Hanging on by a thread - 10/12/21 09:57 PM
I am 55, been married for 19 years, father of the perfect 11 year old girl...I know EVERYONE says that, but...
My wife and I have drifted slowly apart since my daughter's birth...same old story, too tired, too busy, too EVERYTHING, so I focused on being the very best daddy I could be....at the expense of being a decent husband. In 2014, I was forced out of the fire dept for health reasons and I began to drift, unable to find a new role for myself. I sank into a deep and devastating depression, unable to lift myself out because (as many depression victims know) THERE IS NO OUT WHEN YOU ARE DOWN THERE!! I couldn't even turn to the one person who could saved me. I became convinced that "Happy" was for other people, not me.
In 2019, my wife came home and asked why we were still living in MI when we had always planned to move west when I retired. I didn't have an answer, so, six months later, we were moving into our new home in Phoenix.
Things started to improve for me; I can see hope instead of hopelessness, I started to plan and dream again, instead of just existing, I found work that I love (no, truly!!), but....
My wife and I got no closer...we had become roommates, 2 people living in the same house, raising the same child in our appropriate shifts. She finally broke and told me we were circling the drain.
We committed to counseling/therapy, attended to pair sessions and 1 individual session each. 3 days after her session, she informed me that she was done, that she doesn't want to anymore. I am as committed to reconciliation as ever...I cannot SEE a world without my INTACT family.
Our therapist suggested [/u]The Divorce Remedy[u], and I am most of the way through...tough lessons, some very difficult to implement, but I need to do the HARD WORK...we did the easy part already...NOTHING and look where THAT got us.
Right now, I am living daily life, trying to be the best version of myself, but I am living in absolute terror
My wife and I have drifted slowly apart since my daughter's birth...same old story, too tired, too busy, too EVERYTHING, so I focused on being the very best daddy I could be....at the expense of being a decent husband. In 2014, I was forced out of the fire dept for health reasons and I began to drift, unable to find a new role for myself. I sank into a deep and devastating depression, unable to lift myself out because (as many depression victims know) THERE IS NO OUT WHEN YOU ARE DOWN THERE!! I couldn't even turn to the one person who could saved me. I became convinced that "Happy" was for other people, not me.
In 2019, my wife came home and asked why we were still living in MI when we had always planned to move west when I retired. I didn't have an answer, so, six months later, we were moving into our new home in Phoenix.
Things started to improve for me; I can see hope instead of hopelessness, I started to plan and dream again, instead of just existing, I found work that I love (no, truly!!), but....
My wife and I got no closer...we had become roommates, 2 people living in the same house, raising the same child in our appropriate shifts. She finally broke and told me we were circling the drain.
We committed to counseling/therapy, attended to pair sessions and 1 individual session each. 3 days after her session, she informed me that she was done, that she doesn't want to anymore. I am as committed to reconciliation as ever...I cannot SEE a world without my INTACT family.
Our therapist suggested [/u]The Divorce Remedy[u], and I am most of the way through...tough lessons, some very difficult to implement, but I need to do the HARD WORK...we did the easy part already...NOTHING and look where THAT got us.
Right now, I am living daily life, trying to be the best version of myself, but I am living in absolute terror