I figured I better start a new thread before Jack got after me! lol
Anyway, H came over today to visit D. My S and his family came over for dinner.
I haven't talked to H since he was served. He was livid that the L is requesting him to pay child support for the rest of his life. He has an appointment with a L in the morning. He told me not to be shocked when I got the response back from his L.
H said that he wanted half of everything. That I was not going to touch his pay from the prison. He told me to go and get a job and I told him I would but he would have to come over every night to watch D while I worked. He didn't agree with it!! LOL
I told him that he is able bodied and has no responsiblities he coud go and get a second job. He didn't like that either! lol
I told him that is why I hired an attorney so he could work out all of the details and not to bother me with his ranting and raving. Let the attorneys handle it.
So I guess the war has begun. I think he is starting to panic and reality is hitting him!!
Y
Yellowrose, this is his bed, he better bring a comfy pillow. As for what he is or isn't going to do, you need to tell him that he will do what the Judge tells him to do, plain and simple. You are better off not talking to him.
YR my xh went ballistic when I hired a lawyer LOL. As if I was going to take what he suggested!!
I agree with BH, better not to talk to him imo. I only communicated through lawyers, it cost more, but was worth it. We really don't have to take their anger. My take is always, if you can't be civil do not talk to me. After 5/6 years they should be through anger imo.
They really like to walk away from their responsibilities.
BH
You are right. I don't have any contact except when he visits D and I make myself scarce. He has gotten smacked in the face with the reality pillow!
I did tell him that I wasn't going to listen to him and that is why I hired a L to handle all of this for me.
Y
beatrice
He is getting scared IMO. Oh well, he has brought this mess upon himself.
What makes me crazy is he comes over here and acts like everything is okay.....what a jerk! That is why I make myself scarce. I don't stop him from ocming over because I don't want him to say that I stopped him from seeing D to the judge. Honestly I wished he wouldn't come over at all!
Y
My xh used to do something we called 'pass for normal' which I think is the same - act as if everything was OK, when it so blindingly wasn't - like the roof has fallen in and you sit there drinking coffee out of the best china.. . . . . and acting as if the roof was still there.
when we were selling our house I had to go over and pack stuff up and make sure everything was OK. My xh [still technically married then] used to come by and stay all day long, when my youngest son and I wanted him to just go away. Then he would leave in the evening and go back to the OW. And come over again the next morning . . . .
beatrice
That is exactly right. Everything is normal in their eyes until we throw a wrench in it!
I talked to my L today and have an appointment with him on Wednesday. I have questions that need to be asked and he wants to answer them. I have a good L, thank God.
I want to see if I can just have H take D somewhere instead of being at the house. I can't be comfortable at my house with him here.
Y
I think you have every right to ask him to do that YR.
Jack
I thought so but I don't want any problems especially the way my H is acting lately!
Y
Y, I dont think that is an unreasonable request. You have every right to feel comfortable in your home. Too bad for h if he doesnt like it.
he should be careful what he wishes for - it comes with consequences!
Brooklyn
You know I told my H to be careful what he wished for that it might come true! LOL I really don't think that he thought I would go through with this. I know I am not letting him run all over me in this D. I have grown a pair since all of this started, too bad he didn't!!
Even my S said it felt weird with H here. Awkward.
S said he couldn't do it.
Y
Y,
I think my H's are in ow's purse.
Good for you, go with what's best for you!
SA
LOL, that really made me giggle. Before I would have never thought about going for what is mine. But you know, I don't know what the future holds and I have to be prepared for me and my D. I worked our whole married life except for the last six years. I quit my job when H left back in 2005 because D needed me and was having some major behavioral issues. She didn't uderstand what was going on with her being disabled.
I deserve what the court says I can get and the kicker is that they are going to garnish his wages instead of me having to worry about him paying me.
Y
You are doing what needs to be done. It is not about his needs anymore.
trusting
You are so right. I am not worrying about him anymore, just me and D.
He called here a little bit ago. He wanted info on a few things. I told him that he needed to have his L go through my L because the info is there. I told him I would prefer that so things down get misunderstood. It seems like he has come down off his high horse since visiting his L this morning.
He shared with me that he will have to pay CS and probably maintenance. The half of military retirement pay is a given.
He was a little upset how much he will have to pay his L. Wait till he finds out my L is asking the judge to have him pay for mine too. It doesn't mean that he will have to pay but it is thrown out there too.
Such is life in MLC...
Y
YR,
Reality only sinks in w/them when it's money out of pocket to you and your children. They do not like to "share" their funds w/us, but that's the consequences of his actions.
You have done absolutely nothing wrong and believe me, from what I know about you from the board, you've been more than honest and willing to work w/him everything.
I would go ahead and advise him when he comes to see your daughter, that he needs to either take her out for a bit or back to his place. Your home should not be a place for him to make as his permanent visitation site.
Snodderly
I agree with you about "sharing" funds. This D hasn't really even started yet and he is panic mode. I gave it to God to help me make it through this and the judge and my L to get what I need to survive. I will not let him walk over me one more minute and he realises that now.
I have decided that he needs to take D somewhere and not sit here with her. She would enjoy some time with her dad without all of the hoopla!!
My H will be in my life forever because of D but he has killed all the feelings I had for him. He will never be coming home again. His actions have proved that I can't believe a word he says and no longer trust him.
Y
You have always been such a wonderful inspiration to others, your circumstances have changed, but you have not.
The "be careful what you wish for" statement is sooooo true for these ML'ers. They love the chaos they cause, and when you comply with their ridiculous destruction of the family, they are perplexed. There are consequences for their behaviors.....
Thanks Trusting!
The sad thing is that they have no clue what the consequences are until it is too late....
Y
I could not agree with you more. Feelings gone, trust gone, money gone, hope gone, respect gone = moving on without Ml'er.
Yellow,
Thinking of you today. I hope that you had a wonderful EASTER and that things are going well for you.
HUGS,
Ever
Hi Ever!!
Things are going well for me and D. The divorce is moving ahead slowly but that is okay. It will be final when it is time.
I called H on Saturday to offer an olive branch so we could get the stuff he want from the D decided. My L said it would be easier to do this. He was pleasant at first and then the ugly head of MLC reared up. He said that he was living from paycheck to paycheck and that I wasn't getting everything the L says I would. He said that he was going to stop paying for the mustang, the car I have. I told him that it would be foolish on his part since there are only 4 payments left. My L said he will pay and if it comes down to it we will do an emergency hearing to make sure he does.
As he became moe angry I told him that I was hanging up and didn't have to listen to it anymore.
So Easter he calls and asked to come over and see D and when the kids left we could talk. I told him that was fine but it was Easter and I wasn't going to stand for any chaos or arguments.
We all had a good day. When the kids left we went over everything. He doesn't want anything but his tools, his old bronco and his truck. So what was all the fuss about?? He is mad that I am in control.
Anyway, we talked for a while and he said that he still has alot of issues and that maybe in the future we could try again.
I told him that time would tell but this D is something I have to do for myself to heal. He said he understood and then we both cried.
I am actually holdig up pretty well and keeping the home front running. D is doing good for the most part, but still misses her dad. We are keeping busy and outside alot!!!
Y
Hi,
Sounds like you are holding up well and that you are fairing just as good. The Big Guy upstairs will keep you so keep on keeping on!
Smoochies
you bet Ever! God will take me where I need to be!
Smoochies back at ya!
Y
YR,
Your h is just one confused basket case, isn't he? He doesn't have a clue as to what he wants and after all of this time and mess he's stirred up, he thinks that you'll roll over and allow him to jerk you around? I don't think you will or are going to allow that to happen.
He so very dearly wants to be in control and to show you who is controlling the purse strings, but unfortunately, he's going to find out the hard way that life isn't always as easy as 1,2 or 3.
God and the law are on your side. As long as you are being honest and doing the right thing, everything will fall into place and that's what I see happening here.
Hang in there!
Snodderly
I am hanging in there, better than Ithought I would!!
He is a basket case right now. But what he has forgotten, I have seen this all before. LOL He has to understand that I am fighting for D and me and no one, no one is going to stand in my way. I am not trying to be mean to him and have been very understanding but he has to realise that this was his making and we are not going to suffer for it.
I only want what is fair and am not trying to take him to the cleaners. I won't let him stomp all over me in the process.
I am in CONTROL!!!!!
He is feeling the pinch now. It isn't so much fun having to do it all for himself!! Poor baby! (that was mean lol) It's the truth, reality is hitting him!!
Y
YR your h is a triple basket case imo - first because he is MLC, and they all are anyway, second it is his second attempt [doh] and thirdly he is leaving you. Nutso.
However, he might say he only wants his tools NOW, but be prepared for an 'it's not fair you got all the good stuff' sob story down the line. My xh was very high and mighty about not wanting any of this 'stuff' I did give him a second attempt to have what he wanted, and he then took quite a lot, but he was still moaning about how little he got towards the end of the divorce process. [Also see Antonia B's posts] My lawyer was very brisk about that. As you and Snodderly have noted, it is about control. Thing is when the divorce is over they don't have ANY control over us at all . . . . or actually any right to see or speak to us, at least where I live.
My H is a big one on 'blood money' and people fighting over things after a death in the family. Well, divorce is a death in the family, and he's as greedy as any step-cousin twice removed I've ever heard of.
I listed all the things he 'stole' from our storage building as his and placed a price of replacement on them. He seems very upset that I haven't kicked up a fuss.
Stay in control, YR, just think your steps through calmly and clearly.
beatrice
Thanks, triple basket case it is!!
Anyway, we went through the property he wanted, I turned it into my L and they are going to file it with the court and then his L gets it to review with him. I am ready for anything. Nothing he does anymore surprises me.
The mustang, my car, he was supposed to finish paying off now he says he doesn't know if he can afford to do so. I am still paying car insurance for all the vehicles and I can stop it in a heartbeat. I will pay mine and he can pay his. He only owes 2000 on the mustang and if need be I will pay it. My L says to wait and see if he pays it on the first before we do anything.
He knows that I a serious and when my back is put to the all I won't back down.
Y
punkin
I will stay in control. I am really surprised that I haven't blown up at him since the D has started. I am actualy pretty darn calm and taking it one step and one day at a time!!
Y
YR, you have been at this about as long as me, and so you know the score, but to say that my xh was volatile during the divorce process is putting it mildly. Whether he was genuinely spinning or manipulating in a very calculating way, I still have no idea, but what they appear to agree one day will not necessarily be what they want or believe was agreed on another, even when the lawyers tell them . . . .
I am so glad it is over, even though I never wanted it.
beatrice
I have already seen my H change his mind about things he wants from this D. I never wanted it either, we have just begun this process and I already want it over. LOL!!
He can either make this happen easy or make it hard. I am not going to let him manipulate me. I am prepared for the most part and will let the L handle it.
My L says he is playing games, like running from the process server for 2 weeks, the longer he messes around the more money it will cost.
Y
So H just called and said he knows what day this is he didn't forget. He knows that it isn't the best Birthday but he hopes I have a wonderful one. I thanked him for calling.
We talked about the Mustang payments and he said he is going to see if he can still make the payment if not he will let me know.
I am so tired today, I guess because I am getting old!!
Y
So today I put my D on hold... I talked to my L and he thought it would be a good idea. I am dealing with some health issues and if I get a D right now I will lose health insurance after a year.
I am still in the process of trying to find out what is going on with me. I have had alot of procedures done and am waiting on a CAT scan next. There is a mass somewhere around my bladder, stomach area. They have ruled out bladder cancer after the last test. The Doctor said it was worry some because he doesn't know what it is. Hopefully the Cat Scan will show something that can be fixed.
My H called me on Friday and said he was coming over to help me with D and things around the house and stayed till yesterday. He is okay with putting the D on hold, as a matter of fact he seemed relieved. He told me that my health comes first and I didn't need the D hanging over me right now. He was a big help because whatever is going on with me right now has me totally exhausted and he let me rest.
Y
I am so sorry you are ill. The stress of dealing with a MLCer doesn't help does it? I hope the CAT scan is OK.
Take care.
YR,
Please, please take care of yourself. The stressors that you have been dealing with are not helping your health right now. I'm glad you've put the D on hold and have turned your focus to your health. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Thank you Beatrice and Snodderly
I am still exhausted. I don't go for my CT scan until the first of June. I had a cath for over a week. That was horrible to say the least. Most likely surgery is coming according to the DR.
I put the D on hold for now because I want to make sure that I have health insurance and can't afford high hospital and doctor bills with everything else. I found out thatmy L is retiring in June. His health isn't good and he is on dialysis 3 times a week. They have another L set up for me just in case the D doesn't go through before the retires. He said that he wanted to finish up all of his cases so he will most likey be there for the whole summer. I loved that L. I hate that he is ill and I will miss him.
I have slowed down my activity alot, Snodderly because I don't have the energy to do much and when I do I have to force myself to do it. I have to rest alot. I feel so old!!
Thanks for the prayers, I can definately use them right now.
Y
Take care of your health first, the divorce will be there waiting when you get better.
I know BH. I also have to think of my D. The D will happen, just not right now.
HOOOOLLLLLY, I cant find your number either!
Y
YR,
I will pray for your health. Keep a PMA and take care of you. I am so sorry to hear your going through this illness along with a Divorce looming. Your in our thoughts and prayers.
TIPPER
Hi Yellow,
Sorry that you are not feeling well. Sending you a huge hug. Take care of yourself.
Ever
So lets see how well you crack codes yellow!
YOu know my state, right? My southwestern city starts with a
D_ _ __ __ __ .
Did you see that baseball game?
Our team is the winner,,, 6 two 0!!!
So I received the results of my CT scan yesterday. It isnt good at all. I have a tumor in my abdomen. It goes from under my chest to my pelvis.
My urologist has made a request for an emergency appt with a GYN/oncologist and I am now waiting to here from them. I know I will have to have surgery in the next couple of weeks and I ask you all to keep me in your prayers.
My H is going to take off work to care for me and D. He has been a big help the last couple of months. The D is still on hold and I don't know if it will ever go through but right now I dont even care.
Last week I found out that my Ex sister in law commited suicide. What a shame, she left behind 4 kids and a her H. It hurts my heart that someone could go through with something like that. She must have been in alot of pain.
Thanksfor being here!
Y
Dear YR I have been thinking about you and praying for you over the last couple of weeks. I am so sorry to hear your news, but hope that this pulls you and your h together. Hugs anf I will ocntinue praying.
Thanks Beatrice!
I am actually doing pretty well today concidering I had a nervous breakdown yesterday. I am going to take it one day at a time. I have left it in God's hands.
My H, we will see. I think this has brought him back down to reality a bit. My son said H is regretting his decision to leave. I don't want pity from him but if he wants to help with D that is one thing off my mind.
He was here since Sunday because of all the testing being done. I finally sent him to his apt last night because I wanted time to think and be alone. He kept asking if I was sure and in between my tears I said yes. I needed time to digest all that was going on.
He has really stepped up though and I really appreciate it.
Thanks for the continued prayers Beatrice, and the hugs I really need them right now.
Y
Glad that your h is stepping up to help with your daughter. A very wise person told me that they actually love and admire us throughout this. Your h isn't doing this out of pity.
You will be fine. because you have courage.
Yellow Rose,
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
I am so glad to hear that your H has stepped up.
(((Hugs)))
beatrice
I feel like he pities me though because would he be here if I wasn't going through this?? I don't think so....
My H told me that he wouldn't be here if he didn't care. My wall is still up because of all the hurt. He did give me a big hug yesterday.
I know I am a strong woman to deal with all the things that have happened in my life and I will make it through this too.
Seeking,
Thanks for the thoughts and prayers.. I appreciate it!
Y
Many prayers to you at this challenging time, the greatest being prayers for faith and peace.
Cas
YR,
My thought and prayers go out to you. Please take care of yourself.
My prayers are also with you yr! We serve a mighty God!
Hugs,
Renee
Renee
Just one more thing I have to deal with. Believe me I am scared but I know God has it in his hands.
Y
My prayers are with you ......
I'm so sorry to hear about your health news Yellow. My prayers and thoughts are with you. As for you husband, I am glad he is stepping up to the plate right now. He wants to be there for you for one reason or another, so just let him. I am sure you need the help with your daughter during this stressful time. (((hugs)))
Yellow,
Praying for you.
Hugs,
Ever
Prayers and wishing you the best.....for a speedy recovery
Sunny
Yr there is no better place for it to be. God is always on time.
Maybe thru this trial in your life, your husband will find God....if he already hasn't.
Hi All
Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers. I am scheduled for surgery on the 20th and can't wait to get this over with. The DR said that he thinks it's non-cancerous but wont know for sure until he takes it out and sends it to pathology. I pray that it isn't malignant but I have left it in God's hands.
H has really stepped up. He is over here on his days off helping me with D and doing yardwork, etc. He has even taken me to luch several times and bought take out so I won't have to cook. He even went with me to my las appt so he could find out some information. He keep telling me not to worry, everything is going to be alright, but he knows I am the worrier in the family.
So I'll let you all know what happens. Thanks for being here.
Y
YR,
My thoughts and prayers are with you and I pray that everything turns out okay with the surgery. I'm very happy to see that your h has stepped up to the plate. It's time.
Please take care of yourself.
Let us pray that all will be well. Very encouraging that the surgeon is optimistic. Glad that your h is doing what he can.
thanks Snodderly! Yes it is about time H steps up. I am not pushing anything and we are taking it one day at a time. I don't know how I feel anymore but am very grateful for all of his help!
I did find out that the tumor is my ovary!!! I can't believe that it is that big!!! I hate having another surgery though but I need to get it done!!
Y
beatrice
I have to be positive for my D. I will be in the hospital for several days and a couple of weeks of recovery. It will be hard for her not understanding what is going on. At least my H will be here for all that time to take care of her and me!
Y
Hugs and prayers are going your way!!
All positive thoughts coming your way YR
Yellow Rose, bless you for being kind and patient, allowing him to have his visits in your home, you are too sweet.
I'm not for one second going to give you grief for that. Like another Graceful person here, it says a lot about what kind of person you are to support that.
He shared with me that he will have to pay CS and probably maintenance. The half of military retirement pay is a given.
He was a little upset how much he will have to pay his L. Wait till he finds out my L is asking the judge to have him pay for mine too. It doesn't mean that he will have to pay but it is thrown out there too.
Such is life in MLC...
Yellow Rose, Once in a great while I am able to speak about something I actually know about.
I DO know that it's a LOT easier to let the divorce attorneys handle all of that.
You are paying them for that anyway, ( a lot, lot, lot....) might as well let them handle it and save you the headache with your STBX.
So Easter he calls and asked to come over and see D and when the kids left we could talk. I told him that was fine but it was Easter and I wasn't going to stand for any chaos or arguments.
We all had a good day. When the kids left we went over everything. He doesn't want anything but his tools, his old bronco and his truck. So what was all the fuss about?? He is mad that I am in control.
Good for you,
Good for you,
Good for you,
Yeah, they hate that whole "I'm not in control thing...")
Anyway, we talked for a while and he said that he still has alot of issues and that maybe in the future we could try again.
I told him that time would tell but this D is something I have to do for myself to heal. He said he understood and then we both cried.
Good for you!
Heal yourself. Heal the fambly interactions that your children are involved in.
Then look towards the damaged world he has made.
God bless you,
Best,
Punkt.
Yellow Rose, Oh my god, I'm so sorry about the tumor. Wish I could yank a knot in a bunch of deserving tails for ya right now.
Anyway, from my fav radio station,
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth
Best,
Punkt
Punkt
Thanks for your replies. He has really stepped up with D and everything around the house that needs done. He comes over on the weekends and stays, sleeps on the couch and takes care of D because with all that is going on with my health I am exhausted. He lets me sleep in, gets take out dinners so I don't have to cook, or takes us out to eat. My surgery is next Monday and he has made sure that he has off while I am in the hospital and even for my recovery. That takes a load off my mind.
Right now the D is on hold because of my need of health insurance. I went and talked to my L this week and found out that he is closing his office because of health issues. This is just my luck!! LOL!!!
Pretty much H and I have agreed on everything and decided to take everything one day at a time. I just can't handle to much right now.
I have left all of this in God's hands.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Y
I haven't posted on your thread in a long time, but have been reading from time to time. I was so shocked to hear of your tumour. Positive thoughts and prayers are being sent your way. I am so glad your H is stepping up.
Being
Thanks for the thoughts and prayers. I think that it will all turn out okay. I just it too be over with....
Y
sending good thoughts your way YR
I'm betting you've had blood work that's negative so that's why they think it's benign...but what a wacky thing to crop up now for you...
what if your H has a real awakening? Ever wonder?
I mean, this is one of those events that gets you thinking...
I'm Just asking.
Take care of yourself, YR
you HAVE to!
YR,
In reading your sitch I've had the same thoughts as 25.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I don't blame you a bit for wanting to get this over with. I wish you a speedy recovery!
(((Hugs)))
25
The blood work hasn't came back yet. They did that at my last appt a few days ago. When the doctor was looking at the ultrasound he said he thought it was benign but couldn't let me know for sure until he sent samples to pathology.
I think things happen for a reason. I wished my H would have a real awakening. I think he is pretty scared right now. My L was telling me that my H doesn't want a D and that he is dating me again. I don't know but I'd love to have my family back together again. The thing is I couldn't go through this ever again. So who knows.
As far as this cropping up. I honestly think that all the stresses we all have been through with MLC, takes a big toll on our health one way or another.
I am taking it pretty easy right now because I don't have the strength to do much. I have to force myself to get things done and I do but it takes me alot longer!! LOL
Y
seeking
I hate the hospital stays and the food. I Hate not being with my family. It is hard to take D up to the hospital because she gets restless. I'll miss her sweet smile. I need a vacation and sleep but not like this!!!!!! LOL
Y
Yr
I don't know about you but I find it strangely empowering to know
that no matter what happens, I will never go through that again.
For me, the MLC of H's and DBing (while also a lifestyle) is also a once in a life time thing...
But if your h wants back in, and you want your family together
then...who knows? What we do know is...
You don't have to decide today...
take care of yourself!
Hi yellow
I hope all goes well with the surgery, and tumor is benign. i will say a prayer for you.
25
I know I don't have to decide today, thank goodness!! I have too much to deal with right now.
As far as my H wanting to come home again. Things would have to be totally different. I love him but my feelings have changed alot. Either way, I know I will be just fine.
Y
Thanks so much rysmom!!!! The waiting is the hardest!!
Y
(((YR)))
Joining those sending prayers your way; in hopes that you find health and strength by living your life through love and peace.
Let your H do what ever he will because he wants to, not because you want him to. If that involves him being there for you, it will be meaningful to both of you. If he is not fully there for you, keep your focus on your health.
As you wait, try to make yourself breath easy and relax. Know that anyone who can survive someone else's MLC can handle whatever life presents.
w2s
Thanks for the positive thoughts!! H has been a God send to say the least. It reminds me of him before MLC, a caring person.
I can handle this, I know I can, I know I can!!! I am just so exhausted anymore and hoping after the surgery I will start feeling better. I can never remember a time where I had no strength or power to do anything. I have always had so much energy!! I guess my age is getting to me!! LOL
Y
YR,
What you have experienced and continue to experience w/your h in crisis is extremely stressful. However, your medical condition is also playing on your stress level. I would have been very surprised to hear that you had a lot of energy right now. Your body is telling you that you need to slow down, rest so that you can be stronger for the surgery.
I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and God will watch over you.
Thanks Snodderly
My body is telling me to knock it off and if I am tired I lay down while my D is at her program. My housework will be there when I can manage it. H has helped me alot with all of that but he is only here on the weekends. That is okay by me. I need my space too. I am trying to get everything done before the surgery and it isn't happening right now. Oh well...
Y
HI Yellow,
Sending prayers for strength and healing your way.
HUGS
Ever
YR...sending prayers of healing your way...
love
Figgy
YR, I am praying for you! I havent been around for a long time so I apologize for not being here for you!
HUGS!!!
mmf
Has any one heard from Yellowrose?
I know she was facing some health issues and I'm praying that she is doing well in all of that chaos.
Just wondering that myself.........hope she is doing ok.....
I have heard that she unfortunately has cancer and isn't doing very well.
If you go to her Facebook page and message her son, he will give you an update.
yellowbrickroad,
Thank you for the update. I am very, very sorry to hear this news. I will keep Yellow Rose and her family in my prayers. Prayers are a powerful tool and let's all pray for her. She's been a wonderful friend here and she deserves every thought ad prayer that we can send her way.
I hope she is able to focus on healing. YR, you always sounded like such a lovely person.....