Dear DBer's, I doubt many of you remember me because I haven't posted here in a long time. Nor was I a "success story" such that my old threads are posted on any of the "READ THIS" archives.
But I felt compelled to come back to share with those of you who might be interested that "success" post-bomb takes many forms. If you open your heart and mind to the possibilities, you may discover that the message of DB is really about finding yourself in the process of trying to find a way to save your marriage.
For those who don't remember my story, it was a pretty classic MLC how-to book. The bomb seemed to come out of nowhere at the time, although, in retrospect and with the benefit of knowledge gleaned here, I realize there was a pretty typical lead up.
My exhusband was one of those on the fast track, hellbent to get out and get divorced, and seemed to be under the impression if he moved quickly, no one would really notice the scorched earth he was leaving behind. Also, we were both lawyers so we were not at the mercy of a legal system that tends to jerk you lay folks around. We knew, for better or worse, how to get in and get out.
And we didn't have children together so didn't have those issues to prolong our contact with one another or complicate our divorce proceedings. But then, I have often thought, the speed and relative ease with which it all happened helped facilitate my healing.
But what really helped facilitate it, and helped me move on with my life, was giving my life over to God.
Having faith in His plan for me.
Living in the present, and making the most of it, not dwelling with regret on the past or looking with longing toward the future.
Being grateful for every single thing and every person in my life, and every opportunity, even my trials and tribulations, and forcing myself to look with gratitude at what my marriage and my exhusband had given me despite the fact that our marriage ended.
Finding compassion and eventually forgiveness in my heart for my exhusband, and yes, expressing that to him (long after we divorced and with no expectations of a response, which I didn't receive) and finding forgiveness for myself.
Being content and again, finding the blessings in every day.
Reaching out to others less fortunate and giving of myself and all that I have been given in service to others.
Valuing myself, my time, my abilities...taking care of me, my health, my spiritual and physical wellbeing.
I don't mean to try to sound preachy or smug or like I have all the answers, certainly not. And I, just like many of you, have occasional low moments, or times when I backslide and get angry or pissy about what happened to me. I make a crass remark about my ex or the OW. I pout and stomp when I have to unstop a clogging sink or deal with a dead battery. I cuss when I get some piece of mail addressed to my ex or encounter some debt of his on my credit report.
But the good news is, it doesn't last. I pray for help, I ask for strength, I focus on how blessed I am, and it goes away.
Let me tell you exactly how my life has changed: Shortly after my exhusband dropped the bomb, I considered running away...finding a new job, new town, leaving it all behind. But instead, I stuck, I stayed put. I even decided I wanted our home, a farm, and was determined to find a way to keep it and stay there. And I did, I assumed our mortgage, I hired people to help me keep it up, I made changes to it to make it beautiful and make it mine.
And then, at almost the exact moment that I surveyed my new life and thought how wonderful it was, I got a call asking me if I would be willing to apply for a job....my dream job. And, with no expectations and nothing to lose, I did...and I got the job, I was moved by my new company to a new state, I sold my farm at a modest profit (yes, in this lousy housing market), I bought a new house, and I was quickly promoted. I have a fabulous job, opportunity for travel, new friends, a new wonderful life, am closer to my family...it's hard to describe how incredible all of this is, but none of it would have been possible but for the changes in my life brought about by my exhusband's meltdown.
Life is good. And with all these changes, some things haven't changed. I still love my dogs, and my horses, and being outdoors. I still love the South, and Southern cooking, still say "y'all" and "bless your heart". I still count the days 'til Spring Training, and think "Bull Durham" is the best love story ever made. My favorite team is number one in the country right now, as it should be. I still go to church on Sunday, like my tea sweet, and think that barbeque should be vinegar rather than tomato based. And I still believe that I had the best my exhusband had to give for the years that we were together, and I was the best thing that ever happened to him.
Where is he, I am sure some of you are asking? I am really not sure, nor am I terribly curious about it, but I hear periodically that he is still stuck in our old town (after insisting when he left me that he was moving to FL), has changed jobs (not for the better), lives in a crappy apartment, still has a relationship with the OW but she's in FL and he has never moved to be closer to her...people who see him say he looks terrible, like he has some sort of illness. His professional and personal reputation is ruined. His relationship with his family and friends, and most importantly, his son, have all been compromised by this...most of them, especially his son, stay in regular and close contact with me.
I really think about him very little, and often when I do, I think what a relief that he is no longer my problem. Don't misunderstand, I loved him with all my heart and we had a very special relationship. But I also know that so much of me took a back seat to everything about him...and I don't have the obligation to do that any more. And look at my life now...there's no way I'd go back.
Please read that again...there's no way I'd go back. Those aren't the words of a bitter, angry woman. Those are the words of someone who put her faith in God that whatever He had in store for her, she would be fine...and that has proven to be the case.
Yes, I suffered a loss, but I didn't endure that loss alone. Nor do I dwell on it because there's too much to be grateful for. I have a full and wonderful life now, living out so many of my dreams and with countless opportunities to do meaningful and wonderful things. Will my life ever again include the love of a man? Who knows? Again, I don't dwell on it. I try to live only in the present, having faith that whatever I might contemplate for myself, what God has in mind for me is so much better.
I would be remiss here if I didn't say that God also gave me the gift of this place. Like many of you, I found this place a source of comfort and strength. I met some incredible people through this board. Three of the most cherished women in my life are among them. Lissie, Always_14, and Valentine have given me so much. We have shared and cried and laughed; they have been with me through my highest highs and lowest lows. Treasure the gifts of the friendships you find here, and know that they will always be among the most special because of the time that these people came into your life and the bond that you share because of it.
So I guess I will wrap up and end by saying that I came back, to say to you, have faith. Believe that your situation, which seems so painful and so dark and so dire, does not have to be an ending. It can be a beginning. It can, in fact, be an unprecedented opportunity to grow in ways you have never imagined. To do things you never thought you could do, to experience things about which you have only dreamed.
"When you get to the end of all the light you know and it's time to step out into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things shall happen: Either you will be given something firm upon which to stand on, or you will be taught to fly." ~Edward Teller
Have faith.
besos,
BaseballMyFanny
P.S. Chappy if you're out there, I need a drink and a warm towel.
Did your Fanny get bigger is that why you went from baseball Annie to baseballmyfanny?
It has a great ring.
I will have a tall foo foo drink. Wait, that is on the surviving board.
No more pool boys babe, they have all remarried.
1 year ago today, I remember being on the phone with you when you recieved the phone call of the new job. WOW
Look at you now. NO doubt.
I love you so much and I am about to cry.
I love what you have written here, you have expressed not only your journey but ours too.
In your beautiful words.
The ups and down, the crying the laughing. All worth it.
I remember how you shook the doubts of saying yes to this job, the move, the sell of your house.
You shook them off and you tackled each thing one by one ALONE. YOU did it. YOU DID IT.
YOU are still doing it. With grace and beauty and convinction and prayer, and some corona lights and chips and salsa along the way.
One of the best parts I get to see you so much more.
You now have your HOME. ALL yours.
What a wonderful feeling to walk in with your head held high and know that you did not crumble.
Know that you pulled up your boot straps ? I get those sayings confused.
You pulled them up, you rolled up your sleeves and you did good.
Thank you for posting.
I hope that someone that is sitting at home crying right now can read this and feel some peace.
To think that when we came here all we wanted was those men back in our homes.
If you want to hear God laugh tell him YOUR plans.
God has guided and lifted at perfect timing.
You of wonderful faith and trust.
I am so touched that I have watched you blossom.
Thank you for teaching me, my dear friend.
Lissett
Chica, My Cuban ass has gotten somewhat more Cuban, shall we say...
You have been such an inspiration to me throughout this.
You, and your precious Pilar, whose words I carry in my heart and think of every day.
When I have put on my pity party hats and popped a top on a Corona Light, I have stopped dead in my tracks thinking of you and your sweet babes coping with Puffy's Excellent Adventure.
When I have needed to strap on a backbone, I have taken your cue and strapped on some stilletos instead.
And when I contemplated whether I was really woman enough for a sexinthecity apartment, I ate guac and downed tequila with you in Hoboken (after watching some games at THAT BAR) and got my courage up.
Yes, Chick, although much, much younger, you are more often than not, much, much wiser. And I am so blessed.
Love you,
BmfA
Funny you should say that. I am sipping a tad of Jack and Coke as I unload the dryer of ... fresh warm towels.
Don't know why, but when I stopped by to check on someone who has been a little down going into the holidays, I saw a new name ... and I KNEW right away who it was! I started reading the post and thought "how wonderful she sounds" in her new better life.
We all know how much you earned it, and it is so great to know you are enjoying it so much. I hope someone who is here looking for hope that life will be good again will read your post and understand you spent your share of time on the roller coaster from he!! we all came to know so well. You supported a great number of friends here through it all. You found yourself in the process. You are living a better life, your better life. I think you get a drink call and two warm towels ... and a Very Happy New Year!!!!
Chappy, a warm towel from you, and well, <sigh> what else does a girl need??
Warm towels and drinks might even coax some of the other partying peeps out from their hiding places....
BRAVO, BBA...I mean, BBMF...
Sugar, you are my heroine! For those of us who have traveled the long and winding road to self-discovery and found ourselves divorced at the end of it, your words are an inspiration to all of us. You show us how you made it...how you found your own rainbow, how your tooting your own horn. That takes courage, my dear.
I want to thank you for telling us your story...letting us into your life and telling it like it is...
Love you sugar, now and always...
Valentine
Vali with the Beautiful Voice and the Heart to Match it,
Don't ever let go of your dreams.
Love,
BmfA
Missy Lissie
Thanks for the ecard! You didn't say how you are doing. I hope you and M&M have all enjoyed a wonderful Christmas ... and of course all those awsome bros too. What a great family. I bet they did a little spoiling of those kids.
I am betting you have a story or two to tell on your end. Go ahead and share. Or do I have to try to guess? I'm thinking there is someone steamy or dreamy involved. We promise not to tell anyone else. Really! I swear on a Mojito. Really!
I'll just sit here in the closet with this last warm towel while you think about it
I have missed you swet BA. I am at a ball game and posting on my phone. will post more later.
love ya, ian
Ian, I hope your unnimble fingers intended "sweet" and not "sweat", 'cause I don't do that...
Have missed you too, Sugar,
BmfA
Sugar, you're one of the reasons why I still have any dreams for the future at all...
You always have an encouraging word and you have held me up in my darkest days. You have told me the truth no matter how hard it was to hear it...and I have become stronger because of it. You have helped me when my spirit was broken by that shell of a man that was my H. You made me believe that I was indeed stronger You encourage me to look towards the Lord at all times.
For those who will not find their spouse at the end of THEIR rainbow, worry not...if your story is anything to go by, the important thing is, we will find OURSELVES at the end of it and we will have learned something profound.
Thank you, my friend, I raise my glass of wine to you!
Smooches!
V
Chappy!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will tell you what is steamy and dreamy you Chap of a man.
My seawead salad and my hot green tea that I had today for dinner.
No Mr Lissie just yet. Well I'm not looking, so I guess he will just find me some day.
My wonderful brother the oldest one, and his wife drove up to see me and M&M and my parents for Christmas.
I spent Christmas eve and Christmas Day with them. We really had a good time. They were so happy. X picked them up Christmas day afternoon, and I will get them back tomorrow morning I CAN NOT wait to bulldozer them at the door and bite them and lick them. I have never been away from them so long.
They were able to enjoy a 2nd Christmas with their dad and his new family.
How can i be upset about that. I miss them yes. But they haven't spent this much consecutive time with their dad in 3 years.
Yes it is shared with 3 other kids and his GF. That is just something I have come to accept, and the kids very sloooooooooowly are accepting it too.
Thank you for always just being there chap. Now go back to the closet. Besos.
Vali it's all about the wine i mean if we really get down to it.
Thanks for that, Sweet Vali,
We have all had our own crosses to bear, our own sources of hurt and pain, we've all gone at our own speed, come to things in our own time and in our own way, but we have always been there for one another, and when one has had their time to be down, the others have been there to lend a hand and a heart.
But what I have learned is that I couldn't have done this on my own, I couldn't will it or force it or horse myself through it. I had to let go and surrender the situation and my will to God. And take the help of the friends that He gave me along the way.
love,
BmfA
Oh yez...
The broadening of the wine horizons.
Most definitely part of the playbook.
Well, what is life without wine, after all???
I can certainly say that my appreciation of wine has broadened with this life experience... 
V
Ian, I hope your unnimble fingers intended "sweet" and not "sweat", 'cause I don't do that...
Have missed you too, Sugar,
BmfA
I did mean sweets... it's not easy typing on my phone....
Great post, I am right there with you in that success takes on many different forms. Marriage recovery is great if that is what is best for you, but sometimes what is best is to move forward with your life and make it as great as you can.
Your wit has been sorely missed around here.... What's up with the baseball my fanny stuff??? I have seen your fanny and well, let's just say if baseball has it, I am jealous of baseball
So, I am thinking my Mets might just have a leg up on your braves this year
A little birdie... sorry a little beautiful birdie has kept me semi up to date on you as I do ask about you when we speak. I am so happy for you and all that you have accomplished. I can only imagine how happy you must be in your new job and that makes me very happy for you.
As far as he goes, we reap what we sew.... blech.....
Glad your back doll.....
Ian
does't get any better than this than to bring out the oldies that got me thru my times here. Loved reading your post BA, loved it, loved it! I hope that many will read it and find the inspiration it truly gives. Thanks for giving such a beautious update on your life.
I will be answering your email..........life has gotten to me the last couple days.........but I will survive.
i love you and your words of wisdom,
brue
Don't get to see a lot of the senior posters here much anymore, glad to hear things are going your way.
Holy crap, did you just call BA a senior poster dude...
Duck everyone.....
Welcome back. I missed you.
And your great insights.
Thanks for posting to me. I am honored.
You sound wonderful.
Are you still in the South?
barbeque should be vinegar rather than tomato based
Yes, and smoked forever with real hickory. If it ain't vinegar based it ain't real que. Sounds odd from a guy from Hoboken NJ?
Hmmmm....in Texas we like to smoke/cook our BBQ with Pecan or Mesquite...got plenty of both down here, LOL!
As for vinegar...not sure about that...whatever, as long as there are chilies with it! Jalepenos, preferrably!
Hi, Ian, thanks for the welcome and good wishes. I hear your news from the same bird...sounds like you are doing well and moving forward. With work, you have it in you to get past this and not let it define you, so don't take the easy way out, 'kay?
besos,
BmfA
P.S. Let's face it, I am a senior poster...but it was plural, so I'm not the only one bravey was talking about...
Hey, braveheart, thanks for the welcome...I'll assume the "senior" comment was referring to my length of time on the board, and not my age bracket.
BmfA
brue, The source of so much inspiration for me...what a lovely compliment. I will never forget how many times I came here and read something beautiful of yours and went away determined to change my attitude.
This board suffers without people like you here (not to mention that there are so few people with a sense of humor left here any more) to lend their support and share their wisdom.
I know it's hard to come back; I struggled with whether there was a reason to bother. But Chica said, if you can help one person, like brue or walkingback helped us, then it's worth it. And she's right. To that one person, it means the world.
Love you, dear friend,
BmfA
Jeff, Thanks for the welcome back.
Honored? Thanks for the compliment...but...
I consider you a friend. Whether you know it or not, you helped me quite a bit back in the day. I wish the best for you and your kids and believe that you will find a way to get to the other side of this, for you and for them. That is, if you quit trying to do it by yourself...
Yes, I am still in the South (and likely always will be). But I do have to spend a lot of time up around your old stomping grounds...thank goodness I know a Jersey Girl to show me around!
besos,
BmfA
Hey, braveheart, thanks for the welcome...I'll assume the "senior" comment was referring to my length of time on the board, and not my age bracket.
BmfA
LOL Yes, it was made in regards to your time on the board! I do have a question for you...... You seem to be quite proud of your fanny, have you been working out or have you done the Jennifer Lopez thing? LOL LOL LOL
Hey hey BBA/BBMF,
smooch smooch smooch to you, lissie, w2s, brue and all others.
It sounds like you are doing wonderfully, I'm so pleased.... and so very pleased to have logged on and seen the screen names of all these dear oldtimers who were so much help and support to so many.
Your points about surrender and acceptance strike home with me, although I am a slower and more stubborn learner.
I'm just so glad you posted and to know that you are so well and happy.
Hugs,
Peggy (AH)
OMG! OMG! OMG!
Lookie who's here!
How fabulous...Lis and I were talking about you and how neither one of us was sure how to reach you. I am so glad you logged on and visited!
Please tell us how you are and what's going on with you and your sweet son...
love,
BmfA
how awesome is this!!! i was think of AH/Peggy the other day myself and wondering what was up. Now this is a thread to follow - bringing out the oldies but goodies. I loved the board during our years there!
brue
BH, So glad to know that you have invested your time in learning how best to talk with women and about what...it will serve you well going forward.
Me too, brue, me too...
It just seemed, I dunno, so much more uplifting back in the day...not that we didn't all come here and share hurts and pain, but the message I got was so much more one of hope.
And by that, I don't mean hope that my marriage would be restored, but hope that I would be OK, no matter what the outcome.
bbmf, brue,
And by that, I don't mean hope that my marriage would be restored, but hope that I would be OK, no matter what the outcome.
That was always my take on DB--that the goal was to make ME a better person, to make me responsible for my own happiness, and a nice little by product would be that I became a better potential partner and my M might survive.
I'm going to post a longish update later. So glad you posted again brue.
Hugs
AH
can't help but post when your favorite people show up out of the blue. would love to see some others chime in - if for but a moment!
Ding ... Dong
How cool is this? All the familiar guys and gals. Like going to "homecoming" to see folks that helped you get through the awkward years. A chance to see a friendly face, share some news, and be surrounded in a group hug.
Hey, that better be one of the DBbabes grabbing my rear! And it better stop .... well ... at some point.
Imagine the potential, the combined energy and power, this group could create if applied all at once to one problem. Maybe we should cure something. Oh wait ... I think maybe we did. And the healing continues every day. May the process never end. May we be priviledged enough to help someone else along the way. May we all enjoy a wonderful New Year full of faith and hope.
May the Newbies, the Separated, and the Standers find some of this faith and hope along their journey. How each person comes out on the other side may be unknown to them at this point. But they need to believe that like others before them ... there is a good life ahead. It is a better life than the one they are burdoned with today. And they will be a better person when they reach that point. This unwanted journey is driving them forward, ready or not. The things learned here along the way, teach us all how to be better individuals. The people here made us better people. No one asked for the experience, but everyone gained from it.
There is no other place like this, for support and friendship during the journey. I hope all those here in need will find their hope and supportive friendship with someone, if not those on this thread. I hope to find out who's hand that was.
Chappy, I am not sure who could come here and read that and not be inspired and not have hope that what you say will prove true for them.
That's exactly what I mean and exactly the point of my coming back and posting...none of us would have wished this, nor did any of us deserve it. But how we choose to view it, and more importantly, how we choose to respond to it, is entirely up to us.
I wish for everyone here, that tonight, as you look toward 2009, you make this moment the beginning of your new best life.
besos,
BmfA
I heard the gang was back together and just had to see for myself!!! (wave, wave, wave!!!)
WOW! BaseballMyFanny, Lissie, Vali, Brue, AH, Chappy and others!!!!!!! I have often wondered how you have all been this year - always hoping that your lives were nothing short of fantastic.
Thanks, BmfA - this is a wonderful thread....getting us all back together for an update and message of hope and bright paths ahead - very timely for the new year.
First, a very happy new year to all here, veterans and new! I hope that the new year brings you joy, peace, breakthroughs, faith, good bonds with family and friends, and the chance to be the very best you can be.
It's been a LONG time since I posted, and this site was once a saving grace for me during some really dark times. As everyone has said, the friends I have made here quickly became, and will forever remain, the dearest in my life.
Taking a trip down memory lane is quite the chance to see how life has turned. The dear bonds I formed were from sharing intense, painful emotions. Now, these are the same friends that I share thoughts of growth, healing and joy - those I call when I am excited about something, on a new trip, or just want to laugh. We still share painful moments, but they are mostly what our lives are made of now - the goodness of life.
Like Ms. Fanny said - sharing this is not bragging. It's not to 'recruit' folks into the 'get divorced and live a fantastic life' club. It's not a cry of masked insecurity of sour grapes or needing to feel a success. Just sharing the road - and the very basic facts of life. It goes on. With or without you. It can be good, very good. You can be happy, in many ways. Doors you never imagined will open, and you have the choice to walk through them. You can see endless blessings and be thankful for fate and life. Of course, these things apply whether your marriage is saved or not.
The fact is - my marriage failed. I am happy now, but, it's not without a lot of hard work to overcome the very real aspects of pain, hurt, self-esteem, shame (still working on that one). It's not what I planned or wanted, but it can be what I make it.
Where am I now? I have moved back to my home state. That was the best thing I ever did. But, I am glad I stayed to get some closure and answers. I have formed a wonderfully close bond with my family and opened up old friendships. I feel a deep sense of calm, peace, security, and happiness I have not felt in a long time. I gained weight, I sleep great, my health and emotional well being are so well. My job is nice and has allowed me wonderful travel and financial security in what is now a nightmare of economic times. But, I'm looking for new work. It's been so thrilling applying for jobs, and seeing all the possibilities laid out there, that I would have NEVER imagined if I were still married.
Where is my xh? Is he happy? Is he married? What happened to the OWs? Did he regret? Did he feel sorry? I don't know. At all. The short story - Since I now know he is bipolar and will not face it, it's clear for me to see how good my life is now. He did not want help. He was a terror to me and to many others. There is simply nothing I can do about that except take responsibility for my own life. I cannot help him, nor can I be the wall he beats himself on. Sure, I have nice memories of our past, when he was healthier. They have faded, though, quite naturally, into the mosaic of reality that was our relationship....the good and the bad. I try hard each day to bury any of the anger and pain and accept that he is sick, literally. Forgiveness, like my dear Ms. Fanny once taught me, has been giving it to God. I am content with that.
So, what's the point of reading this (if you made it this far at all?)....hmmm. Maybe, I can share a few things I learned along the way, and especially after. Even though my situation crazily outgrew the MLC forum, I hope this still helps.
* Get a set of Kidney Friends - people you would give your kidney to, if asked, and know they would give you theirs. Make sure it's a set of friends (in life or from the DB) who will love you when you cry, AND scream at you to snap out of when you need!! People who will tell you the truth and keep your self-esteem up.
* Get closer to God. Your spirituality, many times, will be the thread that holds you above bottom. Embrace it.
* Hold your family dear. You will soon learn that blood is thicker (when it comes to your spouses family) - and while you are hurt by that, take the time to turn around and see the same lesson standing by you in your own family, who love you more fiercely than you know.
* Put the mask on yourself before you help others. Remember the safety speech on airplanes? It's the same in life. Take care of your own emotional, spiritual and physical well being in this, keep it safe, keep it strong. Without that, you cannot help your family or your spouse.
* Draw boundaries and stand up for yourself. Whether you are standing or ending your marriage - boundaries keep you (and your family) safe and sane. The chances of pushing the spouse away are slim (as you can see around here when folks do draw lines). The chances of you losing your sanity, your self-esteem, and many other things are much greater. Don't do it to get a response from your spouse.
* Get out of the drama. Stop playing the push and pull of action and reaction with your spouse and just live for you and your family. Easier said than done. Keep interactions and actions to just what is essential and don't get baited into the Springer-ness. If you constantly are, look deeper to why you find yourself there.
* Get a life for YOU. Not to get a response, not to get your marriage back. For you, for your sanity and for your growth.
* Accept that you move emotionally at your own pace. It will come when it is right. BUT, put in the work. Know what your lessons are, what hard times are teaching you.
* Take this time to learn about you, the good and the bad. Grow and change the things you want to be better. Be the best you can be.
* Always believe in your Fabulosity. What IS Fabulosity? You are a catch. You are amazing. You are better than sliced bread. You are incredible, and YOU DEFINE YOU. No one gets to do that. Never stop being proud of yourself, surround yourself with people who give you positive vibes about you, always count your accomplishments. Look first within yourself for validation. worthy,
* Always share a laugh, joke or smile each day, about something totally different than your spouse of the madness.
* Take care of your health. This is important. Eat well - even if it means small changes. Take a walk, workout, whatever. Take your vitamins.
* Take the time to dress up, look and feel great. Feel great about the way you look and make those changes you have wanted for YOU. Get that nice outfit, wear the jewelry and makeup when you want, do your hair different, whatever little things - and tell yourself each day that you are fabulous!
* Push the stop button when you start comparing with the OP. Easier said than done. We all get stuck in the spiral. This is when you call aforementioned Kidney Friends to tell you what a skank OP is, what a loser (most likely the truth), and how wonderful you are (ALWAYS the truth!! ha ha), and who will yell at you to snap out of it.
* Expand your horizons. Make new friends. Do fun new things with your family (even fun daytrips). Do something different and new. Read, learn, get engaged in something that is larger than you, the drama, etc.
* COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS. Count, each day, over and over, the things in life that are GOOD, RIGHT, LOVING, GRACIOUS, WONDERFUL. Let the warm feeling of those things embrace you.
* life is short. Live it. Send a note to a friend, go back to school, get that job, get a new look, get a hobby, rearrange your house, take that trip, set new goals. Whatever you wanted to do - try to do as you can.
Well, that's all I think anyone wants to read.....
Have a fantastic 2009.
What do you mean?
I could read it over and over and over again.
And I will.
I love you,
BmfA
Not only do you come out of the woodwork, but you post exactly what I needed to read tonight.
Thank you so much for this post Always... and yes, I not only read every word, I copied it to my desktop so I can always have it handy...
Time for me to put MY mask on.......
AND....
If I might add, your kidney friends are all one in a million as well....
Ian
Always, how wonderful to see you here too, along with all the other wonderful DBers. You sound like your life is becoming very bright and full of promise. Being with family adds greatly to the healing. We're all so glad for you.
Everyone's comments are much more than just words, but "life" put into words. If we could all absorb and follow the words, we would all have such great lives. I think maybe we actually will.
We all wish for a great life for every LBS here. I wish everyone could find this thread and understnad all the stories behind it. Read over it often, until the pieces fit. Give serious thought to what you aren't doing for yourself, but should be ... then do it. If you feel wronged by someone, the best way to get even is to "live the better life". Live your best life. The best way to do that, is to turn it over to God. Have faith. Have hope. Believe in tomorrow. Believe in yourself just as we all believe in you.
God bless you all in 2009 and beyond
WOW !!!
I can't believe I only JUST NOW, noticed your thread BBA ! I have missed you too !!!!
And I think it is fantastic that you have found such joy and happiness in life ! A bright future is something we can all look forward to and word our way towards, you have shown us how and I admire you greatly for it !
What incredible things have been posted here, once again by INCREDIBLE people ! I miss you all !!!!!! Boy did you all help me out of the darkness !
I still have a longer way to go, but I am confident that I will make it, and that my life is something worthwhile and unique ! We should treat ourselves and our lives with respect and love !
I hope you wonderful friends have a MIRACULOUS 2009 !!!!
May it help us all to take the steps we need to take ! xxxx
BH, So glad to know that you have invested your time in learning how best to talk with women and about what...it will serve you well going forward.
LOL Thanks! I knew I was doing a lot of right things! Hope you know it was just a little joke.
Always, as usual, you say just the right thing.
So glad your time at temple was good.
I was especially moved by your list---'Kidney' friends and getting out of the 'drama' were very important for me (as you know).
I feel that this is a place of sharing...whether your marriage makes it or not. There is a reason why we are all here...and believe it or not...it will not last forever unless you want it to.
I think the newer people on the board need to know that the sun will rise tomorrow and the storm does not last forever. Along the way you hope to learn about yourself for YOU. I know I have. Your words, Fanny's words, Lissett's words and countless others have helped me to move on.
I hope that everyone sees this thread for what it is...and not make it what it is not. There will be some whose marriages will be restored, and I tip my hat to you all...I wish you the best. My marriage was not restored and I am not sure that it ever should have been. I think my situation was such that it could never have been repaired because so much damage was done and he was a narcissist, not even an MLCer really....just a man behaving badly because that was what drove him and got him what HE wanted.
So, now that I have made that realization, I am free to move on with the rest of my life...and I am glad for that.
Once again, thank you for your invaluable insight...I could have never made it this far without it...or my kidney friends!
Love you!
Valentine
Hey, Cinders, thank you for the lovely post and good wishes.
I have to tell you that I have followed along with you the whole time I have been away and you were one of the people who inspired me to come back. I so loved your post about your recent epiphany about your H, and thought that was such a valuable thing for you to share with folks here. I have admired how much you have grown. It is an incredible thing how far you have come, how far all of us have come.
But you are right, we still have a long way to go...I read something recently that described striving to find grace and forgiveness as a life long journey. I love the idea of that. That I have the opportunity to continue to work at it, to continue to seek it. And I am comforted in the knowledge that I will always have help along the way.
Best wishes to you, Cinders, for a wonderful new year!
besos,
BmfA
BBA....
Flr
9003
AT
yaHooooooooo
Hey,
What're you up to these days!
Cheers,
AH
Hey BMF,
Thanks so much for stopping by. Your first post on this thread is very inspiring. I'm not there yet - a small part of me still wants H back, but it's getting smaller everyday and I realize now if it even becomes a reality, he'll have to court me all over again - much like he did when he was 22.
I'm from the south too, love sweet tea, barbeque, and Bull Durham is one of my favorite movies!
AH!
How terrific to see you here. Love the sound of your and son's travels. All my travels involve work these days. Back and forth to NYC once a month for work and assorted other work-related trips thrown in.
I head to Albuquerque for a conference in a couple of weeks, and it just so happens that's where Pedro is holed up these days. Stepson warned me that there was a "rare chance you might run into Pedro" (have noticed he no longer refers to his father as "dad" but calls him by his name. I find that sorta sad...) since he texted stepson that that's where he lives now. Yup, that's what I said, he sent his son a text message to let him know he had moved to another city, state, part of the country...
So you know, at least your ex TELLS your son things, maybe not in detail or timely, but, um, better than a TEXT.
Beyond that nonsense, I am good. Work is just crazy busy, but love being back "home" or close to home...love new friends, new church, and new life. Dogs seem happy too. No man in my life, and I don't particularly have the feeling that it's something I need or want right now, to tell you the truth. Only disjointed part of my life is that my horses are still in GA. Haven't bought a farm here, and haven't found a place to board yet, so I still have them with a friend there. Makes me feel incomplete, but know that will all sort itself out eventually, like everything else.
Hope this storm doesn't make a mess for you. Take care, Sugar,
BA
Hi, Silver, thanks for visiting on my thread. Didn't even know I still had one, to tell the truth, until Peggy drug it up from the depths.
Anyway, thanks for the kind words about my post. Don't fret about where you are or aren't. It all comes in due time. And even then, there will be moments when you get angry, have regrets, feel sad...all of it. Still happens to me occasionally. That's just part of life and human emotion.
Shoulda known you were a Southern girl...that's where all that strength comes from.
besos,
BA
BA
Hope you find a way to move your horses soon, and avoid the donkey on your trip. May your towel be warm - your wine cold - and friends abound.
BBMF...when are we going for a beer...or..mojito? LOL. FIB