Hello everyone! I am having a wonderful day....I had an awakening over the weekend. I dont know what caused it or anything, but it has been good.
I will start with my H. He went off Friday to meet a woman he was talking to online. She lived 2 1/2 hours away. He stayed the night there. With her or in a motel room, I have no idea. But I just saw him in a different light. Dont know why.
He texted me Saturday to let me know he was back. Like I needed to know that! I didnt answer him. Then he texted a couple hours later that day to just say hello. I didnt answer. He then texted a few more times "u not talking". I didnt answer him. He then started calling. I didnt answer. I let my voicemail get it. I had NO desire to talk to him.
Then I went to church yesterday. The Pastor gave a good sermon about the good things God will do for you. Not to worry. Just to have faith. And alot more. Why be afraid when God is in control? There is nothing to fear.
So, when I got out of church, my H had called and left me another voicemail. This time I let the kids call him back. Then he asked to speak to me. Wanted to know how come I didnt answer him Saturday. I told him I was busy. I was! Me and the kids had a great day!! I was short and to the point, but kind to him. I hung up...well he probably texted me several more times yesterday. Wanted to know if I had stopped talking to him. THen he even texted me to tell me he had a small fire in his camper...something Im sure just to get me talking. I let the kids call him to see if things were ok. They were. Then they hung up and he texted "you didnt want to talk to me?"
He texted late last night too. Said since He hadnt heard much from me, he was going to say good night! I just texted back "good night!!"
Today he has called me twice at work.
I see I have pulled away big time, and now look what he is doing. But Im not concerned. I dont even have my phone on ring today.
I feel different. I think its been because I have been scared of what will happen...but it doesnt matter, because God is in control. I guess I have just finally gotten it!
Im having a great day! I hope everyone else is too!!!!
Keep up with that feeing sweets! That will get you far I'm sure!
wow Kissak, you've made me think............
Great attitude! Can I borrow some?
Hello everyone! I am having a wonderful day....I had an awakening over the weekend. I dont know what caused it or anything, but it has been good.
Yes, you do! You said it in the title!
Stay close to Him, Kissak. The feeling will stay longer that way.
Thanks everyone. You know, God is in control of my life...what do I have to fear? Fear doesnt comfort me, it only causes me more anxiety. So why worry about what is going to happen when God is in control?
(((((Kissak))))))
I'm so glad to hear that you are holding to God. He is all you need.
How did you find out that your H met up with a woman online.
Mishka, He told me that he had been talking to a woman in a certain town. Then told me Friday he was going to that town. He had no other reason to go there except to see her. But I have decided to quit asking. I dont want to know anymore. It does nothing but upset me. So...Im letting him wonder about me now.
UGH! I am so tired of mice!!! The building next to us had a mouse problem. Well the people in that building moved out and I guess all the mice have found a new home here with me at work! I have found 2 dead and 2 alive this morning!! I am sooo scared a customer is going to come in and see one!!! I cant afford to have a pest control come out right now and the Landlord certainly wont pay for one, so I am setting traps left and right!
Right now I am perched up on a stool with most of the lights out just waiting for one trap to go off!!
EWWWWWW!!!!!!
YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't stand rodents, bugs or reptiles! That's freaky!
Yup. Make him wonder. Sounds like a good plan to me. I'm far to forthcoming with info to my STBX out of 19 years of habit! I really have to stop that.
they LOVE peanut butter !!!! You can catch them by putting some on the traps ! xxx
Thanks Cinders! I did that. Im hoping tomorrow when I come in all the mice will be gone! I set 5 traps today. I have only caught the one last night, but hopefully when all is quiet, the rest will come out to play.
EEEEEKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have you considered humane live traps?
Did you get any more of the little buggers?
Hi Kissak,
You can also try those glue traps instead of the snapping traps. Put some peanut butter in the middle of those. THey're tortuous for the mice I'm sure since they get stuck in the glue and cant get out, but it's better than having the mice with you.
The sticky's work, but the bad thing is you come in the next morning to a LIVE critter and then have to figure out how to dispose of it while it's still LOOKING at you.
EEEK!
I just used poison ! They would eat it....and dry out and shrivel ! That was quick, odorless and fast !
If they're alive on the sticky still, just put their head into a beer bottle and drown it.
Can you tell I don't work for ASPCA?
For crying out loud, just use humane live traps and take them to a field! Okay, I'm biased, I'm a vegetarian. But I don't understand the need people have to kill critters who can easily just be relocated. I don't mean to offend anyone, that's just how I feel.
I will confess that I have never had to deal with mice...I have three cats (all indoors), and rodents stay far away. My youngest cat likes to go after crickets, spiders, and cockroaches, since there's no bigger prey to be had.
One cat we had when I was in high school proudly brought his catch up to the porch one day...and it turned out to be a dandelion. We called him "the mighty dandelion hunter."
This same cat used to sit so long by mole holes that he would fall asleep waiting!
Peace,
Dawn
That is one cute cat Dawn! Thanks for the smile!
Thanks you guys, I did get 2 more critters last night. I have tried the sticky traps, but then I would have to get rid of them alive! And Im sure as not gonna "unstick" one to let him go! EWW!
They are just nasty little things. I dont have this problem at home because I have soooo many cats! Might have to bring one to work!!
I have to tell this. I had a friend want to set me up with a guy, just to go out and have a good evening. Well, come to find out this guy knew my H. My H came in last night to get the kids, and I had been talking to this guy on the phone. My H wanted to know who it was. I told him it wasnt any of his business...then he wanted to stand on the porch and throw a little fit! I ended up telling him who it was just to shut him up! He started with "oh, Im supposed to be able to tell you stuff, but you cant tell me"....ok, he was acting immature. When I told him who it was he laughed and couldnt believe who it was...well anyway...I told him that it didnt matter what he thought and that I could do what i wanted! He agreed with me and then he knew he had upset me a little with how he was acting, so he apologized and wanted to give me a hug...I did, then he left. So, then for the next 3 hours, I get texts from my H....One being "can I tell you something"...then "I have had several thoughts of asking you out on a date".
????OK, my first thought was HOW DARE YOU????
I didnt reply, then he text that he was sorry, he didnt know why he told me that, but he did.
oh....Im not having a relationship with this guy, just going out to dinner with him. My H wants a divorce! What am I supposed to do, sit around and wait for him to grow up which may be never!!!??
Now Im having a day where I am confused on what to do. I dont want a relationship with this guy, just a nice dinner and a movie...And now my H wants to go on a date with me??
I think that after almost 2 years, he has finally seen that I am not going to wait forever! I dont know what else to think...or what to do now.
Talk about confusion huh? If you want to go out and have a good time and are ready to do so then do it. If not, then don't. Forget about H for a moment and just do what you feel in your heart.
What Dawn said. I've had to use live traps before, and they're no trouble at all. Just have to put that out there.
Whoa, sorry Kissak for the seeming nonsequitur, guess you, I, and FG were posting simultaneously.
What your H did is so weird. Whatever, I think you are entitled to have dinner and a movie with whomever you like!
Ok the dinner, I just don't know. If you are really wanting your M back it is probably not a good idea. But it is up to you.
The mice, just use the kill traps, sorry Dawn. Mice can reproduce every 21 days. They will just keep making more and to move them would just move the problem. We are starting to get rats in our neighborhood because of a few houses in forclosure and my cats keep bringing them home. (I live in Florida where fruit rats run rampant if even one person has a citrus tree in their yard). Just kill them. An exterminator will just put the traps out too although they might use a lot more than you are so just keep doing it.
Thanks guys, I caught another one this morning.
You know I am rethinking the dinner and movie thing. I dont think Im ready. Now I just have to figure out how to tell this guy that. But then again, would making a new friend hurt? It is only dinner.
But I know my H is freaking out. This is the first real threat he has had of losing me. He is really down the last couple of days...he even turned his phone off last night and didnt go to his class. I know he is just down. Having an emotional day like we all do, even though this is from his doing. Today he told me he was feeling a blank....I keep wondering when he will figure out that God is the only thing that is going to fill that blank, not me or any other person. Anyway, Im praying for him today. And Im not going to let it bother me. He put himself where he is at.
Your H may never realize that God will fill the void but he may find something spiritual. We all have our own definitions of what the "higher power" is. I realized last year when my MIL asked me how I knew her parents were in heaven, that some people just never seem to find that faith. Others of us have it and then forget for a while.
Listen, if you have to talk yourself into a date, then don't do it. I know in myself that I probably won't be ready for that for a long long time. But as my H has a job that can take his life at any minute, it is something I have had to think about more than once during our marriage. I have always looked at the picture to prepare myself for the reality of not having his income, his help with S, his presence in my life. I guess I just never thought it would be quite this way.
Hi kissak,
Can you bring one or two of your cats to stay in the shop for a few days? Natural extermination! And fun for the cats.
As for the date, if you don't want to go, cancel, but don't let h's reaction dictate your actions.
Your right Kelaaron, But I dont know if its because Im scared or what.
Honestly I have times where I want someone else in my life, then I get to where I am just happy being alone.
Any ideas on what to tell this guy? How do I excuse myself from this date? He even asked in the beginning if it was over with my H because he didnt want to get involved if it werent. I guess that is what got me thinking.
BUt I cant take my H back now....He is no where even ready to come back. But do I wait forever??
hey new....Ive thought about bringing in a cat or two! But I have a feeling they would have way too much fun playing with the plants that are everywhere!! I have thought it would be nice to have a shop cat though, maybe one of the kittens? But Im not sure if the landlord would allow it, although there use to be a vets office next door, so??
Maybe you tell him that you aren't ready to date yet. Doesn't mean you can't talk necessarily. You say can't take H back as he isn't ready but r u really ready to move on? Personally, I wouldn't tempt yourself unless you are really done.
I know I am not.
Hey there kissak.
The only problem with making a "new friend" is that if he comes into this thinking "I've got a date with a hot chick. Wonder how this is going to go? Where it's going to go." and you come into it with "I'd love to make a male friend. Free dinner and a movie sounds good too but that's as far as it's going". Who is going to be possibly be hurt? Him. You know what you want - friend only. He wants a woman in his life. See what I mean?
I have recently been cultivating a friendship with a male that I am, frankly, VERY attracted to but I know it will not go anywhere. Neither one of us is anywhere near ready for a R of any kind but it's good to get a man's POV on things so neither of us feels threatened by it. We also don't go out alone together but we do talk alone sometimes (standing in the parking lot after meetings - that sort of alone). If you can make him understand you just need a friend right now that happens to be male then do that. Just make sure it's VERY clear.
Your H is a total mess. I'm so sorry. Mine is too so I understand.
More importantly, how are your kids doing right now?
Well, My kids are doing great right now. They really are. Thanks for asking. Although, I had to ask my H to leave the other night when he dropped off the kids because he wanted to talk in the kitchen and my son was getting all these ideas in his head that his daddy "wanted" to be there. My H at one point told my son he loved him and my son thought he said it to me, you should have seen the look on his face...I had to ask my H to leave because it was confusing our son to have him there talking to me like he was, so we went out on the porch to talk. My son is only 7 and still hopes his dad will come home.
But my H is a mess right now. I dont know how to help him and I feel like he is wanting my help. I mean, this morning he texted me and it said "i am so sorry for putting you through so much pain and hurt".
All I said was "i know".
I think he maybe hoovering over rock bottom lately.
I dont know how to help him and I feel like he is wanting my help.
You can't help him. You can only help yourself and hope that he finds help from an outside source. He needs therapy. Is he not seeing the C anymore?
My STBX is suicidal now. Rock bottom is starting to look like it's here for him but he has no intentions of seeking any help and I'm not the one to help him since I hold too much anger and hurt where he is concerned.
You can't be his friend right now kissak. I'm sorry, but you're not ready to do that for him.
Okay 2 things, Kissak....IMO ofcourse
1.) The cats would be so fun to have in the shop!
2.) I would be honest with this guy. Tell him you thought you were ready for a date, but thought about it and aren't ready. I agree with the others that posted...if you have to talk yourself into it and go back and forth so much, then you aren't ready.
I actually talked to this guy today and told him my concerns and that I just werent ready for anything serious. He said he understood. He knew I was just getting out of a relationship with my H, and that he himself had been divorced for about 5 years. He knows how hard it is. His wife left him for another man. But we may still go out just as friends.
Honestly I think im so nervous simply because I have never dated anyone other than my H. I would be nervous probably even after 5 years. Who knows??
Sounds good kissak. Honestly sharing your thoughts and feelings is what it's all about!
"i am so sorry for putting you through so much pain and hurt".
My h has been saying this since February.
I would not do anything you are not ready to do.
WEll guys, my H is at it again....he knows Im going off tonight! ok, he told me that he did want me to somewhat have fun.
But that was after he has texted me all day to say stuff to insinuate he wanted to come home. Things like he was thinking alot about me lately and US. And stuff like that. Even throwing in things like, Im just being honest, not trying to say anything. I was very short and just would say Ok and I understand and I know. Ok, then I decided to be honest with him!!! I told him that if he ever wanted me to consider ever letting him come back that he would have to work his a$$ off to try and win me back!!!!!!!
He said "I know that".
Ok, I left it at that. He said he would be surprised if I would ever consider it , or that I probably didnt ever want him back or would even think about it! He was trying to turn it around on me to say he could come back and that I wanted him too! Ok, I stood my ground and didnt fold!!
You should have seen him tonight when he got the kids. He was soooo unsocial and down. He knows Im going out and he has alot of work to do to get me back if that is what he wants! Its either DO or DONT....No trying this time! Thats If I even want him back!!
Im in such a good mood tonight and im looking forward to going out!
Have a great weekend!!!
Have a wonderful time kissak!
I'm so glad you are standing your ground this time. That man has messed you over so many times and he's not trustworthy. He is going to have to crawl over broken glass to even begin to be worthy of you.
He is afraid of really losing you.
my 2 cents
I went the course of having a "friend"...it is wayyyyy to easy for things (your heart) to get carried away...I thought I was done...was not far from the final divorce...H wasn't giving me the time of day...but the bottom line was that I was still married...I was not truly over my husband...and I had a lot of healing to do!
In the end I ended up hurting a very good friend, someone who was there for me...someone who understood (I thought because we had talked about it...false hope is an evil thing) that I still had feelings for H...that maybe someday...maybe seemed to get farther a way...I started having feelings for this man...we even spent a truly platonic weekend together (separate rooms even)...it was hard to face the fact that as much as I wanted to move on...to feel loved...to feel attraction to and by someone...I was not ready...I was married...and it wasn't the right thing to do...
I am very glad I put the brakes on...eventually my H did come home (too soon)...eventually we did work things out (a lot of hard work)...would I have been just as happy now if I had gone the other route???...I can honestly say I don't think so...like you I have a son...and he is thrilled to have his dad back...it was a risk...he might have never returned...but if the divorce had become final...and I had established my own happiness and self...then I truly believe that my son would have been okay with my "new" life...but it wouldn't have been his dad...think he is happier that he has his father back and that the family is complete once more...
It is better to let the fire totally burn out...to know you are truly free...truly single...and truly available...to have a friend and if it grows into more...then it is OK!
Lin
Thank You Lin... I hear you very much.
I have to say that I went on this date. I do have to say Im not ready to do it again. It was odd, weird and awkard. Although this guy wants to go out again, Im going to tell him Im not ready. I just didnt feel it. I didnt feel it was right or anything. We did have a nice time though. He just took me to dinner and we talked alot. It was all just not right. He even kissed me good night and after that all I wanted to do was come in my house and cry. I didnt cry, but that was the feeling I had. I dont know why I felt that way, but I did. Anyway, it was like kissing my brother. lol.
Surprise to me, My H came to church with us this morning.
He asked did it bother me that he came and i told him no, I was glad he came. He hasnt bothered me much yesterday or today. He is very down and out. Maybe church was the best place for him today. I dont know, but Im thankful for the baby steps.
And Lin...I know Im not done yet. THere are still lots of feelings for my H. I think I need to go back and say, I wont be done and ready for anything until I know its over 100% and I still cant say that. I cant say I would never consider it. But he will not waltz back into my life.
But I will say how flattered I am that there are some guys who would love to take me out! Now my H knows this, and that he could lose alot! Not that going out with this guy was to get a reaction out of my H...but I did tell this guy I wasnt ready for anything serious, he knew this, but I believe he is looking for way more that I am willing to give. So, how do I bow out gracefully??
You bow out honestly...you just tell him that while you had a nice time and enjoyed his company that it didn't feel right to you and it made you realize that continuing would only lead to someone possibly getting hurt and you don't want that burden.
You see the wonderful weekend I spent with my "friend" after he flew clear across the continent to see me was very similar. As much as I wanted to believe things were over it was painfully obvious they weren't when he tried to kiss me good bye at the airport...I couldn't do it...hug him yes, kiss him no!
He went home and I didn't hear from him for a while...when I did he wasn't happy with me...said he could tell I wasn't over my H...but worse he didn't feel like I was really attracted to him either...so it ended up hurting his feelings...we remained in contact for a while...as just friends...but now I don't hear from him anymore...it makes me sad because he really was a nice man...a good friend...and he was there when I really needed him...he even flew at his expense to spend time with me!
But it was wrong...I was married (divorce wasn't final, just filed)...even though H could have cared less about it all (he knew)...I still wasn't over H...and as things turned out...we were not DONE...
So my motto became "Until one of us remarries...it isn't over"
Lin
Thank You Lin...I like your motto.
Just to add...I think when any of "us" here get near that 2 year mark we start really thinking WE need to be over IT...there is no time line for that...but I see many "test the waters" at about this mark in the separation...
I am glad you didn't feel good about it...your conscience is speaking to you and you need to listen to it...your moral compass is in good shape and for your sake that the sake of your children you really need to keep it that way...
There is no doubt that you are an attractive woman...one can see that in your writing here...beauty is seen from the inner person...if you H never returns and moves on...the day may come for you to move on as well...and I am sure no matter what course you take you will find happiness...probably sooner then later!
Thank you Lin. I just dont get how some people can move on so quickly after something like this. Boggles my mind.
Im having a good morning so far. H has asked me about my personal profiles I have on a couple of websites. I put them there when he first left and have only used them to make friends with people. I actually dont go on them and have thought about just deleting them. But They definitely make my H wonder. He asked me several times this weekend about them. I dont know whats going through his mind anymore.
My question is why is he looking at the sites and specifically searching for you? He moved on but still keeps holding on to you through other means and playing mind games with you. That stinks!
You are so strong kissak. I'm totally impressed by you.
Keep up the good work.
How goes it with the mice?
HEy Thanks Mishka....The Mice problem is better now. My Landlord had the guy that is working on the building put out some poison for them that doesnt make them smell when they die. So, I havent seen anymore today.
Oh good! I would have been in complete panic. You handled that like a trooper!
Also, I dont think he is necessarily looking for me on the websites either. I think He is looking for him but is curious if Im still on there. Friday he told me that my picture on one of them looked good. Sunday he wanted to know first thing that morning if I had took them down because he didnt see them anymore. Then last night he wanted to know if I was online that it showed I was on one of them. So, I dont know what he is doing. I want to ask sometimes, but I have a feeling he is looking to see if I take them down, that may mean I have found someone. That could be it. He took his down after that AFrica chick contacted him. Maybe he is afraid of losing me to someone else. He hasnt asked anything about my date Friday night and this may be just his way of checking on it. If I take my profiles down he may think it is serious with me and this other guy. I dont know. Not gonna worry with it. He has therapy tonight, Last week he said it didnt go so good. So, I dont know about tonight.
Kissak,
I say, let him wonder for a bit. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, buddy.
I think it's not a bad thing you went out-- you just confirmed you weren't ready to move on yet. No harm done. And I'm sure getting asked out boosted your ego (it did me). It's good to know you could date if you wanted to, even if you don't (want to).
When I had coffee with the guy who asked me out, it was icky too. And then it turned out he was married! Our parting communication was a DB lecture from me.
Wow Andabelle, he was married? Im sure you did give him a good DB lecture!!
H called me today. I evidently sent him a duplicate text of something from earlier. He text me to ask me if that was a duplicate text, before I could answer he called me. Wanted to know if I was sending it to some other guy...he said this jokingly, but I do wonder. Really it wasnt a text I would just send to 2 different people. Weird.
He is in a better mood today. Which is good. He did let me know he was on his way to therapy. So, will see how it goes.
Hope everyone is having a good day!!!!
Yep, married. I really told him off-- enjoyed it, too.
I think your H is definitely worried/jealous. GOOD!
Glad to hear he's back in therapy!
How's it going today Kissak?
Kissak,
I was minding my own business
and this car pulled into the parking lot where I work.
And the license plate said KISSAK.....
So I wasn't sure where you lived, but I said a little prayer for you anyways, and IF that was you, next time come in and say hello.
Well, I know she's in NC near the coast. Is that where you are BND?
Nope, I am in NH, near a Mountain
Hey Brandnewday, that wasnt me! But thanks for saying a prayer for me. Mishka is right though. Im in NC. Im doing pretty good today. I went to the fair last night with the kids and My H. We had a nice time. My H even paid for everything! I was surprised by that. I was pretty comfortable with him. He didnt seem bothered to be out in public with me and the kids. We even texted a little back in forth while walking around. Just stupid stuff though.
I told that guy I went on the date with that I just wasnt ready for a second date yet. It just didnt feel right yet. So he said that was cool, and that we could just talk and be friends. That if I ever needed a friend, to call him. So, I feel better about it. Well, in a way, cuz it sure would have been nice to take him out and show him off cuz he was sooo cute!! lol!!
Well, Ive got to go to work!!
Glad you had a good time last night with your kids and your H!!
Very good handling of the situation with the guy. He seems reasonable and understanding. That is very good.
Have a great day at work!
I dont know if this is a good thing or not, but I have to report it. The OW that has been in and out of my H's life for over the past 2 years, well...she is engaged to her new boyfriend of I guess just a couple of months. Im hoping she will will marry him and move far far away!
Anyway, enough wasted space about her....my H came to tkd last night. Im not sure what he is doing, but he had to mention to me a conversation that he and his sister had. Im sure just to get my response. They were talking about people that are bad off financially. He mentioned that he was glad there were people worse off than him...his sister said "well if you would go back to your wife, you would have a house and money and all that". It bothered him....but its the truth.
I said nothing, I actually just changed the subject and asked how his sister was doing.
Im not sure how to handle this now. How do you know when someone is ready to come back?
Lin, I know you keep saying your H came back too soon, how would you have known when the right time was?
And he's just now figuring this out?!
Good news about the OW. Do you think your H knows? I hope he does and is suffering-- sorry. You didn't hear it from him, did you?
Kissak,
Please try to stop focusing on the OW. Her marrying her current doesn't change the fact that your H will use anything and everything to try to suck you back in. He wants your sympathy for a situation that he is responsible for creating.
As far as the conversation about finances. You don't want him to move back in because his finances are messed up. You want him to move back in because he believes in your marriage, he loves you and he wants to see his family restored. Anything less than that and you are just asking for him to move back out again.
He needs to prove to you that he is not who he has been for the past 2 years. He needs to continue with his counseling. He needs to win you back not guilt you into taking him back. Please guard yourself from his pity party tales he so enjoys putting on you. He is nowhere near ready to move back in.
You say you aren't sure how to handle this. Honestly there isn't anything to handle from your end. This has to be all him. It just does. You just continue to live your life and do no harm.
So whatcha got planned for the weekend? Anything fun?
*hugs*
~ swl
Kissak,
Hey, I am glad to pop in and see how well you seem to be doing lately.
I am glad that you tried to date, and realize it may be too soon yet. This is good to see you moving forward despite your Sitch. I can understand that your not ready yet.
You handeled the conversation with your H well. There is no more to handle in regards to it. You know he was looking to see your reaction and you no longer will give him one. This drives them nuts I am sure, but it works wonders for our self composure and with the DBing strategies.
Well, I know you shouldnt dwell on the OW, but it is nice to see that she is out of your sitch.- at least it appears that way. This has to be a relief for you. She will end up getting what she deserves - I am sure karma will sneek up on her.
Well take care and keep up the positive thoughts,
TIPPER
Actually I am not dwelling on the OW. I havent for sometime. I just thought I would mention it. After all, she was a big part of our issues over the last 2 years. I dont know if my H knows it or not. Im sure not gonna tell him. Let her do that. But I am not dwelling on it. Simply stating that its funny to see how in love with our H's these OW can be, to just turn around and be so into someone else. I dont know, just thought I would report it.
And I am not giving into my H and his whinning. I have already stated to him that if he wanted me to consider anything, he would have to work his a$$ off for me to even consider it. I havent seen him do anything yet. He is still in counseling. Im not falling for it, simply stating the things he is saying. Even his counselor has told him he needs to come back because he wants to for Us, not money or stuff like that. I think there is still a long road to go. But I like where he is and where I am right now.
I am taking my kids to a fall festival tonight at school. And tomorrow i have a TW party. So, I have a busy weekend scheduled!!
Looking forward to the weekend!!!
Hey Kissak! We're going to a Fall party tonight too! Then to 2 of them tomorrow....first one at the movie theatre where they're showing "Horton Hears a Who" for free and then trick-or-treating in town to the businesses. Then off to the night one in a park for pumpkin patch, games, bonfire, and fun. I love it that we're going to be busy finally!
Have an AWESOME TW party!
Thank You Dar...Have a wonderful weekend.
I had a good time with the kids at the fall festival tonight!
I love this time of year!!
Kissak,
They realize things slowly. Maybe the money thing, and that he mentioned it to you, is a small sign that he is waking up a little and seeing the mess he has created.
I love this time of year too. Not hot and not cold. I'm at mom's now sneaking on her computer while she's in WI. lol Me, D, sis and niece are going to another halloween party in about 30 min. If I can bite my tongue with sis and her attititude, then we'll be fine. lol
Well you mentioned that OW was a big part of the issues over the past 2 years...not really...it was H's behavior and she just happened to be part of it..
Next...I would say that as long as he reacts to OW actions (i.e. breaking up with him, dating other men, becoming engaged, being jealous of you) then it would be too soon for him to come home...and be in a good position to stay...
I know my H came home too soon because his thinking was still in "crisis mode"...he didn't think and reason like the "normal" H I remembered...this made it difficult for me to deal with, to keep my mouth shut, and to be sure that he wasn't going to leave us again...it was not a good time for me or the kids...
If I had it to do over again...I would have still been there when he hit bottom but I would not have brought him home...I would have waited until he got the help he needed and it was working...
It was very very risky what I did...but then you know that because your H has come home, only to leave again...so you know what his actions are like...just because he feels bad...is sorry...is "over OW"...you know that is not what will keep him home IF he returns again...
NOW...my H reason's things in a rational way...a way that makes sense to all of us...I can talk to him, confide in him, and not fear that what I say will make him run for the door...and really that was at least a year after he came home...he should have been on his own...maybe he would have cleared up faster...maybe longer...but it would have saved me and the kids a lot of anxiety that we didn't need...
You know your H, Kissak...you know what YOU deserve...don't settle for anything less and you should be okay!
Thank You! I know my H isnt ready. But I do think he is slowly waking up a little. It will still be along while.
Just reporting a few things....
H texted me this morning that he had been told by the ex OW that she was getting married. That he was the last to know and she was worried what he would think. He told her it didnt matter, but she was stupid and then he wished her well..
I didnt tell him I already knew.
Anyway....Having a good day.
I cannot believe your H's ex ow is getting married so soon after she and your H broke up...what is this world coming to? I find it shocking to see how these people just waltz over everbody !
I dont get it either Cinders...I dont understand how people can love someone sooo much, to just dump them and move on to the next. Its been almost 2 years for me now and I felt bad for just going on a date with a guy last weekend.
I think this has bothered my H today. I knew it would. Im glad she told him though. He is a little annoyed that he was the last to find out about it. SO, I guess this will set him back a bit, but atleast he has therapy today. He can at least talk through it with the therapist instead of me.
ok, just when I think things are going good, my H starts with his stuff again.
I thought things were ok with me and him. There was no expectations, nothing. We just talk like friends, we are kind to one another. He even called me last night to talk about some things that were bothering him. That led off to a conversation about the OW and she was treating him like crap. (Like I care)and how all those he thought were his friends, havent been there for him. I was really just being a good listener. I know my H is the kind of person who has to talk things through to understand them....So I let him talk. Oh, he is now where near ready for anything....he is definitely in that crisis mode. Anyway, he calls me this morning to talk briefly. Then the texts start....he wants to know "what are we". I know that means, he wants to know what is our relationship. I told him, we are married but separated. Anyway the whole day was about how he wants to be ready to come home for the right reasons and that he is afraid and scared and doesnt want to hurt my feelings, he said that he hasnt done anything to try to get me to consider him coming back yet. He said he knows I will be upset if he goes out with someone else, he is only looking for friends.
Anyway, long story short....He is acting as if I have asked something of him...I havent done anything. I have been acting like nothing has really changed. We are separated and I am doing what I want and he is doing what he wants. But he is acting like i Have asked him to come home or to be a hermit crab until his feelings come back.
HE is just confusing me today. Trying not to think to much about it. I do know that he doesnt want me to go back out with that guy. But he says he cant stop me and does want me to go out and have a good time.
He is so confusing....I know I sound like this is bothering me, but i am really fine. Just reporting his actions today. Not even going to try and figure them out. Doesnt matter. I know I dont need to worry about his confusion. But I hate not to be a friend and listen to him.
My H is just weird. I dont think people truly understand him. Sometimes I dont and I know he doesnt!!!
Anyway, off to have a quiet evening alone~~
I don't like this.
No recognition/admission he's treated you like crap?! He's not difficult to understand-- everything is still all about him. Typical nacissistic behavior.
Please be careful. Don't let him suck you back in.
Hello everyone...not much to report on lately. Been busy though.
Halloween was fun. My daughter dressed up as an old woman. Funniest thing I ever saw! She had the worse mask for it. Funny. She even had the stockings hanging around her ankles! She won the funniest costume at a party! My son however, didnt get to go. He got in trouble on 3 different occasions that day and I had to take that away from him. Im hoping it will teach him a lesson. He went and stayed at the camper with his dad, while his sister went out and had fun. I think it hurt me more though.
Saturday we spent the whole day at tkd testing! My son did great! He is now a purple belt!! He should get it tonight!
Yesterday, I took my kids back to their dads after church and he invited me to stay for lunch and I did. It was nice. My son said something that bothered us though. He said "are we a family again?" I told him that we never stopped being a family.
Had a nice weekend though. Hope you all did as well.
I bet your daughter looked cute!
Too bad about your son but he learned his lesson, I am sure. And he has a purple belt now!!!
Glad your h invited you to stay for lunch.
Thanks MWG! My daughter was more funny than cute! We teased her very short hair and sprinkled powder on it for that gray look. She wore a very old dress of mine with a fur wrap. Even carried a cane and had a old purse...lots of beaded necklaces too! My son was going to be Mr Static Cling...maybe next year.
Yes, he is a purple belt now. Im so proud of him. His instucter thinks he can make it to the olympics one day...we will see though. He is only 7 and just isnt into it that much yet. He rather play with his hotwheels still, lol.
I think my H's approach lately is to see if the feelings will come back without us actually being together. THat is his only hang up right now. He and I are just working on our friendship I guess. We did spend the day together on Saturday watching our son test. Even me and him went to the store for some snacks for the kids and we stop and got lunch. He wanted to sit down and eat somewhere, but the place we went werent open...so we went through a drive through and picked up something and ate in his truck...I think he wants to take me out to eat one night.
Oh, I did forget to say this...on Friday night, I took my D to a fall carnival. I called him afterwards to ask him to get our D. He called me on his way, and wanted to know what I was going to be doing after he got our D. I told him I was going to town to a haunted house. He acted strange about it. Questioned me even. Wanted to know when I had decided this. THen he was short with me when he got my D. I still havent figured that out.
Even Saturday after the tkd testing, he asked what i was going to be doing that night. Called me when he thought I went a different route.
He is very nosey about things, and it was him who said he didnt want to be living like a hermit, he wanted to be able to go out with his friends and even date and not be worried about upsetting me....but he is the one doing that with me....
He is just still to unstable for me right now.
Anyway, having a good day so far!!
Well, I have been so busy lately. Christmas is coming and I have lots to do here in the shop! Trying to put it all up early! Im not really in the christmas spirit, but Im trying.
H wants to meet tonight for dinner. Wants to talk. I have a sitter for the kids. So, I will let you all know what happens.
Im still waiting on the sep papers he had to have back so quickly. Still havent seen them. I think he wants to come home. I think he wants the feelings to come back. He is scared they wont. My one concern is trust.
Anyway, hope you all have a great day!
Keep us posted Kissak! Good luck today!
(((((Kissak))))))
I'm hoping your H is pulling his head out of the cavern of his behind he has had it in for so long.
I'm having a bit of drama trauma myself right now so I'm going to be keeping a close eye on you. We should lean together and that will keep us both upright!
Yes Mishka, we do need to lean on each other. I am trying to be careful. Im going to just keep it like friends. I am pretty good at that now. I have stopped having expectations from him and I am around him enough that we are like good friends. I just have to put aside all the pain and hurt he has put me through. He has asked me for forgiveness many times. I know he is sorry. I am just going to enjoy a nice dinner with someone. He said he was actually looking forward to it. I am somewhat dreading it because I do try to keep my heart guarded. I have stopped expecting him to just pull his butt out of that dark place. I think it will still be a while, but dinner is a nice place to maybe start.
I have done alot of thinking the last few weeks about things and if I really could stand him coming home. I honestly like being by myself. Of course I do get a little lonely every now and then, but then I find plenty to keep me busy!!
I dont want no drama trauma!! So hold me up guys!! I can say it is sooo nice not to have the OW taking up space in my brain anymore. That is such a relief. I didnt realize how much I did think about her and my H. Sucks! Now I am getting adjusted to thinking more about me.
I can honestly say, it seems hopeless in the beginning, but really I can say the last time I cried over this.
I am doing so much better.
Well, me and my H went out on Friday night. We had a nice dinner. He said he was nervous and didnt know why. We didnt really talk about "us" any. It was strange to him. I dont know why. I was comfortable. Anyway, I think he is trying to see if "feelings" are there. I think he is so confused on that fact. He thinks they will happen just like that. Of course, I talked to him some on Saturday. Saw him at tkd and he said his nerves were bothering him. He once again didnt know why.
On Sunday after church he texted me and said he was having a stressfull day and wanted to ask me a question. He wanted to know what I expected from him. I just told him I hadnt said I expected anything from him. LEft it at that. Im so tired of his crisis. He is still so up and down. I did nothing but go to dinner with him and he already is thinking too much about everything. He then said he was sorry and he was just over analizing stuff today.
Ugh! Im so close to being over it that it is getting much easier to just walk away from him and say "thats it!"
He is no where close to even being a little out of this tunnel now than he was a year ago.
But! I have a great weekend other wise. Took my kids to the movies on Saturday and out to eat, then to the park! It was such a nice day.
Yep, he's still caving!
Glad you had a great weekend with the kids. What movie did you see?
Hey Kissak,
I hear ya girlfriend! I feel so close to done as well.
Let's hear about the movie. D and I will be going to see something this weekend and maybe you'll give us a good movie to see!
oh, we saw Madagassgar 2. It was pretty good. I dont really like movies like that, but this one was really worth watching.
Yes, he is still caving. He hasnt said anything to me this morning, so I text to see if he is busy and he says not really, he is just waiting for someone to text him first as he is always the one that starts conversations.
He is being childish today.
I just wish he would grow up already.
Oh gees. He is a real piece of work!
You are doing well and DBing fabulous.
I want to see that movie. It looks pretty cute. I liked the first one too.
On the list of movies for D:
HSM 3
Madagascar 2
Ice Age 2 (or is it 3?)
Bolt
So we've got of month of Friday night GAL right there! lol!
Hi Kissak,
I took the kids to see High School Musical 3 today....Oh how I wished to be young and in love again.....where has the time gone?!
I know what you mean...I would love to be young again.
Oh, I have something new to report! My H's exow is getting married next week! ANd to bet it all, my H is upset because he was the last to know. I think its funny. They professed to be best friends and all....Good luck to her. He even said they were moving out of the area!!!!! I will be so happy to not have to worry about running into her when I go on my walks in the mornings down my OWN road!!
Ohwell, having a better evening. Worked my butt off at work today!!
Glad to hear your evening is going well Kissak. Your H must really be spinning over this exow crap. She really didn't waste any time did she? She sounds like a real piece of work. She broke it off with your H a relatively short time ago and now she's marrying some poor schmuck? Dumb fool.
She'll get everything that's coming to her and more.
Have a wonderful evening!
Carma's a bi tch huh?
I have to say this. My H told me that the OW's fiancee' called him! Told him he didnt appreciate him texting his soon to be bride!! lol
I told my H at least he had the nerve to call him and say so! This guy use to text the OW when her and my H were together. My H never had the nerve to tell him to buzz off!
And your right about karma! I just find it weird that my H calls me to tell me all of this. What is even weirder is that the OW shows her husband to be the texts. That were innocent by the way. He just told her good luck. I need to write a screenplay for a soap or something about all this stuff.
I took the day off today. Spent it with my kids. Did a little bit of christmas shopping. My dad took my son hunting this afternoon. He was so excited (my son). He saw bear tracks, but no bear or deer.
Maybe next time!
Wow! Can you believe it is snowing here? It hardly ever snows before Thanksgiving if at all. It feels sooo cold outside! Good night for soup!!
Well, Not much has changed lately. My H is having recessed Grief. That is what his counselor has told him anyway. Grief over his girlfriend leaving him....and getting married in a few days! Yay!
Anyway, I guess I have become my H's new best friend. He tells me quite a bit that has to do with the ex OW. SHe still tells him that she loves him and misses him, but just cant be with him. She is with someone she can trust now, someone who offers stability. Blah blah blah....He is hanging on her every word. He realizes that too. Said he is hanging on her words, but they are just shallow.
Anyway, he bought her a card to congratulate her and her new Husband. He mentioned going to the wedding, but I told him that I didnt think that would be a good idea. Then he tells me that the ex OW told him that she heard that I was dating someone in town....not true, and she told my H that she figured me and him would have been back together by now. Well, she knows nothing. She even put on a show of tears over not being able to talk to my H anymore because of her new man.
Oh, the drama....
Glad its not mine!!
I am having a great day! WOrk has picked up some and I cant believe Im seeing snow. It never snows here on the coast that much, especially before Thanksgiving!
Anyway, just wanted to update you all a little. I dont spend as much time on here anymore and I like that. I dont hurt anymore when I wake up in the mornings. I like my life....
Kissak!
I have been wondering what was going on with you. Glad to hear you aren't hurting anymore and have been able to separate yourself from the drama (kind of).
SNOW???? On the Carolina coast????? WOW! It's crazy cold here in hotlanta today but not a cloud in the sky. Crystal blue and windy.
I'm so happy to hear you're happy Kissak! It's a great feeling, isn't it? I can't believe it's snowing there either! It snows here before THanksgiving all the time. We have some snow on the roofs of homes from snow 2 days ago, but nothing major.
Yes MIshka! Can you believe snow on the coast!! I dont think we saw a single flurry last year!! SOrry if I seem excited to you that get snow ALLL the time! I know it gets old to some of ya! But I like to see it once in a while.
Our skies here are just that good old carolina blue now! It has stopped snowing. May be the only flakes we see....but maybe this is a sign for a cold SNOWY winter???
And Im good so far as my H is concerned. He is so lost in the forrest right now, that I try not to concern myself with it. I know he still has hope though that we can work things out, but it wont happen until atleast he is over the OW for good....so Im just enjoying being alone for now....
Kissak....
Anyway, just wanted to update you all a little. I dont spend as much time on here anymore and I like that. I dont hurt anymore when I wake up in the mornings. I like my life....
I know exactly what you mean !
Never thought we'd get to this point...but we have ! I'm proud of you !
Kissak....
Anyway, just wanted to update you all a little. I dont spend as much time on here anymore and I like that. I dont hurt anymore when I wake up in the mornings. I like my life....
I know exactly what you mean !
Never thought we'd get to this point...but we have ! I'm proud of you !
Thank you Cinders...it is a nice place to be isnt it?! Its much more peaceful. Hope you are doing well.
How's it feel, buddy?! He's got some gall complaining to you about OW dumping him!
You sound really good, though!
OH, you have no idea how often I have said "I know exactly how you feel" to him.
But Im good, thanks.
Ha! Good line there Kissak....I know exactly how you feel. That's priceless! Does he put 2 and 2 together on what you're referring to when you say that?
Well FG, sometimes I think he puts 2 and 2 together, and sometimes he doesnt have a clue! Every now and then I have to remind him that is how he treated me or that is how I felt when he did whatever.
Oh, please say a pray for me today. Down in the dumps a little over my financial situation. I wish the gov would bail me out!!
Funny how the OW seem to "know" so much huh?...My H's OW said she always knew he would come back to me...so why did she create the HELL with him in the first place???...and sleep with him???
That is the craziness of this all...and what we have to all get past...let it go...
You are sounding so much better...good for you...you definitely deserve happiness and the best kind is that we find in ourself...so one can take that from us...we own it!
Lin
Hey Kissak.. I have followed your sitch, but I had to post I am amazed that he is confiding in YOU about his grief!!!! Thats priceless. And yes, maybe divine retribution that the ow dumped him and is about to be happily M.. too wierd, you are right, you couldnt make this stuff up!
Great to hear you sounding grounded and happy though, I feel better nowadays too, it only took 15 months, LOL!
Ali x
Thanks Lin and Ali....sorry I havent posted in a while. Havent had that much chance to do so.
I have to say that the OW finally got married last weekend!! My H said all he knew was the town it was in and that it werent all that great from what he had heard.
He made me so mad the other day. He has been talking to woman online. Made a few friends too. Evidently has been talking to this one woman whose H just left her. Well, he texted me Tuesday night after he got the kids. He asked "Do you believe in Honesty?". I of course said Yes. Then he goes on to say "would you be mad if I took the kids to go and see a friend in town? SHe is just a friend". Well, I asked who was she? THen he calls me. Said she was just a friend. Nothing more. There was NO chance of them dating, she just needed someone to talk to. I argued with him. Told him he didnt need to take the kids. I didnt think it was appropriate. Well at the end of the call it was my understanding he werent going to take them.
Well, he did. When he brought the kids home, I asked what they did. He said they did go to the "friends" house. I kept my cool, told him I was not happy with him and I wanted to know why he called to ask my opinion on the matter when he did what he wanted to do anyway.
UGH!! I was furious. But I listened to him and said that more than likely I would never be willing to offer him an opinion again. I felt so betrayed by him.
He said he was sorry I was mad, but only a little bit sorry he did it. Said he contemplated it all the way to town.
Then he tries to throw it back on me for not wanting to talk because I was tired and needed to go to bed. He left, texted me later wanting to talk. I told him that I Didnt want to talk to him, I werent very happy with him right that minute and we would talk about it later.
Now ever since then, I cant figure him out. He has stopped texting me. Or even acting all that happy with anything. He claimed him and this woman are only friends and he wouldnt have taken the kids if he had thought there would have been any chance for him and this woman.
I just cant figure out why he had to go and do this. The only excuse he can give me is "because". Some seem to think he was trying to make me jealous, but I dont think so.
Anyway, he did come with us to Thanksgiving Dinner at my sister's and stayed the whole time. We had a nice day. Then he was right back to being "weird". Even today at tkd, he seemed distant, yet was asking me what was wrong and was I ok. Even said I looked rough! Like I had been out partying all night,,,,????
I have been trying to put up the christmas tree while the kids are with him, so they can decorate it when they come home.
I hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving!!!
What a day this has been! It was definitly a Monday! Nothing went right!
Oh well, theres always tomorrow!!
My H went to see his therapist today. She wants him to go back on his meds, start exercising and she thinks he has a learning disablity like an Attention disorder.
Well, hope everyone is doing well.
hmmmmm....sounds familiar! Just like my X!
Hey Mishka...hope your doing well. I dont get on here alot these days. Not much to report really. H is staying distant lately. Very quiet and not as talkative as he use to be. I think he is having an affair with his cellphone now! He can access the web from his new phone and has found some chat rooms he talks in. I think he is using them to take his mind off the outside world. Ive been there, done that.
Hope everyone is having a great day.
Hey girl! Glad to see you pop in now and then. Hope your enjoying the holidays!
Yes I am enjoying them. Hope you are doing good!!
I'm okay. Hanging in there.
I forgot to add that on Sunday afternoon, my H came to my house to get the kids after church, he didnt have anything to do, so he and the kids stayed around a couple of hours helping me decorate the tree....well all he did was adjust it some for me, it was crooked. But he had lunch with us. It was just odd that he decided to stick around the afternoon. I had to leave at 3:30 to take the kids to a bday party, well my son didnt want to go, him and his dad were watching something on tv. So I left them there and said to lock the door when they left. My and Daughter and I went to the party. Well, last night I was checking my space page and it said there were multiple attempts to check password. I asked my son if his daddy got on the computer when I left....he said yes.
Trying to check up on me??? Hope he found what he was looking for. Just too weird.
Wow, that's a bit wild that he'd try to do that. What's the point in that, you know?
Hey there Kissak! Good to hear you're doing well.
Your H is definitely a weird one!
What is the point in prying into your life? He doesn't want to be a part of it really so he needs to leave it alone! Just my .02!
My mother use to say these men (yrs seems similar to my x)
are JUST LIKE DOGS ...they dont want the food on the plate but dont want any other dogs to have it either.
I told x that once before & he pretty much agreed smilingly.
Hi, Kissak!
I just thought of something:
He has been talking to woman online. Made a few friends too. Evidently has been talking to this one woman whose H just left her. Well, he texted me Tuesday night after he got the kids. He asked "Do you believe in Honesty?". I of course said Yes. Then he goes on to say "would you be mad if I took the kids to go and see a friend in town? SHe is just a friend". Well, I asked who was she? THen he calls me. Said she was just a friend. Nothing more. There was NO chance of them dating, she just needed someone to talk to.
And now he's checking up on you, may be suspecting you of dating online? Typical projection,IMHO. He feels guilty, he probably WAS thinking about dating her, so he's attributing his thoughts to you. Just my 2 cents.
Kissak,
Your sitch is very interesting. Your Ml'er is very curious about you. He is doing a lot of thinking and pondering it seems.
You know Trusting....the other day I looked at his my spac page and it said "x is always thinking and wondering".
How funny is that? I do think I agree with you. I think his way of thinking is that if he's doing it, I must be too. I did have a profile on one of those personal sites, well still do, but it shows people that look at your profile. My H looks at it every now and then. I only keep it so he can look....lol.
AND I do have a very weird H. More so than I use too.
Well, My H didnt get the kids last night because he worked late...that is fine. Said he would get them tonight. Called and said he was feeling abit down and wanted to know if he could just come over tomorrow night and eat supper with us and go to tkd with us instead.
I told him it was ok....but what I wanted to say was "no one was there to take them when I was feeling abit down".
Ugh. They think there so special.