going anywhere! You would be sorely missed.
Now...since Job is the Joker, UrWorthy is Robin....I would think Mach should really be cat women! ROTFLMAO
Jack - FTR, I am holding from responding to the metal on your arse. I really could take that a lot of places
. On a serious note, you never cease to amaze me man! God Bless you and the family.
Hi Jack,
I have never 'seen you' as a poster...I read your old threads but when I met you it was 'oh my GOSH its that JACK! and his name is in green!'. :-)
Yes you have been Batman to me for a very long time.
Its just beautiful to read how you are moving through this. It amazes me how much can be thrown at one man, one family. I agree with you however, that we are not given more than we can handle.
I am glad you are back. I have missed you and obviously you have been sorely missed around here by all.
On a side note...I hope job doesnt go anywhere!
Jack, always be yourself...but, if you can be Batman, yeah...thats cool too.
Sorry I missed the reunion here.
Man you had a rough year...
Glad to hear things are getting better.
Good to see you here my friend.