Why have everyone's e-mail addresses been taken off of our profiles?? Is this just more CENSORSHIP going on, right when we thought everything had gotten better around here???
Where's the harm in being able to contact each other, if we choose to, outside of this forum???
Is it just me, or does this place give anyone else the CREEPS around here lately???
Puppy
This ain't Kansas anymore Toto.
It is probabbly some weird glitch or mistake that may or may not get fixed.
Who knows.
Puppy's right, my email is gone too. I liked having the email addresses in the profiles if people chose to put them there. There have been times when I worried that people were suicidal over their situations, and it was another way to try to contact them. Sometimes I really worry about some of the people on this board.
Dear DB'er,
Posting any contact information, including email addresses, is a violation of a policy clearly stated in our board rules, the rules that you are required to honor if you want to continue the privilege of posting here.
We appreciate your cooperation.
I didn't know that or I didn't read clearly....
That's because they just changed it, this week. I still don't understand why. At first, it was explained that people might get concerned that a Google search might turn up their personal e-mail address, but that wouldn't be the case in a profile.
Weird.
I can understand the reasoning behind it. It helps protect them from possible litigious complications if someone is stalked or harassed. We (not meaning us in particular) are responsible for forcing places like this to have to be ultra careful.
:roll eyes:
Its like the difference between summer days and school recess.
Posting any contact information, including email addresses, is a violation of a policy clearly stated in our board rules, the rules that you are required to honor if you want to continue the privilege of posting here.
If that's the case then why oh why did you make it something that one could choose to do when setting up one's profile?
Please explain why you have now taken away this. If you are going to do this please ensure the private messaging system works.
you just seem to change things as you go along with no explanation - what are you God? Or just paranoid?
Saffie,
Very little reason to get upset.
Basically after a few years of not being around the rules are in effect.
Nuff said.
Its BS, but, ahhhhh its our sanctuary, you know as long as we all play nice, and tow the line. Its all unicorns and rainbows for breakfast.
The reason I am upset about this is because I email some people about certain things I do not want public on this board. OK if they don't want me posting my email details in my posts by why let me put it as public in my profile as a choice for months and then remove that with NO explanation?
I also noticed that you can't do multiple searches one after another. They make you wait for a period of time.
What's up with that?
Jack,
At least I think they could explain the reasons for the changes - is that too much to ask for?
Don't get me wrong, this isn't taking over my life or anything - I just dislike people arbitrarily changing things without any reasonable explanation. Things worked well - why change then?
Even you say you don't like the changes - so why not say so and stand up for yourself?
Dear DB'ers,
We have recently updated our board rules by more clearly defining our policy concerning a few things. We'd like to remind everyone that use of these messageboards requires acceptance of the following terms and conditions:
- Participants shall not post any material that is likely to cause offense, is protected by copyright, trademark or other proprietary right - or that contains personal contact information, phone numbers, email addresses, or any other addresses.
- Participants shall treat each other with respect, refraining from rudeness and foul language.
- Participants may not use the forums to post or transmit advertisements or commercial solicitations of any kind.
- The forum Administrators and Moderators have the right to edit, move, censor, delete or otherwise modify any posted message.
- This web site does not verify or guarantee the accuracy of the material posted to the forums or bear any responsibility for any loss, damage, or other liabilities caused by any posted message.
This is a public forum. Exchanging private contact information with other users is not allowed. Our purpose in making this messageboard available to you is to offer you a place to publicly give and receive DivorceBusting help, and to support one another in saving your marriages and keeping your families together. It was never our intention to provide a means of privately connecting with others via the internet. There are many other sites where that is encouraged. This is not one of them. We are here to help and support you via this public forum.
We appreciate your cooperation in honoring these policies.
sigh...
look closer at my message. : )
Jack --
You're a cleaver guy! HOWEVER, if you want to continue posting here you must not post ANY personal contact information. Please consider this an official warning.
I do hope you'll decide to follow our rules. We'd really like you to stay around.
I also noticed that you can't do multiple searches one after another. They make you wait for a period of time.
What's up with that?
Drew -
This is nothing new. Perhaps you just didn't notice before. The waiting time between searches is necessary to control the load put on our server. It's a technical solution to keep the site running smoothly.
I also noticed that you can't do multiple searches one after another. They make you wait for a period of time.
What's up with that?
Drew -
This is nothing new. Perhaps you just didn't notice before. The waiting time between searches is necessary to control the load put on our server. It's a technical solution to keep the site running smoothly.
Thank goodness for this one, as searches bring the system to a crawl! They are probably the cause of many a double post.
As far as the off board contact thing, well, I disagree with it, but I don't get a vote. I know for a fact that many good DB related things happen off board, when time is really important, and hoping someone will see a post just doesn't cut it. of course, I imagine there has been non DB activity as well. So there you go.
Thanks,
I think this is the hill.
Viginia, with all the sincerity, honesty and appreciation I hold, if you are truely Michele's Personal Assitant, please convey my thanks to her for her book. For Jeff and Heather in Anchorage Alaska, I wouldn't be married but for reading her book.
Her principals saved my marriage.
I have bought her book for two other people. I recommend her book all the time to people who are having hardships in their marriage.
What kept me on track were the people here both on and off of the board.
You're "No posting contact information," while perhaps justifable for legal reasons, is wow...words fail me, and that is no mean feat. If it is for legal reasons, I can understand it. It sucks that we were able to do it for the better part of 2 plus years, it sucks that you're removing that ability for hurt people to reach out and support each other.
If it is for any other reason than legal it is paranoia. And it is unwarrented and beyond naive and short sighted on ANYONE's part who has a hand in this decision.
I would not be married today to my wife, if not for reading Michele's book AND the support from this board, MLC in particular. For over 3 years my wife wallowed in her MLC self destructive habits and liasions the only thing that kept me from despair were the people here, and at 11 pm at night when no one is on these boards, the phone calls to them or from them.
I recommend Michele's book to everyone I come across who seems to need it. I recommend it to newlyweds.
I have stopped recommending people come to the boards however.
How many people have stopped giving advice lately?
How many people have stopped posting? How many people are deciding to move on? Good long time posters, who actually have good solid advice to give? The stupid insipid silly posts were a way to blow off steam around here. Those are gone.
It's like New Coke here, now.
Yes, I know this is your territory, the marks are all over the place. Hard to miss actually.
Your improvements of this board has gutted it.
Believe me as an LBS, and married to an MLCer, I know one of the hardest things to do is look deeply in the mirror and see my own faults, and to admit wrongs and change them.
Cheeseless tunnels...its in the book.
If you discount EVERYTHING else I just said, please convey my thanks to Michele for her book.
Jack
aka
Jeff
I have to agree with Jack. On all his points. The board was great, and is losing that, but I think can recover. But I am an outlaw. I have been in contact with people off the board. I spent an afternoon texting to a person to keep them from blowing up when they were with there spouse. I've helped another get through an IM conversation with their spouse that could have gone totally sideways. I've sent e-cards for birthdays and get well e-cards. I've awaken to texts at 3 in the morning, and figurative held someones hand. I called a member who was panicing, and only had about 2 minutes to talk. I'm texting one right now, who is completely at the end of their rope. And I know they would do the same for me. I try to keep the advice to DBing, I wouldn't feel right otherwise. But mostly I try to be a human, and to let them know someone cares, 24/7, anytime, any day.
Oh, and three members contacted me so that they can write letters to my son, who is serving in the Marines in Africa. More outlaws.
I consider the privacy of my off board contacts to be sacred, and I also consider that meeting them here gives me an obligation to support them in trying to restore their marriage, no matter what my personal opinion is. Maybe others don't do that, I don't know. But, I guess once my current contacts are done, one way or another, that will it for that type of support. Fortunately, they will be my friends forever, and if nothing else, I am glad I found them here.
Uhm...
I think Jack is CLEVER! Not sure if he's cleaver or not
clever
One entry found.
clever
Main Entry: clev·er
Pronunciation: \ˈkle-vər\
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English cliver, perhaps of Scandinavian origin; akin to Danish dialect kløver alert, skillful
Date: circa 1595
1 a: skillful or adroit in using the hands or body : nimble <clever fingers> b: mentally quick and resourceful <a clever young lawyer>
2: marked by wit or ingenuity <a clever solution> <a clever idea>
3dialect a: good b: easy to use or handle
— clev·er·ish \-v(ə-)rish\ adjective
— clev·er·ly \-vər-lē\ adverb
— clev·er·ness \-vər-nəs\ noun
synonyms clever, adroit, cunning, ingenious mean having or showing practical wit or skill in contriving. clever stresses physical or mental quickness, deftness, or great aptitude <a person clever with horses>. adroit often implies a skillful use of expedients to achieve one's purpose in spite of difficulties <an adroit negotiator>. cunning implies great skill in constructing or creating <a filmmaker cunning in his use of special effects>. ingenious suggests the power of inventing or discovering a new way of accomplishing something <an ingenious software engineer>.
synonyms see in addition intelligent
I just wanted to add that I had my email on my signature line for almost the whole time I have been here. It has been a life saver for me.
A few weeks ago, I was feeling suicidal, one of the moderators here was nice enough to contact me through my email and check on me and offered me support. Again, a live saving moment.
The boards are great, but sometimes I need to talk to someone one on one from here. BND is just one of the posters who has called me at times when I needed someone the most. She has saved me numerous times from doing something self-destructive. The only way I could of given her my phone number was through email.
Without posting my email address I would of never of met some of the wonderful posters here in person. Some of us have become very close. My new friends became a part of my life and understood where I was coming from, unlike my everyday friends who have never walked in my shoes. They also became a good part of me GAL. The email address I used was seperate from my everyday email address. I never opened an email from anyone here unless I knew who it was from.
Bottom line is, I would of never been able to make it without some of the wonderful people I have met here. Aren't I a big girl to make decisions for myself on whether or not I want someone to have my email address?
I would just like some of the newcomers to have the same opportunity that I had, if they wish.
I know there is also the private messages here in our profile, but do they even work?
I think that enabling the private message capability would be a decent trade-off for losing the ability to post an email address in the profile.
I agree Sara. If they are going to take our email listing away, at least get the private messages up and running.
Basically this is nothing more than the over protective father who does everything he can to keep his daughter from ever dating.
The email removal is not really about security or anything like that - in my opinion at least.
The email removal is so that we cannot contact each other off the board.
Two reasons for this.
1. Talk off the board might not stick to the DB line and could lead to subversive posting on the board.
2. Some very bad people have actually formed relationships among the members of this board. I think I know one of them. This cannot be allowed.
I'm pretty sure that any other reason offered is nothing but fluff, designed to cover the real reason.
This board was once great. The fiasco of the past few months has made it MUCH less than it once was.
The books are great, the ideas are great.
Life here however now is uncertain. I don't know about the rest of you, but I've had enough uncertainty in my life for awhile.
Blessings,
Bill
Bill
Again.....I am sorry.
My earlier post on this thread was deleted.
I shall forward you something interesting in an email tho, sg warned me never to disagree with her on a post in "Newcomers".
hugs
Jeanette
Jeanette,
I was kidding with you. You have no posts deleted on this thread.
sg
Jeanette,
I was kidding with you. You have no posts deleted on this thread.
sg
Actually there have been at least two, Jack's was deleted by Virgina, and Jeanette had another post that I am almost certain was on this thread, on the subject of email addresses.
So are you going to take away all the other stuff in our profiles?
The http// stuff and the IM details?
I wasn't soliciting stuff and if you listened to what I wrote you in my PRIVATE email to you you would have seen I was trying to help someone.
I feel utter disappointment at your heavy handed attitude.
Please contact me again privately.
How about doing a 180 Victoria / moderators on the email adresses in the profiles? Or at least give us a reason. It's like dealing with an uncommunicative spouse here and we all know how frustrating that can be!!!!!!!
So are you going to take away all the other stuff in our profiles?
The http// stuff and the IM details?
Looks like : )
Customer service at is finest! Bravo.
what a shame this has all become.
I thot it was just me that had all my stuff deleted out of the signature and profile.
I guess it was all of us.
My teachers never had problems with me in school growing up. I was quiet and passive.
Now I am a 55 year old woman whose wrists are being slapped for being and acting like a grown-up. There is very little communicating going on here...........which is contrary to the DB book.
We have become LBS's all over again.........by the very people who helped us to find ourselves here so that we could live and breathe and find life again.
Talk about "contrary to DBing principles" . . .
Well, as I was falling asleep last night...
Why would we need a DB Coach if we could just talk with each other?
If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck...Its a F-ing duck.
Jack,
I called that duck a while back.
OK...Sorry Drew.
So Last night as I was falling asleep...
I recalled what Drew said about not needing DB Coaches if we could talk to each other.
My memory is really good, just not quite perfect...and as I get older....the gathering grey hairs seems to leach it.
The last thing I thought about last night was "Cheeseless Tunnels' I think Jack mentioned it....anywhoo
So....I was thinking that perhaps we are all just little meeces in this big magicalbox and are being watched to see if we are learning anything, if so then we get to be words in pages of a new MWD book?
LabRats of Life ;)
Dear friends,
In all of the years this board has been in existence, it has been a policy to discourage, if not to totally disallow, the posting of email addresses, and/or any other personal information here. Although a lot of instances of this happening may have fallen through the cracks unnoticed, other postings may have been overlooked, due to it being an occasional occurrence.
Anyone that’s been around here for awhile can tell you quite a few stories about the hazards of giving out this personal information, and how it’s backfired on them. I have quite a few other stories that have made it to public attention. Also, I can’t tell you how VERY many hours I’ve personally spent deleting information at member’s requests. It’s amazing what a quick search on google can reveal!
Again, the posting of email addresses has always been, and always will be, against this messageboard’s policy. My apologies to all for not addressing this matter sooner, before it got to this point.
Let's ignore, for a moment, the issue of email addresses in the text of posts.
If it's such a disastrous hazard to provide contact information in general -- as you seem to be implying, opening posters up to being stalked and harassed by other posters, possibly disgruntled spouses, etc -- then why on earth was there *ever* an enabled field for that in member profiles???? Not to mention, up until this week, guidance regarding the acceptability of using same in the FAQs?
Why has that option just been taken away from us? Were the administrators under-protecting us then, or are they over-protecting us now?
Or might there be another agenda entirely?
JamesJohn,
No disrespect intended, but your post is patently NOT true based on my experience here since November of 2006.
I was ALLOWED to put my email address on my signature line. There was no warning message about it. As I recall, there was no rule against it.
You've still not presented a reason for BANNING email addresses all together.
You all are DB counselors. It would be nice to think YOU, of all people, would know the importance of honesty and openness in communication.
Bill
Jamesjohn,
With all due respect, please don't treat us like idiots. If you have some rationale for the new policy, just say so -- it's your board, and you can do with it what you wish. I honestly don't think anyone begrudges that; it's the dishonesty and patronizing that is offensive to many.
Puppy
I am realitively new to these discussions, but here is my thoughts. Take them or leave them.
I actually set up a new email account to access this board to avoid the 'traceability'. It's pretty easy to do with yahoo and all the other service providers out there.
One of the biggest issues in codependency (and I admit to being codependent) is that it causes people to continually reduce their social circles and outlets. Boards like this help us explore moving out of that isolation. That is also part of DBing if I understand it correctly.
When I signed on up on this board, I didn't include my email because I was waiting to see what type of people were here. (I am an adult and responsible for my own behaviors.) Even that recently, it was an option in the personal profiles, so the argument that it has always been a policy is in fact the exact opposite of the truth, therefore a lie. It may have been a policy for actual discussions, but not the personal profile.
If someone came to a CoDA group and behaved and talked like this, the first thing most of us would think was - how controlling and codependent. The excuses given seem to really be rationalizations as a reason to control others. If there are business reasons, be honest. That is what relationship and taking responsibility for personal actions is all about. You people pay to run this board, so make the decisions. Just please think about the impact that you are having by your communications style. And also think about the example it sets. If we take the example, it will mean that half truth is acceptable in DBing. Is that the example that you want to be giving?
I understand limiting the content of replies of abusive people. But building social circles is a necessity of recovery and also of becoming healthy people, which is (as I understand it) a DB principle.
My 12 step group has a phone list with a policy, put your name on it only if you are willing to take calls. It is how recovery and programs work. Do people abuse it, sometimes. Does that mean that we should stop it, NO. It is essential to the process. One of our group who is also a recovering addict was on travel last week and it was these contact lists that help keep him from falling of the wagon.
If these boards are really for support in recovering relationships, the Google argument is actually a perfect one for allowing, not removing, private contacts. There is a limit to what I will post on a public discussion about my situation for exactly that reason. A private contact would allow me to explain better to those who might really help.
toubled husband
Thank you for your thots, Troubled Husband, because that's exactly what I was thinking myself. I am responsible for me. If I choose to let people know my address that is my responsibility and no one else's. It is vital to have a lifeline you can trust.
The private message in the profile were a welcome addition from the beginning. If you don't want them you have the choice of having an administrator shut yours down.
I like the way you put it into words........far better than what I would have said.
If you are in dire straits in the middle of the night and crying out for help - and you know you have a life line you can call to get you thru - THAT WON'T COST YOU SEVERAL HUNDRED DOLLARS - why would you keep people from doing that.
I would venture to say that everyone who has come to these boards has bought themselves at least 1 copy of Michele's books if not all of them. Not only that - but they have recommended the book and the website to many.
And now we're being told what to say and how to say it and that we can not allow information about ourselves to the lifelines we've been talking to for days, months, weeks and YEARS.
And at the risk of being deleted.........I find it very "cultish" to have this kind of control over people. This is what gets many programs in trouble - and I've seen it happen over and over again in my life time.........where the powers that be established this power reign that left it's followers to be nothing more than zombies..........and worse yet......dead.
Our spouses who left us behind do the same thing......it's a matter of control with them....which often times becomes a very dangerous situation.
I don't usually speak up about anything.......but this is very bothersome what is going on here. You may be weeding all of us "troublemakers" out of here........and that's ok........but the newbies will become nothing but little stepford wives/husbands with their mantras of get a life, get a life etc. But when they're falling apart and need a real friend....they are denied.
I often wondered, over the years I've been here, why Michele never stopped by this board to offer some wisdom. We all asked it on many occasions. Maybe something at the top of the page that she had some fresh thots on. This is the most interaction from the "higher ups" that we've had in the 2 plus years that i've been here.
this board once had a terrific impact on many, many people. It's like the courtroom...........the law is always on the side of the guilty............not the victim. We've lost our spouses, our homes are disrupted.......our children torn.......and we, who need the help, are denied the chance to speak for ourselves.
brue
Policies can be changed.
Bad polices can be changed bad rules can be changed as well.
It seems like there is some thinking that these are set in stone.
JJ - Not saying this to sound bitter. Just bringing this up as an example. I know of 2 cases where the original poster hit the Notify button to have their post removed and nothing happened, I was one of them.
The LBS with a MLC spouse WAS or otherwise...
We are cunning, we are suspisious, and we have learned to stick up for ourselves and each other. We have learned not to take anything at face value, because we have learned that trust can be misused and used against us.
The sudden enforcement, on the sly might I add, and it is sudden, since there has been NO enforcement of it in the last 2 - 2.5 years here. None. Coincides with a new a book coming out. New book, more people here. National Televison more people here. More people here, more DB Coach phone calls.
I have yet to see anyone on the board NOT RECOMMEND either buying the BOOKS or CALLING a DB COACH.
The Policy su-cks.
It should be readdressed at the very least.
The timing of the restablishing of the "no contact information" of it, is very suspect.
LBS's stop believing in coincidence very early in MLC.
The internet isn't a big scary place full of wolves, monsters and boogeymen, so thanks for the arm floats in the kiddie pool.
I would have to agree on the suspicious part. After 18 years of being controlled, anything close to controlling behavior sets off red flags in me.
If the concern is really for privacy, enabling the Private Messaging function would take care of that. Each individual would have complete contol over who did or didn't have their email address. But somehow that is evil, too. I can't think of another board where even email addresses in profiles are not allowed. My mind is boggled.
I don't know the motivation, it doesn't make sense to me. I know that the first thing said to almost any poster is "buy the book". And calling a coach is often recommended.
I will live by the rule as long as I can stand it, because of all of the wonderful people I have met here. But, I fear that at some point, I will be gone, probably of my own choice. Which makes me sad.
Change the policy.
Allow PM's.
I think "Taiwan" has pretty much already been set up off the coast of the Motherland, gang. Too bad it had to come to this.
Change the policy.
Allow PM's.
I really like that solution, myself. You can ignore them, and only give personal information to individuals you select, very specifically. It strikes me as a perfect solution, and addresses any reasonable issue I can think of.
"Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely" - nuff said
Saffie,
I am on your side.
I think if enough of us keep saying:
Change the policy.
Allow PM's.
Something might change.
I wonder what would happen if we all replaced our signature line with it?
Change the Policy.
Allow PM's
I think if enough of us keep saying:
Change the policy.
Allow PM's.
Something might change.
I wonder what would happen if we all replaced our signature line with it?
They will disable signature lines.
Well that would certainly say something wouldn't it?
And exactly what would that say?
ok...i should stop speed reading through things...
at first it looked like it said
change the policy
allow PMS
Perhaps you should not abbreviate it.
Just spell it all out
Oh, NOW you've done it. You got the teacher mad!!!
How many people really ARE enough people? And who's to say what's "enough"?
Is it 5 o'clock yet???
It's 5 o'clock somewhere!
Those of you who have left should actually leave rather than continue to return time after time for no other reason than to stir the proverbial $hit. Those of you who are making a choice to stay; its time to accept the fact that in their house it is their rules. Live with them or follow the others and find some place else to play.
It IS truly, enough.
~ swl
And these are your opinions. Just as valid as mine.
And these are your opinions. Just as valid as mine.
Absolutely. I guess its all about how one chooses to use the time they are spending on the board.
~ swl
And that wasn't passive aggresive at all.
I am curious, though, you have never contacted someone from the boards? No one has contacted you? Outside of the boards?
Policy can be changed, it usually happens when enough people support the desire to.
Jack,
Seriously. What part of you don't get a say in their policy changes don't you understand? I know you are a smart man. Come on. It's time to accept it and move forward or move on. Your choice, man.
~ swl
I do have to chime in here. It is their board but I thought they created it with a certain goal in mind. When I first started it didn't seem to be with the intention of keeping us away from each other. I did contact people off the board here and it has been a life saver. One (big hugs) has really kept me sane. I would encourage the owners to rethink this policy.
Satyagraha
"Civil Disobedience"
I disagree with you SWL.
Jack,
I sincerely hope you find a way to channel your feelings in a way that will benefit those who are here still seeking help and the benefit of someone who has walked these awful roads before them.
Continuing down this cheese less tunnel really doesn't seem to be working out very well.
~ swl
: )
This topic isn't the only one I post too.
And it is funny, because I see the chessless tunnel as the one that you support.
Change usually doesn't happen overnight, so the same thing could be said about my marriage not seeming to be working out really well, when I first started posting here.
Jack,
We are discussing policy. Your reality is the policy is theirs to make, break or change on any given day, hour, minute or second without running it by the NON-paying customers.
Even if you get counseling from them you are not paying for the privilege of using the board. If you don't like how they are running the board, pick up your toys and go to that fancy new board they have set up for you.
~ swl
just curious if you are belittling me on purpose or if I am just reading too much into it?
shewholurks,
Seriously. What part of you don't get a say in their policy changes don't you understand? I know you are a smart man. Come on.It's time to accept it and move forward or move on
.
Hmmmmmmmmmm.. I wonder what would have happened if we all took that attitude to Hitler and his changes???????
Guys! We're all on the same side here! I'm not ready to say it is a cheeseless tunnel, but I am living by the rules, for now. If they stand, well, I'll have a decision to make. Until then, I will continue here, more or less as normal. I don't think that precludes me saying that I don't agree with the new rules, and encouraging our hosts to reconsider!
That is an extreme case Saffie...NO ONE I believe is comparing this board and its policies to the atrocities of the Nazis.
I hope they are not.
Wow. I'm literally speechless.
I know it's extreme -It was puposefully so for illustrative purposes. Just accepting everything you are told does not always make for a great outcome. I was just putting that point forward and trying to illustrate that one perhaps should not just accept things when they appear unjust and without validity.
I was brought up to believe that rules are for the obedience of fools and only the guidance of wise men, (women).
Come on. It's time to accept it and move forward or move on. Your choice, man.
Or disagree with it. I thought it was a free country. What is wrong with respectful disagreement from the customers?
PDT,
I think the key is "respectful disagreement". This thread is sometimes degrading away from the respectful part.
Really? I didn't see that. All I see is those who disagree being told to "know your place."
What I find hilarious (and more than slightly hypocritical) is that SWL and IMP are on this thread bitching about us bitching.
Hmmm....
Where I come from, if you didn't agree with someone you simply let them go their merry way.
SWL, IMP? Go find a thread that you can agree with or have something constructive to say in.
As others have pointed out, this thread exists because some of us believe the policy is in error.
You don't have to agree with us.
Would be cool though if you didn't fill a page and a half of the thread with YOUR rantings about us NOT ranting.
Good God...
Blessings,
Bill
Bill,
If I may, let me use your words to sum up what I meant by enough already.
Where I come from, if you didn't agree with someone you simply let them go their merry way.
SWL, IMP? Go find a thread that you can agree with or have something constructive to say in.
So let me see. You guys can disagree openly with a policy, but we can't disagree with...wait what are we disagreeing with. Do you know what I think about the policy? Do you know what SWL thinks? No. You don't. And I am not allowed to say enough. Sounds hypocritical to me. And to think, I defended you when you were banned.
Maybe you guys should consider why the no contact rule happened in the first place. And it had nothing to do with hooking up or non DB ideas, because those things have been going on for years.
IMP
Do you know what I think about the policy? Do you know what SWL thinks? No. You don't.
IMHO it has nothing to do with the rights of the admin to change policy at their discretion. That being said, no one has bothered to ask me. Maybe they are afraid of my answers.
~ swl
Maybe you guys should consider why the no contact rule happened in the first place.
Um, that's a little difficult to do, since ALL requests for explanation have either been ignored, obfuscated or simply DELETED.
I didn't say ask for an explanation, I said consider why. What do you think?
If I say what I truly think, I will get banned. No thank you.
Take a chance. You have had your opinion about contact and you are still here.
IMP,
Why do you talk in circles and try to make the issue so muddled?
Your post was very simple. "Enough people."
Coming as it did after a few pages of posts from people upset with the recent policy change that removed and banned personal emails, it seems reasonable to assume one of two things regarding your message:
1. You're tired of reading posts complaining about the changes, in which case I reference you to my response suggesting you not visit this thread any longer.
2. You are not opposed to the email ban.
So let's not play stupid with each other.
I'm not sure what the hell happened to you and SWL.
You're right, you supported me during my ban. Presumably upset yourself with some of the authoritative excesses.
Oh, by the way, SWL contacted me by email, the email address in my signature line. The one that is banned now.
You guys have gone from being upset/afraid of the moderators here to basically towing the company line and all but kissing their tail. What the heck?
Do me a favor. Don't support me anymore. I don't need support from people who smile at me one day and bad mouth me the next.
Bill
Think what you must, Bill. Your problem, not mine.
Hugs! I've got hugs here! Hugs! Anybody need some hugs? Get your hugs! They are free and plentiful!!!
I'll take one! Over here! Ooogh! Ooogh!
Your right SWL, no one asked you how you felt.
What is your opinion of not being able, not being allowed to share contact information?
Imp?
Specifically your opinion about contacting others from the board outside the board.
Sorry PDT. I sometimes hug too tightly
Dear DB'ers,
We recognize that some of you feel that you have benefited from the personal contacts you've made from these boards. However the truth is that these boards were never intended for private communication. This is a public forum. It was designed as such from the very beginning. We had no idea that the private contact issue would become a problem. But it is a problem. Unfortunately, many people have had less than positive experiences with the people they've connected with through the boards. And we simply cannot close our eyes and allow this to continue. Now we know better. For the overall safety and security of everyone, it is necessary for us to eliminate the private contact issue from this site.
Obviously, there are some of you who are not in agreement with the need to enforce this policy. We hear you loud and clear. Still, in addition to hope, encouragement, support and helpful advice, we need to provide a safe place for everyone who comes here. That is a primary concern.
Many of you have been valued members of the Divorce Busting community for a very long time. We appreciate your presence here and sincerely hope that you will find a way to accept and honor this rule and move forward with us.
I disagree, and will.
"Some" and "Many" are great quantitative words when you want to support your argument.
Some people benefit
Many people have had less than positive experiences
We are adults, and I think if you can post on an internet BB, you can figure out ways to protect yourself. Like a gateway email account, not giving out your home number on the first contact.
Your cutting off the nose to spite the face.
The PM's would allow a safety measure, from all this horrible cyber stalking that seems to be going on with many of us. Or stolen identities, or the sharing of truely horrible recipes.
The PM's are tied to this website, without any outside information being broadcast publically, email, phone numbers, SSN's, bank account info...
I follow the rules.
Even the BAD ones.
But suggesting that I'm not moving forward or not still giving advice, that some or many of us are are not moving forward because of this, that somehow this prevents us from posting to others...
Its a straw man argument. Simply not true and shifting focus and suggesting that those who don't like it are childish or irresponsible.
I don't accecpt it, I honor it, it's totalitarian. I'll voice my opinion when it comes up, such as this thread. My signature will remain the same unless someone changes it.
I disagree with this policy only on threads like this one.
Even if Michele herself came here to post saying why this was, I would still disagree.
Sorry after swallowing "wrong" from so many years, I have grown distastful of it.
My opinion, is simply that being ABLE to contact people outside of the board is better than not being able to. AND better to stand for your marriage.
SWL and Imp, you can cut my legs from under me all you want, but I'd still like to know your opinion of not having the option to contact someone from the board outside of the board.
I will follow the rules.
I do not like the rules.
I will attempt to change the rules.
Doing so does not mean anyone can tell me where to post, except by banishment.
One last thing,
Non-Paying customers...
I have bought DB a total of 3 times now. I am going to be buying one in Oct. For my cousin's wedding.
I have reccomended DB more times than I can accurately remember.
So to say in anyway that I am not giving back...monetarily...or that I'm not a paying customer...
You charge for this site and I'd be one of the first to pay.
Do not liken my distaste of this bad policy to not supporting DB or Michele's prinicpals.
Hi Virginia, first off, I appreciate that you are listening and addressing the concerns that your members have. That is exactly what many of us asked for and it is great that you listened.
I wonder though if there is a way to allow the PM's for those that choose to speak outside of the forums.
I can tell you that when I was in Scotland last summer, thank god I had people that I could call and talk to. I couldnt get on the boards, and I was alone in a foreign country with my MLC wife. Thanks to the contacts I made here I was able to survive that 10 days.
I guess what I am saying is that I understand why you dont want that info on the posts and I totally respect that. If the PM's were available, then people could make their own choices without airing it publicly.
I can also say that a few of my close friends have called me, and I them as things were occurring and it helped to defuse possible bad situations.
In one instance, another poster was driving around and saw OM's car at his W's house. He called me because he wanted to stop, or even drive by the house. He had his son in the car with him. How good would that have been? Him and I talked, i rationalized with him the negatives of doing this and he made the correct choice. He has done the same for me on several occasions.
There are positives to the contact as well as negatives Virginia. I would think that Michelle would want us to have a solid support group that does have people who understand what we are trying to do in it.
What I would ask you is this, talk to Michelle, see if there is a good compromise to all that has transpired lately. She has created a magnificant site here, part of what has been great is the support systems that have been set up through emails, IM's, and phone contact.
I too have been a paying customer, I did the coaching with Chuck, bought both books, and would pay to be on here. Part of the reason why, because of the great support system I now have in place. Whether I have my computer with me, or not.....
Thanks for listening....
Ian
I will echo everything Jack and Ian said, so I won't repeat a lot of it. I would like to thank Virginia for at least making an attempt to explain what is happening, rather than just deleting the posts, or locking the thread. That in itself is an improvement. I do think that it wold be wise to remember that it i the people that make the site, and not the site that makes the people, so to speak.
As with Jack, I will follow the rules, but I do not agree with them. It really believe that PMs would be perfect compromise in this situation, as there would be no personal information publicly available, and the only communication would be chosen to be accepted by the recipient, and it would be from a known source. Oh, I do have to confess, that I will not be destroying the email addresses I already know, so I am an outlaw, I guess.
lol, dry heat I am sure there is a grandfather clause that covers us on that......
I suppose, but I am going to enjoy living on the edge!
My response...
First off, thanks for at least responding and letting us know that someone is reading and paying attention. Good to know that at least.
I have been on this MLC thread since early 2007. Cannot recall a single incident shared of a negative interaction due to contact off the board. Yet, as Jack and others have shared, there have been many incidents where the ability to contact friends from the board have been valuable.
If this is such a problem, why no response for the past year and a half?
I will continue to do things as I've always done them here. I continue to believe that there are positive things the staff here could be doing, rather than exercising their authority instead. Help us, don't herd us.
That's an interesting way to put it.
Hello, I understand and respect that this board is not ours, it is yours.
However, I think I'd equate this situation to your being the host of a party on your property, then trying to tell the guests who they can speak with and what they can say when they get there.
Maybe this wasn't intended as a public forum. But that is the way the internet is. I'm not saying you shouldn't do X or Y. But I've participated on other boards where moderators spent what was probably most of their time and energy trying to direct participants. And I'd just like to suggest that it's probably not the greatest use of your valuable resources.
this board has been a lifeline for many of us and I certainly hope that you will continue to have your moderators participate and perhaps weed out the worst trolls (although I haven't seen many who really need the boot, IMO).
I'd like to suggest that the best way to encourage positive participation is to have the DB folks just participate on the forums. The people who are here are here because they've read the books and want support--they'll listen. Sure, you'll get negatives but that will happen anyway. What happened on another board I participated on was that people who wanted to communicate sans moderation simply set up a mirror board.
You may want to have your staff read "Creating Customer Evangelism," as it talks in some detail about openness and transparency as strategies for organizations re. online communication.