Kids and I are doing great and keeping very busy.
Lots of school fundraisers/activities, applying for college, getting ready for winter camp, etc.
Have had some close friends die in auto accidents the day before Thanksgiving, one of them being my D17's principal and his 16 year old son.
Still no job but have another interview the end of this week.
Have been doing some baking for people who have requested my fudge and Greek pastries.
We will be going over to friends homes for Christmas Eve and some other friends on Christmas Day.
Not a peep out of H at all. Girls have not seen him since July and S19 has not seen him since the middle of November.
H's car does not work at all, and he is still over there.
Other than that, we are doing quite well.
Wishing you all a Blessed Christmas.
and a Blessed Christmas to you and yours MidWesternGirl.
Blessings, Virginia
MWG, Hello again. I am glad to read that you are keeping busy. I surely wish you the best with the job.
Your H is going to have to do something at some point. I hope your S is doing OK.
You are an amazing woman.
HEY MWG! HOpe you have a very MErry Christmas too!!
Merry Christmas to you! I hope things are going well for your S... I really hope the job works out for you, I do know that you are running out of time with that situation.......... Maybe this will be a great Christmas Gift for you. As for your H..... I'm not even going to respond nor inquire about him.........
S is doing pretty good.
My H--nothing going on at all. He is still over there doing nothing.
MWG, Hmm, well, I guess he will be having an interesting Christmas.
I wonder when he will decide he is tired of himself.
Yes, he will have ow and her family the entire time which is a good thing.
He probably is tired of it all but cannot do a darned thing about it. His car does not run at all and he has absolutely no money.
Ow has him right where she wanted him and that is to herself and away from his family. She hated that he had contact with us in the past. Now, he has no contact with me or the girls and very little contact with S.
MWG, Your H put HIMSELF where he is at, no one else! He had a car that ran for a long time, he didn't try to find a job. This man has truly made his own bed and needs to be MADE TO LAY IN IT! This "blaming the OW" stuff has got to stop!
I am not blaming ow for where he is. I pointed out that she set rules and firmly put her foot down with him and listed what he cannot do as per her and he is abiding by her rules because he chose to stay there.
I did not blame ow for his car troubles or for his misery.
I think its interesting that you made that statement "She set rules and firmly put her foot down with him and listed what he can and cannot do as per her and he is abiding by her rules"....... I think that definately deserves more pondering.........
It is true and he follows this because he has nowhere else to go except to live on the streets.
If there is one thing I have noticed is that there is role-reversal. It is as if the woman becomes the man and vice versa. Many things would have never flown in a marriage and certainly not mine.
MWG,
I sense you will have a good Christmas regardless.
Hopefully your H is doing some thinking now.
Yes, the kids and I are going to have a really good Christmas. We are going to one house Christmas Eve, and someone else's Christ. Day.
My friend said on Christmas Day, we are going to "kick it" and relax, drink some wine, and eat. I was like yea, I need some wine.
Really, it will be fun.
Maybe H is thinking. I do not know. We are here doing our thing.
Merry Christmas MWGirl.
Wishing you and yours well.
Wishing you and your family a Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas MWGirl.
Wishing you and yours well.
Thank you, and I hope you also have a nice Christmas.
Wishing you and your family a Merry Christmas.
Thank you, Snodderly--means a lot to me. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas as well.
Yes, the kids and I are going to have a really good Christmas. We are going to one house Christmas Eve, and someone else's Christ. Day.
My friend said on Christmas Day, we are going to "kick it" and relax, drink some wine, and eat. I was like yea, I need some wine.
Really, it will be fun.
Maybe H is thinking. I do not know. We are here doing our thing.
It's so great that you've made plans for you and the kids for Christmas. Best wishes for a great Christmas for your family!
Thanks.
We do have a slight problem. Actually, it is not MY problem. If my son has to meet with the probation officer after sentencing on Monday, he will fail the drug test and as a result, will most likely get sent to jail for six months.
I am not sure how this works since he is not under any rules now.
It might just be me and the girls from now on.
That's a tough one for sure but one of the best things that happened to my youngest stepson was spending a few days in jail. That straightend him up quicker than anything else!
I thought three days in jail would have taught him his lesson but apparently it did not.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year MWG!
MWG, You are going to have to start being a little more objective about what others suggest to you on here. I am sorry about your son, if he has in fact used since he has been out, he has a much worse problem than you are aware of. For the boy's sake, if he is using, he needs some time in jail..... As for your H..... He's not going to change, sorry to be so negative, but he is there to stay. The only way he would try to come back is if he were thrown out.... It really is now about you and your girls, and for God's sake, focus on them! You have spent way too much time over the last 4 or 5 years on your H and son. Take your girls and move on.
I have to step in here on MWG behalf, not that she needs it, she has been in here taking care of herself for a very long time.....B/H we each have our own convictions as to what we are to do in our lives and in respect to our husbands doing what they are doing....
No one can tell her what she should or should not do, the same goes for me.....I would not want to be in her shoes as far as her son is concerned....lots of advice in here as to what she should do with him...
I could never just let him be....grown or not I would move heaven and earth to help my son...jail or prison is no place for a man or woman to go at this age in their lives.
They go in as young troubled men and women and come out hardened criminals ....what good would that do....what good could come out of that.
Yes,we have the prison system to try and reform people.I dont think this is the way to get a young person off of an addition...what are rehabs for then.....everyone justs wants him put in jail in here...
Just voicing my opinion and as far as H goes she is doing the best she can, we all are.....who knows it is the time for miracles....cant we all still have hope?????.....right now she is down, lets not kick her while she is down ...instead we should uplift her in prayer and support .... she is well aware of what she should do...
I love to read your posts....but really, when you were new in here didnt anybody here tell you sometimes that it was ok to have hope???
I pray you and your family have a very Blessed and Merry Christmas......
IRMA, Neither one of you are new.... You have been at this long enough to understand things. Understand this regarding drug users..... If tough love and strict boundaries are not applied, the drug user will die. I have seen it personally and professionally. "Help" doesn't mean the user not paying the price. The user must hit bottom and want help.... Sound familiar? As for the marriage is concerned.... IRMA, you can "hope" as long as you want to, but the reality of the situation is her H has not changed and the way that MWG has handled the situation has not changed, therefore, is there any reason to believe the outcome of the situation will change? Sometimes helping someone means being tough with them, not just a pat on the back.
He is still only 18, still a teenager, still a dependant....I am a hispanic woman brought up that no matter what, you stand behind your kids....your family member...
I have never had to do tough love and I dont think I could.....
I am so thankful for my life, my husband and myself are one thing, but my kids, there is nothing I would not do for them.....have been blessed they have stayed out of trouble
Have you had to do tough love???
If you have what was the outcome of it???
Just asking.....
Yes, I have done tough love when it comes to drugs, from a professional standpoint, the outcomes have been favorable.... On the other hand, I had a sister who died of an OD, large in part because my mother wouldn't be tough with her. IRMA, someone on drugs is a totally different person. They will kill you to get a fix for themself. I have watched drug addicted kids force their parents to lose all they have, it's just such a bad situation .
Have you had to do tough love???
Yes, My mother is bipolar and she is always going off of her meds. Refuses to get help. One time it landed her in jail. After she divorced my father she burned through $350,000 in about 3 years. I could not afford to continue to support that. She didn't belong in jail she was mentally ill. But on the other hand she wouldn't help herself. Sometimes that is the only thing you can do. Tough Love.
When she got out of jail the judge ordered her to stay on meds. She did for 5 years when the judges order ran out. Then it was back to cycling on and off meds.
Maybe I have lived a sheltered life and nothing like you guys that have seen it first hand....I just pray for her safety and to come out of this on top......
MWG, You are going to have to start being a little more objective about what others suggest to you on here. I am sorry about your son, if he has in fact used since he has been out, he has a much worse problem than you are aware of. For the boy's sake, if he is using, he needs some time in jail..... As for your H..... He's not going to change, sorry to be so negative, but he is there to stay. The only way he would try to come back is if he were thrown out.... It really is now about you and your girls, and for God's sake, focus on them! You have spent way too much time over the last 4 or 5 years on your H and son. Take your girls and move on.
Just a minute here, please.
What is going on about my H???? Me and the kids have been functioning without him and we have not attempted to invite him over for anything. He is on his own. What do I have to do with him now???? NOTHING. We are allowing him to have what he wanted--to be over there and free of us and us free from him.
Enough said.
As for my s--court went well as did everything else.
And please, God can move mountains and can work outcomes that far exceed a human being trying to work it.
I have to step in here on MWG behalf, not that she needs it, she has been in here taking care of herself for a very long time.....B/H we each have our own convictions as to what we are to do in our lives and in respect to our husbands doing what they are doing....
No one can tell her what she should or should not do, the same goes for me.....I would not want to be in her shoes as far as her son is concerned....lots of advice in here as to what she should do with him...
I could never just let him be....grown or not I would move heaven and earth to help my son...jail or prison is no place for a man or woman to go at this age in their lives.
They go in as young troubled men and women and come out hardened criminals ....what good would that do....what good could come out of that.
Yes,we have the prison system to try and reform people.I dont think this is the way to get a young person off of an addition...what are rehabs for then.....everyone justs wants him put in jail in here...
Just voicing my opinion and as far as H goes she is doing the best she can, we all are.....who knows it is the time for miracles....cant we all still have hope?????.....right now she is down, lets not kick her while she is down ...instead we should uplift her in prayer and support .... she is well aware of what she should do...
I love to read your posts....but really, when you were new in here didnt anybody here tell you sometimes that it was ok to have hope???
I pray you and your family have a very Blessed and Merry Christmas......
I have sat in court a lot the last few weeks and IRMAC is right. Prison is not a place to try and reform anybody. It is scum.
To try and help someone who has a problem--that is not the place. They get far better drugs behind bars than they do on the streets.
Have you had to do tough love???
Yes, My mother is bipolar and she is always going off of her meds. Refuses to get help. One time it landed her in jail. After she divorced my father she burned through $350,000 in about 3 years. I could not afford to continue to support that. She didn't belong in jail she was mentally ill. But on the other hand she wouldn't help herself. Sometimes that is the only thing you can do. Tough Love.
When she got out of jail the judge ordered her to stay on meds. She did for 5 years when the judges order ran out. Then it was back to cycling on and off meds.
When my MIL would go off her meds, it was awful. My FIL had to get a court order to get her into a hospital to regulate the meds and to keep it going. It took a lot of $$$$ and a lot of time.
When my MIL would go off her meds, it was awful. My FIL had to get a court order to get her into a hospital to regulate the meds and to keep it going. It took a lot of $$$$ and a lot of time.
In New York state it takes two psch. to commit someone to a hospital against their will. My mother has a very high IQ and she would convince the doctors their was nothing wrong with her, this was like 40 years ago. Later when she had a history it was not as difficult. Yes lots of time and money. I learned to detach at an early age.
MWG, I am glad court went well, but if you have knowledge of him using, he has a serious problem.... If not, well, sounds like he is on the road to recovery. I was just going by our post that kind of implied that he had used since he was out.
"the way that MWG has handled the situation has not changed"
Not true. MWG has set a firm boundary.
Is your S slotted to go to rehab?
First of all, he has not been formally sentenced and that will occur the end of January.
No rehab because he is not addicted, he did it occasionally. I know lots of people my age who did the same things at his age and even older. They got their acts together and they never entered into rehab.
And by the way, Braveheart...I am NOT doing the same as before with regard to my H. He was told he could not come home if he left and he left so there you go.........And I have not invited him to spend special days with us at all.
MWG, Good for you! I am not your enemy, I want to see you and your family do well! I would just caution you to be extra carefull in regards to son, he is living in a different era in time than we were as kids, please watch him very carefully.
Hi MWG,
I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I hope everything will work out in 2010 the way you want it. Take care.
Just wanted to wish you all a Merry Christmas.
Kids and I had a great time at friends lastnight and will go to another friends today.
Kids have not heard a thing from their dad at all. They have said little things to me about how they have not heard from him, how Christmas just keeps getting worse and worse. I said nothing as I let them talk.
S19 has not heard from his dad for about two weeks now. The girls, that is another story entirely as they have not seen him in over six months let alone speak to him.
I'm so glad that you enjoyed your time with family and friends. That helps create new memories, which is what helps all of us to let go of past memories a little easier. We'll always have those old ones, but new ones are like turning a new page.
I do feel for the kids not hearing from their dad. Regardless of how they try to seem mature about the whole thing, it must still tear them up inside. I'm not entirely sure that WAS are truly ignorant of the hurt they cause...they just like to hide their head and not have to deal with the consequences of their choices/behavior.
Your H, along with other WAS are missing some of the most memorable times of their lives wallowing in the choices they have made. I have no doubt, in the back of their minds, that holidays still bring back memories, and that they still feel the pain of not being part of what they use to have.
But you sure wouldn't want them back until they really understood the importance and blessing of having a loving family and spouse. It's hard to go through holidays without them, but I think it would be worse having them home and them not feeling blessed for what they have.
You're a very strong woman, and your kids are lucky to have one parent that stays true to the course.
Blessings to you and your family now and in the New Year.
We had a wonderful time tonight.
H texted two of the kids and just said merry christmas to you too as they texted him and said merry christmas.....
that was it............
MWG, Yep, that's it! No more, no less! What do things look like for your home? Have you had your job interview yet? Has H's unemployment run out yet? If it has, I would file for child support on the 2 minor children. I know you are thinking, "he isn't working, what good would it do" I will tell you what good it will do, the Court will only consider the welfare of the kids, not that he does or doesn't have a job. The Court will force him to pay or go to jail, his choice. Its not fair to you to have to do all of this on your own. I think you will have to have help to keep your home and provide basic needs for your kids.
Not sure what is going to happen with the house as I need to re-file paperwork by the first of January.
H's unemployment does not run out until next summer.
Well, if you want to keep your house, you will need to re-file the paperwork, if not, I guess you will be looking for a new address. Is your H still doing as he was with his Unemployment? Giving it to you guys? If so, no real need to file child support payments against him, as he is giving you what he has.
He gets none of the money as he has allowed me to control it. I pay the bills with it. I have done the house papers before but the bank wants updated info. No biggie.
MWG, Sounds like you have things lined up with your house, you just need to find work..... I know that's tough right now, but hopefully something will fall in line for you with that. Any prospects?
Prospects....maybe but not quite sure. I know I must complete about 25-30 applications per week.
I am baking on the side....
Even if the house goes into foreclosure, I still have some time to find something as I can have a lawyer friend of mine file BK if I have a job after it goes into foreclosure but before the auction.
I'll let him deal with it should the need arise.
Just wanted to say Happy New Years!!
Maybe this is a window of where H is at right now with his warped thought processes.
My daughter spoke to me tonight.
tonight, i am not sure why she was telling me this but it was the first i had heard of it.
remember when her principal and his son died and how devastated she was and H called her and said he would call her again the next day and he never did?
she told me tonight that she reached out to him and texted him and asked why he never called her when he said he would. he goes on to leave her a voice mail in which he was a little sarcastic and said to her something along the lines of i cannot fix your problems or what bothers you, life is what it is..and then practically blamed her for an attitude, said how difficult it is to talk to her, that he cannot change things. she said she did not call him back.
He has not called S19 at all since about the second week of December and nothing since. Only a Merry Christmas text because S19 sent him one.
D17--same thing as S19.
D16--she never received a Merry Christmas text at all from him.
OH well..................
MWG, I think you really need to do some serious thinking as to why you would continue to stay in your marriage. Listening to what you said about your H and his attitude toward you and his children really makes my blood cold. The very best thing all of you can do is just cut your ties with this man, at least until he ever comes out of this.
We are holding our own and doing things without him.
He is cut off.
He is cut off from family functions and cut off from knowing all that goes on around here, cut off from holidays, cut off from us financially and is fully dependent on ow for all of his financial needs, if any.
I have way too many other things going on and my marriage and whether or not to stay in it is not up there on my list of to do's. We do not need that added stress.
Happy New Year MWG. It is your h's loss. My h in the past 4 years has been MIA for Christmas and has never wished the kids a Merry Christmas. They need to live their lives. Life is too short to wonder what they are missing.
You are doing good taking care of you and the kids. It is all you have right now.
Cheers,
Glam
Thanks, glam.
My daughter also said that when she did talk to him that one time, he sounded just awful--like he was so miserable and did not sound like he was living a happy life.
I think they like to act miserable, it's their game.
When I call my H and he answers it's this weird hello? like he has no idea who is calling. On Christmas I forgot my phone in my truck so my sis borrowed me her phone to call H. He answered all cheery and called her by name. Imagine his surprise and the change in his voice when he realized it was me!
Same thing when he's home, he will act pouty and miserable. But when he's with other people he can be whitty and charming.
Basically he's a fun loving guy for everyone else but for me acts miserable and toys with my emotions.
That's just how I see my H, I don't suppose your H is like that.
My W is like that. Masked depression. Its still there but they try to hide it from the rest of the world. Since everything is my fault or because she is in comfortable surrounding the mask comes off and the true depression comes thru. At least that is my observation.
MWG, I think you need to realize that your marriage is the source of your family's stress, not the possibility of getting out of it. As far as your h being "cut off" Honey, you can't cut off someone who doesn't care. I think you staying in this marriage is only going to create more hardship for you and your family.
not true at all. the source of the stress is everyday life and what I, myself have to deal with on a daily basis, and it is not HIM.
I am leaving my husband and marriage up to God.
I am not about to end anything,.
I do hope that the new year will bring you and your family some peace, happiness and contentment. I am also hoping that the job situation will get better for you and that the man upstairs will provide a door or a window to open to assist you in saving your home and getting a better vehicle. Miracles do happen each and every day when you least expect them.
Sending you positive thoughts and well wishes.
Thank you, Snodderly.
Believe me when I say I have enough to keep me very busy without having to think about h, and if he were around, it would most likely be very stressful.
He is under a dark cloud right now and there isn't a darned thing anybody can do. He chose this and we are letting him be. These situations do not go on forever and there will come a time when he will get kicked to the curb. I mean really, who wants to live with someone who just sits there all day and is doing nothing to find a job? It will hit him hard because he will have to live in his broken down car in the parking lot, not here.
Like I said, I have enough going on over here.
MWG, I do believe that you are as stubborn as these MLCers! I can understand leaving your marriage and H to God, but with that being said, I do believe that God has revealed much to you regarding your H and his treatment of you and your family and I am not sure you are listening.......... I mean you said it perfectly yourself "who wants to stay with someone who sits around all day and is doing nothing to find a job" Do be fooled about the OW putting up with that, they are just as stubborn as MLCers and will tolerate behavior like that to prove they can keep them.
First of all, I am not putting up with his not working and let's just agree to disagree with how we handle things and our beliefs.
MWG, Your boundaries seem reasonable to me.
At least as much as they can be in such situations.
Forward, what "boundaries" are you talking about? There are mo boundaries, this man left and hasn't come back. How do you impose boundaries on someone like that? MWG, I guess we will have to agree to disagree with our beliefs and what not. I honestly don't see where you are going with things, but I suppose its your business.
Maybe you don't recall this but when he left, I took his key and told him he could not come back.
MWG, I guess you are right about that... I forgot... LOL Taking someone's key and telling them not to come back is a pretty stiff boundary.
Checking in on you MWG,
I had prayed that things would have much improved for you and your family. I'm sorry that things are so tough. Like I told someone the other day. It's as though life is like a big card game anymore. 3 years ago, God dealt me a new hand. I hated it. I so wanted to quit playing. I finally had to force myself to pick up the hand and do with it the best that I could. Somedays I still don't like it, but I keep playing and life is good.
Going back to something that was said in one of your recent posts. By me being so stuck on hope of R with my x. I now believe that I put my family through so much more hurt and anxiety than had to be. If I could have got my head on straight earlier, put a stop to it all sooner, and moved on without H and his antics. I could have made things easier on those girls. They hurt with every moment I hurt. They went through it all just as I did. We wasted a long time on him and hopes that he'd return. For that, all we got was hurt and it changed nothing. Even though he did not live here. Even if I limited contact. Even if he was cut off from us. He still controlled my every act, thought, feeling. I let him do that. It really really was not worth it in the end. He played me and I let him. I finally decided that I deserved better, my kids deserve better, and MWG so do you.
We are okay,
As for the kids, they have told me they prefer the way we are living now. They even say a divorce would make things a lot worse than they are now which I agree with and I have no intentions of filing for a divorce.
We do things and plan things on our own and without him.
MWG, Let me ask you this question..... Are you prepared to live the rest of your life like this?
Let me put it this way:
I am taking things one day at a time.
Trusting in God who has provided for us and has never let us down.
Whatever will be will be. It is in God's hands, not mine.
My life is what it is right now. And I accept that.
I just want to ask you this question B/H......what difference would a divorce make?????? other than the courts ordering child support....and him having visitation rights for our daughter, who by the way says she would never visit her dad with him living W/O I would not want the courts to put my daughter in that situation.
Like M/G said it is now in God's hands.....I know you think I am just running my mouth because of the drama I caused myself the other day....right now I like my life with my daughter....other than being really short on cash most of the time we like it very much...
I have come to realize I am not in control of my life, but God is.....
I have done pretty good with him by my side except for when I Snoop.....lol
thanks for listening......
There's always the free will problem, though-- God is not going to make your H do the right thing. I won't advise you one way or the other, but just want to point out that even Charlene Steinkamp filed for divorce. Filing for divorce does not make the LBS a bad person (can't say the same for the WAS, though).
My best friend's sister graduated from an ivy league school (undergraduate)around the time she became a fundamentalist Christian. She really wanted to go to grad school, but decided if that was God's plan for her, He would take care it. So rather than sending out applications, she waited for schools to contact her; consequently she didn't get into grad school.
There is such a thing as being TOO passive. You have control over your own actions. Isn't DBing about taking control of your own life?
Not trying to you p*ss off, just putting that out there as something to think about. I really hope things work out the way you want them to.
I am not concentrating on my husband. I am concentrating on me and the kids.
Yes, Charlyne did file for D BUT afterwards she said she did the wrong thing and asked God to forgive her because God hates divorce and she cites this.
And of course, she was listening to worldly advice. It was not until after that she really listened to God and followed the Bible and His Word.
I am NOT sitting back and waiting around for anything. I live my life one day at a time and trust that God will take care of us. He has up to now and I have no reason to doubt He will stop.
No, He won't stop.
BTW, I am no fan of divorce (practicing RC).
IRMAC, I don't think you are running your mouth! You have the right to believe as you wish! I also have the right to disagree with you! Anyway, what good would a divorce do? Well, first let me say this, I am not in favor of them either, but with that being said, there are tines when they are needed. As MWG pointed out, God hates divorce, but I also believe he recognizes that there are situations when its warranted. IRMAC, A divorce in your and MWG situations would help in the following. 1. Eliminate a very toxic, stressful, and unloving relationship. 2. Give yourself peace of mind. 3. Have Court ordered Support for your children. 4. Give yourselves an opportunity to start over. 5. Give yourselves a chance to meet someone else down the road. I just think there is way too much water under the bridge for either H to return..... Honestly, I don't know how you can rebuild a marriage with that much damage done to it anyway. I just think there has been way too much hurt caused to ever get past..... I just see both of you doing the same thing years from now and I think its very sad...... It is your lives to live though.
Thanks B/h and I know you mean well but I will address some things you talked about to my post.....
1.What relationship???we dont have one and as far as being stressed who isn't....life is stressful I dont wonder and pine over my husband...( except when I got nosey and you saw where that got me )
2.I do have peace of mind, be cause God the father has given that to me,I really do have a peace inside of me that surpasses undertanding.
3. I have started that process with the state atty.gen office...they are slow as christmas...
4.I know I dont sound like it at times, but I have started over I have a life, support myself and my daughter, we have our own place and we are coping and believe it or not happy.
5.As as the hurt to get past this,too much damage, is an easy one, I have totally forgiven him as Christ forgave me....
My beliefs are mine and mine only I will keep waiting till God says otherwise.....I have seen so many changes in the both of us maybe this was needed in our lives.....I know my faith is stronger than it has EVER been and for that I am grateful...thanks B/H I think I just witnessed to you....be blessed
As a Believer myself, who by the way also wanted to believe that God would take care of us (but of course only in the way that I wanted), came to understand that sometimes it is a test of our faith to accept the plan that God has in store for us. I counseled with a wonderful Minister who explained to me that many times our faith is tested and the real test is to accept with love that this may not be what we want, but it is in God's plan. I eventually realized that staying stuck and stubborn was keeping me from honoring God's will and acceptance of his plan for my life. Nowhere is it written that we always get what we want. So if I am to understand this correctly all here who succumb to divorce are not following God's will in your view? To this I disagree.
You are right about 1 thing. God does take care of us but we have to help ourselves. Once I stopped sitting around and took my life back, almost instantly things changed. My children became closer and happier. The perfect job that I had not even sought fell out of the sky. I was so surrounded by love, happiness, thankfulness, but most importantly a purpose for my life was once again in my grasp. I was then able to really and truly be grateful for the many blessings that were all around me.
How are you moving ahead? You're still in danger of losing your home, your car barely runs, you say you have no money. How will this get any better unless you take charge and make a plan?
bh is right. Your marriage was broken. Sometimes divorce is eventually the thing that brings a MLC spouse. I'm not saying that everyone's divorce will lead them back to a MLC spouse,in fact most times it won't, but in my case that is exactly what happened. Seven years after leaving, my ex woke up and has asked for a chance to start fresh and try again. I now know that what happens next is my choice and I am so thankful for that choice. We'll see what God and my heart tell me.
dsm
I think you have me confused with M/G I rent an apt. and i am not behind on my rent...but anyways back to the subject..we all have our own convictions to what God says to us.
So you are telling me that God cannot change things....look at what he did for Saul a christian hating guy that was feard by all, if you even said the name of Jesus you were dead...he was converted by the power of God......what about all the people that were healed all the people delivered from the demons within them......we are talking about a God that created the heavens and the earth.....we read in the bible that NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD......we can go back and forth on this I beleive what I beleive and so does M/G.....when God tells us otherwise we will keep standing...we arent just by our phones waiting FOR THAT CALL......my journey has been since 01/07 I saw so many changes in him......but to this day because I know that I know I will keep doing what I am doing ........stay on my knees and pray.......I do what I do because it is my life.... All of our marrriages were broken.....and as far as your spouse returning back that is awesome congrats to you......
... that sometimes it is a test of our faith to accept the plan that God has in store for us. I counseled with a wonderful Minister who explained to me that many times our faith is tested and the real test is to accept with love that this may not be what we want, but it is in God's plan. I eventually realized that staying stuck and stubborn was keeping me from honoring God's will and acceptance of his plan for my life.
Beautifully said drm .... isn't it a wonderful new day when you truly know that in your heart as well as your head. I'm so grateful for this journey of mine, because I learned what you just so perfectly articulated ... we don't always get what we want - but the good lord always have a way of making sure we get what we need.
Cheers, V
PERFECT dncrm and Walking.
"God does take care of us but we have to help ourselves. Once I stopped sitting around and took my life back, almost instantly things changed."
Amen
Yes...the above couple of posts are soooo true!!!
God also gave us a mind and a brain to think with. By allowing your WAS to be your only reason for living you will stop living for yourself and making yourself happy.
I have posted this before and I will tell you again. As hindsight is 20/20.
I wasted so much of my time when my Husband was gone, that I missed out on many opportunities to better myself. I lived in fear of making choices that would push my WAS away. I wanted to go back to school and had the chance to do so. BUT as it was always something my Husband didn't think was a good idea I chose not to rock the boat.
I have countless examples of things I did wrong, I am definately not the DB posterchild. But My Husband did come home eventually.
And the piecing is hard work, in fact it is harder to have them home again then when they were away.
Work on your own "stuff" and leave him to God. Dont worry about what he is doing and with whom.
It is good to be on your knees, asking God to restore your Marriage.
It is even better to be on your knees asking God to show you His plan for your "new" life.
Ask Him to direct YOUR path,even if it means your Husband is not included in those plans.
Ask for opportunities and resources to make your life wonderful.
Ask for wisdom and clarity.
Learn to be still, and the answers will fall into your lap.
Just checking in to see how many of you are doing.
D17 was accepted into the college she has been wanting to attend and we are getting her prepared for that and have filed all the paperwork for financial aid, etc. She is looking forward to it and I am happy for her. She will be all the way across the country but that's okay as she has several friends who attend or are attending the same school.
I am having some health issues that have prevented me from seeking a job let alone much of anything.
H has had no contact with any of us but he seems to be communicating with S19 a little more these days. S19 visited him about a week or so ago for the first time in a few months. Said H had a very boring holiday and asked what we did. Other than that, just busy with school stuff.
MWG, Thanks for posting an update--those of us who've been around a while do feel an affinity for each other.
I'm glad that your D was accepted to the school she wants to go to, too. That's a big deal.
I hope you are taking gentle care of yourself. {{{MWG}}}
Congrats to your daughter getting into her college choice, I know she has to be excited about that.
Checking on MWG. Hope things are a bit easier for you these days.
Thanks for checking on me, forward.
I've been ill for some time and it has prevented me from job hunting in a big way. The bank is requesting a lot more in the way of monthly payments which they know we cannot afford and I am trying to work that out. To move into an apt. is not really any cheaper than being in a house.
Kids are okay--very busy.
H--haven't talked to him in ages, the girls have not seen him since the first week of July, and he continues to sit over there and is very unhappy as per my son. H's car still not running either.
MWG, What is the nature of your illness? Do you have it under control?
Muscular and joint issues. Trying some things to get it under control.
Try this it works wonders for me... my shoulder and lower back pain...tastes very bitter but I could tell a big difference in my lower back pain like the next day....in my lower back I had a constant burning aching pain tried this and it no longer hurts as bad.....MSM 100% IN POWDER FORM ONLY I bought it at an herbal shoppe...cost about $7.00
MSM Methylsulfonylmethane is the name....look it up on the net....try it it just might make the pain more bearable with this....and it is not a medication
Thanks for the info, IRMAC. I am on Day 3 of Triple Flex which is supposed to work in 7 days.
So far, it is working....keeping my fingers crossed that by Friday, it really kicks in.
I got a free 5-day trial from Costco.
MWG, That is a mean one, I have battled with that because of my lifting for years....... It depends on the seriousness of your injuries. You might want to see a chiropractor if you haven't already. Stretching will help your muscles. As for your joints, are they dry or just sore?
Hope you feel better soon!
There are more things I am suffering from and it matches perfectly with fibromyalgia. It is not fun.
Try this it works wonders for me... my shoulder and lower back pain...tastes very bitter but I could tell a big difference in my lower back pain like the next day....in my lower back I had a constant burning aching pain tried this and it no longer hurts as bad.....MSM 100% IN POWDER FORM ONLY I bought it at an herbal shoppe...cost about $7.00
MSM Methylsulfonylmethane is the name....look it up on the net....try it it just might make the pain more bearable with this....and it is not a medication
I take glucosamine chondroitin with MSM triple strength. I can't live without it my knees hurt so much. With it is much better. Also try Aleve (naproxen at Walmart) it reduce swelling and gets me through the really bad days.
I am currently trying the Triple Flex which seem to be helping but it is more noticeable how much it helps the less I am on my feet and running around. I know it takes time to fully kick in and work.
I do have some muscle relaxers but hate to take prescription meds. If it gets so severe, I will take one but I did not have those when the pain was really, really bad. At that time, it started in my left arm and I could not even put all of my clothes on. The pain comes and goes and hits in different places at different times.
Question....do you notice that the symptoms become more intense when you are stressed?
Triple Flex is okay, but you should consider getting what Old Pilot mentioned. I've tried both and the one he mentioned works better.
I don't really notice the symptoms being worse when I am stressed as what I have been doing is trying to eliminate some stress. I know, that is laughable, right?
My arm (elbow to shoulder area) was absolutely horrible from November thru December and slowly got better but there is still some soreness (muscular). And in the last few weeks the pain is in my knees.
And the fatigue is just awful. I do not sleep thru the night and during the day, I will be trying to read, fill out applications, whatever it is, and I find myself falling asleep. At church, I will start to fall asleep or snore and my daughter goes crazy. I told her later that I do not realize I am doing this and it is not pleasant for me either.
Thanks for the advice on what has worked for some of you with regard to pain. I will look into it.
Your local YMCA can give you a free membership to their facility it is part of their program, they don't turn anyone away.
There is an awesome water aerobic class that is offered by them which is very low impact and which will work wonders for you.
Not only will it help your emotional stress but will also help with your weight issues and other physical problems.
BND is absolutely correct!! The water is an awesome exercise/therapy for joints and muscles. MWG, she is also right about the YMCA and free memberships, they won't turn anyone away and it would also be good for you in other ways!!
The falling asleep-- could you have sleep apnea? I was falling asleep everywhere before I got a C-PAP. I also felt like crap all the time.
MWG - if the doctors haven't already done so have them check your B-12 and D. I went through about five months of all sorts of tests and finally a neurologist found that my Vitamin D was really low and because of my age they want the numbers to be higher. If I hadn't had the B-12 deficiency the Rheumatologist told me that they would have diagnosed me with fibromyalgia. (I had numbness in my hands and feet and a lot of muscle aches and joint pains as well as extreme fatigue.) After being on Vitamin D for about 4 weeks the symptoms disappeared. Also, check for Lyme's Disease...I have that as well but the Vitamin D made the biggest different.
MWG,
Sorry to hijack, but I wanted to leave a quick note for Braveheart.
BH,
You had posted something really interesting a while back and I had some questions. Are you on FB?
You can find me under the Divorcebusting Fans on that site.
Thanks Mucho
BND
BND, Yes I am on facebook, but cannot locate you.
MWG-I have had you on my mind lately. I hope you are feeling better!!
OK....
I guess I will try and search for you through other posters here.
Do you post by Braveheart on FB?
BND, no I don't.... I don't know what to do here! LOL I don't want to get into trouble by putting something on here I am not supposed to.
BH
Let me try, Are you friends with anyone who posts here?
Let's try this....
I will post something on Jack's thread as he posts under his user name here.
My profile pic is of Lucy from Charlie Brown.
Just add me as a friend.
Jack your not minus anything
BND, I think I found you, but you don't have the option to add people as friends! LOL
BH
Are you friends with Jack?
I added BND as a friend
Just sent a request to Jack
Can you see Jacks Wall?
Sorry for the Highjack MWG?
Waaaa...Waaaa!!!
Modern technology is so darn complicated
Did Jack ever complete this deal?
I think Pilot has taken on the job of alt. hooker people upper.. LOL. He's found several people for me. It would take me forever to follow the clues.
Actually I have a secret method that I figured out. I can find anyone but I need to know when they signed up for fans of DB.
Hey MWG,
Just checking to see how you are doing.
I WANT TO KNOW YOUR METHOD.......
Hey MWG,
Just checking to see how you are doing.
Thanks for asking.
Been a very busy 2010!!
Currently without a car. Transmission went about two weeks ago but it is now in the shop for repair.
Child #1 will be attending community college full time this fall. He has to sign up for classes in two weeks.
Child #2 is getting ready for her senior class trip next month and then graduation May 21st. She is slowly getting ready and saving up to go to college in August. She currently works after-school care a few days per week. She is having to save up for college books, airfare, a laptop, etc.
Child #3 will be spending part of the summer in Boston with H's sister and her family. This child is really excited as she will have a great time.
Me--still unemployed and still living in the house.
No contact at all from H and he has not seen the girls since the first of July, 2009. The last time H saw S19 was in January and that was it.
Glad to hear the car is getting fixed..... it really stinks when the car is out of commission.....glad to hear you are doing well ......
Wow MWG your h is really out there this time. I am suprised he hasn't seen the girls in a really long time. Does he text or talk with them on the phone?
How's the weather? I am hoping for sunshine next week.
Hi, Glam!
He does not talk to them on the phone and he may text the girls once every few months. With regard to S19, he texts him once in awhile but certainly not like before and he does not call S19 like he used to either. H has very little to do with all of us and that includes his family back east. Both of his parents have been ill. H has not spoken to them since 2005.
It is really damp and cold here...was about 49 degrees where we live most of the day and quite windy. Next week it is to be around 80 and sunshine!!
Yeah for sunshine! Planning next week. Looking to attend St. Patty Day blockbuster party. Sounds fab! $20 entry fee includes 5 beers.
Museum and day trip site seeing planned. Can't wait. I hope we can meet up for coffee, lunch, poolside. Let me know!
Sorry for the hijack, Glam, did you and your H get divorced? What is the update with you?
I wish I could report that my h and I are back together, but that didn't happen. No D at this time. My h and I have partnered with a business together and in many ways this was probably the best thing for my h. He is slowly coming out of his depression and is focused solely on this business. That is the good news.
Me, everyday I get stronger and stronger. I am working out 4-5 days per week, eating healthy, and focused on growing my spiritual path with the Lord. Moving forward in 2010 as the year of New Beginnings.
I am traveling next week to AZ for a little RR with my s21. Should be a good time.
All and all life moves on. This has been a tough life lesson for me and God has been an excellent teacher. I have many regrets, but God is healing me within.
Not neccessarily the update I wanted for my life, but God isn't finished with ME yet!
Cheers,
Glam
Glam, I didn't realize you were still standing. Long time!
BH I guess if a D was not filed that meant still standing. I wouldn't say I am still standing only that a D was not filed. A D is onlly a piece of paper and that will come at the right time. I am focused on me and the kids with a spiritual walk with God. All in good timing!
Glam, I just assumed that you were still standing, because you said you and your H had started a business together. People who are not going to be married to each other usually don't start businesses together! Its usually the other way around! LOL Anyway, I guess we all learn and see new things everyday! As far as timing goes, I don't think there is a good time to do such a thing, but in your case I am sure you know what you are doing. I hope everything works out well for you!
Oh BH that makes sense the business. Actually h and I had a business together before. My h is really a smart business owner, I know from past experience and if I would pick anyone to go into business with it would be him, but can see how that might look from the outside. Ha Ha!
Just focusing on myself and the kids and putting the past behind. You are right there is NO good timing.
And braveheart, I didn't know you were still around...it's been over two years since I last posted here and unfortunately I'm back.
Any updates on OldFool and Kikisum?
StupidRomeo, I always wondered what happened with you, give us an update.
MWG, I was reading your signature and it's similar to mine. Except for the durations.
Sorry to hear that SR.
Very sorry.
The fear of mine is to fall back into old ways.
Can I ask, did you slip up in that regard?
MWG, I was reading your signature and it's similar to mine. Except for the durations.
Interesting, huh?
H has never said he wanted a D or that it is not going to work.
I am too wrapped up with my own problems to think about his. My transmission was so badly damaged that my car will not be ready until next week, Monday or Tuesday.
JTB,
Yes I suppose I did. It wasn't overnight, it was gradual. We never addressed the core issues when we got back together despite my trying to get her interested in reading books or going to counseling etc. We just masked it all with worldly things, I tried to do as much family things as possible. Bought a camper, a truck and started going to camping trips and we had fun for the most part. She's been unemployed for over a year now and I think that as well as my nagging her to get some house projects done etc caused her to snap one day.
MWG, good luck with the car.
I tell ya, despite having endured 2 years of this the loneliness and the quietness of the house is still the hardest thing to deal with. I miss my D terribly.
Romeo, I was skeptical when she admitted no wrong nor offered an apologies. When they are not truly remorseful, they haven't gone through. Most don't come out, a lot of people disagree with me on that point, but my logic is simple, if this MLC journey is to grow and learn, they must accept responsibility for their actions, many are not willing to do that, therefore they will continue doing as they have done.
Wanted to wish all of you a Happy Easter.
Recovering from a recent illness and still looking for a job.
Child #1 is enrolled full time for college this fall as is Child #2. Child #3 is going to spend her summer in Boston with my SIL.
S19 visited H a week ago. All I know is lots of beer in the fridge. Glad to see OW can afford his habit of smokes, beer, and heartburn meds that cost about $30 per month.
Car was in the shop and in need of a transmission and then it was in this week for starter problems.
Enjoy this weekend with loved ones!
Ah, young love, eh MWG? Sounds like paradise....
Young love--you are talking about my H, right? LOL!!! She is older than he is and a grandma to six grandkids!! I am the young one--ha ha.
MWG, Glad if I made you laugh.....
Yep--it was funny to me!!
Oh my, I didn't read your sitch, but just glanced at your "bio"
The Bomb: 08/05
H moves out: 06/2006
H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07
H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08
H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09
These 5 lines speak volumes. What a journey this must be for you and your kids.
I admire you for still standing...or are you?
We are not divorced and he has not ever said he wants one either.
I still honor my marriage vows but I am so busy with other things that I do not even think about him like I once did. I don't date either but I do go out with friends.
MWG, I think you should go on a date, or at least make him THINK you are...... I wonder how he would react to that one? Hummm..... You got nothing to lose.
MG - You are still standing. Otherwise you would've divorced him by now and started dating. Do you ever think about divorce? I'm 52, I'm not sure if I want to spend the rest of my life alone if he doesn't come back. I'm just at the beginning of this nightmare and so far can't even think about ever loving anyone else beside WH
Me go on a date--nothing phases the guy! And I am not going to stoop to his level of lies, etc. Dating is something to do when divorced which I am not.
Mila--He could divorce me if he wanted but he has not even discussed that. If he really wanted one, he would have done it long ago.
They say that MLC could take as long as 7 years. You never know your H could still wake up
MWG, I just wished for your own sake that you would try SOMETHING different! If you continue on this path, he won't change, and neither will you for that matter. I see you getting into a rut, even though you might not think about the situation the way you used to, he knows you aren't going to do anything different, so why should he?
I have been going out but not alone with a guy and I have had phone conversations with an old boyfriend I was very serious with. I have no intentions of starting anything with an old flame as he is married and is a doctor back east.
I have guy friends who come over but if he knows it or not, who knows as nobody here has contact with H other than S19 every few months.
Checking in to say hi.
Been quite busy as D18 is getting ready to go on her 10-day Senior Class trip back east this week and less than two weeks after she gets home, she graduates.
Still looking for work, too.
H expressed to S19 that things are not so great over there. H has been contacting S19 quite a bit lately but he has not been in contact with me or the girls.
Other than that, living my life.
MWG, Not so great? What woman wouldn't want a man that does nothing but drink beer and smoke cigarettes all day? LOL I thought that was every woman's dream? LOL Well if she throws his sorry arse out, you better let him sleep in that old broken down car of his.
LOL--a mutual friend of ours told me not to be surprised if she kicks him out for good this time because she has to get up and go to work everyday, come home, supply his habit and also he does nothing.
Oh, and according to my son, H will not talk to me and the girls because he feels more comfortable with S19 since he does not come across as being angry. H thinks the girls and I have too much anger. Funny because we stay away from him.
MWG, She might very well throw him out, if she does, you need to let him see how it will be on his own for a bit. If you let him just come back like before, you will give him the eternal right to do you any way he wants to.
MWG,
Sorry to see your still here. I think of you from time to time and had so hoped that you had gotten your M back and that things were good for you. Life just isn't fair is it? Hoping that you are doing okay.
I have been D for a year in June. Life's been pretty good. Then a couple of weeks ago XH called and long story short, brought me right back here again, spinning my wheels.
Damn MLC...
LUV, TOH
MWG, I agree that you should NOT be the "rescuer" if your H is kicked out.
I think that when they come back because they HAVE to it does not require them to do the necessary work to have a healthy R. Leave the unhealthy person to the OW. You want the healthy person.
My heart aches for your Ds. I know what it is like to feel that your children will have permanent scars from the whole situation.
Doing okay and still looking for work.
D18 will be back from her senior trip on Saturday, and she graduates two weeks from tomorrow.
Out of the blue, H texted D18 yesterday morning and D16 in the afternoon.
And, he told them both he will be coming to D18's graduation.
First we were surprised that he texted them and then we were shocked to hear that he is coming to graduation.
I am glad for my daughter's sake because she wanted him to be there.
MWG, That is good news for your D. My gosh, that is a big life event, after all.
MWG, I am glad he will be there for his daughter, but when he does stuff like this, he give false hope to you guys, that part I don't like.
On the contrary, everybody has zero expectations and is not expecting anything at all.
The girls do not want him to come home at all.
After the program, he will be driven back to her place.
MWG, You're doing the right thing....don't be the rescuer under any circumstances....
MWG, if he wants to come, I would make him provide his own way, but that's just me. As far as the kids not wanting him back, I sure can't blame them, most people will only take so much neglect and abuse before they wash their hands of them.
Had a great time at D18's graduation.
Can't believe it is finally over. Today, we are going to open houses all day and it should be a lot of fun.
H backed out. He texted D18 and said he had stomach problems due to nerves and could not make it. Prior to that, he texted and told me that there would be too much drama because my parents would also be there. Funny because my parents never said one bad thing about him. I sent him a voice mail and told him to tell his daughter he was not going because I was not going to do it.
I hope he regrets his decision for a long, long time.
She also was presented with awards lastnight and there was a video presentation at the beginning of all graduates.
I had a good time and today I plan on having a lot more fun.
Good for you MW!!
and congrats to your D and to mom of course!
MWG, You are holding onto what is already gone. Move forward with your life, he has made his choices, let him deal with it. Get a divorce, there is nothing left that you can do.
MWG, Congratulations to the Graduate!! So sorry your H backed out!! I know your daughter is disappointed and I am sure that there will come a day when your H will regret his decision. In fact, there are going to be LOTS of things he regrets!
I'm glad YOU have had fun today! Continue to move forward and enjoy EVERY day you are blessed with!!
Did you hear anything about the job?
Best Wishes!
Deb
MWG, You said the right thing.
I am sorry for your D; it will be hard for her to forget this when it comes to her dad.
I am happy for your D, though, as it sounds as if she did well. It must be a proud feeling.
We are all doing okay.
He has been asking S19 for money and S19 will ask me to get it from H's unemployment. I left a message for H and said as long as he is living with other woman, I will not give him a dime, that we need whatever funds we receive to make ends meet around here.
We are approaching the one year mark of him not seeing his daughters. They think he will end up killing himself as he is tormenting himself and putting himself in a depression.
D18 is looking for another job after her babysitting job ends in a few weeks. D16 will be in Boston thru the end of July and she will work while she is there.
I am still searching for work myself-nothing new there. The house--have to submit loan modification papers once again. Dreading it.
[color:#000066]
I left a message for H and said as long as he is living with other woman, I will not give him a dime, that we need whatever funds we receive to make ends meet around here.
[
you rock girl!/color]
I am sorry that your h still hasn't gotten himself together, but it sure sounds like you have! I wouldn't give him a dime either while he is living w/the OW. I cannot believe he would put your son in the middle of his asking for money!
Sounds like your daughters are doing well and I'm glad your one daughter is in Boston for the summer. She needed a break.
I pray that you find employment soon. Hope you are doing well.
MWG, What do you honestly think is going to happen here? I think you are a nice person, but I think you need to make some changes when it comes to him. I mean, your kids have told you they don't want him back over there, he has shown no interest or desire to change anything. I think its pathetic that he stays married to you and lives with her. I guess he does it because he can. Why do you stay married to someone when your own kids don't want him around? I can't take away your commitment and willingness to make things work, but its just not going to. He isn't going to come back unless he has nowhere else to go, he has demonstrated that for years and its sad that you are wasting your life on someone like that. Being a martor doesn't bring you happiness. Sorry if it this makes you mad, but this guy is a loser and you need to get rid of him.
pretty much the same.
i am still pretty much looking for work, the unemployment has stopped due to congress not allowing it to continue (we are going on week four with no income), have had more car issues, and am getting D18 ready for college. she bought her plane ticket the other day and she is all set.
S19 still plans on attending community college and is all signed up.
D16 is still vacationing back east and is very spoiled now. she is going to the beach, shopping, pedicures, manicures, clothes, hair coloring and hair cuts, etc.
H--who is that? haven't seen him since last year and the girls have not seen him in over a year. he did speak with S19 a few weeks ago for two hours and said he stopped drinking and was on week 3 of no drinking. nobody has been to see him since the middle of may.
that is all that is happening.
thanks for asking.
MWG, Well, he may not be able to keep up the whole deal w/no drinking, but if he has some self-awareness, that is a start.
I am curious: what is his history with drinking?
You sound as if you have simply done what you need to and I wish you the best.
My prayers for you and your family.
HE always drank but never as much as he has during this affair/MLC. Several years ago, he stopped drinking as it improved his heartburn problems.
And now he has told S19 he stopped altogether. D18 overheard their conversation and verified that this was true what S19 told me.
If true, I hope he keeps it up. A good shot of reality would be a nice wake-up call for him.
MWG, What about your house? Were you able to work something out with it?
The house is up in the air.
Had to submit new modification papers the end of June which I completed but they said they never got them so I faxed them again. I did indicate that it was still a very tight job market but that there were some job possibilities.
MWG, I really hope things work out that you guys can keep your home. Its quite obvious that your H isn't going to wipe his tail, let alone get a job. With that being said, you made a very true statement. " H Who is that?" MWG, I know that you usually ignore my posts, but I swear, I don't understand why you don't get a divorce and move on. This man is not coming back.
MWG, I hope things go where you need them to. You've had a really difficult row to hoe, so to speak.
I read a bit of wisdom that has stuck with me: when you are at your worst, the best is near. And vice versa. Realizing those things can help us to become wise.
We are all okay, taking it all one day at a time.
This job market is really bad and I am back at square one up in the middle of the night and also throughout the day filling out job applications, sending resumes, etc.
My daughter will be back a week from Saturday from Boston. She wants to go back next summer and she wants to attend college there.
D18 is just about ready for college. She is getting things organized, has her plane ticket, my mom bought lots of stuff for her dorm room, etc.
S19---his jaw is healing just fine. Thankfully he did not have to have surgery.
H-out of sight/out of mind--nothing from him to any of us. I told S19 that he did not stop drinking. I just do not believe it.
Di,
What happened? Thought you had finally landed a position with someone not too long ago?
The southwest must be terrible for jobs.
Bill
I thought the job was going to start a few weeks ago!!
There is this company near my house who has contracted with an employment agency to hire 100-200 people to call medical offices nationwide to request patient files for large insurance companies. The agency had us go thru orientation and we completed all of the forms and it was a matter of the employer saying, okay, we are ready for so many people per week.
I've been in contact with the agency and they said there is still no start date.
I cannot sit and wait around so in the meantime I am still searching for work.
Yes, the southwest is just horrible right now for jobs. It used to take at the most 1-2 weeks to land a job here but that is a thing of the past.
MWG, I sure hope the job situation turns around for you soon. You are ready for some real luck.
I think you're doing the right thing to let your H alone. He has to deal and do what he needs to ON HIS OWN.
Forward, if he sits there much longer his arse will grow to the furniture! He will not change, its a waste of life to stand still waiting on someone that will not do anything.
Still no job and it is hectic but we manage.
I am not sure if this is good news or a blip on the screen, so to speak.
H talked to S19 and D16 for a total of almost four hours this weekend. He told D16 he has been sober for a few months. She said he sounded so different and normal. That is all she told me. He has not done this in a long, long time.
BH: We wait for no one. We move forward one day at a time.
MWG, You are not moving forward, you are standing still, I wished that you would move forward for you and your family.
braveheart, you are entitled to your opinion of how mwg is handling things. But, you are relentless at badgering mwg. What I wonder is what you expect her to be doing? If I understand correctly she has no job, no income, a deadbeat H and father, a car that is mostly broke down, a job market with no jobs, no way to pay the mortgage, etc.....
mwg, I am amazed that there is the ability to send kids off to college, have a computer and internet, keep the attitude to keep looking for a job, not be bitter about the events in your life.
WCW, Doing the same thing and expecting a different result is a waste of time and life. Not an opinion, A FACT. I sympathize with all but the husband, that can be changed.
Thanks, but that did not answer the question.
While BH is entitled to his opinion, there is nothing else I can do other than to move but that is impossible. If I am standing still, that is due to the economy. I am and have focused on other things.
We still have a roof over our heads and food on the table, and I have budgeted very carefully with regard to the unemployment funds and by the Grace of God, we have made it.
Seems to me, BH, you are more focused on my husband than I am.
MWG, you are 100% right, I AM. You just don't seem to understand that its because of him that you have to deal with all these other problems. You also don't seem to understand that until you move on WITHOUT him, nothing will change. He is not coming back, so why stay married to him?
B/H could it be because this is her belief??????? When God tells her to move on, then this will take place, but not until when GOD speaks to our hearts and tells us to... we have been freed from our spouses but we must listen to God not the opinions of others....and I do beleive God speaks to us everyday when we ask him for direction.....we need to support each other in here.... 2x4's are good for each of usbut not each time we post anything in here.....God be with us all and may he bless each and every single one of us....
God does speak to us in many different ways, however I am of the opinion that most people do not listen and do what they want to for whatever reason. I do pray for you all on here, believe it or not.
BH, I am not sure how divorcing is going to do anything to resolve immediate problems--in fact, there will be more because then there are legal bills!
MWG has to deal with the immediate problems, and she is. As far as H, he isn't really part of the picture here.
Forward, I disagree with you, the H is the cause of many, if not all the problems and she knows this. Notice how when you moved on, your XH's little world came crumbling down and your opportunities increased? Hmmmm..........
BH: My getting a job has NOTHING to do with my H and has NOTHING to do with my moving forward. He receives nothing from us at all.
MWG, I guess you have to do what you think is best, but I don't agree with you, I guess we will have to agree to disagree.
Hope all of you are doing well.
Things are starting to fall into place.
All of the kids are back in school.
S19 and D16 are pulling A's and D18 has her ups and downs with grades, etc. but she is adjusting to college life in South Carolina and loves it.
I begin a full time job on Friday working a few miles from home in the medical field.
And of course we have two kids birthdays coming up in a few weeks and just around the corner from that are the holidays. D18 will be home for three weeks at Christmastime. I think she is either staying on campus for T'giving as are other students or she will go to Virginia to her roommates parents home.
Saw H the last week of August as he came and spent the day before D18 went to college. He was very quiet but all did well keeping conversations about school, etc. going. I made dinner and all of us ate together.
I am also involved in a wonderful Bible Study titled, "When godly people do ungodly things." It is very interesting.
So far, we are doing well.
I'm glad you posted....sometimes it takes a while for things to turn around and it appears that things are starting to look up for you and your family.
It sounds like your children are doing well with school. Your d in SC will be okay. It's an adjustment for her to be away from home. I think she is wise in staying there for Thanksgiving and returning home for Christmas. I'm sure she would love to come home for both holidays, but it's expensive to do two trips in less than 4 weeks.
I hope the new job works out for you. You've been searching for a position for quite some time. Maybe this position won't have you on your feet all of the time.
Thank goodness your h came to visit w/his family before your d went off the college. At least he went away w/memories of his family and how each of you has survived and accomplished so much.
You and your family have come a long way....
MWG,
You seem to be very calm and in a good place in your heart and soul, or at least as good as can be expected. Congratulations on your job, on your children. Keep an eye on the college Freshman, I know from experience that is a tough row to hoe even without any side drama at home.
From your sig above, you are obviously a very patient and strong woman. As Brooklyn likes to say, Keep Steppin'.
Thankfully, I will not be on my feet in the new job which is great.
The airfares have really gone up and her ticket was $361 round-trip. Definitely not worth it to come home for T'giving.
I had a few conversations with H before he came over. Actually, I extended the olive branch to him a few weeks before and asked if he would like to come over and spend some time before she went away. He did not hesitate at all to say yes.
Everyone was nervous because he was always in a bad mood or cynical as a result of the drinking in the past and this was the first time he'd been here and seen the girls in over a year. He has been sober since June, D16 tells me.
D18 told him all about college, showed him her pictures, videos from graduation, her awards, her laptop.....and he asked how was it she could afford all of this. We told him she had worked during school and some of the summer and she received graduation gifts as well. He could not remember what grade D16 was entering and we brushed it off and told him she was a junior.
I spent the day with D16 yesterday and out of the blue she tells me that her dad does not give a rip about ow...he is just there because he likes to be alone, that ow is clingy, insecure and does not trust him because she calls him all the time and her dad does not call ow.
I never brought this stuff up to her and I looked at her and asked how she knew all of this and she said she has been reading a lot of books, studying behavior patterns, body language, etc. as she wants to get into psych and/or criminology in college.
The books this child checks out of the library every few weeks...she needs a suitcase to fit them all!
Punkin:
I am fortunate that D18 is at a Christian university and they do not have the same type of partying atmosphere that most other colleges do. Not only that, they have to be in their dorms by a certain time and lights out at midnight.
MWG, I believe your H will have to make some decisions soon.
But I am so happy that you have a job and that things are looking up for you.
As far as the Christian university, I'd be skeptical as kids will be kids, but it sounds as if you have some mature young women on your hands.
Your H will likely have a great deal of work to do to repair and restore the Rs that he has damaged.
She attends Bob Jones University as do many others she knows and believe me when I say, these kids are not into drinking, etc. They have rules there you would not normally find elsewhere.
She is very busy with her studies, work and the hours she must put in on weekends for her major.
With regard to my H making a decision. That is not even on my mind as I have enough on my plate over here. He was never a doer, always needed someone to grab him by the hand. We are not there to do that.
Hey MWG,
Glad to see you posted an update.
I was wondering how you were doing:)
Thanks, BND.
I started a new job with a one day training last Friday. Monday and Tuesday was some more cross training and today, I was promoted into a different position. Some people wanted to do what I am now doing but I didn't say anything. Not sure about all of the particulars such as pay, etc.
Child 1 still doing quite well in school, getting straight A's. Child 2 is doing better and has her mid-semester grades..she has a little bit of everything but no F.
Child 3 still in high school and doing quite well.
Hope all of you are doing well.
Work is coming along fine...work with a great bunch of people.
MLCers really do pick winners....here is my h's ow:
http://c3.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/99/l_e0ac56cbfa02482abe5ed7e5a19c6cee.jpgMy kids were horrified and angry to say the least when they saw it.
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No competition there. Just goes to show you how really nuts they are.
Is that a man or a woman?
My kids reactions were of anger like I have never seen.
Now here is something her daughter posted online and it is over a few days time but the daughter does not live with OW and my H. Makes one wonder what HIS role really is over there.....
Here is what ow's daughter posted:
Tomorrow is my mom's birthday I'am so glad i get to spend it with her,then again i have spent every birthday with her
tomorrow is the big day for my mom poor thing, why does everything happen to good people it's like we are cursed,gesh enough already ..are you listening up there?
ok so its labor day weekend we cancelled our plans to vegas to stay with mom,no big deal
i didn't think i would be taking on the role of caregiver this early to my mother but i wouldn't trade it for anything we laughed so hard today and i will always love the little things we share that seem so big to me.
OH my manic monday was not kidding, took mom to the hospital by ambulance from work after i told her not to go to work..uhh she doesnt listen if she doesnt start getting to the doctor like i told her i just dont' know anymore i have never known anyone to be this pigheaded and stubborn..uhhhhhh.
It is a woman......see what i meant a long time ago????????
MWG..... Let him have her, find someone who is much better!!!
All I can say is WOW!!!...YIKES.....And all that that implies....
She looks HARD.
Wonder what her illness is... and if it's terminal.
Just WOW.
MWG, How are you these days?
I am fine!
D18 came home for Christmas break and it was just me and the kids for the holidays.
H did not call her or see her at all, and he did not see the other two kids at all over the holiday break.
H did converse with D18 a few times since she has gone back to school and according to D18, she says her dad sounded the best she has ever heard him sound as he has quit drinking, told her how he is reading the Bible all the time.
He has told all of the kids this.
As for me...he has absolutely nothing to do with me...he is still unemployed, and just sits at ow's all day. He does not contact me and if anything goes wrong with the kids such as emergency room, etc., he does not respond to me at all.
He called S20 the other day and said the apartment people want him to either get his car fixed or get rid of it because it just sits there and does not run. H asked S if he wanted the car. I told S to think about this, that it is not his responsibility to get that car out of there and furthermore, he cannot afford a car which is true. So H and ow will have to figure this one out on their own, not us.
My MIL took a turn for the worse in the past week, not eating, not drinking, and became unresponsive. Not sure how much longer she has.
Of course, I attempted to call H to let him know but he never did answer his phone for me so I did nothing.
Pretty pathetic.
I am still working, still in the house (trial modification begins March 1st) and all of the kids are in school full time.
She looks HARD.
Wonder what her illness is... and if it's terminal.
Just WOW.
She had valley fever....my son told me. But I will tell you that she has gotton much thinner in the last few years and much harder looking.
MWG,
Glad you are working and making changes for house!
Your H certainly has been a slow-cooking one. Do you have any thoughts on what you are wanting now--nearly six years later?
I am just concentrating on me and the kids right now. I have had enough stress and cannot deal with anymore right now.
MWG, I wouldn't deal with him period. He's a loser, could care less about his family, and is living with quite possibly the ugliest woman I have ever seen. Give us one good reason to stand for someone like that anymore???
My stepdad had valley fever, first came down with it in his late 70s (he's 90 now). He's prettier than OW. And he's bald.
Not intending to add to your stress MidwesternGirl, could you make a new thread?