Well it was an interesting day to say the least.
I had sent h an e-mail early early day. Needed to make sure he was meeting the insurance adjuster for the car. He e-mailed me back and said he would be at the house around 2pm.
He called before 2pm and said hi Glam how are you. Now I hadn't spoke to him in a few days. I said just fine h. We talked about the rest of the day. H was having the insurance adjuster look at his car and then he needed to drop it off at the body shop and pick up a rental.
He called when he was done with all that and said before I pick up D4 how about you and I go grab a bite to eat. So h comes over to my work and picks me up in his rental car.
We had a nice dinner. Now h starts telling me h wants to get off the AD's altogether. He wants to work out and that he is going to his Dr next week.
Get this! He said that he has been focusing on all the negative's about me and that is not fair to me. It was a little dissappointing at first to hear that he was doing that, but hopefully this will now change. He said that he too has to rememember all the positives too. He said Glam let's make the good better and the bad let's not make it any worse.
I did ask h what positives he liked about me. Not in a gloating fashion, but what is it exactly that he likes. It is important to me to hear what he likes about me too. Remember I don't hear this very often.
H said Glam you are a good w and mother, you do a good job of balancing work and child responsibilities while I am not in the home. We (as in h and I) do a good job of parenting together. You do a good job of managing the home. You are very patient with me. I felt pretty hopeful that h did really like me for a change. Many times I have felt that he really hasn't cared. This was huge for me.
H even agreed to go for a drive to the coast with the kids on Sat. This should be fun for the kids and h and I. We haven't done this probably in 3 years. I did suggest staying overnight on Fri, but h said no to that. That is fine, we really don't need to be gone the whole weekend, but think a weekend together could be a possibility in the future.
He said I will pick you up from work for MC tomorrow and then left. Hmmmmmm is he awakening or what?
H also said something about me getting on board, as on the same page as him. He said if I wasn't able to do that, then we would have to go our separate ways. Something like that.
Not so sure what all that meant. I did ask for some clarification and he said something like not being bossy, telling him what to do, not undermining him with the kids, doing what I am told. Stuff like that.
All of that is nothing new, but I guess my h hasn't seen enough changes from me. This is all so really tough, but I am trying. Many would have given up by now, but I have learned much on this journey and God isn't finished with me yet.
It's interesting. Everyday I have been praying for my h when I am at the gym to remove the hardness in h's heart. I keep getting the same vision of something that looks like a heart, with red in the center and then like a yellow glow around the heart, with a hard ring of black crust around the lighted area of his heart.
I will keep praying that God is making a dent to his heart. Could that possibly be the focus on the positives of me that h's heart is softening which is exactly what I have been praying?
I have to ask:
Did he tell you all of these things while on the AD's or has he already gotton himself off of them?
I guess I am asking because if he goes off of them, it will probably make him think/feel quite differently. That is my concern.
I am glad he had that talk with you about not focusing on the negatives and that is very positive but getting off the AD's is a concern. What if the doctor says to stay on them and he goes against the doctor's advice? I know AD's change a person but getting off of them can be difficult as well.
I guess we will just have to wait until he meets with the doctor.
Thanks MWG h is still on the AD's. His Dr appointment is next week.
We did go to MC yesterday. Overall was a good session.
We had not seen the MC recently due to financial, but we are back on track 2 sessions per month or more.
Most of the C was spent updating the C on what took place the past 6 weeks.
I did mention during the session about h's lack of communication and not showing when he is suppose to. H took full responsibility. He said that he needed to follow through with his committments to his family regardless of how he was feeling.
What he said is that he has been very depressed and it's as if he is paralyzed. He said he just lays down and only his eyes move and he just thinks and sleeps.
Now he did say that he hasn't called to let me know because he doesn't want to hear my RATH. Hmmmmmm, but he also said that he didn't want the future to dictate my past response. Yes in the past I probably would give him the rath, but I do feel I have changed.
H said he would try to communicate better with me. Next appointment set for 2 weeks.
After C we picked up D4 and picked up some dinner. H helped with the kids and then said see you on Saturday.
Just as I was typing h called and asked how my day is going. Mentioned his day and then said see you tomorrow morning. We are going for a drive to the coast tomorrow. It should be fun. Just for the day and have fun with the kids.
Hopefully this is all called progress in the right direction?
Hi glamgirl,
Good to hear that your H likes you these days. Good luck with his progress!(((HUGS)))
Glam,
The session went quite well. Notice how he described the depression..paralyzed. I've heard that quite often w/these guys.
As for the ADs, he may need to be weened off of them very gradually.
Glam, hang in there and please keep your expectations at zero at all times. He's going to have ups and downs for quite a while.
You are so right Snodderly. He did say at C that when he is so deep in depression that he doesn't want the kids or me to see him like this. That is why he doesn't call or show.
The C suggested that at these times if he could use text at least to let me know he is not coming.
Yes, the expectations have to be at zero. It is hard though. Like tomorrow he says he is coming. Hopefully that will be the case.
If he doesn't that is when I need to go on whether h makes it or not and not let his actions dictate my mood, behaviors or plans.
It's not easy though. I can say that for sure. Especially when we make plans or my h sets an expectation himself. I do think he will be here on Sat though. He seemed much more normal, not like the holiday depression we went through.
Hey GG
sounds like some progress is being made, it's a good thing that you are able to go to a MC together. Progress I am learning is always slow
cheers
Jeff
Thanks Jeff. We are at a snails pace here. My h does admit in C that he is slow. I think he could win an award for taking the longest to figure life out, but then that's my h NOT me.
Life' too short.
I think he could win an award for taking the longest to figure life out, but then that's my h NOT me.
Glam, My H takes a while to figure life out too. Don't feel too badly.
Hi Glam, I caught a few of your comments on another thread & liked you right away. Have a good time on the drive up the coast, that sounds really wonderful.
GG:
It sounds like your C session went very well and your h was willing to admit and take responsibility for his actions. This is very positive.
I hope you have a wonderful time as you drive up the coast. Should be a very nice and uplifting day for you and your family.
Now h starts telling me h wants to get off the AD's altogether.
What he said is that he has been very depressed and it's as if he is paralyzed. He said he just lays down and only his eyes move and he just thinks and sleeps.
Glam,
Do you see the problem here? Actually, there are several problems. First, if he feels this way when he is ON the AD's, how could he possibly feel better if he gets OFF of them?? Second, if he has been on the same AD meds for a while (six weeks or more) and he is feeling like this, then he definitely needs to see his doctor, because he needs to switch AD's or he needs some other sort of treatment for depression, since what he is on is not working. I'm not a doctor, but as you know, I have a long history of depression, and I'm presently on my 7th type of AD's.
I will also warn you that he may try to hoodwink the doctor into believing he feels better than he actually does...this might not be something he does deliberately, but it is human nature for depressives to try to hide how bad we feel on certain occasions, even with those who are there to help us. So you might consider what steps you can take to offset this without making things worse between you by going behind his back or whatever...I can think of half a dozen possibilities, such as involving your MC, speaking to the doctor yourself, and so on.
It is not entirely a picnic to be on AD's--there are a number of potential irritating side effects--so I can empathize with his desire to get off of them. But if he is undergoing some kind of treatment that makes him feel better, he will stick with it.
Take care of yourself, Glam...sounds like the two of you are slowly but surely making progress!
Peace,
Dawn
Thanks Dawn. H has been on these AD's since 5/08. Lowest dosage as possible and has not changed anything from there. I think he will be honest with the Dr, since he wants to feel better.
It was huge less than a year ago admitting he is depressed and allowing outside intervention. He is having a full blown physical testing for everything including food allergies. Remember he is falling into a food coma too after eating. We don't know if that is food or depression.
Now it seemed he was doing better with depression and then the holidays arrived and since then in more of a deep depression. I do have to say, it is very hard to support a depressed person. Not that I don't want to, but at times I don't know what to do or say and then the frustration sets in too, but I am here for my h in whatever it takes.
My mission if you will is to get through this together. This may sound weird, but I truly want to see if what I have been doing today, the past year, DB, being kind, loving unconditionally would really bring my h home. It's kind of like playing a long drawn out and treachorous game and see if I can win. So far, it seems I am on the right path, but would like to see some bonus plays along the way in my favor.
I guess some of those did come in the form of Christmas Eve with my sis, going to the coast today, saying he doesn't want to focus on my negative qualities.
What I would like to see is h announcing he wants to start going to church, him going to gym, and maybe a weekend away with just h. Well those are ahead in the game of life. We will see.
Thanks for stopping by Smart C, I will look for your thread.
We are scheduled to head to the coast for the day. It's a little over an hour drive. Our home phone service is not working, so I had to book an appointment for today early though, so hopefully the repairman comes early on the 4 hour block of time or we will get started a little later to the coast.
Either way we should be fine. I just hope h is not too down when he arrives. I will know the minute he walks in the door.
Ok so h texted me already and said he is still sleeping and will be here after 10am. Which is fine, we were not planning on leaving for the coast until 10:30am anyway. I just thought it would be nice if he came around 9ish so we could all eat breakfast together.
I just thanked him for letting me know. Now remember this was where h has been lacking not communicating changes when we have plans. So far he is holding up to his end of the bargain. Woooo Whooooo! That's a win. I know it's consistency that counts but for today I will take it and it's a start for h.
Phone repairman was here, so yeah the phone is fixed again. Now I don't have to be so cut off from the rest of the world any longer.
H had asked me to pack lunches for today, so we are set and ready to go. I also packed a bag of healthy snacks too.
For some reason I am so excited. It seems like the first time in a long time, we are getting a little further away from home than usual.
Love is not a place
to come and go as we please
It's a house we enter in
then commit to never leave
So lock the door behind you
Throw away the key
Work it out together
Let it bring us to our knees
Love is a shelter
in a raging storm
Love is peace
in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave;
May God send angels to guard the door
No, Love is not a fight
but its something worth fighting for
To some love is a word
that they can fall into.
But when they're falling out
keeping that word is hard to do
Love is a shelter
in a raging storm
Love is peace
in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave;
May God send angels to guard the door
No, Love is not a fight
but its something worth fighting for
Love will come to save us
If we'll only call
He will ask nothing from us
but demand we give our all
Love is a shelter
in a raging storm
Love is peace
in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave;
May God send angels to guard the door
No, Love is not a fight
but its something worth fighting for.
Cause I Will Fight For You
Would You Fight For Me
It's Worth Fighting For.
I wanted to re-post the lyrics to the song "Love is not a fight" by Warren Barfield.
I am kind of a romantic and would like this to be h and my reconciliation song. You know how you have a wedding song well this is the one that I would like for when h comes home. It seems to fit who I am and a reminder of what my real fight is.
This is from the movie "Fireproof" which is being released on DVD Jan 27th.
Hey G, I was going to say what Dawn did. If he is feeling that depressed, he should not be thinking about going off his meds! It sometimes takes several tries with different meds to find the right one for you (Took me 5). He absolutely should not go off them cold turkey
And remember, this is a loooooooooonnnnnnnngggggg journey! Even though its been a long time for you, in MLC world, it isnt.
Hope you have a wonderful day, enjoy it for what it is - a moment in time.
I'm so glad he's still making the outing today. Sounds like a great day for you all!
Hi, Glam,
Hope you had a good day at the beach today!
I just wanted to add, after reading your response about the AD's, that another possibility is that your H just needs the dosage increased...and also, sometimes an AD will be working well for someone and then just stop working for them, for no apparent reason. I know that the first time I tried AD's, I was started on Celexa, and it worked beautifully, and was an enormous relief for me, since it was the first time in years that I didn't feel horrible about myself...then I got careless and didn't get it refilled promptly enough, so I went three days without it, and that was enough to dump me back into depression. Once I got back on the medication and got the correct levels of it in my blood...it didn't work quite the same for me as it had before that brief time off, and never did again, even though I was on it for close to a year after that. Not trying to hijack, just illustrating how tricky it can be to figure out what's best regarding AD's.
It's too bad there isn't really any kind of test to determine what would be best for someone in terms of AD's--it's mostly trial and error, which is kind of a problem for a medication that can take six weeks to start working, if it's even going to at all. That's why I was without any help from my AD's for about 2-1/2 months after the bomb in October 2007, even though I went on them only two days after the bomb.
I do hope that your H gets good help from his doctor and he gets the depression treated effectively.
Hope you are having a good day, Glam!
Peace,
Dawn
Hey Glam, I agree with Dawn. Sometimes the medicine needs to be adjusted for strength or type. Different Ad's work on different neurotransmitters.
I went through about 6 til I found which Ad was right for me.
Hang in there.
Hi glamgirl,
I hope you had a good time with h on your day out. Take care.
Hey GG,
Just checking in looking forward to hearing about your day
Cheers
Jeff
Thanks all for checking in on me. All is good. I haven't had much time to post since right after h leaves I go to bed.
We actually had a grand time at the beach. H did text that he would he over around 10am on Saturday. He arrived around 10:30am. The kids were ready and we set out for the coast.
H held my hand most of the way to the coast. We spent the time enjoying the kids and each other. H seemed to be happy that I had made some good plans for the day.
It was interesting, not sure how the convo got started but h said last time I checked I was still your h. I responded and said and how do you know h. He said I haven't recieved any D papers nor have you had me served while I have been at the house. It was some wierd thinking on his part but oh well.
When we got back h watched another movie with me. It seems of lately he is enjoying movies. Before it was like maybe he would watch one with me every 5 months. Now seems weekly. Even asked me to rent a few to watch together. I don't mind, since I enjoy movies.
H left on Sat and said see you on Sunday. On Sunday he texted and said I am not feeling well can I come at 2pm when he usually comes over around 11am. I said sure h. I ended up working a bit later and then we had dinner together as a family.
H helped with baths and laundry for the kids and we watched another movie together. Hmmmmm not sure what all that means. When he left he gave me a nice hug and kiss.
On Monday, I stopped home for lunch and h was there at the time I expected him. He jokingly said sneeking up on me Glam, checking to see if I am doing what I am suppose to. I wasn't really. I know that Mon are busy for him and he always has conf calls and i just had a later lunch and just didn't call him and tell him I was on my way home.
We had dinner together as a family and then he again helped with the kids and left.
Today, he called on my way home from work. Said he is worried about his job. Boy this is all we need. He mentioned the Dr appt this Thur. The last 2 days he seems down. He did mention that he started doubling his AD's. Not sure if that's a good idea, but hey I can't be responsible for my h and what he does with his meds.
Someone said on here that I am not his MOTHER, so trying to remember that. All is well, but on my way home today I was thinking when is this all going to end and oh I want more for my life. Guess it's time to get back to prayer.
If we could only get the depression under control for h. H said he would call me later this evening.
Still trying to keep a PMA!
GG:
Sounds like you had a wonderful time at the beach. I think he is wanting to watch movies with you because it is a quiet time and just the two of you and he likes that.
Next time he asks you if you are checking up on him, come back with a good line like, "I could not wait to see your gorgeous smile...." or some such thing. It will boost him a little!
Sounds good so far. I hope all is okay with his job.
I was reading the story about the pilot that faked his death. This was his conclusion to an e-mail he sent to a close friend.
He concluded, saying, "I never meant to hurt anyone. When life becomes too much people do stupid things."
I wonder if this doesn't fit many MLC'ers. Their lives spin out of control and then they do stupid stuff on top of it. Not trying to make excuses just trying to have some understanding as to why people do the things they do.
H called last night. It was a brief convo. Said he just wanted to say goodnight. I thanked him. He seemed down. Not like during the holidays, but he is off kilter with depression and maybe life in general.
The wierdness continues. He did say that he wasn't doing much to help. I responded and said of course you are h, I do appreciate the help with the kids laundry, bathing and I listed a few things. He said, but Glam I am NOT home to help. I just said well h you will find your way home soon. He said he could just come home and we could have more babies. Hmmmmm! Then he proceeded to say anything is possible.
I just try not to think to much about these convos. Ultimately it is his choice whether he comes home and joins his family or not. I really don't know what keeps him away. He seems to enjoy us, but I guess not enough to come home permanently.
I don't want to focus on what I don't have, but I do have to say it's hard. It's hard not thinking about my future and where it's headed.
GG, he seems to be thinking about things more. Keep doing what you're doing, let him be to think, and all goes well. I'm glad you've been having such nice times together. That's wonderful to hear about!
Hey, Glam!
I think you are doing GREAT!!! Go back in the archive of yellowrose's threads in 2007! Your H is doing pretty much the same thing that her H did before he finally came home to stay. He did go back and forth in and out of the house. And he expressed the same type of guilt feelings like your H is doing now!
I think you are definitely on the right track and you just need to be patient a little more.
I really envy you!!!
GG:
He needs to get away from everyday life because he is unable to cope with all of the responsibilities on a full time basis.
He does a lot when he comes over and your kids are still quite young. As a result, it does not sound like he is ready for it 24/7 at this time. He is getting there but not quite yet.
H went to the Dr yesterday. He liked the Dr and what she had to say, so that is good. They are doing complete bloodwork.
She didn't think food allergies nor did she say my h was manic or bipolar. She did double the dose of AD's that my h is taking. H now just needs to make the blood work appoint and IC.
We were suppose to go out for dinner yesterday, just h and I. Well h calls and says he is bringing S7 and D4. We ended up running some errands too. I was nicely dressed when h picked me up from work.
During dinner I am sure he realized that it was suppose to be just the 2 of us. He looked at me and said Glam we will do something next week. I don't think I looked dissappointed, but I was thinking should I say something to h or just let it go and then amazingly he said this.
He said he was going to be busy with work all weekend, so that means he probably won't show until Sunday. When he left though, he accidently took my car keys. He was driving us around with my car.
I did text him this morning and he said he would drop off later. That is it pretty dull and boring. I guess boring could be good NO drama and more predictability.
Oh since our C appointment h is calling or texting if his plans change in regards to coming over. This is huge, since this has been an issue for me.
Hope all is well with everyone.
I am glad he went to the doctor. I was wondering if he would experience any changes such as tiredness, since the meds were doubled?
And very happy to hear he is contacting you if plans change.
Thanks MWG. I did ask h if he asked the Dr about him sleeping alot and after eating. It wasn't clear to me whether he talked with the Dr about that or not. I do know that depression can make you want to sleep all the time.
My h did say that the other night he went to bed at a reasonable time and got up at a reasonable time and he felt rested. I think probably part of his problem is that he does not have himself on a good sleep cycle. Staying up all night and working then sleeping for a few hours and then working all day.
I am not sure what he does, but I do see work related e-mails from him around 1-4am, so that tells me he is up, and then again around 6 or 7am.
I just have to put it on a shelf for now. H is a grown man and doesn't need me giving him suggestions on when to sleep or not.
I am getting calls from my ex h. Just listening to all of his drama. I just listen and offer NO advice. He does say what do you think I should do Glam. I just say I am not sure ex h. I cannot FIX all these problems.
I just want my h back. Now I feel like I don't even have a h.
I don't think you're losing your hubby at all. You've had alot of positives lately and I see it as a positive that he's going to see a Dr! I think that's hard for alot of men.
Thanks FG I need those reminders. I do see the positives, it's just that I want to see that one positive before it's too late.
I did find my spare keys and let h know, so I am sure he won't be over today. I know that he was busy, so if I could save him a trip then I would.
I have an eye infection. Went to the dr and got some eye drops. Spending a lot of time contemplating the future. I am sure that is NOT a good idea for me, but for some reason can't seem to focus on the NOW.
GG:
Stop contemplating and let God have this situation. It is beyond our control.
Sounds like your h does have irregular sleep patterns due to the depression so when he goes to sleep, he wakes up, probably cannot get back to sleep and works some, then goes back to sleep.....no wonder he sleeps so much!
Your ex-h--does H know he is contacting you? Are you comfortable with x calling and asking your advice? Just wondering and also, if your h would be upset knowing x was calling.
There is progress in your sitch, Glam, so be patient and pray. It all sounds good. There will always be a few glitches along the way and you do not want him home too soon.
Spending a lot of time contemplating the future........
Remember, GG, this is called "future fu**ing" and it's definitely
NOT good for you!!!
[[[[[[BIG HUGS]]]]]]
Hey G, you posted to me that I need to take care of myself and my son right now. I think you need to do that too. Not take care of me and my son (LOL - just kidding!) but yourself and your children.
I think you spent a lot of time thinking about your h and maybe you should try to do something nice for GG, ya know?
BM thanks for that. You are right I need to just focus on me and the kids. I think my h has such a part in my life, because he is here typically 5-6 days a week. It's hard not to focus on them when he is here that much.
I get down too, because I really want more for my life. Who wouldn't. I feel like my h is a boyfriend not a h.
Boyfriends you date and have fun with and then they leave and live elsewhere.
GG:
I know you want your h home--we all want that. The timing just is not right--yet. Hang on and be still. It will all work out.
Thank you MWG. I did tell h that ex was calling, he seemed fine with it. He calls to talk with s20, but he is usually at work or sleeping, so he usually chats with me for a few min.
Nothing major, just stuff that is going on in his life. It's like chatting with an old friend. It's weird though I do remember getting so uptight about all the things my ex h did 14 years ago, now it's just a shrug oh well.
Maybe this is my reminder to not sweat the little stuff with h too.
Not much going on here. H will be over on Sunday. He did say something like if I get all my work done then he could come over on Saturday. No word from him about that though.
It's ok I have plans today anyway. Well S20 might not be moving out so quickly after all. Since him and his friend don't have much established credit the security deposit is steep.
S20 is amazed at how much everything is costing him. I am sure this is a wake up call, that hey living at home aint that bad. Now I was all prepared for them to be moving. I was actually liking the idea of gaining 2 rooms back, but now we will just have to wait and see.
They are going to try another apartment complex and see what kind of luck they have.
I work on Sunday, so h will be here then.
GG:
Times are really, really tough and I can sympathize with your S. When I wanted to rent an apt. back in the late 70's, at least I could afford it and it was about $300 per month. Now there is so much more expenses.
Hi glamgirl,
I also see a lot of positives with your H. So just be patient and hang in there. I know we always want everything to change immediately but unfortunately, life isn't that way.
Take care and have a nice week.
GG,
I'm sure that you were looking forward to your son and his friend moving out, but at least they have good sense to know that they can't afford some of the apartments that are out there. They are very expensive these days, i.e., just about the same as a mortgage payment in many instances.
As for the xh, I do hope that he'll start leaving messages for his son and will not continue to talk to you about his problems and/or asking for advice. Isn't he remarried? He should be talking to his wife about such things. Set your boundaries w/him early on. It's okay to chat w/him, but please do not get sucked into his drama as you've got a lot on your plate already.
I do hope that your h will listen to his doctor and follow his/her advice completely. I hope he showed up on Sunday, but if he didn't, I'm sure you were okay with that as well, since you were working. It takes such a long time for them to come out of the fog and to realize what they had was actually what they were looking for all along.
I hope that you have a pleasant week!
Thanks for all the good advice. H did not come over on Saturday, but I had no expectation that he would. He did show on Sunday and called me around 11am after he was at the house and asked if I was coming home for lunch.
I came home for lunch. H said he was going to come on Saturday late afternoon and then he just felt too exhausted, so decided to rest instead.
After work we had dinner together and h suggested a movie - Ghost. Now h is really not the romantic mushy movie type. His idea of a movie is blood, guts and gore, so his last 2 suggestions have been Ghost and Grease. He might be doing that for me. Not sure.
Unfortunately I took some cold med before we watched the movie and zoned out in many parts, but I couldn't help it. I cannot let this cold get the best of me.
It was interesting h started telling me about his new Dr. He said Glam you would like her. She is a born again Christian and she started telling h how he needed to find God. Many Dr's would not go out on a limb like that.
It was interesting how I found that Dr for h. I went through his insurance for Dr's in the area and each one I called either was not accepting new patients, or they were booked 2 months out.
When I happened to call her office, she had an opening and accepting new patients. Go figure how God works. H was not offended by her suggestions. I just find the whole thing ironic.
H will be here today around noon to watch s7 since he is home from school today.
When I happened to call her office, she had an opening and accepting new patients. Go figure how God works. H was not offended by her suggestions. I just find the whole thing ironic.
Glam, This is amazing. God sure has a way of working things out and of helping your H find Him. I am so happy to hear this!!! Many positives.... God is good.
PH you are so right. God is amazing.
H came over on Monday. We had dinner together. He helped with the kids baths and tucking them into bed. He also did some laundry and helped the kids clean their room.
H gave me a nice hug and a kiss goodbye. After he left a few minutes later he called and said thank you for everything I have done. I just said thank you h for all that you did today. I really appreciate it.
He also said he was going to be staying up all night to finish some work. He text me around 4am and said he was still up working. I text him around 430am and said I was on my way to the gym and wished him a good day.
I think for the first time ever, he called me around 6am just to wish me a good morning and to say hi. I was shocked. This was a first. You don't know how much that call meant to me.
Then he called just before dinner this evening just to let me know how his day went.
He won't be over until later on Wed. I have afterschool care lined up for s7. We have MC on Thur.
So far a very positive week. Everyday at the gym as I am walking or running I am just praying for my h.
Prayer does work. I can only hope and pray that my h will return home. Keep the faith!
Glam: It all sounds great!
I did text h today to see if he was getting D4 afterschool. If he doesn't then I will need to leave work early and then I can go back to work as I can leave D4 with S20. No response yet.
It was weird. I had a dream about xh last night. It was a pleasant dream that xh and I were friends. Not so sure what all that means. In the dream I was actually hanging out with him. Now this is a man that I didn't have contact with for 14 years.
During those 14 years, I just thought that my ex h got on with his life and really didn't think much about me and S20. I found out later, that was not the case. Over those 14 years he carried much guilt and remorse. I never knew.
It just goes to show that what you really think may not really be the case at all. We spend so much time trying analyzing our WAS's, when in actuality we could have the picture all wrong.
Just my thoughts today.....
I am a bit in tears as I re-read my post I wonder if this is another of God's lessons for me.
Many times throughout this whole ordeal for me I would often have thoughts of my h and how he was thinking that were not correct. When I would talk to my h he would say that is not true that is NOT how I feel. So many times I would be wrong, but I put all these thoughts in my head and then I was left feeling hopeless and despair.
This is a good lesson, to try NOT to hold captive your thoughts of what YOU think the other person is thinking. We are NOT them and we could NOT possibly know.
Thanks for listening......
Glam, just wanted to say you are doing great. Life really is ironic. I believe everything happens for a reason. That doctor was meant to see your h.
And it is true, we cannot possibly know what another person is thinking or feeling. Thanks for reminding me.
Nice night with h. His car was fixed and ready to pick up today. After work we took the kids out for a bite to eat. We had a nice chat about our jobs. Seems to be going well for both of us.
H gave me some extra money this week and was being generous. I didn't expect it and I told him he didn't need to. He just said he wants the best for me and the kids. I said I know you do.
He said I am doing the best I can and he also said this isn't about NOT loving you. I said h what is it about. He said he feels I left him high and dry. His words. I said h I am sorry about that. Can you forgive me. He said I do forgive you, but I am just trying to get over it.
I just said h I will keep praying for us. I said I will keep trying to redeem myself. He said you have already redeemed yourself.
Then he left. MC tomorrow. Hmmmmm!
Hi glam-
It is so true that we don't know what is going on in someone else's mind. Things our H's may not make sense to us but it doesn't mean that they don't love us. So stay positive. Your H does love you and your kids and h is trying to find his way back. I hope his new doctor can help.
(((HUGS)))
Hey, Glam!
I see so many positives in your H's words and actions!! I'm pea green with envy!!
The only thing I would say is to maybe not run yourself down or apologize so much. He has said you are forgiven and that you have redeemed yourself. Trust his words and let go of it. I know you are trying to be validating of his feelings, but the more you talk about it, the more he is reminded of his own mistakes and that's painful to him.
We talk a lot on this board about hoping that WAS's can let go of guilt so they can move past it, but we LBS's need to be able to let our own guilt go too!
You are a beautiful, warm, caring, compassionate, faithful woman! And your H is lucky to have you in his corner!! Don't forget that!!
[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]
Thanks SC. I need to keep remembering that. I just look at my h and wish what I say or do, will be the magic that brings h home.
My h looked so handsome last night. I just wanted to say h let's forget about all the past. Just move back in with me and family. I didn't, but sometimes it seems so silly that he is still gone.
This is where the patience comes in even more. Thanks for listening.
One thing I have noticed, Glam, is that my husband can tell me he has forgiven me for calling the police on him three years ago BUT all of a sudden he is bringing it up and saying he has to cover his behind around me because he does not know what I might do.
Even though they may say they forgive or say it is okay, things still come back to them and the cycle starts again and these things of the past creep back in.
I think we have to not take it so personally.
You are doing fine. Just go with the flow and take it day to day.
.... I just look at my h and wish what I say or do, will be the magic that brings h home.
My h looked so handsome last night. I just wanted to say h let's forget about all the past. .....
I can't even touch my H in the smallest of ways without him tensing up. It absolutely breaks my heart!
Patience, Patience, Patience.............
Hi Glam,
Thank you for posting on my thread!!! I really appreciate everyone's input.
I'm trying to catch up.
Just wanted you to know that I was thinking about you.
((((HUGS))))
Yesterday was a fairly good day. H picked me up for mc from work. He had s7 in the car. Now I had already lined up child care. H said he didn't want to stay with the sitter.
On the way to mc I wispered to h, couldn't you have made a stance and said you will need to stay with the sitter. Well that comment set h off. It was the first thing out of his mouth at mc.
H felt undermined, telling him what to do. He said the decision was made no reason to say anything. This is a big issue for us and we will need to work through this.
For me is was just a though that fleeted in my mind and I spoke it out without thinking it through. Just like you would have a conversation. I think my h goes to a bit extreme, like it sets him back for miles when I say these types of things.
This I am sure will need to be discussed more in mc.
H took me and the kids out for dinner. He gave me a nice big hug and kiss before he left and said see you Sat night.
I am going shopping for a new mattress today. H said Glam go buy us a new mattress for our bed. Hmmmmmmmmm!
Hey, Glam!
I see you have a faulty door between your brain and your mouth too! I really suffer from that one!!!
Speaking of which, stop over at my thread if you get a chance.......I'm in need of another 2x4 I think......
[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]
Oh, and when you stop over at my thread, can you please tell me how in the world you got from restraining order to MC!!??? I'd love to hear the skinny on that one. How long did you go without contact with your H. Did he then contact you? What inspired him to do that? Ya know......give me details!
And are you on the alt? If so, look me up under "SChrldr".
[[[[[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]]]]]
Hi glamgirl,
It is hard to keep the mouth shut and think before speaking, isn't it!! - You are doing fine though.
Have a lovely week-end. Take care.
TL you are so right. It is hard. I have to remember that. It is my biggest obstacle to bringing my h home or one of my biggest.
I will look you up SC. I posted to you on your thread.
I got an unexpected call from h today. Earlier I sent him an e-mail updating him on some things he had asked me to do. I also let him know that I was taking d4 out shopping and out for lunch. She had some money from grandma and grandpa to spend.
H was just very friendly, asking me what I was up to. We chatted for awhile and then I said I had to go and get s7.
Now h rarely calls on my day off just to chat. So I am enjoying a new pattern emerging from him.
Have a wonderful weekend all!
Mattress shopping, huh and for "our" bed????
Sounds good to me.
When h is here I still refer to it as "our room" "our closet" "our bathroom" ........
MWG that is right "our" bed. I do refer to everything as our room our mortgage our bills.
Now if I could just get him to sleep in "our" bed.
Have a nice weekend!
Maybe once that new mattress arrives, he'll be wanting to break it in more. Out with the old, in with the new sweets!
Glam,
Sounds good, but I know the feeling about thinking before you speak.
Good luck! Things are looking up for you I do believe!!
(((HUGS))))
I am so excited to share "our" mattress story.
H had said this week Glam go out and get us a new mattress for "our" bed. We didn't discuss how much to spend, but I was thinking $800 or less and $800 was on the higher end. Now I know you can't get much for that price, but that was all we could afford.
So today, I decide to go out shopping. I stopped at one place and the best price was $900 for a &1299 mattress or I could get one around $500 which of course is a low end, but decent mattress.
I decided to continue shopping. I was praying on my way to the next store that I would find a good quality mattress at a low price. Just praying for God to guide me. Stopped in the next store. The store employee decided to check the closeouts and returns and also dispaly models.
He showed me a few and there was one that felt really good and he said the price on it is normally is $899 and he would give it to me for $539. I said let me call my h. I tried to reach h, but he was not available, so decided to make the decision myself since I knew the mattress would not last at that price.
The guy starts to write everything up for me and he says wow my workers made a mistake and put the wrong tag on that bed, but I will honor the price. This was originally a $1299 queen mattress set that I got for $539. The guy said I had to sell that to you below cost. I ordered a mattress cover, memory pillows, frame and am having it delivered next Friday.
I did share with the guy my praying before entering the store and told him to tell his workers they were a gift from God to me.
Wow! I am having a really nice mattress being delivered. I did call h and had to leave him a message. Hopefully he will be understanding of my executive decision.
This is how the power of prayer helps me so often in this game called life.
God bless everyone!
Ok so h just called and said Glam if you are happy with the mattress then so will I. I told him the total I paid he said that is just fine Glam.
He said maybe we can break the mattress in next Friday. I have no idea what that means. I just said sure h.
He let me know how his day was going and then said he would be over early evening after his marketing event.
I am just so excited today! We have been needing a new mattress for a long time.
Ahhh.........you know what he meant!!
Next thing to do is go out and get some rose petals, bubble bath, candles.............sounds great to me!
And some beautiful and sexy undies !!! Have fun !
Thanks so much for the encouragment. It will be hard though, a brand new bed with memory foam pillows all to myself. H asked if I could keep everyone off his pillow.
Now I am sure he meant the kids. They love to curl up in our bed and be cuddly. Oh well if/when h decides to come home he can enjoy his half of the bed.
I love the idea of the rose petals and sexy undies. Hmmmmm I am thinking a babysitter needs to be in the works.
I hope the new bed isn't too comfotable, we don't want you dropping straight off to sleep and missing..... well what ever action may take place.
I just love my new bed and it's quite old now, but a good bed makes a huge difference to how you wake in the morning if that makes sense.
Enjoy it whatever happens or doesn't.
Thanks Naej. This was a well needed bed. The other was 14 years old. Got it after I split from my first h. It was a good mattress back in the day, but today it needs to be replaced.
The new one arrives next Friday. I can't wait. With this old bed I have backaches and neck aches. I told h we needed a new mattress and he agreed, so encouraged me to go search.
I can't wait to get my first good sleep in the bed.
Way to go, Glam!!!
Sounds like you need to visit Victoria's Secret!
(((HUGS)))
nlt, I couldn't agree more! Definately worth a trip to VS!
Hi glamgirl,
Good luck with "braking in" your mattress (whatever that means!!!)
Take care.
All quiet in my sitch. H came over yesterday. We had a nice day. It is interesting. He says he can't wait to sleep on the new mattress.
Jokingly he said, "I am going to hang a sign on our bedroom door that says kids you are on your own, then I am going to lock the door and go to sleep."
Now this is why I said hmmmm break the mattress in whatever that means. To h that could be sleeping. Oh well whatever it means it seems positive none the less.
H should be here soon, to meet s7 after school. Next week he will be in FL for 4 days. He will be missed.
Hi Glam,
Checking in on you, I hope all is well!
Hey Glam
Haven't checked in in a while but boy sounds like things are moving in the right direction! Am looking forward to read about the rest of the saga.
Jeff
Whoooeee! Either way, your h will be in your bed it seems. No expectations, remember!
It wouldnt hurt to look and smell real nice. Ya know?
So glad things are going well.
Sorry I haven't been around lately. Thanks all for checking in on me. My job may be eliminated in the near future, so spending time preparing resume and contemplating my next career move.
The economy is not good job wise, but all I can do is pray that God open doors for my next opportunity.
H and I went to dinner on Wednesday evening. No kids. We mostly talked about our work. His job could be in jeopardy too. Oh well we have our health mostly.
Today the mattress arrives. I have been cleaning and purging and preparing for the delivery. H said he would be over on Saturday evening. I got a movie we both can watch.
I am feeling a bit sick and both d4 and s7 are under the weather. I will pray for a speedy recovery.
Hope all is good for everyone.
Glamgirl needs to get Left 4 Dead. : )
Thanks Jack for your message on xbox, I did get it. Just haven't had the chance to respond.
BTW I do have left 4 dead - killing zombies. I am going to have my s7 show me how to play it. It looks like a spookie game, but intriguing. My S20 says mom you won't like it. I MUST prove him wrong.
Once I start playing I will invite you for a game.
Gamertag: glamgirl3
I couldn't send a message without knowing your gamer tage.
No need to respond. Was just a hi.
My new mattress arrived today. I do have to admit it is heavenly. H called today and said are you resting on "our new bed".
Hmmmmm he said "our". He will be over on Sat evening. S20 moves out on Sunday.
I will manage through this. He will be sooooooooooooo missed.
We will have to divide the dvd's and the xbox games.
The gamer tag was for anyone else that wants to game with me on xbox.
or wants to be my friend.
GG:
I hope you get to feeling better but I know the flu and bad colds are going around over here, too.
Your mattress sounds great. It will be interesting. I envision you sitting/laying on your new mattress watching a movie..........hope it is a good movie.
Victoria's Secret should be your next shopping experience. Better yet, take h with you and let him pick it out.
Thanks MWG the mattress is heavinly. It is so much taller than the old set. I am looking forward to a good nights rest this evening.
I was watching Eagle Eye the other night and h comes in and says Glam now that is a movie I would like to watch instead of these other ones we watched. He seemed kind of offended that I didn't suggest a movie night with him. I said h we can watch this one together another evening and I put it away.
Maybe tomorrow evening we can watch it. H leaves for FL next week, so we will be all by our lonesome. Oh well.
VS sounds like my next stop. I was thinking of getting a sitter for a Fri night near VDay and have some fun.
Did you get the Fireproof DVD yet?
Yes MWG. I did get it as a rental. Haven't watched it yet. I won't ask h since we saw it in the theater. Part of me is a little scared to watch it again, for fear of stirring emotions from the past. We will see.
Also feeling a little down today. I had a horrible dream about ow still in h's life. Now it has been hard to shake those visions of bad memories and all that has transpired.
I actually found myself crying while driving to put gas in the car today. I sometimes wonder if my h reallly understands all of the destruction that occurred due to his choices.
I am sure I am having an emotional weekend. I just dropped s20 off at his new apartment. He will be moving in today and tomorrow. I have mixed emotions.
On one hand I am excited to free up 2 bedrooms, but on the other I feel alone. The house will be empty with only d4 and s7. I also can NO longer rely on s20 for childcare. It was very convenient to get his help since I could run errands since he was usually home and I didn't have to take the kids.
S20 has said though that I could drop the kids off at his new place and watch them while I go out and do stuff. I am sure I will take him up on that on occassion. I don't want to burden him too much since this is his first time on his own.
Wow, if I had not had d4 and s7 I will be an empty nester. Not sure if I would be ready for that.
What an emotionally filled weekend. Haven't heard from h yet today. He did call yesterday and ask how I was.
He also called Thur night after he left our home and apologized for dumping all his work problems into my lap. I was ok with it. We should be there for each other when we have issues.
The only problem is that my h always scolds me for feeling the way I do or having an attitude. It would be nice if he just would say Glam I understand how you feel, I am here for you. Just let it all out. He always makes me feel like it's an issue to feel down or depressed or whatever.
I really have to try NOT to share with him. It's always the same response.
H just called. Let me know how his day is going. He has a marketing event today. He was going to come over later, but now he says he won't be coming over.
I said fine h whatever you need to do. He has some work to do with deadlines that if he comes over today, then he will have to work on Sunday. This way he won't have to work on Sunday and he said we can enjoy a movie together.
It's ok. I am going to just enjoy the kids today. Not sure what we will do today. I am looking forward to each kid having their own room. They will be able to manager their own stuff better and keep their rooms neater.
Hi GG.
Sorry you are having an emotional weekend.
Look on the bright side- it sounds kind of fun to have some new rooms to fix up.
I feel bad about you saying that you will have to learn not to share with your H, as it is always the same response. I totally understand that, as it is what I deal with also. My XH also always apologizes after venting to me about things. I have never understood that! I want to be here for him.
You should have someone there for you, too. Is this an issue you have discussed in counseling? I know my XH doesn't like to hear my problems as he internalizes them and feels as though I am saying he is at fault. What do you suppose is your H's issue?
Have a nice weekend and enjoy that movie with him tomorrow!
Sounds like you have a very responsible and mature S20!!! This is an emotional time for you, no doubt.
I get the feeling that your h grew up in a home where it was not okay to show/express true feelings, that he had to hide them away.
Tell me if I am way off here but I think maybe that is why he gets on you at times.
MWG you may be onto something there. I hadn't really thought about it. I was thinking though it is along the lines of what CMNM said that I am telling him an issue that he knows he can't fix and then he feels at fault.
I think CMNM is onto something. I just feel I can't say truly what is on my mind without being scolded or something.
I do think this is something that I can bring up in C though. Our C has a good way of helping h understand what I am trying to say or feel.
We have C again not this week, but next.
I did call h later in the day. He had asked me to check craigs list for a twin bed for d4. We found one, so we will pick it up tomorrow evening. H was in agreement.
MWG my s20 wasn't always this mature, but he has grown into a fine young man. He makes me so proud. He even said, mom I will just stay over on Tues and Wed evening since you need help with the kids. H will be in FL this week, so I will need S20 to help afterschool until I get home.
I watched Fireproof again. It made me cry in parts. I handled it much better this time, but then wonder why I can't have a fairy tale ending.
You are quite fortunate to have a son like that.
I wonder what your h's mother and father were like. Did his dad always kind of scold or put down what his mother said? I'll bet that is what is going on and he does not know any other way. Maybe????
Not much to report. I am going to spend time this week getting the kids rooms ready. S20 and his friend moved out. It's lonely to say the least.
I just love my s20 so much and so proud of who he has become. He was concerned about leaving me alone and he said he was having a conversation with God. He said God assured him their was NO reason to worry about me, that God was taking care of me and the kids.
I said s20 you are right, me and the kids will be fine. You will be just a phone call away.
I admit though I am sad. He has grown into such a great young man.
H was here on Sunday. We had to get a new router, since s20 took the one he got for the house. I asked h if he could install it. I am not the techy type, but could probably read the directions.
H started to work on it and 2 hours later was frustrated and mumbled something about incompatability. He even got a bit angry when I asked what was not working. He finally said I don't have time or the patience for this right now.
I said no problem h, it's not that important now. When h left he did apologize for getting angry. Now my h has always been the tech guy and has a degree and masters in technology. Not so sure what was happening. He has taught s20 so much in this area.
After h left, I called s20 and said can I come get you to hook up the router and connect the computers and my xbox. He said sure. In about 20 min he had our computers connected, my work laptop and xbox. I was like amazed. He has always had a brain for the tech stuff, even at an early age.
I remember when he was like 7 years old connecting all the vcr's and gaming equipment together back then when it was just me and him living together, before I met h. It just comes easy for him.
I haven't told h yet that no problem it's all working. Yeah I am connected to the world.
Hi glamgirl,
You sound good. Have a good week.
GG
When my S22 left for College, I was emotionally distraught.
I cried all the way home, for almost 2 hours.
My Son left for College the same year my Husband moved out of the house, so it was a double whammy.
A year later, my D21 also left for College...
BUT....He has become an amazing and wonderful Man, and I am so proud of him. He still visits and calls or texts me daily. He keeps in touch with his younger brothers and sisters which is the one thing I was worried about.
I guess it's all part of them growing up and us letting go!
Thanks BND. I am walking around the house with tears in my eyes. I am so lonely now. I know this too shall pass, but heck I miss not only my h, but now my son too.
I have to dust myself off and just get busy.
GG:
They grow up so fast but he sounds like if you ever need him, he will be there right away--that is good!! I am glad he got everything hooked up for you.
Did your H ever try out the new mattress?
Hey, [[[[[Glam]]]]].
I know it must be very hard to let your S20 go. You've said before what a big support he has been for you through your sitch.
You should be proud of yourself for letting him go with love and strength by telling him you will be just fine. That is a precious gift you have given him!
My C has told me that many times parents, whether consciously or un-consciously, play the guilt card and try to hang on to their kids, either for fear of being alone, or need for being needed. That is a disservice to young adults who deserve to have their own lives.
I have no doubt you will be more than fine! You'll be GREAT (as you always are!!!!)
Take care!
Trusting, MWG, and SC thank you so much for those kind words. I am just sad thinking how lonely I am now in a 4 bedroom house. Really, do I need this much space.
MWG h never checked out the new mattress. He is just so overwhelmed with his job to say the least, but then my h has always been a work aholic.
Never heard from him today. He said he could meet me for a quick dinner before he leaves for FL tomorrow evening.
I finally after 3 years of living in our home programmed the thermostat for when we sleep, awake and leave. I love it. I wish I had done this 3 years ago, instead of either freezing or boiling. Now that both h and s20 are gone, I must learn on my own.
I do ponder when and where this is all going to end.
Hi glam-
Just stopping by to say hi...it's been awhile.
I do ponder when and where this is all going to end.
Isn't that the $64,000 question. You seem to be doing well and taking things in stride.
That must be tough to have your S20 leave home. It sounds like he has been such a great help to you but it is time for him to live his own life. He sounds like such a great kid...well done!!! My S17 may be leaving for college in July...I will be sad but I think it will be good for him too.
Hopefully your H will help you throughly break-in your new mattress when he gets back from his trip.
(((HUGS)))
Hi, Glam, no words of wisdom from me today, just stopped in to check on you. Hope you are feeling better today.
Peace,
Dawn
Here's the latest:
H is on business in Fl. He has called everyday so far and we have chatted about work. He has talked to the kids and has said he misses me and loves me. NICE!
S20 has stayed the past few nights to help with the kids while h is gone. That has been a big help.
Yesterday s20 tells me that his aunt is arriving today. This would be my ex h's sister. So I come home from work and yep she is at our home. Haven't seen her in about 14 years. I got to hear all about ex h's family and all the drama.
I also got to hear how much ex h is beating himself up over our lost m. It was nice to hear how he really missed me over the years and how he realizes I was a good woman now. Wow, some do wake up, after it is all too late.
Ex h's sister says she reminds ex h that I was such a good woman and that I really loved ex h so much.
It has all been so wierd. It's interesting though his family really liked me I guess. Sometimes you sometimes really never know how you touched another's life. Not sure where this is all going.
Ex h's sister is staying at s20's apartment. She says she is staying and going to find a job. This I am sure will get very interesting.
I sent h an e-mail to let him know what is going on and he hasn't responded yet. Ahhhhhh life is complicated!
Hey, GG.
Thanks for your post on my thread. I replied over there.
That is very cool to have some validation from ex H.....and if you shared that with your H, that has got to make him think!
And you are getting ILY's from H.......I'm so envious....but you deserve it, hon!
By the way, are you on the alt??
[[[[[hugs]]]]]
SC I am on the Alt - if that is facebook. I am on MWG's friends list.
I spoke with h last night. I had not heard from him, so I called him before going to bed. He didn't answer, but called back a few min later.
I wasn't too pleased that my h was dancing on the table with a belly dancer. He says he was pushed onto the table. Right! Now my h doesn't drink, so not so sure how that went. A few of his co-workers said what is your w going to think. Great!
I tried to downplay it, but what would my h think if I were dancing on the tables with a guy in a g-string. I am sure he wouldn't be pleased.
Oh well, what can I do. H comes home on Saturday. Today I am going to do some cleaning and take ex h's sister and D4 out to lunch.
Oh Glam, forget the belly dancing. It really was probably a bit of harmless fun. What could he have got up to on a table with an audience?.
You really can't compare a belly dance to a guy in a g string!
I think it shows your H is relaxed enough to enjoy an evening of banter with his colleagues. That is a good thing just continue with your progress.
Enjoy the week end.
Thanks Naej. I am sure it was harmless, it was just that h mentioned that his boss said my w would get mad if I got up there. It made me think well I can get up there, since I don't care what my w thinks.
H just called. He missed his flight. He was a bit grouchy. We talked for a few. I said h how did you miss your flight? He said Glam what difference does it make? I missed it. Do you think I want to spend time here? All I want to do is go to sleep and I have work to do. He said I won't be over until Sunday.
At this point I didn't feel the convo was going well, so I said h it sounds like you are busy. I will let you go and see you on Sunday. Have a good one and ended the call.
H seemed so flippant. I just wasn't going to subject myself to his disrespect. All I did was ask a ? It didn't warrant chewing my head off. Oh well, this gets so weary.
Ok I did not end up taking ex h's sister out to lunch. She is a bit emotional and seems a bit lost. She called earlier and said that she couldn't make it here and was going to go back where she was living.
I said sis you need to do what you need to do, but don't make a rash decision.
I stopped over at s20's to say hi and check on them. S20 was playing the guitar and singing to his aunt. She was crying and calling all of her family saying what a great kid s20 was and how I did such a great job raising him.
It felt good to hear this. She even said, Glam I called my brother my ex h and told him how good you looked and that you haven't aged a bit. She also said, Glam I told him that you had just the brightest smile on your face. She said brother, did Glam always have that beautiful smile.
Ex h's sister made me feel good, but this isn't about me. I just went on with my life 14 years ago and made decisions to better my life from what it was.
I did tell sis that I loved your brother so much, but leaving him was the best thing I could have done for myself. My ex h has been clean and sober for the past 12 years, but she did tell me that he has had 3 domestic violence disputes. Just hearing that made me think yes, I had put that past life behind 14 years ago.
She showed me a pic of ex h. He looked old and aged. His lifestyle looks like it got the best of him. She also told me he never m, but that his last GF cheated on him. Hmmmm, at least he knows how that felt. I hold nothing against this man. God filled me with forgiveness.
She also told me that she called ex h today and telling him what a good son he had. He told her to tell me thank you and he started crying.
Ex h's family has always been the family of drama. My life back then was so full of drama.
Not sure where this is all going, but I am concerned for s20 that he got sucked into this drama. I know he is an adult now, but he is a spectacular kid and he does have a compassionate heart that could be taken advantage of.
I was praying for ex h's sister today and asking God how I could help her. God said, Glam you don't need to help her. I will help her. No need to worry.
I do have a tendancy to take on other peoples problems and I just need to let that all go.
Now if h would just return and we could call it all good!
GG,
In God's time....your h will return. Sit quietly and patiently, for that is when things will begin to happen.
Hi glamgirl,
You are such a kind person. I am sure your S20 turned out so well.
I hope that it will work out for you and H. Have a lovely week-end. (((HUGS)))
Thanks Snodderly and TL. I don't feel good about how my convo ended with my h, but I will let it go for now.
Sometimes I just feel my h is so unkind and rude. There is NO reason to act the way he does at times. Just because I asked a few ?'s.
Oh well I just have to let it go. I wanted to call him back, but haven't. I will just see him on Sunday. I am sure it's not me. I am sure he was mad that he missed his flight and I was the closest target.
I find it interesting though. He doesn't want to be disrespected, but he will turn around and do that to me.
Hmmmmm h just called. Much nicer on the phone, but still a bit grouchy. We talked for a bit and then he said he was going to take a nap and if I wanted to talk later to call him.
He didn't apologize for his rude behavior earlier, but he wasn't as snappy and I just didn't ask him much, just let him do the talking.
He is stuck at the FL airport until the next flight leaves in the early AM.
Ahhhhh what a long week for my h and then he has 2 projects due tomorrow, so that is why he won't be coming over on Sat unless he changes he mind, but I won't hold my breath.
Hey, GG!
You are such a shining example of patience and unconditional love! Thank you for that!!
And I can't find MWG or you in FB. You can look me up under "SChrldr"
(((((BIG HUGS)))))
Ok let me try that in FB.
He didn't apologize for his rude behavior earlier, but he wasn't as snappy and I just didn't ask him much, just let him do the talking.
glam, Don't feel bad. It is not about you. It's about him. I think he was reacting to your question out of the insecure place he is in. He felt bad that he missed the flight, and might have been beating himself up about it. So when you asked, he was reminded of his "failure" (missing the flight). Try to let it slide off your back. Great compliments from your ex-SIL.
GG:
Stopping in to check on you.
Your H is very busy. Don't feel bad. He is under pressure with the flight thing, the projects, and it is overwhelming not to mention the jet lag.
Give him as much space as he needs the next few days.
Glam,
Keep your expectations at zero! Your h is still fragile and is working his way back to you totally, but he's going to have some rough patches along the way. You will need to step back and give him plenty of space.