back again.... looking for advice - 09/04/23 06:02 PM
All, it's been years since D and any of my previous threads, but I was hoping for some advice. I started a new thread because others were so old, and none of it was really relavent to this new relationship. I hope the moderators forgive me. Maybe this is the wrong place to discuss it; I don't know, but it seemed like a good place to me.
GF and I have been together for over 5 years now, and we are having issues. We live apart, but see each other almost every day. I value the relationship, but I'm not sure it can be saved.
I'm clean and tidy; she is fastidious. Really fastidious. Like "why haven't you cleaned the dust out of your car's gear shifter this month?" fastidious. I am happy to change many habits to please her, like trimming nose and ear hair, putting lotion on my scaly elbows, dressing sharper, wearing nicer shoes, updating my house, etc.
Last weekend I didn't take a shower all day and got into bed. I showered late the day before; I was planning on showering first thing in the morning, and hadn't done anything arduous all day. "That's disgusting!" was her opinion, clearly upset. I didn't think so, and I don't make a habit of it.
The next day, we had a conversation about it, and she's frustrated that I don't care about these things as much as she does. Im frustrated because I'm tired of hearing about things like the gear shifter and my scaly elbows that are inconsequential to me. She has never been with someone "like me," to whom these things aren't important. She is tired of being with someone as "gross" as I, and I don't see how I'm ever going to intrinsically care as much as she does about cleanliness.
So I'm left asking myself whether she needs to either accept me as I am, or break up with me, or if there's some way I can change my thinking so I am intrinsically more concerned with hygiene. Frankly, I'm not hopeful for the future of our relationship.
Any thoughts or 2X4s welcome.
GF and I have been together for over 5 years now, and we are having issues. We live apart, but see each other almost every day. I value the relationship, but I'm not sure it can be saved.
I'm clean and tidy; she is fastidious. Really fastidious. Like "why haven't you cleaned the dust out of your car's gear shifter this month?" fastidious. I am happy to change many habits to please her, like trimming nose and ear hair, putting lotion on my scaly elbows, dressing sharper, wearing nicer shoes, updating my house, etc.
Last weekend I didn't take a shower all day and got into bed. I showered late the day before; I was planning on showering first thing in the morning, and hadn't done anything arduous all day. "That's disgusting!" was her opinion, clearly upset. I didn't think so, and I don't make a habit of it.
The next day, we had a conversation about it, and she's frustrated that I don't care about these things as much as she does. Im frustrated because I'm tired of hearing about things like the gear shifter and my scaly elbows that are inconsequential to me. She has never been with someone "like me," to whom these things aren't important. She is tired of being with someone as "gross" as I, and I don't see how I'm ever going to intrinsically care as much as she does about cleanliness.
So I'm left asking myself whether she needs to either accept me as I am, or break up with me, or if there's some way I can change my thinking so I am intrinsically more concerned with hygiene. Frankly, I'm not hopeful for the future of our relationship.
Any thoughts or 2X4s welcome.