Hmmmm...other thread locked!
So here's the re-cap:
I sent LL an e-mail...I was talking about my hysterectomy...I told him about my mood swings and all that and jokingly wrote: be glad you left! LOL! I am sure your present female company is much nicer and more beautiful than I am right now!!!
Hence his reply...
He has been saying that I 'deserve' better than he is...for a month or so...after Torito died. And he has been moving away...but I have also kinda gone dimmer in the hopes it would do something...well, it has. Now he wants to talk about 'getting there' once i 'feel better'....ugh. Not what I wanted but there it is...
I cannot stop him if he really wants to do this...but I have never wanted a divorce...and still don't. this is such a mess...
Hugs to all....
Valentine
Hi Vali-
I just wanted to say I am sorry but you know that you have no idea what the future has in store. It sounds like LL's reply to your email was due to guilt. I am sure you struck a nerve and he feels like a schmuck for being with someone else when he know you really need him. IMO, you just need to let it go (again) and see what happens.
(((HUGS)))
Upside
Hi sweet Vali....
BFM stopped by my thread yesterday and wisely told me that I should have NO expectations...so I shouldn't expect H to divorce me, but I shouldn't expect H NOT to divorce me.
Keep praying and be calm.
God is with you sweety.
Upside thank you for post! I think you are right...I think that him NOT being there when Torito died and I had my surgery really DOES make him feel his guilt acutely.
You are also right when you say I have no idea what the future has in store as well...
Yes, I must let it go, once again and see what happens...
sigh....
V
Cinders, you have a point them...BFM has a good point too...
So, I must stop obsessing and have no expectations at all...so hard when I married this person and expected to be with him all the days of my life...
I will continue to pray, meditate and remain as calm as I can...and to have NO expectations at all.
thank you, sweets...
no need for thanks !
You can do it, I am convinced you can ! Take care of yourself and keep praying ! xxx
HUgs to you sweets!
I'll keep praying!
How are you feeling, Valentine? I hope you are getting stronger every day. You are lucky not to have the angry MLCer that I do. We have been D since August 2007 and he still can find more to lash out at me about than can be believed. I used to get so upset and assume that he hated me. Well, I know my husband very well and throughout our whole marriage when he knows what he did was wrong, he gets angry and lashes out at the person he has hurt. He reacts very negatively to guilt.
I so agree with others, LL reactions is quite possibly from the guilt of not being where he should be. Take care and I hope I didn't offend by calling your H a dork in an earlier post.
Hi Vali,
I hope you are getting stronger every day.
I know how difficult it is to let go of them. I also still don't want a D. It is just so hard to let them go! (((HUGS)))
ANM, please don't think you offended me by calling him a dork, I think Jeanette called him worse! LOL!
I am sorry to say it is all true...sigh.
I do consider myself lucky that he is not angry anymore...but he is now feeling immense guilt and that is a pain in the a$$. Either way, I guess..
I am sorry your XH still lashes out so after the fact..still, d is so many times NOT final really...just a piece of paper.
Hugs,
Vali
True, it IS hard to let go of something that was once so beautiful...someone we had shared so much with...
Physically I am getting better everyday. I have to work on meditating and not letting my mind run away with me and stuff...i have been known to do that...LOL!
Hang in there, we WILL get through this!!!
Hugs,
V
Hi Vali,
Another week has gone by, and I hope you are getting better by the day. Yes, you need to let your mind rest. I know it is easier said than done, I speak from experience!!! - We WILL make it!
I went to a play last night, and it was not too good. I will have to stick to the classical stuff, as I don't really like the local productions.
Have a lovely week-end. (((HUGS)))
True, at least you got out! I went to the lake this weekend...my aunt turned 50 and several of us went to celebrate...i did not go swimming as my doctor did not give me clearance until next week.
We will make it, sweets!
Hugs,
Vali
Love you Princess, one day at a time huh?
and new shoes!
God! Will this never end????
At least my new shoes are beautiful....
Alix's sexy sandals
Now imagine them in Fuschia and those are my new sexy heeled sandals!I love this brand...they run narrow which is perfect for me since I have narrow feet.
Sigh, at least shoes can make me happy!!! LOL!
Love you all!!!
Hi Vali,
I am glad you had a nice time with your relative. I bet you look forward to go swimming. Take care. (((HUGS)))
I LOVE THE SHOES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY !!!!!
I know, aren't they great? I love shoes...they make me feel sexy...can hardly wait to wear those...
It takes so little to make me happy these days!!!! LOL!
well hope all the peeps are doing well...
Went home yesterday to pick up some stuff only to find that someone had egged my house. Asked LL about it and he said he has been there Saturday night...but he apparently forgot to check the mail...
Personally I think he is lying...he did not go to my house this week at all I bet. He did not set out the recycling like he said he would.
You can never believe these guys or count on them...
LL never tells me anything about himself anymore...not what he is doing on a day-to-day basis like before...he never mentions anything...don't know if it means anything.
Just trying to focus on detaching...I am not calling him a liar or anything...just agree and see what happens...
I don't know what is going on with the board...seems like people are leaving and new people are coming on...and everything changes!
I am feeling stronger everyday!
Still getting e-mails from LL...mainly he is complaining about something or the other...I feel sorry for him really...it seems like all the things he complains about could be fixed fairly easily but he makes such a big deal outta everything...I just listen and agree if it is really needed.
I must start detaching w/o ignoring or whatever. I think I have gotten those confused...
Anyhow, the Diva and I are enjoying our time here...I drove my car for the first time today in almost 3 weeks!
Hope everyone is having a great day!
Valentine
Hi Vali,
I am still here, and it looks as if I will stay for a while (unfortunately for me!).
Our H's are complaining because they produce such a lot of rubbish!!! Whatever they do, it seems to go wrong.
Great to hear that you are enjoying your time with your parents. Take care. (((HUGS)))
Thanks True! Yes, I imagine that some of us will remain for a long time...
My family is so concerned that I will pine away for LL forever and 'waste' my life on that...seems as if they don't understand.
At any rate, we are the ones who decide whether to stand or not. I love that they love me...but it is hard sometimes...
I have been reading some spritual books as well as re-reading my DB books and they have been helping me channel my anger. I know that I cannot stop LL from filing if he feels he needs to do it. BUt I have decided that HE will have to be the one to do it. I have never wanted a D so I am not going to file for one...
So we'll keep each other company, k?
Hugs,
Valentine
I am right here with ya. I have been here for 4 years and I am not about to leave now.
Glad you are healing and getting around again.
Thanks ANM! Didn't want it to be just 3 people left here!
I have been depressed today...don't really know why...no real reason...maybe it is the surgery maybe---well who knows...
Just rolling with it...it'll pass...
Hope you're well!
V
There's at least 4 of us!!
I have been feeling so frustrated lately, like my H will NEVER return. He hasn't moved any closer to returning to us at all in the 3+ years he has been gone.
A little about me:
My husband and I have been separated since March 7, 2005. He is 47 and I am 45. Our D is 16 and our S is 12. We have been together almost 20 years. He has been with the ow since the end of 2004. She is 19 years younger than him. Can you say "typical MLC?" They work together and she totally chased him.
He has never introduced "her" to our kids (he says it's because I won't let him). But I think that if she REALLY were "all that" he would want to introduce her to our kids. He spends his days off with our son, so he can't be spending a whole lot of time with her. Perhaps that is part of the reason this has lasted so long.
He brings our son to 12:00 Mass and sits with our daughter and I (although he typically he turns his eyes away from me at the "Sign of Peace). Our daughter will not have much to do with him (although I continue to encourage to send some time with him). She found out about his affair shortly after he left because the gf called my husband constantly.
I am at the point where I think maybe I should file for divorce (I mean change the papers from a legal separation to a divorce). He filed for a legal separation shortly after moving out.
This started about six months after my husband's father dropped dead of a heart attack. My husband was not only grieving the loss of his father, but grieving for lost time he can never get back. His parents were teenagers when they got married, and both his mother and father have had three divorces a piece, whereas my parents were married 45 years before my Dad passed away. So, my husband never spent much time with his Dad. It hit him really hard when his Dad died.
Also, our marriage was vulnerable. Our son has had two major reconstructive open heart surgeries; the first when he was 15 days old. Between, work and taking care of our kids (my husband and I had been working different hours to care for our children), we, I hate to tell you, ended up going several years without sex. I know how terrible that is, and I'll never let that happen again.
Do I keep waiting, hoping and praying? I wish I knew what God wanted me to do.
Today, I'm just having one of those days when I am really feeling fed up. Thanks, ladies, I didn't mean to hijack your thread.
PS I love "Diary of a Mad Black Woman."
have been depressed today...don't really know why...no real reason...maybe it is the surgery maybe---well who knows...
I think the surgery probably is to blame. I know that I had worse problems with depression after I had the same kind of surgery. But it went away soon enough.
GKD42, so glad to have you among us!
First of all, do you have a current thread? It would be great for you to start one so you can get input from everyone on the board!
Secondly, I think you should file if you think it is a last resort. Do you think it is? Honey, I know how you feel...my H has not moved closer to returning either and has recently broached the Divorce subject. I am pretty certain he has someone else---don't think it is the original OW and I don't know which one this is--and dodn't care either. He has moved FAR, FAR AWAY from me now...doesn't even talk to me anymore...just sends e-mails and always about the bills only. He has never talked about our R or how to fix it or anything.
Do you really want a divorce? Only you can answer that question. Would divorce bring YOU peace? If you have to ask, then I don't think it is time for you...because I have heard that when you get there you 'know'. It is so crystal clear apparently...
Honey, wish I could tell you something more...but I am in the same boat as you are...and I don't want to file. I want HIM to file. I have made my decision about that.
As for the R b/w your H and your D16...well, that is tough...I don't have kids so I am no expert there...but you need to make sure that your daughter's feelings are validated as well. She has been hurt as well. Have you read up on any books regarding this type of situation?
Just ask God to show you the way...and soon you will find your answer...
Keep in touch!
Hugs,
Valentine
ANM, are you kidding me? Great! No wonder I feel all weird and have weird/bad dreams about LL...
My hormones are just all over the place I guess...will this ever be over?
had more bad dreams about LL last night as well...feel like I will never get over that...
I'll stick it out...
thanks for stopping by!
Oh you silly Princess.
You will never get over this?
Listen to me, you are one of the best peeps I know. Always giving, always caring. I get home sometimes and the mail is the same old, same old and there is a card from Vali. You are like Christmas in June.
Do you really think, with how wonderful you are, that you will feel like this forever?
Oh mami please. Your Faith in God. That is something that no one can take away from you , not even LL and his fandango.
You are the prize baby girl. You have taken ownership of what you have needed to, and you try each and every day to make yourself better.
You have been thru an ordeal, that I can't even imagine.
And you still grace everyone with your beauty.
As Always 14 told me today. "No one is worth dimming our shine.
That is the best lesson of all. So we can just shine brighter. "
YAY, b/c i just bought the cutest sunglasses on sale!
luv you
I love you Lissie! Thank you for cheering me up! I am feeling so down...don't know if it the hormones or not...
thank you for believing in me and saying nice things about me...seems like we just get beat down by all this and right now is not such a great time for me...
I feel like a whale and look it too...and cannot sleep and am hot all the time...
Send a pic of the sunglasses!!
Hi sweety, just here to cheer you up !!!
Just wanted to drop by and tell you how much I love reading your posts...you are such a sweety !
Have a good day ok !!!!!!!!!!!???
Love yah LOTS !
So Lissie, nice to see you posting here and there...how about an update....I really miss your posts !
Bye Gals !!! xxxx
Hi Vali,
I am sorry that you are down. Hopefully, something will cheer you up soon! (((HUGS)))
Thanks, Val. I just posted. Here's the link:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1523716&page=1#Post1523716It's under, "Why does God think I can Handle Sooooo Much?"
Hopefully someone can give me that boost of hopefulness (or reality check) I need. I really am starting to feel like he will never return.
I don't want a D, but I don' want my M the way it was, either.
Today is a good day, Cinders thanks!
thanks for telling me how much you love reading my posts...sometimes I think i am too negative but I am only being truthful about how I feel and how things are going...I see the mistakes I have made...don't know if LL would have come back if I had done them or not...guess I will never know that answer.
All I know is that I have to try to be the best Valentine that I can be and to take the lessons I have learned to heart.
Ugh...just found out my cousin used my SS# to get a phone with AT & T. And didn't pay it and it went to collections. Great now this is on my credit.
LL is freaking out...I have no idea why it is not HIS credit. Grrrrr.....
Hugs,
Vali
True, it passes...go figure...I am better now...
thanks for dropping by and checking on me!
Love you!
V
Hi sweety, just checking to see how you're doing !
((((((((hugs))))))
hey girl! thanks for checking on me!!!
Doing okay today!!! Hope everything is okay for you...
Hugs!
valentine
Doing good too !
Well, spoke with LL today for an entire hour....about this and that...cannot believe that I spoke to him that long.
Anyhow I asked him why he didn't call me by my 'pet' name and he said 'we don't call each other a lot of things anymore'...I know, I know, shouldn't have asked. I asked him if it hurt his feelings that I did not call him by his pet name or address him at all and he said yes.
Anyhow, I was reading this book called 'The Catholic Warrior" and it talked about forgiveness and "lack of forgiveness" being Satan's device to keep us bondage...I feel this is true.
I used to believe that we didn't really need to forgive but now I believe different.
It occured to me when talking to LL that I have not really forgiven him. I have to work on that...and I have decided that I really need to not get worked up over what he says, does or does not say or does not do...I just have to accept it...whatever it is. I have to work on me now...
As one of my best friends Lissett says: you gotta work on YOU, Vali...if LL comes back then YOU can make the decision to let him back in your life.
I must say that when talking to LL he seemed okay but it was like talking to an acquaintance---someone I didn't know well. ...I know not to take those things too personally and I wonder if my not addressing him by name or sweet endearment was a mistake...then I think about how hurt I have been by him. At some point I gotta forgive and let it go.
So, I am still a work in progress...hope to get to where I need to get to take back my life and be in charge of my own happiness...
Hi Vali,
Glad that you had a long talk with LL, and that you feel a bit better again. Your "new" attitude is the right one! (((HUGS)))
Hmmm. Well I tried to be more loving with LL...to no avail...but I guess patience is required.
Also, I thought it was positive that he spoke to me for an entire hour! So I was thankful for that...and he was not ugly so that was a positive. Who knows what it all means...
I have decided to try to keep my mouth shut when he tries to bait me...which I believe he does...
Also, I need to focus on ME a lot more as well...I keep having dreams of LL and how he has moved on with different girls always and they are so stupid...guess that is just my sub-conscious coming out...I am focusing too much of my energy on HIM and what HE is doing or not doing or saying or not saying...
Think it is time to go back home and be in my own bed. Going home today...YAY!!!
Hi Vali,
but I guess patience is required.
Also, I thought it was positive that he spoke to me for an entire hour! So I was thankful for that...and he was not ugly so that was a positive. Who knows what it all means...
I have decided to try to keep my mouth shut when he tries to bait me...which I believe he does...
All this is so positive. You seem to try very hard to work at yourself. Good luck with it. And yes, patience is required!!!
I know how you feel about going home. I like to visit family and friends, but I also like to come home again and be in my own place and bed.
Have a lovely day. (((HUGS)))
True, I know what you mean about coming home...and guess what? No bad dreams about LL! it was bliss!
I still have so much work to do on me...but I know that I will get to a place where I am really happy with myself...and how far I have come...so we'll see...
Hope you're doing well...
Hugs,
Vali
Vali,
YOu sound so good ! I am so proud of you sweety !!!
Sending you much love !xxxx
He Cinders...hope things are okay in your neck of the woods!
I have a question for anyone and everyone: Do you ever notice if your MLCer comes when you are not at home and takes things that belong to him?
I ask because LL was at my house while I was away and took this cookie jar that belonged to him but that had been at the house the whole time and today I noticed it was gone. I did not ask him because I just don't really want to...
But does anyone else notice these things?
Spoke with LL again today...regarding some stuff at home and it was okay...he seemed okay to talk to with. thank God for small things!
Hope you peeps are doing okay...
Hi Valentine,
Thank you for posting on my thread!
To answer your question, my H stayed in the same house (guest room) from Sept. 6th until Feb.2nd, then he went to a friends house, I guess. Then after mediation in March he moved to Austin, TX with OW & quit his excellent job here in TN.
Yes, he would come in & take things while I was gone. It was things he didn't want me to see him taking out. But I was nosy & found them missing.
I take it you are not D'd?? I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to read your threads yet.
We don't have any kids either, just 2 dogs & I got custody.
nlt, no, I am not D'd...been separated for almost 2 years and been going through this for 3 years...seems like forever.
So he lives in Austin, huh? My hometown...was there convalescing after my surgery and only came back on Monday. I live in San Antonio now...What is in Austin that he needed to leave? Was the OW from Austin?
LL (Latin Luvah---my moniker for my H--LOL!) always slept in the same bed until he left even though we had a guest room too. He now lives in the batcave...an unknown location but not really as he lives down the street from one on my uncles. He doesn't know I know that and I dont visit that uncle. anyhow it is literally ACROSS town...no chance of running into him...guess that was his way to trying to erase everything that was familiar. Guilt, I would imagine.
He took things out initially and then on the sly---like is coat and stuff like that ...but he still has clothes here and stuff. This seems to be something he has taken in a a loooong time.
Recently he says we need to talk about stuff (which I am assuming is the Big D talk). I don't bring it up and this is the first time he has brought it up...we'll see what happens...
I had 2 bubbies but Samson died suddenly in June...and I have Petunia and she is lonely...eventually I will get another dog to be a companion to her...
Good for you to get custody! The bubbies are better off with you as a parent...and I don't have any kids either...
So are you D'd?
Good talking to you...
Vali
Vali,
It's good talking to you also. Yes, we are D'd. He told me on Sept 6th he wanted D, he filed the next week. She had redone his resume on Sept.4th.
I don't believe the OW is originally from Austin, I know she lived in Hawaii with her last H & they made lots of money in real estate there. She tried real estate in Austin but has another job now that has nothing to do with real estate. I believe my H thinks she has money but in one of her earlier emails to my H she said she had been on vacation too long, 2 years & had to get back to work & make some money. So I have a feeling she spent it all. Nothing is in Austin for my H except her, he had never been there until he met her on that scuba diving trip.
We got another dog a few months after we lost our lab, my dog now missed the lab so bad that she became an old dog, after we got a puppy she played & played so that was good for her.
I sure hope your H does not want to talk about the big D! It is not a fun thing & I'm hoping my H doesn't hold all this legal mess against me. I got the house & alimony & he told me he wasn't giving me either. I had a good lawyer.
We have just got to keep praying!!
(((HUGS)))
nlt, it happened so fast!!!
as for your song "The prodigal son comes home", I think that is a definite sign...I have heard that a lot of them really DO want to come home...whether they tell US or not. LL has told a few people that he wants to come back but I have never really seen that but I have been so angry that I have been blind to a lot of baby steps.
I dont know if it is too late, I really believe that it is never too late. However, I think I have focused too much on him and not enough on ME. I need to push myself to the maximum that I can be and that is a serious undertaking! If he wants to come back then---then it is my choice to let him in if he never comes back then I have still done something positive for myself.
I have recently had surgery and I am feeling better...it has been a load off of me!!!
I just keep praying and hoping...
You do the same...eventually I think that the 'shine' on the OW will tarnish...just wait and be patient...but don't put your life on hold...try becoming the best you...
Anyhow, I don't think your H will hold the divorce ruling against you...Good for you for getting alimony! We don't have that in Texas. If we do happen to move towards D...I will need an EXCELLENT lawyer as LL is a lawyer (although not in family law). He knows a lot of lawyers. I hope it doesn't come to that but if it does it does.
Good luck with your bubby...
Vali
Hi Vali,
Yes, it did happen really fast! I think he knew it was wrong for him to be seeing this OW & us still M so he wanted it over quickly & I have a feeling she was pushing him too.
I've been focusing on my H too much too. I'm trying to do more about me lately, but then there are those days I just can't get my mind off him, which is everyday but since I found that song I haven't been as depressed when I think about him. My birthday is coming up & he was gone on a trip in 2006, but was back the next day, he told me he hated being gone on my b'day & he would never been gone on my b'day again. Well, this year he will be gone.
I guess I keep hoping I will hear from him but I doubt I will. I'm not holding my breath.
WOW! I sure hope your sitch doesn't go toward D, you are going to need an EXCELLENT lawyer for sure with him knowing everyone & being a lawyer himself. One of my cousin's H left her for OW & he was a cop, she thought she was getting a good lawyer but he knew her H & didn't help her too much at all. If her dad had not been there to help her she wouldn't have gotten anything. I came out better in my sitch than she did in hers. I just hope my H doesn't hold that legal stuff against me. He does hold a grudge, he did with his first wife but he hated her. This OW he is with now I believe is worse than his first wife ever thought about being, I think she is more manipulative. He won't like that for sure!
I'm so glad your surgery went well. I haven't had to have that yet but I'm sure I will before long. I have had those hot flashes tho & they are terrible!!!
My bubby ate a little this morning so I'm going to see how she does the rest of the day. She acts like she feels good, we'll see.
I so enjoyed talking with you & I'm glad we have found each others threads.
Yes, we both have to keep praying!!!
(((HUGS)))
nlt, it is easy to focus on them...but be glad that he is in a different city and you cannot hear about or see him involved in his shenanigans...it hurts when people are trying to 'help' you by telling you all sorts of stuff.
Don't expect to hear from him on your b-day...I think they feel so guilty sometimes that they feel it is best just to disappear.
Yes if my sitch goes towards D then I will need an excellent lawyer. One who is not biased even if she knows LL...sigh. I hate this.
Glad to hear your bubby ate a little today...keep my updated!!!
Let us continue to pray!!!
Hugs,
Valentine
Vali!
No, I'm not really expecting to hear from him on my B'day, just wishful thinking I guess. I'll get the alimony check & that will be it.
I am glad that H is not here with OW!! I don't believe I could take that & I'm not sure he could either. He would be around people that have known us together & I think he would be embarrassed about it b/c then they would know what he had done. This way he doesn't know anyone out there so he has started his life over. I hope he doesn't like his new life!
You should contact several lawyers, once you contact them I don't think they can take his case even if you don't go with them. Hopefully you can get a good one!! I just hope it doesn't come to that!!
(((HUGS)))
Hi Vali,
I hope you are alright and did not get any of that horrible hurrican which hit the south of Texas. I saw on the news how devastating it was!
Have a lovely week-end.
Hi Vali,
Thanks for visiting my thread, I just read your post after I posted to you. Was your area also affected by the hurricane? I hope not.
True, we got much needed rain but that is all...I live in upper So. Texas--in San Antonio so it was not too bad...we did have a couple of low-grade tornadoes but that is all...
thanks for checking on me...the Diva and I are fine in our house!!!
Hope you had a good visit with your sister and were able to swim some!
Hugs,
Valentine
nlt, thanks for the advice! I have no idea what I will do to tell you the truth...I will cross that bridge if and when I come to it.
I got an e-card from a Catholic website for my b-day from H!!! I was surprised he remembered but as my b-day is the same day as his grandmother's I doubt he could forget...LOL!
I was reading "the Prodigal's Prospective" and in it the author says that they really do feel guilt and that their life is not as happy as it seems...I have no idea...I am assuming this is true. But how can your H's 'new life' be any better when he did not face the problems in his 'old one'? Think about it.
Hang in there!
Hugs,
Vali
Vali,
I was reading "the Prodigal's Prospective" and in it the author says that they really do feel guilt and that their life is not as happy as it seems...I have no idea...I am assuming this is true. But how can your H's 'new life' be any better when he did not face the problems in his 'old one'? Think about it.
You are so right! He would never face it, when he first told me he wanted a D he said we would not discuss our past anymore. When I would bring it up he said I told you we are not discussing that, I couldn't even talk. I think it was the guilt & he knows we had a good M.
I sure hope you don't have to cross that bridge, believe me it is not easy! My H would get so angry when it didn't go his way, it was terrible & him still in the same house with me!! I would get so uneasy when he would come home, but I never knew what he was going to do or say, he was out of control.
You hang in there too! We have to keep praying!!
(((HUGS)))
Journaling: LL came over late yesterday afternoon...it was a good visit...noticed he did not wear his wedding ring (not his class ring---but he hasn't worn the class ring in a while)...I grabbed his hand and asked: No more wedding ring? He said my fingers are too fat to wear any rings...
He has gained weight...I was hurt that he didn't have it on but then again I had quit wearing mine...I started putting it back on...I had forgotten how beautiful my setting is...
Anyhow, I didn't say anything more about it. I was pleasant. He told me of another of his friends who is getting divorced and how he told his friend they should try to work everything out w/o lawyers...HA! Sometimes I wonder if his words have a double meaning...he has done this in the past.
I have to give up wondering what is going on inside his brain...it is so sad to see him act this way...
Today I am back in my hometown to attend a party...brought the Diva and I will spend the night at my parents...go back home tomorrow...
Kisses to all!
Vali
Hi Vali,
Nice to read the interaction with LL was good. Keep it up ! Lots of love and enjoy your weekend xxx
Hi Vali,
I'm so glad that things were pleasent. I sure hope you don't have to go the lawyer route but you get one if you have too. My H wanted me to use his but I wouldn't have gotten anything if I had not. Well, we would have split everything 50/50 but I wouldn't have gotten the house or alimony.
Your H is a lawyer so watch out. Right now I don't trust him, just like I didn't trust my H either at the time.
I hope you have a good trip!!
Hang in there & keep praying!
(((HUGS)))
Hi Vali,
I am happy for you that LL's visit was good and that you were pleasant. Keep up the good work. Have a lovely week.(((HUGS))
It was a fun weekend Cinders...went to a party with my aunts and we laughed and laughed...they are a lot of fun!!!
Anyhow...I am doing good...didn't feel well today, have no real idea why but have taken it easy all day and feel better now...
Hugs!
V
nlt, I imagine LL will pul the "let's not hire a lawyer' card...I am sure he will recommend that we settle on everything and go with that...
who knows...but as since he is a lawyer...I don't think I will take his word for it...I took his word when he promised to stay for better or worse and look how that has turned out?
Trust and LL are NOT synonymous. that is true about all MLCers...they lie about everything.
Have to admit that I have not been praying and have been feeling low...gotta get back to prayer...I am sure I will feel better...
Hugs!
V
True, it was a lovely visit...no expectations. Who knows when I will see him again...
He is staying away now for long periods of time so I expect more of the same really.
He is no longer wearing his wedding ring.
Hope you have a good week too!!!
Hugs,
V
Hi Vali,
My H hired a lawyer but then told me we could use the same one, when I told him no he said his lawyer could suggest some. I told him no again that I would find my own. I work for a man some that has been married at least 6 times so I called him to find out a good lawyer & I think I got a better one than my H had.
After we hired our L's, H wanted us to go over things & try to settle. I listened to him but would not agree. My lawyer got really mad at him for trying to do that. He didn't want to pay me any alimony & my L said that was bull sh**, so he didn't try to talk to me anymore except when he cussed me out, then he wanted us to sit down & talk it over. I told him I couldn't talk with him like he was ranting & raving. He said he would be calm but I think he figured out that I taped him cussing me out so we never talked we just let lawyers handle. No fun at all!!!!
After mediation everyone was telling me congrats & all that b/c according to my lawyer we won. To me there was no winning, I cried all the way home.
Didn't mean to take up so much space, just wanted to fill you in on what happened with me. With your H being a lawyer, it will not be good b/c he knows more about the ropes than my H did. My H tried to make me think he knew a lot about it but when I would tell my L what he would say, my L said he doesn't know what he is talking about.
You get back to praying, that will help so much!!! At least you have gotten to see your H & it was a good visit.
Hang in there! We can do this!!!!
((((HUGS))))
Hi Vali,
I am glad you had some fun and that you feel better again. I also wish you a nice week. (((HUGS)))
nlt, yes, I know that my H knows about D's and how they are handled. If I get there, I will be taking my best interests.
It would be in any of our best interests to hire our own lawyers...and I am no different. Our H's are different men now. Not the same men who promised to love, honor, cherish us until the day they died.
I can understand how you feel about not really 'winning". All you wanted was your H back!
I will watch my back...and I have a lot of great friends from this board and my family who will not let me thrown under the bus by the evill twin!
Prayed last night and felt so good about it!
Hugs,
Vali
Hi Vali,
Just wanted to say hi. Take care.
Hi Vali,
I posted on YR's thread about having that song "The Prodigal Son's Coming Home" in my head all afternoon. I've only played it twice & I even remember the words to the chorus, I don't usually remember something I've never heard before. Hope it's a good sign.
Yes, just watch your back, I sure hope it doesn't get that far, it is not fun! I know I even told my H that I had to look out for me b/c he wasn't doing it anymore. He didn't like it b/c I let my attorney make the decisions, he thought he did but my attorney adviced me & I went with him b/c he did have my back.
I've been praying a lot also & I do feel better!
(((HUGS)))
smoochies, Girlie!
I can't wait to see you soon!
xoxoxoxoxox!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hope you're resting up, my lovely!
Hey True! Hope you are well!
Hugs,
Vali
nlt, I think it is interesting that the song came to you at that time...
I cannot tell you how much I hope my sitch does not go towards D but sometimes they do. I know I cannot stop my H from doing what he is gonna do...that is hard but there it is.
None of this is easy. We just have to get through as best we can and learn from it and make ourselves better people.
Keep praying...that is what I am doing!
Hugs,
Vali
Always, I am resting and and doing okay...
Hope to see you soon as well!!!
smooches!
Vali
Hi Vali,
I am not too bad, thanks. Have a nice day. (((HUGS)))
Vali,
Remember I'm D'd & as people have said on here, it's just a piece of paper. My D happened so quickly so that is why I keep thinking that maybe just maybe he will come to his senses.
I'm still praying!!!
(((HUGS)))
Always, I am resting and and doing okay...
Hope to see you soon as well!!!
Rest now mami before she gets there, you know how much she talks
Love you Princess.
HUGS big gentle hugs!~
nlt, I suppose it is just a piece of paper...especially when you want to stand for your marriage. Yours did happen very qiuckly...I am not sure what I would have done.
I hope he does come to his senses...you have no contact, right?
I have always had contact...there has never been a 'dark' period in my sitch...only a dim period. There is so much darkness in his life and it does not seem to work well in our sitch.
Still praying as well!!!
Hugs,
V
Liss,
I can hardly wait for Ms. Always14 to get here...so we can laugh and laugh...and talk and talk...whatever!
I really can hardly wait!!!!!
Love you,
Valentine
Hi Vali.....hes not wearing his ring?????? that hurt soooo bad when BV stopped wearing his. I remember it like it was yesterday. He told me even tho he took it off, he always had it in his pocket.....he had said it during MLC too and I didt believe him at the time.
any more news on the preggy chick?
Vali,
Yep, my D happened so quick! I didn't have time to deal with it but that is the way he wanted it. He thought if he did it quickly that I wouldn't find out about OW. He knew he was wrong & felt the guilt & I'm sure that is why he rushed. Plus I think the OW was rushing him also. She had redone his resume on Sept. 4th, he didn't tell me he wanted a D until Sept. 6th. They had not seen each other that I know of since June of that year.
No, I have no contact with H at all, except when he sends me the alimony checks but he never writes anything. This is what has been so hard, no contact! I hope that will hurry up the end of the R with OW. He is getting a chance to know the real person & I just have a feeling he won't like her or she won't like him.
(((HUGS)))
((( Vali )))
My sweet sis.
I love you so very, very much.
You are beautiful, smart, sweet, and have such a big heart. You are amazing and strong. You deserve the best in life.
All my love
Hi Vali,
I hope you had a lovely week-end and a super time. (((HUGS)))
Just wanted to say hi. I hope you are doing alright. (((HUGS)))
True, been doing okay...been busy...
haven't been on the boards much...how are you doing?
Awwww Patti, that was sweet of BV to keep it in his pocket always...it meant something to him...
As for the pregnant chick...who knows?
Just working on me to be the best me I can be!!!
Hope your sitch is improving!
Hugs,
Vali
Hmmmmm...well...I dunno what to say...
there is no way to really know if he will break off with her...so best to concentrate on yourself and work on YOU!
Be glad you are not in limbo.
Hugs,
V
Always....
You are a beautiful soul...you have gotten me through some tough times and I believe you will be there for me if ever I call on you...
you don't know how much you and your friendship mean to me...
all my love,
Valentine
Hi Vali,
How are things? I hope you are well. Have a lovely week-end. (((HUGS)))
Hey Val,
Long time........ I promise to catch up, but it seems you have had a rough go from the looks of it! I will say a prayer for you tonight. Most of all, here is something I haven't written in a while....
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Val)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Just checking in. I will bring something cold by next time I come. In the mean time, take care of you...
God Bless,
Santhony
Santhony and all....
I will be moving to the "Surviving" board.
I filed for divorce from LL...
Found out some very interesting things about him, the least of which was that he fathered a child with the OW. That was the last straw...I can no longer stand.
I am sure I will find out a lot more stuff in the days and weeks to come. Ugh.
Anyway, wish me luck!!!
Valentine
Vali,
I am so sorry to hear your latets news. My H having a baby with OW would be the final straw for me too.
I hope you can begin to heal now.
Oh, Val
I'm just now catching up with your thread! I'm so sorry to hear what happened.
Just wanted to check in on you. I hope you are doing as well as can be expected.
((((HUGS))))
ACJ, thanks for your words...
Surprisingly, I think I have started to heal...I asked God to show me the truth about my H and He gave me the answer.
Now I know the time to move forward has come...
Hugs,
Vali
nlt, people make choices...that is all I can say...
I am strong, I will be okay...
Hugs,
Vali
Hi Vali,
You sound very strong! I'm not sure I would handle that as well as you have.
We are still here for you!!!
((((HUGS))))
nlt, it has been 3 years of sheer hell for me and he is 180 degrees from the person I knew and loved.
Everyone has their limits and this was mine...and not as if I didn't have a clue...he was seen with her a rubbing her pregnant stomach. That was strange and makes sense in light of what I have learned.
I was ready to make the move...I need freedom from all this madness and have no hope that he will ever be a person I could ever trust. I think this is who he is now and I am glad I will no longer be a part of it. I have to accept that the man I loved died 3 years ago.
Valentine
Oh Vali,
I am so sorry about what happened. It would have been the final straw for me too.
You know that I could have written your last post! I just think the same way. I don't know the person my H became anymore either.
Yes, you are strong and after gone through so much already you will also get through this. I will be thinking of you. (((HUGS)))
Hey Val,
(((((((((((((Val))))))))))))
First of all, yes - realizing after MLC that they are a different person is one part of it. Your STBXH is completely different than the person you knew and loved. And - as you said - a limit was crossed.
You will find freedom from all of this. It was tough for me at first, but I have found it as well as happiness. My XW started seeing my XBIL just months after being S - she just married him last month - just 1 year after the D was final. I think she still suffers from MLC and your STBXH maybe too. It won't be til much later that they realize just the wreckage they have created.
Good for you that you won't allow yourself to become that wreckage. I know it has been a while, but you are a great person and one that truly deserves all the happiness in the world. As I said, peace will come and you will find your way back to happiness.
I hope you are feeling good and take care. I will find you over in Surviving.....
God Bless,
Santhony
Hi Vali,
I hope you feel a bit better today. Have a nice week-end. (((HUGS))) xxx
moved over to surviving....
Valentine
Vali
I just caught up with your thread. I am so sorry it had to come to this but you did all that you could have done. It would have been my breaking point too. Like everyone else says take care of you!!! You are right you are a strong woman and will make it!!!
Prayers and hugs to you.
Y
Thanks YR, you don't know how much it means to me!!!
Prayers and hugs back at ya!
Valentine
FORGOT TO TELL YOU???? DOES HE THINK YOU FELL OFF THE TURNIP TRUCK YESTERDAY????
I think they all think this way an2m. I am amazed sometimes that my H actually thinks I am THAT dumb!!
an2m, apparently he thinks he is smarter than everyone. Newsflash: he's not. He is apparently so smart that he knocked up the OW...don't know if that was a planned thing or not...seems like not to me...but whatever...he even named the kid after himself! why is that not surprising???
I am not sure what is going on in his head but I know whatever it is...is no good. He has some deep-rooted issues and I KNOW he fits the profile of a narcissist.
Patti, I am just glad I am no longer in limbo. My marriage is over. I can now move forward and begin the healing process and move towards a better life.
Hope things are improving in your sitch...
Hugs,
Vali
OH, I think they ALL think we're dumb...they are delusional.
V
oh he named his son "Howard the coward"??????
LOL!!!!
OMG! THAT IS CLASSIC!
In all honesty though, I feel sorry for the kid...he has a dad who is basically a narcissist and a mother who used the age old trick to entrap him...glad my parents were not like that. This is the legacy this kid will have to live with...even if he does marry her...the kid will figure out he was born prior to their marriage...how sad.