MLC, I was asked to split up and now to leave home - 09/12/12 06:11 AM
This is my first posting. English is my second language so hope my post is understandable.
I am 33y/o and my huband is also 33y/o. Two month ago after my husband came back from his business trip (he goes to business trip every other month and stays two to three week), everything changed. He always said I love you to me and cared our three dogs (we don't have kids.) He always brought smile to home and cared so much our marriage and work.
After this time of his trip, he came home with no smile no talk. He seemed so depressed and was not the person I have known. After two weeks of observation of him, I finally asked him to sit down and talk to figure out what happened to him.
He started conversation with "I don't know if I love you. I met ex-girlfriend this time. I am not hoping anything with her because she has kids and family. But I don't know if you love you. Sorry."
I was so shocked and paniced especially because our birthday was coming in a week (one day apart) and he canceled our birthday trip. I am not the person who break something due to anger. But this time I was so upset and broke a couple of photo frames which had our photos in. I got calm down one hour later and approgized him for what I did.
We started marriage counseling by seeing the same counselor each by each. He went there twice but nothing changed. I went there once only because he quited it and the counselor was not someone I expected.
I wrote several letters to my husband since our conversation was getting less and we became so emotional when we tried. I said in the letters how much I love him and need him, and I am willing to change anything if he has something he does not like about me. I also said we should work on instead of quick decision making, divorce. He did not respond it.
He gave a letter to me a week later, and it said he wants to start divorce process. He actually went and saw a lawyer and got some information about divorce process. He also asked the lawyer about his business plan. He has a plan to start a new business, which I also have known for a long time, and he was told to hold it until divorce settled down because of money.
I was reading many books including divorcebusting at that time so did not cry, yell, nor debate it. I just said I need time to think about it.
Today, he asked me to sit down and talk. He again asked me what I would like to do. I told him I am not willing to divorce but would like to try and save our marriage. I didn't beg him just told him. He told me that our marriage was over. He would like to restart his life without me. He said he wanted to have kids. So do I! But he said he would have family annd kids with someone not me sometimes in the future. Then he gave me a paper that he created, which explained how to divide our properties. He asked me to leave soon with three big dogs.
He will go to business trip from tomorrow again and will stay at his coworker's house after comes back (He started to stay at hotel from a month ago. So technically we were separated for a month.) He told me that our house was his and he didn't have to leave from this house because he paid. (I came here from Japan and have been here as house wife no job until a year ago. I have a job now but don't earn enough to pay the home loan. He has asked me to stay and do house work so I didn't pursue my career for a long time.)
I will have a first telephone coaching tomorrow but cannot be sure if there is still hope. Could you please give me some advice? I know I will get some after telephone coaching tomorrow but I need some hope. Is there anyone who had similar experience and actually saved marriage?
I am 33y/o and my huband is also 33y/o. Two month ago after my husband came back from his business trip (he goes to business trip every other month and stays two to three week), everything changed. He always said I love you to me and cared our three dogs (we don't have kids.) He always brought smile to home and cared so much our marriage and work.
After this time of his trip, he came home with no smile no talk. He seemed so depressed and was not the person I have known. After two weeks of observation of him, I finally asked him to sit down and talk to figure out what happened to him.
He started conversation with "I don't know if I love you. I met ex-girlfriend this time. I am not hoping anything with her because she has kids and family. But I don't know if you love you. Sorry."
I was so shocked and paniced especially because our birthday was coming in a week (one day apart) and he canceled our birthday trip. I am not the person who break something due to anger. But this time I was so upset and broke a couple of photo frames which had our photos in. I got calm down one hour later and approgized him for what I did.
We started marriage counseling by seeing the same counselor each by each. He went there twice but nothing changed. I went there once only because he quited it and the counselor was not someone I expected.
I wrote several letters to my husband since our conversation was getting less and we became so emotional when we tried. I said in the letters how much I love him and need him, and I am willing to change anything if he has something he does not like about me. I also said we should work on instead of quick decision making, divorce. He did not respond it.
He gave a letter to me a week later, and it said he wants to start divorce process. He actually went and saw a lawyer and got some information about divorce process. He also asked the lawyer about his business plan. He has a plan to start a new business, which I also have known for a long time, and he was told to hold it until divorce settled down because of money.
I was reading many books including divorcebusting at that time so did not cry, yell, nor debate it. I just said I need time to think about it.
Today, he asked me to sit down and talk. He again asked me what I would like to do. I told him I am not willing to divorce but would like to try and save our marriage. I didn't beg him just told him. He told me that our marriage was over. He would like to restart his life without me. He said he wanted to have kids. So do I! But he said he would have family annd kids with someone not me sometimes in the future. Then he gave me a paper that he created, which explained how to divide our properties. He asked me to leave soon with three big dogs.
He will go to business trip from tomorrow again and will stay at his coworker's house after comes back (He started to stay at hotel from a month ago. So technically we were separated for a month.) He told me that our house was his and he didn't have to leave from this house because he paid. (I came here from Japan and have been here as house wife no job until a year ago. I have a job now but don't earn enough to pay the home loan. He has asked me to stay and do house work so I didn't pursue my career for a long time.)
I will have a first telephone coaching tomorrow but cannot be sure if there is still hope. Could you please give me some advice? I know I will get some after telephone coaching tomorrow but I need some hope. Is there anyone who had similar experience and actually saved marriage?