Snodderly !! Update and a question. :)

Hello Snod!

Remember me? It's been YEARS since I talked to you!

I lost your email address; had your phone number somewhere, but couldn't find it; still looking.

I had to sign up again and got my sign in name back...that was a shock, LOL!!

I saw you were here, and thought I'd holler at you!

Plus, I have a question; refer below.

One of the reasons I'm here is that I came along yesterday looking for some of the posts that would help for someone else whose husband dropped the bomb on her, and she's all to pieces. Not surprisingly, I cannot remember everything that happened; only the lessons I learned out of this.
So, I came to collect what I could of the posts, not only my old ones but others for her to read, and hopefully make some sense of this.

For the curious and eavesdroppers:
I was one of you in 2001; I stayed on the board for over 2 years or two dispensing help, wisdom, and getting help for myself.
I'm one of the success stories that made it out.

My husband and I did make it out of this darkness called MLC;
nothing is the same; the settling down process that comes along after it's all said and done is still happening, but those signs didn't show clearly until the fall of 2004, and is still going on.....but I'm handling that just fine. I must have had my head in the clouds for a time, because until that hit me in the face; I wasn't seeing it. One of the three children that showed up before is back..and it's the sign of the most traumatic experience he'd faced as a child; his parent's divorce that occurred at 7 years old. As of now, the child is trying to rule, and the man doesn't know what to do...so I drive my truck, he drives his..and I pretty much leave him to his own devices for now.
Does it bother me? Sometimes, but the Lord has the situation in hand. In time, this will resolve as well.
Yet, that brings me to a question:
Snod, do you remember anything about the Midlifer reintegrating the children while in the settling down process?

Believe it or not, I ended up going through the Mid life Transition myself for 6 years, which overlapped his, gained a much better understanding of what he faced, though I went at it a little differently than he did; but didn't do anything wrong, though I wanted, to, LOL! I remember mine better than what I remember from his; as I've been out of mine for around 2 years now. I remember the children that came out of me very well, but peace and the coming to terms had to be made, and they had to be put to rest for all time.

I think there's a few people who remembers me from several years ago; I posted alot of the wisdom people refer to from time to time.
Many people tried to fit their situations into the time frames that I posted, and I'd tried and tried to remind people that every person was and is different, and the time frames are not the same. Maybe I was wrong for even posting times, when the focus should have been solely on the descriptions.
I mean everything takes TIME..and that's what you've got when you don't have anything else for the time being.

People, you must remember to work on yourselves, forget your WAS for the time being; there will be time to get to that later. There's a time and season for everything.

For now you're on a path that's not of your own making; what you do with it is up to YOU!

This is a GROWING time for all of you; giving you the freedom to choose how your life will go from now on. It's also a time of CHANGE; whether you like it or not.

I may not remember it all, anymore, but I still understand how it is.

From where I sit now; I'm GLAD for what I endured; as it made ME a better person, never mind what happened to my husband.

And took a LONG time to get there, let me tell you.

Life has NO guarantees, so make the most of the opportuntity that has presented itself. It'a ALL in the attitude, ladies and gentlemen.

Listen to your mentors; pay attention to the advice they give, they KNOW what they are talking about; they are drawing on HARD experience. You will be in their place before you know it, mark my word.

I'll be back to read; but I can't guarantee I can help anymore..it's the place you get to where you draw blanks..and I was drawing a great many when my friend called me in tears; her husband is 47, she's 43. I could see some things but not others, and my memory contained blank spaces..so I came here; the one place I remembered VERY well.

Later!

Wow! Welcome back!!...and thank you for all of the help you have provided here.

Thanks for the update too. I always wondered how everything turned out.

Your a legend here! If you need links to your posts we have them. We love you!!

Thank you so much for all the info on your posts. I for one could not make it without it!

Yes HB, thanks for the update!

A real blessing you have been to so many of us.

Hello HB-
I just wanted to thank you as well for sharing your experiences with us. They have been extremely helpful through this journey.

I wish you the best.

Check the MLC Archives for your postings. Many have been removed due to server space. Didn't you also post on the Jim Conway site? They may still have your postings.

The children do not intergret during the final settling down period. That should have been done just as they entered acceptance. The settling down period is the one stage that no knew about until I began to post about it. As for your h and his children, he's not done with his crisis if the child is coming out to be heard. Obviously something has derailed his processing and now the child is being heard once again.

Many things have changed here on the board. For one, I do not go by "Snod" and the second, I may have accepted private calls and emails from the posters many years ago, but I do not now. The only way to reach me is via the Board. One, more thing, please do not put my name in your titles. I do not want to be singled out as there are many, many excellent posters here.

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Many things have changed here on the board. For one, I do not go by "Snod" and the second, I may have accepted private calls and emails from the posters many years ago, but I do not now. The only way to reach me is via the Board. One, more thing, please do not put my name in your titles. I do not want to be singled out as there are many, many excellent posters here.

Please accept my deepest apologies..I was unaware that things had changed out here on the board, and that much. For one, I have not been here in around 8 years, two, I had always considered you a friend from that time, three, I'd been sent to the one person I knew could answer this question, and it has been answered. I wasn't "singling" you out, just doing what I'd been instructed to do.
And fourth, if I could edit my intial post that started this thread, I would, but I can't.

With all that said:

If I offended you, I am truly sorry. I know when I've been put in my place, although I did these things in ignorance.

Good to see you, too, and thanks for the answer; it's helpful.

Dear Trapt, Oldpilot and Cat04 and Upside,

I was surprised but touched by what you've posted..I'm sincerely NOT a legend, nor am I anyone special. I'd just been one of many who navigated the deep waters of MLC along with my husband; and with myself.

There are things I've seen and experienced that eventually were relegated to the archives of my mind and memory; and though they exist there in fact, I don't "relive" those experiences....and it has been only when someone has needed my help the memories start coming back, but they are in bits and pieces.

God truly does perform a healing within that dims the memories, and time does the rest; as time truly does heal all wounds, and put things into a different perspective for each one of us.

You are always welcome to post here, but as I stated previously, I do not wish to have my name placed in the subject line of postings. Many of us have this same request as it is very unfair to others who post as much as we do and also have excellent information for the readers.

BTW, we are no longer allowed to exchange email addresses or telephone numbers on the Board...because of privacy issues, etc.

I figured that the privacy issues would be in place, and can understand that very well.

Many things have changed with me in the last 8 years or so; I grew and never stopped growing.
I'm driving a truck full-time now as an Owner/operator; doing well; getting on with my life, or a reasonable facsimile thereof, LOL!!

I was kind of feeling out of my depth here, when the Lord instructed me to come back and ask a question of you.
There are things I'm sorting out, the memories are coming back a little at a time...not only prompted by what my friend is dealing with, but also something I'm seeing that's ahead.

Then I stuck my foot in my mouth, go figure! LOL!! I can't blame you for speaking your mind; you always did, Snodderly...and that is the one thing I respected about you, you never pulled any punches.

I guess it's a backslide of some sort on his part....I will do some thinking of how to bring this together, come back and post my story to get the feedback of others as well as trying to help some of the others with what little I can remember. I don't believe in coming in for help, and not giving any. It was always hard for me to admit I need help; and I keep running up against that brick wall...and still do, at times.

I will also ask the Lord to help me to help others once more in return for whatever feedback I can get.

It's exactly not a struggle I'm facing, not from the place I'm at now...but it's irritating.

Let me get my thoughts together, and I will post what I can remember under another thread. Might not be right this minute, but I will and soon.

I gotta hit the road again in a few.

Hearts Blessing,

As much as you don't want to hear you are a legend you are to many of us here. Snodderly is also, among a few others.

I reached out to your thread so many times during my H's MLC.
He is still working on himself as I am also. Things are getting better but, he still wishes to just forget what happened.

Anyway, Your threads are in MLC archive on page 82. Have them memorized (the page that is) as I refer to them when i feel I can not go on any longer. Reading them gives me peace and helps me to move forward while I wait for H to come through the tunnel.
No I don't follow any time lines as there are none for MLC but comparing things somewhat does help.
I do not post much as I don't have much to say but I read and help others when i can.

I am glad to see you post here again even if it is a short time and your memory of things is diminished. Hopefully mine will be someday also.

JAK

Here is a link to the resources:

Your old threads are liked at the top. I was just looking at some of your other old posts there are about 473 out of the 1267 in the archives.

A lot of us communicate on facebook and we are fans of this website. Divorce Busting.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1539436

Hope this helps you out and I am sure their are many posters here that will go out of their way to give you what ever advice we can muster.

HeartsBlessing, this is freaky seeing your name here because I haven't looked at this site in several years, but clicked on it on a whim today to try to cheer myself up and there was your name! You were such a great help back in 2002-2004 or so for me, along with lizbeth, sparky and summer.

I don't have anything brilliant to say, other than thanks again for helping me during such a painful and difficult time and how bizarre to see your name when I haven't been here for so long!

I am much better now, but can hardly believe it's been since 2002 that I originally signed up.

Apparently, I didn't follow the DB rules closely enough because I am divorced, my ex married the other woman and they are still together.

Now and then I look at the photos he posts online of their lavish vacations and home renovations. I looked today and was shocked at how fat and gray he's become--haven't seen him in person in a few years. Seeing the photos sent me here for a kick in the butt. Not that it really does much good. I already believe he's still in his MLC and running away from real life and medicating himself by showing off and spending money and blah, blah, blah. I am still without him and still questioning "what if..."

But, I have a job, a new house, friends and family (and a therapist who says I am one of the most forgiving people she's ever come across) and I still miss my ex every day.

Dear Jak and Old Pilot,

First off, thank you VERY much for the links to all the resources; I'd been digging for a couple of days trying to figure out where they were. :)I'd found some of them, but not all.

I'm glad that what I was able to contribute has helped someone on their journey toward being whole; with or without his/her spouse.

You're all very welcome.

You'll all be fine, even if you don't believe it right now..I promise you will; regardless of what happens.

And I agree wholeheartedly with Snodderly being a legend; she helped me alot; help I have NEVER forgotten; and it is a tribute to her dedication that she is still here; amongst the other mentors whom I don't know as yet.

I just never saw myself as one, but thank you for saying that. All that ever mattered was that I helped someone.

Take care of yourselves and your families..and I'll be talking to you.

Hi Viki!

Talk about a blast from the past!! I remember you very well..and I'm so glad that you're doing well.
Viki, when your husband left you did NOT fail; you forgot ONE thing....HIS power to make decisions...Free will is something we all have a tendency to forget, especially in the middle of this type of crisis.
The decision to continue with his marriage or not was always up to HIM....just as that same decision rested with you.

You wanted to continue the marriage, he didn't...HIS LOSS; not yours. You see him leaving you as you having failed; I don't...it was an opportunity to really find yourself.

Now's the time to leave the past behind; as long as you stay mired in the past; there is no future...that's also the only way you can heal and march right on with your life.

It's not that you forget that he was ever there; but you place that memory in its place..the past.

Being successful is not about the money you made, the marriage you saved, etc. it's about who you are, and what you've become..and how many lives you've touched.

Much love goes out to you, Viki...it was great seeing you again.

Viki!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You have no idea how many times I've thought of you and wondered how you are!! I am so glad you "happened" by here today! Of course, you know there are NO coincidences!

Is your old austin rr e/m the same? If so, I'll e/m you there. So glad to know you're doing well. And, understand so well the "missing" aspect to it all!

Viki,

I re-read your post and don't doubt for a second that your EX-Husband is still stuck in the tunnel; it reminds me of a friend of mine, whose husband went on and married the other woman....he was and still is stuck in the tunnel, but trying to move forward, and I can tell you, she's GLAD he did what he did. She didn't need him in the shape he was in...and when she realized that; it threw all the "what if" questions right out of the window...and she gained her freedom. It took her a couple of years to realize that as a fact.
She is now remarried, having gotten something better than she had before.

All true, and I never tire of hearing it. It does sink in, but then I backslide. Thanks for your reply.

It came as quite a shock to me last month around his birthday that it's been 8 years since I found about the OW because it just doesn't seem that long to me because in between I've also gone through my younger brother's long illness and passing, jobhunting, adjusting to being in the real work force after 20 years out of it, moving, pet death, aging parents and more---and I am still without him which is all I ever wanted.

But I am such a better person for it all(yadda, yadda, yadda insert cliche here, but it's true.)It is his loss!Thanks for the words of encouragement.

Yep, same e-mail. Do write! I think of you sometimes when I read the Sunday NYT!

I admit it was quite a shock to see him in the online photos. Not that looks should matter, but he looks unwell to me. I sent them to my mother and she remarked that he looks ill and unhappy. He will never admit that he could have been wrong, and I am on the cusp of really letting go now, I think. It's scary!

You're moving forward, and that is ALL that matters, Viki.

It's not a cliche when you actually feel what you're saying.

And the times of backslide will grow farther and farther apart until you totally heal of the pain you endured.

I'm rooting for you 100 percent; This too, shall pass.

HB, Are you feeling need to further DB? I realize that one could say that DBing is a lifelong thing, but we do indeed place hopes in some stories....

Hi Forward;

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Are you feeling need to further DB?

Yeah, you could say that. I'm trying to put my thoughts together to figure out how to tell what I've got to tell before I post my story under a new thread. I've been gone a long time;(since 2002 or 2003) and I'm at a place not too many people reach. I walked my journey through his AND mine, learning all I was supposed to learn and use for the rest of my life, plus whatever other tools I pick up along the way. I'm still married, things on the outside seem to be fine and I'm actually settled enough that I know that no matter what happens to me, I will be fine.

My life has been a busy one for the past 8 years; I did go on and become a full time truck driver; (I'm on road now, that's why I'm jumping on and off like a grasshopper)..I suffered through a 6 year Mid Life Transition that ended two years ago; that thank God didn't become a crisis.

Our son is grown now, and although still living at home, plus not being married as of yet(No girlfriend on the horizon) has a full-time career and is no trouble to anyone.

Yet, somewhere along the way, my husband seems to have gone back into another crisis or aspect or phase of some sort; the ending stages seem to be coming back around again; one child that seems to have been missed in the first round has come back; that hit me in the face a few weeks back, and I don't know how I could have missed that....and I'm trying to figure out how to post a short enough story without a whole lot of detail that will lose people before they can understand what I'm looking for in the way of answers.

Yet, I know if I don't post enough detail, the situation cannot be read into clearly by anyone who wants to help; I've read confusing posts before, and I don't wish to waste people's time reading something that doesn't make sense. I'm also thinking deeply on the whole thing because my memories are not that good anymore.
So far, I'm handling this differently than I did before; to the point I've cast the marriage to the wayside for now. I do not wish it to end, and he's given no indication that he wants it to end, either.

This is what's very odd:
I've NOT been bombed again, nor has a divorce been asked for.
There's no OW this time, just a confusing pattern of behavior, irresponsibility, a time of not wanting to do anything but blow money..and fighting me when I come down hard on him for his share of the household bills.

It's puzzling to me. Strange, but I'm not really upset or bottomed out; and maybe I should be?

There are many things I'm wondering about; and theories I'm also thinking of, like, did the fact that I went into the tunnel myself from late 2002 to 2008 have something to do with this; or when I had gall-bladder surgery in 2007 and nearly died, did that affect him and drive him back into another round of this? Many things have been running through my head for quite awhile. Or was it just like Jim Conway spoke of in his book..they can come out, but if they don't deal with all of their issues they will have reoccurring episodes for the rest of their lives? I'm going to have to go back and read that book again when I make it home..but not before I post my stuff here to be looked at; as alone, I cannot make much sense of the whole thing.

I know I have no responsibility for what he does or doesn't do, and I'm aware I'm not to blame for whatever goes on that's to do with him.

The answer Snodderly gave me to the question I'd asked earlier helped quite a bit, also. There's more but I need to think some more before I try and post it all in order so as not to confuse anyone.

I promise I'm not trying to be cryptic, but I kind of wish my memories would come through crystal for once, so I can figure out where to pick up the next thread of the story from the time I left until now.

My timeframes aren't clear like they were once before; and I'm trying hard to remember, but all I see are fragments that won't come together. It may be because I was in the Change when some or most of this was happening. When I came out, my memories were dimmed and clouded again.

If I think hard enough, some things come back, but others don't, and it's all out of sync.

As you can read, I'm kind of all over the map with this right now.

And I need to put things in proper order and into their respective time frames, and I will do that and soon.

I promise, I'm not suffering from brain damage..just lack of memory.

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I was in the Change when some or most of this was happening. When I came out, my memories were dimmed and clouded again.

I am going to try to ask you some things and if you feel that it is inappropriate, please let me know.

You are in about the same age group as myself and my wife, I am guessing again. I know that the change does different things to women and actually the same to men. For men it just normally takes a much longer time. I am curious how you think this relates to many of the situations on this board, (I know you are not familiar with the present ones but this is a general question not specific to any one sich).
Many of my friends (in real life) are going through life changing events, and of course everyone reacts differently, but their is a certain amount of science in all of this.

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I promise, I'm not suffering from brain damage..just lack of memory.

Again this is more science and age than anything else. I can very much relate to what you are going through.

I do find it interesting that most members of this board are at least a decade or 2 younger than I am. Again that is a generalization. I know that there are some people around my age. Some of this might be a factor of the more computer oriented generation. Although that really belongs to my children's generation who are another decade younger than the average age here.

Anyway if I haven't totally confused you, maybe you can share some of your thoughts on this subject.

HB, its good to see you here again! and yes you have helped many people...including myself!

i pray everyday for the inner strength to make it through this and to be as fortunate as you that my h will want his family back! we miss him terribly!

HB,

Your posts and insights i.e the Stages of MLC have become the some of the MLC Archive Backbones.

Your timeline...however. ; )

I find my wife also not completely done with her MLC, but I see her stronger every day. No OM or any of the outlandish MLC BS actions, just occasional cycles of bad day.

For me, I want to thank you for the MLC Stages, without them I woul dnot have ever posted here or read DB. So from the bottom of my heart, Thank you.

Thanks for posting again.....

It's nice when the oldtimers come back to say hello!

Jim Conway's book, Men in MidLife Crisis also has the timeline and stages of MLC.

But I think you were able to post them in such a way that made them easier to understand.

Will be back as soon as I am able; my husband fell in an icy parking lot yesterday; broke his left leg in three places.

Please pray for us; my mind is not here at the moment.

Much love,
HB

Oh goodness, I pray that your H and family will be ok. Will be thinking of you.

JAK

So sorry to hear about your H's accident. I hope and pray he has a speedy recovery. Take care.

Well, they did surgery on his leg last night, then released him today. My son and Sister in law went up there...I couldn't get there; I was in Kansas when he called me yesterday; over 1000 miles away, and I'm still out here working...I have to..we are both self employed, and it's going to fall totally on me to do most of the supporting while he's at home.
Not that I'm complaining...I can handle this..I've handled worse things before. And it definitely could be alot worse.

Anyway....

They are on their way home, and Sis in law says Husband looks pretty bad. He had already told me that I didn't need to deviate from my schedule as he will be out of work for three months, and I don't know how it will take to get what the self employed's equal of Workman's comp started.

I told him early this morning that I'd do what he's asking me to do, but I do NOT like it...but that's trucking; it will inconvenience you when you least expect it.

But he's going to be all right, and that's the main thing.

My prayers and thoughts are with you and your husband.

My thoughts and prayers are with your whole family. I am glad that H will be ok and is on his way home.

I have to agree with Jack 3B that even though NO ONE should go by time lines those 6 stages of MLC are so valuable to all of us her. Snodderly and 25 and some others also have very good onsight into a lot of what is MLC.

Bless you and your Family. I will keep you in my prayers.

JAK

Quote:

.But he's going to be all right, and that's the main thing.

I am glad. Thank you for the post on my thread.
When do you get back home? I can relate to being away. When I flew in the AF I could be away for weeks and we had no real communications in those days. Only expensive land line phones.

Also don't know if you missed it but I posted a question to you on your thread a few days ago. Take your time you have a lot on your plate. Don't I know.

Wishing you the best.

Everyone, the prayers and well wishing is much appreciated; husband, son and sis in law made it home at 2 a.m. this morning.
My son has actually surprised me; he somehow kept enough endurance to roll over 900 miles yesterday...he'd told sis in law that it would be better once they picked up his dad to take him straight home..it would have been difficult, if not impossible to have tried to get him out of the car and into a motel room. He's a good fellow; can't really say he's a kid, as 23 is not exactly a child any longer..and I've observed his face beginning to sculpt itself into a man's face with the last six months. I know I'm proud of him.

He is doing better since he got home; but is still in a great deal of pain...said he wished I was there as he needed a sponge bath....I started laughing, and told him to ask his sister to give him one. I also told him that I KNEW he didn't keep me around but for what I could for him, LOL...joking with him and he laughed too.

I'm glad to hear him laugh..the pain's been terrible on him.

Glad to hear he's back home now.

Take good care of him when you're not on the road and don't forget to take good care of you. Sounds like your plate is going to be full for a little while.

HeartsBlessings,

So nice to have you on this board again. You are a legend......

Oh, bless your heart, Trusting...I am NOT a legend...maybe I need to quite arguing with that, and just say thanks?

It looks like I'm back for a little while. So much has changed here, but many things have not changed..the monster of MLC is alive and well...and wreaking havoc in a new set of situations.

Update on my husband...

He's doing well at this time..still buzzy on pain meds...Son is taking care of him; if things go well..Son will head back to work Monday.

I know one thing; they put a HUGE cast on him that extends all the way up to his knee....and he said it was HEAVY!

All have a great day...I want to say come on...chin up, it'll be all right..though it doesn't look that way at times.

Love,
HB

Quote:

I am NOT a legend...maybe I need to quite arguing with that, and just say thanks? smile

Maybe your not a legend but for us here on this board what you wrote is legendary.

Point taken, OP.

Thanks for clarifying that in a way I couldn't.

All is well right now, I think..husband said he was burning up and I'm afraid he's running a fever.

I'm still out here on the road...trying not to let what I've got to do overwhelm me. While waiting for Workman's comp to start, from what I understand this might take awhile.. I will be the one responsible for the bills...and that's a scary thought this time.

I've supported our household before on my own....but this time I will have to take on his truck payment along with all the other bills; it's ALOT of money each month; more than I think I can come up with...and I'm praying really hard for the Lord to give me strength and provide the means to help me.

I always knew the Lord would aid my efforts..and I'm believing He will this time, too.

I'm just trying to overcome the feeling of having bitten off more than I can chew...and it's not even my fault this is happening.

Later.

Hope everything is going OK for your husband...and for you too.

Heart's Blessing - I often wanted to post to you and thank you for your insights. They helped me so much when I was struggling with the MLC behaviour of my husband in the early days. I read your new thread with interest, and am sorry about what has happened with your h [broken leg too].

If I say I am not entirely surprised by the turn of event you described, it is because two things I have learned about MLC are (1)normally it is a very long drawn out affair and (2) your husband exited from it very very quickly. In fact I have come to see MLC not only as a tunnel but as an seemingly endless flight of stairs, down which they fall and fall, stopping on some of the landings. When they hit some of the landings we and they think they have hit bottom, and they haven't, There is further to fall, but they hang around on the landing for a while - days, weeks or months, but fall again they do, until they reach the real bottom.

I also think that they need to leave home to fully confront the crisis.

I have been at this a long time, and used to post under another name, but I am a very different person now so I didn't want to use that name. Walking with the MLCer [apart or together] transforms us utterly, and the walk we take continues to amaze and sometimes delights me too. I would never have chosen this path for my life, and yet I wouldn't have missed it either. Never thought I would say that!

You will continue to find the strength to go on.

HeartsBlessing,

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Somewhere along the way, my husband seems to have gone back into another crisis or aspect or phase of some sort; the ending stages seem to be coming back around again; one child that seems to have been missed in the first round has come back...
...or was it just like Jim Conway spoke of in his book..they can come out, but if they don't deal with all of their issues they will have reoccurring episodes for the rest of their lives?

I think that it was Daniel Levinson in The Seasons of a Man's Life who said that we go through a life transition every 7-10 years.

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It's puzzling to me. Strange, but I'm not really upset or bottomed out; and maybe I should be?

There are many things I'm wondering about; and theories I'm also thinking of, like, did the fact that...Many things have been running through my head for quite awhile. ...I cannot make much sense of the whole thing.

Maybe that is the problem: you are trying to make sense of something that is wither not sensical or not meant for making sense. It sounds to me as though you are thinking too hard which is risking analysis paralysis.

Your rendition of Jim Conway's 6 Stages was helpful because you were able to focus your word on the core emotions and behaviours in a way we could that touched us and helped us to understand. It was better than Conway's original because he did it did not have the raw emotional examples but felt more clinical. You are a much better writer than Jim Conway.

I know that it is hard for you to take compliments...but take it. Someone recently found your stages somewhere on the web and emailed them to me to show me what she had found. Your work has gone beyond this board.

1000ships

Hello Beatrice,

You are much welcome; I was glad I could help when I was here before, and sorry to see you still here.

Who were you before you changed your poster name?

As far as my husband goes, this too shall pass in time, changing us again. I will be here for awhile posting as I can.

He is in alot of pain at this time, the pain meds are not working; I can't do anything for him, and it is breaking my heart in sorrow...I can't imagine the kind of pain he is in.

Thank you for your insights; each person gains wisdom and understanding throughout the journey the couple navigates through...and everyone's input is always welcome, as I keep an open mind, regardless of what I see/read. Most of the time it's the people who are standing on the outside; that can provide the most insight into a situation, not always the person within.

One thing I've seen again and again; the journey carries a transformation to the point we don't know ourselves at times..but that's a good thing as we adjust to the change, becoming reborn, maturing into what God would have us to be as adults, growing throughout our lives.

You are right; I will find the strength to carry on..and gain MORE strength in that process....and so will you.

Much love,
HB

Hello 1000ships,

Thank you for the insight you've provided..I'd known I'd find answers here when I came back...and each one is helping me to understand.
You'd think since I'd been dealing before, I would have already known some things and wouldn't need help...but oh, that is SO untrue. Memories fade, and are hard to come by, healing took place, and I moved on to a different place in my life. The bottom line was/is, I grew up..and I guess he didn't...and so I left him behind, somewhat.

Quote:

Maybe that is the problem: you are trying to make sense of something that is wither not sensical or not meant for making sense. It sounds to me as though you are thinking too hard which is risking analysis paralysis.

Think you are right...the analytical part of me never left; that's the part of me who takes things apart to look deep within.
That was also the part that helped me write the six stages of MLC.
Connections were made through insight and a number of other things.
Jim Conway had written his based on HIS journey, I think...I think he counseled a number of other people, but, still, he didn't seem to make the same kind of connections I did, mine were deeper, plus, I was here with people that were really open with what they were seeing/feeling; and I dug deep for what I needed to write these things, asking many questions, along with what I was experiencing/seeing.

Mr Conway wrote metaphorically, when, probably, he should have been writing in plain language that was easy to understand.
And God knows we needed all the understanding we could find at that time..and even now with all the people that are here who are going through the SAME things. The people have changed, but the MLC monster is still the same.

As I had continued to post when I was here before, very deep connections were made with this Monster; and I did some serious pushing past the point of being afraid, and my understanding began to open, my fears were faced, and I wrote to get rid of these feelings, transferring them to the written word to get them off me. It was cathartic, and healing for me to write; after it was on paper, or messageboard, I could look at the whole thing in a different aspect/perspective.

After you get so far, you push PAST the fear, and into the open, realizing that the only thing you ever had to fear was fear itself.
I also have a desire to help people understand what they face when they are facing things.
I still counsel people in and through the problems in their lives; with the help of the Lord who'd given me this gift of insight..and it's not wasted, that's for sure.

There've been many who have told me that talking to me is comforting, healing..and I seem to put things into a perspective where they can gain a greater understanding of what they face, and how to overcome. I say, I guess...but He speaks through me, and sometimes I don't remember what has been said.

The reason I have a really hard time taking compliments is the fact that I don't consider myself anything special, and I never will. I can see and have confidence in the fact I have survived many things in my life and came through changed.
But humility is something that I have never been able to put aside; always crediting the Lord who made me for what I have become.
And, too, just because I have moved on to a different stage of my life, I don't feel like I'm any better than anyone else..I'm just plain and down to earth, always trying to relate to what people are going through, and passing on what understanding I gain to others in the same or similar situations.
I'd often heard that you can't relate unless you've walked that path in a similar way...walking in another's shoes.
And it's true, unless you are insightful enough to make the attempt...if it's too painful, you back out and leave that to others that know better than you. I've had to do that a few times myself.
I, as a human being, have always been afraid of saying the wrong things and causing more damage; but when the Lord has poured things into me before and instructed me to speak/do it's always been the right thing to say/do.
That part of me has NEVER changed.

Regarding my work going beyond this board; what I wrote was also inspired by the Lord, though I was the writer. And when He passes on wisdom..it takes many forms.
It is to Him that I credit this expansion, if you will.

I did go back and re-read them; and I did not recognize myself as having written them..that was another person in another life.

In closing, even if those six stages had never left this board; it's still the same, they were a help, not only to me but others, as well.

It was through the helping of others that my own healing was attained.

Thank you once again for your post.

Much love,
HB

HeartsBlessing,

Thank you so for much for everything. I stil refer to the timeline and . They were lifesaving at that time that I found them.

May you be richly blessed and highly favored.

God Bless You

Ever

You rock, HB! Your interpretation of the stages gave me hope in dark days. I look forward to hearing about this new stage in your life/ M.

How is your H recovering? How are you?

Be well.