Hey peeps ~
Everytime I hear that Rhianna song, I think of H. Not that it pertains to he and I, but it makes me think of how he must be feeling.
And the part that goes "The reason I hold on is I need this hole gone" makes me think of him clinging to FT. Just trying to see things from his perspective.
He left today to supposedly go golfing with a friend then dinner then hang out. Riiight.
Raine, I thought of you and your triggers. For me, it's when he does push-ups (which I think are for her) or when he gets dressed up for a date night.
He shaved today, wore his new undies, and wore a shirt that I believe she bought him (the one that mysteriously appeared on Easter).
Funny, he got a wee bit defensive with me. I was outside, and he came out to say goodbye. He mentioned about dumping the water out of the boys play wheelbarrow because it was gross. I asked him if he wanted me to do it since he was dressed up. He got a little flustered and said he was just dressed for golf. And he dumped the water too
But I definitely sensed some awkwardness and/or guilt. Too bad. He may be living with his head in the sand, but I'm not.
On the flip side, he came up to bed in the middle of the night to sleep. I asked him this morning if he had trouble sleeping again, and he said that he did, but slept well once he came to bed.
And you're sleeping on the couch why again???
Was nice all day, good with me and the boys.
All this back and forth is hard.
Luckily, UW has a special going on patience shovels - I think it's BOGO!
Sign me up
TVS, just reading up on your sitch. Days like that are tough when you see your Spouse getting ready to go out with the OW. Then the guilt afterwards.
Have you seen any progress with H or your R over the past few months?
Hey T, yep, defensive equals guilt. My xh used to be the same way. Too bad for your h. His doing.
He is inching closer. But I know it feels likes millimeters.
She is probably pulling out all the stops, T. Trying everything to keep him hooked.
The thing is that the final letting go is really scary for him. He's got a lot to come to grips with, a lot to own up to. So, he has to be really sure of what he wants.
You have to really dig in. And yep, it is BOGO on the shovels. LOL!
Hi Sailing ~
I do feel like there has been improvement. Sometimes it's just hard to see it when you're in the thick of things.
If you can find threads from a year ago, H was totally off his rocker. Complete alien mode.
He is so much better in many ways, yet still has OW. This is what pulls at my heart.
But I am constantly trying to remind myself that this is a process, a very LONG process. I want to give him as much space as possible to figure things out and work his way through. I believe that he can.
Thanks UW. You are probably right about her pulling out all the stops in order to "keep" him. I say go right ahead. She still isn't even dog crap on my shoes lol!
I guess it is a monumental decision for him if he decides to let her go. So much has happened, and wow is there a big mess now.
Lately he has really been into making sure the kids tell the truth. He says it really bothers him when S5 lies. He has been having some heart to heart talks to him about it. Very interesting.
So tonight I decided to try another 180.
I have said before that I've spent a lot of time distancing myself from H. Now, I am slowly trying to change things up here and there as he inches closer.
I never, and I mean NEVER, text him when I suspect he is with FT. I always felt I should just give him space. But something in me tonight told me different.
S3 said something really sweet in reference to H when going to bed tonight. So I texted H the story. It was a short text - lighthearted and fun.
No response.
Then just as I'm getting ready to post here, he texts me back. Over an hour later. Now for someone who is never without his phone, who texts people back immediately, it is definitely intentional that he took so long to respond. I guess it's a step in the right direction that he responded at all lol!
I didn't respond back.
Yep, got my T^2 lab coat on as we speak..,
hi takes vows
just checkin in-
He is so much better in many ways, yet still has OW. This is what pulls at my heart.
yeah- i know - me too. i am clueless as usual about what the heck anything means or might mean. have given upinterpreting- i'm lousy at it and make myself nuts.
- but reading your stuff and trying to take heart - or see something past today-
not happenin here, but glad you feel encouraged. maybe -j ust maybe there is something beyond mlc?
guess ya gotta still live in hope - old habits die hard huh? the hopeful pollyanna
hope your upswing continues to total success ultimately- we're out here- all the "readers"
xxo hope your day is good also!
I do feel like there has been improvement. Sometimes it's just hard to see it when you're in the thick of things.
I can see huge ones, T. He is so much better in many ways, yet still has OW. This is what pulls at my heart.
I know it breaks your heart, my friend. And even though she is a symptom of a crisis, it still just sux. But I am constantly trying to remind myself that this is a process, a very LONG process. I want to give him as much space as possible to figure things out and work his way through. I believe that he can.
I truly believe he can, too. Really and truly. She still isn't even dog crap on my shoes lol!
True dat, sista!I guess it is a monumental decision for him if he decides to let her go. So much has happened, and wow is there a big mess now.
It is, T. He has to be really ready to face it all. Until he is, he will keep hanging on. But each connection, each family thing, each time you scratch him, each time you give him space, are all ways that allow him to get strong enough to see what he needs to do.Lately he has really been into making sure the kids tell the truth. He says it really bothers him when S5 lies. He has been having some heart to heart talks to him about it. Very interesting.
Amazing, no, how they dont see the freakin connection. LOL!I have said before that I've spent a lot of time distancing myself from H. Now, I am slowly trying to change things up here and there as he inches closer.
That's exactly right. Act, monitor and adjust. I guess it's a step in the right direction that he responded at all lol!
Yes it is. The thing is, you plant a seed, then another at the right time. The hope is that it grows into something different. Yep, got my T^2 lab coat on as we speak..,
Attagirl. Always be one step ahead.
Hi Nero ~
Sometimes I feel like that "Pollyanna" too, but maybe more like the die hard romantic that believes love really does conquer all.
Not sure how to change that thinking, or if I should. Love certainly doesn't conquer MLC, but it does play a big role I think.
Thanks for stopping by, hope you are having a good evening
Hi U ~ I know you are always honest, so it is reassuring to me when you can see changes too. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just wishful thinking with the changes. But he is moving along, I can see it, I can feel it.
FT has been hanging around a long time now as a symptom. Maybe it is wrong that I think this way, but I hope that one day he will look back at his time with her with embarrassment and regret. To give so much to a woman so lowly. I don't think I could bear it if he always thought of her fondly
And I think that though it has taken a long time, I feel that his heart is softening up to me and he is able to appreciate good and happy moments together, and also to accept my kindness.
He's been thanking me for a lot of things lately, things I didn't even think he noticed that I did.
I think that everytime we do something as a family, it solidifies something in him. It just hasn't built up enough yet. I think slowly but surely...
So he comes home a little before 11:00 pm last night and comes upstairs to change. After saying hello, the first words out of his mouth were, "I really liked that story you sent me."
Lets see, I have my clip board right here, going to put a check in the "Positive Reaction" column. I think it's time to start sprinkling things like this here and there...
And judging from the time he sent the text to the time he got home, it seems he sent the text when he was leaving or on his way home. Hmmm...
He came up to bed again last night. Did my scratching and lotion application. He slept well after that.
We watched some of "Anchorman" this afternoon, a movie we both love. We kept imitating quotes and laughing at stuff. He even voluntarily showed me a clip he recorded on his phone to send to a friend - we were right next to each other, our bodies touching the whole time
He was in a good mood until I came home from yoga this evening. He was irritated and impatient with kids. Not sure what his problem is/was. I'm always hoping its trouble in paradise!
Keeping my fingers crossed
T,
You have been doing a great job w/being patient and kind to your h. He's cooking up nicely, but he's got a ways to go and I do think that he's moving along the tunnel at a snail's pace. It's better that they go slowly and get the mlc out of their system versus running through it and not completing the process.
I see progress, i.e., more than you had going on last year. I hope and pray that it will continue. Continue to drop those ego kibbles so that he can gobble them up. Time, space and patience are paying off...just not as quickly as you would like, but it will be worth it in the end.
I'm glad to read that you are keeping busy with some "me" projects for yourself. How are the boys doing these days now that they are back from their trip?
Please take care of yourself.
Thank you for the encouragement Snodderly, I do appreciate it.
Am I correct in saying that slow and steady wins the MLC race?
Time, space, and patience... The LBS trifecta!
I have been keeping myself busy, doing things by myself, with friends, and with the boys. They are doing great, and are still talking about stuff we saw/did on vacation. I am so glad that we went! They also seem to be enjoying spending more time with their less distracted father
H said something interesting this morning...
Said he didn't sleep well again, was up most of the night. Told me he went for a walk around the neighborhood in the middle of the night. Said that tv is just not helping him sleep, and that it felt good to take a long walk. He wants to try this now when he can't sleep.
It did cross my mind that perhaps he talked to her while on this walk.
He also told me that he downloaded this star gazing app, and that is was very cool. He used it last night on his walk. Then he says that he thinks you can use it in the daytime too, and demonstrates for me. So once again, we were pressed together looking at the stars in the sky on his phone.
I remember once reading that the darkest time for the MLCer is when they are right smack in the middle of the tunnel. They can't yet see the way out, and they can no longer see where they came from either. Just total darkness and confusion.
I think that my H has crossed that middle ground and can see glimmers of the light out. He's just not running for that light - more like moving at a snail's pace as you said.
Seems like I'm always digging deeper for more patience. I hope that the well isn't going to run dry one day.
Hope you are doing well Snodderly, and still taking care of that knee
My friend, God gives his best students the toughest tests.
I know that you are getting tired of the digging. Your arms have grown weary, your brain is lagging from thinking.
Maybe it will help you to think about it like this. While MLC takes a very long time, it is, in the grand scheme and in relation to how long and vested you are in this relationship, not so very long.
And it is good to remember, that this time was certainly not wasted. You have grown so much, learned so much and have solified in your mind what is really important. You have grown even closer to your children. You have made new friends here who love and admire you.
In the end, when your marriage is restored, you will look back on this time as a big part of your story. And the new marriage you forge will be deeper and sweeter with a newfound acceptance and respect of each other.
When you feel tired of it all, picture me, in a cheerleader outfit (ok, that might not be a good thing to picture - LOL!)rooting for you, telling you that you can do this and standing there with a drink and some ice cream at the finish line.
Okay, I have my new favorite trifecta... You in a cheerleader outfit, ice cream and a drink. Holla!
You are right - the time spent in MLC in relation to the time I've had total with my H does not compare. Our R runs deep. So while I get frustrated and weary, I have been able to find the strength to pick myself up and keep moving forward.
I think about a renewed M all the time. Maybe too much.
Going to keep trying to do my best to see this through one way or another.
Thanks
T,
You are doing great. You will see this through. Your h is "inching" his way along and it's going to take some time for him to see the light, but I do think he's baking up slowly but surely.
What about you? How are you doing? Do you have plans for the weekend?
Oh no, "Avert your eyes," LOL! Hey, I'd do whatever it takes to make you feel better, my friend. Even, wear a cheerleader outfit.
Ah, T, this stuff just sux, doesnt it? Life is hard sometimes. But oh, when the good stuff happens,it is so sweet.
So, today you are going to do this. And that's all we really have to worry about, right?
Thanks for the reassurance gals! It's hard for me not to question myself, question just what the hell is going on...
Even after a year and a half, I am still so very hurt by the A. Symptom or not, the reality of it is just so painful. On the other hand, I want to make sure that it all plays out so that when it is over, it is OVER. Because I'm telling you right now, ol'TVS is not sticking around for an encore presentation of this show.
I remember that for a long, long time I took things day by day. I had to. Thinking further ahead seemed impossible.
Sometimes I go back to that thinking, if I'm having a tough day. But mostly, I like to do the T^2 check- ins every few months. So can I make it one more day? You bet!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
So the boys and I had dentist appointments together. I remember specifically that when I made the appointment back in January, I expected H to not be living here. Things didn't go as I thought they would.
Anyway, he volunteered to come with me to help with the boys while I got my teeth cleaned. I thought that was pretty nice.
Yesterday evening was really good. It was beautiful here, perfect weather. We played all evening in the backyard as a family. H was joking around and actually being really funny. He was the guy I remember
The return of his sense of humor is a big step in my book. When it up and left town, wow, THAT was tough. I found it hard to interact with him during that time. We had always had a very playful R.
I also noticed that his sense of humor now includes being able to accept teasing and joking from me. Because believe me folks, Mr. Sourpuss was having none of that!
Now of course he is still attached to his phone. He napped with it on his chest and took it into the bathroom with him when he showered. It just makes me shake my head!
One more day down on my journey. I'll let you know UW if I need you to get your megaphone out
I remember that for a long, long time I took things day by day. I had to. Thinking further ahead seemed impossible.
Sometimes I go back to that thinking, if I'm having a tough day. But mostly, I like to do the T^2 check- ins every few months. So can I make it one more day? You bet!
I've often said that if we're struggling like crazy everyday, we'll never make it. We'll never outlast their crises. We absolutely MUST find a way to make our svcky situation work for us. Make changes, adjustments, whatever, until we are good to go. I'm so happy to hear that you have been able to do this!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yesterday evening was really good. It was beautiful here, perfect weather. We played all evening in the backyard as a family. H was joking around and actually being really funny. He was the guy I remember
The return of his sense of humor is a big step in my book. When it up and left town, wow, THAT was tough. I found it hard to interact with him during that time. We had always had a very playful R.
I also noticed that his sense of humor now includes being able to accept teasing and joking from me. Because believe me folks, Mr. Sourpuss was having none of that!
You're right, the return of H's sense of humor is a huge positive sign, ESPECIALLY when he allows you to be part of it. Build on this, and you will be golden...
Thanks FY
Not much to report, just a busy weekend.
Took S5 to see Despicable Me 2 yesterday. I invited H, but he acted a bit weird about it. Seemed like part of him wanted to go and part of him didn't. I told him if he wanted to go, I could get my parents to watch S3. He responded with something like, "I don't care. Whatever you want to do."
I responded with, "It doesn't matter to me. S5 and I are going to the movies either way. It's whatever you feel like doing. "
He didn't respond. I felt it was best to drop it.
~~~~~~~~~~~
He has been good, seemingly looking for some validation about things that he does, which I am more than happy to give him.
He'll ask me things like, "Did you notice that I ____?" Or "What did you think about ___?"
I appreciate that he is doing nice things for me.
I have been in a bit of a funk lately though because I am missing having a R with him very much. As I have more interactions with the "old" H, it makes me sad that he doesn't act like my H.
So I've just been reminding myself about baby steps. We've come this far, and I don't want to spook him now.
My in- laws came over for dinner tonight. H was in a good mood and acted normal. Very little texting.
He's still sleeping horribly. Some nights he maybe gets 2-3 hours of sleep. I don't know how much longer he can go on like this.
So upcoming big events in August... I have my beach trip, then H will go on his weekend long "golf" trip, then I will have another day when I will have to see H and ho bag at work. Oh, and I turn 40.
August is going to be a doozy!
Got the blender going and popcorn popping. Maybe extra butter for this part
Hey T
I think you did good dropping the movie. Plus it gave you and S5 time together. I can't figure out how they can be so different moment to moment, just have to accept it and move on. I have a feeling we will be dealing with that part of their craziness until the end.
I too have been trying extra hard to validate. That was one of my h's comments. I think they all say that about us don't they? I'm just trying to give him less things to complain about.
Wow!!! The big 4-0! I don't know. I didn't get wigged out about mine. I had a party for h. Not the other way around though. We were in the middle of a project he elected not to deal with it. No biggie.
Another big meeting at work? This one may be a little more interesting. Your h seems to be moving along and I'm anxious to see their actions. You just look your amazing self and he's going to look pretty stupid being with ho bag.
One thing that came up this weekend when I was talking to h's mom. Well we have discussed it before but did again. How can ow not only get involved with om but with kids? Of course our h's are crazy but we're talking 2 people with no morals. Then how do you put nice person in the same sentence with ow? My h did. MIL said What kind of nice person gets involved with a married man with children? Gotta hand it to MIL, she tells it like it is!!
You're right baby steps. I feel like I have to wake up every day and say that to myself.
I had told h I was done and now he told me he wants to get out of his mess and work on our m. Yes, he actually used those words. He also didn't use her name. I guess because we were in his parents house and MIL won't allow her name mentioned there. lol But he said it was going to be a process that wasn't going to happen overnight and he still has a lot of issues to deal with. Hello! you're not telling me anything I don't already know. But at least he's admitting it.
Do you ever wonder if maybe he's not sleeping well because of stress? At some point doesn't this get to be a burden carrying around the weight of an a?
Just think happy thoughts about your beach trip. Now that's the kind of GAL i need! Other wise you have a lot to keep your mind occupied in August.
Sweet dreams!
Hey T! I hope you had fun at the movies with S5. He must have been so happy to have you all to himself! Too bad his dad wasn't interested in joining you, his loss the big dope.
I agree with you that your H has "crossed that middle ground and can see glimmers of the light out." More glimmers all the time. I can see such a lot of changes in him in just the few months I've known you, and a ton from reading your old threads. Judging by uR's peeking vs. moving along definition, your H is doing more and more peeking. LOTS of peeking. I betcha he starts closing those doors pretty darn soon, and you know who I hope gets her fingers smashed up in the process.
Try not to think of the work event at your job next month as having "another day when I will have to see H and ho bag at work" TVS. It is another golden opportunity for the Twat to lose even the little bit of respect your co-workers might still have for her, when they see she is still behaving like a slut. That must burn her a$$! And think of her humiliation when H closes that door on her (including smushing her fingers) for good. Pad locking, dead bolting, hammering planks across and booby trappying it just to make double triple certain she stays on the correct side of the door.
You mentioned his good mood morphing into acting irritated and impatient with kids, and said you weren't sure what his problem was but hoped it was trouble in paradise! My H gets cranky when he doesn't feel well and when RT is pulling his chain. I bet your H reacts the same way. Too bad for them that these needy horrible OW are going to put them thru living hell more frequently as they sense our Hs moving away from their clutches.
I like what uR wrote "Maybe it will help you to think about it like this. While MLC takes a very long time, it is, in the grand scheme and in relation to how long and vested you are in this relationship, not so very long."
Thanks uR, that helps all of us, for me, it puts the length of my H's MLC into perspective. 4 years....38 years. I know I can hold on a lot longer when I look at it that way. One hour, day, week at a time.
And guess what! I dug up a bunch of clams when I was scratching around with my patience shovel! Now we can have steamers with our cocktails! I have some of my popcorn butter left over to dip them in.
hey hi take vows-
You are right - the time spent in MLC in relation to the time I've had total with my H does not compare. Our R runs deep. So while I get frustrated and weary, I have been able to find the strength to pick myself up and keep moving forward.
I think about a renewed M all the time. Maybe too much.
Going to keep trying to do my best to see this through one way or another.
good for you to be sayin it- thinking it & feelin it. i hope i feel the same. sometimes i waiver and wonder if it's all worth it- if the feelings are still there (enough) OR if they could be reincarnated as something that works.
idk
hoping for success for you & everyone here
xxoo
That is a great quote Nero! You DO feel the same, only not always. None of us do, it is just too damned hard. Hang in there! Did you make a new thread yet? Gonna go check now.
Hi TVS, are you okay? Hope all is well at your house in la la land. My poor H is having a colonoscopy today, he's SO sick from the bowel cleansing. I'm keeping faaar away
heyhi-
congratulations on return of sense of humour - once ina great while it peeps out here,, it's like the sun huh?
oh well- still pretty much living in the artic in general i'd say- too darn bad this guy can't be his old self.
he was a nice person. i have serious doubts aboutnew guy
oh well huh- as you say- one more day along the path
\
xxoo
Hey TVS just checking in on you! We haven't heard from you in a while. Hope everything is going well with you and the boys.
Maybe you're resting up for your big August, lol.
Thanks for checking in on me ladies - don't worry, I haven't taken the bridge - yet
Things have been busy here, but beyond that, I've been taking a break from posting updates and even from journaling. I think I have more or less been sitting with my thoughts, mulling things over.
As I told a dear friend, I feel like I'm in my own limbo land. I'm not feeling terrible, but not great either. Just kind of plodding along...
That isn't to say that things have been bad here. On the contrary, they have been quite good.
But I have become so protective of my battered heart, that I am always cautious when things are calm and seemingly normal. I keep waiting for something bad to happen.
Interactions between H and I have been very good. I feel like there are times when we slip into an old ease with each other - and we joke and laugh and talk like we always have.
Other times, it seems like we are feeling our way around each other. Is it okay to do this? Is it okay to say that?
H continues to not sleep, and is coming up to bed at some point during the night often. Not every night - but quite often.
I had plans this evening with my parents to take the boys to an amusement park. I invited H, but he declined. Said he had a lot of home projects that he wanted to do (which is true) while the boys weren't here. But I sensed he just didn't want to go.
We ended up not going due to rain
H ended up working his a$$ off this evening, and did do a lot of things he's been talking about. I thanked him numerous times for all of his work.
Changed things up a bit tonight. I usually go upstairs once I get the boys to bed and leave H to himself.
But this evening, I stayed downstairs and watched one of his reality shows with him. (Naked and Afraid - Not enough freakin money in this world!!! ) He did text - which I expected - but did not ignore me like he used to, and we chatted throughout the show.
Looking for some small ways to make more connections with him.
There wasn't much texting today, but his phone is blowing up now as we speak. That usually means they are planning to see each other soon, plotting their stories and lies. Who knows.
Have been reading along with everyone's threads, will try to comment more soon
Good night
Oh sweet lady,
I understand about taking a little break and thinking. There's so much to consider. Sounds like you're balancing everything perfectly. It does wear you down, I know, I know.
Thanks for your comments on my thread. You've consistently been supporter and friend for over a year now!
I'm working on things being different, it's good advice. I think my H is too.
Hang in there, Tvs, you're doing just the right things. Patience, patience & more patience is so hard!
Thinking of you,
rH
T,
I'm glad you are doing okay. It's good when you can step away from the forum for a while and take time to mull things over in your own way. I consider stepping away from the forum a rather healthy way to check your pulse and see how your situation is doing in the real world and not just discussing it here.
I think things are progressing slowly but surely. He appears to be taking more of an interest in projects around the home and coming up to bed at some ungodly hour, but that's okay...he appears to feel "safe" in order to do this.
BTW, I watched that show last night and there isn't enough money in the world for me to try to survive in some jungle w/a stranger and naked. Not all of these people survive the 21 ordeal and end up leaving due to be ill or just can't hack it. What will them come up w/next?
The most important thing is to take care of T. When you are ready to come back and post, please do so, i.e., even if it's just to say hi and that you are okay. Take some time away and allow the fresh air to brush the cobwebs away. Be kind to yourself and know that you have and continue to give your marriage all that you can.
Take care.
Hi TVS,
Yup, I get the protecting the tears, rips, frayed edges and tatters of our hearts and egos...
Interactions between H and I have been very good. I feel like there are times when we slip into an old ease with each other - and we joke and laugh and talk like we always have.
Other times, it seems like we are feeling our way around each other. Is it okay to do this? Is it okay to say that?
This sounds like the dynamic W and I have going on right now. I think both are good signs, the falling into the old ease, and also the feeling around, because both people are rather changed, yet the old soul endures and is still there inside.
I am watching W take more interest in things about the house like your H, and when I was working night shift just recently, she turned on the outside lights for me so I wouldn't come home to a dark house...hasn't done this in a long time, so maybe is thinking a wee bit of me and also "real life" again, idk.
The vets say that the slow return is best, but man, I guess I need to redefine "slow" in my mind sometimes (or cut back on the coffee, not sure which).
Hang in there and a break is also good I have found, so enjoy it and let things sift and settle.
I've never been one to do anything slow either and this kills me. TVS glad everything is going slowly but surely.
It's good to change things up a bit. I'm sure h was surprised when you stayed downstairs with him but a pleasant one. I'm sure ho bag didn't know what to think because he probably wasn't texting as much.
I'm sure your h is confused. The person he thought was so aweful is pleasant to be around and happens to be the mother of his boys.
Keep being wonderful and making it hard for him to want to talk or be with ho bag.
My friend, I have been thinking about you today. I was thinking about how hard it is, what you are doing.
It is like a death, isnt it, in some ways? Of life the way you knew it. Of the man the way you knew him.
And I know you must wonder, where did it go, where did he go?
But than I thought, so many things come in nature from a kind of death or from great change.
And that maybe, this all happened so that you can experience a far greater, deeper marriage. Maybe, with this great change in him and in you, the metamorphosis will be of two people who realize who they are and what they had, so that they will never again let anything break it apart.
At least that is my great hope, T. And there is always hope.
He is in there. How strange it must feel to him to be doing something so different than who he was. How sad he must be to feel so depressed, so confused and in such turmoil inside. He is struggling to come out of the cocoon he's built around himself. And when he does, he will see you standing there strong and sure.
T, I know that the hurt and the disasppointment run so deep. How can it not? But I also know what you are made of and how strong your heart.
Try to remember that you are an amazing woman, loyal, and compassionate and loving. And all that matters.
I know that you will do whatever it takes to see this through. And I also know, without a doubt, that you will be ok however this turns out.
And I want you to know, that no matter what you decide, I always, always have your back.
And yes, T2, a slow return is so much better. I have seen, too many times, when an MLCer has returned way too soon.
The jump back into the tunnel is deeper and stronger.
This all took a long time to come to fruition. So, it is best that they are able to work and continue through each part, until it is all fully resolved.
You know how in a marathon, the runners "hit the wall" and they have to dig in to to complete the race?
Sometimes in limbo, it feels like you've hit the wall.
Looking for some small ways to make more connections with him.
One thing I've started doing with some success is to ask my W to do little things for me. "Can you pick up *some item* for me the next time you stop at the grocery store on your lunch?"
Would you please bring me a glass of water on your way back.
Could you make the breakfast shakes for us tonight?
It allows them to feel like a helpful member of "The Team", and makes us feel loved when they do it for us... Win Win!
That's a great idea Forever, thank you!!
Makes me wonder. My W has asked if I want her to bring me anything from the store, but I put it off, thinking it would just reminder her of the times she was grocery shopping for us and I wasn't helping. Anyway, I'll let her get a few things if she offers again. Won't see her until she comes to get the cat sometime next week maybe.
Just wanted you to know I think of you every day, my friend. Hoping things are going well and that you are finding some small ways to connect with your H.
rH
thinking about you and your sitch TVS. I hope your H has stopped texting that skanky FT so much. Is his back still itchy and are you still slathering him with lotion? I wish my H would let me touch him, even if it was putting on lotion. I know WHERE I'd like to put lotion, but he won't let me touch that either
Hello everyone
Still on my self-imposed hiatus here, but wanted to check in.
Even though I haven't been posting, I still stop by here and there to see how everyone is doing.
I've been doing a lot of thinking and soul searching, and it has been very good.
I feel like I've come to an integral part of my journey. I felt it was time to step away from here for awhile as it had become a crutch for me instead of support.
But I feel I'm strong enough now to let go of this crutch - to many crutches in my life.
After almost 19 months, I am sensing a shift. In me, in H, in our situation.
But I have absolutely no idea what it means yet.
I've been changing things up around here, doing some 180's, becoming a little more bold with some things. Of course being careful not to go overboard or spook H...
So far, I have been pleased with results. I'm going to keep monitoring and adjusting.
There of course is some bad to go with the good. I've had some tears, felt sadness, frustration, and anger. Keep picking myself up and dusting myself off.
I absolutely positively could NOT have made it this far without the help and support of some very special and amazing people here. I am beyond blessed to be so lucky to have been brought here, to have "met" so many wonderful people.
My journey continues on.
I will be leaving for the beach in a few days with my dear sister. I will try to post more of a specific update after that.
Until then, onward and upward my friends
nice to hear from you tvs... ((hugs))
19 months! wow, thats a long time to be standing.
I understand needing a break from this forum. But, know that we will be here if/when you want to come back.
Have a great trip... wish I could get to the beach.
UP, UP, UP... can only go up from here... (Shania Twain)
Hi T! Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and rooting for you. And putting the squint eye curse on FT for you in your absence!
love you!
Hope all is well with you TVS. Love ya!