Divorcebusting.com
Posted By: Lissie Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/12/09 12:57 AM
THIS time with , gratitude, love and acceptance.

I promised my angel that I would post at the 4 year mark.
You better be reading Pilar.

Detaching, it makes me giggle to even write it.. I think all my threads were named detaching for the longest time b/c for the love of me I could not grasp the concept.

It's been 4 years since the man I married picked up walked out that door, and really never looked back.

Thank you God that he did that.. I would never be where I am now, if he wouldn't of left me.

So thank you XH.

My story is really no different than so many of the brave stories on here.

My Xh is still with the OW.. Actually his GF. They live together over an hour away..

I actually wish he would live closer, maybe he would see his amazing children more.

Seeing him with her does nothing to me anymore. It is awesome.

I don't really know what to say here except.

You are all going to make it.. You are all going to learn such amazing things about yourself.

Don't get me wrong, the long look in the mirror is scary stuff..

But you work on all of it one day at a time, set your goals, promise yourself and your children if you have any, that you are going to be the best you , you can be.. It will happen.

We all contributed to the demise of our marriages. Accept all of it, work thru all of it..

Then please, forgive yourself. Really forgive yourself. Everything happens for a reason.

When you know better, you do better, and you attract better.

Find yourself again ok?

I have no advice on how to get your spouse back. I know how much you just NEED to read those reunion stories when you get here.. I exactly know.

That is ok... You are exactly where you need to be right at this moment.

Just try to remember a few things along the way.

Forgive and forget, nobody is perfect. You do that for YOU and no one else.

Make yourself and your children proud. They have been through so much. Go easy on them, one day at a time, one foot in front of the other.

If you are angry, that is ok too, we all have to go through our own stages of grief.

Make the decision not to stay stuck in any one emotional place for a long period of time.. I believe you won't.. HAve faith in yourselves.

Spend time with the elderly and young children. There is a certain glow in their eyes, that makes you want to grab life by the ballz and live it to the fullest.


Divorce is not easy by any means, but it is not a death sentence. For me it has been a rebirth of sorts.

I try to take no one and nothing for granted.

I love to the fullest.


Is this hard on the children? Well yes. Does it get better for them.. I say yes.

Therapy and love, family and heavy prayers, have brought my children along..They are such wonderful kids.
Do I feel sorry for them?

I did at the very beginning..Now to feel sorry for them is so disrespectful. They can do this.. They are doing this.. I am with them every step of the way, We are doing this.


Thank you my angels, that I met here almost 4 years ago. You had/have faith in me, and that pushed me so far.

I love that you are part of my everyday life. Thank you...

Lissett
Posted By: forward Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/12/09 01:43 AM
Lissie,
I followed your story and have to admit that i am surprised that your X is still w/OW, given that he wanted to come back at one point.

I think many of us are hopeful to wait it out; just goes to show that all stats in the world do not matter when it comes to your particular situation.

But it sounds as if you are to a point of peace with the situation, and you sound good.

On the MLC question, though: Do you think your X had MLC or do you see him differently now?
Posted By: Lissie Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/12/09 01:59 AM
I actually think he is even surprised he is with her..
His mom died, he doesn't speak to his sister.. His father lives across the state.. Where would he go?

I have "heard" that he is not so happy with her.. My children have seen not so great interactions.

I take it with a grain of salt from the kids.. They want their parents to be together no matter what.

Now that I look back, I kinda don't think he was MLC.. I kinda think those touch and goes he did, were to gain something.. Soften me up for something he needed. That was usually the case.

I know he has been diagnosed bipolar, I think all the weird stuff were manic episodes.

Those are just my thoughts. I wanted it to be MLC for a long time...I figured they all eventually come back if they are MLC.

My poor X was just weird :-)

Nice to "see" you mama, have great holidays.
Posted By: *KS*Chick* Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/12/09 03:07 AM
Hola sunshine!!! I'm proud of you - you are one tough chica and I'm proud to know you! smile And you have fabulous taste in shoes wink

Wow....4 years....Wow.
Posted By: CMNM Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/12/09 04:03 AM
How funny...you have no idea how many times I tried to log in before I hit upon the right username/password. And I consider that a good thing.

Don't get me wrong...This place meant the world to me at one time. And I will forever be grateful to you, Ozzie, Ian, Betsey, and Meredith. You guys reminded me of my value. Sometimes daily when needed.

As you know, we are on two very different paths. I look reconciliation in the eye quite often...and I guess deep down I know it can happen if I want it to. And that is where this place starts to hurt. I told a very good pal tonight that witnessing her journey scares me to no end. As did yours, too, Lis. I can remember you posting about your XH stating to someone when you were out (and very separated) that you were HIS WIFE. Man, those words rang in my ears each time he did something stupid and as I watched him continue his other relationship. I wanted so badly for that to be the happy ending right then and there... you know, "She is MY wife," as he bent you over and kissed you hard while birds chirped in the background...just before you went on to live happily ever after together. And dammit, when that didn't happen, I was pissed. Oddly enough, I was pissed at my own X. Was he saying words that didn't match his actions? Cuz Lis, you know that he had a lot of words to say to me. And I remained so guarded. I couldn't relax, and I overthought every little thing...Rain Man-like, huh Ian???

I should have turned away from the board. Not you guys, but the sad, sad stories. You all know how it is to pull for someone's relationship only to watch it fall apart. For me, it made me question my own relationship. And living like that, it really hurt me.

If I sound as if I am blaming anyone other than myself, you are wrong. I feel priveledged to have been allowed access into the lives of people at their most raw.

You are right, you had to go through what you did. As did I. And darn you for pulling out my favorite Maya Angelou quote. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes...but it is a mixture of love and gratitude for my friends that is doing that, and I am not even thinking about my relationship.

If I have any advice it is definitely to live your own life, and don't let the lives of others affect your relationship. When this becomes a place that makes you feel worse, it is time to leave. Not forever, of course. But breathers are so very important.

Someday when I really learn to detach, I will post again. : )

Thanks, Lis, for showing me true goodness and pure love. You have a gift for making people better than what they were.

Love you and the rest of the gang!
Posted By: cat03 Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/12/09 05:13 AM
sweets, that was beautiful!!! i dont' come to DB anymore, but lo and behold, here youa are too!

people, she is speaking the true... forgive, free yourself...even if he or she doesnt' come back, you can and will have a wonderful beatiful life!

I am on my one and love love my life, i'm happy and thank God daily for His blessings, make this new year YOURS
Posted By: Cadet Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/12/09 01:35 PM
If he was diagnosed bipolar that is really tough. My mother and my daughter are both bipolar. My mother could never overcome the illness. My daughter I think will conquer it. She is on the right path. There are so many mentally ill people in this world. About 20%. The detaching is about the only thing you can do. Most bipolar people refuse to get help. I know my mother is that way. My D23 at least will accept it. She has taken charge of her own mental health. So I think she can stay on top of it.

Being on the other side of a bipolar person is horrible.
Good luck.
Posted By: figgeroni Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/12/09 04:50 PM
Cookiepants....we are so much better for having gone through what we went through...

better than we could have been without it

you know everything that I am going to say so

(I am thinking it right now...got it???)


love you chica
Posted By: sofaraway Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/12/09 05:51 PM
My Goodness Christmas time really does effect you Christians. Look at all the great folks having come to Jesus posts.... Nice.... whistle

Pilar was a wise woman Bean, she wanted you to share after 4 years to show people that life goes on. That even when you spend so much time thinking your life will never be good again, it does get better. Thats kind of what I always got from her from what you have shared, she was always thinking ahead and trying to get you to stop looking behind.

Quote:
Find yourself again ok?


AND... (for FIG)

The you that you find may not be who you thought it was. Keep an open mind when finding yourself. Your marriage may have created a you that wasnt really who you wanted to be in life.

Ian
Posted By: CMNM Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/12/09 06:34 PM
Originally Posted By: sofaraway
My Goodness Christmas time really does effect you Christians. Look at all the great folks having come to Jesus posts.... Nice.... whistle


Only you, Ian, could say something like this and have it come off the right way. You kill me at times. smile
Posted By: figgeroni Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/12/09 09:22 PM
grin
Posted By: brandnewday Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/13/09 11:27 AM
((((((((hugs))))))))

Here we are again....happy families smile

I remember a time when the people here were actually closer to me then my own family and a time when we depended on each other just to get through another day of MLCBS.

Yes....

Detach, detach detach!!!

You have no other choice, because if you let every single little thing they do and say get under your skin you will turn into a basketcase.

Work on being the very best person you can be but for yourself NOT your spouse.

You can count babysteps and analize until you are blue in the face and all it will do is drive you even crazier.

Being a LBS with children is scarier then anything you have ever gone through, but you had better get your arse off the ground, stop the pity party and take a deep breathe because it is a long journey. There is work to do, so don't waste this time alone doing nothing.

And at the end of it you will be a totally different and hopefully better person regardless if you are reconcilled, divorced or in a new relationship.

You will know when the end has come, whether it is because you can't take it anymore, or if it is because you are at peace with actually letting go or because your WAS wants another chance.

You will survive, and you will come out on the other side.

Blessings,

Happy Happy Holidays!!!!
Posted By: TRUSTING Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/13/09 07:47 PM
Marvelous post and replies.
Lissie, I am so glad you are doing so well. I often think about you and remember your posts like they were yesterday. You helped me through some awfully dark times.

I love what you wrote about your children. They are survivors. I know my children would have been worse off if ex had remained in the home and they had witnessed his day to day weirdness. Everything does happen for a reason.....


God Bless
Posted By: Grace_O Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/13/09 08:10 PM
Lissie,

I was taught that we honor our "angels" by living amazing lives. I know she is not only very proud, but inccredibly honored by you.

Wishing you and yours a Merry Christmas the very best in the New Year.

HUGS
Posted By: Freckle6 Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/14/09 01:16 AM
Lis, I want to be you when I grow up. You rock. laugh

Nicole
Posted By: yellowrose Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/14/09 01:50 AM
LISSIE!!!!! You sound so wonderful! I knew you would get there and you did because you are a strong, loving, caring person! We helped each other through all the hard time sitting on the "curb" and drinking our drinks! Oh don't forget that bus!!!! LOL

Love ya lots!!!

Y
Posted By: FriendlyOneDuh Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/14/09 07:50 AM
Holy Moley canoli!

I remembered my password! YIKES!

BTW, hi babe. You sound fab, of course. A certain handsome Texan I know said he'd been here recently and gave me the idea. :-)))

Adapting, accepting, and enjoying are three very important skills to learn. My experiences helped me so much with my frightfully annoying positive outlook. Good grief! I'm freakin' Pollyanna over here.

Shall I bore the peeps with the bridge story?

Love you

J
Posted By: Lissie Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/14/09 10:15 PM
Quote:
And you have fabulous taste in shoes


Thanks UA(It's my fave name for you) ... The other day marked one year of no shoe purchases... AND I marked the occasion with buying the most beautiful pair of, well shoes.. crazy

Thank You, Sunshine.

Quote:
If I have any advice it is definitely to live your own life, and don't let the lives of others affect your relationship.


BINGO...
CMNM
And thank u lovey.


Quote:
i'm happy and thank God daily for His blessings, make this new year YOURS

Amen Cat.
Besos Linda.


Quote:
Being on the other side of a bipolar person is horrible.
Good luck.


Thank you Sir Pilot. So Happy that your daughter is getting the help she needs.



Quote:
you know everything that I am going to say so

(I am thinking it right now...got it???)


Hoboken Fig.. I know it's Hoboken.

Quote:
My Goodness Christmas time really does effect you Christians.

whatever.
you know you typed that wearing your Jews for Jesus shirt. :-)
Thanks Muffin.

Quote:
Here we are again....happy families

Thanks Dork.

Quote:
Everything does happen for a reason.....


God Bless


((Trusting)) your post meant alot to me and thank you.
Bless your big heart, your family is blessed to have ya.

Quote:
I know she is not only very proud, but inccredibly honored by you.

(sniff) Thank you so much my dear. I am proud to know ya Ginger babe...


Quote:
Lis, I want to be you when I grow up. You rock.

Nicole


LMAOOOO Freckles???? I don't remember that name. I sent you a text message the other day, you weirdo..

Quote:
We helped each other through all the hard time sitting on the "curb" and drinking our drinks! Oh don't forget that bus!!!! LOL


YES...sigh the bus was started b/c of your H, and bless his heart, I never had to use it on him..Thank God, and thank you my dear friend.. muah.

Quote:
Shall I bore the peeps with the bridge story?

Love you

J


WAIT I had to rub my eyes. Please do tell the story of the bridge my love.YOU boring.. NEVER.. Not only tell it, Start a conga line of sorts while doing so.
Please tell that handsome texan I love him..
AND luv u mucho babe.

Posted By: FriendlyOneDuh Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/14/09 11:14 PM
Good golly Missy. Be careful what you ask for....

A TALE OF REDEMPTION AND STRENGTH, and a bridge. Suitable for framing and wrapping fish.

The other day, in an unexpected warm spell (26F, it's cold here!) I went for a walk in the snow. All by myself, no thought of running into neighbors, friends, moose, or memories.

I sauntered down the road, admiring winter's beauty, smiling and waving at oncoming traffic, wondering what was for dinner :-))

I made it to the bridge over the river near my house. I bicycled there all summer, many of you have photos of the place, but I don't believe that I've been graced with its quiet winter beauty in four years. Four long, very joyous, growing years.

You see, the bridge is where I walked with my ex husband, the day of the "I never loved you and you ruined my life" speech. After all that, he asked me out for a walk on that super cold, clear, crisp Christmas night. I went.

I asked if he wanted to go toward the cabins, yet he wanted to walk the other direction toward the river. I walked with him, growing into a mild state of panic, starting to hyperventilate, sure that he was going to rid himself of the woman who had been torturing him for all these years. Rid himself in a quick and horrible way.

When we arrived at the bridge, I stopped right at the edge of the road, wouldn't walk out on it with him, pretending to admire the night time scenery, the veil of stars, the sheer beauty all around. My thought wasn't survival, I had no hope of that, it was that my killer would not be brought to justice for this crime.

He motioned and motioned "Don't you want to see the river?" and "It's nicer from out here." I wouldn't budge. He finally gave up on that, and we walked back home, now with me in a full blown panic attack, being castigated for not following his instruction.

But, where's the redemption? you ask....

I went to that bridge the other day, dropped a leaf in the water, and said goodbye again to that panic, said goodbye again to that fear, said goodbye again to that life. It was draining, cathartic, sad and yet beautiful. I will probably have to do that again, one more time, and maybe then a time after that. When I dream of my now lost youth and love, it has become a bittersweet memory, a part of the past that was what I wanted at the time. And I have learned and grown and prospered from that.

I wish each and every one of you the same. The learning, the growing, the prospering, no matter what your particular bridge is, what your Waterloo, what your trials. With strength, beautiful friends, and doodles we can do it. We can do it as many times as we need. Makes me almost want to burst into song! :-))))

That is my Christmas Wish for you all.

J

*Disclaimer: I am not impugning my ex's motives or thoughts for that night, just illustrating my own state of mind.*
Posted By: Freckle6 Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/15/09 01:56 AM
I'm being stealthy changing my ID and all! smile I just start to get paranoid that they'll find me here! I have no idea who "they" are, but that doesn't mean I can't be paranoid anyway. wink I just got a different cell number. I'll send you the # on FB.
Posted By: FriendlyOneDuh Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/16/09 04:22 AM
Originally Posted By: Lissie
Start a conga line of sorts while doing so.
Please tell that handsome texan I love him..
AND luv u mucho babe.


That handsome Texan has been notified that there has been a Lis sighting here. Now, whether he'll bring that cute l'il drawl over to share? We'll have to wait and see!

I'm going to hijack your thread for a mo. Feeling the start of a party breaking out here....

It has been an outlandish few years for me. I mean, to all you lovely ladies out there, if you worry that there is no life after divorce, pull up a chair, do I have stories for you!

Lis, just in the past few weeks, I have run into the propositioning roof shoveler. He said "Good Lord, you look great!" and then wandered over when I was eating lunch with a (male) friend, put his hand on my shoulder, said "Erm, um, call me sometime? Don't have too much fun" and walked off. Friend looks at me, "who was that?" and I couldn't remember his name for anything! YIKES!!!!

I was at the airport traveling to see Tigger for Thanksgiving, and I ran smack into the propositioning emailer. He glared and glared at me, as I was standing there and chatting with the security guys. Hey, I honestly thought the security guy told me to put my hot tub in the bin. grin He was not amused when I thought he was joking. Luckily, that propositioner didn't sit beside me on the plane. WHEW!

Marriage proposal guy number 3 (or was it 4?) called Tigger a few weeks back to "see how J is" and "is she coming back for Thanksgiving or Christmas????" Made Mom very happy to tell me that story.

Marriage proposal guy number .... (don't remember) sent me a Christmas card.

I think I'm up to six now. YIKES!

I have another one very seriously hinting, asking me my jewelry preferences, and one who will never ask. *sigh*

So, as PC says, it's all practice. She is a wise, wise woman.

Just wanted to tell y'all that it does absolutely get better. Never perfect because this is life we're talking about, but much much better.

And....Kooky Sis is working on her 6th (!) baby. YOWSER! Family is great, Tigger is bouncing, and everyone waits to see what I'll do next. How's that for a compliment?

Miss you

J
There's a blast from the past!

(((((J)))))
Posted By: braveheart Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/16/09 10:37 PM
Lissie Bean! long time no see!! Glad to see that you are moving right along! I still come on here and post.... Sometimes my advice isn't liked the best, but in time I think most people see how things play out, been around too long now to not see how most of these songs go. I agree with you about people getting to certain places in their lives at their own time, it sure is hard, many think I am not sympathetic, I truly am, I just hate to see folks waste their lives on people who don't care for them. Anyway, what's new with you? I do hope that you were able to hold on to everything in spite of the economic times. I do pray that Javier is involved in their lives and helps you in every way possible. Lissie, you can bet your fanny he isn't happy over there with Ms. Susan, but as you pointed out, he has boxed himself in..... Lissie, the truly sad thing is at one time, you would have taken him back and worked through things..... Now, he would never admit he had done wrong to even try.... Anyway, any new person in your life? I am still rolling strong with my girl..... Next Summer, I am doing it again, this time for good!! I am so happy things turned out the way they did for me, I couldn't imagine there would be someone so loving and caring for me in this world! You are right girl! Things happen for a reason!!! Give me an update!!!!
Posted By: figgeroni Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/16/09 10:48 PM
F1!!!! Holy smokes batman!!!

i love Lissie threads...they are like a fireplce on a cool night

(wait...I am getting my tootsies ready for the warmth and heating up tea)

and

you were right
it was Hoboken

siiiiiiiiiiigh

and that lovely man buying an ice cream for his gorgeous daughter
Posted By: FriendlyOneDuh Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/16/09 11:55 PM
Originally Posted By: figgeroni
F1!!!! Holy smokes batman!!!

i love Lissie threads...they are like a fireplace on a cool night

(wait...I am getting my tootsies ready for the warmth and heating up tea)



It's been fun, babe! More fun than should be legal in many states.

Nothing like the warm thoughts of Hoboken in the winter, though! *sigh*

J

PS. Just trying to give the new LBSs here something to look toward. Heck, if I can do it, anyone can! :-)))
Posted By: figgeroni Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/17/09 03:25 AM
it isn't legal in most states...is it? wink
Posted By: lawless Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/17/09 03:50 AM
I can't believe my eyes, I log in here for the first time in like 2 years and who is the top (as usual) my Chica Lissie!!!

Then I see someone called Figgeroni, but I know it's an imposter because she hasn't "Figgied" yet wink

I wonder if I should update here???

Would my old harem even care???


Hmmmmmm, what to do smile
Posted By: figgeroni Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/17/09 10:04 PM
BILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY!!!!


siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh


it's like old home week!!!

grin
Posted By: figgeroni Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/17/09 10:04 PM
BILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY!!!!


siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh


it's like old home week!!!

grin
Posted By: lawless Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/18/09 02:00 AM
ummm,

YOU FIGGIED!!!!! smile smile smile
Posted By: Lissie Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/18/09 12:07 PM
Quote:
I think I'm up to six now. YIKES!

I have another one very seriously hinting, asking me my jewelry preferences, and one who will never ask. *sigh*



(((J))) I love that you have Big City Luvin in mooseville. It does certainly get better.. muah..

Quote:
I am still rolling strong with my girl..... Next Summer, I am doing it again, this time for good!! I am so happy things turned out the way they did for me, I couldn't imagine there would be someone so loving and caring for me in this world! You are right girl! Things happen for a reason!!! Give me an update!!!!


Bravey, how wonderful Congrats..You are a big softy on the inside we all knew. :-) Merry Christmas to you and your honey and those babies.

Yes, I was able to work some programs and keep my home...
The X Does the best he can.

I am good thanks for asking and No nothing as serious as you have. Things are great just the way they are.

Quote:
I wonder if I should update here???


Please do Billy sweetie.. So good to see you.

Have a very Merry Christmas and Happy New year peeps.
Posted By: still.struggling Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/18/09 03:52 PM
Merry Christmas to you too Lissie.......
Posted By: figgeroni Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/18/09 10:36 PM
BILLY!!! If you don't update I may have a canary!!!
Posted By: *KS*Chick* Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/18/09 11:09 PM
LOL!!!!
Posted By: lawless Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/19/09 01:51 PM
OK,

An update is in order and I can't sleep tonight soooooooooooo.......


Where to begin, let's see, ahhhhhhhh maybe here.

I last was on the boards a couple of years ago just before my D. At the time my XW was still spinning but had slowed down some with the birth of her 1st child with OM. With the birth of that child came a sudden change for the worse, she decided and used her contacts within the system to get her new family onto the welfare system. She walked away from her job of almost 20 years, and it was a damn good job too. Around this time she began to plan and scheme and became very bitter towards me, plotting my demise so to speak.

There were no real concerns from her about our kids, except the money they represented on the welfare system.

Here in Canada we have something called a child tax benifit. In a nutshell it's a monthly payment based on income to the parents of children. I knew that we (as a family) didn't qualify as our income was too high but what I didn't know was that she had been recieving payments through a disability section of the program as our kids are disabled.

Soooooooo..........

She begins, she quits paying CS, claims to welfare that she has sole custody and suddenly shows an interest in the kids asking to have them overnight more often etc. She runs out and gets herself a new place to live with all the trimmings and the bills that come along with them.

During this time I had done the work and realized my mistakes and made some positive changes in myself. I had met A wonderfull woman and life was good, very good. My GF and I traveled and were living pretty large, really enjoying ourselves and what life has to offer. My GF and I were going semi slow and keeping our kids out of this budding R untill we were sure it would last.

My XW didn't like this one bit but she kept it very well hidden and put up a very good front, offering to have the kids when I would travel etc. It was all part of her scheme only she had forgotten just who she was plotting against.

One sunny morning I recieved a phone call, one that would be life altering for one of us. The caller told me they were representing my XW in collecting arrears of CS. I was very confused and the fact that the snotty arrogant caller was not listening to me made me very very angry and set the wheels in motion. It would seem that XW had lied to welfare about custody and claimed the kids were living with her. She was coming into alot of welfare money and they wanted thier money out of me.

Ever try to fight the government? Let me tell you it isn't easy and I'll tell you that it takes a toll, but I did and won. XW now was showing her bitterness and began to use the kids as pawns in this little scheme of hers.

The fight with the government and XW's bullcrap wore me out physically and I got very ill, lost a ton of weight and ended up in the hospital for a few days.

To be cont........
Posted By: job Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/19/09 02:06 PM
Lissie,

Wishing you and your family a very happy, safe, and blessed holiday season.
Posted By: lawless Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/19/09 02:39 PM
As I lay in the ER I asked my GF to call XW to see if she wanted to take the kids during my stay, if not she would take care of them. My XW agreed and became rather distraught that I may die. My GF let her stew and didn't exactly tell her I would NOT die.

An hour or so later as I lay in the ER talking with my GF the curtain flies open and there stands XW demanding to know what is wrong with me. (They say a picture is worth a thousand words but I didn't get a pic so the description will have to suffice.) It was Mimi, remember the Drew Carey Show from years ago? She was Mimi, Mimi makeup, Mimi hair, wearing tight low rise jeans, a too short low cut shirt that didn't cover her protruding belly some hideous tall fur trimmed animal skin boots with a matching coat. She looked the part of a cartoon 70's coke addicted prostitute.

I told her to leave and she began to cry but left, or did she. A little later as I spoke with the doctor my GF pointed out to me a pair of hideous boots poking out from beneath the curtain. The doctor opened the curtain and told her to leave and she left, or did she. Around a half hour later XW throws open the curtain and begging loudly spewing at my GF in an attempt to bait her into a fight, GF stays calm says nothing and hits the security button. Security sees what's going on and just before they get the grab on my XW she says to me "Next time you get a GF get one that's pretty." Security had to lock down the ER to finally get her out of the hospital and I had to assume my GF last name to keep XW from finding me there while I was admitted.

Well I healed up and was told to lose my stress one way or another, that is to say either give her the kids and walk away or finish her so badly that she quits and walks.

So it begins................
I decided to go down fighting...........

Remember the Child tax benefit I spoke of earlier, I made a few calls and was surprised to find that I was entitled to it and that they were going to back pay me to the date of SEP, oh yes, they would also be wanting that money to be repaid to them by XW, I believe they used the word fraud.

When this hit the fan XW decided that she was going to go out in a blaze of glory, I had returned home at midnight after a few beers at a friends house to receive a call from the police that XW was on her way over to commit suicide in front of me, and would I hold her/ stop her for them if they didn't get here in time. I asked them how she was armed and they didn't know, I armed myself and waited because I knew in my gut she didn't intend to go out alone that night.

Well she didn't show up, they caught her en route and she got a trip to the mental ward and some charges out of it.

After this and a couple times of her removing the kids from school for days and going into hiding I got some orders that prevented her from this sort of thing, I slapped them on her parents as well as my XMIL had become very jealous of my R with GF and sympathetic to XW's plight.

To be cont................
Posted By: lawless Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/19/09 03:03 PM
Soooooo............

Things get better, XW is pretty much gone and leaving me and mine alone, GF and I take a break as the drama is getting to her and I am out and about living large again. Hmmmmm seems to be a pattern here, just when things get good XW shows her colors again.

One sunny day as I am washing my brand new motorcycle XW shows up and spews off big time in front of the kids, she finishes up with smashing me in the face with a slurpee, uh oh, wrong thing to do, she ends up being convicted of assualt.

So the tally is for those who care:
2 fraud charges (unsure if convicted)
1 attempted suicide
1 assualt conviction
Repayment of fraud monies to the tune of $25000
An at fault car accident totaling her car without insurance
And pregnant yet again at the age of 40

Boy XW's grass sure is greener............

The last of it and the finishing blow was her 3rd and I think final attempt at custody.

The court case played out like a very bad Judge Judy episode. There was XW and her supporters ( XMIL and 5 or 6 aunts) XW is looking great in her very short mini skirt, tight fitting low cut shirt and pregnant belly showing. Her cheering section is sure of victory as I hear them whisper amongst themselves. XW presents her case for over an hour, nothing of substance just false accusations and some very bold lies. The judge told her several times to stop as she was digging a hole for herself. My defence was simple and very effictive, the financials we had to submit showed that XW was living in the red to the tune of $1500 per month, almost exactly the amount she would recieve if she were to gain custody.

Long story short is that the judge agreed with me and actually reduced her visitation.

On my way out of the court room I was threatened my my XMIL, I yelled out "Don't hit me again" and now XMIL is in some trouble as well.


To be concluded.........
Posted By: lawless Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/19/09 03:17 PM
I went back to living well, having fun and well, just being me. The kids were doing great and it's like it didn't even phase them. GF and I slowly get back together over the last 9 months and are stronger than ever, that break was necessary for both of us, to be sure this is what we want. My house will go on the market this spring and hers after we buy another. Our kids are now included in our R and get along well. I guess I can honestly say I am content with things these days.

As for XW, I don't see much of her anymore and only hear from her when she wants me to send $$$ with the kids for food. I send nothing and tell her if she can't feed them she shouldn't see them.

I guess I post up some thoughts and stuff for the newbies here sometime later, probably very similar to my Lissies original post.

Billy
Posted By: MissH Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/19/09 08:46 PM
Lissie Bean! I can't believe you posted! How have you been girl?

I hope you and your wonderful family have a very Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year!

Love ya!
Posted By: *KS*Chick* Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/20/09 05:11 AM
holy cow Billy! You sound great but wow what a ride to get to great eh?!
Posted By: cire2 Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/21/09 08:35 PM
Well well Miss Lissie, good to see you!

Seems like so long ago at times and yesterday in others.

Merry Christmas young lady!

cire
Posted By: princess_nic Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 12/25/09 02:48 PM
What a wonderful post! Now I don't have to think of anything to say. Merry Christmas!
Posted By: almosthopeless Re: Detaching, Still. 4 years later - 01/01/10 06:56 AM
Hi there lissie-poo, and happy new year. Sounds like you're doing wonderfully.

I saw your first post, but it took me this long to figure out my password. I love how you've brought the gang out of the woodwork. Never thought to "hear" from F1 again; what a treat.

hugs as always

AH
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